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1
00:00:12,219 --> 00:00:14,572
I developed a simple, fool-proof plan...
2
00:00:14,672 --> 00:00:15,523
Hi!
3
00:00:15,623 --> 00:00:16,690
...with subtle hints,
4
00:00:16,790 --> 00:00:19,317
to steer his thoughts towards sex or…
5
00:00:19,417 --> 00:00:20,697
...maybe not so subtle.
6
00:00:23,455 --> 00:00:24,982
I knew he was checking out my butt.
7
00:00:26,335 --> 00:00:28,774
Why do you think I kept
the 13s on the bottom shelf?
8
00:00:28,874 --> 00:00:29,948
13s.
9
00:00:30,691 --> 00:00:32,548
Alright. You are a hooker.
10
00:00:33,904 --> 00:00:36,972
I immediately regretted our decision
to make the game authentic.
11
00:00:44,037 --> 00:00:46,423
I probably should've come clean,
right then…
12
00:00:47,457 --> 00:00:48,976
-I-I...
-What?
13
00:00:49,076 --> 00:00:50,447
I wasn't thinking straight.
14
00:00:50,970 --> 00:00:52,621
...I blame all the pent up hormones.
15
00:00:55,038 --> 00:00:55,905
Thanks.
16
00:00:59,649 --> 00:01:02,627
I was gonna spend Friday night
being Mark's hooker.
17
00:01:05,497 --> 00:01:06,429
Why'd you do that?
18
00:01:23,830 --> 00:01:26,004
Hey Red, you wanna get in?
19
00:01:26,104 --> 00:01:30,053
So I'd love to say
I was like undercover...
20
00:01:30,153 --> 00:01:31,647
...on a take down mission or something.
21
00:01:35,785 --> 00:01:39,644
But I was just learning the hard way
that trying new things…
22
00:01:39,985 --> 00:01:41,619
...can have some serious consequences.
23
00:01:48,205 --> 00:01:50,741
My husband mark and I met
way back in college.
24
00:01:50,841 --> 00:01:51,768
Hey Hun!
25
00:01:51,868 --> 00:01:52,907
This doesn't make sense.
26
00:01:53,275 --> 00:01:54,504
Fast forward 15 years,
27
00:01:54,604 --> 00:01:57,665
and we've got 2 teens
and a pretty healthy marriage.
28
00:01:57,875 --> 00:01:58,982
You look confused.
29
00:01:59,529 --> 00:02:00,819
Balancing the checkbook.
30
00:02:01,482 --> 00:02:02,607
Why don't you just do that online?
31
00:02:03,273 --> 00:02:05,547
Because I like to physically
subtract the money...
32
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:09,030
...and watch how it affects our account.
33
00:02:09,130 --> 00:02:10,037
I just don't get it.
34
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:11,719
Yeah I know,
35
00:02:11,819 --> 00:02:16,685
Mr "I spent 397 dollars
at the hardware store."
36
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:18,928
Maybe I was buying something for you.
37
00:02:19,444 --> 00:02:20,389
Oh yeah?
38
00:02:20,633 --> 00:02:22,553
Like a shiny new miter saw?
39
00:02:24,303 --> 00:02:25,345
I'm going to take a shower.
40
00:02:25,736 --> 00:02:26,801
Okay.
41
00:02:29,822 --> 00:02:31,296
That's not even a real number.
42
00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:34,803
I'm gonna use your laptop real quick!
43
00:02:35,382 --> 00:02:36,313
What?
44
00:02:37,130 --> 00:02:38,353
I'm gonna…
45
00:02:38,453 --> 00:02:40,593
Cat-a black-ta boo-top.
46
00:02:41,615 --> 00:02:42,629
What?
47
00:02:43,256 --> 00:02:44,286
I love you.
48
00:02:45,021 --> 00:02:48,260
I just wanted to double check my math
to our online bank statements.
49
00:02:49,833 --> 00:02:51,053
But then…
50
00:02:54,430 --> 00:02:56,029
Okay, I admit it.
51
00:02:56,376 --> 00:03:00,587
At the time we weren't as active
in the bedroom as we usually were.
52
00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:03,144
But I never thought mark would be...
53
00:03:03,539 --> 00:03:05,448
...looking into other options.
54
00:03:09,671 --> 00:03:12,107
So I called up my best friend Andrea...
55
00:03:12,207 --> 00:03:13,825
...to get an afternoon tennis match in.
56
00:03:14,591 --> 00:03:16,243
But what I really wanted...
57
00:03:16,343 --> 00:03:18,791
...was a second opinion
on the whole computer thing.
58
00:03:19,375 --> 00:03:20,330
So?
59
00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:21,791
Did you say anything to him about it?
60
00:03:22,227 --> 00:03:23,092
No.
61
00:03:23,497 --> 00:03:24,989
What do you want me to say?
62
00:03:25,089 --> 00:03:27,122
"Oh, hey Hun, quick question."
63
00:03:27,222 --> 00:03:30,638
"Is there a reason why you...
felt the need to look at porn?"
64
00:03:31,705 --> 00:03:32,543
Yeah!
65
00:03:32,643 --> 00:03:34,207
That's exactly what
you're supposed to say.
66
00:03:34,725 --> 00:03:37,137
I can't even believe
he looks at that stuff.
67
00:03:37,237 --> 00:03:38,625
Oh, please!
68
00:03:39,780 --> 00:03:42,730
Every man on planet Earth
has looked at that stuff,
69
00:03:42,830 --> 00:03:44,991
at some point or another, okay?
70
00:03:45,091 --> 00:03:46,244
I guess.
71
00:03:46,344 --> 00:03:47,698
I know guys look at porn.
72
00:03:48,408 --> 00:03:50,381
But, it was my husband
we're talking about.
73
00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:53,291
I couldn't help but think
of all the worse case scenarios.
74
00:03:53,391 --> 00:03:55,737
I wouldn't get all crazy about it, okay?
75
00:03:55,837 --> 00:03:57,968
I mean, you guys
are still having sex, right?
76
00:03:58,068 --> 00:03:58,922
Yeah.
77
00:04:00,390 --> 00:04:01,376
I mean…
78
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:03,947
...every once in a while.
79
00:04:04,593 --> 00:04:08,395
Okay. Well, maybe he's… bored with it,
or something?
80
00:04:09,195 --> 00:04:10,219
What was he looking at?
81
00:04:10,319 --> 00:04:13,971
Was he looking at, like, like
over the top gross stuff,
82
00:04:14,071 --> 00:04:15,514
or was it just sex stuff?
83
00:04:18,039 --> 00:04:19,337
See that's the thing.
84
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:20,977
What I found mark watching...
85
00:04:22,548 --> 00:04:24,566
...wasn't exactly normal.
86
00:04:26,127 --> 00:04:28,602
Lots of guys picking up prostitutes.
87
00:04:30,458 --> 00:04:35,740
Like, fishnet stockings
and those giant, leather boots?
88
00:04:37,747 --> 00:04:39,006
I mean, maybe…
89
00:04:39,676 --> 00:04:41,810
...maybe you should consider
a little role-playing.
90
00:04:41,910 --> 00:04:42,898
Role-playing?
91
00:04:42,998 --> 00:04:44,510
Yeah, I don't think so.
92
00:04:45,009 --> 00:04:46,601
I mean, God knows you've got
the body for it.
93
00:04:46,701 --> 00:04:48,830
You could tell Andrea didn't have kids.
94
00:04:48,930 --> 00:04:52,430
Sex for us had to be like
a military operation.
95
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:57,728
It had to be carefully scheduled,
and incredibly silent.
96
00:04:58,327 --> 00:04:59,573
You should just ask him about it.
97
00:04:59,673 --> 00:05:01,985
You don't have to admit
that you saw his browser history.
