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1
00:00:01,740 --> 00:00:04,134
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:54,663 --> 00:00:57,535
I bid one club.Did you hear that, Pierce?
3
00:00:57,535 --> 00:00:59,711
One club, I know whatthat means. You wannaknow what I got.
4
00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:01,931
-Pierce.-All right, reading fromleft to right, I have--
5
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:04,455
Winchester, get a deck
and start warming up.
6
00:01:04,455 --> 00:01:06,327
I can play from here.
7
00:01:06,327 --> 00:01:07,719
Your bid, Mr. Pak.
8
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,112
One club to me.
9
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:11,854
I bid one no-trump.
10
00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:13,769
[speaking Korean, chuckles]
11
00:01:13,769 --> 00:01:15,814
Well, you got 'emon the run now, Pierce.
12
00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:16,989
Your bid, swifty.
13
00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:18,339
I'm reminded of a story.
14
00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:19,862
You've probably heard it.
15
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:22,778
The king and queen
of this country
16
00:01:22,778 --> 00:01:25,128
were playing golf
with five clubs.
17
00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,652
Their son Jackremarked how strange it was
18
00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:30,307
that they only hadtwo hearts between them.
19
00:01:30,307 --> 00:01:32,744
And just then,his sister Little Deucey
20
00:01:32,744 --> 00:01:34,746
and her dog Trey
started singing
21
00:01:34,746 --> 00:01:37,923
♪ Four diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪
22
00:01:37,923 --> 00:01:39,751
Whereupon the whole family
beat her to death
23
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,840
and buried her
with two spades.
24
00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,495
-Did you get it?
-Everybody did.
25
00:01:44,495 --> 00:01:46,149
Well, I didn't. What do I bid?
26
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:48,630
ALL: Two clubs.
27
00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:52,721
No prompting, please.
I bid two clubs.
28
00:01:52,721 --> 00:01:55,767
MAN [on P.A.]: Attention all personnel. Ambulances on their way.
29
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:58,814
Maintenance crews remove all drunks from the middle of the road.
30
00:01:58,814 --> 00:02:01,556
You guys are lucky.We had a grand slam going.
31
00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:04,341
-We got one coming.-Bridge night. It never fails.
32
00:02:04,341 --> 00:02:05,951
Until next week, gentlemen.
33
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:08,345
Same time, different partners.
34
00:02:10,521 --> 00:02:13,176
[chattering]
35
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:15,135
Shrapnel in his thigh.Superficial.
36
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,049
Doc, could you check on myfriend Elverson over there?
37
00:02:17,049 --> 00:02:18,138
He's hit bad.
38
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,575
Sure. We alwaystake requests.
39
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:26,015
Look at this. He could
start his own scrapyard.
40
00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:27,669
I'll take him first.
41
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:31,368
Unconscious. Pupils fixedand fairly dilated.
42
00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:33,414
-No sense wasting time on him.-Wait. What?
43
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:36,417
Wait a second. Wait a minute.Let me see that.
44
00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:41,813
Charles, he shows
some pupil reaction.
45
00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:43,554
Could be a subdural
hematoma.
46
00:02:43,554 --> 00:02:46,078
It's worth putting in
a bur hole.
47
00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:48,516
I'll take him first.
Put him ahead of him.
48
00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:53,564
Pierce, you can drilluntil you hit oil.
49
00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:56,132
-It will do no good.-Thanks for the encouragement.
50
00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:59,309
-O.R., and step on it.-How dare you contradict me!
51
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,311
Hey, hold it. He's a Commie.
That's North Korean.
52
00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:03,357
-What's he doing
ahead of my buddy?
-Dying.
53
00:03:03,357 --> 00:03:06,142
That person has no rightto go into O.R. first,
54
00:03:06,142 --> 00:03:07,796
particularlyahead of one of ours.
55
00:03:07,796 --> 00:03:09,232
Charles, when they
come in here,
56
00:03:09,232 --> 00:03:10,799
the uniforms come off.
57
00:03:10,799 --> 00:03:12,583
We can save him if we gethim in there right now.
58
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,672
What's going on here?That gook tried to kill us,
59
00:03:14,672 --> 00:03:16,283
and now you're gonna
save him?
60
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:18,546
Yeah, the whole thing'sridiculous, isn't it?
61
00:03:18,546 --> 00:03:20,591
[chatter]
62
00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:22,158
Wipe.
63
00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:23,768
Keep that suction up.
64
00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,511
Somebody fix this damnlight so I can see.
