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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:08,007
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:11,543
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:14,846
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:18,117
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,552
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,154
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,956
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:28,560
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:34,969 --> 00:00:36,279
We now return to yet
11
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:37,970
another Indiana Jones movie.
12
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:42,074
Snakes. Why did it
have to be snakes?
13
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:46,578
Elderly potheads.Why did it have tobe elderly potheads?
14
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,980
Is everyone warm in here?
Is it warm?
15
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,426
Brian, are you
feeling all right?
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00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,010
Yeah, I'm fine.
It just seems kind of...
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00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:54,519
Oh, my God!
18
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,054
Oh, Lois, your dog threw up.
19
00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:58,101
Peter, Brian's clearly
not feeling well.
20
00:00:58,125 --> 00:00:59,703
You got to take him to the vet.
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00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:00,959
Unbelievable!
22
00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,194
Brian throws up once,
and you rush him to the vet.
23
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,030
I was throwing up
all night last night.
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00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,010
Good start.
Keep it up, Snack Pack.
25
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,078
That's funny...
26
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:11,480
Peter, you got to take him now!
27
00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:13,082
Lois, it's probably
just something I ate.
28
00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:14,372
I'm fine. Really.
29
00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:17,342
I got more energy than
a cruise ship conga line.
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00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,712
Horny on a big boat!
Horny on a big boat!
31
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:22,981
I'm very sick from lobster.
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00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:29,655
Brian, your blood work shows
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00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,468
that your liver isn't
functioning properly.
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00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:33,091
Would you happen
to be a drinker?
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00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,794
Well, I don't know
if I'd label myself a drinker.
36
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:37,840
I know I like a cold beer
after I mow the lawn.
37
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,977
There were three
lies in that sentence.
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00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:43,335
Brian, have you ever heard
of Lou Gehrig's disease?
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00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:44,547
Oh, no!
40
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:46,771
Well, you have
Mickey Mantle's disease.
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00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,307
Now, the most obvious step
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00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:50,775
would simply be
to stop drinking.
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00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:51,977
Or?
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00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:53,778
Well, we do have
these pills that may
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00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,525
correct the enzyme
imbalance in your liver.
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00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:56,592
Yeah, that one.
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00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:57,693
Okay, I'll be
in the waiting room
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00:01:57,717 --> 00:01:59,717
barking at the fish in the tank.
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00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:00,919
All right, Mr. Griffin,
50
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,732
these pills will clear
up Brian's condition.
51
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:03,788
But unfortunately,
52
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,857
they only come in
suppository form.
53
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,059
Uh...
54
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,560
It means they
have to be inserted
55
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,162
into the patient's anus.
56
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:13,198
Oh, you're
a dirty doctor, aren't you?
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00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,567
Mr. Griffin, I'm not joking,
or a doctor.
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00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,380
Now, you'll need to
administer these pills,
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00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:18,970
because no dog ever voluntarily
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00:02:19,039 --> 00:02:20,439
takes a suppository.
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00:02:20,507 --> 00:02:22,040
Well, one in ten does.
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00:02:22,109 --> 00:02:24,576
Oh, I know the one.
Brian's cousin Jasper.
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00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:25,788
His bum looks like that guy
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00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,972
with 100 cigarettes
in his mouth.
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00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,624
Hey, Chris, I noticed
you were sitting alone.
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00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:39,924
You mind if I join you?
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00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,494
Sure. We both have hats.
Makes sense.
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00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:46,298
Oh, thanks.
Hey, can you check my back
for "kick me" signs?
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00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,445
Oh, yeah, you got a couple.
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00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:50,669
This one says
you're a "dirty kick."
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00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,837
That doesn't say "kick,"
but thanks,
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00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,939
I'll keep that
one for my lawsuit.
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00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,409
Boys, I got a new home gym.
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00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:59,344
Why are you telling us that?
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00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,757
Just letting people know.
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00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:04,215
Don't want anyone
to get freaked out
by the transformation.
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00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:06,029
I got to say,
it feels kind of weird
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00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:07,764
having someone
join me for lunch.
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00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,287
Well, it's only natural, Chris.
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00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:11,389
You and I are social exiles.
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00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:14,459
We're the Khaleesi
and Jorah Mormont
of this school.
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00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,839
Sure, I'll agree to keep
the conversation going.