98
00:05:02,346 --> 00:05:03,603
Just feel it out.
99
00:05:03,891 --> 00:05:05,898
And maybe you'll spice up your sex life.
100
00:05:06,299 --> 00:05:07,243
Cheers girl.
101
00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:10,835
I figured, it couldn't hurt
to have a discussion about it.
102
00:05:14,641 --> 00:05:20,533
I really had every intention of tactfully
bringing up the idea of role-playing.
103
00:05:20,633 --> 00:05:21,951
Really. I did.
104
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:26,370
But, I still needed to get
one thing off my mind.
105
00:05:27,401 --> 00:05:28,541
What are you working on?
106
00:05:28,998 --> 00:05:31,929
Just trying to organize these reports
for the corporate guys.
107
00:05:32,029 --> 00:05:36,704
So, I decided to float
a very discreet feeler out there.
108
00:05:37,869 --> 00:05:39,407
So not looking at porn?
109
00:05:41,377 --> 00:05:43,011
I've never been good at discreet.
110
00:05:44,531 --> 00:05:45,613
Excuse me?
111
00:05:47,531 --> 00:05:49,359
When I used your computer the other day,
112
00:05:49,459 --> 00:05:51,750
I saw that there were sex sites,
113
00:05:51,850 --> 00:05:54,002
and I was kinda weirded out and worried,
114
00:05:54,102 --> 00:05:55,942
and thinking that maybe you were…
115
00:05:57,650 --> 00:05:58,964
...unsatisfied?
116
00:06:00,344 --> 00:06:04,147
And I said something,
I thought I would never say.
117
00:06:04,247 --> 00:06:08,676
Maybe, you know, the whole prostitute,
client thing was something that you…
118
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,136
...might wanna try with me?
119
00:06:14,418 --> 00:06:15,409
You're gonna have to back up.
120
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:17,916
I have no idea what you're talking about.
121
00:06:18,016 --> 00:06:20,453
I saw that you were looking at sex sites.
122
00:06:20,553 --> 00:06:22,342
-This computer?
-Yes!
123
00:06:22,442 --> 00:06:26,069
When you were out of town,
and you were alone in the hotel and…
124
00:06:26,323 --> 00:06:27,265
I don't know.
125
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:29,219
-Whatever. Maybe you wanted...
-Wait.
126
00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:31,927
I didn't take this laptop
with me last weekend.
127
00:06:33,038 --> 00:06:33,968
What?
128
00:06:34,338 --> 00:06:35,395
I took the tablet.
129
00:06:36,444 --> 00:06:39,543
Looking back, I probably
should have read the situation better.
130
00:06:39,802 --> 00:06:41,271
I left it here because a…
131
00:06:41,788 --> 00:06:43,652
..."certain eldest son" of ours,
132
00:06:43,752 --> 00:06:46,351
said he needed it for his school project.
133
00:06:46,742 --> 00:06:47,716
Dylan?
134
00:06:48,489 --> 00:06:49,927
Oh, my God!
135
00:06:50,027 --> 00:06:52,631
Of course, it was our teenage son.
136
00:06:52,994 --> 00:06:55,627
O-Okay let's just deal with him later.
But…
137
00:06:56,301 --> 00:06:57,970
...can we pump the brakes here
for a second?
138
00:06:59,246 --> 00:07:01,914
You said something about role-playing?
139
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:04,806
Yeah.
140
00:07:05,273 --> 00:07:06,691
It was already out there.
141
00:07:07,063 --> 00:07:10,583
What I meant was, is that if you were...
142
00:07:11,710 --> 00:07:14,567
...interested in doing that…
143
00:07:15,812 --> 00:07:18,569
...maybe I would be willing to…
144
00:07:20,003 --> 00:07:21,299
...do it was well.
145
00:07:22,899 --> 00:07:24,481
Really?
146
00:07:25,676 --> 00:07:29,452
So instead of spending Friday night
screaming at our son,
147
00:07:29,552 --> 00:07:30,684
I was gonna spend it...
148
00:07:32,050 --> 00:07:33,307
...being Mark's hooker.
149
00:07:36,576 --> 00:07:39,954
Let's just say he was quick
to get the ball rolling.
150
00:07:41,636 --> 00:07:43,491
Front Desk Darling, how can I help you?
151
00:07:43,591 --> 00:07:44,632
Hi.
152
00:07:46,275 --> 00:07:48,666
-How are you?
-I'm good, sweetie, how you doing?
153
00:07:48,766 --> 00:07:50,806
Yeah, I-I'm good too,
thank you for asking.
154
00:07:50,897 --> 00:07:51,687
I appreciate that.
155
00:07:52,340 --> 00:07:54,828
I actually had a question
about your rooms.
156
00:07:55,335 --> 00:07:56,374
I was just wondering...
157
00:07:56,870 --> 00:08:00,122
...are they, like, available by the…
158
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,158
...like, not daily?
159
00:08:02,258 --> 00:08:04,110
We have a monthly rate
if you're interested?
160
00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:05,130
No, less.
161
00:08:05,517 --> 00:08:06,501
Sure, we got weekly rooms.
162
00:08:06,601 --> 00:08:08,141
Well... n-not-not weekly.
163
00:08:08,241 --> 00:08:10,242
More like o-on the other... other way.
164
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,404
What are you trying to say, sir?
165
00:08:12,504 --> 00:08:15,120
Like… hourly?
166
00:08:15,414 --> 00:08:16,642
Yeah, just in case you're wondering…
167
00:08:17,382 --> 00:08:19,794
You're supposed to ask
for the "day-use" package.
168
00:08:19,894 --> 00:08:20,936
Okay thank you!
169
00:08:21,759 --> 00:08:24,311
And it turns out they
don't take reservations.
170
00:08:24,747 --> 00:08:26,888
Yeah, it was that nice.
171
00:08:27,781 --> 00:08:28,749
We agreed...
172
00:08:29,150 --> 00:08:32,162
...that if we were gonna do this,
we might as well be…
173
00:08:32,886 --> 00:08:33,923
...authentic.
174
00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:37,591
No.
175
00:08:38,323 --> 00:08:40,170
So he wasn't looking at porn?
176
00:08:40,398 --> 00:08:41,280
As it turns out,
177
00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:44,116
it was my permanently
grounded teenage son.
178
00:08:44,332 --> 00:08:45,272
No.
179
00:08:45,372 --> 00:08:47,881
You know, grounding's good,
but you know what really works?
180
00:08:48,751 --> 00:08:51,653
Maybe you could tell Dylan what his
parents are doing this weekend.
181
00:08:51,753 --> 00:08:54,260
I wanna ground him, not ruin his life.
182
00:08:56,021 --> 00:08:57,304
I like that. That'll work.
183
00:08:58,021 --> 00:09:01,037
I convinced myself it was
like Halloween but...
184
00:09:01,137 --> 00:09:02,405
...back in my 20's,
185
00:09:02,505 --> 00:09:04,858
when I thought costumes
needed to be sexed up.
186
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,634
Andrea already knew about our plan,
187
00:09:08,734 --> 00:09:11,996
so I asked her to drop me off
at our rendezvous point.
188
00:09:14,424 --> 00:09:15,290
Wow!
189
00:09:15,733 --> 00:09:16,945
Does that mean it's good?
190
00:09:17,259 --> 00:09:18,170
It's…
191
00:09:18,618 --> 00:09:19,500
...something.
192
00:09:20,804 --> 00:09:24,018
I gotta hand it to you,
I'd no idea you had it in you to look so…
193
00:09:24,386 --> 00:09:25,250
...cheap.
194
00:09:25,726 --> 00:09:27,310
Well thank you for dropping me off.
195
00:09:27,410 --> 00:09:28,993
I'm always glad to help a fellow woman...
196
00:09:29,093 --> 00:09:31,489
...get into the exciting world
of prostitution.
