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1
00:00:04,086 --> 00:00:06,214
-(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-NARRATOR: Tonight,
on a very special
2
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:09,259
season finale episode
of Clone High.
3
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,344
It's an epic tale of good
and evil.
4
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:12,971
Will love conquer all?
5
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,432
Or will the forces of darkness
win the day?
6
00:00:15,473 --> 00:00:17,142
The future lies
in the balance...
7
00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:18,810
-(SCREAMING)
-...as the clones embark
8
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:22,647
on an unforgettable journey
into a realm we call
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00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,315
summer vacation.
10
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:27,444
That's right,
it's a hot clone summer, y'all!
11
00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:30,196
May God have mercy
on their souls.
12
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,366
(SHOUTING) Scudworth!
13
00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,035
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
14
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,162
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-PRINCIPAL SCUDWORTH:
Since the beginnith of time,
15
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:39,122
history has captured
the hopes and dreams
16
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,874
of hopers
and dreamers everywhere.
17
00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:43,501
But what if you could do more
than just read about history
18
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,045
-in an old smelly book?
-(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
19
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,547
Gee, mister. That sounds swell!
20
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:50,008
Why do these old books smell
so bad?
21
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,510
SCUDWORTH: All right. (CHUCKLES)
That's not your line.
22
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:54,262
You can't just say stuff
you're thinking.
23
00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:56,639
Okay, well, it is swell, Billy!
24
00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:59,768
Cloney Island is the place
where history comes alive.
25
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:01,394
(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
26
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,271
Dammit, Mr. B, keep up!
27
00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:04,438
Where else can you take selfies
28
00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:06,024
with groundbreaking
historical figures
29
00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:07,817
in their naturally
glass-enclosed habitats?
30
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:08,985
-(CROWD GASPS)
-(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
31
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,029
You'll want to ride
Lincoln's Log Flume
32
00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:13,031
-fourscore times.
-(BOTH CHEER)
33
00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:14,032
(LOUD THUD)
34
00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:16,408
Go "underground"
on Harriet Tubman's
35
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,119
tub-bumping Bumper Tubs.
36
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:20,372
Shouldn't it be
an underground railroad ride?
37
00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:22,539
SCUDWORTH: Maybe when you get
your own theme park, Sarah!
38
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:26,211
Experience a brush with death
on Frida Kahlo's Brow-Boggan.
39
00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:27,712
RIDER: (SCREAMS) Oh, my God!
40
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,048
So it isn't even
an art-themed ride?
41
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:32,467
SCUDWORTH: (SIGHS)
We have to recast this girl.
42
00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:35,428
And don't forget to obtain
the wisdom of Confucius
43
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:38,348
with the purchase of these
tasteful souvenirs.
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00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:41,059
And every night,
we'll have a fireworks display.
45
00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:44,020
It'll be hot, smoky history
blown in your face!
46
00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:46,189
-(CROWD CHEERING)
-So come to Cloney Island,
47
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:48,566
where history will be blown
in your face!
48
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:49,734
MR. BUTLERTON:
Why does everything
49
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,277
have to be blown in your face?
50
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,862
SCUDWORTH:
I'm sorry, were you up writing
51
00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:53,905
until 2:00 a.m. in the morning?
52
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,157
How cool is that? Yeah?
53
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,576
Wait, Cloney Island is real?
54
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,537
And you're all going
to be working there.
55
00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:03,039
It's the summer job
of a lifetime!
56
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,000
That's why you put us
on a submarine?
57
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,251
(DOLPHIN CHIRPS)
58
00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,961
And the submarine is the school?
59
00:02:09,044 --> 00:02:10,005
Random.
60
00:02:10,045 --> 00:02:12,007
I assure you,
it isn't random in the least.
61
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:15,176
In fact, it's the whole reason
I put you on this Earth.
62
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,929
A chance to step into the shoes
of your clone parents
63
00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:20,557
and fulfill your destinies
as theme park attractions!
64
00:02:20,598 --> 00:02:21,558
-What? No, thank you.
-What?
65
00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:22,809
-Still sounds very random.
-Is he serious?
66
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:24,978
-(CLONES WHIMPER)
-(GASPS) We've arrived!
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00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:26,521
(SONAR BEEPING)
68
00:02:26,603 --> 00:02:28,732
SCUDWORTH:
Prepare to be impressed
69
00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:29,858
in a moment...
70
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,736
when we get to the surface.
