All language subtitles for That.70s.Show.S07E03.1080p.BluRay.x264-YELLOWBiRD

Okay, so tell me
about the job hunt.

Did my little worker bee
find a happy hive?

No, all the jobs had the same
problem, a dumb ass boss.

You know, one guy actually thought
that duct tape was called "duck" tape.

A security guard
had to pull us apart.

Oh, honey,
you'll find something.

You worked at that
auto parts plant for so long.

Did you try looking
at auto parts stores?

Well, I'll be, Kitty.

And here I spent all morning
applying to be an astronaut.

What the hell is wrong
with your muffler?

I didn't notice anything.

Maybe I was too busy
enjoying my morning ice cream.

That's right,
my morning ice cream.

Part of my new "year off"
philosophy, I want a treat, I get a treat.

We haven't even had lunch yet.

Eric never eats dessert
before a meal.

He used to say, "When I finish
my peas, I can eat what I please."

I taught him that.

I also taught him, "Eat your
asparagus or people will stare at us."

It's not true but he was little.

Good Lord,
is that bubblegum ice cream?

Well, it's not simply
bubblegum ice cream,

it's frosty
double-bubble blast-off.

Why are you with him?

- I find him whimsical.
- So do I.

Isn't that nice?
They find me whimsical.

Who's got a bad muffler?

See? Even Bob knows
when a car sounds off.

I never know what you mean
by "even Bob,"

but I like to assume
it's a compliment.

Have you checked
your muffler lately?

I'm gonna be honest
with you, I haven't.

But that green, liquid stuff under the
hood seems to be at a really healthy level.

Coolant.

Donna, I think
I can handle this, okay?

You cool it.

All right, that's it.

We're going to the muffler shop.

This whole family is gonna learn
a little lesson in muffler care today.

Well, it's not a trip to Europe,
but at least I get out of the house.

Wait a second. You're not
just tricking me into the car

and really taking me to the
pediatrician for a booster shot, are you?

- No.
- Good.

'Cause that only works twice.

So, Steven, did you have a good time
when you went out with your new dad?

Yeah, it was all right.

- Well, have you
called him yet?
- No.

I know if I went out with a boy and
he didn't call me after three days,

I'd know he wasn't interested.

Well, Jackie,
my dad and I aren't dating.

We're a father
and an illegitimate son.

Great news, I had a baby,
and it's a girl!

- Oh, man, fantastic.
- Congratulations, man.

See, Michael,
I'm trying to be happy for you

but your hair is
making it really hard.

What happened?

Well, I was waiting for Brooke
to have the baby, right?

And I was chewing gum,

and then I decided that I wanted
to blow a bubble as big as my head.

And then I did,

and then you can probably
figure out the rest of the story.

- Oh, what's her name?
- Betsy.

Fat girl's name.

I don't know, I kind of like it.

But, of course, I also
like the larger ladies.

Well, I had no say.

If it was up to me, it would've
been something classy, like Bambi.

Man, do you even know
what "classy" means?

'Cause you're always saying
things are classy when they aren't,

like your classy carpeted van.

The Shagging Wagon?

That had a buttload of class.
Check it out.

Oh.

Wait, Michael,
these are all pictures of you.

Yeah, I was the only thing
not covered in slime.

Oh, here's one of
Brooke's boobs.

Where did that one
of Brooke's boobs go?

Ah, here we go.
Here's a picture of the kid.

Nice, Kelso,
she's got Brooke's eyes

and your fondness
for mooning the camera.

Oh, Michael, she is adorable.

Hey, I brought
cigars to celebrate.

- Sweet.
- Fun.

I love cigars.

I hate cigars.

This is way worse than what
we usually do in the circle.

It tastes disgusting, it smells rank,
it doesn't even make stuff funny.

This should be illegal.

I hate this.

It's like smoking
a dirty sock, only easier.

I love cigars.
I'm good at everything.

I just threw up a little.

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

"Out of business"?

I can't believe it.
I loved this place.

How could this happen?

Red, it's not
your ancestral home.

Well, what kind of a town
is this anymore,

if we don't even
have a muffler shop?

A loud one.

Okay, cheer up.
Maybe this is good news.

Ooh, what if something fun opens
up here next, like a button shop.

We could come here as a family

and just dig and dig through
big drawers of buttons.

I think it sounds fun.

Okay, you guys, I made a list of all
the things I wanna do on my year off.

Check out number five.

"Jump into my car through
the window like the Duke boys."

No, no, no, no. No, I already did
that. That should be crossed off.

Number six.

"Vandalize a local business"?

