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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,177 --> 00:00:04,493 Skate, you... skate, you lazy... 2 00:00:04,578 --> 00:00:06,278 Goddamn it. 3 00:00:06,364 --> 00:00:09,248 Have you ever seen a more heartbreaking sight? 4 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,050 A grown man living 5 00:00:11,085 --> 00:00:12,718 in abject squalor. 6 00:00:12,753 --> 00:00:14,336 This... 7 00:00:14,422 --> 00:00:16,221 this is my brother Josh. 8 00:00:16,257 --> 00:00:20,207 He subsists on a diet of ramen, weed, 9 00:00:20,209 --> 00:00:22,428 and frozen chimichangas. 10 00:00:22,463 --> 00:00:25,548 He's been wearing the same pair of pants for a decade. He has 11 00:00:25,633 --> 00:00:27,816 no education and can barely read or write. 12 00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:30,436 Hey, what? I-I can do both those. 13 00:00:30,521 --> 00:00:33,472 When Josh was dating Maggie, he ate regular meals 14 00:00:33,524 --> 00:00:35,607 and washed his private parts. 15 00:00:35,693 --> 00:00:38,327 But since she dumped him, his condition has 16 00:00:38,412 --> 00:00:40,612 steadily declined. 17 00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:42,665 Right now things are bleak. 18 00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:45,117 But you can make a difference. 19 00:00:45,153 --> 00:00:48,120 Please call his number today and date my brother. 20 00:00:48,205 --> 00:00:50,723 Liz, I really don't think this is necessary. 21 00:00:50,758 --> 00:00:52,441 Make no mistake, dating my brother would be 22 00:00:52,526 --> 00:00:54,259 a true act of charity. 23 00:00:54,295 --> 00:00:56,445 He smells like shit. 24 00:00:56,530 --> 00:00:57,487 What? 25 00:00:57,489 --> 00:00:59,848 Like, I think he literally might have shit himself. 26 00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,383 Did you shit yourself, Josh? 27 00:01:01,469 --> 00:01:04,019 No. Would you just mind your own business? 28 00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:06,560 I didn't... Who invited you here anyway? 29 00:01:06,562 --> 00:01:08,507 I'm-I'm running shit. 30 00:01:08,593 --> 00:01:10,476 - Did you shit yourself? - Would you just mind your own business? 31 00:01:10,561 --> 00:01:11,727 - You did, didn't you? - Stop... 32 00:01:11,812 --> 00:01:13,696 - You shit in your pants. - helping. 33 00:01:13,781 --> 00:01:16,365 Please help. There's no one on Earth more desperately 34 00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:18,817 - in need of a girlfriend. - Liz, I told you, 35 00:01:18,903 --> 00:01:21,687 I don't know that I want a girlfriend, okay? 36 00:01:21,772 --> 00:01:23,489 I just got out of a very long-term thing. 37 00:01:23,574 --> 00:01:25,240 I'm kind of happy just being... 38 00:01:25,326 --> 00:01:27,042 Oh, no. 39 00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:28,961 Oh, please, please 40 00:01:28,996 --> 00:01:30,379 date my brother. 