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1
00:00:34,475 --> 00:00:39,151
ALICE: Now remember, children,
never try this at home...
2
00:00:39,235 --> 00:00:43,274
as it is one of the most senseless things
you could do.
3
00:00:47,235 --> 00:00:51,786
'Cause if the phone should suddenly ring now,
causing me to jump....
4
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,791
-Hello.
-Hello, yeah. I'm the plumber.
5
00:01:16,875 --> 00:01:18,593
-You called me earlier.
-Yes, good.
6
00:01:18,675 --> 00:01:22,190
-You're not getting any hot water?
-I see you've got a little helper with you.
7
00:01:22,275 --> 00:01:24,835
Not surprised if you're still using one of these....
8
00:01:24,915 --> 00:01:27,190
ALICE: Now, this is an interesting one.
9
00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:31,143
When did boiler repairs become
such a family occasion, I wonder?
10
00:01:31,235 --> 00:01:34,625
...control valve, that's what you want....
11
00:01:34,715 --> 00:01:37,866
ALICE: I suppose
it's a bit like taking her to the zoo.
12
00:01:39,635 --> 00:01:41,546
See, they use vulcanised rubber....
13
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:44,103
Does he really think I understand
what he's saying?
14
00:01:44,195 --> 00:01:47,471
-The whole point, surely, is that I don't.
-290.
15
00:01:47,555 --> 00:01:49,989
Otherwise, I'd be a heating engineer.
16
00:01:50,075 --> 00:01:54,466
Of course, it doesn't help that we're now gradually
paring down every word in the English language
17
00:01:54,555 --> 00:01:56,147
to one syllable.
18
00:01:56,235 --> 00:01:58,544
You'll need a whole new combi and stat.
19
00:01:58,635 --> 00:02:01,911
I mean, a "stat"may be a thermostat to him.
20
00:02:01,995 --> 00:02:04,190
But what if I was a tennis commentator?
21
00:02:04,275 --> 00:02:06,391
There'd be all sorts of confusion.
22
00:02:07,115 --> 00:02:10,152
Munchkin, can you run through there,
put your hand on the rad....
23
00:02:10,235 --> 00:02:12,669
And telling her to check the rad?
24
00:02:13,435 --> 00:02:18,145
She might go off looking for,
I don't know, a radical Muslim. Then he'd be sorry.
25
00:02:19,515 --> 00:02:20,948
Sorry, excuse me.
26
00:02:24,155 --> 00:02:27,192
Hello, I'm sorry to trouble you.
27
00:02:27,275 --> 00:02:30,984
My name's Emma Carson.
I live on the first floor, flat number 1 2.
28
00:02:31,075 --> 00:02:32,793
Yes? Hello.
29
00:02:32,875 --> 00:02:35,867
We have shared the lift a few times, but....
30
00:02:37,275 --> 00:02:40,267
Actually, it's a little bit private, could we....
31
00:02:41,315 --> 00:02:43,909
Oh. Right. Yes.
32
00:02:43,995 --> 00:02:45,713
Hang on.
33
00:02:49,635 --> 00:02:53,423
Only, I've got a bit of a problem, which is....
34
00:02:54,155 --> 00:02:58,910
Basically, my partner Mike and I
have lived in this block now for four years.
35
00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:04,026
And, well, things between us,
all that time it's been fine, you know.
36
00:03:04,675 --> 00:03:06,586
I've got a good job at the Council.
37
00:03:06,675 --> 00:03:10,509
He's still studying for his medical degree
to become a doctor.
38
00:03:10,635 --> 00:03:13,991
Oh, God! It's that terrible, terrible thing...
39
00:03:14,075 --> 00:03:17,431
when you find out the person
you share your life with...
40
00:03:17,915 --> 00:03:20,952
may be emotionally involved with someone else.
41
00:03:21,715 --> 00:03:24,593
Oh, dear. That must be such a shock.
42
00:03:25,315 --> 00:03:29,467
Erm, Emma, I don't want to be rude,
but I was actually just in the middle of....
43
00:03:29,555 --> 00:03:33,389
Shock isn't the word
when he's never even met you,
44
00:03:33,475 --> 00:03:37,548
as such, or more than passed the time of day
with you in the lobby
45
00:03:37,715 --> 00:03:42,345
to have developed this insane sexual lust
he can't control.
46
00:03:42,715 --> 00:03:46,993
It's not only illogical, frankly, it's abnormal.
47
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:49,747
Insane sexual lust?
48
00:03:50,595 --> 00:03:52,392
-For me?
-I know!
49
00:03:52,475 --> 00:03:54,784
I mean, how sad is that?
50
00:03:54,875 --> 00:03:59,744
At his age, to be into some weird Oedipus trip.
It's like.... God!
51
00:03:59,835 --> 00:04:02,030
I mean, can you imagine?
52
00:04:02,115 --> 00:04:05,790
At the most intimate moment
you can ever share with someone,
53
00:04:05,875 --> 00:04:10,073
he starts crying out, "The woman at 42.
Oh, the woman at 42."
54
00:04:10,155 --> 00:04:11,952
Never on your life!
55
00:04:12,035 --> 00:04:14,071
"The woman at 42." He said that?
56
00:04:14,155 --> 00:04:17,192
Or sometimes just,
"The woman with the eyebrows."
57
00:04:17,275 --> 00:04:20,665
'Cause, obviously,
he doesn't know your name, so....
58
00:04:20,755 --> 00:04:23,110
And he admits, of course,
59
00:04:23,195 --> 00:04:25,948
it's a completely impersonal, physical attraction
60
00:04:26,035 --> 00:04:29,823
based on just the sight of you
going to work in the mornings.
61
00:04:30,315 --> 00:04:33,466
You know how a woman in uniform, for some men,
62
00:04:33,555 --> 00:04:35,591
can just pull the trigger.
63
00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:37,588
Is that right?
64
00:04:37,715 --> 00:04:41,185
God! And is that what I've been doing?
I'm so sorry.
65
00:04:42,275 --> 00:04:44,550
Pulling his trigger in the mornings.
66
00:04:44,995 --> 00:04:47,190
So I don't know....
67
00:04:47,275 --> 00:04:51,587
The only thing I could think of that would
bring him to his senses, would be if....
68
00:04:51,675 --> 00:04:55,953
Well, maybe you could call round some time
and have a little chat with him.
69
00:04:56,035 --> 00:05:00,153
So that he could see for himself
you're not what he thinks you are.
70
00:05:00,835 --> 00:05:04,589
This mythic sex goddess
for whom he can't control his insane lust.
71
00:05:04,675 --> 00:05:06,313
Exactly.
72
00:05:06,395 --> 00:05:08,545
You're just you.
73
00:05:08,635 --> 00:05:13,265
With no disrespect, but, I mean, really!
74
00:05:16,635 --> 00:05:20,423
My Lord, if I could turn now to page 34
of the script,
75
00:05:20,515 --> 00:05:22,312
scene 1 1 A...
76
00:05:23,275 --> 00:05:25,505
"The doors to the pub are thrown open
77
00:05:25,595 --> 00:05:30,225
"and Yootha emerges, now completely rat-arsed,
78
00:05:30,315 --> 00:05:32,465
"staggers across the pavement
79
00:05:32,555 --> 00:05:36,184
"then promptly disappears
down a hole in the road."
80
00:05:37,675 --> 00:05:41,224
Hardly the pinnacle of wit, you would have to say?
81
00:05:41,555 --> 00:05:43,147
Well, possibly not, but....
82
00:05:43,235 --> 00:05:47,194
I mean, one wouldn't confuse it
with a passage from Swift, for example.
83
00:05:47,275 --> 00:05:49,664
-Or the works of Thurber.
-Yes.
84
00:05:49,755 --> 00:05:51,746
But that's not really the point, is it?
85
00:05:51,835 --> 00:05:55,987
I mean, for goodness sake, I think we're
getting completely sidetracked here, aren't we?
86
00:05:56,075 --> 00:05:57,474
The whole point is....
87
00:05:57,555 --> 00:06:01,309
And, yet, you're asking the court
to believe, Mrs Blunt,
88
00:06:01,395 --> 00:06:06,105
that your husband, a man of sound mind
and generally good health,
89
00:06:06,195 --> 00:06:11,110
by stumbling upon this moment
while surfing through the television channels...
90
00:06:11,755 --> 00:06:14,906
literally died with laughter.
91
00:06:17,155 --> 00:06:19,669
His heart just gave out on the spot.
92
00:06:20,395 --> 00:06:23,273
He just started rocking about in the chair,
93
00:06:23,355 --> 00:06:26,552
tears streaming down his face and then....
94
00:06:26,835 --> 00:06:29,633
There is no doubt in my mind, whatsoever.
95
00:06:29,715 --> 00:06:32,593
If it wasn't for that show, he'd be alive today.
96
00:06:33,395 --> 00:06:35,784
Your name is Clark Kramer
97
00:06:35,875 --> 00:06:41,347
and you work as what's called
the show runner on Lollipop Men.
98
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:42,470
Correct.
99
00:06:42,555 --> 00:06:45,592
Perhaps you could explain to us
what that involves.
100
00:06:45,675 --> 00:06:46,710
Right.
101
00:06:46,795 --> 00:06:51,346
We have a team of six or seven writers,
all working round a table on each episode,
102
00:06:51,435 --> 00:06:53,665
tabling the draft, as we call it.
103
00:06:53,755 --> 00:06:58,033
And I'm, I guess you'd say, the orchestra
conductor, steering the whole process,
104
00:06:58,115 --> 00:06:59,753
keeping them out of jail....
105
00:06:59,835 --> 00:07:03,430
Ajob for which you were selected
because of your extensive experience
106
00:07:03,515 --> 00:07:05,790
in the field of situation comedy,
107
00:07:05,875 --> 00:07:09,390
-both here and in the United States.
-That's what they tell me.
108
00:07:09,475 --> 00:07:14,424
And this moment from your show,
Yootha's drunken pratfall...