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00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,831
Well, time to break out
my terrible Jewish bag lunch.
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00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,667
Let's see.
Smoked whitefish,
herring in cream sauce,
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00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,169
smoked sable,
that's a different
kind of whitefish.
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00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:28,106
And for dessert,
the only bad
cookie in the world.
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00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,709
Hey, what's it like
buying food from school?
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00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:32,789
It's good. I know
everyone back there,
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00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,724
so they let me
drink their corn water.
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00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:37,293
Boy, it's so great
having someone
I can talk to.
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00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:38,817
I feel the same way, Chris.
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00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,185
I think you and I could
get along very nicely.
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00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:44,790
Yeah. We'll be a better team
than the Warsaw Globetrotters.
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00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:47,492
♪ Dribble, dribble, dribble
Tuck in shirt
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00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,961
♪ Give to my friend
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00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,462
♪ Spin on finger
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00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:55,033
♪ Two rotations
Dream about window
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00:03:55,102 --> 00:04:00,372
♪ Put away basketball,go to workIn calcium mine ♪
99
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:06,790
All right,
Brian, it's time for you
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00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,513
to take one of these
pills from the vet.
101
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,826
Oh, yeah, right.
Can we do
what we normally do,
102
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:13,529
where you roll it up
in a piece of cheese
like you're fooling me?
103
00:04:13,553 --> 00:04:16,087
Yeah, I guess,
but then you're gonna
have cheese in your ass.
104
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,755
Wait, what?
105
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,969
Yeah, the doctor
said I got to give you
these pills the butt way.
106
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:22,027
No, no, no.
That is not happening.
107
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:24,007
No, no, no. I do not
go the butt way.
108
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,209
Look, I know it
sounds a little rough,
but why don't we start
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00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:29,134
with a gentle
massage of the area
and see how you feel?
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00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,601
Peter, get away from my ass!
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00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:33,405
Brian! No!
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00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:36,441
Huh. Guess I'm just gonna
have to take him by surprise.
113
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:39,989
Shouldn't be too hard.
After all, I used to
be a pete-in-the-box.
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00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:54,192
Goes the weasel!
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00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,208
All right, if I'm gonna
give Brian his medicine,
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00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,344
I should probably watch
that old episode of Lassie
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00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,902
where Timmy has
to give her a suppository.
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00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:10,208
What's that, Lassie?
You feel sick?
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00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:12,243
What's wrong, girl?
120
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,714
A supposi-what?
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00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:17,315
What am I supposed
to do with it?
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00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,485
Gosh. I...
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00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:23,354
Well, if you're in
that much pain, I guess.
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00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:24,989
Okay.
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00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:33,498
You were lying?
You weren't feeling sick?
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00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:36,201
I don't understand.Why did youwant me to do this?
127
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,937
Well, I love you too,
but I don't know...
128
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,641
I have so many
confusing feelings!
129
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:47,445
What? He was
watching the whole time?
130
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:54,953
Kids, everybody, family meeting!
131
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,221
There's too much
passing gas in this house.
132
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,257
So from now on,
anytime you got to cut one,
133
00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:01,938
you pull your pants down
and you do it
through this fart hole.
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00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,428
Are you insane?
135
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,575
Lois, it's okay,
it's all a trick.
136
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:07,477
As soon as Brian does it,
I'm gonna be on
the other side,
137
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,178
and I'll stick
the suppository in.
138
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:12,837
No. Absolutely not.
I am not living like this.
139
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:16,241
You think Morgan Fairchild
has a fart hole in her house?
140
00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:18,876
Morgan, the coq au vin
is divine.
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00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:21,879
But so rich.
Will you excuse me?
142
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,687
Where do our Hollywood farts go?
143
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:32,057
I've heard they're filtered
into Tom Sizemore's house.
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00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,329
Ah, Morgan.
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00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:45,370
Hey, no, no, Brian.
No, no. You win. You win.
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00:06:45,439 --> 00:06:48,039
I quit. It's your liver.
You do whatever you want.
147
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,242
Well, thank you.
Yes, it is my liver,
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00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,909
and I don't want
to take that pill.
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00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:53,545
Fine. We're both
in agreement.
150
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,191
So let's just both watch TV.
151
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,326
And nothing else.
152
00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:57,449
Sounds good to me.
153
00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:59,662
I'm glad you think
it sounds good.
