Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,253 --> 00:00:11,319
? Three white people
on a couch ?
2
00:00:11,421 --> 00:00:13,488
? It's Fox & Friends ?
3
00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:15,957
Don't believe anything
you see, hear, or smell.
4
00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:17,125
It's Fox & Friends.
5
00:00:17,227 --> 00:00:20,528
Well, the witch hunt against men
has claimed another victim,
6
00:00:20,630 --> 00:00:22,864
White House Staff Secretary
Rob Porter.
7
00:00:22,966 --> 00:00:24,331
He allegedly took part
8
00:00:24,433 --> 00:00:26,567
in some old-fashioned
spousal roughhousing.
9
00:00:26,670 --> 00:00:29,470
And now for a phone call that
should feel unprecedented,
10
00:00:29,572 --> 00:00:31,338
but has become alarmingly routine ...
11
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:32,807
it's President Donald Trump.
12
00:00:33,059 --> 00:00:35,459
[President Trump] I'm freaking
out over this story
13
00:00:35,561 --> 00:00:37,227
that I flew in a Playmate for sex.
14
00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:40,364
I don't want it out there
that I reimburse people for travel.
15
00:00:40,466 --> 00:00:43,033
Fantastic. So, the FBI gave
the White House a report
16
00:00:43,135 --> 00:00:46,269
talking about this Porter stuff,
but you never heard about it.
17
00:00:46,372 --> 00:00:48,939
I still haven't, and nothing
can ever change that.
18
00:00:49,041 --> 00:00:51,208
Besides, the investigation
wasn't even done.
19
00:00:51,310 --> 00:00:53,310
You've got to let
that evidence marinate,
20
00:00:53,411 --> 00:00:54,711
or it's gonna come out dry.
21
00:00:54,813 --> 00:00:56,880
You're good with all this,
right, Ainsley?
22
00:00:56,982 --> 00:00:59,782
I can't say that I am, because,
as a woman with dignity...
23
00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:00,984
Anyways, Mr. President,
24
00:01:01,086 --> 00:01:03,086
what will you miss most
about Rob Porter?
25
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,688
So much ...
the way he'd slam doors,
26
00:01:05,790 --> 00:01:08,058
and the way he would sprint
down the hallways,
27
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,660
screaming, "Lock me up
before I do something bad!"
28
00:01:10,762 --> 00:01:13,195
[telephone beeping]
Eric, get off the phone.
29
00:01:13,297 --> 00:01:15,531
[Eric] I will have
the rock shrimp tempura.
30
00:01:15,633 --> 00:01:19,447
Eric! Lie in the tub until
someone comes and gets you!
31
00:01:19,482 --> 00:01:22,756
- Sorry!
- Rock shrimp tempura sounds delicious.
32
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,440
[Trump Jr.] Someone tell Eric
to get out of the tub.
33
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:27,676
I've got to take a shower.
I don't want him staring at my nads.
34
00:01:27,778 --> 00:01:29,578
Eric, let your brother take a shower.
35
00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:32,114
Mr. President, when did
Chief of Staff John Kelly
36
00:01:32,216 --> 00:01:33,715
learn about these allegations?
37
00:01:33,817 --> 00:01:35,784
Quick, Doocy,
smother him with a pillow!
38
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,320
? It's Fox & Friends ?
39
00:01:38,422 --> 00:01:40,822
[music]
40
00:01:40,925 --> 00:01:43,692
Wow!
How about this title, folks?
41
00:01:43,994 --> 00:01:46,861
42
00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:50,965
[stately music]
43
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,900
Donald, can't we watch
something else?
44
00:01:59,002 --> 00:02:01,302
I'm sick of watching Fox News.
45
00:02:01,404 --> 00:02:03,371
They're always repeating
your opinions
46
00:02:03,473 --> 00:02:05,173
a few hours before you say them.
47
00:02:05,275 --> 00:02:08,376
Melania, when we got married,
we agreed that our relationship
48
00:02:08,478 --> 00:02:11,445
would never get in the way of my
relationship with television.
49
00:02:11,547 --> 00:02:14,215
People say a lot of crazy
things on their wedding day.
50
00:02:14,317 --> 00:02:15,983
[woman] You're watching... PBS?
51
00:02:16,085 --> 00:02:21,789
[narrator] Welcome back to History's
Greatest Presidents: 2009 to Present.
52
00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:25,493
Oh, here we go!
Enough already!
53
00:02:25,595 --> 00:02:28,128
At number one,
it's Barack Obama.
54
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:31,499
Not only did he save the nation
from economic Armageddon
55
00:02:31,601 --> 00:02:33,733
and kill enemy number one,
56
00:02:33,836 --> 00:02:36,469
he also looked
and sounded good doing it.
57
00:02:36,571 --> 00:02:39,072
? I'm ?
58
00:02:39,175 --> 00:02:42,209
? Showering love on you ?
59
00:02:42,311 --> 00:02:44,711
They must've made this list
before I was born.
60
00:02:44,814 --> 00:02:48,581
Donald, am I detecting
a hint of jealousy?
61
00:02:48,684 --> 00:02:51,083
Please.
Melania, do you really think
62
00:02:51,186 --> 00:02:53,520
I'm so insecure that I would
get jealous of Obama
63
00:02:53,622 --> 00:02:55,221
then lash out at, I don't know,
64
00:02:55,324 --> 00:02:57,156
some furniture he once used?
65
00:02:57,258 --> 00:02:58,806
[screaming]
66
00:02:59,795 --> 00:03:03,229
Sir...
Sir, you may need that later.
67
00:03:03,332 --> 00:03:06,098
Just so you know, that desk
has been in the White House
68
00:03:06,201 --> 00:03:09,936
- for over 140 years.
- Just once I'd like to power-saw
69
00:03:10,038 --> 00:03:13,239
through a national relic
without someone riding my ass.
70
00:03:13,341 --> 00:03:14,974
Man, I'm bushed.
71
00:03:15,076 --> 00:03:18,311
If anyone asks where I am,
just tell them that I woke up,
72
00:03:18,412 --> 00:03:20,880
power-sawed my desk,
and am now bushed.
73
00:03:20,982 --> 00:03:24,015
Mr. President, I think we both
know this isn't about the desk.
