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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:08,240
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV
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00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,710
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,778 --> 00:00:14,946
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:18,150
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:21,486
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:21,554 --> 00:00:23,088
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:24,890
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:29,894
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:35,268 --> 00:00:37,380
Hey!
Are you a big, fat bastard
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00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,115
who loves eating at
Outback Steakhouse,
12
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:41,439
but thinks the portions
are too small?
13
00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:43,041
Well, good news, fat-ass,
14
00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:46,511
'cause now there's the
Outback Steakhouse Extreme!
15
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:50,248
We don't havea Bloomin' Onion,we have a Bloomin' Pumpkin!
16
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:51,750
You know what else we got?
17
00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:54,853
Elephant steaks!
50 lb elephant steaks!
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00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:56,688
And why don't you wash it down
19
00:00:56,757 --> 00:01:00,024
with 40 ounces of maltliquor and ranch dressing,you fat fuck!
20
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:09,601
Oh, man, I bet that's where
Crocodile Dundee
eats every night.
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00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:12,203
Everything in
Australia is so fancy.
22
00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:14,150
Yeah, Australia's
a beautiful place.
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00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:17,086
The best thing about going
there is you get to fly
over the Pacific Ocean.
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00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:18,888
The greatest ocean of all time.
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00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,590
Tell me you're joking.
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00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,359
Everyone knows that,
pound for pound,
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00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:24,060
the Atlantic is the best ocean.
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00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,062
"Pound for pound"?
What are you talking about?
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00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,264
You can't weigh the ocean.
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00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,988
Yeah, scientists can.
They're doing it all the time.
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00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:31,834
Pick up a book.
You're an idiot.
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00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:33,625
I'm an idiot?
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00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:36,534
All anybody remembers about
your argument is that
you're in a wheelchair!
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00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,599
Guys, guys,
let's stop escalating
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00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:42,801
and take the stairs
for a minute.
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00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:44,247
What? What are you
talking about?
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00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,405
I'm saying you both
are making good points.
38
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:49,274
But sometimes two rights
can make a wrong.
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00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,676
I just like the Pacific Ocean!
40
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,513
It's a good ocean.
And so is the Atlantic.
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00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:57,882
Isn't this a beautiful planet
you two friends live on?
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00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:01,886
I guess
Cleveland's right.
I'm sorry I got so hotheaded.
43
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,956
I'm sorry, too.
Here, let me turn
your foot back around.
44
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,125
It kind of got twisted
up in our scuffle there.
45
00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:08,526
Wow, Cleveland.
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00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:10,028
You calmed them down
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00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:12,075
just by talking
with your mouth
and your pretty lips.
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00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:14,310
It's nothing.
Just a little
something I learned
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00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:17,380
volunteering as
a youth counselor
down at my church.
50
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:20,605
Pretty much just boils down
to four or five catchphrases.
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00:02:20,673 --> 00:02:23,519
Like what?
Well, there's the
"stop escalating" one.
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00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:25,388
There's "What do
you think it means?"
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00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:26,912
"Pray on it, stay on it."
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00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,624
One's just kind of like a noise.
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00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,415
Hmm, mmm?
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00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:31,749
That's amazing.
57
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,019
Hey, you're way too good
to be doing that for free.
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00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:35,586
Maybe you should
open up an office.
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00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,100
You know, finally
start chipping away at
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00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:38,990
some of that
horrendous debt you've got.
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00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:40,169
Yeah, Peter's right.
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00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:41,537
I mean, it's not
like you've found a job
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00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:42,872
since you moved
back here anyway.
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00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,397
You know, that's a
not-half-bad idea.
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00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:50,335
And if I charge my first
patient $117,000,
I'm right back in it.
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00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:52,570
Thanks for spotting
my potential, Peter.
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00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,839
Hey, no problem, buddy.
I'm pretty perceptive.
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00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,474
That's how I can always tell
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00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:59,611
which guys in
the Wrangler Jeans
commercials beat their wives.
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00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:01,500
All of 'em.
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00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:10,233
Go around the block again,
she's still out front.
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00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:12,524
We've gone around six times.
Let's just talk to her.
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00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:15,894
Eh, you're right.
Rip it off quick
like a Band-Aid.
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00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,244
Hey, Meg, you know Mr.
Quagmire, right?
Bye!
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00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,432
Hey, what's going on here?
76
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,912
Oh, I'm selling my
old Beanie Babies
to make money for the prom.
