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00:00:02,015 --> 00:00:03,682
PERALTA: Previously
on Brooklyn Nine-Nine…
2
00:00:03,766 --> 00:00:06,350
I am being transferred to
the Public Relations office.
3
00:00:06,434 --> 00:00:08,834
I am leaving the Nine-Nine
effective immediately.
4
00:00:09,436 --> 00:00:10,486
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
5
00:00:15,274 --> 00:00:17,317
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
6
00:00:20,277 --> 00:00:22,112
Hello. I'm your new commanding officer.
7
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:23,529
Captain Seth Dozerman.
8
00:00:23,613 --> 00:00:26,740
My motto is simple.
Efficiency, efficiency, efficiency.
9
00:00:26,824 --> 00:00:28,157
Could probably just say it once.
10
00:00:28,241 --> 00:00:29,450
Are you making fun of my stutter?
11
00:00:29,534 --> 00:00:30,535
Oh, uh…
12
00:00:30,619 --> 00:00:32,578
Tricked you.
I don't have a stutter. Boom.
13
00:00:32,662 --> 00:00:33,829
I've already established my authority
14
00:00:33,913 --> 00:00:35,121
through my amazing sense of humor.
15
00:00:35,205 --> 00:00:36,247
Well done, sir.
16
00:00:36,706 --> 00:00:39,541
Welcome to the Nine-Nine.
I'm Sergeant Terry Jeffords.
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00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:42,210
And I'm not interested.
I have no use for people.
18
00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,169
I find people weird and confusing.
19
00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:46,504
I live my life by numbers.
You see this watch?
20
00:00:46,588 --> 00:00:48,881
It tells me how many
calories I burn at any time.
21
00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:50,424
Question.
How many calories do you think I burned
22
00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:51,717
walking from there to there?
23
00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:53,092
You, female closest to me.
24
00:00:53,176 --> 00:00:54,511
Oh, uh…
25
00:00:55,220 --> 00:00:56,553
Three? Three?
26
00:00:56,637 --> 00:00:58,305
[SCREAMS, LAUGHS]
27
00:00:58,555 --> 00:01:00,598
Try 0.8, numbnuts.
28
00:01:00,682 --> 00:01:02,391
I have made promises to my superiors
29
00:01:02,475 --> 00:01:04,017
that I most certainly cannot keep.
30
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That's why I need you
idiots to work twice as hard.
31
00:01:07,144 --> 00:01:08,937
No, no, strike that. Four times as hard.
32
00:01:09,021 --> 00:01:10,104
No, no, no, strike that.
33
00:01:10,188 --> 00:01:13,440
I need you morons to
work eight times harder
34
00:01:13,524 --> 00:01:16,485
than you've ever
worked in your entire life!
35
00:01:16,694 --> 00:01:17,994
I'm having a heart attack.
36
00:01:18,653 --> 00:01:19,778
Yeah, I'm having a heart attack.
37
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Get back to work.
38
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Get a doctor!
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00:01:22,781 --> 00:01:24,782
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
40
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Yeah, I'm just gonna
make some copies in here.
41
00:01:47,215 --> 00:01:48,633
Perfect cover. Nailed it.
42
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:51,384
So, apparently, the new captain survived,
43
00:01:51,468 --> 00:01:53,302
and his heart attack,
not the craziest thing
44
00:01:53,386 --> 00:01:55,186
that happened at the precinct today.
45
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We kissed, like, three hours ago.
46
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Yes.
47
00:01:59,849 --> 00:02:02,517
We did kiss each other for reals.
48
00:02:02,601 --> 00:02:04,435
For reals, reals. [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
49
00:02:04,519 --> 00:02:07,469
Listen. I know you said, you
don't want to date cops, but…
50
00:02:08,105 --> 00:02:09,189
I really like you.
51
00:02:10,024 --> 00:02:11,858
I like you too. Good.
52
00:02:12,817 --> 00:02:15,193
But what if we start dating and
it makes things weird at work?
53
00:02:15,277 --> 00:02:16,611
So let's just…
54
00:02:16,695 --> 00:02:19,196
Keep it light and breezy.
See where it goes.
55
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,073
Totally. Yeah.
56
00:02:21,157 --> 00:02:23,700
So, how do we keep it light and breezy?
57
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I know.
58
00:02:25,451 --> 00:02:26,701
A comprehensive set of rules.
59
00:02:26,785 --> 00:02:27,786
How am I attracted to you?
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00:02:27,870 --> 00:02:29,078
Doesn't matter. I am. Go.
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00:02:29,162 --> 00:02:30,871
Rule one, let's not tell anyone
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so we can figure out what this is first.
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00:02:32,706 --> 00:02:33,706
Smart. Rule number two,
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00:02:33,790 --> 00:02:34,916
let's not put labels on it.
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We're not boyfriend and girlfriend,
66
00:02:36,709 --> 00:02:38,502
we're just "mrmmzeep" and "jinglebin."
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00:02:38,586 --> 00:02:40,127
Great. Rule number three,
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00:02:40,211 --> 00:02:41,713
let's not have sex right away.
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00:02:43,213 --> 00:02:45,298
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool…
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00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:46,840
No doubt, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt.
71
00:02:46,924 --> 00:02:48,258
Good rule. No sex, good rule.
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00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:51,094
So, should we go out tonight?
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Yeah, totally.
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00:02:52,262 --> 00:02:53,345
Maybe 8:00, maybe 9:00. Doesn't matter.
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00:02:53,429 --> 00:02:54,597
We're light and breezy.
76
00:02:54,722 --> 00:02:56,390
Totally light and breezy.
77
00:02:56,682 --> 00:02:58,141
[KNOCKS ON GLASS] No!
78
00:02:58,683 --> 00:03:00,393
Briefing room. Five minutes.
