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1
00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:03,712
♪
2
00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:06,052
Wow. Oatmeal.
Good for you.
3
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:07,798
Yeah.
4
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:10,219
It's a healthy delivery system
for all the sugar, butter,
5
00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:11,969
and cream I need to
start my day off right.
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,604
That's weird.
7
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,639
Robin wants to know how
my job interviews are going
8
00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:18,943
since old man Wellman
9
00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:21,186
stopped giving me
bad references last week.
10
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,188
Apparently, he's too busy
being deposed
11
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,570
for polluting
the groundwater.
12
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:25,816
Well, that's great.
13
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:28,067
Should make it easier
for you to get a job.
14
00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:31,280
Yes, except I'm still getting
shot down in my interviews,
15
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:32,371
which means
it's not Wellman.
16
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,656
It's got to be
something else.
17
00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,079
And I gotta
figure this out quick
18
00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:36,617
'cause I've got a job
interview later today
19
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:38,000
and we're running
out of money.
20
00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:41,166
You never know what's
going on with interviewers.
21
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:43,956
You could look like
the guy's ex-wife.
22
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,801
You could be talking,
and he's sitting there thinking,
23
00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:48,586
"I worshipped you, but you
took a bath with the gardener."
24
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,545
Also, you're older
and a woman.
25
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:54,722
It's a full-on
double hit.
26
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:58,351
Yeah, or people are just
intimidated by smart women.
27
00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,850
They just don't come out
and tell you that.
28
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:02,651
Tell me about it. Try being
smart and having boobs.
29
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,686
Yeah.
I used to just be smart.
30
00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,494
Hey, Darlene.
31
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:13,317
You free to pick up
Beverly Rose today after school?
32
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,083
Yeah.
Unfortunately, I don't have
33
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,195
any food deliveries
lined up.
34
00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:19,452
Hey, if I drop her at your door
35
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:22,754
still hot and properly wrapped,
can I get a tip?
36
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,669
You know, if you need cash,
I could use some help
37
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,958
at the store this week
while Ben's out of town.
38
00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,842
Wow. Really?
That would be great.
39
00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:30,549
You're hired!
40
00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,679
You realize, of course,
I can't pay you as much
41
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:35,006
because you're a smart old woman
and you intimidate me.
42
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:40,727
And you know that I could
substitute a laxative
43
00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:43,226
for any one of your pills
and you wouldn't know.
44
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:46,225
Not right away.
45
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:50,241
♪
46
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,895
Becky, refill
on table three.
47
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,413
Becky: Okay.
48
00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:54,525
[ Cellphone chimes ]
49
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,531
Oh.
What's up?
50
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:57,782
Oh. Oh.
51
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,624
It's Beverly Rose's teacher.
She wants to see me right away.
52
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:01,830
Beverly Rose okay?
53
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,170
Yeah, she's
acting out again.
54
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:06,076
I've been so busy
with school and work,
55
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:07,924
I haven't been spending
any time with her.
56
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:10,259
Well, you know,
kids are resilient.
57
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:14,005
Isn't that what you're supposed
to say when you neglect them?
58
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:16,429
[ Chuckles ]
I don't neglect her.
59
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,758
I'd love to be around her enough
to neglect her.
60
00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:21,274
Ohh! Ow!
61
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:24,306
Ooh! My God!
Are you okay?
62
00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,311
I'm fine. I'm not hurt. Yeah.
63
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,233
Good. Good.
'Cause you can't sue.
64
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,782
Everybody enters this restaurant
at their own risk!
65
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:35,277
It says so
right on the menu.
66
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,320
You know, I almost wish
that I was hurt.
67
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,084
Then I could at least
have some time off.
68
00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:41,946
Yeah. Well... Wait.
69
00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:43,503
What about
workman's comp?
70
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,537
What are you
talking about?
71
00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:48,540
You pay for workman's comp,
but you never use it.
72
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:51,303
This way, I could take
two paid weeks off,
73
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:52,666
prepare for my finals,
74
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,763
and spend more time
with Beverly Rose!
75
00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:55,878
Becky, I don't know.
76
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:57,304
Oh, please, Jackie.
77
00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,552
I can't afford it otherwise.
78
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:02,024
Well, I don't-- I guess
I'd be a little shorthanded,
79
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,385
but maybe we could
make it work.
80
00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,273
Thank you.
[ Chuckles ]
81
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:07,439
Could you help me up?
82
00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,017
Yeah.
