All language subtitles for Doctor P.S01E01

''THE CONFLICT APPEARS
WHEN WE ARE CONSCIOUS.

THE CONFLICT APPEARS
WHEN WE ARE US.''

One of the most
awful things...

which nobody ever told me
is that...

as you get older

you develop a strange...

obsession with cheese.

Only...?
Don't you have more of these?

I eat a ham and cheese sandwich
every morning.

And the ham isn't important,
the key thing is the cheese.

''I go to a bar,
order a sandwich,

and I might have just been
eating cheese somewhere else,

the supermarket, perhaps''.

''It's like 'The Hunger Games',
that's what I call it because''

it's like you're at one place
eating a bit of cheese.

Then you head to another,
more cheese.

And so it goes on all the time,

hopping from place to place
eating cheese.

I don't know, I guess
I'm a cheese addict.

''The worst of it all

is I feel like the waiters know''.

''There's this gratuitous
hostility among waiters,

at least at the places
where I go''.

''It's like these people hate me.''

And I don't really get it.

''But I started feeling watched

whenever I order
my ham and cheese sandwich

because I know
the waiter is thinking:

'That son of a bitch,
he sure loves cheese'''.

''Sometimes the feeling
of being watched

is so unbearable

I have to order the sandwich
to go and run out of there

and hide behind a dumpster''

to eat the sandwich
and I don't even enjoy it then,

I wolf it straight down.

''I just want it to stop,
stop right now''.

''Before the waiter who served me
finishes his shift''

and sees me down an ally
eating cheese like a rat.

Rat!

Cheese eater, eat it up,
come on!

Eat it, you scumbag!
Get it down you!

Eat that cheese!
Eat it all up!

That's it!

Open your mouth properly!

Eat that cheese!

Rat!

So...

it doesn't tend to happen

''exactly like I've just told you

because I usually
just eat the sandwich

quietly in the bar
and that's that''.

But I'm telling you
so you can see

how neurotic I can get.

Hey,...

are you alright?

How many siblings do you have?

I'm an only child.

You can tell.

CHAPTER ONE.
IF YOUR KID HAS TROUBLE

CONCENTRATING AND IS EASILY
DISTRACTED, MAYBE I'M YOUR CHILD

''Why psychoanalysis?''.

''Well, they say a healthy person

is one
who's able to tell their story''.

''In my case, when I was little,
my father

would have books like
'Totem and Taboo',

and 'Nausea' 'on the shelf.
I never read them, of course,

but I was always
absolutely amazed

that someone would title a book

in that manner''.

''Perhaps that's why I wanted to
be a therapist, I don't know''.

''Not to mention I'm neurotic''.

''I always have been.
I don't know how to live''.

''I'm somebody
who has all kinds of problems,

sexual, aggression,
philosophical, spiritual...''.

''And I've never quite
found my look''.

''Clothes don't look good on me''.

''I look like a homeless
driving instructor''.

You know I'm
an illustrator, writer, DJ,...

a creative...

Just like everyone else
in Barcelona, I guess?

I have panic attacks

constantly.

Fits of rage...

I'm your typical
oedipal narcissist,

with a phallic obsession,
and I'm inhibitionist too.

Hiding from people
all the time turns me on.

Ah, I don't have
a driving license.

I think that's interesting, too.

I can't swim,

nor ride a bike nor...

I'm scared of practically
everything and everyone.

For instance, I'm scared

someone's going to poison me
in a cafe or a bar.

Or that someone's
going to spit in my sandwich.

But what scares me the most,

is someone stabbing me
in the supermarket.

My girlfriend always freaks.
She thinks

''I'm scared of commitment,
but it's not...

What I'm really scared of

is being stabbed
in the supermarket''.

''My girlfriend
isn't into psychoanalysis''.

''She's more
the wine and pills type''.

''And social media as well''.

Jonathan message me.
-What for?