77
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,302
That seems optimistic.
78
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,082
But, look, if you
want to make real money,
79
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:27,750
I could try to get you
a job at the airport.
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00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,552
They always need
new TSA screeners.
81
00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:31,676
Really? Wow, that'd be great!
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00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:34,679
Thanks, Mr. Quagmire.
And thanks for
taking the time.
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00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:37,081
Most people aren't
usually that nice to me.
84
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,852
Ugh, gross.
85
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:48,104
Mayor West,
after working with you
for some time now,
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00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:51,062
I believe you are affecting
your weird behaviors.
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00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:53,465
You are doing
deliberately odd things
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00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:56,768
to mask dark,
maybe even criminal,
activities.
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00:03:56,836 --> 00:03:59,171
You are 100% aware
of what you're doing.
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00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,274
I think you're
a dangerous sociopath.
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00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:05,410
Cleveland,
let me tell you something.
92
00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:09,380
You're absolutely fucking right.
93
00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:12,117
Well, time to put
on my spaghetti hat!
94
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,790
I just never feel happy.
95
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:20,825
I strive for these things,
and I get them,
96
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:24,195
but at the end of the day,
I still don't feel fulfilled.
97
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:28,566
Hmm, this is a problem
that requires more tweed.
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00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:34,617
Is it possible
you're not letting
yourself be happy?
99
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:36,619
Like you don't feel
like you're worth it?
100
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,576
No, that's not it.
101
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:39,911
Hmm.
102
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,416
Maybe your accomplishments
don't feel real
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00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:46,763
because your brother
isn't here to see them.
104
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:50,122
Maybe. That doesn't
feel quite right, either.
105
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:51,190
Hmm.
106
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:55,093
You don't want to
outshine your father.
107
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:57,795
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
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00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,932
Whew. I was damn near
out of tweed.
109
00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:15,780
Okay, now, see?
She didn't say
"Good morning" to me,
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00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:18,016
so I put an orange dot
on her boarding pass,
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00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,452
which means
they're going to
search her anus.
112
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,932
I noticed you also
circled a bunch of
things on her ticket.
113
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,156
Why did you do that?
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00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,358
Because otherwise,
the line moves too quickly.
115
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:28,137
You see, the whole
thing we're going for
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00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:31,429
here at the TSA is
a sort of bored fascism.
117
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,798
Huh, I think I can handle that.
118
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:35,707
I did not tell you to approach!
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00:05:36,102 --> 00:05:37,202
Great job!
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00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,581
The worst thing
a passenger can do
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00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,950
is approach your podium
before you tell them to.
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00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,919
As bad as those
19 hijackers were,
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00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:46,022
the people we
see here every day
are much worse.
124
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,380
Boy, Larry, there's
a lot to remember.
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00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,048
I hope I don't
screw something up.
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00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:52,094
Trust me, you have
nothing to worry about.
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00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:53,318
You're basically unfireable.
128
00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:54,820
What do you mean?
129
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:58,008
Come on, Meg. Look around.
You're the hottest
person who works here.
130
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:03,695
Oh, wow.
Now that you mention it,
131
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:05,830
everybody does
look kind of dumpy.
132
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:07,544
That's not entirely their fault.
133
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,808
They're all told to wear
a pair of their dads' pants.
134
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,770
Oh, speaking of which, tomorrow,
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00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,198
bring in a pair of
your dad's pants.
136
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:21,112
Peter, you promised me
you would do the dishes.
137
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,861
Well, I was doing the dishes
for a while,
138
00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:25,816
but they were inexperienced,
so I ended up having
to rub one out.
139
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:27,730
Where in the hell did
you get the idea that
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00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,865
that's what I meant
by "doing the dishes"?
141
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:32,390
From dirty Amelia Bedelia.
142
00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,692
Almost done vacuuming the rug!
143
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:37,940
Damn it, Peter,
you're making me crazy!
144
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:40,276
Hey, you know what?
Sounds like you
need some counseling.
145
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,577
Maybe you should go
talk to Cleveland.
146
00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:44,001
Cleveland? Why would
I talk to Cleveland?
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00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,781
He's a therapist now,
and he's really great
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00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,439
at helping people
with their problems.
149
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:49,040
Oh, I see.
150
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:51,820
You want me to
tell your best friend
my complaints about you
151
00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:53,278
so he can back you up.
152
00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,324
The new maid is peeing on me!
