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1
00:00:02,741 --> 00:00:04,221
[theme music playing]
2
00:00:54,706 --> 00:00:56,752
MAN [on P.A.]: Attention, all personnel.
3
00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:59,755
This is absolutely the final call for morning formation.
4
00:00:59,755 --> 00:01:02,714
Those survivors of last night's three-day party
5
00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:04,064
who have not already fallen,
6
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,500
please fall in.
7
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:08,851
Margaret,you know the regulations.
8
00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:10,026
What are you doing out here
9
00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:11,636
with clean clothesand no beard?
10
00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:14,596
Enjoying the most beautifulmorning I've seen in weeks.
11
00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:15,510
Where?
12
00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:17,860
Oh, the sun's gonna
ruin my comb-out.
13
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:20,341
Just what this country needs:a good 1-cent cigar.
14
00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:22,343
-[whistle blows]
-[all groaning]
15
00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:24,780
-[grumbling]
-Radar.
16
00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:26,825
You'll get it backafter the war.
17
00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:32,179
Company, ten-hut!
18
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:33,397
Thank you, Major.
19
00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:36,487
As you were.
20
00:01:36,487 --> 00:01:37,923
Good morning, people.
21
00:01:37,923 --> 00:01:39,795
Two announcements. First...
22
00:01:39,795 --> 00:01:42,363
-Yes, Pierce?-I move for adjournment.
23
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:43,755
Of course you do.
24
00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:46,236
First, now that we'vemoved the gasoline
25
00:01:46,236 --> 00:01:47,716
next to the latrine,
26
00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:49,631
there will beno smoking in there.
27
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:52,982
Anyone caught will get what'sleft of his butt kicked.
28
00:01:52,982 --> 00:01:55,071
Safety first.
29
00:01:55,071 --> 00:01:57,204
And now this cheery bitof news.
30
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:58,857
For the lastcouple of weeks,
31
00:01:58,857 --> 00:02:00,511
it looked like we mightbe getting a break
32
00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:01,512
in the peace talks,
33
00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:03,906
that we mightall be going home.
34
00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:05,647
No such luck.
35
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,823
Those red-tape wormsup at Panmunjom
36
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:09,825
are stuck again.We're back at square 1.
37
00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:11,783
-[grumbling]-It's never gonna stop!
38
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:12,915
[murmuring]
39
00:02:12,915 --> 00:02:14,873
All right, I know,
40
00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:17,659
but remember, nobody'shere for the duration.
41
00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:19,443
When you've got enoughservice points,
42
00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:21,489
the armywill rotate you home.
43
00:02:21,489 --> 00:02:23,752
In the meantime,let's pull together,
44
00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:25,449
do the best we can...
45
00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:28,148
and, uh... Aw, you knowthe rest of the song.
46
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,237
-Radar, let 'em go.
-Yes, sir.
47
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:33,283
Company, ten-hut!
48
00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:38,767
Dismissed.
49
00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,290
I love it. Peace talks.
50
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:42,118
They talk,and we get blown to pieces.
51
00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:44,294
Ah, these shortsighted men
of great vision.
52
00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:45,513
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.
53
00:02:45,513 --> 00:02:47,776
Do you naive little boys
really think
54
00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:49,430
that all the parties
concerned have to do
55
00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:50,996
is shake hands
and make nice?
56
00:02:50,996 --> 00:02:52,824
It's futile, children.
57
00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:54,609
Stamping your little feet
is not gonna help.
58
00:02:54,609 --> 00:02:56,263
You're right, Charles.
59
00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:58,917
Heck, it's a big, bright,beautiful world we live in.
60
00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:00,528
[jet passes overhead]
61
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:03,400
Morning, Captains.Come here and sit with me.
62
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,186
Margaret, what's with all thisgood cheer? There's a war on.
63
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,666
What happened
to "Let a snarl
be your umbrella?"
64
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,146
Well, it just so happens
65
00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:11,756
that I have a datenext Saturday
66
00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:13,018
with my husband in Tokyo.
67
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:15,064
Good. You two can
finally fight in person.
68
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:17,762
I know, I know.We've had some problems.
69
00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:20,417
We know, we know.We heard the yelling.
70
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:22,202
Well,it's all behind us now.
71
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,594
Donald and I have decided
72
00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:25,248
that there's nothingwe can't settle
73
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:27,207
if we can just sit downand discuss it.
74
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,165
At least your peace talks
show some promise.
75
00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:32,516
-[knocking]
-Yeah! Come!
76
00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:34,605
-Yes, Corporal?
-Uh, Major, ma'am,
77
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:36,607
before I give you thistelegram I'm gonna give you,
78
00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:38,609
I just want you to know
it's not my fault.
79
00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:40,176
Now, listen! I'm just
a messenger here,
80
00:03:40,176 --> 00:03:41,656
so don't
take it out on me
81
00:03:41,656 --> 00:03:43,223
not that you would,
but you always do.
82
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,354
Can I see it?
