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1
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,853
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,223
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,291 --> 00:00:11,844
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:14,896
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,965 --> 00:00:18,350
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:21,603
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,671 --> 00:00:23,188
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,256 --> 00:00:24,890
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:29,978
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,371
Good morning!
11
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,473
Is what normal families say.
12
00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:43,024
Lois, I'll take my
breakfast to go.
13
00:00:43,093 --> 00:00:44,760
I'm going fishing
with the fellas.
14
00:00:44,829 --> 00:00:47,407
Peter, I thought we were
going to have some
family time this weekend.
15
00:00:47,431 --> 00:00:48,775
You're going fishing again?
16
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,415
Yes, Lois.
I love fishing.
17
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:53,585
Remember, fishing was
my not-at-all memorable
job for two years?
18
00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,531
No.
You don't remember
my fishing boat.
19
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,115
You don't remember
Santos and Pasqual?
20
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:58,251
Not even a little.
21
00:00:58,275 --> 00:00:59,974
They were like male Consuelas.
22
00:01:00,043 --> 00:01:01,787
It was a mistake
making them
Portuguese, though.
23
00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:03,645
People don't even know
what a Portuguese is.
24
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:08,283
That's what I thought
a Portuguese was.
25
00:01:08,351 --> 00:01:10,285
Me and my brain, huh?
26
00:01:10,354 --> 00:01:12,674
And we're just getting started!
27
00:01:16,026 --> 00:01:18,593
Boy, it's not like Quagmire
to be this late.
28
00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:21,362
Yeah.
29
00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:24,694
I've never triedto make conversationwith just Joe before.
30
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:25,958
This is brutal.
31
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,903
Come on, Joe, you're losing him.
32
00:01:27,971 --> 00:01:30,389
Think of something.
This was your shot.
33
00:01:31,475 --> 00:01:33,742
Two thirds of the
planet is water.
34
00:01:33,810 --> 00:01:35,126
Yeah.
35
00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:37,713
Two thirds
of the planet is water?
36
00:01:37,781 --> 00:01:39,598
This guy's okay.
37
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,149
All right, well,
38
00:01:41,218 --> 00:01:43,496
um, we should
probably go find out
what's keeping Quagmire.
39
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,964
Yeah, I guess you're right.
40
00:01:44,988 --> 00:01:47,450
And you know, Joe,
I was thinking,
maybe one night,
41
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,119
we get dinner,
just the two of us.
42
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,308
I would like that.
43
00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:55,830
Hey, Quagmire?
44
00:01:55,899 --> 00:01:57,048
You in there?
45
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,947
Holy crap!
Oh, my God!
46
00:02:00,971 --> 00:02:03,850
He must have
autoerotically
asphyxiated himself!
47
00:02:03,874 --> 00:02:06,194
Yeah, while he was
watching clown porn.
48
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,027
Oh, yeah, baby.
Oh, yeah.
49
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,496
Almost there. Almost there.
50
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,426
Oh, yeah, baby!
You make me so horny!
51
00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:17,068
Come on, help me get him down!
52
00:02:21,825 --> 00:02:24,459
Peter, he's still alive!
We got to get him
to a hospital!
53
00:02:24,527 --> 00:02:27,257
All right, but let's just
watch the end of this
clown porn first.
54
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:38,206
Oh, Peter, we came
as soon as we heard.
How is he?
55
00:02:38,275 --> 00:02:39,869
He's in a coma, Lois.
56
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,843
My God, what the hell happened?
57
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:44,941
He hung himself
during autoerotic
asphyxiation.
58
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,176
Just goes to show
anything can be
dangerous.
59
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,600
Is his family here?
60
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:51,047
His sister Brenda
is coming with
her boyfriend, Jeff.
61
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:52,971
Oh, my God, not that guy.
62
00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:54,406
Is she still with him?
63
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:55,852
Isn't he the one that beats her?
64
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,076
Yeah, but she's
gotten a lot better.
65
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:03,348
All right, on the way back,
I get to pick
the radio station,
66
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:04,550
because that was awful.
67
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,885
I know, yeah, it was, I'm sorry.
68
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:09,215
Oh, God, I just...
I hope Glenn's okay.
69
00:03:09,239 --> 00:03:10,550
I'm so worried about him.
70
00:03:10,574 --> 00:03:11,607
Shut up and limp!
