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{\an8}- * My words are lazy ♪
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00:00:14,432 --> 00:00:16,350
{\an8}♪ My thoughts are hazy ♪
3
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:19,479
{\an8}♪ But this is one thing
I'm sure of ♪
4
00:00:19,479 --> 00:00:23,107
{\an8}♪ Everybody needs
a best friend ♪
5
00:00:23,107 --> 00:00:25,860
{\an8}♪ I'm happy I'm yours ♪
6
00:00:34,786 --> 00:00:37,330
{\an8}- The other night I was out
at a basketball game
7
00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:39,248
{\an8}with my whole family.
- Right.
8
00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:42,085
{\an8}- And I only asked this guy in
front of me to just sit down
9
00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:46,047
{\an8}a bit so I could see,
and he beat me unmercifully.
10
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:49,801
{\an8}He beat me very badly
and my hairpiece fell off.
11
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,345
{\an8}And it was awful,
because when he beat me,
12
00:00:52,345 --> 00:00:54,555
{\an8}my teeth were also
in my hairpiece.
13
00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,058
{\an8}Oh, man.
14
00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:58,518
{\an8}The Jerky Boys are
like the greatest
15
00:00:58,518 --> 00:00:59,685
{\an8}living comedy geniuses.
16
00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:01,062
{\an8}I know.
17
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,772
{\an8}It's like the
telephone was just
18
00:01:02,772 --> 00:01:04,607
{\an8}sitting there for 100 years
and it took these two guys--
19
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:05,858
{\an8}both: To figure out
what it was for.
20
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:08,111
{\an8}See, yeah, you understand.
You understand.
21
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:10,780
{\an8}All right.
I gotta take a leak.
22
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:11,781
{\an8}Oh, shit.
23
00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:12,782
{\an8}Oh, fuck.
24
00:01:12,782 --> 00:01:14,367
{\an8}Clive, 2 o'clock.
25
00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:15,785
{\an8}He follows you in there,
you're a dead man.
26
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:16,786
{\an8}This is bad.
27
00:01:16,786 --> 00:01:18,246
{\an8}I really got to go.
28
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:19,622
{\an8}You saw me down that
Capri Sun at lunch.
29
00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:20,790
{\an8}I know.
You were sucking that straw
30
00:01:20,790 --> 00:01:22,458
{\an8}like it promised you
a modeling contract.
31
00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:23,668
{\an8}But Johnny, you got to hold it.
32
00:01:23,668 --> 00:01:24,877
{\an8}It's not safe
to hold your pee.
33
00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:25,920
{\an8}You got to do it, man.
34
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,296
{\an8}Just think about baseball.
35
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:28,631
{\an8}That's not how it works.
36
00:01:28,631 --> 00:01:30,133
{\an8}Think about your dad
coming out of the bedroom
37
00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:31,634
{\an8}naked on a weekend.
38
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:32,760
{\an8}What the fuck?
39
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,095
{\an8}With his hog hanging
out of his robe
40
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:36,222
{\an8}waving like a bat sleeping
through an earthquake.
41
00:01:36,222 --> 00:01:37,515
{\an8}Shut the fuck up, all right?
42
00:01:37,515 --> 00:01:39,308
{\an8}Just follow me in there
and stand guard.
43
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:40,977
{\an8}All right.
44
00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:56,200
{\an8}All right, go on,
get to peeing.
45
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,118
{\an8}All right,
just watch the door.
46
00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,661
{\an8}OK.
47
00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:03,082
{\an8}- Shit.
- Go on, hurry up.
48
00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:04,333
{\an8}I can't, all right?
49
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:05,668
{\an8}There's another guy in here
and I'm pee shy.
50
00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:07,628
{\an8}Jesus Christ.
Hey dude, do you mind?
51
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,005
{\an8}My buddy's self conscious.
52
00:02:09,005 --> 00:02:10,298
{\an8}Yeah, I thought he might
be having some trouble
53
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:12,008
{\an8}when I didn't hear anything.
54
00:02:12,008 --> 00:02:15,386
{\an8}I just want you to know, you
take all the time you need to.
55
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,388
{\an8}I won't judge.
56
00:02:22,769 --> 00:02:24,729
{\an8}Oh, here we go.
57
00:02:24,729 --> 00:02:26,105
{\an8}Thank you.
58
00:02:26,105 --> 00:02:29,192
{\an8}That is all the thanks
I need.
59
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:32,737
{\an8}Wait.
60
00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:35,740
{\an8}Jesus?
61
00:02:38,910 --> 00:02:39,994
{\an8}All right.
It's OK.
62
00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:42,538
{\an8}Everything's going to be OK.
63
00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,082
{\an8}Oh shit, he's here.
Wrap it up.
64
00:02:44,082 --> 00:02:45,083
{\an8}That's not how it works.
65
00:02:45,083 --> 00:02:46,292
{\an8}Hey, look who's here.
66
00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:47,710
{\an8}It's Bennett.
67
00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:49,921
{\an8}And he's got his little
boyfriend with him.
68
00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,549
{\an8}All right, Clive,
what if I am his boyfriend?
69
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,426
{\an8}What if we are
having an affair?
70
00:02:55,426 --> 00:02:59,013
{\an8}I can satisfy him in a way
you never could.
71
00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,598
Oof!
72
00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:01,974
Better be careful, Bennett.
73
00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,893
You wouldn't want to slip!
74
00:03:03,893 --> 00:03:04,977
Yeah.
75
00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:06,187
Nice going, Bennett.
76
00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:07,397
Pee much?
77
00:03:09,649 --> 00:03:12,402
Why don't you go ask
your mother's face?
78
00:03:12,402 --> 00:03:14,404
Oh Jesus, I am so sorry.
79
00:03:14,404 --> 00:03:16,572
That was so over the line.
80
00:03:16,572 --> 00:03:18,574
What the fuck, dude?
That's sick.
81
00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,326
It was out of my mouth
before I knew what it was.
82
00:03:20,326 --> 00:03:21,953
Kind of like your mother.
83
00:03:21,953 --> 00:03:23,329
Oh, my God,
what is wrong with me?
84
00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:24,664
I am so sorry.
85
00:03:24,664 --> 00:03:26,999
I deserve what's
about to happen to me.
86
00:03:26,999 --> 00:03:28,292
Yeah, no shit.
87
00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:32,171
Drink up, asshole.
- Oh shit.
88
00:03:32,171 --> 00:03:33,297
Wait, no, not the toilet.
89
00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:34,507
I'm not supposed to get wet.
90
00:03:34,507 --> 00:03:36,342
It said so on my tag!
91
00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:44,809
Teddy.
92
00:03:44,809 --> 00:03:46,352
Teddy?
93
00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:48,187
Well, the joke's on us,
Johnny.
94
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:49,689
Pipes don't go anywhere.
95
00:03:49,689 --> 00:03:52,942
The kids are just flushing them
back and forth all day.
96
00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:54,569
Yuck.
97
00:03:54,569 --> 00:03:57,113
If you have a problem,
if no one else can help,
98
00:03:57,113 --> 00:04:00,408
and if you can find them,
maybe you can hire the A-Team.
99
00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:08,499
I've seen this
episode before.
100
00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,751
It's a good one.
101
00:04:09,751 --> 00:04:11,127
How can you watch that shit?
102
00:04:11,127 --> 00:04:13,921
It's just car chases
and blowing stuff up.
103
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,131
Why did you just
say two good things
104
00:04:15,131 --> 00:04:16,466
as if they're two bad things?
105
00:04:16,466 --> 00:04:17,592
Give us a break, Blaire.
Jesus.
106
00:04:17,592 --> 00:04:19,302
We had a hard day.
107
00:04:19,302 --> 00:04:20,970
And this show is
very educational.
108
00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:23,514
We're learning about the
struggles of Vietnam veterans
109
00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,558
and how to turn a wood chipper
into a cannon
110
00:04:25,558 --> 00:04:27,101
that shoots cabbages.
111
00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:31,773
Matty, Dr. Frankel called
when you were at work today.
112
00:04:31,773 --> 00:04:34,484
He says you're overdue
for a colonoscopy.
113
00:04:34,484 --> 00:04:36,152
Yeah, I'm not
getting one of those.
114
00:04:36,152 --> 00:04:37,987
He says it's important.
115
00:04:37,987 --> 00:04:40,198
- That guy's a quack.
- No, he's not.
116
00:04:40,198 --> 00:04:41,491
He's very smart.
117
00:04:41,491 --> 00:04:43,493
Not all Jewish doctors
are smart, Susan.
118
00:04:43,493 --> 00:04:44,786
That's one of
those stereotypes.
119
00:04:44,786 --> 00:04:46,079
Wow.
120
00:04:46,079 --> 00:04:47,663
Even when you're technically
on the right side,
121
00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:49,791
you still find
a way to ruin it.
122
00:04:49,791 --> 00:04:50,875
What?
123
00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:52,668
I just said they're
not all smart.
124
00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:54,545
Some of them Hebrews are
just in it for the money.
125
00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:56,547
That is beyond
fucking offensive.
126
00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:59,175
Sorry.
Hebrews and Shebrews.
127
00:04:59,175 --> 00:05:00,760
Honey, it's a routine test.
128
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,262
You're sedated the whole time.
129
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:06,015
It wasn't so bad when I did it.
130
00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:07,517
What?
131
00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:09,102
When the hell did you
have a colonoscopy?
132
00:05:09,102 --> 00:05:11,938
Last year when I was
having my tummy troubles.
133
00:05:11,938 --> 00:05:14,315
- Where was I?
- You drove me.
134
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:15,900
No, I didn't.
135
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:18,528
Well, I had you drop me off
across the street at the mall.
136
00:05:18,528 --> 00:05:20,863
I didn't want to worry you.
137
00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:21,989
And plus
you needed undershirts,
138
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,158
and Jordan Marsh
was having a sale.
139
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:26,035
This is hilarious.
140
00:05:26,035 --> 00:05:28,371
You're afraid of a procedure
Aunt Sue's got done
141
00:05:28,371 --> 00:05:30,039
without even telling you.