83
00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:45,616
Remember,
I had nothing to do--
84
00:03:45,616 --> 00:03:47,227
Oh, I'm a dead man.
85
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,011
Radar, why are you
worried about this?
86
00:03:49,011 --> 00:03:51,143
Why should this upset me?
87
00:03:51,143 --> 00:03:53,363
You mean you're not mad
that your colonel-husband
can't meet you?
88
00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:55,147
Of course not.He's only been transferred
89
00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:57,193
to San Francisco for a week.
It's an emergency.
90
00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:59,369
Yeah, but you had plans.
You were going to Tokyo.
91
00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:01,197
So we'll meetwhen he gets back.
92
00:04:01,197 --> 00:04:02,764
There'll be other weekends.
93
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:06,985
The important thing is we'retrying to work things out.
94
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:08,509
You mind if I, uh,
95
00:04:08,509 --> 00:04:10,598
just take another lookat this message, ma'am?
96
00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:16,038
-You sure you're noteven gonna slug me once?-[laughs]
97
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:17,953
Attention! Attention,
all personnel.
98
00:04:17,953 --> 00:04:20,216
Incoming choppers.
On the double, folks.
99
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:22,087
-Hup. Let's go.-Wow! I must've been scared.
100
00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:24,133
I didn't even hear 'em.
Choppers!
101
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:25,743
B.J.: Look at this guy.
It's gonna take me
half an hour
102
00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,092
just to figure out
what goes where.
103
00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:28,746
I'd like to see
the peace delegates
104
00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:29,834
negotiate
over that table.
105
00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,488
Headline: "Korean War ends.
106
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:33,229
"Both sides capitulate
107
00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:35,710
to Captain Benjamin'Holier Than Thou' Pierce."
108
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:38,452
Charles, you're
walking a steep ledge
in a hurricane.
109
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:39,801
Oh, come off it, Pierce.
110
00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:41,672
You have more rotation
points than any of us.
111
00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:43,065
You have the leastcause to gripe.
112
00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:45,328
Look, Doctor, the four
or five eternities
113
00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:47,069
I've spent putting
these kids back together
114
00:04:47,069 --> 00:04:48,636
gives me every right I need
115
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:51,465
to complain about thislousy, stinking, rotten war.
116
00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:54,032
And if that still doesn't passthe Winchester Review Board,
117
00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:56,252
why don't we settle thisoutside, man to victim?
118
00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:58,036
You'd love that,wouldn't you, Mr. Pacifist?
119
00:04:58,036 --> 00:04:59,734
You bet I would.
120
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:02,127
Boys, please! We have enoughbloodshed in here already.
121
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:03,825
Father, just turn
your cheek, huh?
122
00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:05,174
All right. Shut it off.
123
00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:06,915
I'm in this kid's bellyup to my elbows.
124
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,395
I'm not about
to pull you people
125
00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:10,310
off each other's throats,understood?
126
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,486
And the next time someone jumpson the father,
127
00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:15,140
they're gonna answerto a higher authority: me!
128
00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,882
Thank you, Colonel, but that'sreally not necessary.
129
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,536
What do you mean
it's not necessary?
130
00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:21,712
Don't you tell me
what's not necessary!
131
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:24,062
Whoops.
132
00:05:26,195 --> 00:05:28,153
[exhales]Sit down, all of you.
133
00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:30,721
-Actually, I prefer--
-Sit down!
134
00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:34,638
Of course.
135
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:37,946
I don't like the way thingsare shaping up in this camp.
136
00:05:37,946 --> 00:05:40,688
Everybody's growling.
It's ugly.
137
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,385
I'm afraid
to walk home at night.
138
00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:44,300
This used to besuch a good neighborhood.
139
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:47,521
Well, there'll besome changes made today.
140
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:49,087
See this smile?
141
00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:50,915
You're all gonna wear
one just like it.
142
00:05:50,915 --> 00:05:53,396
Hopefully, it'll catch on.
143
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:56,007
-Surely you don't think---Quiet!
144
00:05:56,007 --> 00:05:58,009
Smile!
145
00:06:01,535 --> 00:06:04,581
And now for you two.
The whole camp
follows your lead.
146
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:07,018
That's why-- and remember,
I'm a colonel--
147
00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:08,846
I want you
to play the game.
148
00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:10,282
You don't have
to love it here.
149
00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:12,197
Just tolerate it
an awful lot.
150
00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:13,460
That's impossible.
151
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,200
The best I can do
is despise the place.
152
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,463
Call it an order!
153
00:06:18,595 --> 00:06:21,685
That's what I like to hear.
154
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:23,252
Oh, uh, one more thing.
155
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,472
You might want to shave
and put on a new uniform.
156
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:28,736
I'm too exhausted.
Maybe the next war.
157
00:06:28,736 --> 00:06:29,998
Do it!
158
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:33,741
Boy, will you feel dandy.
159
00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:38,354
He's right, you know.
You look awful.
160
00:06:38,354 --> 00:06:41,096
Lieutenant Colonel
Donald Penobscott.