83
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:12,482
[ Grunts ] Aaah!
84
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,784
Y'all saw that, right?!
85
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:32,207
♪
86
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:35,222
- Captions by VITAC--
87
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,425
"The Conners" is filmed
88
00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:39,005
in front of
a live studio audience.
89
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,300
I personally think
that candy
90
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:42,814
is the most important meal
of the day,
91
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,226
and I can prove that statement
with my dental records.
92
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,556
Heh. All dentures.
[ Chuckles ]
93
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,233
Anyway, I think this interview
went very well,
94
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,072
and I am definitely
keeping you
95
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,987
under consideration
for this position.
96
00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:58,026
Ahh. I look forward
to hearing from you.
97
00:03:58,029 --> 00:03:59,279
Thank you very much.
98
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:01,321
Thanks for stopping by.
99
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:02,494
Excuse me?
100
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,162
Uh, thanks
for stopping by.
101
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,911
Oh, okay.
"Thanks for stopping by"
102
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,792
is basically code for saying,
"We're never gonna hire you."
103
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,250
[ Squeakily ] Oh, no!
104
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,170
That is abso--
absolutely not true.
105
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,880
I just thought
it was very sweet
106
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,551
that you decided
to stop by.
107
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,889
Now, you take care
of yourself.
108
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,507
Wait.
"Take care of yourself"?
109
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:26,313
That's even worse than
"Thanks for stopping by."
110
00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:29,558
They sound
pleasant enough.
111
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:30,851
Okay. Look.
112
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:33,614
This is my fourth rejection
in two weeks,
113
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,527
and, you know,
I need work.
114
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,735
You could really help me
by just being honest
115
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,276
and telling me
why you won't hire me.
116
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,199
Ooh. I never said
I wasn't gonna hire you.
117
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,869
I said I was keeping you
under consideration.
118
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,698
And that's very good.
119
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:50,544
Who would like a caramel chew
for the ride home?
120
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,080
I don't need
a parting gift.
121
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,343
I need a job.
122
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:55,455
[ Chuckles ]
I would hire you,
123
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:58,302
but I've still got to talk
to the guys upstairs.
124
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,178
It's a one-story building.
125
00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:04,886
You are like
a funny Terrier.
126
00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:07,428
I meant the people above me.
127
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,182
But who's above you?
It's Fudderman's Candy.
128
00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,564
You're Fudderman.
129
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,362
You're forcing me to
be blunt here, Darlene.
130
00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:17,896
I didn't want to come out
and say this, but I will.
131
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:22,611
You may or may not
get a job here.
132
00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,414
Okay. Wait. So you're saying
that there actually--
133
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,537
There is a chance
that you would hire me.
134
00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:29,115
More than a chance.
A possibility.
135
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,671
♪
136
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,037
Hey. You ready to go?
137
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:39,673
This Red Robin Groupon is
burnin' a hole in my pocket.
138
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,383
I'm still watching
Beverly Rose.
139
00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:43,013
I'm just waiting
for Harris to take over.
140
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,219
Oh. Okay.
141
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,850
So, how was work today?
Not good.
142
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,138
Becky slipped and fell,
so she's out for two weeks.
143
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,231
Oh, my gosh!
Is she hurt bad?
144
00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:54,727
Nah, she's just faking it
to get a couple of weeks
145
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,569
out of workman's comp so she can
catch up on some personal stuff.
146
00:05:57,566 --> 00:06:01,106
But it's a pain in the ass!
[ Sighs ]
147
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:04,111
Yeah, and it's also
insurance fraud.
148
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,080
No, no, I'm just taking
advantage of an insurance policy
149
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,536
that I never use.
150
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,996
[ Scoffs ] Okay.
151
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:13,366
Workman's comp
isn't a savings account
152
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:16,543
that you can just dip into
whenever you feel like it.
153
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,003
If Becky gets caught, you both
could get a huge fine
154
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,264
and maybe even jail time.
155
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,215
Oh, come on!
156
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,505
I'm sure people
do it all the time.
157
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,679
Look. I've dealt with this
at the animal clinic.
158
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,308
If you're faking it,
159
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:30,765
they can pull your insurance,
shut you down,
160
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:33,055
and pretty soon you're
selling irregular jeans
161
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,479
out of your trunk
in a stadium parking lot.
162
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:38,858
[ Gasps ] I gotta talk to Becky
before she files that claim.
163
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:42,237
If I get shut down, it's not
gonna be for workman's comp!
