All language subtitles for MASH (1972) - S03E01 - The General Flipped at Dawn (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track4_[eng]

♪♪ [theme]

-MAN [on PA]: Attention.
-Yeah?

All personnel taking part
in the model yacht race

report to the cesspool.

If I weren't so beat, I'd go.

I didn't know you were
interested in model boats.

I'm not, but the beach
at the cesspool

is so lovely
this time of day.

We could hunt for shells.

Or kidney stones.

How's it coming?

Two more and my sister's
necklace is finished.

-Sirs?
-Radar, you're talking
in our sleep.

Colonel Blake says he
wants to see youse both

on the double.
It's important.

Doesn't Henry know
it's a holiday?

Aaron Burr's birthday.

Who's Aaron Burr?

TRAPPER: Aaron Burr,
the guy that shot
John Wilkes Booth.

"From Major General Bartford
Hamilton Steele, U.S.A.

"Item one.

"All personnel
regardless of rank

"will fall out at
0600 hours daily

for one-half hour
of calisthenics."

Calisthenics?

Henry.

Calisthenics is a good idea.
We're all in bad condition.

I, for one,
am very soft.

Is that true, Frank?

If you'll excuse me, uh,

I promised to bless
a goat cart.

Some folks down the road

are going into business
for themselves.

HENRY: "Item two--"

Sir.

I found
the calisthenics manual.

Thank you, Klinger.

I like your blouse.

Not too daring?

A little hairy.

This General Steele
seems like a new guy

trying to make points.

Another pound of chicken doo.

For your information, Captain,
the entire Steele family

is in the Encyclopedia
Americana!

Oh, it's a very famous
Maryland family.

Three brothers,
all of 'em generals,

West Point grads.

One of 'em is a U.S. senator,

and one was the first volunteer

to be bitten by a mosquito
in the Panama Canal.

Bit him right on the locks.

Colonel, is it all right
if I go out

and start the exercises?

I'm dying to get
into a size nine.

Fine, Klinger, just go.

Oh. Thank you, sir.

At least there's
someone around here

with a little sanity.

"Item two."

Choppers, sir.

What choppers?
Where choppers?

[indistinct shouting]

-Mortars, Marty?
-Outside of Taejon, Trap.

He's gonna need a ton of blood.

KLINGER:
Yes, Doctor.

-What's gonna happen to me, Doc?
-Let's go.

TRAPPER:
You're gonna get a manicure,
a hair set, and a rinse.

Okay, come on.
Watch it.

-Got him?
-Got him.

PIERCE:
Lennox Hill Hospital,
71st and 3rd,

and step on it!

This kid was a mess.

Give me some more
0-general silk.

Come on!
Reverse the needle.

Well, you don't have
to shout, Doctor.

Look, Frank, this kid
didn't fall off his bike!

I wanna get him off this table
and into the recovery room.

Take it easy, Hawk.

He must be 17 years old.

He ought to be in the soda shop,
reading dirty magazines.

How's it going?

Better.
We got the bleeding stopped.

We're closing now.

Good.

Man, more stuff's coming
in from headquarters.

New orders, regulations.

Read that first one, Radar.

Uh, yes, sir.

"The winners of
the model yacht race

-at the cesspool are"--
-Not that, Radar.

No, let him read it.
I haven't seen a sports
page in months.

"First place went to
Private Norman Polonsky,

"with his yacht
The American Beauty Dream,

corncob construction
with toilet paper sails."

Ah, that Polonsky has
the sea in his blood.

-More 3-0 silk.
-Yes, Doctor.

"Second prize to Corporal
Timothy McInerny

"for his clipper,
The Evangeline,

"carved from a pound cake
his mother sent him

six months ago."

I hope he doesn't
invite us for dessert.

"The remainder
of the contestants

"didn't finish due
to a sudden undertow

after breakfast."

Give me that, Radar.

I'm tellin' ya,
there are gonna be some changes.

Listen to this
from General Steele.

"As of this date,
uniform regulations

"will be strictly enforced.

Individual variations
will not be tolerated."

Now, some of the stuff
you guys are wearing is out.

I mean, it's strictly G.I.
from now on.

What's the matter
with this guy Steele?