197
00:09:33,979 --> 00:09:34,847
Got it.
198
00:09:34,947 --> 00:09:37,669
Being slutty is harder than it looks.
199
00:09:37,769 --> 00:09:40,191
You know, you're not exactly
having me drop you off...
200
00:09:40,291 --> 00:09:41,788
...in the garden spot of downtown.
201
00:09:41,888 --> 00:09:43,265
I'll be fine.
202
00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:45,033
Besides, Mark won't be long.
203
00:09:45,133 --> 00:09:47,080
I'll just text him as soon as I get there.
204
00:09:48,140 --> 00:09:49,227
Oh, boy.
205
00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:50,704
We're really doing this. Let's go.
206
00:09:50,804 --> 00:09:53,773
Our decision to reenact "Pretty Woman"...
207
00:09:53,873 --> 00:09:56,045
...was definitely getting me in the mood.
208
00:09:56,627 --> 00:10:00,149
Things hadn't been that
exciting in a long time.
209
00:10:03,445 --> 00:10:04,470
Alright.
210
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:05,688
You are a hooker.
211
00:10:05,788 --> 00:10:06,751
Thanks.
212
00:10:07,075 --> 00:10:07,956
Okay.
213
00:10:09,528 --> 00:10:10,635
Be careful!
214
00:10:16,401 --> 00:10:19,495
As soon as Andrea left me there
in "hooker alley"…
215
00:10:21,071 --> 00:10:23,867
...I realized, maybe I didn't think
everything through.
216
00:10:25,665 --> 00:10:28,006
You know, like the fact that
I was out on the street...
217
00:10:28,106 --> 00:10:29,804
...in my skankiest outfit.
218
00:10:30,276 --> 00:10:32,088
What if someone I knew drove by?
219
00:10:37,077 --> 00:10:38,859
Hey, Red. You wanna get in?
220
00:10:41,607 --> 00:10:44,781
I immediately regretted our decision
to make the game authentic.
221
00:10:50,657 --> 00:10:51,691
I started to panic.
222
00:10:52,163 --> 00:10:53,772
And what if Mark couldn't find me?
223
00:10:56,821 --> 00:10:59,343
I felt like I'd been waiting
for hours before he showed up.
224
00:11:00,340 --> 00:11:01,664
I was three minutes late.
225
00:11:07,085 --> 00:11:07,974
It's locked!
226
00:11:08,074 --> 00:11:09,477
Hi, I'm looking for a date.
227
00:11:09,577 --> 00:11:11,571
Seriously, before someone sees me.
228
00:11:12,002 --> 00:11:14,326
I swear, I was gonna smash his window.
229
00:11:14,721 --> 00:11:17,106
No y-you have to ask me,
if I'm looking for a good time.
230
00:11:17,206 --> 00:11:18,463
Is that really what they say?
231
00:11:19,072 --> 00:11:20,555
Okay, thanks anyway miss!
232
00:11:20,655 --> 00:11:22,856
I remembered, it was our night of fun...
233
00:11:22,956 --> 00:11:24,624
and he was committing to it. So…
234
00:11:25,187 --> 00:11:26,264
...I did my best.
235
00:11:26,364 --> 00:11:28,032
Hey, hey Hun...
236
00:11:28,766 --> 00:11:29,741
...good looking.
237
00:11:30,097 --> 00:11:32,092
Are you... looking for a date?
238
00:11:32,374 --> 00:11:33,821
Maybe I am. How much?
239
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:35,846
Twenty-five hundred dollars?
240
00:11:35,946 --> 00:11:36,895
What?
241
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,347
I don't know!
242
00:11:39,070 --> 00:11:40,809
How much does it cost? You're the expert!
243
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,136
About 50 bucks.
244
00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:43,933
I mean, I think, on TV.
245
00:11:44,309 --> 00:11:47,285
What's the point of role-playing if
you're not gonna be factually accurate?
246
00:11:47,825 --> 00:11:50,809
Plus... I only had about 73 bucks on me.
247
00:11:51,453 --> 00:11:53,252
So? How much?
248
00:11:54,194 --> 00:11:55,330
Fifty bucks?
249
00:11:57,498 --> 00:11:58,347
That's too much.
250
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:01,107
Okay, then he just started being a jerk.
251
00:12:01,207 --> 00:12:03,251
Open the damn door, Mark.
252
00:12:06,366 --> 00:12:08,345
Alright. Just calm down.
253
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,126
I had to hand it to Mark.
254
00:12:14,574 --> 00:12:16,849
He definitely came
through on the shady motel.
255
00:12:22,134 --> 00:12:23,720
Really spared no expense.
256
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:25,724
It's part of the experience.
257
00:12:26,652 --> 00:12:27,676
What do you care?
258
00:12:27,858 --> 00:12:30,625
You're just a working girl trying
to make ends meet.
259
00:12:31,034 --> 00:12:32,394
Oh, is that what I am?
260
00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:36,701
It was pretty weird,
but the cheap motel...
261
00:12:36,801 --> 00:12:38,679
...was starting to get me in the mood.
262
00:12:39,533 --> 00:12:41,069
What are you looking for, handsome?
263
00:12:41,563 --> 00:12:43,434
I don't know. What do you have to offer?
264
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:46,508
Baby, I've got anything you want.
265
00:12:46,991 --> 00:12:47,897
Oh, yeah?
266
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:49,119
Like what?
267
00:12:50,401 --> 00:12:51,326
Like…
268
00:12:53,321 --> 00:12:54,323
Like...
269
00:12:56,539 --> 00:13:01,390
Yeah, I really had no idea how to do
the whole dirty bedroom talk thing.
270
00:13:01,694 --> 00:13:03,169
Why don't you just show me…
271
00:13:03,688 --> 00:13:04,803
...what's on the menu?
272
00:13:08,387 --> 00:13:09,240
Oh, yeah.
273
00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:19,099
And that was my attempt at a striptease.
274
00:13:22,486 --> 00:13:23,382
Wait!
275
00:13:24,222 --> 00:13:25,167
Leave those on.
276
00:13:26,517 --> 00:13:27,727
Naughty boy.
277
00:13:28,251 --> 00:13:31,068
So, I wasn't cut out
for that line of work.
278
00:13:35,718 --> 00:13:36,920
I think you get the picture.
279
00:13:37,426 --> 00:13:39,081
Can we move on to the next question now?
280
00:13:41,245 --> 00:13:43,859
If you've never tried
the role-playing thing…
281
00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:46,181
...it's a lot more work than you'd think.
282
00:13:49,130 --> 00:13:50,340
Why'd you do that?
283
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:52,494
'Cause that's what we prostitutes do!
284
00:13:52,594 --> 00:13:53,627
No, you don't!
285
00:13:54,242 --> 00:13:55,252
How do you know?
286
00:13:56,115 --> 00:13:57,011
You know what?
287
00:13:58,074 --> 00:14:00,871
And just when things were
getting hot and heavy…
288
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:07,297
...we found out, we may have
been playing things a bit…
289
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:08,879
...too realistic.
290
00:14:09,207 --> 00:14:10,148
You whore!
291
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:13,568
What the hell's going on?
292
00:14:13,668 --> 00:14:15,990
You know exactly what's going on you...
293
00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:18,867
I actually had no idea what was going on!
294
00:14:18,967 --> 00:14:20,208
Wait…
295
00:14:22,323 --> 00:14:23,669
That ain't Roxanne.
296
00:14:25,238 --> 00:14:26,309
That ain't Roxanne.
297
00:14:26,725 --> 00:14:27,589
Nah.
298
00:14:28,228 --> 00:14:29,150
That ain't her.
299
00:14:30,191 --> 00:14:31,866
Who the hell are you?
