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1
00:00:02,605 --> 00:00:05,441
-The law clearly
stipulates that no person
2
00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:07,485
shall withhold payment
for services rendered.
3
00:00:07,527 --> 00:00:10,655
-Agreed, but when a haircut
is this bad...
4
00:00:12,974 --> 00:00:16,186
...hasn't he already
paid enough?
5
00:00:16,228 --> 00:00:18,813
-Not guilty, but I will
recommend house arrest
6
00:00:18,855 --> 00:00:21,691
for three to four weeks --
and a really big hat.
7
00:00:23,235 --> 00:00:25,862
-I feel your pain. One time,
I asked for "the Rachel."
8
00:00:25,904 --> 00:00:27,989
Now I know to specify "Maddow."
9
00:00:29,241 --> 00:00:31,201
-Oh, so that's our last case
of the night?
10
00:00:31,243 --> 00:00:33,370
-Yep! Another early one,
all thanks to Wyatt.
11
00:00:33,411 --> 00:00:34,788
-Yeah, I learned
from my DJ days
12
00:00:34,829 --> 00:00:36,039
it's all about the setlist.
13
00:00:36,081 --> 00:00:38,208
You set the tone
with animal cases up top,
14
00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:40,001
get things moving with
the drunk and disorderlies,
15
00:00:40,043 --> 00:00:41,586
and then we build to the drop --
16
00:00:41,628 --> 00:00:43,463
muggings, muggings,
muggings, muggings,
17
00:00:43,505 --> 00:00:44,631
muggings, muggings, muggings!
18
00:00:44,673 --> 00:00:47,759
Ah-ah-ah! Sex in public!
19
00:00:47,801 --> 00:00:49,761
Where my pervs at?!
20
00:00:52,965 --> 00:00:54,675
-Gurgs, what do you think?
21
00:00:54,716 --> 00:00:57,261
Go straight home to your place
or take the scenic route again?
22
00:00:57,302 --> 00:00:58,929
-Hmm.
-3:00 a.m., New York City.
23
00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:02,307
That's more of the...
crimescenic route, right?
24
00:01:02,349 --> 00:01:04,434
-By "scenic,"
she means "Sea Nick's",
25
00:01:04,476 --> 00:01:06,895
New York's
only underwater-themed
26
00:01:06,937 --> 00:01:08,355
male strip club.
27
00:01:08,397 --> 00:01:10,607
All the dancers are named Nick.
28
00:01:10,649 --> 00:01:11,733
-Ugh.
29
00:01:11,775 --> 00:01:14,319
-They'll hire you
if your name isn't Nick.
30
00:01:14,361 --> 00:01:16,113
Uh, so I've heard.
31
00:01:17,072 --> 00:01:19,032
So you two are living together?
-I'm staying with Gurgs
32
00:01:19,074 --> 00:01:20,742
because there was a murder
in my building.
33
00:01:20,784 --> 00:01:23,370
You would not believe
what a true-crime podcaster
34
00:01:23,412 --> 00:01:24,705
is paying to sublet my place.
35
00:01:24,746 --> 00:01:27,457
[Laughing]
I am cleaning up!
36
00:01:27,499 --> 00:01:28,792
Which the killer also did,
37
00:01:28,834 --> 00:01:31,503
because they have found
no clues.
38
00:01:31,545 --> 00:01:32,921
-Them living together
was my idea.
39
00:01:32,963 --> 00:01:34,715
They're like Bert and Ernie
except without
40
00:01:34,756 --> 00:01:37,301
the palpable sexual tension.
41
00:01:37,342 --> 00:01:39,887
-Speaking of, Judge, there's
a cutie in the gallery
42
00:01:39,928 --> 00:01:41,597
who's been checking you out
all night.
43
00:01:41,638 --> 00:01:43,640
-Really? You sure?
-Definitely.
44
00:01:43,682 --> 00:01:45,767
And it really stands out
because most people
45
00:01:45,809 --> 00:01:48,562
don't pay you
any attention at all.
46
00:01:48,604 --> 00:01:50,022
Last night, I counted zero.
47
00:01:50,063 --> 00:01:51,690
I mean, you would think that,
even accidentally,
48
00:01:51,732 --> 00:01:53,609
someone would glance --
-Okay, yeah, yeah, fine.
49
00:01:53,650 --> 00:01:55,694
I get it.
I'm gonna go talk to him.
50
00:01:55,736 --> 00:01:59,114
I just have to...
come up with the perfect line.
51
00:01:59,156 --> 00:02:01,033
Come on, brain. Come on, brain.
52
00:02:01,074 --> 00:02:02,659
Ah! Got it.
53
00:02:02,701 --> 00:02:04,369
Fun fact -- did you know
54
00:02:04,411 --> 00:02:06,205
the most common crime of passion
is murder?
55
00:02:06,246 --> 00:02:07,831
Hi. I'm Abby.
56
00:02:07,873 --> 00:02:09,374
-Fun fact --
the term "Fun Fact"
57
00:02:09,416 --> 00:02:13,086
was first used in a 1970s
newspaper ad for Wrigley's gum.
58
00:02:13,128 --> 00:02:15,255
Is it even worth
saying my name after that?
59
00:02:15,297 --> 00:02:16,840
It's -- It's Jake.
60
00:02:16,882 --> 00:02:18,675
-Is this how most
conversations start?
61
00:02:18,717 --> 00:02:20,260
-It's probably
how a lot of them end.
62
00:02:20,302 --> 00:02:22,512
-I haven't seen you around
here, which is a good thing
63
00:02:22,554 --> 00:02:24,097
'cause it means
you're not a criminal.
