All language subtitles for LA to Vegas S01E06 Pilotfight 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-QOQ_track4_[eng]
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1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:03,671
Lady Luck
is on your side
from LA to Vegas.
2
00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:06,907
What, are you gonna put
a sock on the cockpit door?
Don't cockpit-block me.
3
00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,342
Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays.
4
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:09,977
And check out
our other Fox programs,
5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,046
The Mick, The Last Man on Earth,
6
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,247
and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
7
00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,582
The kids are gonna love it.
8
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:15,749
Only on Fox.
9
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,487
-Okay, how about here?
-Uh-uh.
10
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,722
-And this one? -Uh-uh.
11
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,991
-And this... Oh, yep. Okay.
-(shouts)
12
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:27,895
Yeah. You have a serious abscess
on tooth number 18.
13
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,698
How long has it been
since you last saw the dentist?
14
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:33,867
-Um... four.
-Months?
15
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,337
Years?
16
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,838
It's hard to find the time.
17
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,840
My job schedule
is so unpredictable.
18
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,709
But my tooth
has been killing me lately,
19
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,411
so my friend referred me here.
20
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:44,512
Really?
21
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,813
Your friend referred you here?
22
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,184
Well, she said
you have great lollipops.
23
00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:52,753
You are in luck. You've got the
best dentist in our practice.
24
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:56,257
He's brilliant and gentle
and handsome.
25
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,659
God, what I would give
to have him in my mouth.
26
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,935
Oh... weird.
That looks like a young...
27
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,571
Ronnie!
28
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:13,541
Nope.
29
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,642
PILOT (over P.A.):
Jackpot Airlines.
30
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,544
Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.
31
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:19,547
*
32
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,282
(slot machine chiming)
33
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,117
(electronic chime)
34
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,290
-(all laughing)
-Cheers!
35
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:30,624
It's Ronnie!
36
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,393
What happened the other day?
37
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,894
Why did you run out on me?
38
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,063
I'm sorry, Artem.
I was in shock.
39
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:39,066
I had no idea that when you're
not gambling, you're a dentist.
40
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,569
I just assumed you were
a guy who sold weird fruit
41
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,404
out the back of a tire store.
42
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:46,106
I'm sorry. Uh, did you say
Artem is a dentist?
43
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:47,441
Yeah, pediatric dentist.
44
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:48,776
Here's my card.
45
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,110
Oh, the doll's head is there
46
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:52,813
so you remember
I'm good with kids.
47
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:55,283
Well, this will be hard
to ever, ever forget.
48
00:01:55,316 --> 00:01:57,084
So when are you gonna
reschedule?
49
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,352
No need. It's all fixed now.
50
00:01:58,386 --> 00:01:59,487
Laughter and prayer.
51
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,754
It turns out,
that's all you need.
52
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,623
Well, that's good it's better,
53
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:05,359
because if you still had
that abscess,
54
00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:08,929
flying now would be
excruciating.
55
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,431
Uh... okay.
56
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,266
E-Excruciating how?
57
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,834
I'm asking for a friend.
58
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:17,805
At higher altitudes,
trapped air in tooth expands
59
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:21,275
against the nerve,
causing unbearable pain.
60
00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:23,777
And I don't know
why I'm telling you.
61
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,646
-I should be telling this
to your friend. -(laughs)
62
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,317
Are you this friend?
63
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,188
Damn it, you're fast.
64
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,856
I was captain of my high school
hand-slap team.
65
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,024
No big deal.
66
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:39,026
No, Alan, that is a big deal.
67
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:41,028
I'm tired of you
selling yourself short.
68
00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:45,866
Hey. I had an idea.
69
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:48,969
This flight, why don't
we keep our altitude, say,
70
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,471
below 10,000 feet?
71
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:52,906
Sorry, Ronnie. I don't tell
this old girl how high to fly.
72
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,074
She tells me.
73
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,476
That's not how it works at all.
74
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,478
Alan, what did Dr. Becker say
75
00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,647
about contradicting me
in front of other people?
76
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,148
It's like,
why do we go to therapy
77
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,683
if you're not even gonna try?
78
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:10,858
Beverage?
79
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:13,160
Hello, Bernard.
80
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,895
(gasps)
Captain Steve.
81
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:15,996
Ow!
82
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,831
(passengers gasping)
83
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,500
Ah, what is your face made of?