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00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:34,529
Mr. B,
maybe pick it up a little.
72
00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:36,656
-(CLONES SCREAM)
-SCUDWORTH: Jesus, Mr. B!
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00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,116
MR. B: Oopsie doodle.
74
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:41,786
Welcome to Cloney Island.
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00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,788
(EPIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
76
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,503
(SCREAMS)
77
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:51,880
(SCREAMS)
78
00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:53,506
("CLONE HIGH THEME SONG"
BY ABANDONED POOLS PLAYING) ♪
79
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:54,966
Way, way back in the 1980s ♪
80
00:02:55,008 --> 00:03:00,680
Secret government employees
Dug up famous guys and ladies ♪
81
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:03,558
And made amusing
Genetic copies ♪
82
00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:06,478
Then the clones
As teens were frozen ♪
83
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:09,481
Thawed out decades later
Why? ♪
84
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:12,400
Back for reasons
They're not disclosin' ♪
85
00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:18,615
Giving high school
Another try ♪
86
00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:24,496
It's time
To watch Clone High ♪
87
00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:30,710
Energetic and engaging
Clone High ♪
88
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:37,216
Our angst is entertaining
Clone High ♪
89
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,637
(THEME SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
90
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:42,514
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
91
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:43,682
-ABE LINCOLN: Whoa!
-CONFUCIUS: Whoa-ho.
92
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,350
-(JOAN OF ARC GASPS)
-SCUDWORTH:
Soak it all in, clones!
93
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,768
-(CROWD CHEERS)
-SCUDWORTH: Your fun island
94
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:48,728
working vacation
is about to begin.
95
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:50,855
-Now, any softball questions?
-(LAUGHS)
96
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:52,399
HARRIET TUBMAN: Do our
foster parents know about this?
97
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:53,775
JOAN:
How much are we getting paid?
98
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,360
-JFK: Are the dorms co-ed?
-CONFUCIUS:
What's the Wi-Fi password?
99
00:03:55,442 --> 00:03:56,611
ABE: The other clones
are already here?
100
00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:58,071
The answer to all of that
is yes!
101
00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:00,365
-The Wi-Fi password is "yes"?
-(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
102
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:01,700
-(CELL PHONE DINGS)
-It is now.
103
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,868
Frida, if we're gonna be here
all summer,
104
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,870
there's a good chance
I'm gonna meet someone.
105
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,039
I just wanna be upfront
with you about that.
106
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,417
Hey, I get it. I mean,
I'll be out there, too.
107
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:13,211
So let me know if I should keep
my stuff on the low.
108
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,547
Oh, my God, please.
I'm fine with it.
109
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,423
Probably more fine with it
than you.
110
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:18,882
(CHUCKLES) Well, I doubt it,
111
00:04:18,966 --> 00:04:22,345
-'cause I'm pretty fine with it.
-Well, it's not a competition.
112
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,016
More fine with it than you!
113
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:29,019
I was supposed to intern
with Shonda Rhimes this summer.
114
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,438
This completely derails
my 50-year plan.
115
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,314
We're on a tropical island!
116
00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,358
You gotta relax
and live in the moment.
117
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,402
I'm not like you.
I can't just sit back
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00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:38,903
and take whatever life gives me.
119
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,280
Well, when you look like this,
120
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:42,532
life usually gives you
pretty good stuff.
121
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,618
FYI, there's nothing less
attractive than a shallow himbo
122
00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,037
-bragging about how hot--
-(JFK SNORING)
123
00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:48,913
And he's sleeping.
124
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,875
Babe, if people are expecting me
to be like the real Confucius,
125
00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:53,418
they're gonna be so let down.
126
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,962
I have abs,
but I'm not wise at all.
127
00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,756
Hey, it's just a summer job.
128
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,382
Summer jobs
are supposed to be fun.
129
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:00,675
Back me up here, Abe.
130
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,385
Oh, yeah.
Joan and I have been paired up
131
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,762
for tons of summer jobs.
132
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:05,597
Camp counselor,
ice cream scooper...
133
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,849
Lifeguard, and, of course...
134
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,768
BOTH: Slaughterhouse cleaners!
135
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,603
(BOTH LAUGH)
136
00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:14,439
I have no idea why we're
laughing at that. (SIGHS)
137
00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:15,732
Yeah, okay.
138
00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:18,818
Babe, even if the job sucks,
which it won't,
139
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:21,154
we get to spend
the summer together.
