All language subtitles for LA to Vegas S01E13 The Dinner Party REPACK 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-QOQ_track4_[eng]

Lady Luck
is on your side
fromLA to Vegas.

What, are you gonna put
a sock on the cockpit door?Don't cockpit-block me.

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and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

The kids are gonna love it.

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-[electronic chime]
-[both groan]

Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot!

Oh-ho! Rock beats scissors.
I win.

These aren't scissors, it's how
many months rent you owe me.

[Ronnie groans]

I was hoping it was you.

[seatbelt indicator chimes]

That's not how this works.

This is my boyfriend,
who called because he missed me.

Yes, that is totally the reason
why I called,

but also this.

Is there anything you can do
about that?

I'm sorry, I can't help.

Jackpot's official position is,
"You do you. We've seen worse."

Well, if this is what I have
to put up with to see you

for the next three days,
it's worth it.

-It's probably worth it.
-It is.

I'm so excited.
This is your first time

staying in L.A. with me.

You finally get to see me in
my element, outside of work.

And once I peel off
these sanitary gloves,

it's all fun all the time.

You're not wearing gloves.

Oh, my God. I-I touched
the bathroom door.

Can you believe this guy?

PILOT [over P.A.]:
Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

♪

[slot machine chiming]

[electronic chime]

Ah, thanks again for letting
Bryan stay this week, Bernard.

And, don't worry, we're barely
going to be home.

I have a jam-packed few days
planned. Look.

I have a list.

"Paddleboarding"?
"Hiking to the Hollywood sign"?

"Yoga at Griffith Park"?

You don't do any
of these things.

No, but they're things
I want to do.

Okay, fine. They're things
I wantto want to do.

Look, this week is a big
relationship test for me.

Bryan is going to see my real
life outside of this plane.

I don't want to give off
any red flags

that might make him second-guess
our whole relationship.

Yes, like when I first
saw Tristane

wearing flip-flops to dinner.
Slide away, child...

I'm just trying to put
my best foot forward.

Honey, I get it,
but this ain't your foot.

A linguine tour? That's not you.
I mean, look,

this whole list is written on
an old Taco Bell receipt.

A 10:00 a.m. Taco Bell receipt.

They serve breakfast now,
Bernard.

You had three burritos
and a cup of cheese.

Breakfast cheese.

DAVE:
Hey there, passengers.

As we approach L.A.,

a little reminder--
next time you're in Calabasas,

stop by Calabasics,

the destination for premium
business-casual ponchos.

Half blanket and half shirt.

They're the beautiful biracial
baby of women's fashion.

Check out a sample
on our model in the aisle.

[upbeat dance music playing]

♪

♪ You don't get it♪

♪ You don't get it, get it.♪

How'd you like the plug
for your store, babe?

Loved it. Next time,
could you mention our new

Frances McDormand signature collection of shapeless apparel

for middle school art teachers?

Anything for you.
I'll call you when I land.

Hey! Can I keep this?

It hides all my problem areas.

Yeah. Patricia has a such an eye
for sensible coverwear.

-Hmm.
-God, she's amazing.

Alan, can I tell you a secret?

[quietly]:
Do not blow this, Alan.

Yes.

I think Patricia
might be the one.

-But I thought the sky...
-Is my first love? She was.

But let's face it, Alan,
that's just stuff losers say

when they're not getting laid.

Ooh, I've heard that's
a good book.

Ask me, did I ever read
Joan Didion?

Okay. Have you ever read
Joan Didion?

Ask me didI ever read
Joan Didion?

Didyou ever read Joan Didion?

No, I Didion't.

Hi, I'm Colin...
and of course I did.

NICHOLE:
Colin, what's up?

That's the third woman
I've seen you talk at today.

-You can't blitz
on every down, man. -I know.

I'm just... I'm trying to put
myself out there a bit more.

You know, I haven't met anybody
in ages,

and I can't keep holding out
for Ronnie.

Smart move. And I'd lock down
somebody quickly.

British men age like that
Hemingway quote--

"slowly, then all at once."

Ooh! Ask me, did I ever
read Hemingway?

Do you wantto die alone?

I think he's gonna...
Oh, Bernard!

I was thinking,
and you were right.

I want to show Bryan
the best version of me,

but none of the things I planned
were actually me,

so I talked to Nichole, and she
knew exactly what I needed.

-A new bra.
-Finally!

-Right?
-No! The other thing.

-A dinner party!
-Oh.

At my house?
No, thank you.

