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1
00:00:06,927 --> 00:00:09,062
(off-key):
Leave me alone, big bully
2
00:00:09,064 --> 00:00:11,430
Leave me alone
3
00:00:11,432 --> 00:00:14,366
I moan the whole day long
4
00:00:14,368 --> 00:00:17,336
CAROL: She's just awful.
5
00:00:17,338 --> 00:00:19,505
Thank God she didn't also
6
00:00:19,507 --> 00:00:21,674
get Debbie's red hair.
7
00:00:21,676 --> 00:00:22,820
NATHAN: Why do I come here?
8
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I have my own home.
9
00:00:25,013 --> 00:00:27,180
KIP: Can a person go to jail
10
00:00:27,182 --> 00:00:30,883
for murdering... a song?
11
00:00:30,885 --> 00:00:32,584
TOM: Wish I wore a hearing aid
12
00:00:32,586 --> 00:00:35,221
so I could turn it off.
13
00:00:35,223 --> 00:00:39,124
Big bully, won't you leave me alone?
14
00:00:39,926 --> 00:00:42,160
Ah, that was wonderful, Mikayla.
15
00:00:42,162 --> 00:00:44,530
And it only took you 16 times
16
00:00:44,532 --> 00:00:46,965
to almost get it right.
17
00:00:46,967 --> 00:00:48,667
Sure, it's still a little rough,
18
00:00:48,669 --> 00:00:50,636
but, uh, we needed something
for the assembly
19
00:00:50,638 --> 00:00:52,338
for Anti-Bullying Week.
20
00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:53,472
You're doing great work here.
21
00:00:53,474 --> 00:00:54,973
Nothing stops a kid from getting bullied
22
00:00:54,975 --> 00:00:57,742
more than a bowler hat and a cane.
23
00:00:57,744 --> 00:00:58,910
All right, come on, Mikayla.
24
00:00:58,912 --> 00:01:00,011
Let's clean up those dance steps.
25
00:01:00,013 --> 00:01:01,146
You want some help?
26
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:02,180
Uh, that's okay.
27
00:01:02,182 --> 00:01:03,148
I think we're close.
28
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:04,615
His loss.
29
00:01:04,617 --> 00:01:07,219
I spent four years studying dance.
30
00:01:07,221 --> 00:01:08,353
Oh, yeah? Where?
31
00:01:08,355 --> 00:01:09,620
My couch.
32
00:01:09,622 --> 00:01:11,489
I watched all four seasons of Dance Moms.
33
00:01:11,491 --> 00:01:15,226
Plus a week-long marathon
of Dances with Wolves.
34
00:01:16,395 --> 00:01:19,764
So, I can teach her to dance
or kill a buffalo.
35
00:01:20,966 --> 00:01:23,934
So, my Aunt Louise is going
to be visiting next week.
36
00:01:23,936 --> 00:01:25,918
Aunt Louise, remember?
37
00:01:26,039 --> 00:01:27,738
She came to our family reunion.
38
00:01:27,740 --> 00:01:29,774
She drove a convertible...
39
00:01:29,776 --> 00:01:31,241
through the tug-of-war?
40
00:01:31,243 --> 00:01:33,277
Oh, right, yes.
41
00:01:33,279 --> 00:01:35,145
She dragged Cousin Tim and his six kids
42
00:01:35,147 --> 00:01:37,715
all the way to the lake.
43
00:01:37,717 --> 00:01:39,817
They just wouldn't let go.
44
00:01:41,887 --> 00:01:43,454
Well, she's coming up here for a funeral,
45
00:01:43,456 --> 00:01:47,091
and she has decided to make a
whole week-long trip out of it.
46
00:01:47,093 --> 00:01:48,725
I want you each
47
00:01:48,727 --> 00:01:51,295
to spend a day looking after
her so Kip and I don't have
48
00:01:51,297 --> 00:01:52,729
to shoulder the burden alone.
49
00:01:52,731 --> 00:01:55,065
What... a whole day? Why? I barely know her.
50
00:01:55,067 --> 00:01:57,301
Because it's essential that
you get to know your relatives
51
00:01:57,303 --> 00:01:59,603
while you're still blessed
with their presence.
52
00:01:59,605 --> 00:02:03,239
Plus, old people gross me out.
53
00:02:03,241 --> 00:02:05,775
Present company excluded, Tom.
54
00:02:07,011 --> 00:02:08,511
And Carol.
55
00:02:08,513 --> 00:02:09,946
And Nathan.
56
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,484
It's a shame we have to spend
a whole week doing this.
57
00:02:14,486 --> 00:02:15,986
I mean, she's foggy-headed enough.
58
00:02:15,988 --> 00:02:17,920
We could probably just
meet her at the airport,
59
00:02:17,922 --> 00:02:19,388
spin her around three times
60
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:22,425
and put her back on the plane.
