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1
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,071
Gosh, your legs are getting hairy!
2
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,952
Ha, ha, ha!
3
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,991
(Chuckles)
4
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,278
That's my jersey you're cutting up!
5
00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:00,951
Well, let's face it, it's not functioning as a jersey.
It's more like an old string vest.
6
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:05,157
- I liked it!
- Well, this is far more practical.
7
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,476
But... you're hacking it to pieces!
8
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:10,239
I'm not. These are my knee warmers
for the cold weather,
9
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:12,157
and I'm going to wear the top as a tabard.
10
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,670
- You'll need something underneath it.
- Yes, Tom.
11
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:18,234
Well, I suppose that is quite a good idea, really.
12
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:22,069
I saw it on Blue Peter
when I was round at Margo's the other day.
13
00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:26,318
You see, the trouble is, these television people
never think the thing through.
14
00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:29,273
Where you've cut the stitches,
it's just going to unravel.
15
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:32,517
- You bind the edges.
- Ah.
16
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,671
It hasn't got any feet to them either.
17
00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,996
- Go away.
- All right, all right.
18
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:41,749
Only I was going to fly you down to Rio
for a wild and wonderful weekend.
19
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,234
What on? Hot air?
20
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,398
No, kid, money. Greenbacks. Moola.
21
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:52,879
- The soft fruits?
- Our soft fruit ship came in to the tune of �195!
22
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:57,039
We won! Oh, we actually won at something!
23
00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:00,789
- And we deserve every penny of it.
- Oh, that is a weight off my mind!
24
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,799
- Oh, Tom! If that lot had failed...
- Ah, but it didn't.
25
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:08,310
Now, I suggest we charter a private jet.
That's the only way to go to Rio.
26
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,954
Now, that's a year's rates...
27
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,470
Then we'll take a suite.
No, a whole floor. Don't want to muck about.
28
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:15,954
.Water rates,
29
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,880
the petrol for a year for the cart,
30
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:23,550
tax, and the insurance for the same.
31
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:26,752
A new pair of shoes each.
We've got to have those.
32
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:30,794
OK. Now that leaves us...
33
00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,274
- with a �10 float!
34
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,591
I wanted to go to Rio.
35
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,159
Next year.
36
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,999
Yes, yes, next year. Anyway, I despise money.
37
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:48,670
I wouldn't despise it too much.
It's got us off several hooks all at once
38
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,711
and we've got a �10 float!
39
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:55,709
Tom, it's ages
since we've had as much as �10 in the kitty.
40
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,239
Let's buy you something.
41
00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:02,116
If we spend that, when we spend that,
it will be on something that we really need.
42
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:05,516
Quite right, quite right.
You're a wonderful little manager, Barbara.
43
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,039
Boring, but wonderful.
44
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:10,319
Stocking tops?
45
00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:13,955
- On the other hand, perhaps not.
- (Doorbell)
46
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,913
I thought that sort of thing
only happened in films.
47
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,789
Hello, Tom. I'd like a word with Barbara, please.
48
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,400
- Yes, Margo, she's in the big room.
- Thank you.
49
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:29,354
- Hello, Barbara. May I beg a favour?
- Yes, of course.
50
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,313
Oh, Barbara,
you didn't take Blue Peter seriously.
51
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:37,713
- Oh, they're only for ballet practice.
- If only they were.
52
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,036
- What's the favour?
- Ah, yes.
53
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,277
I wonder, would you keep an eye open
for the television repairman?
54
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,913
- Hello!
- Would you?
55
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,474
- Certainly.
- If you'd be good enough to let him in,
56
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:51,753
and stand over him whilst he's doing
whatever it is they do. I don't trust tradesmen.
57
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:55,475
I would have supervised him myself
but I'm going shopping in Dorking.
58
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,079
Dorking, Tom!
59
00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:58,952
- Oh, yes!
- What?
60
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,799
How would you like a nice companion
on your journey?
61
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:03,399
If that means you, I wouldn't.
62
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:08,074
But I'd make him wash his hands
and comb his hair with water.
63
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:10,191
Why should you want to go to Dorking anyway?
64
00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:12,470
Well, I can pick up some chicken feed.
65
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:16,275
If you think you're using my car
as some sort of farm wagon...
