All language subtitles for Magnum P.I. s03e03 Ki Lie.eng

Unless that ki'i is returned,
all who have touched it are doomed.

Rick, you don't believe the curse.

l'm sure you'll make
an excellent team.

- l sometimes get very lonely. Don't you?
- Sometimes.

Hi, guys.

You're telling us this has got a curse on it?

- (Alarm)
- Something wrong?

(T.C.) This is crazy.

(Coughs)

Yes?

May l help you?

Sir?

Uh, you recently purchased a ki'i
from the island of Molokai?

Yes. A statue of Kalai-pahoa,
the Poison-god.

- A beautiful piece.
- lt's taken me a long time to trace.

lt's probably changed hands many times.

That's common with such pieces.
They're highly sought after.

No, you don't understand.
l found that ki'i in a cave in Wailea.

lt's sacred to a great chief.

The kahuna who guards it told me
if l didn't return the ki'i, l would die.

You mean it's cursed?

(Laughs)

There is a curse on practically
every piece of native art

from the Pacific lslands...

if you believe in that sort of thing.

Listen! The curse is real.
l can feel it working.

- Just a minute. Take your hands off me.
- l must have that ki'i.

- l don't have it.
- Where is it?

l have to know.
l have to return it to the cave.

That's impossible.
lt...was sold while l was on vacation.

By now, it could be anywhere.

Besides, l assure you, that curse
is nothing more than mythology.

Unless that ki'i is returned,
all who have touched it are doomed.

(Gasps)

No!

- Aargh!
- (Woman screams)

I know it's hard to believe,
but even in paradise,

it's possible to have a bad day.

The nice thing about paradise

is you've got great places
to get away from it all.

For me, it's the water.

Sitting on my surf ski 1 00 yards
offshore is like being in another world.

It's quiet and calm

and there's a lot of space
between me and anyone on the island.

It's a nice safe feeling.

But even paradise has its share of hassles,

but if I can't forget them here,
at least I can see them coming.

- Hello, Catherine.
- Jonathan.

l have found something so special
for the auction. Dennis?

You've already done so much.

Oh, nonsense! This orphanage
is very important to me.

Wait till you see this.

What a magnificent ki'i.

lt's Kalai-pahoa, l believe.

Right. The Poison-god.
He is ominous-looking, isn't he?

This is one of the few of its kind left
still privately owned.

l think it'll do very nicely for us.

- The rest of the items will arrive tomorrow.
- Fine.

- About security...
- l've got somebody in mind.

l hope he's not too expensive.
You know how thin our budget is.

No, no. Not to worry.
He's quite reasonable.

Oh.

Well, do you have someplace safe
to store the ki'i?

Yes. Put it in the den.

l'll get my security expert
and join you on the patio.

Don't take long. We've got
a million details to work out.

A minute, l promise.

l say, Magnum.

Higgins...you'll be interested in this.

The strangest thing just happened.

l was sailing along, as slick as you please,
and all of a sudden, l just fell off.

lt was weird. Then l couldn't get back on.
lt's interesting, isn't it?

Magnum, l keep hoping
that at some propitious juncture

you'll see there are more important things
than aquatic pursuits.

Forget it. Nice set of wheels.

A Rolls-Royce is considerably more
than a nice set of wheels.

- Who does it belong to?
- Catherine Hailey.

Co-chair of the Makahu Orphanage auction,
taking place here on the 5th.

She's a lovely lady, a tireless worker
and an expert on Hawaiian art,

which is perfect as Hawaiian culture
is the theme of the auction.

We have items from all over the island.

- The auction's on the 5th, right?
- Yes.

And there'll be all sorts of people -
blue blood and all that?

Which is why l want to talk to you.

Don't bother. l know
what you're going to say.

- You do?
- Sure.

(British accent) You don't want
to seem impolite or insensitive,

but you'd rather l made
myself scarce on the day,

in exchange for which you will
make some minor concession

regarding the car or the wine cellar
or the tennis court, right?

Sometimes you amaze me,
Magnum, truly.

Your intuitive grasp
of human nature is so...so...