142
00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:31,666
I don't remember
picking you up.
143
00:05:31,666 --> 00:05:34,168
- I walked home.
- She walked home.
144
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,878
It's just a couple of miles.
145
00:05:35,878 --> 00:05:37,588
Couldn't feel my legs anyway,
146
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:39,757
so it didn't matter
if my pumps got slushy.
147
00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:42,760
Well, Matty, it's your move.
148
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,680
My move is
I'm getting a beer.
149
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,391
My results were negative.
150
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,935
Oh gosh, he seems so worried.
151
00:05:52,812 --> 00:05:55,064
Man, I wish
the A-Team was real.
152
00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:57,483
That way we could hire him
to beat the shit out of Clive.
153
00:05:57,483 --> 00:05:58,901
Who's Clive?
154
00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:01,404
This fucking goon
at school who picks on us.
155
00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:03,281
Is that Muriel's son Clive?
156
00:06:03,281 --> 00:06:05,616
I don't know, is Muriel's son
a sadistic steroid bully
157
00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:07,201
with a pee fetish?
158
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:08,870
Oh, that poor boy.
159
00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:11,080
He doesn't have a father,
you know.
160
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,123
Huh?
161
00:06:12,123 --> 00:06:13,541
Oh yeah,
he walked out on Muriel
162
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,835
before Clive was even born.
163
00:06:15,835 --> 00:06:18,588
It's probably why
he's so unhappy.
164
00:06:18,588 --> 00:06:20,423
It's a classic
defense mechanism.
165
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:22,091
Hurt people hurt people.
166
00:06:22,091 --> 00:06:23,634
Wait, wait, wait,
are you saying
167
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:26,262
Clive is a bastard child?
168
00:06:26,262 --> 00:06:28,139
His mother is so sweet.
169
00:06:28,139 --> 00:06:30,516
Must be hard.
170
00:06:30,516 --> 00:06:33,436
Johnny, we have been
blessed with information
171
00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:35,146
we can weaponize.
172
00:06:35,146 --> 00:06:36,272
What do you mean?
173
00:06:36,272 --> 00:06:40,109
What would the Jerky Boys do?
174
00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:41,486
All right, found it.
175
00:06:41,486 --> 00:06:45,198
555-3816.
176
00:06:45,198 --> 00:06:48,743
Oh, we are going to fuck
this guy's head up so bad.
177
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:54,749
Hello?
178
00:06:54,749 --> 00:06:57,502
Clive, this is your father.
179
00:06:57,502 --> 00:06:59,796
- What?
- I'm your father.
180
00:06:59,796 --> 00:07:01,964
I abandoned you
when you were a baby.
181
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:04,634
Sorry about that.
I had a rough day.
182
00:07:04,634 --> 00:07:06,761
Dad, is this really you?
183
00:07:06,761 --> 00:07:08,137
Yes, Clive.
184
00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:11,724
This is so totally
fucking your dad.
185
00:07:11,724 --> 00:07:14,977
Dad, I knew
you'd call someday.
186
00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:17,688
Mom said you wouldn't,
but I just knew it.
187
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,357
Where are you?
188
00:07:19,357 --> 00:07:21,359
I mean, can I meet you?
189
00:07:21,359 --> 00:07:22,652
Holy shit, he wants to meet.
190
00:07:22,652 --> 00:07:24,404
This is fucking classic.
191
00:07:24,404 --> 00:07:27,031
- What do I say?
- Say yes.
192
00:07:27,031 --> 00:07:28,950
Tell him to meet you
at Friendly's tomorrow.
193
00:07:28,950 --> 00:07:32,412
Yeah, sure, be at Friendly's
tomorrow after school.
194
00:07:32,412 --> 00:07:35,081
And wear a sailor suit.
195
00:07:35,081 --> 00:07:36,666
A sailor suit?
196
00:07:36,666 --> 00:07:38,584
Yeah, I spent some time
in the Navy,
197
00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:40,837
so it's sentimental
for me, you know.
198
00:07:40,837 --> 00:07:43,631
I fought in the war.
- Whoa. Which one?
199
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:45,091
You got that right,
my friend.
200
00:07:45,091 --> 00:07:46,634
I don't like talking
about it though,
201
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:48,386
especially in specifics.
202
00:07:48,386 --> 00:07:49,887
Man, that's so cool.
203
00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:52,515
And I mean a real
sailor suit, all right?
204
00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:54,183
Like the kid on the
Cracker Jack box.
205
00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:56,519
But where do
I get a sailor suit?
206
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:57,979
You back talking me?
207
00:07:57,979 --> 00:08:00,481
See, this smart mouth attitude
is exactly why I left.
208
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:03,317
Sorry. No, I'm sorry, Dad.
No, I'll do it. I promise.
209
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,861
That's more like it.
210
00:08:04,861 --> 00:08:06,446
Tell him to say ahoy.
211
00:08:06,446 --> 00:08:09,031
Oh yeah, and say ahoy
to people when you get there.
212
00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:11,993
OK.
Dad, I can't wait to meet you.
213
00:08:11,993 --> 00:08:13,745
Yeah, get those hopes
sky high, buddy.
214
00:08:13,745 --> 00:08:14,912
I love you--
215
00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:16,539
Oh, my God, that was
fucking amazing.
216
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:17,874
That was great.
217
00:08:17,874 --> 00:08:19,208
Well, we got to be there
when he shows up.
218
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:21,210
Totally.
Wait, wait, no, no, we can't.
219
00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:23,254
He'll see us and
he'll kick our asses.
220
00:08:23,254 --> 00:08:25,214
No, he won't.
221
00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:27,050
This was good.
This was a good plan.
222
00:08:27,050 --> 00:08:29,218
OK, now as far
as anyone knows,
223
00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:32,221
we're two ad executives on
a business trip from Hartford
224
00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:34,640
looking for some local talent.
- Right.
225
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,350
Hey, keep these
milkshakes coming, huh?
226
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:39,062
- Sure thing.
- You know, we're celebrating.
227
00:08:39,062 --> 00:08:41,731
Just landed a big account.
Bounty.
228
00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:43,483
It's a very famous paper towel.
229
00:08:43,483 --> 00:08:45,401
Yep.
I use them every day.
230
00:08:45,401 --> 00:08:46,611
Oh, terrific.
231
00:08:46,611 --> 00:08:47,904
Well, you know,
originally the slogan
232
00:08:47,904 --> 00:08:49,989
was supposed to be the
"quicker picker upper,"
233
00:08:49,989 --> 00:08:53,076
but we added the word
"thicker quicker picker upper."
234
00:08:53,076 --> 00:08:54,994
Bought a summer house
with that one adjective.
235
00:08:54,994 --> 00:08:56,913
- Congratulations.
- Yeah.
236
00:08:56,913 --> 00:09:01,250
My wife's miles away, even
when we're in the same room.
237
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,127
You know,
238
00:09:03,127 --> 00:09:07,173
she hasn't let me touch her
since the miscarriage.
239
00:09:07,173 --> 00:09:10,510
I'll be back
with your Fribbles.
240
00:09:10,510 --> 00:09:12,178
The fuck was that?
241
00:09:12,178 --> 00:09:14,097
What do you mean?
I'm just rolling with the area.
242
00:09:14,097 --> 00:09:15,890
That was fucking sad, dude.
243
00:09:15,890 --> 00:09:17,475
Oh, forgive me for trying
to add a little gravity
244
00:09:17,475 --> 00:09:19,060
into the backstory, all right?
I mean, why are we traveling?
245
00:09:19,060 --> 00:09:20,812
Gravity?
I want to slit my wrist.
246
00:09:20,812 --> 00:09:22,105
So you get to be
Mr. Thicker Picker Upper
247
00:09:22,105 --> 00:09:23,523
and I got nothing to
work with over here?
248
00:09:23,523 --> 00:09:25,108
Sorry, did you
want sprinkles?
249
00:09:25,108 --> 00:09:27,360
We picked out a name.
The room was painted.
250
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:28,403
Calm down.
251
00:09:28,403 --> 00:09:29,737
No, no,
that's what everyone says.
252
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,364
I get to grieve.
253
00:09:31,364 --> 00:09:34,909
- Oh, my God, look.
254
00:09:36,327 --> 00:09:37,620
Ahoy.
255
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:40,915
- Holy shit.
- He fucking wore it.
256
00:09:40,915 --> 00:09:43,209
Yeah.
Fix your kerchief.
257
00:09:43,209 --> 00:09:46,170
There you go.
Now you're a proper seaman.
258
00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:47,797
- All right. You ready?
- Yep.
259
00:09:47,797 --> 00:09:49,882
I'm going in.
260
00:09:49,882 --> 00:09:52,844
Oh, maybe don't talk to
the waitress while I'm gone.
261
00:09:52,844 --> 00:09:54,387
Just fucking go.
262
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,272
- Good afternoon, Friendly's.
- Yeah, hi.
263
00:10:04,272 --> 00:10:05,481
I need you to deliver
a message
264
00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:06,858
to one of your customers.
265
00:10:06,858 --> 00:10:09,026
Dumb looking guy
dressed like an idiot.
266
00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:11,612
Sir, this is Friendly's.
Can you be more specific?
267
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,823
The kid in the sailor suit.
268
00:10:16,826 --> 00:10:19,454
This is his dad.
I got a message for him.
269
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:24,709
I have a message for you
from your dad.
270
00:10:24,709 --> 00:10:28,421
He says he's not coming because
you're a disappointment to him
271
00:10:28,421 --> 00:10:30,465
and he's glad he left,
272
00:10:30,465 --> 00:10:35,344
and he likes his adopted
Korean kids better.
273
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:38,222
Sorry.
274
00:11:09,379 --> 00:11:13,091
Man, this is way sadder
than the miscarriage.
275
00:11:13,091 --> 00:11:15,968
His name was going
to be Lawrence.
276
00:11:29,148 --> 00:11:31,567
You know, I still feel really
shitty about yesterday.