74
00:03:24,117 --> 00:03:25,684
It's about your ongoing obsession
75
00:03:25,786 --> 00:03:27,919
with getting rid of all things Obama.
76
00:03:28,021 --> 00:03:29,421
Come on.
Why would I be jealous
77
00:03:29,523 --> 00:03:32,658
of a guy with exhausting charisma,
a distractingly bright smile,
78
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,478
- and only one voice in his head?
- Whatever the reason,
79
00:03:35,479 --> 00:03:38,129
perhaps if you got to work
on building your own legacy,
80
00:03:38,232 --> 00:03:40,232
you wouldn't worry
so much about Obama's.
81
00:03:40,334 --> 00:03:43,141
Don't try to Freud me on this one.
I'm micropenis.
82
00:03:43,201 --> 00:03:44,469
I mean, impenetrable.
83
00:03:44,671 --> 00:03:46,938
[Jared] Could you clarify
some of my assignments?
84
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,707
I-I can kinda wrap my head
around the Middle East thing,
85
00:03:49,809 --> 00:03:52,310
but I'm just not sure about, uh ...
Let me see here ...
86
00:03:52,412 --> 00:03:54,612
renaming the Virgin Islands
after your friends?
87
00:03:54,714 --> 00:03:56,881
Hello. Just tell them
St. John changed genders
88
00:03:56,983 --> 00:03:58,616
and now goes by St. Linda McMahon.
89
00:03:58,718 --> 00:04:01,786
Great. Well, that only leaves
about 100 other things I got to do.
90
00:04:01,888 --> 00:04:04,655
101. I need you to find me
a desk bigger than Obama's.
91
00:04:04,758 --> 00:04:06,657
Something historically significant,
92
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,959
but also with a hot-oil popcorn popper.
93
00:04:09,061 --> 00:04:11,595
Hey, you guys notice
anything different?
94
00:04:11,697 --> 00:04:14,564
I'll give you a hint.
[whispers] My desk is bigger.
95
00:04:14,666 --> 00:04:17,434
Wow.
Well, that's certainly different
96
00:04:17,536 --> 00:04:19,336
than President Obama's desk.
97
00:04:19,438 --> 00:04:22,572
Now, who is this Obama guy
everyone's talking about?
98
00:04:22,674 --> 00:04:24,641
Was he the guy
that left One Direction?
99
00:04:24,743 --> 00:04:26,510
You're thinking of Zayn.
100
00:04:26,612 --> 00:04:29,312
Barack Obama was the 44th
president of the United States.
101
00:04:29,415 --> 00:04:32,115
Anyways. Big rally
in Arizona tomorrow night!
102
00:04:32,217 --> 00:04:33,650
Let's announce a fun new bill,
103
00:04:33,752 --> 00:04:36,152
you know, something
that really makes people wonder
104
00:04:36,254 --> 00:04:38,021
if things can keep going on like this.
105
00:04:38,123 --> 00:04:41,591
Maybe a bill saying
all salads must be 90% crouton.
106
00:04:41,693 --> 00:04:45,929
Well, Congress really isn't in
the passing-bills business anymore.
107
00:04:46,031 --> 00:04:48,164
It's more just a nice, warm place
108
00:04:48,266 --> 00:04:51,100
for members to launch
talk-radio careers.
109
00:04:51,202 --> 00:04:53,236
But if you want to go down that alley,
110
00:04:53,338 --> 00:04:56,239
we can enact
the Bowles-Simpson Commission
111
00:04:56,341 --> 00:05:00,676
Recommendations on Fiscal
Responsibility and Reform.
112
00:05:00,778 --> 00:05:03,011
Bowl Soupson?
What the hell is that?
113
00:05:03,113 --> 00:05:05,881
- Obama couldn't pass it.
- Done. Put it in the prompter.
114
00:05:05,983 --> 00:05:08,984
- Phonetically, sir?
- Don't be a smartass.
115
00:05:09,954 --> 00:05:11,320
Yes.
116
00:05:11,422 --> 00:05:13,456
[President Trump]
Wait till my big finale.
117
00:05:13,558 --> 00:05:17,292
You'll see these pipes aren't just for
waking up the kitchen staff at midnight.
118
00:05:17,394 --> 00:05:19,928
? Bing-bong bing-bing
bing-bong bing-bong ?
119
00:05:20,030 --> 00:05:22,897
? Bing-bong bing-bing
bong-bing bung-bing-bong ?
120
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,033
Wall.
Waaaaall.
121
00:05:25,135 --> 00:05:27,202
Mr. President,
I've learned you're embracing
122
00:05:27,304 --> 00:05:30,605
the Bowles-Simpson cataclysm.
You're neglecting the beast.
123
00:05:30,707 --> 00:05:34,408
- Tell me what the beast is again?
- [sighs] The beast is your base.
124
00:05:34,511 --> 00:05:35,777
And to feed the beast,
125
00:05:35,879 --> 00:05:38,546
you must scour
Obama's globalist residue.
126
00:05:38,648 --> 00:05:40,548
Stephen, you're a lovely man.
127
00:05:40,650 --> 00:05:43,952
No one could put a McCaf� cashier
in her place like you can.
128
00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:45,820
But I'm done feeding the beast.
129
00:05:45,922 --> 00:05:48,356
If anyone's
getting fed tonight, it's me.
130
00:05:48,458 --> 00:05:50,358
[audience cheering]
And to keep America
131
00:05:50,460 --> 00:05:54,095
alive and kicking,
we need to pass...
132
00:05:54,197 --> 00:05:57,331
the Bart Simpson Commission
133
00:05:57,433 --> 00:06:01,902
on Fiscal Responsibility
and Reform,
134
00:06:02,005 --> 00:06:06,040
which would decre...
increase GDP outlays
135
00:06:06,142 --> 00:06:09,409
through 2035
through a combination
136
00:06:09,512 --> 00:06:11,845
of chained CPI and...
137
00:06:11,947 --> 00:06:16,813
Jesus Christ...
discretionary spending caps?
138
00:06:16,886 --> 00:06:18,852
[man] What the fuck
are you talking about?