84
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:23,103
No, it's just "Steve" now,
ever since I got suspended
85
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:24,672
for punching Captain Dave.
86
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:25,839
I lost everything that day.
87
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,942
My wife, my Miata, my mustache.
88
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,344
I didn't deserve it anymore,
89
00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:32,012
so I shaved it off
and buried it in the backyard.
90
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,180
Next to my dad.
91
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,882
Oh, I'm sorry for your losses.
92
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,517
So what are you doing here?
93
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,786
I'm going to Jackpot HQ
to meet with the review board
94
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,954
about getting reinstated
so I can get the life back
95
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,523
that you all took from me.
96
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,191
Well, we know you have
a choice of airlines
97
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,959
when traveling to this or that
disciplinary hearing,
98
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:48,396
so we thank you
for choosing Jackpot.
99
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,300
(camera clicks)
100
00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,101
Hey, that's weird.
Uh, what are you doing?
101
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:57,070
Uh... I-I'm scanning my tooth
on the WebMD app.
102
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,206
You're supposed to get
an instant diagnosis.
103
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:03,110
And my tooth has...
Lou Gehrig's disease.
104
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:05,546
Would it not be easier
just to go to the dentist
105
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:06,614
every six months?
106
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:08,549
What am I, the Queen of England?
107
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,552
Every time I try to do something
for myself, something comes up.
108
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,153
Like, I have to work
an extra turn
109
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,822
or cover
for a sick flight attendant.
110
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,223
Nichole gets it.
111
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,791
We're both active professionals
on the go.
112
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,493
We don't have time
for the dentist.
113
00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:21,595
Oh, no. I go to the dentist
every three months.
114
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,063
Teeth are very important
to strippers.
115
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,065
It's the first thing
customers notice.
116
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,667
No. Breasts.
117
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,068
It's breasts.
118
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,503
Ronnie, we have a problem.
119
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:31,605
Captain Steve is on the flight,
and he's very bitter.
120
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,641
And not adorably bitter
like a late-in-life Lena Horne.
121
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,909
Scary bitter
like a late-in-life Bette Davis.
122
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:38,312
Love a reference from
this century once in a while.
123
00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:39,413
Hamilton.
124
00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:41,081
This is not good.
The last time
125
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,850
Captain Steve and Captain Dave
were on a flight together,
126
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,084
it did not end well.
127
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,653
We can't let them anywhere
near each other.
128
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:46,987
"We"? I've already done my part.
129
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,356
I identified the problem,
130
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:49,757
deflected it
with a withering bon mot,
131
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,091
then kicked it over to you.
132
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:54,595
O-Okay, just don't let Dave
anywhere near the cabin.
133
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,863
I'll try, but...
134
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,097
Oh, I'm sorry.
135
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,900
This just feels
so good right now.
136
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,005
Hey there, passengers.
137
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,174
If you find yourself in Vegas
on a Friday night,
138
00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:11,178
why not celebrate the Sabbath
the way Captain Dave does?
139
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:14,348
Praying the night away
at Temple Beth Vegas,
140
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,850
where you'll find the best
all-you-can-eat Oneg,
141
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:20,354
and the loosest slots
this side of Haifa.
142
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,690
I'm gonna go do my rounds.
143
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:25,493
Kiss some hands
and shake some babies.
144
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,028
Oh, hey, Bernie.
145
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,963
Hey.
146
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,198
What...?
147
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,701
Can I, uh... get through?
148
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:36,470
Um... you know
what I just realized?
149
00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,539
You never told me
what it was like going vegan.
150
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:41,174
Oh, I am so glad you asked.
151
00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:45,145
You see, Bern, if you stretch
the human digestive tract
152
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:48,148
and lay it next to that
of a true omnivore,
153
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,218
like a grizzly bear,
there's only one conclusion:
154
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:53,621
we're herbivores, my friend.
155
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,156
Can I get through?
156
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,492
Sorry, we're going to be doing
beverage service indefinitely.
157
00:05:58,526 --> 00:06:01,695
Why don't you sit down and go
back to your... Doobie Brothers,
158
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:02,863
or whatever?
159
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,197
Doobie Brothers? Please.
160
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:06,199
This Discman only plays Seger.
161
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:10,003
Mainly 'cause it's been
stuck closed since 2004.
162
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,371
GORDON:
Excuse me, miss.
163
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:12,873
Could I get a diet soda?
164
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,743
Uh-huh.
