All language subtitles for That 70s Show S06E21 1080p BluRay x264-YELLOWBiRD

- Hey, guys.
- Mitch!

I thought I heard
a matchbox car pull up.

Yeah, I'm short, and
you're shaped like a lollipop.

I'm not in the mood, Forman.

My brother Jack's wedding is
tomorrow, and I don't have a date.

Did you try Aly Richards?
She'll go anywhere there's cake.

That's how I got
her into my car.

But then I ate the cake,
and she left.

I'm in a real bind here.

I showed up
at the engagement party alone.

My family made
so much fun of me.

So I said to myself, 'cause,
of course, I was alone,

that I would bring someone
sizzling hot with me to the wedding.

Hey,
Donna, would you be my date?

Mitch, I don't know what to say.

Let me help you out. "No!"

Donna, if you went with me, I might
finally earn some respect from my family.

Let me say this for you
one more time in Spanish.

No!

I taught him that.

Eric,
you know, it seems harmless.

No, Donna,
I'm sorry, but I forbid it.

Oh!

Mitch, I'd love to go.

- Donna, what the hell?
- No.

I forbid you to ask me
questions about this.

But, Donna...

Let me tell you one more time in
Spanish...

Hey, Donna, thanks so
much for doing this.

Sure,
but, you know, just friends.

You don't get to touch
any of this juicy stuff.

No, don't worry. I'll even ask
another couple to be, like, chaperones.

Hey, Jackie,
do you and Hyde want to go?

I'm in, but I can't ask Steven.

I'm still on probation for tricking
him into a ballroom dancing class.

I'll go with you, Jackie, but I
warn you, don't drink too much.

I will take advantage.

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

Ah! I can't believe you
finally sprung for cable TV.

Wasn't it you who said, "I'd rather
kiss Ho Chi Minh than pay for TV"?

Well, your mother and I are
running out of things to talk about,

so I thought the extra 20
channels might help fill in the gaps.

Wait a second. Cable guy left?
He forgot to hook up the basement.

No, he didn't so much forget,

as follow my "don't hook up
the basement" instructions.

But, Red, for
an extra two bucks a month,

your wife and children could
be enjoying full-frontal nudity.

But I don't want
you to enjoy anything.

I want people your
age out of my house.

Hey, I'm only here
'cause you had a heart attack.

I only had a heart attack
because you're here.

I'm sorry, Michael, but I'm
gonna have to search that bag.

Every time you leave my house with a
backpack, I have to buy new hair spray.

I didn't take anything.
This is lunch.

I planned a whole romantic day
for me and Brooke.

So where are you
and Brooke headed?

Well, since she's having a baby,

I thought I'd take her to a
place that kids and girls like,

so I figured I'd start the date
off at an amusement park,

and we'd go on a ride
on the Lightning Whip.

And then I'm gonna take her
horseback riding up to this overlook,

and then we're gonna get cozy
and drink a little bingo-bango.

Oh, sweetie, you're so wrong
it makes me want to cry a little.

No, look, pregnant women
cannot go on roller coasters,

and they definitely can't drink alcohol,
or bad things can happen to the baby.

Case in point, Eric.

Well, we didn't know
any better back then.

I'm teaching a baby-care class
at the hospital.

If you brought Brooke, I
think she'd be very impressed.

All right. Yeah, sign us up.

You know, there was a time
that all I had to do to impress a girl

was turn my eyelids inside out.

This baby's
changing everything. Oh!

Thanks again for
doing this, Donna.

Grandpa saw me walk in with
you, and he slipped me a 20.

- Here, you should have this.
- See, that kind of
makes me a hooker.

Well, hello.

Looks like we're
sharing a table here.

Here's your drink, here's your
bread, and here's your new lover.

You wish.

I'm sitting next to a goddess.

I know. Didn't my hair
come out great tonight?

Not you, shorty.
Her. I need your help.

This is so easy, Fez.
She's like me.

She's a country club girl,
and we're bitches.

We only understand
one thing, money.

- How much should I give her?
- No.

Fez, act rich.

Good evening, ladies and
gentlemen. My name is Eric.

Eric, what are you doing here?

I changed my work schedule

so I could make sure that Mitch keeps
his tiny little doll hands to himself.

Eric,
Mitch is not a threat to you.

Okay, he's a perfectly harmless guy who
happens to worship the ground I walk on.

You know, it's not his
fault that I'm eye candy.

Well, relax. Don't worry.
Everything will be fine.

Welcome to
the Holiday Hotel ballroom.

I'll be your
waiter this evening.

But unlike a normal waiter, I
despise and may try to destroy you.

