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1
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♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:07,990
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,058 --> 00:00:11,560
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,629 --> 00:00:14,712
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:18,066
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,135 --> 00:00:21,420
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,015
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:23,039 --> 00:00:24,723
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:29,878
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,028
We now return to
11
00:00:36,052 --> 00:00:38,920
An Early Draft of
A Streetcar Named Desire.
12
00:00:38,989 --> 00:00:42,007
Deb! Deb!
13
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:46,027
Debbie!
14
00:00:46,096 --> 00:00:48,808
Good night, Lois.
Sorry about
hitting you at dinner.
15
00:00:48,832 --> 00:00:51,232
It was nice of the manager
not to call the cops.
16
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:54,002
Yeah, it worked out.
Happy anniversary.
17
00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:56,004
Hey, hey!
18
00:00:56,072 --> 00:00:59,274
I can't remember ifI'm supposed to sleepon my stomach or my back.
19
00:00:59,343 --> 00:01:01,053
What does the current
literature say?
20
00:01:01,077 --> 00:01:02,511
Peter, go check on Stewie.
21
00:01:02,579 --> 00:01:03,579
Fine.
22
00:01:06,282 --> 00:01:08,717
And don't stop along
the way to do graffiti.
23
00:01:08,785 --> 00:01:11,419
But how else will
people know that I rule?
24
00:01:12,723 --> 00:01:14,784
Oh, my God, look at you.
You're out of breath.
25
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:17,359
It's 15 feet from
your door to mine.
26
00:01:17,427 --> 00:01:20,261
Aw, what's the matter, Stewie?
You a little scared in here?
27
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,163
Don't worry,
there's no monsters.
28
00:01:22,232 --> 00:01:23,576
Of course there's no monsters.
29
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,183
Or are you worried
about what happened
30
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,752
to that family down the street?
31
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,419
Those three guys broke in,
32
00:01:28,488 --> 00:01:30,168
beat up the father
with a croquet mallet,
33
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,256
and then stole the baby,
34
00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:33,258
and nobody knows
where the baby is now?
35
00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:35,004
Is that what you're
thinking about, buddy?
36
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,106
I am now!
37
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,450
Tell you what, Daddy'll read you
38
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:39,764
a bedtime story.
39
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:42,434
Ah, let's see.
Dr. Seuss, Peter Rabbit...
40
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:45,521
Ah, here we go,
James Michener's Hawaii.
41
00:01:45,589 --> 00:01:47,856
Let's skip three feet in.
42
00:01:47,925 --> 00:01:49,625
Aah, Pearl Harbor!
43
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,443
Okay, let's see, uh...
44
00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:53,478
Ah, here we go.
Fairy Tales.
45
00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:58,716
Oh, not on your lap.
Aah, gross!
46
00:02:00,237 --> 00:02:02,037
Jack and the Beanstalk.
47
00:02:02,106 --> 00:02:04,773
Now, that title could be
a fairy tale or a porn.
48
00:02:04,842 --> 00:02:06,391
Let's find out.
49
00:02:15,786 --> 00:02:18,114
I just don't think
you're looking
hard enough, Jack.
50
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,605
Ah, all the jobs out
there now are terrible.
51
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,885
Be a sorcerer's apprentice.
52
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:24,854
Look, why don't we
just say what this is
really about?
53
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:28,514
I'm not Hank Mesmerizo,
and I never will
be Hank Mesmerizo.
54
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:31,794
Oh, come on, Jack.
You're nimble,
you're quick.
55
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,870
Maybe somebody
would pay you
to jump over something.
56
00:02:34,939 --> 00:02:38,056
I was too fat to jump that high.
57
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:40,136
Jack, we need to
put food on the table.
58
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,659
Oh, give me a break, Wife.
59
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:44,412
You know,
if you could spin straw
into gold or maybe meth,
60
00:02:44,481 --> 00:02:46,097
I wouldn't need a job.
61
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:49,112
Well, then, sell the cow!
And be sure you get
real money for it.
62
00:02:49,136 --> 00:02:50,318
What else would I get?
63
00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,465
I don't know, magic beans?
64
00:02:52,489 --> 00:02:53,922
There are magic beans?
