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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,788 --> 00:00:08,123
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,191 --> 00:00:11,710
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:14,796
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,864 --> 00:00:18,133
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:21,553
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,104
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,856
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:29,878
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,214
Good evening.
I'm Tom Tucker.
11
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,282
Tonight, the conclusion
of our three-part report
12
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:41,151
on bestiality at the aquarium.
13
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:43,015
But first, our top story,
14
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:47,095
a local boy diesafter playing video gamesfor 51 hours straight.
15
00:00:47,164 --> 00:00:49,798
He was playing Halo,
now he has a halo.
16
00:00:49,867 --> 00:00:51,627
Just kidding.
He was gay.
17
00:00:51,669 --> 00:00:55,154
Look at that. Big deal.
Stayed awake for 51 hours.
That's nothing.
18
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:58,257
Yeah, I've flown back-to-back
Australia trips that
were longer than that.
19
00:00:58,325 --> 00:00:59,558
I never sleep.
20
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:01,771
Something's been
beeping in our bedroom
for three years.
21
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,995
Bonnie won't look for it,
and I can't find it.
22
00:01:04,031 --> 00:01:06,231
Hey, I got a fun idea.
Let's bet on it.
23
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:09,161
A hundred bucks says
I can stay awake longer
than both of you.
24
00:01:09,185 --> 00:01:11,364
Yeah!
Let's do this!
You in, Peter?
25
00:01:11,388 --> 00:01:12,787
Oh, hell yeah, I'm in!
26
00:01:12,856 --> 00:01:15,156
You guys don't know nothing
about staying up late.
27
00:01:15,225 --> 00:01:16,658
I used to pull all-nighters
28
00:01:16,727 --> 00:01:19,227
when I worked
for that lesbian
carpet cleaning company.
29
00:01:21,131 --> 00:01:23,876
Lesbians have
regular carpets, too,
you pervs.
30
00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:25,178
When you're done with that,
31
00:01:25,202 --> 00:01:27,042
can you help me plug
the hole in this dike?
32
00:01:28,538 --> 00:01:30,138
I'm kind of
a jack-of-all-trades.
33
00:01:30,207 --> 00:01:32,958
Hey, help me fix this gash.
34
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:36,106
Somebody's been
having scissor fights
on this thing.
35
00:01:38,882 --> 00:01:40,526
All right, let's get
some ground rules down.
36
00:01:40,550 --> 00:01:43,750
No closing your eyes
and pretending
you're thinking.
37
00:01:47,157 --> 00:01:48,356
Peter. Peter!
38
00:01:48,425 --> 00:01:49,602
I was thinking!
39
00:01:49,626 --> 00:01:51,109
Hi, boys.
40
00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:53,457
I baked a fresh
batch of cookies
for your slumber party.
41
00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:54,481
Hey!
42
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:55,828
It's not a slumber party, Lois!
43
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:58,884
Yeah, get out of here!
Just leave the cookies and go.
44
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:00,953
Okay.
You boys have fun.
45
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,721
We will.
Just go! Jeez!
46
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:06,090
Ah, I'm already bored.
What should we do?
47
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,504
Hey, let's prank-call Cleveland.
48
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,168
Oh, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, great idea.
49
00:02:13,517 --> 00:02:14,649
Brown house.
50
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,101
Uh, Cleveland?
It's Loretta.
51
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:19,738
What?
But... But you're dead.
52
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:24,243
No,
I faked my death
to get the IRS off my back.
53
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:25,677
Oh, my God.
54
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:28,397
Does that mean I have to
give back the insurance money?
55
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,266
Who's there with you, Loretta?
56
00:02:32,469 --> 00:02:34,481
It's us, you idiot!
She's still dead.
57
00:02:34,505 --> 00:02:38,106
Oh, you guys are more meaner
than The Jerky Boys.
58
00:02:39,375 --> 00:02:41,576
Ah, that was awesome.
Hey, who else has a dead wife?
59
00:02:41,645 --> 00:02:43,445
Mort.
Uh, I got this one.
60
00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:48,383
Uh, hello?
61
00:02:48,452 --> 00:02:50,051
Uh... Shalom.
62
00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:51,219
Muriel?
