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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:07,906
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:11,810
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:14,880
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:18,183
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:21,452
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,188
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:24,756
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:29,328
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:38,309
Say, you fellas
know if Jerome serves
dessert here?
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00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:40,216
I got a real
hankering for pudding.
12
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:41,884
That's so weird.
I was just thinking
13
00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:43,686
about pudding on
the way over here.
14
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,377
Okay, well,
you two are clearly in love,
15
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,011
but I could also
go for some pudding.
16
00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:48,791
Why we all got
pudding on the brain?
17
00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:49,992
It's got to be
that new billboard
18
00:00:50,016 --> 00:00:51,616
advertising
pudding on the highway.
19
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,485
We all drove past
it on the way here.
20
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,153
Well, that's no surprise.
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00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,155
Everyone in my house
can get very excited
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00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:58,723
by a good ad campaign.
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00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,836
Lois! Lois, it's back!
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00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,071
I heard, Peter! I heard!
25
00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:16,508
Kids, kids, it's happening!
Get your coats!
This is what we practiced for!
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00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:20,545
I love you, Dad!
27
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:21,657
I love you too, sweetheart!
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00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:23,648
None of the past matters!
29
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,795
Oh, yeah, I seen
that pudding billboard.
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00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:26,863
It's the one that says
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00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:29,221
"CBS Outdoor Advertising" on it.
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00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:32,490
Yeah, but right above that is,
like, a big guy
eating pudding.
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00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:36,428
I don't remember none of that.
I just remember "CBS
Outdoor Advertising"
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00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:39,131
on the bottom
and three pigeons
sitting on top.
35
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:41,178
You're bad at
looking at billboards.
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00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:42,745
Hey, we should go
check it out right now.
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00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:45,437
Ordinarily I'd say no,
but that adult kickball league
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00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:46,649
is coming in for drinks,
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00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:48,639
so let's get out of here.
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00:01:48,708 --> 00:01:52,443
Guys, check it out.
I've got flip-up
shades on my flip-up shades.
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00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:54,812
Dude, you are the worst.
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00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:56,915
Hey, we're all the worst.
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00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:05,890
That's real pudding in there.
44
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,119
What? No, it isn't.
45
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:10,028
They wouldn't put real pudding
on a billboard, Peter.
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00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:11,407
Do you have any
idea how crippled
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00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:12,542
you sound right now?
48
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:13,998
Peter, it's not real pudding.
49
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,312
God, sometimes I
just want to shake
some sense into you.
50
00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:18,381
Big talk for a guy
who looks like a dad
51
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,038
at a Dave Matthews' concert.
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00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:22,274
Everybody hates how you dress.
Right, Joe?
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00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:24,409
Sorry, I stay out
of fashion debates.
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00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,645
I've been burned
one too many times.
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00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,047
Hey, guys,
notice anything different?
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00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:31,349
Yeah, Minetti's got
a hot new look.
57
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,284
The whole thing, it just works.
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00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,620
Minetti.
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00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,400
Look, there's only
one way to settle this.
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00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:41,024
I am climbing that
billboard to prove
it's real pudding.
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00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:45,571
Moisturizer?
Sure.
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00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:46,672
Okay.
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00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:51,803
We getting on into
the chappy season.
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00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:57,042
Peter, be careful up there!
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00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,122
Is this being
careful enough, Joe?
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00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:00,779
Okay. All right.
67
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,618
Peter, are you okay?
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00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:09,121
All right, there's no pudding,
but there is a kid up here.
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00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,788
Don't hold him like that.
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00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,758
Oh, my God!
Peter, that's
the lost Nicholson kid!
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00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,593
He's been missing for a week!
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00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:19,698
Oh, yeah. They arrested
a custodian 'cause of you.
73
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:20,799
Peter, stay put.
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00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,378
I'll call this in,
and we'll get a crew
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00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,469
out here to help you both down.
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00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,517
All right,
but can you hurry it up?
I got band practice later.
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00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:32,110
I love playing the maracas.
They're so fun.
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00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:35,213
I wonder what's in them.
Sand or rice probably.
79
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,350
Maybe it's little shells.