71
00:03:11,675 --> 00:03:13,675
We're in a handicapped
spot, you slut!
72
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:20,548
Well, Miss Quagmire,
your brother Glenn is
lucky to be alive.
73
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,985
You know, we're all lucky
to be alive on such
a beautiful day.
74
00:03:24,054 --> 00:03:27,255
In fact, nurse,
all surgeries are
outside today.
75
00:03:27,324 --> 00:03:31,526
You know, when we were kids,
our mother used to sing
a song when we were sad.
76
00:03:31,594 --> 00:03:33,273
Maybe that'll help now.
77
00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:36,175
Come on, Brenda,
a stupid nursery rhyme
isn't going to wake him up,
78
00:03:36,199 --> 00:03:38,500
especially the way you sing.
79
00:03:38,568 --> 00:03:41,319
Right, man?
Gyaa.
80
00:03:41,371 --> 00:03:44,939
♪ Glenn, don't die from
autoerotic asphyxiation
81
00:03:45,008 --> 00:03:48,043
♪ Your friends want to go
fishing with you
82
00:03:48,112 --> 00:03:49,589
This song is from childhood?
83
00:03:49,613 --> 00:03:52,330
♪ Live to see tomorrow
84
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:55,967
♪ October 31, 2011 ♪
85
00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:01,322
Where am I?
What happened?
86
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,120
Oh, Glenn!
Oh, thank God
you're all right!
87
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:05,772
Hey, you touching my girl?
88
00:04:05,796 --> 00:04:07,257
Relax, Jeff.
That's her brother.
89
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:08,675
Yeah, that's how it starts.
90
00:04:08,699 --> 00:04:10,293
Come on, Brenda,
we got to get out of here.
91
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,437
I need cigarettes and jeans.
92
00:04:16,807 --> 00:04:19,285
Oh, thanks, you guys,
for all your help
through this.
93
00:04:19,309 --> 00:04:21,676
Oh, Glenn,
we're just so glad
you're all right.
94
00:04:21,745 --> 00:04:24,940
And Jeff and I are happy
to stay here with you
for as long as you need.
95
00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:26,893
Fine, then you call
my cousin Terry
96
00:04:26,917 --> 00:04:29,412
and tell him
we're not going to be
at his karate recital.
97
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,219
Well, Jeff, he is my brother.
98
00:04:31,287 --> 00:04:34,289
Why do you always
got to remind me
I didn't finish high school?
99
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:37,892
Well, listen,
how about I make us all
some dinner, huh?
100
00:04:37,961 --> 00:04:39,856
Come here!
Ah!
101
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:42,981
You fat, ugly bitch!
102
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:44,616
If today wasn't your birthday...
103
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:45,862
Jeff!
Please, you're being...
104
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,118
What?
What am I being?
105
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,920
Crazy?
Unemployed?
106
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,933
Why don't you call the cops
like you did on Christmas?
107
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:53,102
I didn't call them.
They were called.
108
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,727
Oh, now
you're calling me a liar
in front of this cat?
109
00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:57,862
I got another cat.
110
00:05:03,653 --> 00:05:06,254
Oh, that yellow lab
looks like it's dying.
111
00:05:06,322 --> 00:05:08,640
Peter, that's
Gwyneth Paltrow.
She's fine.
112
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,258
Look, turn off the light.
113
00:05:10,327 --> 00:05:13,194
I just want to get
to sleep and put this
ugly night behind us.
114
00:05:13,263 --> 00:05:16,765
All that unpleasantness
with Brenda and Jeff was
more than I can handle.
115
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:19,629
It's no big deal, Lois. We
probably just caught them
on an off night.
116
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,380
Where do you get off
calling me a deadbeat
117
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,138
in front of your brother?
118
00:05:23,206 --> 00:05:25,451
No, Jeff, all I said was that
you were in between jobs.
119
00:05:25,475 --> 00:05:28,943
Well, it wouldn't matter
if you'd just pick up that
night shift at the prison!
120
00:05:29,012 --> 00:05:31,612
But then
I'll be working
100 hours a week.
121
00:05:31,681 --> 00:05:34,894
So what?
I need money for motor
oil and wallet chains!
122
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,585
Okay, I'll ask about it Monday.
123
00:05:37,654 --> 00:05:39,254
Can I put my nightgown back on?
124
00:05:39,322 --> 00:05:41,456
No, I'm not done drawing!
