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1
00:00:06,334 --> 00:00:09,567
Did you look in the closet?
Well, Daddy, look in the closet.
2
00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:11,234
Again?
3
00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:13,300
Because that's where
Mom's kept the towels for the past 40 years.
4
00:00:13,367 --> 00:00:16,968
He shoots. Yes.
5
00:00:17,067 --> 00:00:19,167
How do you know
I didn't make it?
6
00:00:19,234 --> 00:00:20,701
Okay. You got it?
7
00:00:20,767 --> 00:00:22,667
Yes, I am that's why
you sent me to college.
8
00:00:22,734 --> 00:00:24,100
Okay, Daddy, good night.
9
00:00:24,167 --> 00:00:26,734
God, he's so helpless.
10
00:00:26,801 --> 00:00:28,200
Where did your mother
go anyway?
11
00:00:28,267 --> 00:00:30,467
She's spending the weekend
with Uncle Phil.
12
00:00:30,534 --> 00:00:33,901
For what?
His wife's in Albany, so he's all alone.
13
00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:36,701
What's in Albany.
Her brother.
14
00:00:36,767 --> 00:00:39,734
Where's his wife?
In diet camp till Monday.
15
00:00:39,801 --> 00:00:42,167
So basically,
because of one fat woman upstate New York,
16
00:00:42,234 --> 00:00:43,334
17 families go
out of wack?
17
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,000
That's about it.
18
00:00:45,067 --> 00:00:46,434
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
19
00:00:47,434 --> 00:00:49,334
Yeah, I wonder
who that is?
20
00:00:49,868 --> 00:00:51,667
Hi, Daddy.
21
00:00:51,734 --> 00:00:54,834
No, no, you like French's
mustard not French mustard.
22
00:00:56,167 --> 00:00:57,701
Ow!
No.
23
00:00:57,767 --> 00:01:00,868
The Poupon is French,
and the French's is actually American.
24
00:01:00,934 --> 00:01:02,634
I said "Ow".
What?
25
00:01:04,133 --> 00:01:06,400
Okay. Tell me you don't
feel this spring.
26
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:09,334
Sourdough.
This is a huge spring. This whole bed is just shot.
27
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:11,934
Actually, why don't I hold on
while you toast it?
28
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,601
We're not getting
a new bed.
29
00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:15,601
Seriously, we've had this bed
since we moved in together.
30
00:01:15,667 --> 00:01:16,868
No.
Why?
31
00:01:16,934 --> 00:01:19,234
Because we've had it
since we moved in together.
32
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:22,434
You know, on 60 Minutes,
I saw a thing. A Malaysian child was sleeping
33
00:01:22,501 --> 00:01:24,434
on a mattress
just like this.
34
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:25,834
Mike Wallace cried.
Little tears, little tears coming out.
35
00:01:28,234 --> 00:01:31,734
Fine. I will think about it.
No. No. That's good. The toast is supposed to be brown.
36
00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:33,868
Go get a tomato.
37
00:01:33,934 --> 00:01:36,133
You know, why don't you just
invite your father down for the weekend?
38
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:39,767
I already did. He doesn't
like to leave the house. Maybe we should go there.
39
00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:42,667
Then I'd have
to leave the house.
40
00:01:42,734 --> 00:01:45,834
Oh, God, no, no, no.
Then forget the tomato. Go get the mayonnaise.
41
00:01:45,901 --> 00:01:48,734
Well, maybe you should go.
What? And leave you home alone?
42
00:01:48,801 --> 00:01:50,767
What am I,
Macaulay Culkin?
43
00:01:52,067 --> 00:01:53,734
All right.
Try counterclockwise.
44
00:01:54,934 --> 00:01:56,100
Just...
45
00:01:58,534 --> 00:02:01,067
Just go
before he hurts himself.
46
00:02:01,133 --> 00:02:04,000
Daddy, maybe I should just
come and stay with you till Mom gets back.
47
00:02:04,067 --> 00:02:05,234
You sure you'll be fine?
I'll be fine.
48
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:07,300
Are you sure?
I'll be thrilled.
49
00:02:08,701 --> 00:02:11,567
You'll be thrilled?
All righty.
50
00:02:11,634 --> 00:02:14,701
So, um...
So I'll be there tomorrow.
51
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:17,300
First train in the morning.
Okay. Good night.
52
00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:21,033
Not--Not thrilled,
happy-thrilled, thrilled when you get back
53
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:25,267
because I will have missed you
the whole weekend, so great is my love for you.
54
00:02:32,167 --> 00:02:35,467
Okay. The shower's dripping,
so you have to call Mr. Wicker before it explodes again.
55
00:02:35,534 --> 00:02:36,701
I understand.
56
00:02:36,767 --> 00:02:38,767
And don't forget,
you need to light the oven.
