All language subtitles for That 70s Show S06E02 1080p BluRay x264-YELLOWBiRD

All right,
Donna, put your chair here.

I wanna get Steven's attention,

and with you next to me I'll
look like a tiny porcelain doll.

You know, Jackie, some people
actually find me to be of normal height.

Sure,
if they're green and jolly.

I can't take it.
Watching Donna lie out,

knowing she's gonna go to
college and I have to stay here.

She's so, so...

- Juicy.
- Juicy.

My juicy.

Well, I'm not gonna stay here locked
in the house just 'cause Jackie looks

ridiculously hot in
that bathing suit.

- Later, Forman.
- Bye-bye, juicy.

Ladies. Ladies' bodies.

You know, I wish someone
would rub lotion on my shoulders.

Think they're
getting a little red.

Yeah, you should be careful.

Looks like you're
starting to scab.

Oh, that's a burn about a burn.

That's a second-degree burn!

You know, Jackie,
I think maybe Hyde's moved on.

No. No, no, no, no.

You don't just move on
from Jackie Burkhart.

I'm like the bottle. You need a
12-step program to break my spell.

Okay, ladies. All these sound
waves are interfering with my sunrays.

Let's tan.

All right, I'm gonna need you
to lotion me up, darling,

but only rub where you
can see. No roaming.

♪ Hanging out

♪ Down the street

♪ The same old thing

♪ We did last week

♪ Not a thing to do

♪ But talk to you

♪ We're all all right

♪ We're all all right ♪

Hello, Wisconsin!

Hey, Mom, Dad, I have
something I wanna tell you.

- I've decided
not to move away.
- What?

Yeah, I'm gonna stay and put
off college for just a little while,

or at least until you're well
enough to go back to work.

My baby, my baby, my baby!

Okay, Mom, this is actually
kind of embarrassing.

You're actually
really hurting me, yeah.

You mean I've been waiting 18 years
for you to get your butt out of this house,

and now you're staying?

Look, Mom, I signed
over my paycheck to you.

I want you to go
buy yourself something pretty.

Or, I don't know,

electricity.

Oh, honey, thank you.

Red, it wouldn't
kill you to thank him.

It might.
I just had a heart attack.

Speaking of which, I just
found this in the garbage.

Why would you throw away
the list of all the food

the doctor said
we couldn't have in the house?

Kitty,
did you look at that list?

If I had known what I was coming
home to after my heart attack,

I would've walked
straight into that bright light

and never looked back.

Oh, come on.

It can't be that bad.

I'll do it with you.

'Cause what's good for the
goose is good for the gander.

Actually, Mom, Dad's the gander.

The male goose.

So it would be "what's good for
the gander is good for the goose."

So,

let's take a gander at what
you're giving up with the gander.

That's how you do that.

Okay. "Potato chips,
other salty snacks."

Good advice. That doctor obviously
knows what he's talking about.

- "Butter,
heavy cream, cheese."
- Gone, makes a lot of sense.

- "Alcoholic beverages."
- Okay, that doctor's a quack.

God, it's gonna be so hard
going off to college without you.

But we'll see each other
on the weekends, right?

Well, you say that now,
but then there's that weekend

where you call home
and say you have to study,

but I hear Moose, the
place-kicker, in the background,

asking if you want
another shot of tequila, so...

Eric, that would never happen.

I would never date a place-kicker.
It's quarterback or nothing for me.

You know, the more I think
about leaving you, the sadder I get.

And the sadder I get,
the more I wanna be with you.

Right now.

Now? Well...

Yeah, I mean...

All right, this is great,

it'll be, like, completely
spontaneous, like I just...

- Why are you talking?
- I'm sorry, I just... Okay.

So it turns out

that going-away sex is
even hotter than make-up sex.

It's like these chips. They
say, "Now even crunchier,"

and you're thinking,
"Oh, man, there is no way."

But then you take a bite

and it is crunchier.

Dude, if something's crunchy, you
should really have that looked at.

There's no time, my friend,

I have a distraught
neighbor girl to attend to.

Dry your eyes, baby,
the loving's on its way!

Toe ring.

Oh, Fez, you like?

Yeah, got a toe ring.

On the little piggy
that went to the market.

Steven, what do you think?

Can't resist toe ring.

Whatever.

Well, you know,
I have all sorts of things now

that I didn't have
when we were going out.

Toe ring, tan lines, a tattoo.

You don't have a tattoo,
you're bluffing.

