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1
00:00:00,147 --> 00:00:02,916
What's up, people?
Welcome to "The Marlon Way."
2
00:00:02,917 --> 00:00:04,651
Me and my ex-wife, Ashley,
when we parent,
3
00:00:04,652 --> 00:00:07,333
we do it differently.
See, I keep it real,
4
00:00:07,334 --> 00:00:09,368
and she keeps it real emotional.
5
00:00:09,369 --> 00:00:11,403
And when Ashley cries, like most women,
6
00:00:11,404 --> 00:00:12,772
it comes in four stages.
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00:00:12,773 --> 00:00:14,706
Stage one: Heavy breathing.
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00:00:14,707 --> 00:00:17,642
[breathing deeply]
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00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:19,544
Stage two: [gasps]
10
00:00:19,545 --> 00:00:23,181
They look up into the sky
and start fanning their eyes.
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00:00:23,182 --> 00:00:25,250
Stage three: Lip sucking.
12
00:00:25,251 --> 00:00:28,086
[panting]
13
00:00:28,087 --> 00:00:31,322
Stage four is a full on, ugly cry,
14
00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:34,492
buttoned up with a big old
Viola Davis snot bubble.
15
00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:37,929
Just mucus spread all across her face.
16
00:00:37,930 --> 00:00:41,966
See, men, when we cry,
we do it real cool, like Denzel.
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00:00:41,967 --> 00:00:47,772
Just one tear rolling down
our cheek with no expression.
18
00:00:47,773 --> 00:00:49,707
? Marlon, Marlon, Marlon,
Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ?
19
00:00:49,708 --> 00:00:51,609
? Marlon, Marlon, Marlon,
Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ?
20
00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:53,244
? Marlon, Marlon, Marlon,
Marlon, Marlon, Marlon ?
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00:00:53,245 --> 00:00:58,416
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
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00:00:58,417 --> 00:01:00,552
[hip-hop music]
23
00:01:00,553 --> 00:01:03,621
Okay. Snacks for Marley, iPad for Zack,
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00:01:03,622 --> 00:01:05,623
sweatshirts in case
the hospital is cold.
25
00:01:05,624 --> 00:01:08,660
What else am I forgetting?
Oh, toilet seat covers!
26
00:01:10,296 --> 00:01:12,831
You have your own toilet seat covers?
27
00:01:12,832 --> 00:01:14,599
Don't you?
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00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,168
I hover.
29
00:01:17,169 --> 00:01:19,170
Girl, you need to chill.
30
00:01:19,171 --> 00:01:22,240
Zack's surgery is outpatient.
He'll be home in a few hours.
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00:01:22,241 --> 00:01:24,943
I just like to be prepared.
Plus, it keeps me distracted
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from thinking about
how fragile Zack is.
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00:01:28,113 --> 00:01:31,049
It's a bird! It's a plane!
34
00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:35,453
It's... a kid that's way heavier
than I thought he was!
35
00:01:35,454 --> 00:01:37,188
- Whoa! Aah!
- [grunts]
36
00:01:37,189 --> 00:01:39,123
Oh, my God!
37
00:01:39,124 --> 00:01:41,860
Marlon, you shouldn't be
jiggling him around.
38
00:01:41,861 --> 00:01:44,015
Oh, what's the matter?
Mommy's jiggle-jealous?
39
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:45,883
Come here. I got you girl. Come here.
40
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:46,998
Oh, ya.
41
00:01:46,999 --> 00:01:48,781
- Put me down.
- Remind you of something?
42
00:01:48,782 --> 00:01:49,855
Marlon!
43
00:01:51,085 --> 00:01:53,159
Okay, listen, he was
just a little nervous
44
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,062
about going to the hospital,
so I just wanted to remind him
45
00:01:56,063 --> 00:01:58,998
that superheroes aren't
afraid of anything, right?
46
00:01:58,999 --> 00:02:00,833
What are we gonna do
to that bone infection?
47
00:02:00,834 --> 00:02:04,037
We're kicking the bone infection's ass!
48
00:02:04,038 --> 00:02:05,671
Ahem.
49
00:02:05,672 --> 00:02:08,775
Hey, what'd I tell you
about saying the word "ass"?
50
00:02:08,776 --> 00:02:11,444
Nothing.
51
00:02:11,445 --> 00:02:14,480
You know, me and you could
never rob a bank together.
52
00:02:14,481 --> 00:02:17,550
Zack, you're only gonna need
these crutches...
53
00:02:17,551 --> 00:02:18,951
[voice breaking]
For a couple more days.
54
00:02:18,952 --> 00:02:23,656
Oh, my God. [mock sobbing]
55
00:02:23,657 --> 00:02:24,857
You see that? The heavy breathing?
56
00:02:24,858 --> 00:02:28,194
[mock sobbing and speaks gibberish]
57
00:02:28,195 --> 00:02:30,730
- Stage one of the ugly cry.
- [laughs]
58
00:02:30,731 --> 00:02:33,066
I'm glad you guys think this is funny,
59
00:02:33,067 --> 00:02:34,834
but my baby's having surgery.
60
00:02:34,835 --> 00:02:36,636
Are you sure this isn't gonna hurt?
61
00:02:36,637 --> 00:02:38,604
Honey, remember, it's like
we talked about, right?
