Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,485 --> 00:00:04,920
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,989 --> 00:00:08,207
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:11,910
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:14,947
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:18,283
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,587
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,638 --> 00:00:23,266
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,840
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,908 --> 00:00:30,078
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:34,918 --> 00:00:37,602
We now return
to the extended director's cut
11
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,838
of Willy Wonka
& the Chocolate Factory.
12
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:46,511
Charlie, don't forget
what happened to the boy
13
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,191
who got everything
he ever wanted.
14
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,815
What?
He lived
happily ever after.
15
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,644
But he did have to earn it.
16
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:53,786
Hint, hint.
17
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:54,997
Do it, Charlie!
18
00:00:55,021 --> 00:00:57,389
I'm not going back
to that four-person bed.
19
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,236
Hell, I'll do it if you want!
20
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,260
No, it has to be a child!
21
00:01:01,328 --> 00:01:03,039
What did he just say?
22
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,575
Brian, this does not seem
appropriate to watch
in front of the baby.
23
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:06,798
Not appropriate?
24
00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:09,467
You took me to see
Magic Mike XXL.
25
00:01:10,854 --> 00:01:12,487
Nope, this one's wet.
26
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:13,972
Ugh, this one too.
27
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,091
Also wet.
28
00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:17,876
Huh! This one's dry,
29
00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:20,512
but the back of the seat
and front of it is wet.
30
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:23,931
Let's put on something
more child-friendly.
31
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:27,252
Time to Too-Tootie-Toowith The Turtlenecks.
32
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,604
Oh, God, no!
These guys are horrible.
33
00:01:30,807 --> 00:01:33,875
♪ Do you kazoo?
I often do
34
00:01:33,944 --> 00:01:37,129
♪ When I am blue
I do kazoo
35
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,697
♪ Toot-tootie-too
36
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,349
♪ Goes my kazoo
37
00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:41,716
♪ I will kazoo
38
00:01:41,785 --> 00:01:44,219
♪ Hey, how about you? ♪
39
00:01:44,287 --> 00:01:46,921
Ugh, all they're doing
is announcing that
they play the kazoo
40
00:01:46,990 --> 00:01:49,441
and then asking
if others also play
the kazoo.
41
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:50,875
This doesn't seem so bad.
42
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,656
And after all,
it's a song for babies.
43
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:53,929
Yeah, but that's the thing.
44
00:01:53,997 --> 00:01:57,032
Baby songs never tackle
real baby issues.
45
00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:59,567
You know,
like loud noises or teething,
46
00:01:59,636 --> 00:02:02,020
or when Dad uses me
as a lumbar pillow.
47
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:04,033
Ow.
48
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,325
Ow. Ow. Ow.
49
00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:08,204
Ow.
50
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:10,279
This things works better
in the car.
51
00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:12,025
Well, how could they
address baby issues?
52
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,027
Children songs
are written by adults.
53
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,935
And, dollars to donuts,
white adults.
54
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:18,670
I... Who you
mad at, Brian?
55
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,283
Ugh, how much time you got?
56
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,467
Not enough for that,
but you're right.
57
00:02:21,491 --> 00:02:23,074
If you want
a song a baby'll like,
58
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,703
you've gotta get
a baby to write it.
59
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,040
Well, call John Mayer,
he's a big fat baby.
60
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,864
No, I'll do it
and you could help.
61
00:02:28,933 --> 00:02:32,500
Well, I... I did write
a musical about
Alexander Hamilton.
62
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,564
Not... Not that one.
But sure, I'm in.
63
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,237
Ooh, I'm excited!
This will be great!
64
00:02:36,306 --> 00:02:39,090
And those guys
back at the factory
can suck it!
65
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,204
I'm gonna get out
of this place one day.
66
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:43,211
Hey, Butch,
get a load of Stewie!
67
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:44,941
He says he's gonna
get out of here.
68
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,217
You don't know me, man.
I'm different. I got ideas.
69
00:02:49,285 --> 00:02:50,836
Hey, Butch, you hear that?
70
00:02:50,905 --> 00:02:52,454
Stewie's got ideas.
71
00:02:52,522 --> 00:02:54,417
Shut up! I'm gonna
go across that river
72
00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:56,469
and make it to the city
on the other side.
73
00:02:56,493 --> 00:02:57,743
I'm gonna be a singer.
74
00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:00,195
Buble over here says
he's gonna be a singer.
