Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,052 --> 00:00:04,903
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:08,223
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,291 --> 00:00:11,877
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,963
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:18,217
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:21,636
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,705 --> 00:00:23,199
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,890
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:29,928
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,185 --> 00:00:37,819
We now return to Muppet Babies.
11
00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:40,772
Piggy, I don't thinkKermie Junioris doing so well.
12
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:44,576
Kill me!
I'm in constant pain!
13
00:00:47,197 --> 00:00:48,480
Oh, hey, Quagmire.
14
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,427
Hey, Peter, do you mind
if I hang out here a while?
15
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:53,719
I accidentally
made eye contact
with a transvestite at a bar,
16
00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:55,087
and he followed me home.
17
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,550
You knew what you
were staring at!
18
00:00:56,574 --> 00:00:57,739
Get out of here, you mess!
19
00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:59,486
You were far away!
I didn't know what you were!
20
00:00:59,510 --> 00:01:00,620
You know you want me!
21
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:01,910
Shut up! Now go home!
22
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,194
Nobody saw me come here!
23
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:04,362
I said, shut up!
24
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:05,691
Sneak around back.
25
00:01:05,715 --> 00:01:07,594
Oh, sure.
Come on in, Quagmire.
26
00:01:07,618 --> 00:01:09,946
Oh, you don't have to
take your shoes off.
Our house sucks.
27
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:12,616
So, Quagmire,
if you're some kind
of big ladies' man,
28
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,840
how come I never see you
wearing a necklace?
29
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,075
I, uh... That's not
really my thing.
30
00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:18,276
I'll get you one.
31
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:19,345
Please don't.
32
00:01:19,396 --> 00:01:21,012
Hey, come on!
33
00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:23,922
The guy wants to
get you a necklace,
let him get you a necklace!
34
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,006
Ah! Ah!
There's a bee in here!
35
00:01:32,075 --> 00:01:33,875
Ah!
Ah!
36
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,377
♪ Ah... ♪
37
00:01:36,446 --> 00:01:38,446
Can you take it up here?
38
00:01:41,585 --> 00:01:43,635
Wow, we sound amazing together!
39
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,297
I know!
That was incredible!
40
00:01:45,321 --> 00:01:46,666
You know, we should
do something with this.
41
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,690
Yeah, maybe we could
open up a mattress store.
42
00:01:48,759 --> 00:01:49,936
Or we could try singing.
43
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,543
Yeah, singing, that's good!
44
00:01:51,595 --> 00:01:54,563
Wow, finally,
something in my life that
makes me feel special.
45
00:01:54,631 --> 00:01:56,509
I mean, except for when
I had those cow udders.
46
00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:58,283
So, as you can see,
47
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:01,331
the fiscal projections
for the fourth quarter
make this thing a slam dunk.
48
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,587
Any questions?
49
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,389
Not about my cow udders.
50
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:06,602
All right, then,
looks like we got
ourselves a deal.
51
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,907
This is cause for celebration.
52
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,150
I don't care, I'm not driving.
53
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,201
Okay, what do you
got for a lyric?
54
00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:24,053
"I put a booger
on a painting
at the museum."
55
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:25,222
Is that anything?
56
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,445
Maybe, maybe.
57
00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,062
All right, I got one.
58
00:02:28,798 --> 00:02:32,050
♪ Alyssa Milano
59
00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:34,486
♪ I knew you were gonna be hot
60
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,705
♪ When you were nine ♪
61
00:02:36,774 --> 00:02:38,072
How about this?
62
00:02:38,141 --> 00:02:42,277
♪ Every food tastes good
with melted cheese
63
00:02:42,346 --> 00:02:46,314
♪ I like twins,
unless they're Siamese ♪
64
00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:48,717
There you go!
Now we're jazzin'.
65
00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:54,656
♪ Don't store your condoms
in your billfold
66
00:02:54,725 --> 00:02:58,293
♪ Those things don't work
if they get dry and old
67
00:02:58,362 --> 00:03:01,162
♪ Broken rubber
68
00:03:01,231 --> 00:03:05,267
♪ Broken rubber! ♪
69
00:03:05,335 --> 00:03:07,347
Guys, I'm trying
to do something up here
70
00:03:07,371 --> 00:03:10,571
that works better
if I don't hear men singing!
