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1
00:00:01,479 --> 00:00:04,178
♪♪ [theme]
2
00:00:54,228 --> 00:00:55,881
[people chattering]
3
00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:12,246
-Two beers, two scotches.
-Thanks, Igor.
4
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:17,468
-Sergeant, is the general's
jeep ready?
-[muttering]
5
00:01:17,512 --> 00:01:18,556
Right away, sir!
6
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,037
Yeah, I'm just
changing the oil.
7
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:24,127
-Good. You're sure
you're not oiled yourself?
-[laughing]
8
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:27,609
Hey. Hey, what's the big idea?
9
00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:30,177
Take it easy, Rizzo.
It's just a joke.
10
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:32,483
Hardy-har-har.
11
00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:38,489
"Time capsule to be buried
in cornerstone of new
Los Angeles skyscraper."
12
00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:40,665
[chuckles]
Laughable.
13
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,145
What makes that
so laughable?
14
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:43,581
I'll bet
a hundred years from now
15
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,322
people will find
that really interesting.
16
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:46,889
Margaret, why on earth
would anyone
17
00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:48,630
find Los Angeles of interest
in the future?
18
00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:49,935
Certainly no one finds it
of interest now.
19
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:51,937
What the hell
are they gonna bury?
20
00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:53,330
Suntan lotion?
A carhop?
21
00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:55,376
You know, we could make
one of those here.
22
00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:57,987
-It's hard to find
a carhop in Korea.
-No, really.
23
00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:59,423
We could put something
in the ground
24
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:01,208
that would remind people
that we were here.
25
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,948
I thought that's what
land mines were for.
26
00:02:02,992 --> 00:02:05,125
Oh, why can't you
ever be serious?
27
00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:09,999
We could leave something
that says who we were
and why we were here,
28
00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:13,002
like a duty roster
or a medal.
29
00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:15,222
Why don't we just leave
a copy of Dante's "Inferno"?
30
00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,049
Who needs any of you?
31
00:02:17,093 --> 00:02:19,139
-I can do it all by myself.
-Okay, fine. I'll help.
32
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:20,749
-You?
-Yeah.
33
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,317
Our delegate to the
united insubordinations?
34
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,623
Well, everybody else is making
holes in this country.
35
00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:27,843
We might as well fill
one of them with something
constructive.
36
00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:30,759
-How about dirt?
-Oh, poo on you turkeys.
37
00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:34,589
Don't put words in my beak.
I wanna help, no kidding.
Really.
38
00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:41,335
I thought he could hold
his liquor better than that.
39
00:02:43,728 --> 00:02:47,819
♪ "M" is for the many things
you gave me ♪
40
00:02:47,863 --> 00:02:51,910
♪ "O" is for the other
things you gave me ♪
41
00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:54,217
Holy Moly!
42
00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:57,002
Igor, I came in here
to get blasted,
but not like that.
43
00:02:57,046 --> 00:03:00,745
You mean this? It's a dummy.
They use it in basic.
44
00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:02,704
I thought it'd make
a nice reading lamp for my mom.
45
00:03:02,747 --> 00:03:06,142
Oh, it's a dummy, huh?
46
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:09,580
Listen, before you get that
thing fitted for a shade,
47
00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:11,887
can I borrow it off you?
48
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,584
In exchange for what?
49
00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:16,805
Well, uh, you know
that date you got tonight?
50
00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:22,114
You could get to first base
a whole lot faster in
a Rizzo rent-a-jeep.
51
00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:24,900
Yeah. Women are pushovers
for a convertible.
52
00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:26,075
Oh, yeah, yeah.
53
00:03:26,118 --> 00:03:28,469
Okay, Pierce,
what's the catch?
54
00:03:28,512 --> 00:03:31,123
Why does there have to be
a catch? I've been here
as long as you.
55
00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:33,169
I've worked as hard as you.
I just want to be part of it.
56
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,780
Okay. All right. Okay.
But I'm warning you.
57
00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:37,695
If this is another one
of your jokes,
58
00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:40,481
I've got a curling iron
in there that has
your name on it.
59
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,788
Pierce,
you're really serious
60
00:03:43,832 --> 00:03:45,573
about this
time capsule business.
61
00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:46,835
I thought
you were just drunk.