65
00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:28,904
Is it possible, Pierce,
66
00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:31,515
that your two-hour
detour into North Korea
67
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:34,257
has vitiated your efficiencywith other patients?
68
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,650
Quiet, Winchester.
69
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,478
Shoehorn a little tight,
Achilles?
70
00:03:37,478 --> 00:03:40,655
I don't usually take sides,but quiet, Winchester.
71
00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:42,961
Lucky you. You'll be atCaptain Hunnicutt's table.
72
00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:44,267
Steady nerves. Great hands.
73
00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,095
And best of all,he's a surgeon.
74
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:47,879
Anybody but that Commie lover.
75
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:49,577
Paging Dr. Pierce.
76
00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:52,884
Good to see you
again, comrade.
77
00:03:52,884 --> 00:03:55,147
-Not letting him work
on our boys, are you?-Put him under, Margaret.
78
00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:57,498
Okay. Just close your eyes
and breathe deep.
79
00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:59,891
Hey. My buddy better notdie on account of you.
80
00:03:59,891 --> 00:04:01,284
Margaret, will you keep
that thing over him?
81
00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:02,633
I'm trying to, doctor,
82
00:04:02,633 --> 00:04:03,939
but he's got an awfullybig mouth.
83
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,462
You guys are so
high and mighty.
84
00:04:05,462 --> 00:04:07,334
You sit back here.
You're playing God.
85
00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:09,466
-You don't care.
-Somebody shut him up.
86
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,294
Yeah, shut me up!
Go ahead, shut me up!
87
00:04:11,294 --> 00:04:13,514
So I won't tell anybody howyou save your gook friends!
88
00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:16,430
-Hold that. Hey!
-Pierce!
89
00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,301
I don't have to takethat kind of garbage.
90
00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:20,651
Now shut your mouth before Icome over and clamp it shut!
91
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:22,305
Pierce, get back there.
92
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:23,654
Will you put him
under already?
93
00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:24,916
Hawk, what's
the matter with you?
94
00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:26,091
-Get back in your corner.-Pierce,
95
00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:27,354
there goes your
Good Conduct Medal.
96
00:04:32,359 --> 00:04:34,491
Aw, pony pucks.
97
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:37,581
Don't you knockwhen you enter a room?
98
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,627
Flagg, how did you
get in here?
99
00:04:39,627 --> 00:04:40,976
That's classified.
100
00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:43,326
-Radar!
-Yes, sir?
101
00:04:43,326 --> 00:04:44,893
Hey! I was just sitting--
102
00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:47,112
-How did you get in here?-Not from above.
103
00:04:47,112 --> 00:04:50,594
Let's talk about
your camp, Potter.
104
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:53,510
And don't play dumb.You're not as goodat it as I am.
105
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:56,165
What is it this time, Flagg?Fluoride in the soup?
106
00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:57,993
-I think I'd better leave.-Freeze, Mr. Vatican.
107
00:04:57,993 --> 00:05:01,431
Nobody goes till I do,and I never do.
108
00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:04,129
Potter, you've got a woundedNorth Korean officer here,
109
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,088
and, as usual,you failed to report it.
110
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:07,524
Oh, no, no.
We did report it.
111
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,047
You mean I workedover my informant
112
00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:10,310
just for the fun of it?
113
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,876
Oh, my Lord!
114
00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:13,269
Good cover, but who are you?
115
00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:14,836
Never mind. I'll getto you in a minute.
116
00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,707
You... get out.
117
00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:18,274
Thank you, sir.
118
00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:20,363
I understandyour Captain Pierce
119
00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:22,626
saved that pinko'smiserable skin.
120
00:05:22,626 --> 00:05:23,975
Not to mention his life.
121
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:25,890
And that was his big mistake.
122
00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:27,414
Now, I want to questionboth of them.
123
00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,111
Flagg, you don't go
near anyone
124
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:31,635
without my permission.
125
00:05:31,635 --> 00:05:32,984
What's this?
126
00:05:32,984 --> 00:05:34,508
Your permission.
127
00:05:35,683 --> 00:05:37,337
Right.
128
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,990
I'll be around.
129
00:05:38,990 --> 00:05:40,296
So will you.
130
00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:43,647
Quick, who sang
"Toora, Loora, Loora"
131
00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:44,909
in Going My Way?
132
00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:47,869
-Uh, Bing and Barry.
-Okay.
133
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:50,828
You're clear... for now.
134
00:05:53,831 --> 00:05:56,051
Well, that'scounterintelligence
135
00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:57,400
if I ever saw it.
136
00:05:59,924 --> 00:06:01,970
How's that patientI almost put in the hospital?