161
00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:42,576
I want to know exactly when
162
00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:44,316
he's coming back
from San Francisco.
163
00:06:44,316 --> 00:06:46,318
It should be
some time next week.
164
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,452
Then look for it.
165
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:50,975
Clod.
166
00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:55,589
That's right. Penobscott.
167
00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:59,114
What do you mean
he's not due back?
168
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:02,509
He's been assigned therepermanently?
169
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,249
Are you sure?
170
00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:07,688
Who's the jackasswho requested that?
171
00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:11,387
He did?
172
00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:13,955
Himself?
173
00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:17,959
He requested it himself?
174
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:20,788
[whistling]
175
00:07:20,788 --> 00:07:25,096
I see.You've been very helpful.
176
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:26,402
Good-bye.
177
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:29,057
Gee, ma'am.
Thanks a lot
178
00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:30,362
for keeping your
call within time.
179
00:07:30,362 --> 00:07:32,060
I sure do
appreciate that.
180
00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,844
Did you find out when your
colonel's coming back?
181
00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:36,630
Yes. Yes, I found outeverything.
182
00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:39,067
That's great.
You know something?
183
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,460
I really was surprised
184
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,331
the way you took
that telegram before.
185
00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,854
And pardon me
for saying so,
186
00:07:43,854 --> 00:07:45,856
but you're really a nice
person when you're nice.
187
00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:46,988
[chuckles]
188
00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:53,995
Hey. Feel that.Smoother than a baby's bottom.
189
00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:55,562
Yeah, a baby baboon.
190
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,955
When are you gonna shaveoff that cheesy mustache?
191
00:07:57,955 --> 00:08:00,392
Never. I like a littlerebellion on my face.
192
00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:02,917
Rebellion is one thing.That's revolting.
193
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:05,180
Well, I happen to love it.Don't we, Charles?
194
00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:07,269
Nurse Carvelli has
a better-looking mustache.
195
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:10,359
So the truth comes out.Neither of you has any taste.
196
00:08:10,359 --> 00:08:12,883
-Beej, I'm aghast.
-Okay.
197
00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:15,582
I can understand that
about him, but me?
198
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,627
I'm the snappiest dresserin this camp.
199
00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:19,629
You? You better changebefore somebody rolls you up
200
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:21,457
and throws you in the backof the laundry truck.
201
00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:24,112
I get the message.
Will you be happy
if I put on a tie?
202
00:08:24,112 --> 00:08:26,114
Remember, stripesclash with blood spots.
203
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,943
Look at this bilious
schmatte.
204
00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:32,337
Everything here is green.I'm so sick of green.
205
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:34,557
You know why they dress usthis way, don't you?
206
00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:36,559
So we'll blend
into the background.
207
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:39,475
Nobody matters 'cause
we all look alike.
208
00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:42,173
Just once I'd like to see
some other color.
209
00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:44,132
Like red, for instance.
210
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:45,655
Not this kind of red.
211
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:47,875
Red that's rosy.
Red that's cheery.
212
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,965
I'm not asking much.
A red handkerchief.
213
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,923
Red fringe.
214
00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:55,970
I don't know. A little redalligator on the pocket.
215
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,624
Something to break things up.
216
00:08:57,624 --> 00:08:58,625
Like a mustache?
217
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:00,540
Don't get carried away.
218
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,411
Excuse the interruption,
but is the bar open?
219
00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:04,152
Do I have to change
you myself?
220
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:05,632
I'm working on it.
221
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,808
And when are you gonna getrid of that cheesy mustache?
222
00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:09,287
Never! It's either this
223
00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:11,246
or I wear a caterpillarunder my nose.
224
00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:12,508
I'd court-martial him.
225
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:13,814
So would I, but I
hate the paperwork.
226
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:15,424
Then shoot him. Humph.
227
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:16,730
Getting close to that.
228
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:18,732
Look, I'm in no mood
to argue.
229
00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:19,863
Keep it, Hunnicutt.
230
00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:21,430
Good.I hate caterpillars.
231
00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:22,736
You wanted a drink, Colonel?
232
00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:24,346
We'd all better have one.
233
00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:26,914
Uh-oh.I hear the bell tolling again.
234
00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:28,480
This is gonna hit
everybody hard,
235
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:29,960
especially you, Hawkeye.
236
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,788
With the war trudging on,
237
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:34,617
the army is having a tough
time replacing surgeons.
238
00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:36,576
-So be advised that--
-Don't say it!
239
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,273
They upped
the rotation points.
240
00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:40,231
Instead of 36 points
to get out of here,
241
00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:41,668
you now need 45.
242
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:44,540
I protest!
We've been had! Again!
243
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:46,847
-Son, I'm really--
-[crash]
244
00:09:46,847 --> 00:09:48,065
...sorry.
245
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,722
45 points!
246
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:55,333
Why not 50? 60?
247
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:56,726
Why not a million?
