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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:04,338 [AS WAGNER'S "BRIDAL MARCH"] ♪ Here comes the bachelor ♪ 2 00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:07,507 ♪ All dressed in my nice jacket I only wear for special events ♪ 3 00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,842 Oh, you're already on fire. Thank you, my friend. 4 00:00:09,926 --> 00:00:11,969 And, gentlemen, welcome to my bachelor party. 5 00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,346 This is the elite party squad. 6 00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,681 That is, assuming the Captain is ready to let loose? 7 00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:16,890 HOLT: Captain? I don't think so. 8 00:00:16,974 --> 00:00:18,809 I want you guys to think of me as one of the boys. 9 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:21,978 So tonight I'll be swapping out my captain's hat for my… 10 00:00:22,062 --> 00:00:24,563 Kangol hat. Call me Raymond. 11 00:00:24,647 --> 00:00:26,148 Okay, Raymond in the Kangol hat, I will 12 00:00:26,232 --> 00:00:27,983 definitely call you Raymond, Raymond in the Kangol hat. 13 00:00:28,067 --> 00:00:29,151 This is the best night of my life. 14 00:00:29,235 --> 00:00:30,403 Mine too. Sharon gave me permission 15 00:00:30,487 --> 00:00:31,571 to get wasted. 16 00:00:31,946 --> 00:00:33,321 She's even putting a pasta pot 17 00:00:33,405 --> 00:00:34,823 next to the bed in case I hurl. Smart. 18 00:00:34,907 --> 00:00:36,866 I'm definitely putting a pasta pot on our wedding registry. 19 00:00:36,950 --> 00:00:38,868 Charles, tell us everything we're doing tonight. 20 00:00:38,952 --> 00:00:40,328 Well, that could take a long time. 21 00:00:40,412 --> 00:00:42,788 I've been planning this bachelor party for 10 years. 22 00:00:42,872 --> 00:00:44,373 But I met Amy eight years ago. 23 00:00:44,457 --> 00:00:45,457 What does she have to do with this? 24 00:00:45,541 --> 00:00:46,709 JK. I'm happy for you both. 25 00:00:46,793 --> 00:00:49,211 No, no, tonight is about 26 00:00:49,295 --> 00:00:51,422 creating a bond that will last forever. 27 00:00:51,506 --> 00:00:53,881 Tonight is about The Batch Boys. 28 00:00:53,965 --> 00:00:55,341 Eh, we can brainstorm the name later. 29 00:00:55,425 --> 00:00:57,760 No, we can't because I already made fanny packs. 30 00:00:57,844 --> 00:00:59,220 Ah, well, that settles that. 31 00:00:59,304 --> 00:01:00,888 This, uh, clearly says "Bach Boys." 32 00:01:00,972 --> 00:01:02,389 No, it's "batch." 33 00:01:02,473 --> 00:01:03,807 You know, like the beginning of "bachelor." 34 00:01:03,891 --> 00:01:05,308 I've been working on this for 10 years. Don't ruin it! 35 00:01:05,392 --> 00:01:07,811 Okay, so let's fanny up, Batch Boys, 36 00:01:07,895 --> 00:01:09,271 because it's time to party. 37 00:01:09,355 --> 00:01:10,480 Whoop, whoop! 38 00:01:10,564 --> 00:01:11,772 Yes. 39 00:01:11,856 --> 00:01:13,816 Whoop, whoop, Raymond in the Kangol. 40 00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:15,443 [SOFTLY] Let's go. 41 00:01:15,735 --> 00:01:17,737 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 42 00:01:36,170 --> 00:01:38,046 SANTIAGO: I'm so excited for tonight. 43 00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:41,048 Thank you to my best friend, Kylie, for organizing this. 44 00:01:41,132 --> 00:01:43,259 And thank you for coming, ladies 45 00:01:43,343 --> 00:01:44,343 and gentlemen. 46 00:01:44,427 --> 00:01:45,678 I still don't get why you guys are here. 47 00:01:45,762 --> 00:01:47,013 Well, as I understand it, Amy 48 00:01:47,097 --> 00:01:48,638 lost some sort of bet with Jake. It's true. 49 00:01:48,722 --> 00:01:50,056 In hindsight, we should probably stop 50 00:01:50,140 --> 00:01:52,225 making major decisions through bets and competitions. 51 00:01:52,309 --> 00:01:53,977 More importantly, why are you guys dressed like that? 52 00:01:54,061 --> 00:01:55,604 You look like you're on Empire. 53 00:01:55,688 --> 00:01:57,731 That's what we were going for. Drip, drop. 54 00:01:57,815 --> 00:01:58,814 We brought you a little gift. 55 00:01:58,898 --> 00:02:00,316 I had to guess on cup size. 56 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:01,817 Just gonna burn that for you. Thank you. 57 00:02:01,901 --> 00:02:04,028 Amy, I too have a gift, okay? 58 00:02:04,112 --> 00:02:06,697 Tonight, until the stroke of midnight, 59 00:02:06,781 --> 00:02:09,574 I will not make fun of you in any way at all, 60 00:02:09,658 --> 00:02:10,742 no matter what. 61 00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:11,910 That is so sweet. 62 00:02:11,994 --> 00:02:13,203 And my gift to you 63 00:02:13,287 --> 00:02:16,955 is a cray-cray night of funky fun! 64 00:02:17,039 --> 00:02:19,789 I fear I've already made the biggest mistake of my life. 65 00:02:20,501 --> 00:02:21,668 So, Kylie. 66 00:02:21,752 --> 00:02:22,836 What's the first event of the night? 67 00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:25,088 I thought we'd start by discussing the etymology 68 00:02:25,172 --> 00:02:27,132 of the word "bachelorette." 69 00:02:27,257 --> 00:02:28,466 Whoo-whoo! 70 00:02:28,550 --> 00:02:29,759 Or we could just play Never Have I Ever. 71 00:02:29,843 --> 00:02:30,927 Maybe later? I'll start. 72 00:02:31,011 --> 00:02:32,011 Never have I ever 73 00:02:32,095 --> 00:02:34,095 flashed a bartender to get a free drink. 74 00:02:35,682 --> 00:02:37,432 You guys know how the game works, right? 75 00:02:37,516 --> 00:02:38,725 You drink if you have done it. 76 00:02:38,809 --> 00:02:40,561 Oh. We understand. 77 00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:45,648 Okay, Batch Boys, the festivities officially begin now. 78 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:47,525 Let's just grab a couple cabs or… 79 00:02:47,609 --> 00:02:49,777 Oh, my God. What do we have here? 80 00:02:49,861 --> 00:02:50,861 -Damn! -[HORN HONKS] 81 00:02:50,945 --> 00:02:52,905 -Nice work on the limo, Charles. -[TIRES SCREECH] 82 00:02:52,989 --> 00:02:55,657 What… What just happened? 