Major Houlihan and I are
never out of uniform.

You mean on purpose?

That's it.

Put a dressing on.

Uh, sir, you're
forgetting the biggie.

-What?
-The big one.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, wait till you
hear this, guys.

General Steele is gonna
headquarter here for a week.

-Why here?
-For the waters.

He's looking over the area,
checking every outfit
in I-Corps.

We've gotta shape up.

The boss is coming
to dinner.

I think I saw this show.

Haircuts, shoes shined,
uniforms cleaned and pressed--

Who's gonna press uniforms?

The motor pool.
They'll run over them
a few times.

Hey, come on, troops.
We're on the spot here.

We gotta clean up
the whole place.

What about the pigsty
we live in?

My part is neat and tidy.

But the other two parties,
who shall be nameless,

live like swine.

-Pierce.
-McIntyre.

The Swine brothers.

-Oh, man, Radar,
before I forget--
-Klinger.

-Klinger.
-Klinger shouldn't wear
any dresses and no skirts.

-No dresses in front
of the general.
-Yes, sir.

Thank you, Nurse.

You're welcome.

-How's he doing?
-Stable, Doctor.

-Hmm?
-Stable, Doctor.

All right.
Keep the blood going.

Yes, Doctor.

Hey, Doc?

Am I gonna have
a bad scar?

No, no, you'll
have a beauty.

"Z," like Zorro.

Watch it!
Don't laugh for three days.

How do you feel
about Biarritz in June?

Sorry.

-Baden-Baden in July?
-Mm-mmm.

-Monte Carlo in the fall?
-Afraid not.

How about the mattress
supply room Thursday night?

-Okay.
-I'll bring the saltines.

[humming]

Stay away from my
medical magazines, Frank.

I just got 'em.

"The Joy of Nudity."
Hmm.

Naked people
playing volleyball?

Do you participate
in this sort of thing?

It's a tax shelter.

You can deduct your
sneakers and deodorant.

Disgusting!

I certainly hope so.

Hold it, Frank!

Touch that still,
I'll put knots

in your dental floss.

Just so it's understood
I have no part of it.

MAN [on intercom]:
Attention.

Attention, please.

General Steele is arriving
at 1000 hours.

That's only a few minutes.

-Oh, dear.
-Oh, dear.

MAN [on intercom]:
Attention, five minutes
to General Steele.

Five minutes.

[whistling]

[whistling continues]

Radar! Radar?

Oh.

I got these new fatigues
and cap and everything

from the, uh,
supply sergeant.

Well, how do I look?

Oh, you look
very nice, sir.

Thank you.
Any tags or anything?

-Hold it.
-What is it?

"Do not remove this tag
under penalty

of Federal Code 764-J."

Boy, you get me
in trouble,

and I'm gonna
have your keister.

-Yes, sir.
-[siren wailing]

Oh, hell!
The kitchen's on fire again.

Sir, it's not the kitchen.
It's General Steele!
He just pulled up.

Mention the tag,
and I'll kill you.

Am I perfect?

I wanna be perfect.

Wet your lips.

General, sir.
Welcome to MASH 4077th.

Lieutenant Colonel
Henry Blake commanding.

Perfect.

Uh, can I help you
with the door, General?

I read about these
new snaps in the, uh,

snap bulletin I got there.

[siren wailing]

I'm sorry, General.

Sixty-two years old, and fit
to play halfback at the Point.

Hike.

Right.

Sergeant?

What kind of a formation
is this, Colonel?

Just the gang, sir.

-Call formation.
-Hmm?

-Have the company fall in.
-Right.

Company, fall in.

-Officers in front.
-Officers in front.

Enlisted personnel
in the rear.

Shall we inspect
the troops, Colonel?

Right, General.
Radar--

Uh, after you, General.

At all times.

-Something, General?
-I'm a bit surprised.

Sir, the tag just
fell off, honest.

Bear left
and a pace behind!

Yes, sir.

My second-in-command,
Major Frank Burns.

Trim the hair
in your nose!

Got that,
Sergeant Donovan?

Yes, sir.

You gave him an "N,"
General?

Nostril.
I'll know what it means.

Our head nurse,
Major Margaret Houlihan, sir.