- Perceptive?
- Pre-adolescent.

(Sighs) You can relax, Higgins.
l will be gone all day.

Oh?

Yes.

The 5th is the annual surf ski race
from Kahuku to Punaluu.

l'll be gone and it
won't cost you a thing.

Actually, l was hoping for your presence
at the auction. Planning on it, in fact.

What?

Mr. Masters is extremely
concerned, as am l,

that we have first-rate security here
for the next few days.

- He's made a very generous donation.
- What?

You. Starting tomorrow morning.

Higgins, that isn't fair.
Come on, l got a race.

Higgins, l got a race.

Are you afraid
this is a bit more than you can handle?

All it takes is a security check
at the gate and some extra manpower.

That's very impressive.
l'm Catherine Hailey, Mr...?

Magnum. Thomas Magnum.

You must be the security expert
Jonathan mentioned.

What were you saying
about extra manpower?

Well, l'll probably use my usual
associates. A hand-picked crew.

- How reliable are they?
- Very.

To make you feel better,
l'll run checks on everyone.

- Everyone?
- Yes. Outside and in - even on you.

- Come now, Magnum.
- No, Jonathan, he's quite right.

l'm very impressed with
Mr. Magnum's thoroughness.

ln fact, perhaps we could discuss it...
over dinner tonight.

- Oh, l'm sorry. l have other plans.
- Nothing that can't be changed.

l'm sure you'll make
an excellent team. Come, Catherine.

- Nice meeting you.
- Dennis.

(Whispers) Big.

Working for the auction
didn't bother me...not that much,

but I didn't like how Higgins
had approached me.

There's a right and wrong way
to ask for a favor,

especially when dealing with friends.

The right way is done directly
with some consideration and diplomacy.

It's honest and it's straightforward
and that's why it always works.

No way, Thomas.

Come on, guys.
lt's two days. Three at the most.

Are you kidding? 15 minutes around
Higgins and l start to break out.

Yeah, but this is a good cause.

Yeah, right.
The Thomas Magnum Relief Fund.

Mm-hmm.

Ten. l'll take mine again.

Man, l'm taking care
of the best cause l know - me.

l got this fox coming in
from Los Angeles, man. Ooh!

Two days, three nights in Honolulu. (Laughs)

- Sounds like a vacation package.
- Yep, mine.

(T.C.) Pass.

OK.

l just figured l'd ask.

You guys would understand
what this means

and say, ''Sure, l'd like
to help those kids.''

l mean, that's what l thought you'd say,

but... l guess l was wrong.

- lt wouldn't be the first time.
- Come on, Thomas.

Get off that guilt trip.
That's the oldest con in the books.

Yeah, and what do you mean,
''lt wouldn't be the first time''?

l promised you a long time ago
l'd never mention that.

- (T.C.) Mention what? What did Orville do?
- Wait a minute.

lt's something that happened in Saigon,

but l promised Rick l'd never mention it.

What was that
snake lady's name?

That's not fair, Thomas, it's really not.

- (T.C.) What's not fair?
- lt's personal.

lt's funny. lt's like what happened
to you that time at Madam Wu's.

That sword-swallower
from the Lotus Festival?

Ah!

(A.J.) What do you think?

What do l think?

l think it's a piece of cake.

- How are you feeling?
- Worse. Much worse.

l... l can't believe this is happening to me.

Well, don't worry about it.
We'll get the ki'i back.

You hired the right guys, Harold.

lt'll be like picking pineapples off a tree.

- Pineapples don't grow on trees.
- Figure of speech, A.J.

(Tribal drumming)

- Great show.
- Mm-hmm.

l'm sorry you had to
change your plans tonight.

l didn't have any plans.
l just like to be asked, not ordered.

l didn't mean it as an order.

l wasn't talking about you.
l was referring to Higgins.

See this?

This is a replica of
the rice god, Monowana.

The natives used to believe
that rice was raindrops

that had been blessed by the god,

so they had to be careful
how they worshipped him,

because if they didn't
do it exactly right...

they'd never get food...just wet.

- Really?
- Mm.

