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00:00:01,914 --> 00:00:03,307
♪♪ [theme]
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-[jets roaring]
-Mm. Hmm. [clicks tongue]
3
00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:04,238
-[Charles humming]
-No. No.
4
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,979
-Um...
-Ah, move.
5
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,028
[clicks tongue]
Ahh!
6
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,510
Ah-ha-ha, the infamous
Yankakovich gambit.
7
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:16,859
Oh, yeah?
8
00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:18,339
Yankakovich perfected
the strategy
9
00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:20,123
of making the most
moronic move possible
10
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:21,733
in order to lull
his opponent.
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00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:24,127
[chuckling] Well, I'm not
gonna fall for it.
12
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:27,348
-[clears throat]
-Ah.
13
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:29,915
Perhaps I should have tried
the Jesse Owens gambit
14
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:31,134
and run to Berlin.
15
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,701
[chuckles]
For chess lessons.
16
00:01:32,744 --> 00:01:34,442
Hunnicutt back from Seoul yet?
17
00:01:34,485 --> 00:01:36,096
No, he just left
about an hour ago.
18
00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:38,098
He's probably just getting
to the barber shop now.
19
00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:39,534
With his feet,
the shoeshine alone
20
00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:40,926
could take until tomorrow.
21
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,885
Nuts. I knew I shouldn't
have let him go.
22
00:01:42,928 --> 00:01:45,540
But he was so het up on
getting that deluxe treatment,
23
00:01:45,583 --> 00:01:47,150
I just didn't have
the heart to say no.
24
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:48,195
What's up?
25
00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:49,805
Just got word from I-Corps.
26
00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:51,981
Battalion Aid needs
a surgeon on the double.
27
00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:54,244
And as I recall,
it's Hunnicutt's turn.
28
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:55,724
It certainly isn't mine.
29
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:57,726
I made that miserable
sojourn last time.
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00:01:57,769 --> 00:01:59,467
Three days and two nights
31
00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:01,338
nestled in the bosom
of Pork Chop Hill.
32
00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:03,601
These are hard times.
You nestle anywhere you can.
33
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:05,647
Well, seems you just drew
the short straw, Pierce.
34
00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:06,909
Oh, come on.
35
00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:08,258
Can't wait for Hunnicutt
on this one.
36
00:02:08,302 --> 00:02:10,608
-Damn!
-Ah!
37
00:02:10,652 --> 00:02:13,785
Well, at least the day's
not a total loss.
38
00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:15,874
Yes, it is.
39
00:02:15,918 --> 00:02:17,746
-Checkmate.
-[screams]
40
00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:19,443
CHARLES: Eat that.
That's roughage.
41
00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:21,663
-[chattering]
-Wow! Lookee here!
42
00:02:21,706 --> 00:02:24,622
-Is this a beautiful person!
-[chatter]
43
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,494
Phew!
Smell the cologne.
44
00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:28,626
You better stay away
from open flames.
45
00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:31,977
When the Armistice was signed
in '18, I was in Gay Paree.
46
00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:35,067
I celebrated in an all-night
business establishment
47
00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:37,679
that smelled a little
classier than you do.
48
00:02:37,722 --> 00:02:39,115
It's only aftershave.
49
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,030
It's clashing with
my liver and onions.
50
00:02:41,073 --> 00:02:43,380
Personally, I'm pulling
for the liver and onions.
51
00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:44,860
You're all just jealous
'cause I'm
52
00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:46,209
the only little petunia
in the onion patch.
53
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:49,169
Wait a minute.
You got a manicure!
54
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:50,387
I hope you manage
to stay beautiful
55
00:02:50,431 --> 00:02:51,954
till Pierce gets back
to see you.
56
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:53,085
Back from where?
57
00:02:53,129 --> 00:02:54,826
Battalion Aid
was short a surgeon.
58
00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,393
I had to send him
in your place.
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00:02:56,437 --> 00:02:57,699
Hawkeye
had to go to the front
60
00:02:57,742 --> 00:02:58,961
because I was
getting a haircut?