41 00:01:30,464 --> 00:01:31,830 No. 42 00:01:31,882 --> 00:01:34,249 Oh, my God. 43 00:01:34,335 --> 00:01:37,553 Before it's too late. 44 00:02:02,558 --> 00:02:07,558 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 45 00:02:07,568 --> 00:02:09,668 - (knocking) - You're here! 46 00:02:09,703 --> 00:02:11,203 I did. I-I am here. 47 00:02:11,288 --> 00:02:13,205 - I d... I did. - You look nice. 48 00:02:13,290 --> 00:02:14,957 - Yeah, you-you as well. - Thank you. 49 00:02:15,042 --> 00:02:18,010 Oh, hey, uh, Leo, I didn't, uh, realize you were in town. 50 00:02:18,045 --> 00:02:21,073 Yeah. Just came in for the weekend. I had to see 51 00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:21,948 this little number. 52 00:02:21,950 --> 00:02:23,716 Oh, yeah, 'cause apparently he missed me or something. 53 00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:25,717 - Something like that. - Yeah. 54 00:02:25,803 --> 00:02:27,186 - Gonna turn around. - Kiss me. 55 00:02:27,221 --> 00:02:29,021 Stare over here. 56 00:02:29,056 --> 00:02:31,140 Cool. 57 00:02:31,225 --> 00:02:33,308 Let me introduce you to everyone. 58 00:02:33,394 --> 00:02:34,693 - Oh, holy... smokes, yeah. - Everybody here. 59 00:02:34,728 --> 00:02:37,312 Uh, this is Kurt and Katie. 60 00:02:37,398 --> 00:02:38,781 Zach and Xander. 61 00:02:38,866 --> 00:02:40,732 And Tim and Tam. 62 00:02:40,785 --> 00:02:42,067 Hi. Hi, gang. 63 00:02:42,153 --> 00:02:43,318 ALL: Hey. 64 00:02:43,404 --> 00:02:45,287 Wow. I... 65 00:02:45,372 --> 00:02:47,456 I-I... Like, I-I can't help but feel 66 00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:50,292 like I'm the only single person here tonight. 67 00:02:50,377 --> 00:02:52,244 - (knocking) - Hmm. Interesting. 68 00:02:52,296 --> 00:02:53,962 What? Wait, what-what's happening? 69 00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:56,081 Why-why are you being mysterious? 70 00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:58,550 - It's... Maude! Hi! - Hi! 71 00:02:58,586 --> 00:03:01,253 You look pretty, you look so pretty. 72 00:03:01,338 --> 00:03:02,671 Thank you, thank you. 73 00:03:02,756 --> 00:03:04,339 (clears throat) This is... this is Josh, 74 00:03:04,425 --> 00:03:08,010 my brother I was telling you... I was telling you about. 75 00:03:08,095 --> 00:03:10,646 You told her... 76 00:03:10,731 --> 00:03:13,816 Don't mind me. (chuckles) 77 00:03:16,203 --> 00:03:18,303 - So, how do you know Liz? - Um, 78 00:03:18,339 --> 00:03:20,772 - we work together. - Oh. 79 00:03:20,858 --> 00:03:22,491 D... 80 00:03:22,576 --> 00:03:23,859 (overlapping intrusive questioning) 81 00:03:23,944 --> 00:03:25,661 You love her, right? 82 00:03:25,746 --> 00:03:27,246 I know you like her. You should be dating her. 83 00:03:27,281 --> 00:03:28,747 (questioning continues) 84 00:03:28,782 --> 00:03:29,615 (grunts) 85 00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:30,582 Here's your seat. 86 00:03:30,618 --> 00:03:31,783 It's just one seat. 87 00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:34,002 You guys seem pretty cozy over there. 88 00:03:34,088 --> 00:03:35,738 KURT: Yeah, it's like, "Slow it down, 89 00:03:35,823 --> 00:03:38,006 - you two." - (laughter) 90 00:03:44,065 --> 00:03:46,465 - Oh. - Leo, 91 00:03:46,550 --> 00:03:49,935 would you join me in the kitchen to help me with the food? 92 00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,720 LEO: Oh. Of course. 93 00:03:51,805 --> 00:03:52,471 Xander, 94 00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:53,805 would you join me 95 00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,057 in the living room to get some 96 00:03:55,142 --> 00:03:57,476 of the, um, other foods? 