300
00:14:32,346 --> 00:14:33,382
I didn't know what to do…
301
00:14:34,064 --> 00:14:35,317
...he was really scary.
302
00:14:36,091 --> 00:14:37,014
Hello. I'm Mark.
303
00:14:37,114 --> 00:14:39,836
I figured I'd just come clean,
hope for the best.
304
00:14:39,936 --> 00:14:40,901
She's my wife.
305
00:14:41,307 --> 00:14:42,167
What?
306
00:14:42,267 --> 00:14:44,486
We just decided to, you know,
just role-play.
307
00:14:44,586 --> 00:14:45,625
A little bit.
308
00:14:48,384 --> 00:14:49,342
Well, shoot.
309
00:14:49,442 --> 00:14:50,851
We thought you was the new girl.
310
00:14:50,951 --> 00:14:52,947
She was supposed to be on
the clock an hour ago.
311
00:14:54,786 --> 00:14:57,383
Well damn, this is embarrassing.
312
00:14:57,857 --> 00:14:59,400
Girl, I am so sorry.
313
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:01,091
Come on, Tammy Lynn.
314
00:15:02,184 --> 00:15:05,585
I am real sorry for the misunderstanding.
315
00:15:06,678 --> 00:15:08,584
You two have a lovely evening.
316
00:15:10,549 --> 00:15:15,258
I can't even begin to tell you
how thankful I was it was over.
317
00:15:25,862 --> 00:15:27,275
So… do you wanna…
318
00:15:27,776 --> 00:15:28,936
Go home? Yes.
319
00:15:30,564 --> 00:15:31,611
Oh, okay.
320
00:15:32,038 --> 00:15:34,808
We decided role-playing wasn't our thing.
321
00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:38,271
But I still bust those boots out
every now and then.
322
00:15:45,581 --> 00:15:48,500
Every girl has that moment
before a first date,
323
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,236
standing in front of the mirror,
checking herself out.
324
00:15:51,716 --> 00:15:53,639
I had my sexiest dress on,
325
00:15:53,739 --> 00:15:56,614
and I was pretty sure it was going
to seal the deal for me.
326
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,511
The boots, though?
327
00:15:58,705 --> 00:15:59,756
Well...
328
00:15:59,856 --> 00:16:01,700
...that's kind of a funny story.
329
00:16:02,635 --> 00:16:05,348
Stop! He did not send you
a photo of his package.
330
00:16:05,448 --> 00:16:06,306
Sure did.
331
00:16:06,406 --> 00:16:08,797
Full salute love machine.
332
00:16:08,897 --> 00:16:09,770
What did you do?
333
00:16:09,870 --> 00:16:12,911
Well I screen grabbed it, and shared it.
Obviously.
334
00:16:13,011 --> 00:16:14,263
-Obviously.
-Obviously.
335
00:16:14,686 --> 00:16:18,726
It was long overdue getting the girls
together for wine and boy talk.
336
00:16:19,268 --> 00:16:21,237
It was mostly overdue 'cause…
337
00:16:21,337 --> 00:16:24,981
Well… there was something
I needed to get out on the table.
338
00:16:26,934 --> 00:16:28,175
What the hell is that?
339
00:16:28,789 --> 00:16:31,150
I had never been
in serious trouble before...
340
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:35,099
...and it really wasn't as big of a deal
as everyone made it out to be.
341
00:16:35,477 --> 00:16:36,583
But, yeah.
342
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,685
I had a court-ordered ankle monitor.
343
00:16:40,106 --> 00:16:41,536
Our girl's on house arrest.
344
00:16:41,636 --> 00:16:43,089
How did I not know this?
345
00:16:43,189 --> 00:16:44,564
I can't believe you didn't know!
346
00:16:44,664 --> 00:16:45,987
Izzy is a drug dealer!
347
00:16:46,087 --> 00:16:47,901
No! Shut up! I am not!
348
00:16:48,587 --> 00:16:50,351
It really wasn't my fault.
349
00:16:51,035 --> 00:16:54,116
But explaining the complicated story
to the judge...
350
00:16:55,051 --> 00:16:56,200
...just made it worse.
351
00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:59,314
I had a few extra pills left over
from my knee surgery,
352
00:16:59,414 --> 00:17:00,985
prescribed by my doctor...
353
00:17:01,085 --> 00:17:05,331
...and my boss made up this story
about having terrible back spasms...
354
00:17:05,431 --> 00:17:09,665
...and not having enough time to go
to get her prescription refilled. So…
355
00:17:10,041 --> 00:17:12,116
Illegal distribution of a narcotic.
356
00:17:12,330 --> 00:17:13,791
And that's not even how it happened.
357
00:17:13,891 --> 00:17:17,571
My boss' 15-year old son found
the pills and him and his friends,
358
00:17:17,671 --> 00:17:19,218
they got busted by the police,
359
00:17:19,318 --> 00:17:20,814
with the prescription bottle,
360
00:17:20,914 --> 00:17:22,125
with my name on it.
361
00:17:23,077 --> 00:17:26,612
It was either throw my boss
under the bus and lose my job...
362
00:17:27,141 --> 00:17:28,961
...or take the plea deal...
363
00:17:29,061 --> 00:17:34,023
...and wear a lovely piece
of high-tech jewelry for 28 weeks.
364
00:17:34,368 --> 00:17:35,820
I've been going crazy.
365
00:17:36,462 --> 00:17:39,851
The hottest guy I've seen
is the dog walker with the fanny pack.
366
00:17:40,482 --> 00:17:43,264
But the worst part was all
I could think about...
367
00:17:43,364 --> 00:17:46,259
...was how I was going
to end my dry spell.
368
00:17:47,039 --> 00:17:48,355
While on house arrest.
369
00:17:49,154 --> 00:17:53,379
You need to channel that frustration
into something productive.
370
00:17:53,479 --> 00:17:55,307
I don't wanna do anything productive.
371
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:58,265
I wanna do something re-productive.
372
00:18:00,384 --> 00:18:01,342
Yeah!
373
00:18:02,839 --> 00:18:05,137
It's all I can think about,
it's driving me crazy!
374
00:18:05,237 --> 00:18:06,968
How about finally fixing up the place?
375
00:18:07,068 --> 00:18:09,030
I mean, you've been saying
since you moved in...
376
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,344
...you wanna redecorate it.
377
00:18:10,444 --> 00:18:13,469
It's hard to do...
I can't go pick anything out.
378
00:18:13,569 --> 00:18:15,300
Nobody shops in stores anymore.
379
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,238
You can buy anything on the web.
380
00:18:19,774 --> 00:18:20,824
Not a bad idea.
381
00:18:21,215 --> 00:18:22,203
Audrey was right.
382
00:18:22,870 --> 00:18:25,663
I needed something else
to focus my energy on.
383
00:18:26,047 --> 00:18:28,645
And I did need a new desk
for my home office.
384
00:18:30,084 --> 00:18:31,036
Damn.
385
00:18:31,972 --> 00:18:32,787
But...
386
00:18:34,037 --> 00:18:35,546
...easier said than done.
387
00:18:35,965 --> 00:18:37,158
My, my...
388
00:18:38,032 --> 00:18:39,645
Even online shopping...
389
00:18:40,111 --> 00:18:43,711
...turned into me just drooling
over hot catalog models.
390
00:18:45,088 --> 00:18:47,187
I could get a lot of work done on that.
391
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,364
This whole house arrest thing...
392
00:18:49,464 --> 00:18:53,905
...was whipping me into
a big ol' frustrated sexual frenzy!
393
00:18:54,460 --> 00:18:58,266
And I realized I wasn't going
to get anything taken care of...
394
00:18:58,366 --> 00:18:59,939
...until I took care of myself.
395
00:19:00,845 --> 00:19:04,415
Hey, is this Brandon? Hi, it's Izzy.
