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1
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:03,569
I'm so glad you liked the house.
2
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:06,971
Hey, so a few things. One,
all the appliances are included.
3
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,769
Two, the previous residents
were murdered there.
4
00:00:08,793 --> 00:00:11,204
And three, it just
passed mold inspection.
5
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:12,388
So which would...
6
00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:14,113
Uh-huh.
7
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,265
I get it. We'll
just keep looking.
8
00:00:17,334 --> 00:00:19,534
Although, it does give
the house character.
9
00:00:19,603 --> 00:00:21,870
If those walls could talk...
10
00:00:21,939 --> 00:00:24,223
(CHUCKLES) I agree.
It's not funny. Bye-bye.
11
00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:26,453
It's okay, honey. You're
gonna sell that murder house.
12
00:00:26,477 --> 00:00:27,526
Thanks.
13
00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:29,728
CLAIRE: "Ahh, Get
this blood off me!"
14
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,063
What? Of who?
15
00:00:35,185 --> 00:00:37,286
"The Walls"? You
mean Barb and Fat Wall?
16
00:00:37,354 --> 00:00:38,434
Are they in trouble?
17
00:00:53,370 --> 00:00:55,032
Morning. CLAIRE: Oh.
18
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,588
Would you like some coffee?
19
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:59,102
God, no. I've been up
all night. I gotta get to bed.
20
00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:01,109
Hey, can you guys not use, like,
21
00:01:01,177 --> 00:01:03,111
the blender or
vacuum or anything?
22
00:01:03,180 --> 00:01:04,613
I just need five hours.
23
00:01:04,681 --> 00:01:07,149
So, I guess we stopped
looking for a new job?
24
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,833
Actually, we have.
25
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,035
Your daughter has gone
into business for herself.
26
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:13,388
Great! What kind of business?
27
00:01:13,456 --> 00:01:15,185
I put a group of girls together
28
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:17,443
and we promote clubs
and stuff via social media.
29
00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,789
That doesn't
sound like a real job.
30
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:22,030
Your last job barely
sounded like a real job.
31
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:25,734
We made 500 dollars last
night for promoting a hookah bar.
32
00:01:25,803 --> 00:01:27,380
CLAIRE: Remember
when you were a little girl?
33
00:01:27,404 --> 00:01:30,850
You told me you wanted
your job to be princess.
34
00:01:30,874 --> 00:01:33,591
I would kill for those days.
35
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:36,106
PHIL: "Is that why you're
dressed like a hookah?"
36
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,491
Honey, you're not making sense
again. Do you need to lie down?
37
00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,743
Mom, I knew you
would be like this.
38
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,695
Dad, you understand
what I'm doing, right?
39
00:01:42,719 --> 00:01:45,804
Of course. Power of social
media. I'm on Team Gets-it.
40
00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:47,250
Can you guys just
give me a chance
41
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,752
to get this thing
off the ground?
42
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:51,860
Yes. We can. I always
keep an open mind.
43
00:01:51,929 --> 00:01:54,162
Fine. You take this
one. My plate's full.
44
00:01:54,231 --> 00:01:56,025
I've got a meeting
at school today
45
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,716
to discuss Luke's
college options.
46
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,057
(CHUCKLES) Should
be a short meeting.
47
00:02:18,088 --> 00:02:19,532
(GRUNTING) (WHISTLES)
48
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:21,522
Yes. Dwight. That's
the way you read
49
00:02:21,592 --> 00:02:23,312
the reverse.
Gentlemen, circle up.
50
00:02:23,961 --> 00:02:25,644
We are 3 and 0.
51
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:27,273
But if we are gonna
go all the way,
52
00:02:27,297 --> 00:02:29,898
we all need to be as mentally,
53
00:02:29,967 --> 00:02:32,884
as physically tough as Dwight.
54
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,264
Coach. Yes?
55
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:36,549
You know my dad's
in the service? Uh-huh.
56
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,089
He's being
restationed to Florida.
57
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,476
What? Today's my last day.
58
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:44,429
Okay, uh... Everybody
get some water.
59
00:02:44,481 --> 00:02:46,481
Coach, you okay? (WHIMPERING)
60
00:02:48,318 --> 00:02:49,529
Welcome. Welcome.
61
00:02:49,553 --> 00:02:51,163
Hello. Shall we start?
62
00:02:51,187 --> 00:02:53,132
Shouldn't we wait for
Luke's guidance counselor?
63
00:02:53,156 --> 00:02:55,185
Mrs. Marks is going
through a terrible divorce.
64
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:56,803
She's very fragile right now.
65
00:02:56,827 --> 00:02:59,022
So I'm trying to keep the more
challenging cases away from her.
66
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,445
None taken.
67
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,281
I have been perusing
your transcript.
