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1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:03,804
Lady Luck
is on your side
from LA to Vegas.
2
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,907
What, are you gonna put
a sock on the cockpit door?
Don't cockpit-block me.
3
00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,342
Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays.
4
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:09,977
And check out
our other Fox programs,
5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,046
The Mick, The Last Man on Earth,
6
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,247
and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
7
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,582
The kids are gonna love it.
8
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:15,749
Only on Fox.
9
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,021
Hey, guys.
10
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:24,024
Ronnie, where's your uniform?
You look like a pheasant.
11
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:25,993
You mean peasant.
She looks like a peasant.
12
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,262
-Pheasant is a bird.
-I'm so confused.
13
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:30,531
When I was a boy,
we used to hunt both.
14
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,266
I'm not working today.
15
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,867
Actually, me and Bernard
and Dave
16
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:36,270
are flying over to Phoenix
for Jackpot training.
17
00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:38,706
(scoffs) Jackpot training.
What, you need a refresher
18
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,941
on how to tip a can
when you pour a drink?
19
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:42,543
Are you sure you want to be
that condescending
20
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,212
to the people who pour you
those drinks?
21
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:45,846
I instantly regretted it.
I'm truly sorry.
22
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,381
-You're a national treasure.
-RONNIE: Mm-hmm.
23
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:49,250
Yeah, to be honest,
it's called training,
24
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,252
but it's really
two days of partying,
25
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,454
-drinking out of ice luges.
-And sexual assignations.
26
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,123
Last year, we went through
27
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:56,790
-two Olympic villages
worth of condoms.
-Mm-hmm.
28
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:59,093
You see, Jackpot doesn't
do things like bonuses
29
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,728
or health insurance
or bathroom breaks,
30
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,231
so this is their unofficial way
of making it up to us.
31
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,065
Grapefruits' training
is just a few dance lessons
32
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,634
and how to say "help" in Russian
33
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:08,536
in case you wake up
in a shipping container.
34
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:09,570
Hmm.
35
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:11,272
I can see by your sad faces
36
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:12,740
you've been delivered
the bad news.
37
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,142
Your flight today
will be lacking
38
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:16,244
a certain je ne sais Dave.
39
00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:19,079
That's French for moi.
40
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,682
Come on, fellas.
We got a party to get to.
41
00:01:27,155 --> 00:01:29,590
Did he just drive away
on his suitcase?
42
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:32,626
Wow, it carries your stuff
and you can ride it.
43
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,595
Sorry, donkeys,
you had a good run.
44
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:35,929
PILOT (over P.A.):
Jackpot Airlines.
45
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,931
Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.
46
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:39,933
*
47
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:42,436
(slot machine chiming)
48
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,638
(electronic chime)
49
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,776
This couldn't be coming
at a better time.
50
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,077
After these last few months,
51
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,446
I could use two days of
guilt-free sanctioned partying.
52
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,482
Looks like you already started.
What is that?
53
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:55,916
A Bakersfield mimosa.
54
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,785
Sparkling wine and orange
Jell-O mix. You want some?
55
00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,953
Hey, you're using
the purse I got you.
56
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,189
No, thank you, Ronnie.
57
00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:02,690
I want to be alert
and clear-eyed
58
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,458
for my pending rendezvous
with flight attendant tonight
59
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,160
and flight attendant tomorrow.
60
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:07,995
I have no intention
of learning their names.
61
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:09,330
Your loss. Dave?
62
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,532
No. I have a cigar
and snifter of scotch
63
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,967
waiting for me when
I get upstairs to meet the boys.
64
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:16,370
It's gonna feel real good
to kick back, light one up,
65
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:18,472
and trade stories with
Captain Gus and Captain Al.
66
00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:20,474
Oh, look.
There's your hallway
67
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,343
back to the golden age
for white guys.
68
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:24,445
Tell the misogyny we say hi.
69
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,147
I will.
70
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,383
(laughs):
I'm so excited, Bernard.
