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1
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:39,393
(Buzz of conversation)
2
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,590
�2.36, please, George.
3
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:44,598
Oh, no, no, George.
This one's on me. I insist.
4
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,153
Money, Jerry.
5
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:49,591
After all, it isn't every day
that one flies off to Kenya.
6
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:51,551
Molly and I did Tunisia last year.
7
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:52,670
Oh, yes.
8
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:56,270
Of course, I never really classed Tunisia
as the real Africa.
9
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,234
Mind you, she always was bottom at geography.
10
00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,557
I think everyone else knows what I mean, Jerry,
thank you very much.
11
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:06,434
Yes, this time tomorrow
it'll be sundowners in The Stanley.
12
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,471
That's in Nairobi, of course.
13
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,990
Yes. Tunisia is the most fascinating country.
Isn't it, Molly?
14
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:16,477
It's incredible. To go bargain hunting
for Bedouin curios in the souk -
15
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:19,512
that's Arabic for "market" - is unforgettable.
16
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:24,597
Molly, don't you ever get the tiniest suspicion
that those curios are mass-produced?
17
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,393
- No, I don't.
- Well, you may be right.
18
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:32,355
Of course, in Kenya one can still dicker for
the real thing with any passing ebo.
19
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,789
Abit difficult, as they come from Nigeria.
20
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,037
Evening, all. Don't all get up.
21
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,196
- Hello, strangers.
- Hello, hello, hello.
22
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:43,153
- Long time no see.
- Where have you been hiding yourselves?
23
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:46,830
Us, George? Arh! We've been a-fronting
and athraking and awaruppin'.
24
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:47,950
You what?
25
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,550
My old gaffer, he said we've been a-fronting
and athraking and awaruppin'.
26
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:54,399
- Didn't 'un?
- That's right, my little old biddy.
27
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:57,114
What are you going to have?
A gallon of Scrumpy?
28
00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:00,312
We'll get our own.
I don't think I can afford the fees at this school.
29
00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:04,319
- Two halves of bitter, please.
- Oh, have a drink, a little pre-holiday binge.
30
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,874
All right, then. In that case, two pints of brandy.
31
00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,672
Pints, please.
32
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:11,792
- Looking forward to your safari, Margo?
- Oh, very much.
33
00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,434
I can smell Africa already.
34
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,359
That must be something
on the bottom of my wellies.
35
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,110
What was our itinerary again, Jerry?
36
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,151
- Well...
- Oh, yes. Nairobi,
37
00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,789
the Lodge at Ngorongoro, naturally.
38
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:28,229
Then via Tsavo to Mombasa.
39
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,590
Have you cut yourself enough sandwiches?
40
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,035
- I do wish you were coming with us, Barbara.
- So do I.
41
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,469
- I was being serious, Jerry.
- Oh, so was l.
42
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:42,756
I don't know whether you've noticed it, Tom,
but Barbara is obviously in need of a holiday.
43
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,837
Barbara is not.
44
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:48,157
We've got something more important
than holidays and terrorising wildlife.
45
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,157
- Such as?
- Our harvest, missus.
46
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,158
The pot of gold at the end of our rainbow.
Cheers.
47
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,669
Are you trying to turn Surbiton
into a wheat bowl?
48
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,473
I would but I can't get the combine harvester
through the door.
49
00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,034
It's just spuds, peas, beans, broccoli, you know.
50
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:02,718
But that's just gardening.
51
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:06,230
In Cinerama. We're going to have enough grub
for a whole year.
52
00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,396
He's off. The gospel according to St Tom.
53
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:10,033
All right, bwana, snigger.
54
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:13,277
When you're paying 30 bob a pound for
potatoes, you'll wish you hadn't had a holiday.
55
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:16,119
How are you going to pay the rates?
With parsnips?
56
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:20,677
Amongst other things, yes. I vamped
this wholesaler and he'll buy our surplus.
57
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:24,190
I give you two credit.