57
00:02:38,834 --> 00:02:41,834
If you need extra light bulbs,
they're in the thing. If the refrigerator starts humming...
58
00:02:41,901 --> 00:02:43,968
Then I'll harmonize
with it.
59
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:45,767
Are you gonna be okay?
I'll be fine.
60
00:02:45,834 --> 00:02:48,734
What are you gonna do?
I'll do-- I'll do whatever. I'll c-call the guys.
61
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:50,167
What guys?
The guys.
62
00:02:50,234 --> 00:02:51,501
You don't have any guys.
63
00:02:52,901 --> 00:02:54,901
I've got guys.
I've got plenty of guys.
64
00:02:54,968 --> 00:02:56,801
Okay. If you decide
to do laundry...
65
00:02:56,868 --> 00:02:58,133
I'm not gonna do laundry.
Yeah, but if you do...
66
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,100
I'm not gonna do laundry.
67
00:03:00,167 --> 00:03:03,334
...don't do it between 4:00
and 6:00, or you'll run into the Kopecks and their kids
68
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,434
and just trust me.
Yeah. Understand how much I'm not gonna do laundry.
69
00:03:06,501 --> 00:03:07,767
(INTERCOM BUZZING)
All right.
70
00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,901
MR. WICKER: Cab's here.
She's coming.
71
00:03:09,968 --> 00:03:12,167
Come on, sweetie,
you're upsetting the cabbie.
72
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:13,667
You know, you're allergic
to coconut.
73
00:03:13,734 --> 00:03:15,434
So, no luaus.
74
00:03:15,501 --> 00:03:18,767
Are you gonna
miss me at all? Yes, only if you leave.
75
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,000
Bye.
Bye. Have fun.
76
00:03:25,868 --> 00:03:28,501
Well, now, it's all mine!
77
00:03:28,567 --> 00:03:30,067
It's all mine.
78
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,501
That's mine.
79
00:03:35,567 --> 00:03:37,033
It's all mine.
80
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:39,067
That was always mine,
now it's even more mine.
81
00:03:41,901 --> 00:03:43,334
Anything in here?
All mine.
82
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,267
Milk. Perfect example
of things that are mine.
83
00:03:46,367 --> 00:03:47,400
Mmm.
84
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:50,667
Ah.
85
00:03:50,734 --> 00:03:53,868
See that?
Virtually empty, yet I put it right back.
86
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:58,000
Whatever you want.
Mallomars.
87
00:03:58,067 --> 00:04:00,767
By the way, I don't know if
I mentioned, Mallomars, also mine.
88
00:04:01,767 --> 00:04:03,834
You can have one, too.
89
00:04:03,901 --> 00:04:06,968
You see that? I don't even
close it. That's how giddy I am with power.
90
00:04:08,868 --> 00:04:12,033
Come dog of mine.
Come with me. Let's watch my Baywatch.
91
00:04:15,901 --> 00:04:19,901
You can sit.
Sit, lick, whatever you want.
92
00:04:23,801 --> 00:04:26,801
All right. Here we go.
There's a 3:20, 5:30, there's 7:45...
93
00:04:26,868 --> 00:04:28,300
Paulie, I can't go
to the movies.
94
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:29,968
Why not?
I've got a date.
95
00:04:30,033 --> 00:04:32,033
What?
Yeah, we do that out here.
96
00:04:33,434 --> 00:04:35,501
But I'm free.
97
00:04:36,334 --> 00:04:37,634
Imagine my dilemma.
98
00:04:37,701 --> 00:04:38,901
(SCOFFS)
99
00:04:41,167 --> 00:04:43,601
All right. Fine.
You know what? I'll call the guys.
100
00:04:43,667 --> 00:04:45,934
What guys?
I've got guys.
101
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,067
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I understand. It's softwood walking.
102
00:04:50,467 --> 00:04:51,634
I'm gonna go bowling.
103
00:04:51,701 --> 00:04:53,267
Mmm.
Mmm-hmm.
104
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:55,868
You want to borrow
some of my guys? Why would I want your guys?
105
00:04:55,934 --> 00:04:58,133
Because you don't do
alone so good.
106
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,801
Hey, excuse me.
I lived alone for 30 years.
107
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:04,767
Paulie, you lived with your
parents until you were 18. In college you had roommates.
108
00:05:04,834 --> 00:05:07,300
We lived together
until I threw you out, and then Jamie.
109
00:05:07,367 --> 00:05:09,968
Basically, you've been alone
about five minutes your whole life.
110
00:05:10,033 --> 00:05:12,868
You didn't throw me out.
Hey, I don't want to have that discussion again. What?
111
00:05:12,934 --> 00:05:15,400
You want me to call Susannah
and cancel my date?
112
00:05:15,467 --> 00:05:17,100
Nah.
Because I would.
113
00:05:17,167 --> 00:05:18,534
You would?
Yeah, I would.