62
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:48,532
Well, you know
how Margaret is.
63
00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:50,708
She sees the world through
khaki-colored glasses.
64
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:53,363
I just want to get in a few
licks for us malcontents.
65
00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:56,279
Ah, Hawk, how could I have
ever doubted your insincerity?
66
00:03:57,672 --> 00:04:00,631
I not understand.
Where we go?
67
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:04,200
To a U.N. refugee camp
outside of Monsan-ni.
68
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,203
We cannot.
Daughter not know
where to look for us.
69
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,685
Was working in field
when village attacked.
Not see her since.
70
00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:14,950
Oh, dear.
Well, tell the U.N. people!
They'll help you find her!
71
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:16,517
MAN [on P.A.]:
Attention, all personnel.
72
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,170
We interrupt
your sweet dreams
73
00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:20,956
to bring you
the following nightmare.
74
00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:23,785
Okay, that's it.
Tomorrow we get
an unlisted number.
75
00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:28,137
[chattering]
76
00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:32,097
-Need a unit here. Maybe two.
-Right away.
77
00:04:32,141 --> 00:04:34,535
-Are you the C.O. here, sir?
-I ain't here to model
bathrobes.
78
00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:36,058
What is it, Sergeant?
79
00:04:36,101 --> 00:04:37,364
Well, we got a prisoner.
80
00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:38,843
The sniper who shot
that kid this afternoon.
81
00:04:38,887 --> 00:04:41,019
-What kid?
-Stoddard, from Able Company.
82
00:04:41,063 --> 00:04:44,284
-We sent him on the chopper.
-No chopper came in here
this afternoon.
83
00:04:44,327 --> 00:04:46,982
Uh-oh. We shipped him
about 1700 hours.
84
00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:49,158
-I see. Klinger?
-Sir?
85
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:51,116
Battalion Aid sent us
a chopper this afternoon,
86
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,640
and it ain't
here yet.
87
00:04:52,683 --> 00:04:54,337
-Get on the horn
and track it down.
-Yes, sir.
88
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,339
But first, ring up G-2
and tell 'em we've got
89
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,036
a prisoner they may want
to interrogate.
90
00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,951
-Yes again, sir.
-And before you do that,
91
00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:02,084
incarcerate that prisoner
someplace.
92
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:04,869
Prisoner's over
here, Sergeant.
93
00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:12,355
-This is the prisoner?
-They caught her with this.
94
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,879
-She's all yours.
-Oh, that's cute.
95
00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:17,229
Shooting at us
with our own guns.
96
00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:20,189
I not shoot anybody!
97
00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:22,626
Must find family.
Please let me go.
98
00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,889
Hey, save it for the judge.
99
00:05:27,152 --> 00:05:29,633
-A time capsule, eh?
-Exactly.
100
00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:31,548
We want everyone
to contribute one item
101
00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:33,985
they feel symbolizes
their experience in Korea.
102
00:05:34,029 --> 00:05:36,727
-How about one
of my gray hairs?
-That's not bad.
103
00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:40,644
Well, I was thinking
of something a little
more substantial.
104
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,516
How about your
army field manual?
105
00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:44,953
It would show people
the rules and regulations
106
00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:48,348
-that have made this
the finest army in the world.
-Yeah, that's good.
107
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:51,438
"How to defend freedom
and democracy through
unquestioned obedience."
108
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,614
There's nothing wrong
with that, Pierce.
109
00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:55,006
I'm putting in
a nurses' manual.
110
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:56,921
Well, I don't know, Margaret.
111
00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:59,184
I never thought of myself
exactly as a by-the-book man.
112
00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:02,100
Unless you want one
of my Zane Greys.
113
00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:05,365
With all due respect, Colonel,
Zane Grey isn't very military.
114
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:08,629
-That's just nothing
but shooting and killing.
-What's wrong with Zane Grey?
115
00:06:08,672 --> 00:06:11,109
After 24 hours on my feet,
there's nothing better
116
00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:14,461
than soaking my tootsies
and losing myself
in "Last of the Plainsmen."
117
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,245
I got a better idea.
118
00:06:16,288 --> 00:06:18,073
How about commemorating
your tootsies
with a bunion pad?
119
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:22,077
-A bunion pad?