Waiter, I'm rich.

And as a rich man, I have
much more money than you.

Fez, I'm really not in the mood.

Hey, sometimes I'm not in
the mood to count all my money,

but I do it anyways
because I am a fat cat.

Yeah, well, your bow tie
is starting to unclip, fat cat.

Unbelievable.

They come to this country,
we give them a job...

They're just so ungrateful.

I'm Christy. And you are?

Ferrari.

Fez Ferrari.

This charity car wash
was a great idea, girls.

Let's take our shirts off!

Who changed my channel?

What the...

Steven!

What the hell's
the matter with you?

Stealing my cable!

Red, before you blow your stack, why don't
you take a look at that car wash girl?

She is so sudsy.

You drilled a hole in my floor.

My foot is about to
drill a hole in your ass!

But, Red, the car wash girls
have to make $500

or their super-freaky love nest is
gonna be turned into a bookstore.

Look, there's only one
clicker, and that's upstairs.

My cable, my channel.

Stop spraying me, silly,

or I'm gonna have to come over
there and kiss you.

Tasha, you want a kiss, too?

Wow, Tasha,
you have the biggest...

...thunderstorms, which will result

in a small-craft advisory...

No, no!

Man, look at all these preggos.

God, that one's walking
like a gigantic duck.

She's definitely in her third
trimester. The baby probably dropped.

No, I think it's still in there.

It means the baby's gotten
itself into the birthing position.

Man, you really know stuff.

I've read every baby
book in the library.

By the way, did you ever read
that book I gave you by Dr. Spock?

No, I kind of lost interest when I
realized it wasn't about Star Trek.

Well, you signed us up for this
class, and that was very thoughtful.

Well, that's me.
I'm Mr. Thoughtful.

Man,
how many kids are you having?

Oh, hi, Michael.

Hope you're ready to talk
boo-boos, burps and binkies.

Yeah, Brooke, this is Mrs.
Forman,

the lady that told me I shouldn't
take you horseback riding.

And, Mrs. Forman, this is Brooke,
the hot librarian I impregnated.

Well, I am so
happy you two are here.

And you should be happy, because
you have me as your tour guide

as you make
the transition to parenthood.

Michael.

But that could have been
anybody. Everybody knows I rule.

Okay, all right, okay.
Let's get started.

Now, when you first bring
your little bundles of joy home,

they will spend almost 20
hours a day sleeping and pooping.

Yeah, that's the life, huh?

Now who can tell me what they will
do with the rest of their cute little time?

- Yes, Brooke.
- They'll be eating.

Very good.
And what will they be eating?

Hey, when you're not looking, I'm
gonna sneak the little guy some popcorn.

Michael, babies can't eat
popcorn. They don't even have teeth.

My Grandma Bessie
doesn't have any teeth,

and trust me, she ain't shy
around a bucket of popcorn.

Well, Christy says money's great, but
she wants to get to know the real me,

and I really care about her.

So what's another
fake good quality

I could pretend to have
to trick her into the sack?

Okay, okay, well, she's wearing fur,
which means she must love animals,

which means she must
like sensitive guys.

Sensitive, huh?

You're good.

Hey, cutie. Where you been?

Who the hell do you think
you are, talking to me like that?

- I'm sensitive.
- Fez!

I guess it's a tradition for the
best man to say a few words.

And all I really want to say
is that my brother

is not the only one fortunate enough
to find himself in love's warm embrace.

So, everybody, I'd like to introduce
you to Donna, my new fiancee.

Or, as I like to call her, my big,
red love machine. That's her.

Mitch, what the hell
are you doing?

Ooh, look at that fireball go.

Feisty at the table,
feisty in the bedroom.

No. No.

She's feisty in my bedroom,
people, my bedroom.

Okay, he's just some lying, crazy
lunatic. He's crazy. This guy's crazy.

And my congratulations
to the happy couple.

This is the best wedding
I have ever been to.

Falling barometric
pressure from a cold front out of Canada.

Look at all that
hail in Buffalo.

How can you watch this?

It comforts me to know that there are
people out there more miserable than me,

like those people
in Buffalo, and you.

You have to sit here?
Why don't you go read a book?

Why don't you go read a book?

Because I have cable.

Very nice.

Baby says, "It's tight,
but not too tight,

"and I wuv the way you
powdered my wittle bottom."

I never thought I'd say this, but
you gotta take it easy on the nads.

I know what I'm doing. It's just, it
sounded so much easier in the books.

- Okay, there.
- Let's have a look.

Uh-oh! Baby says, "That's too loose.
Now I'm gonna wee-wee on Daddy."

I just have to
redo the safety pin.

