All language subtitles for Modern.Family.S10E13.Whanex.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_eng

CAMERON: Welcome.

Most of you know me
as Acting Vice Principal Tucker,

but today...

I am your guide
to the future.

The future...the future.

Okay, so you didn't
take my note on the echo.

Mitchell, I can't take another
negative voice in my head.

I'm already freaking out
about Principal Brown.

I kind of have a bully
at school.

You gonna eat all that?

-I-I guess not.
-PRINCIPAL BROWN: Okay.

Saw your plans
for the seminar tomorrow.

Oh, you like it?

Y-You know, I think the kids
will really benefit

from hearing
from four graduates

that have taken
such different paths.

I've got traditional college,
gap year --

PRINCIPAL BROWN: Wrong!

We're pushing onepath here --
college.

Well, yeah, but college
isn't necessarily

the right path
for every--

Tucker, are you familiar
with the term "Golden Apple"?

I am.

I'm a little surprised

it's made its way into
the straight vernacular.

It's still illegal
in Alabama.

No, no, no, Golden Apple status
is awarded to schools

that reach a minimum
of 60% college acceptance.

If we dip below that,

I'm back to teaching
night school.

If you think
the lunch ladies are mean,

you should meet
the dinnerladies.

Yeah, but what about
the students that --

Play ball,
Acting Vice Principal Tucker,

and you might
just find yourself --

Vice principal?

Mm-hmm.

I just don't know
if I can preach something

that I don't believe.

-Ha! Play ball.
-Seems like a thing

no one was saying,
and now everyone is.

You know
what I'm doing right now?

I'm making 100 cupcakes

because the D.A. lost
his caterer for his kid's party

and asked
if I could help out.

But if it puts me, uh,
higher up on his radar,

then so be it.

I'm just saying

sometimes you need to compromise
to -- to get ahead.

Maybe it's ourtime now.

Ooh, I like that.

Hey, world,

there's a newpower couple
on the horizon.

-Yeah.
-Cam and Mitch.

Citch --

-No.
-No, that sounds weird.

-Mam --
-We'll find it.

Hey, Dad, our video conference
is about to start.

Can we make it fast?

I have that sales meeting
offsite.

Hence the power threads
and box of cigars.

Whoa!
Dad, it's 10:00 in the morning.

-Mm.
-CLAIRE: Ohh!

I don't swallow it.

He smells it on my breath,
he lets his guard down.

In 20 minutes,
I'm taking him in a way

that would make
a prison guard blush.

CLAIRE:

It's the way
gentlemen do business.

Well, I am sorry to ruin
your Glengarry, Glenlivet fun,

but that meeting
got canceled.

What?
I was looking forward to it.

Nick took care of it
by Skype this morning.

Log on.
Our meeting's about to start.

-Okay, let's begin.

So, Nick, where are we

with the interactive closet
with the voice prompts?

NICK: Here's a demo.

Went with a Christopher Walken
soundalike voice.

VOICE :
Forecast is...chilly.

Put...on some pants.

NICK: I think we all
fell in love with the idea

of calling it aWalken closet,

but this just isn't working.

Hey, Claire, I don't see your
dad on the video conference.

Damn it!
My computer's busted again.

Or your caps lock is on.

JAY: Can't we have this meeting
in the conference room?

You know, where we all
sit around a table,

there's a nice
breakfast spread?

I am tired of having to keep
cream cheese in my desk.

Dad, you know why
we do it this way.

We have people
working here.

We've got people
working from home.

We've got people working
all over the world.

Tiffany is in Berlin
at KlausetSchvarg.

They still have
that conference?

I thought they shut that down
in the '80s

after we used that sweater hutch
to smuggle that dissident out

during East KlausetSchvarg.

You're good.
Just talk into the camera.

Hoo! Sorry about that.

NICK: All right.

How about an update
on our 3-D printing?

I think
everybody knows Eduardo.

Jay,
have you two met?

JAY:
I can't see the camera!

Dad, you're, uh...

you're kind of smushed up
against it.

You might want to

just step back a skosh.

Using a 3-D printer
to manufacture our closets

will triple revenue.

I can't hear you!

Volume up, Dad.

NICK:
In our first year alone --

What the hell?!

Dad, "undo." Just --

JAY: I know! I know!

Double-click.