109
00:07:15,355 --> 00:07:18,791
on a scale of hilarity from one to ten,
110
00:07:18,875 --> 00:07:21,628
how would you rate that, Mr Kramer?
111
00:07:22,595 --> 00:07:25,314
Well, let's be generous and say four and a half?
112
00:07:25,395 --> 00:07:27,863
GIL: I may throw up.
113
00:07:27,955 --> 00:07:31,470
He thinks you can measure
how funny something is?
114
00:07:31,555 --> 00:07:35,343
Like you can just go away
and plug it into the joke-meter.
115
00:07:35,435 --> 00:07:37,312
Scale of hilarity?
116
00:07:37,395 --> 00:07:39,784
We're in the realms of Heisenberg here.
117
00:07:39,875 --> 00:07:44,153
There is no absolute value
beyond that perceived by the observer.
118
00:07:44,915 --> 00:07:47,475
But then, this whole gig is insane.
119
00:07:47,915 --> 00:07:50,383
You got the makers of a comedy show
120
00:07:50,475 --> 00:07:53,785
desperately trying to convince a jury
their work was a bummer
121
00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:55,672
so they don't have to pay damages.
122
00:07:56,315 --> 00:07:59,910
Did I do the right thing?
Getting out after the first series.
123
00:08:01,155 --> 00:08:04,750
Though I have to say, poor old Clark's
doing a great job down there
124
00:08:04,835 --> 00:08:06,871
just keeping a straight face.
125
00:08:06,955 --> 00:08:11,745
So let me put it to you again,
Mr Kramer, another way.
126
00:08:12,035 --> 00:08:16,825
If instead of making jokes,
you were making a bed....
127
00:08:18,355 --> 00:08:22,553
...been a TV critic on that newspaper
now for how long, Mr Jephson?
128
00:08:23,515 --> 00:08:27,303
-Oh, let's see, just coming up to 1 1 years.
-Indeed.
129
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:32,107
In fact, I think you have a review there,
penned by your good self,
130
00:08:32,195 --> 00:08:36,347
for the programme in question,
which I wonder if you might read to us.
131
00:08:39,915 --> 00:08:45,194
"The ever-affable Lollipop Men have managed
once again to hit the comic solar plexus
132
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,426
"with a sublime display of slapstick
from Marilyn Macaulay
133
00:08:48,515 --> 00:08:51,154
"as the ketchup-haired dipso, Yootha...
134
00:08:52,155 --> 00:08:56,387
"whose hysterical acrobatics
and unerring instinct for physical comedy
135
00:08:56,475 --> 00:08:58,750
"are without equal on British television."
136
00:08:59,515 --> 00:09:02,188
Strong praise for the lady, Mr Jephson.
137
00:09:02,555 --> 00:09:06,548
And if I were to produce evidence, as I shall,
138
00:09:06,635 --> 00:09:11,868
which will prove that Miss Macaulay's
"sublime displays of slapstick"
139
00:09:11,955 --> 00:09:15,106
are, in fact, performed by various stunt women
140
00:09:15,195 --> 00:09:17,584
wearing red wigs,
141
00:09:17,675 --> 00:09:21,429
this would not affect the high regard
you have for her work?
142
00:09:22,675 --> 00:09:24,028
Erm, well....
143
00:09:24,115 --> 00:09:28,154
The whole point here, Mr Jephson,
being your credibility
144
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:32,945
as an arbiter of all that's good
and bad in the world of comedy.
145
00:09:33,995 --> 00:09:37,271
We rely on people like you, do we not,
146
00:09:37,355 --> 00:09:40,028
to set us straight on these matters.
147
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:44,311
Well, hopefully I have some
useful contribution to make....
148
00:09:44,395 --> 00:09:46,272
No further questions, My Lord.
149
00:09:58,395 --> 00:10:02,547
WOMAN: Stupid place to leave
a road with a hole in it!
150
00:10:11,955 --> 00:10:16,790
ALICE: Oh, dear, oh, dear. No, I'm sorry,
any man who wears a hat at a meal table,
151
00:10:16,875 --> 00:10:20,026
who is not undergoing chemotherapy,
is a pretentious prat.
152
00:10:20,115 --> 00:10:23,346
CLEO: I'd have to second that.
MILLY: No question.
153
00:10:23,435 --> 00:10:27,428
MILLY: Whereas he has got definite potential.
CLEO: Oh, God, yeah.
154
00:10:27,515 --> 00:10:29,949
MILLY: What about her?
You think they're involved?
155
00:10:30,035 --> 00:10:33,630
CLEO: You wouldn't be asking that if you'd seen
them in the lobby this morning,
156
00:10:33,715 --> 00:10:35,945
having jazz sex together.
157
00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:37,707
Jazz sex?
158
00:10:37,875 --> 00:10:41,663
Yeah, you know this quartet they've got playing
there all week as you come in?
159
00:10:41,755 --> 00:10:44,428
I tell you, some of those duets they go into.
160
00:10:44,515 --> 00:10:45,914
Wow.
161
00:10:45,995 --> 00:10:48,793
MILLY: Oh, really? What? Erotic?
162
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:51,435
CLEO: They do everything except make babies.
163
00:10:51,555 --> 00:10:54,433
Which reminds me, I didn't tell you, did I?
164
00:10:54,515 --> 00:10:57,473
I found out yesterday I've got a secret admirer.
165
00:10:57,955 --> 00:11:00,310
Since when? Who?
166
00:11:00,395 --> 00:11:03,467
This guy who lives in one of the flats in my block.
167
00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:06,433
Get out of town! What's he like?
168
00:11:07,035 --> 00:11:10,311
Well, he's tall, quite good looking as I remember,
169
00:11:10,395 --> 00:11:13,546
dark hair, and studying to become a doctor.
170
00:11:14,035 --> 00:11:16,151
And according to the woman he lives with,
171
00:11:16,235 --> 00:11:19,307
every time they make love, he....
Well, no I can't say it.
172
00:11:19,395 --> 00:11:21,863
Can't say what? What can't you say?
173
00:11:21,995 --> 00:11:24,907
Well, apparently he fantasises...
174
00:11:25,675 --> 00:11:27,267
that it's me.
175
00:11:27,915 --> 00:11:30,987
Which she feels is seriously threatening
their relationship.
176
00:11:31,075 --> 00:11:32,827
I mean, you can see her point.
177
00:11:32,915 --> 00:11:35,429
Will you stop being so reasonable?
178
00:11:35,515 --> 00:11:39,349
-It sounds as if he's there for the taking.
-Yes, well.
179
00:11:39,435 --> 00:11:43,792
The way she goes on about it,
as if fancying me is a sign of mental illness.
180
00:11:44,275 --> 00:11:47,267
And now she wants me to call round
and have a word with him
181
00:11:47,355 --> 00:11:51,189
on the basis that when he actually meets me,
he'll get a nasty shock, so....
182
00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:53,391
I don't know, I suppose I'd better.
183
00:11:53,515 --> 00:11:55,983
Maybe on Wednesday 'cause...
184
00:11:56,075 --> 00:11:58,828
tomorrow's the anniversary of my mum's death,
185
00:11:58,915 --> 00:12:02,305
and I won't be much use to anyone
when I get back from that cemetery.
186
00:12:02,395 --> 00:12:05,990
Well, if I were you, I would not close
off any options at this stage.
187
00:12:06,075 --> 00:12:07,747
'Cause you never know, Ali,
188
00:12:07,835 --> 00:12:10,508
I tell you, when that magic moment's
gonna strike.
189
00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:12,984
Based on your amazing adventures yesterday.
190
00:12:13,075 --> 00:12:17,591
Here we go, what's this?
I suppose you're gonna top my story, as usual.
191
00:12:17,675 --> 00:12:20,667
Well, you're probably not gonna believe this.
192
00:12:21,595 --> 00:12:25,349
But last night, I'm just coming back
to my car with some shopping....
193
00:12:30,795 --> 00:12:32,148
Oi!
194
00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:34,703
Get out! Open this....
195
00:12:35,715 --> 00:12:38,707
Right, you little shit.
What do you think you're doing?
196
00:12:39,795 --> 00:12:43,344
-Get out of this car now. I'm calling the police.
-You get out, you mad cow,
197
00:12:43,435 --> 00:12:45,426
if you don't want
that lovely face of yours rearranged!
198
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:48,473
I'm not going anywhere.
This is my car, you little shit.
199
00:12:52,315 --> 00:12:53,828
Ooh!
200
00:12:53,915 --> 00:12:55,906
What was all that about?
201
00:12:56,755 --> 00:12:57,824
God!
202
00:12:58,475 --> 00:13:00,147
Okay, look.
203
00:13:00,235 --> 00:13:03,147
If we're gonna go on seeing each other, Billy,
204
00:13:03,235 --> 00:13:05,624
we have got to get the undressing sorted out.
205
00:13:05,715 --> 00:13:07,990
'Cause that was definitely all out of kilter.
206
00:13:08,075 --> 00:13:11,954
I know, I just got a bit ahead of the game there.
Sorry.
207
00:13:12,035 --> 00:13:14,265
I mean, there's a coat hanger just there.
208
00:13:14,355 --> 00:13:16,505
You could have at least
let me get my top layer off,
209
00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:19,314
so it doesn't get all creased up like a bit of rag.
210
00:13:19,395 --> 00:13:21,590
I'll try and take more care in the future.
211
00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:24,269
Well, just mind you do.
212
00:13:27,075 --> 00:13:30,465
Words fail me, which is probably just as well.
213
00:13:30,555 --> 00:13:32,068
Oh, listen, 2:00.
214
00:13:32,155 --> 00:13:35,147
Remember that photographer's coming back
for the in-house magazine?
215
00:13:35,235 --> 00:13:37,146
If you just want to check yourself over....
216
00:13:37,235 --> 00:13:40,864
Can't imagine what he wants to take pictures
of me for with all you lot around.