125
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:52,078
Hey, Peter.
Geez, Quagmire,
you look terrible.
126
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,752
Oh, I didn't get any sleep.
127
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,199
Hi, Glenn.
How are you?
128
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:57,722
Not great, Lois.
129
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,769
I'm stuck in the middle
of some bad stuff
with my sister.
130
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,937
I know, it sounded
like there was quite
a ruckus
131
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:03,739
going on over there last night.
132
00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:05,875
That Jeff seems like
kind of a monster.
133
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,199
Yeah, that guy's scary
as an Iraq lobster.
134
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:14,956
♪ Death to America
135
00:06:16,226 --> 00:06:17,459
♪ And butter sauce
136
00:06:18,828 --> 00:06:20,061
♪ Don't boil me
137
00:06:21,331 --> 00:06:22,697
♪ I'm still alive
138
00:06:23,534 --> 00:06:24,866
♪ Iraq lobster
139
00:06:28,872 --> 00:06:30,205
♪ Iraq lobster ♪
140
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,039
I've tried
talking to Brenda
about leaving him,
141
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,730
but I haven't gotten anywhere.
142
00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:40,898
I was actually hoping
you could talk to her,
Lois.
143
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:43,435
She might
open up more to you
'cause you're a woman.
144
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:44,780
Me?
Yeah.
145
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:46,137
Would you mind at least trying?
146
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,751
Well, I guess
she does need
someone to talk to.
147
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:50,186
Let's hope she's good at talking
148
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,954
'cause we know
she doesn't listen
so good.
149
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:53,678
That, we know.
150
00:06:56,566 --> 00:06:58,733
You know, Brenda,
I'm glad we could
get together.
151
00:06:58,802 --> 00:07:01,614
Me, too, Lois.
It's nice to have a
girlfriend to chat with.
152
00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:02,937
Don't you have any back home?
153
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:05,557
Oh, no. Jeff would
never allow that.
154
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:08,376
That's kind of what
I want to talk to you
about, Brenda.
155
00:07:08,445 --> 00:07:10,278
Do you mind taking off
your sunglasses?
156
00:07:13,150 --> 00:07:14,433
Oh, my God.
157
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,229
No, it's really not that bad.
158
00:07:16,253 --> 00:07:17,797
It only hurts when I see.
159
00:07:17,821 --> 00:07:20,989
You don't have to stay
with a man who treats you
that way.
160
00:07:21,058 --> 00:07:22,690
Oh, Jeff's sweet.
161
00:07:22,759 --> 00:07:25,639
You don't see how
soft and gentle he hits me
when we're alone.
162
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,028
Do you hear yourself?
163
00:07:27,097 --> 00:07:28,913
He shouldn't be
hitting you at all.
164
00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,683
I don't think
you understand
how serious a matter...
165
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,162
Close your menu.
What?
166
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,098
Close your menu,
so they know
we're ready to order.
167
00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,615
I'll give you another moment.
168
00:07:36,639 --> 00:07:37,772
God damn it.
169
00:07:37,841 --> 00:07:40,225
I'm sorry.
Oh, shoot.
170
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,544
See, this is why Jeff
corrects me all the time.
171
00:07:42,612 --> 00:07:43,978
Corrects you?
172
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:46,331
Brenda, he's not
correcting you,
he's beating you.
173
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,649
Well, I can see
why you'd think that
174
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,496
'cause of the punches
and all, but,
175
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,432
it's just that
Jeff's been so angry
about immigrants.
176
00:07:53,456 --> 00:07:56,217
What?
It'll be better when
he gets back to work.
177
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,521
Our relationship is
just complicated,
that's all.
178
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:00,812
No, Brenda,
it's not complicated.
179
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,448
Trying to get
a straight answer
out of a 23-year-old girl
180
00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,100
is complicated.
181
00:08:05,168 --> 00:08:06,801
So, do you want
to go out some time?
182
00:08:06,870 --> 00:08:08,348
Out like go out or hang out,
183
00:08:08,372 --> 00:08:09,649
or just do something?
184
00:08:09,673 --> 00:08:11,751
Like a date.
Like a date date?
Or like a date?
185
00:08:11,775 --> 00:08:13,241
Both I guess.
186
00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:15,550
Yeah, sure, maybe.
I don't know. Yes, no.
