All language subtitles for In the Know s01e04 Portrait of a Safety Rep on Fire.eng

- Never hurts to have a spot.

- If I'm the safety rep,

then I guess you're the
safety rep's safety rep.

Can't have our leader
falling and bonking her head.

We need that elegant
brain unbruised.

- Carl!

- Well, the sperm bank
won't let me donate anymore.

- What?

- They said my sperm
are "too passive."

Apparently, they coddle the
egg without any penetration.

- I don't understand,

but I don't want an explanation.

- They said even the
boldest of my sperm

only managed to do a series
of "semi-offensive bows."

I just don't know what to do.

- Um...

- You could always donate blood.

- Oh, no. I refuse
to give even one drop

until they accept donations
from people with AIDS.

- I'm so sorry, Fabian, but
as I've tried to explain,

you're not allowed to have a
lit oil lamp in the office.

- It's an emotional
support flame.

- Is it prescribed?

- You can't ask me that.

- I'm sorry, Fabian.
Rules are rules.

- You know that law where you
can't yell fire in a theater?

That's because of me.

- Lauren, you're on.

- Everything is OK with my life,

and I couldn't be more
excited for today's guest,

a multi-hyphenate of profound
insight and intellect.

Roxane Gay, welcome
to "In the Know."

- Thank you for having me.

- Roxane uh, before we start...

- Mm-hmm.
- No biggie,

but I'm currently dealing with
a devastating personal issue.

But it shan't interfere with
the interview in any way.

You are someone
who seems to thrive

discussing uncomfortable topics.

How do you find the courage

to be so brutally
honest in your writing?

- Well, you know, I don't
know that it's courage.

I just do it, despite
being absolutely terrified

at all times, and
hope for the best.

- Roxane, if it's
stressing you out,

uh, please just know that
the personal situation

I alluded to is a medical thing.

- Uh-huh.

- But we're not here
to talk about that.

Roxane, what do you think

the next wave of
feminism will look like?

Because I believe, as an ally,

that the next wave must be
led by white cis het men.

We've made the mess.
We clean it up.

You break it, you bought it.
- No.

The next wave of feminism
is going to be led

by young people of color

because they have the
keenest understanding

of what's truly at
stake when we talk

about equality and equity.

And I think Black
women have actually...

- Oh, Jesus Christ.

- Lauren, do you want to talk
about what's distracting you?

- I'm not... I'm fine.

- Well, if you need
to talk, I'm here.

I'm a great listener, I'm told.

- Do you want me to just
tell you what it is?

- I do.

- I actually don't
feel comfortable

talking about it on air.

- He can't focus.

This is gonna be tough to edit.

- If it helps lighten your load,

I could take over as safety rep.

- Oh, I couldn't
put that on you.

- It'd be my pleasure.

Emergency management's
actually a passion of mine.

- Really?

- It's imagination
meets preparation.

We like to say on our subreddit,

if you can fear it,
you can plan for it.

- Hmm.

- When you embrace vulnerability

and choose to see it as an asset

rather than a liability,

that can be
incredibly powerful...

- This morning, I was diagnosed
with having passive sperm.

There.

- What on Earth
is passive sperm?

- Think of my sperm almost
like a seventh-grade boy

at a Sadie Hawkins dance.

- Oh, boy.

- Huddling in the
corner, pulling his pud,

frightened of the girls.

And it's very upsetting

because masturbating was
my way of giving back.

But now at clinics,
they've turned me away.

- Mm.

- And I just feel a
real loss of vocation.

- Well, I could see how you
would feel a loss of vocation,

what with all of that good
Samaritan masturbation

that you've been doing.

- Well, I just don't understand
what I'm supposed to do

if my sperm is literally
allergic to eggs.

- You can still
masturbate on your own,

and you can know that
your soldiers have

fought as hard as they could.

- Like Antietam.

- Exactly like that.

- Oh, Roxane, thank you.

I'm ready to move on.
- OK, good.

- If you were stuck in a library

during an apocalyptic blizzard,

what is the first book
you would burn for warmth?

- Oh, wow.

- For me, it would be
Malcolm Gladwell's "Blink"

because I just
believe... and, you know,

I mean this in a neutral
and objective way...

it's pure horseshit.

- How is seasonal depression
not a serious safety issue?

- Totally.

I don't know anybody
back at Florida State

that's depressed.

Lots of alcohol poisoning
but very few suicides.

- Barb's clearly been
safety rep for far too long.

The power's gone to her head.

Viva la revoluci�n.

- You know, people don't
know how to take me.

They often perceive me as a man,

which is weird because
I have a great rack.

- Oh, my goodness!

Roxane!
- It's just true.

- You're a delight.

Now, you've said
you like to write

with "Law and Order: SVU"
playing in the background.

- Mm-hmm.

The rhythm of the
episodes, I have found,

is really conducive
to my writing process.

- I do something similar when
I'm preparing for interviews.

I put on the video of
Solange kicking Jay-Z

in that elevator.

- You know what?

I work out to that every day.

It's amazing.