75
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,408
Hey, Buble,
I got a tune
for you to sing.
76
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,877
It's called, "Get your ass back
77
00:03:03,901 --> 00:03:06,141
"on the forklift.
Lunch is over."
78
00:03:07,203 --> 00:03:09,671
Hey, Stewie,
don't listen to those guys,
79
00:03:09,740 --> 00:03:11,039
follow your heart.
80
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:13,058
Shut up, Butch.
You're the loser of this crew.
81
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,192
Hey, guys, you hear that?
82
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:15,810
Butch told me
to follow my heart.
83
00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:27,406
Dad, can I have 50 bucks
for a shamrock tattoo?
It's time.
84
00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:30,019
All right, but make sure
you get it
where everyone can see.
85
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,856
Hold on, Peter,
if Chris wants
money for something,
86
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,962
maybe it's time
he got a part-time job.
87
00:03:35,031 --> 00:03:37,332
He could mow lawns or babysit.
88
00:03:37,401 --> 00:03:39,083
I can't work, I'm too young.
89
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,569
Oh, Will Smith's little kid
works as a movie star,
90
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,466
even though he looks
like a wet baby horse.
91
00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:45,623
All right, I suppose
I could get a job.
92
00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:48,710
Or maybe even my old job
as the guy racing
through an airport
93
00:03:48,779 --> 00:03:50,412
at the end of a romantic comedy.
94
00:03:51,849 --> 00:03:53,599
Taxi! Taxi!
95
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,351
Hey, are you crazy?
96
00:03:56,419 --> 00:03:57,819
Crazy for love!
97
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,587
The most amazing girl
I've ever met
98
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,857
leaves on a plane
in five minutes.
99
00:04:01,925 --> 00:04:03,007
Get in!
100
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:06,978
♪ I get knocked down
101
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:08,279
♪ But I get up again
102
00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:10,110
♪ You're never gonna
keep me down
103
00:04:10,134 --> 00:04:11,633
♪ I get knocked down
104
00:04:11,702 --> 00:04:12,984
♪ But I get up again
105
00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:14,892
♪ You're never gonna
keep me down
106
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,822
What the hell's going on?
107
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:20,102
This guy's in love.
Is she worth it?
108
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:22,327
She's a once-in-a-lifetime girl.
109
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,162
We'll give you an escort.
110
00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:26,443
♪ He drinks a whiskey drink
He drinks a vodka drink
111
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,817
♪ He drinks a lager drink
He drinks a cider drink
112
00:04:30,087 --> 00:04:31,119
No charge!
113
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:34,984
Final boarding call
114
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:37,241
for Ashley's flight
to Stuffy New England College.
115
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:38,476
Final boarding.
116
00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:41,412
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, child!
What's the hurry?
117
00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:43,932
The love of my life,
that's what!
118
00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:47,669
We got a Code Romeo,
repeat Code Romeo.
119
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:51,901
If we get there on time,
there's an extra $50
in it for ya.
120
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,959
I love this job!
121
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,511
♪ I get knocked down
But I get up again
122
00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:58,500
♪ You're never
gonna keep me down ♪
123
00:04:58,532 --> 00:04:59,831
Ashley, wait!
124
00:05:02,419 --> 00:05:05,904
I wouldn't miss this
for all the rush-hour fares
in big town!
125
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,606
Chris, you came!
126
00:05:07,674 --> 00:05:10,225
Oh, my God!
Let me get my grandma.
127
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:16,164
Chris?
Ashley, I love you!
128
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:22,170
Ew!
129
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,955
Oh, you're groaning at me?
130
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,741
You paid $19 to fly Spirit Air.
131
00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:28,360
You get what you get.
132
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,811
All right, Brian.
I've written a few songs.
133
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,268
All about stuff
babies actually care about.
134
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,182
No more rainbows and unicorns.
135
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:40,505
Real baby issues!
136
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,123
Right, like heartworm and parvo?
137
00:05:42,192 --> 00:05:43,408
No, baby stuff!
138
00:05:43,460 --> 00:05:44,993
Oh, oh, human babies!
139
00:05:45,061 --> 00:05:47,162
I didn't... I didn't realize
there was an agenda.
140
00:05:47,231 --> 00:05:49,731
Okay, look, just pay attention.