83 00:02:55,741 --> 00:02:57,158 Well, that was weird. 84 00:02:57,242 --> 00:02:58,493 A suspicious bag. 85 00:02:58,577 --> 00:02:59,911 Maybe we should see what's in it? 86 00:02:59,995 --> 00:03:01,287 Ooh. A mystery bag. 87 00:03:01,371 --> 00:03:02,914 I hope it's got those light-up necklaces. 88 00:03:02,998 --> 00:03:05,290 People love seeing large groups of drunk men wearing those. 89 00:03:05,374 --> 00:03:07,501 Nope. It's a bunch of school supplies. 90 00:03:08,085 --> 00:03:09,670 Is this gonna be one of those scavenger hunts, Boyle? 91 00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:11,463 'Cause that pasta pot isn't filling itself. 92 00:03:11,547 --> 00:03:13,589 Come on, Terry. Let's just see what the plan is. 93 00:03:13,673 --> 00:03:14,715 Charles, what are we doing? 94 00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:15,842 I don't know anything about it. 95 00:03:15,926 --> 00:03:19,011 But why don't we take this map and this sextant 96 00:03:19,095 --> 00:03:21,180 and chart a course to the restaurant? 97 00:03:21,264 --> 00:03:23,014 Title of your sex-tant tape. 98 00:03:23,098 --> 00:03:24,266 Ah, did not work at all, 99 00:03:24,350 --> 00:03:25,684 but I love that you attempted it. 100 00:03:25,768 --> 00:03:26,852 Title of your sex-tant tape. 101 00:03:26,936 --> 00:03:28,019 All right, let's go! 102 00:03:28,103 --> 00:03:29,437 Never have I ever 103 00:03:29,521 --> 00:03:31,815 had sex in the back of a car. 104 00:03:32,523 --> 00:03:34,233 No way. Everyone's done that? 105 00:03:34,317 --> 00:03:35,442 Yeah. Except for you. 106 00:03:35,526 --> 00:03:37,528 Kylie, you're telling me you had sex in the back of a car? 107 00:03:37,612 --> 00:03:38,988 Actually, it was a school bus, 108 00:03:39,072 --> 00:03:40,823 on the way back from Model UN 109 00:03:40,907 --> 00:03:42,031 with Myanmar. 110 00:03:42,115 --> 00:03:43,658 It's like I don't even know you. 111 00:03:43,742 --> 00:03:45,285 Look, we've done like nine rounds of this, 112 00:03:45,369 --> 00:03:46,494 and you haven't drunk once. 113 00:03:46,578 --> 00:03:47,579 Maybe we should play something else 114 00:03:47,663 --> 00:03:48,663 that actually gets you drunk. 115 00:03:48,747 --> 00:03:50,498 I love you, dude, but you haven't had the craziest life. 116 00:03:50,582 --> 00:03:52,165 That's not true. I've done stuff. 117 00:03:52,249 --> 00:03:54,459 Just say ones that are a little less wild. 118 00:03:54,543 --> 00:03:57,588 Uh, never have I ever made a turn without signaling. 119 00:03:58,255 --> 00:04:00,798 Okay, a turn is a big deal. 120 00:04:00,882 --> 00:04:02,550 It's not like you said, never have I ever 121 00:04:02,634 --> 00:04:03,968 changed lanes without signaling. 122 00:04:04,052 --> 00:04:06,429 Never have I ever changed lanes without signaling. 123 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:08,264 You guys are insane! 124 00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:09,807 Never have I ever 125 00:04:09,891 --> 00:04:12,392 accepted the terms and conditions without reading them. 126 00:04:12,476 --> 00:04:13,727 It's too risky. 127 00:04:13,811 --> 00:04:15,353 Left a movie without watching the credits. 128 00:04:15,437 --> 00:04:16,813 Those people worked hard. 129 00:04:16,897 --> 00:04:20,149 Used more than the recommended amount of conditioner. 130 00:04:20,233 --> 00:04:22,985 They make the conditioner. They know what they're doing. 131 00:04:23,069 --> 00:04:24,486 This is lame. Let's play something else. 132 00:04:24,570 --> 00:04:26,113 No. No, no, no, okay. 133 00:04:26,197 --> 00:04:27,406 Never have I ever 134 00:04:27,490 --> 00:04:30,325 had a one-night stand with a guy from a band. 135 00:04:30,409 --> 00:04:31,993 Whoops! Yes, I have! 136 00:04:32,077 --> 00:04:35,455 Whoa, I am V impressed, Amy. V impressed. 137 00:04:35,539 --> 00:04:36,956 In fact, Kylie, 138 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:38,582 it was the lead singer of your wedding band. 139 00:04:38,666 --> 00:04:40,125 Boom! That's right. 140 00:04:40,209 --> 00:04:41,460 I'm a wild girl! 141 00:04:41,544 --> 00:04:43,337 Watch out, Madonna. [LAUGHS] 142 00:04:43,421 --> 00:04:44,463 Uh, Ames? 143 00:04:44,547 --> 00:04:45,964 I told Jake that you really liked that band 144 00:04:46,048 --> 00:04:48,398 and he booked it for your wedding as a surprise. 145 00:04:48,925 --> 00:04:49,926 What? 146 00:04:50,010 --> 00:04:51,386 [SOFTLY] Surprise! 147 00:04:52,637 --> 00:04:54,972 So, according to this map, 148 00:04:55,056 --> 00:04:57,807 the restaurant should be right here. 149 00:04:57,891 --> 00:04:59,476 But it's just an old abandoned building. 150 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:01,645 That's odd. Unless… 151 00:05:01,729 --> 00:05:04,147 You don't think when the sun sets that 152 00:05:04,231 --> 00:05:07,358 certain letters on that graffiti wall will be illuminated 153 00:05:07,442 --> 00:05:08,651 by a shaft of light? 154 00:05:08,735 --> 00:05:09,818 I don't think that. 155 00:05:09,902 --> 00:05:11,195 We've been at this bachelor party 156 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:13,405 for over an hour, wandering around aimlessly 157 00:05:13,489 --> 00:05:15,950 and we haven't done one bachelor party thing! 158 00:05:16,034 --> 00:05:18,618 Well, Terry, if you'd like, I could share a lewd story. 159 00:05:18,702 --> 00:05:20,453 Kevin got me quite horny this morning. 160 00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:21,621 [LAUGHS] Oh, see? 161 00:05:21,705 --> 00:05:23,706 Come on, guys. I'm hungry! 162 00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,458 Oh, you're in luck. The fanny pack 163 00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:27,042 is filled with granola. 164 00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:30,504 Mmm! Loose granola. 165 00:05:30,588 --> 00:05:32,881 I don't want fanny granola! 