137
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:03,841
Fine.
You can't talk to him.
138
00:06:03,841 --> 00:06:05,669
Look, I won't evenraise my voice.
139
00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:08,324
I know. You want to apologizefor yelling at him,
140
00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:09,717
for being unprofessional.
141
00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:11,632
Believe me,
it'll just cause trouble.
142
00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:12,937
You have a lot of faithin me, don't you?
143
00:06:12,937 --> 00:06:14,461
Better let me
tell him for you.
144
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:15,853
My thermostat's set
lower than yours.
145
00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:17,420
In other words,I can't handle myself?
146
00:06:17,420 --> 00:06:19,509
I thought I just said that.
147
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:21,555
Must be wonderfulbeing as perfect as you.
148
00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:22,817
I didn't say that.
149
00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:24,253
I just mean
it wasn't necessary
150
00:06:24,253 --> 00:06:26,168
for you to have blown upat him the way you did.
151
00:06:26,168 --> 00:06:27,387
Oh, sure. You would'vejust gone over to him
152
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,649
and thanked himfor the kind words.
153
00:06:28,649 --> 00:06:29,737
You want me to apologize
154
00:06:29,737 --> 00:06:31,042
for being more rational
than you are?
155
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:33,088
[long exhale]
156
00:06:33,088 --> 00:06:35,264
Excuse me.I feel a tantrum coming on.
157
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:39,616
-Pierce.
-[gasps]
158
00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:41,662
I'm gonna give you a chance.Why did you do it?
159
00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:44,099
-Oh, I don't know.Why does anybody do it?-Now you've done it.
160
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:46,623
Well, you'll have
to clean it up.
I'm in a hurry.
161
00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:50,148
I've got youdead to rights, Ivan.
162
00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:53,108
You saved thatCommie crumb-bum. Why?
163
00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:54,936
Well, it was something to do.Besides, he was dying.
164
00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:56,764
I'm on to you, Pierce.
165
00:06:56,764 --> 00:06:58,896
Now you took a yellow Redbefore a white American,
166
00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:00,376
which is pretty pinko.
167
00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:02,073
You're even boring
in Technicolor.
168
00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:03,684
You're a Communist dupe.
169
00:07:03,684 --> 00:07:05,903
I've waited a long timefor this. You're mine.
170
00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:07,427
Your butt is in my sling.
171
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,777
All right.
Take me, I'm yours.
172
00:07:09,777 --> 00:07:12,127
I knew it.You're one of those, too.
173
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:13,824
When I dig up the proof,real or otherwise,
174
00:07:13,824 --> 00:07:15,783
that you're the traitorthat I know you are,
175
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:17,524
then I'll know itand you'll know it too.
176
00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,482
It was nice talking
to you again.
177
00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:23,660
What is this? It lookslike quicksand.
178
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:26,924
It is. A fly just
walked on it and sank.
179
00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:29,144
I threw it a noodle,
but it was too late.
180
00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:31,581
Gentlemen.
May I join you?
181
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:34,018
You can't charm your wayback into my heart, Charles.
182
00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:35,977
-Have a seat.-Always the peacemaker.
183
00:07:35,977 --> 00:07:38,066
Pierce, I see no point
in holding a grudge.
184
00:07:38,066 --> 00:07:41,548
As chief surgeon you didwhat you felt was best.
185
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,419
I can appreciate
your motives.
186
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:44,812
Well, thank you, Charles.
187
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,509
For that,
I'll give you my food.
188
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:47,989
If he'll swallow his pride,
189
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:49,599
he'll swallow anything.
190
00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,253
You know,
you probably were right
191
00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:53,821
to take the North Korean
over the American.
192
00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:55,170
If the North Korean
had died,
193
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:57,172
you would merely
have been a fool.
194
00:07:57,172 --> 00:07:58,521
If the American had died,
195
00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:00,175
you would have been
a scoundrel.
196
00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:02,569
Since they both lived,
you are the lucky stiff.
197
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:05,093
-Up, Charles.
-Mm?
198
00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:08,575
Get up. Up, over and out.
199
00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,315
I have had a long,
miserable day,
200
00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:12,230
and the last thing I needis your Boston bull.
201
00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:13,580
So beat it!
202
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,843
And this is how you
accept an apology?
203
00:08:15,843 --> 00:08:18,715
Out! Out!
204
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:20,848
Wanna go over and make upwith that guy in post-op now?
205
00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:26,418
FLAGG:
Major?
206
00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:29,900
Major.
207
00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:34,514
Not funny,
whoever you are.