139
00:06:18,954 --> 00:06:20,687
[crowd murmurs]
140
00:06:20,789 --> 00:06:23,423
Uh...
141
00:06:23,525 --> 00:06:27,627
? Showering love on you ?
142
00:06:28,830 --> 00:06:30,663
[man] Don't do that anymore.
143
00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:34,401
Psst!
Feed the beast.
144
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:41,240
What I meant to say was,
let's kill Obamacare!
145
00:06:41,342 --> 00:06:42,608
[cheers and applause]
[triumphant music]
146
00:06:42,710 --> 00:06:44,476
And anyone who was a citizen
147
00:06:44,579 --> 00:06:47,980
during his presidency
is under investigation!
148
00:06:48,082 --> 00:06:49,982
[triumphant music]
149
00:06:50,084 --> 00:06:51,851
? Bing-bong,
bing-bing-bing-bing ?
150
00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:54,720
All will remember
where they were when they heard
151
00:06:54,822 --> 00:06:56,522
President Trump's speech tonight.
152
00:06:56,623 --> 00:06:59,642
His speech made the Gettysburg
Address sound like a teen
153
00:06:59,643 --> 00:07:02,661
mom cursing out her slacker
boyfriend at a Foot Locker.
154
00:07:02,763 --> 00:07:04,829
- Thanks, Sean.
- Rest easy, sir.
155
00:07:04,932 --> 00:07:07,838
- The beast is engorged.
- Nice work, Stevie.
156
00:07:07,873 --> 00:07:10,269
But don't let it go to your head.
It's supposed to go to my head.
157
00:07:10,371 --> 00:07:13,304
All right, here's the deal.
Jared, you said you need help.
158
00:07:13,406 --> 00:07:16,641
Stevie, you clearly need friends.
I'm pairing you up.
159
00:07:16,743 --> 00:07:19,711
Standard drill, fight
to the death for my affection.
160
00:07:19,813 --> 00:07:22,814
Hello, Jared Kushner.
We should grab three beers sometime.
161
00:07:22,916 --> 00:07:26,585
- Uh, are y-you gonna invade my dreams?
- Don't be silly.
162
00:07:26,687 --> 00:07:29,820
We'll be friends of the highest
order in this life or the next.
163
00:07:29,922 --> 00:07:31,722
I mean, what are Stephen Miller
164
00:07:31,824 --> 00:07:33,091
and I supposed to even talk about?
165
00:07:33,193 --> 00:07:35,293
We don't have any
of the same food allergies.
166
00:07:35,395 --> 00:07:39,063
Jared, part of your job of being
my dad's daughter's husband
167
00:07:39,165 --> 00:07:40,731
is to get along with colleagues,
168
00:07:40,833 --> 00:07:43,934
even the ones you can sense are
staring at you three walls away.
169
00:07:44,036 --> 00:07:46,403
[Miller] Welcome to
the friendship, Jared Kushner.
170
00:07:46,505 --> 00:07:48,072
I've brought you gift cantaloupes
171
00:07:48,173 --> 00:07:49,974
- from the food store.
- Ooh.
172
00:07:50,076 --> 00:07:53,110
I'll leave you two alone
in your "man cave."
173
00:07:53,212 --> 00:07:55,512
Congrats on your symmetrical wife.
174
00:07:55,615 --> 00:07:59,316
Mr. President, we have great news.
175
00:07:59,418 --> 00:08:02,486
[both] We... got... the votes.
176
00:08:02,588 --> 00:08:03,953
- We got 'em!
- Oh, that's cool.
177
00:08:04,055 --> 00:08:06,123
Votes for what?
[popcorn kernels clanking]
178
00:08:06,225 --> 00:08:08,525
Are you kidding me, man?
The Bowles-Simpson bill.
179
00:08:08,627 --> 00:08:10,827
We called in every favor
we possibly could.
180
00:08:10,929 --> 00:08:14,164
We compromised our principles
to such an extent
181
00:08:14,266 --> 00:08:17,534
that I no longer recognize
the man I see in the mirror.
182
00:08:17,636 --> 00:08:21,104
My wife oscillates between
sobbing and screaming in my face
183
00:08:21,205 --> 00:08:22,939
that she wants her husband back,
184
00:08:23,041 --> 00:08:25,074
knowing full well that he's gone.
185
00:08:25,176 --> 00:08:26,976
[chewing]
Uh-huh.
186
00:08:27,078 --> 00:08:29,078
So we're not doing
that Bill Simpson thing.
187
00:08:29,180 --> 00:08:30,513
Doesn't play.
No one cares.
188
00:08:30,615 --> 00:08:33,315
I mean, I'm not trying to win
President of the Year here.
189
00:08:33,417 --> 00:08:36,885
- Feed the beast!
- I'm getting to it, Stevie.
190
00:08:36,987 --> 00:08:39,888
Hold your horses, if you haven't
already beat them senseless.
191
00:08:39,990 --> 00:08:43,559
Here's the plan, folks.
I will build my legacy
192
00:08:43,661 --> 00:08:46,228
based on what's worked
for me from Day One,
193
00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:49,565
tearing down Obama's legacy.
People love the classics.
194
00:08:49,667 --> 00:08:52,167
As soon as you start playing
songs off the new album,
195
00:08:52,269 --> 00:08:53,735
everyone heads to the bathroom.
196
00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:56,437
Here is my solemn pledge to you.
197
00:08:56,540 --> 00:09:01,076
As long as I'm president,
no one goes to the bathroom!
198
00:09:01,178 --> 00:09:04,579
[crowd shouting]
199
00:09:04,682 --> 00:09:07,422
[triumphant music]
200
00:09:08,385 --> 00:09:11,452
Stephen Miller's been hitting
a lot of home runs lately,
201
00:09:11,555 --> 00:09:13,588
so I'm turning the team
over to him today.
202
00:09:13,690 --> 00:09:15,790
- Steve?
- Well, well, well.
203
00:09:15,892 --> 00:09:17,958
If it isn't
everyone who doubted me.
204
00:09:18,061 --> 00:09:20,161
Now look who's front
and center at the table.
205
00:09:20,263 --> 00:09:21,896
And what a fine table it is.
206
00:09:21,998 --> 00:09:24,765
I might make it mine.