71
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:31,685
I heard this year there's
gonna be a martini station,
72
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,387
a mashed potato bar,
73
00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:36,790
and a surprising amount of those
bummer desk, chair things.
74
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:38,859
How the hell are we
supposed to have sex on those?
75
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,160
Never mind, I figured it out.
76
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:44,332
Hi. Hi. Excuse me.
You look official.
77
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,467
What's going on?
Where's the bar?
78
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,202
Oh, sorry... Ronnie.
79
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:50,137
Uh, there's not gonna be
a bar this year.
80
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,140
Okay, so w-what are you saying?
It's just kegs?
81
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,810
No, what I'm saying is
that the parties are off.
82
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,145
Jackpot has had
a significant number
83
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,147
of complaints lodged
against them this year,
84
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:03,150
so they brought me in
to implement a new policy.
85
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,653
This training seminar
is going to be
86
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:08,489
structured, rigid
and mandatory.
87
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,324
Fun's over.
88
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:14,027
I'm gonna sulk in a sex desk.
89
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,864
It's Captain Dave time.
90
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,166
Are you the flight instructor?
91
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,168
Hi, I'm Captain Jayden.
92
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:24,405
I'm not your... What's a Jayden?
Where's Gus and Al?
93
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:27,074
How come I'm not choking
on cigar smoke right now?
94
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:30,544
Hunter, Aden, Jayden, can we get
this guy a chair and some water?
95
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:33,847
He's confused.
Sir, it's going to be okay.
96
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,083
-PHIL: Captain Dave.
-Oh, Phil. Thank God.
97
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:38,185
Did I walk into day care?
Where's the crew?
98
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:39,620
Sorry, Dave.
I thought you heard.
99
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,555
You're the last
of the old guard.
100
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:44,592
Now that Al's with United and
Gus is reunited with his wife,
101
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,427
you're training with
all the newbies this year.
102
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,262
That's no problem.
We're all pilots.
103
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,763
We all speak the same language.
104
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:52,933
Hey there, boys.
Sorry for the confusion.
105
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,102
What are you drinking over here?
Macallan? Glenlivet?
106
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,904
-Kombucha.
-Gesundheit.
107
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,574
(sighs)
108
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,614
So, I spoke to the gate agent.
109
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:09,049
Apparently somebody tampered
with the smoke detectors.
110
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,418
Ugh. That happens all the time.
111
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,885
Usually Ronnie and Bernard
just go in
112
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,887
with a pack of Kools
and smoke it back online.
113
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,823
Huh. Well, clearly
the replacement crew
114
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,492
don't know that trick, so we're
gonna be delayed a while.
115
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,094
Hey, Artem, bad news.
116
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,431
We're not making it
back to L.A. anytime soon,
117
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,933
so you have to find someone
to run your hot sauce booth
118
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:28,235
-at the farmer's market.
-Shh. I'm concentrating.
119
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,438
That slot machine
has not paid out in weeks.
120
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,172
And according to my numbers,
121
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:35,643
in the next 200 spins,
there will be a huge payout.
122
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:39,012
And that payout
is more than $100,000.
123
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:40,781
Well, the problem
is that old lady.
124
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,182
She hasn't moved for hours.
125
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:46,119
She's very stubborn,
like stain in a Tide commercial.
126
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,788
Hey, if we help you
get that machine,
127
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,290
will you split the winnings
with us? I could use the money.
128
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:51,759
Grapefruits has really
been struggling ever since
129
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,461
that taco place went topless.
130
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,263
Well, yeah. And I want to put
a down payment on a house.
131
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,165
I could be that
rarest of unicorns:
132
00:04:58,198 --> 00:04:59,867
a homeowner and an educator.
133
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,268
Okay, you got a deal.
134
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,304
We can split the money, if
you can get that old lady off.
135
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,340
Well, then we better
get that old lady off quick.
136
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:08,576
Let's maybe stop talking
about getting an old lady off.