64
00:02:24,139 --> 00:02:26,558
-Well, get ready to see a
little bit more of me tomorrow.
65
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,894
-Wow. Blond guys are easy.
66
00:02:30,103 --> 00:02:32,022
Unfortunately, tomorrow,
I have this stupid
67
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:34,816
"Sensitivity and Respect
in the Workplace" seminar.
68
00:02:34,858 --> 00:02:37,945
Unless you want to come to that.
Nah. That'd be weird.
69
00:02:37,986 --> 00:02:41,698
-It'll be weirder
if I don't come. I'm running it.
70
00:02:41,740 --> 00:02:44,493
-That should have been
your fun fact.
71
00:02:44,535 --> 00:02:46,745
But I think you'll be
pleasantly surprised.
72
00:02:46,787 --> 00:02:48,830
I run a pretty sensitive
and respectful courtroom.
73
00:02:48,872 --> 00:02:50,874
-Yeah, I gotta say --
for an underwater strip club,
74
00:02:50,916 --> 00:02:53,835
Sea Nick's
has a top-notch website.
75
00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:58,048
Come on. That thing would sink.
76
00:03:00,425 --> 00:03:05,389
**
77
00:03:05,430 --> 00:03:08,016
**
78
00:03:08,058 --> 00:03:10,310
-Flobert? You're coming to
our sensitivity training?
79
00:03:10,352 --> 00:03:13,939
-Yes. And with thattone,
seems like you need it.
80
00:03:14,816 --> 00:03:16,192
-There he is. Satur-Dan!
-Ugh.
81
00:03:16,234 --> 00:03:18,027
You're happy to be here
on a Saturday, huh?
82
00:03:18,069 --> 00:03:20,405
You don't have that part
of your brain that tells you
83
00:03:20,446 --> 00:03:22,365
when things are bad?!
84
00:03:22,407 --> 00:03:24,993
-I know this seminar
isn't your idea of a good time,
85
00:03:25,034 --> 00:03:27,245
but maybe please be nice?
-Nice?
86
00:03:27,287 --> 00:03:31,541
That ship has sailed, sunk, and
hasn't been found in 30 years.
87
00:03:31,583 --> 00:03:33,585
Why do you care how I act,
anyway?
88
00:03:33,626 --> 00:03:35,169
-Happy Saturday.
89
00:03:35,211 --> 00:03:37,755
-Not if I see you first!
90
00:03:37,797 --> 00:03:40,633
-I get it. You like that guy.
91
00:03:40,675 --> 00:03:42,927
-Shut up. No, I don't.
Do you think he likes me?
92
00:03:42,969 --> 00:03:44,762
Also, do you think
he likes brunch?
93
00:03:44,804 --> 00:03:46,806
Because I made reservations
hoping we finish early.
94
00:03:46,848 --> 00:03:48,224
-Oh, good.
So we want the same thing.
95
00:03:48,266 --> 00:03:49,893
-To go splitsies
on eggs Benedict
96
00:03:49,934 --> 00:03:52,645
and chocolate-chip pancakes, get
a little sweet, a little salty?
97
00:03:52,687 --> 00:03:54,272
-No.
For this to be over quickly.
98
00:03:54,314 --> 00:03:57,650
But you know what? Yeah, I'll go
splitsies on the seminar.
99
00:03:59,652 --> 00:04:01,946
-I know. No one wants
to be here on a Saturday.
100
00:04:01,988 --> 00:04:03,781
Personally,
I'd rather be hiking.
101
00:04:03,823 --> 00:04:06,951
-And would you be doing that
with a wife or a girlfriend...
102
00:04:06,993 --> 00:04:08,953
or just you
in your doorless Jeep
103
00:04:08,995 --> 00:04:11,623
with a German Shepherd rescue
who wears a bandana?
104
00:04:11,664 --> 00:04:13,374
-It's a good idea
you bring this up
105
00:04:13,416 --> 00:04:16,878
before the sexual-harassment
part of the seminar.
106
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,464
-Dan, some of us would like
to know if they find Nemo.
107
00:04:19,505 --> 00:04:21,883
-Okay. You hold it, then.
108
00:04:21,925 --> 00:04:23,468
-I promise this will be quick.
109
00:04:23,509 --> 00:04:25,470
We just need to
get through...this.
110
00:04:25,511 --> 00:04:27,138
[ Thud ]
111
00:04:27,180 --> 00:04:29,849
I'm kidding. Can you imagine?
-[ Laughs ]
112
00:04:29,891 --> 00:04:32,977
'Cause it's so much bigger
than a regular binder!
113
00:04:33,019 --> 00:04:36,898
-I know she doesn't want
to die alone, but come on.
114
00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:38,483
-Let's start with
a hypothetical.
115
00:04:38,524 --> 00:04:40,151
You're hanging out
with two co-workers
116
00:04:40,193 --> 00:04:42,278
when they get into an argument
and one of them leaves crying.
117
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,364
What do you do?
-Great question, Jake.
118
00:04:44,405 --> 00:04:45,782
When I see an upset co-worker,
119
00:04:45,823 --> 00:04:48,076
I follow a triage method
based on warmth.
120
00:04:48,117 --> 00:04:51,829
First level is warm words.
Next is a warm hug.
121
00:04:51,871 --> 00:04:55,833
Code red is warm cookies.
Those hug you from the inside.
122
00:04:57,001 --> 00:05:00,672
-[Hushed] This is why
no one looks at you.
123
00:05:00,713 --> 00:05:03,508
-Sorry, Mister
"Name Tags Are Stupid."
124
00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:05,635
You'd handle this differently?