140
00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:22,906
-That's true.
-SCUDWORTH: You wish.
141
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,450
Each of you will be stationed
in theme zones corresponding
142
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:27,535
to your clone parents.
Abe and Joan,
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00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,245
-you're in Leader Lagoon.
-(BOTH GASP)
144
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,289
Cleo and JFK,
Historical Hotties.
145
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,457
-Mm-hmm.
-Makes sense.
146
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,459
Frida and Harriet,
Iconoclast Island.
147
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,586
And last but not least,
Confucius,
148
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,213
way up on Sage Summit.
149
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,340
(BIRD SQUAWKS)
150
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,175
I have to go up there
all by myself?
151
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,552
SCUDWORTH:
Worse! You get Nostradamus.
152
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:45,887
Yeah, I knew that already.
153
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:48,056
I could've said it,
but I didn't feel like it.
154
00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:50,266
So, you'll be hanging out
with Abe,
155
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,852
while I'm literally gonna be
on top of that mountain?
156
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,230
Don't worry, I promise I won't
get her too wet.
157
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:57,107
-What?
-On my flume ride!
158
00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,692
So glad I brought my ponchos.
159
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,485
They're not the waterproof kind,
but still.
160
00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:02,487
Well, we'll be working
during the day anyway,
161
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:05,198
what matters is that
we get to hang out at night.
162
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:08,159
And during breaks,
we can talk on the phone.
163
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,120
Right.
Hey, where is my phone?
164
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:11,621
SCUDWORTH:
Mr. B took all of your phones
165
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,415
when you were watching
the promo video.
166
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,208
They're not historically
accurate.
167
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:16,668
-(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
-(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
168
00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:18,294
-How could this get worse?
-Without my phone, I'll starve!
169
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,422
Now, if anyone needs to have
a huge conversation
170
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:21,965
with a friend or lover,
171
00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:23,758
you have 30 seconds
before you're launched
172
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:25,802
into your respective lands
where you will remain
173
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,721
-for the duration of your stay.
-This isn't right!
174
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,848
-Did we sign anything?
-I need a lawyer.
175
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:32,392
It's time to become who you were
always meant to be.
176
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,102
Time to embrace your destiny.
177
00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:35,729
-(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
-He's not actually gonna
launch us.
178
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,355
-Oh, he's launching us.
-(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
179
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,065
-(BUZZER SOUNDS)
-(FRIDA KAHLO SCREAMS)
180
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:43,236
-(CLONES SCREAM)
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
181
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:44,946
-Joan!
-Confucius!
182
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,157
-Frida!
-Cleo!
183
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:52,537
-(CLONES SCREAM, GRUNT)
-JFK: What's happening?
184
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,874
This isn't really just
a summer job, is it?
185
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:56,875
Of course it is.
186
00:06:56,957 --> 00:06:59,544
It just happens to be
an endless summer.
187
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:03,048
-(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
-(LAUGHS) I get it, Wesley.
188
00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:05,550
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
189
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:06,885
CANDIDE SAMPSON: That idiot!
190
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:09,387
I cannot believe Scudworth stole
the entire school
191
00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,514
and opened up
his own damn theme park!
192
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:14,059
And he actually thinks
he can get away with it?
193
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,560
-(HISSES)
-True.
194
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:18,730
Blowing up the island would
solve the problem instantly.
195
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,399
But if we take out Scudworth
and all the clones,
196
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,402
there's no hope of rebooting
Operation Spread Eagle.
197
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,528
(HISSES)
198
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,697
I know the button for
the ultimate secret super-weapon
199
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:29,574
is right there,
but I'm saying,
200
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,201
the clones still have value.
201
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:33,536
And Joan happens
to be my foster daughter.
202
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,789
-(ALARM BLARING)
-(GASPS, LAUGHS)
203
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,041
You naughty little shit.
204
00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:41,211
Looks like it's time
to cancel Clone High...
205
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,672
again.
206
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:46,800
-(EPIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
207
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:51,638
(IN FRENCH ACCENT) For France,
I will fight! I am Joan of Arc!
208
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:57,143
And I am a strong, God-hearing,
independent woman!
209
00:07:57,227 --> 00:08:02,273
-(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
-(CELL PHONE RINGS)
210
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,650
-Uh, hello?
-CANDIDE: Joan?
211
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,778
Are you serious?
Did you put a phone in my arm?