GLORIA: ♪ Happy birrrthday

♪ Mr. Closet --♪

-CLAIRE: No!
-JAY: No!

Have your stupid meeting!
I'm outta here!

Margaret, I'm going to the park
across the street.

-I need a walk!

JAY: Aah!

Thank you so much
for helping out with Joe.

You don't think
it's too flashy?

What are you talking about?
You're taking a magic class.

You want to show them
you're serious.

It's abracadabra,
not abraca-drab-ra.

GLORIA:

Look at that!
An open casting call.

Excuse me,
what is this for?

We are looking for
real families

to be the new faces
of the Glen Valley Mall.

You guys are adorable.
Want to sign up?

Oh, we're not
a-a real --

Oh, we would loveto!

What a cool and a spontaneous
thing to do!

I saw that poster last week.

It kind of reminded me
of a long time ago

when I used to do
a little modeling.

I guess I miss it.

I tricked Phil
into going to the mall

because I knew that Jay
wouldn't do it with me.

Oh, come on, guys.
This is gonna be so much fun.

I don't know.

This kid in my class
did a cough syrup commercial.

Now he's always going
to the teachers' lounge

to call his manager.

He's the worst.

And I teach
a real-estate class at 5:00.

I have to show up early
to limber up.

Um...

I think that this could help
a lot with Joe's self-esteem.

He's had a rough week.

You know how they treat kids
that are into magic.

Oh, you tell him
when he gets to high school,

that all changes.

I don't like lying to him.

Look, this isn't really
my thing,

and I'm -- I'm feeling
a little under the weather.

Don't -- Don't I look
a little pale?

We will do it!

Great.

Our P.A. will set you up with
wardrobe for some test shots.

Hey, team.
Can I get you anything?

Uh, coffee? Water?
Still or sparkling?

Ooh, I-I'd take
a sparkling.

Talent wants sparkling.

Did you hear that, Phil?

-They call us talent!

Let's not get carried away.
We're still reg--

I said sparkling.

Well, looks like
you're gonna get

a pretty solid turnout,
Tucker.

Now close the deal.

Hey, what is,
uh, "whanex"?

It's the way the kids say
"What's next?"

If you want to reach them,

you have to learn
to speak their language.

Massive screw-up
at the print shop.

I-I have no idea
how it happened!

Yeah, that's right.
The banner should read...

"whanex."

Okay. Yeah, "whanex." Uh-huh.

Welcome, students, to the first
annual "whanex" seminar.

Let's, uh, just jump right
into it and meet our panelists.

We have two bright, young people
who chose the college path

and two wayward souls

whose mistakes
we can only hope to learn from.

'Sup, Dolphins?

Nick, I'm so sorry
about my dad this morning.

-Hi.
-Please forget it.

-We've got a bigger problem.
-Hmm?

We have to find a new voice for
the virtual closet assistant.

We're thinking...female.

Yeah, I was wondering
about that myself.

MIA:
Hold on a second.

Claire has a great voice --
commanding but alluring.

Oh, come on.
I don't know about...

...alluring.

You're right.

You're right.
I can totally hear it.

Guys, guys...

...you're embarrassing me.

Where have you
been hiding this?

Within half an hour,

I had recorded
all the voice prompts

for the new smart-closet,

and they installed it

in the prototype
right in the office.

Everyone seemed really happy,
but I don't get it.

I mean...

...a voice is just a voice.

CLAIRE : Oh, good.
Dad, you're back.

Please step into our new
smart-closet prototype.

So you can yell at me

for bailing on the meeting
this morning?

Just -- You'll see.

Oh.

VIRTUAL CLAIRE: May I help
choose an outfit for you?

'Cause I'm some old fossil

that still puts on a suit
to go to work?

-VIRTUAL CLAIRE:
Let's start over.
-Why don't we?!

VIRTUAL CLAIRE:
What level of comfort

are you looking for?

Same thing I've had
for the last 40 years --

a workplace
where you interact

with actual people
every once in a while,

like we're doing right now.

I used to love
sales calls.

Now we don't even
do them anymore.

I mean, put yourself
in myshoes.

VIRTUAL CLAIRE:
Dress or casual?

Why do you sound like
Lauren Bacall?!

I don't understand.

Right, because now,
like everything,

my references are old
and out of step.

Why are you yelling?

If you don't get it by now,
you're never gonna get it!