114
00:05:18,601 --> 00:05:19,801
All right.
115
00:05:19,868 --> 00:05:21,901
(LAUGHING) I'm not
gonna cancel my date.
116
00:05:27,133 --> 00:05:28,133
(MURRAY BARKING)
117
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:31,701
Hey, dog of mine.
Pepperoni.
118
00:05:31,767 --> 00:05:33,234
Do not tell your mother.
119
00:05:37,167 --> 00:05:40,934
Oh, is the shower
exploding again? I forgot to call Wicker.
120
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,300
That's what I need
this weekend, a flood.
121
00:05:44,901 --> 00:05:45,901
(FRAN SCREAMING)
122
00:05:45,968 --> 00:05:46,901
(PAUL EXCLAIMING)
123
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,434
Hi.
Hey, Fran. Hi. When did you get here?
124
00:05:58,501 --> 00:06:00,534
(SIGHS) Sorry I screamed.
You startled me.
125
00:06:00,601 --> 00:06:03,133
Oh, were those yours?
What?
126
00:06:05,601 --> 00:06:08,267
(STAMMERING) No, 'cause
I didn't see a thing. Okay.
127
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:10,300
I swear.
Fine.
128
00:06:10,367 --> 00:06:11,934
I'm gonna go get dressed.
Okay. Please do that.
129
00:06:20,767 --> 00:06:22,734
(PHONE RINGING)
130
00:06:22,801 --> 00:06:24,033
Hello.
Hi, it's me.
131
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:25,801
Hi, sweetie.
How was your trip?
132
00:06:25,868 --> 00:06:28,200
It was okay.
The train was a little late. All right, good. Listen.
133
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,501
Um. hypothetical situation.
134
00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:36,834
Fran is naked in our house.
Why would that be?
135
00:06:36,901 --> 00:06:39,100
Excuse me?
She was in the shower.
136
00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:40,934
She must have gone
to the gym.
137
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,767
So?
The shower there is all nasty.
138
00:06:42,834 --> 00:06:45,100
The gym's right around
the corner, so she comes over to us.
139
00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:47,400
Like, all the time?
Yeah, you know.
140
00:06:47,467 --> 00:06:51,501
No. I don't know. I don't
know. That's the whole point. What happened?
141
00:06:51,567 --> 00:06:53,367
I didn't see a thing.
142
00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:57,467
Oh, God. Did you apologize?
143
00:06:57,534 --> 00:06:59,367
I'm going to send her
an arrangement.
144
00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:01,400
Are you okay?
145
00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:03,767
Yes, I'm fine. I'm just...
Everything is under control.
146
00:07:03,834 --> 00:07:05,234
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
All right. Bye-bye.
147
00:07:06,501 --> 00:07:08,167
Why didn't you say something?
148
00:07:08,234 --> 00:07:09,167
(WHIMPERS)
149
00:07:11,367 --> 00:07:14,367
Snappy Garments.
And a lovely jacket yourself.
150
00:07:17,367 --> 00:07:20,033
I'm here to pick up
your dry cleaning.
151
00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:22,901
No. What? Buchman?
Yeah.
152
00:07:22,968 --> 00:07:24,701
11 D?
Yeah.
153
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,701
One second.
154
00:07:28,767 --> 00:07:29,901
Bye.
Bye.
155
00:07:30,767 --> 00:07:31,734
Bye.
156
00:07:34,601 --> 00:07:35,968
(PHONE RINGING)
157
00:07:36,033 --> 00:07:37,567
Hello.
PAUL: Hi, it's me.
158
00:07:37,634 --> 00:07:39,968
Um, there's a guy here,wants our clothing.
159
00:07:40,033 --> 00:07:42,701
Do we do that,
or are we being robbed?
160
00:07:43,367 --> 00:07:44,601
We do that.
161
00:07:44,667 --> 00:07:46,567
Since when?
It's free.
162
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,434
What else goes on
around here?
163
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:49,934
It's the blue bag
in the closet.
164
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,567
I'm quite aware
of the blue bag.
165
00:07:51,634 --> 00:07:53,434
You sure you're
gonna be okay? I'll be fine.
166
00:07:53,501 --> 00:07:54,901
Everything is under control.
Bye-bye.
167
00:07:54,968 --> 00:07:56,667
Bye.
168
00:07:56,734 --> 00:07:59,934
Sorry about that. It's just...
My wife is away, so you know how that is.
169
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,200
I've got to do
everything myself.
170
00:08:04,033 --> 00:08:06,434
Are these dry clean
or laundry? What's that?
171
00:08:06,501 --> 00:08:08,100
Dry clean or laundry?
172
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,501
Hi, it's me.
Dry clean.
173
00:08:18,567 --> 00:08:19,501
Thank you.
174
00:08:25,434 --> 00:08:28,300
PAUL: I can't call him.
Can't call him.
175
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:30,734
Hey, you know what?