208
00:08:35,776 --> 00:08:38,561
Whoever I am is me,Colonel Flagg.
209
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,737
Hello. Good-bye.
210
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:43,261
Hold it, Major. Don't make memake you listen to this.
211
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:45,263
Aren't you the tyrant?
212
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:48,353
I've got a proposition.
213
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:55,622
Pierceis hiding something.
214
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:58,146
Find out what it is,and name your price.
215
00:08:58,146 --> 00:09:00,670
One, you cannot
afford my price,
216
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:03,847
and two, what are you
talking about?
217
00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:06,197
Don't kid with me.I have no sense of humor.
218
00:09:06,197 --> 00:09:08,635
You could've fooled me.
219
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:12,203
Pierce is the rottenest applein this sleazy barrel.
220
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:14,205
I've always thought he wasa Communist sympathizer
221
00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:16,120
and this businesswith the North Korean
222
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,948
proves that he'sa Comm-symp or worse.
223
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:23,171
Problem isI don't have the proof.
224
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:25,565
You're his bunky. Get it.
225
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,914
For a man with no
sense of humor,
226
00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:28,393
you are awfully funny.
227
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:32,049
Do you believe thatI can break your leg
228
00:09:32,049 --> 00:09:34,138
with this finger?
229
00:09:34,138 --> 00:09:37,054
Strangely enough,
I--I do.
230
00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:39,274
Bright boy.
231
00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:44,061
Colonel, the very notion
of Pierce being a spy
232
00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:48,196
let alone a sympathizer,
is absurd.
233
00:09:48,196 --> 00:09:49,980
Pierce has a big mouth.
234
00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:51,808
He's always butting intoother people's business
235
00:09:51,808 --> 00:09:54,855
but that makes
him obnoxious, not a spy.
236
00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:57,292
Doesn't wash.I'm obnoxious and I'm a spy.
237
00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:58,598
Touché.
238
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,077
Someone's coming.See who it is.
239
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,518
Just a couple of nurses.
240
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:09,957
They appear to be American.
Shall we tail them?
241
00:10:09,957 --> 00:10:12,133
Colonel?
242
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:14,309
Col--Colonel?
243
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:18,879
Shh.
244
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:22,012
Of course.
245
00:10:22,012 --> 00:10:25,189
You are undercover.
246
00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:27,191
I've checked up on you.
247
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:29,716
Fact: you want out of Korea.
248
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:31,718
Fact: everybody does.
249
00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:33,589
Cooperate with me,and I'll get you out.
250
00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:36,461
Thank you, Tin Man.I'll get to Tokyo on my own.
251
00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:40,161
-I meant to Boston.
-Massachusetts?
252
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:44,731
Ft. Devens, 9 to 5.Make that 4:30.
253
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:46,646
And then it's homeevery evening to Wellesley,
254
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:49,170
where you still livewith your mom and dad
255
00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:50,824
and your sister Honorrhea.
256
00:10:50,824 --> 00:10:52,347
That's Honoria.
257
00:10:52,347 --> 00:10:54,523
-And how did you know---It's my business.
258
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:58,179
-In or out?
-Boston.
259
00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:01,878
Well, I guarantee you
that Pierce is no spy,
260
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:05,403
but if all you want
are a couple of
his innocent letters,
261
00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:06,840
why not?
262
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:10,844
Winchester,you're a real American so far.
263
00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:14,978
It's a pleasure
doing business with you.
264
00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:16,719
I'm going to talk
to Colonel Potter now
265
00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:19,156
about getting you
better quarters.
266
00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,769
MAN: See you later.
267
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:46,923
What is that?
268
00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:52,146
Pierce.
269
00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:55,453
How do people...
270
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,372
Eureka!
271
00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:12,819
"Dearest Hawkeye, Thatidyllic weekend in Bangor"--
272
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:15,212
[chuckles]"Cozy fireplace, fur rug...
273
00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:18,912
warm hands, warm bodiesdrawing ever closer..."
274
00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:20,740
-Charles.
-Pierce.
275
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,263
Pierce! [nervous chuckle]
276
00:12:22,263 --> 00:12:23,525
A love letter?
277
00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:26,441
This? No, it's just
financial stuff.
278
00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:28,095
Right. A love letter.
279
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:30,401
Testing, one, two, three.Testing.
280
00:12:30,401 --> 00:12:32,316
Calling all cars.Come in, Dick Tracy.
281
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:33,883
Don't do thatfor my benefit, Pierce.
282
00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,711
I'm already convinced
that you are mad.
283
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:38,018
Not mad,justifiably paranoid.
