All language subtitles for That.70s.Show.S08E15.1080p.BluRay.x264-YELLOWBiRD

Well, that was some county fair.

And they really went all out
with the musical entertainment.

I mean, The Beach
Girls were fabulous.

I've never seen The Beach Boys but
I cannot imagine they are any better.

The only thing worse than
listening to those Beach Whales

was watching Steven throw up after
spending all day in the beer garden.

I had a good reason
to throw up. I was drunk.

Oh, I wish I could say I've been
drunk the whole time I went out with you.

Oh, yeah, it's a good thing
you're not a drinker.

You'd have a hard time operating
that heavy machinery. Your mouth!

Well, I had a great time.

I have an invisible dog on
a leash, a goldfish in the bag

and a giant stuffed panda.

Of course,
I got some stupid stuff, too.

You know, Fez,
you should be thanking Randy.

You were so amazing
winning all that stuff.

With your hair flowing
and your muscles rippling.

You were like a Greek god
of knocking things over.

All hail Ballus Knockoverus!

I'm still drunk.

So how did you get so good
at popping balloons with darts?

Well, when my parents divorced,
I found comfort in a community

of non-judgmental
carnival workers.

I taught them to read,

and in exchange they taught me
how to play their games of chance.

- Really?
- Nah, I got a dartboard.

Well, you won every
game in the place.

Donna, it must be nice
to finally have a boyfriend

who can swing that sledgehammer

and get that little black
thing past, "Seriously, hit it."

Now, you shush. Eric
always did very well at the fair.

Every time he went to that one booth,
he walked away with a stuffed animal.

That was the gift shop.

Well, Mrs.
Forman, you won a prize, too.

I can't believe you let
that guy guess your weight.

And I can't believe that the
woman who almost married my son

has already moved on to the next customer
because she's as loose as an old gym sock.

Horrus Maximus!

And that weight-guesser never had
a chance once I took off my shoes,

my belt, my engagement ring,
spit out my gum

and took all
the Kleenex out of my pockets.

Oh, Fez, honey, you
never gave me back my ring.

Oh, yeah.

Wow, so sparkly.

And lost forever.

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

It's gone!
My engagement ring is gone!

You! You lost it!

We let you into our country,
we give you minimum-wage jobs,

we teach you how to use a knife and
a fork and this is how you thank us?

Kitty, I hate to see you so upset
when there is such an easy solution.

Let's just get you home,
I'll make you a martini,

then when you calm down,
I'll make you a margarita.

Wait, what about us?

Oh, you're going to stay here
and look for the ring.

And if it rains, just do
like the Indians did. Die.

Okay. Well, the ring must
have rolled down the hill,

which means that it's been
probably eaten by a squirrel.

We need to find this squirrel,
feed it laxatives,

and wait for the show to begin.

God, we're stuck out here?
That's a bummer.

I've been waiting to get you home
ever since you threw that ping-pong ball

into the floating teacup.

Maybe we can sneak off. You know,
the woods can be pretty romantic.

That is, unless you
run into a serial killer.

Or a witch who lives
in a house made of candy.

Hey, you guys, you know, I was thinking
that maybe we'd find the ring faster

if we split up into teams.

Say, Donna, that's a great idea! But
who, may I ask, would go with whom?

I get Donna.

Well, that way, if we run into
a bear, I could just climb you.

No, I was thinking I would go with
Randy and you would go with Hyde.

No, no, no, I'm not
teaming up with Steven.

That would be like Cher teaming
up with a really smelly drunk.

Whoa! Did you guys hear that?

The wild call of the
brown-haired pygmy bitch.

- I didn't hear anything.
- There it is again!

Hey,
this is what it's all about.

The outdoors, just us
guys talking man-to-man.

You know, Jackie is so annoying. I
didn't realize when we were going out.

Sometimes you got to marry a
stripper to get things into perspective.

Anyway, this is good.
The outdoors, just us guys,

talking man-to-man.
It's what it's all about.

Yeah, hey,
can I team up with Donna?

What?
No, it's all about the guys!

Ah, man, I can't get
between you and Donna,

'cause love, that's what
it's all about. And jugs.

Especially jugs.

Then love. But mostly jugs.
You know what I mean, man?

Silence.
That's what it's all about.

Oh, this is just awful.

- Fine. I'll add more gin.
- No.

Red, the ring. And you
know, this is all your fault.