187
00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:18,846
Here's the first
three digits of my
phone number. E-mail me.
188
00:08:22,285 --> 00:08:23,925
Joe, the guy's a menace.
189
00:08:23,954 --> 00:08:25,464
They've been with me
three days now,
190
00:08:25,488 --> 00:08:27,517
and all he does is
beat her day and night.
191
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:29,785
And on top of that,
they say they don't need
to be entertained,
192
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:32,288
but then they're always like,
"Hey, so what're we doing?
What's next?"
193
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:34,328
Hey, Joe, can't you
just arrest the guy?
194
00:08:34,397 --> 00:08:38,416
I can't arrest Jeff
unless Brenda files a formal
complaint with the police.
195
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:41,503
She won't go to the police.
She's afraid of
what Jeff will do.
196
00:08:41,571 --> 00:08:43,416
And to be honest,
I don't blame her.
I mean,
197
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,318
what happens if one
of these nights, he hits her
so hard, he kills her?
198
00:08:46,342 --> 00:08:47,725
Sorry, Quagmire.
199
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:50,939
Police policy,
we can't step in
until it's too late.
200
00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:53,323
But if I were you, I'd
set up an intervention.
201
00:08:53,349 --> 00:08:55,878
What's that?
It's like a surprise
birthday party,
202
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:58,648
but instead of
cake and presents,
there's angry letters
203
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:01,856
and someone
who inappropriately tries
to make it about themselves.
204
00:09:01,924 --> 00:09:03,040
Oh, that sounds great!
205
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,226
I bet I would really
shine at one of those.
206
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:11,499
All right, first
we want to thank you all
for being here for Brenda.
207
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:13,112
Now, I know it's
going to be a long day,
208
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:17,105
but we're all here because
we care about her very much.
209
00:09:17,174 --> 00:09:19,752
What the...
What's going on?
What's all this?
210
00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:21,742
Brenda, this is an intervention.
211
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,145
A lot of us don't like
how Jeff's been
treating you.
212
00:09:24,214 --> 00:09:27,348
So we're going to say
a few things, and then
you'll say a few things,
213
00:09:27,416 --> 00:09:29,484
and then we'll be
done. Sound good?
214
00:09:29,552 --> 00:09:31,447
Um, I guess.
All right.
215
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:33,070
So we're going to go
around the room
216
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:37,359
and tell you
exactly how your situation has
affected each of us. Meg?
217
00:09:37,427 --> 00:09:40,811
I feel like
if he likes you, maybe
you can change him.
218
00:09:40,864 --> 00:09:43,614
Okay, maybe
she wasn't the one
to start with. Caleb?
219
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,352
Caleb, you want to go ahead?
220
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,622
Me?
Yeah, go ahead.
221
00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,675
Uh, it's Chris.
222
00:09:53,744 --> 00:09:55,271
You don't know my name?
223
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,178
All right, this isn't off
to a flying start.
224
00:09:57,246 --> 00:09:58,791
Peter, why don't you go ahead?
225
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:00,626
So, you like
getting beaten, huh?
226
00:10:00,650 --> 00:10:03,228
Well, why don't you
smoke a whole carton
of cigarettes!
227
00:10:03,252 --> 00:10:06,521
Look, I know what
you guys are trying to do,
but Jeff and I are fine.
228
00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:09,140
No, Brenda,
you're not fine, okay?
229
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:12,243
Please, I'd like to say
something, if I may.
230
00:10:13,630 --> 00:10:16,842
"Brenda, the fact
that you are
being abused,
231
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,701
"has affected my life
in the following ways.
232
00:10:19,769 --> 00:10:22,737
"The sister that I knew
and loved growing up
233
00:10:22,805 --> 00:10:24,606
"no longer exists.
234
00:10:24,674 --> 00:10:28,560
"The person I see
before me now is
just a punching bag.
235
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,045
"And I call you 'person'
and not 'woman'
236
00:10:31,114 --> 00:10:35,032
"because a woman is a strong,
beautiful, vibrant creature.
237
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:36,851
"A woman embraces life.
238
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,871
"A woman makes choices
to make her life better.
239
00:10:39,923 --> 00:10:43,190
"Sadly, the fact
that you are with Jeff
240
00:10:43,260 --> 00:10:45,860
"proves to me that you
have made a choice
241
00:10:45,928 --> 00:10:48,796
"to make
your life worse."