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00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:00,571
Well, you might have
broken a nail.
62
00:03:00,615 --> 00:03:02,530
Knock it off, Charles.
63
00:03:02,573 --> 00:03:04,096
[artillery firing]
64
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:05,837
I'm gonna give you something
for that pain, son.
65
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:08,144
Thanks, doc. [groan]
66
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,756
DOCTOR: Boy, I hope
you're a doctor.
67
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,236
Well, it's just a hobby.
68
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,369
My real profession
is raising orchids.
69
00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:18,198
-Hawkeye Pierce, 4077.
-Bob Rackley.
70
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:20,200
-He's all yours.
-Right.
71
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:24,900
[shell whistling, exploding]
72
00:03:26,641 --> 00:03:28,208
I guess you've been
hearing a lot of that.
73
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:31,341
-[explosion]
-Shelling?
74
00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:34,083
Well, it's got to be
a lot closer than that
75
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:35,215
for me to notice.
76
00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:37,608
Pressure bandages,
sir.
77
00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:38,870
Yeah, good.
78
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,132
How long you been
working alone?
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00:03:40,176 --> 00:03:41,308
Since last night.
80
00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,135
Where's your other surgeon?
81
00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:44,354
He was killed.
82
00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:47,575
Oh, God. What happened?
83
00:03:47,618 --> 00:03:49,011
Mortar.
84
00:03:50,969 --> 00:03:52,710
Right out there where
you parked your jeep.
85
00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:59,195
MAN [on P.A.]:
Attention, all personnel.
86
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,284
The express has arrived
from Battalion Aid.
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00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:04,113
Grab a knife and save a life.
88
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:06,028
KLINGER: Here's your
first customer, doc.
89
00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:08,291
One thing about MacArthur.
He makes the blood run on time.
90
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:10,250
-You're gonna be okay, pal.
-Thanks, doc.
91
00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:14,384
Not much fun up there, huh?
92
00:04:14,428 --> 00:04:17,605
Real bad. I even heard
a doctor bought it.
93
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:18,954
Wait a minute,
wait a minute. What?
94
00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:21,478
-A doctor. Battalion Aid.
-Which one?
95
00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:22,958
I don't know.
I never even saw him.
96
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:24,264
Did you catch a name?
Anything?
97
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:26,266
Nope.
98
00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:27,658
-Klinger, get on the--
-I'll call Battalion Aid.
99
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,704
-Klinger, over here!
-As soon as I can, sir.
100
00:04:32,359 --> 00:04:34,274
Okay. Let's go.
101
00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:36,188
Go fast, but don't
bump him. Be careful.
102
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,278
Is this the last one
for the 4077?
103
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:39,844
Yeah, for now.
But drive carefully.
104
00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:41,324
His chart says no potholes.
105
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,764
-[sighs]
-[shell whines, explodes]
106
00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:49,419
When's the last time
you got some sleep?
107
00:04:49,463 --> 00:04:50,681
What's that?
108
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:53,945
If you want to go
sack out for a while,
109
00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:56,470
I'll watch things out here.
110
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-Come on.
-Thanks.
111
00:05:12,007 --> 00:05:13,225
[sighs]
112
00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:14,792
[explosion]
113
00:05:19,754 --> 00:05:20,929
[Rackley coughing]
114
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:57,400
[thinking] I,
Benjamin Franklin Pierce,
115
00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:02,579
being of sound mind
and endangered body,
116
00:06:02,623 --> 00:06:06,104
hereby decree this to be
my last will and testament.
117
00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:13,416
I bequeath to my father
all my worldly possessions
118
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,679
with the exception
of the following.
119
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:22,643
To B. J. Hunnicutt,
my best friend--
120
00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:25,167
[shelling continues]
121
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:26,342
B.J.
122
00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:30,172
B.J.
123
00:06:47,189 --> 00:06:49,626
To Charles Emerson
Winchester III,
124
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:52,412
during the dark days of war,
made himself available...