277
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:33,111
Yeah, me too.
278
00:11:33,111 --> 00:11:35,405
It's almost like Clive's
an actual human being,
279
00:11:35,405 --> 00:11:36,989
with a heart.
280
00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:38,574
Well, you know, I'm sure
it's going to be fine.
281
00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:41,744
Hey, did you guys hear?
Clive tried to kill himself.
282
00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:43,079
Holy shit.
283
00:11:43,079 --> 00:11:45,623
He ate an entire bottle
of Flintstones vitamins.
284
00:11:45,623 --> 00:11:47,083
Even the Bettys.
285
00:11:47,083 --> 00:11:49,836
Did he--did he say
why he did it?
286
00:11:49,836 --> 00:11:52,088
Who cares?
I never felt more free.
287
00:11:52,088 --> 00:11:53,923
Now I can wear my
Ace Of Base shirt
288
00:11:53,923 --> 00:11:56,759
without getting my ass kicked.
289
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,594
Shit, Teddy.
What are we going to do?
290
00:11:58,594 --> 00:12:00,179
It's out of our hands.
291
00:12:00,179 --> 00:12:01,764
If he wants to wear the shirt,
he's going to wear the shirt.
292
00:12:01,764 --> 00:12:03,433
No, no, I mean,
this is our fault.
293
00:12:03,433 --> 00:12:05,727
If Clive wasn't an idiot,
he'd be dead right now.
294
00:12:05,727 --> 00:12:07,437
All right.
OK. You know what?
295
00:12:07,437 --> 00:12:08,604
We can fix this.
296
00:12:08,604 --> 00:12:11,065
- Nice shirt, queer.
- Oh!
297
00:12:11,065 --> 00:12:14,652
Hm, nature abhors a vacuum.
298
00:12:14,652 --> 00:12:16,696
- OK, you ready?
- Yeah.
299
00:12:16,696 --> 00:12:18,281
Hang on. Hang on one sec.
300
00:12:18,281 --> 00:12:20,408
We got a boy's heart
in our hands here.
301
00:12:20,408 --> 00:12:24,245
I want to make sure
I got my wits about me.
302
00:12:27,874 --> 00:12:29,959
All right, I'm good.
Call him.
303
00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:40,094
- Hello?
- Hey Clive.
304
00:12:40,094 --> 00:12:41,888
It's your dad.
305
00:12:41,888 --> 00:12:44,015
You done barfing up Bamm-Bamms?
306
00:12:44,015 --> 00:12:45,600
Leave me alone.
307
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:46,976
Wait, wait, just hang on.
Hang on.
308
00:12:46,976 --> 00:12:48,644
I want to apologize.
309
00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:50,855
I'm sorry about not
showing up yesterday.
310
00:12:50,855 --> 00:12:52,315
Then why did you do it?
311
00:12:52,315 --> 00:12:54,650
And why did you
leave that message?
312
00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:55,735
It was a test.
313
00:12:55,735 --> 00:12:58,154
It was a test
of your manhood.
314
00:12:58,154 --> 00:13:00,656
And you passed
with flying colors.
315
00:13:00,656 --> 00:13:04,035
You said you liked your
adopted Korean kids better.
316
00:13:04,035 --> 00:13:05,369
Oh, yeah.
317
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,914
Well, you know,
I don't have them anymore.
318
00:13:07,914 --> 00:13:09,165
You don't?
319
00:13:09,165 --> 00:13:10,541
No, it seemed like
a cool idea at the time,
320
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:12,168
but it was costing me
a shitload,
321
00:13:12,168 --> 00:13:16,381
so I had to release them back
into the wild.
322
00:13:16,381 --> 00:13:19,217
But that's why you are
so important to me, Clive.
323
00:13:19,217 --> 00:13:21,469
That's why our relationship
is so important.
324
00:13:21,469 --> 00:13:23,679
Well then,
can I meet you for real?
325
00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:25,515
Yes.
326
00:13:25,515 --> 00:13:26,724
Eventually. Eventually.
327
00:13:26,724 --> 00:13:29,352
But right now,
I'm kind of busy with work.
328
00:13:29,352 --> 00:13:31,187
- What do you do?
- What do I do?
329
00:13:31,187 --> 00:13:33,147
Ad exec trying to have kids?
330
00:13:33,147 --> 00:13:34,690
Jesus, what the fuck is it
with you with that--
331
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:38,319
I'm a soldier of fortune in
the Los Angeles underground.
332
00:13:38,319 --> 00:13:39,529
Whoa.
333
00:13:39,529 --> 00:13:41,114
Yeah, me and these
other crack commandos
334
00:13:41,114 --> 00:13:44,033
fight injustice from our van.
335
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:46,035
That's so cool.
336
00:13:46,035 --> 00:13:47,578
Yeah, if people
have a problem
337
00:13:47,578 --> 00:13:50,123
and if no one else can help
and if you can find us,
338
00:13:50,123 --> 00:13:53,292
maybe you can hire
me and my friends.
339
00:13:53,292 --> 00:13:55,336
That's kind of like our slogan.
340
00:13:55,336 --> 00:13:58,172
Wow.
My dad has a van.
341
00:13:58,172 --> 00:14:02,051
Yeah, anyway, I'll keep
in touch and do good in school.
342
00:14:02,051 --> 00:14:04,303
I suck at school.
343
00:14:04,303 --> 00:14:06,514
I have a math test tomorrow
I'm probably going to fail.
344
00:14:06,514 --> 00:14:07,765
Oh, come on.
345
00:14:07,765 --> 00:14:09,892
I bet you're smarter at math
than you think.
346
00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:14,355
Like OK, like, if a bully beats
up 10 kids for their sexuality
347
00:14:14,355 --> 00:14:16,441
and 20% of them
are in the choir
348
00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:19,569
so they get extra beatings,
how many go to the hospital?
349
00:14:19,569 --> 00:14:22,655
Um, two.
350
00:14:22,655 --> 00:14:27,076
Guess what, Mr. I Can't?
You just did math.
351
00:14:27,076 --> 00:14:28,911
I'll talk to you later.
352
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:30,621
I think we fixed it.
353
00:14:30,621 --> 00:14:31,789
Yeah, I think so too.
354
00:14:31,789 --> 00:14:32,915
I feel really good right now.
355
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,625
- I feel so good.
- We're good people.
356
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,919
Yeah, if he kills himself
now, it's from other stuff.
357
00:14:45,011 --> 00:14:46,971
Why were these burgers
just, like,
358
00:14:46,971 --> 00:14:48,598
sitting in a tray of water?
359
00:14:48,598 --> 00:14:50,016
Yeah, I don't know why
they do that.
360
00:14:50,016 --> 00:14:51,267
Yeah, every time
it's burger day,
361
00:14:51,267 --> 00:14:53,478
there they are,
just sitting in water.
362
00:14:53,478 --> 00:14:55,021
I don't know.
It seems normal.
363
00:14:55,021 --> 00:14:57,690
Have the guys over, water up
some burgers, watch the game.
364
00:14:57,690 --> 00:14:58,983
Hey, you know what's weird?
365
00:14:58,983 --> 00:15:00,318
What?
366
00:15:00,318 --> 00:15:02,528
I've been, like,
thinking about Clive.
367
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:04,447
- Yeah, me too.
- You have?
368
00:15:04,447 --> 00:15:06,574
Yeah, like I've actually
been wondering
369
00:15:06,574 --> 00:15:08,284
how he did on that test.
370
00:15:08,284 --> 00:15:10,495
Me too.
It's fucked up, right?
371
00:15:10,495 --> 00:15:12,163
It's like I actually
give a shit about him.
372
00:15:12,163 --> 00:15:14,624
Johnny, look.
373
00:15:17,168 --> 00:15:19,045
I don't know why he hangs out
with those boys.
374
00:15:19,045 --> 00:15:21,255
They're a bad influence.
375
00:15:21,255 --> 00:15:22,465
I think Coach Johnson...
376
00:15:22,465 --> 00:15:24,634
Holy shit.
I think that's his test.
377
00:15:24,634 --> 00:15:27,095
Wait, don't look,
don't look, don't look now.
378
00:15:27,095 --> 00:15:28,638
- What does it say?
- I don't know.
379
00:15:28,638 --> 00:15:30,765
There's a grade on the front,
but I can't see it.
380
00:15:30,765 --> 00:15:32,767
We got to get a closer look.
381
00:15:35,812 --> 00:15:37,021
That sounds really tough.
382
00:15:38,731 --> 00:15:42,944
They know how to make corn
and they don't touch it.
383
00:15:42,944 --> 00:15:44,487
What the fuck do you want,
Bennett?
384
00:15:44,487 --> 00:15:46,656
Nothing. Nothing.
You know, I'm just--
385
00:15:46,656 --> 00:15:48,157
I'm just--I'm just
walking around.
386
00:15:48,157 --> 00:15:49,826
You know how I be.
- Yeah?
387
00:15:51,077 --> 00:15:52,745
Eat a dick, asshole.
388
00:15:54,872 --> 00:15:56,290
C+.
389
00:15:56,290 --> 00:15:57,708
He passed.
390
00:15:57,708 --> 00:15:58,793
He passed.
391
00:15:58,793 --> 00:16:00,670
Oh, my God,
I knew he could do it.
392
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:03,214
Great job, buddy.
393
00:16:03,214 --> 00:16:05,550
Our little genius.
394
00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:11,222
Matty, you can't
keep putting it off.
395
00:16:11,222 --> 00:16:12,849
Yes, I can.
It's my body.
396
00:16:12,849 --> 00:16:14,142
But the doctor said--
397
00:16:14,142 --> 00:16:17,145
I don't care what
the doctor says.
398
00:16:17,145 --> 00:16:18,688
I'm not doing it.
399
00:16:18,688 --> 00:16:22,984
If you ask me one more time,
I'm going to stay at a motel.
400
00:16:22,984 --> 00:16:25,737
Matty, why are you
so resistant to a colonoscopy?
401
00:16:25,737 --> 00:16:27,363
Oh Christ, not you too.