125
00:05:05,677 --> 00:05:07,220
-First of all,
I wouldn't be "hanging out"
126
00:05:07,262 --> 00:05:09,055
with any co-workers,
and if I found myself
127
00:05:09,097 --> 00:05:12,600
in that situation,
I would fake a heart attack.
128
00:05:12,642 --> 00:05:15,061
And when they ask me the next
day if I was feeling better,
129
00:05:15,103 --> 00:05:19,524
instead of answering, I would
fake another heart attack.
130
00:05:19,566 --> 00:05:20,858
-Actually,
boundaries are important.
131
00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:22,819
That is a perfect answer.
-Ah. That's fun.
132
00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:25,196
Two people can be right
on the same hypothetical.
133
00:05:25,238 --> 00:05:26,781
-No. Yours was wrong.
134
00:05:26,823 --> 00:05:30,201
-Ooh! He liked mine better,
yours not at all.
135
00:05:30,243 --> 00:05:32,453
-We find when employees
keep their work
136
00:05:32,495 --> 00:05:33,872
and personal lives separate,
137
00:05:33,913 --> 00:05:35,540
it makes for
a more productive workplace.
138
00:05:35,582 --> 00:05:38,877
-Well, here, we like to blend
the personal andwork.
139
00:05:38,918 --> 00:05:40,712
You can call it "wersonal"
140
00:05:40,753 --> 00:05:42,338
or you can call it "pork."
141
00:05:42,380 --> 00:05:43,673
Both are equally bad.
142
00:05:43,715 --> 00:05:45,133
The important thing is,
143
00:05:45,174 --> 00:05:47,552
we all feel valued
and appreciated.
144
00:05:47,594 --> 00:05:49,053
-[ Snorts ]
145
00:05:49,095 --> 00:05:52,807
Oh, I thought that snort
was in my head.
146
00:05:52,849 --> 00:05:55,226
-Wyatt, is there something
you'd like to say?
147
00:05:55,268 --> 00:05:57,937
-It's just a snort.
There doesn't have to be
something behind it.
148
00:05:57,979 --> 00:05:59,814
-Well, in my line of work,
when you hear a snort,
149
00:05:59,856 --> 00:06:01,566
there's a story to report.
150
00:06:01,608 --> 00:06:03,067
-There's no way that's a saying.
151
00:06:03,109 --> 00:06:05,987
-No, it is. I saw it on a mug.
152
00:06:06,029 --> 00:06:08,197
-As someone who's winning
at sensitivity,
153
00:06:08,239 --> 00:06:11,659
I think it's important
to hear what he has to say.
154
00:06:11,701 --> 00:06:13,119
-Okay.
155
00:06:13,161 --> 00:06:15,496
It bothers me that
you never say "thank you."
156
00:06:15,538 --> 00:06:17,415
-Ooh!
157
00:06:17,457 --> 00:06:20,126
I thought we all were
gonna make that noise.
158
00:06:20,168 --> 00:06:23,588
-I just don't think it's too
much to expect a grown man
159
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:24,964
to say "thank you."
160
00:06:25,006 --> 00:06:26,799
-Ooh!
161
00:06:26,841 --> 00:06:30,136
We're really not
on the same page here.
162
00:06:30,178 --> 00:06:32,055
-Dan, how do you feel
about Wyatt's comment?
163
00:06:32,096 --> 00:06:34,057
-It's fine.
My co-worker feels strongly,
164
00:06:34,098 --> 00:06:35,934
and I will do everything
in my power
165
00:06:35,975 --> 00:06:37,602
to demonstrate my gratitude.
166
00:06:37,644 --> 00:06:38,853
I will...
167
00:06:38,895 --> 00:06:41,147
killhim with kindness.
168
00:06:42,982 --> 00:06:45,068
-See? Totally resolved.
169
00:06:45,109 --> 00:06:47,320
Maybe we should get back
to those fun hypotheticals.
170
00:06:47,362 --> 00:06:49,364
-I have a hypothetical
that's real.
171
00:06:49,405 --> 00:06:52,742
There's a certain co-worker
who I let live with me
172
00:06:52,784 --> 00:06:54,911
who drank all my favorite
coffee creamer!
173
00:06:54,953 --> 00:06:56,746
-You told me
to make myself at home.
174
00:06:56,788 --> 00:06:59,165
-That's just something
people say. You're not
supposed to do it!
175
00:06:59,207 --> 00:07:01,960
-I'm sorry. You two
are living together?
176
00:07:02,001 --> 00:07:03,461
-Oh, yeah.
It was, uh -- Wait, wait,
177
00:07:03,503 --> 00:07:05,713
it was somebody's idea,
somebody in this room,
178
00:07:05,755 --> 00:07:06,881
a judge, but...
179
00:07:06,923 --> 00:07:08,800
-[ Fingers snap ]
-...which one?
180
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,887
-Ooh!
-Ooh!
-Ooh!
181
00:07:12,929 --> 00:07:16,099
-And nowwe work as a team?
182
00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:18,309
-Wow.
There is a lot going on here.
183
00:07:18,351 --> 00:07:20,687
This is gonna take longer
than I thought.
184
00:07:20,728 --> 00:07:22,814
Okay, well,
if you had any plans today,
185
00:07:22,855 --> 00:07:24,399
I would cancel them -- now.
186
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:26,234
-[ Screams ]
-Gah!
187
00:07:26,276 --> 00:07:27,485
-I-I am so sorry.
188
00:07:27,527 --> 00:07:30,738
I-I did not know
there was going to be a shark.
189
00:07:35,702 --> 00:07:37,704
**
190
00:07:37,745 --> 00:07:39,664
-Jake? Didn't expect
to see you here.
