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♪♪ [theme]
2
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Let's take a look in there.
Give me the rib spreader.
3
00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,145
-Rib spreader.
-What is it? What is--
4
00:00:58,188 --> 00:01:00,495
-[all exclaiming]
-Again? Come on
with the lights!
5
00:01:00,538 --> 00:01:03,150
-POTTER: Get some
lanterns in here.
-Ow! Margaret,
6
00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:05,935
you've caught my finger
in the spreader! Geez.
7
00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:08,459
Great! Terrific!
Just dandy!
8
00:01:08,503 --> 00:01:11,245
Hey, Bonzo, the auxiliary
generator is missing.
9
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Got a distended abdomen here.
I need some gastric suction.
10
00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:15,379
We'll whomp up
a good old-fashioned,
11
00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:17,947
hand-operated
Wangensteen suction.
12
00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:19,470
Welcome back, son.
13
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I think I missed you even
more than I miss Mildred.
14
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,259
Either of you seen Radar?
15
00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:26,999
Last I saw him, he was
in the officers club
16
00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:29,001
having a touch
of the grape.
17
00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:30,133
Why? What's wrong?
18
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:32,701
Plenty.
19
00:01:32,744 --> 00:01:36,531
I just got a wire from
the boy's mother in Iowa.
20
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Radar's uncle Ed passed away.
21
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I'm goin' home, sir?
22
00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:42,972
Radar, Lord knows your mother
is a strong woman,
23
00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:44,147
but she won't make it alone.
24
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,366
You ought to be there
with her.
25
00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:49,152
Radar, I'm very
happy for you.
26
00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:53,200
Yeah. I'm happy for me too.
27
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:57,639
I guess.
28
00:02:00,032 --> 00:02:01,947
Gee.
29
00:02:01,991 --> 00:02:04,036
I thought I lost this.
30
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,864
What is it?
31
00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:10,391
It's my very own personal
personal-type thermometer.
32
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:13,133
-Colonel Blake gave it
to me,just before he-- -Aw,
Radar.
33
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:15,744
You got the rest of your life
to look at stuff like that.
34
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:18,442
I'm in trouble here now!
35
00:02:18,486 --> 00:02:20,705
Hey, look.
36
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:23,926
It's my Purple Heart.
37
00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:25,841
Hawkeye pinned this
on me himself.
38
00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:28,191
He even saluted me.
39
00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:29,540
Hawkeye's
never saluted anybody.
40
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:32,239
I think I'm already on my own.
41
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,766
My uncle Ed.
42
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,900
[clicks tongue]
Gee, I got so busy,
43
00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:44,294
I forgot how much
I'm gonna miss him.
44
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Look, kid, I know
it's tough on ya.
45
00:02:47,558 --> 00:02:49,560
Believe me, I feel
as bad as you do.
46
00:02:49,604 --> 00:02:52,346
But you just can't
throw me to the wolves.
47
00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:54,261
Klinger, look,
you've got to learn
48
00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:55,871
to do this stuff yourself!
49
00:02:55,914 --> 00:02:57,873
Nobody helped me
when I took this job.
50
00:02:57,916 --> 00:03:00,702
Yeah, but you're a born clerk.
I'm a born civilian.
51
00:03:00,745 --> 00:03:03,792
I hate offices. I'm lousy
with numbers and letters.
52
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,837
I get paper cuts,
and I lose things.
53
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:08,492
When I was a kid, my mother
pinned my bike to my sleeve.
54
00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:11,756
Listen, I'm not
the clerk anymore.
You're the clerk.
55
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,758
And this is
a very important job!
56
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,934
Everybody depends
on ya for everything.
57
00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:17,197
Don't you understand that?
58
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,850
They depend on you
for the mail,
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00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:22,158
the supplies-- even the
generators.
60
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,638
Now, look. You better
pull yourself together,
61
00:03:23,681 --> 00:03:25,683
or this place is gonna
be one heck of a mess.
62
00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:28,338
Well, my compliments to you
and Dr. Wangensteen, Colonel.
63
00:03:28,382 --> 00:03:31,428
This refuse collection of yours
is apparently very effective.