A Peloton instructor can't
compete with sisterly rage.

- Who among us wouldn't want
to take up arms for Beyonc�?

- I once slapped a boy
in my Hebrew school

for insulting Roberta Flack.

- And you know what? You
were right for doing that

because Roberta
Flack is a goddess.

- Excuse me one moment. Barb!

- Lauren, what is it?
You're mid-interview.

- I think the seat warmer
feature on my office chair

might be causing
my passive sperm.

I need you to exchange it.

- Fine, right after
the interview.

- No, right now, Barb!

I'm not trying to give my
semen an endless spa day.

- I'll be back in 30 minutes.

Oh, and before I forget,

Carl will be taking
over as safety rep.

- That's right.

- So, Carl, what's your position

on emotional support flames?

- Against?

- Then I'm against you.

No transfer of power can happen

without a free
and fair election.

- Nice!

Voting is my favorite part
of "The Masked Singer."

I get a say!

- And if there's going
to be an election,

I will be throwing
my hat in the ring.

- Oh, shit!

- So vote right now?

- Hold on a second.

Let's slow things down.

I'm a registered swing voter,
and I need to be seduced.

- You mean convinced.

- Whatever you want
to call it, Daddy.

- That sounds cool.

I would also like to be seduced.

- Dios m�o.

You have the perfect
proportion for a chair.

What is your name?

- Barb.

- Barb, I'm called Mariola,

and it will be my great pleasure

to find you the perfect chair.

- Oh.

I just need to do an
exchange and get back.

It isn't for me.

- But Barb, everyone
needs a chair.

- I have a standing desk.

- A standing desk?

Qu� horror.

They won't be happy
till they've taken

everything that is beautiful.

- Who are they?

- You know who they are.

- If boxing is
the sweet science,

our next guest is J.
Robert Oppenheimer.

And like his atomic bomb,
the power our guest produced

was devastating and,
at times, beautiful.

Michael Tyson, welcome
to "In the Know."

We're so happy to have you.
- Thank you.

It's an honor for me to be here.

- My favorite sport is "The
Great British Bake Off"

because it's so
important to show

ugly people on television.

What do you think people
enjoy about watching boxing?

- The science.

Some people enjoy the
science, the technique.

And some people are truly
into the brutality of it.

- Hmm.

Did you ever think in
the middle of a bout,

"I wish I could just look
my opponent in the eye

and say, 'I am enough'"?

- I do that when
I smash his face.

- Interesting.

Now, Michael, when you're
training for a fight,

you famously listen exclusively
to moody folk music.

- No, when I'm training,

nothing but hardcore
hip-hop... hardcore.

The most destructive hip-hop,
the most vile hip-hop,

that's what I listen
to when I train.

- Right, but you
must have trained

to Carole King's rendition

of "You Make Me Feel
Like a Natural Woman."

- I would not... I would
never use that song, sir.

- What about Joni Mitchell?

- No, I would not
use Ms. Mitchell.

- Buffy Sainte-Marie?
- No.

- Joan Baez.
- No, no.

Listen...
- Patti Smith.

Vashti Bunyan?

The McGarrigle Sisters?
- No.

- But our researcher
Fabian insisted

that you love to
shadowbox while listening

to "Ladies of the Canyon."

- No, Fabian fucked up.

- You know, I'm glad to
hear you say that, Michael,

because any time I give
any constructive criticism,

she says all
feedback is violence.

- Well, violence
is a state of mind.

It's a perspective on violence.

That's not violent to you,
but it's violent to her.

- Hmm.

- Well, Michael, if you like
strongly-worded hip-hop,

you should listen to
Lin-Manuel Miranda's rap

about "The West Wing."

It's deliciously funky.
- Wow.

- And have you seen his sketch
on the Amy Schumer show?

It's over six minutes long.

- Hey, I like that.
That sounds good.

- And if the garbage chutes
aren't weight-bearing,

that escape route just
became a death trap.

- Wow, you really
know your shit.

- Uh, I've got a
safety question.

How many horny
boomers could you have

in this office after hours
before it's a fire hazard?

- Hypothetically?

- No.

- If you gentlemen
have a minute,

I'd like to show you something.

- What do we really
know about Carl?

Carl has a bachelor's
degree in music production.

Carl has a friendly
relationship with his ex-wife.

Carl goes to the bathroom
two or three times a day.

If we didn't know
these things...

- Whoa, Carl.

That's some dark shit.

You're like Pennywise, dude.

- That was just facts about
me set to scary music.

- Yeah, but she's right.

You do go to the
bathroom sometimes.

- It... it... it's nice.

I don't know. I... I
really should get back.

What
are you feeling?

- I'm trying to think
what Lauren would want.

- Mierda.

Do not think about this Lauren.

She does not own you.

Ask yourself,

what does Barb want?

- Oh!

- My favorite teacher
in high school

was part educator,
part spiritual advisor,

and part amateur masseuse, and
he was eventually arrested.

What do you think is
the ideal relationship

between a boxer
and their trainer?

- Anyone that has a
mentor or a trainer,

their job is to make him happy.

