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1
00:00:04,818 --> 00:00:07,981
("RED DWARF" THEME)
2
00:00:51,665 --> 00:00:54,600
Have you found a way to get us out of here?
3
00:00:54,768 --> 00:01:00,400
I have, actually. I've devoted all my run-timeto looking for a loophole in the prison regs,
4
00:01:00,574 --> 00:01:04,977
and I've found something which means youcan serve your two-year sentence
5
00:01:05,145 --> 00:01:06,703
in just 14 weeks.
6
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,370
What have I got to do?
7
00:01:08,548 --> 00:01:10,948
Become a dog.
8
00:01:15,355 --> 00:01:18,188
- A dog?
- According to my data banks,
9
00:01:18,358 --> 00:01:21,623
dog years are seven times shorterthan human years.
10
00:01:22,796 --> 00:01:26,232
You can't fault that plan on its mathematics.
11
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,164
Maybe you can fault it on the fact I'm not a dog.
12
00:01:29,336 --> 00:01:33,466
According to a 20th-century newspapercalled "The National Enquirer",
13
00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:35,870
the operation's straightforward.
14
00:01:38,211 --> 00:01:40,645
A roverostomy, they call it.
15
00:01:42,549 --> 00:01:45,347
Here's a photographof a bloke who had it done.
16
00:01:48,789 --> 00:01:50,279
That's a dog!
17
00:01:50,457 --> 00:01:52,721
See how convincing it is?
18
00:01:52,893 --> 00:01:55,020
Even you're fooled.
19
00:01:55,729 --> 00:02:01,224
Become a dog. That is the crappiest, most
pathetic plan you've come up with all week.
20
00:02:01,401 --> 00:02:04,734
Give me a chance - it's only Monday.
21
00:02:05,372 --> 00:02:07,272
(BEEP)
22
00:02:11,411 --> 00:02:14,938
What happened to my life -
career, prospects, friends?
23
00:02:15,115 --> 00:02:18,016
I had it all and threw it away. It's a tragedy.
24
00:02:18,185 --> 00:02:20,415
What? You had none of that stuff.
25
00:02:20,587 --> 00:02:23,556
You're right. I had none of that stuff.
26
00:02:23,723 --> 00:02:27,124
I had absolutely nothing and I threw it all away.
27
00:02:27,294 --> 00:02:29,194
It's an even bigger tragedy.
28
00:02:29,362 --> 00:02:33,025
We'll only get through this
by being positive, by being...
29
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:37,830
What did women tennis players reckon
was so important - begins with C?
30
00:02:38,004 --> 00:02:40,495
Cunnilingus?
31
00:02:42,909 --> 00:02:46,572
Centred. By being centred, focused.
32
00:02:46,746 --> 00:02:50,842
It's only two years. With good behaviour,
it could be 18 months.
33
00:02:51,017 --> 00:02:54,976
Remember you were born,
then you were 18 months? It flashed past.
34
00:02:58,525 --> 00:03:04,361
That's 'cause you had two breasts big as
your head at your beck and call day and night.
35
00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:10,200
Give me that now, and I wouldn't be whinging.
36
00:03:15,242 --> 00:03:19,144
- What's this?
- Canary outfits and first meeting information.
37
00:03:22,916 --> 00:03:24,884
I volunteered for the Canaries.
38
00:03:25,051 --> 00:03:28,612
- Some bloke came round so I signed up.
- For the Canaries?
39
00:03:28,788 --> 00:03:33,782
Yeah. You should see the list of privileges
you get. It's unbelievable.
40
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:38,829
- You don't know what the Canaries are.
- It's a singing troop. A cappella.
41
00:03:38,999 --> 00:03:41,832
(SINGS) You are the sunshine of my life
42
00:03:42,002 --> 00:03:43,560
Ooh
43
00:03:43,737 --> 00:03:47,298
That's why I'll always be around...
44
00:03:53,046 --> 00:03:57,676
They're nothing to do with singing, are they?
Holly lied to me, didn't he?
45
00:03:57,851 --> 00:03:59,284
He was taking the smeg!
46
00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:02,387
Oh, Listy.
47
00:04:03,590 --> 00:04:06,457
Listy, Listy, Listy.
48
00:04:06,626 --> 00:04:09,322
Well, go on, then. What have I signed up for?
49
00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:16,066
In the 19th century, when miners went down
a pit, they'd lower a canary down first in a cage.
50
00:04:16,236 --> 00:04:19,171
What, and make 'em do some mining?