97 00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,194 Of course. 98 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,146 Tam, would you join me in the bathroom 99 00:04:01,232 --> 00:04:04,149 to help me with the-the-the-the... 100 00:04:04,235 --> 00:04:06,235 I know what you guys are trying to do, so... 101 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,620 the helping me to shit? 102 00:04:08,656 --> 00:04:10,155 Of course. 103 00:04:10,207 --> 00:04:11,823 - My God. - KURT: And, uh, 104 00:04:11,909 --> 00:04:14,409 we'll leave you two alone. 105 00:04:14,495 --> 00:04:17,412 The hell? 106 00:04:17,498 --> 00:04:19,665 - Okay. - (chuckles) 107 00:04:22,887 --> 00:04:24,836 Do you like salad? 108 00:04:24,922 --> 00:04:28,674 Uh, y-yeah. I guess. 109 00:04:28,759 --> 00:04:30,342 (whispering): Oh, my God, they both like salad. It's working out. 110 00:04:30,427 --> 00:04:32,177 What are the odds that they both like salad? 111 00:04:32,263 --> 00:04:34,897 - Oh, my God. - I knew they had so much in common. 112 00:04:34,982 --> 00:04:36,348 - I knew it. - Oh, my God. 113 00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:38,066 Oh, they look so good together, they look so good. 114 00:04:38,152 --> 00:04:40,819 I think that's everyone that was just here. 115 00:04:40,854 --> 00:04:42,521 - They're on to us. - I hope, I hope he kisses her. 116 00:04:42,606 --> 00:04:43,989 Seal the deal, Josh. 117 00:04:44,024 --> 00:04:47,693 - (whispering continues) - Um, so, uh... 118 00:04:47,778 --> 00:04:51,747 You-you a fan of, um, movies? 119 00:04:51,832 --> 00:04:53,782 (grunting) Oh, my God! 120 00:04:54,986 --> 00:04:56,585 Enough small talk! 121 00:04:56,670 --> 00:04:58,525 We've given you plenty of time. 122 00:04:58,739 --> 00:04:59,955 And now... 123 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,840 you must join us. 124 00:05:01,875 --> 00:05:03,375 No. 125 00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:06,878 ALL (chanting): Couple up. 126 00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:08,046 We need... we need to get out of here. 127 00:05:08,132 --> 00:05:09,381 - What do we do? - Um... 128 00:05:09,433 --> 00:05:10,716 Uh... 129 00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:11,850 Couple up! 130 00:05:11,885 --> 00:05:13,352 Gravy! 131 00:05:13,387 --> 00:05:14,770 (screaming) 132 00:05:14,855 --> 00:05:16,221 Go, go, go, go! 133 00:05:16,307 --> 00:05:17,889 Get them! 134 00:05:17,975 --> 00:05:19,725 135 00:05:21,395 --> 00:05:22,728 (shouting) 136 00:05:22,813 --> 00:05:23,954 - Couple up. - Couple up. 137 00:05:25,065 --> 00:05:27,399 (shouting) 138 00:05:28,902 --> 00:05:32,037 (car horn honking) 139 00:05:33,414 --> 00:05:34,823 - Go. Go, go, go, go, go, go. - Go, go, go! 140 00:05:34,908 --> 00:05:36,491 Couple up. 141 00:05:36,577 --> 00:05:37,075 (shouting) 142 00:05:38,579 --> 00:05:40,245 Goddamn it. Damn it. 143 00:05:48,339 --> 00:05:49,781 Couple up. 144 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:52,090 It will be cute! 145 00:05:52,142 --> 00:05:53,358 (panting) 146 00:05:55,095 --> 00:05:57,596 - Oh... - Oh... 147 00:05:57,648 --> 00:05:59,431 Go. Go, go, go. 148 00:05:59,516 --> 00:06:02,803 (grunts) Get the door. Oh, my God. 149 00:06:02,805 --> 00:06:04,186 (grunts) 150 00:06:04,271 --> 00:06:06,738 - Holy shit. - Mm-hmm. 151 00:06:06,790 --> 00:06:08,148 That dinner was so awkward. 