154
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,688
It's nice to watch TV
155
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,235
when you have
nothing else to do,
isn't it?
156
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,625
Yeah.
157
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:08,371
Get over here, you idiot!
Peter! What the hell?
158
00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:09,572
I'm still in charge of you!
I'm a human!
159
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,895
Stop it! Get away from me!
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00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,609
This is for your benefit,
so just go limp and take it!
161
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,473
You touch my ass,
I swear to God I'll kill you!
162
00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:22,773
What the hell?
You, you bit me!
163
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,442
You're damn right I did!
164
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:26,322
And I'll do it
again if you don't stay
the hell away from my ass!
165
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:28,258
But, Brian, the vet said...
166
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:33,451
Wow, where did that come from?
God, that was so intense.
167
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,054
I feel more powerful
than a lesbian's crotch.
168
00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:40,057
Ooh, sorry, ma'am,
we don't valet motorcycles.
169
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,626
Heh. Don't need to.
170
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,773
Lois, can you pour my juice?
I can't lift my arm.
171
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:56,975
I still can't
believe Brian bit you.
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00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:58,755
It just doesn't seem like him.
173
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,556
Oh, yeah, 'cause
you know him so well.
174
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,013
Shut your face.
175
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:06,451
Oh, uh...
176
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,386
Hey, Brian.
177
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:10,922
Get out of that chair.
Leave the eggs.
178
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,256
But this is my breakfast.
179
00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:22,299
Honey, when did
Peter Griffin
take up jogging?
180
00:08:22,368 --> 00:08:23,835
I don't know, dear.
181
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:26,938
By the way,
we're the couple who lives
a few blocks away.
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00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,058
We now return to
183
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:37,682
an '80s teen movie at
a realistic high school.
184
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,871
You're going down
at that karate tournament.
185
00:08:39,919 --> 00:08:41,352
I don't think so.
186
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:44,489
You guys do karate?
You're both fuckin' losers.
187
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,458
Uh, morning, sir.
188
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,961
So, Peter, I assume
if you're watching TV,
189
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,141
that means you already
did all my chores?
190
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,431
I sure did, sure did.
191
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,444
I scared off the mailman,
threatened Quagmire's cat,
192
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,669
and I even took
your bath for you.
193
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,777
Now, I'm just gonna
reach for the shampoo.
194
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,238
No jumping out.
195
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,479
He's got Rupert!
196
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,281
Hey, drop it.
Drop it. Drop it.
197
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,828
All right, I need you
to buy a birthday present
for my friend Jeff.
198
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:14,997
He likes
the Packers
and surfing.
199
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:18,956
Enough is enough, Peter.
The dog's not in
charge of this house.
200
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:21,770
First thing tomorrow,
I'm taking Brian
to obedience school
201
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:23,961
so we can get him
back under control.
202
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:26,430
You know,
sending him to school
wouldn't be the worst idea.
203
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:29,834
He might even enjoy it.
I know I had
a blast in college.
204
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,970
Man, I love college.
So many chicks,
so many parties.
205
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:34,617
Yeah, totally.
206
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:35,951
I'm supposed
to meet the R.A.
207
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:37,687
for coffee later
in the common room,
208
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:39,088
but until then,
I'm just gonna walk around
209
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,312
with my shower caddy
210
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,714
and see what people wrote
on their whiteboards.
211
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:50,187
Uh, before I touch anything,
is this a nut-free counter?
212
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,924
I don't know.
My dad's might have been
on there this morning.
213
00:09:53,993 --> 00:09:55,960
Oh, hey, Meg.
I saw you stomp
214
00:09:56,028 --> 00:09:58,195
that pigeon today
with your bare foot.
215
00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,930
Pretty powerful stuff.
216
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:02,444
Thanks.
I don't like losing
any part of my lunch.
217
00:10:02,468 --> 00:10:05,014
Look, I'd love to
stay and talk, Neil,
but I have homework,
218
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,198
and there was no toilet paper
in the girls' bathroom.
219
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,975
Well, while you freshen up,
maybe I could help
you get a head start
220
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,175
on that homework.
221
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:14,278
You'd do that?
Wow, that'd be great!
222
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:17,482
Wait, Neil,
I thought you and I were
gonna go find unlocked cars
223
00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:19,017
and pretend we're driving them.