125
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:53,891
[laughing]
126
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:57,460
Then the third cowboy
looks at the orangutan
127
00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:01,029
sitting next to him,
turns to the bartender,
128
00:07:01,072 --> 00:07:03,988
and says,
"Give me what he had."
129
00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:06,991
[laughing]
130
00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:09,124
Pretty funny,
huh, Winchester?
131
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:10,473
Charles!
132
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:13,215
[groaning]
Yeah?
133
00:07:13,258 --> 00:07:14,825
[laughing]
134
00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:17,480
That high-priced cognac
sure put your lights out.
135
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,134
[slurred speech]
On the contrary.
136
00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:20,875
They never even dimmed.
137
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:23,443
Then how do you explain your
head back, your tongue out,
138
00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:25,532
and your eyes
on separate circuits?
139
00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:27,534
They-- I was
merely lying back,
140
00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:30,493
contemplating
what Michelangelo
would have done
141
00:07:30,537 --> 00:07:31,973
with the ceiling
in this place.
142
00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:33,540
Come on, Major.
143
00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:36,325
You had checked out
with no forwarding address.
144
00:07:36,368 --> 00:07:41,069
Rubbish. A Winchester
never loses consciousness.
145
00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:43,550
If you will excuse me,
gentlemen. [grunting]
146
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,247
Ooh, ooh.
I guess he sure told us.
147
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:46,466
Ha-ha.
148
00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:51,558
POTTER: Sure, he was
awake the whole time.
149
00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:53,429
HAWKEYE:
You've been the victim
150
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,518
of a ceaseless stream
of dumb jokes.
151
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,694
Though we may have
wounded your pride,
152
00:07:57,738 --> 00:08:00,436
you've never lost
your dignity.
153
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,003
I therefore bequeath to you
154
00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:03,918
the most dignified
thing I own:
155
00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:05,746
my bathrobe.
156
00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:07,965
Purple is the color
of royalty.
157
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,407
They got our phones!
158
00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:16,713
Where the hell is Klinger?
159
00:08:16,757 --> 00:08:18,454
Keep your lid on,
Hunnicutt.
160
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,456
How long could it take
to make one lousy phone call?
161
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,805
Klinger's got his hands full
162
00:08:21,849 --> 00:08:24,373
with this SRO crowd
of casualties. Suction.
163
00:08:24,416 --> 00:08:26,767
There's nothing to be gained
by expecting the worst.
164
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:29,509
Bad news. The phones
are out at Battalion Aid.
165
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:30,901
There's no way
to reach him.
166
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:32,468
-Damn.
-Sorry, sir.
167
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,643
What's going on up there?
168
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:35,340
I did get through
to I-Corps.
169
00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:36,777
They say there's pretty heavy
shelling in that sector.
170
00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:38,387
-Wonderful.
-Yeah.
171
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:39,997
Oh, B.J., there's
no reason to assume
172
00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,564
that the dead surgeon
is Hawkeye.
173
00:08:41,608 --> 00:08:43,131
No reason to assume
that it isn't.
174
00:08:43,174 --> 00:08:45,481
You've got to stop tearing
your hair out about this.
175
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,483
Nobody plans
his own destiny.
176
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,050
The best thing we can do
is hit what's pitched.
177
00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:50,094
Clamp.
178
00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:52,270
[explosions]
179
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:06,415
To Father Francis Mulcahy,
I leave five cents.
180
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:07,808
I want to eat something.
181
00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:09,505
What's going on here,
Father?
182
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,376
For some reason, they don't
seem to be serving.
183
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:14,205
This food is bad enough
without having to wait for it.
184
00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,338
-[chatter]
-Hold my place back there.
185
00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:21,473
Please don't start
on me, Captain.
186
00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:24,085
I know. You're waiting
for your soufflé to rise.
187
00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:25,869
As a matter of fact,
you're not far off.
188
00:09:25,913 --> 00:09:27,523
Our cook can't
get near the oven.
189
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,872
General Kratzer's
personal chef
190
00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,570
is using it
for his Baked Alaska.
191
00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:32,136
CROWD: Baked Alaska?
192
00:09:32,180 --> 00:09:34,486
Hey, wait.