I have that power!
207
00:09:24,867 --> 00:09:27,334
Jesus, Stevie.
These are your friends.
208
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:29,536
Of course. Sorry.
I would die for any of you.
209
00:09:29,638 --> 00:09:32,206
Okay, I can already tell
this might cut into TV time.
210
00:09:32,308 --> 00:09:33,373
Let's keep this simple.
211
00:09:33,475 --> 00:09:36,643
Ideas to destroy Obama's legacy. Go.
212
00:09:36,746 --> 00:09:39,146
What about we pull up
all of Michelle's vegetables
213
00:09:39,248 --> 00:09:41,148
and replace them with beef shanks?
214
00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:45,119
We should claim Obama cheated
when he won
215
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,887
the Nobel Peace Prize
because he wears hats,
216
00:09:47,989 --> 00:09:51,858
and we don't know if those hats
hid additional brains.
217
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,460
Why don't you do what you always
218
00:09:53,562 --> 00:09:55,662
tell people you're gonna do,
kill Obamacare?
219
00:09:55,764 --> 00:09:59,065
It's called an applause line, Pence.
Welcome to show business.
220
00:09:59,167 --> 00:10:00,533
Any winners in there, Stevie?
221
00:10:00,635 --> 00:10:04,070
Write up a proposal for the beef thing.
But I want rancid slabs only.
222
00:10:04,172 --> 00:10:06,405
Fun fact, I spent a summer abroad
223
00:10:06,507 --> 00:10:09,075
in a Latvian rendering pri...
plant. Plant.
224
00:10:09,177 --> 00:10:11,544
It's pronounced "plant," idiots!
225
00:10:11,646 --> 00:10:13,079
Before Obama came along,
226
00:10:13,181 --> 00:10:15,214
we were loving
the housing bubble, right?
227
00:10:15,316 --> 00:10:16,716
Five houses. Ten cars.
228
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:19,418
Working at a shoe store.
What could go wrong?
229
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,854
It's time we got back
to those good, old days.
230
00:10:21,956 --> 00:10:23,456
That's where Nuch comes in.
231
00:10:23,558 --> 00:10:26,726
Effective immediately,
every American will receive
232
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:29,295
an alarmingly generous housing loan.
233
00:10:29,397 --> 00:10:32,397
All you have to do
is successfully navigate
234
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:35,000
your bank's revolving door
and just tell them,
235
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:36,935
"I know what a house is."
236
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:39,171
Wow. That sounds
too good to be true.
237
00:10:39,273 --> 00:10:40,372
Is there a downside?
238
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:45,744
That's a good question, Mr. President,
and the answer is... no.
239
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,746
Thank you for joining me
for three beers.
240
00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:50,848
Yeah, no problem.
Uh, so, where are you from?
241
00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,050
I was raised
in Santa Monica, California.
242
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:56,187
- Liberal family. You?
- New Jersey. Liberal family.
243
00:10:56,290 --> 00:10:59,090
Uh, now they're all like,
"Hey, why are you doing all this?"
244
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,292
I understand completely.
245
00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:01,594
It seems like just yesterday,
246
00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:03,895
I was mailing
white powder to Sarah Lawrence,
247
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:06,063
and now look at me,
I'm basically president.
248
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,932
It's true.
I mean, you're the guy.
249
00:11:08,034 --> 00:11:09,867
I guess I'm just here for advice.
250
00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:11,936
Jared, what you said is appreciated.
251
00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:14,738
First question, how do
you tell a tall, thin boy
252
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:18,042
- that you think he's cool?
- I think you just did.
253
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:20,178
Good news, folks.
The housing bubble?
254
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,846
It's getting big,
and it's getting big fast.
255
00:11:22,948 --> 00:11:25,549
Cover your eyes 'cause
that baby's about to pop.
256
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:28,652
More good news!
After Obama wouldn't let it die,
257
00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:32,122
we're finally putting the auto
industry out of its misery!
258
00:11:32,224 --> 00:11:35,025
Soon we will release
all of these deer
259
00:11:35,127 --> 00:11:37,994
and many more
onto our nation's roadways,
260
00:11:38,096 --> 00:11:41,764
rendering vehicular travel
impossibly deadly,
261
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,301
therefore cratering
the auto industry
262
00:11:44,402 --> 00:11:48,872
and reversing another one
of Obama's terrible accomplishments.
263
00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:50,373
Where will you find enough deer
264
00:11:50,475 --> 00:11:53,210
to cover the entirety of
the interstate highway system?
265
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:56,412
How dare you question my ability
to put deers in estrus!
266
00:11:56,514 --> 00:11:59,582
If I arouse deer half
as well as you waste my time,
267
00:11:59,684 --> 00:12:01,517
I think we'll be just fine!
268
00:12:01,619 --> 00:12:03,386
Wow.
How is this guy single?
269
00:12:03,488 --> 00:12:04,854
[music]
270
00:12:04,956 --> 00:12:08,257
[John] Time to finish
the job that Obama finished.
271
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:12,361
And we're recovered Osama bin Laden's
corpse for eventual re-killing.
272
00:12:12,463 --> 00:12:14,663
Just so you know, sir,
due to ocean conditions,
273
00:12:14,765 --> 00:12:18,100
the body is less a body
and more a barnacle-covered jelly.
274
00:12:18,202 --> 00:12:20,369
Grind those barnacles
into my breakfast,
275
00:12:20,471 --> 00:12:24,839
squirt the jelly into a big doughnut,
and initiate phase two.
276
00:12:26,377 --> 00:12:29,344
[door closes] Don't worry.
We unplugged that thing months ago.
277
00:12:29,646 --> 00:12:33,482
[announcer] Welcome to the most
exciting night in football.
278
00:12:33,584 --> 00:12:37,185
And now, please rise for the
singing of the national anthem
279
00:12:37,287 --> 00:12:41,956
by Senior White House Advisor
Stephen Miller!
280
00:12:42,058 --> 00:12:45,092
[Star-Spangled Banner plays]
281
00:12:48,932 --> 00:12:50,164
O say can you see,
by the dawn's early light,
282
00:12:50,267 --> 00:12:51,799
what so proudly we hailed
at the twilight's last gleaming?
