All language subtitles for MASH (1972) - S03E16 - Bulletin Board (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track4_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,740 --> 00:00:05,222 ♪♪ [theme] 2 00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:54,924 31, 35, 40, 3 00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:59,494 45, 50, 55, 4 00:00:59,537 --> 00:01:03,324 60, 65, 70, 5 00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,413 7-- 71. 6 00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:07,589 -71. Beat that. -Aw, 71. 7 00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:10,331 -Come on. Beat it. -That's nothin'. You watch this. 8 00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:14,248 -Ready? One. -[laughing] 9 00:01:16,032 --> 00:01:19,122 What'd you do, change balls on me? 10 00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:21,864 -What's the announcement, Radar? -It's a lecture. 11 00:01:21,907 --> 00:01:24,693 Colonel Blake's gonna tell us everything he knows about sex. 12 00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:27,304 That should be an enjoyable 60 seconds. 13 00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,263 Look at this. No eyes. 14 00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:34,398 [ball continues bouncing] 15 00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,487 Good afternoon, men. [clears throat] 16 00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:39,664 Now, first of all, let me thank all of you in advance 17 00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:42,972 for what I know will be your full and undivided attention. 18 00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:46,323 -[imitating snoring] -[laughing] 19 00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:50,893 The topic for today has to do with the subject of sex. 20 00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:53,156 [all cheering] 21 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,377 All right, all right. Now let's not go gaga. 22 00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:59,902 Sex happens to be one of the most important things in life 23 00:01:59,945 --> 00:02:02,687 inasmuch as each one of us is one or the other gender of it 24 00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:05,647 once we're born, which is the direct result of the act of it. 25 00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:06,952 Sir? 26 00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:10,739 Uh, we'll have questions after the lecture. 27 00:02:10,782 --> 00:02:12,958 What about answers? 28 00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:17,180 I was just wondering, should I roll down the flaps so the nurses don't hear? 29 00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:20,270 Radar, all the nurses have heard about sex. 30 00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:22,490 -I know I've been spreading the word. -Shut your face! 31 00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:25,623 -Kiss me. -HENRY: Okay, now. 32 00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:28,844 Uh, the aspect of today's subject that I'm going to delve on 33 00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:31,716 is the U.S. Army's contribution to birth control. 34 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,631 I knew they were gonna ask for contributions. 35 00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,242 I gave at the office. 36 00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:40,551 Uh, now each of us here knows why, uh... 37 00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:41,813 he is in Korea. 38 00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:44,468 HENRY: Major Burns. 39 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:46,166 We are here to stem the red tide, 40 00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:48,472 to finish up the Commies once and for all. 41 00:02:48,516 --> 00:02:51,432 Anyone with half a mind knows, as I do, that, after Germany, 42 00:02:51,475 --> 00:02:54,261 we should've knocked out the Russkies, then clobbered the Chinese 43 00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:57,351 before they forced Chiang Kai-shek and his very beautiful wife 44 00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,440 off the mainland. 45 00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:02,617 To which I, for one, say they should be unleashed 46 00:03:02,660 --> 00:03:05,141 so that they can liberate the real Chinese people 47 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,230 and restore the government that America's paid 48 00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:09,798 so many millions of dollars to help get. 49 00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:14,368 Sir. I thought the lecture was on sex. 50 00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:17,022 I didn't iron my dress to talk politics. 51 00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:18,502 -Sit down, Klinger. -Now listen, Corporal! 52 00:03:18,546 --> 00:03:21,157 You, too, Frank. 53 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,246 Now, we're in Korea by order of the U.N., 54 00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,248 along with 17 other nations, 55 00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:28,686 to try to stabilize this country politically and militarily. 56 00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:31,515 We are not here to add to the population. 57 00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:34,344 The one thing they don't need in Asia is more Asians. 