66
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,711
No, no, no, no no.
It comes in nice, clean paper sacks. Honestly.
67
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:24,197
You see, I'd go with Tom in our cart,
but I have this television man to look out for.
68
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,231
Oh, very well.
69
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:28,794
You use me, you two. You know that, don't you?
70
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:31,434
No, no, no, no, no.
I'll be good, honestly. I'll be good.
71
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:35,394
You do your shopping, I'll do mine, we'll have
a coffee in the Wimpy and straight home.
72
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,717
We will have a pot of tea
in the Tudor Tea Rooms.
73
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,154
No, forget the tea, we'll come straight home.
74
00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,191
- Are you ready?
- Yes, Margo.
75
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,756
Now, do as you're told.
Don't keep asking for sweets.
76
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,030
And hold hands nicely.
77
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:56,831
Don't be silly, Tom!
78
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,671
MARGO: And don't do that, either!
79
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,759
MARGO: Yes, it's very charming indeed.
Very charming.
80
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,598
What do you want with a spinning wheel?
81
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:13,712
It would look terribly right
in the corner of the drawing room.
82
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,558
Yes, I want it.
83
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,479
- It hasn't got a price tag on it.
- I should hope not.
84
00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:22,036
- Let me come in and haggle for you.
- Certainly not.
85
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:25,869
If you want to haggle,
go and haggle over your chicken feed.
86
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,353
(Shop bell)
87
00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:49,479
(Mouths) Go away!
88
00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:52,554
(Mouths)
89
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:13,151
(Shop bell)
90
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,193
- Afternoon.
- Afternoon.
91
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,471
- What have you got there, then?
- Chicken feed.
92
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,352
Chicken feed? What, two sacks?
93
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,358
(Sharp intake of breath)
Ooh, there's not much call for that.
94
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:36,913
17 and 6, top offer.
95
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:38,951
No, no, I'm not selling.
96
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,196
I might want to buy something.
97
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:44,278
Oh, I see.
Oh, well, you've got me over a barrel there.
98
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,756
- Why?
- Well, he's not here. He's up the other shop.
99
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:51,919
Oh. Then why should you offer to buy
two sacks of chicken feed, then?
100
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:56,079
Well, that's his instructions. "Stock, Ernie",
that's what he's always saying to me.
101
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,589
"When you've got stock,
you're buffered from life."
102
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,753
- It's certainly true around here, isn't it?
- To a degree.
103
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,518
Trouble is, the stock's taken over.
104
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,439
Do you know
I had my own personal gas ring once?
105
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,551
Somewhere under that lot now.
106
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,956
Oh, so if I was to buy something,
it would increase your floor space.
107
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,072
It's a lovely thought,
but he's not here, that's the trouble.
108
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:18,758
Does he have to be here?
109
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,269
Oh, no. I've got full powers.
110
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:25,951
It's just that I don't like doing any actual selling
when he's up the other shop.
111
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,674
Well, why don't you go up the other shop
and get him?
112
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:32,509
What, and bust in on that lot?
Corl She'd go mad.
113
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:37,191
Look, I tell you what. I'll show you what I want
and we'll take it from there, eh?
114
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,709
- I'm game.
- Right.
115
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:43,071
- It's the loom.
- The loom. Yeah.
116
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,589
- Could you...?
- Yeah, sure, sure. Right.
117
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,119
Ta.
118
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,231
This one?
119
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,115
No. The loom.
120
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,151
Yeah.
121
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:12,631
Could you point?
122
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,591
There. That.
123
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:25,031
Oh, right. I didn't know he'd got that.
124
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:29,153
That must have come in when the ginger bloke
was here. Before me, you see.
125
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,079
- Could I have a closer look?
- Oh, certainly, yeah.
126
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:38,479
Ah, well, it's er... it's all there.
127
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,193
It seems to be in working order.
128
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,437
- Well, he could tell you that.
- Only he's up the other shop, I know.
129
00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,233
- What do you want to do with it, then?
- Well, I want to weave.
130
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:50,069
A friend of mine's got a spinning wheel,
and when I saw this, two and two made four.
131
00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,434
Well, he'll be in Thursday morning.