284
00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:40,585
It's calledthe "Flagg Syndrome."
285
00:12:40,585 --> 00:12:42,370
Whenever that guyshows up around here,
286
00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:43,806
I start lookingfor hidden microphones.
287
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,417
Aren't you exaggeratingjust a wee bit?
288
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:49,246
He may be a mite overzealous,but he's no Mata Hari.
289
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:52,032
That guy would turn inhis own mother forpassing along a recipe.
290
00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:53,555
You don't like
the fella, do you?
291
00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:55,252
No, I've never beentoo fond of a guy
292
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:56,906
who would bring youa wounded prisoner
293
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,212
and beg you to fix him up
294
00:12:58,212 --> 00:12:59,691
just so he could take him outand shoot him.
295
00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:01,563
That bad, hmm?
296
00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:03,304
I don't see anything here.
297
00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:05,567
I think I'll go sing "Carmen"in the latrine.
298
00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:07,221
The echo will kill him.
299
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:08,657
[laughs]
300
00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:14,010
Hey, doc, can I talk to you?
301
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,490
I wouldn't be surprised.
302
00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:17,013
From what I hear,
I'm really a terrific guy.
303
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:19,059
Hey, listen,when I'm evac-ed tomorrow,
304
00:13:19,059 --> 00:13:21,713
I want you to fix itso my buddy goes with me.
305
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,846
Basgall, I can fix anythingfrom flat tires to poodles,
306
00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:26,414
but that's out of my hands.He's Hawkeye Pierce's patient.
307
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:28,590
but that's whatI'm worried about.
308
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:31,941
I want him taken care ofby someone who's gonnatake care of him.
309
00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:34,814
Look, whether you like it
or not, Pierce saved your
friend's life.
310
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,728
Oh, sure whenhe got around to it,
311
00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:38,252
thanks to my pushing him.
312
00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:39,906
[exhales]
Basgall, listen to me.
313
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,733
Captain Pierce is just
about the best surgeon
314
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:43,344
we've got in this place.
315
00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:45,172
What he says is right forElverson is right for him.
316
00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:47,478
You're going to have
to believe that.
317
00:13:47,478 --> 00:13:50,612
You guys allstick together, don't ya?
318
00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:58,533
Lights out, soldier.
319
00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:01,231
Hey, wait a minute.That's my line.
320
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:04,539
Don't you know these
things are bad for you?
321
00:14:04,539 --> 00:14:07,194
Oh, that poor cigar.
322
00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:22,209
Winchester,
you're 12 seconds late.
323
00:14:22,209 --> 00:14:23,993
Oh, Colonel Flagg. Sorry.
324
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,473
I didn't recognize you
without your garbage can.
325
00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:27,083
Don't you have a dark one
for evening?
326
00:14:27,083 --> 00:14:28,171
Did you bring me something?
327
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:29,912
Yes, I did.
My resignation.
328
00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:31,522
I will criticize Pierce,
I will ridicule him,
329
00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:33,089
I will even humiliate him,
330
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:35,613
-but I will not spy on him.-You won't do it?
331
00:14:35,613 --> 00:14:37,920
-Gad, what intuition.-Then he's your friend?
332
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:41,358
Friend? I have no friends
in Asia. Only in Newport.
333
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:43,534
A few in Martha's Vineyard.
334
00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:45,275
Winchester, you don't
seem to recognize
335
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:46,537
the gravity
of this situation.
336
00:14:46,537 --> 00:14:48,278
At this point,
if Pierce is tried
337
00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:49,932
and you haven't proven
noncomplicity with him
338
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:51,325
by complying with me,
339
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:52,717
you'll be tried
for complicity with him.
340
00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:53,936
You wouldn't dare.
341
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,633
You'll just disappear.
342
00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:57,418
Ten years from now, Mummywill be sitting in Newport
343
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,246
trying to rememberwho you were.
344
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,596
No more Boston.No more chowder.No more Red Sox.
345
00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:03,424
Who cares about the Red Sox?
346
00:15:03,424 --> 00:15:05,382
No more money.
347
00:15:05,382 --> 00:15:07,080
I believe you'd do it.
348
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,777
For laughs.
349
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:10,692
All right.
350
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:12,172
I'll try and find yousomething,
351
00:15:12,172 --> 00:15:13,738
and I hope you choke on it.
352
00:15:13,738 --> 00:15:15,218
You're a real weasel.
353
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:18,482
I knew
I could count on you.
354
00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:21,268
Come in.
355
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,793
No, you don't understand,Basgall.
356
00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:26,099
We're supposed to makethe rounds.