Tomorrow he's presenting

his illustrated album
on seated vaginas.

Seriously?
I have therapy, I can't go.

Really?
-Yes, really.

I told him we'd be there.
-You'll have to go on your own.

You don't mind, do you?

No, I don't care.
-Okay. I have to go.

I can't miss it, that'd be
like digging my own grave.

It's unbelievable.

Although I don't know why I go.

It's like he's not interested
in anything I have to say.

''There's just silence between us''.

Erm..

''At the end of the session
we're immersed in deep silence

and I don't know
how to deal with it''.

It's like... Cheese, cheese.

...it's quite something.

I don't get it.

From a strictly neurotic perspective
I think I'm quite interesting.

''I mean, if we're
just talking neurosis''.

''For instance,
you liked my problems, right?''.

''Well...
-You always found''

my neurosis amusing...
-Well, not...

Not particularly.
-How do you mean?

What do you mean?
What about when we met?

No.
-You said you loved it

when my coins
would fall out my pocket.

Why do we come
to this dump of a supermarket?

I hate it, I swear.
It depresses me.

I love it.
-Popcorn or nuts?

Popcorn.

Just look at the walls.

Whose idea was it paint
such bright orange walls...

with no windows,
not a single window.

Oppressive spaces like this
with the fluorescent light,

it's like...

they make me
feel content somehow.

You're messed up.
-I know.

So why doesn't he realise?
Why can't Portuondo see it?

''He's a psychoanalyst, right?
That's what he's about,

it's like his job''.

There must be something...
I'm not doing right.

Are you really buying
that much wine?

What?

You're getting all that wine?
-Erm, yeah.

I've had a rough day.

Okay, right.

I'm scared he's going
to kick me out.

It wouldn't surprise me,
he does it to loads of patients.

Since I've been seeing him,
which isn't long,

I've seen him throw out
like 20 or 30 patients, yelling.

Two at a time, three at a time.

He kicks them out,
it's incredible.

He's got me on tenterhooks.

''To me, psychoanalysis

always seemed civilised''.

''It's kicking back
and talking about your conflicts

on a couch''.

''Making associations,
explaining dreams,

wearing a waistcoat,
smoking cigars...''.

''Unfortunately, the reality
isn't quite all that''.

''It's always more complex''.

''And dirtier''.

You fucked up, man!
You fucked it up!

It stinks of shit in here!

Get out! Go on!

Out!

Go beg on the street,
you filthy tramp!

Piece of shit!

You're up, right?

We're running a bit behind,
but that doesn't matter.

No, sure.
No problem, it's fine.

Time doesn't exist
in the unconscious.

So I'm going to take leak.

Okay, alright.

Piss happy, piss from the soul,
but for the love of God,

piss in the bowl.

''Deep down,

the problem is I know my life
is not interesting''.

''Nothing significant
has ever happened to me''.

''I haven't lived through a war
I haven't traveled much,

I don't do drugs...''.

''The worst thing that
happened to me was once

we took up this offer
at a travel agent

to go to Morocco for the weekend
and never left the hotel

because I split my head open
playing ping pong''.

''A terrible and inexpiable

accident''.

I'm amazed by hostility
shown by the waiters

in the bar downstairs.

''So I make up stories,
each more crazy than the last,

in the hope of impressing him''.

''In my attempt to be

his most sophisticated,
entertaining patient,

my sessions have become
like stand-up comedy sets''.

If I had to tell you
my recurring sexual fantasy,

it would be...

for all the people I've met
throughout my life

to be in a single room,
and I walk in,

and all at once, they say:

''You were right''.

''It's pathetic,
like performing a monologue

lying down
rather than standing tall''.

''All that's missing are
the applause and a brick wall''.

''And he can tell, of course,
he knows I'm not being honest''.

Psychoanalysis...

is the psychology
of the unconscious.

Psychoanalysis is not psychology,
nor philosophy.

The unconscious

is home to all you repress.