71
00:03:10,641 --> 00:03:11,841
Oh, damn, we're out of paper.
72
00:03:11,875 --> 00:03:13,319
We'll get some
more down at Mort's.
73
00:03:13,343 --> 00:03:15,054
But, Quagmire,
we are on fire here!
74
00:03:15,078 --> 00:03:17,757
We're gonna
be the best thing
since sliced bread!
75
00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:19,097
I'd like a sandwich,
76
00:03:19,166 --> 00:03:22,467
but I don't feel like eating
two whole loaves of bread.
77
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,885
Tough shit!
78
00:03:27,891 --> 00:03:29,769
Hey, do you mind
paying for this?
I don't have any cash.
79
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,304
Sure, I'll just put
it on my credit card.
80
00:03:31,328 --> 00:03:32,994
I'm never gonna
pay it back anyway.
81
00:03:33,063 --> 00:03:38,016
♪ 'Cause I have $30,000
in credit card debt
82
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:41,336
♪ When they callI tell them Ican't pay it back yet
83
00:03:41,405 --> 00:03:42,754
♪ Credit card debt
84
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:45,640
♪ Tomorrow I may buy myself
a dining room set
85
00:03:45,708 --> 00:03:46,908
♪ Or this Boba Fett!
86
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,144
♪ Credit card debt,
credit card debt
87
00:03:49,212 --> 00:03:50,528
♪ Credit card debt ♪
88
00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:51,846
What is that sound?
89
00:03:51,915 --> 00:03:54,750
It's like two Mandy Patinkins
walked into my store!
90
00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,762
Was that
you guys singing?
Yeah.
91
00:03:56,786 --> 00:03:58,353
That was beautiful.
92
00:03:58,421 --> 00:04:01,389
And it must be original,
because I know
every song about money,
93
00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:03,424
and I've never
heard that one before.
94
00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:05,388
Well, it was based
on actual events.
95
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,813
Although, I don't have
as cavalier an attitude
96
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:10,126
toward my debt as
the song suggests.
97
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:13,684
I'm actually up most nights
with severe panic attacks.
98
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:16,732
I've taken to
throwing up in the yard
so my wife won't hear me.
99
00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:19,657
Well, you guys have
got something special
with those harmonies.
100
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:22,138
They could give me
five years' salary,
tax free,
101
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:23,806
and it wouldn't put
a dent in my problem.
102
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,692
You really think
we're good?
Oh, yeah.
103
00:04:25,716 --> 00:04:26,765
And I should know.
104
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,433
Back in the 1970s,
I used to have
105
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,535
my own record label, Mort Town.
106
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:35,123
I managed all
the hottest disco acts.
107
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:37,542
I even managed Earth,
Wind, Fire & Pollen
108
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:40,261
for a little while,
but I had to give it up.
109
00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:41,696
♪ Do you remember
110
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,233
♪ The 21st night, September? ♪
111
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,286
Oh!
112
00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:50,255
September is
the worst month for pollen!
113
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:51,506
I had it all.
114
00:04:51,575 --> 00:04:53,758
But it soon all came
to a very ugly end.
115
00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,160
How come?
116
00:04:55,229 --> 00:04:57,812
I got addicted to olives.
They were everywhere.
117
00:04:57,881 --> 00:05:00,465
It was so easy to
get your hands on them.
118
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:04,286
By 1975, the olives had control.
119
00:05:04,354 --> 00:05:06,054
It was awful.
120
00:05:06,123 --> 00:05:09,741
I lost weight,my hair straightened,even my voice changed.
121
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:13,194
I didn't recognize the man
I saw in the mirror.
122
00:05:13,263 --> 00:05:15,547
What has happened
to you, Mort Goldman?
123
00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:17,915
You've hit rock bottom.
124
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,951
I'm lucky to be alive today.
125
00:05:20,019 --> 00:05:21,636
Anyway, you guys got the talent,
126
00:05:21,704 --> 00:05:23,371
but what you need is a manager.
127
00:05:23,439 --> 00:05:26,775
Someone with no talent
who can take a lion's
share of your earnings.
128
00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:28,309
You'd do that for us?
129
00:05:28,378 --> 00:05:31,179
Sure I would.
So, what do you say?
Can I be your manager?
130
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,409
You betcha!
All right! Put her there!
131
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:36,934
No,
I've seen your prescriptions.
