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[theme music playing]
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♪ [Big Band Over P.A.]
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♪ ["Gonna Come Get You In a Taxi, Honey," sung in Japanese] ♪
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♪ [Ends]
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Hey, Major,
I just vacuumed there!
6
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Give me that!
7
00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:29,654
Major, please.
8
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It's up to usto keep Korea beautiful.
9
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Beautiful.
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00:01:34,398 --> 00:01:35,921
MAN [on P.A.]: Attention, all personnel.
11
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Ambulance and jeeps approaching compound.
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Everyone is instructed to do their stuff. That is all.
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Pierce, Houlihan,
you take the bus.
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00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:44,756
-B.J. and I'll take the jeeps.-What about me?
15
00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:47,107
You pass out the coffee
and doughnuts.
16
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:50,110
-Only bus I've ever seenthat's always on schedule.-Not an empty seat.
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00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,547
-All right, more light in here!-Okay, hubba hubba.
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-We got all we can handle here.-Jerry, you again?
19
00:01:55,158 --> 00:01:57,160
-Yeah.-You were here 12 hours ago.
20
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,119
-You sure get around.
-Yeah, I sure do.
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I handle all
the vacation spots.
22
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:02,818
These here are guests
of Hill 403.
23
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:05,386
-Don't you ever sleep?
-Sleep? What's that?
24
00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:06,691
You close your eyes,put your head on your chest,
25
00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:08,606
and have nightmaresabout the war.
26
00:02:08,606 --> 00:02:10,782
When you're a medic, you don'thave to close your eyes.
27
00:02:10,782 --> 00:02:12,132
Let's get this guy outside.
28
00:02:14,612 --> 00:02:16,092
You know, when I first
got to Korea,
29
00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:18,964
I could carry one
of these all by myself.
30
00:02:18,964 --> 00:02:21,532
Could we get some light
out here please?
31
00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:22,881
Where do you want
the piano, lady?
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00:02:22,881 --> 00:02:24,883
Anywhere. Just don't
mark up the floor.
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00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:26,537
-Superficial. He can wait.-CHARLES: Hunnicutt,
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00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:27,799
I have a chest
and a femoral here.
35
00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:29,932
Hawk, can you do me
a little favor?
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00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:31,455
Jerry, after allthose training films,
37
00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:32,674
how could youlet that happen?
38
00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:34,458
-Oh, no.
-Wait a second. Beej?
39
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,547
-Yeah?-How many chest wounds you got?
40
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,593
Two so far.
41
00:02:38,593 --> 00:02:40,769
-How bad is he?
-Take a look.
42
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,205
What's the favor?
43
00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:44,555
I'd like to watch
you guys work in O.R.
44
00:02:44,555 --> 00:02:46,731
I never get beyond
the waiting room.
45
00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:48,080
Request denied, Sergeant.
46
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,821
We're here to operate,not to demonstrate.
47
00:02:49,821 --> 00:02:51,171
Charles, as chief surgeon
48
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,737
and your superior
in everything but rank,
49
00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:55,436
-I hereby deny your denial.-I second that.
50
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:58,569
-All those in favor
of me say "aye."
-ALL: Aye!
51
00:02:58,569 --> 00:03:00,441
Motion carried, Charles.Democracy in action.
52
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,051
Dictatorial anarchists.
53
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:03,748
Don't worry about him.
He's just mad
54
00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:05,097
because you're
getting in for free.
55
00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:07,230
-What is it?
-Number one.
56
00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:08,927
HAWKEYE:
Clamp it there.
57
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:11,930
Next on our tour,
the human heart.
58
00:03:11,930 --> 00:03:13,671
Most people think
it's a large red thing
59
00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:15,543
that holds five pounds
of chocolates.
60
00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:17,936
Not so. This little dynamo
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00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:19,851
pumps up to six liters
of blood a minute
62
00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:22,680
and has the durability
of a tank.
63
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,334
The only thing
guaranteed to break it
64
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:26,902
is a cute blonde
in very tight shorts.
65
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:30,427
JERRY: This takeslonger than I thought.
66
00:03:30,427 --> 00:03:32,473
You know, there's a lot of guyswaitin' to get in here.
67
00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:34,997
Since when did wehire a shop foreman?
68
00:03:34,997 --> 00:03:37,129
-Clamp.
-Clamp.
69
00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:38,783
Don't worry, Nielson.
70
00:03:38,783 --> 00:03:40,829
We'll have 'em all in and outbefore closing time.