65
00:02:53,991 --> 00:02:56,269
I don't know.
Who cares?
66
00:02:56,293 --> 00:02:57,960
What's magic about them?
67
00:02:58,028 --> 00:02:59,940
Don't get magic beans,
you idiot.
68
00:02:59,964 --> 00:03:02,297
What? I'd never
even freaking
heard of magic beans
69
00:03:02,365 --> 00:03:03,465
till you said them.
70
00:03:03,533 --> 00:03:05,817
If I do get them,
it's you what caused it.
71
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,507
So, you're selling me?
72
00:03:12,576 --> 00:03:14,053
Yeah, well,
you heard her
back there.
73
00:03:14,077 --> 00:03:15,955
She wants her
stupid magic beans,
74
00:03:15,979 --> 00:03:17,841
so the whole world has to stop.
75
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,180
Halt, travelers!
76
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:21,817
Oh, my God!
Why do you look
like that?
77
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:24,319
Ah, all of these stories
were written by Germans.
78
00:03:24,387 --> 00:03:27,522
But nobody can
cross my bridge without
paying a toll.
79
00:03:27,591 --> 00:03:28,874
A toll? Like what?
80
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,020
You have to
name three great
Jewish athletes
81
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,378
or pay a thousand gold coins.
82
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,462
Uh...
83
00:03:34,531 --> 00:03:37,165
Hank Greenberg, Sandy Koufax
84
00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:40,401
and Gal Fridman,
Olympic windsurfer.
85
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:43,922
Took gold in Athens
in 2000 and the bronze
in Atlanta in '96.
86
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:46,069
I can see you're on your phone.
87
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:48,943
Oh, come on,
I'm supposed to go into
town and sell this cow.
88
00:03:49,013 --> 00:03:50,740
Ooh, you're selling that cow?
89
00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:53,844
I don't have much,
but I'll give you
some magic beans for it.
90
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:59,004
That's exactly
what I was supposed to get!
91
00:04:00,423 --> 00:04:02,757
I said,
"Not magic beans."
92
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,871
Look, let's just admit
we both kind of got
our wires crossed,
93
00:04:05,895 --> 00:04:08,196
and commit to being
clearer in the future.
94
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:10,699
Jack, I'm sick of your
irresponsible behavior.
95
00:04:10,768 --> 00:04:13,234
Like when you were
supposed to be babysitting
Georgie Porgie
96
00:04:13,303 --> 00:04:15,620
and his sleazy
brother Rick Porgie.
97
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,334
Hey, Rick, you want
to kiss some girls
and make them cry?
98
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:21,643
No, but let's
thumb-blast them
and make them puke.
99
00:04:21,712 --> 00:04:23,757
What the hell are
we supposed to do
with these, anyway?
100
00:04:23,781 --> 00:04:24,981
I knew you'd be mad,
101
00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:27,243
so I've asked
the band Heart
to explain these beans
102
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,612
in a way you can
dreamily digest.
103
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:31,486
♪ These beans
104
00:04:31,555 --> 00:04:35,690
♪ Go on when
I close my eyes
105
00:04:35,759 --> 00:04:39,227
♪ Every second
of the night
106
00:04:39,295 --> 00:04:41,663
♪ I live another life
107
00:04:41,732 --> 00:04:47,301
♪ These beans that sleep
when it's cold outside ♪
108
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:51,540
They changed the word
"dreams" to "beans."
109
00:04:51,608 --> 00:04:53,686
I was hoping they'd
change a few more words
110
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,355
to pertain to our situation,
111
00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:57,459
but I'm just
happy they did this.
112
00:04:57,514 --> 00:04:58,813
Jack, this is ridiculous.
113
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:01,149
Tomorrow I want you
to go back out there
114
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,385
and look for a job
that pays actual money.
115
00:05:03,454 --> 00:05:05,486
These things are worthless.
116
00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:09,674
I know she's gone,
but can you do
the other one?
117
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,743
♪ What about beans?
118
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:15,680
♪ Don't you want someone
to care about you? ♪
119
00:05:29,712 --> 00:05:32,997
"Mary Davis
gives birth to lamb?"
120
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,383
Holy crap!
121
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,096
Oh, my God!
What is that?