68
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,383
And, apropos of
nothing, you know,
69
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:07,430
not every kid is
destined for college.
70
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,304
But Luke is. Right?
71
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:10,956
Okay. I'll play along.
72
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,586
The reality is that Luke's
grades and test scores
73
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:16,344
are what we educators
call "sub optimal."
74
00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:17,496
Is that good?
75
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,147
See what I'm talking about?
76
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:22,484
So, we're gonna have to really
juice the extra-curriculars. Okay?
77
00:03:22,553 --> 00:03:25,571
Is there anything
he's passionate about?
78
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,021
I love chicken pot pie.
79
00:03:27,090 --> 00:03:29,035
Remember when I said I
would do most of the talking?
80
00:03:29,059 --> 00:03:32,338
Principal Brown. Leslie Kwan
Collins from the Daily Dolphin.
81
00:03:32,362 --> 00:03:33,806
Yeah, I know who
you are, Leslie.
82
00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:36,125
Must we do this dance
every single time?
83
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,560
Would you like to
issue a statement
84
00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:39,578
about Eric Thompson's
abrupt resignation
85
00:03:39,602 --> 00:03:40,842
as student council president?
86
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,222
Sure, here's my statement.
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
87
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,750
My sources say
that he was caught
88
00:03:44,774 --> 00:03:47,008
selling school
saxophones on Craigslist.
89
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,678
Well, I guess you could say
you had a "sax scandal" then?
90
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,557
"Sax scandal." I'm
running with that.
91
00:03:51,581 --> 00:03:53,898
Oh, thanks a lot
for that. Very helpful.
92
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,317
So where did we land?
93
00:03:55,386 --> 00:03:57,530
We're putting Luke on Adderall
or taking him off? I forget.
94
00:03:57,554 --> 00:04:00,037
We weren't discussing Adderall.
95
00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:03,608
Although, Adderall
has helped a lot of kids.
96
00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:06,160
Hey, we need a new president.
Why don't I just do that?
97
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:07,962
Maybe it will be cool?
98
00:04:08,032 --> 00:04:09,548
I do like bossing people around.
99
00:04:09,616 --> 00:04:11,332
That's called leadership.
100
00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:12,834
Wow, look at you.
101
00:04:12,903 --> 00:04:14,535
I think I'm maturing.
102
00:04:14,604 --> 00:04:17,455
Luke, this is a lot of work.
Are you sure you are up for it?
103
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:20,825
Mom, it's all I ever wanted ever
since I heard about it a minute ago.
104
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:24,512
Yeah. Well, I think
you should go for it.
105
00:04:24,581 --> 00:04:27,941
I can't think of a
single reason why not.
106
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:32,720
All right, girls, so I have a
couple notes about last night.
107
00:04:32,789 --> 00:04:34,450
Arizona, I was
looking at your selfies.
108
00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:35,634
Are your parents mallards?
109
00:04:35,658 --> 00:04:37,603
What? What's with
all the duck face?
110
00:04:37,627 --> 00:04:39,572
You look like you're at a
bachelorette party in Tampa.
111
00:04:39,596 --> 00:04:42,041
And, Katen, did I see you
drinking water at the Red Room?
112
00:04:42,065 --> 00:04:43,843
I had to wake up
early in the morning.
113
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,179
Oh, yes, because that's
what we are promoting.
114
00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:48,298
A club where people
make good decisions.
115
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:49,687
I'm sorry.
116
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:51,089
You are so weak.
117
00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:54,317
I can't believe I let you kiss
me in front of the Lakers.
118
00:04:55,345 --> 00:04:57,256
Not to sound like a total Katen,
119
00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,947
but Haley's new job seems whack.
120
00:05:00,016 --> 00:05:03,885
If Haley wants to work in promotion,
she should learn from my guy.
121
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,987
Mr. Merv Schechter.
122
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,672
Among his brilliant innovations,
123
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:11,409
the indoor blimp that drops
coupons at basketball games.
124
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:14,946
Sadly, it was later weaponized
by several terrorist organizations.
125
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,878
Hey, Jay, do you need to
julienne any vegetables?
126
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,713
What? If so, you
can use the knife
127
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,165
your grandson jammed in my back.
128
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,733
Well, that was
worth the journey.
129
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,273
What happened, Papi?
130
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:27,554
Luke decided to run against
me for student council president.
131
00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:30,128
I've devoted my entire
life to public service
132
00:05:30,196 --> 00:05:32,959
only to be challenged by a
guy who's devoted his entire life
133
00:05:32,983 --> 00:05:34,900
to watching skateboard
fails on YouTube.
134
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,379
Luke's running for president?
135
00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:39,070
I mean I love him... Jay
is right. Luke is a dummy.
136
00:05:39,122 --> 00:05:40,867
Never said that.