137
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,812
I can't believe they're
treating us like this.
138
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,447
No one needs this party
more than me.
139
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:14,648
(scoffs)
Uh, I don't know,
140
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,850
except maybe the person
who does most of your work.
141
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:19,387
Jean Chris, my exfoliator?
Please. He loves what he does.
142
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:22,890
Hey, this is a bummer for
everyone. We all needed this.
143
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,324
Yeah. I'm furious.
144
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:26,394
What am I gonna do
with all these shrooms?
145
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,796
-I think you ate them.
-Oh, yeah.
146
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,331
Well, what am I gonna do
with all these shrooms?
147
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:34,234
Okay, that Jackpot Reno crew
148
00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,036
-knows how to party.
-Is terrifying.
149
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,838
Everyone, take your seats.
150
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:41,308
So, you've all heard about
the revamped training.
151
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,177
Up here, you'll see
the revised itinerary.
152
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,046
We'll start every day
7:00 a.m....
153
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,416
Okay, I have to say something.
154
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:51,051
This is total horse crap.
155
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,153
We all work our asses off,
156
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,656
and we deserve two days a year
to enjoy ourselves.
157
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,658
There have been quite a few...
158
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,860
Complaints. Yes, I know.
159
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,695
But, news flash,
we're an airline.
160
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:03,431
Of course we're gonna
have complaints.
161
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,833
People hate lines, hassles
and facing their own mortality,
162
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,868
and we make them pay
for all three.
163
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:11,338
So we demand to know
what was so bad
164
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,906
that now we're being punished.
165
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,675
ALL:
Yeah!
166
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,611
Okay. I didn't really want
to single anybody out,
167
00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:20,581
but since you demand to know
168
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:23,350
what caught our attention,
here it is.
169
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,118
BERNARD (over video):
Sir, I'm sorry.
170
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,788
You won't stay in your seat,
so you've given us no choice.
171
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:30,924
Thank you for flying Jackpot.
172
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:40,568
Two million hits, though.
That's pretty cool.
173
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,407
Hey, guys.
174
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:50,611
Wow, it is rough out here.
No one will even look at us.
175
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:54,548
I know. Is this what
it feels like to be a seven?
176
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,517
Answer me, Ronnie.
177
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:01,054
What are you doing?
You can't sit here.
178
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:03,724
What, you're pissed at us, too?
Oh, come on.
179
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,460
Who hasn't had to duct tape
a passenger to his seat?
180
00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:08,295
We were just unlucky enough
to get caught.
181
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,964
I've never been caught
because I've never done that.
182
00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:13,066
Yeah, because you fly
the Albuquerque to Vegas.
183
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,435
It's all stoic cowboys
and rustic lesbians.
184
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:18,138
Well, we'll make it up to you.
We'll have our own party.
185
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:21,174
I'll make Bakersfield Marys.
It's just vodka and ketchup.
186
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,010
You should find
somewhere else to sit.
187
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:24,845
Why don't you try
the Reno table?
188
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,986
And then Gus said, "I don't care
if it's just my head
189
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,088
and your boxers,
I can still fly this plane."
190
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,957
And they let him.
It was a different time.
191
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,759
I... I don't think I get it.
192
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,961
So... so he flew
in his underwear?
193
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,362
No, my underwear.
194
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,164
That's why
it's such a good story.
195
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,967
Now, a good story is the time
I flew from Newark to Dulles
196
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,269
in 1:12 at a 30-knot wind shear.
197
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,939
-No. You didn't. Stop it.
Tell me everything.
-Yeah. Yeah.
198
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:52,940
I can't believe
I haven't told you this.
199
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:53,974
I would love to hear more.
200
00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:57,210
You guys look like I feel.
201
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:58,846
Well, not you, Bernard.
You're always a stunner.
202
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,213
What happened to you?
203
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,516
Ugh.
204
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:04,151
Just these young guys.
205
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,986
They look at me
like I'm a fossil.