I've got no guys.
176
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,801
Not a guy to be found here.
177
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,300
Zucker? Nah.
178
00:08:42,834 --> 00:08:46,133
That's all right. That's all
right. You know what? It's good to be alone.
179
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:47,567
It's good for the soul.
180
00:08:51,901 --> 00:08:53,267
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
181
00:08:53,334 --> 00:08:57,534
Thank God.
I'm coming. Don't go away. Don't go away.
182
00:08:57,601 --> 00:08:58,767
Right here. Please don't go.
183
00:08:58,834 --> 00:09:01,968
Lisa. Hi. Hi.
184
00:09:05,534 --> 00:09:07,334
Hi, how are you?
185
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:08,667
Uh, I was just
in the neighborhood
186
00:09:08,734 --> 00:09:10,501
and thought I'd bring you
some lunch.
187
00:09:10,567 --> 00:09:12,601
Did Jamie say to do that?
No.
188
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:14,033
Did she tell you to say no?
Yes.
189
00:09:16,601 --> 00:09:18,400
I'm borrowing a dress.
190
00:09:18,467 --> 00:09:20,267
Anything.
Whatever you want. Whatever you want. Sure.
191
00:09:20,334 --> 00:09:21,501
You got a big date tonight?
192
00:09:21,567 --> 00:09:23,033
Oh, just Troy, you know.
193
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:24,367
Going out with Troy.
Mmm-hmm.
194
00:09:24,434 --> 00:09:27,067
Which one is Troy?
Harriette's acupuncturist.
195
00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:29,501
He's an acupuncturist.
So he works with needles?
196
00:09:29,567 --> 00:09:31,000
I would think
that's fascinating work.
197
00:09:31,067 --> 00:09:33,501
What is wrong with you?
198
00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:36,667
Nothing is wrong with me.
I was just thinking. You and I never get to really talk.
199
00:09:36,734 --> 00:09:38,868
Oh, we talk.
No, not really.
200
00:09:38,934 --> 00:09:41,834
Well, Jamie and I talk,
you sit there and roll your eyes.
201
00:09:41,901 --> 00:09:43,868
I don't roll my eyes at you.
Yeah, right.
202
00:09:43,934 --> 00:09:46,000
Never.
Where--where did you get that?
203
00:09:46,067 --> 00:09:48,701
Oh, come on. You couldn't
talk to me two minutes and not roll your eyes.
204
00:09:48,767 --> 00:09:51,000
Oh, that's so not true.
Oh, yeah?
205
00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:52,968
Yeah.
Okay.
206
00:09:54,434 --> 00:09:56,267
I'm thinking of
buying a ferret.
207
00:10:02,434 --> 00:10:03,834
Good for you.
208
00:10:03,901 --> 00:10:04,934
Mmm-hmm.
209
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:08,501
I know where I can get one
for $600.
210
00:10:10,434 --> 00:10:13,868
Sounds pricey
for a weasel, but...
211
00:10:13,934 --> 00:10:17,501
Well, you know how good I am
at budgeting my money. Nobody better.
212
00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:19,334
I figured I name him Biff
213
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,734
after this old boyfriend
of mine who used to be a doorman at FAO Schwarz,
214
00:10:21,801 --> 00:10:23,501
only he got
fired for stealing Legos
215
00:10:23,567 --> 00:10:25,300
and had to move back home
to Jersey,
216
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:27,601
which was kind of a drag
because we had bought this '63 Valiant together,
217
00:10:27,667 --> 00:10:30,534
and whenever I felt like
driving uptown, I had to go to Newark first.
218
00:10:30,601 --> 00:10:34,801
But, actually, it worked out
pretty well because the bus I had to take had this driver
219
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,567
named Delana, and she let me
honk the horn once in a while,
220
00:10:37,634 --> 00:10:40,234
and eventually she
introduced me to her brother who breeds ferrets,
221
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:44,000
and he said I could have pick
of the litter for $600 and a pair of my panties,
222
00:10:44,067 --> 00:10:45,834
which you can't deny
is a pretty good deal.
223
00:10:50,367 --> 00:10:52,934
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
Sounds great. Excuse me for a second.
224
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,567
Hi.
Buchman?
225
00:11:04,634 --> 00:11:06,667
Yes.
Sign here.
226
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:09,534
What, a Meat
of the Month Club? That's right.
227
00:11:09,601 --> 00:11:15,767
I don't think so.
Ah, just--just one second.
228
00:11:15,834 --> 00:11:20,868
My wife is out of town,
so it's all been... Just...
229
00:11:20,934 --> 00:11:23,367
(PHONE RINGING)
230
00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:24,434
JAMIE: Hello.
Hi, it's me.
231
00:11:24,501 --> 00:11:26,868
Well, blow me down.
232
00:11:26,934 --> 00:11:28,734
There's a guy here
with a box of meat.