He wants a fight?
137
00:05:40,891 --> 00:05:42,423
He's got one.
138
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:45,254
I'm gonna hit my step-nephew
with so many stinging rejoinders,
139
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,356
that he will be
crying step-uncle.
140
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:47,440
Yes. (CHUCKLES)
141
00:05:47,464 --> 00:05:50,481
Dynamic word play.
High school kids love that.
142
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:52,145
He's gonna lose. He might not.
143
00:05:52,169 --> 00:05:53,763
Really? You wanna
roll those dice?
144
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,387
Remember how depressed he
got when he lost the last election?
145
00:05:56,706 --> 00:05:58,623
(GROANING)
146
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,296
(GROANING)
147
00:06:07,884 --> 00:06:09,004
(SIGHS)
148
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,036
Hi, Daddy.
149
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,134
There she is. Our little girl.
150
00:06:14,158 --> 00:06:16,769
Mitchell, do you remember, back
before we had her, how we were?
151
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:20,077
So worried that an extra person
would make the house feel crowded.
152
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,179
Uh...
153
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:22,763
No, I don't
remember that at all.
154
00:06:22,833 --> 00:06:24,794
Oh, boy, were we wrong.
You didn't want me?
155
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,012
This isn't about
you, honey. I think
156
00:06:26,036 --> 00:06:27,356
daddy's ramping up to something.
157
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,532
Any who, there is a
football player on the team
158
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,084
who needs a place to stay
until the end of football...
159
00:06:32,108 --> 00:06:33,891
No.
160
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,080
Would you let me finish?
Okay, fine. Go ahead.
161
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,590
Season. No.
162
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:39,391
He can't stay here. Cam,
we don't have the room.
163
00:06:39,415 --> 00:06:40,577
He can sleep in the den.
164
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:43,401
I love the den. I
watch TV in the den.
165
00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:45,904
Besides, where you gonna
sleep tonight after this fight?
166
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:47,517
He can sleep in the
apartment upstairs.
167
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,201
No, we need the rent
to pay the mortgage.
168
00:06:49,225 --> 00:06:50,808
I'm sorry, Cam. It's
not gonna happen.
169
00:06:52,061 --> 00:06:54,696
Coach, can I come in yet?
170
00:06:54,764 --> 00:06:57,204
See, now you've put me
in an awkward position.
171
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,481
Why can't he stay
with someone else?
172
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:03,933
Because I'm his football coach.
173
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,407
And his father trusts me.
174
00:07:05,475 --> 00:07:06,892
(SIGHS) Why you always...
175
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,477
Hey. Hey.
176
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:11,596
Hi. Hey.
177
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,944
Why do you always insist
on making these big decisions
178
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,145
without discussing
with me first?
179
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,803
I do not.
180
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,982
You asked the couple we met at
the car rental to vacation with us.
181
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:21,300
It would have been rude not to.
182
00:07:21,324 --> 00:07:22,640
It was our honeymoon.
183
00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:25,626
(CLEARS THROAT) Sorry,
your door knob came off.
184
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,389
It sure did, big guy. Again?
185
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:28,529
(LAUGHTER)
186
00:07:28,598 --> 00:07:30,782
That's fine. I'm
already hating this.
187
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,167
I don't wanna be critical...
188
00:07:32,235 --> 00:07:33,518
You gotta be kidding me.
189
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:34,681
This is not one of
your more lovable traits.
190
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:36,237
What isn't?
191
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:39,458
Always saying no to things and
then eventually coming around?
192
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,220
Why can't we just
skip to the good part?
193
00:07:41,244 --> 00:07:43,255
I think you'd have a
different attitude about this
194
00:07:43,279 --> 00:07:46,013
if I was the one constantly
making unilateral decisions.
195
00:07:46,082 --> 00:07:48,244
If it was something important
to you, I would support it.
196
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:50,185
Are you sure about that? 100%.
197
00:07:50,254 --> 00:07:52,631
And once you know Dwight the
way I... (GLASS SHATTERING)
198
00:07:52,655 --> 00:07:54,834
I do, you will find
that he will enrich...
199
00:07:54,858 --> 00:07:57,098
Okay. Dwight,
please stop moving.
200
00:07:59,296 --> 00:08:00,745
Hola, Luke.
201
00:08:00,797 --> 00:08:03,215
Hey, guys. What are
you doing... In my room?
202
00:08:03,266 --> 00:08:05,750
Just wanted to see
my favorite grandson.
203
00:08:05,802 --> 00:08:08,736
You guys been drinking?
No more than usual.
204
00:08:08,805 --> 00:08:12,173
I heard a rumor that you're
running for student council president.
205
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:14,037
Yup, I'm working on
my speech right now.
206
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:17,061
Good. I know I wouldn't
want any part in that nonsense.