51
00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,203
They were sick
in the 19th century, weren't they?
52
00:04:23,376 --> 00:04:25,776
How much coal can a little canary get?
53
00:04:25,946 --> 00:04:29,848
And if the atmosphere was noxious,
guess what the canary did?
54
00:04:30,016 --> 00:04:31,984
Complained to the foreman?
55
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,711
It died, Listy.
56
00:04:35,889 --> 00:04:41,418
The canary's job was to go into the most
dangerous, unpleasant and smeggy situations,
57
00:04:41,595 --> 00:04:47,556
and see if it could stay alive, then they'd know
if it was safe to send in the important people.
58
00:04:47,734 --> 00:04:51,636
- I'm gonna kill him!
- How come you've not heard of the Canaries?
59
00:04:51,805 --> 00:04:56,071
Recruitment posters are all over the bogs.
Haven't you seen them?
60
00:04:56,242 --> 00:05:00,269
When I'm in the men's toilets in prison,
I tend not to look around.
61
00:05:02,282 --> 00:05:05,274
It's like playing golf. I concentrate on me grip,
62
00:05:05,452 --> 00:05:08,888
keep me eye on the ball,
and try not to veer off to the side.
63
00:05:10,757 --> 00:05:14,318
The Canaries. Do you know
what it's supposed to stand for?
64
00:05:14,494 --> 00:05:18,658
"Convict Army Nearly All Retarded
Inbred Evil Sheepshaggers."
65
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:25,401
(LAUGHS) They haven't got an X chromosome
to share between them!
66
00:05:25,572 --> 00:05:27,005
Smeg!
67
00:05:27,173 --> 00:05:30,040
- It gets worse as well.
- Worse? Go on.
68
00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:31,734
I signed you up, too.
69
00:05:38,385 --> 00:05:42,253
I forged your signature.
I thought I was doing you a favour.
70
00:05:42,956 --> 00:05:44,890
- Me? Why?
- I've signed us all up.
71
00:05:45,492 --> 00:05:47,824
- Kryten, Kris. Everyone.
- No way.
72
00:05:47,994 --> 00:05:50,462
No way am I becoming a Canary.
73
00:05:53,466 --> 00:05:55,866
It's a great honour for floor 13,
74
00:05:56,036 --> 00:06:01,804
for today we are visited by Captain Hollister,
who has a special assignment.
75
00:06:01,975 --> 00:06:03,909
At last some action!
76
00:06:04,077 --> 00:06:09,481
I've been going mental. All this time,
cooped up, not killing nothing. Yes!
77
00:06:09,649 --> 00:06:11,583
Kill Crazy, shut up, yer punk!
78
00:06:13,553 --> 00:06:14,884
OK. Listen up.
79
00:06:15,055 --> 00:06:19,754
We've located a ship, the SSS Silverbird,
buried at the bottom of an ocean moon.
80
00:06:19,926 --> 00:06:23,054
Remote probe has come back
with no signs of a crew.
81
00:06:23,229 --> 00:06:26,596
No bodily remains, no skeletons - zip.
82
00:06:26,766 --> 00:06:31,032
We want you guys to go onboard
and find out why.
83
00:06:32,872 --> 00:06:35,670
A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three, four.
84
00:06:35,842 --> 00:06:39,710
You are the sunshine of my life
85
00:06:39,879 --> 00:06:41,437
Ooh
86
00:06:41,614 --> 00:06:45,106
That's why I'll always be around
87
00:06:45,285 --> 00:06:46,684
Rimmer!
88
00:06:46,853 --> 00:06:51,950
Sorry, sir. We appear to be in the wrong
hobby group. We'll leave immediately. Go!
89
00:06:52,826 --> 00:06:55,954
This is where you're staying. Now get on with it.
90
00:06:56,129 --> 00:06:59,257
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. You heard the warden.
91
00:06:59,432 --> 00:07:02,265
He wants you to get on with it. From the top.
92
00:07:02,435 --> 00:07:06,064
You are the sunshine of my life...
93
00:07:06,239 --> 00:07:07,638
Rimmer!
94
00:07:10,043 --> 00:07:11,977
Sorry, sir. I thought you...
95
00:07:12,145 --> 00:07:16,707
Shut up! You're a member of the toughest
combat army this side of Pluto.
96
00:07:16,883 --> 00:07:20,148
I've seen custard factories less yellow
than you are!
97
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:24,017
- Start behaving like a man.