248
00:09:58,859 --> 00:10:02,166
-[grunts]
-Outta my way, Pierce!
249
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,865
I'm gonna kick every
can in this camp!
250
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,083
I don't know what--
Hey, hey!
251
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:07,258
I don't know
what set you off,
252
00:10:07,258 --> 00:10:08,695
but I'm not
in the mood!
253
00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,827
Of course not.It means nothing to you
254
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:12,394
that my husband got
himself transferred
255
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:14,875
back to San Francisco
for good!
256
00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:17,747
Margaret, they changed
the rules on us again!
257
00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:19,706
He ran out on me!
258
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:21,142
We'll be here forever!
259
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:22,926
We'll be here longer
than forever!
260
00:10:24,754 --> 00:10:26,147
What do you mean,
he ran out on you?
261
00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:27,757
He lied to me.
262
00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:30,281
He kept saying we couldwork things out.
263
00:10:30,281 --> 00:10:32,806
And then to prove it,
he went sneaking off.
264
00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:35,852
He couldn't even face me,the dirty, miserable weasel!
265
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,027
What are you gonna do?
266
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:39,029
Get a divorce, that's what!
267
00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:43,120
[crying]Get a divorce.
268
00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:47,081
[crying continues]
269
00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:51,041
Margaret, I'm sorry.
270
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,437
It's my fault.[Sniffles]
271
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:58,353
Look at the placeI picked to have a marriage!
272
00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:02,444
This damn war.
We're helpless here.
273
00:11:02,444 --> 00:11:04,489
We just gotta sit here
and take it.
274
00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:05,839
This has gotta stop.
275
00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:08,363
This has gotta stop
right now.
276
00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:10,800
Today. This minute!
277
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,280
What are you doing?Where are you going?
278
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,847
-I'm going to Panmunjom.-What?
279
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:15,326
I'm going to the peace talks.
280
00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:17,241
The peace talks? Why?
281
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:18,982
To stop the war!
282
00:11:18,982 --> 00:11:22,986
You can't do that!Are you crazy?
283
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:38,262
Officer, I'm looking for thepeace talks. Can you help me?
284
00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:40,308
Would you state your
business here, sir?
285
00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:42,049
You're kidding.You mean you don't know?
286
00:11:42,049 --> 00:11:43,398
Know what, sir?
287
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:46,531
That there's a very,very sick man up here.
288
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:49,665
I'm Dr. Benjamin FranklinPierce, MASH 4077.
289
00:11:49,665 --> 00:11:51,711
I was told to reportto the peace talks immediately.
290
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,103
We just came on,but we weren't notified
291
00:11:53,103 --> 00:11:54,365
of anyone needing
medical help.
292
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,889
Look, I don't knowwhat the story is,
293
00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:58,239
but I just ran every red lightin Korea to get here.
294
00:11:58,239 --> 00:11:59,980
Nothing in the log
about it.
295
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,677
Fellas, they said it wasa matter of life and death.
296
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:03,157
How about it?
297
00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:04,811
I'll ride up there with himand check this out.
298
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:06,987
Fine. Get in.
299
00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:08,902
And you'll get
the toll, won't you?
300
00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:14,037
Then let me go after him!
301
00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:15,256
No way, José!
302
00:12:15,256 --> 00:12:17,562
You don't leave my sight.
303
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:19,129
Did you get throughto Panmunjom yet?
304
00:12:19,129 --> 00:12:21,131
No. I'm still waitingfor Sparky to clear a line.
305
00:12:21,131 --> 00:12:22,393
Radar,offer him anything
306
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:25,440
except my 20-year-oldbottle of Scotch.
307
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,398
-Uh-oh.
-Swell.
308
00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:29,313
Colonel, I wish a wordwith you in private.
309
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:30,575
Major, I heard,
310
00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:32,447
and I wanna have a long talkwith you about your problem,
311
00:12:32,447 --> 00:12:35,058
but right now I've gottacut that wild Indianoff at the pass.
312
00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,581
Shall we stepinto your office?
313
00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:39,367
Right behind you,
but just for a minute.
314
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:41,282
All right, Margaret, shoot.
315
00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:43,632
Well, Colonel, as you know,I've decided to divorce
316
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:46,330
that rotten, no-good excusefor a husband of mine.
317
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:48,289
I know.How can I help?
318
00:12:48,289 --> 00:12:50,595
You can tell me that I'm doingthe right thing.
319
00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:53,990
I need you to reassure methat I've suffered enough.
320
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:57,254
Oh, I hate to seeany marriage go kablooey.
321
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:59,300
But in this case,I'd dump him.
322
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:01,519
Dump him?
323
00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:04,348
What a terrible thing to say!
324
00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:05,567
But you just finished saying--
325
00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:07,177
After all,
326
00:13:07,177 --> 00:13:08,657
it's not a love affair.
It's a marriage.
327
00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:10,441
That's not something
you just throw away.
328
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:12,530
No. No, you don't.
329
00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:15,011
-Maybe you should call him.-Call him?
