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MAN: To recover contents such as shoes, socks and undergarments.
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And now an item of special note.
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Barring any change in the weather,
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the softball game between the 133rd and 4th Infantry Divisions...
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will resume as scheduled at the Ban Mi Thout Park,
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corner of Viet Ho and Hguen Van Theiuh streets here in Saigon.
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Please make a note of it. Ahem. Excuse me.
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Those men who lost equipment in last week's rains...
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are asked to contact Lieutenant Sam Scheer.
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Lieutenant Schneer...
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Lieutenant Scheer asks those men with waterlogged mitts...
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to make every effort to dry them out in the sun before requesting new ones.
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Bookworms, Headquarters Support Activities Saigon...
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operates libraries at six locations in the Republic of Vietnam.
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American personnel can check out a book...
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in Ku Bai, Da Nang, Phung Tao, Saigon, Bien Hoa and San Treng.
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If you can't stop in and select your own books,
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write to the HSAS Library.
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Ask for the books by author, title and subject,
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and your selections will be mailed to you.
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With the holiday season rapidly approaching,
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those personnel wishing to spend Christmas cards home...
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Wishing to send Christmas cards home to the States...
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are asked to do so no later than August 13th...
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due to a yearly mail rush at that time.
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Don't disappoint your...
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[STATIC BLARING]
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[PLANE ENGINE ROARING]
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LEVITAN [ON RADIO]: So take your liberties,
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but watch the liberties you take.
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Lost luggage.
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The Armed Forces sincerely regrets any inconvenience...
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due to luggage lost on transport carriers.
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Personal missing luggage...
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That should be personnel missing luggage...
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are asked to drop a card to Major Gerald Kleiner over at the 5th.
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The card should be no larger than 4-by-5 inches...
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and should describe the contents of your duffel.
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Major Kleiner requests that you do not describe your duffel,
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as all duffels look alike.
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Those personnel with lost bag...
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- MAN 1: Yeah, that's right, man.
- MAN 2: Hurry up, man.
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MAN 3: All right.
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MAN 4: Hey, sarge, where are the women?
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- Airman Cronauer?
- You got it.
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Welcome to Saigon, sir.
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- Careful, you could put an eye out.
- God, it's warm, huh?
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CRONAUER: Warm? No, this is a setting for London broil.
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GARLICK: I'm Private First Class Edward Montesque-Garlick, at your service, sir.
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CRONAUER: Well, first thing, Garlick, is you gotta requisition a new name.
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GARLICK: Heh-heh-heh. I like you already, sir.
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Actually, what I am, sir,
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is your Armed Forces Radio Saigon assistant...
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who's in charge of orientation and billeting of enlisted personnel...
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and company clerk.
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CRONAUER: I'm impressed.
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[ENGINE GRINDS]
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- It's already started.
- I understand.
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[GARLICK LAUGHS]
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["DREAM ON LITTLE DREAMER" PLAYING ON RADIO]
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LEVITAN [ON RADIO]: This is AFRS, Radio Saigon.
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AFRS Radio is owned and operated by the United States government...
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and operates on an assigned carrier frequency of 540 at 749 megahertz.
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Jesus, that guy's as boring as whale shit.
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Not really. See, the purpose is to inform you as to the radius of the radio waves.
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Mantovani?
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They play Mantovani to insomniacs who don't respond to strong drugs.
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General likes easy listening. I have to inform you...
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Mayday. Dragon lady with incredible figure at 11 o'clock, stop the car.
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- GARLICK: I can't do that, sir.
- CRONAUER: You don't understand.
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I've been on a Greek island with women who look like Zorba.
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I never thought I'd find women attractive again.
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Now that I do, you won't turn the car around?
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- Thanks a lot.
- You have a very important meeting with the top brass.
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There she is again. How did she get ahead of us?
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GARLICK: That's another person, sir.
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She's beautiful and quick. Speed up, check her stamina.
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This is incredible. Oh, my God. They're quick, they're fast and small.
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[CRONAUER LAUGHS]
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I feel like a fox in a chicken coop.
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MAN: We got a new man coming in.
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Don't you understand, Dick?
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DICKERSON: No, sir, frankly, I do not understand.
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Would you kindly lower your tone, please?
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Yes, sir. I run this show, general.
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If anything screws up, it's my ass in the mower.
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I deserve to be notified of any changes that are made.
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Nobody's arguing that with you.
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Look, I caught his show on the Isle of Crete, and this guy is funny.
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I damn near busted a gut laughing at him. And the troops, they love him.
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This is a tempest in a teacup. Much ado about nothing.
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For crying out loud, man, this isn't brain surgery.
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Don't get crazy over this, Dick. We're only talking about a damn deejay.
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There is no such thing as "only" anymore. Not now, not in Saigon.
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Lieutenant Steven Hauk is our immediate supervisor.
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He's a little goofy, but he's okay.
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Sergeant Major Dickerson, ha, that's another story altogether.
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He was a commander of an elite special forces unit.
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He came to us because of prostate problems...
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and some sort of social infection that doesn't go away.
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Plus, I think he got shot in the ass, but I can't confirm that. Heh-heh-heh.
102
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Anyway, he's the man that you don't want to aggravate.
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CRONAUER: Are you always this happy?
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- TAYLOR: Cronauer.
- Sir.
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At ease. I'm General Taylor.
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- Hi, general.
- Real pleasure.
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Listen, if you have any problems here now, you come see me.
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I'm the tallest hog in the trough around here.
109
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- Garlick, have you put on some weight?
- I don't think so, sir.
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My son, the shadow of your ass would weigh 20 pounds.
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GARLICK: I'll work on that, sir.
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You're not supposed to address the general saying hi.
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- CRONAUER: Is that a new rule?
- GARLICK: No, old rule.
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- That's Lieutenant Hauk in there.
- Who's the guy with the ears?
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How you doing? You could fly to Guam with those.
116
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Um, Airman Cronauer, sir.
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You know, it wouldn't kill you people to salute me once in a while.
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- Sorry.
- HAUK: Thanks.
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I understand you're pretty funny as a deejay.
120
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And, well, comedy is a kind of hobby of mine.
121
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Well, actually, it's a little more than just a hobby.
122
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Reader's Digest is considering publishing two of my jokes.
123
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- Really?
- Yeah.
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And perhaps some night, we could maybe get together...
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- and swap humourous stories for fun.
- CRONAUER: Yeah.
126
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Why not? Maybe play a couple of Tennessee Ernie Ford records.
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That'd be a hoot, heh.
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- That's a joke, right?
- Maybe.
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- I get it.
- CRONAUER: Mm-hm.
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Where's this man's paperwork?
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- Right here, sergeant.
- Thank you, sir.
132
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Hmm.
133
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United States Air Force. The hat does give you away.
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This is not military issue, airman. What sort of uniform is that?
135
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Cretan camouflage.
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If you wanna blend into a crowd of drunken Greeks, there's nothing better.
137
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That is humour. I recognise that.
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I also recognise your species of soldier.
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I had a guy like you in the field one time. He blew himself to pieces.
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But not before his humour cost the lives of three very fine individuals.
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- I hope...
- You shut your fucking hole.
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You're in Southeast Asia now, pal. You got your cushy little assignment.
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There's nothing I can do about that.
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I n time, you will make me forget it.
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You stay out of my way, there'll be no problem.
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But if you toy with me,
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I'll burn you so bad you'll wish you died as a child.
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Am I being fairly clear?
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- Yes, sir.
- Sir?
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I work for a living, airman.
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You will address me as Sergeant Major Dickerson.
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Yes, Sergeant Major Dickerson.
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He reminds me a lot of Donna Reed, especially around the eyes.
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Hello, hello, hello. This is your chaplain, Captain Noel,
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[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING ON TAPE]
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Your radio programme of personal beliefs.
157
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Great and manifold are our blessings today.
158
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This great, godly miracle of radio really gives me the opportunity...
159
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to speak to you on the air.
160
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Sir, it's time to rise.
161
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My God, it's Mardi gras, and I'm on the main float.
162
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Come on, sir. In a couple of weeks, this'll be easy for you.
163
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- Oh, let me go back to bed.
- You gotta get up, sir.
164
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- God, what time is it, Edward?
- It's 5:30.
165
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Five-thirty, it's very early. I may have to hurt you.
166
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- Call me in five minutes.
- No, we have to get up right now.
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- And you have to get on the air.
- Oh.
168
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- Come on, sir.
- Fine.
169
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MAN [ON RADIO]: Has signed Les Crane to a talk show.
170
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- GARLICK: It's just down the hall.
- CRONAUER: Yeah.
171
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- You must be nervous, sir, huh?
- I'm not even in my body.
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GARLICK: Don't worry, it'll go great. This way, sir.
173
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MAN [ON RADIO]: Despite a letter of intention.
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175
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176
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177
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178
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179
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We still have a few minutes before your show begins, sir.
180
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When it's time to read the news, you just take it off these machines here.
181
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But regardless of what you read, airman,
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the Department of Defence wants final say.
183
00:10:22,820 --> 00:10:25,900
So every item's checked by these two guys in here.
184
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Guys, I'd like you to meet our new deejay, Adrian Cronauer.
185
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That's Marty Lee Dreiwitz.
186
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Guy Monaco.
187
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He's impeccably clean.
188
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This man has cleaning products shipped in from Wisconsin.
189
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He's also one of your roommates, so if I were you, I'd think about suicide.
190
00:11:04,070 --> 00:11:07,400
Sir, I really don't think that you wanna use any of those records, sir.
191
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We have a selection right here that's prepared...
192
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I've been looking forward to meeting you. Listen, could you do me a favour?
193
00:11:13,410 --> 00:11:15,240
Can you say something funny right this minute?
194
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- I doubt it.
- Ha-ha-ha.
195
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I'm with you, man. I'm on your frequency.
196
00:11:19,290 --> 00:11:22,920
Hey, let me ask you a question. What is the appeal of Joey Bishop?
197
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I mean, the man's not funny. I know funny and he's not funny.
198
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Don't get me wrong, he seems like a nice guy,
199
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but my father's nice and he's not funny either.
200
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Joey Bishop. I wish someone would explain this one to me.
201
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Incidentally, you're on the air in about ten seconds.
202
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Nine, eight, seven, six...
203
00:11:39,810 --> 00:11:42,440
Hey, this has been Fiction and Fact from Marty Lee's almanac.
204
00:11:42,610 --> 00:11:44,400
And now direct from Crete,
205
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welcome the silky smooth sound of Airman Adrian Cronauer.
206
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[YELLS] Good morning, Vietnam.
207
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Hey, this is not a test. This is rock 'n' roll.
208
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Time to rock it from the Delta to the DMZ.
209
00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:05,340
Is that me, or does that sound like an Presley movie?
210
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:09,050
211
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212
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[IN NORMAL VOICE] Is it a little too early for being that loud? Hey, too late.
213
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It's 0600. What's the O stand for? "Oh, my God, it's early."
214
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Speaking of early, how about that Cro-Magnon, Marty Dreiwitz?
215
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Thank you for "silky smooth sound." Make me sound like Peggy Lee.
216
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"Good morning, Vietnam"? What the heck is that supposed to mean?
217
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I don't know, lieutenant. I guess it means good morning, uh, Vietnam.
218
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:37,410
And who gave anyone permission to program modern music?
219
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:39,830
Freddie and the Dreamers.
220
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[SONG PLAYING AT HALF-SPEED]
221
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[SLOWLY] Wrong speed. We've got it on the wrong speed.
222
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For those of you recovering from a hangover, that's gonna sound just right.
223
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Let's pull her right back down. Let's try it faster, see if that picks it up.
224
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[RAPIDLY] Let's get it up on 17, 18...
225
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[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
226
00:12:57,850 --> 00:13:00,430
Those pilots are going, "I like the music, I like the music."
227
00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:03,480
Oh, still a bad song. Hey, wait a minute. Let's try something.
228
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,940
Let's play this backwards and see if it gets any better.
229
00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:09,570
[SPEAKING BACKWARDS] Freddie is the devil. Freddie is the devil.
230
00:13:09,730 --> 00:13:10,780
[GASPS]
231
00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:12,610
[HUMS "THE TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME SONG]
232
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[AS ROD SERLING] Picture a man going on a journey...
233
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beyond sight and sound.
234
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,530
He's left Crete. He's entered the demilitarised zone.
235
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[SCATS]
236
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:25,710
[IN NORMAL VOICE] What is this demilitarised zone?
237
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,210
What do they mean, police action?
238
00:13:27,380 --> 00:13:29,500
CRONAUER: Sounds like a couple of cops in Brooklyn,
239
00:13:29,670 --> 00:13:31,920
"She looks pretty to me." Whatever it is, I like it...
240
00:13:32,090 --> 00:13:35,050
because it gets you on your toes better than a strong cup of cappuccino.
241
00:13:35,220 --> 00:13:38,350
What is a demilitarised zone? Sounds like something out of The Wizard of Oz.
242
00:13:38,510 --> 00:13:40,430
[AS GLINDA] Oh, no, don't go in there.
243
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,060
[SINGING IN DEEP VOICE] Oh-he-oh
244
00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:43,270
245
00:13:43,850 --> 00:13:45,980
[AS GLINDA] Oh, look, you've landed in Saigon.
246
00:13:46,150 --> 00:13:48,020
You're among the little people now.
247
00:13:48,190 --> 00:13:50,230
248
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:51,440
249
00:13:51,610 --> 00:13:54,530
Oh, no, follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail. Follow the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
250
00:13:54,990 --> 00:13:56,740
[AS WITCH] Oh, I'll get you, my pretty.
251
00:13:56,910 --> 00:13:59,200
[IN NORMAL VOICE] It's the Wicked Witch of the North.
252
00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:01,700
It's Hanoi Hannah.
253
00:14:01,870 --> 00:14:05,460
[AS WITCH] Now, little GI, you and your little Toto too.
254
00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:07,500
[CACKLES]
255
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,840
[AS HANOI HANNAH] Oh, Adrian, Adrian. What are you doing, Adrian?
256
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,460
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hannah, you slut.
257
00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:17,220
You've been down on everything but the Titanic. Stop it right now.
258
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:21,640
You know, he's really funny. You know, he's like a Marx brother.
259
00:14:21,810 --> 00:14:24,850
And which Marx brother would that be, private? Zeppo?
260
00:14:25,020 --> 00:14:28,900
- I don't find him funny at all.
- Zeppo? Isn't he the one with the hat?
261
00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:30,860
Hey, hi, can you help me? What's your name?
262
00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:33,690
[SOLDIER] Roosevelt E. Roosevelt. [NORMAL] What town are you in?
263
00:14:33,860 --> 00:14:36,030
[SOLDIER] Poontang. [NORMAL] Thank you, Roosevelt.
264
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,360
What's the weather like out there? [SOLDIER] It's hot, damn hot, real hot.
265
00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:40,700
Hotter things is my shorts.
266
00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:42,830
I could cook things in it. Crotch-pot cooking.
267
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,910
[NORMAL] Tell me what it feels like. [SOLDIER] Fool, it's hot.
268
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,580
Were you born on the sun? It's damn hot!
269
00:14:48,790 --> 00:14:50,710
You can be a little... I saw... It's so damn hot.
270
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,460
I saw one of those guys, their orange robes, burst into flames.
271
00:14:53,630 --> 00:14:55,260
It's that hot. You know?
272
00:14:55,420 --> 00:14:58,050
[NORMAL] What's it gonna be like tonight? [SOLDIER] Hot and wet.
273
00:14:58,220 --> 00:15:01,220
That's nice if you're with a lady, ain't no good if you're in the jungle.
274
00:15:01,390 --> 00:15:03,560
[NORMAL] Here's a song coming your way right now.
275
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,560
"Nowhere to Run To" by Martha and the Vandellas.
276
00:15:06,730 --> 00:15:08,810
Yes. Hey, you know what I mean.
277
00:15:09,020 --> 00:15:11,520
["NOWHERE TO RUN TO" PLAYING]
278
00:15:12,940 --> 00:15:14,570
Whew. Too much?
279
00:15:15,110 --> 00:15:18,400
Thank you, Marty. "Silky smooth sounds". Get outta here.
280
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:23,350
- Got to be with you on top all the time
281
00:15:23,420 --> 00:15:26,820
282
00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:30,120
283
00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:33,790
284
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:36,830
285
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:40,490
- [ Shouting ] [CHANTING IN DISTINCTLY]
286
00:15:40,570 --> 00:15:43,870
- [ All Yelling ]
287
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:48,140
288
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,390
That is not what we program here!
289
00:15:52,980 --> 00:15:56,520
- [Song Fades, Ends]
- CRONAUER [ON RADIO]: This is AFVN, rocking you from the Delta to the DMZ.
290
00:15:56,730 --> 00:15:59,900
AFVN better than AFVD, which means you have to get a quick shot.
291
00:16:00,070 --> 00:16:02,490
- We're moving on right now.
- ["I GET AROUND" by The Beach Boys PLAYING ON RADIO]
292
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:07,660
293
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:08,860
CRONAUER: Here's a riddle for you.
294
00:16:08,870 --> 00:16:11,580
What's the difference between the Army and the Cub Scouts? [ Imitates Buzzer ]
295
00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:13,420
- Cub Scouts don't have heavy artillery.
296
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:19,230
297
00:16:19,310 --> 00:16:23,570
298
00:16:26,180 --> 00:16:28,810
CRONAUER: Hey, I'm Adrian Cronauer. I'm on again at 1600.
299
00:16:28,970 --> 00:16:30,850
Why? Because I have to, it's the Army.
300
00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:32,350
Talking out in the field today.
301
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,440
Hi, what's your name? [SHOUTS] Bob Fliber!
302
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:36,900
[NORMAL] Bob, what do you do? [SHOUTS] I'm in Artillery!
303
00:16:37,070 --> 00:16:39,030
[NORMAL] Bob, can we play anything for you?
304
00:16:39,190 --> 00:16:41,950
[SHOUTS] Anything! Just play it loud, okay?
305
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:46,020
306
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:48,160
307
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,300
308
00:16:50,330 --> 00:16:51,750
CRONAUER: I have to admit something to you.
309
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:54,210
I just came from Crete with women that look like Zorba.
310
00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:56,920
Whoo! Thank you. Those...
311
00:16:57,090 --> 00:16:59,000
[AS GOMER PYLE] Those girls are just so pretty.
312
00:16:59,170 --> 00:17:00,760
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Gomer, are you in Vietnam?
313
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:04,130
[AS GOMER PYLE] Yes, I am. Surprise, surprise, surprise.
314
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:06,640
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Why'd you name your daughter Linda Bird?
315
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,810
[AS LYNDON JOHNSON] Linda Dog would be too cruel.
316
00:17:08,970 --> 00:17:10,310
Arf! Easy, girl, easy.
317
00:17:10,470 --> 00:17:12,930
Pick them up by their ears, it doesn't hurt them as much.
318
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,400
[AS GOMER PYLE] Oh, you're going to hell for that one!
319
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,940
CRONAUER [IN NORMAL VOICE]: Here's a coincidence:
320
00:17:18,110 --> 00:17:20,570
Ho Chi Minh, Colonel Sanders, actually the same person?
321
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,240
You be the judge, our lines are open.
322
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,410
We've got our traffic report up there on the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
323
00:17:25,570 --> 00:17:28,240
How's it going up there? Adrian, it's not going exactly well.
324
00:17:28,410 --> 00:17:30,540
There's a water buffalo jackknifed up there.
325
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:33,080
It's not a very pretty picture. There's horns everywhere.
326
00:17:33,290 --> 00:17:36,040
I don't know what to say. We're gonna maybe drop in a little napalm...
327
00:17:36,210 --> 00:17:39,210
and try and cook him down, maybe a little barbecue.
328
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,730
["GAME OF LOVE" PLAYING ON RADIO]
329
00:17:42,790 --> 00:17:46,320
- [ Helicopter Blades Whirring ]
330
00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:51,020
331
00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:54,660
332
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:58,990
333
00:17:59,190 --> 00:18:02,190
CRONAUER: We've got a special man in the audience today, it's Mr. Leo.
334
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:04,030
He's a fashion consultant for the Army.
335
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,360
[EFFEMINATELY] "Adiran, I'm just very happy to be here.
336
00:18:06,530 --> 00:18:07,700
"I want to tell you something.
337
00:18:07,870 --> 00:18:10,740
"You know, this whole camouflage thing for me doesn't work very well.
338
00:18:10,910 --> 00:18:13,700
[NORMAL] Why is that? [EFFEMINATELY] "Well, because you go in the jungle, I can't see you.
339
00:18:13,870 --> 00:18:16,410
"Heh, heh. You know, it's like wearing stripes and plaid.
340
00:18:16,580 --> 00:18:18,370
"For me, I want to do something different.
341
00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:22,000
"You go in the jungle, make a statement. If you're going to fight, clash.
342
00:18:22,210 --> 00:18:24,010
- You know what I mean?
343
00:18:24,630 --> 00:18:26,930
344
00:18:27,180 --> 00:18:29,430
[AS LAWRENCE WELK] Thank you for that lovely tune.
345
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,010
That funky music will drive us till the dawn.
346
00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:34,470
Let's go. Let's boogaloo till we puke.
347
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,980
[IN NORMAL VOICE] That's it for the Adrian Cron-Hour.
348
00:18:37,140 --> 00:18:39,060
I'm gonna take myself out of the driver's seat,
349
00:18:39,230 --> 00:18:41,690
but I'm gonna turn you over right now to Mr. Excitement.
350
00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:45,490
A man with limp, damaged hair, but nevertheless a fireball.
351
00:18:45,650 --> 00:18:49,160
Dan Levitan!
