All language subtitles for Da.Ali.G.Show.(US).1x02.War.DVDRip.XviD

America's most wanted.
Have you seen this man?

(Police radio, sirens)

'Eagle, you're looking great.
Coming up nine minutes.'

I is here, standing outside
the United Nations of Benetton,

where representatives from
the three corners of the world come

to end wars,
international drug trafficking,

and everything else
that is a bit of a laugh.

I is here with the geezer

who was the secretary-general

of the United Nations.

His name be none other than my man,

Boutros Boutros Boutros Ghali.

How many countries is in the UN?

If I'm not wrong,
according to the last statistics,

it must have more than 180 countries.

Is Disneyland a member of the UN?

No, because Disneyland
is not an independent state.

Do you think, in a hundred years' time,

Disneyland or Disney World
could 'ave a seat?

No. Disneyland is not doing politics,

- Disneyland is...
- Well...

some of them is,
some of them characters.

It is for the young children.

How many languages
is spoken at the UN?

You have practically
what we call the five languages.

But which is the funniest?
It's French, innit?

- "Lo-lo-lo, dee-doo-loo-loo..."
- Not necessarily.

- Maybe Arabic is more funny.
- Oh, yeah.

It depends to whom, er...

What was the one that when
the delegate spoke you was like...

(Laughs) "Look at him!
I gotta go to the bog."

I am not allowed,
I am the secretary-general.

There must have been one going,
"Ubba-dubba-dubba-da."

I have to have a-a-a... poker face.
Like this.

- Do you speak French?
- Yes.

How do you say "shit" in French?

- Chic?
- Shit. Shit.

Aight, crap, rubbish.

Ah. Oh.

(Chuckles) De la merde!

How do you spell that?

(French) M-E-R-D-E.

- M... A...
- R-D-E.

Thanks for that.

Me wanna say big up yourself,
Boutros Boutros...

Boutros Boutros Ghali.

Respect.

This is the Security Council Chamber...

- Wicked.
...of the United Nations.

It was donated
by the government of Norway.

All right. Safe. So what happens here?

15 countries from
different regions of the world

discuss about world peace and security.

Safe. Respect.

What's that, Jordan?

Ain't it stupid letting
one sportsman have his own seat

no matter how,
you know, powerful he is?

That is not Michael Jordan,
if you mean that gentleman,

it's the state of Jordan
in the Middle East.

That's what you is telling the cameras
but ain't it ridiculous,

letting one person have
the same power as a whole country?

Again, it's not the person sitting there,

it's the government
of the state of Jordan.

Is it named after Michael Jordan?

It is not.

- Does this country really exist?
- Yes, it does.

- What's this?
- Guinea, that's a country in Africa.

- The Republic of Guinea.
- Is that a real country?

It is a real country, in Africa.
It's quite large as well.

With full respect, why do you give
crap countries a vote?

Well, er... that's your opinion of Guinea.

That is definitely not shared
in this organisation.

Where is Africa represented?
Don't see it nowhere.

- Well, Guinea...
- Where? Where's Africa?

- This is a country in Africa.
- So you claim.

This is a, er... earphone

used by the people that sit here
to listen to the meetings

in six different languages.

Ain't it dangerous, though,
having translatorors?

Why do you think that?

Cos let's say the translatoror
is a double agent.

He can say, you know, well dodgy stuff,

like apparently
the Vietnams war was started

when Saddam, er, Husseins
got in a translatoror

and he was gonna send an email
to the president of Thailand

to just ask him for a cup of tea

but the translatoror put in something
that turned out like,

"Your mum is a ho and I has boned her,"

and the Thai person got well eggy
and that's what happened,

that's how the Vietnams war started.

I'm not sure that your recount
of the story is correct.

It might very well be but...

- Well, that is the word on the street.
- OK.

How does you choose
who sits next to who?

It goes in English alphabetical order
from A to Z.

Can you swap if the person next to you
is really annoying you?

Can you swap?
Er, no, I don't think you can.

The answer to that is no.

Does you ever separate people
if they is mucking around?

Like if they is chucking stuff
at the President Kofi?

Well, no, that has never happened
as far as I know,

so that has not been a necessity, no.

At three o'clock there is
a meeting taking place here.

- In, like, ten minutes?
- Ten minutes, yes.

A meeting to discuss Iraq.

- Can we be in the meeting?
- No, we can't because...

- What about just me?
- Nobody can.

No public is allowed
for security reasons.

So what's going on in Iraq
that we should know about?

Iraq is suspected of producing
weapons of mass destruction.

- Wicked.
- Gas...

- and nuclear weapons.
- What a laugh.

And where does the boss man sit?

Well, the secretary-general
sits right here.

- He sit 'ere?
- Yes.

- Wicked. Can we sit here?
- Definitely.

I has just written that
Saddam Hussein is a bell end.

(Rroji) OK.

(# East European folk-pop)

Yekshemesh.

American national sport
is called baseballs.

It's very similar to our sport, shurik,
where we take dogs,

shoot them in a field
and then have a party.

I like you. I find more now
with team Savannah Sand Gnats.