- Monowana?
- Mm-hmm.

There is no rice god.

ln fact, there wasn't any rice
until the Chinese brought it in.

Think you're real smart, don't you?

l know it wasn't a very good story,
but you could smile.

Where'd you learn
about Hawaiian culture?

lt's amazing what
you pick up collecting.

- Like the ki'i?
- Yeah, like the ki'i.

- lt is lovely, isn't it?
- Higgins showed it to me.

(Magnum) l guess lovely is
in the eyes of the beholder.

ls there something wrong?

Uh, just a little dizzy.

lt just seems to be happening lately.

lt's funny how you always seem to work
harder when you're not getting paid.

l'm sure it'll go away
after the auction tomorrow.

- You're sure you're OK?
- l'm fine.

Really. lt's better.

Let's see. Where was l? Oh.

Where'd you get the ki'i?

l bought it, from a woman in
Los Angeles named Alex Huston.

She collects pre-Colombian,
so l got a good price.

L.A.? ls that where you're from?

Sometimes.

Somehow l get the distinct feeling
we are not getting off on the best foot.

No. l'm just doing my job, Miss Hailey.

And so am l.

lf we're gonna work together,
l don't want tension between us.

- That sounds reasonable.
- Things can be a lot simpler that way.

Why did you want to have dinner with me?

- l just wanted to discuss the auction.
- And?

And despite some material advantages...

l sometimes get very lonely.

Don't you?

Sometimes.

But never on a case.

l don't have a good feeling about this.

There's gotta be a legal way.

lf we go to the police,
they're gonna impound the ki'i.

Sands is feeling worse by the minute.
He looks terrible.

Rick, you don't believe that curse stuff.

No, but he does and the sooner we get it
back to him, the better he'll feel.

- That'll be one of us.
- Oh, come on. Just relax.

Every time you say ''relax'' to me,
l get into trouble.

- What if we get caught?
- We won't get caught.

lmagine what the jails are like here.

l don't like macadamia nuts.

We are not gonna get caught.

Anyway, how tough can it be?
This is Hawaii. Aloha.

''l smiled modestly
as the Duke shook my hand

''and thanked me for a job well done.

''l had looked forward
to a well-earned vacation.

''However, as l turned away,
l heard the words,

'''We have some trouble in Patagonia.'

''Needless to say, l didn't unpack.''

(Alarm)

Come, lads.

(Man grunts)

- Who the blazes are you?
- l seem to have set something off here.

May l ask what you're doing here?

Yeah. l'm Schuster.
Al Schuster. Cando, North Dakota.

l'm glad to see a friendly face.

Me and the little woman
were driving for an hour...

She's asleep in the back of the car.
She's so tired, poor thing.

We've been driving around
trying to find y'all.

lt's our first vacation over the water.
lt's exciting.

l think we'll just hit the hammocks
and skip the comp dinner...

- Hammocks?
- Yeah, the...hammocks...

This is the Kahaluna Resort, isn't it?

lt certainly is not. Would you mind
taking your hands off the gate?

Oh.

OK. Let's see...

Here we go. Kahaluna Resort, right there.

That map's been out of date for years.

They tore the Kahaluna down
back in '68, l believe.

l recall escorting Clive Jackson-Parr
and his lovely wife Astrid there.

lt had a chemin de fer table
equal to anything in Monte Carlo.

l was quite a chemi player myself.

l've passed the shoe to the best of them.

l remember playing with Ferdinand ll -
a rather sore loser who...

He was of the nobility as far as
the peerage was concerned,

- but the police still thought...
- (Dogs barking)

Excuse me.

(Growling and barking)

(Barking)

(Barking continues)

- What is it, lads?
- (Barking)

Come, lads.

lt never used to be like this
in the old days.

lt used to be girls in grass skirts
and surfing, rum drinks with umbrellas,

now it's Dobermans,
security systems, barbed wire.

They call this paradise!

This is Hawaii - Jewel of the Pacific,
Land of Enchantment.

(Rick) That's New Mexico.

l'm telling you, Higgins, l checked.
There's nobody there.