122
00:05:48,164 --> 00:05:51,566
I think those
magic beans grew into
a giant beanstalk.
123
00:05:51,635 --> 00:05:53,329
Hey, where the hell'd
that thing come from?
124
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,865
It's blocking my view
of Little Miss
Muffet's tuffet.
125
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:59,507
Ooh, isn't my tuffet
soft and pink and wonderful?
126
00:05:59,575 --> 00:06:00,909
Ah, damn it!
127
00:06:00,977 --> 00:06:03,306
I need to see that
so I can make
curds and whey.
128
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:04,780
Relax, Rumpleforeskin.
129
00:06:04,848 --> 00:06:07,348
This is a magic beanstalk
that grew overnight.
130
00:06:07,417 --> 00:06:08,716
And I'm gonna climb it.
131
00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:10,362
Jack, what are you
talking about?
132
00:06:10,386 --> 00:06:11,898
You can't climb
all the way up there.
133
00:06:11,922 --> 00:06:13,088
I have to.
134
00:06:13,156 --> 00:06:15,140
My old gym coach is
over there with a whistle.
135
00:06:15,192 --> 00:06:17,175
Come on, Jack,
136
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:19,510
your brother was
varsity beanstalk climbing.
137
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,700
He's dead!
138
00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:35,922
And now
to throw this handful
of change down
139
00:06:35,946 --> 00:06:37,962
because I'm a psychopath.
140
00:06:39,215 --> 00:06:40,649
Aah, damn it!
141
00:06:40,717 --> 00:06:42,316
Thank you!
142
00:06:44,354 --> 00:06:46,232
I say, who the devil
are you? Go away!
143
00:06:46,256 --> 00:06:49,024
Aw, I'm sorry.
Are you taking
a goose poop?
144
00:06:49,092 --> 00:06:52,332
I'm not defecating,
you nitwit.
I'm laying an egg.
145
00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:59,818
Golden eggs!
Oh, my God!
146
00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:03,705
This is probably what
famous black rappers
eat for breakfast.
147
00:07:04,908 --> 00:07:06,658
Who goes there?
148
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:08,993
Oh, boy.
You woke up Dum-Dum.
149
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,548
Fee, fi, fo, fum.
150
00:07:13,616 --> 00:07:17,051
I smell the blood
of an Englishman.
151
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,798
It's odd that you
would speak gibberish
of your own choosing
152
00:07:19,822 --> 00:07:21,256
and not make it rhyme.
153
00:07:21,324 --> 00:07:24,025
How did you get here?
By beanstalk.
154
00:07:24,094 --> 00:07:26,995
How did you get up here?
This is just a house
floating in the air.
155
00:07:27,063 --> 00:07:28,807
I fell from a higher cloud.
156
00:07:28,831 --> 00:07:30,877
That is not what happened.
He's out of his mind.
157
00:07:30,901 --> 00:07:33,546
He just sits in
his room all day
and inhales hair spray.
158
00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:36,020
Well, you can't have my goose.
159
00:07:36,072 --> 00:07:39,374
Okay, two men
fighting over me. Neat.
160
00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:41,387
All right,
we're just gonna have to
quietly run away.
161
00:07:41,411 --> 00:07:42,811
I'll create a diversion.
162
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,546
Aah! Look at me!
Look at me! Look at me!
163
00:07:45,615 --> 00:07:46,615
Aah!
164
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,038
Damn beanstalk.
165
00:08:10,106 --> 00:08:12,919
Hey, Little Boy Brown!
You said you were
gonna help me saw.
166
00:08:12,943 --> 00:08:14,823
I can't find no gloves!
167
00:08:18,765 --> 00:08:20,281
Aah!
168
00:08:40,470 --> 00:08:43,038
Jack, six, giant, zero.
169
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,240
What? What?
Why is that six points?
170
00:08:45,309 --> 00:08:48,610
Oh, Jack, you're safe.
I was so worried.
171
00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:52,013
And I got this golden goose!
Our troubles are over!
172
00:08:52,081 --> 00:08:53,982
Well, our money
troubles are over.
173
00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:57,185
Our sexual troubles are
still very much alive.
174
00:09:04,060 --> 00:09:05,527
Now we wait.