166 00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,549 I want steaks and whiskey! 167 00:05:34,633 --> 00:05:36,258 Is this whole night just gonna be puzzles? 168 00:05:36,342 --> 00:05:38,344 Good question. Perhaps that's something 169 00:05:38,428 --> 00:05:39,929 -the limo can answer! -[TIRES SCREECH] 170 00:05:40,013 --> 00:05:41,305 Oh. Oh, yes, the limo's back! 171 00:05:41,389 --> 00:05:42,598 We finally get to ride in the limo. 172 00:05:42,682 --> 00:05:44,641 Nope. The limo is not for us. This is something else. 173 00:05:44,725 --> 00:05:46,101 Oh, no, I'm being kidnapped! 174 00:05:46,185 --> 00:05:49,854 We have your friend! Your mission is to find him! 175 00:05:49,938 --> 00:05:51,189 Is that a Serbian accent? 176 00:05:51,273 --> 00:05:52,732 It is. Write that down for later. 177 00:05:52,816 --> 00:05:54,483 Oh! I'll see you in six hours. 178 00:05:54,567 --> 00:05:55,609 Six hours? 179 00:05:55,693 --> 00:05:58,153 Charles, let us get in the limo, please! 180 00:05:58,237 --> 00:05:59,947 Terry's so hungry! 181 00:06:00,031 --> 00:06:01,199 No! 182 00:06:04,576 --> 00:06:06,786 Okay, let's not get discouraged just because… 183 00:06:06,870 --> 00:06:08,204 We've been doing this for 93 minutes 184 00:06:08,288 --> 00:06:10,123 and we haven't figured out one damn clue. 185 00:06:10,207 --> 00:06:11,958 That's why I said to not get discouraged. 186 00:06:12,042 --> 00:06:14,167 All right, what about book two? Maybe it's a code. 187 00:06:14,251 --> 00:06:15,585 All we have to do is decipher 188 00:06:15,669 --> 00:06:17,421 this list of thousands of random numbers. 189 00:06:17,505 --> 00:06:20,048 Huh, I wonder if one of them is… 6-9? 190 00:06:20,132 --> 00:06:21,550 Pretty sure he means 69, but I'm so hungry 191 00:06:21,634 --> 00:06:23,217 I can't even appreciate horndog Raymond. 192 00:06:23,301 --> 00:06:24,969 I say we bail on the scavenger hunt. 193 00:06:25,053 --> 00:06:26,679 There's a restaurant one block away that 194 00:06:26,763 --> 00:06:28,597 rolls meat to you on a cart. 195 00:06:28,681 --> 00:06:30,683 Charles would be so upset if we bailed. 196 00:06:30,767 --> 00:06:31,975 But what if Charles never knew? 197 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,309 If we can figure out where he's going to be 198 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,769 at the end of the night, we don't have to do 199 00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:36,604 -any of his dumb puzzles. -HOLT: Right. 200 00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,023 Instead, we can spend the next six hours 201 00:06:38,107 --> 00:06:39,274 eating and drinking and 202 00:06:39,358 --> 00:06:41,108 talking about how we lost our V cards. 203 00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:42,818 And then we show up at the final location 204 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,278 and pretend we did the stupid hunt. 205 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,280 Yeah, yeah… Interesting. 206 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,073 All right, I'm not saying I'm on board with this 207 00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:50,034 'cause it's a little bit cruel, but hypothetically, 208 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,617 -if we were to cheat… -JEFFORDS: Got it. 209 00:06:51,701 --> 00:06:52,994 I hacked his email. 210 00:06:53,370 --> 00:06:55,205 His password's really easy to guess. 211 00:06:55,580 --> 00:06:57,280 BOTH: Dianne Wiest. And look here. 212 00:06:57,624 --> 00:06:59,625 There's a receipt for a party boat rental 213 00:06:59,709 --> 00:07:01,126 and also a cake delivery 214 00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:02,961 to a dock down in Bergen Beach. 215 00:07:03,045 --> 00:07:04,755 That's got to be where this night ends. 216 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:05,964 All right, fine. 217 00:07:06,048 --> 00:07:07,924 We will stop and get one tiny, little snack 218 00:07:08,008 --> 00:07:09,967 just to recharge our brains and bods, 219 00:07:10,051 --> 00:07:11,969 but under no circumstances will we 220 00:07:12,053 --> 00:07:14,472 do any bachelor partying without Charles. 221 00:07:14,556 --> 00:07:16,474 Whoo! I'm getting married! 222 00:07:16,558 --> 00:07:18,975 This is my bachelor party! [CHUCKLES] 223 00:07:19,059 --> 00:07:20,226 You guys, I can't have 224 00:07:20,310 --> 00:07:22,395 some rando one-night stand at my wedding. 225 00:07:22,479 --> 00:07:23,813 GINA: I'm on the band's website. 226 00:07:23,897 --> 00:07:25,440 Not to tease you, but 227 00:07:25,524 --> 00:07:28,192 just so we all have the complete information. 228 00:07:28,484 --> 00:07:30,402 Which one is he? Constantine Kane. 229 00:07:30,486 --> 00:07:31,529 Yes. 230 00:07:32,822 --> 00:07:33,864 I see. 231 00:07:33,948 --> 00:07:35,032 Why don't you just cancel the band? 232 00:07:35,116 --> 00:07:36,450 If I cancel, I'll have to 233 00:07:36,534 --> 00:07:38,618 tell Jake why, and I don't want to do that. 234 00:07:38,702 --> 00:07:40,828 Well, it says he's playing a solo show in Bed-Stuy tonight. 235 00:07:40,912 --> 00:07:42,246 We can just go down there and ask him 236 00:07:42,330 --> 00:07:43,915 to pull out of the wedding. I don't know. 237 00:07:43,999 --> 00:07:46,084 Tonight was supposed to be about us bonding, 238 00:07:46,168 --> 00:07:48,210 and instead, it's just starting to be about some dude. 239 00:07:48,294 --> 00:07:50,504 No, it's about your bachelorettes having your back. 240 00:07:50,588 --> 00:07:51,922 But I wanted tonight to be fun. 241 00:07:52,006 --> 00:07:53,006 KYLIE: And it will be. 242 00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:54,466 We're having a drunken adventure! 243 00:07:54,550 --> 00:07:55,634 Really? 244 00:07:56,759 --> 00:07:58,636 Okay. Yeah. Let's do it. 245 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,971 Yay! Bachelorette adventure! 246 00:08:01,055 --> 00:08:03,265 Kylie, you should talk less. 247 00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:05,434 Sorry, I have to direct it somewhere. 