283
00:12:51,902 --> 00:12:53,634
Whose broad stripes and bright
stars through the perilous fight
284
00:12:53,736 --> 00:12:55,336
o'er the ramparts we watched
were so gallantly streaming?
285
00:12:55,438 --> 00:12:56,938
And the rockets' red glare,
the bombs bursting in air,
286
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,472
gave proof through the night
that our flag was still there.
287
00:12:58,574 --> 00:12:59,807
O say does that star-spangled
banner yet wave
288
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,975
o'er the land of the free
and the home of the brave?
289
00:13:02,077 --> 00:13:03,944
[cheers and applause]
290
00:13:04,046 --> 00:13:05,780
[announcer]
And now, an announcement
291
00:13:05,882 --> 00:13:08,315
from the President of the United States.
292
00:13:08,418 --> 00:13:12,253
[uplifting music]
293
00:13:13,355 --> 00:13:15,289
[panting]
294
00:13:15,391 --> 00:13:17,457
Oh, God.
You can do it. Come on.
295
00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:19,793
Come on.
Oh, God.
296
00:13:19,895 --> 00:13:21,161
[music]
297
00:13:21,263 --> 00:13:24,864
[groans] I can do it!
Good evening!
298
00:13:24,967 --> 00:13:29,602
Tonight, I can report to the
American people and to the world
299
00:13:29,704 --> 00:13:34,340
that the United States has conducted
a successful operation
300
00:13:34,443 --> 00:13:37,710
to capture
Osama bin Laden's corpse!
301
00:13:37,813 --> 00:13:43,015
[cheers and applause] Now please direct
your attention to the 30-yard line
302
00:13:43,117 --> 00:13:46,753
where we're going to kill
Osama bin Laden
303
00:13:46,855 --> 00:13:50,323
way better than Obama ever did!
304
00:13:50,425 --> 00:13:53,993
[music]
305
00:13:54,095 --> 00:13:56,295
[skull thuds]
306
00:13:56,397 --> 00:13:57,896
Head counts, so it's good!
307
00:13:57,999 --> 00:13:59,198
[cheers and applause]
308
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:00,732
[President Trump] Tremendous!
309
00:14:00,835 --> 00:14:04,170
You people are so great!
In fact...
310
00:14:04,272 --> 00:14:07,539
? I'm ?
311
00:14:07,641 --> 00:14:12,210
? Showering love on you ?
312
00:14:12,312 --> 00:14:14,947
[man] We don't like this.
313
00:14:15,048 --> 00:14:17,015
Forget it!
Goodnight, people!
314
00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:20,352
I'd say drive safe, but there's
deer frickin' everywhere!
315
00:14:20,454 --> 00:14:21,820
- Whoo!
- Whoo-whoo!
316
00:14:21,922 --> 00:14:23,254
- We did it!
- We did it!
317
00:14:23,357 --> 00:14:24,956
- We did it!
- Whoo! Let's go!
318
00:14:25,058 --> 00:14:27,959
I thought it was a really
wonderful moment for America.
319
00:14:28,061 --> 00:14:30,328
Suck my nuts, John Adams!
320
00:14:30,430 --> 00:14:33,698
We kicked a field goal
with Osama bin Laden's head
321
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:37,502
in front of 100 million people.
How do you top that?
322
00:14:37,604 --> 00:14:41,939
- So, how do we top it?
- What are you talking about, man?
323
00:14:42,041 --> 00:14:45,109
We already kinda destroyed
everything Obama did.
324
00:14:45,211 --> 00:14:48,112
We only came in here today
because we thought there'd be cake!
325
00:14:48,214 --> 00:14:50,180
Bite your tongue,
or I'll bite it for you.
326
00:14:50,282 --> 00:14:52,984
[making crunching noise]
That's the sound it would make.
327
00:14:53,085 --> 00:14:55,052
We need ideas,
and we need them now.
328
00:14:55,154 --> 00:14:57,721
We took Susan B. Anthony
off the silver dollar.
329
00:14:57,823 --> 00:15:00,257
And went back to life sentences
for crack smokers.
330
00:15:00,359 --> 00:15:02,859
And sent SEAL Team Six
to the Kenyan hall of records
331
00:15:02,961 --> 00:15:04,794
to find that Obama birth certificate.
332
00:15:04,897 --> 00:15:07,697
Oh, I never really believed that,
but the racists liked it.
333
00:15:07,799 --> 00:15:10,067
I wasn't gonna tell those kids
there's no Santa.
334
00:15:10,169 --> 00:15:12,402
I'll say it again.
The beast must be fed.
335
00:15:12,504 --> 00:15:14,571
A sprig of wheat will not suffice,
336
00:15:14,673 --> 00:15:17,106
nor grain, nor grape,
nor fields of rice.
337
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,375
Okay, we get it.
You can rhyme foods.
338
00:15:19,477 --> 00:15:21,778
I can do that, too.
Ham...
339
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,748
- Ham can...
- I have a few ideas.
340
00:15:24,850 --> 00:15:27,250
We can rescind federal code Title 5.
341
00:15:27,352 --> 00:15:29,185
- Shut up.
- You need a time out, mister.
342
00:15:29,287 --> 00:15:30,353
- No!
- Fuck you!
343
00:15:30,455 --> 00:15:32,988
- Oh, eat my ass.
- Psst! Hello?
344
00:15:33,091 --> 00:15:34,924
Mr. President, are you okay?
345
00:15:35,026 --> 00:15:38,627
I can't believe there's
nothing left to undo.
346
00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:42,565
I guess I'll go see what
happens when I put cake
347
00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:46,468
- in my popcorn maker.
- Wait, so there was cake?
348
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,605
So I told that snowflake,
"Give me a thicker tarantula,
349
00:15:49,707 --> 00:15:52,107
or I'm gonna stomp every turtle
in this pet store."
350
00:15:52,209 --> 00:15:54,376
[laughs]
Jared, is something wrong?
351
00:15:54,478 --> 00:15:56,579
You've only had five sips
of your first beer.
352
00:15:56,681 --> 00:15:59,381
Each beer is 10 to 12 sips,
and we've got two more to go.
353
00:15:59,483 --> 00:16:01,683
Stephen, I don't know
if I can do this anymore.