62
00:02:38,605 --> 00:02:41,174
The doctor's just gonna make
a small incision in your leg.
63
00:02:41,175 --> 00:02:42,975
He's gonna clean out the infection.
64
00:02:42,976 --> 00:02:44,243
You'll be on antibiotics
for a couple day...
65
00:02:44,244 --> 00:02:48,114
Boy, you gon' be high as hell.
66
00:02:48,115 --> 00:02:49,482
They gon' give you that stuff
67
00:02:49,483 --> 00:02:51,817
that made Bobby and
Whitney fall in love.
68
00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:55,421
Look, you gon' be home by 9:00.
69
00:02:55,422 --> 00:02:58,564
I'ma be beating your behind in
"John Madden Football" by 9:05.
70
00:02:58,565 --> 00:03:01,661
Zach, you're good... I prayed on it.
71
00:03:02,001 --> 00:03:04,088
My god is a mighty healer.
72
00:03:04,616 --> 00:03:07,699
Sinners be dropping to their
knees in a second, huh?
73
00:03:07,879 --> 00:03:10,925
God, it's me Yvette.
74
00:03:10,926 --> 00:03:13,989
I holla at you the last
time I needed something.
75
00:03:15,576 --> 00:03:19,659
God knows my heart, and you
can trust and believe that.
76
00:03:19,660 --> 00:03:23,863
I trust and believe God's
gon' be ducking your calls.
77
00:03:23,864 --> 00:03:25,832
He gon' be up there like,
"Is that Yvette?
78
00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:29,602
"Jesus, I ain't here!
Quick, turn out the sun!
79
00:03:29,603 --> 00:03:32,772
Close the clouds!"
80
00:03:32,773 --> 00:03:36,343
Jesus loves me. This I know.
81
00:03:36,344 --> 00:03:38,545
Um, I think that's Jes�s.
82
00:03:40,247 --> 00:03:45,485
And he owns an auto body shop
right down there on Crenshaw.
83
00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,921
Well, Jes�s fixed my
fender for half price.
84
00:03:47,922 --> 00:03:50,190
So, ha-ha! [snaps fingers]
85
00:03:53,194 --> 00:03:55,829
Marley! It's time for us to go.
86
00:03:55,830 --> 00:03:58,331
I'm ready. I was just making
some chocolate milk for Zack.
87
00:03:58,332 --> 00:04:00,333
Come on, let's race.
Let's go. Come on, come on.
88
00:04:00,334 --> 00:04:02,335
That's as fast as you can go?
Come on, I got you.
89
00:04:02,336 --> 00:04:04,504
I do that backwards.
You can't get this, boy.
90
00:04:06,874 --> 00:04:10,310
What in the ninja was that?
91
00:04:10,311 --> 00:04:12,812
- We need to talk.
- I don't like conversations
92
00:04:12,813 --> 00:04:14,781
that start with "We need to talk,"
93
00:04:14,782 --> 00:04:16,015
'cause it's never nothing good.
94
00:04:16,016 --> 00:04:17,951
It's never like, "Hey, we need to talk.
95
00:04:17,952 --> 00:04:19,386
"I think you're really cool,
and I want to give you
96
00:04:19,387 --> 00:04:21,321
a billion dollars."
No, it's always like,
97
00:04:21,322 --> 00:04:24,958
"I saw the doctor,
and I think you should too.
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00:04:24,959 --> 00:04:27,193
I'm pregnant. It's not yours."
99
00:04:29,597 --> 00:04:32,132
Marlon, I know we're only
gonna be in the hospital
100
00:04:32,133 --> 00:04:35,135
for six hours, but that can be
very stressful on parents.
101
00:04:35,136 --> 00:04:37,103
- Mm-hmm.
- And in situations like these,
102
00:04:37,104 --> 00:04:38,972
I also know you can be very...
103
00:04:38,973 --> 00:04:39,939
- Sexy?
- No.
104
00:04:39,940 --> 00:04:41,074
- Charismatic?
- No.
105
00:04:41,075 --> 00:04:43,643
- Did I say sexy?
- Marlon!
106
00:04:43,644 --> 00:04:45,779
This is what I'm talking about.
You being you.
107
00:04:45,780 --> 00:04:47,781
It reminds me of why we got divorced.
108
00:04:47,782 --> 00:04:50,383
Look, I was just trying to
lighten the mood for Zack, okay?
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00:04:50,384 --> 00:04:51,851
He's going to surgery,
and I just wanted to, you know,
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00:04:51,852 --> 00:04:53,286
make everything easy for him.
111
00:04:53,287 --> 00:04:54,521
And I just need to make sure
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00:04:54,522 --> 00:04:56,222
that everything goes smoothly,
113
00:04:56,223 --> 00:04:57,657
which is why I need you to be...
114
00:04:57,658 --> 00:04:59,292
Sexy?
115
00:04:59,293 --> 00:05:01,394
Oh, my God.
116
00:05:01,395 --> 00:05:04,464
?
117
00:05:04,465 --> 00:05:05,565
? Holla ?
118
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:09,636
[imitates tires screeching]
119
00:05:09,637 --> 00:05:11,037
[imitates engine revving]
120
00:05:11,038 --> 00:05:12,205
[panting]
121
00:05:12,206 --> 00:05:14,407
Where have you been?