64
00:03:31,472 --> 00:03:33,213
Well, it'll do
the trick for now,
65
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:34,997
but I'll be glad when we
get back to the real thing.
66
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,999
Colonel, I'm impressed.
What next?
67
00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:39,088
Hamster power
for the X-ray machine?
68
00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:40,872
I haven't seen one of these
things since nursing school.
69
00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:42,483
It's working fine.
70
00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:45,268
Just don't forget to flip
those jugs, Hunnicutt.
71
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,575
You know, I'm gonna miss
Radar something terrible.
72
00:03:47,618 --> 00:03:49,620
There's a lot of that
goin' around.
73
00:03:49,664 --> 00:03:52,493
Come on, I'll buy you a cup
of genuine mess tent coffee.
74
00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:55,496
Good idea. That brew will
stiffen anybody's upper lip.
75
00:03:55,539 --> 00:03:57,193
You know,
I feel a little strange
76
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,934
about Radar's leaving too.
77
00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:00,414
Funny, in all his time here,
78
00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:01,850
I've never given him
a second thought.
79
00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:02,981
Granted, his departure
80
00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:04,679
will create
something of a vacuum,
81
00:04:04,722 --> 00:04:06,985
but then again--[Chuckles]
so did his presence.
82
00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:09,118
He reminds me of an old
Raggedy Ann doll
83
00:04:09,161 --> 00:04:10,337
I had as a kid.
84
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,860
I'd kick it,
pull out its eyes,
85
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,427
yell at it, ignore it,
86
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:14,950
and then, when I lost it,
I'd cry for days.
87
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:16,430
I know exactly how you felt.
88
00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:18,693
I once had the same
experience with a butler.
89
00:04:18,736 --> 00:04:21,783
Boy, that guy
really gets on my nerves.
90
00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:29,399
-Wow! Hot Lips!
-[chuckling]
91
00:04:31,096 --> 00:04:32,533
Well, O'Reilly,
92
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:35,318
you must be brimming
with anticipation.
93
00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:38,408
Back to your native "Io-way"
and your American Dream--
94
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:41,019
haystacks, chawin' tobacco,
95
00:04:41,063 --> 00:04:42,499
sitting around the silos,
96
00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:43,935
shooting the breeze
with your bovines--
97
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:46,503
Land o' Goshen,
that's the life.
98
00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:48,897
Yeah. I haven't thought
of nothin' else
99
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:51,856
ever since Colonel Potter
gave me the word.
100
00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:53,771
Not a very good way
to be going back home,
101
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,251
but at least I'll be there.
102
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,861
And we'll be here
with no electricity.
103
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:58,863
You haven't given that
much thought, have you?
104
00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:01,736
That's not true, sir.
Me and Klinger
are workin' on it.
105
00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:05,479
Mostly me. I don't mean to be
a tattletale or nothin',
106
00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:06,697
but Klinger stinks.
107
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,699
[chuckles] Indeed.
108
00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:11,093
With that dolt in charge
of acquiring a generator,
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00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,486
we'll be powerless forever.
110
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,923
Perhaps, when you
get back to Io-way,
111
00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:17,012
you'd think to send us
some batteries.
112
00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:19,101
Huh? Oh, sure.
113
00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:20,885
I wouldn't let you down, sir.
You'll see.
114
00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:22,931
O'Reilly, your loyalty
to this unit
115
00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:24,672
is truly commendable.
116
00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:26,369
Well, sure, sir.
117
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:29,067
That's because you guys
are all swell.
118
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:31,026
You know, when you all
get back home,
119
00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:33,115
you're all invited
to Ottumwa for a big party.
120
00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:34,812
I will be counting the hours
121
00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:38,033
until I hear the old dinner
bell...a-clangin'.
122
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:39,730
KLINGER: Hey, Radar!
123
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There's a guy
named Alvin on the phone.
124
00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:43,255
About the generator!
125
00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:46,389
Well, talk to him. You're
the company clerk now. Come on!
126
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:49,305
Well, okay, Mr. O'Reilly.
127
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,698
But on your way home,
128
00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:52,352
I hope you have to sit
next to a sweaty fat guy
129
00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:54,310
who brought his own salami.
130
00:05:57,008 --> 00:05:58,923
See the kind of coping
I gotta put up with?
