All language subtitles for Superstore (2015) - S03E01 - Grand Re-Opening (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence)_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:04,205 - The National Weather Service 2 00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:05,573 has issued a heightened tornado watch. 3 00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,241 - Everybody stay inside! 4 00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,510 We are gonna lock this place down! 5 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,779 - Dear lord Jesus, in your infinite power and compassion, 6 00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:13,381 please save us! 7 00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:15,049 - I love you, Jeff! I didn't want to die 8 00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:16,384 without letting you know how I feel! 9 00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:18,719 - Hey! Sandra! [screaming] Sandra! 10 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,255 - Dear Allah, in your infinite power and compassion, 11 00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,790 please save us from destruction. 12 00:00:22,823 --> 00:00:25,126 - Thank you for being there for me 13 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:27,395 and for keeping me calm. 14 00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:28,429 - Of course. 15 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,198 Anytime. 16 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:36,204 [drone of heavy equipment] 17 00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:45,779 - I hope you all had an amazing vacation. 18 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,215 - By "vacation," you mean the two months 19 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:48,549 we were laid off without pay? 20 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,484 - Uh-huh. Anyways, 21 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:53,454 I've been doing a lot of soul-searching 22 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:57,291 since the tornado, and-- - Coming through! 23 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:59,427 - Almost got me there. And--and it's been raising 24 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:04,498 some big questions for me. Questions like-- 25 00:01:04,532 --> 00:01:06,467 Questions that-- 26 00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:10,538 Why did the tornado hit us? 27 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:15,143 And why did it stop when I prayed to Allah? 28 00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:17,077 And why-- - Ah! 29 00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:21,715 Sorry. I almost fell. 30 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:26,220 - Does that mean that Allah is the one true god? 31 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:30,158 Or that Allah and Jesus are the same god? 32 00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:33,794 Or--or that they're different gods, 33 00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:36,897 but with varying responsibilities? 34 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,167 What's the meaning of-- 35 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,170 [jackhammer buzzing] 36 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,871 What's the-- 37 00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:46,474 [jackhammer buzzing] 38 00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:49,410 So that's what I've been thinking about. 39 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:52,446 Anyone else have thoughts on that? 40 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:58,686 Okay, then. 41 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,621 Let's get to work! 42 00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,856 - What was that, a 20-minute walk? 43 00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,592 - 23. 44 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,828 - Remember, single file when we cross the highway. 45 00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:10,898 - Are we cloud one? [all] No. 46 00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:15,803 [upbeat music] 47 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:18,206 - Wow, that's really bad luck. 48 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:20,641 - Yeah, it-- well, it wasn't just my apartment. 49 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:23,544 The tornado leveled the whole building, so... 50 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:26,647 - Scary. Were you in it at the time? 51 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,383 - No, I was... here, at the time. 52 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:33,387 - Oh, right. Blonde moment. 53 00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:35,289 - Yeah, so anyway, everything I own is gone, 54 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:37,458 and now I'm--I'm living in a FEMA trailer. 55 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:40,661 - So in a way, you're officially trailer trash now? 56 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:43,497 - Well, I am living in a trailer, so... 57 00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:45,766 - Ha. Admits it. 58 00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:48,769 - Oh. Why don't you move into Garrett's apartment? 59 00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:49,937 - No! No. 60 00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,939 I mean... nah. 61 00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,642 Jonah doesn't want to live with a roommate. He's an adult. 62 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,777 - Yeah, no. I--I mean, I--I would, I would love that, 63 00:02:56,810 --> 00:02:59,547 but I would never-- I would never impose. 64 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,449 - But I mean, it wouldn't be a problem. I could do it. 65 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:03,784 It's just that it's... really cramped. 66 00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,419 - Sure, sure, yeah. 67 00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,655 - Oh. I thought you had a two-bedroom. 68 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:10,391 - Ah, okay. Sure, yes, 69 00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,426 you know, if you want to get architectural about it, 70 00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:15,829 then yes, I do have a second bedroom, 71 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,732 but, when you use a wheelchair, you need multiple bedrooms. 