63
00:02:58,561 --> 00:03:02,480
You guys are gonna lose.
It's been 62 hours.
64
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:04,583
Joe, you're about to drop.
65
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:07,386
And, Peter, you've been
hallucinating all night.
66
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,732
Yeah, whatever, Quagmire.
I got to go to the bathroom.
67
00:03:09,756 --> 00:03:10,889
Where's your toilet?
68
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,761
Right here, Peter.
69
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:19,831
Better cover the seat.
Oh, JK, I'm not fancy.
70
00:03:21,651 --> 00:03:22,934
Ah! Leave me alone.
71
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,679
We are all one.
72
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:41,754
Pizza. Pizza.
73
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:43,372
Peter. Peter.
74
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,342
Damn it, Joe.
What are you staring at?
Pull him off me.
75
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,047
Oh!
76
00:04:01,725 --> 00:04:04,743
Oh, my God, Joe,
when did you start running?
77
00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:07,246
And jumping? And sky-dancing?
78
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,781
He ain't sky-dancing,
he fell asleep.
79
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,586
That means it's just you and me.
80
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:17,439
Yeah, and tiny
Sharon Stone from Casino.
81
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:21,776
You son of a bitch!
I will go to the FBI!
I will go to the police!
82
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,178
Quagmire, help!
83
00:04:23,247 --> 00:04:26,748
I don't see her.
I didn't see the movie.
84
00:04:34,090 --> 00:04:35,456
Peter, wake up.
85
00:04:35,526 --> 00:04:38,326
I need to know if I can delete
your iCarlys from the DVR.
86
00:04:38,395 --> 00:04:41,657
What? Oh, damn it.
Wait, I didn't fall
asleep first, did I?
87
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,043
Wait, what happened?
88
00:04:43,067 --> 00:04:46,684
Wait, wait...
Were you asleep?
Did I win? I won!
89
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,280
Guys, we were all so tired.
90
00:04:48,304 --> 00:04:51,033
There's no way to prove
which one of you
fell asleep first.
91
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:54,459
Oh, yes, there is, Joe.
I got cameras in
every room of this house.
92
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:06,338
There's a naked lady
squatting over a cake
in your kitchen.
93
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,407
She'll wait.
She knows to wait.
94
00:05:23,107 --> 00:05:25,156
Well, it looks like Peter won.
95
00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:27,492
And it looks
like I went 48 hours
96
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,673
without an email,
text message,
or voice mail.
97
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:32,747
All right, I won 200 bucks!
98
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:36,250
And there's a little
bit of blood in my ear.
99
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:39,253
Well, a bet's a bet.
100
00:05:39,322 --> 00:05:41,000
Yeah, congratulations, Peter.
101
00:05:41,024 --> 00:05:42,568
What are you gonna do
with your winnings?
102
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:45,776
Joe, never ask me about money.
It's rude.
103
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,479
We're gonna go out to eat.
104
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,698
This is a great place, Peter.
105
00:05:56,757 --> 00:06:00,158
You can tell by the laminated
high school football
schedule on the wall.
106
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:03,995
I'm gonna go see which lobster
I think deserves to die.
107
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,082
Hey, Chris.
108
00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:08,583
Oh, hi, Pam.
109
00:06:08,651 --> 00:06:11,264
I thought you gave
a great book report
at school today.
110
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:14,505
Well, thanks.
All the credit goes
to Slash's biography.
111
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:16,007
What a maniac.
112
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:19,544
Well, all I know is
you looked cute
while you gave it.
113
00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:22,191
Hey, Chris.
I didn't know you
knew my daughter.
114
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:26,418
Sure, I do. We're in
the same gossip group
in the cafeteria at lunch.
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00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,681
♪ Pick a little, talk a little
Pick a little, talk a little
116
00:06:28,705 --> 00:06:31,017
♪ Cheep cheep cheepTalk a lot,pick a little more ♪
117
00:06:31,041 --> 00:06:33,574
Come on, Pam, we got to go
before they see the tip.
118
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:34,876
Forty percent?
119
00:06:34,944 --> 00:06:37,945
I would've left more,
but he messed up our order.
120
00:06:38,014 --> 00:06:41,416
I'm sorry, I got to go.
I like bumping into
you outside of school.