131
00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:00,316
B.J.: Hey, Radar.
132
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,318
-Huh?
-Can you give me a hand here?
133
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,275
Yes, sir.
134
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,149
Oh, gee, your
"hoosenwagon" broke down.
135
00:06:07,192 --> 00:06:10,152
No problem. I happen
to be a certified
hoosenwagon repairman.
136
00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:11,632
Just keep that above
the level of that jar.
137
00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:13,242
Yeah, I know.
138
00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:15,244
Uh, sir. If you don't
mind my sayin' so
139
00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:17,377
that whatchamacallit looks
pretty breakdownable.
140
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:20,467
They don't make
these Wangensteens
the way they used to.
141
00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:22,512
I think that's got it.
142
00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:24,601
If we don't get some power
around here soon,
143
00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:28,431
it's gonna be lights out
for everything.
144
00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:31,521
Yeah. Uh, sir, as long as your
whatchamadoodle is working,
145
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:33,088
I think I'd better take a call.
146
00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:34,176
Sure.
147
00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:35,743
Hey, Klinger. Don't hang up!
148
00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:41,052
Alvin, all I want
is a lousy backup generator.
149
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:43,403
Aw, come on! I've already
offered you everything,
150
00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:45,535
plus a couple of things
I don't got!
151
00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:47,232
That's it. There's no more.
152
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:51,541
You're crazy! Where in Korea
153
00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:53,761
am I gonna get
a frozen custard machine?
154
00:06:53,804 --> 00:06:55,893
BOTH: What's a frozen
custard machine?
155
00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:57,939
Hey, listen.
We need that generator.
156
00:06:57,982 --> 00:07:00,681
It gets pretty dark around
here at night, you know.
157
00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:03,771
[helicopter whirring]
158
00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:06,556
-Uh-oh.
-Oh, no.
159
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,558
Alvin! Forget the generator.
160
00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:10,473
Just send me all the jeeps
and trucks you got.
161
00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:11,909
Yes, that's right!
You heard me.
162
00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:13,520
Send them now.
We got wounded.
163
00:07:13,563 --> 00:07:15,565
Come on, Klinger.
It's gonna get dark P.D.Q.
164
00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:19,003
-[trucks revving]
-RADAR: Okay.
Hold it right there.
165
00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:22,833
That's it. Get your lights
on the patients, fellas.
166
00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:25,445
Jack. Jack, will you
get the lead out?
167
00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:27,359
This isn't a Sunday
social, you know.
168
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,797
Come on! Let's get a little
light in here. Come on.
169
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:33,322
All right, hold it.
Hold it right there.
Is that better, sir?
170
00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:36,064
Perfecto. Radar, if they gave
171
00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:38,414
the Congressional Medal
of Honor for smarts,
172
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,024
by gum, you'd have one.
173
00:07:40,068 --> 00:07:42,026
Thank you, sir. I'm just
doin' my former job.
174
00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:45,682
Stroke of genius.
I can actually see
where I'm cutting.
175
00:07:45,726 --> 00:07:49,469
Well, lookee here.
There's your medal.
176
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:51,471
You just might have
saved this boy's life.
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00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:54,038
Looks fine. Let's
start sewing. Catgut.
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00:07:54,082 --> 00:07:55,779
Radar, if you're not
179
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:59,043
a certifiable,
fur-lined, 24-carat hero,
180
00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:02,003
I'll kiss your tootsies
at the commandant's picnic.
181
00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:05,136
Keep it up, folks.
Thanks to Corporal O'Reilly,
182
00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:06,616
we're gonna make it
through this night.
183
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,705
-[cheering]
-HAWKEYE: I hope so
184
00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:10,577
'cause the Auto Club
can't keep coming over here
185
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:12,100
to jump-start
our operating room.
186
00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:14,537
What a curious turn
in my medical career--
187
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,234
from the operating theater
at Boston General
188
00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:18,280
to the drive-in theater
at Ouijongbu.
189
00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:19,890
Clamp! Ow!
190
00:08:21,152 --> 00:08:22,545
Who goes to bed
191
00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:24,242
and dreams up
this horror every night?