Do you have a tattoo?

Well, we're not going out,
so I guess you'll never know.

Ugh,
this bra is so uncomfortable.

You know, I think I'm gonna stop
wearing them altogether. See you.

Look at you watch her.
You love her, man.

"Oh,
baby, I love you so much."

- Were you doing Jackie?
- Yes, yes.

Why am I even
thinking about her?

Man, she's like Tahiti.

It's warm and it's beautiful
and you wanna go there,

but when you do,
you get bit by a mosquito

and you get malaria and
you're sick for the rest of your life.

Well, she's obviously
not over you, either.

I mean, she's practically putting
on a show to get your attention.

Just imagine it.

I love to dance.

Okay. The doctor wins.

Eric and I boxed
up all the liquor.

Man, look at all this. It's
like Dean Martin exploded.

There were bottles in the liquor
cabinet, the dining room hutch,

my mom's nightstand.

Oh, no, no. That's
for polishing furniture.

Mom, there's lipstick on it.

Just your luck, Forman.
You're about to turn 18

and there's gonna be no hooch
left in the house to steal.

I mean avoid.

Do homework next to.

Pray near.

Come on!

Yeah, it's gonna be
pretty boring around here.

You know what you should do?
Go to college.

Mom, would it be too much to ask

for Dad to be
grateful that I'm staying?

Honey, we're all
going through hard times.

You're giving up your future,
I'm giving up my schnapps.

Let's not compare our pain.

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Donna was really
upset about leaving,

so I had to comfort
her in a bedular way.

It turns out if I get her sad,

she gives it away like
goldfish at a freaking carnival.

Eric, I think you may have found
a secret "open sesame" to sex.

Make the lady cry.

Perhaps I should
try that with my wife.

"Laurie, here's a dead cat.
Now do me."

A little history, Fez.

I think Laurie has a lot of "open
sesames," like, "Hi, Laurie."

That usually does it.

Actually, I only
ever got as far as "Hi."

Fez, I did it with your wife!

Yeah, I have so much power
over Donna now, it's like...

I know how Obi-Wan Kenobi feels.

"These
aren't the droids you're looking for."

Man, I wish I could do it with
Donna in a landspeeder on Tatooine.

That would be so awesome.

Hey, Steven,

check out my new
super-sexy tattoo.

Hard to keep
your hands off, huh?

Steven!

Sorry.
Here's your tattoo back.

I'll take that.

Steven, why are you
being so difficult?

Jackie, no amount of
tattoos or toe rings

are gonna fix the fact that
you have a lot to apologize for.

You're the one who
should apologize.

Well, then I guess we're
not getting back together.

I guess we're not.

Oh, and by the way, you
don't deserve a real tattoo.

But if I were to get one,

I'd show it to Fez before
I'd ever show it to you.

I hope she gets
it on her heinie.

But, Jackie, it really bugs me that
you and Hyde aren't back together.

So, as the man who used
to pleasure you endlessly,

I feel it is my obligation
to step in and fix this.

'Cause when I'm a cop,

I'm gonna have to deal with
domestic cases like this all the time.

And the good news
is he'll have guns.

Yeah, this is gonna
be a piece of cake.

You know, they should have
put me in charge of Vietnam.

I would have had those people
making out in a week.

Wow. Donna,
that might be the last time

that you'll ever get to see Kelso
make an even bigger mess of a problem.

Yeah. I'm gonna miss that.

And I'm gonna miss you.

Well, I'm not gonna miss you
two slobbering all over each other

like fat girls in
a house with free meat.

And that might be the last time
that Jackie ever makes fun of us,

fat girls and meat.

Yeah.

- What?
- Nothing, I just...

This could be the last time

that you and I stand
by the Vista Cruiser.

I just waxed her.
She's all slippy-slidey.

Donna, this might be the last
time that I bring you your toothbrush.

That's not my toothbrush.

Might be the last time that

I bring you
the wrong toothbrush.

Hello, darling.

I see you are washing
your unmentionables.

Yeah, do you know what gets
out grass stains and Kahlua?

Anyways, I was thinking
how sad you must be,

considering the mess
you made of your life.

With all that sadness,

do you also not get needy?

You know, I sort of do.

Ali Baba, the treasure is mine!

I'm gonna go see
if Carlos is home.

That Carlos is one lucky SOB
to have a wife like mine.

Look, Hyde, I know you don't
wanna tell Jackie that you're sorry,

but come on, there's gotta be
some things that you did

that you wish you hadn't done.