80
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:42,087
Oh, no, what if it's bones?
No, no, bones are too big.
81
00:03:42,156 --> 00:03:44,589
But baby bones aren't.
No, no, no,
82
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:47,059
nobody would kill a bunch
of babies for maracas.
83
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:49,367
How would you kill
all those babies anyway?
84
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,774
I'd probably put them in a tub.
85
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:54,044
You could kill, like,
eight at a time that way.
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00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:57,735
Plus, it softensthem up, so you canget the bones right out.
87
00:03:57,804 --> 00:04:03,408
Joe just had a baby.And I got a baby at home.I got a tub.
88
00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:06,378
Peter, you seem off today.
89
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:08,291
Are you thinking about
killing infants again?
90
00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:09,514
No.
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00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,816
Now you got to kill them, too.
92
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:21,626
Mikey, you're safe!
Thank you so much
for finding my boy.
93
00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:24,896
Thank you for finding her boy.
I'm the stepfather.
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00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,268
Peter Griffin,
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00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:32,370
in recognition of your heroism
96
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:35,307
in helping to rescue
little Mikey Nicholson,
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00:04:35,375 --> 00:04:39,744
I'd like to present you
with this key to the city.
98
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:41,579
Now, don't forget to
water the plants
99
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:44,182
every other day and
change the cat's litter.
100
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:47,118
I'll see you in two weeks.
No parties.
101
00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,821
Thank you, Mayor West.
102
00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:52,402
You know,
some of you out there
are calling me a hero.
103
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:54,136
Others are calling me a hoagie.
104
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,806
Those of you from
Connecticut are calling
me a grinder.
105
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,308
I guess what I'm
trying to say is,
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00:04:58,332 --> 00:05:01,232
I'm not just
pieces of meat between
pieces of bread.
107
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,402
I am a man who
unintentionally saves kids.
108
00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:08,240
Wow.
Twenty years on the force,
109
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,408
and no one's
ever clapped for me.
110
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,543
Except for that one
sarcastic gay guy.
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00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,513
Great observation.
112
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:18,382
I know you mean the opposite
of what you're saying.
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00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:21,552
Fact is,
when I saved that boy,
I wasn't thinking.
114
00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:23,721
I don't think. I just do.
115
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:26,257
I wanted to see if a billboard
had real pudding in it,
116
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,759
so I climbed up there
and came out a hero.
117
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:30,928
It's just like
Gandhi always said,
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00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,976
"Eat as much as you
want and do whatever,
119
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,944
"and don't be afraid
to hit each other."
120
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:39,971
Way to go, Dad.
121
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,685
Peter, that thing you said about
122
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,842
not thinking
and just doing stuff,
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00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:45,021
did you mean that?
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00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:47,212
Sure I did, Joe.
I never stop to think.
125
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:52,184
That's why I've had
ringworm 11 times.
I will roll in anything.
126
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:56,121
You know what? You're right.
And it's time I do
the same thing.
127
00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:00,358
Hey, Chief.
It's Swanson. I quit.
128
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,594
Joe Swanson.
129
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:06,164
I don't know if Ray
Swanson's quitting.
You'd have to ask him.
130
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,200
Okay, you just
called me Ray again.
131
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:11,836
I just want to confirm
that you understand
that this is Joe.
132
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:14,639
No, not "see you tomorrow."
133
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,342
Joe, what are you doing?
You can't quit your job.
134
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:21,045
Well, that's
the other thing, Bonnie.
You and I are done, too.
135
00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:23,515
What?
I'm leaving you.
136
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,864
New Joe!
137
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:30,065
Wow, I can't remember
the last time
Joe shot his gun.
138
00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:31,434
I know.
That bullet's been rolling
139
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,691
around in his junk
drawer for years.
140
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,693
Hey, Ma, guess where I am?
141
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:38,530
Yeah, can you hear it?
Flying through the air.
142
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,064
I don't know what he shot at.
143
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,512
I guess I'll just have
to find out when I land.
144
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:47,572
No, don't put Terry on.
You can just tell him.
Hey. Hi, Terry.
145
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,951
Oh, God.
146
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,020
What?