357
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:28,884
I won't beat
around the bush, Doc.
358
00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:30,842
Either Elverson is evac-ed
with me tomorrow,
359
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:33,193
or I put you away now.
360
00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:34,629
You make your choice.
361
00:15:35,804 --> 00:15:37,588
Um, I gotta warn you.
362
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:39,155
I'm very bad at snap decisions.
363
00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:40,417
How about a third alternative?
364
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:42,245
Your going back to bedleaps to mind.
365
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:43,464
I'm not kidding!
366
00:15:45,335 --> 00:15:47,729
I don't want you around him.
367
00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:50,123
Look, I've talked to you
doctor-to-patient.
368
00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:52,168
Now I'm going
to ask you nicely
captain-to-corporal.
369
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:54,475
Get back to post-op
before we're both sorry.
370
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:56,477
What do I have to doto convince you?
371
00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:01,569
You don't care about us.If you did,
372
00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:03,701
you would've taken himahead of that North Korean.
373
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:07,792
Now, this time, we're gonnado it my way and quick!
374
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:10,360
Basgall! What the helldo you think you're doing?
375
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,406
I oughta break your neck!
376
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:15,061
Beej, hold it! Hold it!
377
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,671
Basgall, I'm sorry.
378
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:18,325
I want out of here.
379
00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:19,717
Here. Here,
let me help you.
380
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:22,242
No! I'll make it by myself.
381
00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:24,418
Hey, Goldman.
382
00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:26,289
-Get him to post-op.
-Yes, sir.
383
00:16:31,251 --> 00:16:32,252
[exhales forcefully]
384
00:16:32,252 --> 00:16:35,646
Well.
[exhales loudly]
385
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:37,300
I notice I don't
practice what I preach.
386
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:39,607
Yeah, and thank you.
387
00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:43,567
Major, how'sthe North Korean doing?
388
00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:46,135
Well,his condition is stable,
389
00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:48,181
but I'm afraid he'sstill not out of danger.
390
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:50,313
In other words, he could
answer some questions?
391
00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:54,404
Colonel,much as I admire your work,
392
00:16:54,404 --> 00:16:56,537
I'm afraid I cannotlet you bother him.
393
00:16:56,537 --> 00:16:59,235
Doctor, I don't need
your permission.
394
00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:03,196
Some time we must talkabout your toilet training.
395
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:08,114
Look at him.
396
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:11,247
Resting comfortably
in an American cot.
397
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:13,162
By all rights,
he should be dead.
398
00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:16,948
Well, we can't lose them all.
399
00:17:20,865 --> 00:17:25,131
All right, Red Rover.
Lie at attention.
400
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:28,177
Start taking notes,
four-eyes.
401
00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:31,615
We'll start
with something simple.
402
00:17:31,615 --> 00:17:34,140
Name, troop number,
403
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:36,664
infantry division,
and where they're located.
404
00:17:38,361 --> 00:17:40,407
I don't thinkhe understands you, sir.
405
00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,626
He understands.
They all do.
406
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:46,500
All right, comrade.
407
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,372
Here's the story.
408
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:55,074
You give me what I need,I'll give you what you need.
409
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,381
Hey! Now, wait just a minute!
410
00:17:58,381 --> 00:18:00,427
Hey, listen,I don't care who you are.
411
00:18:00,427 --> 00:18:02,733
You can't come in herethreatening someone's blood.
412
00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:04,039
Who's gonna stop me?
413
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:06,520
Well, uh, somebody.
414
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:10,959
Why don't you just shoo,Corporal? I'll handle this.
415
00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:13,266
Yes, sir. Boy!
416
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,311
We would allappreciate it, Colonel,
417
00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:19,185
if you just stuckto thumbscrews.
418
00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:23,363
Hello. What have we here?
419
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:26,540
That's for me,
whatever it is.
420
00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:28,107
Perhaps it's a notefrom his superiors
421
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,066
excusing him fromfurther questioning.
422
00:18:31,066 --> 00:18:33,982
It's a diagram of a camp.
423
00:18:33,982 --> 00:18:36,202
Looks like this camp.
424
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:38,987
Looks like this camp.
425
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:42,382
There's a circle aroundmy quarters.
426
00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:44,993
Pierce's quarters.
427
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:48,431
Ah-so. A little rendezvous.
428
00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:50,390
What's this at the bottom?
429
00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:53,480
A circle with
two arrows in it.
430
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:57,875
A clock.
431
00:18:57,875 --> 00:19:00,008
A clock.
432
00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:03,881
10:00.
433
00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:08,277
10:00.