61
00:02:22,427 --> 00:02:23,892
It would work. I've always said,
62
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,728
"Kids, please shoot me if ever get
63
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:29,298
as foggy and senile as old Tom."
64
00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:31,800
I mean Louise. Did I say "Tom"?
65
00:02:31,802 --> 00:02:33,603
You had a good run, Tom.
66
00:02:33,605 --> 00:02:36,271
Should they shoot you now
or take you in your sleep?
67
00:02:36,273 --> 00:02:40,009
Okay, Mikayla's gonna practice
the song a few more times.
68
00:02:40,011 --> 00:02:42,210
Shoot me now.
69
00:02:45,329 --> 00:02:47,384
The Millers - 02x09
Louise Louise
70
00:02:58,626 --> 00:03:01,603
- sync and correction by solfieri -
www.addic7ed.com
71
00:03:09,810 --> 00:03:11,143
I'm sorry we're so late.
72
00:03:11,145 --> 00:03:12,477
Somebody wouldn't let me drive
73
00:03:12,479 --> 00:03:13,912
under anything that might
74
00:03:13,914 --> 00:03:15,914
interrupt her AM radio signal.
75
00:03:16,116 --> 00:03:18,783
That woman sounds like a real bitch.
76
00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:23,522
Yeah, why don't you have
a seat, Aunt Louise?
77
00:03:23,524 --> 00:03:26,658
Yeah, we were really sorry
to hear about your friend.
78
00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:28,192
Uh, how was the funeral?
79
00:03:28,194 --> 00:03:29,861
Oh, it was a big downer.
80
00:03:29,863 --> 00:03:32,130
Every speaker just went on and on and on
81
00:03:32,132 --> 00:03:34,665
about the great things Jack did.
82
00:03:34,667 --> 00:03:38,503
Did you know he got
a Purple Heart in Vietnam?
83
00:03:39,971 --> 00:03:42,340
Turned that color
from eating too many grapes.
84
00:03:44,609 --> 00:03:46,644
It got me thinking. I haven't done anything
85
00:03:46,646 --> 00:03:49,479
worth talking about at my own funeral!
86
00:03:49,481 --> 00:03:50,981
Well, that's not true, Aunt Louise.
87
00:03:50,983 --> 00:03:53,717
You've done plenty of wonderful
things that we can talk about.
88
00:03:53,719 --> 00:03:56,353
Oh, you think so? Well, fine.
89
00:03:56,355 --> 00:03:58,355
Let's give it a whirl.
90
00:03:58,357 --> 00:03:59,857
I'm dead.
91
00:03:59,859 --> 00:04:01,258
Talk.
92
00:04:01,260 --> 00:04:04,627
Aunt Louise, I don't know if we should...
93
00:04:04,629 --> 00:04:06,796
Start talking.
94
00:04:06,798 --> 00:04:08,131
Open casket.
95
00:04:08,133 --> 00:04:09,699
The flies are gonna come.
96
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,969
Okay. Okay.
97
00:04:12,971 --> 00:04:14,404
Uh...
98
00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:19,076
uh, my aunt lived her life
99
00:04:19,078 --> 00:04:20,710
to the fullest.
100
00:04:22,713 --> 00:04:24,313
Uh...
101
00:04:24,315 --> 00:04:27,149
she lived a very full life.
102
00:04:27,151 --> 00:04:28,818
Two sentences in and you're repeating
103
00:04:28,820 --> 00:04:30,453
(stammers) the generic crap
104
00:04:30,455 --> 00:04:32,388
you've already said.
105
00:04:32,390 --> 00:04:34,356
Let's hear some specifics.
106
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,357
Who's next?
107
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:37,025
Well, come on, Aunt Louise,
108
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,361
this isn't fair.
You can't just die like that
109
00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:41,863
without warning. We weren't ready.
110
00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:44,066
Dead body.
111
00:04:45,602 --> 00:04:46,635
I'll handle the girl.
112
00:04:46,637 --> 00:04:48,237
Put plastic under the body.
113
00:04:48,239 --> 00:04:50,206
Sometimes things leak out.
114
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:56,845
I'm sorry, Louise.
115
00:04:56,847 --> 00:04:59,047
We just don't know anything because...
116
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,916
Because there isn't anything.
117
00:05:00,918 --> 00:05:02,684
I haven't done a single thing in my life
118
00:05:02,686 --> 00:05:05,153
that's worth talking about. Excuse me.
119
00:05:05,155 --> 00:05:07,489
I'm going to the bathroom...
120
00:05:07,491 --> 00:05:09,390
where I will likely once again fail
121
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:12,293
to accomplish anything meaningful.