396
00:19:04,817 --> 00:19:07,518
Even if that meant serial
dialing old flames.
397
00:19:07,618 --> 00:19:09,832
I was wondering what you were up to,
398
00:19:09,932 --> 00:19:12,842
and if you wanted
to come over and hang out?
399
00:19:13,364 --> 00:19:15,585
Come on, you would have done
the same thing too.
400
00:19:17,471 --> 00:19:19,503
But, I'd forgotten my rule...
401
00:19:19,603 --> 00:19:23,355
...about deleting someone's number
if I haven't been with them in 24 months.
402
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,719
Congrats! When's the wedding?
403
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:28,398
But, I wasn't gonna give up.
404
00:19:30,699 --> 00:19:31,670
Hey, Pete?
405
00:19:32,402 --> 00:19:33,738
Hi, it's Izzy!
406
00:19:34,207 --> 00:19:35,601
It's been a long time.
407
00:19:36,696 --> 00:19:37,713
News?
408
00:19:38,764 --> 00:19:41,393
Yeah! I-I'd love to meet… him.
409
00:19:42,272 --> 00:19:47,235
I guess he really meant it when he said,
"It's not you, it's me."
410
00:19:47,716 --> 00:19:50,168
Hi, is… Bo there?
411
00:19:50,715 --> 00:19:52,219
I figured third times a charm.
412
00:19:53,767 --> 00:19:54,930
Oh, my God!
413
00:19:55,518 --> 00:19:57,733
But, not for me.
414
00:19:58,571 --> 00:20:00,025
Was it sudden, or…?
415
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:06,151
Well that ended my need
to dig into my past.
416
00:20:08,777 --> 00:20:12,847
I was just about to head inside
to watch Judge Judy, when…
417
00:20:18,628 --> 00:20:21,312
Oh, my gosh! I-I'm so sorry!
418
00:20:23,808 --> 00:20:24,727
And I found out…
419
00:20:25,105 --> 00:20:28,118
...I have a weakness
for a man in a uniform.
420
00:20:28,591 --> 00:20:29,466
It's fine.
421
00:20:29,566 --> 00:20:33,118
It's not the first time I've been
assaulted by a garden hose, I promise.
422
00:20:34,457 --> 00:20:38,732
An adorable delivery guy
delivered right to my front door!
423
00:20:39,218 --> 00:20:40,339
I-I didn't...
424
00:20:40,439 --> 00:20:42,239
No it's okay.
Your package didn't get wet.
425
00:20:43,455 --> 00:20:45,260
You need help bringing it inside?
It's heavy.
426
00:20:46,307 --> 00:20:47,867
And all I could think to say was…
427
00:20:48,554 --> 00:20:49,641
...nothing.
428
00:20:51,788 --> 00:20:55,931
So… he gave me my package,
and left with his.
429
00:20:57,369 --> 00:21:00,116
There's only one thing
I could think to do.
430
00:21:01,005 --> 00:21:03,410
Seventy-three dollars
for overnight shipping?
431
00:21:05,934 --> 00:21:08,327
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.
432
00:21:09,047 --> 00:21:11,273
I knew I was being ridiculous,
433
00:21:11,373 --> 00:21:15,270
but I needed to get that delivery guy
back on my doorstep.
434
00:21:17,515 --> 00:21:20,080
And sure enough, the next afternoon…
435
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:22,611
No hose today.
436
00:21:22,992 --> 00:21:24,554
No, not today.
437
00:21:25,519 --> 00:21:26,587
You want this inside?
438
00:21:26,687 --> 00:21:27,841
Oh! Please!
439
00:21:28,786 --> 00:21:29,885
Right there is fine.
440
00:21:33,061 --> 00:21:35,476
I was so excited about him coming...
441
00:21:36,131 --> 00:21:39,194
...I didn't even think
to hide my ankle bracelet.
442
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:44,535
Thank you.
443
00:21:44,953 --> 00:21:46,002
Yeah, not a problem.
444
00:21:48,658 --> 00:21:49,538
Dennis.
445
00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:51,142
Nice to meet you Dennis.
446
00:21:52,588 --> 00:21:53,646
-I'm...
-Izzy.
447
00:21:54,799 --> 00:21:55,780
It's on the packages.
448
00:21:57,406 --> 00:21:59,394
Well... thank you Dennis.
449
00:22:03,327 --> 00:22:04,279
You alright there?
450
00:22:05,004 --> 00:22:05,970
Oh, this?
451
00:22:07,762 --> 00:22:09,891
Yeah, I-I was… cold...
452
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,023
...on that foot.
453
00:22:12,802 --> 00:22:13,720
Right.
454
00:22:14,195 --> 00:22:17,103
Well... you have a good day, Izzy.
455
00:22:17,697 --> 00:22:18,693
You too!
456
00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:21,715
Good thing I can think on my feet.
457
00:22:23,088 --> 00:22:26,492
But if each visit was only going
to be 30 seconds.
458
00:22:28,140 --> 00:22:30,663
I'd have to get him to visit much more.
459
00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:34,998
-Hi!
-Hi!
460
00:22:35,486 --> 00:22:38,089
I developed a simple, fool-proof plan.
461
00:22:39,184 --> 00:22:41,762
Slowly steer his thoughts towards sex…
462
00:22:42,345 --> 00:22:43,544
...with subtle hints.
463
00:22:46,482 --> 00:22:47,328
Hi!
464
00:22:48,065 --> 00:22:48,965
Hi.
465
00:22:49,065 --> 00:22:51,231
Or… maybe not so subtle.
466
00:22:53,631 --> 00:22:57,128
It was the slow
and steady art of seduction.
467
00:23:03,220 --> 00:23:06,394
But after a few weeks
of daily deliveries…
468
00:23:09,776 --> 00:23:11,591
...me dropping lots of hints…
469
00:23:19,705 --> 00:23:21,676
...and eight calls from my bank...
470
00:23:22,211 --> 00:23:24,475
...wondering if my credit cards
had been stolen.
471
00:23:27,020 --> 00:23:28,924
Uh, hi, Dennis!
472
00:23:29,024 --> 00:23:32,134
I figured, it was time to make my move.
473
00:23:32,648 --> 00:23:35,268
You must be burning up on a day like this!
474
00:23:35,368 --> 00:23:36,908
Yeah, it's pretty hot out there.
475
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:39,689
Excited to finish the route.
476
00:23:39,789 --> 00:23:42,302
Oh, to go home to your…
477
00:23:43,507 --> 00:23:44,522
...girlfriend?
478
00:23:46,861 --> 00:23:48,562
No, no girlfriend.
479
00:23:50,583 --> 00:23:52,573
So… why no girlfriend?
480
00:23:52,673 --> 00:23:53,883
Oh you mean what's my issue?
481
00:23:53,983 --> 00:23:55,998
Do I have commitment issues
or mommy issues?
482
00:23:56,188 --> 00:23:59,462
You know, if you're gonna be coming
over every day, bringing packages,
483
00:23:59,562 --> 00:24:01,614
I feel like I have the
right to know if you're…
484
00:24:01,978 --> 00:24:03,767
...a serial killer or something.
485
00:24:04,205 --> 00:24:05,982
You know that the bringing
packages is my job,
486
00:24:06,082 --> 00:24:07,600
I sort of have to keep showing up.
487
00:24:08,661 --> 00:24:11,720
But to answer your question, no,
I just got out of a rough relationship.
488
00:24:14,192 --> 00:24:15,148
I'm sorry.
489
00:24:15,796 --> 00:24:17,001
I wasn't sorry.
490
00:24:17,654 --> 00:24:19,971
He was charming and single.
491
00:24:20,629 --> 00:24:22,911
Everything was heading
in the right direction…
492
00:24:23,011 --> 00:24:24,764
I have a tendency to fall
for the wrong girls.