153
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,460
And she didn't even say
anything clever about it!
154
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,484
Look, you're the one
who said you were going crazy.
155
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:02,153
Just talk to him.
He's all about
helping people get well.
156
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:03,955
Just like Doc Martens.
157
00:07:04,023 --> 00:07:05,857
So, how are you feeling today?
158
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:09,661
Terrible.
I've got blurry vision,
I feel cold and clammy,
159
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:12,230
and the nurse told me
there's blood in my stool.
160
00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:14,332
Have you tried
wearing a lesbian shoe?
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00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:17,602
What?
Put this man down
for a pair of lesbian shoes.
162
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:24,208
Huh, high fever, weight loss
and extreme
respiratory difficulty.
163
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:27,712
Let's have this man
intubated and fit with
a pair of lesbian shoes.
164
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,363
Hi. Are you
the next crazy person?
165
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,187
Um, I guess so.
166
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,323
I've been pretty depressed
since my wife died.
167
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:41,726
I'm sorry, I'm trying to read
the Costco Connection here.
168
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,928
There they are!
169
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:44,273
All right,
since you're a patient,
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00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,108
we're gonna talk about you
like you're not here.
171
00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:47,899
You get all of her
squawking out, Doc?
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00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:51,068
Oh, I think we got to
the root of the problem.
Didn't we, Lois?
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00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:52,570
Absolutely.
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00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:55,073
All right.
Let's dope her up good.
Turn that mouth off.
175
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,308
No, Peter, the problem is you.
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00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:58,910
What?
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00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,157
What the hell are you doing?
You're supposed
to be my friend.
178
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:04,482
Dr. Brown,
I just killed nine people!
179
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:08,653
Uh, I mean,
I have ducks on my feet.
180
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:11,723
Old, crazy, harmless Mayor.
Quack, quack!
181
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:21,444
How can Cleveland
say I'm the problem?
182
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:24,113
All I do is sit
in the bathroom
and play on my phone.
183
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:28,973
Swipe. Wipe. Swipe. Wipe.
Wipe. Swipe. Uh-oh.
184
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:32,944
That's a perfect example.
You put no effort
into this marriage.
185
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:35,780
Cleveland helped me see
that our entire
relationship has been
186
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:39,016
you doing whatever you want
and me cleaning up the mess.
187
00:08:39,085 --> 00:08:43,154
By the way,
your Svengali is out there
spraying birds with a hose.
188
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,890
Ha, ha. Now you're wet!
189
00:08:45,958 --> 00:08:47,325
Peter, I've had enough.
190
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:49,661
Cleveland and I think
we need to make some changes.
191
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:51,507
Oh, come on.
Are you serious?
192
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,798
Yeah. You're gonna start
helping around the house,
193
00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:55,700
and we're gonna start
doing things together.
194
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,335
We do stuff together.
195
00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:00,483
Just last night,
I made you keep track
of all the words I know.
196
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:04,409
"Shoehorn."
"Engine." "Football."
197
00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:07,646
Did I say "shoehorn"?
Yes.
198
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,481
Okay. "Shoehorns."
199
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,596
Peter, please. I've got an
early doctor's appointment
tomorrow.
200
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:16,087
Ooh, "early." "Doctor."
Put those on there, too.
201
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,967
Uh, should I also
put down "appointment"?
202
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:20,325
No, I don't know what
that means. Oh, "means."
203
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:31,235
Wow, look at the new girl.
She's so hot.
204
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,848
Yeah, her breasts and
her stomach
205
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:34,516
are different parts of her body.
206
00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:37,808
I think she looks weird.
How come she's not
shaped like a potato?
207
00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:41,123
That's part of
the interview
and everything.
208
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:42,825
Whoa, sorry,
ma'am, we can't let you
209
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:45,850
through security
because you're the bomb.
210
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,963
Scott, you're not supposed to
make jokes like that!
211
00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:51,523
Well, I am carrying more than
three ounces of liquid.
212
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,795
Oh, that's so Muhammad Hota.
213
00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:58,863
You're playing
a dangerous game, Scott!
214
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,847
All right, Peter.
Cleveland says
215
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,449
you should help with the chores.
216
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,640
So today, we're gonna
do laundry together.
217
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:09,940
Okay. How does this work?
218
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:12,544
Well, you put the wet
clothes in the dryer,
219
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,112
you close the door and you wait.
220
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,318
Oh, it just went to 39 minutes!