141
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,883
♪ Mama liked to party
when you were in her belly
142
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:54,002
♪ Drinkin', she did some
143
00:05:54,071 --> 00:05:56,204
♪ Mama liked to party
when you were in her belly
144
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:58,473
♪ That's why you are dumb ♪
145
00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:02,310
I call that,
"Mama Liked to Party,"
parenthesis, "Chris' Song."
146
00:06:02,379 --> 00:06:03,829
Stewie, that's good!
147
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,625
Hey, can I write one?
Yeah, we need
as many as we can.
148
00:06:05,649 --> 00:06:08,232
Our first gig is Saturday.
It's a birthday party.
149
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,768
Wow, already?
How did you book
a gig so fast?
150
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:13,265
Easy, I figured out
the perfect way
to get the word out
151
00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:14,522
to middle-aged moms.
152
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,760
Musical entertainment,
available for parties!
153
00:06:18,829 --> 00:06:21,529
Musical entertainment,
available for parties!
154
00:06:21,597 --> 00:06:23,748
Hey, where are you
drinking that Chardonnay?
155
00:06:29,255 --> 00:06:31,034
Oh, hey, Chris,
how's your job hunt going?
156
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,674
Terrible. I can't find
a job anywhere.
157
00:06:33,743 --> 00:06:37,345
A lot of people
seem to be turned off
by my dishonorable discharge.
158
00:06:37,413 --> 00:06:39,613
What, from the army?
No, it's a euphemism.
159
00:06:39,682 --> 00:06:41,065
Oh, yucky.
160
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,568
Uh, you guys,
I need help
unloading the groceries.
161
00:06:43,636 --> 00:06:46,387
My undiagnosed mom injury
is flaring up.
162
00:06:48,458 --> 00:06:51,893
These little things
of apple sauce
better not be for desserts.
163
00:06:51,962 --> 00:06:53,940
Go to hell, Glenn Quagmire!
164
00:06:53,964 --> 00:06:56,331
I'm sorry,
but Mondays are Asian only.
165
00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:57,715
Why is your last name Wong?
166
00:06:57,784 --> 00:06:59,567
It's my married name.
167
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,219
Now I see why you're here.
168
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:03,832
Geez, what was that about?
169
00:07:03,874 --> 00:07:05,584
Ah. Little scheduling
mix-up.
170
00:07:05,608 --> 00:07:06,824
I'm just so busy.
171
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:09,777
I don't have any time
to organize my own life.
172
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,409
Wait a minute.
What if you had someone
to help keep you organized?
173
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:14,277
Chris is looking for work,
maybe he can help you out.
174
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:15,450
Be your assistant.
175
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,784
Huh, maybe.
176
00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,054
You have any references?
177
00:07:18,088 --> 00:07:21,205
Uh, "cowabunga," "Schwing,"
"yada-yada-yada."
178
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,514
Those are pretty good
references. You're hired!
179
00:07:27,597 --> 00:07:28,875
Look at that.
Look at the cake.
180
00:07:28,899 --> 00:07:31,566
"Happy birthday,
Charlie and Uncle Craig."
181
00:07:31,635 --> 00:07:34,446
And "Uncle Craig"
is written
in a different color.
182
00:07:34,470 --> 00:07:36,370
Oh, poor Uncle Craig.
183
00:07:36,439 --> 00:07:38,406
Hey, is that
your ex-girlfriend Olivia?
184
00:07:38,474 --> 00:07:39,741
God, what's she doing here?
185
00:07:39,809 --> 00:07:41,371
She was always such a nightmare.
186
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:46,276
Olivia! Oh, my God!
Do I look okay?
187
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,333
I hate this shirt!
Switch shirts! Switch shirts!
188
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,235
Stewie? Oh,
I thought that was you!
189
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:53,805
Hey, Olivia...
Hey, what brings you here?
190
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,368
Oh.
The birthday boy and I
191
00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,086
met at Burt Reynolds'
acting camp
192
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,343
in Jupiter, Florida.
193
00:07:58,412 --> 00:08:00,411
Well, I'm glad to hear
you're still acting.
194
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,564
You know, the last time
I saw you, you were...
195
00:08:02,632 --> 00:08:03,743
Burning in a cardboard house.
196
00:08:03,767 --> 00:08:05,550
Yeah, burning in
a cardboard house, yeah.
197
00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:08,658
Uh, hey, listen,
I don't know if you've heard,
but we're the entertainment.
198
00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:10,304
Aw, that's good.