79
00:03:02,144 --> 00:03:03,645
Wow, very chill.
80
00:03:07,523 --> 00:03:08,523
Wuntch.
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00:03:09,483 --> 00:03:12,401
Hello, Raymond.
You're looking old and sickly.
82
00:03:12,485 --> 00:03:14,486
So nice of you to greet us, Madeline.
83
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:15,945
I thought surely you'd still be crushed
84
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,530
under that house in Munchkinland.
85
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,197
Sticks and stones, Raymond.
86
00:03:19,281 --> 00:03:20,824
Describing your breakfast?
87
00:03:20,908 --> 00:03:23,283
I came out as a gay cop in the 1980s.
88
00:03:23,367 --> 00:03:25,035
So, it's gonna take
more than reassigning me
89
00:03:25,119 --> 00:03:26,119
to break my spirit.
90
00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:27,745
I'll turn this place around
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00:03:27,829 --> 00:03:29,162
just like I did the Nine-Nine.
92
00:03:29,246 --> 00:03:30,498
I doubt that.
93
00:03:31,082 --> 00:03:34,709
Everyone, this is your new
commanding officer, Raymond Holt.
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00:03:34,793 --> 00:03:36,918
He's going to be with
you for a long, long time.
95
00:03:37,002 --> 00:03:38,504
Thank you, Chief Wuntch.
96
00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:40,379
I'm excited to be back. I look forward to
97
00:03:40,463 --> 00:03:41,755
doing meaningful work
98
00:03:41,839 --> 00:03:44,924
beginning with my eight-point
plan for community engagement…
99
00:03:45,008 --> 00:03:47,843
Wonderful. But no new initiatives
100
00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:49,302
until you finish the meaningful work
101
00:03:49,386 --> 00:03:50,678
that's already in progress here.
102
00:03:50,762 --> 00:03:51,971
Could be a while, Raymond.
103
00:03:52,055 --> 00:03:53,347
They're trying to come up with a name
104
00:03:53,431 --> 00:03:55,724
for the NYPD's new pigeon mascot.
105
00:03:57,184 --> 00:03:58,267
Oh, no.
106
00:03:58,351 --> 00:04:01,853
What? Naming a pigeon?
How long could that possibly take?
107
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,437
They've been at it for months.
108
00:04:03,605 --> 00:04:05,773
[CHUCKLES] I love my life.
109
00:04:05,898 --> 00:04:06,899
[LAUGHS]
110
00:04:07,983 --> 00:04:10,110
Holy Moses, he's alive.
111
00:04:10,443 --> 00:04:12,610
So I want to explain
what happened back there.
112
00:04:12,694 --> 00:04:14,154
I did not have a heart attack.
113
00:04:14,238 --> 00:04:17,448
The doctors have informed me
that I have a genetic heart condition.
114
00:04:17,532 --> 00:04:20,617
My aortic valve is 16% too narrow,
115
00:04:21,493 --> 00:04:25,496
which lowers my life
expectancy from 103 to 64.
116
00:04:26,079 --> 00:04:27,455
So sorry, sir. That's terrible.
117
00:04:27,539 --> 00:04:28,832
Yes, it's depressing.
118
00:04:29,457 --> 00:04:32,375
They also informed me that I
carry the gene for webbed feet,
119
00:04:32,459 --> 00:04:34,709
which is interesting,
more than anything else.
120
00:04:35,169 --> 00:04:37,754
But, uh, when you stare death in the face
121
00:04:38,922 --> 00:04:41,798
as I have, it really puts
things into perspective,
122
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:45,135
namely that I've been
wasting too much of my time
123
00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:46,802
farting around!
124
00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:48,595
So that stops now!
125
00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:52,723
Say goodbye to the fun,
hilarious, laidback Seth Dozerman
126
00:04:52,807 --> 00:04:54,058
that you used to love.
127
00:04:54,142 --> 00:04:55,642
Boys, hand them out!
128
00:04:56,601 --> 00:04:57,602
What the hell are these?
129
00:04:57,686 --> 00:04:58,769
[MOCKING] "What the hell are these?"
130
00:04:58,853 --> 00:05:00,395
These are Dozerpads.
131
00:05:00,479 --> 00:05:03,522
Each one is equipped with a
GPS system and a countdown clock
132
00:05:03,606 --> 00:05:06,941
to remind you to complete
a task every 55 minutes.
133
00:05:07,025 --> 00:05:10,110
It also has backgammon
on it, which I could not delete
134
00:05:10,194 --> 00:05:11,570
but you are not allowed to play.
135
00:05:11,654 --> 00:05:13,237
What happens when the clock runs out?
136
00:05:13,321 --> 00:05:14,363
[SIREN WAILING]
137
00:05:14,447 --> 00:05:15,656
DOZERMAN [OVER PAD]: Failure. Failure.
138
00:05:15,740 --> 00:05:17,115
You are behind schedule!
139
00:05:17,199 --> 00:05:18,408
Oh, that's fun. Yeah.
140
00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:20,160
Your 55 minutes starts right…
141
00:05:21,494 --> 00:05:22,495
Now.
142
00:05:25,164 --> 00:05:27,289
Sarge, I don't need to
be monitored all day long.
143
00:05:27,373 --> 00:05:28,957
I'm not a toddler. This is stupid.
144
00:05:29,041 --> 00:05:30,458
I know you're not a toddler,
145
00:05:30,542 --> 00:05:33,169
because my toddlers know
that "stupid" is a no-no word.
146
00:05:33,253 --> 00:05:35,671
Keep that Dozerpad on you at all times.
147
00:05:35,838 --> 00:05:39,256
Fine, but I am gonna play the
hell out of some backgammon.
148
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:40,425
[WHISPERS] Watch me.