58 00:03:36,868 --> 00:03:40,524 Many of you have heard me speak on reproduction and V.D. 59 00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:42,831 I've got both your albums. 60 00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:45,268 But today's subject is much more important. 61 00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,488 Now, this country is on its can. 62 00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:49,925 There's not enough food, housing, schools. 63 00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:52,144 You name it, they haven't got it. 64 00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:54,669 So don't add to its problems. 65 00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:57,846 Now, uh, when you're shipped home, 66 00:03:57,889 --> 00:04:00,501 just make sure that you don't leave any little time bombs 67 00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:02,633 that are gonna go off nine months later. 68 00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:06,507 [chuckling] Now, I know you're only human. 69 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:09,771 Present company excepted. 70 00:04:09,814 --> 00:04:12,774 We don't expect you to behave like monks. 71 00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:14,558 The army just wants you to be careful 72 00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:17,344 so that you don't leave behind any little "monklets." 73 00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:20,434 [laughing] 74 00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:22,784 MAN [on P.A.]: Attention, all personnel. 75 00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:26,353 See the bulletin board for details on the payroll savings plan. 76 00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:29,225 Buy a bond for 25, 50 or 100. 77 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:33,011 Bet America to win, place or show. 78 00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:35,405 Come on. Don't be slackers. Join in. Sign up. 79 00:04:35,449 --> 00:04:37,842 -I forgot my name. -Amnesia. 80 00:04:37,886 --> 00:04:40,236 Happens every time somebody wants me to invest in a war. 81 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,325 Well, bullets cost bucks, mister. 82 00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,022 I'd like that tattooed on my thigh. 83 00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:46,373 You're both a blemish on the record of this unit. 84 00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:48,810 I'm gonna do something to get rid of the blemishes tonight. 85 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,942 Uh, ach, du lieber. 86 00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:54,772 You get the feeling Frank's one war behind? 87 00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,992 Did you see this announcement? 88 00:04:57,035 --> 00:04:59,342 [mumbling, indistinct] 89 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,736 -[knocking] -Frank? You alone? 90 00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:07,132 Where are they? 91 00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:09,744 Oh, they said something about nurse molesting. 92 00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:13,269 -I want to see you. -I have a headache, Margaret. 93 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,358 No, no. 94 00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,578 I have a favor to ask of you. 95 00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:21,495 Oh, anything, darling. You know that. 96 00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:24,106 My sister's getting married. 97 00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:27,109 My younger sister is getting married. 98 00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:30,982 And she's only a captain. 99 00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:33,637 Oh, marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be. 100 00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:35,726 Let me tell you, honestly. 101 00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:38,686 No. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce. 102 00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:44,300 I want to borrow $240 for a wedding present. 103 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,911 It's key money for an apartment. 104 00:05:46,955 --> 00:05:49,349 -Two hundred and-- -And $40. 105 00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:53,657 Surely I'm worth $240. 106 00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:58,619 -Frank? -Every penny. 107 00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:03,058 But I wish I could. I really do, but-- 108 00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:05,277 But all your money's tied up in wealth, right? 109 00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:07,584 Oh, those are just bonds. 110 00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,412 You've bought enough to start your own country. 111 00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:10,500 Shh! 112 00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:13,416 I just wanna borrow $240. 113 00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,026 But don't you have the money, Margaret? 114 00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:17,420 Dear? Didn't your dad leave you a bit? 115 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:21,772 Mother drank it. 116 00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:24,471 Half my salary goes toward drying her out 117 00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:26,516 and the other half for bail. 118 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,650 Bail? 119 00:06:29,693 --> 00:06:33,741 When she's sober... she's a klepto. 