217
00:13:40,955 --> 00:13:43,947
Don't knock it, Ali. You're obviously
flavour of the month at the moment.
218
00:13:44,035 --> 00:13:46,595
I know. And it's very worrying.
219
00:14:19,915 --> 00:14:22,429
Keep smiling. You've got a lovely smile.
220
00:14:22,955 --> 00:14:24,866
Just come in....
221
00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:27,553
That's great.
222
00:14:28,115 --> 00:14:30,231
Just this way, please, Ali.
223
00:14:34,355 --> 00:14:38,587
Hey, congratulations, if that's the right word,
'cause that could've gone either way in there.
224
00:14:38,675 --> 00:14:42,463
Hey. When did you get back in town?
Good to see you, man. How're you doing?
225
00:14:42,555 --> 00:14:45,786
-Yeah, good. How are you doing?
-I mean, was that a riot?
226
00:14:45,875 --> 00:14:48,309
Twenty-six years in the business,
I couldn't write that.
227
00:14:48,395 --> 00:14:52,354
In fact, it's now been proved in a court of law,
I have no talent as a humorist.
228
00:14:52,435 --> 00:14:54,073
So, there you go. What do we know?
229
00:14:54,155 --> 00:14:56,988
We know the show was a piece
of over-produced pantomime
230
00:14:57,075 --> 00:14:59,430
which should've had more respect
for its own material.
231
00:14:59,515 --> 00:15:03,269
Bless you for your bullshit. Then it would've
been twice as funny and half as successful.
232
00:15:03,355 --> 00:15:04,834
-Hey!
-Hey.
233
00:15:06,315 --> 00:15:08,385
-We did it. What did I say?
-I know.
234
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:11,114
And I think we have to sign up
that barrister immediately,
235
00:15:11,195 --> 00:15:14,073
'cause his timing in there was a thing of joy.
236
00:15:14,155 --> 00:15:15,508
Yeah, wasn't it?
237
00:15:15,595 --> 00:15:18,746
Gil, this is Vanessa,
who joined us after you jumped ship.
238
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,985
And to say she has more than filled your shoes....
239
00:15:21,075 --> 00:15:23,748
Implies I have big feet.
So, can we stop there, please?
240
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:27,145
And what are you up to these days,
having moved on to bigger and better things?
241
00:15:27,235 --> 00:15:30,864
Well, currently, I'm....
Just finished this new one-off comedy drama,
242
00:15:30,955 --> 00:15:33,833
which, all being well, we start shooting
in a couple of weeks so....
243
00:15:33,915 --> 00:15:37,385
So, you got some time free?
You could come back and work with us for a bit,
244
00:15:37,475 --> 00:15:40,114
on this cruddy sitcom pilot we've been roped into.
245
00:15:40,195 --> 00:15:43,187
What do you reckon?
Now Eric's gone sick. We could twist his arm.
246
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,391
Yeah? What kind of sitcom?
247
00:15:45,475 --> 00:15:49,787
You promise not to scream in a public place
if I say the name Tiffany Turner?
248
00:15:51,595 --> 00:15:54,792
You didn't see that docu-soap
Up The Aisle and Down the Local?
249
00:15:55,995 --> 00:15:59,544
About a family from Deptford
getting ready for their daughter's wedding?
250
00:16:00,155 --> 00:16:02,225
She was the "bridesmaid from hell".
251
00:16:02,315 --> 00:16:06,274
Three months, 1 2 million viewers,
and never off the front page.
252
00:16:06,355 --> 00:16:08,823
And the distinction between celebrity
and non-entity
253
00:16:08,915 --> 00:16:10,667
having now all but vanished in our society.
254
00:16:10,755 --> 00:16:12,347
You know how it works these days,
255
00:16:12,435 --> 00:16:15,154
flash your tits a few times
and sleep with your best friend's fiancé,
256
00:16:15,235 --> 00:16:19,626
they give you a TV show in which
you play a loud, randy teenager who can't act.
257
00:16:19,715 --> 00:16:22,468
Are you ready for the title? Lover's Tiff, which....
258
00:16:22,555 --> 00:16:25,991
I don't think anyone's actually owned
up to that one yet, have they?
259
00:16:26,075 --> 00:16:31,149
Seriously, if you want to hang out with us
for a week, I could get you a great deal. Or...
260
00:16:31,235 --> 00:16:34,272
you may prefer to have
your toenails pulled out very slowly,
261
00:16:34,355 --> 00:16:36,471
which would be arguably less painful.
262
00:16:36,555 --> 00:16:38,432
But don't feel you have to decide now.
263
00:16:39,435 --> 00:16:40,948
I'll give you a ring tonight.
264
00:17:16,115 --> 00:17:18,583
ALICE: How do you ever cope?
265
00:17:18,675 --> 00:17:21,064
I'm still no closer to knowing.
266
00:17:21,155 --> 00:17:25,273
Not only with the fact that
someone doesn't exist anymore...
267
00:17:26,635 --> 00:17:29,513
but trying to retrieve what did exist.
268
00:17:30,595 --> 00:17:33,587
When time just continues to dim the memories...
269
00:17:35,835 --> 00:17:39,066
and everything about you that was so special
270
00:17:39,155 --> 00:17:42,784
I can feel, slipping away from me, year by year.
271
00:17:44,275 --> 00:17:47,073
Like a wound that you never want to heal.
272
00:17:47,795 --> 00:17:51,788
It's the only way, I suppose, life can go on.
273
00:17:56,835 --> 00:17:59,349
for stopping by
274
00:17:59,435 --> 00:18:02,586
in this garden of remembrance and eternal peace.
275
00:18:03,675 --> 00:18:08,191
And try not to grieve too much
for those who have passed on to a better life.
276
00:18:10,435 --> 00:18:12,790
As you watch me now, I am no more.
277
00:18:12,875 --> 00:18:15,105
Merely dust beneath your feet.
278
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:20,074
But I want to assure you that
in the last few weeks of my life,
279
00:18:20,155 --> 00:18:22,669
I had come to terms with my illness.
280
00:18:23,355 --> 00:18:25,869
Though my time on this earth was running out,
281
00:18:25,955 --> 00:18:29,914
I wanted to be sure that all of you
who came here would remember me
282
00:18:29,995 --> 00:18:32,509
with only fond and happy thoughts.
283
00:18:33,275 --> 00:18:36,551
And that in celebration of my life,
284
00:18:36,635 --> 00:18:41,026
you might care to join me now
in a favourite hymn by John Bunyan.
285
00:18:41,875 --> 00:18:46,426
♪ He who would valour see
286
00:18:46,515 --> 00:18:49,825
♪ Let him come hither
287
00:18:50,235 --> 00:18:53,033
♪ One here.... ♪
288
00:18:53,115 --> 00:18:54,946
Can you believe this?
289
00:18:55,595 --> 00:18:59,224
I mean, with all due respect
to the poor young woman and her family,
290
00:18:59,315 --> 00:19:02,591
to say that it's lowered
the whole tone of the place....
291
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,267
I recognise her.
292
00:19:04,355 --> 00:19:07,950
She used to work in the cake shop
in Studley Road.
293
00:19:08,035 --> 00:19:11,744
My God, she can't have been more than
30 years old. Whatever happened?
294
00:19:11,835 --> 00:19:16,511
Apparently it's set off by some kind of sensor
or something every time someone walks past.
295
00:19:16,595 --> 00:19:20,383
But, well, it's just not on, is it, quite frankly?
296
00:19:22,555 --> 00:19:27,106
Oh, I'm Angela Biswell, by the way.
My father's in the next plot but one.
297
00:19:27,955 --> 00:19:31,311
This used to be such a quiet
and peaceful cemetery.
298
00:19:31,395 --> 00:19:35,866
To have to put up with this kind of noise nuisance,
I think you'll agree, is beyond the pale.
299
00:19:35,955 --> 00:19:38,150
-So....
-Yes, I know.
300
00:19:40,755 --> 00:19:42,985
Erm, sorry, what did you say?
301
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:46,232
We're getting up a petition, if you'd like to sign,
302
00:19:46,315 --> 00:19:48,067
to have her removed.
303
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:53,350
♪ Hobgoblin nor foul fiend.... ♪
304
00:19:57,075 --> 00:20:00,033
You are a complete and utter piece of low-life.
305
00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:03,551
I can't believe you would do a thing like that.
With Mark!
306
00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:07,469
We was both pissed out of our heads.
It didn't mean anything, Sharon.
307
00:20:07,555 --> 00:20:10,308
It was like just a legless leg-over,
what do you want me to say?
308
00:20:10,395 --> 00:20:14,547
SHARON: Great timing, Tiff.
309
00:20:19,075 --> 00:20:21,635
Sharon, get off!
310
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:26,149
No, no, that was just....
311
00:20:26,235 --> 00:20:30,751
It's like, you know, we're really good mates,
really, so, underneath it all.
312
00:20:30,875 --> 00:20:33,912
We just have these little explosions
313
00:20:33,995 --> 00:20:36,190
from time to time, and then....
314
00:20:36,275 --> 00:20:37,708
When we watched that back together...
315
00:20:39,635 --> 00:20:41,751
...pissing ourselves, it was such a hoot.
316
00:20:44,835 --> 00:20:46,712
-Hey.
-Hello.
317
00:20:46,795 --> 00:20:49,787
Come on in. How was it? I'll go get your keys.
318
00:20:49,875 --> 00:20:54,187
-You have a good time down there?
-Yes, it was good. Really nice, actually.
319
00:20:54,915 --> 00:20:58,191
My sister's place, I think I told you,
is right near the sea, so....
320
00:20:58,475 --> 00:21:03,390
Oh! Isn't that, what's her name?
What's she up to now, Tiffany Turner?
321
00:21:03,635 --> 00:21:06,024
Yeah. You know this person?
322
00:21:06,115 --> 00:21:08,629
What, the bridesmaid from hell? Who doesn't?
323
00:21:09,115 --> 00:21:10,230
Well....