354
00:16:01,785 --> 00:16:03,585
Wow. I cannot believe
what I'm hearing.
355
00:16:03,687 --> 00:16:05,287
What is the source of this problem?
356
00:16:05,389 --> 00:16:07,989
If you don't like the tarantulas,
consider them stomped.
357
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:09,757
No, it's not just the tarantulas.
358
00:16:09,859 --> 00:16:11,793
It ... It's, like,
your whole thing, okay?
359
00:16:11,895 --> 00:16:13,528
- We're just not working.
- Oh, no.
360
00:16:13,630 --> 00:16:15,230
You are not
breaking up with me.
361
00:16:15,332 --> 00:16:19,000
I am breaking up with you!
You've made a powerful enemy.
362
00:16:19,102 --> 00:16:22,570
Get out of my way!
I went to Duke University, idiots!
363
00:16:22,605 --> 00:16:23,354
[door slams]
364
00:16:23,389 --> 00:16:25,740
Breaking news tonight.
President Trump has been unable
365
00:16:25,842 --> 00:16:27,742
to find another Obama
initiative to kill,
366
00:16:27,844 --> 00:16:32,146
and as a result has fallen
into a depression spiral
367
00:16:32,248 --> 00:16:33,748
that, according to our sources,
368
00:16:33,850 --> 00:16:36,917
no amount of chicken parts can cure.
369
00:16:37,019 --> 00:16:41,655
They said, "Run for office.
You won't win, but it'll be fun.
370
00:16:41,757 --> 00:16:43,991
You'll get a TV network out of it."
371
00:16:44,093 --> 00:16:45,392
And now look at me,
372
00:16:45,495 --> 00:16:48,862
tossing out red meat
to a bunch of strangers.
373
00:16:48,964 --> 00:16:52,633
Wall, Islam, Islam,
blah, blah, blah.
374
00:16:52,735 --> 00:16:54,968
You know what you should
be more worried about?
375
00:16:55,070 --> 00:16:56,703
Your hearts exploding.
376
00:16:56,805 --> 00:17:01,008
Coal miners, you're really
thinking about the future.
377
00:17:01,110 --> 00:17:04,377
I see so many kids walking
around playing with coal.
378
00:17:04,479 --> 00:17:06,212
What's your name?
Jeff?
379
00:17:06,314 --> 00:17:08,114
Fuck you, Jeff!
380
00:17:08,216 --> 00:17:09,682
[Stephen] Hello, gentlemen.
381
00:17:09,784 --> 00:17:11,618
- I'm your dad now.
- Excuse me?
382
00:17:11,719 --> 00:17:13,353
Your old father has been paralyzed.
383
00:17:13,455 --> 00:17:15,988
- What?!
- By his lack of self-worth.
384
00:17:16,090 --> 00:17:19,125
You may refer to me as Father,
Papa, or Stephen the Dad.
385
00:17:19,227 --> 00:17:21,778
- Dude, this is bullshit!
- Wash your mouth out!
386
00:17:21,779 --> 00:17:22,862
No television for a week!
387
00:17:22,964 --> 00:17:25,264
- You think I care?
- Fine. Two weeks.
388
00:17:25,366 --> 00:17:27,933
- You tell him, Dad.
- Eric, shut up!
389
00:17:28,036 --> 00:17:30,402
Miller, let me let you in
on a little secret here.
390
00:17:30,504 --> 00:17:32,337
I've never been
disciplined in my life,
391
00:17:32,439 --> 00:17:33,839
and I'm not about to start now.
392
00:17:33,941 --> 00:17:35,307
That's it!
Give me your phone.
393
00:17:35,409 --> 00:17:39,161
- You're not seeing that girl any more.
- You mean my wife?
394
00:17:39,162 --> 00:17:41,112
Dude, you are seriously loco.
395
00:17:41,215 --> 00:17:42,581
Eric, I'm proud of you.
396
00:17:42,683 --> 00:17:45,850
I'm gonna take you to 7-Eleven
and get you a big soda.
397
00:17:45,952 --> 00:17:48,920
- Can I sit in the front?
- Fine, but don't touch the radio.
398
00:17:49,022 --> 00:17:51,190
That's Mommy's.
I'm also your mom.
399
00:17:51,292 --> 00:17:55,028
[somber music]
400
00:17:55,496 --> 00:17:57,028
This is weird.
I don't know.
401
00:17:57,130 --> 00:17:59,497
Maybe just make up something
to goose him awake.
402
00:17:59,599 --> 00:18:00,999
Good news, Mr. President.
403
00:18:01,101 --> 00:18:03,601
Congress has agreed to build the wall.
404
00:18:03,704 --> 00:18:05,570
That would be cool
if anything mattered.
405
00:18:05,672 --> 00:18:07,038
I know what will cheer him up.
406
00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:10,408
Hey, Donny, how would you like
to take the nuclear football
407
00:18:10,510 --> 00:18:12,744
to Mar-a-Lago for the weekend, huh?
408
00:18:12,846 --> 00:18:16,247
- Pbht!
- Okay, that's it. He's gone.
409
00:18:16,349 --> 00:18:20,685
[music]
410
00:18:25,225 --> 00:18:27,525
Say what you will
about, uh, Mr. Trump.
411
00:18:27,627 --> 00:18:30,493
He certainly would bring
some change to the White House.
412
00:18:30,596 --> 00:18:32,863
[laughter]
413
00:18:37,937 --> 00:18:40,204
Is that what this is about?
414
00:18:40,305 --> 00:18:44,007
Yeah, you must have felt
pretty humiliated that night,
415
00:18:44,110 --> 00:18:46,710
so humiliated you decided
to run for president?
416
00:18:46,811 --> 00:18:48,010
Go away.
417
00:18:48,113 --> 00:18:50,847
Sir, I once had a boss
who humiliated me every day
418
00:18:50,949 --> 00:18:52,815
by putting his need
to watch television
419
00:18:52,917 --> 00:18:55,385
and eat an entire sheet cake
ahead of our nation.
420
00:18:55,487 --> 00:19:00,323
But someday, I'm gonna write
a shocking expos�
421
00:19:00,425 --> 00:19:03,525
that puts my boss
in prison or worse!