-Pierce, that's
a class "A" symbol.
120
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,166
Hold on.
121
00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:26,908
I got Zeno pads up the wazoo.
122
00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:28,431
You can't be serious.
123
00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:30,215
Even Zane Grey
is better than that.
124
00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:31,608
-[knocking]
-Come in.
125
00:06:31,652 --> 00:06:34,481
Sir, finally got some word
from G-2.
126
00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:37,484
Fine, fine.
Tell you what, folks.
I got real business here.
127
00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:40,443
-You two go on and work out
your differences.
-Colonel, can't you give us--
128
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,793
Take 'em both.
Pick one, bring back the other.
129
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:44,708
Zeno pads.
That's the best.
130
00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:46,884
All right, son.
It's all yours.
131
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:49,321
G-2 says
the local Korean police
132
00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:51,541
want to interrogate
our lady of the carbine.
133
00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:53,848
They're sending somebody
to pick her up later
this afternoon.
134
00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:56,503
-Got it. What about
the missing chopper?
-Still missing.
135
00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:58,200
Battalion Aid
confirms the pilot
136
00:06:58,243 --> 00:07:00,463
and Corporal Stoddard
took off yesterday afternoon.
137
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:04,336
They haven't landed
or made radio contact since.
138
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:07,427
Well, I guess we better
list 'em M.I.A.
139
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:10,212
[vocalizing]
140
00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:16,044
Top of the morning to you,
Captain!
141
00:07:16,087 --> 00:07:19,134
-Rizzo, I didn't recognize you
with your eyes open.
-Ha-ha.
142
00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:21,136
Oh, my goodness!
143
00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:24,313
I don't believe that I brung
this with me into the shower.
144
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:27,882
-What's that, your pillow?
-Nope. My hand grenade.
145
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:30,667
-Hand grenade?
-Yeah.
146
00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:32,582
Got it from a wounded guy
last night.
147
00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:34,671
Thought I'd defuse it,
fill it with pebbles,
148
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:36,760
and make a rattle
for little Billy Bubba.
149
00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:39,720
-I don't think you ought
to play with that thing.
-Come on, Captain.
150
00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:42,592
-These things are made
of the finest U.S. steel.
-Rizzo...
151
00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:44,725
-[screams] Oh, my goodness!
-What?
152
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:48,642
-The pin came out!
Get the hell out of here!
-[screaming]
153
00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:52,384
-[Rizzo laughing]
-B.J.: What the hell
is so funny?
154
00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:54,691
RIZZO:
That wasn't no real grenade!
155
00:07:54,735 --> 00:07:57,694
-That was a fake!
-B.J.: A fake?
156
00:07:57,738 --> 00:08:00,784
-You dirty--
-[laughter continues]
157
00:08:00,828 --> 00:08:02,917
You slimy--
158
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:06,398
But you sure do have
"purty" legs.
159
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:09,358
Rizzo, I'll get you for this.
160
00:08:09,401 --> 00:08:12,579
Oh, come on, Captain.
Just a joke.
161
00:08:12,622 --> 00:08:16,757
Oh, come on, Charles.
Think. It can be anything.
162
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,585
-How about a bottle of cognac?
-Oh, come off it!
A bottle of booze?
163
00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:21,152
-Yeah, let people remember
we drank to forget.
-Pierce.
164
00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,198
Now, now, Margaret,
the lad may be onto something.
165
00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:24,678
I happen to have
a bottle of cognac.
166
00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:26,549
It isn't very good,
and I certainly won't miss it.
167
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,203
Is it so hard
to find something
168
00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:30,379
that stands for
the work we do?
169
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:33,382
-We save lives.
-So take the cognac
and throw in a Saint Bernard.
170
00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:36,080
Oh, that does it!
All you've done
for this project
171
00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,908
is make stupid, dumb jokes.
172
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:40,171
First job I've ever had
where I could use
my natural talents.
173
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,522
Well, you're out of
a job, Mr. Mirth.
174
00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:47,614
And you!
I'll be back, and you better
come up with something.
175
00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:52,009
Well, well, Pierce,
your skills as a saboteur
seem to be a bit rusty.
176
00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:54,621
Not only have you not scuttled
this Korean garage sale,
177
00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,840
you seem to have strengthened
her resolve to see it through.
