Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,177 --> 00:00:04,493
Skate, you... skate, you lazy...
2
00:00:04,578 --> 00:00:06,278
Goddamn it.
3
00:00:06,364 --> 00:00:09,248
Have you ever seen a
more heartbreaking sight?
4
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,050
A grown man living
5
00:00:11,085 --> 00:00:12,718
in abject squalor.
6
00:00:12,753 --> 00:00:14,336
This...
7
00:00:14,422 --> 00:00:16,221
this is my brother Josh.
8
00:00:16,257 --> 00:00:20,207
He subsists on a diet of ramen, weed,
9
00:00:20,209 --> 00:00:22,428
and frozen chimichangas.
10
00:00:22,463 --> 00:00:25,548
He's been wearing the same pair
of pants for a decade. He has
11
00:00:25,633 --> 00:00:27,816
no education and can barely read or write.
12
00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:30,436
Hey, what? I-I can do both those.
13
00:00:30,521 --> 00:00:33,472
When Josh was dating
Maggie, he ate regular meals
14
00:00:33,524 --> 00:00:35,607
and washed his private parts.
15
00:00:35,693 --> 00:00:38,327
But since she dumped him, his condition has
16
00:00:38,412 --> 00:00:40,612
steadily declined.
17
00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:42,665
Right now things are bleak.
18
00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:45,117
But you can make a difference.
19
00:00:45,153 --> 00:00:48,120
Please call his number
today and date my brother.
20
00:00:48,205 --> 00:00:50,723
Liz, I really don't
think this is necessary.
21
00:00:50,758 --> 00:00:52,441
Make no mistake, dating my brother would be
22
00:00:52,526 --> 00:00:54,259
a true act of charity.
23
00:00:54,295 --> 00:00:56,445
He smells like shit.
24
00:00:56,530 --> 00:00:57,487
What?
25
00:00:57,489 --> 00:00:59,848
Like, I think he literally
might have shit himself.
26
00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,383
Did you shit yourself, Josh?
27
00:01:01,469 --> 00:01:04,019
No. Would you just mind your own business?
28
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:06,560
I didn't... Who invited you here anyway?
29
00:01:06,562 --> 00:01:08,507
I'm-I'm running shit.
30
00:01:08,593 --> 00:01:10,476
- Did you shit yourself?
- Would you just mind your own business?
31
00:01:10,561 --> 00:01:11,727
- You did, didn't you?
- Stop...
32
00:01:11,812 --> 00:01:13,696
- You shit in your pants.
- helping.
33
00:01:13,781 --> 00:01:16,365
Please help. There's no one
on Earth more desperately
34
00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:18,817
- in need of a girlfriend.
- Liz, I told you,
35
00:01:18,903 --> 00:01:21,687
I don't know that I
want a girlfriend, okay?
36
00:01:21,772 --> 00:01:23,489
I just got out of a very long-term thing.
37
00:01:23,574 --> 00:01:25,240
I'm kind of happy just being...
38
00:01:25,326 --> 00:01:27,042
Oh, no.
39
00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:28,961
Oh, please, please
40
00:01:28,996 --> 00:01:30,379
date my brother.
41
00:01:30,464 --> 00:01:31,830
No.
42
00:01:31,882 --> 00:01:34,249
Oh, my God.
43
00:01:34,335 --> 00:01:37,553
Before it's too late.
44
00:02:02,558 --> 00:02:07,558
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
45
00:02:07,568 --> 00:02:09,668
- (knocking)
- You're here!
46
00:02:09,703 --> 00:02:11,203
I did. I-I am here.
47
00:02:11,288 --> 00:02:13,205
- I d... I did.
- You look nice.
48
00:02:13,290 --> 00:02:14,957
- Yeah, you-you as well.
- Thank you.
49
00:02:15,042 --> 00:02:18,010
Oh, hey, uh, Leo, I didn't,
uh, realize you were in town.
50
00:02:18,045 --> 00:02:21,073
Yeah. Just came in for
the weekend. I had to see
51
00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:21,948
this little number.
52
00:02:21,950 --> 00:02:23,716
Oh, yeah, 'cause apparently
he missed me or something.
53
00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:25,717
- Something like that.
- Yeah.
54
00:02:25,803 --> 00:02:27,186
- Gonna turn around.
- Kiss me.
55
00:02:27,221 --> 00:02:29,021
Stare over here.
56
00:02:29,056 --> 00:02:31,140
Cool.
57
00:02:31,225 --> 00:02:33,308
Let me introduce you to everyone.
58
00:02:33,394 --> 00:02:34,693
- Oh, holy... smokes, yeah.
- Everybody here.
59
00:02:34,728 --> 00:02:37,312
Uh, this is Kurt and Katie.
60
00:02:37,398 --> 00:02:38,781
Zach and Xander.
61
00:02:38,866 --> 00:02:40,732
And Tim and Tam.
62
00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:42,067
Hi. Hi, gang.
63
00:02:42,153 --> 00:02:43,318
ALL: Hey.
64
00:02:43,404 --> 00:02:45,287
Wow. I...
65
00:02:45,372 --> 00:02:47,456
I-I... Like, I-I
can't help but feel
66
00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:50,292
like I'm the only single
person here tonight.