149
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:45,810
BOYLE: Bouche Manger.
150
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,222
Oh, small plates, casual-chic ambience,
151
00:05:49,306 --> 00:05:50,932
no free soda refills…
152
00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:52,641
[GASPS] Jakey's going on a date.
153
00:05:53,684 --> 00:05:54,893
Are you going on a date with Amy?
154
00:05:54,977 --> 00:05:56,102
What? No. Why?
155
00:05:56,186 --> 00:05:58,479
Uh, because you guys
just kissed on that mission.
156
00:05:58,563 --> 00:06:00,897
Charles, we just kissed 'cause
we were undercover. That's it.
157
00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:02,606
Yeah, it didn't mean anything.
158
00:06:02,690 --> 00:06:04,441
Not that it's any of
your business, Boyle,
159
00:06:04,525 --> 00:06:06,442
but the person that I'm taking on a date
160
00:06:06,526 --> 00:06:08,236
is a girl from the gym.
161
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,571
What? Why is this the first
time I'm hearing about her?
162
00:06:11,655 --> 00:06:13,155
Or that you go to the gym?
163
00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:14,740
Jake, avoid the weights.
164
00:06:14,824 --> 00:06:17,242
Nobody wants you turning
into another Terry. Ugh.
165
00:06:17,451 --> 00:06:19,577
Hey, people like the way that I look.
166
00:06:19,661 --> 00:06:21,204
Sure they do, big guy.
167
00:06:22,121 --> 00:06:23,913
Look, I can't believe you're
gonna take some fitness floozy
168
00:06:23,997 --> 00:06:25,081
to Bouche Manger.
169
00:06:25,415 --> 00:06:27,457
You should be going with Amy. Right, Amy?
170
00:06:27,541 --> 00:06:28,542
Uh… [SCOFFS]
171
00:06:29,210 --> 00:06:31,794
Whatever, dog. Date the flooze.
172
00:06:31,878 --> 00:06:35,296
See? It's never gonna happen, Boyle.
Okay?
173
00:06:35,380 --> 00:06:37,257
Because I find Amy repulsive,
174
00:06:37,341 --> 00:06:39,967
and she finds me extremely handsome.
175
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:41,592
So stop pressuring us.
176
00:06:41,676 --> 00:06:43,594
Oh, you sweet, naive boy.
177
00:06:43,678 --> 00:06:45,728
I haven't even begun to pressure you two.
178
00:06:46,180 --> 00:06:48,980
I've already written my best
man speech for your wedding.
179
00:06:50,308 --> 00:06:52,058
Oh, I'm gonna need you
to get married on a farm.
180
00:06:52,142 --> 00:06:54,061
A lot of my jokes rely on that.
181
00:06:55,395 --> 00:06:57,647
So, here we are.
182
00:06:58,397 --> 00:06:59,648
Officially on a date.
183
00:07:00,190 --> 00:07:01,233
Romantical date.
184
00:07:01,399 --> 00:07:02,651
Yes, we are.
185
00:07:03,150 --> 00:07:05,903
No longer just colleagues. Dating.
186
00:07:07,570 --> 00:07:09,155
You got a haircut. It looks nice.
187
00:07:09,239 --> 00:07:10,405
Oh, thanks.
188
00:07:11,073 --> 00:07:12,273
You also got a haircut…
189
00:07:12,908 --> 00:07:13,991
At some point in your life.
190
00:07:14,075 --> 00:07:16,368
I'm sure that's not your baby hair.
That would be crazy.
191
00:07:16,452 --> 00:07:17,785
[CHUCKLES] But, uh,
192
00:07:17,869 --> 00:07:19,246
yeah, you look very nice.
193
00:07:19,579 --> 00:07:20,746
Domo arigato.
194
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:22,831
Do you speak Japanese? No.
195
00:07:22,915 --> 00:07:23,916
Oh.
196
00:07:24,999 --> 00:07:26,000
Uh…
197
00:07:26,334 --> 00:07:28,960
Sorry, I think I'm
feeling a little awkward.
198
00:07:29,044 --> 00:07:30,712
Yeah, me too.
199
00:07:30,921 --> 00:07:32,421
How do we make it not weird?
200
00:07:33,464 --> 00:07:35,798
I know. Let's just get super drunk.
201
00:07:35,882 --> 00:07:37,175
Yes, great idea.
202
00:07:37,259 --> 00:07:39,134
Pardon me, ma'am.
Could you please bring us
203
00:07:39,218 --> 00:07:40,343
four kamikaze shots?
204
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:41,595
And four for me as well.
205
00:07:41,679 --> 00:07:44,638
Ah, I like your style.
See, we can do this.
206
00:07:44,722 --> 00:07:47,683
We're back on track.
We're keeping it light and breezy.
207
00:07:48,934 --> 00:07:49,976
So…
208
00:07:50,559 --> 00:07:51,936
We broke a rule.
209
00:07:52,395 --> 00:07:54,771
Yeah. I hope it wasn't a mistake.
210
00:07:55,355 --> 00:07:56,938
Hope It Wasn't a Mistake,
title of your sex tape.
211
00:07:57,022 --> 00:07:58,023
[GASPS]
212
00:07:58,107 --> 00:07:59,608
Title of our sex tape!
213
00:08:03,735 --> 00:08:05,486
So, how was the date with the floozy?
214
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:08,520
We are not leaving these seats
until you give me some deets.
215
00:08:09,782 --> 00:08:12,241
All right, fine.
It started off a bit rocky,
216
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,201
but it ended up being really fun.
217
00:08:15,202 --> 00:08:17,912
Did you kiss? Did you French?
218
00:08:17,996 --> 00:08:19,121
Boyle, I'm not gonna answer that.
219
00:08:19,205 --> 00:08:21,331
And no one over the
age of 12 says "French."