165
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,578
(sighs)
166
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,880
This is all foam.
167
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,915
(sighs)
168
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,454
(moans)
Okay, you know what?
169
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,855
Why don't you just take the can?
170
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,591
Beverage service today
is if you're thirsty,
171
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,359
you should've thought about that
at the airport,
172
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,761
and gotten something then!
173
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:38,231
Of course, after eight days
of no erections,
174
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,468
I realized I needed
some red meat.
175
00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:42,470
So I'm back on steak.
176
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,505
And now, I wait.
177
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:47,074
(shouts)
178
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:48,709
-(passengers gasping)
-Oh, no.
179
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,210
We have a Ronnie down!
180
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,278
Make way, I'm a captain.
181
00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:52,345
Make way,
I'm a captain.
182
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,382
Captain Steve.
183
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,050
Captain Dave.
184
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,151
I'm okay.
185
00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:00,187
Oh, crap.
186
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,794
DAVE: What the hell
are you doing on my plane?
187
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:07,961
It's not your plane.
188
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,597
Your name isn't Dave Jackpot.
189
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:10,998
It is on several
dating Web sites.
190
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,165
You don't know.
191
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,567
I know you ruined me the moment
192
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,669
you ran your weird face
into my fist.
193
00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:17,004
You're lucky
that was a sucker punch.
194
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,472
If it had been a real fight,
I would've given you
195
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,107
a one-way ticket to Pain Island.
196
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,742
Population: you.
197
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,677
I'm standing right here.
Now's your chance.
198
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:25,178
No, I'm on duty.
Unlike some people,
199
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:26,614
I don't fight my passengers.
200
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:27,915
That's fine.
I can wait till we land.
201
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:28,982
How long's your turnaround?
202
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,150
-An hour.
-Perfect.
203
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,351
Gives me a half hour to warm up,
204
00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:32,520
ten minutes to kick your ass
205
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:34,488
and 20 minutes
to high-five all my fans.
206
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,590
That is, of course,
unless you're scared.
207
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,627
The only thing I'm scared of
is your naked under-nose.
208
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:42,596
Have some respect,
and cover that thing up.
209
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,131
-It's on.
-Oh, it's on.
210
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,033
Lost luggage room, 3:00 p.m.
211
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,968
Barring any weather delays.
212
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,369
Oh, of course.
213
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,004
-What's the wind shear at today?
-About 20 knots.
214
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:52,039
That's not so bad.
215
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,674
We could maybe push it to 2:50.
216
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,543
The way I fly, make it 2:45.
217
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:58,078
(quietly):
This is so dumb.
218
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,051
(indistinct chatter, laughing)
219
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:07,555
Oh, no, this is worse
than I suspected.
220
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,156
Your mouth looks exactly how
221
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,791
other people are sure
my mouth looks.
222
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,826
Artem, you have to help me.
223
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,828
I cannot take
another flight like this,
224
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,296
and my turn is in an hour.
225
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,565
Is there anything you can do?
226
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,568
Ronnie always help Artem
on the plane,
227
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:23,236
so it would be an honor
to help you here on the ground.
228
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,706
Ronnie. What are you gonna do
about this Steve-Dave thing?
229
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:26,874
We can't actually
let them fight.
230
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,508
I have my own problems, Bernard.
231
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,343
I have to get this tooth fixed
before our next flight.
232
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:31,478
I don't have time to worry about
233
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:32,846
what those two dummies
are doing.
234
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,715
Forget them. I'm the dummy
I'm worried about.
235
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,984
This fight could delay
our turn back to L.A.
236
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,418
And I have a date
at Musso & Frank's
237
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,320
with a married Swede
I met in a chat room.
238
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,389
I'm sorry,
but I cannot always be fixing
239
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,257
everybody else's stuff.
240
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:46,760
If you want to stop the fight,
be my guest and stop the fight.
241
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:48,428
Let's go, Artem.
242
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,731
No, o-oh, just a moment,
I have to give Nichole
243
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:54,467
my secret recipe for... queso.
244
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,170
'Kay, so, there's gonna be
245
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,872
a lot of action
on this pilot fight.
246
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,240
#PilotFight.
247
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,275
I have no time for bets,
248
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:05,112
but as my protégé,
you are in charge.
249
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:06,680
Artem, I'm so honored.
250
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,015
Wait.
251
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,583
We're gonna be splitting
that money 50-50, right?