- A man, sir?
98
00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:26,624
Yes, of course, sir. A man.
99
00:07:27,627 --> 00:07:32,064
A man? Perhaps if you could just remind me,
I am sure it will all come back.
100
00:07:32,232 --> 00:07:34,826
(CRUNCHING)
101
00:07:40,473 --> 00:07:42,464
Continue, Captain.
102
00:07:43,376 --> 00:07:44,809
(RATTLING)
103
00:07:47,313 --> 00:07:50,942
It's inconceivable the ship
was sent out without a crew,
104
00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:54,484
so whatever devoured the crew, bones and all,
105
00:07:54,654 --> 00:07:56,019
might still be there,
106
00:07:56,189 --> 00:07:58,123
so be careful.
107
00:07:58,291 --> 00:08:00,452
Let's go kill something!
108
00:08:00,627 --> 00:08:03,323
Yes!
109
00:08:15,708 --> 00:08:21,078
I hope it's got like big teeth and claws
and like loads of heads. Great!
110
00:08:37,831 --> 00:08:41,392
Here we go at last. Yeah!
111
00:08:56,049 --> 00:08:59,018
OK. Stay together. Keep 'em peeled.
112
00:08:59,185 --> 00:09:00,516
What's that?
113
00:09:00,687 --> 00:09:04,418
- (KRYTEN) Where?
- It's shaking from side to side like a leaf.
114
00:09:04,591 --> 00:09:06,923
I think that's your shadow, sir.
115
00:09:07,994 --> 00:09:10,792
Located the mainframe.
Maybe it can tell us something.
116
00:09:15,368 --> 00:09:20,328
Good evening, Arnold. I've been lookingforward to your arrival so very much.
117
00:09:20,506 --> 00:09:23,907
- How do you know my name?
- My name is Cassandra.
118
00:09:24,077 --> 00:09:27,535
I am a computer with the abilityto predict the future
119
00:09:27,714 --> 00:09:30,308
with an accuracy rating of 100 per cent.
120
00:09:30,483 --> 00:09:31,780
Bless you.
121
00:09:31,951 --> 00:09:34,010
Bless you? What do you mean?
122
00:09:34,187 --> 00:09:35,984
A-choo!
123
00:09:36,155 --> 00:09:41,457
Kris has a tissue in her pocket. She says,"Would you like this?" You say, "Thanks."
124
00:09:41,628 --> 00:09:43,892
- Would you like this?
- Thanks.
125
00:09:44,631 --> 00:09:47,600
- Extraordinaryl
- Extraordinary!
126
00:09:47,767 --> 00:09:50,600
The questions we can askl It tells the future.
127
00:09:50,770 --> 00:09:53,466
The questions we can ask! It tells the future.
128
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,768
How does it work?The future's not happened yet.
129
00:09:57,610 --> 00:09:59,578
I wasn't going to say that.
130
00:09:59,746 --> 00:10:02,715
- I never said you would...
- But how does it work?
131
00:10:02,882 --> 00:10:06,147
- The future's not happened yet.
- ... although you do.
132
00:10:06,319 --> 00:10:08,184
Smeg!
133
00:10:09,088 --> 00:10:12,615
Let's ask her a question about the future.
A biggie.
134
00:10:12,792 --> 00:10:16,592
Cassandra, do we ever get back to earth?
Have humans survived?
135
00:10:16,763 --> 00:10:19,527
Do I ever find my singing tie pin?
136
00:10:21,634 --> 00:10:24,262
Do we want to know about the future?
137
00:10:24,437 --> 00:10:27,338
Do we want to know how and when we die?
138
00:10:27,507 --> 00:10:33,446
Kris is right. Something like that could mess
your life up for ever. I have a question.
139
00:10:33,613 --> 00:10:36,844
I know, Arnold. I knowthe rest of this conversation.
140
00:10:37,016 --> 00:10:38,347
So what's the answer?
141
00:10:38,518 --> 00:10:43,683
He chokes to death aged 181,trying to remove a bra with his teeth.
142
00:10:46,225 --> 00:10:47,658
What was the question?
143
00:10:47,827 --> 00:10:49,920
I just asked how you died.
144
00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:53,797
You what? I don't wanna know that.
145
00:10:53,967 --> 00:10:56,697
- Whose bra?
- 181?
146
00:10:56,869 --> 00:10:58,860
Probably your own.
147
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:06,740
Come on, though. Taking a bra off with me teeth
at 181. That's a hell of a sexy way to go!