352
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:57,120
This is AFRS, Radio Saigon, and yours truly, Dan "The Man" Levitan.
353
00:18:57,290 --> 00:19:01,000
Greetings and salutations to any and all servicemen in the area...
354
00:19:01,170 --> 00:19:03,420
and thanks so much for joining us.
355
00:19:03,630 --> 00:19:05,510
[ALL CHEERING]
356
00:19:05,670 --> 00:19:08,550
- All right! Yeah! Yeah!
- Ladies and gentlemen!
357
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:13,220
Yeah, he's funny. I know funny and this guy is funny.
358
00:19:13,390 --> 00:19:15,220
Sensational!
359
00:19:15,430 --> 00:19:19,020
- At ease.
- Hell, we already are.
360
00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:20,520
Just cool your tongue, airman,
361
00:19:20,690 --> 00:19:24,110
because I intend to take issue with your performance.
362
00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:28,820
First of all, don't make fun of the weather here.
363
00:19:28,990 --> 00:19:31,490
And don't say that the weather is the same all the time here,
364
00:19:31,660 --> 00:19:32,740
because it's not.
365
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:35,080
In fact, it's 2 degrees cooler today than yesterday.
366
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,910
Two degrees cooler? Me without my muff, God.
367
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,120
[DREIWITZ LAUGHS]
368
00:19:39,290 --> 00:19:43,330
- DREIWITZ: I tell you, this guy's funny.
- I'm trying to run a meeting here.
369
00:19:43,540 --> 00:19:47,510
You know, I hate the fact that you people never salute me.
370
00:19:47,670 --> 00:19:50,550
I am a lieutenant and I would like salutes occasionally.
371
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,600
That's what being a higher rank is all about.
372
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:57,930
Second... Second...
373
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:00,770
- Programming taste.
- Programming taste.
374
00:20:00,940 --> 00:20:05,320
Frankly, I found your "I love a police action" remark way out of line.
375
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,400
How can you have the gall to compare the conflict here in Vietnam...
376
00:20:08,570 --> 00:20:10,950
with a glass of cappuccino coffee?
377
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,950
Well, I was... It just comes up, I was just trying to be funny.
378
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,370
- Funny is good.
- Yeah.
379
00:20:15,530 --> 00:20:16,910
Funny is good.
380
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,790
But then do it by using comedy and humour.
381
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,670
Not police action and coffee remarks.
382
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:26,840
Furthermore, you are to stick to playing normal modes of music.
383
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,710
Not wild stuff.
384
00:20:29,340 --> 00:20:30,800
Those we would find acceptable here
385
00:20:30,970 --> 00:20:35,800
would include Lawrence Welk, Jim Nabors, Mantovani.
386
00:20:35,970 --> 00:20:37,010
Percy Faith.
387
00:20:37,180 --> 00:20:39,270
- Percy Faith, good.
- Thank you.
388
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:44,440
Andy Williams, Perry Como and certain ballads by Mr. Frank Sinatra.
389
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:48,730
- Would Bob Dylan be out of line?
- Way, way, way out of line.
390
00:20:50,110 --> 00:20:53,860
Former VP Richard Nixon will arrive here this week.
391
00:20:54,030 --> 00:20:56,910
Dreiwitz, I've assigned you to cover the PC.
392
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:59,160
He likes to say PC instead of press conference.
393
00:20:59,330 --> 00:21:02,410
- The lieutenant loves to abbreviate...
- And if you do...
394
00:21:02,580 --> 00:21:05,460
And if you do happen to speak with him,
395
00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:08,040
please be polite and to the point at all times.
396
00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:09,420
Affirmative, sir.
397
00:21:09,630 --> 00:21:12,220
Affirmative, sir. Good.
398
00:21:13,010 --> 00:21:17,800
Okay. Who do we have slated for live entertainment in November?
399
00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:23,180
Well, we originally wanted Bob Hope, but turns out he won't come.
400
00:21:23,390 --> 00:21:27,230
- Why not?
- He doesn't play police actions, just wars.
401
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,520
Bob likes a big room, sir.
402
00:21:29,690 --> 00:21:31,150
[ALL LAUGH]
403
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,990
- That is not funny!
- How about if it escalated?
404
00:21:41,750 --> 00:21:45,460
- How about if what escalated?
- The Vietnam conflict.
405
00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:47,500
The Vietnam conflict?
406
00:21:47,670 --> 00:21:49,960
We are not going to escalate a whole war...
407
00:21:50,130 --> 00:21:52,590
just so we can book a big-name comedian.
408
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,220
We can get Tony Bennett or Trini Lopez.
409
00:21:55,430 --> 00:21:59,100
I got it. Jerry Vale. He closes the Copa on the 18th.
410
00:21:59,300 --> 00:22:02,140
- Is that date firm?
- I got it from my niece.
411
00:22:02,350 --> 00:22:03,810
Come on, this is not the Catskills.
412
00:22:03,980 --> 00:22:06,270
Get somebody good. Get The Beach Boys. Don't dick around.
413
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,770
We tried, but their agent says they're still on the beach...
414
00:22:08,940 --> 00:22:11,820
and they won't be off the sand till November. Ha-ha-ha! Bada-bing!
415
00:22:11,980 --> 00:22:14,490
Well, didn't somebody wearing my uniform...
416
00:22:14,650 --> 00:22:16,820
and bearing a striking resemblance to myself...
417
00:22:16,990 --> 00:22:19,780
just say that that kind of music was inappropriate?
418
00:22:19,950 --> 00:22:22,410
Sorry, sir. I haven't been to sleep.
419
00:22:24,370 --> 00:22:27,000
- The former VP will be here on Friday.
- GARLICK: Ha-ha-ha.
420
00:22:27,170 --> 00:22:29,460
I expect every minute of the VP's PC...
421
00:22:29,670 --> 00:22:32,670
to be taped and broadcast within 12 hours of his arrival.
422
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,170
Something funny, Garlick?
423
00:22:34,340 --> 00:22:36,670
Perhaps you'd like to share it with the rest of us.
424
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:40,720
No, sir. The former vice president is a delight, sir.
425
00:22:40,890 --> 00:22:42,220
Excuse me, sir.
426
00:22:42,390 --> 00:22:44,560
Seeing as how the VP is such a VIP,
427
00:22:44,730 --> 00:22:47,520
shouldn't we keep the PC on the q.t., because if it leaks to the VC,
428
00:22:47,690 --> 00:22:49,940
he could end up an MIA, and then we'd all be put on KP.
429
00:22:59,820 --> 00:23:03,620
- I would like to leave the room now.
- Oh, uh, yes, sir.
430
00:23:05,370 --> 00:23:08,500
[ALL LAUGHING]
431
00:23:10,630 --> 00:23:13,090
KIRK: Oh, what a dude.
432
00:23:17,510 --> 00:23:19,260
[DREIWITZ AS HAUK] And if you do...
433
00:23:19,430 --> 00:23:21,680
[ALL AS HAUK] And if you do...
434
00:23:22,010 --> 00:23:27,430
Eddie Kirk here, and Ray Conniff jubilee coming up in just a few moments.
435
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,940
I call it a jubilee. Actually, it's a Ray Conniff featurette.
436
00:23:31,110 --> 00:23:35,360
Three, maybe four, back-to-back Ray Conniff classics.
437
00:23:57,710 --> 00:24:00,090
GARLICK: We're here, sir. Jimmy Wah's.
438
00:24:02,850 --> 00:24:05,390
This is the place where we like to hang out, sir.
439
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,390
CRONAUER: Real homey, in an opium kind of way.
440
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,350
- Earl, Earl, Earl.
- That's Jimmy Wah, he owns the place.
441
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,730
Hi, hi, hi.
442
00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:17,110
Now you say hi to me, then you smile.
443
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:18,360
[IN UNISON] Hi.
444
00:24:19,150 --> 00:24:21,360
Hey, you two Earl. What about couple beer?
445
00:24:21,570 --> 00:24:24,030
We'd love a couple of beers, Jimmy.
446
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,830
- CRONAUER: Either of our names Earl?
- He calls everybody Earl.
447
00:24:29,750 --> 00:24:31,870
Is it me or is Jimmy light in the loafers?
448
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:36,090
Let me put it to you this way. He's got this thing for Walter Brennan.
449
00:24:36,250 --> 00:24:39,090
He says he wants to buy naked photographs of the actor.
450
00:24:39,260 --> 00:24:41,970
- For three years, he's been trying.
- Walter Brennan?
451
00:24:42,130 --> 00:24:44,550
You know, Walter Brennan from The Real McCoys, the TV show?
452
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,850
[AS WALTER BRENNAN] Well, well, well, Luke. Well, well.
453
00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:51,270
Anyway, there's this guy from the 1st Battalion, 2nd Infantry,
454
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,770
who swore that he could get him naked photographs of the actor.
455
00:24:54,940 --> 00:24:57,650
I've been trying to tell him that it's no-go, but he won't listen.
456
00:24:57,820 --> 00:24:59,730
God. Nude photographs of Walter Brennan.
457
00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:01,070
Here your beer.
458
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:02,950
- Thank you, Jimmy.
- Right.
459
00:25:03,110 --> 00:25:05,870
Any movement on the Walter Brennan thing?
460
00:25:06,070 --> 00:25:10,620
- No, and it doesn't look good, Jimmy.
- He look good to me.
461
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:19,000
- Ba Muy Ba beer, best beer in Vietnam.
- Ba Muy Ba beer, only beer in Vietnam.
462
00:25:19,170 --> 00:25:20,920
Try it.
463
00:25:21,420 --> 00:25:24,130
- Oh, what happened?
- What happened?
464
00:25:24,300 --> 00:25:26,180
- Formaldehyde.
- Oh. Heh, heh.
465
00:25:26,350 --> 00:25:29,310
We put in just a touch of formaldehyde for flavour.
466
00:25:29,470 --> 00:25:31,100
Some people get sick, yeah.
467
00:25:31,270 --> 00:25:33,560
So if you have to be rushed to a hospital,
468
00:25:33,730 --> 00:25:36,020
then when you return, I give you a free salad.
469
00:25:36,190 --> 00:25:39,150
Well, that seems fair. It really does.
470
00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:42,440
- You'll get used to it.
- Maybe.
471
00:25:42,610 --> 00:25:44,030
There she is.
472
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,740
Any girl who wants me this bad, I can't let her down.
473
00:25:46,910 --> 00:25:48,370
- The hunt is on.
- What is wrong?
474
00:25:48,530 --> 00:25:51,490
- I gotta catch her before she accelerates.
- WAH: You can't go yet.
475
00:25:51,660 --> 00:25:54,120
- You have to taste my spicy chicken...
- GARLICK: Sir.
476
00:25:54,290 --> 00:25:55,370
Cooked with...
477
00:25:55,540 --> 00:25:57,540
Hi. How's Lynn doing?
478
00:25:57,710 --> 00:26:00,170
I'm sorry. You look like Lynn's friend from Toledo.
479
00:26:00,340 --> 00:26:02,420
Let me make it up to you by buying a cup of coffee.
480
00:26:02,590 --> 00:26:04,300
Also, tea would fall into that category.
481
00:26:05,590 --> 00:26:10,470
I not think be not correct of way. Please, okay?
482
00:26:11,310 --> 00:26:14,020
- What'd she just say?
- She said no, sir.
483
00:26:14,180 --> 00:26:16,770
CRONAUER: Oh, Edward, I'm in love. Think she likes seafood?
484
00:26:16,980 --> 00:26:19,730
I'm... She's getting away. Edward, get the jeep, get the jeep.
485
00:26:19,900 --> 00:26:22,070
Okay. It's blocked in by a truck.
486
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:25,280
- Stay here, sir, I'll talk to the guys, okay?
- We don't have time. Taxi.
487
00:26:25,450 --> 00:26:28,160
- Bikes, we'll buy bikes.
- We won't buy bikes.
488
00:26:28,370 --> 00:26:30,120
There's actually no rubber on these tyres.
489
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:34,080
Oh, picky, picky. Let's go, Edward. Yeah, the chase.
490
00:26:35,790 --> 00:26:37,870
[BICYCLE BELL RINGING]
491
00:26:41,710 --> 00:26:44,760
Sir! Sir, we have to get some dignity here.
492
00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:46,630
A little dignity!
493
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:50,430
Sir! Sir, I tell you, this is not safe!
494
00:26:55,930 --> 00:26:57,890
Sir!
495
00:26:58,100 --> 00:26:59,650
Sir, sir!
496
00:27:23,170 --> 00:27:25,250
[TRUCK HORN HONKING]
497
00:27:50,780 --> 00:27:53,660
- Good afternoon, class.
- STUDENTS: Good afternoon, Mr. Sloan.
498
00:27:54,950 --> 00:27:58,410
SLOAN: Last time, in our last class, we read Chapter 3.
499
00:27:58,580 --> 00:28:01,290
Should've gotten the one with the training wheels, pal.
500
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,920
I was almost killed.
501
00:28:04,210 --> 00:28:06,840
A truck's bumper was this far from my nose.
502
00:28:07,420 --> 00:28:11,470
My whole life passed before my eyes, and it wasn't even interesting to me.
503
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,430
How am I gonna get to first base with this girl?
504
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:19,180
SLOAN: I want to buy some butter and some cheese, please.
505
00:28:19,350 --> 00:28:21,770
It zoomed right by, just the way they say it does.
506
00:28:21,940 --> 00:28:25,650
Stamp collections, pulling chickweed from my dad's dichondra plants.
507
00:28:25,820 --> 00:28:28,940
Arranging rakes by sizes for my mom in the garage.
508
00:28:29,110 --> 00:28:32,070
Even encapsulated in two seconds, my life is dull.
509
00:28:32,570 --> 00:28:35,490
- I find that very alarming.
- Edward, stay with me on this.
510
00:28:35,660 --> 00:28:37,580
How am I gonna get this girl to go out with me?
511
00:28:37,740 --> 00:28:39,790
You're not. This is a very different culture.
512
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,500
You would need very specific family-sanctioned introductions
513
00:28:42,670 --> 00:28:45,420
- in order to talk to this girl...
- CRONAUER: Shh! Listen.
514
00:28:45,590 --> 00:28:52,130
- It read-- read for my... the book.
- I've never heard rhymes like that.
515
00:28:52,300 --> 00:28:54,930
God, I've gotta be with her, at least till she learns my name.
516
00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:57,200
- You think the teacher would be able to date her?
- Possibly.
517
00:28:57,230 --> 00:28:58,960
- But you would need very...
- That's just what I wanted to hear.
518
00:28:59,070 --> 00:29:02,900
specific... introductions.
519
00:29:03,270 --> 00:29:06,610
SLOAN: What we're gonna talk about today is shopping.
520
00:29:06,770 --> 00:29:10,190
Shopping for dinner and the things you buy during, uh...
521
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,320
In your shopping trip.
522
00:29:13,570 --> 00:29:16,820
Specifically... Excuse me.
523
00:29:18,700 --> 00:29:19,830
- Can I help you?
- Yes.
524
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,560
Yes, I have two months to live and I would like to teach before I die.
525
00:29:30,670 --> 00:29:33,720
I don't think you understand me, Sparky. Ahem.
526
00:29:34,090 --> 00:29:36,260
It's all yours, you got it.
527
00:29:40,140 --> 00:29:43,680
Hello, class. My name is Adrian Cronauer.
528
00:29:43,850 --> 00:29:46,060
And I'd like to get to know all of you...
529
00:29:46,230 --> 00:29:49,150
by having you write down your name, address,
530
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:51,900
your home and work phone on paper, and passing it forward.
531
00:29:52,110 --> 00:29:54,820
Sergeant Sloan our teacher. You're not supposed to be in here.
532
00:29:55,030 --> 00:29:58,320
I was sent here on very strict orders from a colonel.
533
00:29:58,490 --> 00:30:01,830
First thing I'd like to know is what subject this is.
534
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:04,290
- Is it English?
- CRONAUER: Yes, it is.
535
00:30:04,500 --> 00:30:07,250
And how lucky for me. Thank you very much for playing.
536
00:30:07,420 --> 00:30:11,630
Now, let's start off with the fact that English is a fantastic language.
537
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,920
Let's try a little phrase, uh, I like to call:
538
00:30:15,090 --> 00:30:17,090
"My boyfriend's back and there's gonna be trouble.
539
00:30:17,260 --> 00:30:20,100
"Hey, nah, hey, nah, my boyfriend's back." Can we try that one?
540
00:30:21,180 --> 00:30:23,560
Can we try, "My boyfriend's back"? Anybody?
541
00:30:26,270 --> 00:30:27,810
She's not for you.
542
00:30:28,770 --> 00:30:30,810
Why do I feel like the miracle worker up here? Uhh--Uhh--
543
00:30:30,980 --> 00:30:32,610
[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY AS HELEN KELLER]
544
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:36,240
- GARLICK: This is a nightmare.
- CRONAUER: I don't know dick.
545
00:30:36,460 --> 00:30:39,060
Even saying that means I don't know dick.
546
00:30:39,170 --> 00:30:43,100
I can't really teach English. That's what Sgt. Sloan's going to do when he comes back.
547
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:48,170
I can only tell you how you can talk on, maybe, the real streets of America.
548
00:30:48,330 --> 00:30:51,040
If you're walking on the streets of New York and someone says,
549
00:30:51,210 --> 00:30:52,230
[FLATLY] "Hey, excuse me.
550
00:30:52,260 --> 00:30:55,670
"I would like to buy some cheese and some butter."
551
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:57,800
[IN NORMAL VOICE] No. No, come on.
552
00:30:57,970 --> 00:30:59,930
Basically, we talk, "Hey, man, what's happening?
553
00:31:00,100 --> 00:31:02,510
"You look hip today. Slip me some skin."
554
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:04,310
If someone in America comes up and says,
555
00:31:04,470 --> 00:31:06,020
"Slip me some skin," don't be afraid.
556
00:31:06,180 --> 00:31:08,020
They're not a leper, they're not gonna go-- [Grunting]
557
00:31:08,190 --> 00:31:10,650
No, it means like, "Hey, baby, slip me some skin."
558
00:31:10,860 --> 00:31:13,860
It's a greeting. It's like, "How are you doing? Slip me some skin."
559
00:31:14,030 --> 00:31:16,860
Here's how you do it, "Slip me some skin." Put your hand out there.
560
00:31:17,030 --> 00:31:19,860
Then you go. "Yeah, there's some skin." Now you do it to me.
561
00:31:20,030 --> 00:31:21,990
Yeah, now, then you say, "Groovy, yeah."
562
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:23,370
Say that.
563
00:31:23,540 --> 00:31:24,870
- MAN: Groovy.
- Yes.
564
00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:26,910
[STUDENTS LAUGH]
565
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:28,460
Baby.
566
00:31:28,670 --> 00:31:30,750
If something's really nice, you say it's groovy.
567
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:32,330
Doesn't mean you're like going like, "yo-o-o!"
568
00:31:32,500 --> 00:31:34,170
No, it means groovy. Try that one.
569
00:31:34,340 --> 00:31:37,760
Say, "Hey, baby, what's happening? Let's groove."
570
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:40,630
Hey, baby, what's happening? Let's groove.
571
00:31:41,970 --> 00:31:44,050
[BELL RINGS]
572
00:31:45,350 --> 00:31:47,730
- See you later.
- Mr. Cronauer, I really liking you.
573
00:31:47,890 --> 00:31:49,770
- Well, I'm liking you too.
- Thank you.
574
00:31:49,940 --> 00:31:52,270
- You teac, uh, uh, American thing okay.
- CRONAUER: Okay.
575
00:31:52,670 --> 00:31:53,860
Play game of softball.
576
00:31:53,900 --> 00:31:57,230
Okay, yeah, well, we'll try and do that if we get the equipment.
577
00:31:59,900 --> 00:32:01,910
- You forget the girl.
- Oh, I'll let her say no.
578
00:32:02,070 --> 00:32:04,240
She's say no. That's what walking away from you means.
579
00:32:04,410 --> 00:32:06,830
I'm interested in the girl, not in you playing "Dear Abby."
580
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:08,580
I know because she's my sister.
581
00:32:08,750 --> 00:32:11,870
I would, however, love to buy you lunch, maybe look at a family album.
582
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,290
- Come on.
- I not like you, sir.
583
00:32:14,460 --> 00:32:16,880
Why not? I got a great personality, you ask anybody.
584
00:32:17,050 --> 00:32:19,550
You phoney, like American and French before you.
585
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,300
Here to get something, leaving when you not get it.
586
00:32:22,470 --> 00:32:24,720
You come into my class, so maybe we like you.
587
00:32:24,890 --> 00:32:27,390
You come for the girl, you get her, you go.
588
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:29,810
Okay, Sherlock, yeah, I bribed my way to meet the girl.
589
00:32:29,980 --> 00:32:33,520
You got me, bang. But, hey, I like the class, so I'm gonna stay.
590
00:32:33,690 --> 00:32:35,940
Let's be friends, okay? Come on.
591
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,570
- Come on, come on.
- You like me because of my sister.
592
00:32:39,740 --> 00:32:42,780
No, I like you because you're honest. Because you're shorter than I am.
593
00:32:42,950 --> 00:32:45,910
We look like a before and after picture. Come on, let me buy you a beer.
594
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:48,580
Sometimes your face look like a fish in the Gulf of Thailand.
595
00:32:48,750 --> 00:32:51,580
That's true, it's very true. That's an insult, isn't it?
596
00:32:52,370 --> 00:32:55,920
TUAN: You can buy me lunch, but please forget about my sister.
597
00:32:56,090 --> 00:32:57,960
I know Americans.