Let's just say we're doing it.
132
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:40,238
Well, Mort,
I hope I can trust you.
I've been lied to before.
133
00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:42,690
Well, I'm off to work.
Bye, guys! Love you!
134
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,675
Love you, too!
Bye! Love you!
135
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,290
- He bought it!
- What an idiot!
136
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,430
I hate him so much I'm shaking!
137
00:05:54,304 --> 00:05:58,706
All right, fellas,
open mic at the library.
Your first gig. Go get 'em!
138
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,820
Hey, do I have time
to get a drink
at the water fountain
139
00:06:00,844 --> 00:06:03,044
where the water does not crest
above the dispenser?
140
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,128
Sure.
141
00:06:10,687 --> 00:06:13,421
I can taste
the previous person's cough.
142
00:06:13,489 --> 00:06:15,674
Fellow cardholders,
please put your
143
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,975
hands together for
Griffin and Quagmire!
144
00:06:22,766 --> 00:06:25,133
♪ I can't poop
in strange places
145
00:06:25,202 --> 00:06:26,968
♪ Strange places
146
00:06:27,037 --> 00:06:31,439
♪ I can only poop in my home
147
00:06:31,508 --> 00:06:34,342
♪ It's as though I'm
watched by strange faces
148
00:06:34,411 --> 00:06:36,211
♪ Strange faces
149
00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:40,514
♪ It's why I never roam
150
00:06:40,583 --> 00:06:43,423
Excuse me,
I just want to grab
one of those newspapers.
151
00:06:46,723 --> 00:06:47,923
Just grab one and go!
152
00:06:47,958 --> 00:06:50,091
I'm looking for a job, okay?
153
00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:56,931
♪ I've left Stewie
alone with strangers
154
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,666
♪ Strangers
155
00:06:58,735 --> 00:07:02,904
♪ To satisfy my fecal needs
156
00:07:02,973 --> 00:07:07,709
♪ I've put my
whole family in danger
157
00:07:07,777 --> 00:07:11,930
♪ To poop
before my anus bleeds
158
00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:17,369
♪ Home bowl, home bowl
159
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:21,973
♪ You know just what I need
160
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:26,695
♪ Home bowl, home bowl
161
00:07:26,763 --> 00:07:30,681
♪ Poop before my anus bleeds ♪
162
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,185
Aw, everybody left.
163
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,720
Well, this was a waste of time.
164
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,872
I could have gone
hiking with the girls.
165
00:07:37,941 --> 00:07:41,259
We don't hike.
We just wear tight
pants and get coffee.
166
00:07:44,848 --> 00:07:47,432
Well, I guess no one
cares about our music.
167
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:48,827
I thought we were pretty good.
168
00:07:48,851 --> 00:07:50,752
Yeah, I've seen
worse performances.
169
00:07:50,820 --> 00:07:54,172
I was walking
home around 8:15 p.m.
to my car.
170
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:57,169
It was very dark,
and then I heard
the footsteps.
171
00:07:57,193 --> 00:07:59,961
Boo! Get to the sex!
172
00:08:00,030 --> 00:08:01,929
Guys, I got great news!
173
00:08:01,998 --> 00:08:03,042
Oh, what is it, Mort?
174
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,133
I put your
performance on JewTube.
175
00:08:05,201 --> 00:08:07,736
The promoters
of the New England
Music Festival saw it,
176
00:08:07,804 --> 00:08:09,036
and they want to book you!
177
00:08:09,105 --> 00:08:10,538
What? Are you kidding me?
178
00:08:10,607 --> 00:08:13,074
Oh, my God,
you hear that, Quagmire?
We're on our way!
179
00:08:13,143 --> 00:08:15,193
We got to celebrate
like girls in their 20s!
180
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:25,987
Oh, my God, we are so random!
181
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,362
You got booked
at the New England
Music Festival?
182
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,530
Oh, my God,
Peter, that's amazing!
183
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:39,134
I had no idea you and Quagmire
could even sing!
184
00:08:39,202 --> 00:08:40,963
Now let this be
a lesson to you kids.
185
00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:43,471
If you randomly stumble
upon an amazing talent,
186
00:08:43,540 --> 00:08:46,419
and then someone
important sees it
by wild coincidence,
187
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,809
great things could happen
without any hard work.