220
00:08:21,415 --> 00:08:24,001
Oh, that's a yes.
Oh, my God, you had sex.
221
00:08:24,209 --> 00:08:26,409
[GRUNTS] I could tell
because you're glowing.
222
00:08:26,794 --> 00:08:29,462
Ugh, Jake, no one wants
to hear about your sex life.
223
00:08:29,546 --> 00:08:31,005
You just asked me, repeatedly!
224
00:08:31,089 --> 00:08:33,006
Because I was rooting for you and Amy.
225
00:08:33,090 --> 00:08:34,966
But now, I can see you're super serious
226
00:08:35,050 --> 00:08:37,385
about this anonymous gym seductress.
227
00:08:37,844 --> 00:08:39,469
Ugh, I'm so sorry, Amy.
228
00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:43,639
It doesn't matter to me.
I would never date Jake. I work with Jake.
229
00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:46,390
I'd love to see you date someone
from work. Your head would explode.
230
00:08:46,474 --> 00:08:47,726
Your head would explode!
231
00:08:48,393 --> 00:08:51,145
Because of how well I would handle it.
Mmm.
232
00:08:51,437 --> 00:08:52,438
Sick burn.
233
00:08:52,604 --> 00:08:54,814
Peralta, Dozerman
says he wants to see you.
234
00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:57,524
-[DOOR CLOSES]
-Captain, everything all right?
235
00:08:57,816 --> 00:08:59,776
[TAPPING]
236
00:09:03,362 --> 00:09:04,362
You tell me.
237
00:09:04,446 --> 00:09:05,780
According to your Dozerpad,
238
00:09:05,864 --> 00:09:08,406
four of your coworkers have
been gathered around your desk
239
00:09:08,490 --> 00:09:09,532
for the last 90 seconds.
240
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:11,158
Also, someone named Norm Scully
241
00:09:11,242 --> 00:09:13,577
has been in the bathroom
for the last 72 minutes.
242
00:09:13,661 --> 00:09:15,661
Oh, yeah, that means he's about halfway.
243
00:09:15,996 --> 00:09:17,247
But in regards to the coworkers, sir,
244
00:09:17,331 --> 00:09:20,290
I was telling them I wanted
to get more work done,
245
00:09:20,374 --> 00:09:22,708
but all they wanted to do
was talk about my dating life.
246
00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:25,919
Knowing full well that
my true love is efficiency.
247
00:09:26,712 --> 00:09:28,213
You know my motto, sir.
248
00:09:28,297 --> 00:09:29,922
Cho's before hos.
249
00:09:30,423 --> 00:09:31,507
"Cho's" is "chores."
250
00:09:34,343 --> 00:09:35,344
What?
251
00:09:37,053 --> 00:09:38,720
I like you.
252
00:09:38,804 --> 00:09:40,012
I could tell from the
moment I walked in here
253
00:09:40,096 --> 00:09:41,555
that we were one and the same,
254
00:09:41,639 --> 00:09:44,016
detail-oriented, love crunching numbers.
255
00:09:44,391 --> 00:09:45,517
Bet your apartment's immaculate.
256
00:09:45,601 --> 00:09:47,017
Could probably eat off the floor.
257
00:09:47,101 --> 00:09:49,062
And I do. Yeah. Yeah.
258
00:09:49,395 --> 00:09:51,195
I'm gonna handle this for you. Okay.
259
00:09:52,022 --> 00:09:53,774
I'm gonna send out a Dozerblast.
260
00:09:56,025 --> 00:09:59,361
Hey! Everyone stop talking
about Peralta's personal life.
261
00:09:59,986 --> 00:10:01,820
Dozerblast over.
262
00:10:03,489 --> 00:10:05,698
Well, thank you very much, sir.
263
00:10:05,782 --> 00:10:08,700
And, might I just say that
this has been a Dozerblast.
264
00:10:09,159 --> 00:10:10,702
I saw what you did right there. Eh?
265
00:10:10,786 --> 00:10:12,620
[BOTH LAUGHING]
266
00:10:15,872 --> 00:10:17,022
Get back to work. Okay.
267
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:18,999
I know you've been working on
268
00:10:19,083 --> 00:10:22,377
picking a name for the pigeon
mascot, for, uh… [LAUGHS]
269
00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:23,877
Several months now.
270
00:10:23,961 --> 00:10:25,713
I feel like you might need a breather.
271
00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:28,256
So, I've prepared an
eight-point presentation
272
00:10:28,340 --> 00:10:29,882
on community engagement.
273
00:10:30,174 --> 00:10:33,124
We'll get to your presentation, Raymond.
It's on the agenda.
274
00:10:33,301 --> 00:10:34,385
Well, it says here it's scheduled,
275
00:10:34,469 --> 00:10:36,553
quote, after everyone leaves, unquote.
276
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:37,762
And not a minute later.
277
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,556
Trent, Bryce, where are we with the name?
278
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,890
We've narrowed it down to two choices.
279
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,392
Petey or Paulie.
280
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,978
With all due respect, that
pigeon is clearly a Ray J.
281
00:10:47,895 --> 00:10:51,314
Hi. Gina Linetti, the human
form of the 100 emoji.
282
00:10:52,357 --> 00:10:54,733
I'd like to hear Captain
Holt's thoughts on a name.
283
00:10:54,817 --> 00:10:56,360
Very well. My thoughts are…
284
00:10:56,777 --> 00:10:57,903
Who cares?
285
00:10:58,319 --> 00:11:01,822
Give us a name, Raymond.
Weigh in on this. It's your job now.
286
00:11:02,489 --> 00:11:03,573
No.
287
00:11:04,199 --> 00:11:06,658
A name. Petey or Paulie, which is it?
288
00:11:06,742 --> 00:11:07,743
What does it matter?