212
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,822
I wanted to keep tabs on you,
213
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,782
so I simply slipped you
a sleeping pill,
214
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,617
cut open a thin layer
of your forearm skin
215
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,828
using my meat slicer,
implanted the phone
216
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,329
with a tracking device,
sewed you back up--
217
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,373
Okay, I get it,
you're a monster!
218
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,166
Hey, I'm not the one
who locked you
219
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,043
in a demented little zoo
for clones.
220
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:25,338
Cloney Island is a theme park.
And I'm just working here.
221
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,798
It's called a summer job.
222
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,426
CANDIDE: Oh, you poor thing.
It's not a job.
223
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,136
Scudworth wants
to keep you all there forever.
224
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,179
I'm sorry, what?
225
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:36,307
Phone in the arm doesn't seem
so bad now, does it?
226
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,768
Scudworth never cared
about you clones.
227
00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,270
But I'm going
to teach him a lesson.
228
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:43,188
I sent a missile
to destroy the island.
229
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,483
-What?
-Hey, I'm trying
to save your life.
230
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,861
Get to Scudworth's submarine
and get outta there.
231
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:50,488
You've got two to eight hours
before the missile arrives.
232
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:52,198
You're welcome!
233
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,701
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
234
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:57,454
Everyone! We have to go!
A missile is coming!
235
00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,372
-(AUDIENCE GASPS)
-GUEST 1:
She's being anachronistic!
236
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,499
We just suspended our disbelief!
237
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,293
-Now we gotta start all over!
-(AUDIENCE BOOS)
238
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,003
GUEST 2: I jet-skied
to an island for this?
239
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:07,130
-GUEST 3: Go back to the fire!
-Assholes.
240
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:10,175
I'm Honest Abe,
and I cannot tell a lie.
241
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:13,345
You must keep your arms inside
the log at all times.
242
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:16,222
"Cannot tell a lie"
isn't an Abe Lincoln quote.
243
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,766
It's Washington's.
244
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:20,143
(LAUGHS) You seem fun!
245
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,436
-(GRUNTS)
-(SCREAMS)
246
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:22,520
(PANTS)
247
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:25,523
-Joan! What are you doing here?
-Candide sent a missile
248
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:28,985
to blow up the island!
We only have two to eight hours!
249
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:32,405
Oh my God, that's so vague
yet specific and terrifying!
250
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:34,199
Come on, we gotta get
the others!
251
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:36,368
Wait. I know a faster way.
252
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,244
-(BOTH CHEER)
-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
253
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,287
(BOTH LAUGH)
254
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,998
Time for us to split!
(GRUNTS)
255
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:51,174
(BOTH CHEER AND LAUGH)
256
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,842
Wahoo!
257
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,427
-(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
-(BOTH LAUGHING)
258
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,429
CONFUCIUS: Oh, no!
Joan and Abe are down there
259
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,139
having the best time
together.
260
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,225
She clearly doesn't miss me
at all!
261
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,310
Am I losing her,
Nostradamus?
262
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:03,937
(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
263
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,855
Do not despair.
264
00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:09,275
You will find yourself with
whomever is right for you.
265
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,403
Can you just tell me
if it's Joan?
266
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:15,073
I will tell you that the answers
are all inside of you.
267
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,408
That sounds like bullshit.
268
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:17,659
Dude, I'm not a wizard.
269
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,912
I just make broad predictions
that'll eventually come true.
270
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,330
But I'll tell you
what is bullshit,
271
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:24,916
you've had those binoculars
for like ten straight minutes!
272
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,043
They're not yours!
They're to share!
273
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:29,295
Oh, my god.
274
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:32,424
Oh, yeah! I see my destiny down
at Historical Hotties.
275
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,260
Oh, my gosh! There's
some real talent there! (GROANS)
276
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,053
-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(HOOTING AND HOLLERING)
277
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,346
GUEST 1: I'm looking!
278
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,265
-GUEST 2:Whoa.
-GUEST 3: Look at that!
279
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,435
GUEST 4:
Shake that tush, James Dean!
280
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:46,062
James Dean? I'm JFK.
281
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,856
GUEST 4: Ooh,
look at his butt tensing up.
282
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,649
GUEST 5:
I think you made him angry!
283
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:52,610
Cleo,
do you ever feel objectified?
284
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,237
(SIGHS) I used to.
285
00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:56,448
Now I'm surrounded by so many
hot people,
286
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,241
I barely feel objectified
at all.
287
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:00,326
I need to be the hottest person
in the room.