242
00:10:48,865 --> 00:10:51,916
I want the girl
I grew up with back.
243
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:55,253
I want... I want
my sister back.
244
00:10:56,105 --> 00:10:59,140
Brenda, I love you.
245
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:01,053
Please make the right decision.
246
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,628
Which is a perfect time
for me to tell my jokes.
247
00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:06,336
Peter.
And I will save them
for the end.
248
00:11:09,652 --> 00:11:11,252
Glenn,
249
00:11:11,321 --> 00:11:15,339
I am so lucky
to have such a wonderful,
loving brother like you.
250
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:23,030
So, are you gonna leave him?
251
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,366
Oh, there you are!
252
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:28,236
Hey, give me some money.
I saw a cool bandana.
253
00:11:28,304 --> 00:11:29,699
What the hell's going on here?
254
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:31,156
Listen here, you bully!
255
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,670
For your information,
Brenda just agreed
to leave you.
256
00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:35,059
Like hell she did.
257
00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:37,812
Brenda,
you tell them?
No, not yet.
258
00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:40,547
Everyone, I have wonderful news.
259
00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:42,617
Jeff and I are getting married.
260
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:46,604
I'd show you the ring,
but it's under the splint.
261
00:11:46,672 --> 00:11:48,623
My finger fell down the stairs.
262
00:11:48,691 --> 00:11:50,041
You're getting married?
263
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,104
Yeah, but only
'cause she's pregnant.
264
00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:53,661
Pregnant?
265
00:11:53,730 --> 00:11:56,992
Oh, congratulations!
Have you thought
of any names yet?
266
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:58,994
Maybe, maybe, "Slappy"?
267
00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:00,985
Or, or "Bruisey"?
268
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:03,294
Or "Keep It Down In Theresy"?
269
00:12:08,145 --> 00:12:10,011
Guys, what the hell
am I gonna do?
270
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,779
She can't marry that bastard.
271
00:12:11,848 --> 00:12:14,710
He's just gonna keep
beatin' her, and then he's
gonna beat the kid, too.
272
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,951
God, I wish
she'd never met
Jeffrey Fecalman.
273
00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:18,831
You know,
I was thinking...
Wait, what?
274
00:12:18,855 --> 00:12:20,571
What?
That's his name?
275
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,339
Yeah.
Huh-larious.
276
00:12:22,392 --> 00:12:24,386
But you know,
I was thinking
this afternoon,
277
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,795
what the hell happened
to the days when a guy does
something like that to a girl,
278
00:12:27,864 --> 00:12:32,283
and a bunch of us guys
get together and just
go kick his fucking ass?
279
00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:34,635
Boy, that'd be satisfying.
280
00:12:34,704 --> 00:12:36,070
Well...
281
00:12:36,138 --> 00:12:37,483
Why not?
What do you mean?
282
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:39,040
The three of us.
283
00:12:39,109 --> 00:12:41,960
We go over there
and we do what's right,
we kill the bastard.
284
00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,456
Whoa! Whoa!
Quagmire.
285
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,624
You know,
I could arrest you
just for saying that.
286
00:12:45,648 --> 00:12:47,126
You know what else
you can get
arrested for?
287
00:12:47,150 --> 00:12:49,400
Soliciting a rooster.
288
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,736
I don't know what this
cock-a-doodle-doo thing is,
289
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:54,639
but it sounds gay
and it sounds scatological.
290
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:57,776
I'm in.
You're about to have
a neat day.
291
00:12:57,844 --> 00:13:00,339
Quagmire,
you're talking about
murdering a guy.
292
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:03,192
It doesn't matter
what he's done,
it's still murder.
293
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:05,199
No, Joe,
it does matter
what he's done!
294
00:13:05,268 --> 00:13:07,135
These kinds of guys
don't change.
295
00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:10,438
You think they ever suddenly
wake up and realize the error
of their ways,
296
00:13:10,507 --> 00:13:12,206
and clean up
their act? No!
297
00:13:12,275 --> 00:13:14,008
They just keep ruining
everyone's lives,
298
00:13:14,076 --> 00:13:15,655
and the world is
better off without 'em.
299
00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:18,441
It's against the law,
Quagmire, and
that's the end of it.
300
00:13:21,284 --> 00:13:23,146
What the hell?
Did you change
the channel
301
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:24,947
while I was going to get a beer?