If you hadn't driven like
a madman over a pothole,

I wouldn't be drinking to calm
my nerves, I would just be drinking.

Hey, I am not the one who gave his
engagement ring to the foreign kid.

You're lucky he is not
wearing it through his nose!

Oh, this is just
the worst thing ever.

- Kitty, it's just a ring!
- I am talking about the drink!

Hey, there. I was just putting out the trash
and heard you two having a little spat,

so I figured you'd probably
want me to come and take a side.

Okay, well, my engagement ring is
lost and Red doesn't even give a damn.

And I don't understand it
because even if he doesn't care

about the sentimental value,
it still cost $1,000.

1,000 bucks? So you finally
replaced the old cheap one, huh?

- What?
- Bob...

Oh, jeez.

You blew it now, Red.

The old cheap one?
What is he talking about, Red?

Kitty, I love you.

How much did my
ring really cost?

Right around $1,000.

How much exactly?

$65.

$65? My hairdo
costs more than that!

It does? Where
the hell are you getting...

Which is beside the point,
because you look lovely!

And you know what
else looks lovely?

The view from the couch.

Which is where your cheap,
lying butt will be sleeping tonight.

She's right about that couch. Got
a great view of the TV from there.

Steven is such a jerk. You know, I
can't believe I almost married a guy

who can belch the alphabet
all the way to "W."

You know,
he never finishes anything.

Well, Randy is perfect.

That lady at the fair
who did the caricatures?

She refused to draw him
'cause she couldn't find a flaw.

Oh, please.
That lady had no talent.

Did you see how big
she drew my mouth?

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Any luck finding that ring?
- No.

But we did find a broken
high heel, some old stockings,

and an empty pack of Marlboros.

Yeah. So it looks like Steven's
mom has been here, too.

You don't know my mom.
She smokes Luckys.

Well, maybe it's time we shake
up the search parties a little bit.

Tell you what, I'll flip a coin. Heads
me and Donna, tails me and Jackie.

It's heads, Donna, come on.

Wait, no, no! I can't go with
Steven. He's a disgusting pig.

Yeah. She's a stuck-up princess
who only cares about looks and money.

Oh, don't try to sweet-talk me.

Okay, look, we're not going
to find this stupid ring anyway,

so let's just get out of here.

Where's Fez?

Well, Goldie,

it seems that we're lost
in a dark, cold, lonely cave.

You look scared, too.

Your eyes are
bugging out of your head.

But I'm glad you're here.

'Cause at least I can have
a conversation with a fish.

Otherwise I'd be losing my mind.

Fez?

- Where is he?
- Oh, don't worry.

He survived his trip over here in a
banana crate, he'll be fine in the woods.

Actually, I'm kind
of worried about him.

It's dark, it's cold, there's
no pornography anywhere.

What was that?

That was a wild Canadian boar.

They feed on likeable girls.

You're safe.

You know, being out here like
this, without any TV or magazines,

you know, makes me realize how
people 500 years ago must have felt.

Incredibly bored.

By the way, Donna, if you're
ever lost in the outdoors,

just find the North Star.

Its gentle twinkling will
comfort you as you slowly die.

Oh. Ew!

What, now we have to cross
a disgusting river?

Jackie, it's just a creek.

Okay, fine. Why don't
you take your shoe off,

we'll all get in and
row ourselves across.

- Allow me, milady.
- Thank you.

Wait, how am I
supposed to get across?

Come across like you
always do. Real bitchy.

Oh. Okay, you know what?

Even when we were dating, you
never did the gentlemanly thing.

All right, fine,
give me your hand.

No, I am not touching that hand.

You have been burping
in that hand all day.

Come on, you've touched
grosser things than this.

You went out with
Kelso for four years.

Oh.

Okay, you know what,
I'll just get myself across.

Well, that couldn't have
worked out any better.

Well, Goldie, if my internal
clock is correct,

we've been here either
an hour, or a month.

Man, I'm terribly thirsty.

Hope you don't mind, I'm going
to drink a little bit of your water.

You peed in there.

Well, I made Bob
go and get the kids.

Maybe they'll find the ring, maybe
not, either way, I got rid of Bob.

I can't believe you lied to me
about that ring.

Listen, Kitty.

When I got back from Korea,

I wanted to buy you the
nicest engagement ring ever.

But I wasn't making much money.