221
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:23,588
So you just stand here
and watch the whole time?
222
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:27,058
Ah, the green
shirt went by again.
223
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:31,128
If it goes around 30
times in five minutes,
you get to have a Diet Coke!
224
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,911
All right,
according to Cleveland,
225
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:38,036
it's also healthy for couples
to have shared activities.
226
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:42,540
So, since you like golf,
I thought we
could play a round.
227
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:45,076
So, what do I do?
Just aim for the pond?
228
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:46,923
No, you're not supposed to
hit it into the water.
229
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,279
But you hit it into the water.
230
00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:50,225
I know I hit it into the water.
231
00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:52,962
Why do they even have
water if you're not
supposed to hit it there?
232
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,630
Because it's fun!
We're having fun!
233
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,690
Look, it went
further than your ball!
234
00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,743
Hey, are you doing
anything on Friday?
235
00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:09,533
No, I don't think so. Why?
236
00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:13,437
Well, I'm doing
security at the roller rink
if you want to come watch me.
237
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,506
Sure!
238
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,841
Great, I'll pick you
up at 4:30.
239
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,510
Sounds good. All right.
Well, I'm up at the podium.
240
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:23,681
Time to make marks
on pieces of paper
no one will ever see again.
241
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:26,150
I thought we had
plans on Friday.
242
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:29,186
Marla, I think we
should just be ugly friends.
243
00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:38,897
Damn it, Cleveland has
completely ruined my life.
244
00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,743
He's got Lois making me
help around the house
245
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:42,211
and spend more time with her.
246
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:43,315
My own wife!
247
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,535
I know what you mean, Peter.
248
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,348
He said I've got to be
more open and receptive
249
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,706
to what Bonnie
wants to do in the bedroom.
250
00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:51,509
Thank God I can't
feel anything back there.
251
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,288
You know what?
Screw Cleveland.
252
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:56,681
He's gonna tell my wife
stuff, I'm gonna tell his
wife a few things.
253
00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:57,860
What are you talking about?
254
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,261
Well, remember how
Cleveland banged
255
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:01,029
that stripper at
his bachelor party?
256
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:03,654
Oh, yeah. And we were all
throwing bread at them?
257
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:06,290
Yeah. Maybe I could
tell Donna about that.
258
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:09,894
Or, remember when Cleveland
wore briefs under his boxers
259
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:13,030
and we found out
and he told us
not to say anything?
260
00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:14,665
Maybe we tell her that.
261
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,233
Uh, I think Peter's is better.
262
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:18,202
Okay, but we'll keep mine ready.
263
00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:20,105
Could be the nail in the coffin.
264
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:21,373
Hey, fellas.
265
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,641
Cleveland, it ain't cool
what you've been telling Lois.
266
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:25,910
All right? You're completely
messing things up for me.
267
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,423
And you've got to
tell her you were wrong
268
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:28,858
and put things back
the way they were.
269
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,559
I'm sorry it's
hard for you, Peter,
270
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,943
but personal growth
isn't always easy.
271
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:35,186
Look, if you don't change
what you're saying,
272
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,565
we're gonna tell
Donna you slept with
273
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,829
that stripper at
your bachelor party.
274
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,267
What are you doing?
275
00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:51,713
I'm gonna play
Locomotive Breath
by Jethro Tull while he runs.
276
00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:54,016
Why the hell would you do
something stupid like that?
277
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:57,642
Careful, Peter,
or you're gonna
lose two friends today.
278
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:06,328
We now return to
Major League Baseball
279
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:09,787
with onedistractingly ugly guybehind home plate.
280
00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:11,967
It's two to two in
the bottom of the sixth,
281
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:15,393
and I just can't getmy eyes off that manwith the tall head.
282
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,906
It's quite a game,
but, man, that guy is ugly.
283
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:19,475
- I'll say, Gary.
- What's the count?
284
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,131
No idea, Bill.
285
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,479
But you know that guyhasn't blinkedthis entire game?
286
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:26,537
Just a dead-eyed idiot
out on a Thursday afternoon.
287
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,250
Yup.
And the longer I watch him,
288
00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:30,475
the more I wonder if
he's there by himself.
289
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:31,954
I think you're
onto something there.
290
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,178
That seat next to him
has been empty for hours.
291
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,624
Right you are, Gary.
292
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,115
I'm gonna see if I can
hit him with my apple.
293
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:42,119
Ah, kind of short-armed it.