402
00:16:27,363 --> 00:16:29,574
Look, I know it's scary
to think about
403
00:16:29,574 --> 00:16:31,576
what they might find,
but early detection is--
404
00:16:31,576 --> 00:16:33,786
You think
I'm worried about cancer?
405
00:16:33,786 --> 00:16:36,456
You get cancer,
you don't have to pay taxes.
406
00:16:36,456 --> 00:16:38,207
I don't think that's true.
407
00:16:38,207 --> 00:16:39,709
Not if liberals
have their way.
408
00:16:39,709 --> 00:16:41,836
All I'm saying is,
get your cancer now.
409
00:16:41,836 --> 00:16:45,214
Look, cut the shit
and just tell me the truth.
410
00:16:45,214 --> 00:16:47,842
Why won't you get
the colonoscopy?
411
00:16:50,762 --> 00:16:53,931
When they put you under,
you're not in control.
412
00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:55,266
All right?
413
00:16:55,266 --> 00:16:58,478
You can say some shit
and not even remember it.
414
00:16:58,478 --> 00:17:00,146
I don't want to say stuff.
415
00:17:00,146 --> 00:17:01,355
Jesus.
416
00:17:01,355 --> 00:17:02,815
There's things
you're not saying?
417
00:17:02,815 --> 00:17:05,777
I just--I don't want anybody
to find out my secrets.
418
00:17:05,777 --> 00:17:06,778
What secrets?
419
00:17:06,778 --> 00:17:08,029
I got secrets.
420
00:17:08,029 --> 00:17:09,363
OK, well,
what the fuck do you care
421
00:17:09,363 --> 00:17:10,531
what some doctor
thinks of them?
422
00:17:10,531 --> 00:17:12,200
Doctors talk.
This is a small town.
423
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:13,701
I don't want to
ruin my reputation.
424
00:17:13,701 --> 00:17:15,828
You're banned
from Dunkin' Donuts.
425
00:17:15,828 --> 00:17:18,748
Listen to me.
You got to do this. OK?
426
00:17:18,748 --> 00:17:20,625
You catch colon cancer
too late, you're dead.
427
00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:22,335
You'd be leaving John and Suze
on their own.
428
00:17:22,335 --> 00:17:24,587
You really want to do that?
429
00:17:27,006 --> 00:17:28,883
All right.
I'll go in there.
430
00:17:28,883 --> 00:17:30,093
Great.
431
00:17:30,093 --> 00:17:32,053
But you got to go with me.
432
00:17:32,053 --> 00:17:33,888
- To your colonoscopy?
- Yeah.
433
00:17:33,888 --> 00:17:34,972
Why?
434
00:17:34,972 --> 00:17:36,432
Because when
they drug me up,
435
00:17:36,432 --> 00:17:38,267
if I start saying anything
about Vietnam,
436
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:39,602
you got to make a lot of noise.
437
00:17:39,602 --> 00:17:41,270
Why?
What happened in Viet--
438
00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:44,273
La, la, la, la, la, la, la!
Like that.
439
00:17:44,273 --> 00:17:45,274
You got it?
- Mm-mm.
440
00:17:45,274 --> 00:17:47,110
No, you don't.
Let's practice.
441
00:17:47,110 --> 00:17:49,237
It's me.
Here's the doctor.
442
00:17:49,237 --> 00:17:52,990
Hey Doc, this one time
in Vietnam--
443
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:54,200
right, that's you.
444
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:55,785
La, la, la, la.
445
00:17:55,785 --> 00:17:57,245
No, you got to be
louder and faster.
446
00:17:57,245 --> 00:17:59,872
Come on. Again.
One time in Vietnam, Doc--
447
00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:01,457
- La, la, la, la, la.
- Keep going.
448
00:18:01,457 --> 00:18:02,708
One time in Vietnam.
449
00:18:02,708 --> 00:18:03,751
Louder.
450
00:18:03,751 --> 00:18:05,586
One time in Vietnam.
Keep going.
451
00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:07,130
Keep going.
- I'm fucking trying.
452
00:18:07,130 --> 00:18:08,256
There was this
one time in Vietnam.
453
00:18:08,256 --> 00:18:09,382
Keep going.
454
00:18:09,382 --> 00:18:10,967
I'm about to spill my secrets!
455
00:18:10,967 --> 00:18:14,303
What is going on in here?
456
00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:16,305
I'll get the colonoscopy.
457
00:18:16,305 --> 00:18:18,099
You will?
458
00:18:18,099 --> 00:18:20,059
Oh, thank God.
459
00:18:21,394 --> 00:18:24,647
Oh, I feel like it's Christmas.
460
00:18:24,647 --> 00:18:27,316
I just want this family
to know that from here on out,
461
00:18:27,316 --> 00:18:30,194
I'm going for
full-on alcoholism.
462
00:18:36,492 --> 00:18:38,077
Hey, am I crazy?
463
00:18:38,077 --> 00:18:40,371
I kind of want to call Clive
and tell him he did good.
464
00:18:40,371 --> 00:18:41,998
I know.
Me too.
465
00:18:41,998 --> 00:18:44,792
I mean, he obviously studied
so hard for that test.
466
00:18:44,792 --> 00:18:46,169
Yeah, he should know
his dad's proud of him.
467
00:18:46,169 --> 00:18:47,503
Yeah.
468
00:18:47,503 --> 00:18:48,755
But, but, but, do we want
to send the message
469
00:18:48,755 --> 00:18:50,131
that all we care about
is grades?
470
00:18:50,131 --> 00:18:51,841
Well, I mean, he can't
live up to our expectations
471
00:18:51,841 --> 00:18:53,259
if we don't set any.
472
00:18:53,259 --> 00:18:55,595
Yeah, but I want him to
do well for him, not for us.
473
00:18:55,595 --> 00:18:57,346
- Let's just call him.
- OK.
474
00:19:04,103 --> 00:19:05,229
Hello?
475
00:19:05,229 --> 00:19:07,356
Hey Clive.
It's your dad.
476
00:19:07,356 --> 00:19:09,192
Dad.
Hey, guess what?
477
00:19:09,192 --> 00:19:10,902
I totally aced that test.
478
00:19:10,902 --> 00:19:12,445
I got a C+.
479
00:19:12,445 --> 00:19:14,197
Well, how about that?
480
00:19:14,197 --> 00:19:15,406
Good for you, champ.
481
00:19:15,406 --> 00:19:16,866
That's great.
482
00:19:16,866 --> 00:19:19,202
That's not really ace,
but wow, good job.
483
00:19:19,202 --> 00:19:20,661
Hey, I know
you're busy and all,
484
00:19:20,661 --> 00:19:23,331
but my birthday's
coming up on Saturday
485
00:19:23,331 --> 00:19:26,876
and I was wondering
if maybe I could see you.
486
00:19:26,876 --> 00:19:31,381
Ah, yeah, sorry pal,
I got a work thing.
487
00:19:31,381 --> 00:19:34,050
I just wish I could
meet you just once.
488
00:19:34,050 --> 00:19:35,385
I know.
Me too.
489
00:19:35,385 --> 00:19:36,886
But it's an important mission.
490
00:19:36,886 --> 00:19:38,930
We found a terrorist base
under the roller rink,
491
00:19:38,930 --> 00:19:40,973
so we're going undercover
as coke dealers.
492
00:19:40,973 --> 00:19:43,810
And if we find love along
the way, we'll take it.
493
00:19:43,810 --> 00:19:44,977
Oh.
494
00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:47,188
But hey,
maybe next year, huh?
495
00:19:47,188 --> 00:19:49,399
Yeah, sure.
496
00:19:49,399 --> 00:19:50,942
And great job on that test.
497
00:19:50,942 --> 00:19:52,568
All right,
I'll talk to you later.
498
00:19:52,568 --> 00:19:56,406
Bye, Dad.
499
00:19:56,406 --> 00:19:58,741
Man, I feel really bad
letting him down again.
500
00:19:58,741 --> 00:20:00,326
Yeah, we got to
make it up to him.
501
00:20:00,326 --> 00:20:01,828
You know what?
502
00:20:01,828 --> 00:20:05,331
His dad needs to send him
a really great birthday gift.
503
00:20:13,423 --> 00:20:14,966
Oh, what about this?
504
00:20:14,966 --> 00:20:16,426
Sega Genesis.
505
00:20:16,426 --> 00:20:18,094
- Yeah, I don't know.
- Why not?
506
00:20:18,094 --> 00:20:19,595
I'm just worried he's going
to spend all day in his room
507
00:20:19,595 --> 00:20:21,264
instead of playing outside.
508
00:20:21,264 --> 00:20:22,432
What about a baseball glove?
509
00:20:22,432 --> 00:20:23,808
He doesn't like
playing sports.
510
00:20:23,808 --> 00:20:25,268
Well, that doesn't mean
we shouldn't encourage it.
511
00:20:25,268 --> 00:20:26,978
Baseball's your dream,
not his.
512
00:20:26,978 --> 00:20:29,522
- Oh, my fucking God.
- Look, it's his 17th birthday.
513
00:20:29,522 --> 00:20:30,648
He'll be an adult soon.
514
00:20:30,648 --> 00:20:32,066
We don't have many
of these left.
515
00:20:32,066 --> 00:20:33,776
I just feel like you're
always trying to spoil him.
516
00:20:33,776 --> 00:20:35,111
You know, you can't
buy his affections.
517
00:20:35,111 --> 00:20:36,571
- I am not trying to buy his--
- Yes, you are.
518
00:20:36,571 --> 00:20:38,156
You're trying to
buy his affections
519
00:20:38,156 --> 00:20:39,532
because you're never at home.
- You're too strict with him.
520
00:20:39,532 --> 00:20:40,783
You always have been.
521
00:20:40,783 --> 00:20:41,993
Well, somebody has
to be the bad cop.
522
00:20:41,993 --> 00:20:43,786
And frankly, I feel like
it's shitty of you
523
00:20:43,786 --> 00:20:45,371
to always dump that on me.