598
00:32:58,130 --> 00:33:02,050
You see a girl with the type breasts they like and they put her in a fancy car,
599
00:33:02,220 --> 00:33:05,840
and they buy her some expensive food, and then lie about money.
600
00:33:06,010 --> 00:33:07,550
And then try and take her into a bed.
601
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:11,020
- CRONAUER: So, what's wrong with that?
- TUAN: It's more devout here.
602
00:33:13,980 --> 00:33:16,650
CRONAUER: Any food on this street that doesn't give you diarrhoea?
603
00:33:16,820 --> 00:33:18,020
TUAN: You wanting some?
604
00:33:21,860 --> 00:33:23,900
What the hell is this?
605
00:33:24,740 --> 00:33:27,700
Oh, she pour nuoc mam noodle soup with fish ball.
606
00:33:27,870 --> 00:33:29,700
Didn't know they had balls.
607
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:30,660
Eat.
608
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:32,060
Eat.
609
00:33:33,290 --> 00:33:35,210
I can't, it's still paddling.
610
00:33:35,420 --> 00:33:38,630
No, it okay. I not tell you okay otherwise.
611
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:40,000
You like it.
612
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,840
You see? You don't trusting me.
613
00:33:44,470 --> 00:33:48,430
I trust you, man, it's just that I can't eat something that looks like a cesspool.
614
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:51,270
You mad I not trust you, but true, you not trust me.
615
00:33:51,430 --> 00:33:54,020
You want be my friend, you trusting me. You would eat it.
616
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:58,560
Hey, I'll be... I wanna be your pal. Here, okay, I'll eat it.
617
00:33:58,770 --> 00:34:03,190
Dig in. Mm-mm.
618
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:07,450
Jeez! Shit! God. Oh, hot.
619
00:34:07,660 --> 00:34:09,410
My... Ow. Shit.
620
00:34:09,580 --> 00:34:12,120
- This stuff is burning the hair off my feet.
- Hot?
621
00:34:12,290 --> 00:34:14,290
- No, hot?
- No, it's fucking great.
622
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:16,500
[COUGHS]
623
00:34:17,500 --> 00:34:20,200
- She say it's a little spicy.
- A little, yeah.
624
00:34:22,210 --> 00:34:25,090
Isn't that funny? You like that too?
625
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,090
A little of this: Whoo-whoo-whoo.
626
00:34:27,260 --> 00:34:30,600
She likes the Three Stooges. [AS CURLY] Hey, Moe, hey, Moe.
627
00:34:30,810 --> 00:34:33,270
Oh, me like that you're silly.
628
00:34:37,730 --> 00:34:40,650
- You old enough for this place?
- I think so.
629
00:34:40,820 --> 00:34:44,230
Hi, Earl, good to see you again.
630
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:48,360
- Look at the new friend.
- A little too young for you.
631
00:34:48,530 --> 00:34:51,160
I want to show you something very nice.
632
00:34:51,330 --> 00:34:54,120
- Oh, really?
- It look wonderful.
633
00:34:54,950 --> 00:34:56,750
- I can confide you?
- Sure.
634
00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:02,880
Look at the shape of that soldier ankle, the way it so elegantly curve into his boot.
635
00:35:03,340 --> 00:35:07,760
Help me get some photo of those ankle, I give you my bar.
636
00:35:07,930 --> 00:35:10,930
You're a very sick man. You know that, don't you?
637
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,560
Thank you.
638
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:16,100
Oh, God.
639
00:35:16,270 --> 00:35:21,650
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the new voice of Saigon,
640
00:35:21,860 --> 00:35:25,820
Adrian Cronauer.
641
00:35:25,990 --> 00:35:27,030
Cronauer!
642
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:28,990
Not enough for the car, yeah.
643
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,370
- What happened to the girl?
- CRONAUER: It didn't work out.
644
00:35:31,530 --> 00:35:34,200
I wanna introduce you to someone right now from my English class.
645
00:35:34,370 --> 00:35:35,910
This is Tuan, the guys.
646
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:37,370
- Hey, Tuan.
- How you doing?
647
00:35:37,540 --> 00:35:38,870
- Guys, Tuan.
- Have a seat, man.
648
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:42,330
Pull up a floor here. Hi, Tuan, long time no "twee". Ba-dum.
649
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,630
- Terrible, that's terrible.
- Those are gorgeous gals.
650
00:35:50,010 --> 00:35:51,470
I've... I'll never have them.
651
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:54,470
I've wanted girls like that, but I've had trouble as a young child.
652
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:57,560
Who the hell gets laid as a young child? And stop calling them gals.
653
00:35:57,770 --> 00:35:59,390
Cowgirls are called gals.
654
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,440
Those are gorgeous French-Vietnamese B-girls.
655
00:36:02,650 --> 00:36:05,190
Don't ruin it by conjuring up images of Dale Evans, all right?
656
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:07,050
Can you believe the shape of those gals?
657
00:36:07,060 --> 00:36:07,890
Girls!
658
00:36:10,820 --> 00:36:12,070
Shape of the blue.
659
00:36:12,240 --> 00:36:13,990
No, those behinds were designed...
660
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:16,840
by a Jewish scientist in Switzerland, Dr. Feintush.
661
00:36:16,910 --> 00:36:17,950
Dr. Heimlich Feintush.
662
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:21,120
We're trying to meet them, but nobody can come up with any good lines.
663
00:36:21,290 --> 00:36:23,170
Wait a minute, try this one, try this one.
664
00:36:23,330 --> 00:36:26,550
Oh, girls, girls, come on over. Your loss.
665
00:36:26,710 --> 00:36:27,800
Pardon me, girls?
666
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,260
Excuse me, girls. Hello, hello.
667
00:36:30,470 --> 00:36:32,260
Come on, yes.
668
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:36,930
669
00:36:37,140 --> 00:36:39,890
Say, we're not supposed to fraternise with these girls.
670
00:36:40,060 --> 00:36:41,140
It says so in the memo.
671
00:36:41,310 --> 00:36:43,310
No fraternising with these girls in the memo.
672
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:46,320
Forget memos, forget memos. These are pretty women coming.
673
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:48,070
674
00:36:48,230 --> 00:36:50,740
- KIRK: It's working.
- McPHERSON: Oh, yeah, this way, please.
675
00:36:50,900 --> 00:36:52,110
- CRONAUER: Thank you.
- Hey.
676
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:54,990
- Hello, I'm William Holden.
- KIRK: Right here.
677
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,200
This way, this way.
678
00:36:57,370 --> 00:36:59,450
- CRONAUER: Merry Christmas.
- McPHERSON: Bingo.
679
00:36:59,620 --> 00:37:02,250
CRONAUER: Merry Christmas. If you believe in Santa...
680
00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:03,500
How come I don't get one?
681
00:37:03,670 --> 00:37:06,880
Dan Levitan. You've probably heard my radio show.
682
00:37:07,090 --> 00:37:08,630
- WOMAN: Hi.
- LEVITAN: What's your name?
683
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,760
LEVITAN: My name is Levitan. Can you say that?
684
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:12,260
SERGEANT: Who brought in the gook?
685
00:37:12,430 --> 00:37:13,930
- LEVITAN: Levitan.
- WOMAN: Levitan.
686
00:37:14,930 --> 00:37:17,510
I said, who brought in the fucking gook?
687
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:18,810
WOMAN: Levitan.
688
00:37:20,850 --> 00:37:22,390
WOMAN: I love you.
689
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:24,650
- CRONAUER: A khaki eclipse.
- TUAN: I better go now.
690
00:37:24,810 --> 00:37:26,310
That's all right. I did.
691
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,440
Hey, come on now, if you kick out the gooks,
692
00:37:28,610 --> 00:37:31,030
you have to kick out the Chinks, spics, spooks and kikes,
693
00:37:31,190 --> 00:37:34,200
and all that's gonna be left in here are a couple of brain-dead rednecks,
694
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:35,740
and what fun would that be?
695
00:37:35,950 --> 00:37:37,570
Now is when I stop talking.
696
00:37:37,740 --> 00:37:40,040
Come on, let me buy you a couple of beers. How about it?
697
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:41,330
- Are you crazy?
- I might...
698
00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:42,540
- Shut up!
- Okay.
699
00:37:42,710 --> 00:37:44,330
SERGEANT: Get him out of here.
700
00:37:44,540 --> 00:37:46,210
Hey, hey, hey.
701
00:37:46,380 --> 00:37:48,090
Hey, hey, hey, come on now.
702
00:37:48,290 --> 00:37:50,710
You gotta prove something, knocking around Vietnamese kids?
703
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:53,420
This is a GI bar. We don't like gooks. We don't want him here.
704
00:37:53,590 --> 00:37:54,730
You just get him out!
705
00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:58,100
Everybody say "gook," but it's all right.
706
00:37:58,300 --> 00:38:00,810
- Jump in any time, okay?
- We're there.
707
00:38:01,020 --> 00:38:02,980
I gotta tell you something, you know.
708
00:38:03,140 --> 00:38:06,810
I've been all around the world, seen a lot of places and a lot of people.
709
00:38:07,020 --> 00:38:10,270
I have never ever, in my travels, come across a man as large as you...
710
00:38:11,570 --> 00:38:15,530
with as much muscles, who has absolutely no penis.
711
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:18,740
He mean that as compliment.
712
00:38:19,990 --> 00:38:21,490
Oh, shit.
713
00:38:21,660 --> 00:38:24,290
That's it for you, asshole.
714
00:38:25,620 --> 00:38:26,830
Call police, quick.
715
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:32,500
- MAN 1: Hey, hey, man, hey!
- MAN 2: Get him.
716
00:38:35,630 --> 00:38:36,930
Talk.
717
00:38:37,090 --> 00:38:39,390
These two were physically abusing a Vietnamese national.
718
00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:42,010
- I thought since we were here to...
- So you start a brawl.
719
00:38:42,180 --> 00:38:45,680
Turn the place upside down. Real intelligent solution.
720
00:38:45,850 --> 00:38:47,980
Do you have any idea how ridiculous it makes me look...
721
00:38:48,150 --> 00:38:52,480
to have a man under my command start a fucking bar brawl?
722
00:39:01,740 --> 00:39:05,660
- You're not gonna last long here, pal.
- You can always send me back to Crete.
723
00:39:06,410 --> 00:39:08,790
Oh, you think this is a joke?
724
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:10,960
I can come up with alternatives other than Crete.
725
00:39:11,130 --> 00:39:12,460
I'm real good at stuff like that.
726
00:39:12,630 --> 00:39:15,920
I got people stuck in places they haven't even considered how to get out of yet.
727
00:39:16,090 --> 00:39:18,340
You don't think I can come up with something good?
728
00:39:18,510 --> 00:39:20,760
Can you envision some fairly unattractive alternatives?
729
00:39:20,930 --> 00:39:22,140
Not without slides.
730
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:26,140
A bar brawl, that's one, Cronauer.
731
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:30,400
You better stay cool. You better not get involved in anything.
732
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:33,770
You better not even come within range of anything that happens,
733
00:39:33,940 --> 00:39:36,320
or your ass is grass and I'm a lawnmower.
734
00:39:37,030 --> 00:39:39,200
- Am I being fairly clear?
- Yes, sir.
735
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:43,120
Sir? Do you see anything on this uniform indicating an officer?
736
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,450
What does three up and three down mean to you, airman?
737
00:39:45,620 --> 00:39:47,540
End of an inning.
738
00:39:49,870 --> 00:39:51,250
Sergeant major.
739
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:54,880
Now, you get the hell out of here right now.
740
00:40:03,260 --> 00:40:05,350
[DREIWITZ SCATTING REVEILLE]
741
00:40:06,890 --> 00:40:09,560
CRONAUER: Jesus, enough.
742
00:40:09,940 --> 00:40:11,900
Please, I'm... Bag it!
743
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,440
Wake up, Mr. Sleepy Head. You are late.
744
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:17,500
745
00:40:17,580 --> 00:40:19,570
746
00:40:19,650 --> 00:40:21,740
747
00:40:21,820 --> 00:40:23,720
748
00:40:29,870 --> 00:40:32,160
Gentlemen, what can I say but hiya.
749
00:40:32,830 --> 00:40:33,850
Hiya.
750
00:40:34,290 --> 00:40:35,190
Hiya.
751
00:40:35,420 --> 00:40:38,670
Okay, which one of you guys is throwing his voice?
752
00:40:39,300 --> 00:40:41,130
Oh, censor, censor, censor.
753
00:40:41,340 --> 00:40:43,800
Join the Army and mark things.
754
00:40:44,300 --> 00:40:46,260
Hey, what kind of news are you leaving me there?
755
00:40:46,430 --> 00:40:49,470
"Nixon, Singapore, Lake Erie." Come on.
756
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:51,350
Come on, you're on in like two seconds.
757
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:54,190
It's time for Adrian Cronauer.
758
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:58,530
[YELLS] Good morning, Vietnam!
759
00:40:58,690 --> 00:41:01,950
Hello, campers. Remember, Monday is malaria day.
760
00:41:02,110 --> 00:41:03,910
Time to take that big orange pill...
761
00:41:04,070 --> 00:41:05,820
and get ready for the Ho Chi Minh two-step.
762
00:41:05,990 --> 00:41:09,120
763
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:12,260
764
00:41:12,330 --> 00:41:15,560
765
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:19,070
766
00:41:25,610 --> 00:41:29,210
767
00:41:33,020 --> 00:41:34,190
We're back. Here's the news.
768
00:41:34,350 --> 00:41:36,520
All the news that's new and approved by the U.S. Army,
769
00:41:36,690 --> 00:41:38,400
the sweetest-smelling army in the world.
770
00:41:38,570 --> 00:41:40,530
[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]
771
00:41:40,740 --> 00:41:43,650
"Great Britain recognised the island state of Singapore."
772
00:41:43,820 --> 00:41:45,110
How do you recognise an island?
773
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:47,280
You go, "Hey, wait. No, don't tell me, wait, wait.
774
00:41:47,450 --> 00:41:50,410
"Didn't we meet last year at the Feinman bar mitzvah?
775
00:41:50,580 --> 00:41:51,700
"You look a lot like Hawaii.
776
00:41:51,870 --> 00:41:54,160
"Didn't we meet last year at the Peninsula Club?"
777
00:41:54,370 --> 00:41:57,080
"No. Pope Paul VI celebrated a Mass in Italian."
778
00:41:57,250 --> 00:41:58,420
Call me crazy, he's in Rome.
779
00:41:58,590 --> 00:42:00,810
One day I want to meet hem , kiss his ring and have it go:
780
00:42:00,850 --> 00:42:01,480
[WHISTLES] Whrrr!
781
00:42:01,510 --> 00:42:04,260
"The Mississippi River broke through a protective dike today."
782
00:42:04,430 --> 00:42:05,510
What is a protective dike?
783
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:06,800
A large woman by the river going,
784
00:42:06,970 --> 00:42:08,510
[IN DEEP VOICE] "Don't go near there"?
785
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:11,010
Don't go near there. Get away from the river, stay away.
786
00:42:11,180 --> 00:42:13,850
[NORMAL] I know we can't use "dyke." You can't even say "lesbian."
787
00:42:14,020 --> 00:42:15,850
It's "women in comfortable shoes." Thank you.
788
00:42:16,020 --> 00:42:18,520
Here's the weather. We're gonna go to Roosevelt E. Roosevelt.
789
00:42:18,690 --> 00:42:19,770
Roosevelt, how's it going?
790
00:42:19,940 --> 00:42:22,570
[SOLDIER] "Adrian, I'm with somebody. Don't come bother me right now."
791
00:42:22,740 --> 00:42:24,280
[NORMAL] Can't you give us weather?
792
00:42:24,450 --> 00:42:26,610
[SOLDIER] "Not now. I'm trying to score, back off!"
793
00:42:26,780 --> 00:42:29,410
[NORMAL] What's the weather like? [SOLDIER] "You got a window? Open it."
794
00:42:29,580 --> 00:42:31,740
[NORMAL] We'll go to someone else for the weather.
795
00:42:31,910 --> 00:42:34,580
We have to go all the way to Washington to Weather Central to Walter Cronkite.
796
00:42:34,750 --> 00:42:36,080
Walter, what's the weather like?
797
00:42:36,250 --> 00:42:39,290
[Imitating WALTER CRONKITE] I want to begin by saying to Roosevelt E. Roosevelt,
798
00:42:39,460 --> 00:42:42,420
what it is, what it shall be, what it was.
799
00:42:42,590 --> 00:42:44,760
Weather out there today is hot and shitty...
800
00:42:45,380 --> 00:42:47,760
with continued hot and shitty in the afternoon.
801
00:42:48,340 --> 00:42:50,140
Tomorrow a chance of continued crappy...
802
00:42:50,300 --> 00:42:52,510
with a pissy weather front coming down from the north.
803
00:42:52,720 --> 00:42:56,270
CRONAUER: Basically, it's hotter than a snake's ass in a waggon round up.
804
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,850
[IN NORMAL VOICE] We're gonna hit some songs at you now.
805
00:42:59,020 --> 00:43:00,650
Coming your way!
806
00:43:01,610 --> 00:43:04,650
What the hell was that? Crappy weather, shitty weather?
807
00:43:04,860 --> 00:43:06,360
- Comedy, sir.
- Comedy?
808
00:43:06,530 --> 00:43:09,160
No, no. This is not comedy. Comedy is fun.
809
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,950
- It's antics, hysterical-type things.
- Hysterical-type things?
810
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:13,910
Airman Cronauer requesting you to elaborate.
811
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:17,290
Antics, damn it. Comedy of errors, like the Keystone Kops falling down.
812
00:43:17,460 --> 00:43:20,290
- General wackiness like that.
- Falling down, that's a sight gag.
813
00:43:20,460 --> 00:43:23,880
- How would anyone see you fall?
- No, no, no. Not literally falling down.
814
00:43:24,050 --> 00:43:26,620
- McPHERSON: Wouldn't work on radio, sir.
- See, sir?
815
00:43:26,630 --> 00:43:30,510
What I mean is in the spirit of the Keystone cops.
816
00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:32,180
Sir, it wouldn't work, I don't think.
817
00:43:32,350 --> 00:43:35,390
I don't think anybody would see you fall through a radio, sir.
818
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:37,230
I-If a field radio...
819
00:43:37,390 --> 00:43:38,480
What are you doing here?
820
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:41,690
- I thought I'd come and help smooth...
- Don't help and don't smooth.
821
00:43:41,860 --> 00:43:43,320
And you.
822
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:44,520
You are not funny.
823
00:43:44,690 --> 00:43:48,610
But you are a maniac, and you'd better start changing your life.
824
00:43:49,950 --> 00:43:51,570
CRONAUER: Sir?
825
00:43:52,370 --> 00:43:54,030
Thank you for that constructive criticism.
826
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:56,910
It's a privilege to take comedy notes from a man of your stature.
827
00:43:58,830 --> 00:44:00,330
Fine.
828
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:02,880
Just don't let it happen again.
829
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,340
[SIGHS]
830
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:12,340
I n the dictionary, under "asshole," it says, "See him."
831
00:44:12,550 --> 00:44:13,930
Why am I here?
832
00:44:14,100 --> 00:44:17,180
We're gonna play some music for you right now. Here we go.
833
00:44:17,350 --> 00:44:20,560
Here's a little James Brown coming your way.
834
00:44:20,730 --> 00:44:23,400
Baby, help me, please.
835
00:44:23,610 --> 00:44:26,180
["I GOT YOU (I FEEL GOOD)" PLAYING ON RADIO]
836
00:44:28,260 --> 00:44:29,680
837
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:34,490
838
00:44:34,530 --> 00:44:37,360
839
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:41,080
840
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:43,210
841
00:44:43,250 --> 00:44:44,710
[SCREAMS]
842
00:44:45,670 --> 00:44:47,550
[AS JAMES BROWN] Back again.
843
00:44:48,300 --> 00:44:49,760
[LAUGHS]
844
00:44:50,750 --> 00:44:54,650
845
00:44:54,720 --> 00:44:57,550
846
00:44:57,620 --> 00:45:01,250
847
00:45:01,330 --> 00:45:03,590
848
00:45:03,660 --> 00:45:08,560
849
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:13,180
850
00:45:13,460 --> 00:45:16,560
851
00:45:16,660 --> 00:45:18,800
852
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:21,870
853
00:45:21,950 --> 00:45:24,710
- [SCREAMS]
854
00:45:24,750 --> 00:45:27,000
Tell them, James. Hurt them now. Ha, ha.
855
00:45:27,170 --> 00:45:30,590
Good God, help me. Work through it. Ow!
856
00:45:30,820 --> 00:45:32,160
857
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:35,220
858
00:45:37,300 --> 00:45:39,160
859
00:45:39,220 --> 00:45:41,770
Oh, sir, Walter Cronkite lives in New Jersey.
860
00:45:41,930 --> 00:45:44,270
- It was a joke, sir.
- Yes.
861
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:46,560
- Sarcasm, sir.
- Up in Bergen County.
862
00:45:46,770 --> 00:45:48,900
- KIRK: That's a form of humour, sir.
- LEVITAN: Hackensack.
863
00:45:49,070 --> 00:45:50,580
- KIRK: Yes, sir.
- LEVITAN: How do I know?
864
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:51,640
I'll make sure he gets the message.
865
00:45:51,650 --> 00:45:53,160
KIRK: We're happy with him too, sir.
866
00:45:53,180 --> 00:45:55,620
Yes, sir. I'm sure that wasn't Walter Cronkite.
867
00:45:55,660 --> 00:45:58,220
- KIRK: I will tell him, sir.
- Didn't I speak to you before?
868
00:45:58,240 --> 00:45:59,530
Okay, sir, thank you.
869
00:46:01,580 --> 00:46:05,760
CRONAUER: Very good. All right, now. All right, let's recap now, okay.