And it must be resolved.

Ah.
-How?

Coming to the surface...

conscious.

Noticing.

Realising.

Ah, this much is true,...

psychoanalysis
isn't for everyone.

It's a minority thing.
-Yeah.

No, I completely get it.

They might call us elitist
but it's for the minority.

Yes, in fact, I consider myself
a minority,

it's funny you should say it,

but for instance
I love black music, rap, funk,

soul...

So in that sense I do...

feel in the minority.

And I want to be here.

''That's every session''.

''I hear him cough, sing,
mutter under his breath,

he's more stimulated
by his crazy mutterings

than listening to me''.

Okay, that's done.

Are you ready?

Sorry?

You told me you'd help me
with my master's movies.

What movies?
-Erm...

My work
on heteronormative couples

in classic
North American cinema.

It's due in now.
-Okay but I can't now.

I have so much studying to do.

Studying what?
You're not studying anything.

I'm reading some
psychoanalysis classics

so I'm better prepared
for therapy.

This is pathetic.
-Why?

I'm reading Freud and Adler.

If Freud and Adler are pathetic,
it doesn't say much

for Fenichel, Ferenczi,

Melanie Klein,
Ernest Jones...

And like that weren't enough,
I asked him for the tapes

of classes Portuondo gives to an
obsessive compulsive patient.

He's got loads of tapes.

He's anal retentive
so he records everything.

There are hours of material.
I just can't right now.

Alright then.

''In psychoanalysis,
two plus two isn't four,

it's five because you have
to add the person counting''.

''Where did we stop yesterday?''

''Who remembers? You?''.

''Melanie Klein''.

''Ah, Melanie Klein''.

''When the beast roars,
reason trembles''.

''This centre

is Freudian and Kleinian''.

''Names and surnames''.

''First surname, Freud''.

''Second surname, Klein,

after Melanie Klein''.

''Behind everything
that happens to us

there's always
an unresolved fantasy''.

''We remain dominated by forces
beyond our understanding''.

''We're pitiful
and ignorant of ourselves''.

''You can't fight with the world,

all that will achieve
is taking reason to the grave''.

''People get sick because they
don't fulfill their role in life''.

''We are someone
we don't want to be''.

''Or worse still,
someone we don't belong to''.

''And that makes us sick, dammit.
Of course it does''.

''There are three kinds
of people,

successful ones,
who live life;

failures, whose lives
get lived for them,

flattening them
like a rolling pin,

these are the majority.

But there is a state superior
to both of these,

which is nothing to do
with success or failure,

and that state is

to live one's self...''

Are you coming to see the film?
-Sorry?

Are you coming to see the film?
-I can't.

I have to keep preparing
for therapy.

You don't prepare for therapy.

No. You do for this one.

You should hear him.

I'm not interested
in your Freudian issue.

No, no.

On these tapes, Portuondo

reveals the keys
to all psychoanalytic thought.

He's made Freud more accessible.
He's brilliant.

You have to tip your hat to him.

With Portuondo, you feel like
you're doing psychoanalysis...

with a piece
of the twentieth century.

''It's like telling your problems
to the Berlin wall

or discussing fears of castration
with the Hiroshima atomic bomb...''.

''It's revealing your Oedipus complex
to the rocket that went to the moon.

''It's incredible, it's amazing''.

It's like I can't...

access him.

It's as if I need...

Need him to like me.

I want this man to cure me.

Estela, I want this man
to cure me.

It's a privilege to have him in
Barcelona, I have to take advantage.

He's in exile here.
-Okay.

Do what you like.
Just keep ignoring me.

I'm not ignoring you.
-I've never seen you like this.

You have to understand,
this is new to me.

Quit therapy.
It's doing you no good.

Do what I do, drink wine
and self-medicate in secret. Easy.

No. I don't drink.
I'd rather do this.

Nobody prepares for therapy
or speaks obsessively

about their therapist.