164
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,605
It's gonna be by the Feds
165
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:46,872
for serving
USBA certified beef.
166
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,203
O-Okay. I don't think
you should be--
167
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,082
You heard nothing!
168
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,579
♪
169
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,371
[ Bell jingles ]
170
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:59,004
Welcome to Olinsky's.
171
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,132
How'd yesterday's
interviews go?
172
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:05,379
Bad. Another man intimidated
by an intelligent woman.
173
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:06,683
Well, that sucks.
174
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:07,796
Candy?
175
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,262
Uh, don't.
176
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,262
[ Bell jingles ]
177
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,564
Hi.
How can we help you?
178
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,518
Well, I'm turning my basement
into a she-shed
179
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,438
and I need something to
hang a couple of paintings
180
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,187
that I made during
Merlot-Paint night.
181
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:23,109
More merlot than paint,
if you know what I mean.
182
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,739
I don't, so I'm gonna
turn you over
183
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:27,816
to our she-shed expert, Darlene.
184
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,412
Alright. Um...
185
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,237
Well, I have to admit
I have never had a she-shed,
186
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:35,163
but I can certainly get you
a few hooks for your paintings.
187
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,793
You gotta get
a she-shed.
188
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:41,340
It's like a man cave, but you
can express your inner goddess.
189
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:42,666
Got it.
190
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,131
Um, but are you
really a goddess
191
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,471
if you can only express it
in one room of the house?
192
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,797
[ Chuckles ]
193
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,682
Okay. Uh, so, how-- how heavy
are these paintings?
194
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,220
Oh. I don't know.
195
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:56,523
They're about yea-by-yea.
196
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:58,138
Okay, so,
obviously you're not
197
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,984
the goddess of
weights and measures.
198
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,270
Oh. Um...
199
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:07,204
So, these hold anything
up to 30 pounds.
200
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,405
I'm sure they'll be fine.
201
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,115
Oh, great.
202
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:13,075
But there's three.
I only need two.
203
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,116
Why would I pay
for three?
204
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:19,790
Um, because
they're only $1.19
205
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:22,841
and you can save the extra one
for the next time
206
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,496
you need to
drink and paint
207
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:28,764
to rationalize why you're so
proud of having your own shed.
208
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,178
Is there a problem?
209
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,006
Maybe I should just
shop somewhere else.
210
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:35,221
Oh, no! Then we'll lose out
on a whole dollar!
211
00:08:35,223 --> 00:08:38,023
I'm sorry. Could I be
of some assistance here?
212
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,767
I don't think so.
Thank you.
213
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,649
[ Chuckles ]
214
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:44,016
Oh, man.
215
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:46,573
God.
216
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:49,488
I'm gonna say something
I hope you find constructive.
217
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:50,857
Your professional demeanor
218
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:54,284
is somewhat combative
and condescending.
219
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,414
No, I was just
being honest
220
00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,871
and I was trying to be funny
instead of just saying,
221
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:02,172
"You're annoying
and stupid, lady."
222
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:05,957
Okay. Are you being "honest"
and "funny" in your interviews?
223
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:08,552
Yes. That's my thing.
Why?
224
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,508
Well, maybe your "thing"
is keeping you unemployed.
225
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,099
No, everything you read
about going on interviews
226
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,505
says to
just be yourself.
227
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:18,143
That's assuming
"yourself" is pleasant.
228
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:19,891
Hey, I have been working
really hard
229
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,693
on being a positive person.
230
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:24,306
You can use positive words,
but if the energy underneath
231
00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:27,364
is "put up your dukes,"
you're gonna put people off.
232
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:29,528
You know, what you see as me
"putting up my dukes"
233
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,157
is just me speaking my mind
and being forthright.
234
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:34,485
You know what? At least my
next interviewer is a woman,
235
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:35,831
and so she'll respect that,
236
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,575
and I'm sure
it will go a lot better.
237
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:40,867
I'm sorry I called you
condescending and combative.
238
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:43,962
I should have said
petite and delusional.
239
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,378
Men like you are the reason
240
00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:47,956
women paint, drink,
and live in sheds.
241
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,803
[ Air rushes ]
242
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,103
So, Darlene, here
at DriveAmerica Tire,
243
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,716
we like to do things
a little different.
244
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,642
How do you feel about
getting your hands dirty?
245
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:02,521
I am not averse to getting
a little terra firma
246
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:05,479
under these fingernails
if it helps the company
247
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,940
achieve the fullest realization
of its mission statement.