870
00:46:05,790 --> 00:46:09,130
If someone is not telling the truth, you say that they are full of...
871
00:46:09,340 --> 00:46:12,090
- STUDENTS [IN UNISON]: Shit.
- MAN: Shit.
872
00:46:12,260 --> 00:46:14,720
Okay, if someone is making you angrier and angrier,
873
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:16,340
therefore, you have...
874
00:46:16,550 --> 00:46:19,850
- STUDENTS [IN UNISON]: Pissed me off.
- MAN: Pissed me off.
875
00:46:20,390 --> 00:46:23,100
Okay, join the others if you can. All right, let's see.
876
00:46:23,270 --> 00:46:26,560
If you say that, hey, some people in a car, some gypsies, they cut you off.
877
00:46:26,730 --> 00:46:27,810
All of a sudden you...
878
00:46:27,980 --> 00:46:31,610
- STUDENTS: Flip them the bird.
- A bird.
879
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,570
Very good. Okay, now we got a special situation right now.
880
00:46:39,740 --> 00:46:41,220
There's a Puerto Rican waitress.
881
00:46:41,240 --> 00:46:44,290
She comes over, brings you a red soup. She's got some tomato soup.
882
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:46,850
Oh, she slips, she spills it on your brand-new gabardine pants...
883
00:46:46,870 --> 00:46:48,780
that you paid more than a coloured TV for.
884
00:46:48,850 --> 00:46:50,840
You're a little angry, so you say to her... Minh?
885
00:46:51,380 --> 00:46:53,300
Uh, look what you did.
886
00:46:53,460 --> 00:46:56,550
And goddamn it and stupid and crap.
887
00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:58,970
That's stupid, you don't call someone crap.
888
00:46:59,140 --> 00:47:01,430
No, you step on crap. You don't call it to a person.
889
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:05,760
- You can step on crap. I know you can.
- Yes, but they can be full of shit, he said.
890
00:47:05,770 --> 00:47:08,470
No, no, you see, you step in shit, you can be full of crap.
891
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:12,140
I'm pretty sure you can step on crap. I once saw it in a French movie.
892
00:47:12,150 --> 00:47:13,890
How can some person look like a shit?
893
00:47:13,900 --> 00:47:15,860
- It impossible.
- CRONAUER: Let's stop with that.
894
00:47:16,030 --> 00:47:18,320
We can stop with the debate on the great caca right now.
895
00:47:18,490 --> 00:47:21,280
Let's try a very special situation. Wilkie, something special, okay?
896
00:47:21,450 --> 00:47:23,870
You go into a restaurant, okay? A waitress comes up to you.
897
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:25,660
You're wearing your best new suit.
898
00:47:25,830 --> 00:47:28,710
She comes up, she spills soup all over you, looks at you like,
899
00:47:28,870 --> 00:47:31,000
"I'm sorry. What're you gonna do about it, asshole?"
900
00:47:31,170 --> 00:47:33,130
What do you say to her? What would you say?
901
00:47:33,340 --> 00:47:36,320
They spilled something on your pants, what would you do?
902
00:47:38,180 --> 00:47:40,130
I do nothing.
903
00:47:43,810 --> 00:47:45,350
Come on, Wilkie, it's cursing class.
904
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:47,430
You're getting pissed off. What would you do?
905
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:49,600
I just remain reticent.
906
00:47:49,810 --> 00:47:52,860
Okay, she goes in the kitchen, she gets a knife, she starts stabbing you.
907
00:47:53,020 --> 00:47:54,940
She's stabbing you. She's putting forks in you.
908
00:47:55,110 --> 00:47:56,980
She's got spoons in your eyes, Will.
909
00:47:56,990 --> 00:47:59,820
They're starting to cut you with knives, putting spoons in your eyes.
910
00:47:59,990 --> 00:48:01,740
What would you do, Will? What would you do?
911
00:48:01,910 --> 00:48:04,410
I'm waiting to die.
912
00:48:07,990 --> 00:48:11,000
Mr. Cronauer, we like your lessons better than the book's.
913
00:48:11,170 --> 00:48:13,920
- Soon we play baseball?
- When you teaching us softball?
914
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:16,920
We have to have training. When I think you're ready, I'll try.
915
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:20,510
- Where are you come from?
- Queens. Bayside, Queens.
916
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:23,080
- What are queens?
- Tall, thin men who like show tunes.
917
00:48:23,350 --> 00:48:27,800
No? Big men with moustaches named Mary who wear mascara.
918
00:48:27,850 --> 00:48:29,930
- [SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]
- [ All Laughing ]
919
00:48:32,770 --> 00:48:34,150
Yeah, lakai!
920
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:35,770
Lakai! [SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]
921
00:48:35,940 --> 00:48:37,780
What is a lakai?
922
00:48:40,030 --> 00:48:42,580
Relax already, crazy American.
923
00:48:44,450 --> 00:48:46,700
I made a date with you and Trinh tomorrow.
924
00:48:46,870 --> 00:48:49,870
- You did?
- Nearby the larch tree, near Viet Hoa.
925
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:53,210
By the food and flower vendors where you burn your mouth on the noodles.
926
00:48:53,420 --> 00:48:55,040
- Where's that?
- The noodles, remember?
927
00:48:55,210 --> 00:48:57,050
- When you burn your mouth.
- Oh, gosh, yeah.
928
00:48:57,210 --> 00:48:59,710
But I warn you, you not like it when you get there.
929
00:48:59,880 --> 00:49:01,170
You say it ridiculous.
930
00:49:01,340 --> 00:49:04,090
Why? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
931
00:49:04,300 --> 00:49:07,010
- Hi.
- [ Together ] Hi!
932
00:49:07,470 --> 00:49:11,560
- Oh, God, this could be very ugly. Hi.
- [ Chattering In Vietnamese ]
933
00:49:10,580 --> 00:49:12,510
- Hi.
- [ Baby Crying ]
934
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:14,560
Chaperons.
935
00:49:14,730 --> 00:49:19,980
In Vietnam, family often come to meet someone-- to meet someone.
936
00:49:19,990 --> 00:49:24,590
Hello, hey. Well, the gang's all here, huh? Ha, ha.
937
00:49:24,660 --> 00:49:27,630
Oh, God, help me. This is wonderful.
938
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:31,250
Well, you know, you're very beautiful.
939
00:49:33,540 --> 00:49:35,330
And you're also very quiet.
940
00:49:35,500 --> 00:49:39,090
And I'm not used to girls being that quiet unless they're medicated.
941
00:49:39,250 --> 00:49:42,660
I go out with girls who talk so much you can hook them up to a wind turbine...
942
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:44,880
and they could power a small New Hampshire town.
943
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:48,600
You talk, I think, very much.
944
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:52,100
Well, you see, I'm not used to going on a date with a grand jury,
945
00:49:52,270 --> 00:49:53,890
and it makes me a little nervous.
946
00:49:55,020 --> 00:49:57,900
I don't want makes you nervous, Cronauer.
947
00:49:58,070 --> 00:50:00,610
I know you very nice.
948
00:50:00,980 --> 00:50:07,950
And for trusting, you is the best of the gently of what you say...
949
00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:12,540
of never to be for both the same and another.
950
00:50:14,460 --> 00:50:17,670
Well, I had you there, babe, but then you lost me at the end.
951
00:50:22,090 --> 00:50:25,020
Hey, hey. Hey, Uncle Phil.
952
00:50:25,130 --> 00:50:28,430
Here you go, there you go. Hey, got one? For you.
953
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:32,140
Hey, there we go, for you. Here we go, for you all.
954
00:50:32,810 --> 00:50:34,680
Knock yourselves out.
955
00:50:34,850 --> 00:50:37,440
What's one-thirteenth of a dollar among friends? Come on.
956
00:50:37,770 --> 00:50:39,650
No problem.
957
00:50:39,820 --> 00:50:41,730
They're having a great...
958
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:43,430
Uh...
959
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:51,160
Hey, listen, I know there's no way.
960
00:50:52,950 --> 00:50:56,330
But it doesn't mean we can't have a few laughs.
961
00:50:56,870 --> 00:51:02,420
Hey, I'll take whatever you can give because I'm just happy to be with you.
962
00:51:02,590 --> 00:51:04,880
You want to see a movie or something?
963
00:51:06,470 --> 00:51:09,780
- We must to ask the people.
- Hey, it's no problem.
964
00:51:10,100 --> 00:51:12,850
Attention, shoppers. People, people, settle.
965
00:51:13,850 --> 00:51:16,020
CRONAUER: "Under the Boardwalk," you know that one?
966
00:51:16,190 --> 00:51:19,060
"Shout" by the Isley Brothers, you know that?
967
00:51:19,270 --> 00:51:23,190
- You know any American songs at all?
- "Puff the Magic Dragon."
968
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:26,030
You know "Puff the Magic Dragon"? Will you sing it?
969
00:51:26,650 --> 00:51:31,510
[SINGING] Puff, the Magic Dragon Living by the tree
970
00:51:31,780 --> 00:51:32,870
That's wonderful.
971
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:35,450
Hey, 12, please. Um...
972
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:37,710
[BOTH SPEAK IN VIETNAMESE]
973
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:41,040
974
00:51:41,260 --> 00:51:44,230
975
00:51:44,300 --> 00:51:47,200
976
00:51:47,270 --> 00:51:50,240
977
00:51:50,300 --> 00:51:53,570
978
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:56,040
979
00:51:56,110 --> 00:51:58,480
980
00:51:58,540 --> 00:52:02,170
981
00:52:02,270 --> 00:52:04,360
[DUBBED IN VIETNAMESE]
982
00:52:14,740 --> 00:52:18,830
983
00:52:19,330 --> 00:52:20,960
My thoughts exactly.
984
00:52:22,900 --> 00:52:25,270
985
00:52:25,340 --> 00:52:28,070
986
00:52:29,240 --> 00:52:32,410
987
00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:36,570
988
00:52:38,180 --> 00:52:40,600
Why can't I read this? It's what's going on here now.
989
00:52:40,770 --> 00:52:42,980
They'd never approve of that being released.
990
00:52:43,150 --> 00:52:45,730
That's censorship, Edward. That's not what America's all about.
991
00:52:45,900 --> 00:52:47,400
We're not in America, sir.
992
00:52:47,570 --> 00:52:50,570
Can we please not get into this right now? You're in the middle of a show.
993
00:52:50,740 --> 00:52:53,070
You could put amphetamine freaks to sleep with this shit.
994
00:52:53,240 --> 00:52:55,530
"Got an agreement on Guam." Sounds like bird droppings.
995
00:52:55,700 --> 00:52:56,780
Here's something exciting:
996
00:52:56,950 --> 00:52:59,290
"Hubert Humphrey visits Capitol Hill." A children's story.
997
00:52:59,450 --> 00:53:01,460
- I'm reading this.
- No, I can't let you do that.
998
00:53:01,620 --> 00:53:03,960
Edward, don't you ever do anything that's not by the book?
999
00:53:04,130 --> 00:53:05,790
Not when I get into trouble. No, I don't.
1000
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:09,340
Eddie, sometimes you got to go out of your way to get into trouble.
1001
00:53:09,510 --> 00:53:12,260
It's called fun. What's that? Come on.
1002
00:53:12,430 --> 00:53:15,510
Take some chances once in a while, Edward. That's what life's all about.
1003
00:53:16,010 --> 00:53:19,430
- Find anything?
- No, I'll have to make something up.
1004
00:53:20,930 --> 00:53:22,020
Hey, we're back.
1005
00:53:22,190 --> 00:53:24,980
That last two seconds of silence was Marcel Marceau's newest single:
1006
00:53:25,150 --> 00:53:26,230
"Walkin' in the Wind."
1007
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:27,940
And now here are the headlines.
1008
00:53:28,110 --> 00:53:29,570
[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]
1009
00:53:29,740 --> 00:53:31,070
Here they come at you right now.
1010
00:53:31,240 --> 00:53:33,530
Pope actually found to be Jewish, Liberace is Anastasia,
1011
00:53:33,700 --> 00:53:35,200
and Ethel Merman jams Russian radar.
1012
00:53:35,870 --> 00:53:38,950
The East Germans today claimed that the Berlin Wall was a fraternity prank.
1013
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:42,000
Also, the pope decided today to release Vatican-related bath products.
1014
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:44,750
An incredible thing. Yes, it's the new Pope-on-a-Rope.
1015
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:46,330
That's right, Pope-on-a-Rope.
1016
00:53:46,500 --> 00:53:48,790
Wash with it, go straight to heaven. Thank you.
1017
00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:51,090
Ethel Merman today uses a test to jam Russian radar.
1018
00:53:51,260 --> 00:53:52,760
Here's a brief test of that jamming.
1019
00:53:52,930 --> 00:53:56,340
1020
00:53:56,510 --> 00:53:59,010
1021
00:53:59,180 --> 00:54:00,960
When asked for a reply, the Russians went,
1022
00:54:01,020 --> 00:54:02,890
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT] "What the hell was that?"
1023
00:54:03,100 --> 00:54:04,140
[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]
1024
00:54:04,310 --> 00:54:05,810
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Here's a news flash:
1025
00:54:05,980 --> 00:54:08,810
Today, President Lyndon Johnson passed a highway beautification bill.
1026
00:54:08,980 --> 00:54:10,650
The bill basically said that his daughters...
1027
00:54:10,820 --> 00:54:12,740
could not drive in a convertible on highways.
1028
00:54:12,950 --> 00:54:15,240
Hey, we got a great show coming your way today.
1029
00:54:15,410 --> 00:54:17,320
Former Vice President Richard Nixon's in town.
1030
00:54:17,490 --> 00:54:19,450
That's right, the big Dick is here. Get ready.
1031
00:54:19,620 --> 00:54:21,540
I think there's an incredible coincidence here.
1032
00:54:21,700 --> 00:54:24,830
I think he sounds exactly like Mister Ed. You be the judge.
1033
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:27,080
[AS NIXON] I tell you this. [NORMAL] Now, listen.
1034
00:54:27,250 --> 00:54:28,880
[AS MISTER ED] Wilbur, come in the room.
1035
00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:31,090
An incredible coincidence, some more songs.
1036
00:54:31,250 --> 00:54:35,090
Moving on, moving on into the dawn with the dawn-busters, yeah.
1037
00:54:35,300 --> 00:54:39,140
["IT'S ALL RIGHT" PLAYING ON RADIO]
1038
00:54:39,210 --> 00:54:41,140
1039
00:54:41,210 --> 00:54:44,110
1040
00:54:44,180 --> 00:54:46,740
1041
00:54:46,900 --> 00:54:49,020
The requests will be taken pretty soon. Requests?
1042
00:54:49,190 --> 00:54:51,610
Where am I gonna take requests? Where can you call from?
1043
00:54:51,780 --> 00:54:53,140
[SOLDIER] "Yeah, I'm in a phone booth out in the DMZ.
1044
00:54:53,190 --> 00:54:58,480
- I'm trying to call you right now."
1045
00:54:59,190 --> 00:55:00,580
[IN VIETNAMESE ACCENT] Lock 'n' loll, baby.
1046
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:01,660
Lock 'n' loll.
1047
00:55:01,690 --> 00:55:04,530
1048
00:55:04,530 --> 00:55:09,870
1049
00:55:09,870 --> 00:55:12,800
1050
00:55:12,870 --> 00:55:15,400
1051
00:55:15,470 --> 00:55:18,440
- Believe!
1052
00:55:18,510 --> 00:55:21,210
1053
00:55:45,910 --> 00:55:49,860
1054
00:55:21,350 --> 00:55:23,680
Again, we've got our friend from military intelligence.
1055
00:55:23,890 --> 00:55:27,940
Can you tell us what you've found out about the enemy since you've been here?
1056
00:55:28,100 --> 00:55:32,400
[SLOWLY] We found out that we can't find them. They're out there,
1057
00:55:32,570 --> 00:55:37,320
and we're having a major difficulty in finding the enemy.
1058
00:55:37,490 --> 00:55:39,950
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Well, what do you use to look for them?
1059
00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:42,580
[SLOWLY] Well, we ask people, "Are you the enemy?"
1060
00:55:42,740 --> 00:55:45,750
And whoever says yes, we shoot them.
1061
00:55:50,210 --> 00:55:54,380
It's very difficult to find a Vietnamese man named Charlie.
1062
00:55:54,550 --> 00:56:00,180
They're all named Nyugen or Doh or things like that. It's very difficult for me.
1063
00:56:00,350 --> 00:56:04,050
1064
00:56:04,010 --> 00:56:06,640
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Is it true that you've actually, um...?
1065
00:56:06,810 --> 00:56:09,770
You're actually too close to some of the nerve agents they were testing?
1066
00:56:09,940 --> 00:56:11,600
[SLOWLY] Nerve gas?
1067
00:56:11,770 --> 00:56:13,610
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Yes, have you used any?
1068
00:56:13,770 --> 00:56:17,960
[SLOWLY] Well, once, yes, on myself. And it had no...
1069
00:56:17,980 --> 00:56:19,180
[SCREAMS] Whoa! Whoa!
1070
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:20,610
No effect on me.
1071
00:56:20,780 --> 00:56:22,240
I've had no actual...
1072
00:56:22,410 --> 00:56:25,180
[SCREAMS THEN SPEAKS GI BBERISH] Whoa! She-hoo!
1073
00:56:25,240 --> 00:56:28,620
Whoa! Whoa! Big dogs! Big dogs landing on my face!
1074
00:56:28,790 --> 00:56:30,370
I don't know what that means.
1075
00:56:30,580 --> 00:56:34,670
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hey, that's it for me. That's the end of the Adrian Cron-Hour,
1076
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:39,170
but I'm gonna turn you over right now to Mr. Warmth, Dan "The Tan" Levitan!
1077
00:56:39,340 --> 00:56:42,090
Ha, ha. Thank you so much, Adrian.
1078
00:56:42,260 --> 00:56:45,890
Adrian Cronauer, GIs, a wacky and welcome addition...
1079
00:56:46,060 --> 00:56:47,810
- to AFRS, Radio Saigon.
- Nixon's press conference.
1080
00:56:47,970 --> 00:56:50,810
Well, wait till you hear it. He's this far from sincerity.
1081
00:56:50,980 --> 00:56:52,920
Oh, no, man, listen. Let me just feed my face.
1082
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:55,520
Just a moment, come on.
1083
00:56:58,530 --> 00:57:01,820
- Where do you imagine you're going?
- Just gonna get a little something to eat.
1084
00:57:01,990 --> 00:57:03,070
You don't have time.
1085
00:57:03,240 --> 00:57:05,570
You'll stay here and drink instant beverage or something.
1086
00:57:05,740 --> 00:57:08,830
We promised our listening audience Nixon highlights by 4 p.m.
1087
00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:11,360
I've been on the air for four hours. I'm a little hungry.
1088
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:13,280
That's a joke, right? I get it.
1089
00:57:13,540 --> 00:57:16,340
No, I'm actually hungry.
1090
00:57:16,500 --> 00:57:19,090
Well, I'm actually giving you an order.
1091
00:57:23,050 --> 00:57:27,260
Oh, it's an order. In that case, gentlemen, let's edit.
1092
00:57:30,140 --> 00:57:34,410
Thank you. Mm-mm. Campbell's.
1093
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:39,610
Aha! Ha! Earl, oh, you again. No more fighting, okay?
1094
00:57:39,820 --> 00:57:42,320
Oh, you got it. James, nice, shiny green suit.
1095
00:57:42,490 --> 00:57:43,990
You look like an Oriental leprechaun.
1096
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:50,290
You like it? I got it in Hong Kong, home of the shiny green suit.
1097
00:57:52,080 --> 00:57:54,450
NIXON [OVER RADIO]: There is no place for neutrality...
1098
00:57:54,460 --> 00:57:56,460
or a neutralist sentiment in South Vietnam.
1099
00:57:56,630 --> 00:58:00,960
As I leave Vietnam today there is no doubt, certainly, in my mind...
1100
00:58:01,130 --> 00:58:02,170
Hey. That's Nixon.
1101
00:58:02,340 --> 00:58:04,800
NIXON [ON RADIO]: Whether the Vietcong will be defeated,
1102
00:58:05,010 --> 00:58:07,600
NIXON [ON TAPE]: And that this war will be won.
1103
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:09,890
Mission does involve... I think very appropriately,
1104
00:58:10,060 --> 00:58:11,640
As you have suggested, give and take.
1105
00:58:11,810 --> 00:58:14,800
CRONAUER [ON TAPE]: Well, I really didn't make that suggestion, sir. I'm sorry.
1106
00:58:14,810 --> 00:58:18,190
NIXON [ON RADIO]: The United States has no right to give.
1107
00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:20,820
Why would Cronauer's voice be on this tape?
1108
00:58:21,180 --> 00:58:22,260
I don't know, lieutenant.
1109
00:58:22,280 --> 00:58:23,820
NIXON: ...its territory to the Communists.
1110
00:58:23,990 --> 00:58:26,410
CRONAUER: Mr. Nixon, thank you for that concise political commentary,
1111
00:58:26,570 --> 00:58:28,990
but I'd like to delve into something slightly more personal...
1112
00:58:29,160 --> 00:58:30,370
for the men in the field.
1113
00:58:30,540 --> 00:58:32,450
How would you describe your testicles?
1114
00:58:32,620 --> 00:58:34,960
NIXON: They're soft, they're shallow...
1115
00:58:34,980 --> 00:58:36,080
- and they have no purpose.
- Oh, my God.
1116
00:58:36,250 --> 00:58:38,180
- CRONAUER: What are you saying, sir?
- Oh, my God.