191
00:07:39,706 --> 00:07:42,709
I-I thought sensitivity training
was a one-time thing.
192
00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:45,295
-Well, when my supervisor
asked how it went, I snorted.
193
00:07:45,336 --> 00:07:47,755
-Oh, when you snort,
you have to write a report!
194
00:07:47,797 --> 00:07:50,508
-Yep. On the day I was supposed
to go hiking with my dog.
195
00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:53,595
And I just had the doors
taken off my Jeep.
196
00:07:53,636 --> 00:07:55,221
-Listen. Everything's fine.
197
00:07:55,263 --> 00:07:57,640
I mean, sure,
we weren't great on Saturday,
198
00:07:57,682 --> 00:08:01,102
but some of us were hungry
for chocolate-chip pancakes.
199
00:08:01,144 --> 00:08:03,229
-I get it.
If you want some pointers,
200
00:08:03,271 --> 00:08:06,065
I am the guy that invented
"Smile and Decline."
201
00:08:06,107 --> 00:08:09,068
It's an HR-approved way to avoid
uncomfortable situations.
202
00:08:09,110 --> 00:08:10,653
Invite me to do something.
203
00:08:10,695 --> 00:08:14,741
-How would you like to purchase
a timeshare in Cleveland?
204
00:08:14,782 --> 00:08:18,203
It's the nation's largest hub
for yellow wallpaper.
205
00:08:18,244 --> 00:08:20,413
This is not a hypothetical.
206
00:08:21,497 --> 00:08:26,085
You'll come around.
They all come around.
207
00:08:26,127 --> 00:08:28,171
-Your Honor, we're ready to go.
208
00:08:28,213 --> 00:08:30,131
-Get ready to watch us "pork."
209
00:08:30,166 --> 00:08:32,919
Please don't write that down.
210
00:08:32,967 --> 00:08:35,595
-Uh, Wyatt, before we begin,
I just wanted to say
211
00:08:35,637 --> 00:08:38,431
that I took to heart
what you said the other day,
212
00:08:38,473 --> 00:08:43,937
and I've learned to show my
appreciation in 135 languages.
213
00:08:43,978 --> 00:08:46,147
French -- merci beaucoup.
214
00:08:46,189 --> 00:08:48,608
Samoan -- fa'afetai.
215
00:08:48,650 --> 00:08:51,778
Elvish -- guren glassui.
216
00:08:51,819 --> 00:08:53,279
Elvis-ish --
217
00:08:53,321 --> 00:08:55,740
[As Elvis Presley] Thank you.
Thank you very much.
218
00:08:55,782 --> 00:08:59,577
-I see what you're doing.
-I also got you this card.
219
00:09:00,662 --> 00:09:02,413
-[Dan as Elvis] Thank you.
Thank you very much.
220
00:09:02,455 --> 00:09:03,957
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
221
00:09:03,998 --> 00:09:05,500
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
222
00:09:05,542 --> 00:09:08,253
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
223
00:09:08,294 --> 00:09:10,630
-What a heartwarming display.
224
00:09:10,672 --> 00:09:13,466
Another issue resolved
in Abby Stone's court.
225
00:09:13,508 --> 00:09:14,634
Wyatt, case?
226
00:09:14,676 --> 00:09:17,053
-The People vs.
Arthur and Layla Doyle.
227
00:09:17,095 --> 00:09:19,305
They are charged
with unwanted touching.
228
00:09:19,347 --> 00:09:21,015
-Your Honor, this is a mistake.
229
00:09:21,057 --> 00:09:23,142
My clients were merely promoting
their small business
230
00:09:23,184 --> 00:09:24,852
by providing free samples.
231
00:09:24,894 --> 00:09:26,521
-And what is their business?
232
00:09:26,563 --> 00:09:29,023
-They are professional cuddlers.
233
00:09:30,441 --> 00:09:33,444
-There's a workplace you could
reallywrite a report on.
234
00:09:34,529 --> 00:09:36,489
-Well, we have
the police report,
235
00:09:36,531 --> 00:09:38,825
where 19 rush-hour commuters
describe them
236
00:09:38,867 --> 00:09:40,660
as "gropers,"
"fondlers," "ticklers,"
237
00:09:40,702 --> 00:09:44,080
and, according to one woman,
"handy dandies."
238
00:09:44,122 --> 00:09:46,583
-Your Honor, these plucky
entrepreneurs should be able
239
00:09:46,624 --> 00:09:49,919
to promote their product
without being labeled freaks.
240
00:09:49,961 --> 00:09:52,463
-Sounds like someone
wants a sample.
241
00:09:52,505 --> 00:09:55,174
-Whoa! Back off, freaks.
242
00:09:55,216 --> 00:09:57,802
-Your Honor, we ask that
you let our HR department
243
00:09:57,844 --> 00:09:59,429
decide our fate.
244
00:09:59,470 --> 00:10:02,265
They know us better
than we know ourselves.
245
00:10:03,349 --> 00:10:06,853
-Alright. We get it.
Case dismissed.
246
00:10:06,895 --> 00:10:08,563
-I'll take a sample.
247
00:10:09,564 --> 00:10:12,775
Ohh! Heh. That'll get you there.
[ Chuckles ]
248
00:10:12,817 --> 00:10:15,486
-Your Honor, we have one more
small piece of business
249
00:10:15,528 --> 00:10:17,989
before we go on
to the next case.
250
00:10:18,031 --> 00:10:20,450
"Sarcastic" in C.