224
00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:22,219
Sorry, Chris.
Booty calls.
225
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,890
What was that all about?
Well, I guess I have
to do it by myself.
226
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:30,962
Boy, this light
is taking forever!
227
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:32,997
Please, get out.
228
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,966
I never drive this car.
My wife died in it.
229
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:43,241
Listen up, maggots!
230
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,876
You're in my house now!
231
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:46,444
There are no
belly scratches here!
232
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,778
There are no table scraps!
233
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:49,680
What we have here are good dogs!
234
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:52,350
No bandana-wearing,
Frisbee-catching
hippie dogs!
235
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:55,139
No parking lot,
hind-leg-dancing
YouTube dogs!
236
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:58,690
No crime solving,
camera mugging
Scooby-Dooby dogs!
237
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:00,124
Oh, no Scooby-Doo, huh?
238
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,761
Oh, it seems we
got us a comedy dog.
239
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,262
Are you Kathy Griffin?
240
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:08,110
'Cause I ain't laughing.
So maybe you
are Kathy Griffin.
241
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:09,545
Or maybe you're that comedy dog
242
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,836
with Robert Smigel's hand
up your backside.
243
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:13,883
Well, let me
tell you something,
comedy dog.
244
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,751
You're here for me to poop on!
245
00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:17,419
All right, first of all,
it seems like you have
246
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,410
a lot of opinions
about a lot of comedians.
247
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:21,913
- And second of all...
- That hurts!
248
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:24,827
That's right.
Silent and terrible,
like The Artist.
249
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,495
I watch a lot of TV and movies.
250
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,020
I am your media-savvy
worst nightmare!
251
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:32,123
Now, down on all fours
like the rest of them!
252
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,692
That's right, we got ways
to break your spirit!
253
00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:38,963
In fact, you seem
like a prime candidate
for the chair.
254
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,078
Honey, did you
hear a dog scream?
255
00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:55,580
Yes, I did, dear.
256
00:11:55,649 --> 00:11:58,749
Our summer cabin is near
the obedience school.
257
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:05,034
Move along. Got to
keep the hallway clear.
258
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,224
This isn't
because of my divorce.
259
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:10,127
Good for him.
He actually followed through.
260
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,066
What the hell? Again?
261
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,901
Thanks for doing
my book report, Neil.
262
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,915
And I didn't
even have to change
the handwriting,
263
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,305
'cause you write like a girl.
264
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:22,106
You should see me throw.
265
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:25,810
Listen, Meg, would you want
to go to a movie sometime?
266
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:29,113
You know what?
I'd like that.
It's a date.
267
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,783
Okay, well, I'll, uh,
see you later.
268
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:35,419
Home Ec just got out.
I'm gonna go lick
all their bowls.
269
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:37,188
Hey, Neil.
270
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,990
Oh, hey, Chris.
271
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:42,126
You sure are
spending a lot of time
with my sister lately.
272
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,028
You know,
if I didn't know better,
273
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,830
I'd think that fish are ghosts.
274
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:49,667
And I'd also think
you're putting
the moves on Meg.
275
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:53,404
Listen, Chris,
you're my friend,
so I have to confess.
276
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,050
My sitting with you at lunch
277
00:12:55,074 --> 00:12:56,974
was part of
a carefully laid-out plan
278
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:58,654
to get close to your sister.
279
00:12:58,678 --> 00:12:59,711
What?
280
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,523
Look, I know it sounds terrible.
281
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:03,747
But still, we've had
some good times together.
282
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:06,550
We even got Sean Penn
to dress up as my dad.
283
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:12,090
Go away! I never want
to talk to you again!
284
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,126
God, I should have known it.
285
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:19,230
I feel more betrayed
than when I thought
that lawyer was gonna propose.
286
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,865
So you did commit the murder?
287
00:13:20,933 --> 00:13:22,400
Uh-huh.
288
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,602
And you admit it here
in front of everyone?
289
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,204
Uh-huh.
290
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,673
No further questions,
Your Honor.
291
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:31,008
Wait. No further questions?
292
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:35,046
Motion to have
the last eight years
stricken from the record!
293
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,890
Hey, Brian, you're back!
Come on in!
294
00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:50,094
Inside?
Are you sure?
295
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,441
Yeah, what do you think,
I'm gonna make you
stay in the yard?