1117
00:58:38,220 --> 00:58:40,090
NIXON: They lack the physical strength.
1118
00:58:40,250 --> 00:58:43,010
CRONAUER: How would you describe your sex life with your wife, Pat?
1119
00:58:43,170 --> 00:58:45,460
NIXON [ON RADIO]: Uh, it is unexciting sometimes.
1120
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:47,200
CRONAUER: Well, have you considered a sex change?
1121
00:58:47,220 --> 00:58:48,290
There is an operation that can transform you...
1122
00:58:48,300 --> 00:58:50,690
- Please don't do this to me.
- CRONAUER: into a female Great Dane...
1123
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:52,510
- Please don't do this.
- or a very well-hung Chihuahua.
1124
00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:56,850
Mr. Nixon, while you've been in Vietnam, it's rumoured that you smoked marijuana.
1125
00:58:57,020 --> 00:59:00,580
Are you planning, sir, to take some of the marijuana back to the United States?
1126
00:59:00,650 --> 00:59:01,730
How would you do that?
1127
00:59:01,900 --> 00:59:05,860
NIXON [ON TAPE]: By plane, by helicopter and also by automobile.
1128
00:59:06,030 --> 00:59:09,160
CRONAUER: I was wondering if you could do your Mister Ed, because...
1129
00:59:09,180 --> 00:59:12,490
Cut that thing off. I said cut it off!
1130
00:59:12,660 --> 00:59:14,080
GARLICK: Sir.
1131
00:59:14,250 --> 00:59:16,940
- Where is Cronauer?
- DREIWITZ: Still eating, sir.
1132
00:59:17,250 --> 00:59:19,380
I want to see him ASAP.
1133
00:59:19,750 --> 00:59:21,090
What, sir?
1134
00:59:21,250 --> 00:59:25,090
- As soon as possible.
- VG, sir.
1135
00:59:25,260 --> 00:59:27,220
We interrupt this broadcast to bring you an emergency selection...
1136
00:59:27,380 --> 00:59:29,510
of the Benny Goodman Orchestra.
1137
00:59:29,720 --> 00:59:32,400
HAUK: We simply need to consider taking him off the air.
1138
00:59:32,420 --> 00:59:33,840
TAYLOR: Lieutenant, we get hundreds,
1139
00:59:33,850 --> 00:59:36,880
maybe thousands of calls and letters each week, fan mail.
1140
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:40,980
He's the first man in the history of Armed Forces Radio to get fan mail.
1141
00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:45,320
Every GI in this country is glued to his radio twice a day...
1142
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:49,290
at 0600 hours and 1600 hours to hear that lunatic.
1143
00:59:49,360 --> 00:59:52,860
Sir, the man has got an irreverent tendency.
1144
00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:56,480
He did a very off-colour parody of former VP Nixon.
1145
00:59:56,660 --> 00:59:57,830
I thought it was hilarious.
1146
00:59:58,360 --> 01:00:03,060
Respectfully, sir, the former VP is a good man and a decent man.
1147
01:00:03,080 --> 01:00:06,060
Bullshit! I know Nixon personally.
1148
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:09,780
He lugs a trainload of shit behind him that would fertilise the Sinai.
1149
01:00:09,880 --> 01:00:11,900
I wouldn't buy an apple from the son of a bitch,
1150
01:00:11,930 --> 01:00:14,200
and I consider him a good, close personal friend.
1151
01:00:14,260 --> 01:00:16,930
Let's get down to business here, general. What is going on here?
1152
01:00:17,100 --> 01:00:18,980
We've got a mounting crisis in this country.
1153
01:00:19,060 --> 01:00:20,980
We've got a deejay that the men dearly love.
1154
01:00:21,020 --> 01:00:24,400
If you two have personal problems, solve them, will you?
1155
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:25,880
Thank you, lieutenant.
1156
01:00:30,460 --> 01:00:31,690
Thank you, lieutenant.
1157
01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:39,210
Speak your piece, Dick.
1158
01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:42,370
Due respect, sir.
1159
01:00:42,760 --> 01:00:45,800
I have over 15 years command experience in this Army.
1160
01:00:45,880 --> 01:00:47,960
Do you really expect me to run this radio station...
1161
01:00:47,980 --> 01:00:50,200
with nothing to say and no way to do it?
1162
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:51,660
Right now, yes.
1163
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:56,200
Yes, sir.
1164
01:01:00,550 --> 01:01:02,220
DICKERSON: This is not over yet.
1165
01:01:04,890 --> 01:01:06,790
1166
01:01:06,980 --> 01:01:08,100
Why you still here?
1167
01:01:08,150 --> 01:01:11,060
Sparky. Sitting back, having a cup of formaldehyde.
1168
01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:13,660
You say after you go out with Trinh, you meet me to talk about her.
1169
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:15,950
- Nothing to discuss, she doesn't like me.
- Yes, she do.
1170
01:01:16,360 --> 01:01:18,060
- No, she don't.
- She do liking you.
1171
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:20,160
She want to meet you today. She's not far from here.
1172
01:01:20,180 --> 01:01:23,060
- I can't, I gotta be back on the air...
- You have to meet her today.
1173
01:01:23,180 --> 01:01:26,460
- Otherwise, you miss your big chance.
- I don't wanna miss my big chance.
1174
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:27,760
Yes, come, we go.
1175
01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:29,900
Sound like you learned English from Tonto. "We go."
1176
01:01:29,910 --> 01:01:31,560
- TUAN: Come on.
- Okay.
1177
01:01:33,660 --> 01:01:35,880
I still can't believe she really wants to see me.
1178
01:01:35,960 --> 01:01:36,800
Yeah.
1179
01:01:36,970 --> 01:01:39,520
I guess that beach movie really impressed her, huh?
1180
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:41,620
I gotta get her something.
1181
01:01:42,880 --> 01:01:44,380
- What about bananas?
- No.
1182
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:47,060
No, that doesn't say the right thing. You're right. How about...?
1183
01:01:49,900 --> 01:01:52,440
[WOMAN SCREAMING]
1184
01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:58,430
1185
01:02:00,540 --> 01:02:03,210
MAN: Oh, my God!
1186
01:02:04,660 --> 01:02:06,880
[SIREN WAILING]
1187
01:02:09,250 --> 01:02:11,130
[WOMAN CRYING]
1188
01:02:14,510 --> 01:02:16,050
God!
1189
01:02:22,170 --> 01:02:25,860
1190
01:02:28,150 --> 01:02:29,480
[SOLDIER BLOWS WHISTLE]
1191
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:36,810
1192
01:02:36,880 --> 01:02:38,780
1193
01:02:38,850 --> 01:02:40,750
1194
01:02:44,580 --> 01:02:46,830
DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]: Four-twenty-seven as far as...
1195
01:02:50,920 --> 01:02:54,960
Oh, my bar! Why? Who do that?
1196
01:03:02,270 --> 01:03:03,970
MP 1: Get back.
1197
01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:07,100
MP 2: Dead.
1198
01:03:08,650 --> 01:03:12,650
- CRONAUER: You can't just leave them.
- This boy's gone, soldier.
1199
01:03:20,580 --> 01:03:22,410
- MAN: Let's go.
- MP 1: Come on, get back.
1200
01:03:23,040 --> 01:03:24,830
Get back.
1201
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:33,590
DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]: Fire 4, there's a fire in the landing...
1202
01:03:33,760 --> 01:03:35,510
on the outside of the building.
1203
01:03:47,060 --> 01:03:49,230
Hey, where's he going?
1204
01:03:53,690 --> 01:03:54,980
What do you think you're doing?
1205
01:03:55,150 --> 01:03:56,990
You know you're forbidden to read anything not checked.
1206
01:03:57,150 --> 01:03:59,560
- What? I was there.
- Airman, you know the rules.
1207
01:03:59,580 --> 01:04:02,120
If this is legitimate, it must go through proper channels.
1208
01:04:02,130 --> 01:04:04,960
Listen, it's an actual event. Where do you think this came from shaving?
1209
01:04:04,980 --> 01:04:07,450
It's the truth. I just wanna report the truth. It'd be a nice change of pace.
1210
01:04:07,460 --> 01:04:11,210
- What's going on here?
- Sir, will you listen to me?
1211
01:04:14,750 --> 01:04:17,660
Not official news. Far as I'm concerned, it didn't happen.
1212
01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:19,180
- It did happen...
- You shut your mouth.
1213
01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:21,510
What are you afraid of? People might find out there's a war?
1214
01:04:21,680 --> 01:04:23,660
This news is not official, airman.
1215
01:04:23,680 --> 01:04:26,660
You want everyone going under the assumption it's safe here. It's not.
1216
01:04:26,780 --> 01:04:28,760
The fighting's not in the hills. It's downtown...
1217
01:04:28,770 --> 01:04:32,150
I said it is none of your goddamn business!
1218
01:04:34,770 --> 01:04:36,360
I see your point.
1219
01:04:36,860 --> 01:04:38,360
I'm sorry.
1220
01:04:38,950 --> 01:04:42,610
I guess I get inside, hit these air conditioners. I get a little dizzy.
1221
01:04:43,830 --> 01:04:45,830
Thanks for setting me straight.
1222
01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:48,790
It'll be okay.
1223
01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:51,120
DREIWITZ: ... Coming up at the top of the hour.
1224
01:04:51,290 --> 01:04:53,360
That about wraps it up for me, Marty Lee,
1225
01:04:53,380 --> 01:04:55,290
filling in for my buddy, vacationing Eddie Kirk,
1226
01:04:55,460 --> 01:04:58,410
who, despite all your requests, will return tomorrow.
1227
01:04:58,460 --> 01:05:01,860
Right now, it's once again time for the King Kong of Saigon,
1228
01:05:01,890 --> 01:05:03,890
Adrian Cronauer.
1229
01:05:10,520 --> 01:05:16,020
[YELLS] Good morning, Vietnam!
1230
01:05:16,230 --> 01:05:18,880
Hey, I know it's not the morning, but that's my trademark...
1231
01:05:18,900 --> 01:05:20,660
and "good evening" sounds too depressing.
1232
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:22,320
Hey, we're going right now to the news.
1233
01:05:22,490 --> 01:05:24,570
[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]
1234
01:05:26,030 --> 01:05:29,830
From England, today, Princess Margaret threw a shoe.
1235
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:31,180
Easy, Madge.
1236
01:05:31,280 --> 01:05:33,370
Also Elizab... Queen Elizabeth, Liz...
1237
01:05:33,540 --> 01:05:35,330
Elizabeth Taylor! Elizabeth Taylor.
1238
01:05:35,500 --> 01:05:37,860
She's still married after six months.
1239
01:05:37,890 --> 01:05:40,310
- Way to go, Liz. Hey!
- [ Squealing ]
1240
01:05:42,050 --> 01:05:45,880
All right! In Saigon today, according to official sources,
1241
01:05:45,900 --> 01:05:47,460
nothing actually happened.
1242
01:05:47,600 --> 01:05:51,620
One thing that didn't officially happen was a bomb didn't explode at 1430 hours,
1243
01:05:51,660 --> 01:05:53,860
unofficially destroying Jimmy Wah's Café.
1244
01:05:53,870 --> 01:05:57,060
- Get him out of there.
- Three men were unofficially wounded.
1245
01:05:57,180 --> 01:06:01,120
And two men whose identities are still not known were unofficially dead.
1246
01:06:01,130 --> 01:06:03,560
- Break the goddamn door down.
- CRONAUER: Although the police, ambulance...
1247
01:06:03,580 --> 01:06:06,900
1248
01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:08,460
at this present moment.
1249
01:06:08,660 --> 01:06:09,980
Turn the power off in that studio.
1250
01:06:09,990 --> 01:06:11,580
- McPHERSON: It's...
- Turn it off, now!
1251
01:06:13,260 --> 01:06:15,120
I just wanted to think that you should...
1252
01:07:00,040 --> 01:07:01,880
DICKERSON: The man should be court-martialled.
1253
01:07:02,050 --> 01:07:05,800
You think this is the most serious set of affairs I have to address this week? It's not.
1254
01:07:05,860 --> 01:07:08,850
I can't believe you're gonna pass on this. The man is a goddamn subversive.
1255
01:07:08,860 --> 01:07:10,800
- TAYLOR: He made a mistake.
- DICKERSON: Mistake, sir?
1256
01:07:10,970 --> 01:07:13,860
I don't wanna be around when he broadcasts U.S. Troop movements.
1257
01:07:14,180 --> 01:07:17,400
I run the station according to strict guidelines set by military intelligence.
1258
01:07:17,480 --> 01:07:20,180
Military intelligence? There's a contradiction in terms.
1259
01:07:20,250 --> 01:07:22,660
Sir, the man is a walking keg of dynamite.
1260
01:07:22,680 --> 01:07:24,480
In the eight weeks he's been on the air, general,
1261
01:07:24,500 --> 01:07:26,480
he's disobeyed orders as to style and content.
1262
01:07:26,550 --> 01:07:29,980
He's read unofficial news. What's he gonna be like in six months?
1263
01:07:30,360 --> 01:07:33,180
What's he gonna be like when he's ten times as popular, general?
1264
01:07:33,250 --> 01:07:35,720
How easy is it gonna be to get him off the air then?
1265
01:07:35,800 --> 01:07:37,740
CRONAUER: Who will do the Cronauer show?
1266
01:07:38,320 --> 01:07:41,830
Well, Hauk can do it, sir, till I find a replacement.
1267
01:07:43,900 --> 01:07:45,610
Okay, for now, suspend him.
1268
01:07:45,810 --> 01:07:47,650
Sir, you've made the correct choice.
1269
01:07:47,860 --> 01:07:52,560
[AS ED SULLIVAN] Here she is, Diana Ross and the Suprawns.
1270
01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:55,950
1271
01:07:56,280 --> 01:07:58,600
1272
01:07:58,620 --> 01:08:02,960
1273
01:08:02,980 --> 01:08:05,420
[AS ED SULLIVAN] Thank you very much. Let me introduce the members of the band.
1274
01:08:05,580 --> 01:08:07,500
Larry, Pisces. Thank you very much.
1275
01:08:07,710 --> 01:08:09,290
[SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]
1276
01:08:09,460 --> 01:08:11,700
- What'd he say?
- TUAN: He say you drink too much already.
1277
01:08:12,380 --> 01:08:14,920
Well, tell him I drink so I can be this funny.
1278
01:08:14,980 --> 01:08:19,050
[BOTH SPEAK IN VIETNAMESE]
1279
01:08:19,390 --> 01:08:21,350
TUAN: It's not funny at all, he said.
1280
01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:24,020
Tell him, thanks. It's nice to bomb in another language.
1281
01:08:24,230 --> 01:08:27,690
You will sick if you drink some more. Come on.
1282
01:08:29,860 --> 01:08:33,150
My village not too far from here. You could come there for resting.
1283
01:08:33,320 --> 01:08:35,240
You could see how we live.
1284
01:08:35,400 --> 01:08:36,650
Listen, Sparky,
1285
01:08:36,820 --> 01:08:39,990
I don't think seeing your little production of Our Town is gonna cheer me up.
1286
01:08:40,160 --> 01:08:42,960
- You see Trinh there.
- I'll drive.
1287
01:08:43,450 --> 01:08:45,460
Red leather, yellow leather, red leather.
1288
01:08:45,620 --> 01:08:47,960
Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather...
1289
01:08:48,130 --> 01:08:49,960
Sir, sir, reading the news is one thing,
1290
01:08:50,130 --> 01:08:52,670
but this stuff you wrote, it's not funny, sir. It's sad.
1291
01:08:53,130 --> 01:08:54,550
Sir, I'm begging you.
1292
01:08:54,720 --> 01:08:56,860
Don't try to do comedy. It's not in your blood.
1293
01:08:56,880 --> 01:08:59,120
I'll do fine. Comedy is what you make it.
1294
01:08:59,180 --> 01:09:01,430
I've got pages and pages of great material.
1295
01:09:01,600 --> 01:09:03,180
Right, Abersold?
1296
01:09:03,350 --> 01:09:05,680
I'm afraid you're gonna be hitting bottom, sir.
1297
01:09:05,850 --> 01:09:08,730
If it isn't funny, then why did I hear you laughing when you typed it?
1298
01:09:08,940 --> 01:09:10,860
I was thinking of something else.
1299
01:09:11,440 --> 01:09:14,320
Thank you for your support. Now I've got a show to do.
1300
01:09:14,900 --> 01:09:18,490
- Sir, you're not funny. Ask around.
- Ask me.
1301
01:09:18,660 --> 01:09:20,700
Sir, with all due respect, I think you're gonna...
1302
01:09:20,870 --> 01:09:22,490
You might lay an egg. I mean, a big egg.
1303
01:09:22,660 --> 01:09:24,660
I mean, I know funny, and I don't think you're it.
1304
01:09:24,830 --> 01:09:28,330
But, hey, such is life. Me, I'm not much with power tools.
1305
01:09:29,670 --> 01:09:32,000
Hey, that was the great exciting sound of Petula Clark.
1306
01:09:32,210 --> 01:09:35,510
- Beach Boys. Those were guys.
- Of the Beach Boys.
1307
01:09:35,670 --> 01:09:37,800
Hey, that wraps it up for me, Marty Lee Dreiwitz.
1308
01:09:37,970 --> 01:09:39,720
Adrian Cronauer is on temporary assignment,
1309
01:09:39,890 --> 01:09:42,390
but, boy, do I have a surprise for you.
1310
01:09:42,600 --> 01:09:44,260
Don't build him up. You'll let them down.
1311
01:09:44,430 --> 01:09:47,310
DREIWITZ: Please welcome to the microphone, the lieutenant of laughs,
1312
01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:50,520
the officer of oral, the Westmoreland of wit,
1313
01:09:50,690 --> 01:09:53,360
swinging Steven Hauk.
1314
01:09:55,030 --> 01:09:58,150
Hello, Vietnam, and greetings.
1315
01:09:58,320 --> 01:10:01,160
Soon, the news. Then...
1316
01:10:01,320 --> 01:10:04,370
[IN BAD FRENCH ACCENT] Lieutenant Steve, Lieutenant Steve?
1317
01:10:04,540 --> 01:10:07,790
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Who's that? [AS FRENCHY] It's your old pal Frenchy.
1318
01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:09,750
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Listen, Frenchy, let me ask you,
1319
01:10:09,920 --> 01:10:11,120
do you like good food?
1320
01:10:11,290 --> 01:10:14,710
[AS FRENCHY] Oh, but of course, the French love good food.
1321
01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:18,380
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Well, then I guess that would make you an Eydie Gorme.
1322
01:10:18,550 --> 01:10:19,590
[BICYCLE HORN HONKS]
1323
01:10:19,800 --> 01:10:22,140
[AS FRENCHY] Oh, Lieutenant Steve.
1324
01:10:22,300 --> 01:10:24,220
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, Frenchy.
1325
01:10:24,390 --> 01:10:26,810
[AS FRENCHY] Oh, Lieutenant Steve.
1326
01:10:28,180 --> 01:10:31,460
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Frenchy... You know, I really shouldn't kid Frenchy,
1327
01:10:31,480 --> 01:10:32,900
because sometimes he "Stan Getz"...
1328
01:10:33,060 --> 01:10:34,110
[BICYCLE HORN HONKS]
1329
01:10:34,270 --> 01:10:35,820
mad at me, and he could "Al Hirt" me.
1330
01:10:35,980 --> 01:10:37,440
[BICYCLE HORN HONKS]
1331
01:10:37,610 --> 01:10:40,190
[AS FRENCHY] Lieutenant Steve, let's play some music.
1332
01:10:40,360 --> 01:10:42,910
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Okay, Frenchy, what would you like to hear?
1333
01:10:43,070 --> 01:10:46,580
[AS FRENCHY] Well, uh, I love a good polka as much as the next man.
1334
01:10:46,740 --> 01:10:48,580
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Well, a good polka it is...
1335
01:10:48,750 --> 01:10:51,660
for my good friend Frenchy.
1336
01:10:51,830 --> 01:10:53,920
[POLKA MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
1337
01:10:59,210 --> 01:11:01,630
I think some apologies are in order.
1338
01:11:01,840 --> 01:11:03,840
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
1339
01:11:12,310 --> 01:11:15,310
You're not gonna continue this broadcast, are you, sir?
1340
01:11:56,270 --> 01:11:58,940
- CRONAUER: What are they doing?
- Oh, they're Buddhists.
1341
01:11:59,110 --> 01:12:02,280
They're sitting for peace, wisdom and knowledge.
1342
01:12:02,950 --> 01:12:05,240
They're waiting for enlightenment.
1343
01:12:15,210 --> 01:12:17,290
[OXEN MOO]
1344
01:12:22,090 --> 01:12:25,800
This man lose one son from blasting American mine.
1345
01:12:27,720 --> 01:12:30,640
His father and brother was killed by French long ago.
1346
01:12:30,810 --> 01:12:33,270
I think that's not fair to him.
1347
01:12:41,110 --> 01:12:42,980
[RELATIVES SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE]
1348
01:13:13,720 --> 01:13:15,810
[BABY CRYING]
1349
01:13:32,030 --> 01:13:33,120
CRONAUER: Look.
1350
01:13:34,410 --> 01:13:36,750
He's going, no big deal. Look.
1351
01:13:36,910 --> 01:13:39,960
[SINGING NONSENSE] How lovin' can you feel when you got that moment when
1352
01:13:40,040 --> 01:13:43,600
Don't you know that the time can be thataway, wacka-wack wacka-wack, wacka-wack
1353
01:13:43,670 --> 01:13:47,040
And don't you know that it ain't gonna be and you feel that the time you see
1354
01:13:47,110 --> 01:13:48,940
And it all wacka-wack wacka-wacka, wacka-wacka
1355
01:13:49,010 --> 01:13:50,910
I know and I'm movin' Look.
