All language subtitles for That.70s.Show.S07E21.1080p.BluRay.x264-YELLOWBiRD

That was probably our
second-best potato chip war ever.

What the hell?

We'll clean it up later, dude.

I'm not your "dude," and
you never clean anything up.

Well, we mean to,
but then we leave,

and then we come back
and it's already cleaned up.

You eat my food, you dirty up my
house, and every time I go into a bedroom,

I have to wonder about finding
one of you naked with some poor girl.

Well, at least you know that if you
find me naked in a room, I'm by myself.

All right, I want everybody
who doesn't live in this house

to get out now.

Well, you're a real bummer, man.

Come on, Fez,
let's go to our new apartment

where people can do whatever
they want, whenever they want.

Just like the Bible says, "Let my
people do whatever they want."

Eric, the high school
sent over your transcript,

which means you can start
applying to teachers college.

Now, you tell me what school
you wanna go to,

and I will send them a pie.

Because you cannot eat a lady's pie
and then not let her son into the school.

I gotta admit, Forman,

it's nice finally seeing you
do something with your life.

Almost inspires me
to make my record store

the best damn
store in the region.

Nah.

It says here that Eric got
an "I-N-C" in gym class.

"I-N-C"? I bet that
stands for "incredible."

- Kitty, it's "incomplete."
- I know, you have
to add the "redible."

"You have failed to meet the
requirements for graduation.

"To receive your diploma, you
must attend summer session PE."

Ha.

"Ha"?

I didn't graduate and all
you have to say is "ha"?

Oh, and also "hee-hee."

This sucks.

Yep, but you have to
remember one thing, Forman,

it only sucks for you.

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

I can't believe I'm back in gym,

or as I like to call it, "The
institute of things I can't do."

Casey Kelso?

Hey there, Pinciotti.

Wow, look who you got
with you, little Foreplay.

Yep, that's me.
Okay. Okay, okay. Okay.

Ms. Forman. God, you get
younger every time I see you.

- Oh, me, too.
- Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Pinciotti,
you're looking so good.

I'm sorry I ever
broke up with you.

The thing is, see,
I got this tendency to, uh...

- No. What's the word?
- "Smoulder"?

I think the word you're looking
for is "ditch, bail, run away"?

No, no.

Oh, wait, did you say "bail"?
Yeah. Yeah.

So, Casey, how did we get
so lucky to see you here today?

A little bit sweaty.

Well, I'm the teacher.

No way!

That's funny.
It looks like a normal gym,

but apparently I've stumbled
into the mouth of hell.

Yeah, see, the coach
needed someone to fill in,

so he called the best quarterback
that Point Place High ever had.

And I figured, you know, the
cheerleaders, they practise in here,

so it'd give me a good chance to
see what's gonna be on the market

in a couple years.

I can't believe that you get to decide
whether or not I graduate high school.

Well, look, I'll tell you what,

you give me one pull-up over
there, I'll tell the school you passed.

- Okay.
- Okay, let's get
this done, Foreplay.

Get over there.

Hey, Pinciotti, you see all these
eighth grade boys checking you out?

No, they're not. Really?

Hi, boys.

All righty, let's get this done.

Here we go.

Just getting in
a really good stretch here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me
show you how it's done, Foreplay.

I don't know, man,
it's trickier than it looks.

You real...
Oh, you got it. Good. Yeah.

That's what I was going for.

Is it hot in here or what?

Okay, Fez, this bedroom's clearly
better 'cause it has its own bathroom,

so I'm gonna go ahead and be
the bigger man and give it to myself.

But I need a room
with its own bathroom.

Otherwise I'm gonna have to walk
through the living room when, you know,

when I have a moment
with myself.

- That's too bad. I want it.
- I want it.

- Well, I want it.
- I want it.

- I want it!
- I'll kill you.

What?

Okay, wait, wait.

Fine, you can take it.

I don't want it anyway. I was in
there earlier and I heard voices.

Voices?

What kind of voices?

Well, they weren't unfriendly.
They kept saying, "Get out."

I don't want the haunted room.