296
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:53,864
Get in here.
297
00:13:56,002 --> 00:14:00,538
Sir, if it takes
the rest of my life,
I will repay you.
298
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:01,784
Who's this puss?
299
00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:03,085
Oh, no, no, no, I'm not a cat.
300
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:05,443
I'm a dog.
I'm your pet.
301
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,512
And I'm just happy to be here.
302
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,525
Brian, what did they
do to you at that school?
303
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,482
You're so submissive.
304
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:14,063
Yes, looks like
someone's gone at him
with a whip.
305
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:17,922
That is a perfectly
valid way of saying that.
Bravo, Master.
306
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,090
Master?
307
00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:22,793
And a surprisingly
quick erection for Stewie.
308
00:14:29,902 --> 00:14:32,402
There you go.
You look very dapper, sir.
309
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:34,972
Thanks, Brian.
God, I love the new you.
310
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,653
That obedience school
really schooled you
in obedience.
311
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,322
That's why it's called that!
312
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:43,047
Permission to take fast,
tiny bites of
my own tail, sir?
313
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:44,214
Granted.
314
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:48,653
You're wearing a bow tie?
What's the occasion?
315
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:52,123
No occasion, Lois.
I just want to piss
a couple of guys off.
316
00:14:52,191 --> 00:14:53,457
What the hell are you doing?
317
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:54,770
You think you're better than us?
318
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:57,128
No way you tied
that on your own.
319
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,535
I'm glad we got here early.
I like to watch the previews.
320
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:08,039
Yeah, and also
the friendly warning
about theater shootings.
321
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,243
♪ Don't get shot by a bullet
322
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:15,045
♪ Don't get shot by a bullet
323
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,848
♪ Keep your wits about you
324
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,951
♪ This place used to be fun! ♪
325
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:22,787
You know, this is nice.
326
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,432
It's actually the first time
I've been on a date
327
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:26,190
since I got
the nickname Gutterball.
328
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:29,093
It is nice.
Here, hold still.
329
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,929
Make a wish.
330
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:34,999
What did you wish for?
331
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:36,100
This.
332
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:40,871
You used me
333
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,174
just so you could
date my sister!
334
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,042
Oh, my God! Chris?
335
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,711
I'm so sorry!
What have I done?
336
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:50,314
Oh, crap.
337
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:53,051
Okay, Dad, you got us in.
Now just go.
338
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:00,803
Cleveland, what are
you looking at?
339
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:03,761
I'm on edge.
Saw Halloween II last night.
340
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,497
Brian, go outside.
Keep guard for Michael Myers.
341
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:09,066
If he seem like he dead,
he ain't dead!
342
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:12,180
Boy, Peter, seems like
that obedience school
did wonders for Brian.
343
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:14,872
Ah, yeah, it's great.
He'll do anything
I tell him to now.
344
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:16,741
Maybe I should send Bonnie.
345
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,248
Oh, my!
346
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,329
All right, somebody
say something else.
347
00:16:27,353 --> 00:16:30,053
No. You need to
know what you did.
348
00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:36,561
Hey, Brian,
you know what we should do?
349
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,030
Let's, you and me,
go pee in Meg's bed.
350
00:16:39,098 --> 00:16:40,832
That's always fun.
351
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:44,235
- Pee in her bed?
- I could never do that.
352
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:45,981
That'd be peeing
in the house, and that's,
353
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,349
that's bad dog stuff.
354
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:48,984
That's not good dog stuff!
355
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,475
Wait. What?
What are you talking about?
356
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,878
Forgive me for
speaking out of turn, sir,
357
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:56,391
but you sent me
to that school
to change me.
358
00:16:56,415 --> 00:17:00,117
It was your turn, wasn't it?
First, I went, and you went?
359
00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,396
We best get you to bed, sir.
360
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:03,020
Oh, come on, Brian.
361
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:06,290
It's still early.
Let's go throw potatoes
at Cleveland's house.
362
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,403
You go ahead.
I've got to go
make the waffle fries
363
00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:11,473
that you
scream-requested
in the car.
364
00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,664
Geez, what the hell
happened to him?
365
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:17,234
We used to be so close,
but now we seem so different.
366
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:21,272
Like a whale and
his developmentally
disabled brother.
367
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:28,112
Hi, guys!