288
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:03,204
I think I wanna be more
than just hot.
289
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:05,248
-BOTH: This sucks.
-(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
290
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,791
Everyone, we gotta go!
291
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:07,792
-Oh, thank god!
-Thank god!
292
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,336
Wait. Did someone
already tell you
293
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:10,795
-about the missile?
-BOTH: Missile?
294
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:12,839
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
295
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,841
-(BIRDS SQUAWK)
-(MISSILE ROARS)
296
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:17,218
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
297
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,595
SCUDWORTH:
Look at that, Mr. B.
298
00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:21,806
All my little creations,
living out my childhood dreams
299
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,476
of fulfilling their destinies
as theme park attractions.
300
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,102
It's exactly as I imagined,
301
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:28,146
and it all came off
without a hitch.
302
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,647
-(ALARM BLARING)
-(YELPS)
303
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,817
-It's a hitch.
-What?
304
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,487
ABE: (OVER PA) Uh-oh,
looks like my log is jammed.
305
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,822
But we'll be
squeezing out shortly.
306
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,867
The clones have abandoned
their posts!
307
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,660
We'll need to teach them
a lesson.
308
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:44,996
Fill churros
with horse tranquilizers,
309
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,956
tranq the clones,
chain them to their posts,
310
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:49,668
and make sure they never leave
their lands again!
311
00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,920
Bingo! Once this is resolved,
312
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,506
we'll have a grand total
of zero problems.
313
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,341
-(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(SLURPS)
314
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,346
-(THUD)
-(ROARS)
315
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,974
People, there's a missile
approaching the island!
316
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,227
-We have to evacuate.
-Wait your turn!
317
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,354
-No cuts!
-I'm not cutting in line!
318
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,314
-Said the cutter!
-Push on, cutter!
319
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:12,816
HARRIET:
Candide's trying to kill us?
320
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:13,942
FRIDA: Don't like that.
321
00:12:14,025 --> 00:12:15,777
Come on, let's grab Confucius
and get to the sub.
322
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:16,861
We don't have much time.
323
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,488
You haven't gotten Confucius
yet?
324
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,156
-Interesting.
-What does that mean?
325
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:23,201
Well, er, uh, you'd think he'd
be the first one you rescued,
326
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:24,869
you know, since,
uh, you're dating.
327
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,538
Abe was closest to me.
328
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,997
In what way?
329
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:29,207
Geographically!
330
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:31,543
Come on, Joan, there have been
sparks between you and Abe
331
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:32,669
for weeks.
332
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:34,504
(CHUCKLES)
Okay, that's ridiculous.
333
00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,172
(SCREAMS)
334
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:39,134
-Joan! No!
-(SCREAMS)
335
00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,511
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
336
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,476
-(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
-Yeah. No sparks at all.
337
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,228
(GROANS)
We're wasting time!
338
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,897
This missile could be here in
as little as 30 minutes!
339
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,316
Or as much as six hours
and 30 minutes.
340
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,110
Fingers crossed
for that one, right?
341
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:58,361
Looking at this map of the park,
342
00:12:58,403 --> 00:12:59,904
the fastest way
to get to Confucius
343
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,198
is cutting through
Villain Village.
344
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,493
Bleacher Creatures area.
Your old pals, Joan.
345
00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:08,288
You all get to safety.
I'll navigate the creatures.
346
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:10,915
No way you're going alone.
I'm coming with you.
347
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,168
-CLONES: Ooh!
-You like her!
348
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:16,296
-Seriously?
-What is wrong with you people?
349
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,964
Well, I'm off to the sub.
350
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:19,507
I need to protect
this pretty face,
351
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,843
boobs, butt, and feet
for those who have a fetish.
352
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,928
I'm going with Abe and Joan.
353
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,388
I need to show the world
354
00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:27,766
I'm more than just
a pretty face, boobs, butt,
355
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,267
and feet for those who
have a fetish.
356
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,560
-Seriously?
-(PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
357
00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,771
I'm not running from
a missile crisis.
358
00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:34,898
-I'm John F. friggin' Kennedy!
-(MUSIC PAUSES) ♪
359
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:36,941
John F. Kennedy famously
backed down from that.
360
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,610
-Well, not this time!
-(PATRIOTIC MUSIC RESUMES) ♪
361
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,738
Someone wise once told me
you can't just sit back
362
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:43,448
-and take what life gives you.