302
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,616
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry,
honey, I just wanted
to see who was on Letterman.
303
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,506
We're watching Leno, you bitch!
304
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:31,375
I'm so sorry!
305
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:35,363
His soft, gentle humor
connects effortlessly with
my mainstream sensibilities!
306
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,433
Let's waste this dick.
307
00:13:41,304 --> 00:13:43,148
Boy,everything's different nowthan it used to be, isn't it?
308
00:13:43,172 --> 00:13:45,551
You know, this morningI had a bowl ofFruity Pebbles cereal.
309
00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:47,870
Yeah, yeah.When I was a kid,they were boulders!
310
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,399
Cereals do change.
311
00:13:54,450 --> 00:13:56,662
Now, here's something,here's something.Did you hear about this?
312
00:13:56,686 --> 00:13:57,996
Here's a bunch of words
in a row.
313
00:13:58,020 --> 00:13:59,887
Because the economy's so bad,
314
00:13:59,956 --> 00:14:02,435
they've decidedthey're gonna shut downall the prisons.
315
00:14:02,459 --> 00:14:03,824
Yeah, yeah.
316
00:14:03,893 --> 00:14:06,593
And they're gonna send
all the inmates to Congress.
317
00:14:06,662 --> 00:14:08,742
I don't get that one!
318
00:14:12,902 --> 00:14:13,985
Hi, there, Jeff.
319
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:15,614
Hey, what's going on, dudes?
320
00:14:15,638 --> 00:14:16,887
Brenda just fell.
321
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,272
Get your lazy ass up
322
00:14:18,341 --> 00:14:20,169
and get my neighbors some beers!
323
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,143
Actually, we don't
have time, Jeff.
324
00:14:22,211 --> 00:14:25,646
We were just about
to go on our annual
midnight hunting trip.
325
00:14:25,715 --> 00:14:27,515
We thought you might
want to join us.
326
00:14:27,584 --> 00:14:28,810
Yeah, what the hell?
327
00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,045
Go shoot some animals,
328
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:31,380
that sounds like fun.
329
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:34,044
Hey, it beats
sitting at home
watching Meg pop her zits.
330
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,363
Okay, okay, who
would you rather do?
331
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,488
Dame Judi Dench with
30 minutes of kissing first,
332
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:53,791
or Eddie Izzard in drag,
but he has a working vagina?
333
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:55,793
Would Eddie Izzard
tell others about it?
334
00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:57,506
Eddie Izzard is very discreet.
335
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:58,841
Then that's your answer.
336
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,681
You know, Quagmire, I gotta say,
337
00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:03,284
I was pretty surprised
you wanted me to come along.
338
00:15:03,353 --> 00:15:04,802
I thought you hated my guts.
339
00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:07,767
Oh, come on, Jeff,
I don't hate
your fucking guts.
340
00:15:07,791 --> 00:15:09,101
Well, then what the hell
are we doing out here?
341
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:10,436
I thought we were
gonna kill him.
342
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:13,978
Ahhh! So, Jeff,
do you like
loud sentences?
343
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:17,147
I guess. I gotta
take a whiz.
344
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:18,916
All right, look.
When he comes back,
345
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:20,434
I'm just gonna do it, okay?
346
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,381
I'm just gonna point my gun
straight at his head
347
00:15:22,405 --> 00:15:23,849
before he even knows
what's going on.
348
00:15:23,873 --> 00:15:26,941
Kind of like this?
349
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:29,543
You know, Quagmire,
you are pathetic.
350
00:15:29,612 --> 00:15:32,613
You have to bring
your friends out here with you
to do your dirty work?
351
00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:33,731
What...
352
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,044
What do you mean, Jeff?
353
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:36,800
You're gonna
kill me, is that it?
354
00:15:39,756 --> 00:15:41,288
Uh-uh!
355
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,786
Not unless
you want your friend's brains
all over the place!
356
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:46,311
Listen, Jeff, just
put the gun down,
357
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,499
and we'll forget
this whole thing, okay?
358
00:15:51,467 --> 00:15:54,668
Oh, well,
that's never
happened before.
359
00:15:54,738 --> 00:15:56,582
Kind of don't know
what to do next.
360
00:15:56,606 --> 00:15:58,305
So now you'll forget
the whole thing?
361
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:01,042
Yeah, I guess
that is what I said.