71
00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:43,135
Sorry, sir. I just geta little anxious.
72
00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:45,181
We all do. We wear the masks tocover it.
73
00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:47,923
Major, I specifically askedfor a Satinsky clamp.
74
00:03:47,923 --> 00:03:50,578
On the contrary.
Your request was ambiguous.
75
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:52,536
You asked for a clamp.
76
00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:56,323
And if you can't ask
nicely, don't ask at all.
77
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:59,456
Oh! How much longer
will I have to put up
with all of you?
78
00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:01,719
A child your age is hard
to place in a foster home.
79
00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:03,939
-[chuckles]-What are you doing there?
80
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,723
Suturing an artery.
81
00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:08,944
It's sort of like
reupholstering
your '38 Chevy.
82
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:10,859
Boy, that's incredible.
83
00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,991
You know, I alwayswanted to be a doctor.
84
00:04:12,991 --> 00:04:14,254
What happened?
85
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,908
Well, when Igraduated high school,
86
00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:18,954
I had to support my family.
87
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:21,173
Well, who knows?Maybe when you get back home.
88
00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:23,045
Oh, this borderson the precious.
89
00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:25,395
All right, time's up,
and our panel is stumped.
90
00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:27,397
Charles, what is
bothering you?
91
00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:29,660
Yeah, Major.Why the case of colic?
92
00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:31,619
And be specific.
93
00:04:31,619 --> 00:04:33,229
Well, I should blame thison Colonel Potter,
94
00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:35,536
but I want to spread itaround to all of you.
95
00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:37,059
What did I do this time?
96
00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:38,408
This morning
I received a letter
97
00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:39,888
from Massachusetts
General Hospital.
98
00:04:39,888 --> 00:04:41,498
The one
in Massachusetts?
99
00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:42,760
[giggling]
100
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,067
Notice how well I ignore.
101
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:47,548
Because I have beenassigned to this place
102
00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:49,680
with no foreseeable escape,
103
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,203
my name has been withdrawn
104
00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:52,988
from contention for chiefof thoracic surgery.
105
00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:54,555
-Clamp!
-Clamp.
106
00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,774
And after all he spent
on campaign hats.
107
00:04:56,774 --> 00:05:00,343
Major, I know this isn'tgonna take, but I'm sorry.
108
00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:01,866
Spare me your sympathy.
109
00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:03,477
I called it.
110
00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:06,044
Another opening like thismight not occur for years.
111
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:07,916
I don't know.
I understand
the North Koreans
112
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,309
are looking for
a good rubdown man.
113
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,485
You're a skilled
surgeon, Charles.
114
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,095
You can always work
door-to-door.
115
00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:14,314
Rest assuredthat I will despise
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00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,489
each and every one of you
117
00:05:15,489 --> 00:05:17,491
if I live to be a hundred.
118
00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:20,537
Well, you know what they say,Charles: time wounds all heels.
119
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,931
[obnoxious laughter]
120
00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:25,281
[laughter continues]
121
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:26,935
Oh, wow!
122
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:29,241
The Thompson twinsin the buff.
123
00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:30,852
They don't lookvery much alike.
124
00:05:30,852 --> 00:05:32,419
Of course not.They're brother and sister.
125
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:35,944
They are? Oh, yeah.
126
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,946
-B.J.: Feeling better, Charles?
-Well, if I was,
127
00:05:37,946 --> 00:05:40,601
seeing you two has brought meright back to miserable.
128
00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:42,211
Well, that's where you live.
129
00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:43,647
I'm warning you, Pierce.
130
00:05:43,647 --> 00:05:46,041
-What about me?
-You too, Hunnicutt.
131
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:48,130
I'm warning both of you.
132
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:50,001
I will no longer allow you
133
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:51,699
to take advantage
of my misfortunes.
134
00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:53,875
In other words,
leave me alone,
135
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:56,181
or you'll both be wearingmy footprint on your butts!
136
00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:57,922
-Think he means it?
-Gee, I hope not.
137
00:05:57,922 --> 00:05:59,663
My steel underwear'sin the wash.
138
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:01,273
Mass General wanted me
139
00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:04,189
because I am a brilliantand an inspired surgeon.
140
00:06:04,189 --> 00:06:06,191
Dad didn't haveto donate that building.
141
00:06:06,191 --> 00:06:08,411
[scoffs]Look, Winchester,
142
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:10,500
we know how much that jobmeant to you.