122
00:05:16,465 --> 00:05:18,266
I feel terrible.
123
00:05:18,268 --> 00:05:20,735
My Aunt Louise taught me
how to ride a bike.
124
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,570
What kind of niece am I?
125
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,272
I hardly know the woman.
126
00:05:24,274 --> 00:05:25,673
You know what?
127
00:05:25,675 --> 00:05:27,908
This week, I'm gonna help her achieve
128
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,611
something worth talking about
at her funeral.
129
00:05:30,613 --> 00:05:32,246
You know what? That's a great idea, Mom.
130
00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:34,148
Yeah, yeah, and I-I-I took
some time off work
131
00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:36,416
so I could spend the day
with her and-and, uh,
132
00:05:36,418 --> 00:05:37,484
I'll try something, too.
133
00:05:37,486 --> 00:05:39,153
I was halfway down the hall
134
00:05:39,155 --> 00:05:41,989
and forgot where I was.
135
00:05:42,923 --> 00:05:44,358
Carol's house, right?
136
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,926
Oh! Oh! And my suitcase is packed.
137
00:05:46,928 --> 00:05:49,196
Oh.
138
00:05:49,198 --> 00:05:51,632
I must've had a fun visit.
139
00:05:51,634 --> 00:05:54,401
This week flew by.
140
00:05:54,403 --> 00:05:57,337
Well, I got to get
141
00:05:57,339 --> 00:05:59,505
to the airport.
142
00:06:01,175 --> 00:06:05,145
I wouldn't want to miss my plane.
143
00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:07,246
(door closes)
144
00:06:07,248 --> 00:06:09,015
I love her, but, God,
145
00:06:09,017 --> 00:06:11,985
this is tempting.
146
00:06:13,788 --> 00:06:15,788
So, we got the whole day together.
147
00:06:15,790 --> 00:06:17,223
But only four hours if we count
148
00:06:17,225 --> 00:06:19,892
for your naps, snacks
and rants about immigrants.
149
00:06:19,894 --> 00:06:21,994
So, let's...
150
00:06:21,996 --> 00:06:24,163
let's figure out something
that people can remember you by.
151
00:06:24,165 --> 00:06:26,365
Is there something
that you've always dreamed about
152
00:06:26,367 --> 00:06:28,000
but never had a chance to try?
153
00:06:28,002 --> 00:06:30,269
I always wanted to sing
154
00:06:30,271 --> 00:06:31,837
in front of a crowd.
155
00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:34,539
The problem is I only know one song.
156
00:06:36,309 --> 00:06:39,544
Oh, say can you see
157
00:06:39,546 --> 00:06:43,182
By the dawn's early light?
158
00:06:43,184 --> 00:06:45,483
The song is the national anthem.
159
00:06:46,853 --> 00:06:47,953
- In case you...
- No, I...
160
00:06:47,955 --> 00:06:49,754
I pieced it together. So, uh, well...
161
00:06:49,756 --> 00:06:53,157
what-what if you sang at a sporting event?
162
00:06:53,159 --> 00:06:55,192
What, like, at the Super Bowl?
163
00:06:55,194 --> 00:06:56,893
I could flash a nipple.
164
00:06:59,731 --> 00:07:00,864
Obviously, can't do that.
165
00:07:00,866 --> 00:07:02,065
But you know, um, (clears throat)
166
00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:03,967
Leesburg does have
a minor league hockey team.
167
00:07:03,969 --> 00:07:05,469
The Fightin' Titans, right?
168
00:07:05,471 --> 00:07:07,404
And-and, uh, we have a connection.
169
00:07:07,406 --> 00:07:09,506
Their star player Igor Yasin
170
00:07:09,508 --> 00:07:11,474
works out at Ray's gym.
171
00:07:11,476 --> 00:07:12,876
Oh, I can't just walk up on him
and bother him
172
00:07:12,878 --> 00:07:14,577
while he's working out.
173
00:07:14,579 --> 00:07:16,579
I mean, that guy...
I don't want to get him mad.
174
00:07:16,581 --> 00:07:18,014
I've seen Rocky IV.
175
00:07:18,016 --> 00:07:21,051
I know what happens to the black friend.
176
00:07:21,053 --> 00:07:23,319
Of course, you can't go talk
to him, but I can.
177
00:07:23,321 --> 00:07:24,855
We're both celebrities.
178
00:07:26,157 --> 00:07:28,090
Local celebrities. I mean, you know?
179
00:07:28,092 --> 00:07:29,425
Come on, minor league athletes,
180
00:07:29,427 --> 00:07:31,927
local newscasters, bus bench Realtors.
181
00:07:31,929 --> 00:07:34,297
Basically anybody who's ever been told,
182
00:07:34,299 --> 00:07:37,433
"Hey, you're that guy from that thing."
