All language subtitles for Magnum P.I. s04e05 Limited Engagement.eng

Come back here!

[tires screeching]

We were cleaned out.
We've been hit.

Nobody hits a lady.

Anybody got your rent?

Have you ever thought about
trying to buy the place?

Why don't you
go back to work?

[exclaiming]

lt wasn't my fault.
Some jerk put the beer-- ln the aisle.

(Magnum)
Somebody once described great art...

as ""an improvement
on perfection. ""

I can"t remember
if it was Picasso or Higgins.

I feIt
the satisfaction of the artist with my improvement...

on the simpIe perfection
of the beer can.

This wasn"t just a stack
of cheap six-packs. Here we had...

A study in
Day-N-Dark Extra Light by T. Magnum...

signed and dated.

(Heather)
Magnum, that'll last about 10 minutes.

You've got the beer
curving out into the aisle...

where some klutz
is bound to knock it over.

Look, Magnum,
if you must play at being an employee...

at least try to be convincing.

Okay, fine,
so you don't like me being here, fine...

but don't blow my cover.

l'm doing my best
to look legit.

Legit Day-N-Dark employees
do not waste their time...

trying to make beer cans
look like Rodin.

Rodin? You really think
it's that good?

[Heather sighing]
l really think...

that l am really upset
that our corporate brains...

chose to put a beach boy
turned private eye into my store.

Now, hold on. l am--
That l cannot change.

But, l can remind you...

that you were not commissioned
to do a sculpture...

you were hired to investigate
the robberies.

So, investigate.

[beer cans crashing]

[beer flowing]

lt wasn't my fault.
Some jerk put the beer-- ln the aisle.

Yes, l know.

Get the mop, Magnum.
Your sculpture's leaking.

l want
a strawberry cup-a-dream.

Please.

Please.

[whirring]

And some more quarters.

[cash register dings]

Have a nice day.

[car horn honking]
No, wait! Come back with my quarters.

[car tires screeching]

Come back here!

[car horn honking]

Jeanie,
look what you're doing.

What's he doing?

Are you all right?
Anybody hurt? Oh, no, no. We're fine.

[gasping]
What have they done to my display?

Oh, it's not their fault.
lt's the kid and that guy in the Street Rod.

Are you ladies all right?
Should l call an ambulance?

Oh, no. No, we're all right.
l'm awfully sorry. l meant to hit the brake.

You're getting all wet.
Oh, well....

Look, if you'll take care
of the ladies, l'll go call the police.

Police?

Nobody is going anywhere,
until l find out who's responsible for this.

l told you, the guy with the--
We are taking the total responsibility.

Oh, you don't have to do that.
lt's not your fault.

Did you get
a license number?

No, the guy peeled out
of here-- Oh!

Look, Miss Wilcox...

it was
a 1969 Camaro Street Rod, electric blue.

Now, how many of those
are there on the island?

No, wait. l think the car
was green.

Yes, l'm sure of it.
Teal would be more precise, Madge.

(Magnum)
No, it was blue.

That--that loud
glow-in-the-dark paint.

(Jeanie)
l think it just looked blue in the sunlight.

Teal has a funny way of--
Name?

What are you doing?

l have to fill out a report
for Day-N-Dark. lt's procedure.

Procedure?

Miss Wilcox,
we're getting drenched out here.

(Jeanie)
LaSalle. What?

LaSalle. Our name.

(Jeanie)
Capital L-A-- l know how to spell it.

Miss Wilcox, you take care
of the really important stuff.

l'm gonna call
the water department and get that thing shut off...

then l'm gonna
call the police before the guy in the Camaro--

Are you sure it was a Camaro?
All these cars look so much alike.

l'm sure.
Of course, you're sure.

But it doesn't really matter
because we're taking total responsibility...

for all of the damages.
Good. Name of insurance company?

Do you think you could
call us a taxi? l think the engine's flooded.

(Magnum)
Look, don't you worry about a thing.

l'm going to personally
see to it that we find that guy with the Street Rod.

Oh, no, no.

Now, we've decided
that we're not really sure...

about the make of the car...

and, besides, we don't want
to get involved with anything awkward.

But it wasn't
your fault...

and you don't have to
get involved. l'll be discreet.