-(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
363
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:46,117
That was me.
Like, a few hours ago.
364
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:50,038
Huh. Guess you're right.
I'm, er, uh, doing your thing.
365
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:51,706
You just said you were
doing my thing
366
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,625
and it wasn't a sex joke.
367
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:56,169
Yeah, I'm not exactly sure
what's happening.
368
00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:58,046
Don't worry. I can help.
369
00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,631
Yes, please.
370
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:02,550
Wait, so I'm the only one
going to the sub?
371
00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:06,596
I won't let you go alone, Cle.
Unless you wanna be alone?
372
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:09,432
No, come with me! You think I
wanna die on this island?
373
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:12,185
Not that you're all gonna die.
374
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:14,145
You'll be fine.
You're gonna do great.
375
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,690
(SCREAMS)
376
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:20,068
Oh my god, this is easily
the best part of the island.
377
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,987
Bad guys make
the best theme park rides.
378
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,240
And we don't enforce height
restrictions.
379
00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:27,158
(SCREAMS)
380
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:29,994
Churros! Get your churros!
381
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:32,455
Thirteen dollars apiece!
382
00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:33,957
Thirteen dollars?
383
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,418
I know. I don't get
why we have to also gouge
384
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:37,627
the people while we're trying--
385
00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:39,004
SCUDWORTH: Shut up, Mr. B!
386
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,922
Can't I poison them
and turn a profit?
387
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:44,342
Everybody focus!
Candide sent a missile.
388
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,011
We need to get off this island.
389
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:49,639
Oh, no. Scudworth,
we have a serious problem.
390
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,683
SCUDWORTH:
Until you've sold the churros,
I don't wanna talk to you.
391
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,018
But-- But this is important.
392
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,185
SCUDWORTH:
No "buts," Mr. Butlertron!
393
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:56,021
-Please.
-SCUDWORTH: Or should I say,
Mr. Lertron.
394
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,355
-Just let me--
-SCUDWORTH: Because no "buts."
395
00:14:57,439 --> 00:14:59,024
-But I--
-SCUDWORTH: I don't wanna
hear the word "but"
396
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,358
-come out of your mouth!
-Can I just--
397
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,985
SCUDWORTH: Or the word "mouth"
come out of your butt!
398
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,028
Fine, however--
399
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:04,738
"However" is just a fancy but!
400
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,990
-Nevertheless, I--
-SCUDWORTH: No buts,
no fancy buts,
401
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:08,950
-or any other manner of but!
-Although--
402
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:11,536
SCUDWORTH:
That's it! You've lost
your but privileges forever
403
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,663
because you just couldn't leave
the buts alone.
404
00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:16,166
-(RADIO STATIC)
-(GRUMBLES)
405
00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:18,335
What an idiot.
406
00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:21,838
Come on, let's go! Go! Go!
Topher, we gotta move!
407
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,214
So we can go back to high school
408
00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:26,092
and be stuck under the bleachers
again? No, thank you.
409
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:27,135
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
410
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:28,261
-That's right.
-We love this place.
411
00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:30,055
I don't have to be "Topher Bus"
anymore.
412
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:31,431
I get to be
Christopher Columbus.
413
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:32,682
And you know what?
Cheese!
414
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,100
It makes some people happy.
415
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:37,312
Okay, I'm gonna let you all sort
this out while I get Confucius.
416
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:38,855
Do you want me to come with you?
417
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,858
Not this time, Abe.
I need to do this one alone.
418
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:45,070
Okay. I'll save this victory
churro for when we're safe.
419
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,447
(CHEWING, GRUNTS)
420
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,407
(GUESTS GRUNT)
421
00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:51,493
(CHEWING, GRUNTS)
422
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:52,660
(GRUNTS)
423
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:55,413
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
424
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,915
(SQUAWKS)
425
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,628
(SLURPING)
426
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:03,922
None of the clones
are eating my churros!
427
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:06,549
I could kill those insufferable
little bastards!
428
00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:08,093
Sir, forget the churros!
429
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:11,388
Candide sent a missile
to destroy the island!
430
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,597
Gasp!
431
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:14,641
She wants to kill
my beautiful little angels?
432
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:17,102
What kind of an asshole
would wish them harm?
433
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:18,478
(GRUMBLES)
434
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,438
Here on my console
is a heat-seeking
435
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:21,731
weapons intercept device,
436
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:23,566
right next
to my full cup of coffee.