Gut in, chest out!

Blackjack Pershing, 1915.

Oh, sir, would you like
the sergeant to write that down?

It isn't noteworthy.

Uh, don't write that down.
He knows what it means.

This is our chaplain,
Lieutenant Father Mulcahy.

There are no atheists
in foxholes!

I've heard that.

I'd like to see a shine
on that cross, Father.

HENRY:
This is my company clerk,
Corporal O'Reilly.

The Irish were rotten
Indian fighters.

Noncoms.

The backbone of the service.

-Where are you from, son?
-Iowa, sir.

No talking in ranks!

-Sir!
-Not now, Radar.

-Sir!
-What is it?

Straight ahead
at 12:00!

Oh, no.

Not now, Marjorie.

I'm inspecting the troops.

You needed me
for something?

Yes, Doctor.

Well, I got drafted
as soon as I could.

There's been a slight elevation
in his temperature.

Any other problems?

He's complaining
of abdominal pains.

Mm-hmm.

Hiya, Doc.

You're supposed
to be sick at attention.

[chuckling]

Ahh, I told you not
to laugh for three days.

How do you feel?

So-so.

Stick around.

I think he may be developing
an abscess.

Start him on penicillin.
600,000 units, I-M Q6-H.

Right.
Did you get the saltines?

I could only get Ry-Krisp,
but I'm salting 'em down.

You're very thorough.

I think you'll find
I'm pretty much all business.

-♪♪ [strumming]
-You got a date tonight?

You have a fantastic grasp
of the obvious.

Love your uniform.

Surplus,
from Montezuma's army.

You better not bump
into Henry and that general.

I intend only to bump
into Nurse Baker.

Repeatedly, if possible.

You think I made myself
too handsome?

I wanna give her
a fighting chance.

Hi. Got you some cheese.

-Oh! Thank you, Radar.
-Yeah.

When I die,
I'm willing you my height.

I'm gonna give you this.
Guess what's in this box.

Give.

Something you wanted
for tonight.

A dehydrated date.

You add water
and there's a girl inside.

Saltines.

Radar, you're
an exceptional human being.

I snitched those
off the cook

while he was personally
serving General Steele.

Hey, the word's out that
that general's a little bit
"el wacko."

He made me polish the bottom
of his boots and put starch
in his socks.

-Any questions?
-[laughing]

You ready?
Got the car ready, Kato?

My hat's off to you, Colonel.

How do you manage pork roast
on C rations?

Oh, just lucky, General.
One of our trucks hit a pig.

Beautifully prepared,
an apple in its mouth
and all.

Well, we don't get
any apples, sir.

Uh, that was
a baseball painted red.

What have we here?

Oh, that's an old tongue
depressor, General, sir.

It's military equipment.
You wouldn't carelessly
throw away

a used rifle, would you?

Oh, I don't know, sir.
We--

This can be cleaned up
and used again.

Waste, waste!

Well, now, you see, General,
that's full of germs.

I don't even know if you
can sterilize wood.

Let me put it to you
this way.

Have you ever seen a bird
get blood poisoning

from a white picket fence?

Well, I know so little
about birds, sir.

My mother's canary
had bronchitis.

It was waste
that defeated Hannibal
at the Battle of Zama.

He was a darky,
you know.

What's that over there,
Colonel?

-Officers' quarters, sir.
-And there?

That's our four-place
latrine, sir.

Good thinking.
The men can encourage
each other.

-Camaraderie.
-Precisely.

What's that building,
Colonel?

Storage supply, sir.

-I'd like to see that.
-Yes, sir.

Canary had bronchitis, eh?

He didn't die of it,
though.

He fell off his little swing
and smashed his bill.

Good. I hate birds.

Mmm, Hawkeye,
what are we doing?

I was hoping you'd know.

Things are happening
too fast.

You wanna stop
and have another saltine?

-Hawkeye?
-Yeah?

Um, tell me
the truth.

Do you respect me?

Do I respect the flag?

Apple pie?

Hamburgers?

The loyalty of a fine dog?

That's all I wanted to know.

HENRY: This is our supply
room, General.

Aw, Pierce!

And after that, Lieutenant,
uh, stack the walls

-and whitewash the mattresses.
-Yes, sir.