178
00:08:56,884 --> 00:08:59,016
-That's true.
-There! What are you doing?
179
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:01,453
Going into business
for myself.
180
00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:04,979
Eat.
You need your strength.
181
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:06,981
For what?
182
00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:11,463
Well, it takes strength
to eat that stuff.
183
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:16,164
How I find my parents when
I'm chained here like a dog?
184
00:09:16,207 --> 00:09:19,036
I got to find them
before they're too far away.
185
00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,386
-[knocking]
-Come in.
186
00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:24,172
Klinger, we just got
a call from G-2.
187
00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:27,088
They won't be able send anyone
to pick up the prisoner
for at least six hours.
188
00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:30,047
Six hours!
You've got to let me go.
189
00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:31,483
Family be anywhere by then!
190
00:09:31,527 --> 00:09:32,876
You should have
thought of that
191
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,443
before you used our boys
for target practice.
192
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:36,314
I not shoot anybody!
193
00:09:36,358 --> 00:09:37,881
I suppose the gun
was to kill mosquitoes.
194
00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:41,015
I find gun in field
while plowing!
195
00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:42,756
I tell soldiers that already.
196
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,932
Plowing?
197
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:48,326
Did you say
plowing in a field?
198
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:52,330
Yes. It is my job
to plow parents' farm.
199
00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:55,420
Yesterday, when bombs come,
I run.
200
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:57,379
Not see father
and mother since.
201
00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:59,903
Oh, my Lord.
I think I saw them.
202
00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:02,645
-Where?
-Here. Yesterday.
203
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:04,865
There was a refugee couple
who was worried about
their daughter.
204
00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:07,389
Did they say my name?
Soon-Lee?
205
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:11,045
No, but they mentioned
that their daughter
was working in the field.
206
00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:13,351
Ai! That must be them.
Where they now?
207
00:10:13,395 --> 00:10:15,789
At a refugee camp
outside of Monsan-ni.
208
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:18,182
But they won't be allowed
to stay there for more
than a day.
209
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:21,229
You--- You--
Please, you must let me go.
210
00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:23,666
If you don't, maybe
I never see them again.
211
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,582
Please, don't you believe
I'm innocent?
212
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,541
Well, I guess,
but I can't let you go.
213
00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:31,326
They'd put
one of these on me.
214
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:33,545
Please! Please!
215
00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:36,287
-I'm sorry.
-[groans]
216
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:39,073
Listen.
217
00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:10,800
-Type and cross match
and get him into X-ray.
-Got it.
218
00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:13,194
Tell them to give me
a lateral as well as a frontal.
219
00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:17,502
I heard the whirlybird.
How many we got?
220
00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:18,852
Just the one, Colonel.
I got it.
221
00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:20,723
-Doc?
-Yeah?
222
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:21,811
-Is Stoddard gonna make it?
-You bet.
223
00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:24,031
I'm putting
my best man on it.
224
00:11:24,074 --> 00:11:26,033
Did you say Stoddard,
the sniper victim?
225
00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:27,251
That's him.
226
00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:29,123
You guys left
Battalion Aid yesterday.
227
00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:30,820
-Where the hell have you been?
-Sorry, sir.
228
00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:32,735
-I had some engine trouble.
-Why didn't you radio?
229
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:35,346
Well, we got shot at.
A bullet hit one of the tubes.
230
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:38,567
Another one 86'd my fan belt.
Can you help me get it fixed?
231
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:41,178
Sure.
Go see my company clerk.
232
00:11:41,222 --> 00:11:44,225
And have him call I-Corps
and tell 'em to take you
out of Lost
233
00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:46,880
-and put you in Found.
-Thanks, sir.
234
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:49,056
What do you mean,
you can't get her
for another two hours?
235
00:11:49,099 --> 00:11:53,190
Give me a break.
Did you ever get hit
with 50-mile-an-hour Spam?
236
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:56,846
-Are you the company clerk?
-Yeah. Be right with you, sir.
237
00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:58,892
You know,
the girl could be innocent.
238
00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:03,244
According to her,
she found the gun in a field.
239
00:12:03,287 --> 00:12:05,594
She was just trying to
catch up with her folks.