252
00:09:09,617 --> 00:09:10,851
Because I'm gonna need cash
253
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,686
if I'm gonna start buying
freshwater lakes.
254
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,354
It's what the wars of the future
will be fought over.
255
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,522
Of course.
256
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,124
We're equal partners.
257
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,026
Hey, I have a strong feeling
258
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,528
that Captain Dave
will win this fight.
259
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,865
He has this sad rage in him.
260
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:26,967
That means you have to encourage
261
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,703
hefty bets on Captain Steve.
262
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:30,804
You can count on me.
263
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,439
-I know I can.
-(giggles)
264
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:35,976
That's why the little black book
is yours.
265
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,310
Wow.
266
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:40,480
Steffi Graf,
Angela Merkel, Sade?
267
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,716
I'm sorry, that's the wrong
little black book.
268
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:43,884
Here.
269
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,919
Oh.
270
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,254
(exhales)
271
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,421
BERNARD:
Dave?
272
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:49,556
-You and I need to talk.
-We do.
273
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:50,824
Which of these do you like?
274
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,125
I'm looking
for something intimidating
275
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,161
that breathes,
and doesn't skimp on style.
276
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,428
You don't have to do this.
277
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,496
You're the guy
who's still flying.
278
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:57,831
You already won.
279
00:09:57,865 --> 00:09:59,332
And I'll be the real winner
when I'm sharing
280
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:02,169
a shrimp cocktail with
my Swedish orthopedist Bjorn.
281
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,336
The "J" is silent.
282
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:04,838
Just like his love for me.
283
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,239
Look, I have to fight Steve.
284
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,008
My honor is at stake here.
285
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,509
Like when I was a teenager,
my dad was gonna buy
286
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,244
that ski resort
to turn into condos,
287
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,246
until a scrappy ski instructor
beat me in that race
288
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,682
down Devil's Backbone.
289
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,449
So you were the villain
in an '80s ski movie?
290
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:17,751
No, I was the good guy.
291
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,753
Those condos would've been
state-of-the-art.
292
00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:21,588
Look, everyone that works
in this airport
293
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,090
knows that Steve challenged me.
294
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,958
If I back out now,
I'll lose their respect
295
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:26,827
and maybe never get it back.
296
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,195
I can't let them see me
as a coward.
297
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:29,596
Colin, will you please
talk some sense
298
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,699
and tell Dave this fight
won't solve anything?
299
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:34,034
Well, actually,
it may solve quite a lot.
300
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,036
As a university-trained boxer,
301
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,338
I believe that physical
confrontation is an effective
302
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:41,374
and downright zesty means
of conflict resolution.
303
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:42,676
You know, I have some time
304
00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:44,144
before I pick my son up
from school.
305
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,278
Maybe we could train together?
306
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,313
I'll show you some tips.
307
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,314
Let's do it then.
308
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,349
Donna, put this on my tab.
309
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:54,387
And here you stand, Bernard,
forsaken and alone.
310
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,223
Like a young Hedy Lamarr's
Joan of Arc.
311
00:10:56,256 --> 00:10:58,892
With no around to tell you
they don't get that reference.
312
00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:01,494
All right, we don't have time to
go to a real dentist's office,
313
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,163
so hopefully this place will
have to work.
314
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,665
Oh, this is like a little
airport hospital.
315
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:08,335
Is this where sick airplanes go?
316
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,738
This is the Vegas airport
medical office.
317
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:14,041
It's mainly used for hangovers,
stripper-heel ankle sprains,
318
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:16,576
and people still tripping
from last night's EDM show.
319
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:19,179
I need to lick something
or else I'll die.
320
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,715
I just don't know if they have
any dentist stuff here.
321
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:24,417
Don't worry, I got my own
dental emergency kit.
322
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:28,221
I have some fun pokey things,
and some fun scrape-y things...
323
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:31,091
Whatever. Just use all of it.
You have half an hour,
324
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,926
so start scraping
and start poking.
325
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,363
Okay, listen, one important
question before we start.
326
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:39,833
Which tablet would you like
to use for cartoons?
327
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:41,368
The panda or penguin?
328
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,271
Artem, I'm not a child.
Penguin.
329
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,638
Good choice.
330
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:53,013
Okay, David, we are gonna start
with a simple combination.
331
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,915
Jab, cross, then you slip
when I counter.
332
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,385
Ow. That's not cool.