147
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,287
"What?" You know what.
148
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:03,454
I think it looks good.
149
00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:05,656
You are just trying anything,
aren't you?
150
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:07,736
Just searching for
an identity, man.
151
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,906
And you think this
is gonna be it, huh?
152
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,630
Oh, God, whatever.
153
00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:15,099
Peter, I'm worried about Joe.
You know, not only
did he quit his job,
154
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,636
he's moved out and gotten
his own apartment.
155
00:07:17,704 --> 00:07:20,005
Oh, I feel terrible
for Bonnie and the kids.
156
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:22,007
Ah, they'll be fine.
They'll bounce back.
157
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,709
Just like Humpty Dumpty did
after his fall.
158
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,711
My God, it's a miracle!
159
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,313
You were able to put me
back together again.
160
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:31,342
Yeah, it was actually
a pretty simple procedure.
161
00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:33,685
Maybe next time go straight
to a medical professional
162
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:36,120
and skip the horses
and illiterate servants.
163
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,023
Well, that is the last time
I drink
164
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:40,411
and masturbate on
top of a high wall.
165
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:48,533
Wait, wait, Quagmire, hold up.
I got a great knock.
166
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:53,170
Oh, I got to remember that.
167
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,839
Oh, hey, guys. How's it going?
168
00:07:54,907 --> 00:07:58,909
Hey, buddy.
How you doing? You okay?
169
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,678
Everything okay?
170
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:04,048
I'm talking like this
because I'm being very
careful not to upset you,
171
00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:07,385
and for some reason,
this is the voice
people use to do that.
172
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:10,054
I'm great. Come on in.
Check out the new pad.
173
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,625
Whoa!
You got an air hockey table?
174
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:16,995
Yep. Wanted it, got it.
That's the new Joe.
175
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,497
And check this out.
It's the gun that no-leg
176
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:21,833
sprinter used to
kill his girlfriend.
177
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,234
Oh, my God!
178
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:26,237
Eh, anyone who's kind of fast
gets a free pass from me.
179
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,306
What kind of person would want
to buy that?
180
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:29,415
I'll tell you who.
181
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:30,786
The kind of guy who's always got
182
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:33,345
butterscotch candies
for his friends.
183
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,715
Okay, now that's pretty cool.
184
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,394
I got to be honest,
Joe, we came over here
185
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:39,796
here because we were
worried about you,
186
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,980
but these candies tell me
you're doing great.
187
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,989
I've never been better.
I was living my
life all wrong.
188
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,959
But not anymore.
No more thinking, just living.
189
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,305
Well, it seems like
you made the right
choice, Joe.
190
00:08:50,329 --> 00:08:52,041
I mean, I ain't seen
anyone this happy since
191
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,465
the invention of
the penny-farthing bicycle.
192
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,635
Eureka!
Watch it go. Higher than you,
193
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,749
faster than you,
better than you.
194
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,006
Everyone just stop
inventing stuff now,
195
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,576
'cause no one
will ever top this.
196
00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:09,447
Oh, no! Keep rakes away.
I expressly said
no rakes allowed on the street
197
00:09:09,515 --> 00:09:12,116
when I am riding my
futuristic machine.
198
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:20,592
Children, this is progress!
How can you turn
a blind eye to progress?
199
00:09:21,861 --> 00:09:24,929
I expressly said no rakes.
200
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,213
'Sup, ladies?
201
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,671
Oh, we're not ladies, you.
202
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,272
Hey, what's with the suitcase?
203
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:37,842
I got a surprise.
What would you guys
think of a road trip?
204
00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:39,489
Yeah!
All right, I'm in!
205
00:09:39,513 --> 00:09:42,380
Awesome, road trip!
I love being super
pumped for 15 minutes
206
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,193
and then bored out of my mind
for eight hours.
207
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:45,257
Where we going?
208
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:47,030
Well, I was thinking
Niagara Falls.
209
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,454
Niagara Falls?
Ain't that just for lovers?
210
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:50,789
Nah, it's for everybody.
211
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,035
It's great to just
stand there and let
212
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:54,092
Mother Nature spray
it all over your face.