- For him to make you happy
or for you to make him happy?

- No, for me to make
whoever my mentor is happy.

If he says, "I want another
heavyweight champ...

I can't wait to get another"...
I'm that heavyweight champ.

- It's funny... I participate

in an elderly self-defense
class at the JCC,

and I have a sensei, Muriel.

And she's an 85-year-old
tax attorney.

And she once held me down
on the mat until I wept.

- Wow.

- And I'm the youngest
student by 30 years,

but there are some
defense tactics

that I've learned in that
class that even you, Michael,

would not be able to overpower.

- I'm sure there are some,

but you won't be
the one to do it.

- Michael, I'm telling you.

I coil up like a little
hermit crab so tightly

that even you would not
be able to pry me loose.

And you could punt me
clear down a hallway,

as I have been punted,
and I would never let go.

- I don't believe that.

Everybody's using
force against you.

I would tickle you.

- Oh, my goodness
gracious, you're right.

I'm helpless in the face
of a tickle monster.

- I reign supreme.

- By the time they were found,

not even dental records
could identify them.

1977, Spokane.

An insurance company
enjoys a holiday party...

eggnog, secretive Santas.

What these revelers don't know
is, there's simultaneously

an electrical fire
in the copy room

and a disgruntled former
coworker with a chainsaw

coming up the stairs.

A classic perfect
storm scenario.

- That's fucking crazy.

- Not if you've planned for it.

- Those are
statistical anomalies.

Do you know the very real danger

we face every single day?

- Mandatory vaccinations.

- MILF attacks?
- No.

Neuropsychic trauma.

- That sounds bad.

- These are the rules.

The rules will protect us.

- "No fluorescent lighting."

Hmm, that sounds pretty chill.

- No email subject
lines in all caps,

no mention of films that
fail the Bechdel Test,

no lunches you can smell

or other traumatic
stink attacks.

- You covered our
OSHA-mandated fire plan.

- OSHA isn't in
charge here anymore.

- Oh, hell yeah! Punk rock!

CBGB's, man.

- When you think back
on young Michael Tyson,

do you feel a tenderness
or a protectiveness

for the little boy
who was putting up

with so much difficulty?

- He cannot be protected.

He has to go through
the ring of fire

in order to succeed...
to succeed in life.

He has to be burnt.

- I feel
as though I'm going

through a ring of fire myself.

I was recently diagnosed
with passive sperm.

Do you think my diagnosis
makes me any less of a man?

- Hey, listen, I don't know.

Maybe you need more vitamins,

you need iron to get
the sperm more dense.

I have no idea what the
fuck is wrong with you.

- I've noticed that my sperm
does seem more diluted lately.

It used to be a more viscous...

not to get into
the gory specifics,

but it used to be more viscous.

And now it feels like
a poorly brewed tea.

Ooh!

Faster.

I want to know them all.

- And so you will.

- You were so dominant
as a boxer for so long.

What did it feel like
when you finally lost?

- That was the best
fight of my life

because I learn from loss.

That's what loss is.

Life is about loss.

You know, we, um... we
lose people we love.

We lose our hair.
We lose our teeth.

We lose our interest to
live, and then we die.

And loss is a part of
love, a great part of love.

Loss is celebrated
more than life is.

- That's very
profound, and the way

I'm hearing that is, the
loss of spermatic potency

is a part of loving your sperm.

And even though it's difficult

to lose your sperm's
assertiveness,

if I truly love my sperm, I
have to accept the loss of it

as a part of my
relationship to my own jism.

- Absolutely. It's your sperm.

- We need to erase your smell.

- The alcohol is
burning my skin.

Ahh!
- Shh.

It's quiet hour.

- Why can't I eat
my protein bars?

- I already explained it to you.

When you smack your
lips, it makes me

want to reach down your
throat and tie up your tongue.

And violence, even my
own violent fantasies,

make me feel very
upset and unsafe.

- Oh, right.

- It's burning bad.

- That means it's working.

- This is your chair, these
are your measurements,

and this number is the
New York state sales tax.

I can't buy it.

I need to go back.

- Por qu�?

- They need me.

- Do they?

- Where's Carl?

- Carl's dead.

- God!

- He didn't follow
the safety protocols,

and now he has a rusty
pipe through his stomach!

- Shit, he's covered
in rubbing alcohol!

- Where are the
fire extinguishers?

- I... I removed them.
- Why?

- Because they made me
think of dog penises!

- I... I found an extinguisher!

- No, don't! That's...

- That's bear spray!

- Why do you have bear spray?

- There could be a bear attack!

- Funky butt loving...

- Sandy!

I... I vote Barb for safety rep.

- Me too.

- Yeah.
- Me too.

- Oh, wasn't that amazing?

I think we all learned
a valuable lesson today.

'Tis better to have loved
your sperm's potency

and lost it than to have
never been potent at all.

Loss is a part of love.

- I know exactly what you mean.

I had the most incredible exp...
- Oh, good, you got the chair.

I have walked through the fire.

I reign supreme.

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