207
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,250
Me neither. Not very sexy.
208
00:08:19,283 --> 00:08:20,898
Take so much time
209
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:23,495
and then you wouldn't even have
a chance to ride your minibike.
210
00:08:23,519 --> 00:08:25,030
I don't have a minibike. Yet.
211
00:08:25,054 --> 00:08:26,604
But if you play ball...
212
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,417
Hey, Luke, I need
you to take the...
213
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:29,819
What are you guys doing in here?
214
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,687
They're trying to bribe
me not to run for president.
215
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:33,110
What?
216
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,158
Manny have been working
all his life to be president.
217
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,181
And now, Luke just salsas in
218
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:40,117
and tries to take it away
from him. It's not fair.
219
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,164
Look, this means
a lot to Luke too.
220
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,033
It's given him a whole
new sense of purpose.
221
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,591
I've heard enough and
I've made my decision.
222
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,375
Manny will be
president this term
223
00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:50,127
and we will run Luke next year.
224
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,424
I'm graduating.
225
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:52,898
That's the spirit.
226
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,366
I don't like to
play this card but
227
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,201
I am the patriarch.
And I have spoken.
228
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,629
Not much of a card, Dad,
'cause I don't really care.
229
00:08:58,672 --> 00:09:00,049
How about the two
of you get going,
230
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,851
'cause Luke has a
speech to work on.
231
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,555
You wanna go up against the
Pritchett Political Machine? So be it.
232
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,135
Bye, Grandpa. Bye, kiddo.
233
00:09:09,066 --> 00:09:10,776
All right, Luke.
We need to talk.
234
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,200
Grandpa is coming for you,
235
00:09:12,268 --> 00:09:14,880
and he has run successful
political campaigns before.
236
00:09:14,904 --> 00:09:16,933
He got Mitchell
elected class president
237
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,651
before it was cool to be gay.
238
00:09:18,675 --> 00:09:21,509
I've got this, Mom. I'm
running on a gun platform.
239
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:22,688
What are you talking about?
240
00:09:22,712 --> 00:09:26,080
I'm talking about my guns.
241
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:29,100
Ugh. All right. Let's
look at the speech.
242
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:30,546
I think it's pretty
good. Mmm-hmm.
243
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,851
I'm opening with a joke about
how Principal Brown's kids
244
00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:34,956
look like the mailman. Mmm-hmm.
245
00:09:35,025 --> 00:09:36,265
And select all, delete.
246
00:09:36,293 --> 00:09:37,775
Hey.
247
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:41,362
I gotta be me. No,
you gotta be less you.
248
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,848
If you want this, you
gotta out-Manny Manny.
249
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,195
Ooh, where is that suit I
got you for Alex's graduation?
250
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,753
That was a year ago. I
can't fit into that anymore.
251
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:49,888
Because of...
252
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,197
I know. I got it.
253
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,978
This was full. Sorry.
254
00:09:57,046 --> 00:09:58,963
You're just gonna
be disappointed.
255
00:09:59,016 --> 00:10:01,065
Good morning, everyone.
256
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,512
If you're hungry, I hid some
cookies behind the toaster.
257
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:04,552
Found 'em.
258
00:10:04,621 --> 00:10:06,282
(DOORBELL RINGS) Oh.
259
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:08,350
I was thinking about what you
said yesterday and you were right.
260
00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:10,892
We should be able to
make our own decisions.
261
00:10:10,961 --> 00:10:11,976
You know?
262
00:10:13,462 --> 00:10:16,280
All I can say is,
thank you again.
263
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:19,467
Dane Edna, now say
hi to your foster daddies.
264
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:20,868
Ronaldo, what's going on?
265
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,498
We're taking care of Dane Edna
266
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,783
while Ronaldo takes Pepper
to Asia for a medical procedure.
267
00:10:24,807 --> 00:10:27,092
Is everything okay?
Oh, don't worry.
268
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,203
Between us,
269
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:30,311
he's getting a
monkey chin in Laos.
270
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,330
Oh, so it's a fun month
for everyone, huh?
271
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:35,883
Mm. I'm going to
miss this beautiful diva.
272
00:10:35,952 --> 00:10:37,747
Her tummy can
get a little fussy,
273
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,782
so if you are ever wondering
what to cook for her,
274
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,046
just ask yourself
275
00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:42,351
"What would Patti LuPone eat?"
276
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,975
Oh.
277
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,188
Oh, I'm sorry I didn't
ask you about this,
278
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,857
but it's really important to me,
279
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:49,931
and you said you'd
support any decision I made.
280
00:10:49,999 --> 00:10:51,343
I'm not sure what you are doing
281
00:10:51,367 --> 00:10:53,017
because you're being so subtle,
282
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:56,170
but if you think a giant slobbery
dog is what this household needs,
283
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,339
then color me "gung-ho."