See,
l'm a private investigator.

Bless your heart.
What?

Don't give up your dreams.

Madge wanted to be
a ballerina, l wanted to be a pilot.

You want to be
a private investigator, be a private investigator.

No, no, no.
Listen, 19 of those Day-N-Dark stores...

have been robbed
in the last three months. No M.O., no clues, no nothing.

They just turn around,
and the money is gone.

So l'm there to investigate.

That's what investigators do,
you understand?

(Jeanie)
Of course.

Only don't let it interfere
with your job.

♪♪[piano playing]

(Jeanie)
Well....

This is it.
lt's quite a mess.

But, then, old troupers
are used to roughing it.

(Magnum)
Troupers?

Nearly all of us here
were in the business. Entertainers.

Jeanie and l were
actresses for a while. Can't you come in

Oh, no, l've got to get back.
Oh, just for five minutes?

For milk and cookies?

We'd love
to give you something for bringing us home.

Well, five minutes.

[chuckling]

Hello, everybody.
Jeanie, did you get him?

Yes.

Johnny, at least you could
comment on our news.

We wrecked the car.
Okay. Okay.

[man chattering on TV]

Oh, Herman,
here's your music.

♪♪[playing piano]

[exclaiming]
l got Larry Parrish. That's the whole team.

[chuckling]

Texas Ranger fan?
(Johnnie) Parrish.

l've been trying to get
this card for months.

lt's too bad
we didn't meet sooner. l've got two Parrishes.

You got any Tigers
up for trade?

Are you kidding?
Who collects Detroit?

Wait a minute.
l collect Detroit. Then you got a problem.

All right. l'll save you
my Detroit stuff. Thanks.

How can they get the nerve
to call this ''The Game of the Week''?

Seattle versus Minnesota.

Dull, but never mind.

My kid's sending me the money
to get cable.

Oh, Johnny, it came.

The money from your son.
Really?

l don't suppose
he sent you your rent?

Anybody got your rent?

Rent money?

Just one of you.
lt'll make my day.

Oh, no. Mr. Cole, please.

This is right on half a month,
Johnny.

You're still a month
and a half behind...

and he's the closest
to being paid up.

l guess you're the landlord?
(Harvey) No, l'm not the landlord.

l'm Harvey Cole,
the agent for the owners.

Who are trying to sell
this place right out from under us.

They're not even gonna
carry you that long. The owners have decided...

that they would rather have
the place empty...

than to pay the electric bill
for a bunch of deadbeats.

You all have till after
the Labor Day weekend to get paid up...

or hit the street.
Mr. Cole, no.

That's only three days.
Three and a half...

and between you all,
you owe $1,800.

$1,750.

Come on, Harvey,
that's his cable money.

They don't hook up cable
to a park bench...

which is where
he's gonna be on Tuesday.

l'll save you the trouble
of telling the rest of the sponges.

[gasping]

[ladies laughing]

What a dump!

No wonder, they can't sell it.

♪♪[Herman playing
an ominous tune]

(Harvey)
l hear that.

Jeanie...

do any of you have
the back rent money?

Tommy,
you're being indelicate. No. l'm being realistic.

How do you expect to pay,
for the damages you did...

when you're having
trouble meeting the rent?

Tommy, we have
auto insurance.

We do not have
rent insurance.

Now, really, this is
none of your affair...

so why don't you go
back to the store...

before somebody misses you.
Now, come on.

Go on, Tommy, go.

(Magnum)
I feIt as if I"d just been to my famiIy reunion.

I knew everybody
in that hoteI room by a different name.

Even Harvey, reminded me
of my UncIe Richie...

kind of the bIack sheep
of our famiIy who made his Iiving pIaying cards.

Anyway,
even though Madge and Jeanie had an unerring knack...

for making me feeI
Iike a 10-year-oId, I wanted to heIp them out.

I mean,
everybody shouId do their bit in a famiIy crisis.

So, I spent
the rest of the day driving by garages...

that serviced high-performance
Street Rods.

I know what you"re thinking,
and you"re right.

My chances of running across
that car were next to impossibIe...

but my UncIe Richie
aIways toId me...

""Expect to get Iucky
and you wiII. ""

Hey, man...

don't mess with my car.