175
00:09:06,863 --> 00:09:08,229
"The end."
176
00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,664
So, the lesson there is
177
00:09:09,733 --> 00:09:12,478
if you steal,
you better be
ready to murder, too.
178
00:09:12,502 --> 00:09:14,446
What do you say we
read another one?
179
00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:17,717
Wow, you got a great
view into Bonnie's
window from here.
180
00:09:17,741 --> 00:09:19,352
Man, how do you
get any work done?
181
00:09:19,376 --> 00:09:21,409
What do you mean?
Lois is prettier than Bonnie.
182
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,812
Oh, I get it. It's worse,
but it's different.
183
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,363
Okay, all right,
so that's something. Okay.
184
00:09:32,255 --> 00:09:34,984
So I got out of
the car to take a leak,
because I'd been drinking,
185
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,720
and I didn't know
it was next to
a children's park.
186
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,706
But anyway,
that's why this
lady has to watch
187
00:09:39,730 --> 00:09:40,940
whenever I play with you.
188
00:09:40,964 --> 00:09:42,797
Both hands on the book, please.
189
00:09:42,866 --> 00:09:45,533
It's my son!
Come on! Geez!
190
00:09:45,602 --> 00:09:47,018
Thank you, Maya.
191
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:50,121
All right, the next story is
Little Red Riding Hood.
192
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:53,230
And if you like
Daddy's stories,
maybe let Daddy know.
193
00:09:55,545 --> 00:09:57,356
All right,
I'm not gonna put
my heart into this.
194
00:09:57,380 --> 00:10:00,292
"Once upon a time,
Little Red Riding Hood,"
blah, blah, blah.
195
00:10:00,316 --> 00:10:02,178
"Beautiful forest,"
blah, blah, blah.
196
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,429
Something, something.
197
00:10:03,453 --> 00:10:04,852
Thank you, sir!
198
00:10:04,921 --> 00:10:07,138
Red Riding Hood was
choosing her clothes
199
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:09,340
for a journey across the forest.
200
00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:12,560
You know, if I had
the guts, I would be
Little White Turtleneck.
201
00:10:12,629 --> 00:10:14,929
And by "guts,"
I mean "body."
202
00:10:14,998 --> 00:10:18,365
Red, don't forget
this basket of food
for Grandma.
203
00:10:18,434 --> 00:10:20,329
This whole thing
is way too heavy.
204
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,181
Why are you putting
a bag of ice in here?
205
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,106
Is this a Coors Party Ball?
206
00:10:25,175 --> 00:10:28,576
Is Grandma going
to be entertaining
Florida Jet Ski people?
207
00:10:28,644 --> 00:10:31,228
Remember,
stay on the path
and you'll be fine.
208
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:33,509
Oh, yes, great advice
from Mother of the Year.
209
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:37,185
You do realize
Grandma lives 68
miles away, right?
210
00:10:37,254 --> 00:10:39,720
You're sending your
child out there to die.
211
00:10:43,693 --> 00:10:44,892
♪ Tra-la-la-la-la
212
00:10:44,961 --> 00:10:46,727
♪ Skipping song, skipping song
213
00:10:46,796 --> 00:10:49,077
♪ No one's here
to call me gay ♪
214
00:10:50,367 --> 00:10:52,100
If you were my son,
I would kill you.
215
00:10:52,168 --> 00:10:54,769
Really? Because I hear
your son is a sap.
216
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:59,340
If you're gonna hit the king,
you better kill the king.
217
00:11:09,286 --> 00:11:11,285
Oh, hey.
You're the wolf, right?
218
00:11:11,354 --> 00:11:13,521
Yup, and don't
forget "big" and "bad."
219
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:15,807
Nah.
220
00:11:19,029 --> 00:11:22,224
So, um, what happened
with you and those
three little pigs?
221
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:24,226
Why did you want to
eat them so badly?
222
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:27,585
It's so amazing
that that's what
people think happened.
223
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,432
First of all,
I didn't want to
eat them, all right?
224
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,801
I wanted to talk
to one of them.
About what?
225
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,235
Well, she was my ex-girlfriend,
226
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:36,060
and I believed I was
due an explanation
227
00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:38,062
about why she was
such a fucking whore.