Well, somebody'spanties
are in a bunch.

VIRTUAL CLAIRE: May I offer you
a different pair?

That's just weird.

Ooh! Very good.

MITCHELL: I had an hour
to make 100 cupcakes

-for my boss's son's party.

But it was all
gonna be worth it.

He was gonna be so grateful,

the next big promotion
would be mine.

You ungrateful monster!

Two sisters, two paths.

Graduation...

procreation.

The world on a string --

a baby and no ring.

Uh, you -- you said
you were happy for me.

You said a baby would bring me
limitless joy.

And a limited bank account.

Now, Manny,
no one can doubt

the real-world value
of an art degree,

but talk a little bit
about the exciting social scene.

It's funny you ask.

I went to
a wine and cheese mixer

at the Dean's house
the other night.

He collects instruments
of indigenous people.

And by the time we killed

the last bit
of a chewy Zinfandel,

our jam sesh started to sound
more like a didgeri-don't.

Thank you.

Could I please
pipe in here?

Yes, please. Alex.

I genuinely appreciate

the opportunity
to come back here,

where I had the pleasure
of serving as co-valedictorian,

to offer a message of hope

to those oft-marginalized
overachievers out there.

I...see...you.

Well, I can't be the only one
with goose bumps in here.

-Oh. Excuse me. Oh.

Yes, let's open it up
for questions.

Right here in the front row.
Go ahead.

I still don't get "whanex."

It sounds like my grandparents'
long-distance carrier in Oregon.

-Okay, okay.

You know what?
I have to take this.

Uh, Luke, Haley,
talk a little bit about

how you still live at home
with your parents.

Hey, what's up?

CAMERON: I'm in the middle
of my thing.

-Flip what I said before.

Start talking up
the dummies.

What?

MITCHELL: Um, I just got
a text from work.

My boss gave that big case
to someone else!

Meanwhile,
I'm still on the hook

for these stupid cupcakes!

M-My heart is racing,
my -- my hands are numb.

Plus, I-I think I have a case
of airborne diabetes!

Wait. Are you saying
I-I should --

Look, if those college
application numbers fall,

Principal Brown,
he gets fired.

Guess who's up next.
Principal Tucker.

I've never dared dream
of such a thing.

MITCHELL: More money,

better parking space,

plus you get to pick
the prom theme.

I could finally make
my Enchanted Bayou a reality.

Okay, t-talk -- talk soon.

MANNY:
What's great about art school

is that a lot of the faculty
work in the industry.

My film studies professor

has led tours
at every major studio.

All right,
thank you, Manny.

And for those of you
still awake,

I think what
we've learned here today is --

college, a dead end.

Okay, up next.

Philip, Gloria, and Joe.

Same setup.

Dad playing catch with his son.

Mom laying out a picnic.

PHOTOGRAPHER:
So, just real natural.

Like I'm not even here.

You got it.

Maybe not so sexy.

-My bad.
-NANCY: He was talking to Mom.

You can just lay out the food
in a normal way.

Copy that.
No divas here.

Her head is doing
something weird.

Can we straighten that up?

Hang on, guys.

Why are they whispering?

You think I look
too young for you?

Why? Are my
crow's feet showing?

I knew makeup was going
too light on the concealer.

Guys, we're just
mixing and matching today,

so we're thinking about
swapping out one of you.

No, we're a team.

You get rid of one of us,
and you lose allof us.

-It's the kid.
-Okay.

I thought this was
supposed to be for Joe.

Well, obviously,
he's terrible at it,

so how is that gonna help him
with his self-esteem?

Hi, I'm Tyler.

-GLORIA:
Oh, this is not good.

Tyler, don't get too
comfortable.

NANCY: I think we want to try
something different.

Hey, Sean,
could you step up here?

I'm so sorry, Phil.

No, we want to look
at two dads.

I can't play the kid.

Looks like you're out.
Here we go.

-Sean, was it?
-Yeah. Hey.

-How are you?
-Good.

Hmm. Not feeling
that chemistry.

Maybe we should kiss?

We could just wait for them
to tell us what to do.

Let's try Sean and a mom.

GLORIA: Move, Phil.

NANCY: No, we meant Lydia.

All right, almost there.

Hey, Joe,
hop up here for me.

Yes!
That'sour family.