Like that time that you
told me to eat that stuff,

and I didn't know what it was.

And then you licked your lips
and you rubbed your stomach

and you were like, "Mmm,
it's really good, Kelso."

And then I ate it and then I
wished I hadn't have done that.

Yeah, well...

Maybe with Jackie I was

sort of impetuous and
maybe a little rash.

Now, see, that's something
that Jackie ought to know.

Hyde says that he was sort
of infectious and he has a rash.

- What?
- I'm just telling
you what he said.

All right, look, Michael,

Steven's the one who
messed up the relationship.

He thought you and I were
together, but he was just wrong.

He fabricated the whole mess.

Well, somebody ought
to make that clear.

Jackie wants you to know
that there was a mess

'cause she was
wearing the wrong fabric.

- That can't be what she said.
- It's word for word, man.

- Kelso,
would you get out of here?
- What? I'm helping.

You're making me
wanna kick your ass!

That better be the rash talking.

Busted, mister.

You're like a damn cat.

I'm gonna make you wear a bell.

Bad health in a can,
that's what that is.

The doctor said he wants nothing
like that around here, and I agree.

All it takes is just, it's a
little bit of will power, Red.

Even though you used to
do something without thinking,

you just have to
grab a hold of those thoughts.

Can I get you a refill there?

Well...

There's a lesson for you.

You're welcome.

- Hey.
- Hey, listen, son.

You know, it means
a lot to your mother,

you staying here
and helping out the family.

And, as for me, I...

Well...

There.

Doctor said I should
write down my feelings.

Are you actually thanking me?

This is a list of yard work.

Yeah, the lawn thanks you for
all that mowing you're gonna do.

- You're welcome, Dad.
- Yeah, well...

All right, we're both men here.

- Oh, God.
- What's wrong?

Nothing. It's just,
this could be the last time

that you and I watch Gilligan
get hit on the head by the Skipper.

Eric, the more we talk
about me going away,

the sadder you get.

And being with you so much lately
has been great, but afterwards...

Well, you always used to look
a little bit ashamed.

And, I mean,
now you just seem depressed.

No, no, no.

I'm not depressed, Donna,
you are depressed.

- Okay, let's do this.
- Okay, hold on.

All this "last time" stuff,

have you been
saying that just for sex?

What? Have I... What?

"This is not the one you're angry with."

You're disgusting.

Eric, that might be the last
time we fight over you trying

- to get me to
have sex with you!
- I know!

You know, Fez, this whole thing
with Hyde and Jackie is stupid.

I mean, they both wanna be
together, and they would in a second

if they just thought the other
one had said, "I'm sorry."

Eureka, Fez, eureka!

I'm one step ahead
of you, my friend.

Yeah. I'll just
lie to both of them,

and tell them the other
one said, "I'm sorry."

I thought we were
going to pan for gold.

Okay.

Okay, here we go, let's make up.

All right. Look, Steven,
I heard what you said.

Yeah, I heard what... Wait a
minute, you heard what I said?

Yeah. Michael told me.

And, just so you know,
I'm sorry, too.

Too?

No, you're not sorry, too.
You're sorry one, I'm sorry two.

- Wait, what? No... Michael said that...
- Yeah, he said that...

Whoa!

I did my work. You two gotta
clean this mess up yourselves.

So nothing's changed, then?

- Guess not.
- Forget this.

- Fine.
- Okay. Enough.

Look, you guys, who
cares who apologized first?

Look, Jackie obviously
wants to be with you,

and you're here, which means
that you wanna be with her,

and I don't blame you,
'cause with that rash,

you ain't got
a whole lot of choices.

All right, look, Steven,
do you wanna be with me?

No. No,
a shrug's not gonna cut it.

Steven,
I need you to say something.

All right.
Look, I'll even go first.

Steven, I wanna be with you.

And you...

I...

Can you hang on a second?

Would you get out of here?

If you want me to leave, all
you have to do is say, "Please."

Fine. Please.

That's better.

Jackie, I do wanna be with you.

- Because you love...
- Don't push it.

Okay.

Okay, Steven.
Where's your beer?

What? Me, beer?

Kitty threw away all my beer.
The Packers are down by 11.

You're 18, I know you have
beer. So where's your beer?

I don't want used beer.

Well, I might have a couple
fresh ones in the shower.

Yeah. I'm running low, I
should probably hit the store.