121
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:43,118
You should move into our house.
122
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,687
You're funny, Chris.
123
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:49,391
Hey, uh, maybe we could
hang out again sometime.
124
00:06:49,459 --> 00:06:51,092
You know, if you want.
125
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,361
I'd like that.
126
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:55,564
Ooh!
127
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,770
See you at school, Chris.
128
00:07:00,570 --> 00:07:03,988
Hey, Chris.
These on her nipples.
129
00:07:05,208 --> 00:07:06,408
Kill that one.
130
00:07:12,049 --> 00:07:14,209
The Hallmark Channel
is proud to present
131
00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:16,334
Hallmark Greeting
Cards Explained.
132
00:07:16,386 --> 00:07:18,147
So, there's a penguin
on the front
133
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,832
and it says, "I hear you're 40.
134
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:22,001
"And when you're 40,
your eyes start to go."
135
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:23,758
And then you open the card.
136
00:07:23,827 --> 00:07:26,194
And then "Happy Birthday"
is all blurry,
137
00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:28,462
because whoever
opens the card is 40,
138
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,965
and you want to give
them the impression
139
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:33,902
that their eyes
are starting to go.
140
00:07:33,971 --> 00:07:36,404
Hey, guys, there's someone
I want you to meet.
141
00:07:36,473 --> 00:07:38,506
Pam, this is my family.
142
00:07:38,575 --> 00:07:41,492
Family,
this is my girlfriend, Pam.
143
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:44,896
You know, Chris,
Usher categorizes his girls
into two groups,
144
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,677
bitches he's with,
and bitches he's
gonna get with.
145
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,934
So is this one you
got or one you gon' get?
146
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,853
Wait. Jerome's daughter
is your girlfriend?
147
00:07:52,923 --> 00:07:55,357
Chris, can I speak to you
for a moment privately?
148
00:07:57,227 --> 00:08:00,111
I voted for Obama once.
149
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,696
Dad, if this is about Pam...
150
00:08:01,765 --> 00:08:03,231
Yes, it is about Pam.
151
00:08:03,299 --> 00:08:04,565
And I have something to say.
152
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,217
Chris, she's...
153
00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:08,052
She's not fat.
What?
154
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,216
I figured
the day you came home
with a girl,
155
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,301
we'd have to back her
through the garage.
156
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,325
A little further, little
further, little further...
157
00:08:15,312 --> 00:08:17,646
Whoa! Whoa, whoa.
158
00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:19,614
Okay, all right.
Now, do you prefer "Fatty"
159
00:08:19,683 --> 00:08:21,482
or
"Miss Boom-Bi-Latty?"
160
00:08:21,551 --> 00:08:24,335
So you don't mind
that Pam is black?
161
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,254
Chris, it's 1998.
162
00:08:26,323 --> 00:08:27,822
Actually, Dad...
163
00:08:27,890 --> 00:08:29,402
Peter Griffin
does not see color.
164
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:30,903
Now, let's go see if
your mom's done listing
165
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:34,613
all the black people
she's ever seen on television.
166
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:38,466
Flip Wilson, John Amos,
Diahann Carroll,
167
00:08:38,535 --> 00:08:40,735
that monster that plays tennis.
168
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,408
So, I saw Chris is dating
Jerome's daughter.
169
00:08:46,476 --> 00:08:48,821
Looks like
they've had some
pretty hot dates.
170
00:08:48,845 --> 00:08:50,979
Don't, uh...
Don't look at my kids
171
00:08:51,048 --> 00:08:53,481
when they're off
doing their private lives.
172
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:56,368
Hey, hey, hey, there's my new
brother-in-law brother now.
173
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,370
Griffin,
you and me have to talk.
174
00:08:58,438 --> 00:08:59,531
What's up, Blood?
175
00:08:59,555 --> 00:09:02,157
Nobody's dating nobody.
You understand?
176
00:09:02,225 --> 00:09:05,760
Oh, don't worry, Jerome.
I already gave Chris
the sex talk.
177
00:09:05,829 --> 00:09:08,596
It's awesome!
178
00:09:08,665 --> 00:09:12,467
Peter, you don't understand.
I don't want Pam
dating a white boy.
179
00:09:12,553 --> 00:09:15,686
What?