284
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,058
Here are her medicines.
285
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,527
The ones wrapped in
foil don't go in the mouth.
286
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,056
Okay. (BARKS)
287
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,229
Ah.
288
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,214
I am so sorry.
289
00:11:07,283 --> 00:11:10,563
We've trained her to
take carbs away from us.
290
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:14,805
I don't get it.
291
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:17,141
You look amazing. I love it.
292
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,537
Why did you buy this for me?
293
00:11:18,561 --> 00:11:20,023
Because I thought you
would look great up there
294
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,529
when you give your big speech.
295
00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:23,642
I'm running for president,
Mom. I'll wear a suit and tie.
296
00:11:23,666 --> 00:11:25,010
Well, then you will be
dressed for your funeral.
297
00:11:25,034 --> 00:11:26,446
Kid, you gotta
know your audience.
298
00:11:26,470 --> 00:11:28,397
You don't think I can
relate to my peers?
299
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:30,066
Well, this is a
fine kettle of fish.
300
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,934
I'm gonna say this as
gently as I know how.
301
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:33,224
You're going to lose.
302
00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:34,987
I wasn't gonna yell it,
but at least it's out there.
303
00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:37,371
Wait, you think
I'm going to lose?
304
00:11:37,414 --> 00:11:38,824
But you never think
I'm going to lose.
305
00:11:38,848 --> 00:11:40,965
Look, you're a great
kid. All we are saying is,
306
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:43,785
be a little more casual Friday,
a little less Ash Wednesday.
307
00:11:43,853 --> 00:11:48,072
Yeah, go up there and be
like, "Yo, what's up ballers?"
308
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:51,859
"Monday suck like
pizza and whatever."
309
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,072
This is feeling a little weird.
310
00:11:53,096 --> 00:11:54,195
Trust us?
311
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,520
If you really
think it will help.
312
00:11:57,134 --> 00:12:00,414
Hey, write that pizza pie
thing down while it's fresh.
313
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,231
I hope you don't mind,
I decided it was fine
314
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:03,599
to play fetch in the house.
315
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,663
(DOG BARKS) No, I
support that decision.
316
00:12:06,109 --> 00:12:08,292
(TOY SQUEAKS)
317
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:10,122
Well, I look forward to
what's about to happen.
318
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,280
(BARKING)
319
00:12:12,349 --> 00:12:14,749
There we go. All right.
320
00:12:15,118 --> 00:12:17,001
Okay, coach. I'll
meet you at the game.
321
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,697
Who's a winner? I'm a winner.
322
00:12:18,721 --> 00:12:20,399
Who's a winner? I'm a winner.
323
00:12:20,423 --> 00:12:22,623
(BOTH DOG AND DWIGHT BARKING)
324
00:12:22,692 --> 00:12:24,025
(PANTING)
325
00:12:25,795 --> 00:12:26,915
Hey.
326
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:30,698
Okay, I'm gonna go first.
327
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:32,483
I was petty and vindictive
328
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:34,792
and I will find someone
else to look after the dog.
329
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:37,662
Do you have anything to say?
330
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,384
Thank you. I know that
couldn't have been easy.
331
00:12:39,408 --> 00:12:41,041
Cam, I swear to God...
332
00:12:41,110 --> 00:12:44,445
Okay, you're right. I should
have consulted you first.
333
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:45,857
I'll tell Dwight that he has to
334
00:12:45,881 --> 00:12:48,149
move out after the game tonight.
335
00:12:48,217 --> 00:12:51,486
Not that anybody cares,
but for lunch, I had a lozenge.
336
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,125
So how long is
this going to take?
337
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:59,560
I just need to reorder
some promotional Frisbees.
338
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,879
And say a quick hi
to Merv, the genius,
339
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:05,350
who supplied me with coasters
and key chains for over a decade.
340
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,196
He even put my face on a pillow.
341
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,398
That story makes me want
to put a pillow over my face.
342
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,783
Can we just get this over
with? I have a spray tan at 4:00.
343
00:13:11,807 --> 00:13:15,059
Spray tan. Who needs a spray
tan? Someone in winter. (CHUCKLES)
344
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,579
That's why you put a
coupon on an ice scraper.
345
00:13:17,647 --> 00:13:20,192
Boom. Just sent another
grandkid to Brandeis.
346
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,367
He shoots, he scores.
347
00:13:22,418 --> 00:13:25,569
Can you believe this young
man has a grand kid in college?
348
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,288
Mm. It's all about
lifestyle. Really.
349
00:13:27,356 --> 00:13:28,656
I walk five miles a day
350
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:31,386
and I've had a tremendous
amount of plastic surgery.