248 00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:06,935 Nice to meet you, by the way. 249 00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:08,311 Hey, guys, if you're running out, 250 00:08:08,395 --> 00:08:09,938 I'm just gonna take Hitchcock to the hospital. 251 00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:11,022 Is he okay? 252 00:08:11,106 --> 00:08:12,273 He drank a lot during Never Have I Ever. 253 00:08:12,357 --> 00:08:13,775 We're gonna get his stomach pumped, 254 00:08:13,859 --> 00:08:15,409 try to get ahead of this thing. 255 00:08:16,152 --> 00:08:17,444 HOLT: That meat was good. 256 00:08:17,528 --> 00:08:18,862 You know what we should order? 257 00:08:18,946 --> 00:08:20,072 More meat. 258 00:08:20,156 --> 00:08:21,365 JEFFORDS: Yeah, we should. 259 00:08:21,449 --> 00:08:22,616 We're the Steak Studs! 260 00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:24,159 The Steak Studs! 261 00:08:24,243 --> 00:08:25,326 No, no, no… Wait! 262 00:08:25,410 --> 00:08:27,120 Charles already gave us a name. 263 00:08:27,204 --> 00:08:29,288 And that is the only one we're gonna use. 264 00:08:29,372 --> 00:08:31,249 ALL: Steak Studs! Steak Studs! 265 00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:32,959 -Steak Studs! Steak Studs! -[CELL PHONE RINGS] 266 00:08:33,043 --> 00:08:34,459 Wait, wait. Steak Studs… 267 00:08:34,543 --> 00:08:35,669 It's Charles. Oh, no. Oh, no. 268 00:08:35,753 --> 00:08:36,878 What do we do? What do we do? 269 00:08:36,962 --> 00:08:37,963 Everyone, calm down. 270 00:08:38,047 --> 00:08:39,214 It'll be fine. I have an idea. 271 00:08:39,298 --> 00:08:40,549 [CELL PHONE RINGING] 272 00:08:40,716 --> 00:08:42,175 Why is everyone looking at me? 273 00:08:42,259 --> 00:08:44,343 You just said you had an idea, then you stopped talking. 274 00:08:44,427 --> 00:08:46,262 Oh, my goodness. I'm very intoxicated. 275 00:08:46,346 --> 00:08:47,555 Oh, he's FaceTiming me, you guys. 276 00:08:47,639 --> 00:08:48,681 What do I do? 277 00:08:48,765 --> 00:08:49,974 He can't know we're at the restaurant. 278 00:08:50,058 --> 00:08:51,058 I need a neutral background. 279 00:08:51,142 --> 00:08:52,143 I'm a neutral background! 280 00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:54,102 -I'm huge! -PERALTA: Yes. Genius. 281 00:08:54,186 --> 00:08:56,521 Let me put on my jacket. Okay. 282 00:08:56,688 --> 00:08:58,231 Hey, best man. 283 00:08:58,315 --> 00:09:00,275 Jake! Oh, I'm so scared. 284 00:09:00,359 --> 00:09:02,194 The kidnappers have me tied up and… 285 00:09:02,902 --> 00:09:04,570 [STAMMERS] Where are you guys? 286 00:09:04,654 --> 00:09:06,905 I don't want to say, in case the kidnappers are listening. 287 00:09:06,989 --> 00:09:08,448 Smart. But please hurry. 288 00:09:08,532 --> 00:09:11,076 They're torturing me like James Bond in Casino Royale. 289 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,661 It's all groin stuff! Oh, my God. 290 00:09:13,745 --> 00:09:17,540 Save me! Save… [EXHALES] 291 00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:18,958 PERALTA: That was close. 292 00:09:19,042 --> 00:09:20,085 So… 293 00:09:20,919 --> 00:09:22,544 Should we order another round? 294 00:09:22,795 --> 00:09:25,256 ♪ And that's why I cry ♪ 295 00:09:25,381 --> 00:09:32,381 ♪ Every time I eat my pecan pie… à la mode ♪ 296 00:09:33,888 --> 00:09:36,056 -Yeah, Constantine! -Thank you. 297 00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:37,141 Namaste. 298 00:09:37,225 --> 00:09:38,267 Look, in my defense, 299 00:09:38,351 --> 00:09:39,935 he didn't used to have that man bun. 300 00:09:40,019 --> 00:09:41,394 It was just a ponytail. 301 00:09:41,478 --> 00:09:43,104 I'm just gonna write some of my thoughts down 302 00:09:43,188 --> 00:09:45,356 Just to let them out, so I don't explode. 303 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:49,068 Okay, look, no matter how lame that dude's man purse is, 304 00:09:49,152 --> 00:09:51,202 Amy Santiago still had a one-night stand. 305 00:09:51,570 --> 00:09:53,280 -To Amy! -ALL: Amy! 306 00:09:53,364 --> 00:09:54,448 Yeah. 307 00:09:54,699 --> 00:09:58,535 Actually, it technically wasn't just one night. 308 00:09:58,619 --> 00:09:59,619 Explain. 309 00:09:59,703 --> 00:10:01,954 Well, he caught me trying to sneak out the next morning, 310 00:10:02,038 --> 00:10:04,165 and then he started crying, 311 00:10:04,249 --> 00:10:05,541 so I hugged him, and 312 00:10:05,625 --> 00:10:07,627 while we were hugging, um, 313 00:10:07,711 --> 00:10:10,629 his mom FaceTimed, and he introduced me as his girlfriend. 314 00:10:10,713 --> 00:10:12,214 Okay, so then right after the call, 315 00:10:12,298 --> 00:10:13,381 you broke up with him, ended it. 316 00:10:13,465 --> 00:10:15,300 Uh… How long were you with 317 00:10:15,384 --> 00:10:16,718 crying wedding-band man bun? 318 00:10:16,802 --> 00:10:18,594 Not that long. I doubt he even remembers me. 319 00:10:18,678 --> 00:10:20,095 Oh, my God. Amy Santiago. 320 00:10:20,179 --> 00:10:21,513 Ladies and gentlemen, 321 00:10:21,597 --> 00:10:23,683 the love of my life is here. 322 00:10:24,517 --> 00:10:26,143 Three months. We dated for three months. 323 00:10:26,227 --> 00:10:28,478 [SIGHS] All right. This is the boat. 324 00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:30,813 Now, Charles has to think we're totally sober 325 00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:32,106 and we solved his puzzle. 326 00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:33,691 So we good? Yep, I'm drunk as hell! 327 00:10:33,775 --> 00:10:35,652 That's not what I asked. Don't worry about me. 328 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,486 I've seen you do enough of these harebrained schemes 329 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:38,654 to know how to play along. 330 00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:40,197 If Charles asks what's wrong, 331 00:10:40,281 --> 00:10:42,700 I'll just put on a quaint smile and say, 332 00:10:43,534 --> 00:10:44,952 [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] "Nothing." 