Jerome, you're a racist.
180
00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:17,522
Black people can't be racist.
181
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:20,841
We can be way sexist,
but we ain't racist.
182
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:22,610
Sure,
black people can be racist.
183
00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:25,246
They gave Michelle Pfeiffer
such a hard time.
184
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:27,260
She didn't pick that school,
they sent her there.
185
00:09:27,284 --> 00:09:28,650
Coolio had her back.
186
00:09:28,718 --> 00:09:30,763
Look, I think if you
got to know us better,
187
00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:32,998
you wouldn't have any problem
with your daughter
dating one of us.
188
00:09:33,022 --> 00:09:34,322
I'll date her.
189
00:09:34,391 --> 00:09:36,169
Look, why don't you and Pam
come over tomorrow night,
190
00:09:36,193 --> 00:09:37,803
and you'll see that white people
191
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,405
are even better
than black people.
192
00:09:39,429 --> 00:09:40,939
Peter.
You know what I mean.
193
00:09:40,963 --> 00:09:42,675
They're equal.
Separate but equal.
194
00:09:42,699 --> 00:09:44,365
Peter!
Just equal.
195
00:09:44,434 --> 00:09:46,167
All right, we'll come to dinner.
196
00:09:46,236 --> 00:09:49,504
But I want you to
know I'm very skeptical
about this whole thing.
197
00:09:49,573 --> 00:09:54,191
Oh, that's okay. Hey, listen,
I was skeptical about
traveling to Mexico.
198
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,761
I took one step
outside the resort.
199
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,447
Thanks for having us
to dinner, Mrs. Griffin.
200
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:05,953
Oh, my pleasure, Pam.
201
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,506
Yes. I, for one,
say this is long overdue.
202
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:11,676
It's about time
people of color
broke bread at this table.
203
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,311
"Broke bread"?
204
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:16,380
Who are you, St.
Francis of Assisi all of a sudden?
205
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,733
Jerome, you have done
a wonderful job raising Pam
206
00:10:18,801 --> 00:10:20,301
to be a lovely young woman.
207
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,481
You say that like
you're surprised.
208
00:10:22,505 --> 00:10:23,655
I...
I beg your pardon?
209
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:25,843
Sounds like you're saying
a single black man
210
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,854
can't raise a child on his own.
211
00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:29,794
Yes, Lois, what are you saying?
212
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:32,130
You know, before I speak,
I like to ask myself,
213
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,866
"Would Dr. King approve
of what I'm about to say?"
214
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:37,118
Most of the time,
I find that he would.
215
00:10:37,187 --> 00:10:40,171
Dad, I think Mrs. Griffin
was just giving you
a compliment.
216
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:44,859
Yeah, I was just trying to
say we all appreciate
having you in our home.
217
00:10:44,928 --> 00:10:47,979
Oh, so suddenly
we're all friends?
218
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:49,613
Wait, we've always been friends.
219
00:10:49,682 --> 00:10:51,493
If we're friends,
what's my last name?
220
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:52,517
Cool J?
221
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:53,629
Where am I from?
222
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,933
The south part of a large city?
223
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,220
Where'd I go to college?
224
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:59,023
Does it air commercials
during daytime judge programs?
225
00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:02,070
Peter, you only got
two of those
three things right.
226
00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:04,161
Look, I know what this is about.
227
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,108
You're being all nice
just so your son
228
00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:07,977
can get into my
daughter's pants.
229
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,417
Dad, stop it.
230
00:11:09,486 --> 00:11:11,797
White guys don't
want a relationship
with black women.
231
00:11:11,821 --> 00:11:13,699
They just want
a notch on their belt.
232
00:11:13,723 --> 00:11:15,535
You're a novelty
to these people.
233
00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:16,841
"These people"?
234
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,260
This is the moment in the meal
when I stand up!
235
00:11:19,329 --> 00:11:23,564
Wait a minute. "A novelty"?
We used to date
before I met Peter.
236
00:11:23,633 --> 00:11:25,649
So what are white women
to black men?
237
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:29,137
A very pleasant page
in our memory books.
238
00:11:29,205 --> 00:11:30,338
Aw.
239
00:11:30,406 --> 00:11:32,335
Oh, yeah, that's right.