228
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,942
All right, I'm off
to my grandmother's,
229
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:42,745
but before I go,
I better take
a deep-woods dump.
230
00:11:42,769 --> 00:11:45,129
Her bathroom is right
off the dining room.
231
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:48,055
So, it's either now
or three days from now.
232
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,572
Where are you going, dear?
233
00:11:53,596 --> 00:11:56,164
I got to go check on
my shoe apartment complex.
234
00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:58,833
Old woman breeds like a gopher.
235
00:12:02,071 --> 00:12:04,639
Hello?
Is anyone home?
236
00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:07,808
Ay. No, no.
237
00:12:07,877 --> 00:12:10,345
I can hear
the muffled Mexican music.
238
00:12:12,349 --> 00:12:13,881
Look, if you guys
don't shape up,
239
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:17,034
I'm gonna rent this place
to Goldilocks and
the three bears.
240
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:18,853
Ooh, this is nice.
241
00:12:18,922 --> 00:12:21,622
It's every bit as
darling as you said.
242
00:12:21,691 --> 00:12:23,591
They're gonna fix up the place.
243
00:12:28,865 --> 00:12:30,331
Who is it?
244
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,211
It's your granddaughter, Red.
245
00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:33,801
How do I know it's you?
246
00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:35,414
Oh, come on,
that's a perfect
imitation.
247
00:12:35,438 --> 00:12:38,623
Open up, I brought
strawberry
shortcake and Cool Whip.
248
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:39,791
And what?
249
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:41,637
Oh, sorry.
I mean Cool Hwhip.
250
00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:43,511
That's my little girl.
251
00:12:44,531 --> 00:12:46,131
Oh, my!
252
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:54,695
Come in.
253
00:12:55,825 --> 00:12:57,492
Who the hell are you?
254
00:12:57,561 --> 00:12:59,126
Why, your grandma, of course.
255
00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:01,006
All right, fine.
I guess we're doing this.
256
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,631
My, what big eyes
you have, Grandma.
257
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:06,501
All the better to
see you with, my dear.
258
00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:07,702
My, what big...
259
00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,549
You know what?
I'm sorry, I can't.
260
00:13:09,573 --> 00:13:11,317
I can't do this.
I'm not an idiot.
261
00:13:11,341 --> 00:13:14,558
My grandma is a human woman.
How was this ever a scene?
262
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,028
All right, fine, yes.
It's me, the wolf.
263
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,825
Must we go
through this charade?
It's insulting.
264
00:13:19,849 --> 00:13:21,343
I don't know why
you're complaining.
265
00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:24,363
I'm the one who's about
to get violently
bisected by the woodsman.
266
00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:26,499
What woodsman?
267
00:13:26,523 --> 00:13:27,538
Ha-ha!
268
00:13:39,669 --> 00:13:41,669
You know, I'm not
sure if that's our hero
269
00:13:41,721 --> 00:13:45,256
or just a lunatic
going house to
house murdering people.
270
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,170
Ha-ha!
271
00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:53,331
Yeah, he just did it again.
I think we should...
272
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,449
I think we should call somebody.
273
00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:06,911
Aw, look at
the little guy.
So peaceful.
274
00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:09,725
Hey! Wake up!
We got one more!
275
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:12,728
Now, if this don't
get you to sleep,
nothing will.
276
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:15,019
Cinderella by nobody remembers.
277
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:21,008
A long time ago,
in a magical, faraway land,
278
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:22,877
several women lived together
279
00:14:22,946 --> 00:14:26,331
and, surprise, surprise,
they didn't exactly get along.
280
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,318
Hey, Cinderella,
how's the scrubbing going?
281
00:14:31,387 --> 00:14:34,099
God, we have so
few female characters
to work with.
282
00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,935
You just keep
scrubbing that poo spot
283
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:38,158
so I can come back
and poo on that spot again.
284
00:14:38,227 --> 00:14:41,145
You guys are gonna regret
being mean to me someday.
285
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,264
Mean to you? Us?
286
00:14:43,332 --> 00:14:45,366
When are we ever mean to you?
287
00:14:45,435 --> 00:14:48,819
Remember the time
you told King Midas
to go to third base with me?