You've got it all worked out.
58
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,357
But at what a price.
59
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,677
The only price we're paying is poverty
and that doesn't cost anything.
60
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,671
Cider With Rosie in Surbiton?
61
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:33,518
I must come round and see this.
62
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,393
- If you come round, you work.
- I'll take you up on that.
63
00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,477
- Might be a laugh, eh?
- Yes, perhaps we will.
64
00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,160
More the merrier.
Volunteers rewarded with homemade wine.
65
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,476
I'm glad I'm going to Africa.
66
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,912
Incidentally, the game herds start their migration
just as we arrive.
67
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,951
That's very sensible of them.
68
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,072
Zebra, gnus, wildebeest...
69
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,430
We're hoping to see some simba, of course.
70
00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,153
Simba!
71
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,716
Honestly. Margo Leadbetter -
the untamed queen of the jungle.
72
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,391
Actually, Tom,
the lion is a plains-dwelling predator.
73
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,432
That affair she had with David Attenborough
paid off.
74
00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,397
Jerry, don't be ridiculous.
75
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,478
I've always taken a very keen interest in wildlife.
76
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:20,594
I would go further. There's a definite empathy
between myself and wild animals.
77
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,233
Raaaocoow!
78
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,671
Ooh.
79
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,113
We never did see those saloon bar volunteers,
did we?
80
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:41,154
Pub talk. It's better doing it ourselves.
There's more... masochism in it.
81
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,032
Ooh, my aching back.
82
00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:44,912
It must be dreadful to be 40.
83
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,078
Go in the house, child, and put the kettle on.
84
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,111
It won't suit me.
85
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,870
Hello, Geraldine.
Say "harvest", Geraldine.
86
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,718
Harvest, harvest.
87
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,071
You're never going to talk, are you?
88
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:15,960
Right. Barbara, we're nearly ready to start
sacking those potatoes.
89
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,991
You, potato, you're sacked.
90
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,550
Postcards from Armand and Michaela.
91
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,671
Oh, good. Are they having a good time?
92
00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,471
Oh, here we are.
93
00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:30,356
Good old Jerry. "Dear peasants, have decided to
trade Margo in for a Masai maiden.
94
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:34,351
Saw one yesterday that looked like
a coffee-coloured Hedy Lamarr.
95
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,914
Happy muck-grovelling. Jerry."
96
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,633
This is from Margo.
97
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,671
'Dear Barbara..."
You're out.
98
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,997
"The so-called hunting lodge
is little more than primitive shacks,
99
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,839
the food is rancid and the staff surly and wilful.
100
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,871
Wish you were here. Love, Margo."
101
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,673
I hope she doesn't bump into Jomo Kenyatta.
She'll never get out.
102
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,996
- Poor old Margo.
- Right, kettle's boiling.
103
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,871
That's true.
104
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,470
Do mean to tell me
I've got to make my own coffee?
105
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,431
No. Mine as well.
106
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,915
That's typical.
You pick a woman up out of the gutter,
107
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:08,476
teach her to dress nice and speak proper,
and she won't even make coffee.
108
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,231
Oh, all right, I'll make the coffee.
109
00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:13,271
No, Barbara, quick, quick, quick.
110
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,550
Do you think you'll be strong enough to stir it?
111
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:17,671
I'm not kidding. I can't bloody move.
112
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:20,953
Oh, Tom.
113
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,991
Get off! Don't touch.
114
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:30,273
Sorry I couldn't come straightaway. Every child
in the neighbourhood's contracted measles.
115
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,960
That's the trouble with modern youth -
no discipline.
116
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,470
Yes. Well, now, Mr Good,
what have you been doing to yourself?
117
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:40,673
Striking myself repeatedly in the back
with a 161b sledgehammer.
118
00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,711
Sorry. GPS' rhetoric.
119
00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:46,116
He was sitting down, stood to get up
and ping.