You banged my wife.
240
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:35,876
She did? Huh.
No wonder I had so
much room in there.
241
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,545
Her womb was like
one of those places
242
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,947
where they reconstruct
crashed airplanes.
243
00:11:40,016 --> 00:11:42,617
Look, Jerome,
I know you think
we're all terrible.
244
00:11:42,686 --> 00:11:45,097
But white people
have done a lot
of good things for the world.
245
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,821
Oh, yeah? Like what?
246
00:11:46,890 --> 00:11:48,689
Well, I'll tell you!
Listen up.
247
00:11:51,995 --> 00:11:54,262
♪ We gave you Eminem
248
00:11:54,331 --> 00:11:56,164
♪ And Justin Bieber, too
249
00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:59,633
♪ Even though they dress
and try to talk like you
250
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,503
♪ The music of Taylor Swift
251
00:12:01,571 --> 00:12:04,071
♪ And clothing from J. Crew
252
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,823
♪ And Jon Heder
253
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,842
♪ Also half of Derek Jeter
254
00:12:07,911 --> 00:12:11,629
♪ Add to that
a fleet of soccer moms
255
00:12:11,681 --> 00:12:14,832
♪ Packed into
their yoga tights
256
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:18,769
♪ And so for all this awesome,
neat, wonderful stuff
257
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,638
♪ You know,
you don't thank the Lord
258
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,524
♪ You thank the whites
259
00:12:22,592 --> 00:12:24,609
♪ Thank the whites
260
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:26,394
♪ Thank the whites
261
00:12:26,463 --> 00:12:28,446
♪ You know,
you don't thank the Lord
262
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:30,348
♪ You thank the whites
263
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,199
♪ We gave you Breaking Bad
264
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,585
♪ And all the songs by Creed
265
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,136
♪ All the cast of Friends
266
00:12:36,205 --> 00:12:38,055
♪ And trash like Tara Reid
267
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:42,377
♪ A virtual world of porn
so you can spill your seed
268
00:12:42,445 --> 00:12:44,378
♪ Ray-Ban glasses
269
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,313
♪ Leggy blondes
with tiny asses
270
00:12:46,382 --> 00:12:50,001
♪ Frisbee sports,
and fancy coffee, too
271
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:53,187
♪ Energy-efficient lights
272
00:12:53,256 --> 00:12:57,191
♪ And so for all this awesome,
neat, wonderful stuff
273
00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:58,926
♪ You know,
you don't thank the Lord
274
00:12:58,994 --> 00:13:01,128
♪ You thank the whites
275
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:04,882
♪ Thank the whites,
thank the whites
276
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,802
♪ You know,
you don't thank the Lord
277
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:11,939
♪ You thank the whites ♪
278
00:13:14,744 --> 00:13:18,112
You know what?
That song only made me
hate white people even more.
279
00:13:18,181 --> 00:13:19,630
What about eight more verses?
280
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,549
Let's go, Pam.
We're leaving.
281
00:13:21,618 --> 00:13:24,017
But, Dad,
Chris treats me really well.
282
00:13:24,086 --> 00:13:26,006
He gave me this
diamond necklace.
283
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:27,805
That's my diamond necklace!
284
00:13:27,873 --> 00:13:29,924
Cool it.
I'm trying to get laid.
285
00:13:29,992 --> 00:13:32,359
Look,
this ain't happening, Pam.
Straight up.
286
00:13:32,428 --> 00:13:33,794
You ain't swervin' with him,
287
00:13:33,863 --> 00:13:36,008
you ain't gonna shump-a-jump,
you're not hollerin' at him,
288
00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:37,932
you ain't his shorty or his boo.
289
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,646
Oh, my God, Lois,
I think he just
summoned Candyman.
290
00:13:40,670 --> 00:13:42,103
You're a fool.
291
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,431
I was hoping they'd be darker.
292
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:05,759
God, I miss Pam so much.
I don't think I can
live without her.
293
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,296
It's okay, Chris.
Hey, here's someone your type.
294
00:14:08,364 --> 00:14:10,665
Whoo-wee, Chris!
You're cute!
295
00:14:10,734 --> 00:14:11,961
Stewie, that's Log Cabin.