72 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:19,833 - Oh. Why? 73 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:20,834 - Safety. 74 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:24,338 Excuse me. Gotta go. 75 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,343 [loud crash] 76 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,746 - Oops. Sorry. 77 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,752 [rustling] 78 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,695 - Back at it, huh? 79 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,864 - Yeah. Yeah, it's like we never left. 80 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,400 - [laughs weakly] 81 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:55,803 - So, uh, how are things at home? 82 00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,471 Emma. How's--how's Emma? 83 00:03:57,505 --> 00:04:00,474 - Awesome. Yeah, she's starting high school. 84 00:04:00,508 --> 00:04:03,611 - Oh, wow. Uh, that's exciting. Teenager. 85 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,679 - I know. I know, right? - Look out! 86 00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:07,014 - Oh boy. 87 00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:08,749 - [laughs] 88 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,353 Uh... 89 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:15,989 So, we--we never... talked about the... 90 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:17,758 - Do we have to? 91 00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,760 - [stammering] Oh, yeah, no, I mean, I'd rather not, 92 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:20,961 if you don't need to. 93 00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,596 - No! I don't. I don't need to. 94 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:23,997 - Great. Yeah, no, I don't need to either. 95 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:25,366 No, yeah. Same. Same... 96 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,034 Same team. Just, uh, you know. 97 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,736 Didn't want... [inhales] 98 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,371 things to be awkward. 99 00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:31,739 - No! Awkward. - Pfft. 100 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,507 - It's not awkward. It's fine. I'm fine. 101 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,042 - Yeah, I'm fine. - You are fine. 102 00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,944 I mean fine, like you're... - I am super-fine. 103 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,512 - Hey, Marcus! - Marcus! 104 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:39,880 Hey, what's going on, buddy? 105 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,615 - Just carrying some stuff. 106 00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:44,718 - [laughs] Classic Marcus. 107 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:45,953 - Hang out! 108 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,388 - Yeah, I'm glad they hired you back. 109 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,723 - Okay. Thanks. I will. 110 00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:51,492 Hey, listen, I've been thinking 111 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,428 we should kick Mateo out of the friend group. 112 00:04:56,664 --> 00:04:59,367 - So, maybe they're the same god, 113 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,735 but with different responsibilities. 114 00:05:01,769 --> 00:05:03,937 - Yes, can we table that? - Oh, sures. 115 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,739 - I just want to make sure that, construction aside, 116 00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,575 you're going to be ready for the opening. 117 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,943 - Oh, don't worry. I got your email right here. 118 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,812 Uh, we got door prizes, 119 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,547 and Minions for the kids, 120 00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,383 and Howie Mandel's coming? 121 00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:16,550 - No, not the head of marketing. 122 00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:18,419 The comedian. Same name. 123 00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:21,622 - Oh. Well, relax. I'm not going to let you down. 124 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,056 - Good. I'll see you today at 3:00. 125 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,025 - Oh. Why're you coming at 3:00? 126 00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,660 - For the opening. 127 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,063 - Uh-huh. 128 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:31,699 - It says, "Bring back the staff 129 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,934 a week before the grand opening, on the 28th." 130 00:05:33,967 --> 00:05:35,369 Today's the 28th. 131 00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:36,937 Well, he couldn't be more clear! 132 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,939 - Yes! He could've said "The grand opening, 133 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,874 which is on the 28th." 134 00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:43,577 This makes the 28th sound like the start date! 135 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:46,480 - "Bring back the staff a week before the grand opening-- 136 00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:48,716 on the 28th." Yeah, this is confusing. 137 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:51,118 - No! "Bring back the staff a week before... 138 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,020 the grand opening on the 28th." 139 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,523 - He didn't say it like that. You're adding emphasis. 140 00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:56,857 - Okay, guys. We just need to figure out 141 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:57,958 what we're going to do. 142 00:05:57,991 --> 00:05:58,992 - Or as Dina would put it, 143 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,428 "We need to figure out 144 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:01,995 what we're gonna do." 145 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,064 - Maybe I would. Maybe I would say it like that. 146 00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:11,071 . 147 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:11,605 - Attention, employee-- 148 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:16,076 Attention. Test. Testing. 