206
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,521
They don't appreciate
my war stories.
207
00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:09,189
All they care about
is their stats.
208
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:11,058
They don't get
that flying is about
209
00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:12,660
the shared human experience.
210
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,962
No one has ever gotten
off a plane and said,
211
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,030
"Oh, I'm so glad
we got here so quickly."
212
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,199
-Yes, they have.
-That's literally
all people say.
213
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,869
At least everyone isn't pissed
at you for ruining their party.
214
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,671
Yeah. Heard about that.
215
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:26,073
So one person got duct taped,
big deal.
216
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,408
We never claimed to be
the friendly skies.
217
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:31,411
I guess it's just the three
of us versus the Jackpot world.
218
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:33,480
We have to stick together
till this is over.
219
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,048
Yeah. If we're gonna
survive this,
220
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,850
we need to be like
Lew Wasserman and Jules Stein
221
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,418
when MCA turned its back
on them.
222
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:40,654
I'm agreeing with you.
223
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:42,055
We have to stick together.
224
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:44,457
For the love of God, man,
just say that!
225
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,897
Oh, we're now in payout window.
226
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,099
Every spin
could bring big money.
227
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,434
Artem. I got this.
228
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:57,170
I used to work
in the British Tea Museum.
229
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,106
The median age was 82.
230
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,508
I spent my days
leading elderly ladies
231
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,945
down chamomile-scented halls,
steeping them in the history
232
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,616
of our national beverage
and dusting their crumpets.
233
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,186
I got lost in that story.
234
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:16,123
-Is he gonna bang that old lady?
-Yeah.
235
00:09:24,598 --> 00:09:27,868
-Hey!
-(coins jingling)
236
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,136
Get it!
237
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,707
Ah. Mwah.
238
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:36,576
Nichole, you are the luckiest,
239
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,879
both spiritually
and genetically.
240
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:41,114
You give her a pull.
241
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,887
-No!
-What?!
242
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,722
-What happened?
-Sorry about that.
243
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,223
I was working on this machine
244
00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,659
and I must've
tripped the circuit.
245
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:53,160
It-it'll just be a little while.
246
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,195
What?
247
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:59,066
Oh, this?
248
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:02,302
It's just 1.2 pounds
of timekeeping magic.
249
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,805
It's my IWC Big Pilot's watch.
250
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,240
-The Rolex of wristwatches.
-That's nothing.
251
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,776
Take a look at this.
252
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,845
This baby monitors
my body temperature,
253
00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,446
monitors my serotonin levels.
254
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,515
I can Bluetooth it
to the on-flight computer
255
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:17,117
so I can track my performance.
256
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,452
You can probably even link it up
to your hearing aid.
257
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:20,954
(laughter)
258
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,756
Well, I have you know
my hearing was injured
259
00:10:22,790 --> 00:10:24,257
from all my standing ovations
I get
260
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,093
from my L.A. to Vegas flight.
261
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,162
Also, from my time as a roadie
for The Huh, a Who cover band.
262
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:30,864
Wait, you fly the L.A. to Vegas?
263
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:32,632
So d-do you know those
two flight attendants
264
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:33,834
that they caught on camera?
265
00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,969
Yeah. Ronnie and Bernard.
266
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,537
That's my crew.
267
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,973
-(laughing)
-Oh, my God. Th-They seem crazy.
268
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,709
You must have, like,
a hundred stories.
269
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,878
Oh, I might have one or two.
270
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:47,614
There was one time when
they buried an unruly passenger
271
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,350
-under a pile of rolly bags.
-(laughter)
272
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,185
Oh, that's nothing.
273
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,822
I've seen those two
use defibrillator paddles
274
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,657
-to make a grilled cheese.
-(laughter)
275
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,860
-I'm lactose intolerant.
-Yeah, we all are, Carter.
276
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:02,162
-Shut up. He's holding court.
-Yeah, shut up, Carter.