493
00:24:24,864 --> 00:24:25,857
...until…
494
00:24:26,325 --> 00:24:27,557
The last one got a…
495
00:24:28,519 --> 00:24:30,431
...little too dependent
on painkillers and…
496
00:24:31,513 --> 00:24:32,667
...just became a whole thing.
497
00:24:34,595 --> 00:24:35,883
I couldn't believe it.
498
00:24:36,617 --> 00:24:38,191
Now, all I could think about...
499
00:24:38,291 --> 00:24:41,852
...was what he'd say when he found out
about my ankle bracelet.
500
00:24:42,198 --> 00:24:44,941
That's so sad when people
get into that pill stuff.
501
00:24:45,041 --> 00:24:45,970
It's alright.
502
00:24:46,070 --> 00:24:47,442
I guess I just attract bad girls.
503
00:24:47,885 --> 00:24:50,263
I probably should've
come clean right then…
504
00:24:50,788 --> 00:24:52,371
...but I wasn't thinking straight.
505
00:24:52,878 --> 00:24:54,577
I blame all the pent up hormones.
506
00:24:54,988 --> 00:24:56,650
What I need to find is a nice girl.
507
00:24:57,788 --> 00:25:02,965
A girl who'd… maybe wanna
hang out on Saturday…
508
00:25:05,056 --> 00:25:06,413
Well that's interesting.
509
00:25:07,052 --> 00:25:10,203
Because it so happens that
I am free on Saturday.
510
00:25:10,303 --> 00:25:11,643
That is interesting!
511
00:25:12,917 --> 00:25:13,927
So do you wanna go out?
512
00:25:14,307 --> 00:25:15,292
Yeah!
513
00:25:16,570 --> 00:25:20,384
In my excitement I almost forgot
I couldn't leave the house.
514
00:25:20,753 --> 00:25:24,275
So I suggested the only alternative I had.
515
00:25:24,904 --> 00:25:26,045
Maybe we could just…
516
00:25:26,819 --> 00:25:27,828
...hang out here?
517
00:25:28,379 --> 00:25:29,459
Have some wine?
518
00:25:29,803 --> 00:25:30,862
That's perfect.
519
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:32,831
8 o'clock, okay?
520
00:25:33,231 --> 00:25:34,227
Oh, yeah.
521
00:25:34,327 --> 00:25:36,080
Date with Dennis was on.
522
00:25:36,371 --> 00:25:39,706
All I had to do was figure out
a way to hide the fact that…
523
00:25:40,636 --> 00:25:41,504
...I was a criminal.
524
00:25:42,506 --> 00:25:44,401
No biggie… right?
525
00:25:46,842 --> 00:25:50,444
I spent half of Saturday trying
to cover up my ankle monitor.
526
00:25:52,951 --> 00:25:55,914
But everything I tried either didn't fit…
527
00:25:58,002 --> 00:25:59,498
...or looked ridiculous.
528
00:26:03,413 --> 00:26:06,228
I finally settled on
some old fuzzy boots.
529
00:26:06,799 --> 00:26:08,113
Which actually looked kinda cute…
530
00:26:08,524 --> 00:26:10,217
...and they were comfy as hell.
531
00:26:19,470 --> 00:26:20,445
Wow.
532
00:26:22,826 --> 00:26:24,007
That's too sweet.
533
00:26:24,858 --> 00:26:26,318
An actual gentleman.
534
00:26:27,353 --> 00:26:29,428
And looking cuter than ever.
535
00:26:30,412 --> 00:26:31,520
I should tell you, I've…
536
00:26:32,148 --> 00:26:33,840
...wanted to ask you out from…
537
00:26:34,643 --> 00:26:36,014
...the day I first met you...
538
00:26:36,843 --> 00:26:40,087
...but I didn't want to come across
as the pervy delivery guy.
539
00:26:40,187 --> 00:26:41,385
If I'm being honest,
540
00:26:41,485 --> 00:26:43,189
I've been wanting you to ask me out...
541
00:26:43,289 --> 00:26:45,055
...since the first day you met me too.
542
00:26:45,561 --> 00:26:46,488
Okay.
543
00:26:46,788 --> 00:26:50,866
Being honest doesn't mean you
have to tell them everything.
544
00:26:51,843 --> 00:26:54,145
To the magic of overnight shipping.
545
00:26:57,634 --> 00:27:00,275
Dennis started out as prey.
546
00:27:01,149 --> 00:27:02,863
Like my own little sex bunny.
547
00:27:05,729 --> 00:27:08,451
But then I really started
to like this guy.
548
00:27:11,907 --> 00:27:15,865
It made every one of those
credit card purchases worth it.
549
00:27:19,569 --> 00:27:23,102
A hot delivery guy after
months of complete abstinence?
550
00:27:24,111 --> 00:27:25,084
Priceless.
551
00:27:35,991 --> 00:27:37,622
-I-I...
-What?
552
00:27:37,722 --> 00:27:39,359
That was my chance to come clean.
553
00:27:40,299 --> 00:27:43,145
Okay, like my 10th chance.
554
00:27:43,245 --> 00:27:45,459
I-I don't like my ankles.
555
00:27:45,559 --> 00:27:48,052
I mean… just my ankle. Just that one.
556
00:27:48,922 --> 00:27:50,264
It's fat, swollen.
557
00:27:50,364 --> 00:27:51,591
From what?
558
00:27:52,513 --> 00:27:53,601
A… bite.
559
00:27:54,472 --> 00:27:58,612
For some reason I thought that
lame story might've done the trick.
560
00:28:02,006 --> 00:28:06,042
But Dennis couldn't keep his
hands off my damn boot.
561
00:28:07,895 --> 00:28:09,249
Okay, wait, wait, wait...
562
00:28:09,349 --> 00:28:12,365
Look, you're gorgeous, and you're smart,
563
00:28:12,465 --> 00:28:16,298
and you're funny,
and you're amazingly sexy.
564
00:28:16,398 --> 00:28:17,331
I promise...
565
00:28:17,612 --> 00:28:19,210
...whatever you think
is not perfect about you...
566
00:28:19,310 --> 00:28:20,661
...is absolutely perfect to me.
567
00:28:21,883 --> 00:28:25,256
How could I lie to such
a sweet, sensitive guy?
568
00:28:25,564 --> 00:28:27,791
-I'm not just saying all this...
-Stop!
569
00:28:31,362 --> 00:28:32,239
Are you okay?
570
00:28:32,339 --> 00:28:34,168
Yeah, just give me a second!
571
00:28:37,241 --> 00:28:39,520
You know how they talk
about moments of destiny?
572
00:28:43,456 --> 00:28:45,765
Well, those two blades…
573
00:28:46,237 --> 00:28:47,752
…were the key to my freedom.
574
00:28:52,948 --> 00:28:56,844
That's probably how all escaped
convicts feel the first time.
575
00:28:58,816 --> 00:29:00,357
-Everything alright?
-Yep.
576
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:05,465
I figured I could make up
some excuse to the judge,
577
00:29:05,565 --> 00:29:08,479
like a stray dog tore
the anklet off or whatever.
578
00:29:09,393 --> 00:29:10,701
I wasn't thinking clearly.
579
00:29:18,723 --> 00:29:19,912
Thanks for the great night.
580
00:29:20,861 --> 00:29:21,714
Thank you.
581
00:29:22,784 --> 00:29:24,518
You have no idea.
582
00:29:25,326 --> 00:29:27,870
Maybe we could…
get together later this week?
583
00:29:29,032 --> 00:29:30,688
-For dinner?
-I'd like that.
584
00:29:32,746 --> 00:29:35,324
I was just about to tell him everything.
585
00:29:37,683 --> 00:29:38,613
I swear.
586
00:29:41,388 --> 00:29:42,386
Ma'am?