148
00:11:07,814 --> 00:11:11,045
So long as the teeth are in your mouth
at the time, sir.
149
00:11:12,852 --> 00:11:16,982
I'm really screwed up now. I never wanted
to know that - know how I die.
150
00:11:17,156 --> 00:11:20,148
It's completely spoilt the surprise!
151
00:11:20,326 --> 00:11:24,592
Kryten, this is where you share your theorywith your crewmates.
152
00:11:24,764 --> 00:11:28,894
I have a theory. The Silverbird didn't crash,
did it, Cassandra?
153
00:11:29,068 --> 00:11:33,528
The ship was sent here by the Space Corps
on autopilot to get rid of you -
154
00:11:33,706 --> 00:11:37,142
to abandon you at the bottom
of a lunar sea in deep space.
155
00:11:37,310 --> 00:11:40,245
That's brilliant, bud! How did you work that out?
156
00:11:40,413 --> 00:11:43,610
I read it on this mission directive here.
157
00:11:47,987 --> 00:11:52,549
So, there was no dead bodies on board
because there was no crew.
158
00:11:52,725 --> 00:11:55,023
A computer that predicts the future...
159
00:11:55,194 --> 00:11:59,460
- ... is dangerous indeed.
- Is dangerous... Yes, precisely.
160
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,464
We should be making tracks.
161
00:12:03,636 --> 00:12:07,800
I'm afraid that's not going to happen.The bulkhead's just given way
162
00:12:07,974 --> 00:12:11,102
and we're shipping waterat 1,000 gallons a second.
163
00:12:11,277 --> 00:12:14,041
All the Canaries will be dead within one hour
164
00:12:14,213 --> 00:12:16,147
- except for Rimmer...
- Yes!
165
00:12:16,315 --> 00:12:18,476
... who will be dead in 20 minutes.
166
00:12:24,757 --> 00:12:28,659
Only Lister, Kryten, the Catand Kochanski survive.
167
00:12:28,828 --> 00:12:30,352
What happens to Rimmer?
168
00:12:30,530 --> 00:12:35,058
He has a heart attack brought onby the stress of knowing he's going to die
169
00:12:35,234 --> 00:12:42,140
and collapses during a conversation with mein 19 minutes and 31 seconds.
170
00:12:42,308 --> 00:12:45,334
I don't believe you. I simply don't believe you.
171
00:12:45,511 --> 00:12:47,979
We shall see, or rather, YOU shall see.
172
00:12:48,147 --> 00:12:50,411
I have already seen.
173
00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:54,310
The hairs on the back of my neck
are standing on end.
174
00:12:54,487 --> 00:12:59,117
Mine, too, and not just the ones
on the back of my neck - it's one up, all up.
175
00:13:02,762 --> 00:13:07,290
Well, it's not the first time we've been
in a situation like this, is it?
176
00:13:07,467 --> 00:13:11,426
Hell, no. We've drunk coffee thousands of times.
177
00:13:11,604 --> 00:13:13,071
We're veterans.
178
00:13:13,239 --> 00:13:14,934
Future echoes, remember?
179
00:13:15,108 --> 00:13:18,373
- Future echoes - all right!
- What was that?
180
00:13:18,544 --> 00:13:23,345
We learned that if the future's already decided,
you can't change it.
181
00:13:23,516 --> 00:13:27,919
Yeah, but what do you know?
You're a chicken-soup machine repairman,
182
00:13:28,087 --> 00:13:30,521
not Hank Handsome, Space Adventurer.
183
00:13:31,524 --> 00:13:33,754
Don't get ideas above your station,
184
00:13:33,926 --> 00:13:36,326
and your station is Git Central.
185
00:13:36,963 --> 00:13:39,955
I've been surviving in space five, six years.
186
00:13:40,133 --> 00:13:44,627
When it comes to weirdy, paradoxy space stuff,
I bought the T-shirt.
187
00:13:45,505 --> 00:13:48,201
He bought it and I ironed it for him.
188
00:13:49,876 --> 00:13:53,243
- Exactly.
- So, you're saying the future's the future,
189
00:13:53,412 --> 00:13:57,314
and, like your underpants,
the chances of change are remote.
190
00:13:58,484 --> 00:14:00,281
Well, I don't accept it.
191
00:14:00,453 --> 00:14:04,355
- Hey, I'm not happy about it, man.
- None of us are.