122
00:05:14,408 --> 00:05:19,112
We was out there beating cancer...
123
00:05:19,113 --> 00:05:22,982
kids in wheelchair races.
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00:05:22,983 --> 00:05:24,350
That was a really weird
place to put a pause.
125
00:05:24,351 --> 00:05:26,019
Yeah. Uh-huh.
126
00:05:26,020 --> 00:05:29,122
Come on, let's get you
out of here, buddy.
127
00:05:29,123 --> 00:05:31,191
Get this. When you park here,
128
00:05:31,192 --> 00:05:33,026
you have to pay for an entire day.
129
00:05:33,027 --> 00:05:35,728
$42! Well, that's not gonna happen.
130
00:05:35,729 --> 00:05:37,664
I gotta talk to somebody about this.
131
00:05:39,767 --> 00:05:43,069
Can I have $42?
132
00:05:43,070 --> 00:05:44,804
No.
133
00:05:44,805 --> 00:05:46,940
I gotta talk to someone
else about this!
134
00:05:46,941 --> 00:05:48,541
I'm Nurse Patrice.
135
00:05:48,542 --> 00:05:50,643
Don't let my bubbly demeanor fool you.
136
00:05:50,644 --> 00:05:52,312
I don't play.
137
00:05:52,313 --> 00:05:54,647
Hi, Patrice.
It's wonderful to meet you.
138
00:05:54,648 --> 00:05:56,716
I'm Ashley Wayne,
this is our son, Zack,
139
00:05:56,717 --> 00:05:58,451
and this is my ex-husband, Marlon.
140
00:05:58,452 --> 00:06:00,153
Hey there, Nurse Ratched.
141
00:06:04,225 --> 00:06:06,125
I like your little Crocs.
142
00:06:06,126 --> 00:06:09,329
They're comfortable,
yet stylish, just like you.
143
00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:11,464
[chuckles]
144
00:06:11,465 --> 00:06:14,100
I'll be back to put an IV in.
145
00:06:14,101 --> 00:06:15,602
- [scoffs]
- [mocking scoff]
146
00:06:17,371 --> 00:06:20,907
Oh, I like 'em ghetto like that, boy.
147
00:06:20,908 --> 00:06:24,177
She smell like Newports,
Juicy Fruit, and gunpowder.
148
00:06:26,714 --> 00:06:28,848
I don't think that lady likes us.
149
00:06:28,849 --> 00:06:30,683
No, no. She don't like you,
150
00:06:30,684 --> 00:06:34,287
and she definitely don't like
you, but she's feeling Daddy.
151
00:06:34,288 --> 00:06:35,989
Marlon, that was our one chance
152
00:06:35,990 --> 00:06:38,725
to get in good with the nurse,
who is the gatekeeper
153
00:06:38,726 --> 00:06:40,660
for everything we need
while we're here.
154
00:06:40,661 --> 00:06:42,662
I know, and she's also scary as hell.
155
00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:44,631
I was just trying to, you know,
lighten things up.
156
00:06:44,632 --> 00:06:46,499
Hello. I'm John Pepper.
157
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:48,635
I'll be performing
Zack's surgery today.
158
00:06:48,636 --> 00:06:50,069
- Hi, Doc.
- Are you the guy
159
00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:51,771
that's gonna cut me open?
160
00:06:51,772 --> 00:06:53,973
Honey, the doctor's done this
hundreds of times.
161
00:06:53,974 --> 00:06:55,642
There's nothing out of the ordinary.
162
00:06:55,643 --> 00:06:58,878
Except for the fact that
the man's name is Dr. Pepper.
163
00:06:58,879 --> 00:07:01,581
And ain't nobody gonna acknowledge it?
164
00:07:01,582 --> 00:07:04,717
Yeah, yeah. He named like a soda.
165
00:07:04,718 --> 00:07:06,352
Hey, Dr. Pepper.
166
00:07:06,353 --> 00:07:08,321
You ever go skiing up on Mountain Dew?
167
00:07:08,322 --> 00:07:10,223
Take Dr. Brown and Mr. Pibb with you,
168
00:07:10,224 --> 00:07:12,792
and you pick up the Tab? Ha-ha!
169
00:07:12,793 --> 00:07:13,993
- Marlon!
- Hmm?
170
00:07:13,994 --> 00:07:15,228
No more soda jokes.
171
00:07:15,229 --> 00:07:18,131
That's okay. I heard them all.
172
00:07:18,132 --> 00:07:19,499
That must be Diet Dr. Pepper.
173
00:07:22,269 --> 00:07:25,104
I stand corrected.
174
00:07:25,105 --> 00:07:27,507
[sighs] Sorry it took so long
to get the coffee.
175
00:07:27,508 --> 00:07:29,842
Aunt Yvette asked a doctor
to take her pulse.
176
00:07:29,843 --> 00:07:34,047
Well, it was going well
until I found out he's a nurse.
177
00:07:34,048 --> 00:07:35,815
Zack's not having surgery today.
178
00:07:35,816 --> 00:07:38,217
- Mmm!
- The Lord fixed it!
179
00:07:38,218 --> 00:07:39,952
? Won't he do it? ?
180
00:07:41,655 --> 00:07:44,524
No, I mean, we need
to delay his procedure.
181
00:07:44,525 --> 00:07:47,226
His white blood cell count
needs to level out.