Your car? Were you
at the Day-N-Dark on Kuhio?

[car engine starting]

[car tires screeching]

♪♪[piano playing]

(Jeanie)
Tommy, it's quite theatrical, but not very logical.

Jeanie....
l don't think the man in the teal car...

meant to harm you in any way.
Jeanie, please...

would you mind
not calling me Tommy?

Tommy is a little boy
with an all-day sucker.

Tommy, please. Please, dear,
come and sit down.

[man chattering on TV]

Your career goals
are important to you.

You know,
your detective thing.

So, it's quite
understandable...

that you wish to turn
a harmless prank...

into a television drama.
lt wasn't a prank.

(Magnum)
The guy who caused your accident just--

Gave you a bad paint job.
Yes, you've said that.

So, did you ask the owner
of the garage...

if he knew the man
in the teal car? Blue. lt was blue...

and there was no one else
there.

Then you should have waited
for someone to come back.

Why come here?
Because l thought you might be interested.

Fine, fine, never mind.
lt doesn't matter.

Because
l have the license number...

of the Street Rod
and l'll just....

Wait a minute.

[chuckling]
lt was ''M.'' M-E...

M-E-A....

♪♪[piano continues playing]

Herman!

The carpenter will be here
at 10:00 on Monday to fix the stair railing.

Don't want anyone
to hurt yourself when you're moving your stuff out.

l'm deadly serious, people.
Tuesday.

This receipt for the $50
l got yesterday, Wells.

l was wrong. You're still
two months behind.

[snorts]

Wells? No wonder,
he's a Texas Ranger fan.

Johnnie, you know,
the Rangers are okay, but...

l lived in Virginia...

and l don't think l ever
got over the Senators leaving Washington.

Oh, come on.

The wisest thing they ever did
was moving the franchise to Texas.

The Senators were
never great. No.

No, but they had some
pretty good ball players over the years.

Walter Johnson, Frank Howard,
Mickey Vernon and a second baseman...

named Johnnie Wells.

l saw you play.

lt was June 10, 1952.

lt was the second
major league game l ever saw.

Did l have a good day?
''O'' for four.

But you got on twice.
lt was an error and a walk...

and you--you pulled off
a couple of miraculous steals.

That was the year you led
the league with 46. You hit 381 .

No, no, no. 281 .
l never hit over 300.

Johnnie, l got your card.
lt's on the back.

You got that card?
Yeah.

That's the one. The misprint.
lt says 381 instead of 2.

Oh, man, are you lucky.
That little jewel's worth over $50.

l sold mine last year.

[maIe commentator
chattering on TV]

You sold your own card?
Yeah.

For $50 worth
of spending money, huh, l should be sentimental?

[crowd cheering on TV]
Diabetes. Every little bit helps.

Whee!
Another home run.

Girls...

how long has this place
been on the market?

Almost a year.

Which means it's not exactly
the hottest listing in town, am l right?

So...

have you ever thought about
trying to buy the place?

Tommy, what a nice suggestion.
Why don't you go back to work?

No, no, just listen to me.

You have to come up
with $1,800 by Tuesday, regardless, right?

So, instead of using the money
for the rent...

you just walk in,
make a viable bid...

with earnest money,
and the owners are bound to jump at it.

With business logic like that,
you'll never be President of Day-N-Dark.

lt could work.

We're all on rigid
fixed incomes here.

And we're not fund raisers.

Would you like to meet a guy
who is?

(Higgins)
LaSalle, that name seems so familiar to me.

Of course we do carry the name
of a famous French explorer...

and of a very fine car.

Both dead for some years now.

Yes, of course.
Well....

But, we've never met?

Oh, l'm sorry, no.
l feel confident we would remember.

Yes, of course.

Ladies, let me just say
that l am most sympathetic to your plight.

However, Magnum's suggestion
that we hold a Bingo Bazaar...

on the Robin Masters' estate
is out of the question, l'm afraid.

Of course, Mr. Higgins.

We tried to talk him
out of it, but Tommy does get so excited.

Yes, l'm well aware of that.

Now if we could stage an event
with a proper decorum...

perhaps a bridge tournament
at the Yacht Club--

One! One.