152 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:09,767 That was, like, a lot of pressure. 153 00:06:09,769 --> 00:06:11,157 Yeah, well, that-that... Welcome to my life. 154 00:06:11,159 --> 00:06:13,996 That's classic Liz. She's always trying to... 155 00:06:14,081 --> 00:06:16,790 I-I just... I'm, like... I'm 27. Why? 156 00:06:16,792 --> 00:06:18,275 Why do I need to settle down? 157 00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:20,786 What's wrong with being young and just messing around? 158 00:06:20,871 --> 00:06:22,587 - That's... Exactly. - (chuckles) 159 00:06:22,623 --> 00:06:24,206 (sighs) 160 00:06:28,212 --> 00:06:29,127 So... 161 00:06:29,213 --> 00:06:31,930 (snapping) 162 00:06:31,965 --> 00:06:33,548 (chuckles) 163 00:06:36,637 --> 00:06:38,603 Do you want to mess around? 164 00:06:38,639 --> 00:06:40,355 Uh, yes? 165 00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:42,474 - Okay. - Great. 166 00:06:42,559 --> 00:06:45,227 167 00:06:49,482 --> 00:06:52,200 - Aw... - Aw... 168 00:06:56,574 --> 00:06:59,442 So, anything exciting happen lately? 169 00:06:59,527 --> 00:07:02,194 Well, uh, they're giving me a bit more to do at work. 170 00:07:02,246 --> 00:07:04,363 - Uh, data entry. So it's a bit of a... - Oh. 171 00:07:04,449 --> 00:07:05,581 bit of a step up. 172 00:07:05,667 --> 00:07:06,916 Anything else? 173 00:07:07,001 --> 00:07:10,202 Maybe something about a young lady? 174 00:07:10,254 --> 00:07:12,922 - Oh, Mom, I don't want to talk about it. - Well, Liz 175 00:07:13,007 --> 00:07:15,291 told me you really hit it off with Maude 176 00:07:15,376 --> 00:07:17,009 at the dinner. 177 00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:19,929 Mom, it's really... it's not a big deal. 178 00:07:20,014 --> 00:07:21,213 - Not a big deal? - No. 179 00:07:21,265 --> 00:07:23,549 My son's new girlfriend 180 00:07:23,601 --> 00:07:27,269 - is not a big deal? - She's not my girlfriend. She's not... 181 00:07:27,355 --> 00:07:29,555 - (stammers) - We... I don't really want 182 00:07:29,607 --> 00:07:31,390 - to talk about it. - Okay, I get it. 183 00:07:31,442 --> 00:07:34,727 - Mom's always the last to know. - There's nothing to know. 184 00:07:34,812 --> 00:07:36,612 But I will say 185 00:07:36,698 --> 00:07:40,199 I look forward to meeting the elusive Maude 186 00:07:40,234 --> 00:07:42,651 whenever the time is right. 187 00:07:42,737 --> 00:07:45,571 - Thank you. Thank you, Mom. - Here, have some iced tea. 188 00:07:45,623 --> 00:07:47,406 - I'm okay. - No, it's very good. 189 00:07:47,492 --> 00:07:48,741 It's got mint in it. 190 00:07:48,826 --> 00:07:49,992 - All right. - It's got mint in it. 191 00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:51,494 Yeah, okay. You keep saying that 192 00:07:51,579 --> 00:07:52,995 - like it's a huge selling point. - Go on. 193 00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:54,580 - Drink it up. - Okay. 194 00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:58,250 Mmm. 195 00:07:58,302 --> 00:07:59,552 Ugh. 196 00:07:59,587 --> 00:08:02,054 It, um, tastes kind of bitter. 