182
00:07:47,227 --> 00:07:50,129
Uh, keep him relaxed.
You're probably gonna stay here
183
00:07:50,130 --> 00:07:53,066
- for two or three days.
- Three days?
184
00:07:53,067 --> 00:07:55,868
You guys promised I was gonna
be out of here by tonight.
185
00:07:55,869 --> 00:07:58,705
- Oh, honey, it's gonna be fine.
- Fine?
186
00:07:58,706 --> 00:08:01,374
It's gonna be great, man.
It's gonna be off the... man!
187
00:08:01,375 --> 00:08:04,777
This is me and you at a
three-day hospital party!
188
00:08:04,778 --> 00:08:06,412
What? We gon' turn up, turn up,
189
00:08:06,413 --> 00:08:08,181
turn up, turn up, turn up, turn up!
190
00:08:08,182 --> 00:08:10,283
[grunting] Haa!
191
00:08:10,284 --> 00:08:13,820
Marlon and I in one
room for three days?
192
00:08:13,821 --> 00:08:15,355
All right. I can do this.
193
00:08:15,356 --> 00:08:17,056
I don't know.
194
00:08:17,057 --> 00:08:19,525
I saw on "Dr. Phil"
this couple that was stuck
195
00:08:19,526 --> 00:08:22,695
in the hospital with their kid,
and they got so stressed,
196
00:08:22,696 --> 00:08:25,965
the dude knocked his
wife out with a bedpan.
197
00:08:25,966 --> 00:08:27,567
Oh, clear! Pow!
198
00:08:27,568 --> 00:08:29,902
Ohh! Whoa!
199
00:08:29,903 --> 00:08:32,438
- Bop! Ohh!
- [groans]
200
00:08:32,439 --> 00:08:35,942
All I'm saying is you better
get to that bedpan first.
201
00:08:35,943 --> 00:08:38,478
?
202
00:08:39,008 --> 00:08:41,601
[hip-hop music]
203
00:08:41,602 --> 00:08:43,737
Oh, Stevie. That's so sweet.
204
00:08:43,738 --> 00:08:45,205
You stayed to support Zack.
205
00:08:45,206 --> 00:08:47,874
I'm also sticking around
to get my $42 worth.
206
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:50,043
I've already collected
ACE bandages, rubber gloves,
207
00:08:50,044 --> 00:08:53,980
and an insane amount of baby Tylenol.
208
00:08:53,981 --> 00:08:56,483
Came to get another pillowcase.
209
00:08:56,484 --> 00:09:00,619
I just saw a cart full
of unattended Jell-O cups.
210
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,388
Zack, it's gonna be good.
211
00:09:02,389 --> 00:09:03,889
Feel better, buddy. Bye.
212
00:09:05,492 --> 00:09:07,593
I wish I didn't have
to spend the night here.
213
00:09:07,594 --> 00:09:10,329
I know, but you know what?
214
00:09:10,330 --> 00:09:14,700
Mommy has something
that I think might cheer you up.
215
00:09:14,701 --> 00:09:17,102
Boom! His name is Babby.
216
00:09:17,103 --> 00:09:20,172
He's seen better days,
but my mom gave him to me
217
00:09:20,173 --> 00:09:22,441
when I was having my tonsils taken out,
218
00:09:22,442 --> 00:09:25,678
and he held my hand the entire time.
219
00:09:25,679 --> 00:09:28,313
He was so... [sobbing]
220
00:09:28,314 --> 00:09:30,649
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
221
00:09:30,650 --> 00:09:32,518
Why is Mommy in stage two?
222
00:09:34,287 --> 00:09:37,056
I think she was trying to cheer me up.
223
00:09:37,057 --> 00:09:39,992
It looks like Babby's the one
that needs cheering up.
224
00:09:39,993 --> 00:09:41,660
This little ghetto bunny.
225
00:09:41,661 --> 00:09:45,164
Look like he got beat up
all down Sesame Street.
226
00:09:45,165 --> 00:09:47,466
Like he got jumped by Big Bird
and Snuffleupagus.
227
00:09:47,467 --> 00:09:49,401
They was like,
"You better bring your ass home
228
00:09:49,402 --> 00:09:51,003
before the streetlights come on,
little homey!"
229
00:09:51,004 --> 00:09:55,841
[both laugh]
230
00:09:55,842 --> 00:09:58,911
Hey, Mommy, um...
231
00:09:58,912 --> 00:10:01,246
What is wrong with you?
I leave for five minutes,
232
00:10:01,247 --> 00:10:04,650
I come back, you crying
like Obama's leaving office.
233
00:10:07,220 --> 00:10:09,822
- You got to keep it together.
- I'm sorry, okay?
234
00:10:09,823 --> 00:10:12,057
It got the best of me for a second.
235
00:10:12,058 --> 00:10:14,460
Marlon, what is this?
236
00:10:14,461 --> 00:10:16,595
I sent you home for schoolbooks,
toothbrushes,
237
00:10:16,596 --> 00:10:18,063
and clean underwear.
238
00:10:18,064 --> 00:10:19,665
Come on, it's a hospital.
239
00:10:19,666 --> 00:10:20,933
Ain't nobody need clean underwear.
240
00:10:20,934 --> 00:10:22,801
They got them gowns with they ass out.