And when I realized how long I
would have to save to get that ring,

I just knew I couldn't wait that
long to ask you to marry me.

Well, that's true.
I had other offers.

Jimmy Callahan used to call me
"sweet knees" and he was absolutely right.

So, I bought the best that I could
afford and I was going to tell you

that we'd get a better ring
when we had the money.

But then it all went wrong.

You loved the ring, you said it must've
cost $1,000 and you were so excited.

I just couldn't let you down.

Red.

But I'll tell you what.

If the kids don't find the old
one, I'll get you another ring.

The kind that you deserve for
putting up with me all these years.

Well, I don't want
you to sell the house.

Hey, Donna, you know when you see
a flock of ducks flying in a "V" formation,

one side looks longer than
the other, you know why that is?

- No?
- More ducks.

Hey, we lost Jackie and Hyde.

Finally we're alone.

Donna!

- That was magical.
- Yeah. I hope I didn't get pregnant.

Donna!

Hey, you guys missed it!
Jackie just fell in the creek.

Will you shut up?
I can get pneumonia and die.

This keeps getting funnier.

All right, we still need to find Fez,
so why don't the girls stay here,

Hyde and I go look for him?

I have a better idea.
Let's get some meatball subs

and go to a strip club.

Come on,
buddy, let's go find Fez.

Maybe Fez has a meatball sub!

Okay, I have been holding this in for,
like, three hours and I can't do it anymore.

Yeah, I know. You like Randy, you're
jealous of my hair. Blah, blah, blah.

No, I drank too much, and now I
have to, like, go, so be my lookout.

You know, if this were a mall,
you'd be in a bathroom right now.

Of course,
you wouldn't be in a mall,

'cause you might accidentally
put on some new clothes.

Hey, man, this looks familiar. I
think we just made a complete circle.

- Whoa!
- Oh, my God!

No, I'd remember this!

I win again!

I know you're just a fish,
but come on, at least try!

Fez, is that you?

Goldie, you can use pronouns?

No, Fez, it's me, Bob.

Bob! You found us! Hallelujah!

Yep, just followed the trail
of candy corn you left.

What? I didn't leave a...
Oh, damn it! There was a hole.

All that candy corn wasted.

No, I ate them.

Bob, they were on the ground!

Well,
I would have done the same.

Donna, you don't have to be
embarrassed, man. It's over.

Nobody cares.

In fact, hey, let's all sing a little
campfire song, all right? I'll start.

♪ Tinkle, tinkle, little star
Donna wees behind a bush ♪

I just couldn't hold it anymore.

Why did I get the 48-ounce
commemorative cup?

Why didn't I go in the
48-ounce commemorative cup?

I'm not sure that relieving
yourself in a cup

would've made this
any less humiliating.

You know, this...
This is why I hate the woods.

Everything's a bathroom.
God, it's just like Delaware.

Oh, that reminds me of an
old Delawarean folk song.

♪ Donna squatted in a bush
Pee-pee, doo-doo

♪ Donna squatted in a bush
Pee-pee all day long

♪ Oh, when the saints
♪ Oh, when the saints

♪ Go marching in
♪ Go marching in

♪ Oh, when
the saints go marching in

Dad?

♪ Oh, Lord,
I want to be in that number

♪ When
the saints go marching in

♪ Oh, when the saints... ♪

My dad and Fez are skipping
through the woods.

And I peed on a bush.

I really
should've gone to college.

Come on, Jackie, I'll
help you across the creek.

- Would you just
leave me alone?
- Want to fall in again?

Fine.

Steven!

Man, I hope I remember this
in the morning.

Yeah, it's too bad the
kids never found your ring.

But on the up side...
Pork Doodles!

Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh, it's my ring!

It was in
the car the whole time!

That's great. It's like I always
say, sometimes you find things.

- Kitty!
- Red!

I just ordered you a new ring.

The diamond is almost a karat,
the band is white gold,

the jeweler said
it was the nicest one he had.

Oh.

Well, that sounds beautiful.

I know it won't have all the
sentimental value of the old one, but...

...but that ring
is gone forever.

Goldie, it's not right to keep
you in a tiny bag like this.

A goldfish belongs in the wild.

It's never easy to say
goodbye. Especially to a fish.

'Cause I'm not sure
where your ears are.

Here you go.

Swim, Goldie! Swim!

Fly, Goldie! Fly!