289
00:11:07,827 --> 00:11:10,286
Why'd you even choose a pigeon anyway?
It's a terrible mascot.
290
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,954
Because they're a staple of New York.
291
00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:13,246
They're non-threatening,
and they're everywhere…
292
00:11:13,330 --> 00:11:16,540
They're carriers of disease,
and they eat garbage!
293
00:11:16,624 --> 00:11:17,916
Name the pigeon, Raymond!
294
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,668
You can't make me.
I can make you, and I will.
295
00:11:20,752 --> 00:11:22,879
Name the pigeon. That's an order!
296
00:11:29,217 --> 00:11:30,801
Paulie. Thank you.
297
00:11:31,510 --> 00:11:32,760
Was that so hard? [SIGHS]
298
00:11:34,971 --> 00:11:36,263
Yeah, I'm trying to find some evidence.
299
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:37,747
I'm just gonna look in here.
300
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:39,932
Another perfect cover.
Two for two. Nailed it.
301
00:11:40,016 --> 00:11:41,433
All right, I talked to Dozerman
302
00:11:41,517 --> 00:11:43,769
and convinced him to outlaw
all personal talk at work.
303
00:11:43,853 --> 00:11:44,894
We're in the clear.
304
00:11:44,978 --> 00:11:46,103
And everyone hates you for that.
305
00:11:46,187 --> 00:11:48,938
But this is totally working,
and no one knows.
306
00:11:49,022 --> 00:11:50,690
I know. It's the best. And you know what?
307
00:11:50,774 --> 00:11:52,733
I'm glad we broke the rule
and had sex on the first date.
308
00:11:52,817 --> 00:11:55,318
Me too, 'cause we're,
like, really good at it.
309
00:11:55,402 --> 00:11:56,944
So good, right? Stupid good.
310
00:11:57,028 --> 00:11:58,478
It makes no sense. [CHUCKLES]
311
00:11:58,612 --> 00:11:59,654
We're light and breezy.
312
00:11:59,738 --> 00:12:01,365
If we want to break rules, break rules.
313
00:12:01,449 --> 00:12:02,865
Like, what's another rule we could break?
314
00:12:02,949 --> 00:12:04,242
No making out at work.
315
00:12:04,701 --> 00:12:06,868
Okay, that's very flattering, Amy,
316
00:12:06,952 --> 00:12:09,536
but there are some
rules that I shall never…
317
00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:10,705
Let's go. Okay.
318
00:12:11,581 --> 00:12:13,456
DOZERMAN [OVER PAD]: Warning.
Unknown environment. [BEEPING]
319
00:12:13,540 --> 00:12:14,541
Unknown environment.
320
00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:16,417
What's that noise?
321
00:12:16,709 --> 00:12:17,751
I don't hear anything.
322
00:12:17,835 --> 00:12:20,785
DOZERMAN: Warning.
Unknown environment. Unknown environment.
323
00:12:22,380 --> 00:12:23,964
Warning. Unknown environment.
324
00:12:25,174 --> 00:12:27,174
What? I put it up there for safe-keeping.
325
00:12:27,258 --> 00:12:28,592
Safe keeping? Yeah.
326
00:12:28,676 --> 00:12:31,326
I had it on my desk, but I
kept spilling coffee on it.
327
00:12:31,970 --> 00:12:34,055
-Oops.
-DOZERMAN: Tamper alert. Tamper alert.
328
00:12:34,139 --> 00:12:35,181
Come on, Diaz.
329
00:12:36,098 --> 00:12:38,974
You two have been in this
evidence locker for… Hey!
330
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:40,226
What? Nothing. Oh!
331
00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,769
Nothing?
You were just making out with Peralta.
332
00:12:42,853 --> 00:12:45,521
Ah, there's that candy bar
wrapper I was looking for.
333
00:12:46,147 --> 00:12:48,190
Oh, Santiago, what are you doing here?
[CHUCKLES]
334
00:12:48,274 --> 00:12:51,568
So I guess it is hos
before chos with you, friend.
335
00:12:51,693 --> 00:12:54,236
Now I understand why nothing
gets done in this precinct.
336
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,153
The detectives are too busy
Frenching with each other,
337
00:12:56,237 --> 00:12:57,279
but you know what?
338
00:12:57,363 --> 00:12:59,490
Your little honeymoon is over!
339
00:13:00,282 --> 00:13:02,659
'Cause as long as I'm
here, you two are done!
340
00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:05,661
And I'm gonna be here a long, long, long,
341
00:13:05,995 --> 00:13:08,497
long, long, long, long, long… [SQUEAKS]
342
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:10,789
Oh, this is a heart attack.
343
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:11,873
This right here, this is a heart attack.
344
00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:13,750
Ooh, it's a big one. Ooh, ooh, ooh.
345
00:13:14,083 --> 00:13:15,084
SANTIAGO: Oh!
346
00:13:15,710 --> 00:13:16,710
I'm gonna get help.
347
00:13:16,794 --> 00:13:18,628
Sir, it's all right. We're getting help.
348
00:13:18,712 --> 00:13:22,423
[GRUNTS] Okay.
Tell my wife that I love her…
349
00:13:23,466 --> 00:13:24,508
Work ethic.
350
00:13:25,592 --> 00:13:26,593
[CROAKS]
351
00:13:28,761 --> 00:13:30,137
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
352
00:13:33,598 --> 00:13:34,598
What happened in there?
353
00:13:34,682 --> 00:13:37,142
Nothing.
We were just working, separately.
354
00:13:37,226 --> 00:13:39,685
Yeah, and then Dozerman
just came in and died.
355
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:42,103
Peacefully, like an old cat.
356
00:13:42,187 --> 00:13:43,980
Can you think of anything
357
00:13:44,064 --> 00:13:46,106
that may have caused
Dozerman to be startled?