143
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:13,895
Silence, Pierce!
Just silence!
144
00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:15,549
I've had enough!
145
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:19,161
This is the end of any furtherconversation between us.
146
00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:20,162
What about me?
147
00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:22,120
You too, Hunnicutt.
148
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:25,602
In fact, it goes forthis entire wretched camp.
149
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:30,085
I will no longer speakto anyone here ever again!
150
00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:31,434
Period!
151
00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:33,262
You're not serious?
Question mark.
152
00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:34,394
Yeah, don't build upour hopes, Charles,
153
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,656
unless you really mean it.
154
00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:40,400
These are my final words:Leave me alone.
155
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,793
-Ahh.-We can't pass that up.
156
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,273
You know what thismeans, don't you?
157
00:06:44,273 --> 00:06:45,753
We're gonnahave to make you talk.
158
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,102
Th--
159
00:06:47,102 --> 00:06:51,149
These are absolutely
my final words.
160
00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:55,023
Never, never, never.
161
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:58,243
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy,oh, boy, oh, boy!
162
00:06:58,243 --> 00:07:01,986
Attention, gourmands.
It's now recall time.
163
00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:03,901
Think back,
a way back to Tuesday.
164
00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:06,600
Remember those
luscious pork chops?
165
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,732
Well, here they are again.
166
00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:12,475
Forty-eight hours oldand still clinging to the bone.
167
00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:17,437
Good afternoon, Major.
168
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,090
Somewhere in those
three words,
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00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:22,398
I must have said
something terrible.
170
00:07:22,398 --> 00:07:25,401
Say, isn't that
Charles Winchester,
the noted hermit?
171
00:07:25,401 --> 00:07:27,403
-Sounds like him.-Hey, Major, what do you say?
172
00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:31,320
I got a lot of hungry people
here to poison.
173
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,800
Is he ordering in Morse code?
174
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,062
The major's decided
175
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:35,585
he doesn't like us
anymore, Klinger.
176
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,065
He's broken off
undiplomatic relations.
177
00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:38,936
He won't talk to us.
He won't read to us.
178
00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:42,897
He won't even sing to us.Isn't that right, Charles?
179
00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:45,465
Okay, okay.
You don't have to use
that tone with me.
180
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:54,865
You know, if I had half
that guy's neuroses,
I'd be outta here.
181
00:07:54,865 --> 00:07:57,172
It takes years
of breeding, Klinger.
182
00:07:57,172 --> 00:08:00,784
Uh, no. Shall we,uh, join old gabby?
183
00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:03,918
Yeah. Let's, uh, joustwith the silent knight.
184
00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:08,313
Uh, where we gonna eat?
185
00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:09,619
Gee, I don't know.
186
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:10,838
Maybe we could, uh,
squeeze in here.
187
00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:12,361
Oh, it's a little crowded.
188
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:13,623
I guess we'llhave to split up.
189
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:15,320
You don't mind,do you, Charles?
190
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,235
Thanks.
Pleasant chap.
191
00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:19,673
Salt of the earth.Oh, would you pass it, please?
192
00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:21,979
-Of course.
-Thank you.
193
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:27,768
-Uh, would you, uh...
-No, no, thank you.
194
00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:30,771
-You sure?
-Oh, well, thanks.
195
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:32,729
Oh, would it bother anyone
196
00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:35,776
if I were to comb out
my mustache before I ate?
197
00:08:35,776 --> 00:08:37,299
Well,it's all right with me,
198
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:38,430
but you know how itbothers Charles.
199
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:39,475
Charles?
200
00:08:40,432 --> 00:08:42,347
Thanks. I will.
201
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:47,135
Comb, comb, comb, comb, comb,comb, comb, comb, comb, comb.
202
00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:52,923
Nothing. We should be tellinghim to shut up by now.
203
00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,664
It's time to call out
the verbal cavalry.
204
00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,492
Right.
205
00:08:56,492 --> 00:09:00,017
Charles, your mother wearsvery expensive combat boots.
206
00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:01,279
How was that?
207
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:03,543
No, no, no. More vicious.
I got one.
208
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:07,416
Charles, your father buys
his suits off the rack.
209
00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:09,723
That was below the belt.
210
00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:12,073
Charles, your parentsvoted for Roosevelt...
211
00:09:12,073 --> 00:09:14,554
-four times.
-Beautiful.
212
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:20,690
Wait a minute.Wait a minute.