422
00:19:03,628 --> 00:19:06,229
That's a beautiful story,
but how does it relate to me?
423
00:19:06,330 --> 00:19:09,031
Your administration can't
go on like this, Mr. President.
424
00:19:09,134 --> 00:19:11,400
You have two choices ...
either let that night go
425
00:19:11,502 --> 00:19:13,102
or return to the battlefield.
426
00:19:13,204 --> 00:19:14,871
Look, I've got a lot to think about.
427
00:19:14,973 --> 00:19:18,522
I better get a full night's sleep.
[snoring]
428
00:19:25,383 --> 00:19:26,482
I got it!
429
00:19:26,584 --> 00:19:28,984
When's the next White House
Correspondents' Dinner?
430
00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:30,386
- April.
- Move it to tomorrow
431
00:19:30,488 --> 00:19:31,754
and make sure Obama's there.
432
00:19:31,855 --> 00:19:34,323
Consider it done, sir.
Should I give him a plus-one?
433
00:19:34,425 --> 00:19:36,158
Of course.
I'm not a monster.
434
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:39,077
[President Trump]
All right, here's the plan.
435
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,913
I want to roast Obama
like he roasted me,
436
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:43,781
and I'm gonna need great material.
437
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:47,885
Jared, Stephen, you're the two
funniest guys I know. Start writing.
438
00:19:47,988 --> 00:19:51,189
- We're sort of taking a break right now.
- Don't care.
439
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,825
If I can shred on guitar
the first time I touch one,
440
00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:55,993
you two can learn
to be friends again, okay?
441
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:57,194
[Jared] Hey.
442
00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:59,931
Uh, so, uh, where are
your tarantulas, huh?
443
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,432
I fed them to the python.
444
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,701
You've got a python?!
[shudders] Where is it?
445
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,370
I fed it to me.
My pizza was taking too long.
446
00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:09,306
Cool. Look, Stephen,
I don't know what happened.
447
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:10,907
I thought we were doing great.
448
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:13,310
Things were just moving
a little too fast for me.
449
00:20:13,412 --> 00:20:15,279
I mean, I've never met
someone like you.
450
00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,914
This happens a lot.
I always assumed new friends
451
00:20:18,017 --> 00:20:20,284
were part of a deep-state
conspiracy against me.
452
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,885
Upon further research, I realized
453
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:24,554
that the government just
doesn't have those resources.
454
00:20:24,656 --> 00:20:26,623
What do you say
we give this another shot?
455
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:29,192
That would be great.
I just, uh, need a minute here.
456
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:31,828
Python meat is the prune juice
of the animal kingdom.
457
00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:34,197
[announcer] Tonight from
the Washington Hilton,
458
00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:35,665
it's the hastily rescheduled
459
00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:37,501
White House
Correspondents' Dinner.
460
00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:39,469
The entire Beltway press corps is here
461
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,104
for a night of fun and laughs
462
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:43,639
with those they're supposed
to hold accountable.
463
00:20:43,741 --> 00:20:45,741
- Is Obama here?
- Front-row center.
464
00:20:45,843 --> 00:20:47,877
I told him Richard Branson
would be here.
465
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:51,947
[music]
466
00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:54,751
[screaming]
467
00:20:55,753 --> 00:20:58,655
[screaming continues]
468
00:20:59,757 --> 00:21:00,990
[clears throat]
469
00:21:01,091 --> 00:21:03,993
- You sure this material's good?
- Uh, I don't know.
470
00:21:04,094 --> 00:21:05,895
I mean, Miller handled
the Obama slams,
471
00:21:05,997 --> 00:21:07,496
I did the self-deprecating stuff.
472
00:21:07,598 --> 00:21:10,465
Self-deprecating?
What would I deprecate?
473
00:21:10,568 --> 00:21:12,701
That I don't know
the meaning of "deprecate"?
474
00:21:12,803 --> 00:21:15,070
Well, they're on page two
if you get desperate.
475
00:21:15,172 --> 00:21:17,305
Stevie, I need you
to warm up the crowd.
476
00:21:17,408 --> 00:21:19,607
Sir, by the time
I'm done with them,
477
00:21:19,709 --> 00:21:22,377
they'll be boiling hot
and begging for mercy.
478
00:21:22,479 --> 00:21:23,945
[chuckling] What a goofball!
479
00:21:24,048 --> 00:21:26,748
And now performing
his original composition,
480
00:21:26,850 --> 00:21:28,917
Blood Is Destiny,
Stephen Miller.
481
00:21:29,019 --> 00:21:31,086
[heavy metal plays]
Restore order,
482
00:21:31,188 --> 00:21:32,820
embolden ancestors.
483
00:21:32,923 --> 00:21:38,059
- Blood is destiny.
- I love you, Stephen and Dad!
484
00:21:38,161 --> 00:21:40,828
- Oh, Jesus.
- Blood is destiny
485
00:21:40,931 --> 00:21:44,165
Wow, available wherever
animals are tortured.
486
00:21:44,267 --> 00:21:47,201
That was something.
But you know who isn't something?
487
00:21:47,303 --> 00:21:48,769
Barack Hussein Obama.
488
00:21:48,871 --> 00:21:51,772
I mean, this guy couldn't keep
Muslims out of his own family.
489
00:21:51,874 --> 00:21:54,775
How could he keep them
out of the United States?
490
00:21:54,877 --> 00:21:57,878
[man] Oh, my God.
491
00:21:57,980 --> 00:22:00,214
You know the Obamas
had a dog named Bo
492
00:22:00,316 --> 00:22:01,882
who would often say, "Ruff, ruff."
493
00:22:01,984 --> 00:22:06,111
That's a good description of his
presidency, "Rough, rough."
494
00:22:07,957 --> 00:22:11,324
He also had a dog named Sunny.
How much dog can one man eat?
495
00:22:11,426 --> 00:22:13,560
[laughs] Oh!
Killing it, real Dad.
496
00:22:13,662 --> 00:22:18,198
Geez, these jokes are bigly crap.
[laughter]
497
00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:20,533
Crap like... me?
498
00:22:20,636 --> 00:22:22,402
[laughter and applause]
499
00:22:22,504 --> 00:22:24,404
Psst!