Dzien dobry.

(# Disco rock)

Now, ladies and gentlemen,
a special big welcome.

We have tonight Mr Borat Sagdiyev

from Kazakhstan television.

(Cheering)

I love USA! Do you love USA?

(Cheering)

Yes. I love baseballs!
Do you love baseballs?

(Cheering)

I like you! Do you like me?

US and A! US and A!

- US and A!
- (Crowd) USA!

And now, please, everybody,

we stand for, er, national anthem
Kazakhstan for respect.

# Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan

# Mogaslav yczda

# Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan

# Mogaslav yczda

# Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan

- # Na mogi #
- (Girl whooping)

# Aztam ma, aztam ma

# Ah-ah-ahlmakhi... #

(Cheering)

# Khyl ma furtelv

# Tselyia voda

# Kumba khortsel

# V tselyia voda

# Kumba khortsel

# V tselyia voda

# Kumba khortsel

# V tselyia

# Voda-a-a

# Dhaynka

# Zaa-aa

# Shtan Kazakhstan imol

- # Zlovic da... #
- (Whooping)

# Kazakhs... #

- (Cheering)
- # Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan

- # Mogaslav yczda #
- (Applause)

# Kazakhsta-a-a-an,
Ka-a-azakhstan

# Mogaslav yzcz...

# Dhenka ha-aalya #

(Cheering)

I love USA!

I love USA! I like sex!

I love USA!

Did you pay some money to the boss
to make sure your side wins?

That is not done in baseball.

- But maybe 50 dollar?
- No, no, no.

- You want I pay him 50 dollar?
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I have a 40,000 tampon, no applicator,

you want I give to the umpire?

- I don't think so.
- You think he will mind

- that there is no applicator?
- I don't think so.

(# Disco rock)

Hello, hello.

Everybody, you want to,
er, come together to make, er...

er... touch one another?

- A big picture?
- Yes.

Now we all hug.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

(All chant) Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Ow! Ow! Ow!

- Ahhhhh!
- (Whooping)

You are real men!
You are real men! I like! I like.

- You have a shower?
- (Laughter)

Can I...?

You are very strong.

(Cheers)

(Chuckles) You are strong!

- Aah!
- (Laughter)

You have a hr�ng like my friend!

My friend, he have
the same hr�ng from you.

That's good.

Can I touch?

- You want to do a wrestle?
- A wrestle?

- Yeah.
- What's that?

- I like to wrestle.
- You want me to take you out?

- What does that... Take me out?
- Ever heard of Steve Austin?

- What does he do?
- Get him on the floor.

(Grunts and shrieks)

I'm gonna pin you! I'm gonna pin you!

Yeah!

USA! USA!

You OK?

- (Laughter)
- Dang, man.

- I OK!
- (Laughter)

Yes. I make a joke, you think I hurt!

- (Grunts)
- Go on, Sam! Go ahead!

Go ahead!

Go ahead! Go ahead!

(Laughing)

Go ahead!

- Yeah!
- (Laughter)

Savannah! Savannah!

- You win.
- I win?

You OK?

- (Grunts)
- No sad, no sad. Happy!

Are you hurt?

I OK.

(Breathing heavily)

- USA.
- You win me. Thank you.

No way.

(# Fast techno)

How did you, er, manage to maintain...

er, a natural look?

Well, I have a good hairdresser.

What is the philosophy of the show?

- It's kind of like trailer trash.
- What it is, trailer trash?

It's kind of like, I guess,
backwoods from like, um...

middle of nowhere, kinda poor,
dressing what you have around.

- So primitive, rubbish people.
- Kind of, yeah.

So do you hope that these white trash...
trashing people

will buy the clothes?

- I don't think they can afford it.
- They are too poor!

It is like this in Austria!

We take the clothes from the homeless

- and sell them in the shops.
- Jack up the price.

- The homeless cannot buy them!
- Definitely.

- That is the beauty of fashion.
- Yeah.

So how important is fashion to you?

Fashion is very important.
It keeps us creative, alive.

It's what makes us get up every day.

You know what? She's a real
fashion icon living in her own time.

I'm from New York
and I come across a lot of people

who are not from here
but from other parts of the world

who really have no fashion sense.

- They look ridiculous.
- There's no personal style.

Why not put them on trains,
send them to a camp and say bye-bye?

I would love to say bye-bye to them.

The style gurus in Austria
are saying Osama bin Laden

is, like, the best-dressed guy,
do you think so?

- I think he's cool.
- He's so cool.

Yeah, I don't know if
he's the best-dressed guy, um...

but he's definitely very fashionable.

Have you ever thought of using disabled
models but with normal clothes?

I mean, not like disgusting disabled

but just the mental thing
so you wouldn't be able to see it.

There is one model we used for a couple
of seasons that was deaf.

How did she know when to go out?
Did you push her?

No, you just, you know, tap her.

In Austria, the casting director
is a more important job

than doctors or politicians.

Is it the same here?

Erm, no, fashion isn't thought of as...

as seriously as the medical profession
here but I think...

- That's ridiculous.
- I think so.

I mean, fashion saves
a lot more lives than doctors.