213
00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:22,300
Where are you going?We're not finished yet.
214
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:23,824
At least he could have
said good-bye.
215
00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:25,826
The nerve of that guynot giving in.
216
00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:27,610
This is gonna be
harder than we thought.
217
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:29,046
Don't worry. You haven'theard the last from him.
218
00:09:29,046 --> 00:09:30,570
I haven't heard anything.
219
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:34,574
DA-66-B's.
220
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,141
Form DA-362-1 A.
221
00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:40,144
DA-362-1...
Oh, yeah.
222
00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:44,584
Ah, the first snowfallof the season.
223
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,933
A million forms,and no two alike.
224
00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:47,630
Be with you guys
in a second.
225
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:48,631
I'm sort of sorting.
226
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:49,850
Looks like military solitaire.
227
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,286
Radar, we gottasend a telegram.
228
00:09:51,286 --> 00:09:52,679
From you two to who to?
229
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,332
A certain Major CharlesEmerson Winchester.
230
00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:56,508
-Isn't he here?-Uh, we want it to look
231
00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:58,728
like Massachusetts GeneralHospital is sending the wire.
232
00:09:58,728 --> 00:09:59,947
Oh, I get it. A scam.
233
00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:02,123
Just call it
a little white scam.
234
00:10:02,123 --> 00:10:03,603
What do you guys wanna--
235
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,039
I mean, what's the hospitalgonna say to him?
236
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:06,780
Uh, Hospital administration
237
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:08,956
appalled by decision
of committee.
238
00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:11,436
We would be honored to placeyour name among the candidates.
239
00:10:11,436 --> 00:10:13,525
Your-Your patriotism
and bravery
240
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:14,918
more than make up
for your absence.
241
00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:16,528
-Good touch.
-Oh, I don't know.
242
00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:18,269
I don't like theunauthorizedness of this.
243
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:19,880
Radar, we've gottaget him to talk.
244
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,838
-It's a point of honor.
-What's the point?
245
00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:23,840
He's easier to talk towhen he says nothing.
246
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:27,409
Radar, I just got October'sissue of Nudes Illustrated.
247
00:10:27,409 --> 00:10:30,586
They cover the opening ofthe women's basketball season.
248
00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:31,805
I'll get right on it.
249
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:33,371
This'll pry open
his voice box.
250
00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:35,156
-Uh-oh.
-What?
251
00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:36,592
I'm sorry, sirs.This'll have to wait.
252
00:10:36,592 --> 00:10:37,811
Choppers incoming.
253
00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:39,508
Why aren't they ever
outgoing?
254
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:42,903
Looks like S.R.O. in O.R.
255
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,035
We'll have to schedule
an extra matinee.
256
00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:46,341
I see you're back, fella.
257
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:49,561
Hey, what is this?
258
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:51,259
It looks like this guyput the bandage on himself.
259
00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:52,695
What's going on here?This is pretty sloppy first aid.
260
00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:53,957
Jerry, what happened here?
261
00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:57,221
What do you mean?They're wounded.
262
00:10:58,266 --> 00:10:59,441
You all right?
263
00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:02,139
Put some pressure
on this wound.
264
00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:03,924
Are you hurt?
265
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:09,712
Listen, can you tell mesomething?
266
00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:14,717
Is this me?
267
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:16,240
Are you kidding?
268
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,938
You're Sergeant Jerry Nielson.You're a medic.
269
00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:20,810
This is MASH 4077.This doesn't look familiar?
270
00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:24,248
Oi.
271
00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:25,597
Hey, what's holding up
this train?
272
00:11:25,597 --> 00:11:26,947
We gotta scrub. Let's move it!
273
00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:28,557
In a minute, Colonel.
We got a problem here.
274
00:11:28,557 --> 00:11:30,341
-What's that?-It's Nielson, the medic.
275
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:32,169
-He doesn't know who he is.-Does he have a head injury?
276
00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:34,694
-I don't see anything.
-All right.
277
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,304
Let's get him inside
and take some X-rays.
278
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:39,133
I'll have Radarcall Sidney Freedman.
279
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,744
If he's lucky, he'll forgetthe whole damn war.
280
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,406
Does the roomlook smaller to you?
281
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,016
Maybe we've just outgrown it.
282
00:11:53,016 --> 00:11:55,540
I saw this movie. It Happened One Night.
283
00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:56,890
Clark Gable was over there,
284
00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:58,935
and Claudette Colbertwas right over here.