213
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,429
Donna's big fat
aunt is in town,
so I can definitely go.
214
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:05,903
Man, I am filling
these Gatorade bottles
as fast as I'm drinking them.
215
00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:08,072
Oh, sweet!
Cows! Let's tip them over.
216
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:10,207
What? You want to
tip over some cows?
217
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,477
Hell, yeah!
218
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:18,183
This is gonna be so boss.
I can't wait.
219
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:21,686
This is the hardest thing
I've ever done in my life.
220
00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:24,755
All right, cow.
This is what you
get for standing.
221
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,260
That was awesome.
222
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:30,807
I want to kiss that cow,
223
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,508
but I don't want
it to be my idea.
224
00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:35,233
Hey, Peter,
you should kiss that cow.
225
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,181
All right,Peter, that was fortuitous.But play it cool.
226
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,737
Oh, Cleveland, I couldn't.
227
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,574
Okay. Quagmire,
you should kiss that cow.
228
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,686
Sure, why not?
229
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:54,318
Okay, they're sleeping.
We're gonna have to
party in the bathroom.
230
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:58,122
Be careful around
the really fat one.
He's kind of like my boss.
231
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,725
What? Who's there?
232
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:02,271
Joe, what the hell
are you doing?
233
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,106
I went to a high
school kegger party.
234
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:07,765
Made a few new friends.
This is Chrysalis,
Ichabod and Cancer.
235
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:11,736
Oh, I see three
young men who could
use the tickle monster.
236
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,571
Uh, that's a bad read, Pete.
237
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,040
Joe, it's 3:00 in the morning.
We're trying to
get some sleep.
238
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:17,241
You guys are lame.
239
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:19,276
We're gonna go smoke something
called "croak."
240
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,525
God, what the hell
has gotten into Joe?
241
00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:25,182
I don't know, Quagmire.
Maybe you could ask
the tickle monster!
242
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:26,729
Stop it!
Here he comes!
243
00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:29,097
No! Get away!
He's gonna get ya! Look out!
244
00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:30,755
Great, now I'm fully up.
245
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:45,102
Here we are,
guys, Niagara Falls.
246
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:48,273
We showed them.
We showed them all!
247
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,486
Showed who?
What the hell's
he talking about?
248
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:53,411
I don't know.
I stopped listening to him
back at the drive-thru
249
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,514
when he leaned out the window
and ordered a "fur burger."
250
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,916
That's not funny.
That's just nasty.
251
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:01,586
Plus, there's people
waiting behind you!
252
00:12:05,758 --> 00:12:09,460
Wow. You know,
when you see it up close,
it really is incredible.
253
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,896
Yeah.
Holy crap, it's beautiful.
254
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:15,399
In the future,
I believe there
will be water wars.
255
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:17,101
You know,
Lois always dreamed about
256
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,370
coming here, and now I know why.
257
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:21,199
She was even
saving money for it.
258
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,581
You made it, Lois.
You made it.
259
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:30,960
Didn't I tell you guys?
It's the most
260
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,917
magnificent place in the world.
261
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,820
And the greatest
place to end it all.
262
00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:37,088
Goodbye, fellas.
263
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,398
Oh, my God!
Joe killed himself!
264
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,133
It's so weird
that he argued over
265
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,002
the price of
breakfast this morning.
266
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:53,271
It makes no sense!
267
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,580
Damn it!
Joe?
268
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:57,708
Joe, you're alive!
269
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,277
Are you hurt?
270
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:00,511
I'm not sure.
271
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:02,391
Well, hang in there, Joe,
we'll get some help.
272
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,382
No! Just let me die!
273
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:07,919
Oh, no, can't do that, Joe.
We're friends.
We look out for each other.
274
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,332
I mean,
you supported me that day
275
00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:11,455
I accidentally
wore Lois's jeans.
276
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:14,425
Peter,
you know you're wearing...
277
00:13:14,493 --> 00:13:16,527
I know.
I think there was a mix-up.
278
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:19,797
Oh, thank you, Jazzercise.
279
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,968
Don't worry, Joe.
They're coming for you.
280
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,504
Yay! My backpack!