- You know what?
524
00:20:45,371 --> 00:20:46,789
None of this shit
matters anyway,
525
00:20:46,789 --> 00:20:49,083
because we only got 20 bucks.
- Oh yeah, you're right.
526
00:20:49,083 --> 00:20:50,585
What are we going to do?
527
00:20:50,585 --> 00:20:52,628
Where's the menswear?
528
00:20:52,628 --> 00:20:54,922
OK, that's good.
Get ready.
529
00:20:54,922 --> 00:20:57,383
OK, now turn right.
- This is so fucking stupid.
530
00:20:57,383 --> 00:20:59,218
Why don't I just
wear the coat myself?
531
00:20:59,218 --> 00:21:00,636
Extra height, Johnny.
532
00:21:00,636 --> 00:21:03,139
When you're tall,
people assume you're in charge.
533
00:21:03,139 --> 00:21:05,475
Hey, why don't you go ahead and
take the rest of the day off?
534
00:21:05,475 --> 00:21:08,478
Wow, thank you,
tall supervisor.
535
00:21:08,478 --> 00:21:10,229
- See?
- OK, which way am I going?
536
00:21:10,229 --> 00:21:12,065
All right, straight for a bit
then you're going to turn.
537
00:21:12,065 --> 00:21:13,983
Talk louder.
Your feet are blocking my ears.
538
00:21:13,983 --> 00:21:15,651
Hard left, hard left,
hard left!
539
00:21:15,651 --> 00:21:16,944
Jesus.
What the fuck was that?
540
00:21:16,944 --> 00:21:18,488
Go straight.
Just go straight.
541
00:21:18,488 --> 00:21:19,614
Well, fucking tell me
when I'm going to bump
542
00:21:19,614 --> 00:21:21,115
into something--fucking A!
- Watch out!
543
00:21:21,115 --> 00:21:23,284
- C'mon, you got to warn me.
- OK, it's good. It's good.
544
00:21:23,284 --> 00:21:24,577
We're good for a minute.
- My head hurts.
545
00:21:24,577 --> 00:21:25,661
Oh, this is going
to be a problem.
546
00:21:25,661 --> 00:21:27,497
Fuck, shit.
- The fuck is that?
547
00:21:27,497 --> 00:21:28,998
- Don't go that way.
- Can I turn around?
548
00:21:28,998 --> 00:21:30,750
Oh shit.
549
00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,168
Sideways.
- Which sideways?
550
00:21:32,168 --> 00:21:34,128
Go sideways.
551
00:21:37,757 --> 00:21:40,385
Excellent work.
You can take your lunch now.
552
00:21:47,183 --> 00:21:48,768
Look, we weren't even
stealing it for us. OK?
553
00:21:48,768 --> 00:21:50,228
We were stealing it for a kid
who doesn't have a dad.
554
00:21:50,228 --> 00:21:52,188
And that's not even
really shoplifting, right?
555
00:21:52,188 --> 00:21:53,689
Nice try.
556
00:21:53,689 --> 00:21:55,149
You boys are in
big time trouble.
557
00:21:55,149 --> 00:21:56,651
I'm going to need your
parents' phone numbers.
558
00:21:56,651 --> 00:21:58,361
My parents are out of town.
559
00:21:58,361 --> 00:21:59,529
I don't have parents
on account of
560
00:21:59,529 --> 00:22:01,114
I'm a Teddy bear
that came alive.
561
00:22:01,114 --> 00:22:03,408
All right, look,
it's really important to us
562
00:22:03,408 --> 00:22:05,785
that we help this kid, OK?
563
00:22:05,785 --> 00:22:07,829
Haven't you ever had something
that was just really,
564
00:22:07,829 --> 00:22:09,122
really important to you,
something that you'd
565
00:22:09,122 --> 00:22:10,748
do anything to make happen?
566
00:22:10,748 --> 00:22:13,418
Like maybe you wanted to be the
best security guard in Boston.
567
00:22:13,418 --> 00:22:14,752
No.
568
00:22:14,752 --> 00:22:17,380
No, I never wanted to
be a security guard.
569
00:22:17,380 --> 00:22:19,215
I really wanted to be an actor.
570
00:22:19,215 --> 00:22:20,425
Oh wow.
571
00:22:20,425 --> 00:22:22,844
Oh, this just got
so much worse.
572
00:22:22,844 --> 00:22:25,388
Acting is my real passion.
573
00:22:25,388 --> 00:22:27,265
When I was in my 20s,
574
00:22:27,265 --> 00:22:30,059
I did this community
theater production on "Pippin."
575
00:22:30,059 --> 00:22:32,729
And when the show ended,
I found out
576
00:22:32,729 --> 00:22:36,190
that John Rubinstein
was in the audience.
577
00:22:36,190 --> 00:22:37,650
- Oh, my God.
- Oh wow.
578
00:22:37,650 --> 00:22:39,652
Who was, of course,
the original Pippin.
579
00:22:39,652 --> 00:22:40,653
- I was about to say.
- That's the guy.
580
00:22:40,653 --> 00:22:41,738
That's the guy.
581
00:22:41,738 --> 00:22:42,989
Fucking God damn right
he was.
582
00:22:42,989 --> 00:22:45,241
And he actually came
backstage after the show
583
00:22:45,241 --> 00:22:48,077
and he walked up to me
and I can still see his face
584
00:22:48,077 --> 00:22:50,580
and he said,
I really enjoyed the show.
585
00:22:50,580 --> 00:22:52,790
You were all wonderful.
586
00:22:52,790 --> 00:22:54,959
I was like, oh, my God,
what a moment.
587
00:22:54,959 --> 00:22:56,169
Amazing.
588
00:22:56,169 --> 00:22:57,503
I mean, it's amazing
just even hearing it.
589
00:22:57,503 --> 00:22:58,755
I wasn't there, but just
hearing you talk about it.
590
00:22:58,755 --> 00:22:59,922
Yeah, it was him
in the flesh.
591
00:22:59,922 --> 00:23:01,716
And to have
the kindness to say,
592
00:23:01,716 --> 00:23:03,718
because obviously I was Pippin.
593
00:23:03,718 --> 00:23:05,094
Of course.
Yeah.
594
00:23:05,094 --> 00:23:06,846
Yeah, I mean you, Burt,
595
00:23:06,846 --> 00:23:09,057
are not going to do "Pippin"
if you're not Pippin.
596
00:23:09,057 --> 00:23:11,768
To have the kindness to say,
you are all wonderful.
597
00:23:11,768 --> 00:23:13,186
Because you see,
the rest of the cast
598
00:23:13,186 --> 00:23:14,270
was right there with me.
599
00:23:14,270 --> 00:23:15,688
So he couldn't really
single me out
600
00:23:15,688 --> 00:23:17,398
because that would have been
dismissive to them.
601
00:23:17,398 --> 00:23:19,567
- Oh yeah. You can't do that.
- Sure, sure, sure.
602
00:23:19,567 --> 00:23:20,985
But he gave me a look.
603
00:23:20,985 --> 00:23:23,613
John Rubinstein gave me
a look and that look said,
604
00:23:23,613 --> 00:23:26,407
you are on the stairway
to stardom.
605
00:23:26,407 --> 00:23:27,784
Oh, good Christ.
606
00:23:27,784 --> 00:23:30,078
Wow, wow.
- That's what I said too.
607
00:23:30,078 --> 00:23:33,122
Well, I guess life had
other plans for me.
608
00:23:33,122 --> 00:23:35,041
But that's OK.
609
00:23:37,668 --> 00:23:39,754
♪ Everything has its season ♪
610
00:23:39,754 --> 00:23:42,382
♪ Everything has its time ♪
611
00:23:42,382 --> 00:23:43,966
♪ Show me a reason ♪
612
00:23:43,966 --> 00:23:46,803
♪ And I'll soon
show you a rhyme ♪
613
00:23:46,803 --> 00:23:49,389
♪ Cats fit on the windowsill ♪
614
00:23:49,389 --> 00:23:51,808
♪ Children fit in the snow ♪
615
00:23:51,808 --> 00:23:54,477
♪ So why do I feel like
I don't fit in ♪
616
00:23:54,477 --> 00:23:58,314
♪ Anywhere I go ♪
617
00:23:58,314 --> 00:24:00,316
Oh, sorry.
618
00:24:00,316 --> 00:24:01,776
Wow.
619
00:24:01,776 --> 00:24:03,694
Wow, that felt fucking great.
620
00:24:03,694 --> 00:24:05,154
Right?
- Yeah.
621
00:24:05,154 --> 00:24:06,489
Wow.
622
00:24:06,489 --> 00:24:07,698
Was that a moment
just then we had?
623
00:24:07,698 --> 00:24:09,075
Wait, that was a moment?
That was a real--
624
00:24:09,075 --> 00:24:10,743
- I think it was.
- I couldn't even hear you.
625
00:24:10,743 --> 00:24:12,829
Someone was playing
the original
626
00:24:12,829 --> 00:24:14,455
cast recording of "Pippin."
627
00:24:14,455 --> 00:24:16,958
It's like a rope connected us
that only we saw the rope.
628
00:24:16,958 --> 00:24:18,501
All three of us.
All three of us.
629
00:24:18,501 --> 00:24:19,877
We are one.
- Tighter and tighter...
630
00:24:19,877 --> 00:24:21,546
We were one organism
in that moment.
631
00:24:21,546 --> 00:24:22,880
- My feet are tingling.
- Wow.
632
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,925
1,000 wows and more wows
on top of that.
633
00:24:25,925 --> 00:24:28,594
I feel like this
was time well spent.
634
00:24:28,594 --> 00:24:29,804
Yeah, we got
a lot accomplished.
635
00:24:29,804 --> 00:24:31,055
Was it not?
both: Yeah.
636
00:24:31,055 --> 00:24:32,557
You guys--
you guys can go ahead.
637
00:24:32,557 --> 00:24:33,850
- We're good to go, right?
- Absolutely.
638
00:24:33,850 --> 00:24:35,101
Thank you.