I think so.

Ja, ich bin hier mit Michael,
I am here with Michael,

ze other designer today.

- Congratu... Congratulations.
- Thank you so much.

Why was there so much cardboard?
Why was that theme so much there?

Cardboard? There was no cardboard.

- There was a theme of cardboard.
- No.

Why did you base the whole show
around the theme of cardboard?

Well, because everything
is so hippy in fashion

that I wanted to do something
that was the opposite.

Like stiff and cut and just amazing
like that, that's what I felt like.

Because no one has yet had the guts...

- No one has the guts.
...to do a show about cardboard.

No, they don't understand.

- Too scared to touch it.
- They are.

What I loved about the show
was that it had...

no humour at all,

which was just so powerful.

- Well, it was dead serious.
- Yeah.

Yeah. It was super-serious.

How did you keep the show humorous
all the way along?

Using pop icons.

Why was the show
all about the individual?

Because that's what we are

and that's what we prefer everyone to be.

It's amazing, cos this show was, at its
essence, all about other people. Why?

Because when you're an artist
you look at other people

and that's how you become
an artist, you observe.

I found ze collection so... heavy

that it was pulling me down

into a place better than heaven.

Yeah, I wanted it to be
like a weight on people.

I wanted you to just...

fall, collapse.

How did you make sure
that the show was just so light?

Because when you...
Because we wanted things to flow

but at the same time
not just be too overly feminine.

But you somehow managed
to achieve this sense

of the show being lighter than air,
everyone just floating up.

That's what it was.
They were in the clouds, in space.

Do you think consistency is important?

No.

(Police radio, sirens)

Booyakasha!

Diggety check this out because I is 'ere
with none other than my main man,

General Brent Scowcroft.

Him was the national security advisor
to George Bush,

who was the president of America,

and also to some geezer called Ford.

Is fighting the most harmful thing
you can do to the other side?

Ain't the most harmful thing you can do

is to call them nasty names?

Mmm, not really, not for countries.

Let's imagine we was back
all those years ago

when you was fighting Russia.

If the President had gone over
to the head of Russia and said,

"Yo! Boris!" or whatever.
"Stop being such a neeuurrgh!"

- Mm-hm?
- He would've felt this small.

Well, as a matter of fact we did that.

- Did you go "neeurgh"?
- Well, not "neeurgh".

- But what?
- You don't do that in diplomatic circles.

But did you do
a kind of spaz impression?

Er, no.

When should a nation nuke another one?

That's a very good question.

- That's a very good question.
- Thanks a lot.

I would say only if its very vital
interests are involved.

Do you think
America should nuke Canada?

- No.
- Why not?

Because we don't have any real,
significant problems with Canada.

But if you nuked Canada,

the amazing thing would be
the element of surprise.

Them would never h'expect it.

Then you could take all their...
h'everything they got there.

- We don't want what they have.
- They must have something good.

They have a lot of things good -
gold, oil...

Those cow things with the horns.

- Moose.
- Aight.

(# Hip-hop, scratching)

# Hear dis!

# Hear dis, boy! #

If you is an officer,
what is the bestestest tactic in battle?

To win.

Oooh.

Wh-What? What does that mean?

The best... the best tactic you can do

is to manoeuvre
so that you surprise the enemy.

So is the bestest tactic surprise?

- Sure it is.
- Cos that makes me think of...

- Ooh! Did that surprise you?
- Yes.

That did, didn't it?

When you surprise somebody,
you have the advantage

cos you know what you're doing,

- and he's not prepared.
- That's true because...

- Ah! Yo.
- Yeah. Exactly.

- Did that...?
- Most of the great generals in history

have figured out
how to surprise the enemy,

do something they don't anticipate.

No. I understand because...

- Ha!
- (Laughs) Exactly.

Does you understand?
I is trying to surprise you.

It's exactly that concept.

Is the army worried about the threat
of chemical and biological weapons?

Sure. Sure.

Did they ever catch the people
that sent Tampax through the post?

Er, no, they did not.

It wasn't Tampax, it was anthrax.

I think they is different brand names.

Well, that may be but anthrax is a germ,

er, Tampax is something very different.

Me just wanna say big up yourself,
General Scowcroft.

You has helped us out here.

And, you know, the interesting...

- Ooh!
- (Laughs) Yeah.

- The surprise thing.
- Surprise, you got it.

But me just wanna say
all you lot out there,

listen to the words
of my man the general,

and I ain't shittin' you,
he really is a general, Scowcroft,

cos him has said nuff important things
about war an' tings.

You'd better listen up.
Don't get mashed up. Keep it real.

Me know you probably can't tell me
this cos it is classified

but what do the letters
CIA h'actually stand for?

Easy - Central Intelligence Agency.

- Is that your real face?
- Yes. Had it for a long time.

Let's talk about some conspiracy things,

let's go back to the grassy knoll.

Who actually shot JR?

Uh... JFK, you mean?

- Er, I don't...
- Who's he?

I am Boutros Boutros Ghali.

Put down your gun and listen to...

- (Ali) Bob Marley.
- Bob Marley.