233
00:11:28,801 --> 00:11:29,801
So?
So?
234
00:11:29,868 --> 00:11:31,033
So?
I'm saying to you.
235
00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:33,033
What?
236
00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:34,901
Since when do we eat
meat in a box?
237
00:11:34,968 --> 00:11:36,601
Three years.
238
00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:39,167
Really? And I enjoy it?
Yeah. You love it.
239
00:11:39,234 --> 00:11:41,033
Well, who knew?
240
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,434
Is that Jamie?
Uh-huh. Yeah.
241
00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:44,167
I didn't borrow
her new dress.
242
00:11:44,234 --> 00:11:46,434
Hey, come on, get back here.
Honey, are you sureyou're okay?
243
00:11:46,501 --> 00:11:49,567
Huh? Yeah, I'm fine.
It's just, uh,
244
00:11:49,634 --> 00:11:52,434
a lot of surprises
for one day. Do you want me to come home?
245
00:11:52,501 --> 00:11:55,434
No, no, no. Hey,
everything is under control.
246
00:11:55,501 --> 00:11:56,968
All righty.
I'll talk to you in five minutes.
247
00:11:58,567 --> 00:12:00,801
That's very funny.
Yeah, who's next?
248
00:12:00,868 --> 00:12:03,801
Who is that?
Nobody. Nobody. I have things under control.
249
00:12:03,868 --> 00:12:07,200
I'll be on
the 4:00 train. Bye-bye. All right. Love you, babe.
250
00:12:07,267 --> 00:12:09,167
Little Sisters of Mercy.
You bet.
251
00:12:09,234 --> 00:12:11,167
We're from the thrift store.
252
00:12:11,234 --> 00:12:13,334
I know.
You picking up or you dropping off?
253
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,834
We're here
to pick up the bed.
254
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,567
The bed? I understand.
Of course. Why?
255
00:12:17,634 --> 00:12:19,400
Your wife donated it.
256
00:12:19,467 --> 00:12:20,734
She did?
257
00:12:20,801 --> 00:12:22,234
That's what it says.
258
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:24,334
Uh, all right.
Yeah, okay.
259
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,133
Uh, of course,
it's right through there.
260
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,334
Right there
in the bedroom.
261
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,701
'Cause we...
We've been having a little problem with the bed,
262
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:33,734
so we've been talking
about getting a new one.
263
00:12:33,801 --> 00:12:38,100
Uh, so, I guess
why my wife called you and just said, uh...
264
00:12:38,167 --> 00:12:39,734
The whole bed?
265
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,701
That's what it says.
266
00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:45,133
Uh, uh, just--just one second,
would ya? 'Cause I don't...
267
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:48,934
Take the bed out of here.
268
00:12:58,234 --> 00:12:59,901
Out of sorts. Six letters.
269
00:13:00,934 --> 00:13:01,968
Fusty.
270
00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:03,234
What?
Fusty.
271
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:06,701
F-U-S-T-Y.
272
00:13:06,767 --> 00:13:08,767
And this extra space,
we just ignore it.
273
00:13:10,534 --> 00:13:12,868
When is your wife coming back?
Why do you ask?
274
00:13:12,934 --> 00:13:15,734
Hey, Conways.
You need a taxi, right? If you would.
275
00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:18,100
Hey, hey, look at you two.
You're looking pretty sporty.
276
00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:20,934
You've got a big day?
Brunch and the opera with my publisher.
277
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,234
Oh, my wife and I used go
to brunch all the time.
278
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:26,901
Oh, have you two split up?
279
00:13:26,968 --> 00:13:29,167
No, no. She just...
Is she dead?
280
00:13:32,667 --> 00:13:36,133
No, she's not dead.
She's out of the town. BOTH: Oh.
281
00:13:38,133 --> 00:13:39,934
MR. WICKER: Cab's ready.
282
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,968
Oh, Mr. Wicker, you didn't
happen to see any delivery men yesterday, did you?
283
00:13:43,033 --> 00:13:45,734
For you?
Yes. We donated some furniture to charity,
284
00:13:45,801 --> 00:13:46,901
but they never showed up.
285
00:13:46,968 --> 00:13:48,767
Gee, I was only on
in the morning.
286
00:13:48,834 --> 00:13:51,734
Never mind.
We'll call them tomorrow. Come on, darling.
287
00:13:51,801 --> 00:13:54,100
If you're done with
this book review I'm gonna...
288
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,234
What did they say
about picking up furniture?
289
00:13:57,701 --> 00:13:58,868
(IRA LAUGHING)
290
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:04,467
Laughter is not constructive.
No, no, let me get this straight.
291
00:14:04,534 --> 00:14:07,400
Two guys come down
your hall with a clipboard
292
00:14:07,467 --> 00:14:10,834
and you think,
"Let me give you my bed."