120 00:06:33,784 --> 00:06:35,482 She was caught in a store last week 121 00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,397 stuffing a radio up her jumper. 122 00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:41,966 -Frank? -Uh-huh. 123 00:06:43,228 --> 00:06:45,709 Uh-huh. 124 00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:48,495 Mm-hmm. 125 00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:51,541 I just can't do it, Margaret. It rubs against the grain. 126 00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:54,936 "Neither a lender nor a borrower be." Polonius. 127 00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:01,899 "To give and not count the cost." St. Ignatius Loyola. 128 00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:04,641 "The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet 129 00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:07,470 "and steady and loyal and enduring a nature 130 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,516 "that it will last throughout a whole lifetime 131 00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:12,388 if not asked to lend money." Mark Twain. 132 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:16,653 "Blow it out your ear!" Margaret Houlihan. 133 00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:25,053 The morale officer would like to remind all personnel 134 00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:27,185 not to be "negilgent"-- [chuckles] 135 00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:30,362 ...negligent about writing to the folks back home. 136 00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:32,016 Remember, you gotta write 'em to get 'em. 137 00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,278 ♪♪ [phonograph, sentimental] 138 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:34,758 [thinking] Dear Becky... 139 00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,673 I hope you had a nice birthday party. 140 00:07:36,717 --> 00:07:39,241 I'd have given anything to be there. 141 00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:43,027 In your last letter, you said I never really tell you what I'm doing. 142 00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,812 Well, now that you're all of seven 143 00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:47,423 I'll try to describe what it's like over here. 144 00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:51,601 First of all, I live in a tent 145 00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:53,603 which is kind of old and smelly, 146 00:07:53,647 --> 00:07:54,952 which I share with two doctors 147 00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:56,519 who are young and smelly. 148 00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,565 One is Hawkeye Pierce. He's a good egg, 149 00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:01,176 but just a little grumpy when it comes to waking up. 150 00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:04,179 Come on. Everybody up. Rise and shine! 151 00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:06,921 -Hawk? -I'm up! 152 00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:09,793 Get up on your feet up. 153 00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,012 [sighs] Korea? The war still? 154 00:08:11,055 --> 00:08:12,840 Right. 155 00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:15,625 What's to get up? I left a call for half past peace. 156 00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:18,323 Night shift. Come on. Let's go. Up. 157 00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,508 Wait! Wait! Wait a minute! 158 00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:32,599 Why are we wasting this on each other for? 159 00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,168 TRAPPER [thinking]: Major Burns is Daddy's other tent mate, 160 00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:39,214 sort of like a substitute teacher that stays all year. 161 00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:43,044 Like us, he's here to patch up the soldiers as best we can. 162 00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:45,263 They don't ever seem to stop coming. 163 00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:48,571 It's very routine work, except once in a while like last December. 164 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,530 HENRY: Put him to sleep. 165 00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:54,316 -Colonel. -Yo. 166 00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:56,405 His feet, sir. 167 00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,189 Oh, God. More frost? 168 00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:00,148 Three toes, at least. 169 00:09:00,191 --> 00:09:01,410 When the hell is the army 170 00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:03,543 gonna develop a boot that works? 171 00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:06,023 I'm almost finished, Frank. 172 00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:07,677 You want to turn down that gas 173 00:09:07,721 --> 00:09:09,549 before this private floats to the top of the room? 174 00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:11,463 -[gas flow stops] -Okay, sir. 175 00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:12,987 Thanks for the break. I'll take over. 176 00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:15,163 Okay, pressure and pulse are stable. 