183
00:07:37,435 --> 00:07:38,934
I've always been curious,
184
00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:41,137
uh, about hockey.
185
00:07:41,139 --> 00:07:42,472
I never played it.
186
00:07:42,474 --> 00:07:44,306
But, uh, we did play a fun game,
187
00:07:44,308 --> 00:07:46,909
uh, on a tuna boat that I worked on.
188
00:07:46,911 --> 00:07:48,610
You, uh, you worked on a tuna boat?
189
00:07:48,612 --> 00:07:50,246
Well, I was a cook.
190
00:07:50,248 --> 00:07:54,250
The skipper had a nephew with no legs.
191
00:07:54,252 --> 00:07:56,351
Tough little guy.
192
00:07:56,353 --> 00:07:59,588
He'd slide around the deck
every time it got icy.
193
00:08:01,658 --> 00:08:03,558
Five of us would stand
on each side of the boat,
194
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,060
and we'd use our mops to try to make sure
195
00:08:06,062 --> 00:08:09,130
that he didn't slide under the rail.
196
00:08:10,966 --> 00:08:13,502
That's, uh, that actually
sounds a lot like hockey.
197
00:08:13,504 --> 00:08:14,803
I guess you're right.
198
00:08:14,805 --> 00:08:17,571
Uh, un-unfortunately,
somewhere off the coast
199
00:08:17,573 --> 00:08:21,642
of Nova Scotia,
my team lost one to nothing.
200
00:08:23,312 --> 00:08:26,080
The skipper was not pleased.
201
00:08:32,454 --> 00:08:34,388
- Hey.
- Oh.
202
00:08:34,390 --> 00:08:37,024
There's Igor over there doing
his weird pregame ritual.
203
00:08:37,026 --> 00:08:39,627
He only counts in Police Academy movies.
204
00:08:39,629 --> 00:08:41,462
(Russian accent): Police Academy 1.
205
00:08:41,464 --> 00:08:44,398
Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment.
206
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,568
Police Academy 3: Back in Training.
207
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:49,903
Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol.
208
00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:52,072
Oh, man.
209
00:08:53,875 --> 00:08:55,943
Exercise, huh?
210
00:08:55,945 --> 00:08:57,311
Tell me about it. Hey, listen.
211
00:08:57,313 --> 00:08:59,146
My great aunt would love
to sing the national anthem
212
00:08:59,148 --> 00:09:00,547
at one of your games and I was thinking
213
00:09:00,549 --> 00:09:02,216
that maybe you could talk to your owner?
214
00:09:02,218 --> 00:09:03,884
Please, don't bother Igor.
215
00:09:03,886 --> 00:09:06,253
I get it... fans wanting
to talk to you is a drag.
216
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,988
But I figured since I'm also
a local celebrity...
217
00:09:08,990 --> 00:09:11,691
"A local celebrity" how?
218
00:09:11,693 --> 00:09:14,160
You are popular dentist with billboard?
219
00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:16,028
No.
220
00:09:16,030 --> 00:09:18,631
Nathan Miller, news reporter?
221
00:09:18,633 --> 00:09:20,467
WXDN?
222
00:09:20,469 --> 00:09:22,335
I-I walk your streets?
223
00:09:22,337 --> 00:09:24,303
Oh, you did report
224
00:09:24,305 --> 00:09:27,506
where you're bitten by Easter Bunny!
225
00:09:29,142 --> 00:09:30,977
Right, right. Yeah.
226
00:09:30,979 --> 00:09:32,945
You scream, scare rabbit.
227
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:34,947
Almost cry.
228
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:37,116
Well, I was... I was playing it
up for the kids, man.
229
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:38,550
The-the point is
230
00:09:38,552 --> 00:09:40,686
we're both in the same
local celebrity club.
231
00:09:40,688 --> 00:09:43,989
No. I am B-level local celebrity.
232
00:09:43,991 --> 00:09:47,493
You are C minus, maybe not even.
233
00:09:49,195 --> 00:09:51,430
You are just Leesburg famous.
234
00:09:51,432 --> 00:09:54,767
I get free carwash from here
to Mount Vernon.
235
00:09:54,769 --> 00:09:56,801
Hey, listen, man.
I've got voice mails saved
236
00:09:56,803 --> 00:10:00,305
on this phone from Jane Pauley
and Andre 3000's mother.
237
00:10:00,307 --> 00:10:01,907
And you can hear Andre in the background.
238
00:10:01,909 --> 00:10:03,574
I think they're on a bus.
239
00:10:03,576 --> 00:10:04,976
Here, I'm gonna play it for you right now.
240
00:10:04,978 --> 00:10:07,045
CAROL: Nathan, it's Mom. No, no...