294
00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:45,548
Oh, I'll get to
the bottom of this.
Take care, Donna.
295
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:49,527
Cleveland didn't show up
to my therapy session earlier,
296
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:52,208
and Donna says
she hasn't seen
him for two days.
297
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:54,465
Interesting. Interesting.
298
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:57,702
She also weirdly told me
that she squatted 250 today.
299
00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,248
I'm not even
sure if that's good.
300
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:00,638
It's scary good.
301
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:03,441
Well, I am off to try and
get out of this conversation.
302
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,643
Peter, what did you do?
303
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:08,146
He was slightly
inconveniencing me and Joe,
304
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,481
so we threatened to
destroy his family.
305
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:12,761
What?
I know, right?
It's pretty galling.
306
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:15,064
No, I'm not taking
your side, Peter.
307
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:18,222
Whatever the hell you did,
you go find him
and bring him back.
308
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:20,758
All right, I'll go find him.
God, I'm sorry.
309
00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:23,828
You're making me
feel lower than a squid
at the bottom of the ocean.
310
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,999
Wow. It really inks in here.
311
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,247
What is that?
312
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,817
There you are. Listen up, Meg.
313
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,920
This TSA isn't sweaty enough
for the two of us.
314
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:50,555
What? What does that
even mean?
315
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:54,291
It means,
stay away from Larry.
I'm his girlfriend.
316
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,961
You are? Oh, my God,
I thought you were a boy.
317
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:58,189
Oh, that's it!
318
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,768
I will cut you, bitch!
319
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:08,439
Ow, that hurt a little bit!
320
00:15:32,198 --> 00:15:35,099
This ain't over.
Larry is mine.
321
00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:38,703
What the hell?
That was crazy!
322
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,939
Like, crazier than
putting cops on Segways.
323
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:45,220
Help, Officer!
There's a lady being
raped in that alley!
324
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:48,713
Okay, hold on, let me do
a small dippy-bob turn.
325
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,794
I couldn't be sure,
but I think
the man has a knife!
326
00:15:51,818 --> 00:15:53,884
Are there any steps
leading to that alley
327
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,821
or is it just a series
of gentle ramps?
328
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,013
Okay, guys,
Lois wants me to
find Cleveland.
329
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,728
And since he eats, like,
nine candy bars a day,
330
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,798
if we wait here at
the convenience store,
he's bound to show up.
331
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:09,867
Hey, can you buy us some beer?
332
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:11,714
Uh, I don't know,
I don't think it'd be right.
333
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,548
I knew you weren't cool.
334
00:16:13,572 --> 00:16:15,751
Well, now, now,
hold on a minute.
335
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,352
See? This is
pretty cool, huh?
336
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:20,878
Yeah, I guess.
But what we could
really use is some weed.
337
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:22,390
I think that might
be over the line.
338
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:24,548
See? I told you
this guy wasn't cool.
339
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,762
Well, now, now,
hold on a minute.
340
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,219
Mr. Griffin,
did you or did you not
341
00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:31,922
distribute alcohol
and marijuana to minors?
342
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,435
No, Your Honor, I did not.
343
00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:35,325
Told you this
defendant wasn't cool.
344
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:37,675
Well, now, now, now,
hold on a minute.
345
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:42,933
Still no sign of Cleveland?
346
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,614
Yeah. I was
thinking maybe our best bet
is to just drive around town
347
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,070
and see if we can spot him.
348
00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:52,349
Okay, well, he's not
at the mini golf course.
349
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:57,355
Okay, he's still not
at the mini golf course.
350
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,819
Oh, wow.
Look at that windmill.
351
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:04,199
Peter, do you want
to go mini-golfing?
Yes.
352
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:08,692
Well, he wasn't by
the snow cones.
353
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,594
I love today!
354
00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:17,579
Hi, Meg.
Larry, what are you
doing here?
355
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:19,281
I thought we were
gonna meet at the Tumi store
356
00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:21,150
and see who buys
luggage at the airport.
357
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,974
Meg, I've got
some disturbing news.
358
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,109
Some gray security tubs
have gone missing.
359
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,022
Oh, my God! The ones
we have a zillion of,
360
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,891
but are somehow never there
when people need them?
361
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,849
That's right.
And I'm going to have
to check your locker.
362
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,486
I don't need to tell
you how serious this is.
363
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:40,057
Wait, Larry! I was framed!
I bet it was Marla!