197 00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:03,556 - Yeah. - There's a bit of a, uh... 198 00:08:03,591 --> 00:08:06,008 (distorted): chemically, uh, kind of... 199 00:08:06,094 --> 00:08:08,260 kind of a... 200 00:08:11,149 --> 00:08:13,349 (gasps, groans) 201 00:08:13,434 --> 00:08:15,151 Huh? 202 00:08:22,527 --> 00:08:24,326 Huh? 203 00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,581 PATTI: Mom's always the last to know. 204 00:08:28,616 --> 00:08:30,750 Who's there? 205 00:08:30,785 --> 00:08:32,334 Hello, Joshie. 206 00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:33,863 - Mom? - We tried this 207 00:08:33,865 --> 00:08:35,204 the easy way. 208 00:08:35,289 --> 00:08:37,659 You didn't want to cooperate. 209 00:08:37,661 --> 00:08:38,795 So now 210 00:08:38,797 --> 00:08:41,710 we're gonna do it the hard way. 211 00:08:41,796 --> 00:08:44,046 Last chance. 212 00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:46,031 - Tell me about Maude. - Th-There's 213 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:47,466 really nothing to tell. 214 00:08:47,552 --> 00:08:49,385 No, no, no, no! (shouting) 215 00:08:50,555 --> 00:08:52,888 (moaning) 216 00:08:52,974 --> 00:08:55,357 - That was a two. - (groans) 217 00:08:55,443 --> 00:08:56,743 You don't want to find out 218 00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,778 what a ten feels like. 219 00:08:58,813 --> 00:09:00,735 Now, you are gonna 220 00:09:00,737 --> 00:09:04,228 tell me every last detail about you 221 00:09:04,230 --> 00:09:05,901 and this new girl 222 00:09:05,987 --> 00:09:08,645 you're seeing. But first 223 00:09:08,647 --> 00:09:10,227 how are you in the chair? 224 00:09:10,229 --> 00:09:12,241 - Are you comfortable there? - What? 225 00:09:12,326 --> 00:09:13,993 No, is your back supported? 226 00:09:14,078 --> 00:09:15,377 - K-Kind of. - Okay. 227 00:09:15,463 --> 00:09:17,997 No, no, no! (shouting) 228 00:09:18,082 --> 00:09:20,166 Back to Maude. 229 00:09:20,218 --> 00:09:23,252 I want information now. 230 00:09:23,337 --> 00:09:26,005 Okay, okay. We-we just hooked up 231 00:09:26,057 --> 00:09:27,673 a few times. I swear. That's it. 232 00:09:27,725 --> 00:09:29,391 Well, what does "hooking up" mean? 233 00:09:29,477 --> 00:09:32,311 - Is it kissing? Sex? - Oh, God. 234 00:09:32,346 --> 00:09:33,762 - Something else? - (stammers) I don't know. I don't know. 235 00:09:33,848 --> 00:09:35,931 It can mean a lot of different things. 236 00:09:36,017 --> 00:09:37,349 What about dating? 237 00:09:37,435 --> 00:09:40,121 I read in a magazine that young people 238 00:09:40,123 --> 00:09:42,021 all just go out in groups now. 239 00:09:42,073 --> 00:09:43,446 Is that true? 240 00:09:43,448 --> 00:09:44,657 Is it all groups now?! 241 00:09:44,692 --> 00:09:45,858 What are you talking about?! 242 00:09:45,910 --> 00:09:48,694 (shouting) 243 00:09:48,746 --> 00:09:51,197 (panting) 244 00:09:51,249 --> 00:09:52,615 Where am I?! 245 00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:54,250 Oh, this is your old bedroom, sweetie. 246 00:09:54,335 --> 00:09:55,367 I turned it 247 00:09:55,419 --> 00:09:57,636 - into a torture chamber. - Come on. 248 00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,872 - You changed my room without asking me? - Well, 249 00:09:59,924 --> 00:10:01,792 it wasn't like you were using it. 250 00:10:01,794 --> 00:10:03,542 Maybe if you came to visit more! 251 00:10:03,594 --> 00:10:05,544 (shouting) 252 00:10:05,596 --> 00:10:07,296 Back to Maude. 