132
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,552
Ah, yeah, but I mean you've got full powers.
You said so.
133
00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:01,514
- Well, it's true...
- Well, then, live dangerously. Sell something.
134
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:03,955
Shall 17?
135
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,391
- It might be one up against her, mightn't it?
- Oh, I doubt it.
136
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,795
She's Yugoslavian, you see.
137
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:15,077
- Well, even so...
- Yeah, yeah, you've got a point.
138
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,633
Now look, I'll make it easy.
139
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:20,116
I'll name a price, and that'll be it
because I'm a one-price man.
140
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,833
Right, here we go, then.
141
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:24,954
- Ten quid.
- Done.
142
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,079
- Now, then, that wasn't too painful, was it?
- No.
143
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,599
I was only gonna ask eight.
144
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,752
Oh, er... yes. Well, that's got to include delivery.
145
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,076
Does it? Oh, I see.
Well, where do you live, then?
146
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:42,795
- Surbiton.
- Oh, that's no trouble. I go past there in the van.
147
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:46,390
Great, great. Now, get my money.
There we are, 10.
148
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:50,559
Now... Ah, here we go. I'll just give you
the address. Now, um... about what time?
149
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,591
- Will eight be all right?
- Fine.
150
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,473
- Lovely, lovely.
- Lovely, lovely.
151
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,511
- Right, cheerio.
- Ta.
152
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:03,238
You know, I shall bless the day
that you come into this shop.
153
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,669
- What, your sales breakthrough, you mean?
- No.
154
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:09,953
I mean coming back here.
I've spotted the tube to my gas ring.
155
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:14,676
Oh, good. Very good. All you've got to do now
is find the kettle and you can have a cup of tea.
156
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,199
(Door slams)
157
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,231
- Hello, Barbara.
- Hello, Jerry.
158
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:58,433
What are you doing home? You should be
stuck on London Bridge at this time of day.
159
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,871
Oh, I packed up at four.
I've had about enough for today, I really have.
160
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:05,231
Is that wise?
What about currying favour with sir?
161
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,271
No, I did that this morning.
162
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,995
Look, do you know where Margo is?
I gave her my keys today, I can't get in.
163
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,031
Yes, here they are.
164
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,071
She's gone shopping.
165
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,111
(Jerry sighs deeply)
166
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,596
I wish I was on London Bridge now.
167
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,234
I wouldn't have heard that news for half an hour.
168
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:27,478
- Never mind, she may not buy anything.
- The sun might not come up tomorrow.
169
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:31,195
Do you know, she cost me �38
last time she went shopping?
170
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,311
A silver cigarette holder.
171
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,510
For evening wear.
172
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,517
- Hallmarked?
- Oh, had to be.
173
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:41,837
No wonder I have to get my chequebooks
two at a time.
174
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,952
- You're too easy with her.
- Maybe I am.
175
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,992
I feel like that little boy with his finger in the dyke.
176
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,431
As fast as I plug up one hole,
she bursts out through another.
177
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,479
You're not like that.
178
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,273
I don't get the chance, Jerry.
We don't have any money.
179
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,834
The way Margo spends mine,
you'd think I printed it.
180
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:04,477
- It's no good complaining to me about it.
- I know. I like complaining to you, though.
181
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:08,832
Oh, don't be silly. Anyway, I told you
what to do before and you chickened out.
182
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,430
I'll tell you once again and then it's up to you.
You have to put your foot down.
183
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,471
Say "Margo, this has got to stop."
184
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:19,833
- Yes, I know. But that'd mean I'd have to say...
- "Margo, this has got to stop", yes.
185
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,757
Yes.
186
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:25,873
- You might even be surprised by her response.
- No, I don't think I would.
187
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,799
Look, I'll tell you something, Jerry.
188
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,150
Now this is a trade secret.
189
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:36,512
But if "no" is said in the right way,
at the right time, about the right thing,
190
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:39,313
a woman, she can respect it.
191
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,954
She can even quite like it.
192
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,277
- Are you sure?
- Well, am a woman, Jerry.
193
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,994
- Yes, yes, I know that.
- I mean, speaking personally,
194
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:53,830
when Tom is firm with me, really fair but firm,
195
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,440
I go quite weak at the knees.