240
00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:09,816
Besides, how could she be
a sniper with that face?
241
00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:11,469
Never mind.
242
00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:15,299
Just send somebody
down here, will ya?
243
00:12:15,343 --> 00:12:17,214
Now, what can I
do for you, sir?
244
00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:19,173
I need a new fan belt
for my chopper.
Where's the motor pool?
245
00:12:19,216 --> 00:12:22,132
-Come on. I'll show you.
-Klinger?
246
00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:24,004
What do you have
for the time capsule?
247
00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:25,570
Oh, right!
248
00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:26,789
Excuse me one second,
Lieutenant.
249
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,791
I got just
the perfect thing, Major.
250
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:30,924
This was always
one of my favorites.
251
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:33,230
It's a designer original
from Mr. Sid of Toledo.
252
00:12:33,274 --> 00:12:35,276
You dodo!
I can't use that!
253
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:38,627
Gee, it's a lot more
practical than what
I gave Captain Pierce.
254
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:41,412
He insisted on
my Scarlett O'Hara ensemble.
255
00:12:41,456 --> 00:12:43,501
Pierce? What does he
want with a dress?
256
00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:44,764
He's making
a time capsule too.
257
00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:46,243
But I bet his
is funnier than yours.
258
00:12:46,287 --> 00:12:48,506
He's a dead man.
And so are you
259
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:51,074
if you don't find me
something I can use!
260
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,684
You just can't
please her.
261
00:12:52,728 --> 00:12:54,861
Basic black
goes with anything.
262
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:58,299
Oh, yeah.
The fan belt.
263
00:12:58,342 --> 00:13:00,823
Take a left and follow
the smell of grease.
264
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:02,172
Thanks.
And will you call my unit
265
00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:03,565
and tell 'em I'm here
and alive,
266
00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:06,394
and so is the guy
who got shot by the sniper?
267
00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:08,613
He is?
268
00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:11,529
Getting warm.
269
00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:14,054
Warmer.
270
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:16,273
Got it. Hot lead.
271
00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:18,188
It's all yours.
272
00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:22,149
Thanks, Doc.
You're a real lifesaver.
273
00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:23,846
Now think, Igor.
274
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,762
Whatever goes in there has
to last for a hundred years.
275
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,938
-How about a piece of toast?
-Perfect!
276
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:31,854
In a hundred years,
it'll be 200 years old.
277
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:35,205
You low-life, disgusting
son of a sewer pump!
278
00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:37,251
Has anybody ever told you
you have the voice
279
00:13:37,294 --> 00:13:39,253
of a songbird drowning
in hot tar?
280
00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:41,429
I suppose that piece of toast
is for your time capsule!
281
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:43,170
You certainly don't
expect me to eat it.
282
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:45,999
I am trying to do something
with meaning and heart,
283
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,305
two things about which
you know nothing!
284
00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:50,046
Well, let me tell you
something I do know.
285
00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:52,005
If you want to symbolize
what we're doing here,
286
00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:53,571
bury an empty box.
287
00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:54,746
Ah, go bury yourself!
288
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,618
Still want the toast?
289
00:13:56,661 --> 00:13:59,664
Sure. At least it'll be
in the ground where it
can't hurt anybody.
290
00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:03,364
Watch what you're doing,
you bayou boob.
291
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:05,888
Say what?
You rear-ended me!
292
00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:09,805
If you'd get out of the way,
instead of standing there
like a pile of chitlins.
293
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:13,330
That man's gonna
kiss my chitlins.
294
00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:16,464
Unfortunately,
the refugee center
is terribly overcrowded.
295
00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:19,119
They're shipping out as many
people as possible by train.
296
00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:22,557
No, no.
If parents get on train,
I never catch up with them.
297
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,168
-Good news! A reprieve
from the government!
-What?
298
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:27,344
Hunnicutt just took
the bullet out of Stoddard.
299
00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:29,390
It was too big to
have come from your gun.
300
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:32,001
That was proof enough to G-2
you didn't shoot the fella.
301
00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:33,916
Which means
you're free to go.
302
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,787
I'm sorry for
the inconvenience, ma'am.
303
00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,920
Wish we had a sawbuck
and a new suit to give you.