177 00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:17,252 Why don't you check the other tables, Frank? 178 00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,689 -Maybe somebody left a tip. -Aw, baloney! 179 00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,778 -RADAR: Major Burns! -Yeah. What is it? 180 00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:24,738 Chopper plucked him off a minefield. He was there all night. 181 00:09:30,352 --> 00:09:31,571 Get this body outta here, P.D.Q. 182 00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:33,529 He's dead, sir? 183 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,791 Of course. Froze to death. 184 00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:36,140 -Let's go. -Okay. 185 00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:42,538 -Hold it. What do you got? -Deceased, Mclntyre. I checked it. 186 00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:47,021 Are you "deef"? I said "deceased." 187 00:09:47,064 --> 00:09:49,371 Kaput. No pulse, no heartbeat. 188 00:09:49,414 --> 00:09:51,286 Okay. Come on, take him back. 189 00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:53,288 -Let's go. -Ooh! 190 00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:55,551 -Come on! -We might be able to save this guy. 191 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,901 Uh, get me a cut-down tray 192 00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,990 and four units of O-negative blood. 193 00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:02,602 -You get a pulse? -Not in the arm. 194 00:10:02,645 --> 00:10:03,907 Like I said. 195 00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:05,822 Come on, cut the shirt. Let's go. 196 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,176 Frank, his extremities are frozen. 197 00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,135 You didn't check the carotid. 198 00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:16,311 You ever hear of hypothermia? 199 00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:17,617 He only knows what's condensed in Reader's Digest. 200 00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:19,836 You get anything? 201 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:24,232 A faint beat. Where's the, uh-- Oh, great. 202 00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:27,191 Frank, hypothermia is a state of reduced body temperature 203 00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:29,324 -slowing down all functions. -I knew that. 204 00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:32,588 Get me some blankets and a prep tray. 205 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,851 -Frank, you prep. -Right. 206 00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:37,854 This guy thaws out, he's liable to start bleeding. 207 00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,769 What happened, Radar? 208 00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:42,511 He was in a minefield all night long. 209 00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:44,774 He's a lucky fella. 210 00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:47,516 If this had been summer, he would've bled to death. 211 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,084 [thinking] That's it for now, baby. 212 00:10:50,127 --> 00:10:53,783 I'd like to be able to tell you when I'm coming home. 213 00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:56,656 -[record sticking] -But, for a while now, all I can do is stay here 214 00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,832 and make the best of it. 215 00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:04,054 -♪♪[music stops] -[phonograph grinds on] 216 00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:10,495 MAN [on P.A.]: Attention, all personnel. 217 00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,454 Tonight's movie is a holdover from last week 218 00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,499 and will be shown right after supper 219 00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,111 which is also a holdover from last week. 220 00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:19,200 -[tapping] -♪ Nya nya nya nya nya nya nya ♪ 221 00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:21,115 ♪ Nya nya nya nya nya nya nya ♪ 222 00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:23,726 ♪ Nya nya nya nya nya nya nya ♪ 223 00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,902 -[audience chattering] -KLINGER: Down in front. 224 00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:26,990 [singing, tapping continue] 225 00:11:27,034 --> 00:11:29,297 -Out of the way. -Sit down, Rob. 226 00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:31,125 I'm glad we finally got a new film. 227 00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:34,041 Sure beats Twelve Ways to Infiltrate a Nazi Bunker. 228 00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:35,999 You wanna remove your hat, lady? 229 00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:38,001 How would you like me to remove your teeth? 230 00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:40,830 -[people chattering] -Sit down, or I'll make you eat your bra. 231 00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:43,572 -I only dress like this to get outta the army. -[people shushing] 232 00:11:43,615 --> 00:11:46,053 You're too pretty. They'll never let you go. 233 00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:48,142 I'd like some popcorn, please. 