192
00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:25,722
Somebody ought to tell him
193
00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:27,245
to lay off the anchovy
pizzas before sack time.
194
00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:29,465
This is some place,
our little hospital
195
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,467
on the banks
of the River Styx.
196
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,121
Easy to find.
Just follow Calamity Lane
197
00:08:33,164 --> 00:08:34,818
to the giant parking lot.
198
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:37,299
Wounds healed while you wait.
Am I ranting? I hope so.
199
00:08:37,342 --> 00:08:38,735
You know,
my ranting gets raves.
200
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:40,128
I brought sponges
for sponging.
201
00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:41,695
And now,
202
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,392
from the "wish I were
in his shoes" department
203
00:08:43,435 --> 00:08:45,089
Corporal Radar
204
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:47,004
"I can see the old homestead
from here" O'Reilly.
205
00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:49,354
Tell me how it feels.
Are you excited?
206
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,313
Have you packed your
things twice already?
207
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:52,836
Gonna get a window seat
on the plane?
208
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,359
All of me
is green with envy,
209
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,492
especially my finger,
which is gangrene.
210
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,320
You've got it.
211
00:08:58,363 --> 00:09:00,496
[sighs deeply]
God, my finger hurts.
212
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:04,848
I thought I'd seen it all.
213
00:09:04,892 --> 00:09:08,460
I've cut in caves,
huts, and trenches.
214
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:09,810
I've sewn enough intestine
215
00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:13,596
to stretch from here
to the Mayo Clinic.
216
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,643
But never in all my years
have I had a session like that.
217
00:09:16,686 --> 00:09:18,949
And without your brainstorm,
we'd never have made it.
218
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:21,169
Just comes
with experience, sir.
219
00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,258
I don't even know how long
we were out there.
220
00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:25,782
Ten hours and 24 minutes.
221
00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:27,654
I guess you've
filled out the report.
222
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:30,134
It's on your desk,
already signed by you.
223
00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:34,356
Listen, son. After the camp
gets 40 or 50 winks,
224
00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:36,488
we'll all be gathering
in the mess tent
225
00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:38,621
for your shove-off soiree.
226
00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:41,581
Uh, that's not necessarily
necessary, sir.
227
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:44,453
It damn well is.
You deserve it.
228
00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:46,063
No.
229
00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:48,500
I mean, on account
of I've decided to stay.
230
00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:51,329
What?
231
00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:53,157
You been nippin'
at this hooch?
232
00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:55,159
Colonel, if I left now,
233
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:57,031
you'd be up a tree
without a paddle.
234
00:09:57,074 --> 00:09:58,772
Been there many times
before, son.
235
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:00,338
Don't let that stop ya.
236
00:10:00,382 --> 00:10:01,862
Colonel, I can fix it
237
00:10:01,905 --> 00:10:03,820
so my mom
can manage without me.
238
00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:05,692
But the 4077 is different.
239
00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:08,520
You saw what just
happened out there.
240
00:10:08,564 --> 00:10:10,740
A lot of lives depend
on me doin' my job,
241
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,829
and I'm the only one
around here who can.
242
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:17,573
Radar, I appreciate
your...loyalty,
243
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,357
but you're making
a big mistake.
244
00:10:19,401 --> 00:10:20,794
You've done your duty.
245
00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:23,492
Now, I don't care
how bad things get.
246
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,537
I want your keister
on that plane
247
00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:27,148
the day after tomorrow.
248
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:30,064
Sir, with all due respect
to your colonel-ness,
249
00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:31,805
you can't order me to go.
250
00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:34,503
Boy, you're not
usin' your head.
251
00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:35,635
Think it over.
252
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:39,987
I have. My place is here.
253
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:45,383
There you are.
254
00:10:45,427 --> 00:10:46,689
Oh, hi, Hawkeye.
255
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:47,690
Don't "Hi, Hawkeye" me.
256
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:49,300
Go home,
you little airhead!
257
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:50,780
I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna do that.
258
00:10:50,824 --> 00:10:52,608
Why? You're Corporal
Mahatma Gandhi?
259
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,305
You're gonna out-endure us?
260
00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:55,829
That's my unpacking
you're packing.
261
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:57,918
We all wait for that day.