188
00:08:48,878 --> 00:08:51,613
I'm gonna go
jump off the roof
and see if I can fly!
189
00:08:51,681 --> 00:08:53,559
That's it, Chris,
pursue your dream!
190
00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:54,682
A singer, huh?
191
00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,329
You as good as the guys who sing
192
00:08:56,353 --> 00:08:58,080
Happy Birthday
at Macaroni Grill?
193
00:08:58,104 --> 00:09:00,466
Oh, don't compare me...
Look, they've been
doing it for years.
194
00:09:00,490 --> 00:09:03,891
Imagine, my Peter,
the big singing star! Ha!
195
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,294
Don't forget about
us squares back at home.
196
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:07,473
Don't you worry, Lois.
197
00:09:07,497 --> 00:09:09,108
No one has stronger marriages
198
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:11,666
and more well-adjusted
kids than rock stars.
199
00:09:11,735 --> 00:09:13,217
It's working!
200
00:09:16,873 --> 00:09:18,384
Hey, Quagmire,
you want to get another beer?
201
00:09:18,408 --> 00:09:20,069
Nah, we should
probably go rehearse.
202
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:22,255
Oh, hey, guys. Listen.
I'm glad I caught you.
203
00:09:22,279 --> 00:09:24,790
I wrote up
a few little ditties
I wanted to share.
204
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:25,847
I'm listening.
205
00:09:25,915 --> 00:09:27,475
Though I will
maintain this knees bent
206
00:09:27,517 --> 00:09:29,584
crouch to indicate
I will soon leave.
207
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,431
Here are some of
the song titles.
208
00:09:31,455 --> 00:09:34,072
Wheel Like an Egyptian,
Rampway to Heaven,
209
00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:36,507
Paralyzed by
the Dashboard Light.
210
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,808
Joe, you're not in the group.
211
00:09:37,861 --> 00:09:39,878
Look, guys,
I could really use this.
212
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:43,481
Music is the only thing
that puts a smile on
my face these days.
213
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:45,799
Yeah. It's even more
of a "no" now.
214
00:09:52,709 --> 00:09:53,886
What you doing with that doll?
215
00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:55,209
Oh, hello, Vinny.
216
00:09:55,278 --> 00:09:57,389
Rupert and I are just having
a spritzer and some cheese
217
00:09:57,413 --> 00:09:58,746
in advance of the performance.
218
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:00,559
I wouldn't do that.
Why not?
219
00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:03,651
You know, there was a guy
on my old block,
Johnny Chickstuff.
220
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,898
We called him that
because he used
to like to, uh...
221
00:10:05,922 --> 00:10:08,089
Do chick stuff?
Do chick stuff! Exactly.
222
00:10:08,158 --> 00:10:10,036
Anyway, a bunch
of us got together
223
00:10:10,060 --> 00:10:12,727
and beat him with a grill lid
and windshield wipers,
224
00:10:12,796 --> 00:10:15,908
and let's just say,
uh, he don't do
chick stuff no more.
225
00:10:15,932 --> 00:10:17,498
'Cause of the beatings?
226
00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:20,702
Yeah.
He wasn't exactly like us,
so we had to almost kill him.
227
00:10:20,770 --> 00:10:22,603
That sounds terrible.
What happened to him?
228
00:10:22,672 --> 00:10:24,038
I don't know.
229
00:10:24,107 --> 00:10:26,652
Soon thereafter,
a girl in the neighborhood
married a black guy,
230
00:10:26,676 --> 00:10:29,143
so we all kind of
turned our attention to that.
231
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:34,766
Look at us, Quagmire.
We're making music,
living the dream.
232
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:36,354
And to think, just last week,
233
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:39,337
my only creative outlet
was picking
hockey fights at work.
234
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:43,357
Griffin,
I need these shipping reports
filled out by 5:00 today.
235
00:10:49,165 --> 00:10:50,843
Peter, check it out!
It's Bob Dylan!
236
00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:52,533
Oh, my God!
I got to go talk to him.
237
00:10:52,602 --> 00:10:55,787
He is the greatest
living overrated singer.
238
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:59,207
Hey, Mr. Dylan,
did the song
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man
239
00:10:59,276 --> 00:11:01,087
spring from an actual experience
240
00:11:01,111 --> 00:11:04,112
of not being able
to get the attention
of someone playing tambourine?