234 00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:53,016 -♪♪ [continues] -[tap dancing continues] 235 00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:56,324 -Excuse me, sir. I'm sorry, sir. -Just get by. 236 00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:59,327 Excuse me. I'm sorry. 237 00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:01,808 -[tap dancing] -ROBINSON: Hey. 238 00:12:01,851 --> 00:12:03,287 TEMPLE: Hey! 239 00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:06,116 -ROBINSON: Hey! Hey! -TEMPLE: Hey! 240 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,205 ♪♪ [continues] 241 00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,381 Have I missed much? 242 00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:11,948 The Civil War started. 243 00:12:11,992 --> 00:12:14,342 Don't tell him how it ends. 244 00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:16,648 ♪ Nya nya nya nya nya nya nya ♪ 245 00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:18,781 ♪ Nya nya nya nya nya nya nya ♪ 246 00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:21,001 ♪ Nya nya nya nya nya nya nya ♪ 247 00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:23,046 ♪ Nya nya nya nya nya nya nya ♪ 248 00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:25,483 I've got a bleeder in post-op, 249 00:12:25,527 --> 00:12:27,442 an 18-year-old kid. 250 00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,402 Hi. 251 00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:38,453 Watch your hands. 252 00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:40,281 -What? -Both of them. 253 00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:44,589 -What the hell! -Keep your hands to yourself. 254 00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:45,808 Huh? 255 00:12:47,723 --> 00:12:50,160 I swear, Henry, these fingers never left my hands. 256 00:12:52,162 --> 00:12:55,078 Well, don't look at me. I only fool around with girls. 257 00:12:55,122 --> 00:12:58,908 Will you sirs kindly mind? It's Shirley Temple. 258 00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:00,997 She's not really a kid, Radar. 259 00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:02,520 Her mother stunted her growth, 260 00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:04,827 made her sleep in a short bed and smoke. 261 00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:07,787 -She's 42 years old. -Aw! Please. 262 00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:13,183 -Heh! -Heh! 263 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:18,275 [movie continues indistinctly] 264 00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:20,538 [chattering, shushing] 265 00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:24,151 Doctor? That patient is hemorrhaging again. 266 00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:25,717 Oh, Lord. 267 00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:27,545 All right, let's go. 268 00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:29,634 KLINGER: Excuse me. Pardon me, sir. 269 00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:32,159 -KLINGER: I'm sorry. Pardon me. -MAN: Not you again? 270 00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:35,292 -[people chattering] -Klinger, sit down! 271 00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:38,643 -Move it. -This seat is taken. 272 00:13:38,687 --> 00:13:41,211 Oh, no, it isn't. It's empty. 273 00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:43,561 Can you believe that guy? 274 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:46,173 [people shouting, indistinct] 275 00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:52,919 Hey! Break it up back there! 276 00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:55,791 [all shouting] 277 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,925 [all cheering, applauding] 278 00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:01,536 You can't fight in here. 279 00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:03,625 MARGARET: Can't somebody stop that? 280 00:14:03,668 --> 00:14:06,236 [all shouting] 281 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,412 MAN: Hey, stop it! Break it up! 282 00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:10,240 MAN 2: Knock it off! 283 00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,503 Come on! Knock it off! 284 00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:20,381 -Now cut it out! Stop it! -[explosions] 285 00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:22,383 Would you mind holding it down? 286 00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:23,950 I came all the way to Korea to see this picture. 287 00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,125 [explosions continue] 288 00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:28,432 They're shelling us! Stop the film! 289 00:14:28,476 --> 00:14:30,739 -[people groaning] -Well, we gotta take cover! 290 00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:33,307 Just where are we gonna hide, Frank? 291 00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:35,222 We're stuck here with our brass hanging out. 292 00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:38,051 -Brasses. -Oh, right. Thank you. Come on. Sit down. 293 00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:40,270 [engine running] 294 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,981 See this, Henry? 295 00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:58,941 "First Annual Polly Adler Birthday Cookout, Picnic and Barbecue. 296 00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:03,380 All proceeds to go to Sister Teresa's Korean Orphans'Fund." 297 00:15:03,424 --> 00:15:05,774 Forget it. 298 00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,863 Henry. You did everything you could. 