I don't understand this.
A civilian giving orders
to military personnel?

Uh, well, uh,
General Steele, sir, uh...

to tell you the truth,
sir, uh, this civilian
is, uh--

B.F. Pierce, sir.
United Press.

-United Press?
-Right.

Ah, a member of
the Fourth Estate.

General Bartford
Hamilton Steele.

That's three E's,
not all in a row.

For the record,
you can say that I predict

an early end to the war,
if it doesn't rain and
we get all wet.

Make a good story for you.
See me later.

I've got some 8x10 glossies
in my portfolio.

One picture's worth
a thousand words, General.

The dying utterance
of General Custer.

You going Stateside soon,
Mr. Pierce?

I certainly hope so,
General.

Uh, we all do, sir.

-When you get home,
would you call my wife?
-Certainly, General.

Tell her I'm sending
a Jeep for her birthday.

It'll be in a large crate
marked "kitchen utensils."

Don't mention that
in your article.

Scout's honor.

You might also tell
Mrs. Steele the dried prunes

are working out fine.

Best thing since
the Gatling gun.

As a matter of fact,
Just talking about it--

Uh, excuse me, where's
the little generals' room?

-Oh, that's just
outside, sir.
-Ah.

There you go.
First door on the left, sir.

No, no. That's the wrong--
You're going into the--

Ah, fine, sir.
Whatever.

Damn it, Pierce!
You didn't come to formation,

you didn't come to dinner,
and then we come in here,

and find you horsing
around with a girl!

Henry, that general
is gooney bird.

He's psycho.

Yeah, I know.
How do you figure that?

I mean, he comes from
a fine family.

Well, so did the Borgias.

Henry, it's got germs on it.

I mean, you're in civvies,
United Press.

What am I gonna do?

Have a saltine.

Nine.

Gimme a break.
I'm starvin'.

[chuckles]
Ten.

And this is our little
officers' club, General Steele.

Although we allow anyone in,

except the enemy,
of course.

[chuckles]

-Hi, Henry.
-Uh, this is, uh--

General,
this is Captain McIntyre,

one of our really
fine surgeons.

-Surgeon. Doctor, eh?
-Not yet.

My brother contacted
yellow fever

during the digging
of the Panama Canal.

You should've called
me sooner, sir.

-Good pretzels.
-Thank you.

Uh, sir, this is Warrant
Officer Martin Williams,

one of the best chopper
pilots in the theater.

-General.
-Williams.

Well, General, care for
a little, uh, drink?

War and whiskey don't mix.

General Grant kept
throwin' up on his bugler.

-Chopper pilot, eh?
-Yes, General.

How far is it
to the front, Williams?

Twenty minutes, General.

And what is your fuel
consumption?

Twenty gallons an hour,
General.

Waste, waste, waste!
We're gonna have to move

your unit closer
to the front, Colonel.

You mean where the guys
are fighting, sir?

"You do your best business
on Main Street,"
General Cornwallis.

It's not all that pleasant
being on the 50-yard line,
General.

Oh, it's very
dangerous, sir.

Danger is our business.

Get your second-in-command,
and we'll find a new location.

MASH means Mobile Army
Surgical Hospital,

and mobile you shall be!

Sir. Sir.

That'll mean tearing down
the tents, the buildings.

We'll have to pack
everything up.

I mean, we've been here
a long time.

We fixed it up so nice.

I mean, gee whiz, just last week
the nurses planted radishes.

"A radish will never stand
in the way of victory,"

Marshal Foch.

Moving the hospital
closer to combat?
Now I know he's crazy.

He's a fruitcake.
He's got raisins for eyes.

History shows that most
great military minds
border on the eccentric.

You gotta jump me.

I don't want to.

[groans]

Life in the big city.

That general is nuts!

I've seen that look
in every Hitchcock movie.

Can you still see
the hair in my nose?

Uh-huh, but it's parted
on the wrong side.

I never realized I had
so much hair up there.

I did-- I just thought it
was an in-grown mustache.

[siren wailing]

Come on, Frank.

The general wants to go look
for the new hospital site.

Henry, you're not really
gonna let this guy move us?