I have two questions.
193
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:35,618
Who is General Kratzer?
194
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,359
And what size ladle
does he wear?
195
00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:39,448
General Kratzer's here
to visit some of his wounded.
196
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:40,928
He brought along
his own cook.
197
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:42,582
On the way over here,
he bagged a pheasant,
198
00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:44,671
and now he's in the VIP
tent dining on it.
199
00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:48,718
This guy is eating
pheasant and Baked Alaska
200
00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:51,591
while his men are in post-op
dining on I.V. solution?
201
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,549
-[clamoring]
-[clattering]
202
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,638
Every gourmet knows
203
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,248
one should always clear
one's palate between courses.
204
00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:58,685
[clamoring in agreement]
205
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:03,777
Hawkeye, now don't
do anything rash!
206
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:05,213
Leave me alone, Father.
207
00:10:05,256 --> 00:10:06,518
If I think about this,
I'm liable not to do it.
208
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:08,042
Hawkeye, don't!
209
00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:09,478
[grunts]
210
00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:11,001
Father, what the hell's
the matter with you?
211
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:12,002
[grunting]
Wait!
212
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:19,314
Listen, Hawkeye,
you let me handle this,
213
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:22,534
or I swear--
I swear I'll flatten you.
214
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,059
What's going on out there?
215
00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:28,105
General, I'm Father
Francis Mulcahy.
216
00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:30,325
My apologies for
disturbing your meal.
217
00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:32,414
A rather unruly malcontent
218
00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:34,634
was hell-bent
on creating a ruckus,
219
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:37,071
and I was forced
to fight fire with fire.
220
00:10:37,114 --> 00:10:39,421
Well, keep it down.
I'm trying to eat in peace.
221
00:10:39,464 --> 00:10:40,727
Oh, certainly, sir.
222
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:42,467
Of course,
I understand perfectly.
223
00:10:42,511 --> 00:10:45,949
Far be it from me to disturb
such an elegant repast.
224
00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:48,299
Clumsy fool!
225
00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:50,171
Oh, I'm terribly
sorry, General.
226
00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:51,868
Here, let me help
clean this up for you.
227
00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,348
-Get away from me!
-Uh, yes.
228
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,828
If you weren't a priest,
229
00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:56,264
your life wouldn't be
worth a plugged nickel!
230
00:10:59,093 --> 00:11:00,834
Ha ha!
231
00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:02,357
[explosion]
232
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,141
You're a man of God,
and I know
233
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:06,622
worldly possessions mean
little to you, Father.
234
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,145
So I leave you a nickel,
235
00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:09,712
along with something
I value
236
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,714
more highly
than anything I own:
237
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,542
My everlasting respect.
238
00:11:18,634 --> 00:11:21,289
Let's see, B.J. B.J.
239
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,510
[sighs, chuckles]
240
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:28,905
Hmm.
241
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:30,559
To Margaret Houlihan.
242
00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:34,128
Tetracycline.
243
00:11:34,171 --> 00:11:37,174
Tetracycline, tetracycline.
244
00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:38,915
Will you hurry?
245
00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:42,266
I'm sorry, Major. I don't
read well through my eyelids.
246
00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:43,790
I'm tired too, Captain.
247
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,269
The sooner we can
get this done,
248
00:11:45,313 --> 00:11:46,880
the sooner
we can go to sleep.
249
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:49,752
[sighs] Tetracycline! Wh--
250
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,711
Oh, here it is. Yeah.
251
00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:54,017
Yeah, you better--
you better order a case.
252
00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:55,497
One case.
253
00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:58,282
-Sulfa. Ahem.
-Sulfa.
254
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,677
Sulfa, hmm?
255
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,897
Where's the stupid sulfa?
256
00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,768
It's in the living room.
257
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,161
What?
258
00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:08,771
The sulfa's
in the living room
259
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,251
between the end tables.
260
00:12:14,298 --> 00:12:15,865
Margaret, you made a joke.
261
00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:18,085
I told you I was tired.