The new faces
of Glen Valley Mall.

Everyone else can go.
Thank you.

Nice working
with you guys.

I have an audition
across town.

-For what?
-Do they need grownups?

All right, we've heard
from our college-going sheep.

Now, Luke,
you wisely took a gap year,

got a job, made mad stacks,
and invested a little, correct?

Totally.

I own 300 microrubels,

a Russian cryptocurrency
I heard about on Facebook,

which currently,
you can only use

to buy a Chechen party drug
called Frankenstein.

Okay, Haley, uh...

hot boyfriend, job,
baby on the way --

You seem to have it all,

yet you took
a very different path

than your older sister,
Alex.

I'm younger!

Oh, wow. Okay.

I guess that's why they call
studying "the new smoking."

-No one says that.

Can I add --

I'm sure you can, but it won't
help in the real world.

Anyway,
thank you all for coming.

Have a good afternoon.
Take care.

Cam, what the hell?

I learned a lot.

Tucker!

I wasn't picking up
a lot of Uber fares,

so I came back here early

and I heard the end
of your little presentation.

I know
what you're trying to do.

Hey, I just need to talk to him
for -- for one second.

Hey, hey. Guess what.

I just dropped off the cupcakes
at my boss's house.

Turns out he -- he didn't
give me the case I wanted

because he had
an even better one for me.

Really?
T-That's amazing.

And he didn't want me
to makecupcakes.

He just wanted me
to recommend a new caterer.

So we had
a big laugh about that.

But just goes to show,
don'tplay games.

Do your job,
and you'll be recognized.

Yeah, but you said --

No, ah! Forget what I said.

T-There's no one path
to success.

I mean, that'swhat you should
be telling these kids.

Yeah, that's what I was
going to tell these kids --

PRINCIPAL BROWN:
Damn it, Tucker!

I can't hold
my alpha power stance this long.

My calves
are starting to cramp.

-Okay, well, first of all --
-No, can it! Okay?

You thought
you could bury me

by killing
college applications,

didn't you? Hmm?

I will clean out my half
of the desk that I share.

Oh, no, it's --
I'm so sorry.

T-This is --
This is myfault.

I tried to play ball
at work.

There was a lot
of unnecessary baking.

D-- The point is,

I- I put these ideas
into his head, so...

Oh.

So you're so weak
and without conviction

that somebody suggests
some stupid idea to you

and without even thinking,

you just abandon all your values

and fold like
a cheap Chinese fan, huh?

Yes, sir. I am a worm.

That is exactly
what I'm looking for.

No threat to me at all.

Well, congratulations, permanent
Vice Principal Tucker.

-Really?
-Yes.

Thank you!
I love you!

I love you, too.

Now, first order of business --
fix what you did here.

You are gonna give me
a Golden Apple.

Hey, hey!

We are in
a committed relationship!

No, no, no. It's not
the same thing we saw at
Pepper's bachelor party.

-It's not?
-No.

After fighting with everybody
all day,

I was starting to think maybe...
Iwas the jerk.

So I ended up back
at the old office,

you know,
trying to figure out

what it was about
going to work there

that I loved so much.

JAY :
Congratulations.

You've been hired at

Pritchett's Closets,
Blinds, and Waterbeds.

I'm Jay Pritchett.

Welcome to the team.

-JAY : You hear that?

They're cheering for you
already.

That's something
we value here -- teamwork.

And whether you're in sales
or shipping

or one of those cute tomatoes
in the steno pool,

you're important,

'cause we're family here.

Wait a minute!
Who's this new employee?

CLAIRE: It's me --
Claire, Daddy.

Oh, right!
It's Claire!

Nice hands.

Reminds me why our softball team
never won a game.

Look who they let out of
the fancy corporate office.

Hey, that wife of yours
get smart and leave you yet?

Eh, actually, she did.
It's been rough.

KENNY: Oh.
I -- We didn't know.

-LOU: Geez, I'm so sorry.
-JAY: Ah, you mutts,

I'm screwing with you!

Where's she going?

CLAIRE: I knew my dad
was going through something,

and when I saw his car
at the old office,

I-I stopped by to check on him.

JAY :
Are you feeling shy, Claire?

Uh...yeah,
I guess I am a little.

Um...

How old are you?

CLAIRE: You're right.

Just come out and say it.

Um...