293
00:14:12,234 --> 00:14:14,501
Yes.
How do you do that?
294
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:18,033
Because I am the dumbest man
in the country.
295
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:19,467
And yet,
and yet, maybe I'm not.
296
00:14:19,534 --> 00:14:22,267
Maybe Jamie was
in a charitable mood.
297
00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:24,567
So why don't you give her
a call and ask her?
298
00:14:24,634 --> 00:14:27,033
I can't. I can't call her
because then she'll know...
299
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,801
How stupid you are?
Yes.
300
00:14:29,868 --> 00:14:31,167
She's gonna
be home tonight.
301
00:14:32,267 --> 00:14:33,501
Maybe she won't notice.
302
00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:37,868
I don't know, Paulie,
she's pretty sharp.
303
00:14:37,934 --> 00:14:40,934
All right.
It really does open up the room, though, doesn't it?
304
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:41,934
Shut up.
305
00:14:42,801 --> 00:14:44,300
(PHONE RINGING)
306
00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:48,234
Hello.
Hey, top ofthe morning to you.
307
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,767
What's wrong?
308
00:14:50,834 --> 00:14:53,234
Nothing is wrong.
I just wanted see how you are doing.
309
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:55,834
Well, that's sweet.
I'm good. I miss you.
310
00:14:55,901 --> 00:14:57,334
Okay. Listen. Um...
311
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:02,167
I was just wondering,
did you give any more thought
312
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,801
to the buying a new bed thing
we discussed?
313
00:15:04,868 --> 00:15:06,367
No. I haven't.
Okay. Bye.
314
00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:11,767
So of all the men
in America...
315
00:15:11,834 --> 00:15:13,767
I am the most stupid.
316
00:15:14,934 --> 00:15:16,434
Okay. How do I fix this?
317
00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:18,033
What's the name
of the charity?
318
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:19,534
The name of the charity.
Oh, they said...
319
00:15:19,601 --> 00:15:20,968
The guy said it.
He said it. He's standing there.
320
00:15:21,033 --> 00:15:23,033
Big guy, big guy. He said,
"Hi, we're here from..."
321
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,934
"We're here from..."
Something, something. I didn't listen.
322
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,767
What about the Brits?
323
00:15:27,834 --> 00:15:29,501
They weren't even here?
Yeah, but they would know the name.
324
00:15:29,567 --> 00:15:31,033
The Brits would know
the name, yes,
325
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:32,467
because they're the ones
who called 'em.
326
00:15:32,534 --> 00:15:34,634
This is what I'm saying.
Oh, yeah, all right. Good.
327
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:37,567
Hey, you know,
this could happen to anybody. It really couldn't.
328
00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:41,501
(OPERA SINGER SINGING)
329
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,834
Conway. There you are.
330
00:15:46,734 --> 00:15:49,033
The charity donation thing,
it wasn't a bed by any chance, was it?
331
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,300
MAN: What's going on?
We don't know them.
332
00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:51,634
Because they picked up
our bed.
333
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,701
We've never seen
them before in our lives.
334
00:15:53,767 --> 00:15:55,033
Hey, good seats.
335
00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:57,167
(PEOPLE SHUSHING)
Would you please go away?
336
00:15:57,234 --> 00:16:00,334
Sorry, sorry.
Um, was it-- was it Unicef?
337
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,934
Was it... Do you remember?
Was it Unicef? Just nod.
338
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:07,701
Nod if it was Unicef.
It wasn't Unicef. Uh, Goodwill?
339
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:11,934
Salvation Army?
A.S.P.C.A? The Kidney Foundation?
340
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,534
(SINGING STOPS)
It was the Little Sisters of Mercy! All right?
341
00:16:14,601 --> 00:16:16,834
The Little Sisters of Mercy!
342
00:16:16,901 --> 00:16:18,501
Yes, thank you.
Come on.
343
00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:30,300
Please, do go on.
344
00:16:30,367 --> 00:16:33,300
(OPERA SINGER RESUMES SINGING)
345
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:39,334
I'm looking for a bed...
Well, we have a wide selection.
346
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:40,767
...a very specific bed.
347
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,701
Wood with the little
iron stuff.
348
00:16:42,767 --> 00:16:45,601
As a matter of fact, one like
that arrived just yesterday. That's my bed.
349
00:16:45,667 --> 00:16:48,534
I wish all my customers
were as easy as you.
350
00:16:48,601 --> 00:16:51,534
No, no, no. I mean,
It is-- It is my bed. I gave it to you.
351
00:16:51,601 --> 00:16:54,701
And God bless.
It was a mistake.
352
00:16:54,767 --> 00:16:56,767
Oh, giving is never
a mistake.
353
00:16:56,834 --> 00:16:59,501
Well, sometimes it is.
354
00:16:59,567 --> 00:17:02,100
Uh. it actually is my bed.
I understand.