Bernard, I need to do something
where I can be relaxed

and confident, and I cannot
spend the next few days

pretending I like going
to those art zoos.

NICHOLE and BERNARD:
Museums.

It'll be small and tasteful.

I promise. Just a few friends
that I want Bryan to meet.

All right,
I will allow this party.

You may invite your gaggle
of Kelseys and Callies

and other girls whose names
pumpkin when they turn 30.

Yay! We're gonna have a dinner.

You still need a new bra,
though.

This dinner party sounds great.
What time you need me?

Oh, I'm sorry, Dave, I'm trying
to keep this separate from work.

Come on, Ronnie. Tonight was
gonna be the night

I ask Patricia to be exclusive.

I want it to be special and
in front of people required

to applaud because
I'm their boss.

Okay. Dave, you're invited,
but please do not do that thing

where you wear too much cologne.

It's not too much.
It's too many.

I layer musk, citrus,
sandalwood, musk, musk.

Hey, Nichole. I waited all week.

Why have you still not responded
to my e-mail?

I didn't get an e-mail from you.
What did you send me?

A screenplay!

Turns out some of my juices
are creative.

-I've written a movie.
-Mm-hmm.

And, as a friend,
I would like you to read it.

I would be honored.
Send it to me again.

Do you have my right e-mail?

Nichole@email.stripper.

No. That's not my or...
anyone's e-mail.

Email.stripper@Nichole.

That's even further.

I can't wait for you
to meet my friends!

Callie works at this fancy
Italian market... [phone chimes]

...so you can talk about how
everyone mispronounces

"mozzarella" or whatever.

It's actually "moo-tza-rell."

Can you just give me one minute?

Yeah, I got to wash the Jackpot
off my hands anyway.

Nichole! Kelsey and Callie
just texted me.

They're not coming.
They both came down

with a case of greyscale.

That's a rare disease
from a fake world.

What a terrible lie.

To be fair,
it's the same lie I used

to get out of both their baby
showers, but what am I gonna do?

They were my most
interesting friends.

I needed them for
cultured conversation.

Bernard, will you talk to Bryan
about cheese?

I will scream at Bryan
about cheese!

Wait, I have an idea. Colin?
What are you doing tonight?

Funny you should ask.
Some online pals and I plan

to debate who's the best Doctor
from Doctor Who...

Instead, you should come
to Ronnie's dinner party

and talk about literally
anything else.

Oh, a dinner party.
The modern-day salon,

as it were--
a meeting of minds and mouths.

-Never mind.
-No, no, please let me come.

I'd like to come.

Did I hear something about
a party of dinners?

I assume I am invited,

because you can't spell "party"
without "Arty."

Oh, I don't know, Artem.
I'm not sure it's your scene.

Yeah, right. I only swam across
two oceans to get to America,

so, yeah, I guess I'm not a very
interesting dinner guest.

Okay, fine!
You can come tonight, Artem.

-Did you say Artem or Alan?
-Artem.

Okay, because it sounded like
you might have said

-Artem orAlan.
-It was Artem.

'Cause there's
a lot of similarities

between Artem and Alan...

You know damn well
she said Artem!

Okay, it's fine.
You can come tonight.

-Yes!
-You can all come.

Just figure out
what you're gonna bring.

Well, we have our guest list.

-What are you doing?
-Calling pharmacies

to see if they sell Purell
by the keg.

I have to admit,
I'm impressed.

You have hors d'oeuvres,
tasteful napkins,

and you showered and didn't just
dump baby powder on your roots.

You see that, Bernard? I'm a
regular Barefoot Contestant.

Uh, will you excuse me?

You-You don't have to drink
Artem's wine.

-I've got fancy stuff.
-No, it's okay.

It's Diane Keaton's new wine.

Look, there's a cute
little turtleneck.

Hey, did you ever see
Something's Gotta Give?

It's a wonderful movie about
Diane Keaton's kitchen greed.

No, no, no.
That's It's Complicated.

Something's Gotta Give
is where she dates

her daughter's ex-boyfriend.

Oh, that iscomplicated.

No, no.
It... [sighs]

You know what?
Just pour me some more wine.

-All the way to the top.
-Good.

[doorbell rings]

-Hey! Welcome to my...
-[Bernard clears throat loudly]

Bernard'sapartment!

[exaggerated British accent]:
Oh, what a smashing flat!

Good show, Bernard.

What is that? Why are you
playing up the British thing?

There it is. You brought a date.
[forced chuckle]

Well, I wasn't planning on it,
but, uh, then Talia and I had

a cinema-quality meet-cute,
and, uh, here we are.