Yes, and today I happened to
see an out-of-business muffler shop.

Imagine the muffler shop signs

with the "L-E-R" scratched off
the word "muffler."

Eric, no, that's gross.

What's gross? I don't get it.
I want to know what's gross.

Replace your old "muffler"
without the "ler."

"Replace your old muff..."

Oh, I get it.

I get it.

Okay, you know that I'm
digging the new, whimsical Eric,

but don't you think you could find a
prank that isn't highly offensive to women?

Donna, you're asking me to
play tennis without a racket here.

Okay, what if you took "M-U-F"
off the front of "muffler"

so the sign says stuff
about "flers," right?

That's French for flowers,

and people will be really mad if they
thought it was a French flower shop.

Huh?

Yeah, that sucks,
yours is funny. Go.

I never thought
this could happen,

but I've officially
become more attractive.

Tonight, I have a date with a chick
who called my single fatherhood

the cutest thing
she'd ever heard of.

You know, I don't know why

more guys don't impregnate
women and then not marry them.

Maybe because it's
irresponsible and shortsighted.

Okay, I might be irresponsible
but my vision is perfect.

"Trade in your used muffler."

It's brilliant.

He's right. I am delighted
and disgusted at the same time.

It's just nice to finally feel
that way when I'm not alone.

Hey, let me ask you guys
a question about my dad.

Shoot.

How often are you supposed to talk
to the man who impregnated your mom

before she married the man
you thought was your father?

Um, I could check with some folks
in Kentucky and get back to you.

I could give you the number of
some first cousins who got married.

Thanks, man, I don't really
wanna talk to your parents.

Ah, good burn.

Okay, ice cream's finished,
bubblegum, I will save you for later.

Guys, let's do this.

"Winterize your muffler."

You know, I almost hope
we get arrested.

I really want this on my record.

Well, it's clear these baby pictures
are having the desired effect.

Oh, and here's another one after
we hosed her off and warmed her up.

Oh, she's so cute.
Almost as cute as you.

Yeah, she wishes.

Oh, my gosh!

I had that same blankie
when I was a baby.

My daddy use to wrap me in it
after my bath.

Your daddy?

Oh, my God.

You're somebody's daughter?

So?

So, I'm thinking about how I would feel
if my baby girl was out with a guy like me.

And it is not good.
I'm all hands.

That's okay,
because I want you to...

Dude,
that is not what that is for!

Look at you,

with your bright eyes
and your rosy cheeks.

I think vandalism
really agrees with you.

Well, Donna, I think I've
really turned a corner here.

I'm tough, I'm gritty...

Okay, I've got paint
under my fingernails.

I may need to borrow
my mother's manicure set.

No, leave it.
It makes you look dangerous.

Like you don't even know
what a manicure set is.

Donna, you got a little
something on your face, I got it.

Kitty, come on in here.

Boy, have I got big news.

- What's going on?
- We just came from the bank.

- You know that muffler shop
that went out of business?
- Mmm-hmm.

- I bought it.
- Oh, no!

♪ Do the "Oh, no"

♪ Oh, no!

♪ Do the "Oh, no"

♪ Oh, no!

Come on, everybody!

♪ Do the "Oh, no"

♪ Say what?

♪ Do the "Oh, no"

♪ Right now ♪

What the hell?

Yeah.
"What the hell" is right.

Who would do such an
irresponsible and ironic thing?

Certainly not anyone
I would want to make out with.

I mean the opposite of that.

Okay, you gotta admit it, this
one's pretty funny.

I'm sorry, I love word play.

I don't get it.

What's so funny about a muff?

- Kitty.
- I mean, muffs aren't funny.

I have a beautiful gray one
that I have been using for years.

For the love of God, please.

- Just tell me what's
so funny about my...
- Nothing.

- Nothing is funny.
- Exactly.

Would you look at this?

Bubblegum ice cream?

Okay, good start.

Now let's fan out
and search for more clues.

Then I realized that Kimberly
is some guy's daughter.

Yeah, and he probably loves
her as much as I love my daughter.

And then I had to go
and take a boiling hot shower

and scrub until
a little skin came off.

So the joy of having a daughter
has come with some tragedy.

You can no longer treat women
like meaningless whores.

Sucker.

Steven, see,
fathers love their children,

just like your new daddy
loves you. So call him.

No.

Steven,
you never do anything I say.

If you were a dog
or someone who worked for me,

I'd smack you on the nose
with a newspaper.

All right.
You guys, this is serious.

I may never be able
to have sex again,

now that I realize that women
are more than just sex objects.