324
00:21:10,315 --> 00:21:13,034
Can you believe they've just offered her
a sitcom pilot?
325
00:21:13,115 --> 00:21:16,710
This old buddy of mine from the States
has cajoled me onto the writing team
326
00:21:16,795 --> 00:21:20,868
so he sent me over this show reel of hers
to get me in the mood.
327
00:21:20,955 --> 00:21:23,992
It's everything I'd turned my back on, you know.
328
00:21:24,475 --> 00:21:26,511
But I thought it might do me some good
329
00:21:26,595 --> 00:21:29,155
to get out of the house for a week,
have a few laughs.
330
00:21:29,235 --> 00:21:30,668
No, I know.
331
00:21:30,755 --> 00:21:35,306
It can't be much fun for you stuck up there
at that desk all day long on your own.
332
00:21:35,675 --> 00:21:38,189
It's no fun being single, is it?
333
00:21:38,275 --> 00:21:41,506
Right. And you're still....
334
00:21:42,995 --> 00:21:44,872
-Not?
-Not...
335
00:21:44,955 --> 00:21:48,550
anything, Gil, sadly. No, but I live in hopes.
336
00:21:49,555 --> 00:21:53,867
And do you know what? I'll swear blind
he's been round that house while I've been away.
337
00:21:53,955 --> 00:21:57,106
Poking around at my diary.
That's definitely been moved.
338
00:21:57,795 --> 00:22:01,390
'Cause I know he'll be panicking now
I might have found someone else.
339
00:22:01,475 --> 00:22:03,784
God, he'd go ballistic.
340
00:22:03,875 --> 00:22:06,833
But, you know, that's like, "Tough, Bob, I'm sorry.
341
00:22:06,915 --> 00:22:09,907
"You should have thought of that
before you started buying your thrills
342
00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,384
"from that goofy-looking article in...."
343
00:22:14,755 --> 00:22:18,589
Anyway.
This isn't helping you with your work, is it? So....
344
00:22:20,515 --> 00:22:23,552
Anyway, thanks ever so much
for keeping an eye on everything.
345
00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:25,227
No problem, Irene.
346
00:22:25,315 --> 00:22:27,829
And maybe you should get those locks changed.
347
00:22:27,915 --> 00:22:29,906
Maybe I will. Good idea.
348
00:22:30,755 --> 00:22:32,905
-See you.
-Bye.
349
00:22:55,195 --> 00:22:58,187
I'm not a soft touch. But this is.
350
00:22:58,675 --> 00:23:00,905
A loo roll with a difference.
351
00:23:00,995 --> 00:23:04,988
MAN: Thanks to its triple-ply cushioning,
Harley's toilet tissue is extra kind
352
00:23:05,075 --> 00:23:07,145
to even the most sensitive skin.
353
00:23:07,235 --> 00:23:11,672
It's the only one for me.
And contrary to rumours, I'm very particular.
354
00:23:13,155 --> 00:23:17,307
♪ Harley Loo Rolls, Harley Loo Rolls ♪
355
00:24:16,835 --> 00:24:18,268
You okay, Ali?
356
00:24:18,355 --> 00:24:21,711
-What is it, that thing again?
-Please don't call it a thing. It's not a thing.
357
00:24:21,795 --> 00:24:25,105
It's just a twinge. That's all, at the moment.
358
00:24:25,195 --> 00:24:26,833
Yes, can I help?
359
00:24:30,595 --> 00:24:34,554
'Cause, I mean, that was all I needed yesterday,
wasn't it, on top of everything else?
360
00:24:34,675 --> 00:24:38,668
I can't believe I signed a petition
to have someone evicted from their grave.
361
00:24:38,755 --> 00:24:40,313
But that wasn't the worst of it.
362
00:24:40,395 --> 00:24:43,626
The worst of it was when I called in
at the cake shop on my way back
363
00:24:43,715 --> 00:24:48,391
to find out what she actually died of
at the ripe old age of 31 .
364
00:24:49,435 --> 00:24:51,903
-And it was just what you never want to hear.
-What?
365
00:24:51,995 --> 00:24:53,633
Never mind.
366
00:24:53,715 --> 00:24:55,785
Can we talk about something else, please?
367
00:24:55,875 --> 00:24:59,311
Something here you can talk about.
I don't think you'll be very thrilled.
368
00:24:59,395 --> 00:25:00,623
What?
369
00:25:00,715 --> 00:25:03,912
Remember those pictures
they took of you the other day?
370
00:25:11,555 --> 00:25:14,308
Oh, well, that's really wonderful, isn't it?
371
00:25:17,155 --> 00:25:21,592
"Do you have the dynamic, thrusting personality
that's needed to become a top sales assistant
372
00:25:21,675 --> 00:25:24,667
"or is your job on the counter just a daily chore?
373
00:25:24,755 --> 00:25:27,508
"Find out your retail rating
374
00:25:27,595 --> 00:25:31,474
"by checking your attributes
against the two archetypes below."
375
00:25:31,795 --> 00:25:35,105
Oh, no. Look at all the things they've put here.
376
00:25:36,275 --> 00:25:40,154
"Hunched posture denotes tension and insecurity.
377
00:25:41,035 --> 00:25:43,151
"Forced, sickly smile
378
00:25:43,235 --> 00:25:46,989
"suggests attempt to project
a false air of confidence.
379
00:25:47,075 --> 00:25:49,350
"Floppy, pigeon-toed stance
380
00:25:49,435 --> 00:25:52,472
"associated with equivocation and indecision."
381
00:25:52,555 --> 00:25:55,672
It is just outrageous. You could sue them for libel.
382
00:25:55,875 --> 00:25:58,753
Unfortunately, you can only sue for libel
if it's not true.
383
00:25:58,835 --> 00:26:00,234
Yes, but....
384
00:26:00,315 --> 00:26:03,227
Well, I've a good mind to ring up their editor,
I tell you.
385
00:26:03,315 --> 00:26:05,545
What's the point? It'd just be a waste of time.
386
00:26:05,635 --> 00:26:07,751
Oh, yes, that tallies, look.
387
00:26:07,835 --> 00:26:12,226
"Glazed, faraway look in eyes,
classic sign of an apathetic nature."
388
00:26:15,995 --> 00:26:18,304
Okay, scene four, where are we?
389
00:26:18,395 --> 00:26:19,748
"Tiffany enters the office,
390
00:26:19,835 --> 00:26:23,225
"Moose is standing by the photocopier,
filling his face with a cheeseburger.
391
00:26:23,315 --> 00:26:26,148
"She says, 'What are you doing
with that great unhealthy lump of junk?'
392
00:26:26,235 --> 00:26:27,873
"He says, 'It's just a cheeseburger."'
393
00:26:27,955 --> 00:26:30,515
"She says, 'I was talking to the cheeseburger."'
394
00:26:30,595 --> 00:26:33,507
Well, goodbye, folks.
That one's dead in the water, I'm afraid.
395
00:26:33,595 --> 00:26:35,472
She didn't go for it, so delete, please, Lisa.
396
00:26:35,555 --> 00:26:38,592
-What do you mean?
-Didn't go for it, she didn't think it was funny.
397
00:26:38,675 --> 00:26:41,951
Didn't she realise we were up all night
translating from the original Latin?
398
00:26:42,035 --> 00:26:43,866
You heard the way it bombed at the read-through.
399
00:26:43,955 --> 00:26:46,344
Of course it bombed,
because she hit the word cheeseburger.
400
00:26:46,435 --> 00:26:48,790
"It's just a cheeseburger."
"I was talking to the cheeseburger."
401
00:26:48,875 --> 00:26:51,992
-Duh!
-What did I tell you guys our first day here?
402
00:26:52,075 --> 00:26:55,112
She may know her way round a dick,
but she knows dick about comedy.
403
00:26:55,195 --> 00:26:59,074
That's a given, so come on, we need
a new put-down here for Moose. So let's go.
404
00:26:59,155 --> 00:27:01,828
He's already eaten the cheeseburger
when she comes in
405
00:27:01,915 --> 00:27:05,590
and he's just sucking the last drop of ketchup
out of that little sachet.
406
00:27:05,675 --> 00:27:09,270
He says, "That Big Mac was a bit tasteless."
407
00:27:09,355 --> 00:27:11,823
"You're meant to take it out of the box."
408
00:27:11,915 --> 00:27:15,908
"That Big Mac was really tasteless."
"Yeah, it matches your shirt."
409
00:27:16,035 --> 00:27:19,505
-Yeah, I suppose, if we're really desperate.
-Which I think we know we are.
410
00:27:19,595 --> 00:27:22,792
-We could always wheel out this party piece.
-What's this?
411
00:27:22,875 --> 00:27:27,471
Robby Todd, the actor who plays Moose, has the
ability to hold a belch for 35 seconds, nonstop.
412
00:27:27,555 --> 00:27:30,831
Which, tragically, will get a bigger laugh
than anything we could ever write.
413
00:27:30,915 --> 00:27:34,669
Okay. All right.
Listen, so she'll just stand there staring at him
414
00:27:34,755 --> 00:27:37,508
and she waits for him to finish,
and what does she say?
415
00:27:37,595 --> 00:27:41,474
-She says?
-"God, you are unbelievable."
416
00:27:41,555 --> 00:27:43,830
-"I didn't know you were an atheist."
-Yes.
417
00:27:43,915 --> 00:27:48,067
-"Enough with your atheist remarks."
-"Which, as a Quaker, I find very offensive."
418
00:27:48,155 --> 00:27:52,467
-As a practising Quaker.
-"As a practising Quaker, I find most offensive."
419
00:27:52,595 --> 00:27:56,554
Yeah. You don't think the religious heterodoxy
might be a little bit taxing for her?
420
00:27:56,675 --> 00:28:00,145
-"What's an atheist?"
-"What's a Quaker? Is that like a posh duck?"