333 00:10:45,036 --> 00:10:46,786 Amazing. That is actually perfect. 334 00:10:46,870 --> 00:10:48,621 All right, now let's hold on to each other for balance 335 00:10:48,705 --> 00:10:50,581 like three totally sober grown men. 336 00:10:50,665 --> 00:10:51,750 Come here. 337 00:10:52,584 --> 00:10:53,835 And here we go. 338 00:10:54,669 --> 00:10:56,545 Oh, yeah, we're nailing this. 339 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,340 Hello? Charles? 340 00:11:00,424 --> 00:11:01,424 [MUSIC PLAYS] 341 00:11:01,508 --> 00:11:04,094 Surprise! Welcome to the party, pal! 342 00:11:04,178 --> 00:11:06,512 Wow! This is amazing! 343 00:11:06,596 --> 00:11:08,430 Yeah! Now we get to the best part. 344 00:11:08,514 --> 00:11:09,682 Steaks and shots! 345 00:11:09,766 --> 00:11:12,393 Oh, more meat and alcohol. 346 00:11:12,477 --> 00:11:14,103 "More?" What does that mean? 347 00:11:14,187 --> 00:11:16,854 ALL: Uh… 348 00:11:16,938 --> 00:11:18,774 [HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Nothing? 349 00:11:25,613 --> 00:11:27,364 Isn't this great? Uh-huh. 350 00:11:27,448 --> 00:11:29,992 So there is one question about the scavenger hunt 351 00:11:30,117 --> 00:11:31,243 you have to answer. 352 00:11:31,327 --> 00:11:33,453 Was he everything you thought he'd be? 353 00:11:33,620 --> 00:11:34,829 Yes. 354 00:11:34,954 --> 00:11:37,164 He was everything I thought he'd be. 355 00:11:37,248 --> 00:11:40,918 Never before has a person so perfectly met my expectations. 356 00:11:41,002 --> 00:11:42,128 I know! 357 00:11:42,212 --> 00:11:43,670 Isn't Reginald VelJohnson the best? 358 00:11:43,754 --> 00:11:45,630 Reginald VelJohnson? From Die Hard? 359 00:11:45,714 --> 00:11:48,064 Sergeant Powell was a part of my bachelor party? 360 00:11:48,759 --> 00:11:51,011 Is what I said upon meeting him. 361 00:11:51,095 --> 00:11:52,469 I'm just still emotional about it. 362 00:11:52,553 --> 00:11:54,847 I can't believe you pulled that off! 363 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,098 [CHUCKLING] Yeah, I did. 364 00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:57,832 I have one more surprise for you. 365 00:11:58,142 --> 00:12:00,644 If I could have your eyes, ears, 366 00:12:00,728 --> 00:12:04,022 -and emotional cores… -[MUSIC PLAYS] 367 00:12:04,106 --> 00:12:06,024 I'd like to take you all on a journey. 368 00:12:06,108 --> 00:12:07,859 Wow, you got a lot of photos of my birth. 369 00:12:07,943 --> 00:12:09,569 Your mom didn't have any pics, so I had to call the hospital. 370 00:12:09,653 --> 00:12:10,737 Ah. Jake Peralta. 371 00:12:10,821 --> 00:12:12,612 My partner. My best friend. 372 00:12:12,696 --> 00:12:14,698 My brother. My idol. 373 00:12:14,782 --> 00:12:17,701 The one man who has never let me down. 374 00:12:17,785 --> 00:12:19,494 Oh, that's very kind. 375 00:12:19,578 --> 00:12:21,871 Tonight had to be the biggest, 376 00:12:21,955 --> 00:12:24,207 most special bachelor party ever. 377 00:12:24,332 --> 00:12:27,335 It had to be extraordinary because you, 378 00:12:27,419 --> 00:12:30,003 my friend, are no ordinary man. 379 00:12:30,087 --> 00:12:35,551 In fact, you are 24 karat gold. 380 00:12:37,261 --> 00:12:39,678 ♪ So if we get the big jobs and we make ♪ 381 00:12:39,762 --> 00:12:43,390 24 karat gold! 382 00:12:43,474 --> 00:12:44,516 Is that a phrase I say? No. 383 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:45,684 Like the coins from the hunt! 384 00:12:45,768 --> 00:12:47,227 Yes, of course. From those. 385 00:12:47,311 --> 00:12:50,396 [BRITISH ACCENT] Now, Terry, please present your gold coin. 386 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,440 My gold coin? The hell? 387 00:12:52,524 --> 00:12:54,484 From the last stop, the one with Reginald VelJohnson. 388 00:12:54,568 --> 00:12:56,527 Yes, right, I already told you that I was there and I met him. 389 00:12:56,611 --> 00:12:58,570 Stop bringing it up. Terry, give the man his coin! 390 00:12:58,654 --> 00:12:59,780 The hell are you talking about, Jake? 391 00:12:59,864 --> 00:13:01,615 The coin. Give him the coin. What coin? I don't have a… 392 00:13:01,699 --> 00:13:03,367 You give him a coin. Give him his gold coin. 393 00:13:03,451 --> 00:13:05,786 What's going on, guys? All right, here's the deal. 394 00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:09,080 Terry's coin fell out of his pocket, and we lost it. 395 00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,539 We just didn't have the heart to tell you. 396 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,833 BOYLE: Oh, no. That cost $800. 397 00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,126 All right, Terry will pay me back later. 398 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,588 What? Captain, your coin, please. 399 00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:19,172 ♪ And as our lives change… ♪ 400 00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:20,799 I ate mine. You ate your coin? 401 00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,050 Yes, I thought it was chocolate. 402 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,552 But you hate chocolate. 403 00:13:23,677 --> 00:13:25,011 It has "too much taste." 404 00:13:25,095 --> 00:13:26,679 [SIGHS] Oh, man. 405 00:13:27,889 --> 00:13:30,189 You guys didn't do the scavenger hunt, did you? 406 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,684 And you call yourselves The Batch Boys? 407 00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:34,269 Actually, we call ourselves The Steak Studs. 408 00:13:34,353 --> 00:13:35,563 Raymond! 