285
00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:00,720
Sorry, Claudette.
286
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,025
You know, I don't think
I like the idea
287
00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:03,461
of being subdivided
in my own home.
288
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:05,420
Well, look at it
this way, Beej.
289
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,944
It gives us a place to hideour dirty underwear.
290
00:12:07,944 --> 00:12:09,554
There we go.
291
00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:11,818
You'll have to stop buying
that boomerang brand.
292
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:13,341
-Here's Sidney.
-Ah, good.
293
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:16,518
Professional help is
on the way, Charles.
294
00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:17,911
Sidney, what kept you?
295
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:20,304
My jeep hada nervous breakdown.
296
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:21,828
Notice anything
different?
297
00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:23,046
Yes.
298
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:25,005
Hunnicutt's got a mustache.
299
00:12:25,005 --> 00:12:27,050
-Nothing gets past him.-No, thanks.
300
00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:29,009
What's the logicalexplanation for this?
301
00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:31,925
Albert Schweitzer
has cut himself off
from the world.
302
00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:34,623
Oddly enough,at his request,not the world's.
303
00:12:34,623 --> 00:12:36,712
-Hello, Major.-Oh, he's serious, Sidney.
304
00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:38,366
He won't even
talk to himself.
305
00:12:38,366 --> 00:12:41,369
Interesting. And you called meabout somebody else?
306
00:12:41,369 --> 00:12:43,763
Another person hiding behinda blanket. Amnesia case.
307
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,287
It's really something, Sidney.This bright, dedicated kid
308
00:12:46,287 --> 00:12:48,855
holding out his dog tagstrying to figure out who he is.
309
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:51,727
No sign of physical injury.Just can't remember a thing.
310
00:12:51,727 --> 00:12:53,555
Could be
the billfold syndrome.
311
00:12:53,555 --> 00:12:56,558
Oh, sure.
The billfold syndrome.
312
00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:58,603
A man looks at his I.D.or his billfold,
313
00:12:58,603 --> 00:12:59,996
and he can't place himself.
314
00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:01,258
Can you help him?
315
00:13:01,258 --> 00:13:03,652
-I'll do what I can.
-[Knocking]
316
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:06,916
Uh, sirs, I have a telegramfor Major Winchester.
317
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,265
Uh, next apartment.
318
00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:09,876
Oh, hello,
Major Dr. Freedman.
319
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,094
The V.I.P. tent will be ready
320
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:12,313
as soon as I move
my animals out.
321
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:13,618
Sounds very comfy.
322
00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:17,622
I wouldn't wait for a tip.
323
00:13:17,622 --> 00:13:19,668
All I want is the magazine.
324
00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:21,888
Later.
325
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,890
Looks like good news,Charles. What is it?
326
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,500
Yeah, share it with us.
327
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,632
B.J.: Come on.We want to know.
328
00:13:28,764 --> 00:13:30,505
Yes?
329
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:33,769
Now if you can padthe rest of these walls,
330
00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:34,988
I think you got it.
331
00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:37,729
Well, how you doing?
332
00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:38,948
He's doing just fine.
333
00:13:38,948 --> 00:13:40,167
Don't you worry, son.
334
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:41,864
We're gonna pull youthrough this.
335
00:13:41,864 --> 00:13:43,213
I'll be all right.
336
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:45,041
Of course you will.
337
00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:46,434
I'll be in my office.
338
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:48,175
Jerry, there's someonehere to see you.
339
00:13:48,175 --> 00:13:49,524
I wish it was Rita Hayworth
340
00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,308
or Rita Hayworthwith a mustache,
341
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:52,440
but it's just this guy.
342
00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:56,139
Dr. Freedman.
343
00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:58,446
-How are you?
-I'm okay.
344
00:13:58,446 --> 00:14:00,013
I'm a psychiatrist.
345
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,449
I just want to ask you
a few questions,
346
00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:02,537
if you don't mind.
347
00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:05,714
Can we start with your name?
348
00:14:07,063 --> 00:14:10,327
Well, according to them,
I'm Jerry...
349
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:12,416
Nielson.
350
00:14:12,416 --> 00:14:13,504
Thank you.
351
00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:17,900
Do you have any idea
where you are?
352
00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:22,296
[whispering] Hospital.
353
00:14:22,296 --> 00:14:23,688
Margaret!
354
00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:25,081
My mouth is shut.
355
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:28,868
Do you know where
this hospital is?
356
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:33,437
Wait a minute.