241
00:10:07,047 --> 00:10:08,679
What did the doctor say about your mole?
242
00:10:08,681 --> 00:10:10,348
Hold on, wrong one...
243
00:10:10,350 --> 00:10:11,950
Excuse me, I must finish
244
00:10:11,952 --> 00:10:15,052
pregame routine with naked shower.
245
00:10:20,793 --> 00:10:22,159
How'd it go, big baller?
246
00:10:22,161 --> 00:10:24,729
Just a little, little hiccup,
but I'll be fine.
247
00:10:24,731 --> 00:10:27,231
I won't take nyet for an answer.
248
00:10:31,102 --> 00:10:33,637
Put right foot in
249
00:10:33,639 --> 00:10:35,639
Put right foot out
250
00:10:35,641 --> 00:10:37,641
Put right foot in
251
00:10:37,643 --> 00:10:39,576
Shake it all about
252
00:10:39,578 --> 00:10:43,380
Do the Hockey Puckey
and turn self around
253
00:10:43,382 --> 00:10:45,916
That is what is all about.
254
00:10:45,918 --> 00:10:47,584
Put left foot in
255
00:10:47,586 --> 00:10:48,885
Put the left...
256
00:10:48,887 --> 00:10:50,487
Oh, say, can you see
257
00:10:50,489 --> 00:10:55,024
By... the dawn's early light
258
00:10:55,026 --> 00:10:56,092
She promised to cover her eyes.
259
00:10:56,094 --> 00:10:57,961
I just wanted you to see how great she was.
260
00:10:57,963 --> 00:11:00,597
You ruin pregame routine.
261
00:11:00,599 --> 00:11:03,967
Now I must start Hockey Puckey
all over again.
262
00:11:03,969 --> 00:11:07,136
Ooh, I'd like to hammer that sickle.
263
00:11:13,928 --> 00:11:16,597
What were you thinking, Nathan?
264
00:11:16,599 --> 00:11:19,032
Trying to get her to sing
at a pro hockey game?
265
00:11:19,034 --> 00:11:21,735
People need to reach for attainable goals.
266
00:11:21,737 --> 00:11:23,003
Exactly.
267
00:11:23,005 --> 00:11:26,372
That's why my celebrity crush
is Paul Giamatti.
268
00:11:26,374 --> 00:11:29,142
Mom, you don't know anything
about attainable goals.
269
00:11:29,144 --> 00:11:31,111
You're the one who told me to ask out
270
00:11:31,113 --> 00:11:33,146
that hot bank manager with the hook hand.
271
00:11:33,148 --> 00:11:36,817
And she gave me
what I think was the finger.
272
00:11:36,819 --> 00:11:38,185
Could have been a thumbs up.
273
00:11:38,187 --> 00:11:39,886
Oh, my God, you're right.
274
00:11:39,888 --> 00:11:41,321
Hang on, I'll be right back.
275
00:11:44,425 --> 00:11:46,693
We're gonna do something easy.
276
00:11:46,695 --> 00:11:48,595
Oh.
277
00:11:48,597 --> 00:11:51,464
Aunt Louise, we're gonna shoot
a video and make you famous.
278
00:11:51,466 --> 00:11:54,467
(chuckling): Okay.
279
00:11:54,469 --> 00:11:57,203
I guess I'd be up for a sex tape.
280
00:12:00,473 --> 00:12:02,441
It's not a sex tape.
281
00:12:02,443 --> 00:12:04,343
Oh, no, it's in my head.
282
00:12:04,345 --> 00:12:06,545
The damage has been done.
283
00:12:08,314 --> 00:12:10,649
Aunt Louise, we're gonna make
an instructional video
284
00:12:10,651 --> 00:12:12,017
for the Internet.
285
00:12:12,019 --> 00:12:13,452
They're very popular.
286
00:12:13,454 --> 00:12:15,554
I was very popular.
287
00:12:15,556 --> 00:12:17,956
I was the most popular woman in Arizona.
288
00:12:17,958 --> 00:12:21,025
Till that other bitch moved in.
289
00:12:22,629 --> 00:12:24,429
I'm telling you... you can make a video
290
00:12:24,431 --> 00:12:26,598
that millions of people could watch
291
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,933
and that would be something
for people to remember you by.
292
00:12:28,935 --> 00:12:31,803
It just has to be interesting and exciting.
293
00:12:31,805 --> 00:12:34,739
I could teach people how
to make a pill organizer
294
00:12:34,741 --> 00:12:36,875
out of an ice cube tray.
295
00:12:42,214 --> 00:12:45,116
Well, then film me having
sex with that black guy.
296
00:12:49,254 --> 00:12:51,422
The ice cube tray is great.
297
00:12:51,424 --> 00:12:53,324
Yeah.