248
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,532
You're smart.
I like that.
249
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:14,068
Yeah, you do.
250
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:17,122
But our customers don't.
They like plain talk.
251
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,697
And I'm gonna
be plain with you.
252
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,122
I'm looking
at your résumé,
253
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:24,331
and I like that you worked
in plastic for two years.
254
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:28,462
Um, my only concern
is that before that,
255
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:32,421
you were a writer
and you went to "art school."
256
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:34,473
Well, that's why
I'm looking for a job.
257
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:37,427
Because I went
to art school.
258
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,008
Ha! Yeah, well,
I can assure you--
259
00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:41,853
nobody around here
went to art school.
260
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:44,890
Okay, yeah,
but having a creative side
261
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:47,234
doesn't mean
I wouldn't be a good hire.
262
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,770
I mean, I grew up
working class,
263
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:50,943
and I didn't start
in management at Wellman.
264
00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:54,032
I started on the line,
and eventually I moved up.
265
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:57,278
Well, now we're working
in the plus column!
266
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:58,912
But we don't call it
moving "up."
267
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:01,038
We call it moving "over"
to management.
268
00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:03,195
Because here, nobody's
better than anybody else.
269
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:10,000
Okay. But not everybody
makes the same pay, right?
270
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:12,883
Because I worked my ass off
to excel in management,
271
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,471
and so I think I deserve more
than somebody who didn't.
272
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:17,586
Yeah, well, there's no reason
to get defensive about it,
273
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,934
but, I mean, if this is all
about the money for you, then--
274
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,179
No, I'm here
because I love tires.
275
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,101
Of course
it's about the money!
276
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,394
I-I gotta feed my kids.
277
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,234
I'm not jumping through
all these hoops
278
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:30,109
so I can make
less than I did.
279
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:32,106
Okay. You're getting a little
worked up here, Darlene.
280
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:34,148
Well, no, I'm only
responding this way
281
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,902
because of the crazy thing
you said
282
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,624
about "moving over"
instead of "moving up."
283
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,701
[ Chuckles ]
284
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,541
I think it's time
you see yourself out.
285
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,116
Oh. Really?
286
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,921
Are you sure you don't mean
see myself "under" or "around"?
287
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,876
'Cause I'm not sure anybody
understands directions
288
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,286
around here.
289
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:57,842
Yeah. You know what?
290
00:11:57,842 --> 00:11:59,392
I-I can see where maybe
291
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:02,805
I got a little combative
and condescending there.
292
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,595
That's totally my bad.
293
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:07,269
So, um...
may we start again?
294
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,728
[ Chuckles ]
Thanks for stopping by.
295
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,779
Yeah. That--
That sounds about right.
296
00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:18,656
♪
297
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,333
[ British accent ]
Here comes Tiny Tim!
298
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,115
God bless us, everyone!
299
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,504
Here you go. Look.
I know I said it was okay,
300
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:31,458
but we can't go through with
this workman's comp claim.
301
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,839
I could lose my insurance
and go to jail.
302
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,086
I can't go to jail.
303
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:40,009
They'd pass me around like
a cheap pack of cigarettes!
304
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,469
But you own the business.
305
00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,299
You're the only person
who would complain.
306
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,724
No, the insurance companies
307
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:46,312
seriously check
these things out.
308
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:47,477
It's not worth the risk.
309
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:51,015
My kid and my future
aren't worth the risk?
310
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,863
Fine. Guess I better be
getting back to work, then.
311
00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:01,110
Look! I'm healed!
It's a miracle!
312
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:05,115
It's a crime.
What do you want me to do?
313
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:08,158
Oh. No, no. I'm okay.
314
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:12,002
I don't need a career
or a daughter who loves me.
315
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,460
I'm content
316
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:16,129
just giving this gentleman
a refill on his coffee.
317
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,459
He's drinking tea!
318
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,173
Well,
he's gettin' coffee!
319
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,928
Okay.
320
00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:28,058
You were right. I am putting
people off with my attitude.
321
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,187
God bless you
for finally telling her.
322
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,225
I told you. You gotta change
what you're doing.
323
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,479
How? I've got a job
interview tomorrow.
324
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,531
What am I supposed to do--
not be myself?
325
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:40,954
You or me?
326
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:43,235
Let me start.
327
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:47,699
Mom, be as fake
as possible!
328
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:50,412
What? I have spent
my entire life
329
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:53,083
telling you kids, "Don't
be ashamed of who you are.