196
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,236
Jerry?
197
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,116
- Yes?
- And he'll be home in a minute.
198
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,073
Sorry. But you're not Margo.
199
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,272
No, I know I'm not,
but I'm not complaining about her spending.
200
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,516
You're quite right, of course.
201
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,949
- Well?
- Yes.
202
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,991
Thank you very much.
203
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,192
No, I meant,
well, are you going to do anything about it?
204
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,311
Yes. Damn it all!
205
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,920
About time she realised
I'm not just a slot machine
206
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,349
that automatically produces the jackpot!
207
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,391
Thanks again, Barbara.
208
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:44,636
Thanks a lot, Ernie.
Give my regards to him. And her. Bye.
209
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,116
BARBARA: Can I come in yet?
- Er.um...
210
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,599
Yes, all right.
211
00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:00,109
What was all that banging and crashing ab...
212
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:07,074
- Its a loom!
- Very good.
213
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,999
- Why?
- Well, because it is.
214
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,111
No, I mean why have you got it?
215
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:16,757
Why have I got it? Because we won't have to
rely on Blue Peter make-do-and-mend hints.
216
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,555
- We can weave our own clothes on this.
- You're a bit of an optimist, aren't you?
217
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,399
No. Who took Weaving
at evening classes in the winter?
218
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,831
But you got your arm stuck in the loom.
You had to be cut free.
219
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,757
Well, you were good at it.
220
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:33,112
Well, I wasn't bad, but that doesn't qualify me
to set up as a ladies and gents outfitters.
221
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:36,755
Anyway, where's all the wool gonna come from?
222
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,916
What are we gonna weave with?
223
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,474
You're not being very enthusiastic, are you?
224
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:46,037
I thought it was so practical, so self-sufficient.
And a bargain, to boot. Only cost me 10 quid.
225
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:47,957
Had to beat the bloke down, of course.
226
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,831
What's the matter?
227
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,749
You spent our �10 float just like that?
228
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,120
- Well, it's the only �10 we'd got.
- Exactly.
229
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,674
And you didn't even ask my opinion first.
230
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,990
- Did you have something in mind?
- No, I didn't.
231
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:17,477
But we never spend precious money
without agreeing what we spend it on.
232
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,876
- Ever heard of impulse buying?
- Yes, I have, Tom, and I don't like it.
233
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,319
Especially in this case.
234
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,990
Good lord, it's not as though I blew the lot
on some three-legged greyhound.
235
00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:31,318
I'm not talking about that. I am just concerned
that you didn't even ask me.
236
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,556
Well, I'm very, very sorry.
237
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,591
- Do you mind if I sit down?
- Yes!
238
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:40,309
It's funny, I was talking about
being firm and fair earlier this morning.
239
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:41,759
Well, I am being firm.
240
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:46,078
But you are not being fair, so don't come the
heavy-handed lord of the manor with me, mate!
241
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,112
- Oh, now you're just being silly.
- No, I'm not being silly.
242
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:52,391
Well, maybe I am being silly.
243
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,432
Maybe I don't like being let down.
244
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:56,959
And maybe I am being silly
245
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,789
because I never thought
you would be the one to do it, Tom.
246
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,159
(Door closes)
247
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,071
(Chuckles wheezily)
248
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,711
(Whistles)
249
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:30,511
(Sighs)
250
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:38,671
I could have been wrong.
251
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,030
I'm not saying I was, but um...
252
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,111
I could have been.
253
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,271
Put it another way,
254
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:48,799
I was wrong.
255
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,830
Are you my totally compliant
and opinionless slave again?
256
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,030
- Yes.
- Oh, good. Mwah!
257
00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,436
I did it the wrong way,
but it is a good thing to have, isn't it, the loom?
258
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:01,709
No.
259
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:04,270
What?
260
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,199
- I don't think it is.
- Come on, I said I was sorry.
261
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,119
No, I just think having a loom
is a pretty duff idea.
262
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,912
- That's what you really think?
- Yes.
263
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,839
Nothing to do with the fact that I bought it
without telling you?
264
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,076
- No.
- But you can weave.
265
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:21,476
- But, as I was saying, what with?
- Wool.
266
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,318
- From?
- The goat.