288
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,821
Now I'm dealing with this.
289
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,757
I dated him, too.
290
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:04,202
It's so unfair
that we're called
the "evil" stepsisters.
291
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,148
Yeah, I mean,
you'd be evil, too,
292
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:07,967
if your stepdad
was Bruce Jenner.
293
00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:11,392
Hey, girls,
feel my cheek,
it's like a bottom!
294
00:15:13,763 --> 00:15:15,396
He stole me horn!
295
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:20,012
Well, I don't know
what that was,
296
00:15:20,036 --> 00:15:22,797
but the first
one has a parchment
from the Charmings.
297
00:15:24,407 --> 00:15:27,241
It's an invite
to a party for the prince!
298
00:15:27,309 --> 00:15:30,389
I hear he's looking
for someone to spend
the rest of his life with.
299
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,996
Well, it won't be you.
300
00:15:32,064 --> 00:15:34,666
Yeah, there's a reason
this story's not
called Cinderella.
301
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,634
Actually, it is.
Ah.
302
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,819
That does not bode well for us.
303
00:15:41,558 --> 00:15:43,991
Has everyone scented
their crotches with
304
00:15:44,060 --> 00:15:46,527
heather, rosemary
and field greens?
305
00:15:46,596 --> 00:15:49,274
It should look
like a mesclun salad
down there.
306
00:15:49,298 --> 00:15:51,699
Oh, God, I hope
the paintarazzi
aren't there.
307
00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:53,951
Pinocchio!
308
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,213
Pinocchio!
Pinocchio!
309
00:15:55,237 --> 00:15:57,204
Sorry, I'm on the phone.
310
00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:03,861
Now, since we're all
planning on drinking,
I called us a pumpkin.
311
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,045
Wait for me!
312
00:16:09,285 --> 00:16:12,519
You said if I
had a nice dress,
I could go to the ball.
313
00:16:12,588 --> 00:16:14,788
How did you even
make that dress so fast?
314
00:16:14,857 --> 00:16:16,890
Oh, you know,
I have an eye
for fashion,
315
00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:19,092
and I'm pretty
good with my hands.
316
00:16:19,161 --> 00:16:20,527
Unbelievable.
317
00:16:20,596 --> 00:16:22,841
Now I'm worried
about that screenplay
we gave her.
318
00:16:22,865 --> 00:16:24,476
You're not going to the ball!
319
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:27,769
It's for ladies,
not scumbag nobodies.
320
00:16:27,837 --> 00:16:31,205
Girls, shred her
dress and divvy it up
for monthlies.
321
00:16:45,021 --> 00:16:46,637
Well, that's not cool, either.
322
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,586
They're all kind of bitches.
323
00:16:52,311 --> 00:16:53,939
And then they
ripped up my dress,
324
00:16:53,963 --> 00:16:55,874
so now I have nothing to wear.
325
00:16:55,898 --> 00:16:59,032
Well, sometimes
"nothing to wear"
is a fun time.
326
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,651
You know, just get weird.
327
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:06,323
Cinderella,
I am your fairy godmother.
328
00:17:06,392 --> 00:17:07,925
"Fairy" in the magical sense,
329
00:17:07,993 --> 00:17:09,694
not about kissing guys.
330
00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:11,312
Oh, my God!
331
00:17:11,380 --> 00:17:14,915
I want that bitch
Snow White to just admit
she had an abortion.
332
00:17:14,984 --> 00:17:18,669
Whoa, whoa!
I was thinking more like
a new dress for the party.
333
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:21,138
Or a bunch of chew toys.
Your choice.
334
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,685
Chew toys.
Take the chew toys.
335
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,829
A new dress?
Well, that means I
could go to the ball!
336
00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:33,263
Oh, what a beautiful dress.
337
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,297
But how will I get to the ball?
338
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:37,321
I don't have
a horse or a carriage.
339
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,908
Oh, yeah, that's...
Yeah, just change me
into whatever.
340
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,414
Yeah, that's cool. Thanks.
341
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,227
Well, is everything
all right in here?
342
00:17:49,251 --> 00:17:51,902
This hurts!
This hurts!
343
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,482
This ball is kind of lame.