281
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:31,475
Hang in there, Joe.
After they get that
lady's hat, you're next.
282
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:34,312
Thank you.
It's windy up here.
283
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:42,798
Joe, what the hell
is wrong with you?
284
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,366
Why would you try
to kill yourself?
285
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:46,557
Why do you think?
I'm worthless.
286
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,993
But you've been so happy
these last few days.
287
00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:51,963
I've been manic.
Do you think
Andy Dick is happy?
288
00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:53,231
I couldn't imagine, no.
289
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,233
Look, when I saw
Peter become a hero,
290
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:58,069
I guess it reminded me
of all the things I can't do.
291
00:13:58,137 --> 00:13:59,904
I'm a cop who can't save anyone.
292
00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:02,340
I'm a husband in
a legless marriage.
293
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:04,209
My whole life is a joke.
294
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,888
But somehow,
as soon as I decided
295
00:14:05,912 --> 00:14:08,413
to kill myself,
I actually felt free.
296
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:12,783
Almost giddy.
I can finally kiss
this worthless life goodbye.
297
00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:14,385
Let me get this straight.
298
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:17,722
The whole point of bringing us
to Niagara Falls was
just to kill yourself?
299
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,858
I'm sorry I tricked
you guys into coming.
300
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:22,727
I just wanted to spend my last
week with my best pals.
301
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:25,574
Well, not for nothing,
but you could have
taken us all to Disney World,
302
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:26,898
and shot yourself in the room.
303
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:29,111
Come on, Joe,
there's plenty of
reasons to live.
304
00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:31,135
Like, like, you're handsome.
305
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,537
You have a handsome face.
306
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:35,339
Well, he's got a good chin.
I don't know about handsome.
307
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:38,086
Yeah, he's not handsome,
but I will say this,
he keeps a good lawn.
308
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:40,745
Yeah, some might
say the second best
lawn in the neighborhood.
309
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,279
Hey, wait, where's Joe?
310
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:44,649
Joe, wait!
311
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:52,290
I stink at this.
312
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,730
Anywhere is fine.
313
00:14:58,798 --> 00:15:01,999
Guys, this is unnecessary.
Give me my chair back.
314
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,135
No, we can't trust you
not to kill yourself.
315
00:15:04,203 --> 00:15:05,770
Yeah,
then you'd be the 10th friend
316
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,416
who's killed
himself in front of me.
317
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,505
Is that true?
318
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:11,642
One, two, three,
four, five, six, seven,
319
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:14,812
those two girls and,
yeah, yeah, ten.
320
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,091
Look,
you guys, what we really need
321
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:17,492
to do is bring
him back to Quahog,
322
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:18,794
where we can get him some help.
323
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:21,385
That's a good idea.
We should just go home.
324
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:22,987
Yeah, I guess you're right.
325
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:25,890
It's too bad we already bought
those tickets for
the Whirlpool Aero Car.
326
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,992
That's $16 we're
not getting back.
327
00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:30,294
Yeah, what a waste of money.
328
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,230
It is only
a 10-minute ride, you know.
329
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:34,009
Okay, we'll do
the Whirlpool Aero Car,
330
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:35,677
and then take
Joe back to Quahog.
331
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:37,768
What about the White Water Walk?
332
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:40,216
Okay, okay,
Whirlpool Aero Car,
then White Water Walk,
333
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,605
then we bring Joe back.
334
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,119
Well, you can't do Niagara Falls
335
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:45,487
without riding
the Maid of the Mist.
336
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:47,022
Yeah, let's do everything.
Great!
337
00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:50,114
And, guys,
remember, the pool towels
go home with us.
338
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,183
They got no way of
accounting for those.
339
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:07,065
Well, this has just been
one heck of a fun day.
340
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,367
Yeah. Yeah, you know,
seeing the natural
beauty of this place
341
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:12,770
is actually making
me feel much better.
342
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:17,141
Hey,
you mind opening that door?
Get a little breeze in here?
343
00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:18,210
Sure.
344
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:21,814
Peter, no!
345
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:28,645
I don't regret it.
The breeze is nice.
346
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,931
Oh, crap, I'm losing my grip!