M-E-A 1 . Two more to go.

Oh, dear, are we back
to the man in the hot Rod again?

Tommy, wouldn't you like
to go outside and play?

[exclaiming]

What a beautiful volume.
Poetry?

No, it's nothing really.
Just a little diary l keep.

Wonderful penmanship.

The Crisis in the Suez
by Jonathan Quayle Higgins.

Just a little diary?
Well....

Yes, l do like to jot down
my past remembrances from time to time.

My husband was in the Suez
during the trouble there.

Good heavens,
what was his name? (Madge)

My God.

He had that effect
on many people.

[Higgins chuckling]

l only knew your husband
by reputation.

But Gordon Archer
was legendary in his own time.

(Madge)
l was very proud of him.

And we had
such wonderful times together.

l remember one particularly
exciting experience...

crossing the Zambezi,
just north of the Mozambique Channel.

Archer was risking everything
to take me to safety.

Madge....

Magnum, how incredibly rude,
even for you.

l'm sorry, Madge,
but it's Saturday.

We have to raise the money
by Tuesday.

Madge tells stories
like you tell stories, Higgins.

One story apiece...

and we're non-stop
into Wednesday afternoon.

lt is impossible to arrange
a bridge tournament by Tuesday.

So, invite the same
philanthropic people...

who play ''tax deductible''
bridge over to play ''tax deductible'' bingo.

The only difference
will be instead of trumping or bidding...

you put cute little kernels
of corn on a piece of paper.

Please?

Even though l never met
Gordon Archer, we stood inches apart one evening...

as we fought
for our very lives.

Higgins! Tuesday.

Magnum, we will have
the bingo gala, Monday afternoon at 1 :00.

Now, please go
and find something to do.

[computer keys clacking]

Thank you.
Keep that Day-N-Dark smile.

(T.C.)
Pickled egg, please?

T.C., no.

Come on, can't you come up
with another joke?

l mean, three days in a row.

Besides, you know
l hate to fish those stinky things out.

l hate them.
Pickled egg, please.

What the hell are you doing?
We have a store full of customers.

Why aren't you
watching them? Because l'm watching this,

Please, not now.

[sighing]
There.

$.59.

How stupid of me.
l must've forgotten my wallet.

T.C.!

[sighing]

Come back here.

Magnum.

[sighing]

Fifty-nine cents.

Come on, guys,
cut the fifth grade comedy routine.

Day-N-Dark was hit
for the 20th time this morning.

Here?
No, not here. l was here.

lt was store number 27
on the Lia. The same as usual.

The cash register
was emptied out without a clue...

the customers were clean.

Well, l guess, you got to get
to the other stores more often, T.M.

That's it. Great cover.

You can drop into
any Day-N-Night...

as the official
pickled egg pronger.

That's cute, T.C. Real cute.
Rick, what about lce Pick?

What about him?
Well, Ronnie's speed shop?

You promised me
he'd lean on the owner, for info on his employees.

Thomas, lce Pick
wants a fee.

How much?
Well, it's really nothing.

He just wants an invite
to your bingo game. What?

Oh, come on, Thomas,
it means a lot to lce Pick.

He used to be a bingo caller
in the old days...

and he wants to be seen
at a function like this.

No, not lce Pick.
Rick, this is strictly a class event.

You know, the Higgins Hot 100.
Okay, just forget it.

No lce Pick invite,
no info.

Follow that car.

[tires screeching]

Right!

[tires screeching]

And Rick.... Hey, Rick!
Rick, l wanna go with you!

You don't know why
l want you to follow him!

Rick!

[grunts]

l want four quarters...

and the price of a tank full
of Strawberry Dream.

l wasn't stealing
from the jar. l was just making change.

Oh, yeah?
How do you make change for four cents?

Magnum?
What?

l've got the little thief.

[groaning]

(Magnum)
No, you don't.

[grunting]

Pay up.

[groaning]

Please, mister.
Don't hit me anymore.

l'll do anything you say,
but just don't hit me.

Hey, you hit the kid?

No, of course not.

Yes, he did, sir,
but it wasn't his fault.

l was stealing
for my pregnant sister. She's got nothing to eat.

Oh, come on.
Did you hit the kid?