330
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:17,709
I will not!
Why should I?
331
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:19,450
I was ready to talk,
and he went crawling
332
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,539
off to San Francisco
like a frightened worm!
333
00:13:21,539 --> 00:13:24,281
-Yeah. That's what he did.-You bet that's what he did!
334
00:13:27,763 --> 00:13:29,286
Maybe I'm being too hasty.
335
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:31,071
Should I give him
another chance?
336
00:13:31,071 --> 00:13:32,637
Margaret, let meask you something.
337
00:13:32,637 --> 00:13:35,640
How do you feel about itright here, down in your gut?
338
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,947
That's always beenmy final yardstick.
339
00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:39,949
What do your insidestell you?
340
00:13:39,949 --> 00:13:42,212
My insides just don't know!
341
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:44,649
-Colonel, Panmunjom is on.-Yeah. In a moment.
342
00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:47,739
Come on, Margaret. From yourgut, what do you want to do?
343
00:13:47,739 --> 00:13:49,829
-Divorce him.
-Then do it!
344
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,701
I will!
345
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:55,051
Yeah. Panmunjom?
Right.
346
00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:56,487
Uh, I got
the guard gate.
347
00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:59,142
Yeah. This is
the 4077th MASH.
348
00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:01,188
-Right. How are you, Guard?-Radar, they're fine.
349
00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:03,146
-Ask 'em about Pierce!
-Right.
350
00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:05,409
We're looking for
a Captain Benjamin Pierce.
351
00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:06,933
Uh, he's a doctor.
He's in a jeep.
352
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,630
He's wearing doctor stuff.
353
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:11,111
Yeah. You've seen him?
They've seen him.
354
00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:13,374
-And? And?
-Oh. Oh, yeah. Right.
355
00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:15,506
And?
356
00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:17,857
No kidding? He left there.
357
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,859
-[exhales deeply]
-Whew! To go on ahead.
358
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:23,123
I don't believe it.
He got in?
359
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:26,474
35 years in the army,I thought I'd seen it all.
360
00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:28,824
It's okay, men. I've arrived.Everything's gonna be fine.
361
00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:31,044
-Did somebody up here
call for a doctor?
-Doctor?
362
00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:33,437
Why am I the only onewho knows what's going on here?
363
00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:36,484
Somebody in thereis sick and sent for me.That's all I know.
364
00:14:36,484 --> 00:14:37,877
It's probablyGeneral Tomlin.
365
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,052
He's always complaining
366
00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:40,705
how this placegives him gastritis.
367
00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:42,359
Gastritis. See?
368
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:45,885
Which one is Tomlin?
369
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,495
The fat one with his
hand on his belly.
370
00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:49,453
Right. Thanks.
371
00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:51,412
[Guard] Next time,
I wish they'd call ahead.
372
00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:53,414
[Exhales deeply]
373
00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:54,676
Hey. What is this?
374
00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:55,982
Take it easy, General.
375
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:57,070
Everything's
gonna be all right.
376
00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:58,767
Well,
what are you doing?
377
00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,508
I'm a doctor. I'm here foryour gastritis. Sit down.
378
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:01,726
Well, uh,
379
00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:03,032
I'm feeling a little
better today.
380
00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:04,381
Mm-hmm.
381
00:15:04,381 --> 00:15:05,556
Who called you?
382
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:06,949
And just in time too.
383
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,777
You sticking to boiled chickenand poached eggs?
384
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:09,778
Yes.
385
00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:10,866
And lots of buttermilk?
386
00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:12,085
Well, some.
387
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:14,348
Oh, please, don't
let me stop you.
388
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:15,915
You people have a lotof work to do, you know.
389
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:18,482
-Ahem.-And you're falling behind.
390
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:21,442
It's a real mess out there,in case you haven't noticed.
391
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:22,965
Mind if I give you
a little hint?
392
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:25,446
Excuse me. This willjust take a second. Relax.
393
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:27,883
What you people haveto do here is help each other.
394
00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:30,016
"How do we help each other?"
You ask, huh?
395
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:32,322
Hey, first you gottaget to know each other,
396
00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:33,976
and you don't, do you?
397
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,109
Listen, um,
let me break the ice.
398
00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:38,024
How many of you here
are from out of town?
399
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,550
How many of you here are here?
400
00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:44,595
Come on. You can tell me.I'm your doctor!
401
00:15:44,595 --> 00:15:45,945
I think that's
quite enough.
402
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,685
Easy, General. It's goingboom, boom, boom.
403
00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:49,078
-Oh?
-I got a great idea.
404
00:15:49,078 --> 00:15:50,253
Why don't we all take hands?
405
00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:51,776
Come on. Join hands.
Everybody.
406
00:15:51,776 --> 00:15:54,040
Join hands and say howdy.
407
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,998
Come on!
Everybo-- Howdy!
408
00:15:55,998 --> 00:15:58,174
[Speaking Korean]
Howdy?
409
00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,741
That's it! You got it!
Okay. All right.