67
00:02:50,377 --> 00:02:52,244
- (knocking)
- Hmm. Interesting.
68
00:02:52,296 --> 00:02:53,962
What? Wait, what-what's happening?
69
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:56,081
Why-why are you being mysterious?
70
00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:58,550
- It's... Maude! Hi!
- Hi!
71
00:02:58,586 --> 00:03:01,253
You look pretty, you look so pretty.
72
00:03:01,338 --> 00:03:02,671
Thank you, thank you.
73
00:03:02,756 --> 00:03:04,339
(clears throat) This is... this is Josh,
74
00:03:04,425 --> 00:03:08,010
my brother I was telling
you... I was telling you about.
75
00:03:08,095 --> 00:03:10,646
You told her...
76
00:03:10,731 --> 00:03:13,816
Don't mind me. (chuckles)
77
00:03:16,203 --> 00:03:18,303
- So, how do you know Liz?
- Um,
78
00:03:18,339 --> 00:03:20,772
- we work together.
- Oh.
79
00:03:20,858 --> 00:03:22,491
D...
80
00:03:22,576 --> 00:03:23,859
(overlapping intrusive questioning)
81
00:03:23,944 --> 00:03:25,661
You love her, right?
82
00:03:25,746 --> 00:03:27,246
I know you like her.
You should be dating her.
83
00:03:27,281 --> 00:03:28,747
(questioning continues)
84
00:03:28,782 --> 00:03:29,615
(grunts)
85
00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:30,582
Here's your seat.
86
00:03:30,618 --> 00:03:31,783
It's just one seat.
87
00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:34,002
You guys seem pretty cozy over there.
88
00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:35,738
KURT: Yeah, it's like, "Slow it down,
89
00:03:35,823 --> 00:03:38,006
- you two."
- (laughter)
90
00:03:44,065 --> 00:03:46,465
- Oh.
- Leo,
91
00:03:46,550 --> 00:03:49,935
would you join me in the
kitchen to help me with the food?
92
00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,720
LEO: Oh. Of course.
93
00:03:51,805 --> 00:03:52,471
Xander,
94
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:53,805
would you join me
95
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,057
in the living room to get some
96
00:03:55,142 --> 00:03:57,476
of the, um, other foods?
97
00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,194
Of course.
98
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,146
Tam, would you join me in the bathroom
99
00:04:01,232 --> 00:04:04,149
to help me with
the-the-the-the...
100
00:04:04,235 --> 00:04:06,235
I know what you guys
are trying to do, so...
101
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,620
the helping me to shit?
102
00:04:08,656 --> 00:04:10,155
Of course.
103
00:04:10,207 --> 00:04:11,823
- My God.
- KURT: And, uh,
104
00:04:11,909 --> 00:04:14,409
we'll leave you two alone.
105
00:04:14,495 --> 00:04:17,412
The hell?
106
00:04:17,498 --> 00:04:19,665
- Okay.
- (chuckles)
107
00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:24,836
Do you like salad?
108
00:04:24,922 --> 00:04:28,674
Uh, y-yeah. I guess.
109
00:04:28,759 --> 00:04:30,342
(whispering): Oh, my God, they
both like salad. It's working out.
110
00:04:30,427 --> 00:04:32,177
What are the odds that
they both like salad?
111
00:04:32,263 --> 00:04:34,897
- Oh, my God.
- I knew they had so much in common.
112
00:04:34,982 --> 00:04:36,348
- I knew it.
- Oh, my God.
113
00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:38,066
Oh, they look so good
together, they look so good.
114
00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:40,819
I think that's everyone that was just here.
115
00:04:40,854 --> 00:04:42,521
- They're on to us.
- I hope, I hope he kisses her.
116
00:04:42,606 --> 00:04:43,989
Seal the deal, Josh.
117
00:04:44,024 --> 00:04:47,693
- (whispering continues)
- Um, so, uh...
118
00:04:47,778 --> 00:04:51,747
You-you a fan of, um, movies?
119
00:04:51,832 --> 00:04:53,782
(grunting) Oh, my God!
120
00:04:54,986 --> 00:04:56,585
Enough small talk!
121
00:04:56,670 --> 00:04:58,525
We've given you plenty of time.
122
00:04:58,739 --> 00:04:59,955
And now...
123
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,840
you must join us.
124
00:05:01,875 --> 00:05:03,375
No.
125
00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:06,878
ALL (chanting): Couple up.
126
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,046
We need... we need to get out of here.
127
00:05:08,132 --> 00:05:09,381
- What do we do?
- Um...
128
00:05:09,433 --> 00:05:10,716
Uh...
129
00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:11,850
Couple up!
130
00:05:11,885 --> 00:05:13,352
Gravy!
131
00:05:13,387 --> 00:05:14,770
(screaming)
132
00:05:14,855 --> 00:05:16,221
Go, go, go, go!
133
00:05:16,307 --> 00:05:17,889
Get them!
134
00:05:17,975 --> 00:05:19,725
135
00:05:21,395 --> 00:05:22,728
(shouting)
136
00:05:22,813 --> 00:05:23,954
- Couple up.