437
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:26,236
It was specifically designed to
neutralize a missile attack.
438
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:28,655
To deploy it, I'll simply
reach over the coffee cup
439
00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:31,241
-and press the-- (SCREAMS) Shit!
-Shit, man!
440
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:33,159
-Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
-Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
441
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:35,203
-(ALARM BLARING)
-I just need to do it manually.
442
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:37,163
Shit! Where are all these
coffees coming from?
443
00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:39,040
They must be from
Glen the janitor!
444
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:44,045
Oh, yes, sir. Definitely Glen.
445
00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:45,588
-(PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(BIRD SQUAWKS)
446
00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:50,635
-(CROWD SCREAMING)
-(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
447
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:53,930
Hey, is there a missile coming
to blow up the island
448
00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:55,849
-or is that a hoax?
-What?
449
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,809
Wait, wait, wait,
why you asking him for?
450
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:01,021
Confucius can't predict
the future, that's my thing.
451
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:03,648
I'm just going by what it says
on this mug.
452
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,067
I paid $40 for this.
453
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,944
Sorry, you should
get your money back.
454
00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,362
I don't know anything.
455
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:12,031
I'm just your classic teenager
in a racist costume.
456
00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:13,074
I mean, he doesn't even know
457
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,534
if his girlfriend
still likes him.
458
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:18,538
Meanwhile, I'm
Nostra-freaking-damus over here!
459
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:20,457
Well, is there a missile coming?
460
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,625
A missile? Missile coming.
Right.
461
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,002
-Is there a missile coming?
-(PANTS)
462
00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:25,878
Everybody move!
There's a missile coming!
463
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:26,963
-(CROWD GASPS)
-There's a missile!
464
00:17:27,005 --> 00:17:28,173
I was saying that!
465
00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:29,591
-I said there's a missile.
-(CROWD SCREAMING)
466
00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:33,094
I predicted it. Oh my God!
There's a missile?
467
00:17:33,178 --> 00:17:35,013
Joan! You came for me.
468
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,431
What's that supposed to mean?
469
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:37,849
I've just been so worried
about losing you,
470
00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,351
I haven't been able
to think straight.
471
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,437
But the fact that you're here,
now, means everything.
472
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,147
Of course I was gonna
come for you.
473
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,690
Now let's get off this island!
474
00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:47,692
Right.
We have to find the others!
475
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,819
It's okay,
I already got everybody.
476
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:52,530
Oh. Okay. Uh, like everybody?
477
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:54,491
Yeah, they were, you know...
478
00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:57,577
they were just on the way. I...
I saved the best for last.
479
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:01,831
(SMOOCHING)
480
00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:04,209
Oh! You got a little racism
on your face.
481
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,169
(ROCKET FIZZLES)
482
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:07,712
Dang it! I didn't mean
to set off
483
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,506
those pathetic little
bottle rockets.
484
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:12,717
Impact in T-minus 15 minutes.
485
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,762
Quick thought,
maybe we, um, leave.
486
00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:17,430
And let the clones die out here?
487
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:19,891
Weren't you always planning
for them to die here?
488
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,643
People change, okay?
489
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:23,395
My life is meaningless
without them.
490
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,605
There's so much more
to teach them. To show them.
491
00:18:25,689 --> 00:18:28,024
I mean, they haven't even seen
the epic fireworks display
492
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,693
we prepared for tonight.
(GASPS)
493
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:32,278
That's it! If I redirect
our entire arsenal of fireworks,
494
00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:34,197
maybe I can intercept
that missile
495
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,324
and save Cloney Island.
496
00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:39,202
Looks like the lightshow's
starting a little early tonight.
497
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:42,038
(BUZZES)
498
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,915
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
499
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,000
You made it!
500
00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:46,418
Do we have everyone?
501
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:49,379
If you mean a bunch of tourists
and clones we don't know? Yes.
502
00:18:49,421 --> 00:18:51,589
I don't care how long
the boat trip is,
503
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:53,008
I'm not learning their names.
504
00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:55,427
So much for meeting someone new
this summer, huh?
505
00:18:55,510 --> 00:18:57,303
I know enough people.
506
00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:59,389
How'd you get
the Bleacher Creatures back?
507
00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:00,890
Ah, we told them escaping death
508
00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,809
is the kind of thing
that can bond people.
509
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:04,269
And that actually worked?
510
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:07,272
Well, it certainly made us look
at each other differently.