199
00:08:10,373 --> 00:08:11,690
Good for you!
200
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,375
Okay, great to see ya.
201
00:08:13,443 --> 00:08:15,021
Come on, Stewie,
it's not about her.
202
00:08:15,045 --> 00:08:16,806
It's about those
six children watching
203
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,941
and the spazzy kid
who is just waiting
for the snakes.
204
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:20,965
Bring out the snakes!
205
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,081
It's a hot crowd.
Have fun out there!
206
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:28,673
I'm gonna go feed
everything in my van
to each other.
207
00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:32,060
Okay, kids, if everyone's done
washing their hands
from the snakes,
208
00:08:32,128 --> 00:08:33,528
we have some fun music...
209
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,430
No climbing on the boat!
210
00:08:35,499 --> 00:08:38,416
Okay, now, please welcome
Red Shirt Blue Shirt.
211
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:42,170
All right,
we are Red Shirt Blue Shirt,
212
00:08:42,238 --> 00:08:45,222
and here's a song we call,
"Mommy and Daddy's Room."
213
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,091
And we think it's one
you can all relate to.
214
00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:51,079
♪ When everybody's
gone to sleep
215
00:08:51,147 --> 00:08:53,081
♪ And you've said,
"Good night, moon"
216
00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:56,918
♪ There's plenty of noisestill comin'from Mommy and Daddy's room
217
00:08:56,986 --> 00:08:59,654
♪ Oh, Daddy says, "Please"
Mommy says, "No"
218
00:08:59,722 --> 00:09:01,706
♪ Daddy says, "Come on"
Mommy says, "Whoa"
219
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,836
♪ Daddy goes, "Ungh!"
Mommy goes, "Ow!"
220
00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:05,927
♪ Daddy says, "I'm done"
Mommy goes, "Wow"
221
00:09:05,996 --> 00:09:08,013
♪ Daddy rolls
over and falls asleep
222
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,048
♪ Mommy drinks wine
in the dark ♪
223
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,734
My God, did you
hear them, Stewie?
We're a hit!
224
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,369
We gotta go out and celebrate.
225
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:22,171
Oh, he can't go out
with you tonight.
He's got a date with me.
226
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:23,594
Really? Awesome!
227
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:25,474
Brian, I can't go.
I'm not feeling well.
228
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,548
Stewie,
I've been standing here
the whole time.
229
00:09:27,617 --> 00:09:29,078
But, you know,
you know what?
That's fine.
230
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:31,369
I'll just go have
a dog-style celebration
by myself.
231
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,488
Yeah! Awesome time!
232
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,657
This is very fun for me!
233
00:09:36,726 --> 00:09:38,376
Hey!
Oh, hey!
234
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:40,444
This is fun, right?
The best!
235
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:41,633
And me, too!
236
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:54,092
That's a pretty cool place
for a party.
237
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:56,627
Yes, although that grown-up
is dunking on that mini-hoop
238
00:09:56,696 --> 00:09:58,524
like we're all supposed
to be impressed.
239
00:09:58,548 --> 00:09:59,691
Great crowd, babe.
240
00:09:59,715 --> 00:10:01,116
What is...
What is this?
241
00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:03,484
Oh, Olivia's president
of our fan club.
242
00:10:03,553 --> 00:10:05,464
She's also doing half the band.
243
00:10:05,488 --> 00:10:06,849
You even know what that means?
244
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:09,224
Uh, let's just say I couldn't
toddle right for a week.
245
00:10:09,292 --> 00:10:10,741
Okay, you don't.
246
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,690
All right,
if you'll excuse me,
I have a poo-poo diaper.
247
00:10:14,764 --> 00:10:16,842
You really think
this Olivia thing
is a good idea?
248
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:17,910
Why wouldn't it be?
249
00:10:17,934 --> 00:10:19,028
I don't know.
It just seems like
250
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,885
it always ends
badly for you two.
251
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,904
And it can be tricky,
working with an ex.
252
00:10:22,972 --> 00:10:24,856
Look at Kermit and Miss Piggy.
253
00:10:24,908 --> 00:10:27,659
How you feeling, Miss Piggy?
I heard you called
in sick yesterday.
254
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:29,677
Yeah, I had a frog in my throat.
255
00:10:29,745 --> 00:10:32,546
Right, Kermit?
Huh? Right?