358
00:13:46,190 --> 00:13:48,483
[EXHALES] No.
359
00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:49,984
Uh… [STAMMERING]
360
00:13:50,068 --> 00:13:51,360
He might have been startled
361
00:13:51,444 --> 00:13:53,111
by how far apart we were standing.
362
00:13:53,195 --> 00:13:54,780
That seems unlikely,
363
00:13:55,239 --> 00:13:57,531
but obviously he had a
ton of health problems,
364
00:13:57,615 --> 00:13:59,782
so, you know, this seems
pretty open and shut.
365
00:13:59,866 --> 00:14:01,617
Do me a favor and pull
the surveillance tapes.
366
00:14:01,701 --> 00:14:04,370
Right, the surveillance tapes.
367
00:14:04,703 --> 00:14:06,954
Yep, because this is a police precinct.
368
00:14:07,038 --> 00:14:08,738
You two have something to tell me?
369
00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:11,541
All right, fine.
370
00:14:11,625 --> 00:14:14,126
Detective Santiago and I
may have been in there…
371
00:14:15,211 --> 00:14:16,462
Snorking.
372
00:14:16,837 --> 00:14:18,421
Yes! Oh!
373
00:14:19,214 --> 00:14:20,814
Wait, what about the gym floozy?
374
00:14:21,132 --> 00:14:22,924
Amy was the gym floozy.
375
00:14:23,008 --> 00:14:26,177
The gym floozy was under
my nose the whole time. Oh.
376
00:14:26,719 --> 00:14:28,095
I am over the moon.
377
00:14:28,179 --> 00:14:29,679
Okay. Over the moon.
378
00:14:29,763 --> 00:14:31,181
All right. So what is this?
379
00:14:31,265 --> 00:14:32,306
Casual? Serious?
380
00:14:32,557 --> 00:14:34,308
I need to know how to make fun of you.
You guys dating?
381
00:14:34,392 --> 00:14:35,391
Yes. No.
382
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,685
Oh, that's not good. I mean, yes!
383
00:14:37,769 --> 00:14:39,019
I just said no because of the rules.
384
00:14:39,103 --> 00:14:40,312
We said we weren't gonna tell anyone.
385
00:14:40,396 --> 00:14:42,688
It's very new, and
we're still figuring it out.
386
00:14:42,772 --> 00:14:45,775
Enough. Look, Terry loves love.
387
00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:48,693
But, Terry also loves maintaining
388
00:14:48,777 --> 00:14:50,377
a professional work environment.
389
00:14:50,736 --> 00:14:52,613
As your commanding officer,
390
00:14:52,697 --> 00:14:55,031
I am very disappointed in both of you.
391
00:14:59,285 --> 00:15:00,702
So, Boyle. Mmm.
392
00:15:00,952 --> 00:15:03,302
Let's go look at those
surveillance tapes, yeah?
393
00:15:03,705 --> 00:15:05,330
Oh, absolutely.
394
00:15:07,582 --> 00:15:09,750
Captain, I know this
isn't my place to say,
395
00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:11,918
but Madeline Wuntch is here to see you.
396
00:15:12,002 --> 00:15:13,711
Actually, that's exactly
your place to say.
397
00:15:13,795 --> 00:15:15,337
You are my assistant.
398
00:15:15,421 --> 00:15:17,571
What, precisely, did
you think your job was?
399
00:15:17,798 --> 00:15:21,550
Ideally? Bull-fighter.
But it's such a boys' club.
400
00:15:21,634 --> 00:15:23,093
Hmm. Ooh.
401
00:15:23,719 --> 00:15:26,719
I like what you've done with
your office, Raymond. It's cozy.
402
00:15:27,346 --> 00:15:29,598
Like the shoebox one
buries a dead hamster in.
403
00:15:30,432 --> 00:15:31,682
So, what did you want to see me about?
404
00:15:31,766 --> 00:15:33,225
I'd like to propose a truce.
405
00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:34,976
Our feud is getting in the way
406
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,393
of the NYPD's business.
407
00:15:36,477 --> 00:15:38,377
Madeline, the PR department is a joke.
408
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:40,188
Their work here is meaningless.
409
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:42,441
Nine weeks to choose the name Paulie.
410
00:15:42,941 --> 00:15:44,566
I knew instantly it should be Pepper.
411
00:15:44,650 --> 00:15:46,444
Officer Pepper O'Pigeon.
412
00:15:46,943 --> 00:15:50,029
Maybe we should start the whole
naming process all over again.
413
00:15:50,113 --> 00:15:52,447
I could turn this department
around if you'd let me.
414
00:15:52,531 --> 00:15:53,573
You're wasting my talents.
415
00:15:53,657 --> 00:15:55,282
This man is a Timberlake,
416
00:15:55,366 --> 00:15:57,716
and you need to stop
treating him like a Fatone.
417
00:15:57,993 --> 00:16:00,120
Yes, yes. Perhaps you're right.
418
00:16:00,871 --> 00:16:02,622
Perhaps I am wasting your talents.
419
00:16:02,997 --> 00:16:05,415
I want you to spread
your wings, as it were.
420
00:16:06,625 --> 00:16:09,960
I think we've found the perfect
person to wear the pigeon costume.
421
00:16:10,502 --> 00:16:11,753
It's you, Raymond.
422
00:16:12,462 --> 00:16:13,879
Do we need to get the costume altered,
423
00:16:13,963 --> 00:16:15,505
or do you have your own pigeon pants?
424
00:16:15,589 --> 00:16:19,258
No, Madeline, I don't
have my own pigeon pants.
425
00:16:20,051 --> 00:16:20,686
[BEEPING]
426
00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:22,760
DOZERMAN [OVER PAD]:
You are 43 minutes behind.