277
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,563
(laughter)
278
00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:05,833
-(P.A. beeps)
-Sorry for the delay.
279
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,334
Jackpot Flight 1610
280
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,703
service to Los Angeles
is now boarding.
281
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:12,806
That's our flight.
282
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,743
Sir, how much longer before
that machine gets fixed?
283
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,644
Hey, these things
take time, man.
284
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,413
Well, then that's it.
Yeah. Let's go home.
285
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:23,083
So much for being
a unicorn with a mortgage.
286
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,185
Guess I'm back to being
a horse who rents.
287
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,586
Well, we can't give up.
288
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,255
Since the delay,
289
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:31,324
we're out $72 on overpriced
airport hamburgers,
290
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:35,362
$21 on water bottles and $11
on Artem's Judith Krantz book.
291
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:38,231
Yeah. They say her books
are formulaic,
292
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:41,101
but when the formula
is perfect...
293
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:42,669
We're in too deep.
294
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,404
We started something
and we have to finish it.
295
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,073
I say we ditch the flight
296
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,008
and wait for the machine
to be fixed. Who's with me?
297
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,078
-I am.
-Is this really going to hit?
298
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,013
Oh, it's gonna hit big.
299
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,882
Then I'm in.
300
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:57,384
Who has a fun way
to pass the time?
301
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:58,786
(Artem clears throat)
302
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,553
(Colin groans)
303
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:05,058
"It was never more difficult
for a woman to be beautiful
304
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:08,295
than during the 1920s."
305
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:13,033
Hey, why do you think Layla just
called us in for this meeting?
306
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,701
Whatever it is, just deny.
307
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,305
Like Bjorn, my Swedish
orthopedist, does to our love.
308
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:22,042
Ronnie. Bernard.
309
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:25,979
We would like to have
a little chat with you
310
00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:28,748
about some of the stories
that we have been hearing.
311
00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:31,251
We had assumed the video
was an isolated incident.
312
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,953
But among other things,
313
00:12:32,986 --> 00:12:36,089
there's talk of smothering
a passenger with luggage
314
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:38,625
and a culinary use
of the defibrillators.
315
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,760
What do you have
to say for yourselves?
316
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,595
-I...
-We did every single one
of those things,
317
00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:43,997
and I'd do
every single one again.
318
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,899
I just realized
I do not know this bitch.
319
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,600
When we're in the air,
320
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,970
we have to act quickly
for the safety of everyone.
321
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,905
And sometimes that means
grilling a cheese
322
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,908
for a screaming kid
or using 18 pounds of luggage
323
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,977
for a woman who forgot
her weighted blanket.
324
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,745
We have protocol
for things like that.
325
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,114
Well, protocol
doesn't exactly help
326
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,183
when you're breaking apart
a bachelorette party fight
327
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,918
between three girls
named Jessica
328
00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:07,287
because Jessica 2
forgot the penis pops.
329
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,624
Bernard and I work on a flight
that has monsters,
330
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:14,862
and, deep down, in places
you don't talk about at parties,
331
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,663
you want us on that flight.
332
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:18,866
You need us on that flight.
333
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:20,433
Who's gonna do it? You?
334
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:22,936
You, Flight Attendant Weinberg?
335
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:25,939
You are both suspended
until further notice.
336
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,308
And when we return
to Vegas tomorrow,
337
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,177
a disciplinary committee
will decide the best way
338
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,145
-to move forward with you.
-I'd like to switch
339
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,914
and become a star witness
for the prosecution.
340
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,519
So it's always four cologne
blasts: two to the chest,
341
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:41,188
one to the neck
and one to the bean bag.
342
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,789
It burns like hell,
but let me...
343
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,958
Hey, what the hell
have you been saying about us?
344
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,393
What do you mean?
345
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,961
See, he's smart enough
to deny it.
346
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:50,363
Let me guess, all those
young guys were making fun
347
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:52,799
of your old man shoes, and you
resorted to stories about us
348
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,167
to get some laughs.