241
00:10:22,802 --> 00:10:25,671
So you ignored everything I said?
242
00:10:25,672 --> 00:10:27,973
Yeah, pretty much. Hey, Zack.
243
00:10:27,974 --> 00:10:31,343
I got a TV, Xbox,
and four bags of Doritos.
244
00:10:31,344 --> 00:10:33,345
[chuckles] Awesome! Thanks, Dad!
245
00:10:33,346 --> 00:10:34,446
- My dude.
- My dude.
246
00:10:34,447 --> 00:10:35,547
- My dude!
- My dude!
247
00:10:35,548 --> 00:10:37,950
- My dude...
- Marlon!
248
00:10:37,951 --> 00:10:40,486
Dr. Pepper said he's supposed
to be relaxing.
249
00:10:40,487 --> 00:10:43,856
You always pick being fun
over being responsible.
250
00:10:43,857 --> 00:10:47,226
It's just like when I told you
that the kids weren't ready
251
00:10:47,227 --> 00:10:49,528
for a puppy, and you went out
and got them a puppy.
252
00:10:49,529 --> 00:10:51,330
How they gonna ready for a puppy
253
00:10:51,331 --> 00:10:53,365
if they don't have a puppy?
254
00:10:53,366 --> 00:10:55,601
Do you remember what happened
to that puppy?
255
00:10:55,602 --> 00:10:57,202
The kids forgot to bring him inside
256
00:10:57,203 --> 00:10:59,004
and he was killed by coyotes.
257
00:10:59,005 --> 00:11:02,207
I like to think that Boscoe
was taken in by the pack,
258
00:11:02,208 --> 00:11:06,044
and now he runs with a group
of wild dogs.
259
00:11:06,045 --> 00:11:10,015
[whispers] We found his ear
in the hot tub.
260
00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:14,052
Yeah, but that was his gang initiation.
261
00:11:14,053 --> 00:11:15,821
See, you always have a negative spin
262
00:11:15,822 --> 00:11:17,389
on the whole Boscoe experience.
263
00:11:17,390 --> 00:11:20,692
You know that was the best
11 hours of our life?
264
00:11:20,693 --> 00:11:22,961
Oh, boy.
265
00:11:22,962 --> 00:11:24,830
All right, funny man. There's your cot.
266
00:11:24,831 --> 00:11:26,832
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
We're gonna need two.
267
00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:28,300
Oh, it's only one per family,
268
00:11:28,301 --> 00:11:29,735
so y'all gon' have to work that out.
269
00:11:29,736 --> 00:11:30,936
I gotta find some fool
running round here
270
00:11:30,937 --> 00:11:32,457
with a pillowcase stealing things.
271
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:33,664
Excuse me.
272
00:11:34,674 --> 00:11:36,008
All right. You heard that.
273
00:11:36,009 --> 00:11:39,845
We only got one cot,
so no funny stuff, okay?
274
00:11:39,846 --> 00:11:44,716
This bed right here
is for sleeping, not creeping.
275
00:11:44,717 --> 00:11:47,419
?
276
00:11:47,420 --> 00:11:49,821
Would you scootch over?
277
00:11:49,823 --> 00:11:52,357
I have scootched
as far as I'm gonna scootch.
278
00:11:52,358 --> 00:11:54,693
Deal with it.
279
00:11:54,694 --> 00:11:56,595
This is just like our marriage.
280
00:11:56,596 --> 00:11:59,431
Oh, you mean, where I
appreciate the seriousness
281
00:11:59,432 --> 00:12:03,001
of the situation, and you make
everything into a joke?
282
00:12:03,002 --> 00:12:04,636
No.
283
00:12:04,637 --> 00:12:07,272
Where we lie in bed waiting
for you to be less angry
284
00:12:07,273 --> 00:12:10,375
so I can finally get some.
285
00:12:10,376 --> 00:12:12,211
You know what? Go on. Make your jokes.
286
00:12:12,212 --> 00:12:15,213
The doctor says Zack is supposed
to relax, and you keep him up
287
00:12:15,215 --> 00:12:17,649
all night playing video games
and eating junk food.
288
00:12:17,650 --> 00:12:19,151
Oh, yeah, that's right.
289
00:12:19,152 --> 00:12:21,153
I was supposed to not let
our kids have any fun
290
00:12:21,154 --> 00:12:23,555
because Ashley wants
to keep things super serious.
291
00:12:23,556 --> 00:12:25,123
You know, this is just like the time...
292
00:12:25,124 --> 00:12:27,259
Oh, do not bring up the bounce house!
293
00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:29,228
The bounce house!
294
00:12:29,229 --> 00:12:30,991
I wanted to get Marley a bounce house
295
00:12:30,992 --> 00:12:33,298
for her sixth birthday,
and you said we couldn't
296
00:12:33,299 --> 00:12:36,235
because you read an article
about three kids
297
00:12:36,236 --> 00:12:38,604
that got blown away
in a rogue bounce house.
298
00:12:38,605 --> 00:12:40,272
Yeah, and you know what?
299
00:12:40,273 --> 00:12:43,175
I found a replacement
that was just as fun.
300
00:12:43,176 --> 00:12:46,812
You replaced it with a mime. A mime?
301
00:12:46,813 --> 00:12:49,848
Oh, forgive me for wanting
to protect our children
302
00:12:49,849 --> 00:12:51,984
from a windy, bouncy death.