1356
01:13:50,970 --> 01:13:52,010
Look, up there. Pull.
1357
01:13:52,180 --> 01:13:53,220
[MIMICS GUNSHOT] Pow.
1358
01:13:53,390 --> 01:13:54,850
Pull.
1359
01:13:55,020 --> 01:13:57,100
[MIMICS ENGINE]
1360
01:14:14,660 --> 01:14:17,910
You not understand, you not.
1361
01:14:18,500 --> 01:14:22,670
We... no future together, Cronauer.
1362
01:14:22,830 --> 01:14:25,800
My country maybe no future.
1363
01:14:29,550 --> 01:14:32,080
Hey, I like you. I just wanna be your friend, okay?
1364
01:14:32,430 --> 01:14:36,220
- I know it sounds dumb.
- Mmm, I... I not can do this, Cronauer.
1365
01:14:37,020 --> 01:14:39,580
No. No friend, Cronauer.
1366
01:14:41,650 --> 01:14:43,350
Not good for, for me.
1367
01:14:44,020 --> 01:14:51,280
My brother, okay, friends, but Vietnam ladies, not friends.
1368
01:14:53,240 --> 01:14:55,200
Please, okay?
1369
01:14:55,300 --> 01:14:56,290
Okay.
1370
01:14:56,450 --> 01:14:58,620
- Not friends.
- Of course.
1371
01:15:08,840 --> 01:15:10,550
Great week.
1372
01:15:42,210 --> 01:15:44,330
SERGEANT: Move out. Go.
1373
01:15:46,040 --> 01:15:49,750
Get off. Go, go, go.
1374
01:15:54,130 --> 01:15:56,840
That's about as good a polka as you'll ever hear.
1375
01:15:57,050 --> 01:16:01,140
No, I don't think that Cronauer is going to be back in the air, sir.
1376
01:16:01,350 --> 01:16:04,140
- You want Cronauer back on the air.
- You want him back?
1377
01:16:04,310 --> 01:16:05,900
We want Cronauer...
1378
01:16:06,100 --> 01:16:08,060
We've gotten duffel bags filled with information...
1379
01:16:08,230 --> 01:16:09,860
asking for Cronauer's reinstatement.
1380
01:16:10,030 --> 01:16:13,070
The men all hate Hauk. They want Cronauer back.
1381
01:16:13,240 --> 01:16:16,880
He's an exhilarating personality, and polkas are just no substitute.
1382
01:16:17,280 --> 01:16:19,280
I think that I see a pattern forming here.
1383
01:16:19,490 --> 01:16:20,950
Sir, these letters are unequivocal.
1384
01:16:21,120 --> 01:16:23,870
E.g., "Hey, Hauk, eat a bag of shit. You suck."
1385
01:16:24,040 --> 01:16:27,180
That's pretty much to the point, sir. Not much grey area in this one.
1386
01:16:27,250 --> 01:16:29,520
GARLICK: We got one call from some guy in Wichita...
1387
01:16:29,540 --> 01:16:31,680
who thought Hauk was visionary and interesting.
1388
01:16:31,760 --> 01:16:36,050
The other 1, 100 calls said that the man can't do comedy to save his dick.
1389
01:16:36,220 --> 01:16:37,760
That's a direct quote, sir.
1390
01:16:37,930 --> 01:16:40,680
I've taken 90 calls this morning. They just don't like Hauk.
1391
01:16:40,890 --> 01:16:42,220
GARLICK: From a Marine in Da Nang:
1392
01:16:42,230 --> 01:16:46,020
"Captain Hauk sucks the sweat off a dead man's balls."
1393
01:16:46,190 --> 01:16:50,230
I have no idea what that means, sir, but it seems very negative to me.
1394
01:16:50,440 --> 01:16:52,980
I think the troops are trying to tell us something, fellas.
1395
01:16:54,240 --> 01:16:57,150
HAUK: Sir, if it is my programming choices, I can change.
1396
01:16:57,320 --> 01:16:58,740
I've been broadcasting the polkas...
1397
01:16:58,910 --> 01:17:00,780
because I thought a certain segment of the men...
1398
01:17:00,950 --> 01:17:04,160
weren't represented by Cronauer's broadcasts of rock 'n' roll.
1399
01:17:04,330 --> 01:17:07,290
But I can easily play an occasional Gary Lewis record.
1400
01:17:07,500 --> 01:17:10,290
It doesn't make a damn whether you play polkas or don't play polkas.
1401
01:17:10,460 --> 01:17:14,800
Military politics. Nothing personal. The men like him better than they do you.
1402
01:17:14,860 --> 01:17:18,580
He maliciously and with purposeful intent read unofficial news.
1403
01:17:18,590 --> 01:17:22,880
No, no, no. He made a mistake. We all make mistakes.
1404
01:17:23,430 --> 01:17:26,060
Now, this thing is a delicate balance over here,
1405
01:17:26,230 --> 01:17:28,890
and I don't want it dependent on a disc jockey.
1406
01:17:29,060 --> 01:17:30,980
The men want him back. I want him back.
1407
01:17:31,440 --> 01:17:34,570
Sir, you heard from the men who don't like my humour,
1408
01:17:34,740 --> 01:17:36,690
but what about the silent masses who do?
1409
01:17:36,900 --> 01:17:41,060
And as far as polkas, they are a much maligned musical taste.
1410
01:17:41,070 --> 01:17:43,830
You don't know whether you're fucked, powder-burned or snake-bit.
1411
01:17:44,040 --> 01:17:47,330
I don't care about polkas. They're rioting in Hue.
1412
01:17:47,500 --> 01:17:50,080
We're bringing in thousands of troops every month.
1413
01:17:50,250 --> 01:17:52,500
Terrorism's on the uprise in Saigon.
1414
01:17:52,670 --> 01:17:55,460
The problems of this country have not one goddamned thing to do...
1415
01:17:55,630 --> 01:17:57,970
with whether you play polkas or don't play polkas.
1416
01:17:58,130 --> 01:18:00,580
The men want him back. I want him back.
1417
01:18:01,340 --> 01:18:03,230
Reinstate the man.
1418
01:18:04,430 --> 01:18:08,890
Sir, in my heart, I know I'm funny.
1419
01:18:10,150 --> 01:18:11,350
Thank you, lieutenant.
1420
01:18:21,450 --> 01:18:24,120
- There you are, sir.
- Please, don't call me "sir."
1421
01:18:24,280 --> 01:18:26,820
It just came down the pike. You're back on the air, sir.
1422
01:18:26,830 --> 01:18:30,250
- I'm not going on.
- What do you mean, you're not going on?
1423
01:18:30,460 --> 01:18:32,830
If you don't understand, you should take my English class.
1424
01:18:33,000 --> 01:18:34,210
I'm not going on.
1425
01:18:35,300 --> 01:18:38,010
You're a very attractive man, Abersold. Don't think I haven't noticed.
1426
01:18:40,430 --> 01:18:41,840
You'll be bored, you know.
1427
01:18:42,010 --> 01:18:43,970
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know.
1428
01:18:44,180 --> 01:18:47,770
I may go downtown, look for a Vietnamese man named Phil.
1429
01:18:47,930 --> 01:18:50,850
Or I may just stay here and listen to old Pat Boone records.
1430
01:18:51,020 --> 01:18:53,020
Try and find some hidden meaning.
1431
01:18:53,190 --> 01:18:56,150
Because, basically, I believe that that man is a misunderstood genius.
1432
01:18:57,150 --> 01:18:59,860
Genius? What are you saying to me?
1433
01:19:00,240 --> 01:19:01,400
I'm saying I'm through, Ed.
1434
01:19:01,570 --> 01:19:03,950
I'm tired of people telling me what I can't say.
1435
01:19:04,120 --> 01:19:07,280
"This news isn't official. That comment is too sarcastic."
1436
01:19:07,450 --> 01:19:09,080
I can't even make fun of Richard Nixon.
1437
01:19:09,250 --> 01:19:11,620
And there's a man who's screaming out to be made fun of.
1438
01:19:11,790 --> 01:19:13,670
So fuck it.
1439
01:19:14,000 --> 01:19:15,040
Sorry.
1440
01:19:16,500 --> 01:19:18,880
- Is he all right?
- No, Phil, he's not all right.
1441
01:19:19,050 --> 01:19:23,260
A man does not refer to Pat Boone as a beautiful genius if things are all right.
1442
01:19:27,720 --> 01:19:29,810
- Sir.
- Garlick.
1443
01:19:30,850 --> 01:19:33,980
I'd like you to collate these one-minute spots prior to broadcast.
1444
01:19:34,650 --> 01:19:36,580
You have a problem with that, young man?
1445
01:19:38,400 --> 01:19:39,720
Absolutely not.
1446
01:19:40,490 --> 01:19:43,150
- I live to collate, sir.
- Good.
1447
01:19:44,320 --> 01:19:45,510
So do I.
1448
01:19:46,120 --> 01:19:48,660
[CRONAUER HUMS "GET A JOB"]
1449
01:19:48,870 --> 01:19:52,200
- Get a job.
- Get a job, again.
1450
01:19:53,420 --> 01:19:56,210
"Get a job." Right. We got it, you're cooking now.
1451
01:19:56,380 --> 01:19:58,460
- Sir?
- Edward.
1452
01:19:58,670 --> 01:20:00,750
GARLICK: I'd like an explanation.
1453
01:20:00,960 --> 01:20:04,880
- On anything in particular?
- A lot of people went to the mat for you.
1454
01:20:05,050 --> 01:20:10,060
Thousands of guys wrote in, called in, trying to get you reinstated.
1455
01:20:10,220 --> 01:20:12,350
And I literally think that you owe it to all of them...
1456
01:20:12,520 --> 01:20:14,850
to get your ass back on the air.
1457
01:20:15,350 --> 01:20:17,860
If you haven't noticed, the Army doesn't really want me, Ed.
1458
01:20:18,020 --> 01:20:20,440
Been harassing me since the day I got off the plane.
1459
01:20:20,820 --> 01:20:22,280
So what?
1460
01:20:22,440 --> 01:20:24,570
It's the guys in the field that matter, remember?
1461
01:20:24,740 --> 01:20:26,160
Those are the guys that are dying.
1462
01:20:26,360 --> 01:20:29,530
Edward, I tried to tell the truth and they kicked me off the air.
1463
01:20:29,700 --> 01:20:31,990
I screw up once more, Dickerson sends me into the field.
1464
01:20:32,160 --> 01:20:33,370
I come home in a box.
1465
01:20:33,580 --> 01:20:35,830
What you do is important to a lot of people.
1466
01:20:36,040 --> 01:20:38,960
Forget it, will you? Listen, I give up.
1467
01:20:39,170 --> 01:20:42,840
I'm gonna phone it in, okay? Enough bullshit. I'm out of here. See you.
1468
01:20:43,050 --> 01:20:45,280
- I'll buy you some lunch.
- Can't let you do that.
1469
01:20:45,300 --> 01:20:46,760
CRONAUER: Listen, if I don't get to class,
1470
01:20:46,930 --> 01:20:49,460
there's gonna be Vietnamese speaking in choppy sentences.
1471
01:20:49,480 --> 01:20:52,510
- Look, we gotta talk now.
- Not now, man, come on.
1472
01:20:52,680 --> 01:20:54,080
I can't believe you.
1473
01:20:54,600 --> 01:20:56,480
What? That's it?
1474
01:20:56,650 --> 01:20:59,650
You're gonna leave the fucking thing. Leave everything fucking hanging.
1475
01:20:59,810 --> 01:21:01,800
People are depending on you.
1476
01:21:01,780 --> 01:21:06,070
Edward, please. That's two nasty words in one year.
1477
01:21:06,240 --> 01:21:09,200
- Forgive me.
- Hey.
1478
01:21:09,410 --> 01:21:12,450
CRONAUER: Hey, you wanna give me a ride, or am I gonna have to buy another bike?
1479
01:21:12,660 --> 01:21:13,740
You're pissing me off.
1480
01:21:25,800 --> 01:21:28,880
- SOLDIER 1: What the hell's the holdup?
- SOLDIER 2: Check it out.
1481
01:21:34,180 --> 01:21:35,350
Garlick, will you cut it out?
1482
01:21:35,520 --> 01:21:37,980
You're beginning to sound like a priest in a '40s movie.
1483
01:21:38,140 --> 01:21:41,650
"We are not firing you. The boys are depending on you."
1484
01:21:49,280 --> 01:21:51,680
- Gentlemen?
- What are you doing, Ed?
1485
01:21:52,620 --> 01:21:53,780
Hey, guys.
1486
01:21:53,990 --> 01:21:55,600
Guess who the hell I got in here.
1487
01:21:55,660 --> 01:21:57,330
- Don't do this.
- SOLDIER 3: Groucho Marx!
1488
01:21:57,500 --> 01:21:59,920
- SOLDIER 4: Senator Dirksen!
- SOLDIER 5: Hey, Curly!
1489
01:22:00,130 --> 01:22:01,670
- SOLDIER 6: Moe.
- GARLICK: Guess again.
1490
01:22:01,880 --> 01:22:03,460
Oh, bag it, bag it, Garlick.
1491
01:22:03,670 --> 01:22:07,670
The fellow I got in here is the gentleman,
1492
01:22:07,840 --> 01:22:11,510
- the one and the only king of the airwaves,
- You're a dead man.
1493
01:22:11,680 --> 01:22:13,280
GARLICK: Adrian Cronauer.
1494
01:22:13,350 --> 01:22:16,180
SOLDIER 7: Peterson, get up here, man. I think we got Cronauer here.
1495
01:22:16,350 --> 01:22:20,100
Hey, Cronauer, say, "Good morning, Vietnam."
1496
01:22:20,730 --> 01:22:23,480
Oh, give me a break, man. It's too hot for radio shit, okay?
1497
01:22:23,690 --> 01:22:25,400
- Come on.
- Come on.
1498
01:22:25,570 --> 01:22:27,480
How do we know it's Adrian Cronauer?
1499
01:22:27,650 --> 01:22:30,660
Okay, I'll give her the best shot.
1500
01:22:31,160 --> 01:22:35,990
[YELLS] Good morning, Vietnam.
1501
01:22:36,160 --> 01:22:37,790
SOLDIERS: Yeah!
1502
01:22:38,410 --> 01:22:39,660
All right.
1503
01:22:39,830 --> 01:22:41,000
- All right.
- Cool.
1504
01:22:41,210 --> 01:22:42,250
Yeah.
1505
01:22:42,420 --> 01:22:43,790
- All right.
- We love you, Cron!
1506
01:22:44,000 --> 01:22:46,160
- All right.
- Yeah.
1507
01:22:46,180 --> 01:22:49,260
All right, this is Adrian Cronauer. I'm on at 6:00 and again at 4.
1508
01:22:49,420 --> 01:22:52,430
Hey, we'd like to welcome you to Vietnam, the country that is more stimulating...
1509
01:22:52,590 --> 01:22:55,180
than a strong cup of cappuccino or an espresso enema.
1510
01:22:55,390 --> 01:22:56,560
That one's coming at you now.
1511
01:22:56,720 --> 01:22:59,640
First, our fashion report from Special Forces Sgt. Ernest Lee Sincere.
1512
01:22:59,850 --> 01:23:00,430
[EFFEMINATELY] "Thank you.
1513
01:23:00,500 --> 01:23:03,860
"I think this fall, the discerning GI is gonna be wearing green in the jungle.
1514
01:23:03,920 --> 01:23:10,060
"Why? The leaves, they fall upon the helmets, says yes to me. Thank you."
1515
01:23:10,080 --> 01:23:12,100
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Here's a news flash coming right now.
1516
01:23:12,110 --> 01:23:13,160
[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]
1517
01:23:13,320 --> 01:23:15,370
We can't afford the teletype.
1518
01:23:15,530 --> 01:23:17,620
Here it is, coming for you now. Quick news flash.
1519
01:23:17,830 --> 01:23:20,580
Former President Eisenhower, actually cartoon character Elmer Fudd.
1520
01:23:20,600 --> 01:23:21,290
He was quoted as saying,
1521
01:23:21,360 --> 01:23:24,790
[AS ELMER FUDD] "Thank you, America. It was fun being president."
1522
01:23:24,960 --> 01:23:27,170
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Gina Lollobrigida has been declared...
1523
01:23:27,180 --> 01:23:28,880
the Italian national mountain range. Thank you, Gina.
1524
01:23:29,050 --> 01:23:31,760
[AS GINA LOLLOBRIGIDA] Look out, I don't see the sun anymore.
1525
01:23:31,930 --> 01:23:33,600
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Let's play a little game.
1526
01:23:33,620 --> 01:23:35,840
Who can tell me who sang the song "My Guy"?
1527
01:23:36,010 --> 01:23:37,550
- Where you from?
- SOLDIER 8: Boston.
1528
01:23:37,720 --> 01:23:39,520
Boston. You know who sang the song "My Guy"?
1529
01:23:39,680 --> 01:23:42,680
- SOLDIER 8: Yeah. Shit, I can't think of it.
- Thank you for playing.
1530
01:23:42,850 --> 01:23:44,810
"Yeah, shit, I can't think of it." That's right.
1531
01:23:44,980 --> 01:23:47,720
You don't win the case of fish balls and lizard testicles.
1532
01:23:47,750 --> 01:23:50,820
Thank you for playing anyway. Here it is right now. Hey, what's your name?
1533
01:23:51,030 --> 01:23:52,440
Patrick O'Ma... O'Malley.
1534
01:23:52,650 --> 01:23:54,280
[IN IRISH ACCENT] Patrick O... O'Malley.
1535
01:23:54,450 --> 01:23:55,820
I don't know. I'm just so happy.
1536
01:23:55,990 --> 01:23:58,280
I'm O... O... O... O'Malley. He's good... Oh, he's good.
1537
01:23:58,450 --> 01:24:00,580
I mean, I don't know. It's the Irish boy.
1538
01:24:00,750 --> 01:24:03,830
I'm just so full of semen. I haven't gotten laid yet.
1539
01:24:04,000 --> 01:24:07,290
I'm certain that I'm a Catholic boy, and I don't know when I'll be getting laid.
1540
01:24:07,460 --> 01:24:08,710
I'm just going off to Vietnam.
1541
01:24:08,920 --> 01:24:11,090
- [NORMAL] Where you from?
- O'MALLEY: From the Village.
1542
01:24:11,260 --> 01:24:14,510
[EFFEMINATELY] Nice to have you here. Nice to have you here in Vietnam.
1543
01:24:14,680 --> 01:24:18,010
Obviously, you just said, "I'll join the Army, and be with people in green."
1544
01:24:18,180 --> 01:24:19,850
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hi. What's your name?
1545
01:24:20,060 --> 01:24:21,520
- Jimmy Wilkes.
- CRONAUER: Jimmy Wilkes.
1546
01:24:21,720 --> 01:24:23,230
- Where you from?
- WILKES: New York.
1547
01:24:23,390 --> 01:24:24,850
Oh, two boys joined together.
1548
01:24:25,020 --> 01:24:28,020
All of a sudden, "Well, I got drunk. All of a sudden, I went for a tattoo.
1549
01:24:28,190 --> 01:24:30,690
"Next thing you know, I'm on a fucking truck. What happened?"
1550
01:24:30,860 --> 01:24:32,800
It's like, "Wow, baby. I don't know what's going down."
1551
01:24:32,820 --> 01:24:35,950
You're both from New York. Nice to have you, you like hanging out?
1552
01:24:36,110 --> 01:24:37,910
- Where you going to?
- Nha Trang.
1553
01:24:38,120 --> 01:24:40,160
You gotta be careful, Jack. That's some heavy stuff.
1554
01:24:40,180 --> 01:24:42,580
That's like Newark after dark. You gotta watch out.
1555
01:24:42,750 --> 01:24:44,660
That's some heavy shit going down, baby.
1556
01:24:44,830 --> 01:24:46,720
You'll feel like George Wallace campaigning in Harlem:
1557
01:24:46,760 --> 01:24:49,110
[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] "Hi, have you seen my face?" "Get yo' ass outta here!"
1558
01:24:49,880 --> 01:24:52,550
[IN NORMAL VOICE] What music do you like? Little Anthony?
1559
01:24:52,560 --> 01:24:53,820
- SOLDIER 9: Yeah.
- SOLDIER 10: Stones!
1560
01:24:53,840 --> 01:24:56,520
- SOLDIER 11: I like James Brown better.
- You like James Brown better. Yes, sir.
1561
01:24:56,560 --> 01:24:58,680
[AS MICK JAGGER] And Stones! Oh, you like Mick Jagger?
1562
01:24:58,850 --> 01:25:01,560
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Do you think he looks like a negative of Little Richard?
1563
01:25:02,560 --> 01:25:03,970
Really, and that hair. I think-- I don't know.
1564
01:25:04,140 --> 01:25:05,390
[AS MICK JAGGER] All right!
1565
01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:07,660
Gentlemen, I don't know... Oh, my God, these lips!
1566
01:25:07,680 --> 01:25:10,280
My God, they're moving! I'm gonna flap my eyebrows to death.
1567
01:25:10,650 --> 01:25:13,110
Look out, I'm singing, everybody. I'm singing.
1568
01:25:13,280 --> 01:25:14,900
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, get out of here. Watch out.
1569
01:25:14,960 --> 01:25:18,160
- All right. Where are you from?
- I'm from, uh, Cleveland, man.
1570
01:25:18,260 --> 01:25:20,950
Cleveland? Vietnam's not that much of a change for you, then.
1571
01:25:21,120 --> 01:25:22,830
Aw, no. Ha-ha-ha.