They told me.
357
00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:39,356
No.
358
00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:41,706
Do you rememberanything that happened
359
00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:42,838
before you arrived here?
360
00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:46,886
Nothing at all.
361
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,453
Jerry, can you tell mewhat year this is?
362
00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:58,375
All right. Why don't youtake it easy for a while?
363
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,203
I wish I could help you.
364
00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:01,944
We'll talk later.
365
00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:07,254
I'll be right back.
366
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:10,083
You got a verdict,Sidney?
367
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:11,693
Well, my guess is
368
00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:13,956
something terrible happenedto him out in the field
369
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:17,090
and he decided to deal with itby not dealing with it.
370
00:15:17,090 --> 00:15:18,482
What can we do?
371
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,441
I'd like to hypnotize him.
372
00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:23,270
Hopefully dig up whatever heso desperately wants to forget.
373
00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:26,447
-You do it up here?-Right under the big top.
374
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:28,362
However, I'll need a coupleof volunteers from the audience.
375
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:30,451
-Take me, Houdini.
-Me, me!
376
00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:33,280
Okay, Hawkeye and the little guywith the hairy lip.
377
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,672
Margaret,
I'd like you to go in
378
00:15:34,672 --> 00:15:36,370
-and try to keep him calm.-Sure.
379
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:39,025
I guess all I get to dois wish you luck.
380
00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:41,941
-We could use some of that too.-So what do we do?
381
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,725
Either of you ever actin the school play?
382
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:45,901
Oh, yeah. In college,
I played Hamlet.
383
00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:47,642
-No kidding?
-I was pre-med.
384
00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:49,861
I was the only one who couldget his hands on a skull.
385
00:15:49,861 --> 00:15:51,863
What I'm going to do
is try to have Nielson
386
00:15:51,863 --> 00:15:54,214
relive his trauma
under hypnosis,
387
00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:56,085
bring him back tothe exact time and place
388
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:57,478
where he lost his memory.
389
00:15:57,478 --> 00:16:00,394
-How do we fit in?
-Tell you over a beer.
390
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,700
You're going to help merecreate that time and place.
391
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,398
You'll be everything fromthe voices of his buddies
392
00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:05,877
to the sounds of the battle.
393
00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:07,401
-Uh, wait a minute.-The sounds of the battle?
394
00:16:07,401 --> 00:16:08,706
Sidney, you gottabe kidding.
395
00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:10,360
I've done a few
of these before.
396
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,362
-I've seen it work.-I lied to you about Hamlet.
397
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:15,757
♪ ["Old Gray Mare"]
398
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:19,935
Oh, boy, he's justkilling the happy hour.
399
00:16:28,378 --> 00:16:30,598
Ah, they're playing
my dirge.
400
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:33,209
Sell it, Pops.
I mean, Father.
401
00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:35,081
I've been doing this songfor 20 minutes.
402
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:36,908
I can't find the ending.
403
00:16:36,908 --> 00:16:39,346
Bartender, three beersfor the Three Muscatels.
404
00:16:39,346 --> 00:16:41,696
Comin' up.
By the way, Doc,
405
00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:44,960
I keep hearing the same melodyover and over in my head.
406
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,701
Think I got anything?
407
00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,703
Tired ears.
408
00:16:48,703 --> 00:16:50,661
Three beers!
409
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:52,489
And one for the loudmouthat the end of the bar.
410
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:54,317
-It's on me.
-You got it.
411
00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:57,842
You know, it's sad.
412
00:16:57,842 --> 00:16:59,714
I mean, a guy loses
one little job,
413
00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:01,890
and he turns his back
on everybody.
414
00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:03,848
HAWKEYE: What makes himthink they'd have taken himin the first place?
415
00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:05,633
Yeah, now, if there was
a janitor's job open,
416
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:07,243
he might have stood a chanceif he had a friend.
417
00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:08,375
If he had a friend.
418
00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:11,769
Is that what you think, Beej?
419
00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:15,860
Is that what
all you cretins think?
420
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:18,515
Did you hear somethingthat sounded like Charles?
421
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,039
The mummy speaks.
422
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,780
Indeed, and I am
going to rise
423
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:25,174
from this hideous tomb
424
00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:28,047
and leave all
you relics behind.
425
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,178
Going somewhere, Charles?
426
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:32,529
You bet your beer-soakedbrains I am.
427
00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:34,662
Read this and weep.
428
00:17:34,662 --> 00:17:39,362
This is from theMassachusetts General Hospital.