Hey, is this like the time you
realized you wanted to be a cop,

or like the time you realized
that you were a robot?

My eyes were red
in all of my pictures.

You know, I just don't believe
that you've changed this much.

For example, what would you do
if I were to lean way over like this?

What are you doing?
Grab it, man.

I can't. I respect women now.

Listen, what am I gonna do?

It's no big deal, man. You
can just never have sex again.

With this body?

All right. People would riot
in the streets.

You know, you could engage
in a meaningful relationship.

What... Donna, this is no time
for your feminist mumbo-jumbo.

Okay, wait, you guys,
he doesn't wanna change.

He wants to feel like
he's respecting women

while still acting like
a shallow creep.

You know, you've always
gotten me, Jackie.

That's it. I need a loophole

so I can keep doing what I'm
doing without being a bad father.

The father.
The father is the key.

Oh, so we kill the father.

That's not what I meant.

Oh, me either.

Of course Steven
should call his dad.

I know, but he won't do it,
and I've tried everything.

Nagging him,
poking him, smacking him.

You know,
my bag of tricks is empty.

Well, he needs a father.

The day is fast approaching

when someone's gonna have to talk
to him about the birds and the bees.

Well, actually, Mrs. Forman...

Yes, it's fast,
fast approaching.

Oh, here he comes.
Okay, please do something.

Okay, I'm good at this.

Oh, this is Steven's father,
you say?

You really wanna talk to him but
he has to call you first, you say?

Mrs. Forman?

I know you're not really
on the phone with my dad.

Oh, you do?

Oh, you do?

Well, you're right.

I thought you said
you were good at this.

He is a lot savvier than Eric.

Why can't you guys just let me
do things my own way?

Because I know meeting
your dad meant a lot to you.

And every time
something means a lot to you,

you push it away
before it can push you away.

And every time something
means a lot to me, I smother it,

which is why
we're such a good couple.

Fine, I'll call,

if you both promise to stop bothering
me about it, let me do it by myself.

- Absolutely.
- Anything you want.

I wish I had a camera.

Can I just get a picture
of you holding the phone?

- I'm hanging up.
- We're going.

Going.

Yeah, hi,
William Barnett, please.

Hey, man, it's Steven.

Tell him you love him.
Daddy! Daddy, he loves you!

Hello, sir,
I'm here to pick up Kimberly,

and I figure if I'm upfront
with you about my intentions,

we can all feel good
about our date.

Now, I'm about to do things of a
sexual nature with your daughter,

and even though she does
those things with everyone,

I have a new respect for the
father-daughter relationship,

now that I have a daughter,
out of wedlock.

I'm no longer with the mother,
don't worry.

So I figure,
with your permission,

I can proceed to pleasure her
time and time again.

What do you say?

Ow!

God, I can't believe Red
bought the muffler shop.

All right, that's it, new
Eric's out, old Eric's back.

I should probably just go upstairs
and think about what I've done.

Come on.
You can't turn back now.

You're like an explorer
discovering a new you.

When Columbus discovered
America instead of the West Indies,

did he go to his room?

No, he waded into Mexico
and stole all of their gold.

Okay, I'm not following.

I think it's hot when you do naughty
stuff and I want you to keep doing it.

You know what? It is hot.

I'm not gonna let
Red bully me out of it.

I mean, how often was I hot
before? Almost never, right?

But now I am hot
and hot I will stay.

Let's celebrate.

One of Red's beers?

There's a new sheriff
in town, little lady.

Well, if it isn't my son,
the vandal.

You know, I ought to vandalize
your ass with my foot.

Look, I said I was sorry
and I'd fix up the shop.

Come on, Dad, aren't we getting
a little old for this whole dance?

I mean, here we are shaking
our booties and I mean...

Disco's dead.

You're not taking
dance classes again, are you?

No.

I'm saying here's
what's gonna happen,

you're gonna accept
my apology, man to man,

and then sit down with me and
my girl here and enjoy this beer.

No, here's what's gonna happen.

You are gonna put down
that beer and go to your room.

Or here's what's gonna happen.

I am gonna go to my room.

But first,

I'm gonna chug this beer.

Chug it, Eric.

Okay, that's really fizzy.

But I think I made my point.

Now you put some
Saran Wrap on that,

and I will finish it later.

I will have you know
that my friend Linda

just filled me in
on some slang words

that some people in
my family find funny.

And now I can never feel
comfortable with my muff again.

- Mom...
- Don't laugh, mister.

When you were a baby, I used to
put you in it when you got out of the tub.

Okay, this isn't funny anymore.

Stop.