241
00:11:04,181 --> 00:11:06,114
Yes.
Wow.
242
00:11:06,183 --> 00:11:07,593
Well, did you get his attention?
243
00:11:07,617 --> 00:11:08,749
You tell me.
244
00:11:08,818 --> 00:11:10,768
We own five houses.
245
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,623
Hey, Peter,
I just wanted to
wish you good luck.
246
00:11:15,691 --> 00:11:18,054
Oh, that's great.
Thank you so much.
What's your name, honey?
247
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,610
It's me, Lois.
248
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:22,141
All right, backstage whore,
here's the key
to my hotel room.
249
00:11:22,165 --> 00:11:24,310
You can flush
the dump I left in there.
What?
250
00:11:24,334 --> 00:11:28,136
Ladies and gentlemen,please welcomeGriffin and Quagmire!
251
00:11:28,204 --> 00:11:29,404
Peter, we're on!
252
00:11:36,212 --> 00:11:38,396
♪ Have you ever put
butter on a Pop-Tart?
253
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,665
♪ It's so friggin' good
254
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,900
♪ Have you ever put
butter on a Pop-Tart?
255
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:46,221
♪ If you haven't,
then I think you should
256
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:47,984
♪ I was sittin' in
the kitchen one day
257
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:49,852
♪ And I was itchin'
to fill up my belly
258
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,961
♪ With the pipin' hot jellyOf the best damntreat in the world
259
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,595
♪ He's talking Pop-Tarts!
260
00:11:54,664 --> 00:11:56,425
♪ And I saw a stick of butter
and it almost made me shudder
261
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:59,717
♪ And scream like a baby girl
262
00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,998
♪ I don't want a giant penis
or a rocket trip to Venus
263
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:04,222
♪ I don't want
to win the lottery
264
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,468
♪ I just want tosquat and gobbleTill I'm dizzy and I wobble
265
00:12:06,492 --> 00:12:08,412
♪ In a butter,
fruit and dough tart dream
266
00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:10,962
♪ So I put
butter on a Pop-Tart
267
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:13,198
♪ It was so friggin' good
268
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,433
♪ Have you ever put
butter on a Pop-Tart?
269
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:18,203
♪ If you haven't,
then I think you should
270
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,982
Everybody, come along with us!
271
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,383
♪ Have you ever
put butter on a...
272
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:22,523
♪ Pop-Tart!
273
00:12:22,592 --> 00:12:24,486
♪ It's so friggin' good
♪ Yeah!
274
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:25,821
♪ Have you ever
put butter on a...
275
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:27,078
♪ Pop-Tart!
276
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:29,664
♪ If you haven't then
I think you should
277
00:12:29,732 --> 00:12:30,776
Pop-Tart!
278
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,566
♪ With butter! ♪
279
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,369
Hey, you guys were great.
Aw, thanks.
280
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,360
My name's Ricky.
I'm with Sony Records.
281
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,607
Our company's gonna
be around for at least
three more weeks,
282
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,831
and we want to sign you.
283
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,127
I'll need to discuss
this with my associate.
284
00:12:49,151 --> 00:12:51,714
I don't know,
it seems wrong
to just dump Mort.
285
00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,265
He's our friend.
Doesn't that matter?
286
00:12:53,289 --> 00:12:55,756
Quagmire,
you remember I told you
about that dream I drew?
287
00:12:55,825 --> 00:12:57,469
Yeah?
We're halfway there.
288
00:12:57,493 --> 00:12:59,727
I think if we do this,
we'll get the giraffe.
289
00:12:59,796 --> 00:13:01,212
Okay, okay, I'm in.
290
00:13:01,264 --> 00:13:02,380
You got a deal.
291
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,115
Great! I'm gonna
get you on tour.
292
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,351
This is the beginning
of something big.
293
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,635
Great news, guys!
294
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:10,883
I may have
gotten you booked at
a horse's birthday party.
295
00:13:10,907 --> 00:13:12,518
Mort, you're fired.
What?
296
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,575
Sorry, Mort, but this is
a cutthroat business.
297
00:13:14,644 --> 00:13:16,510
And we need someone
tough in our corner.
298
00:13:16,579 --> 00:13:19,747
Like Indonesian kickboxer
Agoose Banwatti.