149 00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:17,545 Ah, damn it. 150 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,647 [shouting] Listen up, everybody! 151 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,516 We're opening today in, like, four hours! 152 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:26,487 So that means we need to be ready in, like, four hours! 153 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,655 To be honest, 154 00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:29,423 I don't think we can do that. 155 00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:31,158 Just doesn't seem possible. 156 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,561 It's not something that can be accomplished. 157 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,195 But that's just my opinion, though. 158 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,865 All right. Peace! 159 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,967 - Okay, so we don't have much time, 160 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,435 which means we need to stock the shelves 161 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:42,436 with the big items first, and-- 162 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:43,737 - Wait. 163 00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:45,172 What if we just set up one aisle, 164 00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,607 take a picture of it, 165 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,208 blow that bad boy up life-sized, 166 00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,744 and then just slap it over all the other aisles? Boom. 167 00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,045 - Uh-huh, maybe. 168 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,214 Look, we can always redo stuff tomorrow, 169 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:57,050 so for now, it's better to do things fast and bad 170 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,852 than slow and good. 171 00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:01,054 - But fast and good is better. 172 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,456 - What are you doing? 173 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:03,791 - What? Fast and good is better 174 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,025 than fast and bad. 175 00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:06,727 - Yes, but for now, 176 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,829 we're gonna prioritize speed. 177 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:11,465 - Okay. I'm--I'm prioritizing both. 178 00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,467 - You can't prioritize both! 179 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:14,835 Forget it. Just make the place 180 00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,637 look as good as possible before Jeff gets here. 181 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:19,239 - Wait. Jeff is coming...today? 182 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,474 - Yep. 183 00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:22,142 - How about slow and bad? 184 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,877 - Ugh. 185 00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:28,816 - Hey. - Hey. 186 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:32,486 - What is going on here? - Oh, I, uh... 187 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:33,854 I can't shower in the mornings 188 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,489 because Cliff, in the adjoining trailer, 189 00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:36,757 only takes baths. 190 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,259 - Well, gotta do what you gotta do. 191 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:43,030 - Yeah. It's--it's just until I find a place, 192 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:46,199 or someone who will let me stay with them, so... 193 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:51,972 - Mm-hmm. Well, I'ma... 194 00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:54,542 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you do you. Yeah. 195 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:57,545 What'd you say? - Huh? 196 00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:59,179 - Oh, I-- I thought you said something. 197 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,181 - I didn't say anything. 198 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,250 - All right. 199 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:06,520 - We are looking for Minions costumes only. 200 00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:09,122 What in the name of God is "Lego Ninjago?" 201 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:10,591 - Excuse me. 202 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,025 - Just hang on. Uh, we're closed. 203 00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,761 You're going to need to come back at 3:00. 204 00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:17,064 [laughs] I'm not a customer. I'm Howie. 205 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:18,599 Mandel. 206 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:19,867 I was told to be here at 11:00. 207 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,268 - Oh, you're working here? 208 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,803 - Yeah, kinda. 209 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,172 - Oh, damn it. God! 210 00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:26,974 I hate when they don't tell me about new hires. 211 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,642 Okay, find yourself a vest and a nametag 212 00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:29,977 and go help Leonard in produce. 213 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,312 [to phone] Sorry about that. 214 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,014 - I'm Howie Mandel. 215 00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,216 - Yeah, that's fine. Tell payroll. 216 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,552 Vest. Tag. Produce. Go! 217 00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:41,555 - What... [sighs] 218 00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:43,323 "America's Got Talent"? 219 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:47,027 - I don't know what you're asking me. 220 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,195 - Okay. 221 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,963 - Wow. 222 00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:51,765 - Okay, you're going to have to redo the whole thing. 