256
00:10:32,615 --> 00:10:34,281
Please stop drinking.
257
00:10:39,188 --> 00:10:41,300
Okay, Chris, I think
you're gonna be
a great assistant.
258
00:10:41,324 --> 00:10:43,819
Your paperwork
appears to be in order,
but before we get started,
259
00:10:43,843 --> 00:10:45,343
do you own
a pair of rubber boots
260
00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:47,523
that you'd have to wear
if you worked
on a fishing boat?
261
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:49,225
Uh, no, I don't think so.
262
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,827
All right, I guess
it'll be a light day today,
263
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,328
but tomorrow
you should come wearing those.
264
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,718
Okay, got it.
265
00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:55,498
Now, the first thing
I need you to do
every morning
266
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:58,006
is punch me in the stomach,
because I'm a bad person.
267
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:00,224
Is this a trick?
268
00:11:00,293 --> 00:11:02,213
It's the furthest thing
from a trick. Go ahead.
269
00:11:02,279 --> 00:11:05,046
And it should be pretty hard.
I'm a worse person
than you think.
270
00:11:06,182 --> 00:11:07,727
Okay, that's really good.
271
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:10,471
Now I need you
to call Time Warner
about my cable bill.
272
00:11:14,124 --> 00:11:16,557
All right, this one is for
all the mommies out there.
273
00:11:16,626 --> 00:11:19,477
This is what
we're really saying
when we're crying.
274
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:23,014
♪ Please put some butt paste
on my button
275
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,916
♪ Butt paste on my button
276
00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:27,769
♪ Smear it on my button
for the fire down below
277
00:11:29,039 --> 00:11:30,955
♪ Butt paste on my button
278
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,974
♪ Butt paste on my button
279
00:11:33,042 --> 00:11:36,627
♪ Need it on my button'cause it coolsand quells me so ♪
280
00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:41,732
♪ Stay away, stay away
281
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:44,285
♪ From the big kid
in the baby swing ♪
282
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:49,974
♪ There's a little metal box
283
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,176
♪ At the top of the stairs
284
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,412
♪ In the back of the closet
285
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,514
♪ And a tiny little key
286
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,232
♪ That's hidden in the book
287
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,368
♪ In the drawer with the socks
288
00:12:00,436 --> 00:12:02,653
♪ And I know how to use it
289
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,589
♪ To open up the box
290
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:08,393
♪ And that's where
the gun is ♪
291
00:12:14,384 --> 00:12:15,594
You know, I talk a lot of smack,
292
00:12:15,618 --> 00:12:17,480
but at the end of the day,
these guys are pros.
293
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,937
Even broken arm coyote
with washboard.
294
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,090
Hey, let's keep
this party rolling.
295
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,926
I'll go get us
another badly-scratched
plastic pitcher of soda.
296
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:29,981
Ugh, finally he's doing
something useful.
297
00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:31,816
What? What do you mean?
Nothing.
298
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:34,719
It's just,
you write all the songs,
you've got a better voice,
299
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,270
you've got the sweet bod.
300
00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:38,489
Oh, my God! Babe!
301
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:42,026
Plus, you've got
all the cool catchphrases
like, "Damn you all"
302
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,545
or "What the dude" or whatever.
303
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:46,146
Uh, it's "deuce".
But yeah, you're right.
304
00:12:46,215 --> 00:12:49,455
I do... Does it sound
through the mike
like I'm saying "dude"?
305
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,035
Should it be "dude"?
306
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,315
Meanwhile, everyone thinks
Brian is the star
of the group.
307
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:54,533
Who thinks that?
I don't know.
308
00:12:54,557 --> 00:12:56,018
I'm just saying,
after every show,
309
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:58,493
the fans are always
petting Brian
and not you.
310
00:12:58,562 --> 00:13:00,289
No one's allowed
to pet me, it's illegal.
311
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:04,765
I just hate to see Brian
getting all the attention
that you deserve.
312
00:13:04,834 --> 00:13:07,051
You should really
watch your back.
313
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,803
Wow, it's hard to believe
Brian would betray me.
314
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:13,191
I mean, he was there for me
when I hit rock bottom.
315
00:13:13,243 --> 00:13:15,576
See, Brian,
that's a rock bottom.
316
00:13:15,645 --> 00:13:17,172
Thanks for being here for that.
317
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:20,276
Now get out of here.
We're about to drink
some Chardonnay.