192
00:14:04,524 --> 00:14:08,153
You dying is the last thing we want, bud,
especially me.
193
00:14:08,327 --> 00:14:12,024
Hell, I'll probably have to help dig the hole.
194
00:14:13,733 --> 00:14:18,500
So, six years of space adventuring,
six years of experience and knowledge
195
00:14:18,671 --> 00:14:22,437
have led you to the conclusion
that I'm totally stuffed.
196
00:14:22,608 --> 00:14:27,238
Mr Rimmer has a point, sir.
Your greater knowledge makes you pessimistic,
197
00:14:27,413 --> 00:14:32,373
while his ignorance and naivety
keep his mind receptive to a possible solution.
198
00:14:32,552 --> 00:14:34,520
Shut your stupid flat head, you.
199
00:14:36,355 --> 00:14:40,348
So, when you don't know enough
to know that you don't know enough,
200
00:14:40,526 --> 00:14:45,987
there's no fear holding you back - you achieve
things which people with more brains can't.
201
00:14:46,165 --> 00:14:49,032
- Precisely.
- He's got the power of ignorance.
202
00:14:49,202 --> 00:14:54,697
With the ignorance he's got, that makes him
one of the most powerful men that's ever lived.
203
00:14:54,874 --> 00:14:58,469
Harness your stupidity, sir.
Employ your witlessness.
204
00:14:58,644 --> 00:15:02,603
Use your empty-headed simplistic moron mind
and find a solution.
205
00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:06,077
OK. I've got an idea.
206
00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:09,153
Replay our meeting with Cassandra in your CPU,
207
00:15:09,322 --> 00:15:12,814
and tell me if at any point,
anyone ever called me Rimmer.
208
00:15:12,992 --> 00:15:16,393
- What?
- (BEEPING)
209
00:15:17,296 --> 00:15:22,063
At no point did anyone refer to you as Rimmer.
In fact, we barely looked at you.
210
00:15:23,369 --> 00:15:24,734
That's what I thought.
211
00:15:24,904 --> 00:15:29,273
Cassandra said, "Rimmer dies,"
but that doesn't necessarily mean me.
212
00:15:29,442 --> 00:15:33,742
- Who does it mean, then, your dad?
- Cassandra doesn't know the future.
213
00:15:33,913 --> 00:15:35,380
She sees pictures of it.
214
00:15:35,548 --> 00:15:39,985
She could have seen another guy
die of a heart attack who's called Rimmer.
215
00:15:40,152 --> 00:15:42,382
- He's right.
- All I've got to do
216
00:15:42,555 --> 00:15:46,719
is to find someone I can
introduce to Cassandra as Rimmer,
217
00:15:46,892 --> 00:15:50,020
and it will be them that stiffs out and not me.
218
00:15:50,196 --> 00:15:54,189
Such lowlife conniving -
it's impossible not to be impressed!
219
00:15:55,001 --> 00:15:58,698
What I wouldn't give
to have your weasel gene, sir!
220
00:16:02,508 --> 00:16:06,035
- Now, wait a minute.
- Oh, look, here's Mr Knot.
221
00:16:07,747 --> 00:16:11,148
- You made this area secure?
- Yes, sir. Coffee, sir?
222
00:16:13,486 --> 00:16:16,353
We have to inspect the mainframe. Where is it?
223
00:16:17,456 --> 00:16:21,916
Agh! You idiot!
What the hell do you think you're doing?
224
00:16:22,094 --> 00:16:23,425
Please...
225
00:16:23,596 --> 00:16:26,121
Have my jacket. I insist.
226
00:16:27,033 --> 00:16:30,594
Then I shall lead you to Cassandra.
There we are, sir.
227
00:16:30,770 --> 00:16:32,761
A perfect fit, sir.
228
00:16:34,173 --> 00:16:36,607
- Lead on, Rimmer.
- Don't call me Rimmer.
229
00:16:36,776 --> 00:16:40,109
- That's your name.
- But Rimmer is so full of nobility
230
00:16:40,279 --> 00:16:41,576
and quiet courage.
231
00:16:41,747 --> 00:16:43,908
Call me Arsewipe or Fishbreath.
232
00:16:44,717 --> 00:16:46,776
Not Rimmer, sir. Never Rimmer.
233
00:16:46,952 --> 00:16:50,752
OK, Arsewipe, whatever you say.
Now, where's the mainframe?
234
00:16:53,993 --> 00:16:56,325
Hello, Arnold. Bang on time.