262
00:12:18,128 --> 00:12:21,392
[laughing] The sulfa's
in the living room!
263
00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:25,745
I can't believe
you said that. [laughs]
264
00:12:25,788 --> 00:12:27,790
[giggling]
265
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,096
Su-- Okay, sulfa.
266
00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:31,359
Here, here,
we-- we got plenty.
267
00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:33,274
Sulfa so good.
268
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:34,492
Ha ha ha ha ha!
269
00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:36,756
[both laughing]
270
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,284
Morphine.
271
00:12:43,327 --> 00:12:45,025
No, thanks.
I've got plenty.
272
00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:46,809
[laughing]
273
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,245
[laughing]
274
00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:53,163
I'm sorry.
275
00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:55,252
Oh, no,
I love it, I love it.
276
00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:58,516
Somebody's been playing
with your "silly" hormones.
277
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:01,258
Oh, come on, come on,
we've got to get this done.
278
00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:03,783
All right. Okay, okay.
Dig Digitalis?
279
00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:05,480
No, I'm keeping it
a secret.
280
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:15,055
-[wheezing]
-Oh, stop.
281
00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:19,624
Nitrous.
282
00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:21,278
Good nitrous,
sweet prince.
283
00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:28,895
-Uh, excuse me.
-What is it, Lieutenant?
284
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:31,419
I have to replace the O.R.
supplies before morning.
285
00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:34,074
Well, what are you
waiting for? Go to it.
286
00:13:34,117 --> 00:13:37,555
Okay, Captain, how's the nitrous
holding out?
287
00:13:37,599 --> 00:13:39,557
HAWKEYE:
To you, Margaret,
288
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:43,431
I leave my treasured
Groucho nose and glasses.
289
00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:45,563
Maybe they'll remind you
of how much I enjoyed
290
00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:48,088
that silly side you show
all too infrequently.
291
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,441
This man's in bad shape.
Bullet in the chest.
292
00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:58,881
There's no pulse.
293
00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:00,752
-Where's the adrenaline?
-On the table.
294
00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:02,493
He had a pulse
just a minute ago.
295
00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:10,153
-You get anything?
-Not yet.
296
00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:15,245
-Now?
-Nothing.
297
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:20,772
I don't get a femoral pulse,
either. Ventilate him.
298
00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:22,209
Give me a scalpel.
299
00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,256
Here you go.
300
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,693
I'm gonna cut open his chest
and massage his heart.
301
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,652
[ventilator hissing]
302
00:14:30,695 --> 00:14:32,349
Okay, I'll get
the ribs apart.
303
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,179
Okay. Get 'em apart.
304
00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:37,572
There you go.
305
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:39,574
More, a little more.
More. I can't get in.
306
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:41,881
-More, give me more.
-Okay. Okay.
307
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:46,276
Check the pulse.
308
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,714
No, forget it.
Forget it.
309
00:14:52,152 --> 00:14:54,067
He was hit
right in the heart.
310
00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:55,198
[sighs]
311
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:58,114
Never had a chance.
312
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:02,771
[artillery continues]
313
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,389
To Sherman Potter...
314
00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:23,226
[sighs deeply]
315
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:28,144
These O.R. sessions run pretty
long, don't they, Pierce?
316
00:15:28,188 --> 00:15:29,667
Uh-huh.
317
00:15:29,711 --> 00:15:32,757
I was transferred here
seven days ago.
318
00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:35,195
Seems like I've been
operating for eight.
319
00:15:35,238 --> 00:15:37,110
And this has been
an easy week.
320
00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:43,029
[groans]
I've about had it.
321
00:15:43,072 --> 00:15:45,466
Well, for a man
who's had it...
322
00:15:46,771 --> 00:15:49,035
you sure do
a bang-up job.
323
00:15:49,078 --> 00:15:51,167
Uh...
324
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:53,126
You're from Maine,
right, Pierce?
325
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:54,692
Right.
326
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:56,042
Do much fishing?
327
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,611
Yeah,
but not for a long time.
328
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:02,962
I'm a fisherman.