- Couple up.
137
00:05:25,065 --> 00:05:27,399
(shouting)
138
00:05:28,902 --> 00:05:32,037
(car horn honking)
139
00:05:33,414 --> 00:05:34,823
- Go. Go, go, go, go, go, go.
- Go, go, go!
140
00:05:34,908 --> 00:05:36,491
Couple up.
141
00:05:36,577 --> 00:05:37,075
(shouting)
142
00:05:38,579 --> 00:05:40,245
Goddamn it. Damn it.
143
00:05:48,339 --> 00:05:49,781
Couple up.
144
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:52,090
It will be cute!
145
00:05:52,142 --> 00:05:53,358
(panting)
146
00:05:55,095 --> 00:05:57,596
- Oh...
- Oh...
147
00:05:57,648 --> 00:05:59,431
Go. Go, go, go.
148
00:05:59,516 --> 00:06:02,803
(grunts) Get the door. Oh, my God.
149
00:06:02,805 --> 00:06:04,186
(grunts)
150
00:06:04,271 --> 00:06:06,738
- Holy shit.
- Mm-hmm.
151
00:06:06,790 --> 00:06:08,148
That dinner was so awkward.
152
00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:09,767
That was, like, a lot of pressure.
153
00:06:09,769 --> 00:06:11,157
Yeah, well, that-that...
Welcome to my life.
154
00:06:11,159 --> 00:06:13,996
That's classic Liz.
She's always trying to...
155
00:06:14,081 --> 00:06:16,790
I-I just... I'm, like... I'm 27. Why?
156
00:06:16,792 --> 00:06:18,275
Why do I need to settle down?
157
00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:20,786
What's wrong with being
young and just messing around?
158
00:06:20,871 --> 00:06:22,587
- That's... Exactly.
- (chuckles)
159
00:06:22,623 --> 00:06:24,206
(sighs)
160
00:06:28,212 --> 00:06:29,127
So...
161
00:06:29,213 --> 00:06:31,930
(snapping)
162
00:06:31,965 --> 00:06:33,548
(chuckles)
163
00:06:36,637 --> 00:06:38,603
Do you want to mess around?
164
00:06:38,639 --> 00:06:40,355
Uh, yes?
165
00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:42,474
- Okay.
- Great.
166
00:06:42,559 --> 00:06:45,227
167
00:06:49,482 --> 00:06:52,200
- Aw...
- Aw...
168
00:06:56,574 --> 00:06:59,442
So, anything exciting happen lately?
169
00:06:59,527 --> 00:07:02,194
Well, uh, they're giving
me a bit more to do at work.
170
00:07:02,246 --> 00:07:04,363
- Uh, data entry. So it's a bit of a...
- Oh.
171
00:07:04,449 --> 00:07:05,581
bit of a step up.
172
00:07:05,667 --> 00:07:06,916
Anything else?
173
00:07:07,001 --> 00:07:10,202
Maybe something about a young lady?
174
00:07:10,254 --> 00:07:12,922
- Oh, Mom, I don't want to talk about it.
- Well, Liz
175
00:07:13,007 --> 00:07:15,291
told me you really hit it off with Maude
176
00:07:15,376 --> 00:07:17,009
at the dinner.
177
00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:19,929
Mom, it's really... it's not a big deal.
178
00:07:20,014 --> 00:07:21,213
- Not a big deal?
- No.
179
00:07:21,265 --> 00:07:23,549
My son's new girlfriend
180
00:07:23,601 --> 00:07:27,269
- is not a big deal?
- She's not my girlfriend. She's not...
181
00:07:27,355 --> 00:07:29,555
- (stammers)
- We... I don't really want
182
00:07:29,607 --> 00:07:31,390
- to talk about it.
- Okay, I get it.
183
00:07:31,442 --> 00:07:34,727
- Mom's always the last to know.
- There's nothing to know.
184
00:07:34,812 --> 00:07:36,612
But I will say
185
00:07:36,698 --> 00:07:40,199
I look forward to meeting the elusive Maude
186
00:07:40,234 --> 00:07:42,651
whenever the time is right.
187
00:07:42,737 --> 00:07:45,571
- Thank you. Thank you, Mom.
- Here, have some iced tea.
188
00:07:45,623 --> 00:07:47,406
- I'm okay.
- No, it's very good.
189
00:07:47,492 --> 00:07:48,741
It's got mint in it.
190
00:07:48,826 --> 00:07:49,992
- All right.
- It's got mint in it.
191
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:51,494
Yeah, okay. You keep saying that
192
00:07:51,579 --> 00:07:52,995
- like it's a huge selling point.
- Go on.
193
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:54,580
- Drink it up.
- Okay.
194
00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:58,250
Mmm.
195
00:07:58,302 --> 00:07:59,552
Ugh.
196
00:07:59,587 --> 00:08:02,054
It, um, tastes kind of bitter.
197
00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:03,556
- Yeah.
- There's a bit of a, uh...
198
00:08:03,591 --> 00:08:06,008
(distorted): chemically, uh, kind of...
199
00:08:06,094 --> 00:08:08,260
kind of a...
200
00:08:11,149 --> 00:08:13,349
(gasps, groans)
201
00:08:13,434 --> 00:08:15,151
Huh?