Someone was here. They tried to breach
security while you were dallying.

(Magnum) Dallying? lt was your idea
to take Catherine out,

even though socializing with a client
is against my professional ethics.

Hardly a client - she's a friend.

l wasn't dallying.

Something's burning.

(Higgins) Get it outside.

Must've been a short circuit.

lt's a pity to have lost
that beautiful Mulahuni.

- Magnum, the ki'i. Where is it?
- lt's right there.

Oh, there it is.

- l swear that's not where l left it.
- Oh, come on, Higgins.

l'll take care of things. Get some rest.
This auction is starting to get to you.

Perhaps you're right.
You will mend that circuit in the morning?

Higgins, everything is under control.

(Sighs)

After I cleaned up the living room,
I went right to sleep

and had a very strange dream.

Higgins was auctioning me off
to a group of smoking ki'is.

No one was bidding
and Higgins couldn't give me away.

Finally, Catherine stood up
and took me off their hands.

She was just about to put me
in a bank vault when I woke up.

I was gonna be glad
when this whole thing was over.

- Yeah?
- Will-Kill pest control.

- Yeah, so what do you want?
- You're kidding?

Are you sure you got
the right address?

l've been protecting this place
for three years and l phoned ahead.

- l don't got all day...
- OK, OK, keep your lid on.

Hey, Higgins!

Must we shout?

Some guy has some spraying to do.

Send him in. l'll be at the main house
momentarily to supervise.

OK. Spray away, Jose.

Yo.

''Strip wire A
and then connect to terminal.

''Do not touch wire B
until terminal is connected.''

l hope you're...wire A.

(Gasps)

What are you doing?

What does it look like? l'm spraying C-1 7.

l can't wait all day on that repair.
All we need is another fire.

Higgins, who is this guy?

They spray every six months, in the morning
when the real world doesn't exist for you.

- Why didn't you check with me first?
- Check with you?

Maintenance is my responsibility.

l don't want him spraying
while the auct... (Alarm)

- lt's on the beach.
- l'll go with you.

No. You watch the house.

- Thomas, that lady l was telling...
- l need your help.

But what about my date?
Wait a minute.

(Higgins) Just spray the base board.

l've been doing this for ten years and
somebody always wants to give pointers.

lf you're going to stand there,
l'm going to get another mask.

Why - is it dangerous?

Are you an ant? lf you're an ant, it's fatal.

lf you're not, you just get sick.

You get sick, l get fired
and there goes six years of college.

- l'm gonna get another mask.
- No. Just...hurry, please.

Right.

Hey.

Forgot your sunscreen.

No, man. l never use sunscreen -
not when l'm surfing, you know?

You're not surfing.

- Why not?
- Because there's no surf.

Oh.

You touch that fence?

Gee, man, l don't know.
Maybe my surfboard. Maybe l...

(Tank hissing)

- Who turned you onto this place?
- Oh, Big Jimbo.

You know Big Jimbo off at Sunset Beach?
Big Jimbo, huh?

Hey, he never said anything
about private, man.

That goes to show you can't believe
everything Big Jimbo says.

He's never been wrong before.

Maybe l'll cruise on
back up to Sunset...

and check out and see
what he says next.

Hey...hang loose, bro.

Huh?

- You through already?
- How long does it take to kill some ants?

See ya.

- How much longer is this going to...?
- (Tank hissing)

Oh, my God!

- Thomas, l'm sorry.
- Higgins cleared it. Which way did he go?

He went left. Hey, l'll try
and find out about the van.

What the hell's wrong with this thing?

(T.C.) There it is.

- Come on.
- Come on? What are we after now?

Oh, yeah, l can see it now.

We're gonna stop all the cars
on Kalakaua Drive lookin' for a ki'i.

''lf you'll just open your trunk. We wanna
see if you have a poison-god in there.''

- Oh, hey, guys.
- Hey there, yourself.

Hey, guys. Hang ten, huh?
How's it going?

Thought you were going up to Sunset.

Oh, yeah, man. Like, l was
gonna go there or maybe Mahaki.