262
00:10:57,961 --> 00:11:00,442
We dream about it.
We pray for it.
263
00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:03,750
We'd sacrifice a virgin to it
if we could find one.
264
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:05,403
-How dare you!
-I'm sorry.
265
00:11:05,447 --> 00:11:07,188
There's too much
around here I gotta do.
266
00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:09,146
No, no, no. You're not
pulling that tripe on me.
267
00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:11,714
They've been holding wars
long before you signed up,
268
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:14,282
and the fun'll continue
long after you leave.
269
00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:15,936
Let me put this as
gracefully as I can:
270
00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:17,111
We don't need you.
271
00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:18,286
Oh, you don't, huh?
272
00:11:18,329 --> 00:11:19,548
How's your generator?
273
00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:21,332
Is Klinger
gonna find you one?
274
00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:23,378
If things got tough,
and you were the one
that was leavin',
275
00:11:23,421 --> 00:11:25,162
-you'd be stayin'.
-Don't bet on it.
276
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:26,816
I'd be out of here so fast,
277
00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,644
my shorts would have to
catch the next plane.
278
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,821
-Get--Ow!
-Oh, yeah. Yeah.
279
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:33,997
I saw you workin' in O.R.
with your hurt finger.
280
00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:35,520
You'd stay.
281
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:37,914
Don't go poking
your nose into my finger.
282
00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:41,613
Hey, listen.
I got responsibilities
around here just like you.
283
00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:44,791
You got responsibilities
at home, you jackass!
284
00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:47,402
Well, how about if I want
to make up my own mind?
285
00:11:47,445 --> 00:11:49,752
I'm no kid anymore, you know?
I've been around.
286
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:52,189
Oh, excuse me,
Mr. Globetrotter.
287
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:53,625
That's right.
I'm grown up now.
288
00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:55,366
Why, bless my soul.
289
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:58,587
Mrs. O'Reilly's little boy
is a big man now.
290
00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:00,545
I guess you've outgrown
all that other stuff, huh?
291
00:12:00,589 --> 00:12:03,766
Ottumwa, the farm--
your mother--
292
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,942
Oh! Your mother!
293
00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:07,901
Have you outgrown
your responsibility to her?
294
00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:11,774
Listen, how I take care
of my mom is my business.
295
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:13,733
You said it yourself,
Hawkeye.
296
00:12:13,776 --> 00:12:16,605
Nobody should tell somebody
else how to run their life.
297
00:12:22,959 --> 00:12:24,569
First he's going,
then he's staying.
298
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:28,051
Why is he staying?
Because I'm an idiot.
299
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:29,618
Why don't we make
everybody happy?
300
00:12:29,661 --> 00:12:31,968
Let the hero stay,
let the idiot go home.
301
00:12:32,012 --> 00:12:35,145
[phone ringing]
302
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:43,240
4077th. What'd I do wrong now?
303
00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:46,678
O'Reilly? No, he's not here.
304
00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:50,987
How do I know? Probably
out posing for a statue.
305
00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:54,077
Yeah. What is it?
306
00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:58,168
"Hondo McKee." Cute name.
307
00:12:58,212 --> 00:13:00,518
I-Corps Supply.
308
00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:02,825
You got a generator,
and you wanna talk deal.
309
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:09,614
Oh, yeah? Listen, Hondo. Pal.
310
00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:11,834
I can handle that for ya.
311
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:14,706
There's your scotch.
Where's my generator?
312
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:16,708
Boy, you didn't waste
any time getting here.
313
00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:19,146
After I picked up the scotch,
speed was of the essence.
314
00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:21,322
-Oh, yeah? Where
did you get it?
-Don't ask.
315
00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:22,802
It's the code of the desert.
316
00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,194
The generator's at Dispatch.
317
00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:25,413
-Ah-ha.
-Before you go,
318
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:26,849
I'll just
check out the scotch.
319
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:29,373
-Oh, yes.
-Oh. Ten-hut!
320
00:13:29,417 --> 00:13:31,462
-Are you McKee?
-Yes, sir.
321
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,639
I'm Major George Van Kirk.
322
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:37,120
243rd Service and Supply.
323
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:39,862
-I'm here for my generator.