421
00:28:00,235 --> 00:28:03,352
Maybe. You think
we should be hitting on the fact he's really heavy
422
00:28:03,435 --> 00:28:05,426
to tie in with that stuff later on in the restaurant?
423
00:28:05,515 --> 00:28:07,471
That is a really good point, actually.
424
00:28:07,555 --> 00:28:09,386
How about....
425
00:28:09,475 --> 00:28:12,911
He says.... No, she says,
"Have you ever heard of the word diet?"
426
00:28:12,995 --> 00:28:15,429
He says, "Why? Are you implying I'm overweight?"
427
00:28:15,515 --> 00:28:18,871
"Overweight? Before you arrived,
this office was on the top floor."
428
00:28:18,955 --> 00:28:20,308
-Nice.
-Fantastic!
429
00:28:20,395 --> 00:28:21,794
-Good.
-That'll work.
430
00:28:21,875 --> 00:28:23,467
Okay. Everybody agreed?
431
00:28:23,555 --> 00:28:25,989
Yes, print it. Let's order the ice cream.
432
00:28:28,195 --> 00:28:30,868
So what do you think?
How's he gonna fare down there?
433
00:28:30,955 --> 00:28:33,344
You know, I swear you were actually having fun.
434
00:28:33,435 --> 00:28:34,834
Yeah, does it show?
435
00:28:34,915 --> 00:28:38,749
'Cause I think I'd forgotten
how good this is for the soul.
436
00:28:40,115 --> 00:28:43,824
Well, that just goes to prove
you need to get out more
437
00:28:43,915 --> 00:28:46,065
and interact a little.
438
00:28:46,155 --> 00:28:48,589
So, is that good? What is that, blueberry?
439
00:28:48,675 --> 00:28:50,154
You want a try?
440
00:28:52,915 --> 00:28:54,428
You've got some....
441
00:28:54,515 --> 00:28:58,428
Okie dokie, folkies.
Looks like we have a new star player on the team.
442
00:28:58,515 --> 00:28:59,630
Hey!
443
00:28:59,715 --> 00:29:03,788
-She got to your line, fell on the floor.
-Well, it's like you said.
444
00:29:03,875 --> 00:29:05,752
She knows dick about comedy.
445
00:29:05,835 --> 00:29:08,952
And then, you know that thing
when someone says to you,
446
00:29:09,035 --> 00:29:11,833
"With no disrespect, but...."
447
00:29:11,915 --> 00:29:14,554
-Oh, God!
-You know something horrible's coming.
448
00:29:14,635 --> 00:29:16,751
That is always the precursor to an insult.
449
00:29:16,835 --> 00:29:21,192
"With no disrespect, but...."
God, I would've smacked her one.
450
00:29:22,195 --> 00:29:25,153
Where did that word come from? Precursor?
451
00:29:25,235 --> 00:29:28,830
What? That's right, isn't it?
Something that comes before?
452
00:29:28,915 --> 00:29:31,952
I heard some bloke use it the other day
on the radio, I just....
453
00:29:32,035 --> 00:29:34,993
-Nicked it off him. As is your custom.
-That's right!
454
00:29:35,915 --> 00:29:39,146
This is not actually funny, is it, Milly? Not really.
455
00:29:39,235 --> 00:29:42,033
Because thieving isn't funny. Is it, Billy?
456
00:29:43,155 --> 00:29:46,306
-I think we agreed?
-Yeah, of course we did. Yeah.
457
00:29:46,395 --> 00:29:48,829
Come on. I mean, do I look a mug?
458
00:29:48,915 --> 00:29:51,588
Everything I said, I meant it. You know that.
459
00:29:55,355 --> 00:29:56,674
Ooh!
460
00:29:58,795 --> 00:30:02,151
You know what I think would be
good for you, Ali, is colonic irrigation.
461
00:30:02,235 --> 00:30:05,307
I'm serious! Clean sweep of things sometimes,
you'd be surprised.
462
00:30:05,395 --> 00:30:07,192
Yeah, but you wanna be careful of all that
463
00:30:07,275 --> 00:30:09,664
because what I heard,
if you don't keep up the payments,
464
00:30:09,755 --> 00:30:12,223
they come round and put it all back.
465
00:30:12,315 --> 00:30:13,828
Behave yourself.
466
00:30:13,915 --> 00:30:18,113
-Gonna just pop to the loo then. Ali?
-No, thank you.
467
00:30:19,595 --> 00:30:21,347
-What's he like?
-Yeah.
468
00:30:21,835 --> 00:30:25,305
Why do they do that, women?
Always go off together to the toilet.
469
00:30:25,395 --> 00:30:27,351
Do you actually want to know?
470
00:30:27,435 --> 00:30:29,744
It's to compare notes on the global economy
471
00:30:29,835 --> 00:30:33,714
and the restrictive practice of trade tariffs.
And honestly, it is so heavy,
472
00:30:33,795 --> 00:30:36,070
the political debate that goes on
in front of that mirror,
473
00:30:36,155 --> 00:30:39,670
when all I want to do is just shove
a bit of lipstick on.
474
00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:41,586
So I tend to give it a miss.
475
00:30:42,875 --> 00:30:45,184
Look, I know what you're thinking.
476
00:30:45,275 --> 00:30:48,267
What is she doing going out with
a miscreant like me, right?
477
00:30:48,355 --> 00:30:51,984
Piece of shit who was trying to steal her car.
Which, yeah, I was, but....
478
00:30:52,075 --> 00:30:55,829
-Is that the right word, miscreant?
-Miscreant piece of shit.
479
00:30:55,915 --> 00:30:59,032
But it's like, it doesn't matter, does it?
How you find someone.
480
00:30:59,115 --> 00:31:03,028
In the weirdest ways sometimes,
because all I know is, me and Cleo....
481
00:31:03,115 --> 00:31:06,391
I mean, she says she's gonna
straighten me out, and she will.
482
00:31:06,475 --> 00:31:09,035
And I want her to, because I just think,
483
00:31:09,115 --> 00:31:12,027
when it's meant to be, with two people,
that's fate.
484
00:31:12,395 --> 00:31:13,589
You can't fight it.
485
00:31:13,675 --> 00:31:17,748
And it's like with you and this guy in your flats.
I mean, if he's up for it, why not?
486
00:31:18,555 --> 00:31:21,513
Hm. Well, somehow I don't think so, Billy.
487
00:31:21,595 --> 00:31:25,747
Sounds to me as if he's stuck
in a dead relationship he'd kill to get out of.
488
00:31:25,835 --> 00:31:28,303
He could be the best thing
that's ever happened to you.
489
00:31:28,395 --> 00:31:31,034
But you're not gonna find out, Alice, are you?
490
00:31:31,115 --> 00:31:33,390
Unless you put it to the test.
491
00:31:33,475 --> 00:31:35,943
See, it all depends on you.
492
00:31:37,315 --> 00:31:39,909
And whether I'm a go-getter or a non-starter.
493
00:31:40,395 --> 00:31:41,464
Sorry?
494
00:31:43,555 --> 00:31:47,514
-Have you ever heard of the word diet?
-Why? You implying I'm overweight?
495
00:31:47,595 --> 00:31:48,789
Overweight?
496
00:31:48,875 --> 00:31:52,231
Before you arrived this office was on the top floor.
497
00:31:52,315 --> 00:31:58,151
No! Don't stress the word "top", you imbecile!
You just destroyed the whole elegance.
498
00:31:58,235 --> 00:32:01,227
What's that, 1 2 jokes now she's killed
since the recording started?
499
00:32:01,315 --> 00:32:04,785
-And we're only on scene four.
-Every line, a bum note.
500
00:32:04,875 --> 00:32:08,550
But, look on the bright side,
no one's gonna die laughing this time.
501
00:32:09,115 --> 00:32:12,152
-It got a reaction.
-Yeah, like the reaction I get when I eat shellfish.
502
00:32:12,235 --> 00:32:14,351
That was a mass exhalation of derision.
503
00:32:14,435 --> 00:32:18,064
-I've got a bloody awful gut ache.
-That figures, you've got a bloody awful gut.
504
00:32:18,155 --> 00:32:20,350
Oh, God! She's done it again!
505
00:32:20,435 --> 00:32:23,268
Isn't one hangover enough for you
in the mornings?
506
00:32:23,355 --> 00:32:27,507
Whatever that happy pill was she was popping
before the show, hasn't improved her timing.
507
00:32:27,595 --> 00:32:31,110
-Are you serious? They let her get away with that?
-She's a celebrity now.
508
00:32:31,195 --> 00:32:33,026
And I use both hands.
509
00:32:33,115 --> 00:32:36,505
Probably had the recreational drugs
written into her contract.
510
00:32:36,635 --> 00:32:40,389
You see, after all this,
working on your own again will be a doddle.
511
00:32:40,675 --> 00:32:43,906
Except I've got a horrible feeling
I'm gonna miss the company.
512
00:32:43,995 --> 00:32:46,873
-And the catering.
-Definitely the catering.
513
00:32:46,955 --> 00:32:49,105
-Although, my own catering is....
-Yeah?
514
00:32:49,195 --> 00:32:52,107
-Pretty top-notch?
-Well...
515
00:32:52,195 --> 00:32:55,107
you know, if you're ever near my place
and feeling hungry....
516
00:32:55,195 --> 00:32:57,345
That sounds like an invitation.
517
00:32:57,435 --> 00:32:58,629
When?
518
00:32:59,995 --> 00:33:01,110
Tomorrow night?
519
00:34:21,275 --> 00:34:22,754
So...
520
00:34:23,315 --> 00:34:25,067
that guy in your flat.
521
00:34:25,155 --> 00:34:28,033
-Did you ever decide to....
-Sorry?
522
00:34:28,115 --> 00:34:29,184
No!
523
00:34:31,955 --> 00:34:33,627
Um...
524
00:34:33,715 --> 00:34:35,990
I don't know. Perhaps tonight.
525
00:34:51,315 --> 00:34:55,433
What are you doing?
She's coming around for dinner!