These are heavy decisions, huh?

Maybe you oughta ask Big Jimbo.

Yeah. l was thinking
l might cruise on into Honolulu.

Talk to Big Jimbo or Lola -
this girl, you should see her hang ten.

- You could use some wax.
- lt's a rented car.

Not the car, the board, hotshot.

- lt's a rented board, y'know what l mean?
- Uh, Thomas!

- Hold it right there.
- Thomas.

Wax that, hotshot.

Shall we go? Thank you.

Aloha!

- This thing gives me the creeps.
- You sound like Harold.

(Engine stuttering)

(Engine stuttering)

Ladies and gentlemen, there's been
a small change in the items for auction.

Number 34, the Hawaiian folk-art
sculpture of the Kalai-pahoa

has been removed from the bidding.

We're sorry for the disappointment
and inconvenience.

Let us begin with this rare and valuable
Louis XV ladies' writing desk,

graciously donated
by Eleanor Hastings-Boyle of Kahala.

Shall we start the bidding at 1 ,000?

(Higgins) 950...

Mabel, would you mind
taking over for a moment?

l believe that Jonathan said
he wanted a thousand

and that piece is definitely a thousand.

Yeah, that's great, Mousey. Thanks.
What? Look me up when you get out.

Anything?

The Will-Kill van was snatched
when the driver went to get a donut.

We got the license number.
lt's a rental.

Do l look like the DMV?
This could take hours.

- This isn't pulling rabbits out of a hat.
- Rick...

- Magnum.
- Uh-oh, l think l need some coffee.

You look even more vacuous than usual.
You've failed, haven't you?

Well, no.

We've had a temporary setback,
but at least we know who we're after.

Well, we don't exactly know
who we're after, but...

But the ki'i is gone, isn't it?
Probably for good.

After all that talk about security,
not mixing business with pleasure...

- You're not being fair.
- Damn right l'm not.

Thanks to your brilliant performance,
the orphanage is out $50,000.

That is a lot of lunches and a lot of beds.

There is something else going on here.

Two guys break into the estate and the only
thing they touch is the ki'i. Why?

Catherine?

Jonathan, l don't feel very well.

Could l possibly have a glass of water?

Of course.

You said you bought the ki'i from
someone in LA. What was her name?

Not now, Magnum.
Can't you see she's not well?

- OK, l've got it.
- Got what?

- Car was rented from the Blue Grotto Arms.
- Get T.C. Let's go.

l've been pulling this cab all summer,
run ten miles a day on the beach.

l'm in great shape. So how come
all l want to do right now is sleep?

- That'll be 36.50.
- Thirty...?

Great idea.

Thank you.

The sooner we put this thing in Harold's arms,
the sooner l can start to celebrate.

l just wanna get out of here
and go home. l do not like it here.

What's wrong with this?

- lt just stopped.
- l want to get off.

Harold?

Hey!

Harold?

We got it.

We got it.

- Here you go.
- Thank God.

(Harold) l must return it to the cave.

(Gasps)

(Grunts and yells)

Harold?

- He's dead, A.J.
- Hi, guys.

This probably doesn't look good,
but we can explain.

- We're private investigators.
- Simon and Simon.

You're not surfing exterminators?

- Who's he?
- That's our client, Harold Sands.

They're P. l.s, all right. California.

- Can we put our hands down?
- Sure.

(Magnum) No.

l was just gonna cover up Harold.

Don't you think we ought to leave the body
till the cops get here?

Before we call them,
maybe you could just hit the high spots?

OK.

Harold Sand owns...owned
an antique store in Beverly Hills.

A few months ago, a lady named
Alex Huston conned him out of that thing.

- Conned?
- Conned.

Yeah. She was young and pretty
and Harold...wasn't.

- He hired us to get it back for him.
- Get it back or steal it back?

We found out it had been
donated to an auction

by a very rich lady from Los Angeles.

l don't know how you hotshots operate
in California,

but couldn't you just have explained?

No. Harold didn't have time.
He thought he was dying from the curse.

That's right. Curse of the Poison-god.
Oogaboogah! (Laughs)

We didn't believe it either. Harold did.