349
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,504
-No. It was my old man watch.
-(sighs)
350
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,506
And, yeah, I told some stories,
but nothing that wasn't true.
351
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,074
You got us suspended!
352
00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:02,842
We are screwed now
because you put yourself first,
353
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,177
like you always do.
354
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:05,812
To be fair,
it's not all Dave's fault.
355
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,881
You're the one who went rogue
and started yelling at everyone.
356
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:11,551
Excuse me. At least I tried
to do something to fix this.
357
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:14,321
All you ever do is raise
an eyebrow, cross your arms
358
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,489
and wait for me to finish so you
can pipe in a snarky comment.
359
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,590
Are you done?
360
00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,226
Knew he was gonna do it.
Still loved it.
361
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,261
Don't you take my side.
I should go tell everyone
362
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,829
all the crazy nonsense
you do on the plane,
363
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,431
but I won't because
I know how insecure
364
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:25,732
and desperate to be liked
you are.
365
00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:28,035
-Thank you.
-He just insulted you, Dave.
366
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:30,870
I know. How?
367
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:32,039
Now you're defending him?
Please.
368
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,340
You've been lying for years
369
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,942
about not watching
Game of Thrones,
370
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:36,709
so you don't have to deal
with all his questions.
371
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:38,878
How could you? You know
how bad I am with history.
372
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,248
I had to read the books,
and the books don't have boobs.
373
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:42,882
Well, maybe
I'm just tired of you
374
00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,784
relying on me for everything.
375
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:48,755
Both of you! You expect me to
have the answers all the time,
376
00:14:48,788 --> 00:14:51,024
and I am sick
of bailing you both out.
377
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,559
Oh, look.
It's Ronnie the martyr.
378
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,594
I didn't recognize you
without your crown of thorns.
379
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,529
No spoilers.
I haven't seen season seven.
380
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:57,965
RONNIE:
I think I see the problem here.
381
00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,033
We've been flying together
for way too long.
382
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,801
We make a terrible team,
383
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,871
and I don't know if I want
to be a part of it anymore.
384
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,273
(Dave groans)
385
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,041
And cue Bernard's
snarky comment.
386
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,743
No. This is one Ronnie speech
I agree with.
387
00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:14,847
Even if her hair looks like
something a goat sleeps on.
388
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,886
Ah.
389
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,488
Is the machine fixed yet?
390
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,423
-Not yet.
-I don't understand.
391
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,592
How are you two
still functioning right now?
392
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:26,960
You're with a stripper
and a gambler.
393
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,162
3:00 a.m. is the middle
of the day for us.
394
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,964
After this,
we're going to get lunch.
395
00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:33,733
Now transition into Tadasana.
396
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,335
(inhales deeply)
397
00:15:35,368 --> 00:15:38,305
Mm. Garudasana.
398
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,340
(inhales deeply)
399
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:48,248
So, we're almost halfway there.
You want to do a little switch
400
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,816
and let me jockey
this thoroughbred?
401
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,251
I'm good.
402
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,086
I've seen guys your age
drive before,
403
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,022
and I don't want to have
the right blinker on
404
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,424
for the entire flight, so...
405
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,493
Just sit back and think about
all the clothing you own
406
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,530
that was made
before I was even born.
407
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:04,998
(Dave scoffs)
408
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:07,267
(quietly):
Fashion's cyclical, Jayden.
409
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:11,371
I am still not talking to you,
but I wanted you to have this.
410
00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:13,473
It's for my white suede outfit
you threw out.
411
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,342
Oh, please.
You didn't even buy that outfit.
412
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:16,976
You stole it from your mom.
413
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:19,279
No. The one I stole from my mom
had a red wine stain.
414
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,014
The one you threw out
was payment
415
00:16:21,048 --> 00:16:23,283
from that lawn mowing nerd
I fake-dated to make popular.
416
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,952
Fine. Since we're doing this,
417
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,788
this is a bill
for two months back rent.