364
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:44,462
I'm sorry, Meg, you're fired.
I'm going to need your small,
ridiculous tie.
365
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:45,930
You're firing me?
366
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:47,665
I have a duty to this country.
367
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,934
And with people
like you stealing tubs,
368
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:52,102
how are we ever
going to catch Abu Nazir?
369
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:53,615
That's not even a real person.
370
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:56,273
That's the terrorist from
Homeland. And they caught him.
371
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:57,374
Good-bye, Meg.
372
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:00,811
Good-bye, Larry.
373
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:05,716
Meg?
374
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:09,019
I'll miss the way
you reminded people
about their belts.
375
00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:19,430
We've looked everywhere.
Where the hell could he be?
376
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,243
Guys, I think we need to embrace
377
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,668
the possibility that
Cleveland never existed.
378
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:26,536
Damn it, if only
there was some kind of
clue as to where he might be.
379
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,521
That's right,
Cleveland had a deli!
380
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:34,144
We should check there!
381
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:47,357
Cleveland!
382
00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:48,426
Cleveland!
383
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:49,860
Sweet! Egg salad!
384
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:54,031
Peter, this place has been
closed for six years.
385
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,799
So what?
Egg salad don't go bad.
386
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,736
Son of a whore!
Give me some milk!
387
00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:04,441
Okay, that helped.
388
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:06,209
Geez, this place is a dump.
389
00:19:06,278 --> 00:19:07,911
Yeah, it is, isn't it?
390
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:11,982
It's a symbol of
all my failures.
391
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,495
Cleveland!
You're okay!
392
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,287
I'm so glad we found you!
393
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:18,501
Hey, listen, I'm sorry
we threatened to blab
394
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,736
about your bachelor
party stripper stuff.
395
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:21,870
I'd never do that.
396
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,172
'Cause that'd
mean I'd have to talk
397
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:25,508
to Donna, and that's
just like...
398
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:28,732
And I'm sorry I caused such
problems in your marriage.
399
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:31,769
Truth is, I was
faking it as a therapist.
400
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,104
I've been back almost a year
401
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,274
and I still got
nothing going on.
402
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:39,021
Hey, cheer up, Cleveland.
I mean, Joe doesn't
have a job, either.
403
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,956
What are you talking
about? I'm a cop.
404
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,380
Oh, wait, that's real?
405
00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:44,408
I thought that was, like,
a Make-A-Wish thing.
406
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:46,690
All right, come on, buddy.
Let's get out of here.
407
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:49,398
And, you know, even
though therapy might
not be your thing,
408
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:52,689
you've got a job,
as my fourth-best friend.
409
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:55,158
After the dog?
After the dog.
410
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:03,367
Peter, thanks for going to
find Cleveland and bringing
him home safely.
411
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:05,181
Hey, that's what
friends are for.
412
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,815
What about you, Meg?
What'd you do this week?
413
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,406
What, so you can make fun of me?
414
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:09,840
No, Meg. I'm your father,
415
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:12,153
and I'm interested in what
my daughter did this week.
416
00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:14,211
You promise you're not
gonna make fun of me?
417
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,447
Of course, Meg.
I care about my family.
418
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:18,916
But I feel like
you're drawing this out,
419
00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:21,552
so when you do make fun of me,
it'll hurt more.
420
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:23,353
What? Well, that hurts, Meg.
421
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:25,066
You know, you can
be very hurtful.
422
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,558
I'm asking you, please,
and you don't have to tell me,
423
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:30,305
I want to know
because I'm interested,
what you did this week.
424
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:32,963
It enhances my life to know
how yours is going.
425
00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,064
You promise?
426
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,011
Okay, well, now you
owe me an apology.
427
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:38,636
I'm sorry.
I'm not used to
you wanting to know.
428
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:40,871
Of course, I'd love to
tell you what happened.
429
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,473
Then by all means.
430
00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:44,586
It's just upsetting
when you thumb your
nose at the family.
431
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:46,321
But I love you,
and I'm looking forward
432
00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:48,490
to hearing what you have to say.
433
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:50,915
Please. I'd like to hear.
434
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:53,651
Oh, okay. Well, this is
actually kind of funny.
435
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:55,196
I joined the TSA...
End of the show!
436
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:58,589
♪ Bah nah nah nah, Family Guy!
Nah nah, start the credits
437
00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:01,826
♪ Lots of little names
Nyah nyah nyah nyah guy! ♪
35338
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