303
00:12:51,985 --> 00:12:54,620
And I'm sorry that I care
about our son being sick.
304
00:12:54,621 --> 00:12:55,988
He's fine.
305
00:12:55,989 --> 00:12:58,724
- He's never felt better.
- Mom?
306
00:12:58,725 --> 00:12:59,992
I think I'm gonna be sick.
307
00:12:59,993 --> 00:13:03,195
I ate too many Doritos.
308
00:13:03,196 --> 00:13:06,965
Look, he's not thinking
about his leg anymore.
309
00:13:06,966 --> 00:13:09,167
[sighs] You know what?
310
00:13:09,168 --> 00:13:11,169
Today, we did things the Marlon way:
311
00:13:11,170 --> 00:13:12,704
All fun and games.
312
00:13:12,705 --> 00:13:14,806
But I'm his parent, too. So tomorrow,
313
00:13:14,807 --> 00:13:15,974
he's gonna relax my way.
314
00:13:15,975 --> 00:13:18,477
The hospital party stops.
315
00:13:18,478 --> 00:13:22,247
What you gon' do? Call your mime?
316
00:13:22,248 --> 00:13:23,582
[imitates phone ringing]
317
00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:25,417
Hello? I can't get
to the phone right now
318
00:13:25,418 --> 00:13:27,920
because I'm stuck in a box.
319
00:13:27,921 --> 00:13:30,322
?
320
00:13:31,041 --> 00:13:33,342
[hip-hop music]
321
00:13:33,343 --> 00:13:35,144
Oh, I didn't sleep a wink
322
00:13:35,145 --> 00:13:38,114
because Marlon was kicking me
all night in that tiny cot.
323
00:13:38,115 --> 00:13:40,616
Well, girl, Marley started
telling me something
324
00:13:40,617 --> 00:13:44,620
about Harry Potter and them,
and I passed out like a light.
325
00:13:44,621 --> 00:13:47,423
I think the wine might've helped.
326
00:13:47,424 --> 00:13:49,325
Ahem.
327
00:13:49,326 --> 00:13:52,728
Hi, Patrice. Um, do you have any tape?
328
00:13:52,729 --> 00:13:56,332
I want to hang this "quiet zone"
sign outside of my son's door.
329
00:13:56,333 --> 00:13:59,100
Zack really should relax,
so I want to keep things
330
00:13:59,101 --> 00:14:00,936
as low-key as possible.
331
00:14:00,937 --> 00:14:03,438
[muffled funk music playing]
332
00:14:03,439 --> 00:14:04,906
What the hell?
333
00:14:04,907 --> 00:14:08,810
?
334
00:14:08,811 --> 00:14:11,746
Marlon! What are you doing?
335
00:14:11,747 --> 00:14:14,649
I'm doing the running man,
Zack's doing the rolling man,
336
00:14:14,650 --> 00:14:16,518
and Stevie's doing the...
337
00:14:16,519 --> 00:14:19,220
I don't know what the hell
you doing, man.
338
00:14:19,221 --> 00:14:26,027
Mom! Do your dance with Dad!
339
00:14:26,028 --> 00:14:28,630
Marlon, today was supposed
to be low-key, okay?
340
00:14:28,631 --> 00:14:31,066
I mean, I brought puzzles and games,
341
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:33,168
and I thought the party
was about to stop.
342
00:14:33,169 --> 00:14:35,570
We were, but then the doctor came,
343
00:14:35,571 --> 00:14:38,239
and he wanted to run more tests,
so Zack got scared.
344
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,008
So I had to kick it up a notch.
345
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:42,043
Man, I'm so glad black couples
346
00:14:42,044 --> 00:14:43,712
always got a rehearsed dance on deck.
347
00:14:43,713 --> 00:14:45,380
- Hey! Hey!
- Okay, Marlon!
348
00:14:45,381 --> 00:14:46,588
- Come on, hit this one!
- I'm done!
349
00:14:46,589 --> 00:14:47,916
Oh, come on. What?
350
00:14:47,917 --> 00:14:48,950
You don't think I can do the splits?
351
00:14:48,951 --> 00:14:50,051
Watch this. Drop down!
352
00:14:50,052 --> 00:14:52,821
Ohh! Okay.
353
00:14:52,822 --> 00:14:55,824
All right. All right.
354
00:14:55,825 --> 00:14:58,893
Marlon, the last two days have been
355
00:14:58,894 --> 00:15:00,996
exactly like our marriage
all over again.
356
00:15:00,997 --> 00:15:03,632
You have ignored everything
I've asked you to do.
357
00:15:03,633 --> 00:15:05,897
Yeah, 'cause you trying
to control everything that I do.
358
00:15:05,898 --> 00:15:08,770
Okay, enough! Party over!
359
00:15:08,771 --> 00:15:10,739
Good news. Zack's blood work came back
360
00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:11,873
and it's a go for surgery.
361
00:15:11,874 --> 00:15:14,542
[dramatic musical sting]
362
00:15:16,846 --> 00:15:18,413
[elevator bell dings]
- We'll be right here
363
00:15:18,414 --> 00:15:20,882
- when you get out, okay?
- Okay.
364
00:15:20,883 --> 00:15:22,751
Yeah, and you'll back to making
365
00:15:22,752 --> 00:15:25,020
my life miserable before you know it.