He'll get us killed!

Well, what am I
supposed to do?

He's a two-star general.

But he's a three-star loony.

He is nuts, isn't he?

Is Bismarck a herring?

-Henry.
-Yeah?

What if you just
disobeyed him?

I can't disobey an order.

I mean, unless somebody
gives me an order to do it.

-Terrific.
-[siren wailing]

Come on, let's not
keep dingdong waiting.

Geronimo!

Well, you can see for
yourselves, gentlemen.

This is a much more
desirable location.

Good water supply.

Flat ground,
easier logistics.

This is it.
We move tomorrow.
That's an order.

Whatever you say,
General.

Aren't we forgetting
something, Colonel?

-General?
-You accepted an order.
That requires a salute.

Uh, saluting isn't advisable
around here, sir.

No, sir.
There are snipers.

And they could see
that you're the higher
ranking officer.

Pish tosh!
Let me have it.

[gunshots ricocheting]

-[gunshot]
-Well, we can stand
and fight...

or we can have lunch.

-Lunch!
-Lunch!

Yeah, I'm a little
hungry myself.

[gunshot]

[gunshot]

[gunshot]

♪ I love a parade

♪ The beat of the drums
Dah, dah, dah, dum ♪

-[engine starts]
-[gunshot]

♪ I love...

They can do more
for you down in Seoul.

I'll send you
my bill later.

Don't laugh.

-Land soft, Marty.
-Gotcha.

[siren wailing]

-Hold that chopper!
-I got an emergency.

-That patient's going to Seoul.
-I need that chopper!

I wish to use it
to observe the move!

Sorry, General.

Go!

You bring that chopper
back down here!

Too late, General.

-You're insubordinate!
-Right!

-You're insolent!
-Right! And you're nuts!

All right.
This preliminary hearing
is now in order.

-General?
-Thank you, Colonel Atkins.

I'll make this
as brief as possible

so we can get on
with movin' this unit.

-Charges.
-"Re: Captain Benjamin--"

-Get on with the charges!
-Charges.

"Insubordination.

Disobedience of orders.
Impersonating a civilian."

Thought I forgot about you
in the storage room,
didn't you?

It was a night
I'll never forget.

I'd like to interrogate
the first witness, Colonel.

By your leave, General.

"Warrant Officer
Martin H. Williams."

-Yes, General.
-Williams, I want you to know

there are no charges
against you.

You simply obeyed the orders
of a superior.

The sign of a good soldier.
Now, feel at ease.

Just tell in your own words
the incident

at the helicopter pad
yesterday at 0900 hours.

But first, a number.

Sir?

You know,
a musical number.

Well, you've got it
in your blood, boy.

Just let it out.

♪ When the sun goes down
the tide goes out ♪

♪ The darkies stand around
and they all begin to shout ♪

♪ Hey hey Uncle Fud

♪ It's a treat
to beat your feet
on the Mississippi mud ♪

♪ Hey hey Uncle Fud

♪ It's a treat
to beat your feet
on the Mississippi mud ♪

♪ It's a treat
to beat your feet
on the Mississippi mud ♪

♪ What a dance they all do

♪ Lordy they all dance
for you ♪

♪ Hey hey Uncle Fud

♪ It's a treat
to beat your feet
on the Mississippi mud ♪

♪ It's a treat
to beat your feet
on the Mississippi mud ♪

I take it
we don't have to leave?

Only the general does.

In a rubber truck.

-♪♪ [strumming]
-Hey, Trap.

Look at this one
playin' basketball.

Not a bad hook shot
for a girl.

Hey, did you guys read
Stars and Stripestoday?

What, Henry?

"General Bartford
Hamilton Steele

"has been promoted
to three-star general

"for meritorious
service in Korea.

"His new assignment
is the Pentagon,

"where he will be
in charge of operations

for the entire Asian theater."

Hmph! And you all thought
he was crazy.

Crazy? A three-star general?
Hit it!

♪ When the sun goes down
and the tide goes out ♪

♪ They all gather round
and they all begin to shout ♪

TOGETHER:
♪ Hey, hey, on my way

♪♪ [continues]

♪ What a dance they may do

♪ Lordy, how...

♪♪ [theme]