1572
01:25:23,680 --> 01:25:26,200
You guys take care of yourself because you all look like,
1573
01:25:26,260 --> 01:25:28,830
"I don't know what's gonna happen, man. I don't know."
1574
01:25:29,000 --> 01:25:32,000
- What's this thing on the side of your helmet? What is that thing?
- SOLDIER 12: Hey, why don't you try it out?
1575
01:25:32,170 --> 01:25:34,670
Well, "Why don't you try it out." Look at this, look at that.
1576
01:25:34,700 --> 01:25:38,350
It says here, it says what sizes you got? You got large, medium and Caucasian.
1577
01:25:38,720 --> 01:25:41,010
Look at this thing. A little Italian party favour there.
1578
01:25:41,180 --> 01:25:43,350
Oh, no, Bozo, boys and girls.
1579
01:25:43,510 --> 01:25:46,020
Look at this thing. This is going like, "Yeah, check it out."
1580
01:25:46,230 --> 01:25:48,980
Hold on, how big is this thing? Hold on, how big is this?
1581
01:25:49,190 --> 01:25:52,560
Black man's going, "It's just for the tip. That's all I need is the tip."
1582
01:25:52,730 --> 01:25:55,410
It's a bathing cap. I just like to put a bathing cap.
1583
01:25:55,620 --> 01:25:57,780
Remember, this is the Vietnamese word "Con Dum."
1584
01:25:57,950 --> 01:25:59,560
Look, Italian moon launch.
1585
01:25:59,910 --> 01:26:02,980
There. Whoa, jeez, it almost blew up in my face.
1586
01:26:03,380 --> 01:26:05,490
Boom. There's prophylactic everywhere, man.
1587
01:26:05,660 --> 01:26:08,750
It's not a pretty picture. There's pieces of rubber all over his face.
1588
01:26:08,920 --> 01:26:10,250
I don't know what to say.
1589
01:26:10,420 --> 01:26:12,140
You guys, be careful. What's your name?
1590
01:26:12,250 --> 01:26:14,290
- My name is Lewis Striker.
- CRONAUER: Lewis Striker, Brother Striker.
1591
01:26:14,500 --> 01:26:16,050
- Thank you, Brother Striker.
- SOLDIER 13: Sean Donum.
1592
01:26:16,210 --> 01:26:17,510
- Sean Donum.
- SOLDIER 14: Jay Snyder.
1593
01:26:17,670 --> 01:26:20,680
Feels like the Mouseketeers show. Annette, Cubby, Roy.
1594
01:26:20,840 --> 01:26:22,930
Well, you guys, you take care of yourselves.
1595
01:26:23,100 --> 01:26:24,350
I won't forget you.
1596
01:26:24,930 --> 01:26:27,100
All right, guys, let's say goodbye to the radio star!
1597
01:26:27,270 --> 01:26:28,390
We're out of here.
1598
01:26:28,560 --> 01:26:30,600
- SOLDIERS: All right!
- [Engine Revving]
1599
01:26:33,110 --> 01:26:35,240
Bye-bye-bye-bye!
1600
01:26:36,900 --> 01:26:39,860
[SOLDIER'S YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
1601
01:26:51,210 --> 01:26:52,750
SOLDIER 15: We love you, man.
1602
01:26:54,090 --> 01:26:55,210
All right!
1603
01:27:02,220 --> 01:27:05,350
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
1604
01:27:20,610 --> 01:27:23,740
[SOLDIERS CHEERING]
1605
01:27:50,080 --> 01:27:54,850
CRONAUER [YELLS ON RADIO]: Good morning, Vietnam!
1606
01:27:55,160 --> 01:27:58,230
Hey, it's another delightful day here in vacation land.
1607
01:27:58,400 --> 01:28:02,740
[AS GLINDA, The Good Witch] Everybody, time to get up. Get up, wherever you are.
1608
01:28:02,900 --> 01:28:06,740
[IN NORMAL VOICE] That's right. Rise and shine, rise and shine.
1609
01:28:06,950 --> 01:28:09,060
Got some songs going out right now to a couple of guys...
1610
01:28:09,080 --> 01:28:11,780
on the road to Nha Trang. You know what I'm talking about.
1611
01:28:11,860 --> 01:28:15,750
Hey, Mr. O'Malley, O'Malley. You know, the Irish Dolby twins.
1612
01:28:15,920 --> 01:28:16,960
They're out there.
1613
01:28:17,060 --> 01:28:19,560
Special song going out to you right now.
1614
01:28:19,800 --> 01:28:23,300
["WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD" PLAYING ON RADIO]
1615
01:28:23,910 --> 01:28:26,980
1616
01:28:28,350 --> 01:28:31,180
1617
01:28:31,880 --> 01:28:34,550
1618
01:28:34,960 --> 01:28:37,520
1619
01:28:37,620 --> 01:28:40,610
1620
01:28:42,760 --> 01:28:46,560
1621
01:28:50,500 --> 01:28:54,360
1622
01:28:54,940 --> 01:28:57,930
1623
01:28:58,540 --> 01:29:01,600
1624
01:29:01,710 --> 01:29:03,950
- [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
1625
01:29:05,020 --> 01:29:07,410
1626
01:29:09,520 --> 01:29:12,950
1627
01:29:17,560 --> 01:29:20,560
1628
01:29:20,900 --> 01:29:24,230
1629
01:29:24,330 --> 01:29:27,500
1630
01:29:27,600 --> 01:29:30,160
1631
01:29:30,560 --> 01:29:34,210
1632
01:29:34,310 --> 01:29:38,270
1633
01:29:38,380 --> 01:29:44,120
1634
01:29:44,260 --> 01:29:47,980
1635
01:29:48,090 --> 01:29:51,560
1636
01:29:51,800 --> 01:29:54,680
1637
01:29:54,900 --> 01:29:57,570
1638
01:29:57,630 --> 01:30:00,860
1639
01:30:02,670 --> 01:30:06,500
1640
01:30:09,010 --> 01:30:14,950
1641
01:30:16,620 --> 01:30:21,220
1642
01:30:26,430 --> 01:30:30,870
1643
01:30:31,970 --> 01:30:35,600
That was Louis B. Armstrong, the great Satchmo.
1644
01:30:39,000 --> 01:30:41,440
DICKERSON: Wanna interview some GIs in the field, sir,
1645
01:30:41,600 --> 01:30:43,560
and play those tapes on the radio?
1646
01:30:44,110 --> 01:30:46,000
God only knows what they'd say, sir.
1647
01:30:46,110 --> 01:30:49,400
It involves Cronauer, which makes me suspicious immediately.
1648
01:30:49,610 --> 01:30:53,450
An Loc. And Cronauer would definitely be going along?
1649
01:30:53,620 --> 01:30:55,530
Hold on a minute, sir.
1650
01:30:59,660 --> 01:31:01,520
G2, Corporal Tiser, sir.
1651
01:31:03,420 --> 01:31:04,680
One moment.
1652
01:31:06,210 --> 01:31:07,960
SOLDIER: Yes, sir.
1653
01:31:09,880 --> 01:31:12,880
Route 1 A, sir, is the only route to An Loc, sir.
1654
01:31:12,890 --> 01:31:15,760
- Does that road have a secure status?
- No, sir, it does not.
1655
01:31:15,930 --> 01:31:19,660
- That road is Victor-Charlie, sir.
- It is definitely not a friendly area.
1656
01:31:19,770 --> 01:31:21,480
Negative, sir. It is not.
1657
01:31:21,640 --> 01:31:25,270
It is hazardous and has been for about 48 hours.
1658
01:31:25,440 --> 01:31:28,200
Heavily fortified and considered very unsafe, sir.
1659
01:31:28,690 --> 01:31:30,150
Thank you.
1660
01:31:33,860 --> 01:31:37,990
Sir, I recommend we issue a 24-hour pass.
1661
01:31:48,710 --> 01:31:53,010
1662
01:31:54,930 --> 01:31:58,050
CRONAUER: So this is the country where they grow rattan love seats.
1663
01:31:58,510 --> 01:31:59,760
God, is it hot.
1664
01:32:00,350 --> 01:32:04,390
What a country. Heat, humidity, terrorism.
1665
01:32:04,560 --> 01:32:06,660
Still, it's better than New York in the summer.
1666
01:32:06,980 --> 01:32:09,360
Hey, fellas, how's the cough-drop business?
1667
01:32:18,030 --> 01:32:21,120
You know, we haven't passed too many checkpoints since Chon Thanh.
1668
01:32:21,330 --> 01:32:24,790
CRONAUER: Why do you make every town sound like a Mexican restaurant?
1669
01:32:25,370 --> 01:32:27,520
"Britain imposed an oil embargo on Rhodesia today...
1670
01:32:27,560 --> 01:32:30,500
"after that country's unilateral declaration of independence.
1671
01:32:30,670 --> 01:32:34,340
"Gambia, Singapore and the Maldive Islands join the United Nations.
1672
01:32:35,180 --> 01:32:38,010
"Seretse Khama becomes the first premier of Bechuanaland.
1673
01:32:38,220 --> 01:32:40,810
DREIWITZ [ON RADIO]: "In sports, all-star rookie Pete Rose's three hits..."
1674
01:32:40,970 --> 01:32:42,770
CRONAUER: What do you think you'll do, Ed...
1675
01:32:42,930 --> 01:32:44,270
...when you get out of the Army?
1676
01:32:44,300 --> 01:32:46,020
GARLICK: I think I learned enough about radio stations.
1677
01:32:46,160 --> 01:32:48,860
I mean, maybe I can work in a station back home or something.
1678
01:32:48,920 --> 01:32:51,230
GARLICK: Give me your best shot. Lay something on me.
1679
01:32:51,400 --> 01:32:53,400
Give it a go, give it a go.
1680
01:32:53,570 --> 01:32:56,740
This is Eddie Garlick coming to you live from AFRS, Armed Forces Radio Saigon.
1681
01:32:56,950 --> 01:32:59,000
Now funkify it. Give me some real funk.
1682
01:33:00,620 --> 01:33:03,830
- Give it to me, Edward.
- This is Eddie Garlick, com... Heh!
1683
01:33:04,100 --> 01:33:07,080
Good morning, Vietnam!
1684
01:33:18,050 --> 01:33:23,310
You're listening to Eddie Kirk on AFRS. I have a big special...
1685
01:33:33,480 --> 01:33:35,570
[KIRK SPEAKING IN DISTINCTLY ON RADIO]
1686
01:33:36,320 --> 01:33:39,610
KIRK [ON RADIO]: "Shuffle Off to Buffalo," "The Sidewalks of New York."
1687
01:33:39,780 --> 01:33:42,120
"Chattanooga Choo Choo," "Meet Me In Chicago,"
1688
01:33:42,280 --> 01:33:46,830
"I Left My Heart in San Francisco," of course, "Moonlight in Vermont,"
1689
01:33:47,000 --> 01:33:49,500
and many, many more, but we need to hear your requests.
1690
01:33:49,670 --> 01:33:52,500
So send in your postcards to Eddie Kirk, right here.
1691
01:33:52,670 --> 01:33:54,050
[SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE]
1692
01:33:54,710 --> 01:33:55,560
Hey.
1693
01:34:01,050 --> 01:34:04,080
You fine. How you are?
1694
01:34:04,640 --> 01:34:06,020
Take you home.
1695
01:34:07,350 --> 01:34:08,310
You come out.
1696
01:34:08,980 --> 01:34:10,150
No problem.
1697
01:34:10,350 --> 01:34:14,150
Take you home. Safe now from VC.
1698
01:34:27,790 --> 01:34:30,700
Hi, this is Marty Lee Dreiwitz at Cronauer Control Centre.
1699
01:34:30,710 --> 01:34:33,250
Adrian Cronauer is on temporary assignment...
1700
01:34:33,420 --> 01:34:36,760
and I'll be filling in until he arrives, hopefully, sometime this morning.
1701
01:34:36,920 --> 01:34:39,220
Right now, let's play a song from Adrian's own playlist,
1702
01:34:39,380 --> 01:34:40,470
one of A.C.'s favourites.
1703
01:34:40,680 --> 01:34:42,760
["BABY PLEASE DON'T GO" PLAYING ON RADIO]
1704
01:34:48,460 --> 01:34:51,050
1705
01:34:51,270 --> 01:34:54,450
It's going to be an exciting day of listening and learning,
1706
01:34:54,480 --> 01:34:56,880
so please, tune in.
1707
01:34:57,990 --> 01:35:02,200
"Sukiyaki," "Volare," "The Portuguese Washerwoman,"
1708
01:35:02,360 --> 01:35:05,620
and "Third Man Theme" on the Kirk International...
1709
01:35:05,790 --> 01:35:10,180
1710
01:35:10,180 --> 01:35:12,360
[SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE]
1711
01:35:12,380 --> 01:35:16,180
1712
01:35:19,300 --> 01:35:21,230
1713
01:35:21,300 --> 01:35:22,760
[SENTRY SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE] Hold it, hold it, hold it.
1714
01:35:22,770 --> 01:35:23,300
1715
01:35:23,330 --> 01:35:26,120
[SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE]
1716
01:35:27,600 --> 01:35:28,680
What's up?
1717
01:35:28,850 --> 01:35:30,980
I try to find Cronauer. He don't show up in class.
1718
01:35:31,140 --> 01:35:33,100
He didn't show up for work today either.
1719
01:35:33,270 --> 01:35:35,310
You know anything about this?
1720
01:35:35,690 --> 01:35:38,150
Listen, jerk off, we're here fighting for your country.
1721
01:35:38,320 --> 01:35:40,610
Now where do Cronauer go?
1722
01:35:40,780 --> 01:35:42,860
An Loc. His pass say An Loc.
1723
01:35:43,070 --> 01:35:46,120
An Loc? Shit.
1724
01:35:58,630 --> 01:36:00,420
- CRONAUER: You okay?
- GARLICK: Yeah.
1725
01:36:00,590 --> 01:36:03,840
- Yeah. You okay?
- No.
1726
01:36:06,050 --> 01:36:07,970
Come on, pal, we'll make it.
1727
01:36:08,140 --> 01:36:10,220
- Well, how about that?
- Hold on.
1728
01:36:12,780 --> 01:36:17,150
- The VC, the fucking VC.
- Tell me something I don't know, okay?
1729
01:36:32,040 --> 01:36:34,040
GARLICK: How far you think we've gone?
1730
01:36:34,210 --> 01:36:36,960
CRONAUER: Ten, 15 miles?
1731
01:36:37,130 --> 01:36:39,190
GARLICK: You think we've reached Cambodia yet?
1732
01:36:40,090 --> 01:36:42,880
CRONAUER: How can you fight a war in this shit?
1733
01:36:43,300 --> 01:36:45,680
I don't know where they are. I don't even know where am.
1734
01:36:45,840 --> 01:36:47,840
Can't see dick.
1735
01:36:48,010 --> 01:36:49,680
Like hunting with Ray Charles.
1736
01:36:54,850 --> 01:36:57,860
TUAN: It okay! You can come out now!
1737
01:36:58,310 --> 01:37:01,650
If you hear, I cannot find you unless you talk to me.
1738
01:37:01,820 --> 01:37:03,480
It's too dangerous staying here.
1739
01:37:03,690 --> 01:37:05,400
You don't believe it's me?
1740
01:37:06,070 --> 01:37:07,050
Okay.
1741
01:37:07,620 --> 01:37:09,360
Flip them the bird.
1742
01:37:10,330 --> 01:37:11,740
Tuan?
1743
01:37:11,950 --> 01:37:13,700
Hey, there you are, Cronauer.
1744
01:37:14,250 --> 01:37:17,620
- How the hell you find us, Sparky?
- Your jeep.
1745
01:37:19,460 --> 01:37:21,590
We're obviously not in Cambodia.
1746
01:37:22,880 --> 01:37:24,960
[ENGINE TURNING]
1747
01:37:25,420 --> 01:37:26,550
GARLICK: Try it again.
1748
01:37:26,720 --> 01:37:29,010
[ENGINE TURNING]
1749
01:37:29,300 --> 01:37:30,970
- CRONAUER: Shit.
- GARLICK: One more time.
1750
01:37:31,140 --> 01:37:34,470
[ENGINE TURNING]
1751
01:37:35,140 --> 01:37:36,390
Goddamn it.
1752
01:37:36,560 --> 01:37:39,180
Our jeep gets blown off the road and his van won't start.
1753
01:37:39,190 --> 01:37:40,580
That's great.
1754
01:37:41,150 --> 01:37:42,660
You know why we ended up in the same place?
1755
01:37:42,680 --> 01:37:43,280
Why is that?
1756
01:37:43,300 --> 01:37:45,660
Your limp pulled us to the right. We were going around in circles.
1757
01:37:45,860 --> 01:37:48,060
Stick with me, I don't wanna go around again.
1758
01:37:51,490 --> 01:37:54,490
CRONAUER: We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.
1759
01:37:57,290 --> 01:37:59,370
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING IN DISTANCE]
1760
01:37:59,880 --> 01:38:00,670
Listen.
1761
01:38:09,470 --> 01:38:10,640
Somewhere over there.
1762
01:38:14,060 --> 01:38:16,100
There it is, man, yo!
1763
01:38:18,640 --> 01:38:20,100
[CRONAUER YELLS]
1764
01:38:20,270 --> 01:38:21,350
Taxi!
1765
01:38:21,560 --> 01:38:25,360
Yo, GI! Hello, sailor, hello!
1766
01:38:26,780 --> 01:38:27,940
Hey!
1767
01:38:53,670 --> 01:38:57,610
1768
01:38:57,670 --> 01:39:03,510
1769
01:39:04,580 --> 01:39:06,510
LEVITAN: To avoid razor-burn problems,
1770
01:39:06,530 --> 01:39:09,960
always rinse you razor with cold water instead of hot.
1771
01:39:10,030 --> 01:39:13,300
You skin will look and feel a whole lot better.
1772
01:39:13,370 --> 01:39:15,740
That's it for Hygiene in the Heat. Tomorrow we'll...
1773
01:39:15,950 --> 01:39:17,240
DICKERSON: Welcome back.
1774
01:39:17,410 --> 01:39:19,160
Well, thank you, sergeant. I've missed you.
1775
01:39:19,330 --> 01:39:21,210
[CHUCKLES]
1776
01:39:22,120 --> 01:39:23,920
I'm informing you that you're out of here.
1777
01:39:24,080 --> 01:39:26,710
I want your bags packed and ready to go tomorrow afternoon.
1778
01:39:27,550 --> 01:39:30,010
You don't have the power. I'll take this to the authorities.
1779
01:39:30,220 --> 01:39:32,120
I am the authorities, you moron.
1780
01:39:35,930 --> 01:39:39,560
Oh, I got your pansy-ass in a sling now, Cronauer.
1781
01:39:39,730 --> 01:39:41,060
Who's Tuan?
1782
01:39:41,230 --> 01:39:43,190
The guys who flew you in from An Lac radioed...
1783
01:39:43,350 --> 01:39:45,680
they picked up a South Vietnamese boy with you and Garlick.
1784
01:39:45,700 --> 01:39:47,300
Who is this South Vietnamese boy?
1785
01:39:47,320 --> 01:39:50,000
He's a friend from my class who risked his ass to save my life.
1786
01:39:50,070 --> 01:39:51,150
A friend?
1787
01:39:51,320 --> 01:39:54,010
- Your friend is a VC terrorist.
- [SCOFFS]
1788
01:39:54,070 --> 01:39:55,960
Yeah, and my mother is a werewolf, right?
1789
01:39:55,980 --> 01:39:58,200
Tuan is also known as Phan Duc Tho.
1790
01:39:58,370 --> 01:40:00,540
He's currently wanted by the South Vietnamese police...
1791
01:40:00,700 --> 01:40:02,790
in connection with several bombings in the area,
1792
01:40:03,160 --> 01:40:05,750
including the one at Jimmy Wah's.
1793
01:40:05,920 --> 01:40:08,280
Surely, you're familiar with that incident.
1794
01:40:09,620 --> 01:40:11,780
Do you ever wonder how a young South Vietnamese boy...
1795
01:40:11,800 --> 01:40:14,880
gets into and out of VC-held territory?
1796
01:40:15,050 --> 01:40:16,470
It's dangerous out there.
1797
01:40:16,640 --> 01:40:18,720
Things just jump out at you.
1798
01:40:18,890 --> 01:40:22,060
And yet this boy can get in and out without a scratch.
1799
01:40:22,230 --> 01:40:23,760
And what about Jimmy Wah's?
1800
01:40:23,800 --> 01:40:25,520
Didn't you ever wonder why you were pulled out...
1801
01:40:25,690 --> 01:40:28,190
just moments before the whole place blew up?
1802
01:40:28,360 --> 01:40:30,860
Or are you normally not that inquisitive?
1803
01:40:34,360 --> 01:40:36,090
Friends of Phan Duc Tho.
1804
01:40:36,660 --> 01:40:40,660
These three were executed shortly after this photo was taken.
1805
01:40:45,800 --> 01:40:47,460
Your friend is next.
1806
01:40:49,710 --> 01:40:51,960
I don't recommend that you tangle with me on this one, Airman.
1807
01:40:52,130 --> 01:40:53,800
There's not too many high-ranking officers...
1808
01:40:53,820 --> 01:40:57,220
who would be sympathetic to a serviceman with links to terrorists.
1809
01:40:57,360 --> 01:40:59,800
The Army is kind of quirky that way.
1810
01:41:00,260 --> 01:41:02,770
A conviction on a charge of treason against the United States...
1811
01:41:02,930 --> 01:41:05,880
carries with it penalties on the stiff side, if you know what I mean.