299
00:13:19,816 --> 00:13:21,932
Come on. Come on.
300
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,334
Come on, come on.
301
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,003
Disappear, disappear.
302
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:26,904
Come on. Come on.
303
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:35,029
Peter, I heard you fired Mort.
He's your friend.
304
00:13:35,098 --> 00:13:37,243
He's the one that got you
to where you are today.
305
00:13:37,267 --> 00:13:39,967
Lois, my transcendent talent
got me to where I am.
306
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:42,848
Peter, I don't like
what success is doing
to you.
307
00:13:42,872 --> 00:13:44,800
Yeah, well, I don't like
what time is doing to you.
308
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,991
Droop, droop...
309
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,604
Hey, Chris,
you ready with my luggage?
310
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,060
Luggage? For what?
311
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:51,713
We're going on tour, Lois.
312
00:13:51,781 --> 00:13:55,366
Here you go, Dad.
I emptied this out so
it'd be easier to carry.
313
00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:57,701
You're right, it is easier.
Good thinking, son.
314
00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,348
All right, see you guys
in two months.
315
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,389
Peter, you can't go away
for two months now.
316
00:14:01,458 --> 00:14:03,124
You'll miss Thanksgiving.
317
00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:06,144
I'm sorry, but you're
gonna have to choose
between music and family.
318
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:08,991
If I choose family,
does it have to
be this family?
319
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:11,983
Yes, Peter, this family.
So make your choice.
320
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:15,953
Very well, this scavenger
hunt will provide you
with my answer.
321
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,458
Here it is, a penny from 1858!
322
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,761
We're getting
closer to our answer.
323
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:26,214
Wake up, Mom!
He chose the music!
324
00:14:32,656 --> 00:14:34,438
You know, Quagmire,
325
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:37,419
I feel kind of bad
leaving the family like this
with Thanksgiving coming up.
326
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:40,161
I mean, if I'm not there,
who's gonna carve the turkey?
327
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,414
I don't understand!
328
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,478
♪ On a tour of
one-night stands
329
00:14:45,502 --> 00:14:48,636
♪ My suitcase
and guitar in hand
330
00:14:48,705 --> 00:14:53,124
♪ And every stop isneatly planned for a poetand a one-man band ♪
331
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,832
♪ Everyone from
Florida is stupid
332
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:05,403
♪ Everyone from
Florida is dumb
333
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,349
♪ I might not be
the brightest guy
334
00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:09,413
♪ But next to them,
my IQ's high
335
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,802
♪ If they had guitars,
here's how they'd strum ♪
336
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:18,115
♪ Why the helldo you brushyour teeth at work?
337
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:22,136
♪ Why the helldo you brushyour teeth at work?
338
00:15:22,205 --> 00:15:24,338
♪ The bathroom's
full of poop and pee
339
00:15:24,407 --> 00:15:26,491
♪ And now you've
rubbed that on your teeth
340
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:29,309
♪ Like you're gonna
kiss someone at 3:00 ♪
341
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:37,451
♪ Get out of the left lane
you stupid Asian bitch
342
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,089
♪ I don't even know
why you are there ♪
343
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:47,945
♪ I
344
00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:51,599
♪ Have become
comfortably numb ♪
345
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,982
Okay, Mr. Griffin.
Now you've got
your flu shot.
346
00:15:57,006 --> 00:15:59,857
Will you stop giving
him flu shots, man?
We got a show to do!
347
00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:02,760
Ah, Quagmire,
it's cool, it's cool.
348
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:05,496
This is the doctor
that killed Michael Jackson.
349
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:11,786
Yesterday,
I learned the difference
between a train and a boat.
350
00:16:11,854 --> 00:16:13,588
I wrote this song before that.
351
00:16:13,656 --> 00:16:17,274
♪ Train on the water,
boat on a track
352
00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:20,794
♪ Train on the water,
boat on a track
353
00:16:20,863 --> 00:16:24,448
♪ My lady took
a train across the Atlantic
354
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:28,186
♪ I hope it don't
sink like the Titanic
355
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:31,806
♪ I went to the station
caught a boat downtown
356
00:16:31,874 --> 00:16:35,225
♪ I hope it don't fall
off the track and I drown
357
00:16:35,278 --> 00:16:39,413
Ladies and gentlemen,the All-Five-Foot-OneBlack Albino Choir!