410
00:15:59,741 --> 00:16:01,221
Now, everybody! Howdy!
411
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:04,093
Come on. Come on!It's just one little word.
412
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:06,661
You mean you can't
even get together
on one little word?
413
00:16:06,661 --> 00:16:10,012
What's the matter here?I don't understand.
414
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,623
You know what to do.Why can't you just do it?
415
00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:16,279
People are dying out there!
You gotta stop it!
416
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:19,152
You can't wait anymore!You can't!
417
00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:21,415
Now get back to work,
418
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:22,938
and don't make me
come here again!
419
00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:24,592
It's okay, fellas.
I was just leaving.
420
00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:25,593
General, don't forget.
421
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:27,377
Buttermilk,
lots of buttermilk.
422
00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:29,510
You know, I feel
better already.
423
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:34,210
The nerve of that Pierce.
424
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:37,257
His patient. He picks my oneday off to play Don Quixote.
425
00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:39,824
I hope they hang himfrom the highest windmill.
426
00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:41,652
That's right, Charles.We all know
427
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:44,177
he went up there justto inconvenience you.
428
00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:46,092
Well, at least that's
a legitimate reason.
429
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:47,571
Here are more X-rays.
430
00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:49,921
Ignore the spot in the lungit's my thumb.
431
00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:51,880
-Any news of Hawkeye, Father?-No,
432
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,752
but like the prodigal son,
I'm sure he'll return.
433
00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:57,277
Must you always spout
Scripture, Father?
434
00:16:57,277 --> 00:17:00,106
[chuckles] Well, I'm afraidit's an occupational hazard.
435
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:02,673
The whole camp is crowdedinto Radar's office
436
00:17:02,673 --> 00:17:03,674
waiting for news.
437
00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:04,675
Good Lord. You'd think
438
00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:06,155
Lindbergh was
landing in Paris.
439
00:17:06,155 --> 00:17:07,548
Let's hopeHawkeye's as lucky.
440
00:17:07,548 --> 00:17:08,984
Gents, we can rest easy.
441
00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:10,377
Pierce talked
to the delegates,
442
00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:12,118
and he's on his way back.
443
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:14,946
Oh-ho-ho! He did it!I don't believe it!
444
00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:17,732
Seems he spoke his pieceand hot-footed it out of there.
445
00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:19,647
Looks like he's home free.
446
00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:20,691
Ha!
447
00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,432
Submoronic fruitcake.
448
00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:24,391
Colonel, permission to throwthat fruitcake a party.
449
00:17:24,391 --> 00:17:26,436
The biggest, wildestwelcome home ever.
450
00:17:26,436 --> 00:17:27,742
Permission granted.
451
00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:29,439
The camp may neverbe the same, Colonel.
452
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:30,440
I'm counting on it.
453
00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:49,198
Yoo-hoo! I'm home!
454
00:17:51,592 --> 00:17:53,681
Howdy, stranger. New in town?
455
00:17:55,639 --> 00:17:58,077
-Beej, is that you?
-How do you like it?
456
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,166
You think the red socks
are too much?
457
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,993
What are you doing?Where is everybody?
458
00:18:01,993 --> 00:18:05,084
Waiting for their peace
delegate, of course.
If you'll follow me
459
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,042
What's withthe Red Skelton look?
460
00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:09,044
What red? It's not red.
It's anti-green.
461
00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:10,437
You wanted things
rosy and cheery,
462
00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:11,873
so we're making you
a little present.
463
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:13,092
-[lounge jazz music playing]-In your honor,
464
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,397
we've designed
a new uniform,
465
00:18:14,397 --> 00:18:15,790
right down to the hair.
466
00:18:17,357 --> 00:18:20,403
-[laughing]
-He's back!
-[cheering]
467
00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:26,888
-I do dream in color!
-[cheering continues]
468
00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:28,977
Ah. Welcome home, son!
469
00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:30,674
[laughing]
470
00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:32,850
Congratulations.
What are you laughing at?
471
00:18:32,850 --> 00:18:34,591
This is supposed
to cheer you up!
472
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:36,506
I love it! It's-- It's insane.
473
00:18:36,506 --> 00:18:37,507
Exactly!
474
00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:38,900
Good heavens!
Get the man a drink!
475
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,249
-I'll have the red wine.-Right.
476
00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:41,294
Okay, I'll pour.
477
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:42,338
-[drunkenly] Pierce.
-Yes.
478
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:43,818
-Pierce.
-Yes.
479
00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:45,428
-Pierce!
-Uh-huh.
480
00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:46,864
Oh, there you are. Pierce,
481
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:49,780
I have never said thisabout anyone but myself.
482
00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:52,131
You are a great human being.
483
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,045
Careful, Curly. You'll hateyourself in the morning.
484
00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:56,004
-Oh, I do now.
-[laughing]
485
00:18:56,004 --> 00:18:57,223
Margaret!
486
00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:59,964
Welcome home,
you crazy galoot!
487
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:01,270
I did it! I told them all!