202
00:08:22,527 --> 00:08:24,326
Huh?
203
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,581
PATTI: Mom's always the last to know.
204
00:08:28,616 --> 00:08:30,750
Who's there?
205
00:08:30,785 --> 00:08:32,334
Hello, Joshie.
206
00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:33,863
- Mom?
- We tried this
207
00:08:33,865 --> 00:08:35,204
the easy way.
208
00:08:35,289 --> 00:08:37,659
You didn't want to cooperate.
209
00:08:37,661 --> 00:08:38,795
So now
210
00:08:38,797 --> 00:08:41,710
we're gonna do it the hard way.
211
00:08:41,796 --> 00:08:44,046
Last chance.
212
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:46,031
- Tell me about Maude.
- Th-There's
213
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,466
really nothing to tell.
214
00:08:47,552 --> 00:08:49,385
No, no, no, no! (shouting)
215
00:08:50,555 --> 00:08:52,888
(moaning)
216
00:08:52,974 --> 00:08:55,357
- That was a two.
- (groans)
217
00:08:55,443 --> 00:08:56,743
You don't want to find out
218
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,778
what a ten feels like.
219
00:08:58,813 --> 00:09:00,735
Now, you are gonna
220
00:09:00,737 --> 00:09:04,228
tell me every last detail about you
221
00:09:04,230 --> 00:09:05,901
and this new girl
222
00:09:05,987 --> 00:09:08,645
you're seeing. But first
223
00:09:08,647 --> 00:09:10,227
how are you in the chair?
224
00:09:10,229 --> 00:09:12,241
- Are you comfortable there?
- What?
225
00:09:12,326 --> 00:09:13,993
No, is your back supported?
226
00:09:14,078 --> 00:09:15,377
- K-Kind of.
- Okay.
227
00:09:15,463 --> 00:09:17,997
No, no, no! (shouting)
228
00:09:18,082 --> 00:09:20,166
Back to Maude.
229
00:09:20,218 --> 00:09:23,252
I want information now.
230
00:09:23,337 --> 00:09:26,005
Okay, okay. We-we just hooked up
231
00:09:26,057 --> 00:09:27,673
a few times. I swear. That's it.
232
00:09:27,725 --> 00:09:29,391
Well, what does "hooking up" mean?
233
00:09:29,477 --> 00:09:32,311
- Is it kissing? Sex?
- Oh, God.
234
00:09:32,346 --> 00:09:33,762
- Something else?
- (stammers) I don't know. I don't know.
235
00:09:33,848 --> 00:09:35,931
It can mean a lot of different things.
236
00:09:36,017 --> 00:09:37,349
What about dating?
237
00:09:37,435 --> 00:09:40,121
I read in a magazine that young people
238
00:09:40,123 --> 00:09:42,021
all just go out in groups now.
239
00:09:42,073 --> 00:09:43,446
Is that true?
240
00:09:43,448 --> 00:09:44,657
Is it all groups now?!
241
00:09:44,692 --> 00:09:45,858
What are you talking about?!
242
00:09:45,910 --> 00:09:48,694
(shouting)
243
00:09:48,746 --> 00:09:51,197
(panting)
244
00:09:51,249 --> 00:09:52,615
Where am I?!
245
00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:54,250
Oh, this is your old bedroom, sweetie.
246
00:09:54,335 --> 00:09:55,367
I turned it
247
00:09:55,419 --> 00:09:57,636
- into a torture chamber.
- Come on.
248
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,872
- You changed my room without asking me?
- Well,
249
00:09:59,924 --> 00:10:01,792
it wasn't like you were using it.
250
00:10:01,794 --> 00:10:03,542
Maybe if you came to visit more!
251
00:10:03,594 --> 00:10:05,544
(shouting)
252
00:10:05,596 --> 00:10:07,296
Back to Maude.
253
00:10:07,381 --> 00:10:08,848
When can I meet her?
254
00:10:08,883 --> 00:10:10,132
(mumbling): Go to hell.
255
00:10:10,218 --> 00:10:11,300
What did you say?
256
00:10:11,385 --> 00:10:12,768
Go to hell.
257
00:10:12,854 --> 00:10:14,573
- What did you say?
- I said
258
00:10:14,575 --> 00:10:16,722
go to hell, Mom!
259
00:10:16,774 --> 00:10:18,974
Oh, wrong answer.
260
00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:21,360
(shouting)
261
00:10:21,395 --> 00:10:22,561
(static)
262
00:10:24,448 --> 00:10:25,614
Hey, hon?
263
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,733
The TV's on the fritz!
264
00:10:27,818 --> 00:10:29,318
PATTI: I'm torturing Josh!
265
00:10:29,403 --> 00:10:30,569
Oh.
266
00:10:30,621 --> 00:10:32,037
Hi, Josh!
267
00:10:32,073 --> 00:10:33,205
JOSH: Hi, Tom.
268
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:36,041
You are one tough cookie.
269
00:10:36,077 --> 00:10:37,877
But...
270
00:10:37,912 --> 00:10:41,071
I have a secret weapon:
271
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,649
My Dell.