318
00:13:24,854 --> 00:13:27,121
Chris, could you please
get Hannah a thank-you basket
319
00:13:27,190 --> 00:13:28,484
and schedule
her next appointment?
320
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,203
I'd like to see her again
in two weeks.
321
00:13:30,227 --> 00:13:33,911
Of course. Mr. Quagmire
can fit in you at 3:00
a week from Thursday.
322
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,196
That works.
323
00:13:35,265 --> 00:13:37,660
And you know to fast
the night before?
Yep.
324
00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:39,962
And would you like to leave
your panties in the fish bowl
325
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,785
for a chance to win
a free lunch?
326
00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:45,911
Good luck!
327
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,709
When are you gonna do
that drawing anyway?
328
00:13:47,777 --> 00:13:49,910
Oh, there's no drawing.
I just like smelling the bowl.
329
00:13:49,979 --> 00:13:51,823
You know, you're doing
a great job, Chris.
330
00:13:51,847 --> 00:13:54,365
Why don't you jerk
the rest of the day off?
331
00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:56,216
Man, this is the best job ever.
332
00:13:56,286 --> 00:13:59,220
And to think I almost took
that pop-up restaurant gig.
333
00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:01,239
Hi! You hungry?
334
00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:13,551
Check, check. Malia, check,
335
00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:16,387
Obama, check, check,
check. Malia Obama.
336
00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:18,015
All right,
that's a creepy mike check.
337
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:20,258
Let's just do a quick
run-through
of "Little Brother."
338
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:24,778
♪ I want a little brother
339
00:14:26,849 --> 00:14:29,267
♪ On second thought
340
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:33,738
♪ I think I'd kill him dead ♪
341
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,268
Could we just cut Brian's mike?
342
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:37,658
His humming sounds like
my table's ready at Chili's.
343
00:14:37,727 --> 00:14:39,105
Stewie, what the hell
is your problem?
344
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:40,673
I'll tell you
what my problem is.
345
00:14:40,697 --> 00:14:43,025
I'm doing all the work
and you're just
riding my coattails.
346
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,365
What are you taking about?
347
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:45,811
I'm just as big
a part of this group
as you are.
348
00:14:45,835 --> 00:14:47,446
Oh, really?
You're writing about
349
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,553
all your authentic
baby experiences?
350
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:51,100
You asked me
to do this with you.
351
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:52,368
Why are you being such a dick?
352
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,241
Because I lost the baby!
353
00:14:55,611 --> 00:14:56,844
What was that?
354
00:14:56,913 --> 00:14:58,774
I don't know, he saw that
in a movie or something.
355
00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:00,843
Brian, this seems
a good as time as any.
356
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:03,479
I think it's time
to talk about
your future with the band.
357
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:04,635
Are you serious?
358
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,554
You're actually
kicking me out of the band?
359
00:15:06,623 --> 00:15:10,241
Not at all. In fact,
I think you and I
should kick Stewie out.
360
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,727
And I'll take his place.
What?
361
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:14,479
Bring out the snakes!
362
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,587
Does he just come
to all of our shows?
363
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:27,375
So, you wanna fire Stewie,
and be Red Shirt
Blue Shirt with me?
364
00:15:27,444 --> 00:15:30,811
Absolutely!
You're the whole reason
the fans even like the band.
365
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:32,563
Kids love dogs!
366
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:35,032
Besides, we've both seen
what Stewie's become.
367
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,117
An impossible diva.
368
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,485
Yeah, but he's my friend.
369
00:15:38,555 --> 00:15:40,955
Yeah, well, your friend
has been talking about
370
00:15:41,024 --> 00:15:42,618
kicking you out of the band.
371
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,675
Wait, what? He has?
372
00:15:44,727 --> 00:15:46,472
And I don't know
if you considered this,
373
00:15:46,496 --> 00:15:48,929
but the clock is ticking
on Stewie's cuteness.
374
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:50,664
Huh, I guess you're right.
375
00:15:50,733 --> 00:15:52,495
And I wouldn't be surprised
if he ends up looking like
376
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,968
an exact mash-up
of Lois and Peter.
377
00:15:56,805 --> 00:15:58,288
Groceries.
378
00:15:58,357 --> 00:16:01,359
Hey, I had a thought
about our costumes
for today's show.