251
00:10:20,491 --> 00:10:22,577
[ Pitch-pipe blows ]
252
00:10:22,619 --> 00:10:23,953
-* Bohm-bohm-bohm *
253
00:10:23,995 --> 00:10:26,289
-* Thank you, Wyatt,
for breathing *
254
00:10:26,331 --> 00:10:29,083
* Thanks for being alive *
255
00:10:29,125 --> 00:10:31,628
* Thank you for blinking
and eating food *
256
00:10:31,669 --> 00:10:34,214
* Without a "thank you,"
it would be so rude *
257
00:10:34,255 --> 00:10:37,300
* So it's thanks
for taking up space and *
258
00:10:37,342 --> 00:10:40,136
* Thanks for being awake *
259
00:10:40,178 --> 00:10:42,680
* One last thing
you should know *
260
00:10:42,722 --> 00:10:46,726
* Is that all these "thanks"
are fake *
261
00:10:46,768 --> 00:10:49,896
-* They're not real *
262
00:10:49,938 --> 00:10:54,067
-* Mmm *
263
00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:57,362
-What the hell was that?
264
00:10:57,403 --> 00:10:59,572
Can't you just give Wyatt
a real "thank you"?
265
00:10:59,614 --> 00:11:00,865
He does so much for us!
266
00:11:00,907 --> 00:11:03,701
His shelf-reaching alone
is next-level.
267
00:11:03,743 --> 00:11:06,079
-People thank each other
entirely too much.
268
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,081
We're expected
to be grateful for nothing.
269
00:11:08,122 --> 00:11:09,958
You handed me a coffee.
Here's a dollar.
270
00:11:09,999 --> 00:11:11,459
Thanks for doing your job.
271
00:11:11,501 --> 00:11:13,753
Oh, you held the elevator.
Gee. Thanks.
272
00:11:13,795 --> 00:11:17,423
Now I get to breathe air
that was recently in your body.
273
00:11:18,466 --> 00:11:21,553
"Thank yous" should be earned.
That's the world I'm creating.
274
00:11:21,594 --> 00:11:25,515
No "thank you" is necessary.
You're welcome.
275
00:11:25,557 --> 00:11:28,810
-I've always wanted to be
the inspiration for a rant.
276
00:11:28,851 --> 00:11:30,270
Thank you.
277
00:11:30,311 --> 00:11:32,522
That'show it sounds!
278
00:11:32,564 --> 00:11:34,399
-Why can't you two
be more like Olivia and Gurgs?
279
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:35,942
They sorted out
their differences.
280
00:11:35,984 --> 00:11:37,735
-Well, I don't know. There
weren't really differences.
281
00:11:37,777 --> 00:11:39,279
I just bought more creamer.
282
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,614
-She's being modest.
She had to go to Staten Island.
283
00:11:41,656 --> 00:11:42,907
Most stores don't carry it
284
00:11:42,949 --> 00:11:44,993
because the ingredients
aren't considered legal.
285
00:11:45,034 --> 00:11:46,452
It's the only creamer produced
286
00:11:46,494 --> 00:11:50,123
entirely
in international waters.
287
00:11:50,164 --> 00:11:51,791
-Actually, Flobert got it.
288
00:11:51,833 --> 00:11:54,627
He was going to Staten Island
to visit his adopted highway.
289
00:11:54,669 --> 00:11:57,922
Don't tell the highway.
It doesn't know it's adopted.
290
00:11:57,964 --> 00:12:00,717
-You told Flobert?
Now the word's gonna get out.
291
00:12:00,758 --> 00:12:03,136
It'll be impossible to get.
-That man isan influencer.
292
00:12:03,177 --> 00:12:04,804
You know, he is
single-handedly responsible
293
00:12:04,846 --> 00:12:07,724
for the revitalization of
Cleveland's wallpaper district.
294
00:12:07,765 --> 00:12:10,018
-Great.
Now all I'll be able to get
295
00:12:10,059 --> 00:12:12,061
are those gross
seasonal flavors.
296
00:12:12,103 --> 00:12:13,646
I don't care
if it is Cinco de Mayo --
297
00:12:13,688 --> 00:12:17,191
no one wants their coffee
tasting like guacamole!
298
00:12:17,233 --> 00:12:18,568
-What's happened to us?!
299
00:12:18,610 --> 00:12:20,236
Jake has us
turning on each other
300
00:12:20,278 --> 00:12:22,363
when I should be turning himon!
301
00:12:28,671 --> 00:12:30,623
-Picture yourself
in a luxury condo
302
00:12:30,832 --> 00:12:34,419
with a view of the Rock & Roll
Hall of Fame's...
303
00:12:34,460 --> 00:12:36,087
parking lot.
304
00:12:37,046 --> 00:12:38,589
-Jake, I need to speak with you.
305
00:12:38,631 --> 00:12:40,550
-Good.
Talk it over with the wife.
306
00:12:40,591 --> 00:12:43,594
I'll be standing
right over there.
307
00:12:43,636 --> 00:12:46,889
-You know, ever since you got
here, everyone's been on edge.
308
00:12:46,931 --> 00:12:48,641
-Interesting.
And that's my fault?
309
00:12:48,683 --> 00:12:50,143
Because it wasn't my idea
310
00:12:50,184 --> 00:12:52,061
to have your prosecutor
move in with your bailiff.
311
00:12:52,103 --> 00:12:53,646
-Well, before this
whole creamer thing,
312
00:12:53,688 --> 00:12:57,024
they were having a lot of fun
objectifying men together.
313
00:12:57,066 --> 00:12:59,277
-Also, is it true that you
locked your staff in your office
314
00:12:59,318 --> 00:13:01,571
and made them tell you
their personal secrets?