1812
01:41:07,060 --> 01:41:09,480
I have arranged for an honourable discharge...
1813
01:41:09,650 --> 01:41:11,860
provided you leave without incident.
1814
01:41:12,160 --> 01:41:14,780
- Ten-hut.
- At ease.
1815
01:41:18,990 --> 01:41:20,920
Cronauer, I'm sorry as hell about this thing.
1816
01:41:20,990 --> 01:41:23,910
Goddamn it, I like you, son. I like what you do.
1817
01:41:24,080 --> 01:41:26,860
Most of all, I like what you've done for the men.
1818
01:41:27,450 --> 01:41:29,120
But facts are facts.
1819
01:41:30,340 --> 01:41:32,170
This could give the Army a black eye.
1820
01:41:32,560 --> 01:41:35,020
I'm not gonna cover for you this time, son.
1821
01:41:35,420 --> 01:41:38,560
Sir? What about the show?
1822
01:41:40,380 --> 01:41:41,680
TAYLOR: We'll handle it.
1823
01:41:42,970 --> 01:41:44,480
I'm sorry, son.
1824
01:41:49,480 --> 01:41:51,110
Why'd you do this?
1825
01:41:53,360 --> 01:41:57,340
I don't like your style, your politics or your sense of humour.
1826
01:41:57,400 --> 01:41:59,990
I don't like what you say or how you say it.
1827
01:42:00,260 --> 01:42:01,880
From now on, the fighting men of Vietnam...
1828
01:42:01,950 --> 01:42:03,800
will hear exactly what they're supposed to hear.
1829
01:42:04,080 --> 01:42:05,830
You're on a DC-8 from Tan Son Nhat Airport...
1830
01:42:06,000 --> 01:42:07,620
tomorrow at 1830 hours.
1831
01:42:08,120 --> 01:42:10,680
I recommend you pack quietly.
1832
01:42:11,160 --> 01:42:13,080
That's all I have for you, airman.
1833
01:42:24,680 --> 01:42:26,470
You know,
1834
01:42:26,680 --> 01:42:30,560
you're in more dire need of a blow job than any white man in history.
1835
01:42:36,150 --> 01:42:38,360
Whoa, there, Dick, put the brakes on.
1836
01:42:38,530 --> 01:42:41,160
I wanted to wait until the airman left to talk with you.
1837
01:42:41,320 --> 01:42:43,260
Uh, Dick, I'm transferring you.
1838
01:42:44,030 --> 01:42:46,330
- Transferring me, sir?
- Mm-hm.
1839
01:42:46,800 --> 01:42:47,960
Where to, sir?
1840
01:42:48,500 --> 01:42:49,660
You're going to Guam.
1841
01:42:49,830 --> 01:42:51,760
Guam, sir? There's nothing going on in Guam.
1842
01:42:51,790 --> 01:42:52,880
Why Guam?
1843
01:42:53,040 --> 01:42:56,960
Dick, I've covered for you a lot of times because I thought you was a little crazy,
1844
01:42:57,130 --> 01:43:00,010
but you're not crazy, you're mean.
1845
01:43:00,180 --> 01:43:01,720
And this is just radio.
1846
01:43:05,970 --> 01:43:08,060
[CHUCKLING SOFTLY]
1847
01:43:11,190 --> 01:43:14,810
"More dire need of a blow job than any white man in history."
1848
01:43:14,980 --> 01:43:17,070
That's funny.
1849
01:43:26,700 --> 01:43:28,040
WILKIE: Hey, teacher.
1850
01:43:28,200 --> 01:43:30,290
When are you gonna teach us to softball?
1851
01:43:30,460 --> 01:43:33,060
Listen, I gotta talk to you. Now. Come on.
1852
01:43:33,080 --> 01:43:35,040
- Mr. Cronauer, I must...
- Oh, Minh, not now.
1853
01:43:35,210 --> 01:43:37,750
- You gotta tell me where your brother is.
- I don't know.
1854
01:43:37,760 --> 01:43:40,920
Listen, his life is in danger. You gotta tell me where the hell he is.
1855
01:43:41,130 --> 01:43:42,860
- No, I don't...
- Bullshit!
1856
01:43:43,340 --> 01:43:46,390
Listen, no more games, okay?
1857
01:43:46,760 --> 01:43:48,260
The Army knows about your brother.
1858
01:43:48,310 --> 01:43:51,380
I have to leave the country because of my association with him.
1859
01:43:51,400 --> 01:43:54,980
They have pictures of him. If they find him, they will shoot him.
1860
01:43:55,020 --> 01:43:57,880
If you wanna continue to have a brother, you take me to him now!
1861
01:44:00,690 --> 01:44:02,780
[CAR HORN HONKS]
1862
01:45:03,670 --> 01:45:04,720
Tuan.
1863
01:45:04,880 --> 01:45:06,050
[BOY SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]
1864
01:45:10,470 --> 01:45:12,480
Phan Duc Tho!
1865
01:45:16,560 --> 01:45:18,000
Get back here!
1866
01:45:58,150 --> 01:45:59,810
[CROWS]
1867
01:46:19,720 --> 01:46:21,860
I know about the bombings, Sparky.
1868
01:46:23,130 --> 01:46:25,000
No wonder you hauled ass.
1869
01:46:32,510 --> 01:46:34,240
You were my friend.
1870
01:46:37,060 --> 01:46:38,690
I trusted you.
1871
01:46:42,900 --> 01:46:44,560
[YELLS] You hear me?
1872
01:46:45,690 --> 01:46:49,500
TUAN: You naive man, Cronauer. You take a stupid side.
1873
01:46:49,800 --> 01:46:52,680
Now you have to go. It's better off.
1874
01:46:53,080 --> 01:46:55,160
That's not the fucking point!
1875
01:46:56,780 --> 01:46:57,980
You understand me?
1876
01:46:59,040 --> 01:47:03,660
I fought to get you into that bar, and then you blow the fucking place up!
1877
01:47:05,660 --> 01:47:06,560
Listen.
1878
01:47:07,450 --> 01:47:10,880
I gave you my friendship and my trust...
1879
01:47:11,340 --> 01:47:14,960
and now they tell me that my best friend is the goddamn enemy.
1880
01:47:14,980 --> 01:47:17,660
Enemy? What is enemy?
1881
01:47:18,850 --> 01:47:21,480
You killing my own people so many miles from your home.
1882
01:47:21,940 --> 01:47:24,880
We not the enemy. You the enemy!
1883
01:47:25,440 --> 01:47:29,920
You used me to kill two people. Two people died in that fucking bar.
1884
01:47:29,960 --> 01:47:31,360
Big fucking deal!
1885
01:47:32,660 --> 01:47:34,360
My mother is dead.
1886
01:47:35,240 --> 01:47:39,540
And my older brother, who be 29 years old, he dead.
1887
01:47:38,160 --> 01:47:39,490
1888
01:47:39,800 --> 01:47:41,360
Shot by American.
1889
01:47:43,060 --> 01:47:46,880
My neighbour, dead. His wife, dead.
1890
01:47:46,900 --> 01:47:48,050
Why?
1891
01:47:49,260 --> 01:47:51,260
Because we not human to them.
1892
01:47:51,760 --> 01:47:53,580
We only little Vietnamese.
1893
01:47:57,760 --> 01:48:00,460
And I'm stupid enough to save your bullshit life at An Loc.
1894
01:48:08,580 --> 01:48:09,660
Wait...
1895
01:48:10,610 --> 01:48:12,600
We're here to help this country!
1896
01:48:13,480 --> 01:48:14,660
Where the fuck you going?
1897
01:48:24,240 --> 01:48:25,580
It's unbelievable.
1898
01:48:26,670 --> 01:48:32,120
Five months in Saigon, my best friend turns out to be a VC.
1899
01:48:33,170 --> 01:48:36,360
This will not look good on a résumé!
1900
01:48:51,520 --> 01:48:53,980
- You guys mind if I drive?
- Be my guest.
1901
01:49:06,570 --> 01:49:08,030
[ENGINE GRINDS]
1902
01:49:09,330 --> 01:49:10,680
It's a simple rule.
1903
01:49:10,700 --> 01:49:13,060
If the engine's humming, it's already started.
1904
01:49:14,040 --> 01:49:16,820
Never fail you. You guys mind if we make an unscheduled stop?
1905
01:49:16,840 --> 01:49:18,090
I got something I gotta do.
1906
01:49:18,250 --> 01:49:20,580
MP: If you attempt to deviate from the aforeplanned schedule,
1907
01:49:20,600 --> 01:49:22,510
you're under arrest, Cronauer.
1908
01:49:23,630 --> 01:49:25,600
CRONAUER: Okay, everybody, let's play ball!
1909
01:49:25,640 --> 01:49:27,970
Go into conference. That point. That fence.
1910
01:49:28,140 --> 01:49:30,640
- Okay, here we go.
- MP: No batter. No batter.
1911
01:49:31,720 --> 01:49:33,890
Heading north.
1912
01:49:34,060 --> 01:49:36,400
Let's go! Was it a double or a daiquiri.
1913
01:49:36,760 --> 01:49:37,760
Wait a minute.
1914
01:49:37,860 --> 01:49:38,940
WOMAN: Come on.
1915
01:49:39,110 --> 01:49:41,730
CRONAUER [ Muttering ]: All right! Thank you!
1916
01:49:43,900 --> 01:49:46,910
A little conference here, Wilk. A little conference, time-out, everyone.
1917
01:49:47,070 --> 01:49:51,680
This, Cronauer, not a real baseball. It much smaller and harder than this one.
1918
01:49:52,410 --> 01:49:55,520
You got me there, Wilk, because... I'm sorry, we have no budget, you see.
1919
01:49:55,540 --> 01:49:58,580
And I gotta get on a plane and we have to do with what we can.
1920
01:49:58,660 --> 01:50:00,090
- Give me your hand.
- Thank you.
1921
01:50:00,250 --> 01:50:01,750
- Thank you.
- Thank you all the same.
1922
01:50:01,920 --> 01:50:03,560
Thank you all the same, and...
1923
01:50:03,840 --> 01:50:05,560
- You wanna take the ball?
- No.
1924
01:50:05,840 --> 01:50:07,980
Okay, we gotta play, Wilk. You're pitching.
1925
01:50:08,180 --> 01:50:10,640
I want to turn in the ball to the original place.
1926
01:50:10,810 --> 01:50:12,310
Okay, let's take one more ball here.
1927
01:50:12,470 --> 01:50:14,920
- This one's a better one.
- No. No. No need.
1928
01:50:15,100 --> 01:50:17,760
- We haven't got a real baseball, Wilk. Bear with me, okay?
- Okay.
1929
01:50:17,780 --> 01:50:19,780
- We haven't got the money, pal.
- Anyway.
1930
01:50:19,800 --> 01:50:22,760
- Okay, that one, okay?
- I accept that this a very good substitute.
1931
01:50:22,780 --> 01:50:25,440
Okay, let's just play with the substitute, then, okay?
1932
01:50:25,460 --> 01:50:26,520
- Okay.
- CRONAUER: Okay.
1933
01:50:26,530 --> 01:50:28,800
- This is a deal. This is a deal.
- It's a deal? Okay.
1934
01:50:28,820 --> 01:50:31,490
Take the ball, will you? I'll give you money if you take the ball.
1935
01:50:31,660 --> 01:50:33,190
- No. I'm sorry.
- No?
1936
01:50:33,200 --> 01:50:34,860
- Okay.
- I'm... I'm... I've no money. Sorry.
1937
01:50:34,880 --> 01:50:37,160
Can we have...? Is there a psychiatrist here?
1938
01:50:38,710 --> 01:50:40,630
[CROWD APPLAUDING]
1939
01:50:42,340 --> 01:50:43,380
[CROWD CHEERS]
1940
01:50:47,220 --> 01:50:49,090
Yeah! Run, run, run!
1941
01:50:49,260 --> 01:50:50,720
MP: Okay.
1942
01:50:50,930 --> 01:50:53,060
He's not out till you have both halves of the ball!
1943
01:50:53,850 --> 01:50:55,470
Keep your eye on the fruit.
1944
01:50:55,680 --> 01:50:58,600
That's it, eye on the fruit, Minh. Eye on the fruit, on the fruit.
1945
01:50:58,770 --> 01:51:01,610
- Yeah, go, run, Minh! Run!
- Come on, come on, give me the ball.
1946
01:51:01,810 --> 01:51:02,940
Minh!
1947
01:51:04,480 --> 01:51:06,110
Keep going! Keep going!
1948
01:51:06,320 --> 01:51:07,770
She's actually going home.
1949
01:51:12,200 --> 01:51:13,820
That's it. We'll all change sides.
1950
01:51:13,850 --> 01:51:16,680
- MAN: All right!
1951
01:51:16,760 --> 01:51:21,130
- Yes, Wilkie!
1952
01:51:21,210 --> 01:51:24,540
1953
01:51:21,190 --> 01:51:24,030
- Hey, Wilk, look, you got a base, take it.
1954
01:51:24,100 --> 01:51:29,160
1955
01:51:29,240 --> 01:51:32,260
1956
01:51:32,560 --> 01:51:35,140
1957
01:51:35,210 --> 01:51:38,660
1958
01:51:40,510 --> 01:51:43,800
1959
01:51:46,020 --> 01:51:48,680
- Yes!
1960
01:51:48,860 --> 01:51:51,420
1961
01:51:51,860 --> 01:51:54,650
1962
01:51:54,880 --> 01:51:57,490
1963
01:51:57,660 --> 01:52:00,160
1964
01:52:00,480 --> 01:52:02,860
1965
01:52:06,130 --> 01:52:08,010
CRONAUER: You all played a good game.
1966
01:52:09,170 --> 01:52:10,260
Yeah, me too.
1967
01:52:10,470 --> 01:52:11,800
Hey, hey.
1968
01:52:11,970 --> 01:52:14,940
When you look like Goliath, so mihgt you...
1969
01:52:14,950 --> 01:52:18,980
- [ Cronauer ] You take care. We had a great day.
- ...beware of, of some David.
1970
01:52:19,080 --> 01:52:20,770
[SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]
1971
01:52:21,020 --> 01:52:22,060
MINH: Thank you.
1972
01:52:24,650 --> 01:52:29,270
Well, Mr. Cronauer, we, we thank you for your fine teaching about softball.
1973
01:52:29,300 --> 01:52:31,520
And we learned a lot from you.
1974
01:52:31,550 --> 01:52:33,880
And we wish you good luck and success.
1975
01:52:33,950 --> 01:52:35,280
- Thank you, Wilkie.
- Thank you.
1976
01:52:35,450 --> 01:52:38,040
- Thank you.
- Thank you, thank you.
1977
01:52:44,340 --> 01:52:46,200
[ M.P. ] You guys ready to go?
1978
01:52:46,250 --> 01:52:48,250
- Can you give me a minute?
- MP: Oh, okay.
1979
01:52:50,840 --> 01:52:54,430
Man, he's gonna say goodbye to the whole goddamn country now.
1980
01:53:03,520 --> 01:53:07,150
I want to say goodbye before you go.
1981
01:53:09,570 --> 01:53:14,260
To tell you, thank you for being so kind.
1982
01:53:16,070 --> 01:53:19,660
So many things not happen the way you want them.
1983
01:53:22,460 --> 01:53:27,080
You're so good person, and I could not with you.
1984
01:53:29,880 --> 01:53:31,670
We are so different.
1985
01:53:32,380 --> 01:53:35,260
I say tomato, you say cây tomat.
1986
01:53:56,950 --> 01:53:58,000
See you.
1987
01:54:05,410 --> 01:54:07,290
[ENGINE GRINDS]
1988
01:54:08,290 --> 01:54:10,040
Staggers the imagination.
1989
01:54:10,800 --> 01:54:13,510
- Makes me unique, doesn't it?
- What a plus.
1990
01:54:14,920 --> 01:54:16,630
Flip them a bird!
1991
01:54:26,550 --> 01:54:28,510
Left, right, left!
1992
01:54:39,570 --> 01:54:41,830
SERGEANT: Left, right!
1993
01:54:58,680 --> 01:55:00,840
SOLDIERS: One, two, three, four.
1994
01:55:01,760 --> 01:55:02,680
Three, four!
1995
01:55:08,480 --> 01:55:10,940
SERGEANT: Left, left! Left, right, left!
1996
01:55:11,110 --> 01:55:14,190
Left, left! Left, right, left!
1997
01:55:17,570 --> 01:55:21,160
- Three, four!
- Left, left! Left, right, right!
1998
01:55:40,930 --> 01:55:42,660
It was a pleasure making your acquaintance, sir.
1999
01:55:43,360 --> 01:55:44,350
Thanks.
2000
01:55:45,010 --> 01:55:47,360
CRONAUER: Will you cut that out? We're the same rank.
2001
01:55:47,660 --> 01:55:49,120
What will I do without you, sir?
2002
01:55:49,600 --> 01:55:51,980
[IN BRITISH ACCENT] Well, you carry on, Montesque.
2003
01:55:52,190 --> 01:55:54,650
"Carry on, Montesque." Carry on.
2004
01:55:54,820 --> 01:55:58,240
I like that. Makes me feel, uh, British or something.
2005
01:55:58,860 --> 01:56:00,560
[IN NORMAL VOICE] I got something here for you.
2006
01:56:01,240 --> 01:56:02,490
I want you to play this.
2007
01:56:02,660 --> 01:56:04,600
It says goodbye to everybody staying behind.
2008
01:56:04,620 --> 01:56:07,950
- GARLICK: I'll take care of it pronto, sir.
- You could get in trouble for that.
2009
01:56:08,120 --> 01:56:09,680
Requisitioned for a name change.
2010
01:56:09,710 --> 01:56:11,830
"Trouble" is actually my new middle name.
2011
01:56:15,130 --> 01:56:17,360
I'm gonna give you the old chuck on the shoulder now.
2012
01:56:18,420 --> 01:56:20,360
It's a stupid thing to do, isn't it?
2013
01:56:21,880 --> 01:56:22,980
You take care.
2014
01:56:24,510 --> 01:56:25,410
All right?
2015
01:56:26,180 --> 01:56:27,210
Your fly is open.
2016
01:56:27,680 --> 01:56:28,520
Made you look.
2017
01:56:52,750 --> 01:56:56,330
[YELLS] Go-oo-ood morning, Vietnam!
2018
01:56:56,500 --> 01:57:01,760
This is Eddie Garlick coming to you live from AFRS, Armed Forces Radio Saigon.
2019
01:57:01,920 --> 01:57:04,180
It's 1629 hours here in Saigon
2020
01:57:04,340 --> 01:57:06,390
and Airman Adrian Cronauer is going home today.
2021
01:57:06,550 --> 01:57:08,990
But he left a farewell message for all you guys out there...
2022
01:57:09,060 --> 01:57:11,060
still sweating it out in the fields.
2023
01:57:11,230 --> 01:57:14,730
So without further ado, here's a farewell extravaganza.
2024
01:57:14,900 --> 01:57:18,940
CRONAUER [YELLS ON TAPE]: Goodbye, Vietnam!
2025
01:57:19,110 --> 01:57:21,070
That's right, I'm history. I'm out of here.
2026
01:57:21,140 --> 01:57:23,130
I got the lucky ticket home, baby.
2027
01:57:23,240 --> 01:57:26,570
2028
01:57:26,740 --> 01:57:29,280
Yeah, that's right. The final Adrian Cronauer broadcast.
2029
01:57:29,450 --> 01:57:32,160
And this one is brought to you by our friends at the Pentagon.
2030
01:57:32,330 --> 01:57:34,480
Remember, the people who brought you Korea.
2031
01:57:34,540 --> 01:57:35,860
That's right, the U.S. Army.
2032
01:57:35,880 --> 01:57:38,180
If it's being done correctly here or abroad,
2033
01:57:38,200 --> 01:57:40,170
it's probably not being done by the Army.
2034
01:57:40,340 --> 01:57:41,700
[SLOWLY] "I heard that!"
2035
01:57:41,710 --> 01:57:43,920
[IN NORMAL VOICE] You're here, good to see you.
2036
01:57:44,090 --> 01:57:48,700
[SLOWLY] "I'm here to make sure you don't say anything controversial."
2037
01:57:48,760 --> 01:57:50,750
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Speaking of things controversial,
2038
01:57:50,820 --> 01:57:53,780
is it true that there is a marijuana problem here in Vietnam?
2039
01:57:53,810 --> 01:57:57,560
[SLOWLY] "No, it's not a problem. Everybody has it."
2040
01:57:57,730 --> 01:57:58,900
[EFFEMINATELY] "I don't know, Adrian."
2041
01:57:59,070 --> 01:58:00,400
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Leo, Leo!
2042
01:58:00,570 --> 01:58:02,780
[EFFEMINATELY] "Adrian, take care of yourself.
2043
01:58:02,940 --> 01:58:04,940
"I just want you to know one thing,
2044
01:58:05,110 --> 01:58:08,530
"if you're going to be dressing in civilian clothes, don't forget pumps."
2045
01:58:08,700 --> 01:58:11,660
[IN NORMAL VOICE] Thank you, Leo. Thanks for these. Oh, these are special.
2046
01:58:11,830 --> 01:58:13,330
[EFFEMINATELY] "They're ruby slippers, Adrian.
2047
01:58:13,500 --> 01:58:15,870
"Put these on and say, "There's no place like home.
2048
01:58:16,040 --> 01:58:18,660
"There's no place like home," and you can be there.
2049
01:58:19,340 --> 01:58:21,960
[IN NORMAL VOICE] I hope. I hope we all could.
2050
01:58:22,800 --> 01:58:26,000
2051
01:58:26,070 --> 01:58:29,340
166349
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