No, he hit me.

Magnum!
(Magnum) What?

This is the sister?
No.

Miss Wilcox, will you
please explain to him...

that l did not hit this brat.
What?

(Heather)
We've been robbed. Where'd he go? What?

Hey, Skeeter,
got a real pervert here.

He hits kids.

With you standing right here
solving the cookie jar crime, we were cleaned out.

The cash register's empty.
We've been hit.

You hit the kid and the lady?
Of course not. Nobody hit anybody.

(Heather)
Yes, we were. Just now.

Nobody hits a lady.
He bothers you again, you come and see me.

Well, l hope
you're satisfied.

You've made
a mess of everything. Me?

Wait a minute, will you?
Just hold all the customers...

l'll question them.

Surprise.
There's nobody in there.

(Magnum)
FaiIure"s a funny thing.

A baby Iearns to waIk
by faIIing down.

A chiId Iearns to swim
by aImost drowning.

And what kid hits the baII
the first time he swings a bat?

Aha!

So, why is it that
the oIder we get...

the harder it is to deaI
with the Iessons of faiIure?

Right after the robbery,
the Day-N-Dark head office advised me...

that I was fired.

But I stiII had some peopIe
who were counting on me...

incIuding a great base steaIer
in a squeeze.

It made the momentary faiIure
easier to handIe.

[door opening]

Magnum, there you are.
We've run into a bit of a snag, l'm afraid.

Higgins,
this is much more important than your Bingo Bazaar.

There's a problem
with the bingo party?

Nothing
that can't be resolved. Thomas....

Just a second.
You are still planning on having it?

Of course, but Agatha's
having difficulty finding the corn kernels...

for the bingo tokens.

l risk life and limb
to get this license plate number for you...

and you wanna talk corn?
You got the number?

l lost him halfway to Pearl,
but l got it.

Agatha came up with
what l consider a charming suggestion.

Simple little pearl buttons.
That's wrong.

l think ''wrong''
is a bit of an overstatement.

l know you were very specific
in requesting corn. Maize.

But l think the buttons
would do quite nicely. No, no.

You chased the wrong car.
Oh, sure. lt's my fault.

Maybe the guy changed plates,
or maybe he's got a matching set...

of '69 Street Rods.

All l know is,
this is the number of the car you told me to follow.

lmitation pearl, of course.
They're relatively--

All right, you're right.
Splendid.

There's gotta be
an explanation. l don't think

l'll call Agatha right away.
Oh, yeah, Higgins. You take care of that.

Listen, can you get me
the registration? How am l supposed to do that?

lce Pick.

l'm afraid he didn't get
an invitation to the Bingo game.

Higgins. Higgins.

You really do have to invite
a fellow named lce Pick to the party.

l'm terribly sorry,
but the guest list is complete...

and l'm not familiar
with the name lce Pick.

A pseudonym for a shy patron?
Yeah, something like that.

He's from an old,
established Chicago family...

and he's willing to make
a sizeable donation.

Really? Which family?

Their name is very respected.
They're big in cement.

Just have him here at 1 :00
in formal attire.

Now, if you will both
excuse me...

l have something
really important to take care of.

What sort of a man
chooses the name lce Pick?

[people chattering]

lsn't it terrific?
lt arrived late last night.

Has to be from my kid.

Did l tell you
he still lives in Washington? Yeah?

Hey, Johnnie...

l've got a little gift
for you, too, l mean, it can't compare with the TV, but....

[man chattering on TV]

My '52 card.
Yeah.

The misprint.

No, go on, take it back.
Don't go around giving away $50.

No, l'm getting a million
out of giving it to you.

Just don't sell it.
(Johnnie) Sorry.

This card is worth
two months of cable.

Johnnie, l've kept that card
for over 30 years.

Yeah, l know,
and you go on keeping it.

For you, this is
a prize possession. That means a lot to me.

But all it is
to Johnnie Wells is $50.

[commentator chattering on TV]

Why, my dear,
not working this afternoon?

l was fired.

Well, l'm sorry to say it,
l'm not surprised.

You must end your involvement
with our problems.

We're doing just fine.

Now, call Miss Wilcox
and tell her that you're sorry...

and that you really want
to do better.