223 00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:52,933 - I'd have to take everything 224 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,067 off the shelf to move it. 225 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,603 - Well, then it's a bad day 226 00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:56,870 to be Earl, isn't it? 227 00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,672 - [sighs] - Don't sigh! 228 00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,173 I can hear you sighing! 229 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,775 - Glenn. - What? 230 00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:03,677 - We don't have time to restock a whole shelf. 231 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,112 - Exactly. See, Earl? 232 00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,180 Now you've pissed off Amy, too. 233 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:10,017 Sometimes I think the whole world's incompetent. 234 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,252 - You know what, Glenn? I am so glad 235 00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,354 that you finished writing your speech so quickly, 236 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,724 so that you could be here to supervise everything. 237 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,992 - My speech? - Well, yeah, I mean, 238 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:20,661 obviously you're going to have to 239 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,863 speak at the ribbon cutting. 240 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,331 - Obviously. 241 00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,967 - Don't worry! We'll do the best we can without you. 242 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,602 [quietly] Leave the shelf where it is. 243 00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:31,171 - [sighs] - Not today, Earl. 244 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:32,940 - What am I going to say to Jeff? 245 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:35,108 He never called me back. 246 00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:37,911 - Maybe he didn't get the message. 247 00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:41,014 Maybe he couldn't hear you over the tornado. 248 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:43,717 - Well, I don't even know if I want him to have heard me. 249 00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:45,986 It's complicated. - Mm. 250 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,722 - My boyfriend Jerry got hit in the head by a mailbox 251 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:49,990 during the tornado. 252 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,125 He's been in a coma ever since. 253 00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,161 I visit him every day to read to him. 254 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,796 I'm on the fifth Harry Potter book, and-- 255 00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,297 - Ooh! You know what we could do? 256 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,699 Maybe we could do a test 257 00:09:58,732 --> 00:09:59,833 in front of one of those big fans 258 00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:01,001 to see if he could hear you. 259 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,070 - God, that's an amazing idea! 260 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,639 - He's off the breathing tube. 261 00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:07,407 That's good. 262 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,811 - Okay, I need three of you to help me unload a truck. 263 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:14,648 Don, Marcus, and... Myrtle. 264 00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:16,216 Meet me in back in five. 265 00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:19,653 - Tough luck, dude. 266 00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,655 - Ah, it's fine. 267 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,056 - Oh, hey, listen. 268 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,025 I heard about your living situation 269 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:28,696 and if you want, you can crash with me. 270 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:31,431 - Wow. Uh, that's... 271 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:34,001 That's really nice, Marcus. Thank you. 272 00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:36,403 - Yes! The horsemen! Living together! 273 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:37,805 Partying hard. 274 00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,740 Luring ladies back to the pad. 275 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,308 - I'm sorry. "Luring?" 276 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,811 - [laughs] Hilarious. You know what I mean. 277 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,212 - I don't, actually. 278 00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,214 - You're a crazy man. We're going to be on fire. 279 00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:49,016 Chicks are going to be banging down the door, 280 00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,251 and we'll be like, "Please, ladies, one at a time." 281 00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,787 - One at a time, 282 00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:55,188 as in there's-- there's two of us 283 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,224 and one of them? 284 00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,428 - No. [laughs awkwardly] 285 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:07,000 - Hey, uh, Garrett. 286 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:09,369 Um, I'm supposed to give a speech later, 287 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:13,373 and I'm a little nervous about it, uh, given that... 288 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,843 I'm sorry. I'm a little embarrassed to say. 289 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,344 - Your voice. - What? No. Not-- 290 00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:21,715 Given that I didn't prepare anything. 291 00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:23,116 What's wrong with my voice? 292 00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,085 - Nothing. You have a nice voice. 293 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,820 - Garrett, I'm not a child. 