267
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:25,317
Oh, brilliant. A goat?
268
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:27,920
Where do you think vicuna comes from?
269
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,078
From the combings of the soft belly
of the vicuna.
270
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,440
Exactly.
271
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,791
In Peru, where they live, hundreds of them.
272
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,718
We'd be lucky if we got a string vest
out of Geraldine.
273
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:44,674
- All right, then. Sheep.
- But we haven't got any sheep.
274
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,792
I know, but we live in Surrey.
There are thousands of sheep,
275
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,151
all leaving little bits of wool
on miles and miles of barbed wire.
276
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,397
- But how are we going to...
- And another thing... No, no.
277
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:58,798
Say we offered a couple of days' labour
to a sheep farmer during the shearing season,
278
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:01,354
and asked him to give us fleeces
instead of money?
279
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,472
- What about dyeing the stuff?
- I've already thought about that.
280
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:08,229
They have vegetable dyes from lichens
in the Western Isles.
281
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,078
Long walk to Scotland.
282
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,118
They don't have a monopoly of them.
There are English lichens.
283
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,071
We could make our own dyes, I'm sure of it.
284
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,839
Yes, I suppose we could.
285
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,350
The fecundity of my mind
is quite terrifying sometimes.
286
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,630
Yes, it would be
if you hadn't forgotten something.
287
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:25,476
What?
288
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:29,639
You can't just chuck a dollop of wool onto
a loom and dash off a suit, you know.
289
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,876
It has to be spun first.
290
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,190
For which you need a spinning wheel.
291
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:38,835
- Which we haven't got.
- True.
292
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,997
Give in?
293
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,838
Margo's getting one.
294
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,839
You toad!
295
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,599
You knew that all the time, didn't you?
296
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,631
Yes.
297
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:58,149
What on earth does Margo want
with a spinning wheel?
298
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:02,194
Well, it's obvious. She's going to put it in
the corner of her lounge and say "How quaint."
299
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:05,551
It doesn't alter the fact there is a spinning wheel
which we can borrow.
300
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,035
You've got criminal tendencies, you have.
301
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,072
Don't drag up my prison record.
Didn't I suffer enough?
302
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:14,192
I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about conning Margo
303
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:18,598
into getting something just because you want it.
You'll be asking Jerry to buy a tractor next!
304
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,393
It wasn't like that at all.
I cross my heart and hope to die.
305
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:25,149
She saw it and decided to buy it before
the thought of a loom ever crossed my mind.
306
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,795
- Itis a bit sneaky though, isn't it?
- A bit sneaky, yeah.
307
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,992
And I don't suppose you told Margo
that you were getting a loom.
308
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,519
A sneak wouldn't, would he?
309
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,916
No, I thought I'd let her get it back home,
get bored with it and we'd step in.
310
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,634
- She's getting it tomorrow.
- You said she already got it.
311
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,910
In so many words.
She's put a deposit down on it.
312
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:45,316
It's just a matter of ordering Jerry
to sign the cheque and hey-ho.
313
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,310
Oh.
314
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:52,879
What?
315
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:57,158
Would you hit a woman... in glasses?
316
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,520
Certainly not.
317
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,839
What have you done?
318
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,316
Well, I had this little chat with Jerry
319
00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,671
and I advised him
to clamp down on Margo's spending.
320
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,071
- Take those glasses off.
- How was I to know? It was just bad timing.
321
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:18,236
- You will interfere!
- Hark who's talking!
322
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,955
All right, all right! All right, don't panic.
I might not have to beat you up.
323
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:26,119
On the other hand...
What am I talking about? Good lord!
324
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,231
How could Jerry clamp down on Margo, eh?
325
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:32,160
He might do a little huff and a puff,
then she'll blow his house down and that's that.
326
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,991
(Knocking)
327
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:39,113
- Good evening, Barbara. Good evening, Tom.
- Hello, Margo. What are you doing here?
328
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:40,878
I've left Jerry.
329
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:44,319
Why?
330
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,590
He wouldn't write a cheque
for my spinning wheel.
331
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,756
- Eh?
- How dare he talk to me like that?
332
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,394
I will not be harangued
about the financial climate!
333
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,159
I will not have his bank statements
thrust under my nose!