427
00:16:22,844 --> 00:16:24,887
I know. Get off my back, computer ghost.
428
00:16:24,971 --> 00:16:26,680
Why are you still playing
with that stupid game, Sarge?
429
00:16:26,764 --> 00:16:28,557
The guy is dead. It's not a game.
430
00:16:28,641 --> 00:16:30,015
I'm following our captain's orders.
431
00:16:30,099 --> 00:16:31,249
His orders were stupid.
432
00:16:31,726 --> 00:16:33,643
I hated him more than
any cop I've ever known.
433
00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:35,520
[GASPS] Whoa.
434
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:37,729
I just realized I'm never gonna
435
00:16:37,813 --> 00:16:39,106
be able to say that to his face.
436
00:16:39,190 --> 00:16:40,606
I mean, I could say it to his wife
437
00:16:40,690 --> 00:16:42,024
at the funeral, but it won't be the same.
438
00:16:42,108 --> 00:16:43,692
He was trying to make
our precinct better.
439
00:16:43,776 --> 00:16:46,444
Look. Holt's gone. Dozerman died.
440
00:16:46,528 --> 00:16:47,861
Who knows who we're getting next?
441
00:16:47,945 --> 00:16:50,795
I'm just trying to keep this
place running. That's my job.
442
00:16:51,239 --> 00:16:52,240
[ELECTRONIC CHIME]
443
00:16:52,324 --> 00:16:54,909
Case cleared!
Yeah, how do you like me now, sucker?
444
00:16:55,576 --> 00:16:58,161
I mean, I hope you found peace.
445
00:16:58,995 --> 00:17:00,997
Hey, so everybody knows about us now,
446
00:17:01,081 --> 00:17:03,498
which means all the rules have been
broken and nothing bad happened.
447
00:17:03,582 --> 00:17:05,040
Nothing bad happened?
448
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:07,374
Terry yelled at us, and
we killed our captain.
449
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,461
Jake.
450
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:09,795
Is this a bad idea?
451
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:12,296
It seems like the universe
is sending us a lot of signs
452
00:17:12,380 --> 00:17:13,755
that we should hit the brakes.
453
00:17:13,839 --> 00:17:15,674
Hasn't exactly been light and breezy.
454
00:17:15,758 --> 00:17:17,308
Yeah, it's been a little more…
455
00:17:17,634 --> 00:17:19,135
Stressful and deathy.
456
00:17:19,344 --> 00:17:21,594
You have to admit it
hasn't started out great.
457
00:17:21,845 --> 00:17:23,304
What do you want to do, then?
458
00:17:23,805 --> 00:17:25,431
Go back to being colleagues?
459
00:17:26,432 --> 00:17:27,432
Yeah.
460
00:17:27,516 --> 00:17:29,616
Maybe that's what it
needs to be right now.
461
00:17:31,936 --> 00:17:33,145
Okay.
462
00:17:33,728 --> 00:17:34,938
Okay.
463
00:17:35,772 --> 00:17:36,940
Sorry.
464
00:17:42,860 --> 00:17:44,277
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…
465
00:17:44,361 --> 00:17:45,862
Boyle, can we please just go to dinner?
466
00:17:45,946 --> 00:17:47,405
No, no, no, no!
467
00:17:47,489 --> 00:17:49,839
This is not how you and
Amy are supposed to end.
468
00:17:50,032 --> 00:17:52,408
You're supposed to grow
old and die holding each other
469
00:17:52,492 --> 00:17:54,160
as your cruise ship
slowly takes on water.
470
00:17:54,244 --> 00:17:55,243
What do you want me to say?
471
00:17:55,327 --> 00:17:56,953
We tried really hard. We made rules.
472
00:17:57,037 --> 00:17:58,288
We kept it light and breezy.
473
00:17:58,372 --> 00:17:59,538
Light and breezy?
474
00:17:59,622 --> 00:18:00,623
Ow!
475
00:18:00,707 --> 00:18:03,207
Light and breezy is how
you describe a linen pantsuit,
476
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,084
not a relationship you care about.
477
00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:06,585
We were just being cautious!
478
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,629
Cautious? Ow!
479
00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:11,130
You guys started this
with one foot out the door.
480
00:18:11,214 --> 00:18:13,131
That's what doomed you, not the universe.
481
00:18:13,215 --> 00:18:14,549
Actually, it makes a lot of sense.
482
00:18:14,633 --> 00:18:16,842
Ow! I was agreeing with you!
483
00:18:16,926 --> 00:18:19,345
I'm sorry.
I'm just so excited about all this!
484
00:18:19,429 --> 00:18:20,779
All right, so what do I do?
485
00:18:20,887 --> 00:18:22,139
Tell me. Easy.
486
00:18:22,389 --> 00:18:24,473
You march over there,
you tell her how you feel,
487
00:18:24,557 --> 00:18:26,391
and you bring a fancy
bottle of lavender shampoo,
488
00:18:26,475 --> 00:18:28,517
because shampooing a woman's
head is the most erotic thing
489
00:18:28,601 --> 00:18:30,394
you could ever… No, no, no shampoo.
That's the worst.
490
00:18:30,478 --> 00:18:31,928
But I am gonna go over there.
491
00:18:32,229 --> 00:18:33,271
I'm gonna tell her how I feel.
492
00:18:33,355 --> 00:18:34,355
Yeah! You go get her.
493
00:18:34,439 --> 00:18:36,315
No! Wait till it starts raining.
494
00:18:36,399 --> 00:18:38,358
No, that's crazy. Go now. Okay.
495
00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:41,943
Ah!
496
00:18:42,027 --> 00:18:43,362
Sorry! Sorry. It's okay.