526
00:34:55,515 --> 00:34:58,507
I mean, come on. This is lunacy.
527
00:34:58,595 --> 00:35:02,429
Yeah, but,
in the event of the unexpected, you know.
528
00:35:02,555 --> 00:35:06,753
Never underestimate the value
of a little crisp, clean cotton.
529
00:35:15,035 --> 00:35:17,071
VANESSA: Gil? Hello?
530
00:35:17,155 --> 00:35:19,794
Vanessa! How're you doing, is everything okay?
531
00:35:19,875 --> 00:35:22,833
VANESSA: Yeah, no problem.
We're just running a bit late, that's all.
532
00:35:22,915 --> 00:35:27,306
There's been a big accident
so it's taking a while to clear.
533
00:35:27,395 --> 00:35:29,431
How long do you think
before we get going again?
534
00:35:29,515 --> 00:35:32,985
CLARK: I don't know, 20, 25 minutes.
It's gonna slow us down, no question.
535
00:35:33,075 --> 00:35:37,114
VANESSA: Yeah, so we're probably talking about
8.:30 now, is that okay?
536
00:35:37,435 --> 00:35:39,585
8:30, yeah, that'll be fine.
537
00:35:42,995 --> 00:35:46,749
-...so, see you then.
-Yeah, look forward to it. Bye.
538
00:35:50,075 --> 00:35:52,543
Gil Raymond, how do you manage it?
539
00:36:14,755 --> 00:36:20,273
GIL: Yeah, like she's gonna be sitting there
all unattached and available waiting for you!
540
00:36:20,355 --> 00:36:21,708
Grow up!
541
00:36:21,795 --> 00:36:26,915
And now you've got a whole evening ahead of you,
Mr Sad, Single Guy All On His Own.
542
00:36:26,995 --> 00:36:30,954
Watching her and Clark cosying up to each other.
Oh, shit!
543
00:36:36,395 --> 00:36:37,953
Why not?
544
00:36:38,035 --> 00:36:42,631
Because you've got a lot of credit there
in the Bank of Moral Support.
545
00:36:43,435 --> 00:36:45,471
I mean, if anyone owes you....
546
00:36:48,355 --> 00:36:49,708
Irene.
547
00:36:49,795 --> 00:36:51,911
Yes! Hi, how are you?
548
00:36:51,995 --> 00:36:54,509
Listen, I know this is really short notice,
549
00:36:54,595 --> 00:37:00,352
but I was wondering if you were free at all tonight
for a little dinner party.
550
00:37:06,875 --> 00:37:09,264
ALICE: Now, come on.
551
00:37:09,355 --> 00:37:12,506
You've got to put all that "friendly advice"
right out of your head
552
00:37:12,595 --> 00:37:14,347
and be grown up about this.
553
00:37:14,435 --> 00:37:17,984
For the sake of their relationship,
it's the least you can do.
554
00:37:20,235 --> 00:37:22,226
I mean, he's barely past puberty.
555
00:37:22,315 --> 00:37:25,352
What can he know about
the complex emotions of adulthood?
556
00:37:25,435 --> 00:37:28,984
Once he sees you out of that uniform,
in a boring old trouser suit,
557
00:37:29,075 --> 00:37:31,714
we'll have a nice, sensible chat, the three of us,
558
00:37:31,795 --> 00:37:34,753
and put this whole silly affair into perspective.
559
00:37:38,515 --> 00:37:39,994
Oh, my God.
560
00:37:40,075 --> 00:37:42,225
Hello. Mike, is it?
561
00:37:44,275 --> 00:37:47,028
My name's Alice, from upstairs?
562
00:37:48,715 --> 00:37:51,548
You might want to tell Emma I'm here because...
563
00:37:52,995 --> 00:37:55,987
she told me, you know, that....
564
00:37:58,555 --> 00:38:01,023
Emma's gone out for the evening.
565
00:38:01,515 --> 00:38:02,914
Come in.
566
00:38:04,075 --> 00:38:05,633
Oh, right.
567
00:38:14,115 --> 00:38:15,912
God!
568
00:38:15,995 --> 00:38:20,511
I can't believe she would just....
I mean, just knock on your door like that and....
569
00:38:21,835 --> 00:38:23,427
It's like, her whole attitude
570
00:38:23,515 --> 00:38:27,064
whenever we try and discuss all this,
is so patronising.
571
00:38:27,195 --> 00:38:30,870
Like it's just some
twitty little schoolboy crush on my part.
572
00:38:30,955 --> 00:38:33,185
She can't conceive that my interest in you
573
00:38:33,275 --> 00:38:36,506
could be motivated by anything
other than physical lust.
574
00:38:36,595 --> 00:38:39,063
I suppose she said that to you.
575
00:38:39,155 --> 00:38:43,467
-Well, she did sort of intimate....
-And that is a big part of it, obviously.
576
00:38:43,555 --> 00:38:46,547
-Okay.
-But, it's so much more than that.
577
00:38:47,955 --> 00:38:52,153
The first day I saw you, there was such a....
I don't know.
578
00:38:52,235 --> 00:38:55,784
Positive energy and empathy about you.
579
00:38:56,275 --> 00:39:00,951
So much, I could tell, going on in your head,
and such wisdom in your eyes.
580
00:39:01,035 --> 00:39:05,904
I knew right off the bat that there was no way
we wouldn't hit it off if we ever got together.
581
00:39:05,995 --> 00:39:08,429
That you were obviously very special.
582
00:39:08,515 --> 00:39:12,713
Yes, Mike. Can I just stop you there, do you think,
before we get ahead of ourselves because...
583
00:39:12,795 --> 00:39:14,751
I'm not sure...
584
00:39:14,835 --> 00:39:19,465
there isn't a little bit of that crush thing
you were talking about, do you reckon?
585
00:39:19,555 --> 00:39:22,865
-I mean, when you really get down to it.
-I love that outfit, by the way.
586
00:39:22,955 --> 00:39:26,072
Because if you actually stop and.... Really?
587
00:39:26,155 --> 00:39:28,510
Oh, bless you. You know, it's just....
588
00:39:28,595 --> 00:39:31,746
I'm afraid I've always found women in trousers
a serious turn-on.
589
00:39:31,835 --> 00:39:33,507
What is it, do you think?
590
00:39:33,595 --> 00:39:37,986
The poise and elegance?
I don't know, it's just so flattering.
591
00:39:39,955 --> 00:39:41,866
But sorry, go on.
592
00:39:42,955 --> 00:39:44,388
Er....
593
00:39:45,395 --> 00:39:48,114
Yes, I seem to have forgotten
what I was talking about.
594
00:39:48,195 --> 00:39:51,949
Anyway, look, sit down.
Can I get you a glass of wine or something?
595
00:39:52,075 --> 00:39:56,546
Yes, thank you! Big help that would be, I think.
596
00:39:57,795 --> 00:40:01,629
God, I'm talking backwards. Just give me a second.
597
00:40:05,075 --> 00:40:08,829
You see, I'm just a bit concerned, Mike, that....
598
00:40:08,915 --> 00:40:11,713
You know, you've got
a lovely relationship here with Emma,
599
00:40:11,795 --> 00:40:15,151
and, you know, a lovely home together.
600
00:40:15,235 --> 00:40:17,385
Is that what she said to you?
601
00:40:17,475 --> 00:40:20,547
Well, yes, she.... Thanks.
602
00:40:21,515 --> 00:40:23,107
Well...
603
00:40:23,195 --> 00:40:27,507
let me tell you, there's been
a lot of reconstructive surgery there just lately.
604
00:40:29,715 --> 00:40:32,309
I wouldn't say the prognosis is good.
605
00:40:33,275 --> 00:40:34,594
So....
606
00:40:35,915 --> 00:40:38,224
But let's talk about you, Alice.
607
00:40:39,115 --> 00:40:41,151
You work in London?
608
00:40:41,235 --> 00:40:42,554
Sorry? Yes.
609
00:40:43,475 --> 00:40:45,033
Well, I'm...
610
00:40:45,875 --> 00:40:47,706
an account manager
611
00:40:48,715 --> 00:40:52,230
for a large fragrance company.
612
00:40:53,275 --> 00:40:54,264
Erm....
613
00:40:55,675 --> 00:40:59,588
Men's and women's perfumes, cosmetics,
614
00:40:59,675 --> 00:41:01,313
skin-care products.
615
00:41:03,715 --> 00:41:05,706
We have this franchise, within the store,
616
00:41:05,795 --> 00:41:09,344
so it's half-governed by them,
617
00:41:09,435 --> 00:41:11,266
administratively, but...
618
00:41:12,315 --> 00:41:17,435
we retain the status
of an independent concession...
619
00:41:17,515 --> 00:41:18,994
as far as...
620
00:41:19,075 --> 00:41:23,466
sales and the trading aspect of it all.
621
00:41:24,475 --> 00:41:28,229
-What? What is it, what can you feel?
-Nothing! No, nothing.
622
00:41:28,315 --> 00:41:30,271
Yes, you can. You're a doctor.
Or training to be one.
623
00:41:30,355 --> 00:41:32,471
-What did you just feel down there?
-Calm down, Alice.
624
00:41:32,555 --> 00:41:36,309
-God, you're as nervous as a kitten.
-I am, aren't I? Sorry. It's just....
625
00:41:37,955 --> 00:41:41,106
-Do you think I could use your toilet?
-Absolutely.
626
00:41:41,195 --> 00:41:43,755
God. Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have....
627
00:42:07,315 --> 00:42:10,830
Oh, my God!
628
00:42:15,035 --> 00:42:16,753
Ah! Finally.
629
00:42:16,835 --> 00:42:19,633
My God, do you think you could live
somewhere a bit easier to get to?
630
00:42:19,715 --> 00:42:23,344
Like Tibet, or if they had more than one taxi
at your railway station it'd be a help.
631
00:42:23,435 --> 00:42:25,153
I had to wait 20 minutes....