294 00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,355 If there's something wrong with my voice, 295 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,890 you can just tell me. 296 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,424 - Okay. Um... 297 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:34,862 Some people-- not me, but some people-- 298 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,797 might find your voice, octave-wise, 299 00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:39,833 to be the teeniest, tiniest, bit... 300 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:41,001 High. 301 00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,770 - [comically high] What? 302 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,404 - Yeah. - Who? 303 00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:47,407 - Uh, anyone with ears. 304 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,512 - That's everybody. 305 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,181 - Yeah, it's high. 306 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:57,851 . 307 00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:00,854 [upbeat, bustling music] 308 00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:01,822 * 309 00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:09,396 - Hi, I'm Glenn. This is my voice. 310 00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:13,200 How come no one ever told me that I sounded like that? 311 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,268 - We thought you knew. 312 00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:17,971 - But that's not how I sound on the inside! 313 00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:21,942 On the inside, I sound like, [no difference] "Hi, I'm Glenn." 314 00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:24,077 - That's the same voice. 315 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,780 - Not what you hear. What I hear. 316 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:29,416 - Okay, I found a costume shop with two Minion costumes. 317 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:30,951 - Do I have a weird voice? 318 00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,085 - Yeah. It's preposterous. 319 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,253 Anyway, I guess they were 320 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:34,521 rented for some birthday party, 321 00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,323 but the kid was murdered or kidnapped, 322 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:37,991 or changed his mind or something. I don't know. 323 00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,359 I wasn't listening. The point is, 324 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,028 you two should go right now and pick them up. 325 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,395 - What? Why us two? - Together? 326 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:43,897 - We have a lot to do. All right? 327 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,232 Henry can't be around children. 328 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,834 Marcus is on his third DUI. 329 00:12:46,867 --> 00:12:48,802 Elias is afraid of Minions. 330 00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:51,104 Nobody knows where Brett is! 331 00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:55,976 - Uh, wow. This is the worst. 332 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:57,510 Sorry, no, I--no. 333 00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:00,447 I just meant that-- that this... 334 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:04,251 This is the worst. 335 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,855 - [sucks teeth] 336 00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,459 You want to listen to a podcast? 337 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,161 - Sure. 338 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,298 - My phone got stolen from my trailer. 339 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:20,400 I thought you were going to say "no." 340 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:23,103 - I love you! 341 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,571 I love you! Can you hear me? 342 00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:26,106 I love you! 343 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,842 I love you! 344 00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:30,310 I'm just doing a test. 345 00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,612 I don't even really know how I feel about it for sure. 346 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,447 I mean, it's complicated. 347 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:35,983 I'm Mateo! 348 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,117 - Okay, man. 349 00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,987 - Okay, man. See you around! 350 00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,122 [mouths words] 351 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,091 So hot. 352 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,226 - * Like me is going insane 353 00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:48,561 * Insane in the mainframe 354 00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,898 * 355 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,367 - Listen, uh... 356 00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:56,369 I'm sorry I didn't know who you were before. 357 00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,405 I'm not super up on pop culture. 358 00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:00,307 - Don't worry about it. 359 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,275 - Look at us. 360 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,311 An hour ago, I had no idea who you were, 361 00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,913 and now we're flirting. 362 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,414 [laughs] 363 00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:08,882 Well, you should probably get back 364 00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,550 to straightening around the registers. 365 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:11,885 - [laughs] 366 00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:14,254 - What's funny? 367 00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,423 - You're being serious? 368 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:20,460 - I'm sorry. Am I supposed to say "Action" or something? 369 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,197 - [sputters weakly] 370 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:30,503 - Look, I get that you're still with Adam, and I-- 371 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,473 - Can we please not talk about Adam? 372 00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:39,112 - Hey! Are we just, like, not friends anymore? 