434
00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:12,803
Yes, I think I can fit that
into my schedule.
435
00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:14,892
Not a word about this,
you understand?
436
00:19:14,892 --> 00:19:18,157
Who, me?I work for you, remember?
437
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:24,119
Talk about your nerve.
438
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:25,860
He's even setting outrefreshments.
439
00:19:25,860 --> 00:19:28,515
Probably every stinking spyin the area will be here.
440
00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:30,604
Is that the guy we nab?
441
00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:34,390
You just arrest everybodywho goes in that tent...
442
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,436
except us.
443
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:40,657
[whistling]
Hello there.
444
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:41,963
Get down.
445
00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:44,139
Hmm?
446
00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:48,796
Oh, I see.
You're staking out.
447
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:51,842
What fun!
[laughs]
448
00:19:51,842 --> 00:19:53,844
-Winchester, there's no room.-Yes, there is.
449
00:19:53,844 --> 00:19:56,064
-Let me tuck around here.-Be careful.
450
00:20:01,025 --> 00:20:04,159
FLAGG: The guests of dishonor.Ever seen them before?
451
00:20:04,159 --> 00:20:07,075
Yes, come to think of it,I have. A number of times.
452
00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:09,164
-You know their names?
-[Jeep drives away]
453
00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:11,949
No, we've never beenformally introduced.
454
00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:14,038
Why don't we call themMr. X and Mr. Y?
455
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:17,346
FLAGG: It doesn't matter.They won't need names for long.
456
00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:18,565
They're sitting down.
457
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:21,176
All right. I'm convinced.
458
00:20:21,176 --> 00:20:22,177
[cocks gun]
459
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:25,180
Let's move in. Hold it.
460
00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:26,877
Why, it's
Colonel Potter.
461
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:29,793
Caramba.Mr. Big himself.
462
00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:32,405
The fish stinks
from the head down.
463
00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:35,451
I don't believe it.
464
00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:38,237
We better wait and seeif MacArthur shows up.
465
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,413
After tonight,
466
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:43,851
every kid in America
will wish he were me.
467
00:20:43,851 --> 00:20:45,983
Move out.
468
00:20:45,983 --> 00:20:48,899
Watch it you two. You're askingfor big trouble tonight.
469
00:20:48,899 --> 00:20:52,251
-[chuckling]
-All right. Cards up,
and drop those hands.
470
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,513
What the Sam Hill?
471
00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:55,341
I was going to askwho was dummy.
472
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,778
-Grab those cards.
It's evidence.
-[speaking Korean]
473
00:20:57,778 --> 00:20:59,519
-Speak English.
-I'll speak English.
474
00:20:59,519 --> 00:21:02,348
-What is this idiocy about?-Your spy ring.
475
00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:04,654
-Spy ring?
-Very clever.
476
00:21:04,654 --> 00:21:06,177
Hiding under
a house of cards
477
00:21:06,177 --> 00:21:08,223
while you plot the overthrowof the free world.
478
00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:11,922
He's got us, guys.We might as well confess.I'm Joe Stalin.
479
00:21:11,922 --> 00:21:14,708
Mao Tse-tung, Marshall Tito,and you already know Lenin.
480
00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:16,840
What can I say? We couldn'tget a room in the Kremlin.
481
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:20,757
Oh, I'm sorry, Pierce.Didn't know you had company.
482
00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:22,759
Colonel Potter, we go now.
483
00:21:22,759 --> 00:21:24,587
Freeze, friend. This piece
has a hair trigger,
484
00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:26,459
and I've got
an itchy finger.
485
00:21:26,459 --> 00:21:27,808
Flagg, put that thing down.
486
00:21:27,808 --> 00:21:29,375
I don't know howyour nimble brain
487
00:21:29,375 --> 00:21:31,072
cooked up this goofy plot,
488
00:21:31,072 --> 00:21:34,162
but you just bought yourselfa peck of trouble.
489
00:21:34,162 --> 00:21:35,555
Says the ringleader.
490
00:21:35,555 --> 00:21:38,209
Do you have any ideawho these two gentlemen are?
491
00:21:38,209 --> 00:21:41,038
I'll get to that
when I'm ready.
492
00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:43,432
All right. Who are you?
493
00:21:43,432 --> 00:21:47,131
-I am Doo Pak.-The Mayor of Ouijongbu.
494
00:21:47,131 --> 00:21:50,439
And this is his baby brotherHung Pak, Chief of Police.
495
00:21:50,439 --> 00:21:52,136
Oh, that's right.
496
00:21:52,136 --> 00:21:54,617
I remember now.