632
00:42:25,235 --> 00:42:26,509
What?
633
00:42:27,635 --> 00:42:29,387
Er, no.
634
00:42:29,915 --> 00:42:31,553
No, no, no.
635
00:42:32,915 --> 00:42:34,394
It's great to see you.
636
00:42:34,475 --> 00:42:37,035
I mean, because dear old Clark,
I know he meant well, but....
637
00:42:37,115 --> 00:42:39,265
"I can drop you off at Euston,
it's on my way home."
638
00:42:39,355 --> 00:42:41,266
I'd have been quicker walking.
639
00:42:42,635 --> 00:42:46,753
Anyway I think I'm ready for that
large drink you were about to offer me so....
640
00:42:46,835 --> 00:42:50,953
-This is all a bit nice, isn't it?
-Right! You'll be ready for that.
641
00:42:51,035 --> 00:42:56,587
So, er...come on through then and meet Irene.
642
00:43:01,035 --> 00:43:03,788
...and if it hadn't been for this nice man,
643
00:43:03,875 --> 00:43:07,470
who's been more of a comfort to me,
actually, than I think he realises,
644
00:43:07,555 --> 00:43:10,023
I might never have got through it.
645
00:43:10,115 --> 00:43:11,912
Really? Wow.
646
00:43:12,675 --> 00:43:14,108
I can imagine...
647
00:43:14,195 --> 00:43:16,663
that must have been quite a shock to the system.
648
00:43:16,755 --> 00:43:18,825
I'll tell you, it absolutely just shows
649
00:43:18,915 --> 00:43:21,145
how you can never take anyone
for granted in this life.
650
00:43:21,235 --> 00:43:22,429
Doesn't it?
651
00:43:22,515 --> 00:43:25,075
When you think of all the time we waste...
652
00:43:25,155 --> 00:43:28,750
-on emotional dead ends.
-Jumping to all the wrong conclusions.
653
00:43:28,835 --> 00:43:31,713
It's like, you think you've got
the measure of someone and then....
654
00:43:31,795 --> 00:43:34,673
And sometimes, maybe you have except...
655
00:43:34,755 --> 00:43:37,508
-you don't even know it because....
-IRENE: Relationships!
656
00:43:37,595 --> 00:43:40,792
When you look at everything
that has to be factored in.
657
00:43:40,875 --> 00:43:45,665
I don't know, Vanessa, it's probably
very different for you these days but...
658
00:43:46,915 --> 00:43:51,591
when I was young, I mean that whole thing,
you know, of your racial background.
659
00:43:52,835 --> 00:43:57,431
I know, myself,
so often could be an issue with boys that....
660
00:43:57,515 --> 00:44:02,031
What? I beg your pardon? I'm sorry.
What do you mean, your racial background?
661
00:44:02,755 --> 00:44:04,985
Well, the fact that I was black.
662
00:44:05,075 --> 00:44:08,033
I mean, 30 years ago, you know.
663
00:44:08,115 --> 00:44:10,709
Rather less enlightened times, I'm afraid.
664
00:44:11,795 --> 00:44:14,787
I know. People are always surprised, obviously.
665
00:44:14,875 --> 00:44:17,264
Because with my mother being white....
666
00:44:18,715 --> 00:44:22,344
You know, sometimes in cases like mine,
it's impossible to tell....
667
00:44:23,555 --> 00:44:26,592
Oh, no, I mean even to this day...
668
00:44:27,515 --> 00:44:30,552
genetically or whatever,
669
00:44:30,635 --> 00:44:33,752
in my own mind, I've never thought of myself
as anything else.
670
00:44:34,475 --> 00:44:36,272
So, anyway....
671
00:44:40,155 --> 00:44:42,430
I suppose that's another story.
672
00:45:17,395 --> 00:45:21,354
-What the hell is going on here?
-Emma?
673
00:45:21,435 --> 00:45:24,825
He's just gone to the chemist's.
674
00:45:24,915 --> 00:45:27,065
He should be back in a second.
675
00:45:31,995 --> 00:45:34,873
Erm, you might want to pop out for a while.
676
00:45:34,955 --> 00:45:38,106
It appears to be a faecal impaction
in the lower colonic tract,
677
00:45:38,195 --> 00:45:40,151
which I'm just hoping will respond to treatment.
678
00:45:40,235 --> 00:45:43,591
-If you could give us about 20 minutes.
-What sort of treatment?
679
00:45:43,675 --> 00:45:45,586
What have you got in that bag?
680
00:45:48,795 --> 00:45:51,514
Oh, God! Michael.
681
00:45:51,595 --> 00:45:55,907
Come on, she's in the most terrible pain here.
I think it's the least we can do.
682
00:45:56,755 --> 00:46:00,509
Now, this might be a little bit
uncomfortable just to start with.
683
00:46:00,595 --> 00:46:01,994
ALICE: Okay.
684
00:46:08,995 --> 00:46:10,110
Well.
685
00:46:10,195 --> 00:46:11,913
Thank you very much.
686
00:46:11,995 --> 00:46:14,350
Both of you, for a lovely meal.
687
00:46:15,675 --> 00:46:19,190
Yeah. Vanessa, maybe if I give you a call....
688
00:46:19,275 --> 00:46:21,106
Yeah, why not?
689
00:46:21,635 --> 00:46:23,034
Sometime.
690
00:46:23,435 --> 00:46:25,426
It was nice to have met you, Irene.
691
00:46:31,275 --> 00:46:33,948
Actually, I really wasn't trying to horn in,
you know,
692
00:46:34,035 --> 00:46:37,391
so, you didn't have to play the race card.
693
00:46:39,595 --> 00:46:41,108
See you, Gil.
694
00:46:46,515 --> 00:46:48,745
What is her problem?
695
00:46:48,835 --> 00:46:50,393
Right now?
696
00:46:50,955 --> 00:46:53,992
Her problem, I would guess, is me.
697
00:46:55,355 --> 00:46:59,507
Right now, in her eyes I am just
one big burlap sack of monkey shit...
698
00:47:00,235 --> 00:47:04,433
who appears to like black women,
so long as they're white.
699
00:47:06,835 --> 00:47:08,985
Oh, God! Sorry.
700
00:47:13,275 --> 00:47:14,469
So....
701
00:47:15,155 --> 00:47:16,508
Right, well....
702
00:47:16,955 --> 00:47:18,354
I suppose I'll...
703
00:47:19,395 --> 00:47:21,192
say goodnight, then.
704
00:48:15,715 --> 00:48:17,671
Oh, God, what are we doing?
705
00:48:17,755 --> 00:48:19,666
Should we be doing this?
706
00:48:19,755 --> 00:48:22,667
Do you think? Because, I mean...
707
00:48:22,755 --> 00:48:26,794
obviously, I've always had the sense
there was something you weren't telling me.
708
00:48:26,875 --> 00:48:29,343
I mean, right after that first night
709
00:48:29,435 --> 00:48:32,507
when I came round here and found that photo...
710
00:48:33,035 --> 00:48:35,503
you'd been playing around with, I mean....
711
00:48:35,595 --> 00:48:38,905
Putting my face on your husband's body?
I mean, that was....
712
00:48:39,355 --> 00:48:41,471
You saw that and you never said anything?
713
00:48:41,555 --> 00:48:44,865
What was I going to say?
I mean, you were going through a traumatic time.
714
00:48:44,955 --> 00:48:47,105
You can't know how traumatic.
715
00:48:47,195 --> 00:48:52,189
When your whole life is turned inside out like that,
what it does to you inside is just....
716
00:48:53,315 --> 00:48:54,987
I can imagine.
717
00:49:05,195 --> 00:49:09,427
Oh, my God! It's his car! It's Bob!
718
00:49:09,515 --> 00:49:12,109
Are you serious? Well that's it, I'm dead!
719
00:49:12,195 --> 00:49:13,674
We're all dead!
720
00:49:29,235 --> 00:49:31,430
-Irene.
-What are you doing here?
721
00:49:31,515 --> 00:49:36,225
For the love of God, please, please, sweetheart.
I'm just all out of apologies.
722
00:49:36,315 --> 00:49:38,954
You can't be enjoying this anymore than I am.
723
00:49:39,315 --> 00:49:40,668
I just....
724
00:49:41,875 --> 00:49:44,389
I just want things to be...
725
00:49:44,475 --> 00:49:45,954
like they were before....
726
00:49:46,035 --> 00:49:47,787
They will be, I promise.
727
00:49:54,395 --> 00:49:58,866
Oh, God, Gil.
You had me scared there for a minute.
728
00:49:58,955 --> 00:50:01,674
I thought she'd got a man in here or something.
729
00:50:02,115 --> 00:50:05,903
No, you know, I just called around for a chat.
730
00:50:05,995 --> 00:50:08,748
-Make sure she was okay.
-Oh, bless you! I appreciate that.
731
00:50:08,835 --> 00:50:10,632
Of course, I just started wittering on....
732
00:50:10,715 --> 00:50:13,548
About how much she was missing you,
if you want to know.
733
00:50:13,635 --> 00:50:16,911
-Boring him witless, I dare say.
-About my stupid antics.
734
00:50:16,995 --> 00:50:19,304
You know, I've been such an idiot, Gil.
735
00:50:20,155 --> 00:50:25,752
Well, we all make mistakes.
We wouldn't be human. Any of us.
736
00:50:25,835 --> 00:50:27,871
You've proved it for yourself.
737
00:50:27,955 --> 00:50:31,027
The grass is definitely not greener, no way.
738
00:50:34,835 --> 00:50:37,303
What do you mean? What grass?
739
00:50:37,395 --> 00:50:38,510
Sorry?
740
00:50:38,595 --> 00:50:41,063
Whose grass is this we're talking about?
741
00:50:41,715 --> 00:50:45,867
-Or would you rather not say?
-Nobody's! Of course not!
742
00:50:45,955 --> 00:50:49,743
-My God! I might have known!
-And what difference would it make anyway?