♪♪[playing an ominous tune]

Have your kicks, Herman,
it doesn't get to me.

Will you look at that?
Do you believe it?

Okay, Johnnie, it goes.
(Johnnie) No.

Come on. Harvey,
that TV is not going anywhere.

His son gave it to him.
So?

l got my orders,
and these guys with me got a big truck.

We're here to get the piano
that Herman's nephew bought...

the recliner that David's
ex-agent bought...

and the brand new $500 TV set
that Johnnie's son bought.

The owners said, ''confiscate.''
The owners can't confiscate.

lt's illegal.
This'll say it's legal.

Thought they had
until Tuesday? Read it and weep.

How do l know this is real?
Call your lawyer.

We don't have a lawyer.

Aw.

We can't call a lawyer,
Harvey. lt's Sunday.

Start with the piano,
then the TV. Harvey.

♪♪[accordion playing]

[people chattering]

Thank you.

(Agatha)
AII right, everyone...

get your cards
and your buckets ready, and Iet"s begin.

How is it going, Higgins?
Splendidly, considering your Mr. lce Pick...

cancelled on us
at the last moment.

We're just fortunate Agatha
was available to fill in.

Yeah, well, he felt real bad
about that. He had to fly out.

Contract dispute.

(Rick)
So, what's the take?

The ''take''?

l think we're all wondering
if we've reached the 3,000 mark.

Well, the total at this hour
is $32,000-- $32,000?

What?
Oh.

Thank you, Mr. Higgins.
We don't know what to say.

Well, that's just the total
without taking into account the debit factor.

The grand prize
still has to come out of the gross receipts.

$10,000.
$10,000!

Higgins, why?
The grand prize is for the coverall finale.

The winner must cover
every number on the card.

That's crazy.
lt'll take all day.

The numerical possibilities
allow for a game of 45 minutes at the outside.

l assume you'll both
be purchasing cards? No, not me.

Like l told Madge and Jeanie,
l never win at these things.

Mr. Calvin,
it's for a good cause. lt really is.

Under the ""G""
as in George, 51. (man)

Bingo! Oh, how wonderfuI.
We have a winner.

CongratuIations.

Thank you, Agatha,
you"ve done a superb job.

[people clapping]

Ladies and gentIemen,
may I have your attention, pIease?

It"s time
for the grand finaIe of the Bingo GaIa.

This wiII be
the coveraII noveIty match...

in which the winning pIayer...

must cover every number
on the card, not just a singIe Iine...

for a grand prize of $10,000.

[all exclaiming]

Is everyone
seated comfortabIy? Then Iet"s begin.

G-51.

Under the ""G, "" 51.

Odd, I once had occasion
to use that exact combination...

in connection
with a secret code in a fIeet of submarines.

I had the misfortune
of Ianding in the middIe of a herd of goats...

during the second WorId War
when CIive Krefting...

the piIot
was rendered unconscious, by a gunshot wound.

AIthough, I had
no previous training in Ianding such an aircraft...

I did manage to....

[yawning]

But, perhaps,
this isn"t the time for such recoIIections.

That was B-13.

Forty-five minutes
on the outside...

just inside of four hours.
This must be a world record.

[snoring]
PIease watch your cards. We must have a winner.

N-37.

N-37.

N-37!
You won?

T.C., you won. N-37.

l won?

''N-37.''

[people chattering]

l won.

♪♪[accordion playing]

l won!

l never won anything,
since l won an Ellery Queen decoder ring...

when l was
seven years old!

$10,000!

l won! l won!

Look, you know,
l've always wondered what l would do...

if l came into
a large sum of money.

Maybe, l'll make
the down payment on a house.

A down payment
on a new heIicopter, or maybe expand my business.

TraveI. Rio, Mardi Gras.

[whooping]

[T.C. Iaughing]

But, shoot. If I did that,
I"d have to come up with...

a whoIe new bunch
of dreams.

So, if it"s aII the same
with you guys...

I"d rather give
my $10,000 prize...

to the FountainbIeu Residence
Purchase Fund.

[all clapping]

Oh.

$39,61 7.

(Magnum)
Those IittIe faiIure cIouds were starting to bIow away.