333
00:11:58,418 --> 00:11:59,787
That's okay. We'll go again.
334
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,789
Remember to dodge
when I counter.
335
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:04,124
-You don't have to tell me
twice. -Okay.
336
00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:06,059
Try again.
337
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,898
Why don't you use your martial
arts training for this fight?
338
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,901
Oh, I would never.
Muay Thai is a sacred discipline
339
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,735
whose purpose is
the enrichment of the soul.
340
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,304
And besides, they moved
my book club to Tuesday nights,
341
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,806
so I had to make some
hard choices.
342
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:19,973
Yeah, schedules can be
difficult.
343
00:12:20,007 --> 00:12:21,141
That's fine, we'll go again.
344
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,876
Okay. Jab, cross, slip.
345
00:12:22,910 --> 00:12:24,778
Just... slip means
get out of the way.
346
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:28,148
So, again, that's jab, cross,
get out of the way.
347
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:31,985
Damn it.
This would be easier if I knew
348
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:33,286
which hand you were
punching with.
349
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,322
Just tell me, right or left,
and then I'll move.
350
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,925
Steve's not gonna announce which
hand he's gonna punch you with.
351
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:40,260
He will, if we make it a rule.
Like in pool.
352
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,995
You call the pocket first.
Eight ball, corner pocket.
353
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:43,663
Same thing:
left hand, your face.
354
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,765
-Oh, God this is gonna be harder
than I thought. -Oh.
355
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:47,734
Come on, man,
I was wiping my brow.
356
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,103
Then do my rule-- call out
"left hand, wiping brow."
357
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,772
Wait, so Captain Steve and
Captain Dave are gonna fight?
358
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,843
Oh, yeah. We're calling it
"Pilot Pummel I: The Rematch."
359
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:58,345
Ten to one Dave wins
in a knockout. Are you in?
360
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,914
Hell yeah. With those odds,
put me down for $50 on Steve.
361
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:04,517
Just $50? Come on.
If you put in $250,
362
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,086
I'll make one of those
whisper videos
363
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:09,022
where I talk real quiet
while I fold a napkin.
364
00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,924
-Deal.
-(chuckles)
365
00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:13,827
$250 on Steve.
366
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,728
$100 on Steve.
367
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,802
$500 on Steve.
368
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:27,074
(speaking German):
369
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:34,581
*
370
00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:42,389
$1,500 on Steve...
and Dave falling in love?
371
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,524
I'm a romantic.
372
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,293
(breathing heavily)
373
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,494
Steve, listen...
374
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,529
*
375
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:55,903
Happy birthday, Mr. President.
376
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:58,071
Listen, you, I'm calling off
this fight.
377
00:13:58,105 --> 00:13:59,806
Stay out of this, Bernard.
378
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:00,908
Say my name again.
379
00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:03,043
No! This is crazy.
380
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:04,411
You are two grown men.
381
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:05,913
You shouldn't be settling
your differences
382
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,580
in a lost luggage room
in the middle of the day.
383
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:10,250
You're not fighting.
Now, say my name again.
384
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,719
This is happening. There's
nothing you can do to stop it.
385
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,254
You just got caught up
in the moment.
386
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,089
Take a step back
and think about this.
387
00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:18,091
Think about this?
Please.
388
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:20,760
That's all I've thought about
for months.
389
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,896
I'm not meeting
with the Jackpot Review Board.
390
00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:25,198
The only reason
I was on that plane
391
00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:26,666
was to get Dave to fight me.
392
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,369
I've spent every day
since that flight
393
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:32,205
waiting, watching, training.
394
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:35,442
White lightning.
395
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,510
That's right, Bernard.
396
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:38,946
This isn't gonna be a fight.
397
00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:42,882
It's gonna be a massacre.
398
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,861
Okay, Ronnie, so I cemented
399
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,197
the temporary cap
to your molar.
400
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,799
I want you to bite down
on this cotton roll
401
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,868
until the cement is dry, okay?
402
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,070
Uh-huh.
403
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,972
Ronnie. Problem.
404
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,639
This pilot fight is getting
out of hand.
405
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,075
Steve is gonna murder Dave.
406
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:09,709
(muffled):
What are you talking about?
407
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:12,412
I saw him warming up.
He's so powerful and raw.
408
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,714
In my Revenant fantasy, he'll
now be starring as the bear.