587
00:29:42,486 --> 00:29:44,552
Can I speak to you? I have some questions.
588
00:29:48,929 --> 00:29:51,889
Turns out those stupid ankle monitors...
589
00:29:51,989 --> 00:29:53,307
...also have a sensor...
590
00:29:53,781 --> 00:29:55,687
...that tell the cops if you cut them off.
591
00:29:56,953 --> 00:29:59,977
Dennis found out about
the prescription pill thing and…
592
00:30:00,287 --> 00:30:05,089
...he might have been the first and
only person who actually believed me.
593
00:30:06,135 --> 00:30:08,722
What can I say,
I have a thing for bad girls.
594
00:30:16,484 --> 00:30:17,843
I'm one of the only men I know...
595
00:30:17,943 --> 00:30:20,919
...who can say he's never,
ever lied to his wife...
596
00:30:21,019 --> 00:30:22,038
...about anything.
597
00:30:23,014 --> 00:30:23,887
Okay…
598
00:30:24,277 --> 00:30:25,530
...maybe just that once.
599
00:30:27,539 --> 00:30:29,793
but it certainly made
for an interesting story.
600
00:30:48,879 --> 00:30:50,539
-There you go.
-Thank you.
601
00:30:50,857 --> 00:30:51,775
Can you give me a nine?
602
00:30:51,875 --> 00:30:53,615
It was back in… Wow!
603
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:57,423
1979, and I'd just graduated college.
604
00:30:57,523 --> 00:30:58,366
All you.
605
00:30:58,699 --> 00:31:00,925
I didn't wanna take a
corporate 9 to 5 gig,
606
00:31:01,025 --> 00:31:03,138
so I picked up a job at the roller-rink.
607
00:31:03,825 --> 00:31:04,983
It wasn't my dream job…
608
00:31:05,342 --> 00:31:07,287
...but it did take my mind off
of that no-good,
609
00:31:07,387 --> 00:31:09,436
cheating boyfriend,
I'd just kicked to the curb.
610
00:31:10,432 --> 00:31:12,552
I was so done with men for a while.
611
00:31:14,119 --> 00:31:15,173
Hey, Gorgeous.
612
00:31:17,141 --> 00:31:18,805
My older brother taught me that trick…
613
00:31:19,429 --> 00:31:21,003
...he just got divorced...
614
00:31:21,940 --> 00:31:22,782
...again.
615
00:31:27,751 --> 00:31:28,773
Gorgeous?
616
00:31:30,319 --> 00:31:32,374
You can't just go around
popping peoples' bubbles...
617
00:31:32,474 --> 00:31:34,677
...without asking them
if they want their bubbles popped!
618
00:31:35,585 --> 00:31:36,695
Not cool.
619
00:31:36,795 --> 00:31:38,686
I didn't know where that
boy's fingers had been.
620
00:31:38,967 --> 00:31:40,281
This ain't the 50's dude.
621
00:31:42,890 --> 00:31:44,440
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry.
622
00:31:44,540 --> 00:31:45,695
There was... I... There was a guy...
623
00:31:45,795 --> 00:31:48,970
Then he started getting all nervous
and shaky and stuttery.
624
00:31:49,070 --> 00:31:50,621
I have some more bubblegum though.
625
00:31:50,896 --> 00:31:52,692
I had a huge crush on Jenny...
626
00:31:53,178 --> 00:31:57,690
...but I was incredibly shy back then
and I guess, I just panicked.
627
00:31:57,857 --> 00:31:59,056
-Here!
-Okay.
628
00:31:59,338 --> 00:32:00,992
Chill out. Don't have a conniption.
629
00:32:02,214 --> 00:32:03,900
Ranting apology accepted.
630
00:32:05,701 --> 00:32:06,688
Sorry.
631
00:32:07,722 --> 00:32:08,592
Size?
632
00:32:09,153 --> 00:32:10,042
Thirteen.
633
00:32:17,147 --> 00:32:18,020
Seriously?
634
00:32:18,325 --> 00:32:19,270
Yeah.
635
00:32:20,376 --> 00:32:21,343
Why?
636
00:32:21,858 --> 00:32:23,480
You know what they say
about guys with big feet.
637
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:26,617
Big… skates?
638
00:32:27,978 --> 00:32:30,204
Two things, I really didn't know...
639
00:32:31,036 --> 00:32:32,433
...and that really isn't true.
640
00:32:32,739 --> 00:32:33,890
Yes it is.
641
00:32:34,263 --> 00:32:35,185
Trust me.
642
00:32:41,778 --> 00:32:44,022
Here you go, 13s.
643
00:32:44,193 --> 00:32:45,248
Knock yourself out.
644
00:32:51,234 --> 00:32:52,355
And that's how we met...
645
00:32:53,617 --> 00:32:55,211
...well, met again.
646
00:33:00,165 --> 00:33:03,512
We had tons of customers coming in
on those busy weekend nights.
647
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,435
But he always had a way
of catching my attention.
648
00:33:10,188 --> 00:33:11,273
Look who it is.
649
00:33:11,676 --> 00:33:13,162
Mr 13.
650
00:33:15,161 --> 00:33:18,204
Every time he showed up,
he had some sort of…
651
00:33:18,805 --> 00:33:20,483
...crazy new injury.
652
00:33:21,217 --> 00:33:23,589
You look like you got
a wooden leg there, you okay?
653
00:33:24,051 --> 00:33:27,098
Usually accompanied by
an even crazier story.
654
00:33:27,701 --> 00:33:28,771
Yeah.
655
00:33:28,871 --> 00:33:31,055
The car… slipped off the jack and it…
656
00:33:31,527 --> 00:33:32,642
..landed on my foot.
657
00:33:32,997 --> 00:33:33,948
It's no big deal.
658
00:33:34,297 --> 00:33:35,377
Sounds painful.
659
00:33:35,602 --> 00:33:36,713
You sure you wanna be skating?
660
00:33:37,650 --> 00:33:38,758
I'm pretty tough.
661
00:33:45,521 --> 00:33:47,151
I knew he was checking out my butt.
662
00:33:47,826 --> 00:33:49,030
Thirteens.
663
00:33:50,033 --> 00:33:52,377
Why do you think I kept
the 13s on the bottom shelf?
664
00:33:54,352 --> 00:33:57,201
At first, he was just
an entertaining distraction...
665
00:33:57,301 --> 00:33:59,849
...from deodorizing skates 8 hours a day.
666
00:34:00,674 --> 00:34:03,780
But then... I started looking
forward to seeing him.
667
00:34:04,569 --> 00:34:05,973
Damn, 13.
668
00:34:07,109 --> 00:34:09,118
You sure do got the unlucky thing down.
669
00:34:09,754 --> 00:34:10,907
What'd you do this time?
670
00:34:11,007 --> 00:34:12,001
I was…
671
00:34:12,219 --> 00:34:14,610
...working on my car, and the hood latch…
672
00:34:15,065 --> 00:34:16,121
...fell on my head.
673
00:34:17,169 --> 00:34:18,110
No big deal.
674
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:20,004
I thought I looked pretty cool, like...
675
00:34:20,655 --> 00:34:21,761
...Peter Frampton.
676
00:34:21,861 --> 00:34:23,897
It's just your head, who needs that?
677
00:34:25,024 --> 00:34:27,249
The bandages are more like, precautionary.
678
00:34:27,692 --> 00:34:29,503
-Hi, can I get a size 6?
-Yeah!
679
00:34:30,578 --> 00:34:33,917
He'd just hang around, you know,
like he wanted to ask me out,
680
00:34:34,017 --> 00:34:35,021
but he wouldn't.
681
00:34:35,248 --> 00:34:36,837
I was waiting for my moment.