253 00:10:07,381 --> 00:10:08,848 When can I meet her? 254 00:10:08,883 --> 00:10:10,132 (mumbling): Go to hell. 255 00:10:10,218 --> 00:10:11,300 What did you say? 256 00:10:11,385 --> 00:10:12,768 Go to hell. 257 00:10:12,854 --> 00:10:14,573 - What did you say? - I said 258 00:10:14,575 --> 00:10:16,722 go to hell, Mom! 259 00:10:16,774 --> 00:10:18,974 Oh, wrong answer. 260 00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:21,360 (shouting) 261 00:10:21,395 --> 00:10:22,561 (static) 262 00:10:24,448 --> 00:10:25,614 Hey, hon? 263 00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:27,733 The TV's on the fritz! 264 00:10:27,818 --> 00:10:29,318 PATTI: I'm torturing Josh! 265 00:10:29,403 --> 00:10:30,569 Oh. 266 00:10:30,621 --> 00:10:32,037 Hi, Josh! 267 00:10:32,073 --> 00:10:33,205 JOSH: Hi, Tom. 268 00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:36,041 You are one tough cookie. 269 00:10:36,077 --> 00:10:37,877 But... 270 00:10:37,912 --> 00:10:41,071 I have a secret weapon: 271 00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,649 My Dell. 272 00:10:43,701 --> 00:10:45,500 You still have that thing? 273 00:10:46,754 --> 00:10:49,588 Now, tell me how to sign onto Facebook 274 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:50,890 and show me Maude. 275 00:10:50,925 --> 00:10:52,675 (laughing) 276 00:10:57,398 --> 00:10:59,481 Oh, I'd like to, Mom. I really would. 277 00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:01,267 Only one slight problem: 278 00:11:01,319 --> 00:11:04,103 Maude and I are so not a thing, 279 00:11:04,188 --> 00:11:06,599 I'm not even Facebook friends with her. 280 00:11:06,601 --> 00:11:07,740 (sighs) 281 00:11:07,775 --> 00:11:09,108 (laughing) 282 00:11:10,026 --> 00:11:11,544 But I am. 283 00:11:11,862 --> 00:11:12,945 Liz. 284 00:11:13,030 --> 00:11:13,598 LIZ: Hope you don't mind me 285 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,364 just dropping in like this. 286 00:11:15,449 --> 00:11:17,082 You piece of shit. 287 00:11:17,118 --> 00:11:19,084 Mmm. 288 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,953 - Mom's lentil soup. - Ugh! 289 00:11:21,038 --> 00:11:23,088 - Oh... no! - Hi, Mom. 290 00:11:23,124 --> 00:11:24,540 PATTI: There's my girl! 291 00:11:24,625 --> 00:11:26,342 Let's get you in here. 292 00:11:26,427 --> 00:11:29,128 Logging into my account... 293 00:11:29,180 --> 00:11:31,046 M-A-U-D-E. 294 00:11:31,132 --> 00:11:32,298 Maude Metzger. 295 00:11:32,350 --> 00:11:34,466 Metzger? 296 00:11:34,518 --> 00:11:36,268 Oh, she's a doll! 297 00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:37,386 Get away from her profile! 298 00:11:37,471 --> 00:11:39,271 Ooh, she's as cute as a button! 299 00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,389 Just don't look at her profile! 300 00:11:40,474 --> 00:11:41,440 PATTI: Ooh, she grew up 301 00:11:41,475 --> 00:11:42,725 in Northbrook! 302 00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:44,360 Does she know the Stevensons? 303 00:11:44,445 --> 00:11:45,477 Do they know each other? 304 00:11:45,563 --> 00:11:47,363 Do they all know each other? 305 00:11:47,448 --> 00:11:48,981 (sobbing): I don't know. 306 00:11:49,033 --> 00:11:50,282 "Dear Maude..." 