272
00:10:43,701 --> 00:10:45,500
You still have that thing?
273
00:10:46,754 --> 00:10:49,588
Now, tell me how to sign onto Facebook
274
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:50,890
and show me Maude.
275
00:10:50,925 --> 00:10:52,675
(laughing)
276
00:10:57,398 --> 00:10:59,481
Oh, I'd like to, Mom. I really would.
277
00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:01,267
Only one slight problem:
278
00:11:01,319 --> 00:11:04,103
Maude and I are so not a thing,
279
00:11:04,188 --> 00:11:06,599
I'm not even Facebook friends with her.
280
00:11:06,601 --> 00:11:07,740
(sighs)
281
00:11:07,775 --> 00:11:09,108
(laughing)
282
00:11:10,026 --> 00:11:11,544
But I am.
283
00:11:11,862 --> 00:11:12,945
Liz.
284
00:11:13,030 --> 00:11:13,598
LIZ: Hope you don't mind me
285
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,364
just dropping in like this.
286
00:11:15,449 --> 00:11:17,082
You piece of shit.
287
00:11:17,118 --> 00:11:19,084
Mmm.
288
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,953
- Mom's lentil soup.
- Ugh!
289
00:11:21,038 --> 00:11:23,088
- Oh... no!
- Hi, Mom.
290
00:11:23,124 --> 00:11:24,540
PATTI: There's my girl!
291
00:11:24,625 --> 00:11:26,342
Let's get you in here.
292
00:11:26,427 --> 00:11:29,128
Logging into my account...
293
00:11:29,180 --> 00:11:31,046
M-A-U-D-E.
294
00:11:31,132 --> 00:11:32,298
Maude Metzger.
295
00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:34,466
Metzger?
296
00:11:34,518 --> 00:11:36,268
Oh, she's a doll!
297
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:37,386
Get away from her profile!
298
00:11:37,471 --> 00:11:39,271
Ooh, she's as cute as a button!
299
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,389
Just don't look at her profile!
300
00:11:40,474 --> 00:11:41,440
PATTI: Ooh, she grew up
301
00:11:41,475 --> 00:11:42,725
in Northbrook!
302
00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:44,360
Does she know the Stevensons?
303
00:11:44,445 --> 00:11:45,477
Do they know each other?
304
00:11:45,563 --> 00:11:47,363
Do they all know each other?
305
00:11:47,448 --> 00:11:48,981
(sobbing): I don't know.
306
00:11:49,033 --> 00:11:50,282
"Dear Maude..."
307
00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:51,784
No...
308
00:11:51,819 --> 00:11:53,652
"This is Josh's mother
309
00:11:53,738 --> 00:11:55,821
- via the Internet."
- No, don't do that!
310
00:11:55,873 --> 00:11:58,657
"I can't wait
311
00:11:58,743 --> 00:12:00,125
to meet you!"
312
00:12:00,161 --> 00:12:01,493
Please don't.
313
00:12:01,545 --> 00:12:02,995
It's really not that
serious; we just started
314
00:12:03,047 --> 00:12:04,463
- hanging out.
- Now, to send.
315
00:12:04,498 --> 00:12:06,215
Don't do it, please.
316
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,890
Leo proposed to Liz!
317
00:12:14,976 --> 00:12:16,508
What?!
318
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:17,476
- Yeah.
- LIZ: He's lying.
319
00:12:17,511 --> 00:12:18,594
Don't listen to him.
320
00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:20,729
Got her a ring. Secret ring.
321
00:12:20,815 --> 00:12:22,014
Do not listen to him!
322
00:12:22,066 --> 00:12:23,682
No, he-he did. He...
323
00:12:23,734 --> 00:12:24,850
It was romantic but secret.
324
00:12:24,935 --> 00:12:26,101
- (chuckles)
- No...
325
00:12:26,187 --> 00:12:27,353
Wedding.
326
00:12:27,405 --> 00:12:28,320
He's lying!
327
00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:30,239
Big ring. Big everything.
328
00:12:30,324 --> 00:12:32,274
I'm your little girl.
Would I never not tell you?
329
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,692
- Oh, God, she's got the look.
- Wedding.
330
00:12:33,778 --> 00:12:34,693
- JOSH: Yeah.
- LIZ: Oh, God, it's the look.
331
00:12:34,745 --> 00:12:36,612
No. Josh...
332
00:12:36,697 --> 00:12:38,530
It's not for at least
two, two and a half years.
333
00:12:38,582 --> 00:12:40,699
No, Mom, no!
334
00:12:42,169 --> 00:12:43,669
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow...
335
00:12:43,704 --> 00:12:45,004
(Liz screams in distance)
336
00:12:45,039 --> 00:12:46,705
- Hey, Joshie.
- Hi.
337
00:12:46,757 --> 00:12:49,508
So your mother tells me
you've got a new lady friend.
338
00:12:49,543 --> 00:12:51,677
Yeah, I-I don't really want to
talk about it that much, so...
339
00:12:51,712 --> 00:12:53,045
Neato.
340
00:12:53,097 --> 00:12:55,214
Yeah, okay.
341
00:12:55,299 --> 00:12:56,515
- PATTI: When can we go dress shopping?