296
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:13,918
Uh, he gets the joke.
297
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:16,037
I'm sorry, Chris.
Jerome just doesn't think
298
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,871
his daughter
should date a white guy.
299
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:21,875
Black racism is
the biggest problem
facing this country today.
300
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,646
You know,
I should go over there
and fight for Pam.
301
00:14:24,714 --> 00:14:25,914
Absolutely, you should.
302
00:14:25,982 --> 00:14:27,826
You should always fight
for what you believe in.
303
00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:29,283
Like Patrick Henry.
304
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,270
Give me liberty
or give me death.
305
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,322
Oh, that was easy.
306
00:14:35,391 --> 00:14:36,924
I know, right?
307
00:14:36,992 --> 00:14:40,828
Ryan wanted to
give him liberty.
You do the paperwork, Ryan.
308
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:48,336
And nowthe HBO Original Series, Boys.
309
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,416
Hey, sorry I slept
with that girl you liked.
310
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:51,706
Eh, it's cool.
311
00:14:51,774 --> 00:14:53,419
Did you walk around naked
after you had sex?
312
00:14:53,443 --> 00:14:55,876
What? No.
No one wants to see that.
313
00:14:55,945 --> 00:14:58,278
Isn't this time in our lives
so interesting?
314
00:14:58,348 --> 00:14:59,663
No.
315
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,816
Griffin!
Where the hell
is my daughter?
316
00:15:01,885 --> 00:15:04,786
She left me a note
saying she ran off with Chris.
317
00:15:04,854 --> 00:15:06,387
Oh, my God, Chris?
318
00:15:06,456 --> 00:15:09,089
That dirtbag
hangs around my daughter, too!
319
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:11,976
I don't have time
for your nonsense.
I got to find my daughter.
320
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:14,139
Look, let me help you!
I'm great at finding stuff.
321
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,975
Last night,
I found Lois's G-spot.
322
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:17,142
No, he didn't!
323
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,377
I didn't know she was home.
324
00:15:18,401 --> 00:15:20,412
I was able to please her
in other ways, though.
325
00:15:20,436 --> 00:15:21,480
No!
326
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:22,704
Okay, let's just go.
327
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,008
My dad's such a jerk.
328
00:15:28,077 --> 00:15:29,221
I'm glad we ran away.
329
00:15:29,245 --> 00:15:31,044
Yeah.
330
00:15:31,113 --> 00:15:34,599
So, what do people do in motels?
331
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,200
They get naked.
332
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,536
Okay, but all I know about sex
is from Internet porn,
333
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:42,456
so I'm very excited
to try buffering.
334
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,738
Then I'll leave you alone
to get undressed
and under the covers,
335
00:15:46,762 --> 00:15:48,195
and I'll be right back.
336
00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:01,025
Hey, I'm trying to
sleep and urinate here.
337
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:02,671
Do you mind using the other bed?
338
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:03,695
Sorry.
339
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,658
I was the cousin in Vacation.
340
00:16:05,682 --> 00:16:07,247
Yeah, I know who you are.
341
00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:12,052
How do I look?
342
00:16:12,121 --> 00:16:14,321
Oh, God. Are we at that part
of the relationship?
343
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:16,340
You look fine!
344
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,776
Pam, this may come
as a surprise to you,
345
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:21,112
but I am not
an experienced lover.
346
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,514
Don't worry.
It's my first time, too.
347
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:26,317
Wow, I guess
everybody has a first time.
348
00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:28,469
Even Maverick from Top Gun.
349
00:16:28,537 --> 00:16:30,488
Thank you, pretty lady!
350
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:39,363
So,
all those other black drivers
that you're nodding at,
351
00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:40,631
do you know them?
352
00:16:46,789 --> 00:16:48,339
Oh, man.
353
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:49,918
Look, relax.
We'll just tell him
the truth.
354
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,009
We're cruising
around town looking for
355
00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:54,027
a sexually active
14-year-old boy.
356
00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,730
You have any idea
how fast you were going?
357
00:16:56,799 --> 00:16:58,277
I was going
the speed limit, Officer.
358
00:16:58,301 --> 00:16:59,301
He was.
359
00:16:59,368 --> 00:17:01,146
Are you here
against your will, sir?
