All language subtitles for Mousehunt 1997.eng

(LARS GROANING)

(GASPING, GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

(WHIMPERS)

(WHIMPERING)

Wha...

(MUMBLES)

(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

(IMITATES WHOOSHING)

(GRUNTS)

(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

(WHIMPERING)

(CRIES OUT)

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna kill that unspeakable thing
once and for all.

-Come on, Ernie, no, no.. .
-Stand back, Lars!

I'm a man on a mission!

Look, this is how accidents happen !
Come on, Ernie.

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Put the gun down. Calm down. Come on.

I'm gonna blow
his furry little head off,

and I'm gonna splatter
his devious little mouse brain

from here to kingdom come!

No! You're gonna blow
a hole in the wall.

-Come on !
-It'll be worth it!

-Think of the auction !
-(BOTH GRUNTING)

For God's sakes!

Think of the money, Ernie, huh?
The money!

They're gonna cut our price
if there's bullet holes in the walls.

-The money?
-Yeah, the money. The moolah. Yeah.

(PANTING)

-There he goes.
-Shoot! Shoot!

(JARRING CHORD PLAYS)

Yes! You hit the piano!
You hit the piano.

-Look.
-Shh.

(GUNSHOT)

What are you, crazy?
You're blowing the whole house up.

The only thing you haven't hit so far
is the mouse!

Would you give somebody else
a chance with that gun?

(GUN COCKING)

You're doing a wonderful job.

Whoa!

-You got him !
-(BLOWS)

(LAUGHS)

(WHIMPERS) Get him ! Get him ! Get him!

See you in hell, mouse! (CHUCKLES)

Fire!

(BOTH SCREAM)

(COUGHING)

God, I hate that mouse.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

ERNIE: (OVER RECORDING)
When you hear the beep, start talking.

(OVER SPEAKER) Mr. Smuntz,
this is Vinny from Zeppco calling.

We waited at the square
for over an hour,

but you never showed.

We do not appreciate
being treated this way,

especially after your brother

already turned down
our generous offer.

Consider our proposal withdrawn.

(LINE DISCONNECTS)

-Betrayed by my own brother!
-Betrayal?

Don't talk to me about betrayal.

You should have told me
about that offer!

-Half that factory is mine.
-And half is...

And half is mine, including the half
that you tried to sell.

Yes, and would have
if not for that stinking' bus!

Bus?

You can't leave well enough alone,
can you? You ruin everything!

Me? You blame me for this?

Look! You blew a hole in the floor!

I distinctly remember
somebody yelling, "Shoot! Shoot!"

Yeah. Well, you never
listened to me before!

-And you know why?
-Why?

Because I have no respect for you!

Spending your whole life
in that stupid factory!

It's tragic.

You think I didn't have other things
I wanted to do with my life?

You think I didn't have
ambitions of my own?

-Come on. You loved string.
-I didn't love string!

Well, you could have fooled me.

You and Pop
were always huddled together

running some piece of something
through your fingers.

It didn't matter what I did.
I didn't even exist.

I made him my special rack of lamb
for his 70th birthday.

-Oh, no!
-Yes! You remember.

I slaved over that meal,
making sure everything was perfect.

Did he say,
"Thanks, Ernie, it was delicious"?

No.

He only noticed the string
I had tied it with.

(SIGHS)

He was crazy!

But I still wanted his approval.

I didn't leave, Lars. I was cast out.

There you go again!

Blaming everything else but yourself.

You think you're a success? Huh?

Well, you... can't... cook!

-I hate you !
-And I hate you!

Not as much as I hate you!

-Yeah?
-Yeah. Double. Double!

Give me something !
I'm gonna brain you!

Here it is!

Yeah, give it to me, then ! Go ahead !
(YELLS)

You killed him ! (LAUGHING)

I didn't even know he was there!

Let's think of all the trouble
we could've saved ourselves

if we'd just thrown
fruit at him in the first place.

LARS: Oh, look! He's still breathing!

-Well, kill him !
-Yeah!

-Find a blunt object!
-Yeah...

-There it is.
-There you go. Get that...

-Let him have it.
-I...

What the hell are you waiting for?

-I can't just hit him with a shovel.
-Why not?

Well, look at him. He's pathetic.

ERNIE: Pathetic?
He's Hitler with a tail.

This is The Omen with whiskers.

Nostradamus didn't
see this thing coming.

-Well, he's a living thing.
-Not for long. Gimme that!

(GRUNTING)

I can't!

(CRYING)

Look at him just lying there.

It just doesn't feel
very sportsmanlike.

We gotta do something quick!
I think he's coming to.

(MOUSE SCRATCHING)

Oh. I forgot to put holes in the box.

(CHUCKLING)

Hasta la vista,
you little rat bastard!

Come on. We got work to do.