120
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,719
Or as I put it: Ow.
121
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:51,116
Uh-huh.
And what had you been doing just before that?
122
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,879
- A bit of digging.
- Just the odd eight hours.
123
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,389
Uh-huh. And where precisely is the pain?
124
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,392
You'd better point, Barbara.
125
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,431
- Just under there.
- Oh!
126
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,991
Right. Let's have a look at you.
127
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,271
Hello.
128
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,511
Oh, what are you...? No, don't.
129
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,318
Ow.
130
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,591
Ow.
131
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:19,319
Oh.
132
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,351
- Uh-huh.
TOM: Uh-huh.
133
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,391
Mm-hm.
134
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,033
- Painful?
- No. Agony.
135
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,277
- Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh.
136
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,880
No, that's not an "uh-huh", that's an 'l see".
137
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,638
- I see.
- I see.
138
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,591
- Agony?
- Uh-huh.
139
00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:45,151
I see.
140
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,111
I've got a bad back, haven't 1?
141
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,992
Yes, I'm afraid you have.
142
00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:55,752
It's not a slipped disc or anything, but you've
pulled the muscles on either side of your spine.
143
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,677
Just getting up out of a chair.
144
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,950
Have I married a 7-stone weakling, Doctor?
145
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:03,038
No, your husband has a very fine musculature.
146
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,878
- See?
- For a man of his age.
147
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:11,274
Now, get him to take one tablet
three times a day. They're painkillers.
148
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:15,355
Otherwise, stay as immobile as possible
on a hard surface.
149
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,313
A nice soft bed will be of no use to you at all.
150
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,510
I'll come and see you in seven days' time.
151
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,551
I can't lie here for seven days!
152
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,830
I don't think you'll find you can do much else.
153
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:28,032
- Don't the painkillers work?
- Yes, but they won't make you mobile.
154
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:30,356
Well, give me some mobile tablets, then.
155
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,391
Don't tempt me. Good night.
156
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,071
I'll see you out.
157
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,431
Seven days. Ridiculous.
158
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:54,633
Oh!
159
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,311
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
160
00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,751
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
161
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,118
Tom, what are you doing?
162
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:16,312
Just testing if that doctor knew
what she was talking about. She does.
163
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,510
Of course she does.
Stay where you are a minute.
164
00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:20,915
- What are you doing?
- Making up your bed down here.
165
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,871
You'll be better off on the floor.
166
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:26,754
I can hardly give you
afireman's lift upstairs now, can 1?
167
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,633
This is ridiculous.
What did it have to happen now for?
168
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:33,992
Same reason the toast lands butter-side down
on the carpet, I suppose.
169
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,031
I'm not standing for it.
170
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:38,791
That's true.
171
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:43,832
Look, love, there's no point in getting shiny.
It's a nuisance, that's all.
172
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:48,351
Instead of the two of us taking three days
to get that stuff in, I'll do it and take a week.
173
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,313
And what do I do? Watch from the back door
from my baby bouncer?
174
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,352
No, you're supposed to do what you're told
and get better.
175
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,789
- Come on, get into bed.
- It's too early to go to bed.
176
00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:59,559
No, it isn't. I've got a hard day's work tomorrow.
177
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,591
All right.
178
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,234
Oh!
179
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,717
Never even gave me a sweet.
180
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:12,751
Who didn't?
181
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:17,349
That doctor. A doctor always gives you a sweet.
182
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,913
You're going to be a real bundle of joy,
aren't you?
183
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,314
It's my harvest.
184
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,715
It's mine too.
Let me get some sleep sol can pick it.
185
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,831
- Stop being so unflappable.
- Get off my arm.
186
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,757
I can't.
187
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,359
Oh!
188
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,311
Oh, it really hurts, doesn't it?
189
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,715
Somewhat. I'll be better tomorrow morning.
190
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,194
Well, we'll see.
191
00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,231
Now, then.
192
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:41,194
- Is there anything you want?