344
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:08,118
All these royal types
are inbreeding,
walleyed, bucktooth monsters
345
00:18:08,187 --> 00:18:10,154
who have to be wheeled
around under a blanket.
346
00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:13,340
I say!
Wherever is
Grandmum-mum?
347
00:18:13,409 --> 00:18:16,510
She would so enjoy
the festoonities!
348
00:18:16,579 --> 00:18:17,712
That's not a word, sir.
349
00:18:17,780 --> 00:18:20,814
My mind races from the damp!
350
00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:22,500
Hey, how are you?
351
00:18:22,552 --> 00:18:24,835
Hey, hi, there.
Thanks for coming.
352
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,504
These are my daughters,
353
00:18:26,572 --> 00:18:30,608
and they will do anything
to be your princess,
right, girls?
354
00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:32,037
See anything you like?
355
00:18:32,061 --> 00:18:34,962
Oh, my butthole
is so tight today.
356
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,396
Ew, you guys are gross.
357
00:18:36,465 --> 00:18:39,350
But stick around
in case I don't
find anyone else.
358
00:18:44,741 --> 00:18:49,176
Okay, first of all,
obviously the dress. Wow.
359
00:18:49,245 --> 00:18:51,212
And you smell
slightly less worse
360
00:18:51,281 --> 00:18:53,214
than everyone
else in the kingdom.
361
00:18:53,283 --> 00:18:56,216
Oh, why, thank you,
I just bathed last year.
362
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:16,153
Whatever they play
next is our song.
363
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:21,876
What is that?
364
00:19:21,944 --> 00:19:25,424
Something else
that had a fairy
tale beginning.
365
00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:33,721
Hey, where you going?
Come back here!
366
00:19:33,789 --> 00:19:36,857
You brushed up against it!
You got to take
care of it now!
367
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:49,269
Wait, wait, you forgot
your glass slipper.
368
00:19:52,175 --> 00:19:55,726
And a box of condoms.
Aw, man!
Things were gonna happen.
369
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,502
We almost kissed.
370
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:07,115
Why couldn't
the magic have lasted
five more minutes?
371
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:10,207
Now I'll never get to be
a rich, do-nothing wife.
372
00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:12,810
Sorry your dreams
haven't come true.
373
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,948
My Lord,
there is no sign of her,
and we searched far.
374
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:24,805
Did you search wide?
No.
375
00:20:24,874 --> 00:20:27,073
You got to search wide,
that's like half of it.
376
00:20:28,710 --> 00:20:31,378
And so the prince searched
all over the kingdom
377
00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:33,847
for the foot that
fit the glass slipper.
378
00:20:33,916 --> 00:20:35,433
Well, not "all" over.
379
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:37,851
He skipped the,
uh, south side of town,
380
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,654
which, uh,even in fairy tale times,was, um...
381
00:20:41,790 --> 00:20:43,657
Let's just say "loud."
382
00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:51,215
And so, whoever
fits in this slipper
will be my princess.
383
00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:54,251
Or prince. I'm bi.
384
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,788
Oh, there's my slipper!
Oh, I've been looking
all over for it.
385
00:20:57,856 --> 00:21:00,524
Well, when I'm not
doing gymnastics.
386
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,526
This could be your life.
387
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,261
Enough!
388
00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:07,764
It's you.
389
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:08,882
Her?
390
00:21:20,095 --> 00:21:22,045
I can't wait to make love to you
391
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,716
a hundred years before
the invention of toilet paper.
392
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,802
And so, two people
who danced together one time
393
00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:32,206
entered into an ill-advised,
long-term relationship.
394
00:21:32,275 --> 00:21:34,803
And they livedhappily ever afterfor seven months
395
00:21:34,827 --> 00:21:36,438
and then separated
with the goal of
396
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:38,612
fixing themselves
and getting back together.
397
00:21:38,681 --> 00:21:41,082
They got into a huge fight
when his mom got sick.
398
00:21:41,150 --> 00:21:43,395
And now they don'teven follow each otheron Twitter.
399
00:21:52,161 --> 00:21:53,911
Good night, Stewie.
400
00:21:56,198 --> 00:21:57,914
Good night, Chris.
401
00:21:59,385 --> 00:22:00,968
Good night, Meg.
31051
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