497
00:18:44,530 --> 00:18:45,905
I was home,
498
00:18:45,989 --> 00:18:48,823
and I really wanted to
talk to someone about us
499
00:18:48,907 --> 00:18:51,160
and Dozerman and about Holt being gone,
500
00:18:51,702 --> 00:18:53,118
and then I realized that the only person
501
00:18:53,202 --> 00:18:55,352
I want to talk about
that stuff with is you.
502
00:18:56,329 --> 00:18:59,081
So, screw just being colleagues,
503
00:18:59,165 --> 00:19:01,876
and screw light and breezy, right?
504
00:19:02,501 --> 00:19:04,669
[SIGHS] Definitely.
505
00:19:06,795 --> 00:19:08,505
Guys, we did it. We really did it.
506
00:19:09,506 --> 00:19:11,632
Oh, Charles is here. Big time.
507
00:19:12,091 --> 00:19:13,092
[BELL RINGING]
508
00:19:13,342 --> 00:19:14,342
GINA: Captain.
509
00:19:14,426 --> 00:19:16,552
The kids want to know
where Paulie the Pigeon is.
510
00:19:16,636 --> 00:19:18,929
I told them he got sucked
up into an airplane engine.
511
00:19:19,013 --> 00:19:20,138
Is that all right?
512
00:19:20,222 --> 00:19:22,122
I can't put that pigeon head on, Gina.
513
00:19:22,348 --> 00:19:23,600
Wuntch has defeated me.
514
00:19:24,475 --> 00:19:27,477
This is how it ends, with me
standing on the urine-soaked floor
515
00:19:27,561 --> 00:19:28,852
of an elementary school bathroom
516
00:19:28,936 --> 00:19:30,605
in a third-rate bird costume.
517
00:19:31,646 --> 00:19:33,022
I quit. No.
518
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:35,733
I did not follow you to
PR to watch you quit.
519
00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:38,151
I followed you because you're great
520
00:19:38,235 --> 00:19:40,635
and because you make
everything you touch better,
521
00:19:41,070 --> 00:19:44,030
and I figured PR would
be the easiest path
522
00:19:44,114 --> 00:19:46,824
to launching my reality
show Linetti, Set, Go.
523
00:19:46,908 --> 00:19:48,742
I thought your reality
show was to be called
524
00:19:48,826 --> 00:19:49,826
Gina in a Bottle.
525
00:19:49,910 --> 00:19:52,036
No, that was my fragrance line.
526
00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:53,120
Keep up.
527
00:19:53,954 --> 00:19:57,039
Listen. You cannot let Wuntch defeat you.
528
00:19:57,123 --> 00:20:00,792
That is not who you are.
You are a person who will go out there
529
00:20:00,876 --> 00:20:03,460
and deliver his eight-point
plan on whatever, whatever.
530
00:20:03,544 --> 00:20:05,421
Community engagement. Whatever.
531
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:07,714
Even if the only people listening
532
00:20:07,798 --> 00:20:09,799
are a bunch of second graders,
533
00:20:09,883 --> 00:20:12,676
because Captain Raymond Holt
534
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,261
never gives up!
535
00:20:15,345 --> 00:20:16,596
Inspiring words.
536
00:20:17,013 --> 00:20:18,346
I'm going to give that speech.
537
00:20:18,430 --> 00:20:19,930
Help me with that pigeon head.
538
00:20:21,349 --> 00:20:22,725
Yeah, all right.
539
00:20:25,268 --> 00:20:27,312
Let's blow some tiny minds.
540
00:20:28,479 --> 00:20:29,480
[ELECTRONIC CHIME]
541
00:20:29,647 --> 00:20:32,732
DOZERMAN [OVER PAD]: Rosa Diaz,
you are six hours ahead of schedule.
542
00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,150
Great job!
543
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,902
Wow, Diaz.
That's the first time I've seen him smile.
544
00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:40,536
I didn't do it for him.
I did it 'cause it's my job.
545
00:20:40,988 --> 00:20:42,490
We cool? We're cool.
546
00:20:42,823 --> 00:20:43,824
Good.
547
00:20:45,492 --> 00:20:47,534
DOZERMAN [OVER PAD]: Damage.
Critical. Tamper alert…
548
00:20:47,618 --> 00:20:48,619
[BANGING]
549
00:20:52,413 --> 00:20:54,622
There's a rumor the new
captain'll be here today.
550
00:20:54,706 --> 00:20:55,553
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
551
00:20:55,637 --> 00:20:57,499
Now, I don't know who
Wuntch is sending us,
552
00:20:57,583 --> 00:21:01,669
but it doesn't matter, because
we're a family, we're strong.
553
00:21:01,753 --> 00:21:03,672
And together, we can do anything.
554
00:21:04,380 --> 00:21:05,422
Nine-Nine!
555
00:21:05,506 --> 00:21:06,549
ALL: Nine-Nine!
556
00:21:09,259 --> 00:21:10,885
What's up, ding-dongs?
557
00:21:10,969 --> 00:21:12,218
I'm your new captain.
558
00:21:12,302 --> 00:21:13,887
The Vulture. No.
559
00:21:13,971 --> 00:21:15,137
Still hot.
560
00:21:15,221 --> 00:21:16,472
Now, I know we have our history,
561
00:21:16,556 --> 00:21:18,681
me vulturing your cases,
562
00:21:18,765 --> 00:21:20,315
me telling you to eat my farts.
563
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:21,601
That's all in the past,
564
00:21:21,685 --> 00:21:23,477
'cause now that I run this precinct,
565
00:21:23,561 --> 00:21:25,395
things are gonna get much, much…
566
00:21:26,187 --> 00:21:27,188
Worse.
567
00:21:27,522 --> 00:21:28,523
So suck it.
568
00:21:29,606 --> 00:21:31,358
No!
41591
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