235
00:16:56,495 --> 00:16:59,293
I've brought a visitor. Do you know his name?
236
00:16:59,465 --> 00:17:01,865
- Yes, I do... Knot.
- What?
237
00:17:02,034 --> 00:17:03,365
- Knot.
- What?
238
00:17:03,536 --> 00:17:08,838
Let me finish. Not that it matters what hisname is. Our relationship doesn't last very long.
239
00:17:09,008 --> 00:17:13,172
- I understand you have the ability to predict...
- ... the future, yes.
240
00:17:13,346 --> 00:17:15,610
- 100 per cent...
- ... reliable, yes.
241
00:17:17,149 --> 00:17:21,677
- What happens to me? Do I get back to earth?
- No, you die of a heart attack
242
00:17:21,854 --> 00:17:25,346
after hearing you're goingto die of a heart attack.
243
00:17:26,792 --> 00:17:29,283
You filthy... (GROANS)
244
00:17:33,466 --> 00:17:34,763
- Poor Rimmer.
- Yes, poor old Rimmer.
245
00:17:36,369 --> 00:17:39,702
- My name is Knot...
- Your name is not what?
246
00:17:39,872 --> 00:17:42,238
Knot! Knot! Knot!
247
00:17:44,844 --> 00:17:47,438
- Is he dead now?
- I'm afraid so.
248
00:17:47,613 --> 00:17:49,638
Yes!
249
00:17:49,815 --> 00:17:53,080
He died of a massive coronary,just as I prophesied.
250
00:17:53,252 --> 00:17:54,549
Yes!
251
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:58,952
You seem inordinately happy, Arnold, but why?You're going to die, too.
252
00:18:00,793 --> 00:18:03,956
But you said... I've just...
I'm going to die, too?
253
00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:10,091
I already told you. Rimmer dies of a heart attack,then you and the other Canaries die, too.
254
00:18:10,269 --> 00:18:14,296
All except Lister, Kryten, Kochanskiand the Cat. I've seen it.
255
00:18:14,473 --> 00:18:18,034
That's as well as maybe,
but you have you seen this?
256
00:18:23,048 --> 00:18:26,984
Yes, I'm afraid I have.
257
00:18:29,455 --> 00:18:35,621
- You were right. There's nothing I can do.
- According to Cassandra, we four survive.
258
00:18:35,795 --> 00:18:40,255
Therefore, while we are here,
we cannot die. Regard.
259
00:18:41,233 --> 00:18:44,464
(GUN DOESN'T FIRE)
260
00:18:44,637 --> 00:18:46,264
Duck, sir.
261
00:18:48,207 --> 00:18:51,335
(BULLET RICOCHETS)
262
00:18:51,510 --> 00:18:52,841
Duck again, sir!
263
00:18:54,647 --> 00:18:56,137
As I thought.
264
00:18:57,249 --> 00:19:01,049
So, in other words, if I...
265
00:19:03,722 --> 00:19:05,781
- What's that for?
- You can't die.
266
00:19:05,958 --> 00:19:09,155
Yeah, but I can still feel pain, you smeghead!
267
00:19:10,796 --> 00:19:16,632
How about we use our powers of invulnerability
which will last until we return to Red Dwarf
268
00:19:16,802 --> 00:19:20,636
and escort Mr Rimmer up to the obs deck
and into the diving bell?
269
00:19:43,362 --> 00:19:45,956
(LISTER) The diving bell. We've made it.
270
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,191
Where did he go?
271
00:19:55,608 --> 00:19:56,905
Yo!
272
00:20:06,252 --> 00:20:09,483
(RUSHING WATER)
273
00:20:09,655 --> 00:20:12,749
- Hear that?
- Water.
274
00:20:13,592 --> 00:20:16,220
Kris, take cover. Water's coming!
275
00:20:32,311 --> 00:20:34,836
Great! Everything above us is flooded
276
00:20:35,014 --> 00:20:39,007
and now we're back down
in the bowels again with Cassandra.
277
00:20:39,184 --> 00:20:41,118
It's coming true.
278
00:20:41,287 --> 00:20:44,313
My death! It's all coming true.
279
00:20:52,031 --> 00:20:56,400
You tried to cheat the future and failed,as I knew you would.
280
00:20:56,569 --> 00:20:59,504
So what happens now? How?
281
00:20:59,672 --> 00:21:01,139
How do I die?