299 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,083 Yeah. Come on, Henry. Loosen up. You'll have a ball. 300 00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:13,216 Yeah, that's just it. Everybody unwinds, has a good time. 301 00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:16,698 Then the war comes back, and it's a real belly drop. 302 00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:18,787 Look, we need this. 303 00:15:18,830 --> 00:15:22,399 If we don't go crazy once in a while, we'll all go crazy. 304 00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:30,103 ♪♪ [drumming on metal cans] 305 00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:14,060 ♪♪ [vocalizing] 306 00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:22,503 I missed you so much. Oh, I love you, Judy. 307 00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,592 [kissing sounds] 308 00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:27,029 I came back because I missed you, Judy. 309 00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:30,902 WOMAN: Oh, I'm so glad you came back, Punch. 310 00:16:30,946 --> 00:16:33,949 [giggling, laughing] 311 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:38,040 -[kissing sounds] -PUNCH: I love you. I miss you. 312 00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:40,477 I love you, Judy. 313 00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,827 I love you. I miss you. 314 00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:46,179 -Oh, I love you. -[kissing sounds] 315 00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:49,051 -I love you. -Oh, that was just-- 316 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,313 -[kissing sounds continue] -Ah. 317 00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:56,102 Oh. This is lovely. That's very nice. Lovely. 318 00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:01,281 I'm not doin' too great for the orphans, Father. 319 00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:03,283 No? How much so far? 320 00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:07,200 Three nurses. Three bucks. 321 00:17:07,243 --> 00:17:10,507 I could make more, but you wouldn't believe what they expect for a dollar. 322 00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:14,250 Oh. Well, do your best, my, uh, my son. 323 00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:16,470 Thank you. 324 00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:20,213 Uh... 325 00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:22,084 Okay, you fill the spoon with water. 326 00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:24,086 You take the water down and put it in the glass. 327 00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:26,436 And then you run back with the spoon and give the spoon to your partner. 328 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,439 Don't spill any water. We don't want to make Korea messy. 329 00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,398 -Ready? -[all shouting] 330 00:17:31,441 --> 00:17:33,487 [laughing] 331 00:17:33,530 --> 00:17:36,881 [all cheering, shouting] 332 00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:39,101 [all chattering] 333 00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,027 HAWKEYE: Come on, Sister! 334 00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:58,990 With a field like that, Father, you can't lose. 335 00:18:01,471 --> 00:18:04,474 [cheering continues] 336 00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:21,448 [cheering continues] 337 00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:28,237 WOMAN: Go, go, go, go, go! 338 00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:34,939 [cheering continues] 339 00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:44,166 Go, Sister! [laughing] 340 00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:59,442 [cheering continues] 341 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,720 HAWKEYE: Oh, Yeah! The winner! 342 00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:18,635 -Congratulations. [laughing] -[all cheering] 343 00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:25,033 [chattering] 344 00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:30,256 I'm the bonus prize for the winner. 345 00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:31,866 I get the loser. 346 00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:34,390 My father told me to stay away from fast women. 347 00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:39,526 [shouting, indistinct] 348 00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:03,811 You've been avoiding me, Margaret. 349 00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:06,379 Actually, I've been ignoring you, Frank. 350 00:20:06,422 --> 00:20:08,729 I'll get around to avoiding you later. 351 00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:10,948 What is it, sugar? Everyone else is having such fun. 352 00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,863 I thought we could be in the sack race together. 353 00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:15,823 You can forget about us being in the sack race for a while, Frank. 354 00:20:15,866 --> 00:20:17,433 And anytime you want, you can pick up 355 00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:20,219 your bathing cap and your chenille robe. 356 00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:21,916 Margaret, what is it? 357 00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:25,136 I'll give you 240 guesses. 