347
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,901
You buy your jeans at Walmart?
348
00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:46,871
No, somebody who lost theirs
at the church did.
349
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,739
You wear lost-and-found jeans?
350
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,908
I waited the mandatory week.
351
00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:52,276
Hang on, guys!
352
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,392
Don't worry, I'm coming!
353
00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:23,874
What's that thing he's on?
354
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:25,910
It's a chair with wheels!
355
00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:28,012
He's an absolute dream.
356
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:51,034
Guys, keep swallowing water.
We'll drink our
way out of this.
357
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,390
Guys, grab on to my legs!
358
00:18:16,295 --> 00:18:17,961
Got it!
359
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:21,198
Ew. You know,
this is actually the first
time I've ever touched Joe.
360
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:22,699
Don't worry, I gotcha.
361
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,911
Thank God, Joe.
I thought I was dead!
362
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,746
I even pictured my own funeral.
363
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:41,718
♪ Grandma got run over
by a reindeer
364
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:46,223
♪ Walking home from our house
Christmas Eve ♪
365
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:49,560
I don't know, Chris.
I don't know why
he wanted this,
366
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:52,095
but we're honoring
your father's wishes.
367
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,335
Ah, I'm gonna miss my daddy!
368
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:06,010
Joe, that was amazing.
You saved us.
369
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:08,846
Yeah, I guess I did.
370
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:12,149
You know,
I spent the whole time
trying to kill myself,
371
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:14,651
but it took seeing
you guys almost die
372
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,554
to realize that life
really is worth living.
373
00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:19,991
See, Joe, you're a hero, too.
374
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,559
And we wouldn't trade you
for any friend in the world.
375
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:26,063
Thanks, Peter.
I'm lucky to have
you guys in my life.
376
00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:29,167
♪ We're four friends
having an adventure
377
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,355
♪ Four friends ♪
378
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,003
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's that song?
379
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:33,538
Nothing. I made it up.
380
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:34,906
Well, stop it. It's terrible.
381
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:36,706
I don't think so. It's catchy.
382
00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:40,077
♪ We're four friends
Having an adventure
383
00:19:40,146 --> 00:19:42,780
♪ Four friends
Having an adventure
384
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,314
♪ Four friends ♪
385
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,916
Ah, what the hell.
386
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,786
♪ Four friends
Having an adventure
387
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:51,389
♪ At Niagara Falls ♪
388
00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:53,724
Listen to that. My God.
389
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:55,293
Wow. That was awesome.
390
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,427
Yeah, definitely.
391
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:57,806
All right,
okay, don't anyone sing
392
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,074
anything else until we get home.
393
00:19:59,098 --> 00:20:00,098
We got to record this.
394
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,766
Yeah, that'll be great.
395
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:05,002
♪ I'm a Barbie girl
in a Barbie world
396
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:06,671
♪ Come on, Barbie
let's go party! ♪
397
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:07,871
Peter, damn it, no!
398
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,251
Wait, wait, we gotta remember
the other one.
399
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:10,308
What was it, Joe?
400
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,643
It's gone.
401
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:20,143
Well, that was
kind of a weird trip,
but I'm glad we went.
402
00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:21,953
Yeah, I love Niagara Falls.
403
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,455
I was the only black
man ever to go there.
404
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:26,690
The tourists were
taking pictures of me.
405
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,692
One of them
thought I was a bear.
406
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:29,805
Hey, guys.
407
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,573
Wow, Joe, you got your job back?
408
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,442
Sure did.
How'd you pull that off?
409
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:35,532
Ah, they always need more cops.
410
00:20:35,601 --> 00:20:37,012
Turns out, not many people want
411
00:20:37,036 --> 00:20:40,070
to probably get shot
for $24,000 a year.
412
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:42,807
And what about Bonnie?
How you getting her back?
413
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,976
Well, I got a plan for that.
I hired some guys
to come to the house
414
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:49,113
on Tuesday and assault her,
and I'll come in and save her,
415
00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:51,849
and she'll be so grateful,
she'll have to take me back.
416
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,551
Joe, today's Tuesday.
417
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,220
Well, poop.
32562
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