358
00:16:39,482 --> 00:16:43,167
♪ Train on the water,
boat on a track
359
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:46,170
♪ Train on the water,
boat on a track ♪
360
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,577
♪ This waitress
is prettier than my wife
361
00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:57,531
♪ I could kill
my family with a knife
362
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,785
♪ We'll sail
around the world by ship
363
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,953
♪ I'll slip her
one big purple tip
364
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:06,674
♪ But first I'll kill
my family with a knife
365
00:17:06,743 --> 00:17:10,728
♪ Yes, he's gonna kill
his family with a knife
366
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:12,341
♪ Irregardless
of this waitress
367
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,876
♪ I will kill them
with a knife ♪
368
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,349
Hold it, hold it.
Stop the tape!
369
00:17:15,418 --> 00:17:17,518
You gonna fart
in this airtight
booth all night?
370
00:17:17,586 --> 00:17:19,932
It wasn't me.
We're the only
two people in here!
371
00:17:19,956 --> 00:17:22,656
Bobby, can you play
back Peter's track?
372
00:17:22,725 --> 00:17:25,045
♪ This waitress is prettier
than my wife ♪
373
00:17:29,699 --> 00:17:32,433
Ah, thank God.
374
00:17:32,502 --> 00:17:34,330
Come on, guys,
you've been bickering all...
375
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:35,819
Oh, God!
376
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,866
We got the album covers
that Peter approved.
377
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,774
Wait, wait,
Peter, you approved these
without consulting me?
378
00:17:40,843 --> 00:17:42,409
Don't worry, they're great.
379
00:17:55,724 --> 00:17:57,391
I can be giggity.
380
00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:58,925
I can be goo.
381
00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:01,395
I can be giggity.
382
00:18:01,464 --> 00:18:02,713
I can be goo.
383
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,366
Hey, Quagmire, wake up.
I got us twins.
384
00:18:05,434 --> 00:18:06,545
Peter, those are guys.
385
00:18:06,569 --> 00:18:08,703
Hell, yeah,
the Winklevoss twins.
386
00:18:08,771 --> 00:18:11,155
They have good
ideas we can steal.
387
00:18:11,207 --> 00:18:14,625
Peter, quit screwing around!
We're about to go on
national television.
388
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:17,544
Now, please welcome
our very special
musical guests,
389
00:18:17,613 --> 00:18:19,146
Griffin and Quagmire.
390
00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:24,830
Wait, Quagmire, you got
something on your face.
391
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,004
Ah! Damn it, Peter,
that was my eyebrow!
392
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:29,606
Let's not make a scene.
We're on TV.
393
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:35,379
♪ You never should look
at your mother's boobies
394
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:39,550
♪ No matter how
big and round they are
395
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:43,754
♪ You'll end upseeing somethingyou don't wanna
396
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:47,959
♪ It's guaranteed
to leave a mental scar
397
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:52,063
♪ You never should look
at your daddy's penis
398
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:56,200
♪ When he'swalking down the hallon Sunday morn
399
00:18:56,269 --> 00:19:00,404
♪ An acorn in a bed of hairis all you're gonnasee down there
400
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:04,375
♪ It'll make you wish
you weren't even born
401
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:08,512
♪ Parents are gross,
parents are gross
402
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:12,466
♪ Parents are gross,
parents are gross... ♪
403
00:19:12,535 --> 00:19:14,775
Come on, you.
Get out of there.
404
00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:17,171
My pick's in here.
405
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,076
Come on!
406
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,540
Come...
It just skipped
right over the strings!
407
00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:34,622
Yup, there it goes again.
I saw it! I totally saw it!
408
00:19:34,690 --> 00:19:35,856
All right, that's it!
409
00:19:38,477 --> 00:19:40,461
There! You see
your pick now?
410
00:19:40,529 --> 00:19:43,108
I actually don't.
The floor has
a lot of textures.
411
00:19:43,132 --> 00:19:45,166
All right, we're done!
Do you hear me? I quit!
412
00:19:47,837 --> 00:19:51,305
Hey, your makeup
lady was crying earlier.
What was that about?
413
00:19:51,374 --> 00:19:53,040
This is my time.
414
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:56,910
Don't ever fucking talk
to me during my time!
415
00:20:01,317 --> 00:20:03,317
Well, kids, Happy Thanksgiving.