304
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,617
I know something
we can give her--
305
00:14:39,661 --> 00:14:41,445
a jeep ride
to the refugee depot.
306
00:14:41,489 --> 00:14:43,534
-Why? What for?
-Her parents may be there!
307
00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:46,146
We'll be back
by suppertime.
308
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:49,801
Yeah, that seems, uh,
like the least we could do.
309
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:52,543
Your stomach is coming along
just fine, Stoddard.
310
00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:55,068
Lucky for you the bullet
didn't perforate your bowel.
311
00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:57,592
You'll be on solid food
in no time at all.
312
00:14:57,635 --> 00:14:59,681
Thanks, ma'am.
313
00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:03,206
Uh, excuse me, Major,
but where is the file
on Private Panzera?
314
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,992
It's on my desk, Captain.
I'm surprised you
have time for us.
315
00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:08,168
I thought you were busy
picking out dresses.
316
00:15:08,211 --> 00:15:10,605
I want to bury
a time capsule,
not a patient.
317
00:15:10,648 --> 00:15:13,434
Excuse me.
Do either of you know
318
00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:14,957
if Lieutenant Brannum
was still around?
319
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:16,698
Lieutenant Brannum?
Who's that?
320
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:18,830
He's the chopper pilot
that brought me in.
321
00:15:18,874 --> 00:15:20,528
Oh, him. Yeah.
He left a while ago.
322
00:15:22,182 --> 00:15:23,923
I was hoping I'd get
a chance to see him.
323
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:25,707
He saved my life.
324
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,927
Yeah, well, that's all
in a day's work for those guys.
325
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:30,668
This was a lot more
than just a day's work.
326
00:15:30,712 --> 00:15:32,975
Oh, yes. We heard
he had engine trouble.
327
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:35,456
-Is that all he told you?
-Yeah. Why?
328
00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:40,026
We got shot at.
Next thing I know,
we're landing.
329
00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,984
Lieutenant said that
they got the fan belt
330
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,899
and that the engine was
overheating,
331
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,858
and we could only fly
200 yards at a crack.
332
00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:50,732
So, he walked that far ahead
and found a clearing.
333
00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:53,256
Then he came back and got me.
334
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:56,085
By that time,
the engine was cool.
335
00:15:56,129 --> 00:16:00,785
So, we flew up and landed
at the new place,
336
00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:03,484
by which time
the engine was hot again.
337
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:05,790
We did that all afternoon.
338
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:09,229
My God.
339
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:12,406
After it got dark
we couldn't fly anymore,
340
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:16,279
so he, uh, kept me warm
341
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,107
with a blanket
till this morning.
342
00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:22,416
Then as soon as it was light,
343
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:25,158
he started the whole thing
all over again.
344
00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:27,987
That's how we got here,
345
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:30,032
200 yards at a time.
346
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,078
He sure left out
the best part.
347
00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:35,820
You've had a long trip,
or a bunch of short ones.
348
00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:38,475
-Better get some rest.
-All right.
349
00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:41,522
-Lucky kid.
-Oh, shut up, you.
350
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:43,741
Well, hello there, Major.
351
00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:45,569
[chuckles]
Sergeant Rizzo.
352
00:16:45,613 --> 00:16:47,223
Thank you so much
for knocking.
353
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:49,878
You seem to be a little more
chipper since our collision.
354
00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:52,054
Is it safe to assume
you're not here to
sue me for whiplash?
355
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:54,752
What? Oh, no, no.
It ain't nothing like that.
356
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:57,712
I've been thinking about it,
and I just want to say
357
00:16:57,755 --> 00:17:01,759
that I was all wrong,
and you was all right.
358
00:17:02,847 --> 00:17:04,632
What's that?
359
00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:08,244
I was all wrong,
and you was all right.
360
00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:10,768
No, no. What you're
holding in your hand.
361
00:17:10,812 --> 00:17:13,728
Oh. Oh, this?
This is my lucky grenade.
362
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:16,122
Are you crazed, man?
That thing could go off!
363
00:17:16,165 --> 00:17:19,734
Well, it ain't so far.
That's why it's lucky.
364
00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:23,129
-Sergeant, please.
-Oh, no, no, Major. It, uh...
365
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:25,783
Oh, my gosh.
The pin came out!