-[mutters in Arabic]
324
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,777
There's your requisition.
I'm here in person
325
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,127
to make sure
that that baby gets to me.
326
00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:45,825
Somehow,
a lot of the stuff
327
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:47,827
that we order through
this place gets lost.
328
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:49,437
Sir, I-I'm surprised.
329
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,178
I don't know how
that could be happening.
330
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:52,701
Your generator's here.
331
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:54,224
I have personally been
holding it for you.
332
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,009
I hope so, because we're down
333
00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:58,402
to using a puny
backup generator,
334
00:13:58,446 --> 00:14:00,622
and we had to swipe that
from a MASH!
335
00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:01,884
If you just come
to my office, sir,
336
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:03,451
we'll process this requisition
337
00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:04,844
and have you
out of here in a minute.
338
00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:06,497
Is that a case of scotch
there, Sergeant?
339
00:14:06,541 --> 00:14:09,326
Mm-hmm.
340
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,720
How 'bout throwin' in
a bottle or three?
341
00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:13,896
-Sure thing--
-I wouldn't recommend
that, sir.
342
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,376
This stuff's
been tampered with.
343
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:17,682
One sip could kill ya.
344
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:20,207
-Oh. Yeah.
-Lousy Commies.
345
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,818
Just follow me, sir.
We'll take care
of that generator.
346
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:27,127
Damn well better.
I've had two swiped
here already!
347
00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:29,042
[imitating Van Kirk]
Lousy Commies.
348
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:31,218
I've had two swiped
here already.
349
00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:35,526
Do I hear three?
350
00:14:40,227 --> 00:14:42,490
-[ding ding]
-Yeah?
351
00:14:42,533 --> 00:14:44,492
I'm from the 243rd
Service and Supply
352
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:46,668
here to pick up the generator.
We're in kind of a hurry!
353
00:14:46,711 --> 00:14:48,844
-Requisition form?
-No got!
354
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,629
I don't issue air without
a requisition form.
355
00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:53,893
Major Van Kirk just
gave it to Hondo.
356
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:56,112
By the way,
don't rile the major.
357
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:58,941
He knows you guys have kiped
two of our generators already,
358
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:01,074
not to mention other
miscellaneous door prizes.
359
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:02,553
So just roll it out fast,
360
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,642
or we blow the whistle
on this whole scam.
361
00:15:04,686 --> 00:15:06,470
I'll just check with Hondo.
362
00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:08,081
Better still,
go over there yourself.
363
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:10,866
Then Major Van Kirk can
chew out the two of ya
364
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,215
and not miss a bite.
365
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:21,268
-[cheering]
-[beeping]
366
00:15:21,311 --> 00:15:24,010
POTTER: Hot diggity dog tags,
Klinger. You did it!
367
00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:25,663
You got us
a real-live generator!
368
00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:27,274
Klinger,
how'd you pull it off?
369
00:15:27,317 --> 00:15:29,537
Well, it was one of those
deals you got started.
370
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:30,973
I just closed it.
371
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,148
Well, nice goin', for sure!
372
00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:33,497
Who cares how he got it?
373
00:15:33,541 --> 00:15:35,673
I never look a gift
generator in the mouth.
374
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:37,501
We better get
this thing hooked up fast
375
00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:39,895
before some sneaky
devil swipes it!
376
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,289
Good idea, Colonel.
There's crooks everywhere.
377
00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:44,160
-[motor starts]
-We're back in business,
Colonel.
378
00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:45,857
Yeah, I'm not sure
379
00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:48,208
I trust these newfangled
gadgets, though, Hunnicutt.
380
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:50,732
-Too many moving parts.
-[chuckles]
381
00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:53,039
-Now for the real heartbreaker.
-What's that?
382
00:15:53,082 --> 00:15:55,258
I've gotta go over to X-ray
and tell the hamster
he's out of work.
383
00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:56,738
Boy, sir, Klinger
was really something,
384
00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:58,479
gettin' that generator,
wasn't he?
385
00:15:58,522 --> 00:16:00,481
I guess I trained him
better than I thought.
386
00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:03,397
I always knew he had
the larceny in him.