379
00:16:01,411 --> 00:16:03,761
I could wear a shirt
that's both red and blue,
380
00:16:03,829 --> 00:16:06,030
and you can do spin art
with all the wussie kids
381
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:07,581
who are afraid to go on rides.
382
00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:10,017
Yeah? Well, how about
this, Stewie? You're fired!
383
00:16:10,086 --> 00:16:11,296
Pardon?
That's right.
384
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,149
Olivia's takin'
your place in the band.
385
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,806
You are looking at the new
Red Shirt Blue Shirt.
386
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,654
What the dude!
Ah, you know what?
"Deuce" was right.
387
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,856
Come on, Brian,
you and I should
probably rehearse.
388
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,707
We've got a show in 20 minutes.
389
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:25,266
Fine! Go ahead!
It's not gonna be the same!
390
00:16:25,335 --> 00:16:28,219
Like Cheers wasn't the same
when they brought
in Kirstie Alley.
391
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:30,221
Norm!
392
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,290
No, I'm...
I'm Rebecca.
393
00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:40,598
Meg, do you know
how to use Microsoft Excel?
394
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,083
Yeah, I'm actually pretty good.
395
00:16:42,152 --> 00:16:43,751
Yeah, you would! Dork!
396
00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:48,065
But, I do need
to make that spreadsheet
or I'm fired.
397
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,407
Oh, my God!
398
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:52,977
Peter, our dishwasher
is full of sex toys.
399
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,357
Oh, yeah.
Chris put those in there.
It's for his job.
400
00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:56,758
He's working for Quagmire now.
401
00:16:56,782 --> 00:16:59,550
He's washing sex toys
for Quagmire?
402
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,464
Not just that,
he also takes pictures
of Quagmire's genitals
403
00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:03,904
to track sore growth.
404
00:17:03,973 --> 00:17:05,934
So, brace yourself
when you open iPhoto.
405
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,486
It's on the Griffin
family account.
406
00:17:07,510 --> 00:17:09,660
Peter, my parents
have access to that.
407
00:17:10,764 --> 00:17:12,563
What's wrong with this worm?
408
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,281
And you knew about this?
409
00:17:14,350 --> 00:17:16,918
How could you let him
do this disgusting stuff?
410
00:17:16,986 --> 00:17:19,281
What? You're the one
who wanted Chris
to get a job.
411
00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:21,823
Yeah, like mowing lawns
or trimming bushes.
412
00:17:21,891 --> 00:17:24,172
Oh, he's doing one of those.
413
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,010
That's it!
414
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,379
I'm calling Quagmire right now
and puttin' an end to this.
415
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,296
You have reached Glenn Quagmire.
416
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,454
Neither he nor his assistant
is available.
417
00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:38,723
To schedule a liaison,
press one.
418
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:41,125
To cancel a liaison, press two.
419
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:42,971
If you're calling
to report a pregnancy,
420
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,640
please fill out our online form
421
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,864
and we will mail you
a check for $180.
422
00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:49,311
Thank you
and have a giggity day.
423
00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:50,801
Chris, this is your mother.
424
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:53,320
Get these dildos
out of the dishwasher.
425
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,231
♪ When everybody's
gone to sleep
426
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,184
♪ And you've said,
"Good night, moon"
427
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:10,121
♪ There's plenty of noisestill comin' fromMommy and Daddy's room
428
00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:12,723
♪ Oh, Daddy says, "Please"
Mommy says, "No"
429
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,758
♪ Daddy says, "Come on"
Mommy says, "Whoa!"
430
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,894
♪ Daddy goes, "Ungh!"
Mommy goes, "Ow!"
431
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,930
♪ Daddy says, "I'm done"
Mommy goes, "Wow"
432
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,910
♪ Daddy rolls over
and falls asleep
433
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:23,017
♪ Mommy drinks wine
in the dark ♪
434
00:18:23,085 --> 00:18:25,219
Thank you, Quahog!
435
00:18:27,457 --> 00:18:29,417
That was great!
They loved us!
436
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,908
Yeah, I guess,
but, did you see what I saw?
437
00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:33,494
That kid with the cane? Yeah.
438
00:18:33,562 --> 00:18:34,890
What do you think
is wrong with him?
439
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,797
No, Stewie was out there.
440
00:18:36,865 --> 00:18:38,365
So?
So...
441
00:18:38,434 --> 00:18:40,434
We're singing a song he wrote.
442
00:18:40,503 --> 00:18:42,102
This whole thing was his idea.