- Oh, birdie!
342
00:12:56,550 --> 00:12:58,931
- And taste cakes?
- LIZ: No!
343
00:12:59,776 --> 00:13:01,375
(animal noises)
344
00:13:01,461 --> 00:13:02,594
Yo, dude. You want to do
345
00:13:02,596 --> 00:13:04,795
a bunch of mushrooms and go to the zoo?
346
00:13:04,881 --> 00:13:07,498
Ah, man, I would, but I got a booty call.
347
00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:08,916
Oh, nice.
348
00:13:08,968 --> 00:13:10,468
(laughing, singsongy): Booty call.
349
00:13:10,553 --> 00:13:12,253
- Mm-mm-mm...
- Maude and I
350
00:13:12,305 --> 00:13:14,472
are going out to dinner with
her cousins and their husbands,
351
00:13:14,557 --> 00:13:16,090
after which the whole group of us
352
00:13:16,175 --> 00:13:18,426
are going to this little
out-of-the-way gelato place
353
00:13:18,511 --> 00:13:20,061
that's meant to be impossibly cute.
354
00:13:20,096 --> 00:13:21,679
After that, Maude and I
355
00:13:21,764 --> 00:13:24,561
split off from the herd,
go to an improv show,
356
00:13:24,563 --> 00:13:26,650
and then it's booty time.
357
00:13:27,904 --> 00:13:29,737
Josh, uh...
358
00:13:29,772 --> 00:13:30,509
You know the difference
359
00:13:30,511 --> 00:13:33,607
between a booty call and a date, right?
360
00:13:33,693 --> 00:13:36,327
Yeah.
361
00:13:36,412 --> 00:13:38,279
(weakly): Oh, yeah...
362
00:13:38,364 --> 00:13:40,381
Yeah?
363
00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:41,782
This is a date, isn't it?
364
00:13:41,868 --> 00:13:43,033
Oh, my God.
365
00:13:43,119 --> 00:13:44,752
Oh, man,
366
00:13:44,787 --> 00:13:47,538
how did this get so serious?
367
00:13:47,623 --> 00:13:48,871
- Wow, that was so funny.
- Yeah.
368
00:13:48,873 --> 00:13:51,759
Like, I'm going to start
going to improv all the time.
369
00:13:51,794 --> 00:13:53,210
Because that was so funny.
370
00:13:53,212 --> 00:13:55,229
- Wasn't that funny? Right?
- Uh...
371
00:13:55,265 --> 00:13:57,932
I mean, they must have
secret scripts somewhere.
372
00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:59,767
Like, do you think that that...
373
00:13:59,802 --> 00:14:02,303
that guy that yelled out
"lettuce" was a plant?
374
00:14:02,355 --> 00:14:04,105
Because that lettuce stuff was so funny.
375
00:14:04,140 --> 00:14:06,357
Yeah, I don't... I don't, uh, I don't know.
376
00:14:06,442 --> 00:14:07,975
- Yeah.
- (laughing)
377
00:14:08,060 --> 00:14:10,144
Do you want to take a cab back to my place?
378
00:14:10,196 --> 00:14:12,563
Uh, I'm really tired tonight
379
00:14:12,648 --> 00:14:14,899
and I have to work tomorrow.
380
00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:16,484
Maybe we should hang out this weekend?
381
00:14:16,536 --> 00:14:18,652
(gasps) We can go see that show again!
382
00:14:18,738 --> 00:14:20,321
And see if the same
guy yells out "lettuce."
383
00:14:20,406 --> 00:14:22,289
(laughing nervously): Oh, shit...
384
00:14:22,325 --> 00:14:23,240
- (laughs)
- Uh...
385
00:14:23,326 --> 00:14:24,825
Maude, I gotta,
386
00:14:24,877 --> 00:14:26,794
I gotta... say something.
387
00:14:26,829 --> 00:14:28,879
- Yeah?
- I-I, uh... I don't...
388
00:14:28,965 --> 00:14:31,499
don't know that I'm feeling...
389
00:14:31,584 --> 00:14:34,084
uh, don't know if we should keep...
390
00:14:34,170 --> 00:14:36,804
- I've been so stressed...
- Josh.
391
00:14:36,839 --> 00:14:38,721
I understand completely.
392
00:14:39,142 --> 00:14:40,307
We have to get out of the city!
393
00:14:40,343 --> 00:14:42,009
Did someone say "camping trip"?
394
00:14:42,094 --> 00:14:43,477
- No, not... not at all.
- Yes!
395
00:14:43,513 --> 00:14:45,879
Oh, my gosh, Josh, this
is such a perfect idea
396
00:14:45,965 --> 00:14:47,314
because it was my friend Jenn's birthday
397
00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:48,849
and we were already talking about camping
398
00:14:48,935 --> 00:14:50,734
and her boyfriend/fianc?
399
00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:53,938
knows how to play almost
every Train song on the guitar
400
00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:55,272
and I don't want to brag
401
00:14:55,358 --> 00:14:57,858
but I have the most amazing voice,
402
00:14:57,944 --> 00:15:01,695
and this is just gonna
be an epic sing-along.
403
00:15:01,781 --> 00:15:03,330
How do I get out of this?