329
00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:05,138
Now that I think of it,
330
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,270
standing around hip deep
331
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:10,926
in a freezing river
till my legs got numb
332
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,451
might have been the best
training I could have had
333
00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:18,064
for standing at these
O.R. tables. [chuckles]
334
00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:23,286
I guess, uh,
being from Maine,
335
00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:25,549
you went after
deep-sea stuff.
336
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:31,207
Well, I got a bluefin once,
337
00:16:31,251 --> 00:16:33,905
but it took me
over an hour to land him.
338
00:16:33,949 --> 00:16:37,300
I wouldn't mind spending
an hour like that.
339
00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:40,303
Mostly my dad and I
fish for salmon
340
00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:42,218
in the Saint Croix River.
341
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:46,048
Not many of those sockeyes
make it to Missouri.
342
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:49,791
What's the biggest one
you ever tied into?
343
00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:51,010
Thirty-pounder.
344
00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,881
-Thirty?
-Yeah. One of them.
345
00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:54,665
When I saw the lines
stripping,
346
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:56,145
I thought it was--
347
00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:58,843
I thought it was just
the current, you know?
348
00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:01,846
Then he jumped, and I
couldn't believe my eyes.
349
00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:04,588
-It was the-- He was a horse!
-[chuckles]
350
00:17:04,632 --> 00:17:06,199
And then he took off.
351
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:09,811
I couldn't reel him in
'cause I...
352
00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:11,247
you know,
I was afraid he'd break
353
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:13,075
this lousy 10-pound
line I had, you know,
354
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,859
so I had to go after him.
355
00:17:14,903 --> 00:17:18,341
I was-- I was jumping
over logs and rocks
356
00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:22,432
and dodging branches,
and all the while
357
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:24,739
trying to keep the tension
on the line. Now, wha--
358
00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:26,697
The sound of a waterfall
359
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:28,699
kept getting
louder and louder.
360
00:17:30,571 --> 00:17:34,009
And sure enough, about
three turned ankles later,
361
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,358
there we were at the--
362
00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:38,187
at the top of this falls,
you know?
363
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:41,147
And it was his big chance.
364
00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:42,713
But all the fight
was out of him,
365
00:17:42,757 --> 00:17:44,628
and I just--
I just reeled him in.
366
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:49,024
I reached into his mouth
to pick him up,
367
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,331
and just then,
he thrashed his head,
368
00:17:51,374 --> 00:17:53,985
and he drove the hook
right into my thumb.
369
00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:56,597
[chuckles] Then he just--
then he took off,
370
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:57,859
you know? He was gone.
371
00:17:57,902 --> 00:17:59,121
So you ended up
372
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:01,602
with a fat thumb for a trophy.
373
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:03,995
Yeah, right.
[cvhuckles]
374
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:06,781
You know, I didn't bring
any gear, but, uh,
375
00:18:06,824 --> 00:18:08,739
I'll bet we could
rig up something
376
00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:11,438
to snag whatever swims
around these parts.
377
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:13,135
Might be worth a try.
378
00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:15,137
These rivers are probably
full of North Korean fish
379
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:16,225
heading south.
380
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:18,401
[both laughing]
381
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:20,577
Ahem.
382
00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:24,103
Well, guess we'd better
get back at it.
383
00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:25,060
Right.
384
00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:28,411
You not only
knew what to say
385
00:18:28,455 --> 00:18:29,630
but what not to say.
386
00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:31,980
My dad's a lot like that.
387
00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:33,764
It makes me miss him
a little less,
388
00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:35,940
knowing that you're around.
389
00:18:35,984 --> 00:18:37,768
My father called me Hawkeye
390
00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:40,162
after the character
inThe Last of the Mohicans.
391
00:18:40,206 --> 00:18:42,382
It's his favorite book.
392
00:18:42,425 --> 00:18:45,298
I'd like you to have
the copy he gave me.
393
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:48,518
Ha ha ha! Wa-hoo!
394
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:49,954
Watch the racket,
Hunnicutt.
395
00:18:49,998 --> 00:18:51,956
This hospital's
in a hospital zone.