-Ah, where'd you meet?
-Just on an app.

Mmm, Tinder? Bumble?

Uber.
I drove him here.

Mint?

Thank you for your vote,
Councilman.

As the Deputy Mayor,
I'm taking the lead on this,

and I don't forget my friends.

-Sorry about that. [chuckles]
-Ah...

We have a big vote tomorrow
about whether to start

watering the Calabasas medians
with potable water.

Some people just love drinking
from sprinklers.

Not me.
I think all water's gross.

So, I've been meaning to ask.

We might some new people
tonight, and I wasn't sure...

You can call me
your girlfriend, Dave.

Yes! I guess that makes tonight
our coming out party.

Let's show Bernard
how it's really done.

-[laughs] Oh, I'm vibrating.
-[phone vibrating]

-Can you hold this one second?
-Uh, yeah.

Hey, you think tonight we could
just put our phones away

and... focus on us?

Absolutely, Dave.
Tonight, I am all yours.

Nichole!
Do not keep me in suspense.

-Have you read the script?
-Uh-huh.

Uh-huh... Hey, wait!

Can you tell me
what was your favorite part?

-Well...
-Oh, yes, the well.

Oh, that is a good scene,

and I know just the well
to shoot it in.

What else did you like?

Artem, I have to be honest,
I didn't like any of it.

After I read it, I actually
deleted it off my phone

and then switched carriers
so it couldn't find me.

You read it on your phone?
Oh, that's the problem.

And it's not meant
for the little screen.

You must read it
on the big screen.

The screen wasn't
the problem, Artem.

It didn't make any sense.

But it's based on my life.

There were werewolves in it.

Yeah, that was embellishment.

In real life
it was just dog men.

Ah, I'm sorry Artem.
I need to steal her.

-Yeah...
-Thank God!

Um... Dave is here
with your mom.

Does she still think
we're dating,

because I have guests
to entertain, dinner to prepare.

I can't be a fake lesbian
on top of all that.

Don't worry, I told her
we broke up a while ago.

Oh! Good.

I said your drinking
was out of hand

and that you were
a selfish lover.

Well, maybe the drinking
just makes me tired.

Ronnie.

Not judging, but when does
the dinner part

of this dinner party start?

We're out of hors d'oeuvres.

Artem ate all the blankets
off the pigs.

Now I'm full, and you are cold.

We can eat now.
I just have to heat up dinner.

It'll take five minutes.
I got Blue Apron.

To be clear, do you think
there's a fully cooked dinner

in that Blue Apron box?

Yes. It's a gourmet meal
delivery service, Bernard.

Wait. Before you open that,
let me grab my wine.

Okay.

Proceed.

-What the hell is this?!
-Yes, this pairs very well.

You have to cook?! No!

I thought this came
already prepared.

Why the hell would I pay
to cook my own dinner?

I don't have time for this.

You are sleeping with a chef.

No. I can't ask him to help.

This-this whole thing was
to prove that I am responsible

and sophisticated and...

I'm fine.

You go stall
and entertain Bryan,

while I put all this together.

Stall?
Ronnie, I don't stall.

When I entertain it's an event,
a sacrament, an occasion.

At worst, a moment.

-[laughing]
-Hey, Alan, can you
give us a sec?

Patty and I are gonna
take our first

official relationship selfie.

-It's our social media debut.
-Aw. -Oh.

[Patricia chuckles]

Hold on. Let me fix my hair.

As a public figure,
I have to look appropriate

and hide my hands so no one
Photoshops a penis into them.

Ugh. Disgusting.
We can shoot a car into space,

but we can't think of a better
place to Photoshop a penis?

Oh, sweetie. Come here.
Get in this picture.

-She's a big hit with the base.
-Oh.

-Here we go.
-Yeah, sure.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Oh, Bernard!
Come here, come here.

He checks off a lot of boxes.

-What the hell am I doing here?
-Just smile for the camera.

Oh. Why didn't you say so?

I-It's hard to get
all four of us to fit.

Just... this way a little bit.

Perfect.

Nice.

-Your skin is incredible.
-I like the...

Oh, my God!
What happened to the dinner?

The recipe was
gonna take too long,

and I don't know
what to do with a game hen.

So I'm just doing what we do
in Bakersfield

and turning a bunch of things
into a casserole.

Ronnie, that looks like
something already ate it.

I know.
That's why I need your help.

Grab some of that food. Try
to make it look like a salad.

Avocado, honey, oatmeal...
Where'd you get all this from?