307 00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:51,784 No... 308 00:11:51,819 --> 00:11:53,652 "This is Josh's mother 309 00:11:53,738 --> 00:11:55,821 - via the Internet." - No, don't do that! 310 00:11:55,873 --> 00:11:58,657 "I can't wait 311 00:11:58,743 --> 00:12:00,125 to meet you!" 312 00:12:00,161 --> 00:12:01,493 Please don't. 313 00:12:01,545 --> 00:12:02,995 It's really not that serious; we just started 314 00:12:03,047 --> 00:12:04,463 - hanging out. - Now, to send. 315 00:12:04,498 --> 00:12:06,215 Don't do it, please. 316 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,890 Leo proposed to Liz! 317 00:12:14,976 --> 00:12:16,508 What?! 318 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:17,476 - Yeah. - LIZ: He's lying. 319 00:12:17,511 --> 00:12:18,594 Don't listen to him. 320 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:20,729 Got her a ring. Secret ring. 321 00:12:20,815 --> 00:12:22,014 Do not listen to him! 322 00:12:22,066 --> 00:12:23,682 No, he-he did. He... 323 00:12:23,734 --> 00:12:24,850 It was romantic but secret. 324 00:12:24,935 --> 00:12:26,101 - (chuckles) - No... 325 00:12:26,187 --> 00:12:27,353 Wedding. 326 00:12:27,405 --> 00:12:28,320 He's lying! 327 00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:30,239 Big ring. Big everything. 328 00:12:30,324 --> 00:12:32,274 I'm your little girl. Would I never not tell you? 329 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,692 - Oh, God, she's got the look. - Wedding. 330 00:12:33,778 --> 00:12:34,693 - JOSH: Yeah. - LIZ: Oh, God, it's the look. 331 00:12:34,745 --> 00:12:36,612 No. Josh... 332 00:12:36,697 --> 00:12:38,530 It's not for at least two, two and a half years. 333 00:12:38,582 --> 00:12:40,699 No, Mom, no! 334 00:12:42,169 --> 00:12:43,669 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow... 335 00:12:43,704 --> 00:12:45,004 (Liz screams in distance) 336 00:12:45,039 --> 00:12:46,705 - Hey, Joshie. - Hi. 337 00:12:46,757 --> 00:12:49,508 So your mother tells me you've got a new lady friend. 338 00:12:49,543 --> 00:12:51,677 Yeah, I-I don't really want to talk about it that much, so... 339 00:12:51,712 --> 00:12:53,045 Neato. 340 00:12:53,097 --> 00:12:55,214 Yeah, okay. 341 00:12:55,299 --> 00:12:56,515 - PATTI: When can we go dress shopping? - Oh, birdie! 342 00:12:56,550 --> 00:12:58,931 - And taste cakes? - LIZ: No! 343 00:12:59,776 --> 00:13:01,375 (animal noises) 344 00:13:01,461 --> 00:13:02,594 Yo, dude. You want to do 345 00:13:02,596 --> 00:13:04,795 a bunch of mushrooms and go to the zoo? 346 00:13:04,881 --> 00:13:07,498 Ah, man, I would, but I got a booty call. 347 00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:08,916 Oh, nice. 348 00:13:08,968 --> 00:13:10,468 (laughing, singsongy): Booty call. 349 00:13:10,553 --> 00:13:12,253 - Mm-mm-mm... - Maude and I 350 00:13:12,305 --> 00:13:14,472 are going out to dinner with her cousins and their husbands, 351 00:13:14,557 --> 00:13:16,090 after which the whole group of us 352 00:13:16,175 --> 00:13:18,426 are going to this little out-of-the-way gelato place 353 00:13:18,511 --> 00:13:20,061 that's meant to be impossibly cute. 354 00:13:20,096 --> 00:13:21,679 After that, Maude and I 355 00:13:21,764 --> 00:13:24,561 split off from the herd, go to an improv show, 356 00:13:24,563 --> 00:13:26,650 and then it's booty time. 357 00:13:27,904 --> 00:13:29,737 Josh, uh... 358 00:13:29,772 --> 00:13:30,509 You know the difference 359 00:13:30,511 --> 00:13:33,607 between a booty call and a date, right? 