315
00:13:01,612 --> 00:13:03,281
-Not this week.
-Did I also hear
316
00:13:04,112 --> 00:13:06,657
that you tagged along
on a co-worker's date?
317
00:13:06,682 --> 00:13:08,619
-Only because Dan wanted
to have sex with a woman
318
00:13:08,661 --> 00:13:09,829
who was going to kill him!
319
00:13:09,877 --> 00:13:12,004
That's got to be a loophole!
320
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:15,251
I understand this would be
frowned upon in some workplaces,
321
00:13:15,293 --> 00:13:16,711
but here we're a family.
322
00:13:16,753 --> 00:13:18,171
-Except you're not. It's work.
323
00:13:18,212 --> 00:13:20,173
-Are you telling me
how to run my courtroom?
324
00:13:20,214 --> 00:13:22,759
-Well, it's kind of my job.
Look, I'm starting to think
325
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,385
you're a little too close
to all this.
326
00:13:24,427 --> 00:13:27,096
I think the best thing to do
is to have another meeting.
327
00:13:27,138 --> 00:13:29,307
-I don't think us having
another meeting is a good idea.
328
00:13:29,348 --> 00:13:33,644
-I completely agree.
You shouldn't be involved.
329
00:13:33,686 --> 00:13:36,773
-So you're having an HR meeting
about me?
330
00:13:36,814 --> 00:13:40,318
I'm reporting that.
It makes me uncomfortable.
331
00:13:40,359 --> 00:13:41,736
-I couldn't help but notice
332
00:13:41,778 --> 00:13:44,155
there's a little trouble
in paradise.
333
00:13:44,197 --> 00:13:47,825
You know, Cleveland is a great
town to be newly divorced in.
334
00:13:49,243 --> 00:13:53,331
**
335
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:01,464
-Really, Dan?
A "thank you" flash mob?!
336
00:14:01,506 --> 00:14:02,840
When is this going to end?!
337
00:14:02,882 --> 00:14:04,592
-When you've experienced
the full force
338
00:14:04,634 --> 00:14:07,470
and fury of my gratitude.
339
00:14:07,512 --> 00:14:10,765
-I was in an elevator! 20 people
started dancing around.
340
00:14:10,807 --> 00:14:12,683
I thought I was gonna die!
341
00:14:12,725 --> 00:14:14,310
-What are you waiting for,
gossip girl?
342
00:14:14,352 --> 00:14:16,270
Why aren't you telling
all this to Flobert?
343
00:14:16,312 --> 00:14:19,482
-Well, at least Flobert
doesn't use my deodorant.
344
00:14:19,524 --> 00:14:21,109
-My wife and I share deodorant.
345
00:14:21,150 --> 00:14:23,986
We share everything --
except the bed.
346
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:28,157
-Where the hell is this HR guy?
-Sorry I'm late.
347
00:14:28,199 --> 00:14:31,786
Ah. Jake's not here? Who calls
a meeting and doesn't show?
348
00:14:31,828 --> 00:14:33,830
It's so unprofessional.
-Maybe he bailed because
349
00:14:33,871 --> 00:14:35,832
he only likes me and he heard
the rest of you
350
00:14:35,873 --> 00:14:38,501
insensitive losers
were gonna be here.
351
00:14:38,543 --> 00:14:40,670
-Totally.
In the meantime, though,
352
00:14:40,712 --> 00:14:42,088
maybe we talk through some stuff
353
00:14:42,130 --> 00:14:44,298
just to kill some time
until Jake can break away
354
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:47,135
from whatever it is
that's keeping him?
355
00:14:48,219 --> 00:14:49,846
-I really have to be somewhere.
356
00:14:49,887 --> 00:14:52,181
-You were gifted
an hour-long throuple cuddle.
357
00:14:52,223 --> 00:14:54,225
That's what you're getting.
-Ugh!
358
00:14:55,893 --> 00:14:58,855
-18, 19, 20.
359
00:14:58,896 --> 00:15:00,732
Okay! Now, how do you feel?
360
00:15:00,773 --> 00:15:03,151
-Kind of like I wasted
20 seconds.
361
00:15:03,192 --> 00:15:04,527
-20 seconds of eye contact
362
00:15:04,569 --> 00:15:06,028
is supposed to help you feel
more connected.
363
00:15:06,070 --> 00:15:07,697
-Then shouldn't I be doing it
with Dan?
364
00:15:07,739 --> 00:15:10,658
-It's important to create unity
throughout the entire team.
365
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:13,202
And Dan refused to participate.
366
00:15:14,162 --> 00:15:16,706
-I wish I had refused to do
that trust fall with Flobert.
367
00:15:16,748 --> 00:15:18,041
-If I was supposed to catch you,
368
00:15:18,082 --> 00:15:20,877
it should be called
a "trust catch."
369
00:15:23,004 --> 00:15:25,423
-Where's that guy who said
everything I do is right?
370
00:15:25,465 --> 00:15:27,050
I liked him.
371
00:15:27,091 --> 00:15:28,468
-We don't need Jake.
372
00:15:28,509 --> 00:15:30,511
We can deal with our problems
like a family.
373
00:15:30,553 --> 00:15:32,180
-So you want us to resent other
374
00:15:32,221 --> 00:15:34,724
but also share a cellphone plan?
375
00:15:34,766 --> 00:15:38,061
-Gurgs, why does that creamer
mean so much to you?
376
00:15:38,102 --> 00:15:40,396
-I don't know. Maybe because
when I was growing up,
377
00:15:40,438 --> 00:15:42,732
I never had anything
that was all mine.