True, I"d Iost a day
and a haIf...

trying to track down
Madge and Jeanie"s property...

but, finaIIy,
I"d hit pay dirt.

The goods were on their way
back to the hoteI.

And in about an hour...

I wouId take Madge and Jeanie
to put a down payment on the FountainbIeu.

[tape rewinding]
The onIy dark cIoud Ieft was the Day-N-Dark robberies.

I knew there was a thread
somewhere, something simpIe that I"d overIooked.

But I couIdn"t think
what it was.

(Rick on answering machine)
Yeah, Thomas, I heard from Ice Pick.

He got the registration
on the car.

Yeah?
OnIy thing is, it"s kind of weird.

It doesn"t make any sense.
What? What?

The Camaro beIongs to a guy
named BiIIy Princeton...

but here"s the weird part,
the pIates on it beIong to a "38 Caddy...

and it"s registered
to a Jeanine K. and Margaret L. LaSaIIe.

[tape rewinding]

...a "38 Caddy
and it"s registered to a Jeanine K...

and Margaret L. LaSaIIe.

Thomas, those are
the LaSaIIe sisters.

[birds chirping]

(Higgins)
Perhaps the plates were stolen from Madge and Jeanie's car.

lt doesn't make sense.
He nearly runs two ladies over...

and then tracks them down
and steals their plates?

l see your point.

Madge and Jeanie
did not want me to trace that car.

They know the guy.

Who are you calling?
The LaSalle sisters.

[phone ringing]

(Johnnie)
HeIIo? Johnnie? lt's me, Tommy.

May l speak to Madge
or Jeanie for a minute?

Magnum, aren't they with you?

l haven't seen them
since before the bingo party yesterday.

They didn't come back here
last night.

Herman said they were waiting
to see you.

We figured you might have
asked them to stay over.

Magnum, where are they?

[sighing]
They were carrying $39,000.

Something must have happened
to them.

I"m caIIing the cops.
No.

Just give me
a couple of hours, l think l know where they might be.

l'll call you
as soon as l find them.

Magnum, there's something
you ought to see.

What?
My old yearbook.

Higgins, not now.
This is regarding the LaSalle sisters.

l first saw them
37 years ago this July.

And?
Do you recall that when the sisters...

first came to tea,
l had the curious sensation...

of having known them before?
What's your point, Higgins? l'm in a hurry.

The LaSalle sisters
were performers.

This is the theatre program
from Blackpool...

the summer l completed
my upper second at Sandhurst.

My father felt that
some sort of family celebration...

of my accomplishment
was in order, although...

of course,
l never admitted this to Father...

Blackpool was a bit gaudy,
by my standards.

They were
quick change artists.

Well, that's hardly
the description for a classic performance.

They presented a unique
multi-charactered mime.

Just the two of them.
Quite an extraordinary display of....

[door closing]

Ollie, it isn't fair of you
to ask this of us. And not very bright.

The cash registers
were one thing...

but, $150,000
is a very serious crime.

Girls, believe me,
now this is fair. And you owe me.

Why do you think
l didn't turn you in after the first robbery, huh?

All these other jobs,
they were just a warm-up for this one.

Forget it.
Okay.

You really wanna forget it,
huh?

That bingo money
belongs to Johnnie...

and Herman
and all the other people at the Fountainbleu.

And they'll get it back
just as soon as you pull this job.

Ollie...

there aren't going to be
any guns.

Promise me.
l promise. No guns.

(Magnum)
Footnote to the dissertation on faiIure.

My IittIe voice
had convinced me...

that aII my faiIures
of the Iast few days had been carefuIIy pIanned.

It was aIso saying...

""Thomas, despite
what the LaSaIIe sisters have Ied you to beIieve...

""you are a functioning aduIt,
and proving it is sometimes...

""very painfuI. ""

Please, go away.
l want to buy something.

What time's
the big pick up?

What are you
talking about?

Miss Wilcox...

l happen to know
that Day-N-Dark is too cheap to pay armed guards...

overtime for holidays.
Too cheap?

Which means that all the money
from all the stores is in one location.

One guard.

lt's here, isn't it?

They come for the money
at 1 2:00, but l don't need any help.

You have been replaced
by a very competent Day-N-Dark security guard.