362
00:16:01,111 --> 00:16:02,822
No, no,
we can't forget
the whole thing!
363
00:16:02,846 --> 00:16:04,423
Yeah, you know,
he's right. We
can't forget it.
364
00:16:04,447 --> 00:16:06,447
Fine. Now
here's the plan.
365
00:16:06,515 --> 00:16:08,916
I'm taking Quagmire
for a little ride,
366
00:16:08,984 --> 00:16:12,153
and you guys are
gonna stay out here
and freeze to death.
367
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,187
Now, get those hands
where I can see 'em!
368
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:17,441
All the way up!
369
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,989
Oh! My shirt's
a little too short.
That's okay.
370
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:22,458
You can keep 'em
the way you had 'em
so it covers your stomach.
371
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:23,525
Thank you.
372
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:25,344
You know, if this Jeff
was around more,
373
00:16:25,368 --> 00:16:26,628
we wouldn't have
tried to kill you.
374
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,319
See you later, schmucks!
375
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:33,258
Uh.
376
00:16:41,517 --> 00:16:43,284
All right, this is far enough.
377
00:16:53,295 --> 00:16:56,058
Well, Quagmire,
sorry it had to end
this way.
378
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:58,122
A tragic hunting accident.
379
00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:01,197
I guess that little
baby's gonna grow up
without an uncle.
380
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,554
Actually,
I have a brother.
Gary Quagmire.
381
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:04,855
Oh.
382
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,369
I think you've got
a brother, too, don't you?
383
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:07,953
All right, forget
the uncle thing.
384
00:17:07,977 --> 00:17:10,677
Get ready to die, Quagmire.
385
00:17:10,746 --> 00:17:13,027
You know,
if you had any balls,
you'd put that gun down,
386
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:14,565
and we could
settle this like men.
387
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:19,370
That's awful big talk
for a scrawny bastard
like you.
388
00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:22,440
Hey, I'm serious, man.
Unless you're scared
I can take you.
389
00:17:23,159 --> 00:17:24,625
Suit yourself, man.
390
00:17:24,694 --> 00:17:27,094
Just means you're
gonna die slower.
391
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:44,972
What the hell? I killed you!
392
00:18:46,141 --> 00:18:49,142
I choke myself
every day, you bastard.
393
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:24,461
Oh, Glenn, there you are.
394
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:27,547
Jeff didn't come home last
night and he hasn't called.
395
00:19:27,617 --> 00:19:29,500
Well, actually,
about that, Brenda,
396
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,152
he must've left
early this morning.
397
00:19:31,220 --> 00:19:34,572
Yeah, we found
this note he left you.
398
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,575
"Dear Brenda, I have
decided to leave you.
399
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,510
"I realized that you are
too good for me,
400
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:43,046
"and you and our unborn child
would be better off
without me in the picture.
401
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:44,348
"Love, Jeff.
402
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:46,217
"P.S. If the cops ask,
403
00:19:46,285 --> 00:19:49,553
"tell them that Joe,
Peter and Quagmire
were with you last night.
404
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,233
"If you tell anyone otherwise,
405
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:54,325
"I will come back
and not only hit you,
but I will murder you.
406
00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:56,493
"And no one will care
because you're garbage.
407
00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:59,046
"And your baby is going
to be a child of garbage."
408
00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:01,577
It's
a little rough, Peter.
I didn't write it. Joe did.
409
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:02,978
I wanted it to sound real.
410
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,580
It's gotta sound
like he wrote it.
411
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:06,970
Plus, she kind of is
garbage, Quagmire.
412
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,323
"Well, I best be
rolling on now."
413
00:20:09,391 --> 00:20:10,853
Oh, come on!
Who says that?
414
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,053
It's an expression.
415
00:20:12,077 --> 00:20:13,388
Yeah, if you're in a wheelchair.
416
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:14,756
Listen, you had your chance.
417
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:16,358
I e-mailed it to both of you.
418
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,759
You wrote back, "Looks fine"
419
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:19,778
and you just
added that part
about Grape Ape.
420
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:22,453
"P.P.S. I really love
Grape Ape.
421
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:24,221
"The end."
422
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:25,956
Wow.
423
00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:28,259
I guess he's really gone.
424
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:37,579
I kind of want to kill
somebody else now.
425
00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:38,643
Oh, Mort!
31371
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