351
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:34,528
Oh, I had a brainstorm
on that property of yours
352
00:13:34,597 --> 00:13:35,858
that you are trying to unload,
353
00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:37,922
you know, where the
people... (IMITATES KILLING)
354
00:13:38,534 --> 00:13:40,385
You lean into it. Hmm?
355
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:43,004
You call it "Massacre Manor,"
356
00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:44,388
"Downton Stabby,"
357
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,001
"Charles mansion." (LAUGHING)
358
00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:48,493
I mean, I got a million of them.
359
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:51,362
Actually, probably,
I have three more.
360
00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:53,097
See, a master.
361
00:13:53,149 --> 00:13:54,415
Merv, meet my daughter Haley.
362
00:13:54,484 --> 00:13:56,796
Nice to meet you.
Your daddy tells me
363
00:13:56,820 --> 00:13:59,770
that you have come down
with the Madison Avenue Flu.
364
00:13:59,822 --> 00:14:01,889
I don't understand anything
that's happening here.
365
00:14:01,958 --> 00:14:03,936
I feel the same way
when I watch Empire.
366
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,371
(THUDS) (CAT MEOWS)
367
00:14:05,395 --> 00:14:08,495
Oh, no, you don't.
368
00:14:08,564 --> 00:14:11,432
(SIGHS) Some mangy cat keeps
sitting on the roof of my new Rolls.
369
00:14:11,501 --> 00:14:13,218
Merv collects cars.
370
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:17,021
Not to brag, but I can do a production
of 12 Angry Men starring cars.
371
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,389
(LAUGHTER)
372
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,541
No, you don't, Taffy.
373
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,645
What is he talking about?
What's Madison Avenue Flu?
374
00:14:23,713 --> 00:14:26,375
Oh, I may have mentioned
that you had a budding interest
375
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,560
in the promotional arts,
and total stroke of luck,
376
00:14:28,584 --> 00:14:31,269
Merv's assistant
is very, very sick.
377
00:14:31,321 --> 00:14:35,055
Wait a minute, you think my
business is in the same universe
378
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:37,725
as Carl's Auto Body
toilet seat covers?
379
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:41,128
Carl just opened a third
location because of that wizard.
380
00:14:41,197 --> 00:14:44,249
You got two lives left, Taffy. Is
this how you wanna spend them?
381
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:46,400
I don't need a job. I have one.
382
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:47,952
What happened to Team Gets-it?
383
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,453
Well, I don't gets-it.
384
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:51,316
Just seems like you're
hanging out at clubs,
385
00:14:51,340 --> 00:14:53,202
taking pictures with
a bunch of party girls.
386
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,071
I wanna be hip, but none of
this makes any sense to me.
387
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:57,640
I just want what's best for you.
388
00:14:57,664 --> 00:15:00,447
Nice pep talk. Oh, and
thanks for underestimating me.
389
00:15:00,516 --> 00:15:02,277
You know, if you were
Orville Redenbacher's dad,
390
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:03,918
we wouldn't have airplanes.
391
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,114
(GRUNTS) (THUMPS)
392
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,578
(CAT MEOWS) Gotcha. (CHUCKLES)
393
00:15:08,257 --> 00:15:10,497
I guess they don't
always land on their feet.
394
00:15:15,965 --> 00:15:19,750
ANNOUNCER: And the
pass. It's picked up by Dwight...
395
00:15:19,819 --> 00:15:21,819
(BELL RINGING) (CROWD CHEERING)
396
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:22,888
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
397
00:15:23,906 --> 00:15:25,189
ANNOUNCER: Touchdown!
398
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,091
Wow, that Dwight's
something, huh?
399
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,771
Yeah, well, he's fine. You know.
400
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:32,696
It's a team sport. They
probably wouldn't even miss him.
401
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,849
I just wanna say, I
love what you are doing.
402
00:15:35,918 --> 00:15:38,297
Thank you. I wear these
sweater with these trousers a lot.
403
00:15:38,321 --> 00:15:40,433
When you are
high-waisted, it is very difficult
404
00:15:40,457 --> 00:15:42,317
finding pieces that
work together, so...
405
00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:44,586
Yeah, you look really
nice, but what she means is,
406
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,728
it's great that you are
letting Dwight live with you.
407
00:15:47,797 --> 00:15:50,248
You're taking Dwight in?
That doesn't sound like you.
408
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:51,816
He's making him move out.
409
00:15:51,885 --> 00:15:53,418
That sounds like you.
410
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:56,954
Hey, losers, thought I'd see
you down at the concession stand.
411
00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:58,767
How long were you
working on that one?
412
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:02,459
Is that one of the gems that
you wrote into Luke's speech?
413
00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:05,780
I will have you know that
Luke wrote his own speech.
414
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,449
He contributed.