418
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,190
Okay, well, these cancel
each other out,
419
00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:31,891
so I'm just gonna tear this up,
420
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:34,527
and now I'm gonna go be the hero
and get our jobs back.
421
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,467
Look, Layla,
I'm sorry about yesterday.
422
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:44,137
I reacted badly,
and if you were generous enough
423
00:16:44,171 --> 00:16:46,806
to lift our suspensions,
moving forward,
424
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:50,210
I promise that I will
stick to protocol.
425
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,212
What do you think?
426
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:54,147
I'm sorry.
427
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:56,149
I'm-I'm just trying
to figure out
428
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,385
how you said all of that
without a mouth.
429
00:16:58,418 --> 00:17:01,488
What?
430
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,224
Oh, no.
Where did you get that cookie?
431
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:06,059
We have an emergency.
432
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:07,860
Layla accidentally ate
a Reno cookie,
433
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:10,230
and now she's high
and she thinks she's a pirate!
434
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,031
(British accent):
Land ho, Captain!
435
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:14,067
That's hilarious.
I have a hanger in my carry-on
436
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,902
if she wants to do a hook thing.
437
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:18,838
It's not just Layla.
The entire Reno crew is high.
438
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:21,341
I'm not sure on what,
but it has a very
439
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,343
"cooked in a motel bathtub"
vibe.
440
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,112
This isn't funny.
This is an emergency!
441
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,879
There are too many people
in this cockpit.
442
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:30,217
-Everyone relax. Bernie!
-You're inviting more?
443
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,018
What's the sitch?
444
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,753
Seth is peaking, Alison's
crying, and Scotty's trying
445
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:35,855
to do a Die Hard crawl
through the overhead bins.
446
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,357
We have to make
an emergency landing!
447
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,293
Oh, my little Jayden.
That's the inexperience talking.
448
00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:42,129
-You got this?
-Piece of cake.
449
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,897
Ronnie, wait.
This is important.
450
00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:47,367
-Save me one of those cookies.
-I already have.
451
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,868
Nice.
452
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:52,205
-(smoke alarm beeping)
-(passengers murmuring)
453
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:54,641
What the hell?
454
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:57,677
I tried to make things better.
I don't think I did.
455
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:05,718
I tried to warm up
a lavender eye mask
456
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,387
to calm down Layla,
and then this happened.
457
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:11,158
You never use the microwave.
That's what the paddles are for.
458
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,260
I'll handle this,
you handle them.
459
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,927
Let's get to work.
460
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,565
Now would be a good time
for the captain
461
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:19,766
to reassure the passengers.
462
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,502
Oh.
463
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,504
Hey, everyone.
464
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:27,640
I-I just want to let you know
there's no reason to panic.
465
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,176
-We are...
-What the hell are you doing?
466
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:30,910
-I...
-Never say "panic" to a plane
467
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,812
full of passengers.
468
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,515
This calls for the soothing,
gravely whisper
469
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:38,585
forged by a thousand cigars.
470
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:41,020
Hey, there, folks.
Captain Dave here.
471
00:18:41,053 --> 00:18:43,156
I know we got a bit
of an unexpected situation,
472
00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:45,158
but nothing
we just don't call a Tuesday
473
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,194
on the old L.A. to Vegas run.
474
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,196
This whole thing
actually reminds me
475
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,331
of something
Captain Papa Dave once told me.
476
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:54,167
He said, "Son,
do all the drugs you want.
477
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:56,469
"Just don't do them
with people from Reno.
478
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,271
Because they're sickos."
479
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:02,008
Now sit back, relax and enjoy
our descent into Las Vegas.
480
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:04,844
I'm gonna go ahead and turn the
fasten seat belt sign off...
481
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,313
(seat belt indicator chimes)
482
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:09,048
...because it's gonna be
a smooth landing.
483
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,487
Layla, trust me.
484
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:17,156
If you let go,
you're not gonna float away.