358 00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:27,704 Oh, I get it. 359 00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:29,271 It's the money, isn't it? 360 00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:31,752 You bet your clusters, sweetie. 361 00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:34,145 Well, you wouldn't really let money come between us? 362 00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:36,322 I-- There-- 363 00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:39,412 There is no us, Frank. There's just me. 364 00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:40,891 The only us that you're a part of 365 00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:44,286 is Mrs. Multi-Chin Sensible Shoes. 366 00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,462 Now blow! 367 00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:49,596 -[whistle blows] -Go! Go! Go! 368 00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:52,294 [people shouting, cheering] 369 00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:55,297 I'll get it, Margaret. 370 00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:58,518 The money the 240. 371 00:20:58,561 --> 00:21:00,911 Really, Frank? Honest, darling? 372 00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:02,565 -Do you mean it? -That's what I said. 373 00:21:02,609 --> 00:21:04,045 Oh, Frank! 374 00:21:04,088 --> 00:21:05,699 [giggling] Oh, you don't have to do that. 375 00:21:05,742 --> 00:21:08,267 -One thing I would like, though. -Anything. 376 00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:10,791 When I give you the money, if you could sign an I.O.U. 377 00:21:13,228 --> 00:21:15,535 Well, it's really a good idea when you lend-- 378 00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:17,624 An I.O.U. and some mention of the interest? 379 00:21:19,408 --> 00:21:20,670 The interest? 380 00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:22,455 Yeah. I thought five percent. 381 00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:25,240 Now, that's better than you'd get at any bank. 382 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,111 [growling] Oh! Frank Burns! 383 00:21:30,854 --> 00:21:33,248 -Frank! -[whimpering] 384 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:35,206 Oh! Oh! 385 00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:38,514 [cheering, whistling] 386 00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:45,347 [cheering] 387 00:21:46,479 --> 00:21:49,220 [all chattering] 388 00:21:49,264 --> 00:21:51,310 [whistle blows] 389 00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:54,008 First prize has been graciously donated 390 00:21:54,051 --> 00:21:57,228 by Corporal Max Klinger. 391 00:21:57,272 --> 00:22:00,319 [all cheering, applauding] 392 00:22:02,495 --> 00:22:06,194 He always wanted a double-barreled slingshot. 393 00:22:06,237 --> 00:22:09,371 Come on, Henry. Loosen up a little and have some fun. 394 00:22:09,415 --> 00:22:11,460 -Come on, grab the rope. -All right, I'll grab the rope. 395 00:22:11,504 --> 00:22:13,114 Get in here, Hawk. 396 00:22:13,157 --> 00:22:14,768 -Oh! -Hey, hey! 397 00:22:19,207 --> 00:22:21,252 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Who figured out this linuep? 398 00:22:21,296 --> 00:22:23,342 It's by rank, Henry. 399 00:22:23,385 --> 00:22:26,823 Uh-huh, except for the old Illini anchorman. 400 00:22:26,867 --> 00:22:28,956 [laughing] 401 00:22:28,999 --> 00:22:32,307 It's good for your complexion. Come on. 402 00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:33,787 All right. Let 'er rip! 403 00:22:35,745 --> 00:22:38,357 -[whistle blows] -[all shouting] 404 00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:47,366 Who turned out the lights? 405 00:22:57,158 --> 00:22:59,073 Hey! 406 00:23:20,486 --> 00:23:22,662 -Get Henry! -Come on in, Henry! 407 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,927 [all laughing] 408 00:23:34,195 --> 00:23:36,676 [laughing dies down] 409 00:23:39,809 --> 00:23:41,855 Choppers. 410 00:23:41,898 --> 00:23:44,771 [helicopters approaching] 411 00:23:50,341 --> 00:23:52,256 RADAR: Choppers! 412 00:23:53,954 --> 00:23:55,912 Choppers! 413 00:24:11,493 --> 00:24:13,016 [operating room chatter] 414 00:24:13,060 --> 00:24:14,757 MAN [on P.A.]: Attention. 415 00:24:14,801 --> 00:24:16,411 For all personnel too busy in the O.R., 416 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,805 here is the latest from the bulletin board. 417 00:24:18,848 --> 00:24:22,330 Armed Forces Radio announces that Clark Gable is divorcing 418 00:24:22,373 --> 00:24:25,246 Lady Sylvia Ashley. 419 00:24:25,289 --> 00:24:29,076 And Sergeant Morrie Mandel announces he is divorcing his Sylvia. 420 00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:33,167 In Washington, Republican candidate Dwight Eisenhower said 421 00:24:33,210 --> 00:24:35,648 if he's elected, he'll go to Korea. 422 00:24:35,691 --> 00:24:38,172 HAWKEYE: That's what I call a sore winner. 423 00:24:38,215 --> 00:24:40,348 H.Q. in Seoul announces that 424 00:24:40,391 --> 00:24:42,568 the ammunition shortage continues to be very severe. 425 00:24:42,611 --> 00:24:44,657 TRAPPER: We got no shortages here. 426 00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:46,920 Heavy fighting will go on in our sector, 427 00:24:46,963 --> 00:24:50,314 and we can expect casualties for the next 72 hours. 428 00:24:50,358 --> 00:24:52,534 -HENRY: Pierce? -Yes, Henry? 429 00:24:52,578 --> 00:24:55,102 Good idea, that picnic. 430 00:24:55,145 --> 00:24:56,669 Yes, Henry. 431 00:25:05,547 --> 00:25:07,114 ♪♪ [theme] 32161

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