443
00:18:42,171 --> 00:18:43,821
Brian, don't mess this up.
444
00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:45,567
We've got a good thing going.
445
00:18:45,591 --> 00:18:46,908
I hate to tell you this,
446
00:18:46,976 --> 00:18:49,226
but I'm afraid Red Shirt
Blue Shirt is done.
447
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:50,778
I can't do this. I'm out.
448
00:18:50,846 --> 00:18:52,675
I don't care.
I don't need you!
449
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:55,861
I can get 100 dogs
to fit that
stupid blue shirt.
450
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,134
You're a monster!
451
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:59,887
Like Frankenstein
when he became a loan officer.
452
00:18:59,955 --> 00:19:02,473
So, I'm looking for money
to open a small business.
453
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,308
We plan to sell antique lamps.
454
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:05,576
Mmm.
455
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:06,794
Handmade blankets.
456
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:08,011
Mmm!
457
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:09,229
And pitchforks.
458
00:19:17,006 --> 00:19:19,006
Chris, there you are.
We need to talk.
459
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,574
What, are you walking a horse?
460
00:19:20,643 --> 00:19:21,959
Did Quagmire get a horse?
461
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,394
Oh, no, here we go.
462
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:24,645
I want a horse!
463
00:19:24,714 --> 00:19:26,246
Peter, it's not a horse.
464
00:19:26,315 --> 00:19:27,898
Chris, what the hell is that?
465
00:19:27,951 --> 00:19:30,534
Oh, this is Mr. Quagmire's
horse gimp.
466
00:19:30,602 --> 00:19:31,952
What is a horse gimp?
467
00:19:32,020 --> 00:19:33,737
It's a sexual fetishist
468
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:36,518
who derives erotic pleasure
from dressing in
horse-themed leather gear.
469
00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:38,287
You wanna see me
feed him a carrot?
470
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:39,944
Absolutely not.
Hell yes.
471
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,257
Chris, this is no job
for a teenage boy.
472
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:44,265
You have to quit right now.
473
00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:47,000
I can't quit.
I'm actually good
at this job.
474
00:19:47,069 --> 00:19:48,719
Plus, I'm making decent money.
475
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,432
You could work at the pharmacy.
476
00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:52,173
Quite, Triscuit!
Ooh!
477
00:19:52,241 --> 00:19:53,891
Hook me to the plow.
478
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:56,610
Chris, I have $1,100
in a pink can in the garage.
479
00:19:56,679 --> 00:19:58,540
Just take that
and we'll never
speak of this again.
480
00:19:58,564 --> 00:20:01,148
Okay.
Great, now
let's all go home.
481
00:20:02,752 --> 00:20:05,352
Well, that's what I get
for horsing around.
482
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,589
Ah, your joke
wasn't funny enough.
483
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:17,214
Stewie?
Oh, hello, Brian.
484
00:20:17,283 --> 00:20:20,801
I'm here to apologize,
and to let you know
I quit the band.
485
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:21,887
You did?
486
00:20:21,938 --> 00:20:23,904
Yes. It's nothing
without you.
487
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:25,372
You were the band.
488
00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:27,240
Those were your songs.
489
00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:30,060
And I'm sorry if I let Olivia
manipulate me.
490
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:32,563
I guess
she manipulated both of us.
491
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:36,234
There's just something
about her flat chest
and muscular legs.
492
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:39,386
Look, I never should have
treated you the way I did.
493
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:41,722
I suppose I didn't
treat you so well either.
494
00:20:41,791 --> 00:20:43,423
So what do you say?
495
00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:45,787
Can we put this all behind us
and go back
to the way things were?
496
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:47,227
Of course we can.
497
00:20:47,296 --> 00:20:49,274
Hey, I wonder
if she's gonna
keep the band going.
498
00:20:49,298 --> 00:20:51,014
Probably. She told me
she was just gonna
499
00:20:51,067 --> 00:20:52,633
replace me with another dog.
500
00:20:52,702 --> 00:20:54,346
Yes, but who?
I don't know.
501
00:20:54,370 --> 00:20:56,637
Probably some dog
neither you or I
have ever met.
502
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,575
All right, listen up,
you little pieces of garbage.
503
00:21:01,644 --> 00:21:04,206
This song's aboutgetting heartburnfrom baked clams,
504
00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:05,646
and other kid stuff.
39164
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