368
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:30,848
Get in my mouth,
you hundreds of fish.
369
00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:38,523
A record crowd of 65 people
370
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,691
turned out for
Free Jerky Stick Night.
371
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,737
Hey, that sounds
pretty good to me.
372
00:17:42,761 --> 00:17:44,106
Traffic on 146 is backed up
373
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:45,674
all the way to
Mineral Spring Avenue...
374
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:49,300
What do you want, Neil?
And why are you
playing the news?
375
00:17:49,368 --> 00:17:50,802
Oh, it's an old boom box.
376
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,203
I don't own any cassettes,
377
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,383
so I just have to play
whatever's on the radio.
378
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,340
Shouldn't you be out with Meg?
379
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,709
Look, Chris,
I'm sorry I lied to you,
380
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:01,012
but I'd still
like to be friends,
381
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,081
and I hope... I'm sorry.
I have to put
the boom box down.
382
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:06,417
The D batteries
make it very heavy.
383
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:09,398
Neil! There you are!
What the hell
is your problem?
384
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:12,923
I finally give you a shot,
and you abandon me
in a movie theater?
385
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:24,768
I'm sorry, Meg,
but my friendship
with Chris is more important.
386
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:27,437
You're a jerk, Neil!
387
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:30,908
So what do you say, Chris?
Can we hang out again?
388
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,444
Yeah. I'd like that, Neil.
389
00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:35,513
Great. See you tomorrow.
390
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,923
This is 'cause I'm drunk!
391
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:48,025
Move out, Irish trash!
392
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:55,711
Hey, Lois,
you noticed ever since
393
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,412
Brian came back
from obedience school
394
00:18:57,436 --> 00:18:58,636
that things have been weird?
395
00:18:58,671 --> 00:18:59,871
What do you mean?
396
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,650
Well, he just lets
me order him around,
397
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:04,586
and he never wants
to do fun stuff
together like before.
398
00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:06,521
I mean, the thing I
always loved about Brian
399
00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:08,779
was that he wasn't just a pet.
400
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:12,482
He was a friend.
And I miss that friend.
401
00:19:12,551 --> 00:19:15,452
I think we just
have to accept that
this is how he is now.
402
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:17,487
Don't forget, he bit you, Peter.
403
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:19,089
I mean, what if he bit Stewie?
404
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,103
How about you bite me, bitch?
405
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:24,695
Wait a minute.
You're right! He bit me!
406
00:19:24,763 --> 00:19:26,330
I know what I got to do.
407
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,711
I'm sorry.
Was that too harsh?
408
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,975
It sounded more
playful in my head.
409
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:40,644
I'm sorry, Brian,
410
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:42,793
but I'm doing this in
the name of friendship.
411
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:52,390
Ah, damn it!
What the hell, Peter?
Oh, my God.
412
00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:55,159
Oh, my God, I bit you!
I'm so sorry, sir!
413
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:58,240
No, no, no, it's okay!
It's okay!
Don't you see, Brian?
414
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:01,476
That's the appropriate
response if anyone
gets near your anus.
415
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,968
Look, we were wrong
to try to change you.
416
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,048
I just want the old you back.
417
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:09,306
You do?
But I was a bad dog.
418
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,620
I know, but that's
what I liked about you,
you know?
419
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,389
You were fun, we got
into trouble together,
we got...
420
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:16,558
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
I just rubbed my eye
with this finger.
421
00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:17,848
Am I gonna be okay?
422
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,877
Am I gonna be okay?
Wait, how do you get pink eye?
423
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,563
Oh, God, this has got to be it.
424
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:24,855
Peter, I want things back
the way they were, too.
425
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,390
That's what I want!
426
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:28,659
Look, I'm really sorry
I bit you.
427
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:32,896
Oh, forget all that.
I'm just happy to
have my best friend back.
428
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,665
I missed you, Brian.
429
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:38,435
I've missed you, too, Peter.
430
00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:40,271
Welcome back, buddy.
431
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:51,826
And, now,
I'm gonna go upstairs
and pee in Meg's bed.
432
00:20:51,850 --> 00:20:55,051
No. We're gonna go
pee in Meg's bed.
433
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,120
Good boy.
434
00:20:58,023 --> 00:20:59,523
Hey, what's up?
435
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:02,472
I didn't know we
could do finger stuff
in the public rooms.
33835
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