415
00:16:08,517 --> 00:16:10,150
He was there. Hmm.
416
00:16:11,521 --> 00:16:12,804
(SIGHS)
417
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,205
Hey. Hey.
418
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,470
What's with the suit? Me?
419
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,312
Why are you dressed
like Nicki Minaj?
420
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:23,558
My mom and Jay said it
made me more relatable.
421
00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:24,848
I feel like an idiot.
422
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:26,500
Yeah, me too.
423
00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:29,070
My mom forced me to wear
this so I'd be more like you.
424
00:16:29,138 --> 00:16:31,834
Yeah, because I'd wear a
brown belt with black shoes?
425
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:34,158
You know what we should
do? Throw out our speeches
426
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:35,360
and speak from the heart.
427
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,485
That's a great idea.
428
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,025
You forgot your
speech, didn't you?
429
00:16:40,049 --> 00:16:41,232
I plead the Second.
430
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:44,135
Also, you should know,
431
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:46,987
they arrested two of
the three perpetrators.
432
00:16:47,056 --> 00:16:48,789
Hey, honey. What
are you doing here?
433
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:51,058
Making a point. Oh.
434
00:16:51,127 --> 00:16:53,161
Hey, uh, I'm Phil Dunphy.
435
00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:56,497
Feel free to ask any
questions. Sweet neck tattoo.
436
00:16:56,565 --> 00:16:58,482
Don't forget to
sign the guest book.
437
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,268
Aren't these your work friends?
438
00:17:00,336 --> 00:17:02,214
Yeah, hold on a
second. Hey, Arizona.
439
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,958
Quack quack. Sorry.
440
00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:07,536
I know you don't think
what I'm doing is real,
441
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,604
but we just posted
about this terrible house
442
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,440
through all our accounts
on multiple platforms,
443
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,942
and there is already
a ton of people here,
444
00:17:12,966 --> 00:17:14,482
so, uh, you're welcome.
445
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,184
We don't really need
all this stuff, but okay.
446
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:25,109
All right everybody, before our
marching band takes the field
447
00:17:25,161 --> 00:17:28,112
with their tribute to
the films of Zac Efron,
448
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:31,365
let's hear it from our two candidates
for student council president.
449
00:17:31,434 --> 00:17:33,418
First up is Manny Delgado.
450
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:38,039
Actually, we are going
to speak together.
451
00:17:38,107 --> 00:17:40,902
Luke and I are here because
we each want your votes.
452
00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:42,955
However, certain
people want to change us
453
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:44,824
into being something
each of us is not.
454
00:17:44,848 --> 00:17:46,597
They're publicly shaming us.
455
00:17:46,665 --> 00:17:47,865
We deserve it.
456
00:17:47,933 --> 00:17:49,444
The important thing is
you two learned something.
457
00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:50,718
Save it, patriarch.
458
00:17:50,787 --> 00:17:51,830
The point is,
459
00:17:51,854 --> 00:17:53,549
we are two
individuals with our own
460
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,606
unique personalities and ideas.
461
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:57,642
What he said.
462
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,177
I won.
463
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,847
It was the lowest voter
turnout in school history.
464
00:18:02,899 --> 00:18:04,464
They hated the both of us.
465
00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:06,150
But you more.
466
00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:08,019
(GROANING)
467
00:18:09,806 --> 00:18:11,246
I gotta admit, I'm
really impressed
468
00:18:11,290 --> 00:18:12,701
that you got all
these people here,
469
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:15,810
but they don't really
look like house buyers.
470
00:18:15,878 --> 00:18:18,318
Dad, you have no idea
who has money anymore.
471
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:19,491
You see that girl?
472
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:21,943
She makes six figures
playing video games.
473
00:18:21,967 --> 00:18:24,863
And that dude, he invented
an app for trashing your friends
474
00:18:24,887 --> 00:18:26,437
called App Smear. Oh.
475
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:29,284
Anyone of these people could
buy this house, and if they do,
476
00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:31,470
you give us a percentage
of your commission.
477
00:18:31,494 --> 00:18:32,777
That's how we make money.
478
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,028
You the realtor?
479
00:18:34,097 --> 00:18:35,263
Indeed I am.
480
00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:36,747
I like this place.
481
00:18:37,733 --> 00:18:39,633
Show me where it happened.
482
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:42,369
Um, it's right down the hall.
483
00:18:42,438 --> 00:18:43,438
After you.
484
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:45,613
Her dad's loaded.
485
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,408
By the way, have
you seen the price?
486
00:18:47,477 --> 00:18:50,327
The owner wasn't the only
thing that's been slashed.
487
00:18:51,997 --> 00:18:54,165
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
488
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:55,299
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
489
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,835
ANNOUNCER: And
the Dolphins win. 21-20.