282
00:21:01,307 --> 00:21:04,105
Lister catches you making love to Kochanski
283
00:21:04,276 --> 00:21:08,713
and shoots you through the headwith a harpoon gun.
284
00:21:14,987 --> 00:21:17,751
Can you just double-check that?
285
00:21:17,923 --> 00:21:21,791
I've seen it. It's what happens -
in the old laundry room.
286
00:21:21,961 --> 00:21:25,021
So let me just repeat what I think you're saying.
287
00:21:25,197 --> 00:21:27,165
Arnold - that's me -
288
00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:32,600
and Kochanski - that's the woman,
the really attractive one you saw earlier -
289
00:21:32,771 --> 00:21:35,433
me and her are in bed giving it rizz...
290
00:21:37,109 --> 00:21:39,976
Lister - the dumpy one
with the stupid haircut -
291
00:21:40,145 --> 00:21:43,945
walks in and shoots me
while I'm making love with Kochanski?
292
00:21:44,116 --> 00:21:46,277
That is what is going to happen.
293
00:21:46,452 --> 00:21:49,478
Fantastic!
294
00:22:00,032 --> 00:22:04,799
- I can't believe what you're telling me.
- I can scarcely believe it myself.
295
00:22:06,038 --> 00:22:09,132
I never thought you'd look at me twice.
296
00:22:09,308 --> 00:22:12,004
Neither did I.
297
00:22:12,678 --> 00:22:18,913
But, apparently, we're gonna make love.
Unbe-smegging-lievable or what?
298
00:22:19,084 --> 00:22:22,781
- It's not warm in here. Fancy a wee nip?
- No.
299
00:22:24,757 --> 00:22:29,387
But why would I want to sleep with you?
It doesn't make sense.
300
00:22:29,561 --> 00:22:31,461
Maybe you get blind-drunk.
301
00:22:31,630 --> 00:22:34,827
That doesn't excuse my other four senses.
302
00:22:36,235 --> 00:22:39,534
Right. Barely an hour to go.
Shall we get started?
303
00:22:39,705 --> 00:22:43,835
I mean, let's face it,
you can't change the future - sadly.
304
00:22:44,576 --> 00:22:47,443
But you said you could.
305
00:22:47,613 --> 00:22:50,207
Yeah, I've changed my mind now.
306
00:22:50,749 --> 00:22:53,616
Shall we play the opera game instead?
307
00:22:53,786 --> 00:22:57,313
Kris, it's what Cassandra saw.
You can't cheat fate.
308
00:22:57,489 --> 00:23:03,621
There's no way on earth that I'm climbing
out of my clothes and clambering into that bed.
309
00:23:19,344 --> 00:23:20,902
My clothes are soaking!
310
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,049
Take them off and dry them on the heater.
311
00:23:35,394 --> 00:23:38,022
It's coming true. It's all coming true.
312
00:23:38,197 --> 00:23:41,030
It's coming true. It's all coming true!
313
00:23:49,041 --> 00:23:51,737
(GROANS)
314
00:23:55,647 --> 00:23:57,638
Bud, you can't go back there.
315
00:23:57,816 --> 00:23:59,784
Cassandra said Kris survives,
316
00:23:59,952 --> 00:24:04,480
and the only way that's gonna happen
is if someone goes back and saves her.
317
00:24:04,656 --> 00:24:06,886
Chuck us that harpoon gun, will ya?
318
00:24:16,268 --> 00:24:18,429
Ba-la-bup-doodle-up-bap!
319
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:27,801
I'm not sure about this. This is the first time
I've been seduced by predeterminism theory.
320
00:24:28,881 --> 00:24:30,678
One hour exactly.
321
00:24:33,118 --> 00:24:35,348
Bloody buggering hell!
322
00:24:37,055 --> 00:24:40,354
Tonight must be the night
they put the clocks forward!
323
00:24:41,493 --> 00:24:42,858
I've got it.
324
00:24:43,028 --> 00:24:45,019
That's more than I did.
325
00:24:45,864 --> 00:24:47,297
I've worked it all out.
326
00:24:47,466 --> 00:24:52,460
I never get any breaks ever!
20 seconds later, you could have been on top
327
00:24:52,638 --> 00:24:55,539
and I could have used you as a human shield.
328
00:24:55,707 --> 00:25:00,371
I must have been mad. What the hell
was I thinking? I felt sorry for you.
329
00:25:00,546 --> 00:25:04,710
- Shut up and listen to me.
- Why aren't you mad that I'm in bed with him?