409 00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:36,938 Why? 410 00:13:37,898 --> 00:13:39,565 I know why you're here, Turtle Bug. 411 00:13:39,649 --> 00:13:41,067 I feel like the fact that you just 412 00:13:41,151 --> 00:13:42,568 called me that means you don't. 413 00:13:42,652 --> 00:13:45,238 Uh, quick question. If I make fun of Constantine, 414 00:13:45,322 --> 00:13:47,030 does that count as making fun of you? 415 00:13:47,114 --> 00:13:48,490 Yes. Okay. 416 00:13:48,574 --> 00:13:50,492 Can I make fun of you? I'd rather you didn't. 417 00:13:50,576 --> 00:13:52,494 Well, I have to remove myself from this situation. 418 00:13:52,578 --> 00:13:55,287 Look, I want to talk to you about a gig you have coming up. 419 00:13:55,371 --> 00:13:57,081 Jake Peralta booked it. Yeah. 420 00:13:57,165 --> 00:13:58,207 Your wedding. What? 421 00:13:58,291 --> 00:13:59,792 If you knew that, then why did you take it? 422 00:13:59,876 --> 00:14:01,001 I wrote you a love song. 423 00:14:01,085 --> 00:14:02,670 I'm gonna sing it, and I'm gonna win you back. 424 00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:04,838 Then we're gonna be on The Today Show. 425 00:14:04,922 --> 00:14:06,881 I love Hoda. Yeah, no. 426 00:14:06,965 --> 00:14:08,550 No, we will not. 427 00:14:08,634 --> 00:14:10,176 This is what's gonna happen, okay? 428 00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:11,469 You're gonna call Jake, 429 00:14:11,553 --> 00:14:13,179 tell him something came up, 430 00:14:13,263 --> 00:14:14,513 and you have to cancel the gig. 431 00:14:14,597 --> 00:14:16,432 Not happening. I'm gonna get on that stage. 432 00:14:16,516 --> 00:14:18,058 And I'm gonna play Amy Come Back. 433 00:14:18,142 --> 00:14:20,310 Fine. I'm gonna tell Jake everything. 434 00:14:20,394 --> 00:14:22,813 I'm canceling your band. Boom. 435 00:14:22,897 --> 00:14:25,857 Okay! That'll just cost you $15,000. 436 00:14:25,941 --> 00:14:26,941 Excuse me? 437 00:14:27,025 --> 00:14:28,317 Well, when I heard it was your wedding, 438 00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,153 I knew your fiancé would cancel 439 00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,321 when he found out about us, so… 440 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,656 I put in a huge kill fee. 441 00:14:34,740 --> 00:14:37,076 [GASPS] Yeah, he never even noticed. 442 00:14:37,535 --> 00:14:39,535 He didn't read the terms and conditions. 443 00:14:40,204 --> 00:14:42,746 Look, Charles, I'm sorry that we cheated, 444 00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:43,998 but your puzzle was too hard. 445 00:14:44,082 --> 00:14:45,624 Oh, don't give me that excuse. 446 00:14:45,708 --> 00:14:47,001 I worked hard on this night! 447 00:14:47,085 --> 00:14:48,419 And it all led up to this moment 448 00:14:48,503 --> 00:14:50,921 where everyone gives you $3,200 in gold coins! 449 00:14:51,005 --> 00:14:53,381 Again, is the gold coin thing based on something I said? 450 00:14:53,465 --> 00:14:55,550 You're 24 karat gold! 451 00:14:55,634 --> 00:14:56,885 Yeah, right, okay. You guys are the worst. 452 00:14:56,969 --> 00:14:59,095 You're right, and we shouldn't have lied to you. 453 00:14:59,179 --> 00:15:00,971 But all of this, the puzzle, 454 00:15:01,055 --> 00:15:02,806 it's what you wanted, not me. 455 00:15:02,890 --> 00:15:04,766 I just wanted to hang out with my friends. 456 00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:06,894 Well, don't let me stop you. 457 00:15:07,061 --> 00:15:08,520 You can hang out with your friends all you want, 458 00:15:08,604 --> 00:15:09,646 because I'm leaving. 459 00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:10,771 PERALTA: Charles! 460 00:15:10,855 --> 00:15:11,940 [FIREWORKS POPPING] 461 00:15:12,399 --> 00:15:13,900 Come on, slideshow. 462 00:15:17,070 --> 00:15:18,905 Boyle isn't picking up, and I called Genevieve. 463 00:15:18,989 --> 00:15:20,655 She doesn't know where he is. Wait. 464 00:15:20,739 --> 00:15:22,908 I bet Charles is looking for the coins he hid all over the city. 465 00:15:22,992 --> 00:15:24,326 They were so expensive. 466 00:15:24,410 --> 00:15:26,369 Also, why does he keep saying I'm 24 karat gold? 467 00:15:26,453 --> 00:15:27,787 No idea. Makes zero sense. 468 00:15:27,871 --> 00:15:28,872 We'll have to figure it out later. 469 00:15:28,956 --> 00:15:30,414 In the meantime, we gotta find those coins. 470 00:15:30,498 --> 00:15:31,874 Yes, but how do we figure out where they are? 471 00:15:31,958 --> 00:15:33,334 All we have to do is solve 472 00:15:33,418 --> 00:15:35,294 the entire six-hour scavenger hunt immediately. 473 00:15:35,378 --> 00:15:37,379 Raymond, toss me that sextant. 474 00:15:37,463 --> 00:15:39,088 Guys, we can do this! 475 00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,798 -[SEXTANT THUDS] -We cannot do this. 476 00:15:40,882 --> 00:15:42,217 We're way too drunk. [SIGHS] 477 00:15:42,301 --> 00:15:43,635 But there has to be someone that knows 478 00:15:43,719 --> 00:15:45,386 -where those coins are, right? -Charles. 479 00:15:45,470 --> 00:15:47,055 Charles would know. Brilliant! 480 00:15:47,139 --> 00:15:48,639 We just have to find Charles, but where might he be? 481 00:15:48,723 --> 00:15:50,307 He's probably digging up the gold coins. 482 00:15:50,391 --> 00:15:52,142 But who would know where the gold coins are? 483 00:15:52,226 --> 00:15:54,144 Charles! Charles knows where they are. 484 00:15:54,228 --> 00:15:56,021 But where is he… No, wait, we're stuck in a loop. 485 00:15:56,105 --> 00:15:57,480 We're super drunk and we're in a loop. 486 00:15:57,564 --> 00:15:59,815 We need to find someone who isn't Charles 487 00:15:59,899 --> 00:16:01,150 who knows where the coins are. 488 00:16:01,234 --> 00:16:02,985 [KNOCKING] 489 00:16:03,069 --> 00:16:04,571 [GASPS] 490 00:16:04,904 --> 00:16:06,197 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 491 00:16:06,281 --> 00:16:07,822 It's Reginald VelJohnson. What's going on? 492 00:16:07,906 --> 00:16:09,032 Who are you? I'm Jake Peralta. 493 00:16:09,116 --> 00:16:10,492 You were part of my bachelor party tonight. 