Two days till payday, my friend.

(IN SPANISH)

(VIOLINS PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC)

(IN ENGLISH) Perfect.
It's the architectural find

of the decade. Let's go...

-Shall we?
-Yes.

Well, it wasn't easy,

-but we finally made it.
-Mmm-hmm.

Ernie, I want you to have something.

(SIGHS)

Pop's lucky piece of string.

I'm glad you kept it.

He, uh, wanted us to share it.
I don't know why,

but I think if he were here right now,
he'd be proud of you.

I think he'd be proud of us.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hello, ladies. How magnificent!

-Welcome!
-(WOMEN GIGGLE)

Lars, you remember Ingrid and Hilde.

-Hello.
-INGRID: Hello.

Oh, ladies, your hair
looks positively biblical!

HILDE: Oh.

-INGRID AND HILDE: Thank you.
-(LAUGHS)

Well, if you will excuse me,
I have to check on my crêpes.

Keep the champagne coming, boys.

The more they drink,
the higher they bid.

Hey! You boys put on
quite a shindig here.

Thank you so much, Mr. Falko.

Mmm.

You know, it would be very, very sad

if you boys put on this auction
and nobody bid.

That would put a real crimp
in our evening,

but I don't think there's any danger
of that happening.

I don't know. There's a lot
of Eurotrash scarfing up the shrimps.

I tell you what.

You call off the auction. Now.

And I will write you a check

for ten millions.

(SIGHS) As insanely generous as that is,
I have to decline,

but I do appreciate
your thoughtful concern.

Enjoy the party.

Are you interested in spooling?

Oh, sure. My father...

I mean, my brother and I
own a string factory.

-Really?
-LARS: Mmm.

Oh.

I would love
to see your factory sometime.

Really?

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Oh, hello, April. What a surprise.

Just dropping by
for no reason, I suppose?

-Does a wife need a reason?
-Ah.

Oh, are you entertaining?

-Don't you mean "ex-wife"?
-Not quite yet.

-Ah, hakuna matata.
-This crêpe. C'est magnifique.

-The raisins are a nice touch.
-They are good, aren't they?

Raisins?

(SCREAMS)

Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats.

We are about to start the auction.

Lars, I don't know whether
to congratulate you or wish you luck.

-Wish us luck!
-Hello, April.

-Hello. (CHUCKLES)
-Nice to see you again.

-I didn't know you knew our lawyer.
-It's just an expression.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,

for joining us
for this momentous occasion,

the auction of our one item
out for bid, the missing LaRue.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

MAN: Before we start,

I would like to introduce you
to the very fortunate owner

of this architectural wonder,
Mr. Ernest Smuntz.

Thank you, all, for coming.

When my father left this extraordinary
house to my brother Lars...

and myself,

uh, we had no idea
what surprises were in store for us

or what was going to happen next.

Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)

When Quincy Thorpe

of the Historical Society
told us of its value,

you, uh...

-you could have knocked.. .
-(BANGS GAVEL)

Us over with a feather.

We...

didn't know what hit us!

The renovation was exhausting,
but ultimately, rewarding.

The house was in terrible disrepair,

but nothing that a few nails...

(MICROPHONE SQUEAKS)

(CONTINUES BANGING GAVEL)

And some old-fashioned
elbow grease couldn't fix.

I'm sure the people are eager
to get to the bidding.

What? The bidding?

-The bidding !
-All right. Thank you.

Thank you, Mr. Smuntz.

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

No matter what happens, keep going.

Built in 1876, the last LaRue
in existence has five bedrooms...

-Did you see him?
-Yes!

I thought so.

-He ate the string.
-What?

-The string. Pop's lucky string !
-(SIGHS)

The son of a bitch ate it!

-Why didn't you tell me you saw him?
-I didn't, I found this.

(ERNIE GRUNTS)

I told you,
you should have weighed him.

I'm sorry.

-Did you see where it went?
-No. But it can't have gone far.

Well, shall we start
the bidding at $1 million?

Now, we all know we're here
to bid on the missing LaRue.

Shall we start the bidding
at $500,000?

Very good. I have $500,000
from the gentleman from Japan.

-Now can I hear a million?
-A million.

I'll give you one and a half.

I have $1 .5 million.
Will someone give me two?

(GASPS)

-There he is!
-(LARS GASPS)

AUCTIONEER: Ladies and gentleman,
I'd like to remind you,

that all the carpets and tapestries
were woven by hand

in an honest valley

-in Northern Turkey.
-(CHUCKLES)

Now, can I have an advance
on 1 .5? May I have two?

Can I have two, ladies and gentlemen?

-Two million !
-I have $2 million.

I have $2 million,
ladies and gentlemen.

-Can I have an advance?
-(ERNIE CHUCKLES)

-Can I have an advance on $2 million?
-(WHISPERS) So beautiful.