298
00:12:54,359 --> 00:12:55,993
Hi, I'm Louise.
299
00:12:55,995 --> 00:12:57,595
And I'm going to teach you...
300
00:12:57,597 --> 00:12:58,596
CAROL: No, Aunt Louise,
301
00:12:58,598 --> 00:12:59,997
point at the camera, not at Kip.
302
00:12:59,999 --> 00:13:01,499
And I'm going to teach you...
303
00:13:01,501 --> 00:13:02,800
Cut!
304
00:13:02,802 --> 00:13:04,701
And then the Cambodians moved in
305
00:13:04,703 --> 00:13:06,970
and made every porch look
like a shoe store.
306
00:13:06,972 --> 00:13:08,705
Cut.
307
00:13:08,707 --> 00:13:10,973
In today's video, you're gonna learn
308
00:13:10,975 --> 00:13:13,676
how to take a simple ice tray like this...
309
00:13:13,678 --> 00:13:15,678
And turn it into this.
310
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:16,712
Oh.
311
00:13:16,714 --> 00:13:17,847
Cut.
312
00:13:17,849 --> 00:13:20,149
And once you've labeled the plastic wrap,
313
00:13:20,151 --> 00:13:22,451
you wrap it over the ice cube tray,
314
00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:24,821
with the days corresponding
to the correct molds,
315
00:13:24,823 --> 00:13:26,522
and voil?!
316
00:13:26,524 --> 00:13:28,857
No more accidental overdoses
317
00:13:28,859 --> 00:13:30,859
or unpredictable erections.
318
00:13:30,861 --> 00:13:33,629
Are we done, yet?
319
00:13:38,968 --> 00:13:40,703
I like a little honey in my tea.
320
00:13:40,705 --> 00:13:41,937
You got any?
321
00:13:41,939 --> 00:13:43,171
Let me check.
322
00:13:43,173 --> 00:13:45,307
Hey, quick question for you.
323
00:13:45,309 --> 00:13:48,310
What age did you start
getting foggy-headed?
324
00:13:48,312 --> 00:13:51,779
I'll tell you when it happens.
325
00:13:51,781 --> 00:13:54,015
I'm still sharp as a tack.
326
00:13:57,286 --> 00:13:59,221
Mmm.
327
00:13:59,223 --> 00:14:01,456
I like a little honey in my tea.
328
00:14:02,958 --> 00:14:03,891
You got any?
329
00:14:03,893 --> 00:14:05,560
Let me check.
330
00:14:05,562 --> 00:14:07,061
Hey, quick question for you.
331
00:14:08,263 --> 00:14:11,799
What age did you start
getting foggy-headed?
332
00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:13,934
Where is she?
333
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,570
Aunt Louise, get out here, great news!
334
00:14:15,572 --> 00:14:17,037
Did you get a thumbs up from hook-hand?
335
00:14:17,039 --> 00:14:18,906
No, I was right, it was the finger.
336
00:14:20,408 --> 00:14:21,775
Hey, congratulations!
337
00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:23,143
You're singing the national anthem
338
00:14:23,145 --> 00:14:24,511
at tomorrow's Fightin' Titans game!
339
00:14:24,513 --> 00:14:26,146
Oh!
340
00:14:26,148 --> 00:14:28,082
The night Louise sang to him in the shower,
341
00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:29,516
Igor had the game of his life.
342
00:14:29,518 --> 00:14:31,085
Now he thinks Louise is good luck.
343
00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:32,886
Can she even sing?
344
00:14:32,888 --> 00:14:33,987
Oh, she's great.
345
00:14:33,989 --> 00:14:35,922
Yeah, yeah, show her, Louise.
346
00:14:35,924 --> 00:14:38,658
Oh, say, can you see
347
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:41,928
By the dawn's early light
348
00:14:41,930 --> 00:14:45,198
The rockets we light...
349
00:14:47,668 --> 00:14:48,968
- Wait, that's wrong.
- Yeah.
350
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:50,403
Uh,
What so proud...
351
00:14:50,405 --> 00:14:51,304
I got it, I got it.
352
00:14:51,306 --> 00:14:54,573
What so proudly we sing...
353
00:14:55,976 --> 00:14:58,244
What the hell are the words?
354
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,315
Uh, listen, uh, y-you got
to sing tomorrow night.
355
00:15:02,317 --> 00:15:04,550
D-Do you think you can
remember the words by then?
356
00:15:04,552 --> 00:15:06,719
(chuckling): Of course I could.
357
00:15:06,721 --> 00:15:08,821
Remember the words to what?
358
00:15:08,823 --> 00:15:11,490
Good Lord, the national anthem.
359
00:15:11,492 --> 00:15:14,126
Maybe we should make her cue cards.