488
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:03,054
You should have seen me.I was terrific.
489
00:19:03,054 --> 00:19:05,231
Hey, listen,about your divorce,
490
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,362
if there's anythingI can do to help--
491
00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:08,451
Best thing that ever
happened to me.
492
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,540
The weight of the world
is off my shoulders.
493
00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:13,587
I feel like a new woman!
It's all coming back--
494
00:19:13,587 --> 00:19:15,154
the spirit,
the confidence.
495
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,720
Oh, that's great!That's fantastic.
496
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:17,982
That's just what Iwanted to hear.
497
00:19:17,982 --> 00:19:19,288
I'm proud of you,Margaret.
498
00:19:19,288 --> 00:19:21,377
Oh, my God,
I need a drink.
499
00:19:21,377 --> 00:19:24,467
-Here you go, son.
-[laughing]
500
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:27,166
Boy, you made the boneheadplay of all time.
501
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:31,474
Ha ha! But you sure didsomething for this motley crew.
502
00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:32,910
Hey, you know, folks,
503
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,738
I can't put my finger
on just who it is,
504
00:19:34,738 --> 00:19:36,610
but somebody around here
looks out of place.
505
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:38,829
-CROWD: Ohh!
-Oh, wait!
506
00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:39,961
You're not gonna
do that to me!
507
00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:41,354
Wait! Wait a minute! Whoa!
508
00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:42,659
There's no waiting.
509
00:19:42,659 --> 00:19:44,922
I'll look like a tallIrish setter!
510
00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:47,577
[laughs]
Any last words?
511
00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:49,971
We who are about
to dye salute you!
512
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,973
[cheering]
513
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,889
Stop it right here, Corporal.
514
00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:57,935
[distant cheering]
515
00:19:57,935 --> 00:19:59,328
I'll be a few minutes.
516
00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:01,678
You can use the latrineif you want.
517
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:03,680
Nah. I think I'll hold on.
518
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,769
Sounds like they'reall in there.
519
00:20:05,769 --> 00:20:10,557
[guffawing] That's
the worst-looking
dye-job of the bunch.
520
00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:12,472
What are you talking about?I look great.
521
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:14,604
-[laughing]
-Rhonda Fleming,
eat your heart out.
522
00:20:14,604 --> 00:20:16,911
[laughter continues]
523
00:20:19,087 --> 00:20:21,524
-What the hell
-Excuse me?
524
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,701
Why does everybodygot red hair?
525
00:20:24,701 --> 00:20:27,095
Ohh. You noticed.
[chuckles]
526
00:20:27,095 --> 00:20:30,229
It does sort of
stand out, doesn't it?
527
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,187
I'm looking fora Colonel Sherman Potter.
528
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:33,275
He's over there--
529
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:35,234
the one drinking
with both hands.
530
00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:39,977
Colonel Potter,I'm Major Dean Goss, I-Corps.
531
00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:43,807
Colonel Sherman Potter!
Who are you?
532
00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:46,070
My name is Goss, I-Corps.
533
00:20:46,070 --> 00:20:48,769
I'm here from Panmunjomto see your Captain Pierce.
534
00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:50,466
Oh, you are?
535
00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:53,252
I assume this
has something to do
536
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,688
with the earlier incident
537
00:20:54,688 --> 00:20:58,257
that took place up there
today, uh, earlier.
538
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,607
Yes, it does. Now whereis your Captain Pierce?
539
00:21:00,607 --> 00:21:02,130
Yeah, he's the one
with the red hair.
540
00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:03,740
What are you gonna
do with him?
541
00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:05,394
He's innocent, and you'renot taking him no place.
542
00:21:05,394 --> 00:21:07,788
-Margaret.
-You stay out of this
and shut up.
543
00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:09,485
-[chatter]-Come on, people. Settle down.
544
00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:11,792
-Look, Major, let me explain--
-Quiet, Pierce.
545
00:21:11,792 --> 00:21:13,097
At least let meexplain what I had--
546
00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:14,577
Stand back, son.
547
00:21:14,577 --> 00:21:16,797
You're probablyin enough hot water already.
548
00:21:16,797 --> 00:21:19,016
Major, I'll grant you
549
00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:20,583
his going up
to the peace talks
550
00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:22,193
wasn't the brightest
thing to do,
551
00:21:22,193 --> 00:21:25,196
but it had some damn goodresults back here.
552
00:21:25,196 --> 00:21:26,546
B.J.:
You tell him, Colonel.
553
00:21:26,546 --> 00:21:28,112
All of these peoplehave been in this thing
554
00:21:28,112 --> 00:21:30,245
for a long, long time.
555
00:21:30,245 --> 00:21:31,681
Doing the kind of workthey do
556
00:21:31,681 --> 00:21:34,249
day after daywith no end in sight,
557
00:21:34,249 --> 00:21:36,251
it has to get to them.
558
00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:40,560
What Pierce did todaywas let a few people know
559
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:43,650
we're tiredand we want to go home.