It's weird.
-Yes.

Yeah, it's weird but

the stories of the other patients
are incredible. Zoophiles,

''there are coprophagists.
I'm surrounded

by these types of people,
guys who go 'cottaging'

in public toilets...
Their stories are far more powerful

than mine, I imagine them
sitting talking to him

and how their stories
run rings around mine''.

I went to another of those
''Eyes Wide Shut'' parties

and left my umbrella there.

But I took this.

I won't mention the umbrella
so they don't ask for it back.

Don't be like that.

The doctor is here to help us.

Right but it's just...

you're acting differently here.

You can't imagine
the scenes at home.

Please.

Please, please...

Come on.

That'll do!

Same as ever.

The party was at Pedralbes.
I went to one in Tres Torres once.

The good thing about Pedralbes is

standard transport links
don't exist. There's no metro.

So I know who not to go with.

You can tell where rich people
live because there's no metro.

Can I continue the session
like this?

Look at those eyes.

They're my father-in-law's.
It's my father-in-law.

Look at me, look at me.

Look.

And again.

It's wonderful.

The good thing about these masks

is that...

suddenly...

you can give free rein
to any kind of perversion

without fear of judgment,

without fear of being yourself...

Depending on what it is
you might have to take it off.

Because...

depending on what you're into,
it might be more hindrance

than anything else.

That's it.

Okay, associate.

Associate.

Fly.

We just can't do it
with my father-in-law.

We just can't.
I need a space and he...

I once tried to lick someone out
wearing one of these.

It was like someone else
was doing it.

It opens a distance between you

and the vagina,

not just a physical distance,
almost a metaphorical one.

In reality,
it's not cheating, right?

They should make
smaller masks for...

for pussies like...

like negatives...

like a negative...

Maybe that's stupid.

We all have masks.

All of us.

Well of course.
I do right now.

Very good session!
Very good!

Now you've got it.
Your father-in-law's the problem.

What am I supposed to do?
How do I compete with them?

By reading. A back spasm
isn't going to do the trick.

''It's clear I'm going to have''

another back spasm.

I know it's not exactly
a psychoanalytical issue but...

Well, perhaps it is.

Hysteric stiffness is
one way of resisting analysis.

Cheer up. Stay positive.

Sure.
-Stay strong.

Like this.
-Yes, yes.

Open up a bit.
-Eh?

Stand up straight,
the doctor is harsh

but it's worth it.
-Right.

Chin up, up, that's it.
-Yeah?

That's it.
-Give it some.

Stand up straight.
-Okay.

Come on, man.
-Strong, inside, right?

It's fine.
-Hey!

Yes.
-Okay.

Upright.
-Yeah, right...

No, I have a muscle spasm.
-Sure.

It doesn't matter.
-But...

Okay, yeah, careful, I have...
-That's it.

It's really sore right there.

That'll do.
-Thanks.

You have to go
through life standing upright.

Of course.
-Okay.

Right?
-Yes, thanks.

Alright then.
-Okay, back spasm, see you later.

Upright!
-Yes, that's it.

There we go!

Sorry we can't shag today.

I just...
-No worries.

Anyway,

I don't like doing it with
your roommates in the house.

They can hear us.

They're out of it.

In the living room
playing PlayStation,

they don't hear a thing.

People used to be
more interesting.

Yeah.

When nobody
used to steal, right?

Mhmm.

''Have a drink''.

''Listen to me''.

''There are three kinds
of people,

successful ones,
who live life;

failures, whose lives
get lived for them,

flattening them
like a rolling pin,

these are the majority.

But there is a state superior
to both of these,

which is nothing to do
with success or failure,

and that state is...

to live one's self...''

''I'll show you simple things

it'll take you years
to understand''.

BASED ON THE BOOK ''DOCTOR PORTUONDO''
BY CARLO PADIAL,

PUBLISHED BY BLACKIE BOOKS

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