490
00:18:57,903 --> 00:18:59,231
Stick around for
your Dolphin Fan.
491
00:18:59,255 --> 00:19:00,454
(CROWD CHEERING)
492
00:19:00,523 --> 00:19:02,840
Dwight's playing is
like a professional.
493
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:05,893
It's amazing how one kid
can carry a whole team.
494
00:19:05,962 --> 00:19:07,589
It's like you are
doing this on purpose.
495
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:10,747
Excuse me, Mr. Pritchett. Leslie
Kwan Collins. Daily Dolphin.
496
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,360
For heroically taking in Dwight,
497
00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:14,279
you are this month's
Person with a Porpoise.
498
00:19:14,303 --> 00:19:15,480
Oh, I don't know about that.
499
00:19:15,504 --> 00:19:17,038
Embrace it.
500
00:19:17,106 --> 00:19:19,073
(INDISTINCT) (LAUGHTER)
501
00:19:19,141 --> 00:19:20,157
Good game.
502
00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:21,409
Thanks, Coach.
503
00:19:21,477 --> 00:19:23,744
Listen, I got something
rough I need to tell ya.
504
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:26,111
No, I know you and Mitchell
aren't just roommates.
505
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:28,476
I can't tell you how
much I appreciate
506
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,861
everything you are doing for me.
507
00:19:29,885 --> 00:19:31,885
Listen, I don't know how
I'm gonna tell you this.
508
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:34,171
So I'm not gonna.
509
00:19:34,239 --> 00:19:35,567
I just need you to do
everything I tell you.
510
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,290
Put your head on my shoulder.
511
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:38,692
Get in there. Now.
512
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,344
I need you to
pretend to start crying.
513
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:41,853
Really get those
shoulders into it.
514
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:43,881
That's good.
515
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,711
Oh, God, he's telling him.
516
00:19:45,735 --> 00:19:47,363
Stay strong. Yes.
517
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:49,169
Now I'm gonna cry. I'm sorry.
518
00:19:49,238 --> 00:19:51,055
I'm sorry. Okay. Final step.
519
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:53,357
I need you to sit
down, grab your knees,
520
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,459
and start rocking
sadly. All right?
521
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:56,927
(MUMBLING)
522
00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:00,442
Excuse me, can I have
everyone's attention please?
523
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,349
As you know, uh, Dwight's father
524
00:20:02,418 --> 00:20:04,301
was recently
restationed to Florida
525
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,537
and it was my intention
to have my family
526
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:08,526
have Dwight live with
us, but, unfortunately...
527
00:20:08,557 --> 00:20:10,774
But, unfortunately,
for our opponents,
528
00:20:10,827 --> 00:20:13,910
he's gonna be with us all
season 'cause the rumors are true.
529
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:16,113
Dwight is going to
be staying with us.
530
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:19,199
(CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
531
00:20:19,268 --> 00:20:22,186
That is the most
beautiful gesture ever.
532
00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:24,671
Thanks. I guess I do
always come around, huh?
533
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:26,189
(LAUGHS)
534
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:28,492
Dwight, you're staying.
What's going on?
535
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,172
I don't know. Coach just told me
536
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:31,757
to sit on the ground
and look sad.
537
00:20:31,781 --> 00:20:33,080
Cam?
538
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:35,349
Let's hear it for this month's
Person with a Porpoise,
539
00:20:35,417 --> 00:20:36,734
Mitchell Pritchett.
540
00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:38,980
How did you know about
that? Did that reporter go...
541
00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:41,566
We are having a serious
conversation when I get home.
542
00:20:41,590 --> 00:20:43,056
But I'm loving this.
543
00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:48,891
So, Phil, what can I do you for?
544
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,076
Well, oh, wise one, (CHUCKLES)
545
00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:53,028
Luke here is president
of the student council,
546
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:54,880
but he needs some
professional help.
547
00:20:54,904 --> 00:20:57,304
I have a likability issue.
548
00:20:57,373 --> 00:20:59,268
Yeah, I saw that
when you came in.
549
00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:00,641
What we need to do
550
00:21:00,709 --> 00:21:03,177
is promote you. Okay?
551
00:21:03,246 --> 00:21:04,857
I see a pin, "I like Luke."
552
00:21:04,881 --> 00:21:06,758
I see a bracelet,
"Luke is no fluke."
553
00:21:06,782 --> 00:21:08,666
I see a stadium cushion,
554
00:21:08,734 --> 00:21:11,201
"Luke has your back... side."
555
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,115
(CHUCKLES) How do you do that?
556
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:14,338
How about phone cases?
557
00:21:16,409 --> 00:21:18,569
Phone cases? I am so sorry.
558
00:21:19,629 --> 00:21:22,069
Sweetheart, this is why
people don't like you.
42318
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