- God, why can't I do this?
- Oh, no.

Baby says, "Ouch, you
poked me. Now I'm gonna cry."

That's it. I give up.

"Oh, Mommy, don't leave me.

"I don't want to end up
in state-run foster care."

You know, you seem normal
around your family,

but out in the world,
you're a little nuts.

So it turns out I
was right about Mitch.

So let's see, that's you, wrong.

Me, right.

You don't have to rub it in.

I think I do, Donna.
So rub-a-dub-dub, I'm right.

I am humiliated!

The only way I'm gonna get
my pride back is to kick your ass!

So I'm
challenging you to a fight.

That is,
unless you're too chicken.

What is this, third grade?

Okay, here's what I just heard.

"Third grade."

- Okay,
you can stop doing that.
- I can stop doing that...

Okay, fine. You know what?
I'll fight you. Fine.

Good. Tomorrow, 5:15,
the playground, you be there!

- Why not just do it at 5:00?
- I have swimming lessons!

Thank you so much
for helping me with Christy.

She was telling me what
she did last summer at camp,

and I think she
might be a whore.

- So if there's
anything I can do for you...
- Actually, Fez, there is.

When the bride tosses the
bouquet, I really want to catch it.

It's such a sweet
and magical moment,

so I need you to knock some
of those fat sluts out of my way.

I will make
those Weebles wobble,

and they will fall down.

Fez Ferrari, you're so rich and sensitive,
I think I might go all the way with you.

But only if you get everyone out of
my way so I can catch the bouquet.

How many bouquets do they throw?

One.

Let's see, who do I help?
Old friend, new whore?

Old friend, new whore?

What am I saying?
Do the right thing, Fez.

Okay, I don't know who gave you a
tattoo, but that is not good parenting.

Look, Michael,
I don't want to talk about it.

I thought I was ready,

but today I found out I don't
even know how to use a diaper.

We are gonna be covered in poo.

Look, I think you're underestimating
us, all right? Especially me.

Now, these beautiful hands
aren't just made for foreplay.

Check it out.

I remember the first time I
baby-sat for my little brother,

and he power-dooked
all over himself, right?

So I got my mom's salad tongs
and pulled off his pants,

and then I grabbed him by the ankles
and took him outside and hosed him off.

And voila.

Oh, Michael, it's so perfect.

See, you got the brains and the maternal
instincts, and I know how to wrap ass.

We're gonna do this together,
and we're gonna be fine.

"Oh, Daddy,
that's just how I like it."

You're really
starting to creep me out.

Winds variable
out of the northeast,

20 miles an hour
with gusts to 45.

Weather kicks ass.

Forman, I'm your bud, so
I'm rooting for you in this fight.

But business is business, so
I got 50 bucks on the little guy.

Well, I see the chicken
showed up for his beating.

How can I be a chicken
if I showed up for the fight?

You know, it's funny,
'cause what I just heard was...

Chicken...
Fight...

Eric, as someone that has been
punched a lot,

I have some advice.

Do not move to a new country
and try to fit in at high school.

Hey, Forman, come back here
so we can go over the rules.

Okay, Eric, one last thing.

You know when
we're play fighting,

and you grab my wrist,
and I go, "Ow! Ow! Ow!"?

That doesn't really hurt.

Okay? So, don't do that.

What? The Forman Death Grip?

Man, I was really
counting on that.

What are you doing here?
I don't want to fight you.

I was just trying to act tough so
I can get my self-respect back.

By threatening me?

It's okay. It's okay.

I've got a way out of this
that'll make us both look good.

We'll tell everyone that we
worked it out like gentlemen,

- and now we're
the best of friends.
- What? No.

Mitch, look, Donna was really
nice to you, and you humiliated her.

I can't let you
treat people like that.

Today I'm...

I'm standing up
for all humanity.

Would you do it for a 1968 G.I.Joe Desert
Rat edition with the original mess kit?

Please.
I have three of those.

- The French version?
- G.I. Jacques.

It does exist.

We got a deal?

Well, I'm afraid there's
not gonna be a fight here.

Guys, we worked out our
differences, and basically,

he's a really great guy.

Donna, he's doing the chicken
thing behind me right now!

Yeah. He's really good at it.

That's not the only thing
I'm good at, cherry pie.

All right, that's it.
You're dead.

Start the car, Mom!
Start the car!

...temperatures in the...

Ooh, Mr. Handyman,
I'm so glad you're finally here.

There are so many things
I need you to nail.

Lucky for you
I have a big hammer.

Red, you dirty man!

Mrs. Forman!

What are you watching?

- Weather.
- Winds variable...