360
00:15:14,128 --> 00:15:16,094
Oh, uh, they'd have to be huge.
361
00:15:16,096 --> 00:15:18,263
My eyes aren't what they used to be.
362
00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:19,932
I've been in this house for three days,
363
00:15:19,934 --> 00:15:22,935
I still can't find the bathroom.
364
00:15:22,937 --> 00:15:24,869
You're gonna want to buy a new hamper.
365
00:15:29,242 --> 00:15:30,775
Ladies and gentlemen.
366
00:15:30,777 --> 00:15:32,744
I can no longer sit on the sidelines
367
00:15:32,746 --> 00:15:34,913
and watch poor Mikayla suffer
through her dance routine.
368
00:15:34,915 --> 00:15:35,914
So we got together...
369
00:15:35,916 --> 00:15:37,816
Kip, Kip, Kip.
370
00:15:37,818 --> 00:15:39,250
W-We're kind of in the middle of something.
371
00:15:39,252 --> 00:15:42,219
Yeah, me, too.
372
00:15:42,221 --> 00:15:44,388
You think I enjoy spending my free time
373
00:15:44,390 --> 00:15:46,424
helping a little girl learn
how to sing and dance?
374
00:15:46,426 --> 00:15:48,593
ALL: Yes.
375
00:15:48,595 --> 00:15:50,562
Exactly.
376
00:15:50,564 --> 00:15:52,797
So shut up and let me enjoy it.
377
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:57,634
(piano plays "(Won't You
Come Home) Bill Bailey")
378
00:15:59,504 --> 00:16:02,606
Leave me alone, big bully
379
00:16:02,608 --> 00:16:04,842
Leave me alone...
380
00:16:04,844 --> 00:16:07,178
Wow, she's really good.
381
00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:10,381
I'm gonna put her picture
back in my wallet.
382
00:16:10,383 --> 00:16:12,048
Take all my lunch money
383
00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:13,917
You call me names
384
00:16:13,919 --> 00:16:17,955
I'm here to tell you that is wrong
385
00:16:19,056 --> 00:16:20,691
Remember people's feelings
386
00:16:20,693 --> 00:16:22,926
They can get hurt
387
00:16:22,928 --> 00:16:24,160
When nothing...
388
00:16:24,162 --> 00:16:25,829
Mikayla, stop, stop, stop, stop.
389
00:16:25,831 --> 00:16:27,498
You guys, don't look at me.
390
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,499
I'm only helping her because
she couldn't remember anything,
391
00:16:29,501 --> 00:16:31,201
so I'm acting out the cues.
392
00:16:42,179 --> 00:16:44,014
Do you think it would work?
393
00:16:44,016 --> 00:16:46,015
We've got 24 hours to practice.
394
00:16:46,017 --> 00:16:47,483
It's worth a shot.
395
00:16:47,485 --> 00:16:49,719
Debbie, get my arts and crafts supplies.
396
00:16:49,721 --> 00:16:51,521
Mikayla, grab all your toys.
397
00:16:51,523 --> 00:16:54,423
Adam, go steal the flag from the bank.
398
00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:59,094
We're gonna help an old lady
remember a song.
399
00:16:59,096 --> 00:17:02,264
Whose broad stripes and bright stars
400
00:17:02,266 --> 00:17:05,200
Through the perilous fight
401
00:17:05,202 --> 00:17:08,137
O'er the ramparts we watched
402
00:17:08,139 --> 00:17:12,341
Were so gallantly streaming?
403
00:17:12,343 --> 00:17:15,277
And the rockets' red glare
404
00:17:15,279 --> 00:17:18,146
The bombs bursting in air
405
00:17:18,148 --> 00:17:20,715
Gave proof through the night
406
00:17:20,717 --> 00:17:24,218
That our flag was still there
407
00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:29,424
Oh, say does that star-spangled
408
00:17:29,426 --> 00:17:33,562
Banner yet wave
409
00:17:33,564 --> 00:17:38,499
O'er the land of the free...
410
00:17:38,501 --> 00:17:41,469
And the home
411
00:17:41,471 --> 00:17:45,540
Of the brave...?
412
00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:47,542
That was amazing.
413
00:17:47,544 --> 00:17:50,744
I am proud to be an American.
414
00:17:54,716 --> 00:17:57,685
CAROL: Okay, everyone, in your places.
415
00:17:57,687 --> 00:18:01,188
Do you all have your stuff?
416
00:18:01,190 --> 00:18:02,522
This is so exciting.
417
00:18:02,524 --> 00:18:04,925
Louise is finally gonna get
to sing in front of thousands.
418
00:18:04,927 --> 00:18:06,627
Hundreds.
419
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,662
Good few dozen people.