- No, thanks, love.
193
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,913
Oh, dear.
194
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,792
There we are.
195
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:46,831
- Now...
- Oh!
196
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,557
Careful.
197
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,113
Good night...
198
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,878
.Ironside.
199
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,197
(Groans)
200
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:07,153
- What?
- I just felt like it tonight as well.
201
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,511
Come on, then. Take me.
202
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:20,471
Very funny.
You just wait till I can move about, that's all.
203
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:25,071
(Thunderclap)
204
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,351
And you can shut up as well.
205
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:45,271
Morning, my little stiff.
206
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,992
How are you this morning?
207
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,759
Oh, it's much... Oh!
208
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,598
.The same.
209
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,790
- I found these. Any good?
- Yes, thanks.
210
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,958
Unless you've got
a vulcanized roll-on you can lend me.
211
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,879
There's no point in getting up.
You won't be able to do anything.
212
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,958
At least I can stand on the touchline
and cheer you on. Get off!
213
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,389
You're not going to let me help you, are you?
214
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,431
I must do this by myself.
215
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,792
Take it slowly.
216
00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,831
There's no other way.
217
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,111
Oh, oh!
218
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,631
Slippers, please.
219
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,391
Lovely.
220
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,871
Right.
221
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,519
(Groans)
222
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,316
How long did that storm last last night?
223
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,271
I don't know. I only heard the overture.
224
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:41,870
Mind you, I could sleep inside a drum
with somebody banging it these days.
225
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,595
How do you want them?
Boiled, fried, scrambled, coddled or raw?
226
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,438
Better see if they've laid any first.
227
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:51,713
That's true. That storm probably made them
pop out by the dozen.
228
00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:56,871
Oh, Tom!
229
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,794
Oh. That's it, then.
230
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,438
That is really it.
231
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,471
We've had it.
232
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,431
I've got Pinky and Perky locked up again.
233
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:40,949
That won't make much difference, will it?
234
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:44,231
We've really had it.
235
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,231
Come on, that's not my hero talking.
236
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:52,310
That's not the man who water-skied 10 yards
on Staines reservoir.
237
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,038
I'm not kidding, love.
238
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:59,870
If we don't get the stuff off the ground,
the crop will rot and bang goes next year's food.
239
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,911
- Oh, I can manage.
- You can't.
240
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,919
There's no way you can clear that up
by yourself, and I'm bloody useless.
241
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,951
The walking dead.
242
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,152
If only Jerry were here.
243
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,476
Yes, that's what we need - more manpower.
244
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,716
Where are you going to get it from? Nato?
245
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:17,311
No. The pub.
246
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,913
That's an idea.
247
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,474
That is an idea.
They're all our friends, aren't they?
248
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:27,037
Yes, they are, and people always help out
in a crisis. The spirit of the Blitz.
249
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,230
- Yeah. Dig for victory.
- The Land Army.
250
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,112
- Stafford Cripps.
- Winston Churchill.
251
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,515
- Natty Taylor.
- Who's Natty Taylor?
252
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,200
This bloke who used to sleep in
our air-raid shelter.
253
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,989
We wouldn't ask you unless it was important.
254
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:46,954
If you could just pitch in and help,
we would be ever so grateful.
255
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,198
What do you say?
256
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,231
Please.
257
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:56,271
Good lord, is that the time?
258
00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,399
If only you'd chosen another day, Barbara.
259
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:03,752
It's a good idea. We'll talk over it later on.
260
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,791
Molly, are you coming, dear?
261
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,831
Molly? There you are.
262
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,229
I could use you when it comes to calling time.
263
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,313
Marvellous, isn't it?
264
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:19,558
The old spirit of the Blitz?
All it means to that lot is a large gin.
265
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,911
(Groans)
266
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,673
- (Door slams)
- Barbara?
267
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,711
- Yes.
- Oh, good.
268
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,516
I made four pots of tea for the workers.