You're telling us this thing has a curse on it?

Harold thought the only way
to get rid of the curse

was to put it in a cave
on Molokai near Wali...

- (Magnum) Wailea?
- Yeah.

Harold thought that until we did that,
whoever had the thing...would have curse.

(Rick laughs)

That's the most ridiculous story
l've ever heard.

Trade winds.

Even if l believed you guys, which l don't,

you owe Higgins a lot of money.

- Huh?
- Wait a minute. How do you figure that?

Easy. This ki'i is worth big bucks.

Uh, Thomas? Excuse me, fellas.

That's the lady. That's Alex Huston.

- That's Catherine Hailey.
- (Both) Alex Huston.

l'm very grateful for your tireless efforts
on the children's behalf.

l am just glad that the auction was
such a success. Would you mind?

That is an awful lot of cash
to be carrying around.

- Are you sure you don't want to come?
- You'll be fine. You have Dennis.

Yes. Well...

- Lunch tomorrow?
- Of course.

Why don't you invite Magnum
to come along too?

l suppose l was a little sharp with him.

lt's not really his fault
the ki'i was stolen.

- Until tomorrow?
- Tomorrow.

Higgins!

Higgins.

Oh!

What the bloody hell do you think
you're doing? This isn't Le Mans.

(Higgins) Did you apprehend
the blackguards?

You got them? Jolly good work. First rate.

Where are they?

- At the hotel with Rick and T.C.
- What?

- What about the ki'i?
- lt's with them.

They're working for the guy who owned it,
but it was stolen.

He had to get it back because he was dying
of this curse. Actually, he is dead...

- Magnum.
- l'll explain later. Where's Catherine?

Gone to the bank
with the proceeds from the auction.

You sent her to the bank?

- Yes.
- With money?

With cashier's checks and $200,000.

- Tell me what's going on.
- What time is it, Higgins?

Exactly 4:1 4.

- The bank closes at three.
- But the airport's open all night.

It was an uncomfortable ride
to the airport.

It wasn't easy
telling Higgins he'd been had.

He took it stoically,
but the look on his face told me plenty.

Because not only did Catherine steal
$200,000 from him,

she stole his pride too.

(P.A.) ..to the airline's ticket office.

L.A. She said she was from L.A.

There's a flight leaving
in five minutes. Gate 7B.

(P.A.) All passengers on flight 1 to Tokyo
report to concourse B, area A.

l say, Magnum, would you? Please?

Hi, Dennis.

(Women screaming)

(P.A.) Departing flight 1 45
for San Francisco

is now ready for boarding
on the upper level. Gate 27.

(Magnum grunting)

- Hold that plane.
- Sorry, she's taking off.

You'll be more than sorry. You'll be responsible
for the death of my niece.

Geraldine was so excited about her trip
that she forgot her heart medicine.

Mimi, it's Roy. We've got a medical
emergency on board. Open up.

(Magnum grunts)

(Dennis) Oh!

Aargh!

This way, Geraldine.

- Well done, Magnum.
- Well done, yourself.

Let's go.

Good idea. Before the cops
change their mind.

l can't wait to get back
on solid ground.

- Like California?
- Yeah.

Look, we're sorry if we
put you through any hassle.

Oh.

Look at it from our point of view -
everything we did made sense at the time.

Aloha, guys.

- See ya.
- Auf Wiedersehen.

Take it easy.

Hey, wait a minute. What about the ki'i?

(Rick) Cops took it.

(Mouthing)

(T.C.) This is crazy!
l'm beginning to wonder about you.

The coroner said the guy died
of a heart attack, not a curse.

Higgins said it's worth about 50 grand.
He won't like you burying it in some cave.

Come on, guys.

Even the police said it would be better
if the ki'i went back to Wailea.

Something wrong?

No, it couldn't be.

Just had an overhaul
week before last.

The mixture must be too rich.

Yeah, it must be.

(Engine stuttering)

(Engine running smoothly)

You are gonna keep that thing closed
the whole trip?

(Both) Yes.

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