378
00:15:42,774 --> 00:15:44,859
Or maybe years of
drinking toxic creamer
379
00:15:44,901 --> 00:15:47,278
just makes your brain weird.
380
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,489
-Either way,
we are ready to help.
381
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:51,824
Flobert?
-Mm. Mm-hmm.
382
00:15:51,866 --> 00:15:54,077
-What's he doing with that,
Judge?
383
00:15:54,118 --> 00:15:55,912
-You're scared
of losing that creamer,
384
00:15:55,953 --> 00:15:58,081
so Flobert is gonna
help you face that fear
385
00:15:58,122 --> 00:16:01,125
by drinking an entire carton
right in front of you.
386
00:16:01,167 --> 00:16:04,420
It'll be tough to watch
for all of us, but...
387
00:16:04,462 --> 00:16:06,547
it might help one of us.
388
00:16:06,589 --> 00:16:08,674
-It might killone of us.
389
00:16:08,716 --> 00:16:10,468
Murray! That's poison!
390
00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:14,597
And your barbershop quartet
just made regionals!
391
00:16:14,639 --> 00:16:16,349
-Abby promised to sit through
392
00:16:16,391 --> 00:16:18,267
a three-hour
Cleveland presentation.
393
00:16:18,309 --> 00:16:19,977
If I don't move those condos,
394
00:16:20,019 --> 00:16:23,106
my wife's never gonna
let me back in that bed.
395
00:16:23,147 --> 00:16:26,234
Ah. Here we go! Whew.
396
00:16:28,486 --> 00:16:32,115
-Ugh! Oh, I-I can't watch.
He's not appreciating it!
397
00:16:32,156 --> 00:16:33,825
And there's no way
he can taste the notmeg.
398
00:16:33,866 --> 00:16:37,078
Yes, I said "notmeg." Legally,
that's what they gotta call it!
399
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:40,123
Ohh!
-Ugh. If this is what it takes
400
00:16:40,164 --> 00:16:41,624
to live with Gurgs,
I'll just move back to my place.
401
00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:43,584
-Fine. Then no more
joint birthday party.
402
00:16:43,626 --> 00:16:45,712
-It didn't make sense anyway.
Mine's June, yours is December.
403
00:16:45,753 --> 00:16:48,423
-Fine! Then I'll call
your friend and tell her
the party's off!
404
00:16:48,464 --> 00:16:51,300
Hey, friend? Yeah?
The party's off!
405
00:16:51,342 --> 00:16:53,636
-No, I will not
let us drift apart!
406
00:16:53,678 --> 00:16:56,055
We are a family
and we love each other!
407
00:16:56,097 --> 00:16:58,641
-Can I stop drinking now?
408
00:16:58,683 --> 00:17:01,185
You're all getting real blurry.
409
00:17:01,227 --> 00:17:04,814
-Not until we're friends again.
That stupid Jake can't win!
410
00:17:04,856 --> 00:17:06,482
-You hijacked my seminar?
411
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:14,839
-Before you start
throwing blame around,
412
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,627
I didn't know that Flobert
was lactose-intolerant!
413
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:19,422
You live, you learn.
-What you did
414
00:17:19,464 --> 00:17:21,507
with those cuddlers
was completely unprofessional.
415
00:17:21,549 --> 00:17:23,343
Sure, I felt like
I was back in the womb
416
00:17:23,384 --> 00:17:25,053
and it gave me validation
I never received from
417
00:17:25,094 --> 00:17:28,431
an emotionally distant father,
but I have a job to do.
418
00:17:28,473 --> 00:17:29,849
-So do I,
but you're not letting me,
419
00:17:29,891 --> 00:17:31,601
and then I'm left
to pick up the pieces
420
00:17:31,642 --> 00:17:33,561
while you're off
to blow up another office.
421
00:17:33,603 --> 00:17:35,855
-Most offices
don't get blown up.
422
00:17:35,897 --> 00:17:38,191
It's usually just people
tuning me out for 45 minutes,
423
00:17:38,232 --> 00:17:41,277
then I find a Quizno's
and eat a toasted sandwich
alone in my car.
424
00:17:41,319 --> 00:17:43,696
Why couldn't you
just let me do my thing?
425
00:17:43,738 --> 00:17:45,531
-Because my thing was working
426
00:17:45,573 --> 00:17:48,326
until you showed up with your
"Smile and Decline."
427
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:52,538
-Hey! That technique saves
hundreds of feelings every day.
428
00:17:52,580 --> 00:17:55,750
You know what your problem is?
You see one way of doing things,
429
00:17:55,792 --> 00:17:58,836
and if anyone has the nerve
to suggest anything else,
430
00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,254
it drives you crazy.
431
00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:01,506
-Ugh. Well, you know
what yourproblem is?
432
00:18:01,547 --> 00:18:02,924
You don't see people as people.
433
00:18:02,965 --> 00:18:04,676
You just see them
as potential lawsuits.
434
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,552
That's why you play everything
too safe.
435
00:18:06,594 --> 00:18:08,179
Probably live your life
the same way.
436
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:10,682
I don't know what trails you're
taking that dog hiking on,
437
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:14,143
but I bet he can handle
way harder ones!
438
00:18:14,185 --> 00:18:16,396
-He is afraid of hawks,
and he has every right to be.
439
00:18:16,437 --> 00:18:18,648
They are killing machines!
440
00:18:18,690 --> 00:18:21,567
Man, I can't believe
I ever thought you were cute.
441
00:18:21,609 --> 00:18:23,903
-I can't believe I thought
of first-date spots for us.
442
00:18:23,945 --> 00:18:25,697
-Well, I didn't know
you did that.
443
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:27,949
-Well, I wish I hadn't,
because you're the worst!