429
00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:42,278
Massachusetts General Hospital.
You are looking
430
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:45,977
at the nextchief of thoracic surgery.
431
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:49,633
Gentlemen, eat my dust.
432
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,896
Well,
we got him to talk.
433
00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:54,551
That's nothing.
I can make him yell.
434
00:17:54,551 --> 00:17:57,946
Charles, uh, I wouldn'tpack my bags just yet.
435
00:17:57,946 --> 00:18:00,035
-No?
-No.
436
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:03,125
See, Beej and I sort of, uh...
437
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:07,260
well, know about your news.
438
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:08,609
You read my telegram?
439
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,001
Read your-- Oh, heavens, no.
440
00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:11,090
We wouldn't readyour telegram.
441
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,569
We wrote it.
442
00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:14,963
-You-You wrote that?
-Uh-oh.
443
00:18:14,963 --> 00:18:16,617
Well, I admit
444
00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:17,922
it wasn't the nicest
thing we've ever done,
445
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:19,620
but you have to realizeyou challenged us.
446
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:21,012
There was no other wayto get you to talk.
447
00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:22,275
We don't like to lose,
Charles.
448
00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:24,625
Especially to you.
449
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:28,759
This is
the most despicable,
450
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:29,804
in--You wrote that?
451
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:32,676
-Mm-hmm.
-Insidious...
452
00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:35,462
Uh, underhanded.
453
00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:38,769
Underhanded, rotten...
454
00:18:38,769 --> 00:18:40,597
-Wait. No, wait.
-Charles.
455
00:18:40,597 --> 00:18:45,428
-Slimy scheme
that you two vermin--
-Slimy?
456
00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:47,343
-...have ever perpetrated!-Maybe vermin, but not slimy.
457
00:18:47,343 --> 00:18:50,129
-I loathe you!
-Charles, no...
458
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:54,133
I loathe you!
459
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,135
Welcome back, Charles.
We missed you.
460
00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:59,268
SIDNEY: All yourthoughts are on the pen.
461
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:01,401
Only the pen.
462
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:06,319
You're sleepy. You'rein a very relaxed state.
463
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:08,886
Deeper and deeper.
464
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:10,932
Isn't it relaxing?
465
00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:16,242
Now I want you to holdyour left arm straight out.
466
00:19:21,116 --> 00:19:23,640
Okay, you're stillconcentrating.
467
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,903
You're very relaxed.
468
00:19:27,253 --> 00:19:28,689
He's ready.
469
00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:29,951
To make a left turn?
470
00:19:29,951 --> 00:19:31,170
You can put your arm down.
471
00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:35,783
All right, you know what to do,so just follow the leader.
472
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,611
If I were operatingin Carnegie Hall,
473
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,047
I wouldn't be this nervous.
474
00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:40,788
Jerry, open your eyes.
475
00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:44,183
You're in Korea.
476
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,793
Most of the time,
477
00:19:45,793 --> 00:19:49,100
you're with the 5thRegimental Combat Team.
478
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,233
Where was your unitlast night?
479
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:53,714
Hill 403.
480
00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:56,412
The Chinese threw
a battalion at us.
481
00:19:56,412 --> 00:20:01,591
There was confusion.Shells dropping all around.
482
00:20:01,591 --> 00:20:04,203
[imitating bombs dropping]
483
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:07,467
Your buddies are falling.You've gotta get to them.
484
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:08,729
Corpsman! Corpsman!
485
00:20:08,729 --> 00:20:09,860
Stay down!
486
00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:12,036
I'll get to ya!
Just stay down!
487
00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:13,429
Thompson, help me
here, will ya?
488
00:20:13,429 --> 00:20:15,214
What do you need?
489
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,564
My bandages and morphine.I left 'em in the bunker.
490
00:20:17,564 --> 00:20:20,088
Don't worry, buddy.You're gonna be all right.
491
00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:22,046
Incoming round! Look out!
492
00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:23,918
[imitating bomb dropping]
493
00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:25,049
-Thompson!
-What is it?
494
00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:26,573
-Where's Stevie?
-Stevie?
495
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,183
My kid brother.
He's in your platoon.
496
00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:29,706
Have you seen him?
497
00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:32,231
-Sidney, his brother.
-Just answer no.
498
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,972
-No, I haven't seen him.-Oh, God!
499
00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:38,846
Stevie!
I gotta find Stevie!