366
00:17:25,827 --> 00:17:30,484
-Clear the hell out of here!
-Save yourself, man!
367
00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:33,182
Major! Major! We gonna
get blowed to kingdom come!
368
00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:35,228
Don't worry about me!
Run! Run!
369
00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:39,667
Wait a minute.
370
00:17:41,451 --> 00:17:42,844
It didn't go off.
371
00:17:42,887 --> 00:17:46,152
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I noticed that too.
372
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:50,112
It must be a dud.
373
00:17:51,635 --> 00:17:54,073
Thank the Lord!
It's a miracle!
374
00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:56,118
A dud.
That could just explain it.
375
00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:59,121
We can only be grateful
that no one was injured.
376
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:01,428
Major, I just don't know
what to say.
377
00:18:01,471 --> 00:18:05,562
I mean, you throwed yourself
on that thing faster than
Snider's hounds.
378
00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:11,002
You was willing
to give your life for mine.
379
00:18:11,046 --> 00:18:14,136
Oh, now, Luther,
you would have done
the same thing for me.
380
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,791
Oh, yeah, I would.
Yeah, I would.
381
00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:19,010
I'll take that pineapple
off you now, sir.
382
00:18:19,054 --> 00:18:21,491
No, no, my friend.
383
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:25,234
You've had a frightful scare.
You go curl up in
a nice, warm jeep.
384
00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:26,714
Oh, it's all right, sir.
I'm fine.
385
00:18:26,757 --> 00:18:30,935
No, I will dispose
of this permanently.
386
00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:32,502
Oh. Well, yeah.
387
00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:34,548
That's a good idea.
388
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:36,854
-Major?
-Yeah.
389
00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:41,207
I want you to know, sir,
that I am eternally
in your debt.
390
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,166
And that if you are ever
in Baton Rouge,
you just come by,
391
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,168
and I'll have Zola fix up
392
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:49,606
the finest mess of pigs' feet
that ever carried a pig.
393
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:53,654
My mouth
is already watering.
394
00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:10,323
[chattering in Korean]
395
00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:22,291
So many people.
396
00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:24,728
Yeah, and these
are the lucky ones.
397
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:26,339
Wait! I think I see them!
398
00:19:27,688 --> 00:19:31,300
It is you!
Heaven be praised!
399
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:34,173
Father. You come
all this way from MASH?
400
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:36,131
Yes. And I have something
wonderful.
401
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,613
Look, look.
I brought your daughter.
402
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:47,229
Father...
403
00:19:47,273 --> 00:19:51,059
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
404
00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:55,237
And this spark plug,
a donation from
Sergeant Rizzo,
405
00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:58,240
symbolizes quality,
craftsmanship
406
00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,373
and good old Yankee know-how.
407
00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:04,812
-Major, it was made in Japan.
-[all laughing]
408
00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:07,075
Well, they're on our side.
409
00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:09,599
Next, from
Lieutenant Nakahara.
410
00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:11,819
A donation
of her favorite pair of--
411
00:20:11,862 --> 00:20:13,908
Uh-oh. Cover your eyes.
412
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:17,041
Her favorite pair of
army boots, gutter brain.
413
00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:20,393
-[scattered chuckles]
-And they stand for--
414
00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:22,699
Standing.
415
00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:25,746
Right. And finally...
416
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:28,966
from our illustrious
commanding officer,
417
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:32,405
a copy of "Last of
the Plainsmen" by Zane Grey.
418
00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:36,104
Personally, I think she should
have gone with the Zeno pads.
419
00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:38,846
MARGARET:
Well, that's everything.
420
00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:41,979
And I know that each
and every one of you hopes
421
00:20:42,023 --> 00:20:45,374
that when somebody opens
this up in a hundred years,
422
00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:50,249
he or she will know
that this land was occupied
423
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:53,426
by good, decent--
424
00:20:55,297 --> 00:20:57,647
Hold it right there!
You guys are not gonna do this.
425
00:20:57,691 --> 00:21:00,563
-You slime bags can't
bury that thing here.
-We wouldn't dream of it.
426
00:21:00,607 --> 00:21:03,479
We're gonna bury this
in a much more fitting place.
427
00:21:03,523 --> 00:21:06,743
-How about right over there?
-Will you just get out of here!