Thank you, man.
639
00:24:35,101 --> 00:24:36,227
Really appreciate it.
This was wonderful.
640
00:24:36,227 --> 00:24:37,437
Yeah.
641
00:24:37,437 --> 00:24:38,688
We're all going to
go our separate ways,
642
00:24:38,688 --> 00:24:39,689
but we'll take a piece
of today with us.
643
00:24:39,689 --> 00:24:41,232
Thanks for letting me sing.
644
00:24:41,232 --> 00:24:42,900
Jesus, that was
a fucking nightmare.
645
00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:44,193
You are telling me, Johnny.
646
00:24:44,193 --> 00:24:45,695
This has got to stop.
647
00:24:45,695 --> 00:24:47,363
I know.
It's gotten out of control.
648
00:24:47,363 --> 00:24:49,157
I mean, I care about
what happens to Clive,
649
00:24:49,157 --> 00:24:50,783
but we're acting like
fucking lunatics.
650
00:24:50,783 --> 00:24:53,453
Raising Clive is not
our responsibility.
651
00:24:53,453 --> 00:24:54,912
We got to tell him the truth.
652
00:24:56,831 --> 00:24:59,041
♪ Everything has
its season ♪
653
00:24:59,041 --> 00:25:01,461
♪ Everything has its time ♪
654
00:25:01,461 --> 00:25:06,257
♪ We've got a very big sale
on aisle nine ♪
655
00:25:06,257 --> 00:25:07,425
It might be time to go.
656
00:25:07,425 --> 00:25:08,718
♪ Cats fit
on the windowsill ♪
657
00:25:08,718 --> 00:25:10,511
♪ Children fit in the snow ♪
658
00:25:18,394 --> 00:25:20,897
I don't like this.
This was a bad idea.
659
00:25:20,897 --> 00:25:23,024
Will you fucking relax?
It's going to be fine.
660
00:25:23,024 --> 00:25:25,568
You hear the word Vietnam,
you yell like the place
661
00:25:25,568 --> 00:25:27,153
is burning down.
Do you understand me?
662
00:25:27,153 --> 00:25:29,030
Yes. Jesus Christ.
Calm down.
663
00:25:29,030 --> 00:25:30,865
Good morning, Mr. Bennett.
664
00:25:30,865 --> 00:25:32,200
We are all set
to begin your procedure.
665
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:33,910
Yeah, listen,
this is my niece.
666
00:25:33,910 --> 00:25:36,662
She's going to be with me
in the room there.
667
00:25:36,662 --> 00:25:39,499
Oh, I'm afraid
that's not allowed.
668
00:25:39,499 --> 00:25:40,917
What do you fucking mean?
669
00:25:40,917 --> 00:25:42,710
It's against hospital policy.
670
00:25:42,710 --> 00:25:44,170
No, no, no, no.
No, wait a minute.
671
00:25:44,170 --> 00:25:45,922
Wait a minute.
You don't understand.
672
00:25:45,922 --> 00:25:50,176
She's always with me for
every colonoscopy, right?
673
00:25:50,176 --> 00:25:51,511
Yes.
674
00:25:51,511 --> 00:25:56,766
I love watching and
it's my half birthday today,
675
00:25:56,766 --> 00:25:59,560
so treating myself.
676
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:03,189
Well, that's interesting,
but it's medical staff only.
677
00:26:03,189 --> 00:26:04,315
I really am sorry.
678
00:26:04,315 --> 00:26:05,817
Give us a minute, OK?
679
00:26:07,819 --> 00:26:09,779
- Get under the gurney.
- What?
680
00:26:09,779 --> 00:26:12,031
- Hide under the gurney.
- I am not doing that.
681
00:26:12,031 --> 00:26:14,117
Blaire, you got to be
in the room in case I talk.
682
00:26:14,117 --> 00:26:15,535
Matty, these people
don't care about
683
00:26:15,535 --> 00:26:17,036
your stupid goddamn secret, OK?
684
00:26:17,036 --> 00:26:18,871
They're professionals.
They've heard everything.
685
00:26:18,871 --> 00:26:20,373
I don't trust them.
686
00:26:20,373 --> 00:26:21,874
You don't become a butt doctor
unless you're into
687
00:26:21,874 --> 00:26:23,126
some really weird shit.
688
00:26:23,126 --> 00:26:25,795
Some of these guys,
it's sexual for them.
689
00:26:25,795 --> 00:26:27,505
This is not sexual for them.
690
00:26:27,505 --> 00:26:30,091
I'll give you $300.
691
00:26:30,091 --> 00:26:31,759
- Seriously?
- You're always whining about
692
00:26:31,759 --> 00:26:33,094
how expensive
your textbooks are.
693
00:26:33,094 --> 00:26:35,138
300 bucks.
694
00:26:38,683 --> 00:26:41,227
You have lost
your fucking mind.
695
00:26:43,062 --> 00:26:45,314
Dr. Fisher to OR
prep room three.
696
00:26:45,314 --> 00:26:48,359
Dr. Fisher,
OR prep room three.
697
00:27:01,497 --> 00:27:02,832
All right, Mr. Bennett,
698
00:27:02,832 --> 00:27:05,168
I need you to count backward
from 100.
699
00:27:05,168 --> 00:27:09,589
100, 99, 98...
700
00:27:09,589 --> 00:27:11,049
All right, he's out.
701
00:27:11,049 --> 00:27:13,384
OK. Wow. What a weirdo.
702
00:27:13,384 --> 00:27:15,720
Guy wanted his niece
to come in here with him.
703
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:17,680
Oh, I heard that.
That's bizarre.
704
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,057
Absolutely.
705
00:27:19,057 --> 00:27:20,683
Let's see what
he's working with here.
706
00:27:23,019 --> 00:27:25,021
- Oh, my God.
- Damn, look at that!
707
00:27:25,021 --> 00:27:26,856
Hair on the tip.
That's a new one.
708
00:27:26,856 --> 00:27:29,025
Yuck.
His poor wife, huh?
709
00:27:29,025 --> 00:27:31,194
I was just thinking that.
710
00:27:31,194 --> 00:27:34,781
Guys, I got to be honest.
This is sexual for me.
711
00:27:39,452 --> 00:27:41,204
Look, we just got
to tell him the truth.
712
00:27:41,204 --> 00:27:42,955
You know he's going
to kick our asses.
713
00:27:42,955 --> 00:27:44,665
Look, the key to not
getting hurt in a fight
714
00:27:44,665 --> 00:27:47,960
is staying loose, like
a drunk guy in an accident.
715
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:49,670
That's why the Kennedys
are always fine
716
00:27:49,670 --> 00:27:53,007
after they fuck up their cars.
717
00:27:53,007 --> 00:27:56,302
Oh, hey Clive, can we--can we
talk to you for a second?
718
00:27:56,302 --> 00:27:58,179
What do you two
fucknuts want?
719
00:27:58,179 --> 00:28:01,557
Look, there's no
easy way to say this,
720
00:28:01,557 --> 00:28:04,435
but, um, it's about your dad.
721
00:28:04,435 --> 00:28:05,895
What about my dad?
722
00:28:05,895 --> 00:28:09,357
Um, your dad, uh,
723
00:28:09,357 --> 00:28:13,444
invited us
to your birthday party.
724
00:28:13,444 --> 00:28:15,405
And he said he's
going to be there too
725
00:28:15,405 --> 00:28:16,531
and we just wanted to say
726
00:28:16,531 --> 00:28:18,574
we are so excited
just to be part of it.
727
00:28:18,574 --> 00:28:19,992
What are you talking about?
728
00:28:19,992 --> 00:28:21,327
I'm not having a party.
729
00:28:21,327 --> 00:28:22,787
He said he wasn't
going to be around.
730
00:28:22,787 --> 00:28:25,790
That's because
it's a surprise.
731
00:28:25,790 --> 00:28:27,417
- Yeah.
- Oh no, I spoiled it!
732
00:28:27,417 --> 00:28:28,501
Oh, Teddy, oh!
733
00:28:28,501 --> 00:28:29,752
We weren't supposed
to say anything.
734
00:28:29,752 --> 00:28:31,421
- Fuck.
- I knew it.
735
00:28:31,421 --> 00:28:32,922
I knew he'd show up.
736
00:28:32,922 --> 00:28:34,424
Oh, it's probably
going to be huge
737
00:28:34,424 --> 00:28:36,634
if even you two losers
are invited.
738
00:28:36,634 --> 00:28:37,802
Hell yeah.
739
00:28:40,054 --> 00:28:41,472
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
740
00:28:41,472 --> 00:28:43,099
I know, but did you see
the look in his eye?
741
00:28:43,099 --> 00:28:44,600
He's like fucking
Charles Manson.
742
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,269
What the fuck are
we supposed to do now?
743
00:28:46,269 --> 00:28:48,271
He thinks his dad's showing up.
- I don't know.
744
00:28:48,271 --> 00:28:50,398
We find somebody to be his dad.
- Well, fucking who?
745
00:28:50,398 --> 00:28:52,859
I don't know.
We find an actor or something.
746
00:28:52,859 --> 00:28:55,361
Ah, shit.
747
00:28:58,698 --> 00:29:01,993
All right,
we got balloons, a cake.
748
00:29:01,993 --> 00:29:03,453
Do you think he's too old
for a piñata?
749
00:29:03,453 --> 00:29:04,704
Yeah, I don't think
we want to put
750
00:29:04,704 --> 00:29:05,955
a bat in his hands, Johnny.
751
00:29:05,955 --> 00:29:08,624
Oh yeah, good call.
752
00:29:08,624 --> 00:29:10,793
Oh.
How did it go?
753
00:29:10,793 --> 00:29:12,712
It was a living nightmare.
754
00:29:12,712 --> 00:29:14,130
Matty, how you feeling?
755
00:29:14,130 --> 00:29:15,715
Doc says
I'm clean as a whistle.
756
00:29:15,715 --> 00:29:16,758
Nothing to worry about.
757
00:29:16,758 --> 00:29:18,134
That's not all
the doctor said.