396
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,784
Hawkeye Pierce
is alive and well
397
00:18:53,828 --> 00:18:55,177
and living at Battalion Aid.
398
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,266
-What?
-How do you know that?
399
00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:59,094
He left his fingerprints
all over this guy.
400
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,182
What are you
talking about?
401
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,444
Who else but Hawkeye
402
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:02,576
sews vertical
mattress stitches
403
00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:03,838
with white cotton sutures?
404
00:19:03,881 --> 00:19:05,709
-[cheering]
-That's gotta be him!
405
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:07,320
Attaway, Pierce!
406
00:19:08,495 --> 00:19:09,844
Okay. He's ready. Go ahead.
407
00:19:13,543 --> 00:19:16,459
[sighs]
Well, listen to that.
408
00:19:16,503 --> 00:19:19,767
They're finally shooting
their heavy silence at us.
409
00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:22,117
Let's hope
it lasts for a while.
410
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,423
[sighs]
411
00:19:24,641 --> 00:19:28,254
To Maxwell Q. Klinger...
412
00:19:28,297 --> 00:19:30,952
-Any mail for me?
-No, sir.
413
00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:32,475
But if you need
something to read,
414
00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:34,651
I got a magazine here.
415
00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:37,393
Oh, Life.
Yeah, okay. Thanks.
416
00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:39,830
There's some stuff
in there about Maine.
417
00:19:41,484 --> 00:19:43,007
Stuff?
418
00:19:44,618 --> 00:19:46,097
I can't believe this!
419
00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:48,361
Look at these pictures.
420
00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:50,319
Oh.
421
00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:54,062
I almost forgot
how beautiful it is.
422
00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:55,411
Look at this! Look at this!
I know this place.
423
00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:57,935
Muscongus Bay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, look.
424
00:19:57,979 --> 00:19:59,633
Nice.
425
00:19:59,676 --> 00:20:02,766
This is more than nice.
This is home!
426
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:04,768
How can I thank you
for this?
427
00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:07,206
What's to thank?
Somebody just left it here.
428
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,382
Oh, this is great.
I gotta show B.J.
429
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:12,515
You really made my day.
Maybe my year!
430
00:20:15,997 --> 00:20:18,173
-How you doin', Captain?
-[chuckles]
431
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,044
That looks like a meal fit
for a king and his court.
432
00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:21,959
Genuine Lebanese salami.
433
00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:23,526
Where'd you get your hands
on something like that?
434
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:24,919
Your dumb company clerk.
435
00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:27,269
Can you imagine
a guy trading this
436
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:28,923
for some old Lifemagazine?
437
00:20:30,707 --> 00:20:32,666
And you may be one of
the all-time scroungers,
438
00:20:32,709 --> 00:20:34,276
but when it comes
right down to it,
439
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,930
you'll give a friend
the shirt off your back.
440
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:37,323
So the least I can do
441
00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:39,107
is give you
the shirt off mine.
442
00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:40,500
And not just any old shirt
443
00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:42,545
but my beloved Hawaiian shirt.
444
00:20:42,589 --> 00:20:44,199
I hope you'll wear it,
445
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,157
even if someday
it does go out of style.
446
00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:48,682
Okay.
[sighs]
447
00:20:48,725 --> 00:20:50,510
Good news for you,
Captain.
448
00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:52,163
That was I-Corps
that just called.
449
00:20:52,207 --> 00:20:54,078
The new surgeon's
on his way.
450
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:57,952
We'll be okay
till he gets here.
451
00:20:57,995 --> 00:20:59,345
Why don't you
head on back?
452
00:20:59,388 --> 00:21:02,435
Right. Thanks.
453
00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:04,959
Well, Pierce, it was
fun while it lasted.
454
00:21:05,002 --> 00:21:06,308
Yeah.
I was just getting used
455
00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:07,744
to having the ceiling
under my feet.
456
00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:08,832
[chuckles]
457
00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:13,054
Did you finish your will?
458
00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:14,664
All except
for my best friend.