560
00:21:43,650 --> 00:21:45,739
-That's right.-It was a shot in the arm
561
00:21:45,739 --> 00:21:46,827
for all of us.
562
00:21:46,827 --> 00:21:49,395
-The defense rests.
-Yeah.
563
00:21:49,395 --> 00:21:51,179
You people are
really something.
564
00:21:51,179 --> 00:21:53,616
-We sure are.-Actually, Captain Pierce,
565
00:21:53,616 --> 00:21:55,444
I didn't come here
to haul you away.
566
00:21:55,444 --> 00:21:57,141
Why not? I mean, really?
567
00:21:57,141 --> 00:21:58,882
I came here to deliver
a personal message
568
00:21:58,882 --> 00:22:00,275
from General Tomlin.
569
00:22:00,275 --> 00:22:02,059
My gastritis patient.
570
00:22:02,059 --> 00:22:05,585
The general would like youto know, for the record,
571
00:22:05,585 --> 00:22:08,370
that if he catches youwithin 20 miles of Panmunjom,
572
00:22:08,370 --> 00:22:09,980
he will, and I quote,
573
00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:12,853
"toss you into the stockadeand throw away the key."
574
00:22:12,853 --> 00:22:14,289
Oh, yeah?
575
00:22:14,289 --> 00:22:15,377
Now, off the record,
576
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:17,814
he wishes he were
a crazy doctor
577
00:22:17,814 --> 00:22:20,034
so he could get away
with what you did.
578
00:22:23,516 --> 00:22:25,561
One more thing.
579
00:22:25,561 --> 00:22:27,781
The general would like youto write a diet he can follow
580
00:22:27,781 --> 00:22:29,173
to get him through
these sessions.
581
00:22:29,173 --> 00:22:30,436
The pressure's killing him.
582
00:22:30,436 --> 00:22:31,698
The best thing I can prescribe
583
00:22:31,698 --> 00:22:32,873
is a quick end to the war.
584
00:22:32,873 --> 00:22:34,353
-Pierce.
-All right.
585
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,311
I'll have somethingfor you before you leave.
586
00:22:36,311 --> 00:22:37,921
Fine. In the meantime,
587
00:22:37,921 --> 00:22:39,270
it looks like you'rehaving a little party here.
588
00:22:39,270 --> 00:22:41,011
Would you care
to join us?
589
00:22:41,011 --> 00:22:42,012
Well, I don't know.
590
00:22:42,012 --> 00:22:44,275
Do you think I fit in?
591
00:22:44,275 --> 00:22:45,451
[laughter]
592
00:22:48,932 --> 00:22:50,630
I don't believe it.
593
00:22:50,630 --> 00:22:52,849
-Today I believe it!
-Take one of these.
594
00:22:52,849 --> 00:22:54,329
That's great.Where'd you get that done?
595
00:22:58,986 --> 00:23:00,379
[off-key music playing]
596
00:23:02,903 --> 00:23:04,295
Take roll call,
Radar.
597
00:23:04,295 --> 00:23:05,732
Sorry, sir. Ahem.
598
00:23:05,732 --> 00:23:07,298
Colonel Potter, Sherman!
599
00:23:07,298 --> 00:23:09,431
Radar, I'm here.
600
00:23:09,431 --> 00:23:11,999
Ahem. Corporal O'Reilly,
Walter!
601
00:23:11,999 --> 00:23:13,609
So are you!Get on with it!
602
00:23:13,609 --> 00:23:14,958
Yes, sir.
603
00:23:14,958 --> 00:23:17,265
Major Houlihan-Penobscott,
Margaret!
604
00:23:17,265 --> 00:23:19,180
That's just Houlihan.
605
00:23:19,180 --> 00:23:20,573
Oh, I'm sorry.
606
00:23:20,573 --> 00:23:23,706
Uh, Major Winchester,
Charles, E.!
607
00:23:23,706 --> 00:23:26,753
Here, obviously. Cretin.
608
00:23:26,753 --> 00:23:29,059
Captain Pierce,
Benjamin F.!
609
00:23:31,061 --> 00:23:32,411
Hey, Hawkeye?
610
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:34,282
Shh. You'll wake him.
611
00:23:34,282 --> 00:23:37,981
Oh. I'm sorry.
Captain Hunnicutt, B.J.!
612
00:23:37,981 --> 00:23:40,375
Yo! Oh-ho. Ohh.
613
00:23:40,375 --> 00:23:43,030
Lieutenant Mulcahy,
Francis, Father!
614
00:23:43,030 --> 00:23:44,640
In spirit only.
615
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,860
Corporal Klinger, Max!
616
00:23:46,860 --> 00:23:49,384
Here. Always here.
617
00:23:49,384 --> 00:23:51,734
-[helicopters whirring]-Corporal--Uh-oh.
618
00:23:53,301 --> 00:23:56,217
All right, people.
Here comes the war.
619
00:24:14,540 --> 00:24:16,063
[theme music playing]
44759