269
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,437
I hope it'll be enough.
270
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,916
- More than enough.
- Oh. They're not all coming, are they?
271
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,394
- No.
- How many?
272
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,431
Less than one, actually.
273
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,874
- Spirit of the Blitz?
- I've done that. Here you are.
274
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,831
- Got your painkillers.
- Thanks.
275
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,439
- Cup of tea?
- No, thank you.
276
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:14,393
I used a month's ration.
We've got two pots each to get through.
277
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:18,149
We'll take it in the other room and watch
the space where our television used to be.
278
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,157
No, no. It's shoulders to the wheel.
279
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,116
- Where are you going?
- I've got a couple of tons of spuds to get in.
280
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:25,958
Not on your own.
281
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,435
You sit down
or I'll kick your sticks from under you.
282
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,676
But it's futile.
- Don't you call me futile.
283
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,791
You just watch my dust.
284
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:36,037
- It's started raining again.
- Well, watch my mud, then.
285
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,991
That's my girl.
286
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,833
No, no. That's enough.
You're not going out there again.
287
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,474
When I want to chuck the towel in,
I'll do it myself.
288
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,638
You couldn't lift a towel, let alone throw it.
Sit down.
289
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,432
Please.
290
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,596
All right. Just for five minutes then.
291
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,597
I can't watch this any more.
292
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,631
Well, close your eyes.
293
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:48,678
You've been on the go for 14 hours and all
I've done is make tea and cheese sandwiches.
294
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,472
I've never felt so guilty in my life.
295
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:56,596
It's not your fault you've done your back in,
and you hardly rang up God and asked for rain.
296
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,119
Look at you.
297
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,629
Ladies and gentlemen,
you too can do this to your wife.
298
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:04,398
All you have to do is get a bee in your bonnet
about self-sufficiency,
299
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:07,114
leave work,
and then make her work like a dray horse.
300
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,356
- Come on, Tom.
- It's easy, folks.
301
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,357
When they ask what you've done for your wife,
302
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,392
I've made her do without the phone, the car,
the telly, new clothes.
303
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:19,992
I've given her poverty, a kitchen full of wet
potatoes and a garden like a swamp. Brilliant.
304
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,795
- It's only a setback.
- It's not a setback, love. It's the finish.
305
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,831
We have had it.
306
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,117
So I go back to work.
307
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:36,992
Ah, well.
308
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,031
At least we can say we tried.
309
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,471
Hells bells. You're dirty.
310
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,551
(Whistles cheerfully)
311
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,479
Tom'?
312
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,511
Morning.
313
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,791
What are you doing?
314
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,231
Collecting potatoes.
315
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,640
Do you want to marry me?
316
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:23,829
OK.
317
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:28,629
You had me worried last night
when you talked about chucking it in.
318
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,956
- I didn't say any such thing.
- You did.
319
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,640
No, no, no.
That was this bloke impersonating me.
320
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,318
Oh, him.
321
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,632
I should have just got on with it, like you did.
Sol have.
322
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,990
How long did it take you to get all those in?
323
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:43,236
Only half the night.
324
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:47,399
- What about your back?
- I'm on the pill. I don't feel a thing unless I move.
325
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,516
Don't just sit there devouring me with your eyes.
We've got work to do.
326
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:56,997
Right. Wrong. Two things first -
bit of breakfast, stoke up the boiler...
327
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,871
...and one of these.
328
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:03,800
Ooh.
329
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,996
Tom, we are going to get it all in in time,
aren't we?
330
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,758
- We are going to win?
- Nope.
331
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:10,596
What?
332
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,632
Me collecting two potatoes an hour
isn't going to save it all.
333
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,751
We haven't started the front garden yet.
334
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:20,237
I reckon a third of our crop will have to rot
but at least we've stuck to our guns by trying.
335
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,635
But we need it all. You said so.
336
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,115
Tough luck.
We'll have to see what we're left with.