Where is he?
ln the back.

Fine.

l'll need to see those reports
that l left behind on the robberies.

You know, the photos,
police interviews, all of that.

You did not leave
the reports, Magnum.

You were asked to return them
after you were fired.

Miss Wilcox, please.
You have over $150,000 in your office.

lf that money is stolen...

l don't think your bosses
are gonna be too happy with you.

So, can l please see
those police reports? No.

[sighing]

Yes, may l help you?

$1 .98.

All right, let's see,
that's $1 .98 a pound.

This is $3.49.

$5.67.

Thank you.

You stole the reports.
Here.

lt didn't seem important
at the time...

but it happened
at every one of the robberies.

''10:05,
nun slipped on wet floor.

''Cash register attendant
ran to her assistance.

''10:09, attendant returned
to find register empty.

''2:16, elderly man fainted.

''Day-N-Dark attendant
called paramedics, returning to find cash register empty.''

All right, proving what?
Proving....

Proving that none of us
are infallible when it comes to judging character.

[exclaiming]

Oh, l knocked down....

Oh. Oh, my knee.

Nice move, Madge.

Although, l thought
the nun's outfit was a nicer touch.

Yeah, how's this
for a nice touch, huh?

Ollie, you promised. No guns.
Hey, l lied.

[exclaiming]

(Jeanie)
You dirty rat. You promised no guns.

How dare you bring
a gun in here? He's the one.

You stinking raccoon!
How dare you bring a gun in here?

You promised.

(Magnum)
l still don't see...

why you had to call
the police right away.

A crime has been committed,
or perhaps you didn't notice.

Of course l noticed.
Well, if you don't mind...

l would like
to finish my report before they get here.

(Madge)
Ollie was the guard...

at the very first Day-N-Dark
we tried to rob.

Jeanie was a high school boy
getting a soft drink.

l was a housewife
waiting to check out.

Ollie was outside
waiting for us by our car.

He said, ''High School boys
don't wear cameo rings.''

lt always worked best
when l played the men.

After that first time,
Oliver actually hit the registers.

Yes, but that doesn't change
the fact that you took the money.

They'll give it back.
Well, l'm not so sure about that.

lt's all gone.
Little expenses, damage to the car.

The color TV,
and Herman's piano...

and the cable money,
and the stereo for Millie.

You guys bought those things
and told the people at the hotel...

it was from their relatives,
right?

You forgot David's recliner
and Margaret's gall bladder...

Duke's heart pacer,
and Ralph's cordless telephone.

Oh, we made sure
everybody got something.

(Heather)
l can understand the operations.

But why didn't you pay
your rent, instead of buying toys?

Toys?

But they're just as important
as operations, the rent.

Sometimes health
and having a place to live aren't important...

unless you have a reason
to live.

Take Johnnie Wells.

How long do you think
he'd survive without his love for baseball?

A television set...

is just as important
to his life...

as a new heart pacer
is to Duke's.

And Herman...

take away his piano,
and he'll turn into a vegetable.

No way to communicate...

nothing to live for.

We're here for the suspects.

Ladies, no matter how noble
your motive...

it was still stealing.

Miss Wilcox.
Heather, please...

we've got the bingo money
from Oliver. They've got $40,000.

They can pay back every cent
they've stolen and Oliver's share...

and besides, they did assist
in stopping the big heist.

No, dear, she's right.

We committed a crime
and we must pay.

l just wondered,
if we could...

just change our clothes
before they take us away.

Oh...

when the store gets back
its money...

would you take the rest
to Johnnie?

They can still make
a down payment on the hotel.

You can give it to him
yourselves.

Oh, l'm not so sure,
Thomas.

We're going to be away
for a long, long time.

That's ridiculous, you're....

You called me Thomas.
Naturally.

Tommy's a little boy
with an all-day sucker.

Thomas...

is much more fitting
for a private investigator.

We'll be right back.

[door closing]

Oh, well, l hope you're happy.
They got away.

Do you realize how many forms
l'm going to have to fill out for this?

Why is it my fault?

You're the one who said
they could change their clothes.

Oh, sure, try to shift
the responsibility. How like you.

Me?

Me? You don't even know me.

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