428
00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:08,963
Okay, but before we go,
I got something in here
429
00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:10,791
that's a little more
appropriate for
your time capsule.
430
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:13,924
Yeah, like what?
Your dirty socks
or your dirty magazines?
431
00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:15,796
Just a broken fan belt.
432
00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:19,452
From the chopper.
433
00:21:19,495 --> 00:21:21,976
Nobody noticed that pilot
when he was here,
434
00:21:22,019 --> 00:21:24,326
but it would be nice
if people remembered him
a hundred years from now.
435
00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:28,025
That's very appropriate.
Thank you.
436
00:21:29,636 --> 00:21:32,813
What else
do you have there?
437
00:21:32,856 --> 00:21:37,383
This is my contribution.
Radar left me this.
438
00:21:37,426 --> 00:21:39,863
Let it stand for all
the soldiers who came
over here as boys
439
00:21:39,907 --> 00:21:41,822
and went home as men.
440
00:21:48,394 --> 00:21:50,352
That's very lovely.
441
00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:52,789
I fished with this
a couple of times.
442
00:21:52,833 --> 00:21:55,749
Hawk told me it belonged
to Colonel Blake.
443
00:21:55,792 --> 00:21:57,664
It's for all the men
who never made it home.
444
00:22:02,756 --> 00:22:05,149
-And I would like to donate--
-No, no, not the booze!
445
00:22:05,193 --> 00:22:08,675
But, Margaret, when the time
capsule is opened,
446
00:22:08,718 --> 00:22:11,373
this cognac will be
over 100 years old.
447
00:22:11,417 --> 00:22:13,636
Oh, all right.
448
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,812
These are courtesy
of Father Mulcahy.
449
00:22:15,856 --> 00:22:18,859
In the future,
if countries feel
they need to go to war,
450
00:22:18,902 --> 00:22:21,209
they can use these
to settle it.
451
00:22:21,252 --> 00:22:24,212
-Amen to that, Padre.
-ALL: Amen.
452
00:22:24,255 --> 00:22:26,257
Amen, indeed.
Okay, I'm putting it all in.
453
00:22:26,301 --> 00:22:27,868
No, no! One more thing.
454
00:22:27,911 --> 00:22:30,305
Klinger's
Scarlett O'Hara gown.
455
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:33,047
No, no, no!
I draw the line, no!
456
00:22:33,090 --> 00:22:35,702
Come on, Major.
That's not fair.
457
00:22:35,745 --> 00:22:37,399
This could stand
for something.
458
00:22:37,443 --> 00:22:38,618
How about all the girls
we left behind?
459
00:22:38,661 --> 00:22:40,097
[all murmuring agreement]
460
00:22:40,141 --> 00:22:43,318
Okay, okay, okay, okay,
but not that awful getup.
461
00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:46,800
-The black one.
-Madame has impeccable taste.
462
00:22:46,843 --> 00:22:49,411
Pierce, very nice.
Thank you.
463
00:22:49,455 --> 00:22:50,804
Well, I figure since we're
burying everything else,
464
00:22:50,847 --> 00:22:52,719
why not the hatchet?
465
00:23:05,122 --> 00:23:06,733
Oh, by the way, you realize
you didn't include
466
00:23:06,776 --> 00:23:09,866
anything in the time capsule
from the infamous Major Burns.
467
00:23:09,910 --> 00:23:11,868
I was thinking about putting
in his scalpel,
468
00:23:11,912 --> 00:23:13,609
but I didn't want to include
any deadly weapons.
469
00:23:13,653 --> 00:23:15,829
Hey guys,
mind if we join you?
470
00:23:15,872 --> 00:23:17,961
I'm taking Soon-Lee to
the "O" Club to listen
to a little music.
471
00:23:18,005 --> 00:23:20,268
-Sure, come on.
You can sit with us.
-Thank you.
472
00:23:20,311 --> 00:23:23,445
Oh, look at this crowd.
The place is packed.
We'll never get a table.
473
00:23:23,489 --> 00:23:25,316
Don't despair,
gentlemen.
474
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:28,407
I have a feeling a few tables
will open up shortly.
475
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,889
♪♪
476
00:23:44,466 --> 00:23:46,903
♪♪ [theme]
38114
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