360
00:17:01,170 --> 00:17:03,837
If you're asking
if I'd rather be at the zoo,
then yes.
361
00:17:03,906 --> 00:17:07,558
Maybe you step out of the car
and we see if
you've been drinking.
362
00:17:09,813 --> 00:17:12,847
I'm too fat to
be in the car by myself.
363
00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:19,720
The police pull me over
for made-up
violations all the time.
364
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,323
You don't know what it's like
to be treated like a criminal.
365
00:17:22,391 --> 00:17:24,125
What's it like?
Bad.
366
00:17:24,194 --> 00:17:25,426
Whoa.
367
00:17:25,495 --> 00:17:28,028
I've never broken
a law in my life, Peter.
368
00:17:28,097 --> 00:17:31,765
I'm a 42-year-old man.
I own a business,
I pay my taxes.
369
00:17:31,834 --> 00:17:33,211
And yet I got to
deal with this crap
370
00:17:33,235 --> 00:17:35,347
every time I step
outside my house.
371
00:17:35,371 --> 00:17:38,973
Makes me so damn angry,
I don't know what
to do with myself.
372
00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:40,558
Well, you should be like me.
373
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,110
Whenever I get angry
I go do some
Footloose dancing.
374
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,634
I'm also thinking
about ice creams.
375
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:27,988
Peter, you seem like a nice guy.
376
00:18:28,057 --> 00:18:30,402
I don't mind having
you in my bar, man,
377
00:18:30,426 --> 00:18:32,626
but it's different
when it's your baby girl.
378
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:34,995
I guess.
I just have boys.
379
00:18:35,064 --> 00:18:37,331
Forgive me for being
a protective father,
380
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,240
but white people have exploited
381
00:18:39,301 --> 00:18:41,113
and mistreated blacks
for centuries,
382
00:18:41,137 --> 00:18:43,671
and I'm not gonna
let that happen to Pam.
383
00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:47,625
Wow, we've driven 55 miles
with the gas light on.
384
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,349
Hold it right there!
385
00:18:55,418 --> 00:18:58,503
Dad! Jerome!
How did you find us?
386
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,338
We didn't.
You just told us.
387
00:19:01,407 --> 00:19:02,673
You okay, honey?
388
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:03,907
Dad, I'm fine.
389
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,621
Don't worry.
Nothing happened.
390
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:09,463
I tucked it
between my legs as a joke
and then it got stuck.
391
00:19:09,532 --> 00:19:13,701
Look, I'm sorry, Chris,
but we got to
respect Jerome's wishes.
392
00:19:13,770 --> 00:19:15,948
Now that I understand
what he's been through,
393
00:19:15,972 --> 00:19:17,850
I realize he's a good man
who has reason
394
00:19:17,874 --> 00:19:19,702
to be a little
suspicious of whitey.
395
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,792
Thank you for understanding,
Peter.
396
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:22,904
Jerome is right.
397
00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:24,389
White is white, black is black,
398
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,659
got to keep the races
completely separate.
399
00:19:26,683 --> 00:19:29,083
That wasn't exactly my point.
400
00:19:29,152 --> 00:19:31,792
Chris,
from now on, I don't want you
talking to any black people.
401
00:19:31,854 --> 00:19:34,589
How the hell am I
supposed to get through
airport security?
402
00:19:34,657 --> 00:19:37,570
We'll figure it out.
It's the least we
can do for Jerome.
403
00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,594
Isn't that right, Jerome?
404
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:47,184
Is that the lesson
you want me to learn, Dad?
405
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:49,620
No, baby.
406
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,323
You know, Peter,
maybe I did overreact.
407
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,458
Just 'cause I've experienced
some hard times
408
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,861
doesn't mean this generation
can't teach us a thing or two.
409
00:19:59,015 --> 00:20:01,581
All right,
if these kids want to date,
410
00:20:01,651 --> 00:20:04,201
then I guess
that's okay with me.
411
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:11,926
It takes a man
with a crazy big hog
to admit when he's wrong.
412
00:20:11,994 --> 00:20:13,260
Thanks, Peter.
413
00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:19,895
Hey, Jerome,
you want to help me
kill Randy Quaid?
414
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:21,034
Who?
32173
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