Page two!
500
00:22:24,506 --> 00:22:27,873
It's hard to figure out
what's more ill-fitting ...
501
00:22:27,976 --> 00:22:30,176
this suit or me as president.
502
00:22:30,278 --> 00:22:31,411
[laughter and applause]
503
00:22:31,513 --> 00:22:33,613
You know, I got to start
watching what I eat.
504
00:22:33,715 --> 00:22:36,449
I asked my insurance agent
where I could be buried.
505
00:22:36,551 --> 00:22:38,517
He started listing canyons.
506
00:22:38,620 --> 00:22:40,620
[laughter]
Canyons, folks.
507
00:22:40,722 --> 00:22:44,356
My kids are great. I mean,
they're not too bright, though.
508
00:22:44,458 --> 00:22:45,925
The other day, I caught Don Jr.
509
00:22:46,027 --> 00:22:48,227
trying to unwrap
a battery like a candy.
510
00:22:48,329 --> 00:22:51,342
And he's the smart one!
[laughs weakly]
511
00:22:52,100 --> 00:22:54,500
But seriously, folks,
I got to tell you.
512
00:22:54,602 --> 00:22:56,901
Me and Jesus have a lot in common.
513
00:22:57,004 --> 00:22:59,204
He lugged around that huge cross.
514
00:22:59,306 --> 00:23:03,375
I got to lug around my huge ass.
Where's my holiday?
515
00:23:03,477 --> 00:23:04,555
[laughter and applause]
516
00:23:04,556 --> 00:23:06,711
So, yeah, I hate myself.
517
00:23:06,813 --> 00:23:08,614
Thank you!
That's my time.
518
00:23:08,715 --> 00:23:10,915
[cheers and applause]
519
00:23:11,018 --> 00:23:12,784
Oh, that's pretty funny stuff.
520
00:23:12,886 --> 00:23:15,120
Not only was President Trump's
521
00:23:15,221 --> 00:23:17,588
White House
Correspondence Dinner speech
522
00:23:17,691 --> 00:23:19,524
popular with his detractors,
523
00:23:19,626 --> 00:23:22,027
it also received resounding praise
524
00:23:22,129 --> 00:23:24,896
from his supporters who claim
that Trump roasted himself
525
00:23:24,998 --> 00:23:27,265
far better than Obama ever did.
526
00:23:27,367 --> 00:23:28,832
When we come back, my face.
527
00:23:28,934 --> 00:23:30,934
Does it look the same upside-down?
528
00:23:31,037 --> 00:23:32,270
Look, I got to tell you.
529
00:23:32,372 --> 00:23:35,206
I've never been more proud of
how proud you guys are of me.
530
00:23:35,308 --> 00:23:37,708
I'm proud of the work
we've done here today, Jared,
531
00:23:37,810 --> 00:23:40,044
and the unthinkable work
that is yet to come.
532
00:23:40,146 --> 00:23:41,512
Now, let's go get three beers.
533
00:23:41,614 --> 00:23:43,814
And I'm driving.
I want to plow into some deer.
534
00:23:43,916 --> 00:23:45,849
Hey, what was that
song about, anyway?
535
00:23:45,951 --> 00:23:47,051
Where do I begin?
536
00:23:47,153 --> 00:23:50,620
Okay, so, eugenics
is this emerging science.
537
00:23:50,723 --> 00:23:56,259
The audience loved you.
No one can humiliate you like yourself.
538
00:23:56,361 --> 00:23:59,063
It felt tremendous,
but who needs to roast Obama
539
00:23:59,165 --> 00:24:00,830
when I can melt your heart?
540
00:24:00,932 --> 00:24:03,233
Oh, no, Donald.
Please, don't sing song.
541
00:24:03,335 --> 00:24:06,403
- I'm
- Donald.
542
00:24:06,505 --> 00:24:10,707
? Showering love on you ?
543
00:24:10,809 --> 00:24:14,377
[Melania] If only you slept long
enough for me to smother you.
544
00:24:14,479 --> 00:24:17,088
[music]
545
00:24:17,549 --> 00:24:21,951
['80s-style pop music plays]
Donald Trump is the president
546
00:24:22,053 --> 00:24:25,522
? Donald Trump
is the president ?
547
00:24:25,624 --> 00:24:27,991
? Is Donald Trump
the president? ?
548
00:24:28,092 --> 00:24:29,392
? Yes, he is ?
549
00:24:29,494 --> 00:24:32,529
? Yes, he is,
we elected him president ?
550
00:24:32,631 --> 00:24:35,197
? Is Donald Trump
the president? ?
551
00:24:35,299 --> 00:24:36,665
? Yes, he is ?
552
00:24:36,767 --> 00:24:39,835
? We had a vote
and elected him president ?
553
00:24:39,937 --> 00:24:44,706
? Donald Trump
is the president ?
554
00:24:46,911 --> 00:24:48,544
? Donald Trump ?
555
00:24:48,646 --> 00:24:52,080
? He is our president ?
556
00:24:52,182 --> 00:24:55,417
? We made him president ?
557
00:24:55,519 --> 00:24:57,753
? We did it ?
558
00:24:57,855 --> 00:25:01,690
? Donald Trump is the president ?
559
00:25:01,792 --> 00:25:04,760
? We elected Donald Trump ?
560
00:25:04,862 --> 00:25:08,363
? Donald Trump is the president ?
561
00:25:08,465 --> 00:25:11,933
? Donald Trump
is the president ?
562
00:25:12,035 --> 00:25:15,503
[vocalizing] Yeah
563
00:25:15,605 --> 00:25:16,549
Trump!
564
00:25:16,584 --> 00:25:18,773
[rock riff plays on guitar]
565
00:25:18,875 --> 00:25:21,709
Sir, it's 3 a.m.!
Can we please go home?
566
00:25:21,811 --> 00:25:24,278
Hey, guitar, can they go home?
567
00:25:24,380 --> 00:25:26,146
[rock riff plays on guitar]
568
00:25:26,248 --> 00:25:27,914
That's a "no."
569
00:25:28,257 --> 00:25:31,896
570
00:25:31,946 --> 00:25:36,496
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
46445
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.