682
00:34:37,222 --> 00:34:39,439
I'd heard that women like
a guy with self-restraint.
683
00:34:40,498 --> 00:34:41,697
There you go.
684
00:34:41,999 --> 00:34:46,243
Why do men take advice about
women from other guys?
685
00:34:46,343 --> 00:34:47,652
I mean, they're always wrong.
686
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:49,131
Here you go.
687
00:34:49,457 --> 00:34:50,423
Be safe out there.
688
00:35:02,291 --> 00:35:03,300
Put that away!
689
00:35:05,565 --> 00:35:08,098
Louise, Lucky 13! What the heck happened?
690
00:35:10,146 --> 00:35:11,492
I got this at the bar.
691
00:35:11,895 --> 00:35:15,816
There was a guy saying
inappropriate things to a waitress.
692
00:35:16,220 --> 00:35:17,681
I tried to get him to knock it off.
693
00:35:18,534 --> 00:35:20,923
One thing led to another, you know?
694
00:35:21,158 --> 00:35:23,123
He was lying... again.
695
00:35:23,963 --> 00:35:25,286
But someone once told me...
696
00:35:25,386 --> 00:35:28,940
...that the only difference between
a "creative storyteller"...
697
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,469
...and a pathological liar...
698
00:35:31,387 --> 00:35:33,333
...is one is a lot cuter than the other.
699
00:35:33,770 --> 00:35:36,280
-You sure you wanna skate with that?
-Yeah.
700
00:35:36,380 --> 00:35:38,548
It looks worse than it is.
701
00:35:38,943 --> 00:35:40,841
-I mean, it's more like...
-Precautionary?
702
00:35:42,575 --> 00:35:43,429
Yeah.
703
00:35:44,496 --> 00:35:47,255
That was the moment I could
tell it all changed...
704
00:35:48,109 --> 00:35:49,302
...she really liked me.
705
00:35:49,884 --> 00:35:51,475
Sure, I liked him.
706
00:35:52,007 --> 00:35:55,158
You know, like the little weird
neighbor kid with no friends.
707
00:35:55,988 --> 00:35:58,450
Hey! Where's that box of laces?
708
00:36:03,675 --> 00:36:04,696
Lucky 13s.
709
00:36:10,708 --> 00:36:13,022
Working at the rink had some perks.
710
00:36:14,161 --> 00:36:15,464
After everyone left,
711
00:36:15,564 --> 00:36:18,525
I'd lock up and I'd have
the whole place to myself.
712
00:36:22,759 --> 00:36:24,203
Just me and my skates.
713
00:36:35,595 --> 00:36:39,978
It'd happened again,
and this one was the worst so far.
714
00:36:40,536 --> 00:36:43,122
I must've passed out in the
bathroom stall from the pain.
715
00:36:43,630 --> 00:36:44,755
Oh, crap!
716
00:36:45,442 --> 00:36:46,730
Everyone was gone...
717
00:36:48,752 --> 00:36:49,919
...except for Jenny.
718
00:36:57,865 --> 00:36:58,812
Hey!
719
00:36:59,830 --> 00:37:00,757
Hey.
720
00:37:01,881 --> 00:37:04,114
We're closed, you're not supposed
to be in here.
721
00:37:07,289 --> 00:37:09,754
I'd seen a lot of bad skaters...
722
00:37:10,423 --> 00:37:11,306
...and that boy...
723
00:37:12,039 --> 00:37:14,047
...had no business being on wheels.
724
00:37:14,147 --> 00:37:15,751
Yeah, I-I see that. I was...
725
00:37:15,851 --> 00:37:18,292
-I was just in the...
-What the heck happened to your head?
726
00:37:18,867 --> 00:37:21,452
It's... it's nothing.
It's not as bad as it looks!
727
00:37:21,552 --> 00:37:22,521
It's... I was just…
728
00:37:22,621 --> 00:37:24,860
And that's when it all started to add up.
729
00:37:25,262 --> 00:37:26,770
-Technically not...
-Wait a minute!
730
00:37:27,495 --> 00:37:31,117
Are you the guy I heard about earlier who
smashed his head into the snack bar?
731
00:37:31,217 --> 00:37:32,521
Wasn't really as bad as it looked.
732
00:37:33,130 --> 00:37:34,128
Yeah.
733
00:37:34,228 --> 00:37:36,230
That wasn't what my co-worker,
Connie told me.
734
00:37:37,455 --> 00:37:38,539
Thanks.
735
00:37:43,085 --> 00:37:45,063
I'd been pretty clueless.
736
00:37:45,473 --> 00:37:46,747
My cover was blown.
737
00:37:47,461 --> 00:37:48,932
That's not from a bar fight, is it?
738
00:37:53,925 --> 00:37:55,913
Are all those injuries from skating?
739
00:37:59,553 --> 00:38:00,742
I had to tell her…
740
00:38:01,950 --> 00:38:03,576
You don't remember who I am, do you?
741
00:38:06,822 --> 00:38:09,182
Sister Mary Ellen's class? 4th Grade?
742
00:38:11,899 --> 00:38:13,003
Oh, my God!
743
00:38:13,852 --> 00:38:14,853
Frank the Tank?
744
00:38:15,893 --> 00:38:17,474
Frank was that chubby kid...
745
00:38:17,574 --> 00:38:20,837
...that the other kids would dare
to eat an entire jar of paste...
746
00:38:21,230 --> 00:38:22,262
...and he'd do it.
747
00:38:22,706 --> 00:38:25,893
I… sorta lost a little weight since then.
748
00:38:26,304 --> 00:38:27,223
I'll say!
749
00:38:27,870 --> 00:38:29,342
Look, this might...
750
00:38:29,769 --> 00:38:33,400
...be a probable concussion giving me
the courage to say this but...
751
00:38:34,136 --> 00:38:36,256
...I've had the biggest crush...
752
00:38:36,594 --> 00:38:38,621
...on you since the 4th grade.
753
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:43,637
We dissected those earthworms
and you... you threw up all over my shoes…
754
00:38:44,364 --> 00:38:46,518
...but then you and your parents,
you had to move away...
755
00:38:46,618 --> 00:38:48,459
...and you... you didn't come
to our school anymore…
756
00:38:48,559 --> 00:38:51,239
Then I-I heard
that you might be working here.
757
00:38:51,339 --> 00:38:53,153
And I figured, maybe if...
758
00:38:53,253 --> 00:38:55,436
He was ranting on and on and…
759
00:38:56,019 --> 00:38:57,604
...I remember thinking,
760
00:38:57,704 --> 00:39:00,084
do guys get any sweeter than this?
761
00:39:07,286 --> 00:39:09,784
It was better than I'd fantasized about…
762
00:39:10,797 --> 00:39:12,281
...which I'd done a lot...
763
00:39:13,552 --> 00:39:16,329
...and I tried to hide from her
how excited I really was.
764
00:39:16,679 --> 00:39:17,864
Not sure if she noticed.
765
00:39:18,289 --> 00:39:19,289
I noticed.
766
00:39:19,869 --> 00:39:21,366
How could I not notice?
767
00:39:27,185 --> 00:39:28,734
I landed…
768
00:39:29,466 --> 00:39:30,526
...wrong.
769
00:39:30,626 --> 00:39:33,851
The part that was sticking out
the farthest…
770
00:39:34,616 --> 00:39:35,925
...hit the ground first.
771
00:39:39,282 --> 00:39:41,762
Three weeks later, I was good as new.
772
00:39:42,615 --> 00:39:45,819
Five kids, and 7 grand-kids after that…
773
00:39:46,508 --> 00:39:48,162
...we're happier than we've ever been.
774
00:39:48,469 --> 00:39:50,839
And one of our sons
is actually a pro-hockey player.
775
00:39:51,449 --> 00:39:52,700
Guess who taught him how to skate?
56174
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