355
00:17:02,167 --> 00:17:03,801
So could I
just get it back? Of course.
356
00:17:03,868 --> 00:17:06,767
Thank you.
I believe we priced it at $400.
357
00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:09,767
Hey, Sister, how much for
the one with Nick and Doris? It's for me.
358
00:17:09,834 --> 00:17:12,834
No, but... Excuse me.
It's my bed. Not anymore.
359
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:14,934
No, you have a whole
other bed. It's coming from British people.
360
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,234
When?
When? Whenever.
361
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:18,968
Well, I can't live on faith.
362
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,334
So now they want to charge me
$400, and my wife is coming back in a few hours.
363
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:28,100
So, if I just bring them
your bed, then everybody is happy, right?
364
00:17:28,167 --> 00:17:30,734
I'd say you've gotten yourself
a bit over a barrel, haven't you?
365
00:17:32,467 --> 00:17:33,901
(MIMICKING BRITISH ACCENT)
Hasn't he?
366
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,801
Yes, a little bit.
But now...
367
00:17:40,868 --> 00:17:42,968
Darling, I've been thinking.
Perhaps, we've been a little bit rash.
368
00:17:43,033 --> 00:17:44,067
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
About what?
369
00:17:44,133 --> 00:17:45,834
Well, our bed has been
so good to us.
370
00:17:45,901 --> 00:17:47,701
It seems almost rude
to part with it.
371
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,434
Paul.
Yeah, one sec.
372
00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:51,367
Okay, but you just said
you already bought a new one.
373
00:17:51,434 --> 00:17:52,567
I don't know.
374
00:17:52,634 --> 00:17:53,968
Paul.
One sec.
375
00:17:54,033 --> 00:17:56,267
So, just--just
give me your bed.
376
00:17:56,334 --> 00:17:57,601
All right.
377
00:17:58,334 --> 00:17:59,467
Thank you.
378
00:17:59,534 --> 00:18:00,667
For $300.
379
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:02,434
What?
380
00:18:02,501 --> 00:18:03,934
Rather a bargain, I'd say.
381
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,501
Do you think we're
under selling ourselves?
382
00:18:05,567 --> 00:18:07,534
No, no, no, okay. Fine.
383
00:18:07,601 --> 00:18:08,934
Paul.
What?
384
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,634
Tell me if you notice
anything.
385
00:18:14,601 --> 00:18:17,767
FRAN: If that bed
scratches my roof, I'll kill you.
386
00:18:17,834 --> 00:18:21,267
All right. So now
we're square, everything is even. Hey, excuse me.
387
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:23,000
Hey, we were just
about to buy this.
388
00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:24,601
Sorry.
For how much?
389
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:25,734
It says $400.
390
00:18:25,801 --> 00:18:27,000
Uh, wait. That's...
It's my bed.
391
00:18:27,067 --> 00:18:28,467
$410.
What are you doing?
392
00:18:28,534 --> 00:18:29,634
Well, you want it
or not?
393
00:18:29,701 --> 00:18:31,634
I just bought
a bed for you.
394
00:18:31,701 --> 00:18:33,634
And God bless.
$420.
395
00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:34,934
$430.
396
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,167
What? Wait a second.
Wait a second.
397
00:18:36,234 --> 00:18:37,667
You don't--
You don't need this bed, okay?
398
00:18:37,734 --> 00:18:38,934
There's plenty of other beds.
399
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,334
Look at this nice
Nick and Doris.
400
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,667
Hey, this would look cute
on you.
401
00:18:42,734 --> 00:18:44,534
Oh, it would.
Can I try it on?
402
00:18:44,601 --> 00:18:46,634
Right in there.
Now where were we?
403
00:18:46,701 --> 00:18:47,767
IRA: 450.
60.
404
00:18:47,834 --> 00:18:49,067
Hey, what are you doing?
$500.
405
00:18:49,133 --> 00:18:50,167
Stop it, okay?
406
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:51,801
It's okay.
407
00:18:51,868 --> 00:18:53,534
It's too rich for me.
408
00:18:53,601 --> 00:18:57,400
See?
Sold for $500.
409
00:18:57,467 --> 00:18:58,767
Fine, fine, fine.
All right.
410
00:18:58,834 --> 00:19:00,868
Now, can I show you something
in an end table?
411
00:19:00,934 --> 00:19:02,100
No.
412
00:19:02,167 --> 00:19:05,934
Uh, j-just get the car.
Get the keys.
413
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,367
(FRAN SCREAMING)
Fran, where's...
414
00:19:07,434 --> 00:19:09,434
I didn't see anything.
I didn't see anything.
415
00:19:11,234 --> 00:19:13,334
How did you get this thing
together in the first place?
416
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,367
That was when I had guys.
417
00:19:17,901 --> 00:19:20,701
Great. I've got 14 things
and 3 holes. What do I do?