758
00:29:18,134 --> 00:29:19,552
What do you mean?
759
00:29:19,552 --> 00:29:22,513
It was the most disgusting
thing I've ever heard.
760
00:29:22,513 --> 00:29:25,349
Blaire, what happened?
761
00:29:27,685 --> 00:29:29,604
Matty made me go into the
operating room with him, so--
762
00:29:29,604 --> 00:29:30,813
Blaire, what the hell?
763
00:29:30,813 --> 00:29:31,814
To shut him up
if the drugs made him
764
00:29:31,814 --> 00:29:33,066
say some shit about Vietnam.
765
00:29:33,066 --> 00:29:34,358
You're not getting
those 300 bucks!
766
00:29:34,358 --> 00:29:36,152
I don't care.
This has to end.
767
00:29:36,152 --> 00:29:38,154
Nothing is worth what
I went through today.
768
00:29:38,154 --> 00:29:39,280
Do you know where
they put the wand
769
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,074
when they're done with it?
I do.
770
00:29:41,074 --> 00:29:43,076
What secret?
What is she talking about?
771
00:29:43,076 --> 00:29:45,036
- Forget it, Susan.
- No, Matty, this is insane.
772
00:29:45,036 --> 00:29:46,496
You have to talk
about it and move on,
773
00:29:46,496 --> 00:29:48,331
because I am not
fucking doing that again
774
00:29:48,331 --> 00:29:49,499
in five years.
- Just drop it!
775
00:29:49,499 --> 00:29:50,833
What'd you do?
Desert your platoon?
776
00:29:50,833 --> 00:29:52,043
Go AWOL?
777
00:29:52,043 --> 00:29:53,086
Did you accidentally
shoot Bob Hope?
778
00:29:53,086 --> 00:29:54,087
What?
- I wish.
779
00:29:54,087 --> 00:29:55,338
I could live with that.
780
00:29:55,338 --> 00:29:57,173
Whatever it is,
I'm sure we'll understand.
781
00:29:57,173 --> 00:29:58,674
No, you won't.
This was war.
782
00:29:58,674 --> 00:30:00,176
For Christ's sake, Matty,
we're your family.
783
00:30:00,176 --> 00:30:01,511
Just fucking tell us.
784
00:30:01,511 --> 00:30:03,554
I jacked off a dog!
785
00:30:07,100 --> 00:30:09,394
What the fuck?
786
00:30:09,394 --> 00:30:10,937
Oh, my God.
787
00:30:10,937 --> 00:30:12,647
You guys said
you'd understand.
788
00:30:12,647 --> 00:30:15,149
That was before we knew
how fucked up it was.
789
00:30:15,149 --> 00:30:16,943
You've never been to war.
Things happen.
790
00:30:16,943 --> 00:30:18,194
Not that. No.
791
00:30:18,194 --> 00:30:20,113
Why the fuck would you
jack off a dog?
792
00:30:20,113 --> 00:30:22,407
Whose dog was it?
793
00:30:38,256 --> 00:30:41,217
My platoon was camped
in the jungle
794
00:30:41,217 --> 00:30:45,054
about two clicks south
of the Do Lung Bridge.
795
00:30:45,054 --> 00:30:47,265
Our dog Scout was with us...
796
00:30:47,265 --> 00:30:51,894
Chewing on some dinner scraps.
797
00:30:51,894 --> 00:30:54,397
My buddy Donny and I were
about to start the night watch
798
00:30:54,397 --> 00:30:59,652
when we noticed...
Scout had an erection.
799
00:30:59,652 --> 00:31:02,238
Well, you were very
handsome back then.
800
00:31:02,238 --> 00:31:05,032
Just let me do this, Susan.
801
00:31:07,702 --> 00:31:10,913
We waited for it to go away
on its own, but it didn't.
802
00:31:10,913 --> 00:31:12,707
It was obviously stuck.
803
00:31:12,707 --> 00:31:15,251
Now, that could be
dangerous for a dog,
804
00:31:15,251 --> 00:31:17,795
especially in the jungle--
it gets infected.
805
00:31:17,795 --> 00:31:19,797
He could have died.
806
00:31:19,797 --> 00:31:24,761
We didn't have a medic with us.
I had to do something.
807
00:31:24,761 --> 00:31:29,057
I tried to ease it back in,
808
00:31:29,057 --> 00:31:31,100
but it popped out.
809
00:31:31,100 --> 00:31:32,977
So I tried again.
810
00:31:32,977 --> 00:31:34,937
No good.
811
00:31:34,937 --> 00:31:36,397
Time was running out.
812
00:31:36,397 --> 00:31:38,649
Let me tell you,
that dog had sniffed out
813
00:31:38,649 --> 00:31:40,777
more landmines
than I could count.
814
00:31:40,777 --> 00:31:44,989
He had saved all of our lives,
so I had to keep trying.
815
00:31:47,408 --> 00:31:51,537
And that's when it happened.
816
00:31:51,537 --> 00:31:56,584
He made a noise like a bark,
but happier.
817
00:31:59,420 --> 00:32:04,050
Then he went back to his food.
818
00:32:04,050 --> 00:32:05,802
Donny and I didn't
make eye contact
819
00:32:05,802 --> 00:32:08,679
for the rest of the war.
820
00:32:17,188 --> 00:32:21,150
For God's sake,
somebody say something.
821
00:32:21,150 --> 00:32:24,737
You soldiers gave so much.
822
00:32:30,618 --> 00:32:35,123
I-I think you did
the right thing.
823
00:32:35,123 --> 00:32:38,459
Very heroic.
824
00:32:38,459 --> 00:32:40,586
Yeah.
825
00:32:40,586 --> 00:32:44,674
Great job, Dad.
826
00:32:44,674 --> 00:32:50,138
You did it there so we
didn't have to do it here.
827
00:32:50,138 --> 00:32:52,223
Stand down, soldier.
828
00:33:06,612 --> 00:33:10,074
All right, testing, testing,
one, two, three.
829
00:33:10,074 --> 00:33:11,701
Yeah, I can hear you.
Oh, that's neat.
830
00:33:11,701 --> 00:33:13,578
Yeah, I paid off
a techie at school.
831
00:33:13,578 --> 00:33:14,871
Just remember to keep
the other one on
832
00:33:14,871 --> 00:33:16,038
so we can hear you and Clive.
833
00:33:16,038 --> 00:33:17,373
OK, so we're going
to be feeding you
834
00:33:17,373 --> 00:33:19,125
what to say as we go along,
and if there's--
835
00:33:19,125 --> 00:33:20,460
Right, right.
836
00:33:20,460 --> 00:33:21,627
If you could not give me
specific line readings,
837
00:33:21,627 --> 00:33:23,588
that would be great.
- What?
838
00:33:23,588 --> 00:33:26,257
Yeah, just, you know, tell me
what you want to communicate
839
00:33:26,257 --> 00:33:28,551
and then I will interpret it
as an actor.
840
00:33:28,551 --> 00:33:31,179
You know, I was going to get
a coffee cart for the set,
841
00:33:31,179 --> 00:33:32,346
but now forget it.
842
00:33:32,346 --> 00:33:33,681
Oh, tell me something.
843
00:33:33,681 --> 00:33:35,933
Where am I coming from?
- Huh?
844
00:33:35,933 --> 00:33:38,561
Like just before
I meet Clive, where was I?
845
00:33:38,561 --> 00:33:40,563
You were right fucking here
talking to us.
846
00:33:40,563 --> 00:33:41,773
No, no, no.
No, not me.
847
00:33:41,773 --> 00:33:43,566
The character.
Where was the character?
848
00:33:43,566 --> 00:33:45,401
It'll affect
how I play the scene.
849
00:33:45,401 --> 00:33:47,779
He was playing Pippin
on Broadway.
850
00:33:47,779 --> 00:33:49,405
No, no.
851
00:33:49,405 --> 00:33:52,408
He was at home, grieving over
his wife's miscarriage.
852
00:33:52,408 --> 00:33:54,243
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Oh, yeah.
853
00:33:54,243 --> 00:33:55,620
Oh, I like that.
You're good.
854
00:33:55,620 --> 00:33:58,414
You should get
into the business.
855
00:33:58,414 --> 00:33:59,999
- The fuck is wrong with you?
- What?
856
00:33:59,999 --> 00:34:02,126
We'll get one like this and
then we'll try it your way.
857
00:34:02,126 --> 00:34:03,795
All right?
Jesus fucking Christ.
858
00:34:06,547 --> 00:34:09,342
Yeah, in case anyone else
needs a drink too.
859
00:34:09,342 --> 00:34:11,594
What the hell are you
talking about, Derek?
860
00:34:11,594 --> 00:34:13,930
Clive?
861
00:34:13,930 --> 00:34:16,099
Dad?
862
00:34:16,099 --> 00:34:17,350
Is that you?
863
00:34:17,350 --> 00:34:19,060
It's me, son.
864
00:34:19,060 --> 00:34:21,104
I've returned.
865
00:34:22,730 --> 00:34:25,983
Oh, Dad, I can't believe
it's really you.
866
00:34:25,983 --> 00:34:28,236
OK, that's good.
Now tell him you can't stay.
867
00:34:28,236 --> 00:34:30,196
You've got an important
mission back in LA.
868
00:34:30,196 --> 00:34:31,614
There's a sniper
trying to take out
869
00:34:31,614 --> 00:34:33,449
the world's top surfers
in Malibu.
870
00:34:33,449 --> 00:34:35,034
I can't stay long.
871
00:34:35,034 --> 00:34:37,328
My wife and I have suffered
a personal tragedy
872
00:34:37,328 --> 00:34:39,080
and she needs me at home.
873
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:40,957
- See? It plays great.
- Shut up.
874
00:34:40,957 --> 00:34:43,209
I have a stepmom?
875
00:34:43,209 --> 00:34:45,294
What's her name?
- Catherine.
876
00:34:45,294 --> 00:34:46,963
She's a widowed farm owner
and she's hired me
877
00:34:46,963 --> 00:34:49,006
as a farmhand at her estate.