I'm worried that you're unhappy
we sold the company

and you're blaming it
on me.

JAY :
You're making that face

like you have to go potty.

I'm anxious and --

How can you even
see my face?

She's my daughter.

She thinks
she runs the place.

TIM: You said
he wouldn't do it.

JAY: You're damn right,
I did it.

Boss is still the best,
huh?

My dad was homesick.

That is
one photogenic butt, Jay.

Take it with you.
You can kiss it at home, too.

-Hey, guys. Hi.
-CALVIN: Hey!

Hi, Dad.

Hey, what are you
doing here?

I, uh, saw your car.

Look...

I know you've been frustrated
at work lately.

Don't worry about that.

You're doing great,
though, huh?

Yeah, I kind of love it.

But it doesn't feel right
if you hate it.

Dad, we can bail
on the whole thing.

You know
what I need to bail on?

Being such a little peach.

-Hmm?
-JAY: What?

They bruise easily.

It could be an expression.
I don't know.

The point is, when I was here,
I reached out more.

I made videos
greeting people.

I built realrelationships.

Those three guys --
I knew two of their names.

I think maybe I need to try
to be a little bit more like you

and give this new thing
a chance.

You know, they're not so bad
when you get past the --

the hipster beards
and the sweaty handshakes.

Tell me about
that printer guy, Eduardo.

What the hell
is 3-D printing anyway?

Look at you trying.

Oh, Dad!

Okay, 3-D printing is
when you take three lasers

and you can scan
any object you want.

You -- You want to 3-D print
your butt, don't you?

We want them to like me,
don't we?

Ohh...

Okay, baby,
have fun at your play date.

I'll pick you up
in two hours.

Can you believe
I'm a model now?

Crazy world.

-See you, buddy.
-Bye, baby.

JOE: Bye, Mom!

Gosh, I'm so happy
for that kid.

Yeah, we keep saying that.

I feel, uh, silly
I got so invested in modeling

for some mall poster
no one's ever gonna see.

You want to feel better?

I'll show you something

that is gonna make me look
more pathetic than you do.

I think I said "silly,"
but, um...

yeah, okay.

That was me
20 years ago.

PHIL:
That's amazing.

But what are you
so upset about?

You're just as beautiful now
as you were then.

Aww. I know.

It's just that it was
a time in my life

where I was out there hustling,
modeling, driving a taxi,

selling bacon-wrapped hot dogs
outside a nightclub.

Seeing them taking it down

made me feel like
that version of me

is gone forever.

So that's why you wanted
to start modeling again.

I just miss being passionate
about something again.

The way that you feel passionate
about real estate.

-Mm.
-You always seem, like,

so alive, making new deals,
meeting new people.

Have you ever thought
about becoming a Realtor?

-Who hasn't?
-That's true.

I bought a book one time
to learn how to do it,

but you know how it is.

Sometimes in life,
you just get stuck.

I think you'd be great at it.
Really.

I'd buy anything
from you.

I'm thinking about getting
my chompers bleached,

and there's only
half of you up there.

-Really?
-Yeah.

GLORIA: It can be scary
to ask yourself what's next.

All the doubts
start to creep in.

Are people
going to like me?

Ooh, still hot.

Thank you!

I throw a tractor tire
around the backyard

a couple days a week.

GLORIA:
Can I handle the challenge?

WOMAN: Dude.

GLORIA: You can ask these
questions forever,

or you can just
take the first step.

Here is your five-point
checklist for any open house.

Number one --

Sorry, professor.

CLAIRE: Phil, honey.
What are you doing here?

Hey,
I thought I'd surprise you

and take you out to dinner.

-Ooh!

Spontaneous.
You know I like that.

Well, um, let me just make sure
everybody's gone.

I'll grab my bag
and lock up.

Awesome.

VIRTUAL CLAIRE: May I help you
with your clothes?

Ooh.

I guess we are
the only ones here.

VIRTUAL CLAIRE: Perhaps we'll
start with the pants.

Wow.

Normally,
you like a little...

slow shirt unbuttoning,

but I guess we...
are cutting to the chase.

CLAIRE:

Dad, are you still looking
for a place

to leave that butt?

It's so gross.

There's nothing better
for office camaraderie

than a practical joke.

It lifts people's spirits.

Mm.

Well played.

--Captions by VITAC--