337
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,152
Either we survive
or we just go back on our resources.
338
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,392
- We haven't got any.
- Yes, we have.
339
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,431
Busking, begging, stealing.
340
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,874
Put you back on the streets where I found you.
341
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,390
We could always resurrect the old flea circus.
342
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,114
There you are, then.
Now... get the breakfast.
343
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:45,953
- Rotten lot.
- Who?
344
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,991
That gin-swilling mob at the pub.
345
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,759
If only one of them had turned up, just one.
346
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,440
Surbiton's never been very strong on miracles.
347
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,993
Jambo, peasants.
348
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,031
I take it back, I take it back.
349
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,913
Jerry! What are you doing here?
350
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:02,679
I thought you were on holiday.
What did they do? Deport you?
351
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:07,271
Margo couldn't stand Africa, and I couldn't stand
Margo not standing Africa so we cut it short.
352
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,472
Oh, what a shame. That's terrific.
Come in, Jerry.
353
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,477
I just looked in to say hello.
354
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,511
That's what you think.
355
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,315
I've done my back...
Barbara beat me up, actually.
356
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,998
Who beat up the garden?
357
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:23,989
We had this terrible storm.
We've got to get all that stuff in before it rots.
358
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:25,997
How about it, mate? Will you help us?
359
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,713
I'd love to but...
360
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,752
- But? Et tu, Jerry?
- I'll help you, of course I will.
361
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,598
I just don't think I can be much use.
362
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:33,675
Why?
363
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,916
Argument with a Land Rover in Mombasa.
364
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,671
Oh, no.
365
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:02,953
- Jerry?
- Yes?
366
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,593
Get the trolley.
367
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,631
Right.
368
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:13,677
- I'm stuck again.
- Barbara? Quicksand.
369
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,477
Right.
370
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,476
Come on, we're going to be here all night.
371
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,635
If it hadn't been for Jerry
we'd have lost a third of this by now.
372
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,877
- Now we've only lost a quarter.
- Thank you, fans.
373
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,951
Now, that is a miracle.
374
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:52,595
If one of you so much as sniggers
I'm going straight back indoors.
375
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,271
Margo, we couldn't be more grateful.
376
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,672
Even I can see that this is a genuine emergency.
377
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,711
After all, what are friends for?
378
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:09,669
Mind you, this will be the first and last time,
so make good use of me.
379
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:12,316
Right. Runner beans in the box, please.
380
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,152
Barbara, you start shifting that lot.
381
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,152
If that's the best you can do,
we'll be here till Christmas.
382
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,396
Well, thank you very much, Tom.
383
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,477
Goodbye.
384
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,193
No. Margo!
385
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,835
Oh, Tom, for goodness sake,
that's the most ungrateful thing I've ever heard.
386
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,520
Margo's doing her best. She's the odd one out.
387
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,279
It's not her fault if she's all weak and feeble.
388
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,191
Weak and feeble am I?
389
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:24,800
Ladies and gentlemen, I hereby declare
our first harvest well and truly gathered.
390
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:28,871
Bravo.
391
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,791
Oh, Jerry. You're a lovely fella.
392
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:38,991
- Margo?
- Yes.
393
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,031
I quite like you.
394
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,311
It's Margo and Jerry.
395
00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:56,476
MOLLY: Aren't you brown?
396
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,638
What happened?
Get trampled by a herd of elephants?
397
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,671
No, runner beans.
398
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,835
Margo, you just made a joke.
399
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:06,439
- Didl, Jerry?
- Yes.
400
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,471
- Did I really?
- Yes.
401
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:14,154
- Evening, layabouts.
- Evening, rat bags.
402
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:17,192
Why use a car when you can do it yourself?
Wagons, roll.
403
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,871
Four pints of bitter, please, and some oil
for my wheels. Money, Jerry.
404
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:22,911
Come on, come on.
405
00:25:22,961 --> 00:25:27,511
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