404
00:15:03,366 --> 00:15:05,699
- Uh, just stop texting her.
- What?
405
00:15:05,751 --> 00:15:07,418
Just never text her again.
406
00:15:07,503 --> 00:15:10,538
I mean, that seems,
like... kind of sketchy.
407
00:15:10,623 --> 00:15:12,006
- Are you and her a couple?
- No,
408
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,458
but I know her cousins now.
409
00:15:14,544 --> 00:15:15,926
Have you used any of these terms:
410
00:15:16,012 --> 00:15:18,846
boyfriend, girlfriend,
relationship, exclusive?
411
00:15:18,881 --> 00:15:20,264
None of those.
412
00:15:20,349 --> 00:15:21,382
Then you don't owe her anything.
413
00:15:21,434 --> 00:15:22,683
Huh.
414
00:15:22,718 --> 00:15:25,219
I... I think you might be right.
415
00:15:25,304 --> 00:15:26,687
- I know I'm right.
- Wow.
416
00:15:26,722 --> 00:15:27,721
Thanks for this.
417
00:15:27,773 --> 00:15:28,973
Mm-hmm.
418
00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,891
(phone buzzing)
419
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:32,775
_
420
00:15:34,363 --> 00:15:37,231
She just texted a... kind of a joke.
421
00:15:37,283 --> 00:15:38,966
I guess I have to reply "LOL."
422
00:15:38,968 --> 00:15:40,734
No! Don't respond to anything, okay?
423
00:15:40,786 --> 00:15:41,937
Just stay the course.
424
00:15:41,939 --> 00:15:44,205
When she sees you're not
responding, she'll get it.
425
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,322
(phone buzzing)
426
00:15:47,721 --> 00:15:49,115
_
427
00:15:50,778 --> 00:15:51,747
_
428
00:15:51,749 --> 00:15:52,745
_
429
00:15:53,933 --> 00:15:55,540
Oh, my God...
430
00:15:55,781 --> 00:15:56,707
_
431
00:15:56,709 --> 00:15:57,605
_
432
00:15:58,788 --> 00:16:00,155
Make it stop.
433
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:09,313
Okay.
434
00:16:09,398 --> 00:16:10,931
I think they've subsided. I...
435
00:16:10,983 --> 00:16:12,766
I think maybe she gets it.
436
00:16:12,818 --> 00:16:14,134
(knocking at door)
437
00:16:15,354 --> 00:16:16,737
MAUDE: Josh, are you in there?
438
00:16:16,772 --> 00:16:18,739
Shit!
439
00:16:18,791 --> 00:16:20,557
MAUDE: I didn't know
if you wanted a sun hat
440
00:16:20,643 --> 00:16:22,559
or a visor, so I got both.
441
00:16:22,645 --> 00:16:24,445
Don't worry about it. I got you, bro.
442
00:16:24,497 --> 00:16:26,280
- MAUDE: Josh? Open the door.
- Take this dram.
443
00:16:26,332 --> 00:16:28,449
- Take this what?
- Dram. I got it at the apothecary
444
00:16:28,534 --> 00:16:30,367
- next to the Jamba Juice.
- (knocking at door)
445
00:16:30,453 --> 00:16:31,785
MAUDE: Josh? Can I come in?
446
00:16:31,837 --> 00:16:32,870
What-what... what does it do?
447
00:16:32,955 --> 00:16:34,421
It lets you fake your own death.
448
00:16:34,457 --> 00:16:36,340
Yeah. Turns you pale, stops your pulse.
449
00:16:36,425 --> 00:16:38,175
When she sees your corpse, she will get it.
450
00:16:38,261 --> 00:16:40,511
I don't know. It seems kind of sketchy.
451
00:16:40,596 --> 00:16:42,630
MAUDE: I brought a
tambourine for the sing-along!
452
00:16:42,715 --> 00:16:44,465
- Man...
- Yeah.
453
00:16:44,550 --> 00:16:45,215
- Hey, uh...
- MAUDE: Hey, Josh?
454
00:16:45,301 --> 00:16:47,635
Whoa. That's, uh...
455
00:16:47,687 --> 00:16:49,136
there's a smell to it.
456
00:16:49,221 --> 00:16:50,137
Yeah. It's gross.
457
00:16:50,189 --> 00:16:51,021
- Yep.
- Yep.
458
00:16:51,107 --> 00:16:52,856
Down the hatch.
459
00:16:52,942 --> 00:16:53,974
(gurgling): Oh, wow...
460
00:16:54,026 --> 00:16:54,858
Ugh...
461
00:16:54,944 --> 00:16:57,011
Coriander...
462
00:16:57,079 --> 00:16:58,479
Yeah... oh.
463
00:16:58,531 --> 00:17:00,481
He's dead.
464
00:17:00,566 --> 00:17:02,695
My friend is dead!
465
00:17:05,304 --> 00:17:07,709
- (screams)
- (screams)
466
00:17:08,463 --> 00:17:11,775
-
- _
467
00:17:11,861 --> 00:17:14,528
(gasps)
468
00:17:14,614 --> 00:17:16,864
(solemn organ music playing)
469
00:17:21,754 --> 00:17:23,621
(sobbing)
470
00:17:30,599 --> 00:17:31,814
MIKE (whispering): Dude, don't worry.