494 00:16:10,576 --> 00:16:11,993 Oh, you're the jerk who didn't show. 495 00:16:12,077 --> 00:16:14,371 He knows who I am. 496 00:16:15,789 --> 00:16:17,415 [SOFT SQUEAL] 497 00:16:17,874 --> 00:16:20,167 Okay, so I need to come up with 15 grand 498 00:16:20,251 --> 00:16:23,254 or my father-daughter dance is going to be performed by that. 499 00:16:23,338 --> 00:16:25,297 Wrong. You're forgetting the most obvious option. 500 00:16:25,381 --> 00:16:26,714 Steal the contract and destroy it. 501 00:16:26,798 --> 00:16:28,883 Destroy a legal document? I can't do that. 502 00:16:28,967 --> 00:16:30,927 You were right, I'm a boring square 503 00:16:31,011 --> 00:16:34,973 who's never actually had a crazy, stranger bone session. 504 00:16:35,057 --> 00:16:37,224 Gina, your looks are just as hurtful as your words. 505 00:16:37,308 --> 00:16:39,476 I'm sorry. I can only control so much. 506 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,353 I shouldn't have come back. Okay. Look. 507 00:16:41,437 --> 00:16:42,980 You don't have to steal it. We will. 508 00:16:43,064 --> 00:16:44,273 Right? Hell yeah. 509 00:16:44,357 --> 00:16:45,439 You guys don't have to do this. 510 00:16:45,523 --> 00:16:46,607 We told you. We're your bridesmaids. 511 00:16:46,691 --> 00:16:47,900 We have your back. Okay. 512 00:16:47,984 --> 00:16:49,360 I think if we distract him, I can sneak in 513 00:16:49,444 --> 00:16:51,320 and take the contract out of his man purse. 514 00:16:51,404 --> 00:16:52,863 Won't he know what's going on? 515 00:16:52,947 --> 00:16:54,155 He saw all of us with Amy. 516 00:16:54,239 --> 00:16:55,240 Not all of us. 517 00:16:56,367 --> 00:16:57,492 Sick set. 518 00:16:57,576 --> 00:16:58,952 You were really jamming up there. 519 00:16:59,036 --> 00:17:00,537 Oh. I'm Lucious Lyon. 520 00:17:00,621 --> 00:17:02,956 Record executive at… Executive Records. 521 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,416 Lucious Lyon. I've heard that name. 522 00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:07,293 Anyway, we're always looking for new talent. 523 00:17:07,377 --> 00:17:09,295 "We" being me and my partner. 524 00:17:09,379 --> 00:17:11,381 That's Cookie. Let me introduce you. 525 00:17:13,882 --> 00:17:15,467 [IMITATES BIRD SCREECHING] 526 00:17:16,885 --> 00:17:18,970 Where is it? Where is it? 527 00:17:19,054 --> 00:17:20,638 Why are there so many scarves in here? 528 00:17:20,722 --> 00:17:21,931 You looking for this? 529 00:17:22,015 --> 00:17:23,974 [IMITATES BIRD SCREECHING, TRILLING] 530 00:17:24,141 --> 00:17:25,684 I see him, Gina. Thank you. 531 00:17:25,768 --> 00:17:26,918 [IMITATES BIRD SCREECH] 532 00:17:27,061 --> 00:17:28,270 Look, Sergeant Powell… 533 00:17:28,354 --> 00:17:29,646 Oh, I'm sorry, is it okay if I call you by 534 00:17:29,730 --> 00:17:30,939 your character name from Die Hard? 535 00:17:31,023 --> 00:17:32,356 No. Okay. 536 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:34,442 Look, Reginald, do you know why Charles hired you? 537 00:17:34,526 --> 00:17:36,736 Because I love Die Hard more than any other movie, 538 00:17:36,820 --> 00:17:37,820 and I loved you in it. 539 00:17:37,904 --> 00:17:40,156 For the record, I loved you from Family Matters. 540 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,366 Carl Winslow made me want to become a cop. 541 00:17:42,741 --> 00:17:43,908 Come on, Terry, you already have 542 00:17:43,992 --> 00:17:45,201 like six other reasons you became a cop. 543 00:17:45,285 --> 00:17:46,286 This is not your moment. 544 00:17:46,370 --> 00:17:47,746 And for the record, that's the first time 545 00:17:47,830 --> 00:17:49,331 I've ever heard him even mention Family Matters. 546 00:17:49,415 --> 00:17:51,165 Look, it's late. Please leave. 547 00:17:51,249 --> 00:17:53,626 Come on. Look… My best friend is out there. 548 00:17:54,001 --> 00:17:55,628 And you're the only one who knows where he is. 549 00:17:55,712 --> 00:17:57,296 So, as much as I hate to do this, 550 00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,465 you're gonna tell us where those coins are hidden, 551 00:17:59,549 --> 00:18:00,590 or you're gonna regret it. 552 00:18:00,674 --> 00:18:01,716 What are you gonna do to me? 553 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,926 Stay here all night, making this sound. 554 00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:08,765 [HIGH-PITCHED SCREECH] 555 00:18:08,849 --> 00:18:10,140 Fine, fine. 556 00:18:10,224 --> 00:18:11,600 -I'll tell you where he is. -PERALTA: Yes. 557 00:18:11,684 --> 00:18:12,684 Thank you so much. 558 00:18:12,768 --> 00:18:14,144 Also, we're gonna need you to take us there, 559 00:18:14,228 --> 00:18:15,771 'cause we're all too drunk to drive. 560 00:18:15,855 --> 00:18:18,440 You thought you could distract me with a record deal? 561 00:18:18,524 --> 00:18:21,150 Please, I'm already represented. 562 00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:22,234 By my mom. 563 00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:23,486 God, you're a turd. 564 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:24,820 Well, this turd 565 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,739 is your best friend's future husband. 566 00:18:26,823 --> 00:18:28,490 Doink! Hey, wait, no! 567 00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:30,450 Give that back to me! I'm wild! 568 00:18:30,534 --> 00:18:33,578 -Keep going! Keep going! -[SCREAMING] 569 00:18:33,662 --> 00:18:36,164 He's gaining on you. Not for long. 570 00:18:36,248 --> 00:18:38,040 Free shots for everyone! 571 00:18:38,124 --> 00:18:39,124 [CHEERS] 572 00:18:39,208 --> 00:18:40,876 Turtle Bug! 573 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,419 [CHEERS] 574 00:18:42,503 --> 00:18:43,962 Whoo! 575 00:18:44,046 --> 00:18:45,255 Buh-bye, Connie! 