387
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,661
Here, son. Kentucky
sippin' whiskey.
388
00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:09,969
Now, don't gulp it.
It has a boomerang effect.
389
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,234
[gasps]
390
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:17,977
Smooth. [coughs]
391
00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:20,066
I told ya to sip it.
392
00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:21,806
I did, sir.
393
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:24,418
Oh.
394
00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:26,550
Listen, Radar,
395
00:16:26,594 --> 00:16:29,118
I guess you realize
I'm kinda fond of you.
396
00:16:29,162 --> 00:16:33,035
Lord knows,
I've never met a soul
I could depend on more.
397
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,124
But above all that,
398
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:36,734
you've been
a damn good friend.
399
00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:41,826
Well, friend,
it's time we said good-bye.
400
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,264
Time you got on
with your life.
401
00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:47,136
You've come as far
as you can go here.
402
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,965
You've earned your wings.
Now you've gotta fly.
403
00:16:51,532 --> 00:16:52,881
You're right, sir.
404
00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:54,622
I am?
405
00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:56,972
Yeah. I was gonna tell you
406
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,061
that I decided
to go home after all.
407
00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:00,845
I really liked
your speech, though.
408
00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:02,195
Thanks. [chuckles]
409
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:05,067
-I practiced all morning.
-[chuckles]
410
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,851
Well, I've been thinking
411
00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:09,071
about how everybody here
wants me to be home,
412
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:12,509
and Klinger'll get the hang
of my job, sooner or later.
413
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:13,945
So it's time to go home.
414
00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:17,253
It sure is, friend.
415
00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:19,255
And tomorrow,
we're gonna give you
416
00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:21,127
one whiz-bang of a send-off.
417
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:24,043
Hello. Excuse me.
418
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,439
Attention out there.
Would Corporal Radar O'Reilly
419
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,093
please report to
his going-away party?
420
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,703
All of your friends
would love to see you
421
00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:33,791
while they can still see.
422
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:35,619
Bye-bye. Buy bonds.
423
00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:40,015
So?
424
00:17:41,843 --> 00:17:44,498
I think my tube of toothpaste
opened down there.
425
00:17:44,541 --> 00:17:46,239
Finally, he does his laundry.
426
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,937
Come on. Will you hurry up?
You gotta leave in a few hours.
427
00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:50,330
The nurses are warming up
in the mess tent.
428
00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:53,115
Oh, Hawkeye. Listen.
429
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:55,204
Before we're together with
everybody, I just wanted to--
430
00:17:55,248 --> 00:18:00,427
No. No. Not until I've had
a couple of bowls of punch.
431
00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:02,864
That way, I can cry and
forget at the same time.
432
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:04,648
-Hurry.
-Yeah.
433
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:08,087
[helicopters whirring]
434
00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:13,353
Oh, no. Hawkeye! Hawkeye!
435
00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:15,442
-Hawkeye.
-I hear them.
436
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,316
Radar, there may not
be time for--
437
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:21,752
I'll find ya, Hawkeye.
438
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:27,062
POTTER: Bad chest here.
This one's for Winchester.
439
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,368
I should get
Major Winchester.
440
00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:30,021
Guess that's
the last time--
441
00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:31,501
I guess that's the last time
I'll hear that.
442
00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:33,068
Colonel, we've got
most of them numbered.
443
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,852
All right.
Let's get into O.R. pronto!
444
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,901
Well, son, I guess
we can take it from here.
445
00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:42,773
-Yes, sir. I guess you can.
-[shouting]
446
00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:47,909
Not exactly the way I wanted
to say good-bye, Radar.
447
00:18:47,952 --> 00:18:50,825
Me either, sir.
448
00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:52,783
Godspeed, son.
449
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:04,578
Good-bye, Radar.
450
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:08,712
You know, you're okay.
451
00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:11,019
-MAN: Klinger.
-Be right there!
452
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:13,717
I'll make this short, kid.
I'm not much on tearful
good-byes.
453
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:16,285
Hey, listen. This is for you.
Take good care of it.
454
00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:20,855
That did it.
I'll make you proud of me.
455
00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:22,857
-Klinger.
-Coming!
456
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:28,210
-So, Radar. Radar,
you've been a real joy.