366
00:15:25,021 --> 00:15:27,522
[chuckles] You hear them
sounding all sappy?
367
00:15:27,523 --> 00:15:29,691
You tell 'em what we gon' do
to that bone infection.
368
00:15:29,692 --> 00:15:31,459
We're gonna kick its...
369
00:15:32,428 --> 00:15:35,196
- Ass.
- You're damn right we are.
370
00:15:35,197 --> 00:15:36,665
[chuckles]
371
00:15:36,666 --> 00:15:39,267
My guy.
372
00:15:39,268 --> 00:15:42,170
Hey, Doc, do me a favor?
When you're in there,
373
00:15:42,171 --> 00:15:44,272
can you please do something
'bout his stank breath
374
00:15:44,273 --> 00:15:46,174
and his crusty feet?
375
00:15:46,175 --> 00:15:48,343
And if you could re-circumcise
him, that'd be nice.
376
00:15:48,344 --> 00:15:50,545
It's a little crooked.
377
00:15:56,385 --> 00:15:58,953
- Mom?
- Yeah, sweetheart?
378
00:15:58,954 --> 00:16:01,423
Can I take Babby with me?
379
00:16:01,424 --> 00:16:03,424
Of course you can.
380
00:16:05,928 --> 00:16:07,762
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
381
00:16:16,706 --> 00:16:19,074
Okay, Marlon.
382
00:16:19,075 --> 00:16:20,809
Now I need jokes.
383
00:16:20,810 --> 00:16:21,976
[exhales]
384
00:16:21,977 --> 00:16:23,945
[voice breaking] Yeah.
385
00:16:23,946 --> 00:16:25,814
I'm writing 'em.
386
00:16:28,050 --> 00:16:29,784
- Marlon?
- Hmm?
387
00:16:29,785 --> 00:16:32,487
- Are you okay?
- Yeah. [clears throat]
388
00:16:32,488 --> 00:16:33,822
Yeah, I'm fine.
389
00:16:33,823 --> 00:16:37,992
Just, like, something in my eye.
390
00:16:37,993 --> 00:16:38,993
I'm good, though.
391
00:16:38,994 --> 00:16:44,699
[gasping sobs]
392
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:48,837
They gonna take my
baby under the knife!
393
00:16:48,838 --> 00:16:52,474
Oh, Lord, take me instead!
394
00:16:52,475 --> 00:16:54,476
Lord! Oh!
395
00:16:54,477 --> 00:16:58,680
[sobbing loudly] Oh, Lord!
396
00:16:58,681 --> 00:17:01,649
Take me instead! [sniffles]
397
00:17:01,650 --> 00:17:05,153
Take me instead!
398
00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:08,323
[loudly wailing]
399
00:17:10,292 --> 00:17:12,060
Come on, Marlon. Get up. Get up.
400
00:17:12,061 --> 00:17:14,195
- You gon' be all right.
- Both: He's gonna be fine.
401
00:17:14,196 --> 00:17:15,764
- Baby girl, it's gon'...
- Mm-mm, no.
402
00:17:15,765 --> 00:17:18,132
It's gon' be all right. Come on, baby.
403
00:17:18,134 --> 00:17:21,770
[shushing and gasping sobs]
404
00:17:21,771 --> 00:17:24,305
- Mom?
- Hold me, baby girl.
405
00:17:24,306 --> 00:17:25,940
- [groans]
- Hold Daddy.
406
00:17:25,941 --> 00:17:28,243
- No, Daddy, no!
- Dad!
407
00:17:28,244 --> 00:17:30,078
- Daddy, no!
- Mama!
408
00:17:30,079 --> 00:17:33,047
Oh, Lord, why'd you have
the take the baby?
409
00:17:33,048 --> 00:17:36,684
Don't take this one, God!
410
00:17:36,685 --> 00:17:38,553
- You take our baby home.
- Mom!
411
00:17:38,554 --> 00:17:41,956
Get out of here.
I'm going to get our son.
412
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,127
- Go! Come on!
- [screams]
413
00:17:46,128 --> 00:17:48,563
They ain't gon' do this!
[all screaming]
414
00:17:48,564 --> 00:17:50,732
- No, no, no.
- Marlon!
415
00:17:50,733 --> 00:17:52,367
No! Don't take... Don't take him!
416
00:17:52,368 --> 00:17:54,669
- Daddy! Dad!
- Don't take him!
417
00:17:54,670 --> 00:17:56,738
- Marlon!
- Take me instead!
418
00:17:56,739 --> 00:17:58,006
- Take me instead!
- Marlon!
419
00:17:58,007 --> 00:17:59,941
Don't take my boy!
420
00:17:59,942 --> 00:18:02,544
Dad, get off me!
421
00:18:02,545 --> 00:18:03,912
- [shouts]
- Marlon?
422
00:18:03,913 --> 00:18:06,581
I got Babby! I got Babby! Come on!
423
00:18:07,808 --> 00:18:11,843
[hip-hop music]
424
00:18:15,132 --> 00:18:18,135
- Where's Zack?
- He's in recovery.
425
00:18:18,136 --> 00:18:20,170
Dr. Pepper says he's doing great.
426
00:18:20,171 --> 00:18:21,238
Good.