AUCTIONEER: Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to draw your attention

to the Lincrusta details

of the gold and silver-leafed
copper and pewter...

-(GRUNTING)
-(HILDE GASPS)

Ladies and gentlemen,
can I have an advance?

An advance on $2 million?

-(HILDE EXCLAIMS)
-AUCTIONEER: May I hear $3 million?

I have $3 million from the lady

-from New York City.
-(LARS CONTINUES GRUNTING)

-What are you doing?
-(GASPS) Nothing!

Get your hand
out of there immediately!

(GRUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)

Wait! Wait just a minute!

-Wait!
-Now may I hear $4 million?

-Yeah ! Yeah ! Yeah ! Yeah ! (GRUNTING)
-Ooh. Ooh.

LARS: Yeah ! Yeah ! Yeah!

AUCTIONEER: Four million.

Four million from the gentleman
in Japan.

I got it!

Uh, the Sheikh bids $5 million.
Thank you, sir.

-I have $5 million.
-Ah!

AUCTIONEER: Five million dollars.

(LARS LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Can I have an advance on $5 million?

Ladies and gentlemen, $5 million.

Can I have an advance?

Ladies and gentlemen,
it's the missing LaRue.

The bidding stands at $5 million,
ladies and gentlemen.

I've got you now, my little friend.

Hold onto it, I'm gonna get it out.

(GRUNTING)

Five million dollars
for the missing LaRue.

-Have you got it yet?
-I'm not sure.

Ladies and gentlemen, will
someone give me $6 million?

Six million.

Thank you, sir.
I have $6 million.

-Hilde, the spool is smoking !
-The bidding stands at $6 million.

-(ERNIE GRUNTS)
-May I have an advance?

(HILDE AND INGRID WHIMPERING)

-An advance, ladies and gentlemen.
-(SCREAMING)

Can I have an advance on six?

The bidding stands at $6 million.

-Seven million.
-$7 million. Thank you.

-Any advance on seven?
-(LAUGHING)

Seven million dollars, I have seven.

(CHOKING)

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

Keep her away from the walls!
The house is priceless!

-Keep going !
-Can I have 7.5?

I have $8 million.

$8 million going once,
$8 million going twice...

$8 million?
You should have taken the check!

You shut up! You...

-Ten millions!
-$10 million. Can I have 11 ?

I have $11 million
from the gentleman from Japan.

Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen.

A-ha!

-$16 million from Ernie Smuntz. Oh.
-No!

-Seventeen million.
-$17 million. Thank you, sir.

I have $17 million. Any advance on 17?

(ALL YELLING INCOHERENTLY)

Good idea.

When I tell you to, turn it on
full blast. We'll flush him out.

Now!

$18 million.

Eighteen million dollars from the lady
from New York City. Thank you.

You don't have that kind of money.

-Ernie?
-Not now.

(AUCTIONEER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

-Twenty millions.
-20 million. Thank you, Mr. Falko.

I have 20. Can I hear 21 ?

(CREAKS)

Twenty-one million dollars
from the gentleman from Japan.

-Any advance on 21 ?
-22 million. That's my last offer.

22 million going once...

-Twenty-five millions.
-AUCTIONEER: $25 million.

Thank you, sir. $25 million.

$25 million.

The bidding stands at $25 million.
Do I have an advance?

$25 million going once,

$25 million going twice...

-Uh.. .
-(RUMBLING)

-(AUCTIONEER YELLING)
-(GUESTS SCREAMING)

Going... going...

(INGRID GRUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)

-Hey! Don't go!
-(GUESTS CHATTERING)

-The water was just a.. .
-(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)

A demonstration of how durable
a LaRue really is. (LAUGHING)

How about that?

Now you know
this house will last forever.

(APRIL LAUGHS)

(MAN LAUGHS)

(SOFTLY) Pop's lucky string.

I guess we got him.

Yeah, I guess we did.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

(SWITCHES CLANGING)

(MACHINERY STARTING)

What was that?

Lars! Look!

It's string.

It's cheese.

And the entire factory
has been retrofitted

to facilitate the manufacturing
of cheese-based products.

I see.

And over here we are developing
our new lactose-free line.

-What is that?
-Oh, that's quality control.

Here you go. Knock yourself out.

Oh, no good, huh?
Otis, more curry.

Okay. Try this one.

Huh?

It's mozzarella and herring.
You can taste the herring, right?

I've also got a great idea
for caviar-brie swirl,

and a peanut butter and jelly
provolone for the kids.

But what I really want to talk to you
about is expansion and marketing.

I think
you should be our spokesperson.

I know some people who've used
a mouse as a spokesperson

and it seemed to work out pretty well.

You see, I want to turn this

into the string cheese factory
of tomorrow...