878
00:34:49,006 --> 00:34:50,299
- Is that--
- Is he--
879
00:34:50,299 --> 00:34:51,884
- Is that "Pippin?"
- He's doing "Pippin."
880
00:34:51,884 --> 00:34:53,261
Is he fucking doing "Pippin?"
- He's fucking doing "Pippin."
881
00:34:53,261 --> 00:34:54,637
God damn it, no "Pippin!"
882
00:34:54,637 --> 00:34:57,890
But I thought you were
a soldier of fortune.
883
00:34:57,890 --> 00:35:00,643
You're blowing this,
you motherfucker.
884
00:35:00,643 --> 00:35:05,148
♪ Sitting on the floor
and talking till dawn ♪
885
00:35:05,148 --> 00:35:07,358
♪ Candles and confidences ♪
886
00:35:07,358 --> 00:35:08,901
Clive's going to beat
the shit out of him.
887
00:35:08,901 --> 00:35:12,864
♪ Trading old beliefs
and humming old songs ♪
888
00:35:14,157 --> 00:35:16,242
- Clive.
- Mom.
889
00:35:16,242 --> 00:35:17,827
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God.
890
00:35:17,827 --> 00:35:19,495
What's going on?
What is all this?
891
00:35:19,495 --> 00:35:21,497
Mom, what are you doing here?
892
00:35:21,497 --> 00:35:22,665
Jeff Driscoll's mother
told me you're having
893
00:35:22,665 --> 00:35:24,167
a party out here in the park.
894
00:35:24,167 --> 00:35:25,460
Why didn't you tell me?
895
00:35:25,460 --> 00:35:26,669
Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
896
00:35:26,669 --> 00:35:28,755
Mom, look.
897
00:35:28,755 --> 00:35:29,964
Dad's here.
898
00:35:29,964 --> 00:35:31,424
Abort, abort,
get the fuck out of there.
899
00:35:31,424 --> 00:35:33,009
What are you talking about?
900
00:35:33,009 --> 00:35:35,136
That's not your dad.
901
00:35:35,136 --> 00:35:36,345
Say that's not your mother.
902
00:35:36,345 --> 00:35:38,681
I hate giving
other actors notes,
903
00:35:38,681 --> 00:35:40,600
but I feel like
you've come in so hot,
904
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:42,435
you're not giving yourself
anywhere to go.
905
00:35:42,435 --> 00:35:43,603
Who the hell are you?
906
00:35:43,603 --> 00:35:45,730
OK.
I can't work like this.
907
00:35:45,730 --> 00:35:48,316
Let me guess, she's the
producer's girlfriend.
908
00:35:48,316 --> 00:35:49,525
Bullshit.
- Hang on, Mom, I'll be back.
909
00:35:49,525 --> 00:35:51,110
That was a good note
I gave her too.
910
00:35:51,110 --> 00:35:52,653
- Hey.
- I'm in way over the top.
911
00:35:52,653 --> 00:35:53,696
Hey.
912
00:35:53,696 --> 00:35:55,531
What the fuck is going on here?
913
00:35:55,531 --> 00:35:57,992
Are you not really my dad?
- No.
914
00:35:57,992 --> 00:36:00,369
These two guys paid me to come
here and play your father.
915
00:36:00,369 --> 00:36:01,662
But let me tell you something.
916
00:36:01,662 --> 00:36:04,207
This is the most shoddy,
disorganized production
917
00:36:04,207 --> 00:36:05,541
I have ever been a part of.
918
00:36:05,541 --> 00:36:08,127
John Rubinstein would
never stand for this,
919
00:36:08,127 --> 00:36:10,421
and neither will I.
920
00:36:13,049 --> 00:36:15,385
Oh, fucking cock fuck.
921
00:36:15,385 --> 00:36:17,220
Is this some kind of
fucking joke?
922
00:36:17,220 --> 00:36:18,429
Oh, shit.
923
00:36:18,429 --> 00:36:19,514
Oh God, wait, wait.
Hang on, hang on.
924
00:36:19,514 --> 00:36:21,474
Clive, Clive, just listen.
OK?
925
00:36:21,474 --> 00:36:22,809
You motherfucker!
926
00:36:22,809 --> 00:36:25,269
You think you can fuck
with my head and live?
927
00:36:25,269 --> 00:36:27,563
I am about to beat
the face off of you.
928
00:36:27,563 --> 00:36:29,899
You're dead, both of you.
You're fucking dead.
929
00:36:29,899 --> 00:36:31,192
Ah!
930
00:36:31,192 --> 00:36:32,693
Clive, Clive, just wait
one minute, all right?
931
00:36:32,693 --> 00:36:34,612
Before you kill us,
just hear us out.
932
00:36:34,612 --> 00:36:37,115
Look, I'm sorry we lied
and said we were your dad.
933
00:36:37,115 --> 00:36:38,491
But think about it.
934
00:36:38,491 --> 00:36:40,451
What is a dad?
935
00:36:40,451 --> 00:36:42,286
It's someone
who believes in you,
936
00:36:42,286 --> 00:36:44,247
someone who roots for you
to do your best,
937
00:36:44,247 --> 00:36:47,208
and who's proud of you
when you work hard and you win.
938
00:36:47,208 --> 00:36:48,876
We did that.
939
00:36:48,876 --> 00:36:50,420
What do you mean?
940
00:36:50,420 --> 00:36:53,047
We told you you could pass
that math test and you did it.
941
00:36:53,047 --> 00:36:54,590
Didn't that feel good?
942
00:36:54,590 --> 00:36:57,552
And when you got that B-,
I mean, what an improvement.
943
00:36:57,552 --> 00:36:59,262
We were there pulling for you.
944
00:36:59,262 --> 00:37:02,014
We were encouraging you
to reach your full potential.
945
00:37:02,014 --> 00:37:03,391
We did all that.
946
00:37:03,391 --> 00:37:04,976
And didn't it feel good?
947
00:37:04,976 --> 00:37:07,186
Didn't you feel good
about yourself?
948
00:37:07,186 --> 00:37:10,064
Yeah, I-I did.
949
00:37:10,064 --> 00:37:11,858
You've really
turned things around.
950
00:37:11,858 --> 00:37:14,277
Your grades are better.
You're smiling more.
951
00:37:14,277 --> 00:37:15,611
I am?
952
00:37:15,611 --> 00:37:18,823
All the guys in woodshop
are saying so.
953
00:37:18,823 --> 00:37:21,492
I've been thinking about
taking guitar lessons.
954
00:37:21,492 --> 00:37:22,827
You hear that?
955
00:37:22,827 --> 00:37:24,662
He's thinking about
taking guitar lessons.
956
00:37:24,662 --> 00:37:26,622
Well, that's fantastic.
957
00:37:26,622 --> 00:37:29,167
Hey, we're going to be
at every recital.
958
00:37:29,167 --> 00:37:31,085
- Really?
- Absolutely.
959
00:37:31,085 --> 00:37:33,921
We are not going anywhere.
960
00:37:33,921 --> 00:37:35,173
Bring it in here.
961
00:37:38,301 --> 00:37:42,430
We are so fucking proud
of you, buddy.
962
00:37:42,430 --> 00:37:43,931
There you go.
963
00:37:43,931 --> 00:37:45,183
Oh, OK, easy there.
964
00:37:45,183 --> 00:37:46,184
Easy there, Lenny.
965
00:37:46,184 --> 00:37:47,727
Don't kill the rabbit.
966
00:37:47,727 --> 00:37:49,062
OK.
967
00:37:49,062 --> 00:37:51,481
Hey, what do you say
we have some cake?
968
00:37:51,481 --> 00:37:53,733
- Yeah.
- And something healthy.
969
00:37:53,733 --> 00:37:55,359
All right, don't undermine me
in front of him.
970
00:37:55,359 --> 00:37:57,361
Come on, let's go.
971
00:37:59,864 --> 00:38:02,825
♪ And the cat's in the
cradle and the silver spoon ♪
972
00:38:02,825 --> 00:38:05,495
♪ Little boy blue
and the man on the moon ♪
973
00:38:05,495 --> 00:38:08,998
I think we should try
for another.
974
00:38:08,998 --> 00:38:12,001
♪ But we'll get together
then ♪
975
00:38:12,001 --> 00:38:15,546
♪ You know we'll have
a good time then ♪
976
00:38:23,930 --> 00:38:26,724
♪ My son turned ten
just the other day ♪
977
00:38:26,724 --> 00:38:28,643
♪ He said thanks
for the ball, Dad ♪
978
00:38:28,643 --> 00:38:29,852
♪ Come on, let's play ♪
979
00:38:29,852 --> 00:38:31,354
♪ Can you teach me to throw ♪
980
00:38:31,354 --> 00:38:32,855
♪ I said, not today ♪
981
00:38:32,855 --> 00:38:34,399
♪ I got a lot to do ♪
982
00:38:34,399 --> 00:38:36,234
♪ He said, that's OK ♪
983
00:38:36,234 --> 00:38:37,568
♪ And he walked away ♪
984
00:38:37,568 --> 00:38:39,028
♪ But his smile never dimmed ♪
985
00:38:39,028 --> 00:38:41,864
♪ And said,
I'm going to be like him ♪
986
00:38:41,864 --> 00:38:46,536
♪ Yeah, you know
I'm going to be like him ♪
987
00:38:46,536 --> 00:38:50,039
♪ And the cat's in the
cradle and the silver spoon ♪
988
00:38:50,039 --> 00:38:53,292
♪ Little boy blue
and the man on the moon ♪
989
00:38:53,292 --> 00:38:54,585
♪ When you coming home, Dad ♪
990
00:38:54,585 --> 00:38:56,212
♪ I don't know when ♪
991
00:38:56,212 --> 00:38:58,965
♪ But we'll get together
then ♪
992
00:38:58,965 --> 00:39:02,468
♪ You know we'll have
a good time then ♪
993
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:13,187
♪ Well, he came from college
just the other day ♪
72615
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