427
00:18:21,239 --> 00:18:22,940
You, on the other hand,
428
00:18:22,941 --> 00:18:27,210
cried so hard,
you lost a lot of fluid...
429
00:18:27,211 --> 00:18:31,281
and dignity.
430
00:18:31,282 --> 00:18:33,383
[chuckles] Why you smiling?
431
00:18:33,384 --> 00:18:35,385
'Cause I get it now.
432
00:18:35,386 --> 00:18:37,955
You weren't just being
an unemotional jackass.
433
00:18:37,956 --> 00:18:39,923
You were being strong for Zack.
434
00:18:39,924 --> 00:18:42,059
Yeah.
435
00:18:42,060 --> 00:18:46,430
If Zack would've saw me scared,
then he would've gotten scared.
436
00:18:46,431 --> 00:18:48,598
Daddies are Superman.
437
00:18:48,599 --> 00:18:50,666
Kids don't want to see
us as Clark Kent.
438
00:18:52,669 --> 00:18:55,572
I'm sorry if I've been so uptight.
439
00:18:55,573 --> 00:18:59,943
It's just, when I get stressed,
I have to control everything.
440
00:18:59,944 --> 00:19:03,280
Yeah, well, when I get stressed...
441
00:19:03,281 --> 00:19:06,616
[scoffs] I don't stress.
442
00:19:06,617 --> 00:19:08,952
I just have fun.
443
00:19:08,953 --> 00:19:12,456
- We are very different people.
- Yes, we are.
444
00:19:12,457 --> 00:19:15,292
It's amazing we stayed married
for 16 years.
445
00:19:15,293 --> 00:19:19,629
Yeah, I knew you was crazy
after the first six months.
446
00:19:19,630 --> 00:19:23,467
[both laugh]
447
00:19:23,468 --> 00:19:24,768
We are very different people,
448
00:19:24,769 --> 00:19:28,071
and maybe that made us bad spouses,
449
00:19:28,072 --> 00:19:31,308
but I think that's what
makes us great parents.
450
00:19:31,309 --> 00:19:32,976
Because you know what?
451
00:19:32,977 --> 00:19:35,812
You'll never let our babies
blow away in a bouncy house.
452
00:19:35,813 --> 00:19:38,982
And you're always gonna
bring home a puppy...
453
00:19:38,983 --> 00:19:42,486
who will be killed
by a pack of coyotes.
454
00:19:42,487 --> 00:19:43,653
I'm telling you,
455
00:19:43,654 --> 00:19:44,955
that one-eared Pomeranian
456
00:19:44,956 --> 00:19:47,691
is running that crew.
457
00:19:47,692 --> 00:19:50,827
?
458
00:19:50,828 --> 00:19:52,662
All right. Come on in.
459
00:19:52,663 --> 00:19:54,998
Keep your eyes closed.
Hey, no sneaky peaking.
460
00:19:54,999 --> 00:19:56,867
None of this.
461
00:19:56,868 --> 00:19:59,002
I see you. I know you.
I'm watching you.
462
00:19:59,003 --> 00:20:00,537
You did the same thing at Christmas.
463
00:20:00,538 --> 00:20:02,178
That's why I took them Jordans back
464
00:20:02,179 --> 00:20:03,840
and bought your ass some Starburys.
465
00:20:03,841 --> 00:20:05,208
- Marlon?
- Hmm?
466
00:20:05,209 --> 00:20:07,044
- What are you doing?
- Okay.
467
00:20:07,045 --> 00:20:09,346
It's been two weeks
since Zack's surgery,
468
00:20:09,347 --> 00:20:11,381
and Dr. Pepper said he's at 100%,
469
00:20:11,382 --> 00:20:14,017
so I want to take his
little leg on a test run.
470
00:20:14,018 --> 00:20:15,685
All right, you guys. Open.
471
00:20:15,686 --> 00:20:17,888
Both: Surprise!
472
00:20:17,889 --> 00:20:20,991
Bounce house!
473
00:20:20,992 --> 00:20:23,860
- You are out of your mind.
- Yes, I am.
474
00:20:23,861 --> 00:20:26,897
Hey, this way,
we can have a bounce house
475
00:20:26,898 --> 00:20:28,932
with the certainty it won't blow away.
476
00:20:28,933 --> 00:20:31,501
Well, unless somebody real fat
jump in and it just pop.
477
00:20:31,502 --> 00:20:33,637
Pow! [blows raspberry]
478
00:20:33,638 --> 00:20:35,505
[laughs]
479
00:20:35,506 --> 00:20:37,874
Oh! Hey!
480
00:20:37,875 --> 00:20:39,876
- Come on, Ash!
- Come on!
481
00:20:39,877 --> 00:20:41,545
- Come on in!
- Come on!
482
00:20:41,546 --> 00:20:43,447
- Come on, Mama.
- Come on, Mom!
483
00:20:43,448 --> 00:20:45,348
Make room for Mama!
484
00:20:45,349 --> 00:20:46,483
Yay!
485
00:20:46,484 --> 00:20:49,052
[laughter and cheering]
486
00:20:49,053 --> 00:20:51,621
[coyotes howling]
487
00:20:51,622 --> 00:20:53,099
[small dog barking]
488
00:20:53,178 --> 00:20:55,521
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00:20:55,571 --> 00:21:00,121
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