373 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:42,082 - Yes. Of course we're friends. Nobody said we're not friends. 374 00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:45,218 - Friends don't sit in a car for 43 minutes in complete silence. 375 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,687 Friends have conversations. They talk. 376 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,456 - Okay, Jonah, let's talk. 377 00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:52,325 We kissed, and now everything's awkward and loaded, 378 00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,660 and I don't how to be around you. 379 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:57,064 Is that the conversation you want to have? 380 00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:58,431 Didn't think so. 381 00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:02,002 - [low and distorted] It is my pleasure 382 00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:04,471 to welcome you to Cloud 9! 383 00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,473 [normally] What do you think? 384 00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:12,312 - Uh, try saying "We have your son. $1 million or he dies." 385 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,114 - [low and distorted] We have your son. 386 00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:16,316 $1 million or he dies! 387 00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,351 - That's tight. 388 00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,053 - How's it going with the ribbon? 389 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,521 - Well, I'm six minutes into this video 390 00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:23,323 on how to tie a fancy bow, 391 00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:24,624 and this guy's still talking about his cat! 392 00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,526 It's like, "We get it. You're gay." 393 00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:29,196 - And these are the biggest scissors I could find. 394 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,331 - We can't cut a giant ribbon with these! 395 00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:32,699 - Okay, we'll be ready in about an hour. 396 00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:33,967 - An hour? 397 00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,435 The opening is now. 398 00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:37,337 - Ooh, then you're going to need to stall big-time. 399 00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:40,107 - Hey, guys. 400 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,508 Everybody excited for the big day? 401 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,144 How's it looking inside? 402 00:15:44,177 --> 00:15:45,312 - Different. 403 00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:46,679 - No, no, no. 404 00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:49,082 I want to show you something over here. 405 00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,117 - Over here? - Yeah. 406 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,085 - Okay. 407 00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,254 Right here? - Yeah. 408 00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:02,362 . 409 00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:06,499 - It's my great pleasure to welcome you to Cloud 9. 410 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,274 - Thank you, Glenn. That was beautiful. 411 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,476 Thank you very much. Um, okay, hey, listen. 412 00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,678 Let's cut that ribbon and check it out! 413 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:22,115 [understated applause] 414 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:28,121 - But first, the comedic stylings of Mr. Howie Mandel! 415 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:29,689 [applause] 416 00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,592 - Uh... 417 00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:36,263 This, uh, event was set up by my, uh, appearance agent, 418 00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:38,365 not my, uh, performance agent. 419 00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:41,768 Performing is a whole... different negotiation, 420 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,136 so, uh... 421 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,638 Thank you, everybody. 422 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,708 [quiet applause] 423 00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,513 - Then I guess--I guess I'll keep talking. 424 00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:58,351 - 6:31. 6:30. 6:29. 425 00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,053 - How is this helping? 426 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:03,090 - How is you asking "how it's helping" helping? 427 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:07,260 6:22. 6:21. 428 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:08,661 [items shattering] 429 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,530 - Okay, okay, okay. - Ow. Ooh! 430 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,332 - You're gonna break the Minion. - Don't break the Minion. 431 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,735 - When you get to hour two, minute twelve, 432 00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,305 of "Pirates of the Caribbean," 433 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:21,741 you can see one of the pirates is wearing a watch. 434 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,312 That's a--that's a goof. 435 00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,780 [vacuum whirring] 436 00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,151 - I can't hear you! 437 00:17:31,184 --> 00:17:33,253 - Here you go. You stand still! - Ow! 438 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:36,223 [pills rattling] 439 00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:39,526 - This is the wrong arm. - Just go. 440 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:43,563 - Can--can you tell other people's jokes? 441 00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:45,832 - No. 442 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:48,601 - Can I? 443 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,403 - I--I guess. 