459
00:21:16,753 --> 00:21:18,538
How did you know
it was my will?
460
00:21:18,581 --> 00:21:20,801
I've seen a lot
of those written here.
461
00:21:30,419 --> 00:21:31,551
[sighs]
462
00:21:40,124 --> 00:21:41,300
[sighs]
463
00:21:42,997 --> 00:21:45,652
Hey. When I wake up,
464
00:21:45,695 --> 00:21:47,393
remind me
to give you a kiss.
465
00:21:47,436 --> 00:21:49,438
Go back to sleep.
You're dreaming.
466
00:21:57,098 --> 00:21:58,795
[sigh]
467
00:22:06,847 --> 00:22:10,590
Corporal Stanley T. Young.
468
00:22:10,633 --> 00:22:15,638
Sergeant Robert M. Zelnick.
469
00:22:24,255 --> 00:22:26,083
To Erin Hunnicutt.
470
00:22:28,129 --> 00:22:30,087
I leave you a list
of all the young men
471
00:22:30,131 --> 00:22:33,569
your daddy took care of
while he was in Korea.
472
00:22:33,613 --> 00:22:38,269
Many of them have him to
thank for being alive today.
473
00:22:38,313 --> 00:22:40,750
I want you to understand
why he had to be away
474
00:22:40,794 --> 00:22:42,535
during those first years
of your life.
475
00:22:44,450 --> 00:22:47,583
I hope I have the chance
to give you this in person.
476
00:22:47,627 --> 00:22:49,672
But around here,
you never know.
477
00:22:52,283 --> 00:22:54,721
This concludes my last
will and testament.
478
00:22:56,505 --> 00:22:58,377
Benjamin Franklin Pierce.
479
00:23:00,074 --> 00:23:03,164
Captain,
you really are alive.
480
00:23:03,207 --> 00:23:05,079
Nah, it's just
a vicious rumor.
481
00:23:05,122 --> 00:23:07,081
What are you doing?
482
00:23:07,124 --> 00:23:10,084
Um, catching up on some
overdue paperwork.
483
00:23:10,127 --> 00:23:12,303
Get some sleep.
484
00:23:12,347 --> 00:23:14,741
There's one thing I learned
about being company clerk.
485
00:23:14,784 --> 00:23:17,221
There's no paperwork that
can't wait until tomorrow.
486
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:21,269
I used to think that too.
487
00:23:27,014 --> 00:23:28,581
You sure take
a long time to move.
488
00:23:28,624 --> 00:23:30,060
It's my Panmunjom
strategy.
489
00:23:30,104 --> 00:23:31,671
Whatever. I'm sure glad
you're back.
490
00:23:31,714 --> 00:23:33,803
Will you be quiet?
I'm trying to concentrate.
491
00:23:33,847 --> 00:23:35,762
Hey, for a while,
I thought you'd been killed.
492
00:23:35,805 --> 00:23:37,503
Are you trying to make me
lose this game?
493
00:23:37,546 --> 00:23:39,592
You deserve to lose.
You spoiled all my fun.
494
00:23:39,635 --> 00:23:41,724
Haircut, shave,
manicure, massage.
495
00:23:41,768 --> 00:23:43,378
I couldn't enjoy any of it.
496
00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:44,945
I'm going to kill you
if you don't stop!
497
00:23:44,988 --> 00:23:48,339
Okay, okay, okay. Geez!
498
00:23:48,383 --> 00:23:51,299
-[laughing] Charles!
-Eh!
499
00:23:51,342 --> 00:23:53,693
You smell like
a hand-painted tie looks.
500
00:23:53,736 --> 00:23:56,391
[chuckles] The feeble
jibes of a jealous man.
501
00:23:56,435 --> 00:24:00,090
Good heavens. You haven't
made a move since I left.
502
00:24:00,134 --> 00:24:02,266
All right, all right,
all right. There.
503
00:24:02,310 --> 00:24:04,834
-Ah. Checkmate.
-Aah!
504
00:24:19,806 --> 00:24:21,198
♪♪ [theme]
35830
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