334
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,591
And above all, I will not be thrown about
my own house like some ragdoll!
335
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,029
- What did he do?
- He shook me by the elbows.
336
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,432
So er...
you're not getting the spinning wheel, then.
337
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,756
I know, he's been talking to somebody.
338
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,155
It's those chaps at the office. The chaps.
339
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,510
A few gin and tonics for Dutch courage
340
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:17,633
and then they come home and expect to trample
all over the little woman. Well, not me!
341
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:21,958
Did Jerry actually refuse to sign the cheque,
or did he sign it first and then have a moan?
342
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,196
He wouldn't pick up the pen sol packed and left.
343
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,470
Oh, Margo! Where are you going to stay?
344
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,751
Oh.
345
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:33,759
That wretched argument has made me
forget my manners. I'd rather hoped...
346
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,713
But of course! Of course you can stay here.
347
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,195
But you haven't actually left Jerry, have you?
348
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,754
I don't know what I've done at the moment,
Barbara.
349
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:45,919
If I were you, I'd buy the spinning wheel
with my own money just to spite him.
350
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:46,870
Tom!
351
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,639
Look, Margo, er...
352
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,752
what about a bite to eat?
We were just going to have supper.
353
00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:01,271
No, thank you. Experience has taught me
that food and naked emotions don't mix.
354
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:06,474
- I'll go straight to my room, if you don't mind.
- Yes, of course. I'll show you up.
355
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,831
- Good night, Tom.
- Good night, Margo.
356
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,638
Don't use the wardrobe, it's full of onions.
357
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,916
Thank you, Tom.
358
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:26,278
Tom! Half-past nine!
359
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,516
- Elevenses!
- Righto, love!
360
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:42,031
I've been thinking, you know.
361
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,475
They might have to get that spinning wheel.
362
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,797
It might have been a non-returnable deposit.
363
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:52,117
The shop may consider
that the sale has been made.
364
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,152
You have got a spinning wheel fixation,
you have.
365
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:59,592
Well, we need it. I've got to be made to feel
better about buying that loom somehow.
366
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,439
I do hope
Margo and Jerry get back together again soon.
367
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,879
Why worry about them?
368
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:08,198
Well, I've got to be made to feel better
about stirring Jerry up to mutiny in the first place.
369
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,754
Well, that's what you are. A rotten little stirrer.
370
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,750
Oh, it's only one of their little spats.
371
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,792
Don't get taken in
by Margo's impression of a battered wife.
372
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,194
No, I suppose not.
373
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,153
- Still in bed is she?
- No, she's not. She's gone out.
374
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,830
- Perhaps she's gone back to Jerry.
- No, nobody in. I've just been over there.
375
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,754
Oh, you just happened to pop over, did you?
376
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,553
Yeah, yeah. See old Jerry, see how he was.
377
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,955
Tried to talk Jerry into getting a spinning wheel?
378
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,674
It might have entered the conversation,
I don't know.
379
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:41,873
What, like "Hello, Jerry.
What about getting that spinning wheel?"
380
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,957
Something like that.
381
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,957
- You know what you are?
- Clever?
382
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,638
A steaming hypocrite.
383
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,194
I think you'd better explain yourself, my girl.
384
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:54,279
Well, honestly! You're always whittling away
at Jerry about Margo's overspending,
385
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,233
then as soon as it comes to anything
that you want...
386
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,591
That is the principle of shifting principles.
(Chuckles)
387
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,917
- Snake in the grass.
- Jerry stirrer.
388
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:06,394
- Rat face.
- Fatty.
389
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,512
- I love these little chats over tea, don't you?
- Yeah.
390
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:11,669
(Knock)
391
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,711
Morning.
392
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,991
- Is Margo about?
- No, Jerry, she's gone out.
393
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,634
Oh. Well, assuming that she'll come back here,
394
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:23,071
I suppose this is the best place
to leave the peace offering.
395
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:26,875
The spinning wheel!
396
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:30,834
Jerry, why can't you stick to your guns
just for once?
397
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,555
That's what the Russians did at Balaclava.
Look what happened to them.
398
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:37,911
You could have held on longer.
Margo would have come round in the end.