471
00:17:31,816 --> 00:17:33,797
- After they bury you, I'll dig you up.
- This was a very,
472
00:17:33,883 --> 00:17:35,164
very bad idea. Do you know what it's like,
473
00:17:35,166 --> 00:17:38,052
- waking up in a coffin?
- Hey, just stay the course, bro.
474
00:17:38,137 --> 00:17:40,220
When she sees them bury you, she'll get it.
475
00:17:40,272 --> 00:17:41,639
(fake sobbing)
476
00:17:41,724 --> 00:17:42,906
Oh, my God...
477
00:17:44,393 --> 00:17:45,726
Josh...
478
00:17:45,811 --> 00:17:48,729
I brought you a sun visor.
479
00:17:48,814 --> 00:17:52,366
It's a combination sun hat and visor.
480
00:17:52,401 --> 00:17:54,952
(crying): You can wear it in heaven.
481
00:18:04,497 --> 00:18:06,580
(sighs)
482
00:18:06,666 --> 00:18:09,633
What can I say about Josh?
483
00:18:09,719 --> 00:18:12,260
He wasn't a wealthy man
484
00:18:12,262 --> 00:18:14,555
or a famous man
485
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,545
or smart or strong...
486
00:18:18,678 --> 00:18:19,893
or unique
487
00:18:19,929 --> 00:18:23,427
or interesting...
488
00:18:24,934 --> 00:18:25,733
or cool.
489
00:18:25,768 --> 00:18:27,267
What the...?
490
00:18:27,319 --> 00:18:29,603
(crying): But he was
a really good brother...
491
00:18:29,655 --> 00:18:31,105
(laughs)
492
00:18:31,140 --> 00:18:32,324
and a wonderful son
493
00:18:32,326 --> 00:18:35,615
and a wonderful boyfriend to Maude.
494
00:18:36,762 --> 00:18:38,245
I love you, Joshie.
495
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,781
Please light the pyre.
496
00:18:40,833 --> 00:18:42,504
What pyre?
497
00:18:43,836 --> 00:18:45,085
A gentleman
498
00:18:45,121 --> 00:18:47,004
is now an angel.
499
00:18:48,841 --> 00:18:50,290
Uh...
500
00:18:52,344 --> 00:18:53,127
What the...?
501
00:18:56,632 --> 00:18:58,549
This is gonna be super awkward.
502
00:18:58,634 --> 00:18:59,717
Oh, man.
503
00:19:02,972 --> 00:19:04,388
- Oh!
- (guests screaming)
504
00:19:05,641 --> 00:19:06,690
Aah!
505
00:19:08,978 --> 00:19:09,943
Josh!
506
00:19:13,315 --> 00:19:14,481
Whew!
507
00:19:14,567 --> 00:19:15,482
(screams)
508
00:19:15,568 --> 00:19:17,735
Oh, dear God.
509
00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:19,787
It's, uh...
510
00:19:19,822 --> 00:19:21,989
it's not a bad turnout, I guess.
511
00:19:22,041 --> 00:19:23,457
Hi, gang.
512
00:19:23,492 --> 00:19:25,459
I have something to say.
513
00:19:25,494 --> 00:19:28,495
Uh... Maude, I don't think
514
00:19:28,581 --> 00:19:30,130
we should go camping this weekend.
515
00:19:30,166 --> 00:19:31,832
Or... or... or any weekend.
516
00:19:31,884 --> 00:19:33,584
Um... it's...
517
00:19:33,669 --> 00:19:34,138
I just don't think
518
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:36,637
we're right for each other.
519
00:19:36,672 --> 00:19:39,006
Okay.
520
00:19:39,091 --> 00:19:40,894
Why didn't you just tell me that?
521
00:19:42,678 --> 00:19:44,144
I-I don't know.
522
00:19:45,848 --> 00:19:48,182
You're kind of sketchy.
523
00:19:49,636 --> 00:19:53,403
I am very disappointed in you, Joshie.
524
00:19:53,489 --> 00:19:56,273
I expected a lot more.
525
00:19:56,358 --> 00:19:57,491
So did I.
526
00:19:57,526 --> 00:19:58,492
So did I.
527
00:19:58,527 --> 00:19:59,526
Oh, for...
528
00:20:02,414 --> 00:20:03,997
Uh, thank-thanks, Tom.
529
00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:05,866
Very immature.
530
00:20:05,951 --> 00:20:07,918
You put "temp" on there?
531
00:20:10,372 --> 00:20:12,039
So, uh, dude,
532
00:20:12,091 --> 00:20:13,760
I wasn't quite sure when to bring this up,
533
00:20:13,762 --> 00:20:17,371
but, uh, you owe me 30 bucks for that dram.
534
00:20:24,587 --> 00:20:26,303
Uh, you know what?
535
00:20:26,388 --> 00:20:28,522
It's cool, man. This one's on me.
536
00:20:28,557 --> 00:20:30,474
Oh. Good.
537
00:20:31,408 --> 00:20:36,408
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
538
00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:41,008
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35275
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.