330
00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,832
Don't change
for anybody."
331
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,924
You don't know how many times
I had to grab a beer
332
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:59,759
with some knucklehead
just to get a drywall contract
333
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:03,296
and tell him his wife
looked like Farrah Fawcett
334
00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:06,011
when she looked more like
an actual faucet.
335
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:09,223
Well, I don't know
how you did that.
336
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:12,023
I did it because
I needed the job
337
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,978
more than I needed
to be honest.
338
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,652
Alright. Fine.
339
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,609
Who's having coffee here?
340
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:21,780
None of us.
341
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,398
Well, you are now.
342
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:26,954
♪
343
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,330
Darlene, you're
a very strong match
344
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:34,039
for the job
we're offering.
345
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,630
Bless your heart.
346
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,804
Let me tell you a little about
The Chicago Can Company.
347
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:44,717
We work hard here, but the key
to our success is we work fun!
348
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,967
For example, Fridays, we do
improv games for team building!
349
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,970
Yes, and...
350
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:51,852
I love improv!
351
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:55,019
The only thing I love
more than improv is magic!
352
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,939
Oh. Well, then you are going to
love our Magic Mondays.
353
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:02,280
What's that
behind your ear?
354
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:05,696
Oh! A 25% increase
in productivity?
355
00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:08,366
[ Laughs ]
Oh, that is so clever!
356
00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:09,946
Yeah.
357
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:11,451
Uh, with all this fun,
358
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,162
I can't believe
you get any work done.
359
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,872
Well, if we have to
work weekends
360
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:18,922
to ensure we have enough fun
during the week, we do it!
361
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,668
So, any questions for us?
362
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,210
I don't think so.
363
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:25,423
I mean, the salary is amazing.
The benefits are fantastic.
364
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,054
I certainly
come from a family
365
00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:30,681
where cans are
a big part of our diet.
366
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,310
Darlene,
you're a perfect fit.
367
00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:35,476
Oh, great. So when--
when can I start?
368
00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,146
Well, we're working
this Saturday,
369
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,055
so you may as well
jump right in.
370
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:41,113
But I warn you--
we haze the newbies.
371
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:42,727
I hope you like
really long hugs.
372
00:15:42,733 --> 00:15:46,113
[ Both laugh ]
373
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:50,202
Finally the human connection
I've been craving!
374
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,159
Alright.
I'll see you Saturday.
375
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,290
Okay.
376
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:05,165
Um, I'm sorry.
377
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:08,433
Can we start again?
You have not really met me.
378
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:09,716
What do you mean?
379
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,469
Uh, this is not me.
380
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,143
This is me.
381
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,603
Oh.
382
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,771
Did something tragic happen
the day they took your picture?
383
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,606
Nope.
384
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,990
I'm, uh--
I'm not a smiler.
385
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,067
Yeah, and I'm--
I'm not fun.
386
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:33,832
But I could be a great asset
to this company
387
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,826
and increase productivity.
388
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,578
Honestly, I think your people
would be much happier
389
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:41,211
and work harder
sacrificing the magic shows
390
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:43,749
if they didn't have to work
on the weekends.
391
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:47,173
Wow. It took a lot
of courage to say that.
392
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,263
But, "Thanks for
stopping by," right?
393
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,388
Well, clearly, the job
we're talking about
394
00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,295
isn't right for you.
395
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,644
Yeah. I understand.
Thank you for your time.
396
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,687
Wait.
397
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,765
But I do have
a managerial position
398
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,861
that starts next month
in accounts receivable.
399
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,396
I need someone
who can be ruthless
400
00:17:05,399 --> 00:17:07,399
and no-holds-barred
in collecting money.
401
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:09,901
Really?!
Oh, my God!
402
00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:12,454
I've been on the other end
of those phone calls for years!
403
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:15,658
I've been waiting
for my turn! Yes!
404
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,160
[ Laughs ]
405
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:19,081
♪
406
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,330
Uh, hey, Beck?
407
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:24,213
I'm the one
who told Jackie
408
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:27,380
a fraudulent insurance claim
was a bad idea.
409
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,010
She was willing to do it,
410
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:31,876
so if you want to be mad
at somebody, be mad at me.
411
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,764
I needed some help
from my family, Neville.
412
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:35,511
Is that too much to ask?
413
00:17:35,513 --> 00:17:38,773
Not at all, but you seem
to ask a lot from them
414
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,426
and you do it frequently.