-I raided your beauty drawer.
-My quail eggs.

I also raided
your earthquake kit.

My preserved quail eggs!

Sorry, Bernard.
Don't be mad.

Well, now I can't get mad.

I don't have anything
to smooth the lines.

Hey. Bryan, tell Nichole
what you just told me.

Please don't come into the
bathroom while I'm using it.

No, after that.

You see, I told him the idea

of my movie and he said...

Sounds interesting.
Please get out.

Interesting,
like the movie Get Out.

Artem, I didn't like it.

I thought friends
were supposed to be honest.

Friends are supposed to focus
on the positives.

Like when I tell Bryan,
"Oh, that's a nice shirt,"

but never ask,
"Why stupid bracelet?"

Come on.

I was just trying to pee.

Hey, Patricia.

So we never actually got
to take that picture before,

if you want to take it now.

No big deal.

-Full disclosure, I want to.
It's a big deal. -Oh.

You're right. Let's do it.
Let's take it. Right now.

Um... Oh, my God.
We lost two more votes.

My non-potable bill's
not gonna pass.

I'm sorry.
I have to deal with this.

I'll take a picture
with you, Dave.

Shut up, Alan.

All right,
two regular, one silly.

Okay, and this is my
children's book Fish and Chips.

-Oh. -It's two cops,
Carl Fish and Wesley Chips.

That's so cute.

Are you happy
with the temperature?

I can make it warmer.

I'm good.

Now here they are uncovering
a cache of stolen art.

The twist is, you see,
that Chips is the fish.

Oh, your battery's almost dead.

Here, I have a charger.

Oh.

Hey, Colin.

I don't want to be a bummer, but
I've been watching your date.

Are you sure you're her date,
and not still her passenger?

Yeah, of course it's a date.

What, do you see any entry-level
hybrids around here?

Okay. But I'd check the app
if I were you,

because she's being
tip-conscious level nice,

and you're cute, but not
"pick up an Uber driver" cute.

Thank you for the ego-bruising
concern, but I've...

-[loudly clears throat]
-Tiny water?

Okay, Bernard,
what do you think?

It needs more eye cream.

Ronnie, we need to talk.

Oh, don't worry, Dave.
Dinner will be ready any minute.

No, I came to say
we have to delay dinner.

Patricia is still on the phone.
Tonight has been a bust.

You seem like
you're really stressed.

Why don't you put
all that stuff down

-and focus on me?
-Ronnie, quick question.

I'm trying to log on
to my Uber account for, um,

-nothing, but I can't seem
to get a Wi-Fi signal. -Yeah.

Bernard doesn't allow any type
of waves in the apartment.

He says it's bad for aging.

Well, now we're eating
the last line of my defense,

so just put the cell tower
right on my face.

Okay, if you're not
in the kitchen helping,

-could you please leave?
-Ronnie! You have me sitting

next to Nichole,
so I need to switch seats.

What is the problem now?

She doesn't respect me

as a friend nor as an artist.

-Oh, so you're an artist now.
-Yes.

You can't spell "artist"
without "Arty."

Fine. If you want to be
a baby about this,

then I don't want
to sit next to you, either.

Colin, will you
switch seats with me?

Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I have a window seat.

I don't like the middle.

Hey, Dave, why don't you
deal with this?

I'm sorry, everyone.
I know you're all hungry

and want to get on our food,
but there's been a minor delay.

We're still waiting on Patricia
to come in from the hall.

Once she's arrived at her seat,

we'll have this dinner
up and running.

-No. There will be no delay.
-Um, Ronnie.

-Oh, Dame Judi Dench!
-[Ronnie gasps]

Oh, no! Why didn't
the smoke detector go off?

Oh, I tampered with
and/or disabled it

-so I could smoke a J.
-Alan, weed? Really?

The deputy mayor of Calabasas
is out there, man.

-Is everything all right?
-Oh, i-it's fine.

I have everything under control.

Is the smoke bothering you?
Should I open a window?

Ronnie, I really need
that Wi-Fi.

[overlapping chatter]

Oh, everybody get out or we are
cancelling this flight!

Flight?

Oh, my God.
That's what this is.

Bernard and I serving you while
dealing with your problems.

Trying to manage Dave,
getting complaints about Wi-Fi.

Yeah, for normal reasons.
A sports game.

I wanted to throw
this dinner party

to show Bryan my life,

and I guess this is it.

It's one never-ending flight.

Well, I have to put up
with that at 30,000 feet,

but I don't have to do it here,
and I can finally do something

that I have always wanted
and just leave.