444 00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,374 - I don't know any. 445 00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,446 - Ah! I'm gonna fall. 446 00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,381 Oh, oh, okay. 447 00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:09,789 [clock beeps down] 448 00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,824 ["La Cucaracha" plays] 449 00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:14,527 - Get thirsty, amigos. 450 00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,497 - Welcome back, shoppers. 451 00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,132 I'm sure you're all very excited 452 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:20,500 that we've reopened. 453 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:22,502 Or more likely, you don't care at all, 454 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,604 'cause it's just a store. 455 00:18:26,273 --> 00:18:30,410 - Badabadbadaba. 456 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,779 - "Badabadabadaba?" What--Really? 457 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:35,482 - I've never seen the movie. I thought they spoke gibberish. 458 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:37,750 - They speak a blend of pidgin languages 459 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,352 mixed with gibberish, but 460 00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:42,355 "badabadbadaba," that's almost racist. 461 00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:44,324 [both chuckle] 462 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:47,294 - Banana. Banana. 463 00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:48,895 Beep-boop-bop-bop-boop. 464 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,663 - I'm getting divorced. 465 00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:53,833 - Oh. Um... 466 00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:57,504 - We woke up the morning after the tornado, and realized 467 00:18:57,537 --> 00:19:00,340 just because we were happy to see each other alive, 468 00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:03,243 didn't mean that we should stay married. 469 00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:05,312 - Wow. - Yeah. 470 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:08,648 - Well, I'm-- I'm here, you know, 471 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,950 if you ever want to talk, or... 472 00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:13,820 - Do you want to have sex? 473 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,758 - Uh... 474 00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:21,394 - I'm joking! - Yeah, obviously, 475 00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:23,730 you're joking. I knew you were-- I'm not... 476 00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:26,699 - Are you blushing? - Big-time, yeah. 477 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,737 - [sighs] Jeff. 478 00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,805 - Mateo. Hey. 479 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,574 - How you been? 480 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,676 - Good, thanks. Yeah, I'm in a good place. 481 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:39,412 You know, I've been hitting the gym pretty hard. 482 00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:41,481 Doing a lot of Zuh-mba. 483 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,616 - Um, I just need to ask you something. 484 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:45,685 Did you get a voice mail, by chance? 485 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:48,921 - Oh, sorry, one second. Uh, ooh, I have to take this. 486 00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:50,557 It's Chad. 487 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,425 - Your ex, Chad? - Yes. 488 00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:55,695 We got back together. Hey, sweetie. 489 00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:59,566 - Mm, just real quick. It's pronounced Zumba, okay? 490 00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:01,934 And your toupee, it's garbage. 491 00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:03,703 You look like a fry cook. 492 00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:11,411 [music playing over loudspeakers] 493 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,382 [hollow thud] 494 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:22,255 - Okay, well, this is going to be fun. 495 00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:24,757 Now, do you want to room with Timur or Jacob? 496 00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,727 Timur's a sweetheart, but he does have night terrors. 497 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,797 On the other hand, Jacob is really quiet, 498 00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,732 but in a scary way. 499 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:35,735 Sometimes you wake up and he's just standing over you. 500 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:38,471 - All right. You can stay with me. 501 00:20:38,505 --> 00:20:40,973 - Really? Are you--are you sure? 502 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:43,276 - No, I'm definitely not sure, 503 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:44,477 but whatever. 504 00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:48,648 - Oh, okay. 505 00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:50,783 Well, if anything changes, 506 00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:54,654 the men's bathroom key also works on my front door. 507 00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:58,558 - Okay, roomie. - House rules. 508 00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,493 Do not touch my video game stuff. 509 00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:02,495 No talking during "Game of Thrones." 510 00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:03,896 No cooking fish. 511 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,732 And leave me out of your coffee-making process. 512 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,435 - I'll have to, because it's a French single press. 513 00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:09,902 - I do not like fragrant soaps, 514 00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,904 on Wednesday, my black friends come over, 515 00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,706 so do not be around. 516 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:16,309 What else? Parking spots. 517 00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:17,977 You don't get one. 36328

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