-Father!
457
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:32,127
-God bless you.
-Thank you, Father.
And thank God, too.
458
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,347
I will. Bye.
459
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:38,220
I'll say hello
to your sister the sister.
460
00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:40,788
Best of luck in your bucolic
endeavors, Corporal.
461
00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:42,137
And the same
to you too, sir.
462
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,183
[chuckles]
Thank you, Walter.
463
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:46,750
-Radar!
-Sir.
464
00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:48,448
It's all set.
Peg and Erin will meet you
465
00:19:48,491 --> 00:19:50,145
-at the San Francisco Airport.
-Oh, good, sir.
466
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,799
-Did you pack Erin's present?
-For sure, sir.
467
00:19:51,842 --> 00:19:53,931
All right.
You tell 'em all about me.
468
00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:55,629
Yes, sir. I'll do that.
469
00:19:57,108 --> 00:19:59,894
That's for Peg,
and that's for Erin.
470
00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:01,896
I'll try to remember
which is which.
471
00:20:01,939 --> 00:20:03,245
MAN: Captain Hunnicutt.
Over here.
472
00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:04,899
Okay!
473
00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:07,075
You take care of
yourself, pal. So long.
474
00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:18,173
Retraction, Lieutenant.
Come on, retraction.
475
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,740
[all chattering]
476
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:27,922
Thank you.
477
00:21:09,137 --> 00:21:11,444
Hi.
478
00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:14,577
I just wanted to say good-bye
to you guys one more time.
479
00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:18,015
And listen, I don't want you
to worry about nothin'.
480
00:21:18,059 --> 00:21:19,843
'Cause instead of just me,
481
00:21:19,887 --> 00:21:22,585
you're gonna have everybody
takin' care of you now.
482
00:21:22,629 --> 00:21:24,544
I mean, except the cook.
483
00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:26,502
-[chatter]
-Hand me a suture.
484
00:21:32,378 --> 00:21:34,293
B.J.: Give me a sponge.
485
00:21:58,621 --> 00:22:00,623
[horn honking]
486
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:10,503
Where are you headed?
487
00:22:10,546 --> 00:22:12,809
-Ottumwa, Iowa.
-Never heard of it.
488
00:22:12,853 --> 00:22:14,768
Guess anywhere
you live is home.
489
00:22:21,252 --> 00:22:24,560
I'm ready. Let's go.
490
00:22:26,388 --> 00:22:28,216
[engine starts]
491
00:22:48,715 --> 00:22:50,325
You were a good boy
in there, Pierce.
492
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:52,196
You only threw one clamp
and two tantrums.
493
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:53,589
Well,
the finger's improved.
494
00:22:53,633 --> 00:22:55,112
It's up to excruciating.
495
00:22:55,156 --> 00:22:56,897
[sighs] Warm night.
496
00:22:56,940 --> 00:22:58,507
Think I'll take a walk
and unwind.
497
00:22:58,551 --> 00:23:01,031
That sounds relaxing.
498
00:23:01,075 --> 00:23:03,077
I got a couple
of flashlights.
499
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,166
You can look for mines.
I'll check for snipers.
500
00:23:08,082 --> 00:23:10,040
Where do you suppose
he is by now?
501
00:23:10,084 --> 00:23:12,042
Doesn't matter.
He's away from here.
502
00:23:12,086 --> 00:23:14,088
-Gonna miss that kid, you know?
-Yeah.
503
00:23:14,131 --> 00:23:16,133
I'm gonna name
my first wife after him.
504
00:23:16,177 --> 00:23:18,135
-Well, I've walked far enough.
-Me too.
505
00:23:18,179 --> 00:23:20,660
Let's see if the bar's
open in this place.
506
00:23:20,703 --> 00:23:23,663
He's probably halfway
to Hawaii by now.
507
00:23:23,706 --> 00:23:26,492
[yawning] I don't want
to think about it anymore.
508
00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:31,322
-Hey, boys.
-Yeah? What?
509
00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:46,642
Good-bye, Radar.
510
00:23:49,253 --> 00:23:51,952
♪♪ [theme]
511
00:24:00,003 --> 00:24:02,615
♪♪ [theme]
38190
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