418
00:19:20,767 --> 00:19:22,100
Join the circus.
419
00:19:28,534 --> 00:19:30,701
Is this it?
No.
420
00:19:30,767 --> 00:19:32,300
JAMIE: Hello.
421
00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:33,934
Oh, this is no good.
422
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,200
Now what?
423
00:19:35,267 --> 00:19:36,767
Uh, all right.
424
00:19:36,834 --> 00:19:38,968
How fast can you do this?
We can't.
425
00:19:39,033 --> 00:19:40,901
All right, but hurry.
JAMIE: Hello.
426
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,534
Hey. Look who's home.
Hey.
427
00:19:47,601 --> 00:19:50,200
Hi, what happened?
Aunt Rochelle got back early,
428
00:19:50,267 --> 00:19:53,434
so Mom got back early,
so I took the 3:00 train.
429
00:19:53,501 --> 00:19:56,701
It's like a whole little
Darwinian thing there.
430
00:19:56,767 --> 00:19:57,934
IRA: Ow!
431
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,667
What was that?
How was your father? Good?
432
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,133
Please.
The man fought two wars,
433
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,801
he can't cut a melon.
I'm so exhausted.
434
00:20:06,868 --> 00:20:08,200
Oh, you know what?
You're exhausted.
435
00:20:08,267 --> 00:20:09,667
(STUTTERING) Let's go out.
What?
436
00:20:09,734 --> 00:20:11,367
We'll take a walk, you know.
It'll pep you right up.
437
00:20:11,434 --> 00:20:13,167
Now, honey,
I just want to go to bed.
438
00:20:13,234 --> 00:20:15,400
Well, okay, all right.
But first, I wanna show you something.
439
00:20:15,467 --> 00:20:16,567
What?
Just come here. Come here.
440
00:20:16,634 --> 00:20:17,701
Come here, come here.
Honey.
441
00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:19,467
I wanted you to see this.
This is good.
442
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:26,167
What?
Guess.
443
00:20:28,734 --> 00:20:30,601
I'm-- I'm really too tired
to guess.
444
00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:33,801
Oh, come on, come on.
Guess, guess, guess, guess.
445
00:20:33,868 --> 00:20:35,868
Uh, you cleaned something?
No.
446
00:20:35,934 --> 00:20:37,334
You cooked something?
Uh, no.
447
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:38,667
You ate something?
No.
448
00:20:38,734 --> 00:20:40,033
All right. I give up.
Oh, come on, come on.
449
00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:42,000
Look. Look--Look around.
450
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,234
Cold.
451
00:20:50,234 --> 00:20:51,634
(CHUCKLES)
Warm.
452
00:20:51,701 --> 00:20:52,868
Warmer.
453
00:20:53,868 --> 00:20:54,901
Cold.
454
00:20:59,734 --> 00:21:01,133
Warm.
455
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:02,400
Warmer.
456
00:21:02,467 --> 00:21:03,734
Hot.
457
00:21:03,801 --> 00:21:04,834
Cold.
458
00:21:06,467 --> 00:21:09,167
How can I be hot and cold
at the same time?
459
00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:11,200
Malaria.
460
00:21:11,267 --> 00:21:12,767
No, wait. All right,
all right, all right.
461
00:21:12,834 --> 00:21:14,234
You wanna dance?
No.
462
00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:15,434
You wanna play cards?
No.
463
00:21:15,501 --> 00:21:16,868
Wanna learn VCR Plus?
No.
464
00:21:16,934 --> 00:21:18,501
If you had told me
about the dry cleaning,
465
00:21:18,567 --> 00:21:19,901
or the meat,
or at least one of 'em,
466
00:21:19,968 --> 00:21:21,434
I would know
what goes on around here.
467
00:21:21,501 --> 00:21:23,767
So, basically,
this is all your...
468
00:21:24,868 --> 00:21:28,033
That was quick.
What?
469
00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:30,901
Little shooting pain
I just had. It's all right.
470
00:21:30,968 --> 00:21:32,334
Are you okay?
471
00:21:33,267 --> 00:21:35,234
Um... Yeah.
472
00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:37,734
You know what, though?
I just missed you.
473
00:21:37,801 --> 00:21:40,234
I really... I missed you.
I love when you...
474
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,901
Nothing seems to work
when you're not here.
475
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:43,534
Oh.
Really.
476
00:21:43,601 --> 00:21:45,667
Well, now you're home
and everything is good.
477
00:21:47,634 --> 00:21:49,033
Welcome home.
478
00:21:57,067 --> 00:21:58,601
Honey, maybe
we should get a new bed.
479
00:21:58,667 --> 00:22:00,801
This is all I'm saying.
480
00:22:23,834 --> 00:22:25,334
(DOOR CREAKING)
481
00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:33,467
(TRUNK CREAKING)
482
00:22:33,517 --> 00:22:38,067
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