409
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,583
Hey. Captain Steve is gonna win?
410
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:19,586
Yes. I need you.
This is not my department.
411
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,754
This is like sporting goods,
and I'm men's fragrances.
412
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:23,756
Oh, ah. If Dave is really
in trouble...
413
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:26,826
-No-no-no, you're not going
nowhere. Open mouth. -Ah.
414
00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:29,429
Close it.
Today, you have to be patient.
415
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,731
Both as a noun and adjective.
416
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,932
-But I have...
-No buts!
417
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:34,167
Dr. Artem's order.
418
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,336
You have to wait here until
the cement is dry.
419
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:39,106
It's gonna be, like, 20 minutes.
No moving, no talking.
420
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:41,274
-What about the fight?
-I'll fix it.
421
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:42,909
Okay, Captain Steve is
gonna win,
422
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,345
so we have to change
the betting line immediately.
423
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,913
This was your plan to handle it?
424
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,582
Yes, because Nichole and I were
gonna lose money.
425
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:50,984
Wasn't that everybody's concern?
426
00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:53,153
Artem, I've already taken
427
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,522
thousands of dollars
of bets on Steve.
428
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,291
Thousands? Oh, we have to
stop this fight.
429
00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:01,361
Bitch, I've been saying that
for the last half hour.
430
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:07,834
So, what do you think?
Not too bad, huh?
431
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:09,169
Well, you stopped
yelling "punch"
432
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:12,439
every time you threw a punch,
so that's progress.
433
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,540
Why don't we take a short break?
434
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:15,442
-Okay, you catch your breath.
-Ah.
435
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,676
Maybe put your affairs in order,
436
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:17,810
and we'll meet back here
in five.
437
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,479
How's that, champ?
438
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,316
Punch, punch!
439
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,618
-Ah! I'm doing it again.
-(laughs nervously)
440
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,387
Quick update:
get here immediately.
441
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,622
Is this about the fight? Artem
and Bernard are handling it.
442
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,124
Right, nobody
is handling anything.
443
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,992
Do you know how I know?
Because right now,
444
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,961
I am watching Steve
walk into this room.
445
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,396
RONNIE:
I am not supposed to move.
446
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:37,997
I shouldn't even be talking.
447
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,866
Look, Ronnie, I know
you don't want this role,
448
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,734
but you are quite possibly
the only person
449
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,303
in this entire airport
450
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,538
capable of stopping
an imminent calamity.
451
00:16:45,572 --> 00:16:47,074
We need you.
452
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,409
-Punch, punch! Whoo!
-(sighs)
453
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,314
So what are you saying?
He punched a wall?
454
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,049
Big deal. I've punched
hundreds of them.
455
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:58,851
Besides, Colin's been
training me. I'm good.
456
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:01,088
No, you're quite literally
the worst boxer I've ever seen.
457
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,222
You should walk away now,
458
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,390
while you still
have the use of your legs.
459
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:04,591
Yeah, you might die.
460
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,326
Why the hell didn't you tell me
all this sooner?
461
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,560
I can't back down now.
462
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:08,861
Look at all these people
watching.
463
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:10,430
I'll lose their respect forever.
464
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,565
There is another way.
You could fight dirty.
465
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,901
It's cheap and you'd have to
completely abandon your dignity.
466
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,203
Great, let's do that then.
467
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,738
So, stick to biting,
pulling hair,
468
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:22,442
and if in doubt,
you throw sand in his face.
469
00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:24,411
Wait, you carry sand around
in your pocket?
470
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:26,379
Yeah, it's a good thing
I do, right?
471
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,348
You ready to rumble,
you son of a bitch?
472
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,782
MAN:
Oh, did you hear that?
473
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:32,285
-Am I?
-Go get 'em.
474
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:34,721
-Okay.
-Yeah.
475
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,423
(all cheering)
476
00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:43,430
-(all clamoring)
-WOMAN: Come on, Dave!
477
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,600
I've been dreaming about kicking
your ass for a long time, Dave.
478
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,603
Well, that's not gonna happen,
so keep dreaming, Pam Ewing!
479
00:17:50,637 --> 00:17:52,439
-Huh?
-From Dallas.
480
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,307
All of season nine
was Pam Ewing's dream.
481
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:55,542
You never watched Dallas?
482
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:58,044
I believe it's pronounced
"Da-yas."
483
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,247
Say good night, Steve!
484
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,150
Stop! That is enough.