576 00:18:45,339 --> 00:18:47,298 Tell your mother I said I never loved you, 577 00:18:47,382 --> 00:18:50,134 and that your whole family is a bunch of friggin'… 578 00:18:50,218 --> 00:18:52,345 -[HEAVY THUD] -[CROWD GASPS] 579 00:18:52,429 --> 00:18:54,722 [SCATTERED GASPS] 580 00:18:54,806 --> 00:18:56,973 Whoo, I broke a rule! 581 00:18:57,057 --> 00:18:58,850 [CHEERS] 582 00:18:58,934 --> 00:19:00,727 Never have I ever slept with a guy, 583 00:19:00,811 --> 00:19:02,771 broken his heart, hired him to play at my wedding, 584 00:19:02,855 --> 00:19:04,314 stolen a legally binding contract from him, 585 00:19:04,398 --> 00:19:06,273 jumped on a bar and dumped booze on everyone, 586 00:19:06,357 --> 00:19:08,609 fallen off the bar, probably given myself a concussion 587 00:19:08,693 --> 00:19:09,777 [SLAMS TABLE] and a permanent scar. 588 00:19:09,861 --> 00:19:11,946 I have ever! [CHEERS] 589 00:19:12,030 --> 00:19:14,490 Well, it is officially after midnight, 590 00:19:14,574 --> 00:19:16,741 so I can now say whatever I want. 591 00:19:16,825 --> 00:19:17,826 Uh-oh. 592 00:19:17,910 --> 00:19:19,411 Tonight was awesome, 593 00:19:19,495 --> 00:19:21,371 and I loved hanging out with your dorks. 594 00:19:21,455 --> 00:19:23,415 What? Aw, yeah. 595 00:19:24,541 --> 00:19:25,833 You know, the word "dork" 596 00:19:25,917 --> 00:19:28,293 is actually a Celtic word meaning "lungfish." 597 00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:30,505 Kylie, I'm trying so hard. 598 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,172 This is where he told me to wait for you. 599 00:19:32,256 --> 00:19:33,799 Oh, my God. This is the corner where 600 00:19:33,883 --> 00:19:36,134 John McClane met Zeus Carver in Die Hard 3. 601 00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,094 Oh, Charles. Yes, you're here. 602 00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,595 What's going on? How did you find me? 603 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:40,763 Did you solve the puzzle? 604 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,056 No, they didn't. 605 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:43,224 They cheated again. 606 00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:44,391 Reginald. 607 00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:46,518 Hey, man, look. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 608 00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,437 No, I'm the one who should apologize. 609 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:49,813 I overdid it tonight. 610 00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:51,773 I wanted everything to be perfect, because 611 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,359 it's our last big night before you get married. 612 00:19:54,567 --> 00:19:56,444 I guess I was a little worried 613 00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:57,945 things were gonna change between us. 614 00:19:58,029 --> 00:20:00,781 Oh, Charles. Come on. 615 00:20:00,865 --> 00:20:02,782 Of course, things are gonna change. 616 00:20:02,866 --> 00:20:04,117 I'm getting married. 617 00:20:04,201 --> 00:20:06,494 I mean, didn't you make me less of a priority 618 00:20:06,578 --> 00:20:08,378 when you and Genevieve got together? 619 00:20:10,833 --> 00:20:12,375 Yes. See? 620 00:20:12,708 --> 00:20:15,308 I mean, no matter what, we'll always be best friends. 621 00:20:15,753 --> 00:20:17,546 Hey, you know why I didn't like your scavenger hunt? 622 00:20:17,630 --> 00:20:19,256 'Cause it was stupid and overcomplicated. 623 00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:20,507 And way too long. 624 00:20:20,591 --> 00:20:21,966 There was no food. Or drinks. 625 00:20:22,050 --> 00:20:23,301 This is not a group conversation, guys. 626 00:20:23,385 --> 00:20:24,469 Well, you could have stood 627 00:20:24,553 --> 00:20:25,720 a little farther away from us then. 628 00:20:25,804 --> 00:20:26,846 Point taken. 629 00:20:26,930 --> 00:20:28,222 I didn't like it because 630 00:20:28,306 --> 00:20:30,475 you got kidnapped right at the beginning. 631 00:20:30,559 --> 00:20:31,933 You were gone for six hours. 632 00:20:32,017 --> 00:20:34,687 I wanted to spend my bachelor party with you. 633 00:20:35,271 --> 00:20:36,355 [SOFT LAUGH] 634 00:20:36,939 --> 00:20:38,064 I can't believe you pissed off 635 00:20:38,148 --> 00:20:39,900 Reginald VelJohnson just to find me. 636 00:20:39,984 --> 00:20:41,567 Oh, please. He'll get over it. 637 00:20:41,651 --> 00:20:44,028 No, I won't. You've made an enemy for life. 638 00:20:44,112 --> 00:20:46,030 And I'm telling Bruce Willis you suck. 639 00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:47,198 [GUTTURAL GASP] 640 00:20:50,409 --> 00:20:52,009 That's fine. I'm fine with that. 641 00:20:52,411 --> 00:20:53,578 It's good. What's important is that 642 00:20:53,662 --> 00:20:55,289 we made up, my best friend. 643 00:20:55,664 --> 00:20:56,915 Not Bruce Willis. 644 00:20:57,541 --> 00:20:58,541 BOYLE: To Jake and Amy! 645 00:20:58,625 --> 00:20:59,958 ALL: To Jake and Amy! 646 00:21:00,042 --> 00:21:01,210 BOTH: To us! 647 00:21:02,587 --> 00:21:04,546 Hey, so I need to tell you something. 648 00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:06,965 I had to cancel the wedding band, 649 00:21:07,049 --> 00:21:09,550 because I kind of dated one of the dudes in it. 650 00:21:09,634 --> 00:21:10,802 Yeah, I know. Man bun. 651 00:21:10,886 --> 00:21:12,637 He left me a very long message 652 00:21:12,721 --> 00:21:14,722 -with a lot of details. -Oh, no. 653 00:21:14,806 --> 00:21:16,516 He seems like a really passionate guy. 654 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:17,767 I'm never gonna live this down. 655 00:21:17,851 --> 00:21:19,351 -No, you are not. -[SOFT LAUGH] 656 00:21:19,435 --> 00:21:20,811 I'm just kidding. I'll never bring it up again. 657 00:21:20,895 --> 00:21:22,445 Thank you. You're the sweetest. 658 00:21:22,813 --> 00:21:24,773 I love you. I love you too, Turtle Bug. 659 00:21:24,857 --> 00:21:25,982 Oh, my… Yeah. 660 00:21:26,066 --> 00:21:27,650 Uh, do I still need to be here? 661 00:21:27,734 --> 00:21:28,818 Yes, Reginald. 662 00:21:28,902 --> 00:21:31,529 We're all toasted and we need rides home! 663 00:21:31,696 --> 00:21:33,698 [SOFTLY] It's Reginald VelJohnson! 48539

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