500
00:20:38,846 --> 00:20:40,239
Where is he?
501
00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:47,376
I gotta find him.
I gotta find him.
502
00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:49,465
Lieutenant, have you
seen my brother?
503
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,730
-I don't know what to say.-Go with it. Anything.
504
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:56,603
Damn it, Lieutenant,
answer me! Is he dead?
505
00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,431
I don't know, Nielson.
I haven't seen him.
506
00:20:58,431 --> 00:21:01,129
I gotta find him.Please, help me find him.
507
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:03,218
We're looking, Jerry,but we can't find him.
508
00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:08,005
We have to! I promised Mom
I'd look out for him.
509
00:21:08,005 --> 00:21:10,443
She's counting on me.
510
00:21:10,443 --> 00:21:13,184
I'm the oldest.
511
00:21:13,184 --> 00:21:15,491
She said it's my job.
512
00:21:17,711 --> 00:21:18,886
Not that too.
513
00:21:18,886 --> 00:21:21,236
It'll kill her.
514
00:21:21,236 --> 00:21:22,324
Stevie!
515
00:21:22,324 --> 00:21:24,848
Stevie!
516
00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:27,373
Stevie!
517
00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:32,900
Jerry, we've looked.We've looked everywhere.
518
00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:35,076
What happened to Stevie?
519
00:21:36,164 --> 00:21:37,905
Oh, Stevie.
520
00:21:39,994 --> 00:21:41,561
Stevie, no.
521
00:21:43,171 --> 00:21:46,130
Please, no.
522
00:21:46,130 --> 00:21:47,784
Tell me, Jerry.
523
00:21:47,784 --> 00:21:49,656
I found him.
524
00:21:51,484 --> 00:21:54,791
He never got
out of the bunker.
525
00:21:57,054 --> 00:21:58,795
He never made it.
526
00:22:02,059 --> 00:22:03,931
I'm sorry, Mom.
527
00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:07,630
I'm sorry.
528
00:22:17,858 --> 00:22:20,556
[sobbing]
529
00:22:20,556 --> 00:22:23,690
Jerry, I'm goingto bring you out now,
530
00:22:23,690 --> 00:22:26,257
but I want youto listen to me first.
531
00:22:26,257 --> 00:22:28,390
We need your help.
532
00:22:29,696 --> 00:22:32,525
We need you
to retain your memory.
533
00:22:32,525 --> 00:22:33,961
You're Sergeant Jerry Nielson,
534
00:22:33,961 --> 00:22:36,529
and you're from Hartford,Connecticut.
535
00:22:36,529 --> 00:22:39,923
It's okay to remember.
536
00:22:39,923 --> 00:22:43,013
We're going to talk
a lot about this.
537
00:22:43,013 --> 00:22:44,319
We're going to help you,
538
00:22:44,319 --> 00:22:46,190
and you're going to
help yourself.
539
00:22:46,190 --> 00:22:48,889
[sobbing continues]
540
00:22:48,889 --> 00:22:51,587
All right, on the count of 3,you'll wake up.
541
00:22:51,587 --> 00:22:55,591
1, 2, 3.
542
00:22:55,591 --> 00:22:56,636
[fingers snap]
543
00:23:03,512 --> 00:23:07,429
It's okay, Jerry.
It's okay.
544
00:23:07,429 --> 00:23:11,520
Let it out.
Let it out. It's okay.
545
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,087
It's okay. It's okay.
546
00:23:18,353 --> 00:23:19,789
A toast to you and Jerry.
547
00:23:19,789 --> 00:23:21,617
You know, we made a pretty
good team in there.
548
00:23:21,617 --> 00:23:23,358
Let's hope that wasour farewell performance.
549
00:23:26,230 --> 00:23:29,756
All here, gentlemen?
Good. Good.
550
00:23:29,756 --> 00:23:31,497
Telegram for you.
551
00:23:31,497 --> 00:23:32,976
-Telegram?
-Uh-oh.
552
00:23:32,976 --> 00:23:34,630
[all chuckling]
553
00:23:34,630 --> 00:23:36,240
Shall I, uh, open it?
554
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,112
I'd check itfor wires first.
555
00:23:42,769 --> 00:23:45,336
"Gentlemen, heads up."
556
00:23:46,337 --> 00:23:48,470
[jeep engine starting]
557
00:23:49,689 --> 00:23:51,995
[all clamoring]
558
00:24:08,055 --> 00:24:09,622
[theme music playing]
40120
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