511
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,482
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
512
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,611
I'll be honest, I never thought
I'd see you again.
513
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,488
Guess you could say we had a...
514
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:18,324
-Change of heart. (LAUGH)
-...change of heart. (LAUGH)
515
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,785
-(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
-(BOTH LAUGH, SIGH)
516
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:21,953
Inside joke.
517
00:19:22,037 --> 00:19:24,581
Time to shove off, y'all!
Let's get this sub in the tub!
518
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:26,166
-Wait, where's Abe?
-(TENSE MUSIC RESUMES) ♪
519
00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:27,542
We thought he was with you.
520
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,627
There he is!
He's asleep on the beach!
521
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,129
(CHUCKLES) And it looks like
he's sporting
522
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:32,589
some major morning wood.
523
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:33,923
What is he doing?
524
00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,425
He probably ate a churro.
525
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:37,844
Van Gogh took one bite
and he was out cold.
526
00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:39,220
Oh, my God. Abe!
527
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:40,638
-Uh-oh.
-It's here!
528
00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:43,808
I have to save him.
529
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:44,976
-But, Joan...
-Listen.
530
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,478
Scudworth was telling the truth.
531
00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:48,646
We are fulfilling
our destiny here.
532
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,066
But our destiny wasn't written
in a history book.
533
00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:52,692
We can write it ourselves.
534
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:56,696
And in my story, right now,
Joan of Arc saves Abe Lincoln.
535
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,698
Joan!
536
00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:01,659
Abe! Wake up!
Wake up, Abe! Please!
537
00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:03,536
-What do we do?
-We can't leave them!
538
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,663
The missile is literally
right there!
539
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,624
The fireworks are coming to
intercept it!
540
00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:12,837
-CLEOPATRA: Go!
-(ALL SCREAMING)
541
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:15,924
Can fireworks stop a missile?
542
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:18,677
If they do,
is Joan gonna leave me for Abe?
543
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,637
Oh god,
am I rooting for the missile?
544
00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:24,265
-Confucius! Come on!
-Oh, no! My 40-dollar mug!
545
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:26,393
I just want some clarity here!
Huh?
546
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:28,978
-(LOUD THUD)
-(CONFUCIUS GRUNTS)
547
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:31,981
CONFUCIUS: To see the future,
look to the past.
548
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,149
(SOFT GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
549
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:35,068
Grab my hand, Joan.
I'll save you!
550
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:47,330
JOAN: You're the most loveable
guy I've ever met.
551
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:51,209
CONFUCIUS: You're the coolest
indie-girl I've ever seen.
552
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:54,671
(BOTH LAUGHING)
553
00:20:54,713 --> 00:20:56,548
-God, I love an abrupt ending.
-Me, too!
554
00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:05,515
HARRIET: (MUFFLED)
Confucius! Confucius!
555
00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:07,642
Oh my God, I can see it now.
556
00:21:07,726 --> 00:21:09,102
What are you talking about?
557
00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:12,147
I'm staying. It's all gonna be
fine! You'll see!
558
00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:14,441
-Confucius!
-("START OVER"
BY ABANDONED POOLS PLAYING) ♪
559
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:17,569
CANDIDE: It's all gonna
be fine. You'll see.
560
00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:20,697
For me. Just me.
561
00:21:20,739 --> 00:21:22,741
And possibly Joan. Who knows?
562
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:23,950
Time to go!
563
00:21:24,034 --> 00:21:28,872
Can we start over? ♪
564
00:21:29,247 --> 00:21:30,540
Abe! Abe!
565
00:21:30,582 --> 00:21:34,085
Can we start over? ♪
566
00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:37,797
It's over... ♪
567
00:21:37,881 --> 00:21:38,840
Abe!
568
00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:41,051
(GASPS) The missile! The sub!
569
00:21:41,092 --> 00:21:43,428
Joan, you shouldn't have
come back for me.
570
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,013
How could I leave without you?
571
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,144
Oh, God, if this is it,
I have to tell you something
572
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:53,271
I've been dying to say
for so long.
573
00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:58,151
Abe, please don't. Not until
I say what I have to say.
574
00:21:59,444 --> 00:22:00,695
Abe...
575
00:22:02,614 --> 00:22:04,282
I love...
576
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:05,450
(CONFUCIUS SIGHS)
577
00:22:06,242 --> 00:22:07,744
(SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
578
00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:15,794
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
579
00:23:02,716 --> 00:23:04,050
(THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
44379
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