485
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:22,495
(sighs)
Good. Gravity's back.
486
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:25,798
-Are you feeling better?
-I think so. Thank you.
487
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,335
And I'm sorry,
'cause now I understand
488
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:31,804
how your way of doing things
can sometimes be just necessary.
489
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:34,140
-And our suspensions?
-Never happened.
490
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,209
-And the party?
-Back on, next year.
491
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:37,810
We were thinking next Wednesday.
492
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,312
And we want a mashed potato bar
493
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:40,847
with one of those
desk-chair combos
494
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,982
and a private room
with a blind harp player.
495
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,584
Whatever you want, no problem.
496
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,152
Now, if you will excuse me,
497
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,355
I have to go rub my face
against that wall.
498
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,789
-Mm.
-Okay.
499
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,393
Artem, hours ago, you said,
500
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,262
"Trust me,
this thing is ready to pop."
501
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,996
Yeah, but earlier,
I was mistaken.
502
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,232
But now, believe me
when I say trust me,
503
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,268
this thing is ready to pop.
504
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,505
(groans)
505
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,040
You know what? I'm done.
This-this is ridiculous.
506
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,176
I can literally taste
my own breath.
507
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,044
No, listen to me, my friend.
508
00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:14,447
Life is a slot machine.
509
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:17,550
Sometimes you're wasting hours
in a chair
510
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:19,719
where nothing really happens,
511
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:24,123
and sometimes things line up
just in the right way
512
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:26,293
and just in the right moment,
513
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:29,862
and it really seems like magic
514
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,965
-does exist after all.
-(coin clinks)
515
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:34,233
(lever clicks)
516
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:38,971
-(screams) I hate you!
-Whoa.
517
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,407
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Stupid machine!
518
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:41,974
Stop embarrassing me
in front of my friends!
519
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,576
-Oh, Artem, no.
-No, no, no, no, no!
520
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,177
-He's not worth it.
-There, stop it.
521
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,251
So...
522
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:53,252
Yeah.
523
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:55,322
Me, too.
524
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:57,657
Listen, I might not say it
enough, but I want you both
525
00:20:57,690 --> 00:21:00,793
to know it's an honor
to share the sky with you.
526
00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:03,430
-And next time, I won't...
-Yes, you will.
527
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,131
But I will try
really hard not to...
528
00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:07,099
-No, you won't.
-No one interrupt me.
529
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:10,503
I'm still gonna make smart-ass
comments, and they will sting.
530
00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:12,238
(Colin sighs)
531
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,507
Hey. What are you guys
still doing here?
532
00:21:14,541 --> 00:21:16,943
-You haven't flown home yet?
-It's a long story.
533
00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:18,778
Please, just get us back to L.A.
534
00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:20,480
Okay. Okay, come on.
535
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:23,583
Let's go talk to a gate agent,
get you on a flight.
536
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,452
-(slot machine ringing)
-(people cheering)
-Oh, wow.
537
00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:27,654
Looks like someone
just won the jackpot.
538
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:30,256
Wait. Was that our machine?
539
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,325
Don't turn around.
Never turn around.
540
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:35,895
MAN: The money!
It won't stop coming! I'm rich!
541
00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:39,899
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
542
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:44,136
You've hit the jackpot
with LA to Vegas.
543
00:21:44,170 --> 00:21:46,673
Now here are a few more shows
to check out from Fox.
544
00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:49,876
(beeps)
911. What's your emergency?
545
00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:52,512
MAN (on phone):
I'm on Flight 46,
and we're going down.
546
00:21:52,545 --> 00:21:55,314
Just tell my wife
I'm so sorry that I cannot
come home to you.
547
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:56,383
Hello?
548
00:21:58,518 --> 00:22:01,488
This is your family.
We got you, okay?
549
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:04,290
Rapid response now!
550
00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,226
-We can't save everyone.
-Says who?
551
00:22:07,259 --> 00:22:09,496
It's time we showed Gotham
who we are.
42592
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