416
00:20:03,386 --> 00:20:06,553
Now, everyone hurry up
and eat so we can go risk
our lives at Wal-Mart.
417
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,255
I wish Dad was here.
418
00:20:08,323 --> 00:20:09,885
Meg, could you zip up your fly?
419
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,419
That's kind of
wafting over here.
420
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:16,613
♪ I can't poop
in strange places...
421
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:17,814
Peter?
Dad?
422
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:20,150
Oh, boy. Larry,
you got to get out of here.
423
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,646
It's been a great two months!
424
00:20:21,670 --> 00:20:22,970
Meg, keep painting!
425
00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:30,094
♪ I'm so sorry
that I left my family
426
00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:35,282
♪ And that I decided to roam ♪
427
00:20:35,350 --> 00:20:36,962
Peter, what are you doing here?
428
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:39,303
Me and Quagmire
kind of had a falling out.
429
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:41,099
And after that, I realized I...
430
00:20:41,123 --> 00:20:43,923
Meg, can you please
stop stuffing your face
for two seconds?
431
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:47,060
Look, I'm sorry
for being a jerk,
432
00:20:47,129 --> 00:20:49,229
and letting a little
fame go to my head.
433
00:20:49,298 --> 00:20:51,098
I just hope you
guys can forgive me.
434
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,284
Oh, Peter.
435
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:57,687
I missed you so much.
436
00:20:57,756 --> 00:20:59,689
Oh, we missed you, too.
437
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:02,293
But I understand.
You had to go
chase your dream.
438
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:04,395
And a part of me
is glad you did.
439
00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:07,598
But now I'm just
happy that you're home.
440
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:08,982
Welcome home, Dad!
441
00:21:09,051 --> 00:21:11,763
So, did you
get a lot of trim
on the road, Dad?
442
00:21:11,787 --> 00:21:13,938
Chris, that's inappropriate.
443
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,260
Hey, you got room for another?
444
00:21:22,297 --> 00:21:23,463
Quagmire?
445
00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,227
I thought you were
still out on the road.
446
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:29,053
I was, but then I thought,
"What was Simon
without Garfunkel?"
447
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:30,804
Wildly successful?
448
00:21:30,873 --> 00:21:34,458
Yeah, but all that success
would mean nothing
if I lost my best friend.
449
00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:36,410
Do you...
You think you can forgive me?
450
00:21:36,478 --> 00:21:38,379
Oh, Quagmire.
451
00:21:42,518 --> 00:21:45,430
Well, I'm glad to
have you back home
for Thanksgiving, Peter.
452
00:21:45,454 --> 00:21:47,088
And I'm glad to be here.
453
00:21:47,156 --> 00:21:49,556
'Cause everyone knows
that life after being famous
454
00:21:49,625 --> 00:21:51,976
is even better
than it was before.
455
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:54,244
Let me just grab
my stuff off the bus.
456
00:22:01,420 --> 00:22:03,631
♪ I don't want a giant penis
or a rocket trip to Venus
457
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,856
♪ I don't want
to win the lottery
458
00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:08,086
♪ I just want tosquat and gobbleTill I'm dizzy and I wobble
459
00:22:08,110 --> 00:22:10,030
♪ In a butter,
fruit and dough tart dream
460
00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:12,579
♪ So I put
butter on a Pop-Tart
461
00:22:12,648 --> 00:22:14,832
♪ It was so friggin' good
462
00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:17,068
♪ Have you ever put
butter on a Pop-Tart?
463
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:19,836
♪ If you haven't,
then I think you should
464
00:22:19,905 --> 00:22:21,616
Everybody, come along with us!
465
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,018
♪ Have you ever
put butter on a...
466
00:22:23,042 --> 00:22:24,202
♪ Pop-Tart!
467
00:22:24,226 --> 00:22:26,104
♪ It's so friggin' good
♪ Yeah!
468
00:22:26,128 --> 00:22:27,439
♪ Have you ever
put butter on a...
469
00:22:27,463 --> 00:22:28,743
♪ Pop-Tart!
470
00:22:28,781 --> 00:22:31,164
♪ If you haven't then
I think you should
471
00:22:31,233 --> 00:22:32,249
Pop-Tart!
472
00:22:32,318 --> 00:22:34,101
♪ With butter! ♪
37899
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