- Well, I don't want it.
- Well, I don't want it.

Okay, fine.

I'll take the room of death.

- But you owe me one.
- Thanks, man.

- Hi, boys.
- Hey.

I brought you a housewarming
gift. Glass grapes.

Every so often
someone tries to eat one,

it's a real
conversation starter.

I remember.

You know, it looks like you
might need some help unpacking.

- Kitty, no.
- Oh, just sit. I'll just be a minute.

But remember, you are a
guest in these kids' home.

Just like they've been a guest
in our home for years.

Yeah.

I'm a guest.

Just like they've been
guests in my house.

- Hey, that was my programme.
- Yeah, that's a bummer.

Oops.

What kind of animal just
dumps food on someone's couch?

I'll clean it up later, dude.

Okay, that's it.
You're going down.

Or, I mean, I'm coming up.

Yeah. Let's not pretend like this
is gonna happen, okay, Forehead?

Forehead? That's... Come
on, man, that's not even good.

They're all good
to me, Forehead.

But, tell you what, I'll pass
you if you can tell me one thing.

How's a guy that
can't even do one pull-up

get someone like Donna?

Wow. You know,
at least I'm not the dillhole

who's strutting around the gym
with my whistle,

thinking I'm all cool because I'm teaching
summer school PE to a bunch of botards.

Yeah, I think it's really weird that
you'd say that to me, Forehead,

especially since I was just
about to sign your transcript,

but I don't know, now it
seems like I've lost my pen.

You didn't lose...

Okay, listen up.

I wanna teach you all a
little game. It's called Target.

Ooh. What's Target?

All right, all moved in. Chateau
Kelso is open for business.

You know, "chateau"
is German for "mister."

Michael, you should have
gotten the room with the bathroom.

You earned it by being
born better looking.

Oh, well, I could have had it,

but Fez said that there were
evil spirits in there,

so I made him take it.

Sucker.

Man, I can't believe
you fell for that.

Especially after that time he told
you evil spirits lived in that hot dog

and then you gave him that.

Wait, are you saying
he's tricking me?

Foreigners always lie.

That's how the Indians tricked
us into buying New Mexico.

You boys are gonna
need a plumber.

I tried to flush your pillow
down the toilet, it just wouldn't go.

Ooh! Matches.

Hi, honey. How was
your first day at school?

It was awful. Casey's
definitely gonna fail me.

Oh, that doesn't
sound like my Casey.

I mean, the world's Casey.

Man, it's like I finally figured
out what I wanna do with my life,

and now I might
never be able to do it.

And, might I add,
through no fault of my own.

Eric, the last time you used the
phrase "through no fault of my own"

was when you said,
"Donna, your cat's dead

"through no fault of my own."

Which I later found out meant,
"Donna, I ran over your cat."

What did you do in class?
Were you being a porky mouth?

What?

No. A little bit, yeah.

Well, there's only
one thing to do.

I'm gonna have to put on some
lipstick and go apologize to Casey.

Fez, you made up
all that stuff about the room.

And I want the room,
so give it back.

- You give it back.
- You give it back.

- You give it back.
- You give it back.

- Hi, Casey.
- Hey.

- Look, I wanted to
talk to you about Eric.
- Who?

- Foreplay.
- Oh, yeah.

Look, I want to know if you can just
go ahead and let him get his diploma,

because it's really important
to him and me.

There might be one way
I can pass the little guy.

All right? You know, all you gotta do is,
you know, just go out with me on a date.

- Casey, I'm with Eric.
- Who?

- I'm not saying it again.
- Come on, one date.

'Cause I'm still trying to figure out
why I ever broke up with a blonde.

I was a redhead then.

Man, I gotta start
paying attention.

So get this, I went down
to the gym to talk to Casey,

and he said that the only way he'd
pass you is if I go out on a date with him.

What?

Oh, thank you, Donna, thank you.

So you'd let me go out with him?

Well, Donna, if you really
loved me, I mean,

you'd date other men.

Get bent.

Now, if she really loved me,
she'd date other women.