330
00:25:04,883 --> 00:25:07,317
'Cause I know why you're in bed with him.
331
00:25:07,486 --> 00:25:11,820
- I also know that I don't kill him.
- Oh, but Cassandra promised.
332
00:25:12,591 --> 00:25:15,822
Cassandra made that up
to force you two together,
333
00:25:15,994 --> 00:25:19,361
so that you'd feel sorry for him
and sleep with him.
334
00:25:19,531 --> 00:25:22,796
- Why did she say she saw it happen?
- To make it happen.
335
00:25:22,968 --> 00:25:25,027
- But why?
- To try and punish me.
336
00:25:25,204 --> 00:25:28,640
- Punish you? Why?
- 'Cause Cassandra has always known
337
00:25:28,807 --> 00:25:30,104
how she dies.
338
00:25:30,275 --> 00:25:34,211
She wants me to suffer for something
that I do in the future.
339
00:25:35,147 --> 00:25:36,478
You kill her.
340
00:25:36,648 --> 00:25:41,210
- She hates you because she knows you kill her.
- That's what this was about.
341
00:25:41,386 --> 00:25:42,910
Kryten figured it out.
342
00:25:43,488 --> 00:25:46,924
Kryten figured it out, did he? Good old Kryten (!)
343
00:25:48,327 --> 00:25:51,922
But did he really have to figure it out
quite so damn fast?
344
00:25:52,831 --> 00:25:57,131
Would it have killed him to take
30 minutes longer? Ten minutes even?
345
00:25:57,803 --> 00:25:59,794
Two would have done.
346
00:26:00,772 --> 00:26:03,240
I'm gonna take care of the rest of it now.
347
00:26:03,408 --> 00:26:06,605
I'll see you two lovebirds later.
348
00:26:07,913 --> 00:26:11,178
Look... Thanks for being with me tonight.
349
00:26:11,350 --> 00:26:15,719
I can't think of anyone I'd rather share
my final hour with than you.
350
00:26:15,888 --> 00:26:18,049
I really mean that.
351
00:26:18,991 --> 00:26:23,587
I'm not all bad. In fact, sometimes,
I'm quite sweet and sensitive.
352
00:26:23,762 --> 00:26:25,753
Bye.
353
00:26:25,931 --> 00:26:27,330
By the way...
354
00:26:28,033 --> 00:26:30,024
Is it OK if I keep these?
355
00:26:37,576 --> 00:26:40,977
If the future's all worked out -
horoscopes and stuff -
356
00:26:41,146 --> 00:26:43,979
it means we're not responsible for what we do.
357
00:26:44,149 --> 00:26:48,142
We're actors saying lines in a script
written by somebody else.
358
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:54,054
I don't want to believe that. I want to believe
I'm in charge of me own life. Me own destiny.
359
00:26:54,226 --> 00:26:58,993
So I'm not gonna kill you, Cassandra.
I'm out of here.
360
00:26:59,164 --> 00:27:01,655
But you DO kill me. I've seen it.
361
00:27:01,833 --> 00:27:06,861
Tomorrow's a new day - a fresh page
in a book that's not been written yet.
362
00:27:07,039 --> 00:27:09,439
What happens in the future is up to me,
363
00:27:09,608 --> 00:27:12,509
not some predetermined-destiny smeg.
364
00:27:12,678 --> 00:27:14,509
I'll see you, kiddo.
365
00:27:49,881 --> 00:27:51,644
Smeg.
366
00:27:53,785 --> 00:27:57,346
It's cold outside,there's no kind of atmosphere
367
00:27:57,522 --> 00:28:00,753
I'm all alone, more or less
368
00:28:00,926 --> 00:28:04,054
Let me fly far away from here
369
00:28:04,229 --> 00:28:07,027
Fun, fun, fun
370
00:28:07,199 --> 00:28:10,635
In the sun, sun, sun
371
00:28:10,802 --> 00:28:13,100
I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose
372
00:28:14,306 --> 00:28:17,332
Drinking fresh mango juice
373
00:28:17,509 --> 00:28:20,876
Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes
374
00:28:21,046 --> 00:28:23,640
Fun, fun, fun
375
00:28:23,815 --> 00:28:27,478
In the sun, sun, sun
376
00:28:27,652 --> 00:28:30,212
Fun, fun, fun
377
00:28:30,389 --> 00:28:34,485
In the sun, sun, sun
378
00:28:34,535 --> 00:28:39,085
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