415
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:43,104
Everybody in this family
does that!
416
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:46,074
Darlene moved back home
just like I did.
417
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:49,645
I-- I get
the family dynamic,
418
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,992
but you're now living
with Darlene,
419
00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:54,158
everyone helps
with Beverly Rose,
420
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:57,286
your aunt gave you a job,
and now you're upset
421
00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:59,195
because she won't help you
commit a felony?
422
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,003
I do stuff for her.
423
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:03,917
The other day, I opened
The Lunch Box at 6:00 a. m.--
424
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,416
by myself!
425
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,798
That's because
you had class at 7:00 a. m.
426
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,255
and wanted breakfast!
427
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:11,876
And when Jackie got here,
428
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,722
you were gone,
the door was wide open,
429
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:16,008
and there was a guy
sleeping in the kitchen!
430
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,387
Fine. I screwed up.
431
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:22,271
But I'm overwhelmed.
432
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,268
I have a kid
and I'm going to school,
433
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,310
and I'm doing it all sober.
434
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:31,566
Becky, my late brother had a lot
of substance problems, too,
435
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:33,319
so I learned a lot
about codependency,
436
00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:35,111
and it's not
just substances.
437
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,244
You can become
overly dependent
438
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:40,201
on just about anything,
and that includes family.
439
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:49,420
You know, when you make me
realize I'm wrong so nicely,
440
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,340
it's harder to imagine
you being eaten
441
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,169
by one of your big snakes.
442
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,045
Thank you, sweetie. Okay.
443
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,303
I'll see you at home. Okay.
444
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:03,768
Hey, Jackie?
445
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:06,438
Um, I really do appreciate
446
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:07,977
everything that
you've done for me.
447
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,400
Thank you.
448
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,528
It was stupid to ask you
to do something illegal.
449
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,735
Well, I just couldn't risk
losing the business.
450
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,396
It's my life.
I know that.
451
00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:19,494
And I made the mistake
of telling Dudley Do-Right.
452
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,502
I love the guy, but he's such
a straight arrow.
453
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,325
He even took away
my price gun
454
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,670
that I like to take
to T. J. Maxx.
455
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:30,126
♪
456
00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:31,497
Hey.
457
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,300
I don't know
how you got in here,
458
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,338
but I'm not gonna
join your church.
459
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,597
I did it.
460
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,805
I became somebody
completely different,
461
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,096
and I got the job.
462
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:45,019
Congratulations!
463
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,767
And then I lost it
because I couldn't imagine
464
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:50,150
being that person every day
for the rest of my life.
465
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:51,517
That tracks.
466
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,697
However, then
I got another job
467
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,565
because they need somebody
in accounts receivable
468
00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:01,082
who is combative
and condescending.
469
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:03,655
That also tracks.
470
00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:07,581
So... I stopped and
bought this to celebrate.
471
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,171
Champagne.
472
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:12,166
Ooh! Beer's high-falutin'
French cousin!
473
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:16,548
So how are you feeling?
474
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,549
I feel good.
475
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,641
Yeah, like I was tested,
476
00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:23,216
and I was totally ready
to throw out everything I am
477
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,472
to take care of my family,
and then...
478
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,814
I don't know. I just felt like
I was lying to somebody.
479
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,600
And when I told the truth,
480
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:32,153
it paid off
and I got a job anyway.
481
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,358
So what you've learned is
there's room for combative
482
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:37,858
and condescending people
in this world, too.
483
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,032
Hey, at least
I'm not a liar.
484
00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:44,739
Well, no, of course
I lie all the time, but...
485
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,584
not to this guy
and not today,
486
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,040
and that's what counts.
487
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:50,709
Live for the moment, right?
488
00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,918
Cheers.
489
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:55,088
Zut alors.
Zut alors!
490
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,047
- Uh, apple pie, please.
- Slice of apple.
491
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,180
Ahh! [ Chuckles ] I only
have one piece left.
492
00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:04,928
Oh. You take it.
493
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:07,680
Thank you, but it is yours,
I insist.
494
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,353
That is so kind,
but I can't enjoy it
495
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,152
with you sitting there
wanting it.
496
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:13,856
[ Chuckles ]
Aren't you an angel.
497
00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:16,476
But, nope, I have cleared it
from my mind.
498
00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:18,444
Well, we're gonna have
more pie tomorrow,
499
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:21,494
so see if you two can
"polite it out" by then.
500
00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:25,204
What a bitch.
35126
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