444
00:18:27,990 --> 00:18:29,283
-You'rethe worst!
445
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:32,036
-Consent to ravage you?
-Consent given.
446
00:18:36,958 --> 00:18:40,086
-We were just checking to see
if we could leave, and, uh...
447
00:18:40,128 --> 00:18:42,839
Yeah.
448
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,533
-What's the deal?
Can I go home or not?!
449
00:18:45,574 --> 00:18:47,368
-Run, Dan. Run.
450
00:18:47,410 --> 00:18:50,704
-Wait. What do you mean?
Are -- Are they...
451
00:18:50,746 --> 00:18:53,916
-Yes, and it's evolving.
-Ohh...
452
00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:56,419
Wyatt, I don't know what to say.
453
00:18:56,460 --> 00:18:58,212
-I think you do.
454
00:19:01,382 --> 00:19:03,008
-Thank you.
455
00:19:08,722 --> 00:19:10,933
-You know, I think that was
the first unprofessional thing
456
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:12,393
I've ever done.
-Well, don't worry.
457
00:19:12,435 --> 00:19:14,979
I won't report you to HR.
-I think I'm coming around
458
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:16,772
to the idea
that work relationships
459
00:19:16,814 --> 00:19:18,858
don't need to be
entirely professional.
460
00:19:18,899 --> 00:19:20,526
-Well, full disclosure --
461
00:19:20,568 --> 00:19:22,987
there may be some problems
with my approach, too.
462
00:19:23,028 --> 00:19:24,947
-I don't know.
Making a man chug creamer
463
00:19:24,989 --> 00:19:27,199
seems like a pretty good
team-building exercise.
464
00:19:27,241 --> 00:19:31,078
-Okay. No one said chug.
He could have sipped it.
465
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:32,538
-Well, you'll be happy to know
466
00:19:32,580 --> 00:19:35,124
that we have forms
that address this situation.
467
00:19:35,166 --> 00:19:37,376
-We have a situation?
-We had an incident.
468
00:19:37,418 --> 00:19:41,088
But if you sign here,
thenit's a situation.
469
00:19:43,507 --> 00:19:45,509
You're so good
at filling out those forms.
470
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:48,387
-Let's get out of here. I can
fill these out on the way.
471
00:19:48,429 --> 00:19:49,805
-Let's go.
472
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:54,810
[ Didgeridoo playing]
473
00:19:54,852 --> 00:19:56,145
-Hey -- Ugh.
-Aww!
474
00:19:56,187 --> 00:19:58,647
-Aww! Heh heh!
-Aww!
475
00:19:58,689 --> 00:20:00,274
-What are they watching?
476
00:20:00,316 --> 00:20:02,943
-Videos of koalas jumping
into peoples' arms.
477
00:20:02,985 --> 00:20:05,404
Apparently, that's exactly
how you and blondie
478
00:20:05,446 --> 00:20:06,822
slammed together.
479
00:20:08,491 --> 00:20:10,493
-Yeah, we did.
-Yeah...
480
00:20:10,534 --> 00:20:12,870
Anyway, uh, now that
they're all warmed up,
481
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:14,914
I'm gonna go get
my presentation materials
482
00:20:14,955 --> 00:20:17,500
so I can give them
the full Cleveland.
483
00:20:17,541 --> 00:20:18,918
Here's a taste --
484
00:20:18,959 --> 00:20:21,253
"The lake is anything butErie."
485
00:20:21,295 --> 00:20:23,464
Huh? Ha ha, yeah!
486
00:20:25,466 --> 00:20:27,343
-Everyone's
really getting along.
487
00:20:27,384 --> 00:20:31,097
It's at my expense and I'm
humiliated, but it's worth it.
488
00:20:31,138 --> 00:20:32,848
-Yeah, nothing brings
a family together
489
00:20:32,890 --> 00:20:35,184
like watching their weird aunt
make out with the stranger
490
00:20:35,226 --> 00:20:38,395
they didn't know she was going
to invite to Thanksgiving.
491
00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:40,689
-You should see what we have
planned for Christmas.
492
00:20:40,731 --> 00:20:42,900
-Ugh!
-Ugh!
493
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,819
-Want a splash
of the good stuff?
494
00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:46,946
-Aww. That's mighty
generous of you.
495
00:20:46,987 --> 00:20:48,948
-I've got plenty now,
thanks to Olivia.
496
00:20:48,989 --> 00:20:50,658
-Oh, I can't take
all the credit.
497
00:20:50,699 --> 00:20:52,827
-[Chuckles] Or any of it.
498
00:20:52,868 --> 00:20:54,286
My friend works at the FDA,
499
00:20:54,328 --> 00:20:56,080
and they've been stockpiling it
for research.
500
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,957
So far,
it hasn't killed any mice...
501
00:20:57,998 --> 00:21:01,794
though it did make a few
age in reverse.
502
00:21:01,836 --> 00:21:03,254
-Flobert drank a whole bottle,
503
00:21:03,295 --> 00:21:06,549
and it's not like he turned
into a kid or something.
504
00:21:06,590 --> 00:21:08,008
-Okay, everybody!
505
00:21:08,050 --> 00:21:10,553
Who's ready to hear
about Cleveland?
506
00:21:12,096 --> 00:21:14,849
-I can't afford
to get any shorter.
507
00:21:14,890 --> 00:21:17,268
-Oh. I see you all
met my nephew.
508
00:21:17,309 --> 00:21:19,395
He knows how to work the VCR.
509
00:21:20,563 --> 00:21:22,565
**
510
00:21:22,606 --> 00:21:24,400
It's funny!
39851
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