399
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,157
Maybe, Barbara,
but it's a very empty house without her.
400
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,396
I'm working awfully hard at the moment.
401
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,876
When I get home,
the house is warm, comfortable.
402
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,629
She's always there.
The dinner's prepared, the wine's chambr�,
403
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,478
she's wearing a nice gown.
404
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:54,715
I miss her.
405
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,958
And three Polish buyers are coming to dinner
next week and I don't know what Poles eat.
406
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:05,198
Well, I suppose it's not
a totally unconditional surrender.
407
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,517
I don't think you should be quite so ungracious,
Barbara.
408
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,358
I think Jerry's doing the right thing.
409
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:15,395
What nicer way to say sorry than to buy me,
er... Margo a lovely spinning wheel?
410
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,592
Well, I'd better be getting off to work.
What's the best thing to do?
411
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:22,076
- Leave her a note or telephone later?
- No need, she's here.
412
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:24,111
Hello, darling.
413
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,357
- Hello, Barbara. Hello, Tom.
- Hello, Margo. Where have you been?
414
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:31,075
Well, from the abuse hurled at me
by my husband last night,
415
00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:33,430
I was given the impression that from now on
416
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:37,235
I was required to pay for everything
that I use in the house out of my own pocket.
417
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,511
- I didn't say anything like that...
- Even... Even if it meant
418
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,551
my going out to scrub floors.
419
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,079
So I've got a job.
420
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,236
- Scrubbing floors?
- No.
421
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,556
Two afternoons a week in a florist's.
422
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,432
That wouldn't keep you in hand cream.
423
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:53,871
You can't go lugging great heavy flowers about.
424
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,071
I thought you were my friends.
425
00:25:58,120 --> 00:26:00,111
- Margo.
- Yes?
426
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,151
I'm... I'm sorry.
427
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,158
- And about that spinning wheel...
- I might not want it now.
428
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:06,599
Margo!
429
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,871
Oh, I'm sorry, Jerry. I was being childish.
430
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,480
- Sorry about all this.
- No, no, it's lovely.
431
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:23,309
I want to say something, Jerry.
And I must say it in front of Tom and Barbara.
432
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:27,115
- What?
- I said a very unkind thing about you last night.
433
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,674
I accused you of being mean and miserly.
434
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:34,317
I know you were hurting my elbows at the time,
but there was no excuse. I was unjust.
435
00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:36,829
- It's all over now.
- No, no, it must be said.
436
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,475
You may be bombastic at times,
but you are never less than generous.
437
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,875
- Even over-generous.
- Its all right, darling.
438
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,834
As a matter of fact, it wouldn't do me any harm
if sometimes you put your foot down
439
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,032
and said "No, Margo,
you may not have such-and-such."
440
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:53,038
I'm very grateful, it's such a pretty thing.
441
00:26:56,120 --> 00:27:00,193
Hey! I've just had a great idea, Barbara!
442
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:03,232
- What?
- Well, Margo's got a spinning wheel.
443
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:07,114
If we could lay our hands on a loom, we could
weave our own stuff. What do you think?
444
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,710
- I think you leave me behind sometimes.
- Dol love?
445
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,831
Jerry, you wouldn't mind if we borrowed it?
446
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:16,077
- You'd better ask Margo, it's hers.
- What about it, Margo?
447
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:19,476
- Sorry? What about what?
- You wouldn't mind if we borrowed that?
448
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,353
- Why should you want to borrow this?
- To spin wool.
449
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:26,553
You see, Tom has just had this wonderful idea
about getting a loom, you see.
450
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,955
But I don't see that this would be any use to you.
451
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,630
Well, you can leave the technicalities to me,
I know all about spinning.
452
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,160
- The wheel doesn't work!
- I know, it's not supposed to.
453
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,669
You only wanted it as an ornament, didn't you?
454
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,712
Originally, yes.
Then I talked to the lady in the shop
455
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:47,435
and I realised it had an additional
and totally unexpected charm.
456
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:49,994
- Like what?
- I'll show you.
457
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,350
(Tinkly music)
458
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:59,674
I say! Just as well
you didn't get a loom first, isn't it, Tom?
459
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,109
(Laughs raucously)
460
00:28:02,159 --> 00:28:06,709
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