420
00:18:09,664 --> 00:18:11,731
ANNOUNCER: And now please rise
421
00:18:11,733 --> 00:18:13,766
for the singing of our national anthem
422
00:18:13,768 --> 00:18:16,769
by 86-year-old Louise Ferber.
423
00:18:16,771 --> 00:18:19,839
(cheering enthusiastically)
424
00:18:19,841 --> 00:18:22,976
I don't know when I've seen her this happy.
425
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:26,345
Break a leg, Aunt Louise!
426
00:18:28,916 --> 00:18:30,516
(screams)
427
00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:35,354
And the home
428
00:18:35,356 --> 00:18:39,358
Of the...
429
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:40,593
Bra...
430
00:18:40,595 --> 00:18:42,794
Call an ambulance.
431
00:18:49,097 --> 00:18:51,432
Aunt Louise, that was amazing.
432
00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:54,401
The way you sang the whole song
without missing a word.
433
00:18:54,403 --> 00:18:57,103
And that standing ovation.
434
00:18:57,105 --> 00:18:59,105
Nice try.
435
00:18:59,107 --> 00:19:01,675
But I remember everything.
436
00:19:01,677 --> 00:19:03,810
Right down to them bringing
that dog out on the ice
437
00:19:03,812 --> 00:19:07,013
to bark the national anthem in my place.
438
00:19:09,917 --> 00:19:11,117
I'm surprised she fell.
439
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:13,552
She spent two months
working on an icy tuna boat.
440
00:19:13,554 --> 00:19:15,288
Maybe that's why she moved to Arizona.
441
00:19:15,590 --> 00:19:19,492
Apparently, she was
the first woman to live there.
442
00:19:19,494 --> 00:19:21,794
I-I didn't know any of that stuff,
443
00:19:21,796 --> 00:19:23,796
but she told me she once won the lottery.
444
00:19:23,798 --> 00:19:26,165
But she left the check
on the roof of her car,
445
00:19:26,167 --> 00:19:27,800
and they wouldn't reissue it.
446
00:19:27,802 --> 00:19:32,838
She told me she once drove a car
through a family reunion.
447
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,306
Dad, that was ours.
448
00:19:34,308 --> 00:19:36,641
You were one of the people she hit.
449
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,812
Oh, man.
450
00:19:39,814 --> 00:19:42,981
Time to schedule the MRI.
451
00:19:42,983 --> 00:19:46,751
Did you know she got lost in
the Grand Canyon for two days?
452
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:49,020
Something about eating bad mushrooms.
453
00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:55,927
I didn't quite understand it.
454
00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:58,262
You know that famous picture
455
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:01,132
of the sailor kissing that
woman in Times Square?
456
00:20:01,134 --> 00:20:04,035
She told me that she
kissed that same woman.
457
00:20:06,004 --> 00:20:08,039
Now, this is a funeral.
458
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:12,009
Four days ago, you couldn't come
up with one specific about me.
459
00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:15,179
Now you're all talking up a storm.
460
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:17,414
They're psychedelic mushrooms.
461
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,789
Google it.
462
00:20:30,161 --> 00:20:32,128
Yeah, but these are things
you've already done.
463
00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:34,197
We thought you wanted
to achieve something special.
464
00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:35,833
Who's to say what's special?
465
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:38,468
Your family learning who you are,
466
00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:41,838
and knowing they'll remember you forever.
467
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,241
That's special enough for me.
468
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,077
We'll sure remember you, Aunt Louise.
469
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,345
And we'll make sure
470
00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:50,313
that everyone else knows who you were, too.
471
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,482
I love it!
472
00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:56,085
Gonna be the best funeral
Tempe, Arizona, ever had.
473
00:20:57,621 --> 00:20:59,021
Tempe?
474
00:20:59,023 --> 00:21:01,782
That's a... that's a pricy plane ticket.
475
00:21:01,792 --> 00:21:04,193
Do we... do we all have to go?
476
00:21:04,195 --> 00:21:06,587
One-one person could
tell her stories, right?
477
00:21:07,919 --> 00:21:10,579
- CAROL: Let's draw straws.
- NATE: Yeah.
478
00:21:10,581 --> 00:21:15,540
- sync and correction by solfieri -
www.addic7ed.com
479
00:21:44,333 --> 00:21:47,235
What's up with this
Valentine's Day party, anyway?
480
00:21:47,237 --> 00:21:48,836
My mom likes to have a party for those
481
00:21:48,838 --> 00:21:50,370
who don't have anything to do
on Valentine's Day.
482
00:21:50,372 --> 00:21:51,338
It's nice, right?
483
00:21:51,340 --> 00:21:52,840
Yeah. Nothing creepy about
484
00:21:52,842 --> 00:21:53,541
a family of hermits celebrating
romance with each other.
485
00:21:53,591 --> 00:21:58,141
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