That's who they are.
497
00:21:54,617 --> 00:21:57,098
Colonel, I think you've madea little mistake.
498
00:21:57,098 --> 00:21:58,839
I never make
little mistakes.
499
00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:00,841
You're gonna loseyour magic decoder ring
500
00:22:00,841 --> 00:22:02,103
for this one, Flagg.
501
00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:03,670
Sorry, folks. Let's go.
502
00:22:03,670 --> 00:22:05,236
We should've known.
503
00:22:05,236 --> 00:22:09,153
Another one ofColonel Flagg's red herrings.
504
00:22:09,153 --> 00:22:12,853
It doesn't add up. I mean,
that map, the evidence.
505
00:22:12,853 --> 00:22:16,552
You of all people should knownever to trust a North Korean.
506
00:22:16,552 --> 00:22:17,858
Flagg, you'll pay for this
507
00:22:17,858 --> 00:22:20,164
right throughyour twitchy nose.
508
00:22:20,164 --> 00:22:22,689
I got a lot of big
contacts at I-Corps.
509
00:22:22,689 --> 00:22:24,299
They'll fix your wagon.
510
00:22:24,299 --> 00:22:26,475
I see it now.
511
00:22:26,475 --> 00:22:29,173
This is bigger
than all of you.
512
00:22:29,173 --> 00:22:31,219
This is a major conspiracy,
513
00:22:31,219 --> 00:22:32,786
and I'll getto the bottom of this
514
00:22:32,786 --> 00:22:35,179
even if I have to goright to the top.
515
00:22:35,179 --> 00:22:36,703
POTTER: Flagg, you nut!
516
00:22:36,703 --> 00:22:38,095
HAWKEYE: Colonel, now'sour chance. Switch decks.
517
00:22:38,095 --> 00:22:40,489
Get a light on!
518
00:22:42,926 --> 00:22:44,972
-He's gone.
-I don't think
he was ever here.
519
00:22:44,972 --> 00:22:46,321
Just a bad dream we all had.
520
00:22:46,321 --> 00:22:48,236
My apologies to both of you.
521
00:22:48,236 --> 00:22:51,674
Can you imagine that rubethinking we were a spy ring?
522
00:22:51,674 --> 00:22:53,415
[chuckles]
523
00:22:53,415 --> 00:22:55,461
Charles, you didn'thave anything to dowith this, did you
524
00:22:55,461 --> 00:22:57,680
Me? Not a chance.
Wouldn't waste my time.
525
00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,030
Unless, of course, I couldget a good laugh out of it.
526
00:23:00,030 --> 00:23:01,728
[snickering]
527
00:23:01,728 --> 00:23:05,340
You did! You set him up![laughing]
528
00:23:05,340 --> 00:23:07,124
I don't get it.
529
00:23:07,124 --> 00:23:09,518
The major will explain
while he plays.
530
00:23:09,518 --> 00:23:12,086
-While he plays?
-That's right, Pierce.
531
00:23:12,086 --> 00:23:14,480
I want a partner with
something up his sleeve.
532
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,612
Thank you, Colonel.
533
00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:18,005
[clears throat]
534
00:23:18,005 --> 00:23:21,400
Gentlemen,it was an amazing story.
535
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,140
The moment I set eyeson Colonel Flagg,
536
00:23:23,140 --> 00:23:24,533
I knew what had to be done.
537
00:23:24,533 --> 00:23:26,187
I had to find his weak spot.
538
00:23:26,187 --> 00:23:27,667
I did-- right above his neck.
539
00:23:32,672 --> 00:23:34,238
I'm telling you, B.J.Works for me every time.
540
00:23:34,238 --> 00:23:35,631
I guess it's worth a try.
541
00:23:35,631 --> 00:23:36,937
There's nothing so relaxing
542
00:23:36,937 --> 00:23:38,329
as whomping the daylightsout of something.
543
00:23:38,329 --> 00:23:40,593
Better something
than someone.
544
00:23:40,593 --> 00:23:42,072
It's easy once you getthe rhythm.
545
00:23:42,072 --> 00:23:44,118
There, go ahead.Try it.
546
00:23:44,118 --> 00:23:46,947
-Okay.
-[air hissing]
547
00:23:48,339 --> 00:23:50,516
Oh, gee,
I'm sorry, Father.
548
00:23:50,516 --> 00:23:52,387
That's all right.
549
00:23:52,387 --> 00:23:54,520
Maybe you shouldtry needlepoint.
550
00:24:07,402 --> 00:24:09,273
[theme music playing]
39928
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