Ha! She thinks that
was a dramatic exit.

This is a dramatic exit.

[dish breaks]

Bernie does it again.

Hey. Can I hide
in here with you?

Artem's trying
to lighten the mood

by acting out scenes
from his movie.

It's an action musical,
in case you were wondering.

Still not sure
what language it's in.

I'm sorry about tonight.

I wanted to show you
this other side of me,

but I've realized
I'm out of sides.

Right now, you get the choice
between two Ronnies:

the Ronnie who spends
60 hours a week in the sky

fixing other people's problems,

or the Ronnie so exhausted
from doing that,

she can't even finish
this heartfelt whatever.

Well, let me finish
this heartfelt whatever.

Those are the only
two Ronnies I need.

Oh, good, because we both
like you, too.

Also, I was hoping to get
the recipe for that casserole

to serve at my restaurant.

-Really?
-No.

[laughing]:
No.

Oh, I thought
you would laugh at that.

But seriously,
we need to figure out

what else to feed
all these people.

RONNIE:
Dinner tonight

will have an
international flair.

Special thanks to Bernard
for allowing this many carbs

and saturated fats
into his home.

Yes, I've always enjoyed
eating foods

that are given out for free
if a team makes free throws.

Well, I think it's great.

-And don't worry, I'll handle
beverage service. -Oh.

I have to use the restroom.

Is there a specific way
you want me to go?

Oh, for...

Yeah, I'm just curious.

Have you ever been waterboarded
with non-potable water?

Welcome to my childhood.

-How did you manage it?
-You can't play games.

If you want to get
anywhere with my mom,

you have to be focused,
direct and honest.

Doesn't she still think
you're a lesbian?

Don't be a dick, Dave.

Hey, Artem.

So, I'm really sorry
about before.

Oh, Nichole, I'm sorry.
I-I know, I overreacted.

I asked you
for your honest opinion

and thank you
for giving it to me.

Thank you for
letting me read it.

It takes guts to show
your art to somebody.

Which, actually, you inspired me
to show you something creative

I've been working on.

Uh, they're sketches

from when I was
interested in fashion.

I've been playing with dress
designs. What do you think?

Uh, you want my honest opinion
or supportive friend opinion?

-The second one.
-I love them.

What is it?

Okay, look. Do you want me
in the front or the back?

That's not a euphemism.

It's just, if I sit
in the front, this was a date.

If I sit in the back,
it was just a really long ride.

No, of course it was a date.

-I stopped charging you as soon
as you asked me in. -Fantastic!

So do you want to go back
to your place?

Okay, just to be clear,
are you asking as an Uber or...

I'm asking as a woman who'd
like to take your clothes off.

In that case,
I will take a mint.

So, you make dinner
for people every night.

Not even people-- strangers.
That's your job.

Worse than my job,
it's my passion.

Seems terrible. I think
my dinner party days are over.

Well, maybe you'll have better
luck with them at our apartment.

What?

I've been thinking...

I want you to move to Las Vegas
and live with me.

BERNARD:
Ronnie, I'm stepping out.

But if the doorbell rings,
please answer it.

It's my interior designer
Le Marque Bougelet.

He'll be burning everything.

Thank you.

Good news.
Got the votes.

Ah, those hose water junkies

are gonna have to pay for their
water, like nature intended.

Honestly, Patty, I don't care
how portable your water is,

all I wanted was
one picture with you,

and you couldn't
even give me that.

I thought tonight was about us
taking a step forward

in our relationship.

Look, my job comes first.

Of all people,
I thought you'd understand.

You and the sky.

I'm ready to put the sky
aside for you.

And I thought you would do
the same for me.

I'm sorry, I can't do that.

I mean, I like the way
my life is right now

and how you fit in it.

I don't want to waste my time
being a co-pilot in your life.

I don't think
this is gonna work.

Good-bye, Patricia.

[typing]

[cell phone chimes]

That was fast.

Hey, Dave, she missed out on a
lot of fares tonight, so, um...

Who cares? Take me
to the nearest high school.

I'm gonna lie
on the 50-yard line

and talk about
where it all went wrong.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

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Now here are a few more shows to check out from Fox.

[beeps]911. What's your emergency?

MAN [on phone]: I'm on Flight 46, and we're going down.

Just tell my wife I'm so sorry that I cannot come home to you.

Hello?

This is your family.
We got you, okay?

Rapid response now!

-We can't save everyone.
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It's time we showed Gotham
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