Okay, the competition for
who gets the better bedroom

is gonna be based on
the Miss America pageant.

Ooh, I'll be Miss Texas.

That bitch always wins.

Okay, the first event is the
talent portion of the competition.

Okay.

Judges, I present you
with a dramatic scene

from the major motion picture
The Godfather.

"There's an entire horse
in my bed.

"Why would you do this,
Godfather. Why?"

And then the horse says,
"Let this be a warning."

The horse doesn't talk, Kelso.

Oh. I was thinking of Jaws.
"Look at my jaw."

Fez, you're up.

I think we're gonna give
this round to the foreign kid.

- I just ran into Donna.
- Oh, was she on
a date with Casey?

No, and she doesn't seem
too happy with you.

I don't know why she's so mad.

Well, you'll often find,
as you go through life,

that when you try to turn
your girlfriend into a prostitute,

she gets cranky.

Okay, but, Dad, passing PE

is all that's standing between
me and the rest of my life.

You're lucky this table is standing
between my foot and your ass.

Now you go down there
with Donna and do a pull-up,

and earn the respect of that
woman who inexplicably loves you.

You know what?
You're right, I gotta do this.

I can do this.

I just gotta be
like Luke in Star Wars.

I just have to
really believe that I can.

Yeah, but I don't believe I
can, so this is nothing like that.

- Any tricks
to doing a pull-up?
- Yes.

You pull

up.

Thanks, Obi-Wan.

Eric, what are we doing here?

You gonna make me sell a
kidney so you can pass math?

No, we're here
because I'm a man, damn it.

Hey, buddy, guess what?

You're not taking my
girlfriend out. Guess why?

'Cause I'm about to pass gym,
fair and square,

on the basis of my own strength.

Side bar.

- What are you doing?
- I'm doing a pull-up, woman.

Wow, it looks like somebody really
had their Wheaties this morning.

Actually, I had Cocoa Puffs.

So I'm cuckoo, man, cuckoo.

Donna, stand back,

mostly because I'm gonna be
kicking my legs a lot.

- You can do it, Eric.
- Never gonna happen, Foreplay.

Foreplay.
Foreplay. Foreplay.

It's not, Foreplay.
It's Forman.

- Eric, you did it.
- Wow, congratulations.

So, we going out or what?

Look, stay away from my girl,
okay, Casey Kelso?

Or wait, maybe I should say
Casey Smellso.

"Smellso"? Wow,
that's really cold, Forman.

You know, I'm just gonna go
sign your transcript 'cause

I don't think I wanna hang out
any more, okay?

Eric, I am so proud of you.

I'd hug you back but...

Well, I can't move my arms.

We're back.

I told Red he had to fix the
very unsanitary thing he did

with a pillow in your bathroom.

So, we're gonna have to skip
the swimsuit competition

because Fez won't promise
not to show us his wee-wee.

So we're gonna go
right into interview.

Each of you will have
to answer the question,

"Why do you deserve
the better room?"

Michael, you go first.

Okay.

Well, Judges,

you may look in there
and see just a room,

but I see a place
where I can raise my daughter,

and watch her grow,

and create memories,

until the day that I see her
walk out that door.

And then through the living
room here and out the main door.

Michael,
that's really beautiful.

Yeah, Kelso, real nice.

Let me tell you
a story about a young boy

who dreamt of one day
being in America.

In a room just like that.

And with a tear
in his eye he said...

Which means, "I want it."

"I want it."

I want it.

Well, now I vote
they both get the room.

I guess the only way to solve
this is a foot race to the room.

Go.

It's mine!

I got here first,
the room is mine.

Gross! Old people sex!

Red,
you said you locked the door.

Sorry, dudes.

Room's yours.

One hundred.

You know, I bet we could make it to
200 if that shirt wasn't weighing you down.

Well, the only way this
shirt's coming off is if I get

a kiss from the best-looking
lady in Point Place.

Well, bring it in dreamboat.

Oh, Casey!

"Oh, Casey"?

♪ Oh, Casey, you see

♪ By the dawn's early light ♪

I just had the most
patriotic dream.