743
00:50:49,835 --> 00:50:53,987
I'm hardly out of the door and you're at it!
Right off the bloody starting blocks! Who was he?
744
00:50:54,075 --> 00:50:57,829
Excuse me, I don't think you're in any position
to start laying down the law.
745
00:50:57,915 --> 00:51:00,634
-Who was he?
-The dustman, okay?
746
00:51:01,035 --> 00:51:04,107
His name was Ray.
Do you want all the sordid details?
747
00:51:04,195 --> 00:51:07,346
-It's obviously an area you specialise in!
-Thank you very much, no!
748
00:51:07,435 --> 00:51:11,348
The erotic appeal of the refuse collection industry,
I'm afraid, is sadly lost on me.
749
00:51:11,435 --> 00:51:14,871
-Don't you dare start to patronise me like that!
-This is unbelievable.
750
00:51:14,955 --> 00:51:18,186
I've got to go. I'm sorry.
I'm trying to get my head around this.
751
00:51:21,115 --> 00:51:25,506
-Okay, I suppose I'll be....
-Where the hell do you think you're going?
752
00:51:26,355 --> 00:51:27,424
Sorry?
753
00:51:48,555 --> 00:51:50,785
Faecal impaction. Isn't that the one where....
754
00:51:50,875 --> 00:51:53,548
Glenn Close jumps out of the bath with a knife,
yes, very funny.
755
00:51:53,635 --> 00:51:56,274
What? No, I wasn't gonna say that.
756
00:51:56,355 --> 00:51:58,266
I was gonna say
the one where they get a long tube,
757
00:51:58,355 --> 00:52:00,505
like Cleo was talking about the other night,
and then....
758
00:52:00,595 --> 00:52:03,473
Yes, thank you, Milly.
If we could just stop there, do you think?
759
00:52:03,555 --> 00:52:07,548
Before we get into any form of description
that includes the word "squirt".
760
00:52:07,635 --> 00:52:09,387
I wish I'd never mentioned it.
761
00:52:09,475 --> 00:52:13,354
The results were, happily, very beneficial,
I have to give him that.
762
00:52:14,155 --> 00:52:18,671
I suppose that more or less put the kibosh
on anything else between the two of you.
763
00:52:18,755 --> 00:52:20,507
Did it? After that?
764
00:52:21,635 --> 00:52:23,432
What do you think?
765
00:52:24,595 --> 00:52:26,153
Thank God it did.
766
00:52:26,235 --> 00:52:30,274
If he hadn't suddenly set it all off like that,
poking and prodding me about....
767
00:52:32,355 --> 00:52:33,754
I'm sorry.
768
00:52:35,075 --> 00:52:37,589
It frightens me to think,
how much I was weakening.
769
00:52:37,675 --> 00:52:38,790
And as for him,
770
00:52:38,875 --> 00:52:42,868
to just have no qualms whatsoever
about the damage you're doing to a relationship.
771
00:52:42,955 --> 00:52:46,072
Though, we don't know if it was
that great to start with.
772
00:52:46,155 --> 00:52:48,749
I'm not talking about his relationship,
I mean my relationship.
773
00:52:48,835 --> 00:52:50,587
Apparently, she'd already told him
774
00:52:50,675 --> 00:52:53,508
I was happily married
with a five-year-old daughter!
775
00:52:53,595 --> 00:52:56,507
Based on the fact she'd seen that
plumber and his little girl there
776
00:52:56,595 --> 00:52:58,665
when she called round my flat.
777
00:52:58,755 --> 00:53:01,872
All of which appeared to bother him
not one jot, so....
778
00:53:03,155 --> 00:53:07,034
What was all that about?
I can't believe you were discussing Dave Brubeck.
779
00:53:07,115 --> 00:53:09,788
No, just a bit of mutual consolation.
780
00:53:09,875 --> 00:53:11,467
You know, after yesterday.
781
00:53:11,555 --> 00:53:14,228
God, I know. I mean, how must he feel?
782
00:53:14,835 --> 00:53:17,747
Here we go again. The eventful lives we all lead.
783
00:53:17,835 --> 00:53:19,427
What's happened now?
784
00:53:19,515 --> 00:53:23,394
Well, I suppose,
nothing I couldn't see coming a mile off.
785
00:53:23,475 --> 00:53:26,785
I was just going back to my car again,
wasn't I, last night....
786
00:54:11,115 --> 00:54:15,347
Still, I suppose, at least it showed
he'd taken on board what you said about that.
787
00:54:16,755 --> 00:54:18,632
It's a shame because he was such a joker.
788
00:54:18,715 --> 00:54:21,388
The things he'd come out with
always made you laugh.
789
00:54:21,475 --> 00:54:24,273
Except I never did manage
to stop him stealing, did I?
790
00:54:24,355 --> 00:54:26,664
Cars, other blokes' girlfriends.
791
00:54:27,715 --> 00:54:31,594
It was like in that song. What was that?
Something about a joker and a thief.
792
00:54:31,675 --> 00:54:33,427
-I can't remember.
-Sorry?
793
00:54:33,515 --> 00:54:36,234
"There must be some way out of here
said the joker to the thief."
794
00:54:36,315 --> 00:54:40,149
-It's from All Along the Watchtower.
-Was it? Very probably.
795
00:54:41,195 --> 00:54:43,470
Who's Raymond Rosario?
796
00:54:43,835 --> 00:54:46,224
Oh, yes! Sorry, I forgot to tell you.
797
00:54:46,315 --> 00:54:48,988
The editor of that house magazine rang
while you were in the loo.
798
00:54:49,075 --> 00:54:52,351
He said he was really sorry
about that picture they used in the feature.
799
00:54:52,435 --> 00:54:54,426
He said it was all just meant to be a bit of fun.
800
00:54:54,515 --> 00:54:57,348
The photographer should definitely
have explained that to you beforehand.
801
00:54:57,435 --> 00:55:01,314
He said he was desperate to make amends
and was there any chance he could buy you lunch.
802
00:55:01,395 --> 00:55:04,467
I have to say, actually, Ali, he sounded very fit.
803
00:55:06,955 --> 00:55:08,070
Really?
804
00:55:15,235 --> 00:55:16,987
-Yeah, hello.
-Hi, Gil, it's Clark.
805
00:55:17,075 --> 00:55:19,031
Oh, hi, how're you doing?
806
00:55:19,115 --> 00:55:21,868
I'm spectacularly good as it happens, but....
807
00:55:22,795 --> 00:55:24,547
Hey, what happened with you and Vanessa?
808
00:55:24,635 --> 00:55:26,546
I thought that looked as if
it was going somewhere.
809
00:55:26,675 --> 00:55:29,143
Oh, yeah, well.
810
00:55:29,235 --> 00:55:31,988
It was one of those plots that really
doesn't hang together,
811
00:55:32,075 --> 00:55:34,145
but it happened all the same.
812
00:55:34,235 --> 00:55:38,547
Involving my next door neighbour and
her husband and this prostitute he was seeing,
813
00:55:38,635 --> 00:55:41,308
and I'd really have to draw you a diagram.
814
00:55:41,395 --> 00:55:44,512
Why, anyway? What did she say about me?
815
00:55:44,595 --> 00:55:47,314
Well, she kind of didn't have to say anything.
816
00:55:48,315 --> 00:55:51,625
I mean, she's a great character, I adore her,
817
00:55:51,715 --> 00:55:55,788
but a little unforgiving, you'd have to
say, when she feels she's been let down.
818
00:55:56,235 --> 00:55:58,988
So, you think I should wait a while
before I get in touch?
819
00:55:59,075 --> 00:56:00,224
Right!
820
00:56:00,315 --> 00:56:04,866
If you give her a call in the early spring of 201 2,
she might be more receptive.
821
00:56:04,955 --> 00:56:07,389
Listen, the reason I rang.
822
00:56:07,475 --> 00:56:09,193
I just thought you should know this
823
00:56:09,275 --> 00:56:13,473
because it's gonna be on the front page
of every tabloid newspaper in the morning.
824
00:56:13,555 --> 00:56:17,753
Tiffany Turner, sadly, will not be making
any more sitcom pilots.
825
00:56:17,835 --> 00:56:19,234
Oh, really?
826
00:56:19,315 --> 00:56:24,309
The folks upstairs took one look at the show....
Apparently were even more appalled than we were.
827
00:56:24,555 --> 00:56:28,594
They called in her agent last night.
He broke the news to her this morning.
828
00:56:29,475 --> 00:56:31,670
And at 3:00 this afternoon...
829
00:56:33,155 --> 00:56:34,907
they found her.
830
00:57:10,115 --> 00:57:14,905
CLARK: They figure she'd taken five of those
magic pills, washed down with a bottle of vodka.
831
00:57:24,915 --> 00:57:26,394
Oh, shit!
832
00:57:26,955 --> 00:57:28,229
I know.
833
00:57:29,035 --> 00:57:31,185
Well, you know.
834
00:57:31,275 --> 00:57:34,631
Sadly, that's the philosophy of our age.
835
00:57:34,715 --> 00:57:38,708
If you're not up there on that little screen,
you might as well not exist.
836
00:57:39,915 --> 00:57:43,590
Most of us, happily, get the chance
to grow older and wiser, but....
837
00:57:47,275 --> 00:57:49,505
Kid would've been 1 9 next week.
838
00:57:51,835 --> 00:57:53,029
We'll...
839
00:57:54,075 --> 00:57:55,906
have a beer some time.
840
00:57:56,875 --> 00:57:58,388
Yeah. Keep in touch.
841
00:58:08,555 --> 00:58:12,230
Yes, hello. I'm meeting Mr Raymond Rosario?
842
00:58:24,435 --> 00:58:25,868
Raymond!
843
00:58:25,955 --> 00:58:28,674
-Are you well?
-I'm absolutely fine!
844
00:58:29,875 --> 00:58:31,354
Oh, right.
845
00:58:33,635 --> 00:58:34,909
Bye, then.
72805
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