485
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,984
What the hell are you two doing?
486
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,419
You're acting like children.
487
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,488
Show me one child
with a mustache like this.
488
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:09,956
Foreigners don't count.
489
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,658
Oh, if you two idiots
could forget about
490
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,726
this stupid grudge
for one minute,
491
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,928
I bet you'd realize
you have a lot in common.
492
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:18,265
Like what?
493
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:20,767
Uh... well, um...
494
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,270
(exhales)
Oh, Seger!
495
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:26,173
You like Bob Seger.
So does Dave.
496
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,007
I don't like Bob Seger.
497
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,443
I love Bob Seger.
498
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:34,147
-(crowd murmurs)
-Okay, okay. What else? Uh...
499
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,182
Steve drives a Miata!
500
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:38,751
Oh! You both love cars
marketed to women.
501
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:41,588
What's wrong with a sporty car
that's tight around corners?
502
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,990
My Pontiac Sunfire
used to have 'em screaming.
503
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:45,525
Just ask my ex, Keisha.
504
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,295
-Keisha? I dated a Keisha.
Distefano? -Berardi.
505
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,663
BOTH:
Both Italian.
506
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:53,933
(gasps) Now do you see
what I'm talking about?
507
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,135
(Steve gasps)
508
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:59,539
This might be weird,
but do you also, um,
509
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:00,873
sometimes feel like the sky
510
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:02,342
is the only one
that understands you?
511
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,377
Sometimes?
512
00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:06,346
Try all the time.
513
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,215
My God.
514
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,450
We're like the same person.
515
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,819
You see? You were both
about to beat up
516
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:15,655
the only other person
in the world who truly gets you.
517
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,190
Friends?
518
00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:19,526
Brothers.
519
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:23,330
(crowd groaning, booing)
520
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,898
Oh, my God, people.
Get a life!
521
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,600
Fight already!
522
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,238
MAN:
Oh!
523
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:33,306
(indistinct announcement
on P.A.)
524
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:36,743
Hey, champ.
How's the tooth?
525
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:40,012
Oh... Artem has to redo
the whole thing.
526
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:42,715
But luckily, the luggage
knocked out another tooth,
527
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:44,984
-and that hurts a lot more.
-Well, even though
528
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,185
it cost you a pair of teeth,
529
00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:47,820
at least you can feel good
knowing that,
530
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:49,889
-yet again, you saved the day.
-Yeah.
531
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,724
At least being the person
who fixes
532
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:54,361
other people's screwups makes
my life seem less like a mess.
533
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:56,696
Well, you're in luck,
because none of us
534
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:59,966
are in any danger of getting
our acts together... ever.
535
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,535
Hey, guys.
536
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:04,003
You two must be happy.
537
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,038
You narrowly avoided losing
heaps of money.
538
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:09,776
Mm-mm. We lost a bundle.
To Alan.
539
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:11,210
But the fight didn't
even happen.
540
00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:14,247
-Right. Because Steve and Dave
fell in love. -Mm.
541
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:16,383
Ronnie, will you hold
this money for me?
542
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,285
Otherwise, it'll go
right up my nose.
543
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:28,227
I can't thank you enough for
helping me earn back my wings.
544
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:30,963
Hey, we're brothers,
and I told those Jackpot suits,
545
00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:34,133
if my brother can't fly,
I can't fly.
546
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,468
And now look at us.
547
00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:38,405
Two straight-up Norse gods
ready to conquer the sky.
548
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,107
And to think,
I almost gave you a beatdown.
549
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:42,942
(chuckles)
Don't make me laugh, old man.
550
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:44,444
I would've kicked your ass
551
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:46,713
-from here to Da-yas,
Fort Worth. -(laughs)
552
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,915
Well, time to fly.
553
00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:50,917
Let's do this.
554
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,985
Uh, what are you doing?
555
00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:55,788
What do you mean? I'm the pilot,
you're the co-pilot.
556
00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:57,824
I don't "co" anything.
I'm the captain.
557
00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:00,293
You are loco in the cabeza
if you think
558
00:21:00,327 --> 00:21:01,528
you're gonna fly this thing.
559
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,898
Out of my way!
560
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:08,335
-No, get out of my way!
-Get out of my way!
561
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:10,136
(both grunting)
562
00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:14,907
This is so dumb.
563
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:17,610
(grunting continues)
564
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,386
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
41553
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