360 00:13:33,693 --> 00:13:36,327 Yeah. 361 00:13:36,412 --> 00:13:38,279 (weakly): Oh, yeah... 362 00:13:38,364 --> 00:13:40,381 Yeah? 363 00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:41,782 This is a date, isn't it? 364 00:13:41,868 --> 00:13:43,033 Oh, my God. 365 00:13:43,119 --> 00:13:44,752 Oh, man, 366 00:13:44,787 --> 00:13:47,538 how did this get so serious? 367 00:13:47,623 --> 00:13:48,871 - Wow, that was so funny. - Yeah. 368 00:13:48,873 --> 00:13:51,759 Like, I'm going to start going to improv all the time. 369 00:13:51,794 --> 00:13:53,210 Because that was so funny. 370 00:13:53,212 --> 00:13:55,229 - Wasn't that funny? Right? - Uh... 371 00:13:55,265 --> 00:13:57,932 I mean, they must have secret scripts somewhere. 372 00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:59,767 Like, do you think that that... 373 00:13:59,802 --> 00:14:02,303 that guy that yelled out "lettuce" was a plant? 374 00:14:02,355 --> 00:14:04,105 Because that lettuce stuff was so funny. 375 00:14:04,140 --> 00:14:06,357 Yeah, I don't... I don't, uh, I don't know. 376 00:14:06,442 --> 00:14:07,975 - Yeah. - (laughing) 377 00:14:08,060 --> 00:14:10,144 Do you want to take a cab back to my place? 378 00:14:10,196 --> 00:14:12,563 Uh, I'm really tired tonight 379 00:14:12,648 --> 00:14:14,899 and I have to work tomorrow. 380 00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:16,484 Maybe we should hang out this weekend? 381 00:14:16,536 --> 00:14:18,652 (gasps) We can go see that show again! 382 00:14:18,738 --> 00:14:20,321 And see if the same guy yells out "lettuce." 383 00:14:20,406 --> 00:14:22,289 (laughing nervously): Oh, shit... 384 00:14:22,325 --> 00:14:23,240 - (laughs) - Uh... 385 00:14:23,326 --> 00:14:24,825 Maude, I gotta, 386 00:14:24,877 --> 00:14:26,794 I gotta... say something. 387 00:14:26,829 --> 00:14:28,879 - Yeah? - I-I, uh... I don't... 388 00:14:28,965 --> 00:14:31,499 don't know that I'm feeling... 389 00:14:31,584 --> 00:14:34,084 uh, don't know if we should keep... 390 00:14:34,170 --> 00:14:36,804 - I've been so stressed... - Josh. 391 00:14:36,839 --> 00:14:38,721 I understand completely. 392 00:14:39,142 --> 00:14:40,307 We have to get out of the city! 393 00:14:40,343 --> 00:14:42,009 Did someone say "camping trip"? 394 00:14:42,094 --> 00:14:43,477 - No, not... not at all. - Yes! 395 00:14:43,513 --> 00:14:45,879 Oh, my gosh, Josh, this is such a perfect idea 396 00:14:45,965 --> 00:14:47,314 because it was my friend Jenn's birthday 397 00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:48,849 and we were already talking about camping 398 00:14:48,935 --> 00:14:50,734 and her boyfriend/fianc? 399 00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:53,938 knows how to play almost every Train song on the guitar 400 00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:55,272 and I don't want to brag 401 00:14:55,358 --> 00:14:57,858 but I have the most amazing voice, 402 00:14:57,944 --> 00:15:01,695 and this is just gonna be an epic sing-along. 403 00:15:01,781 --> 00:15:03,330 How do I get out of this? 404 00:15:03,366 --> 00:15:05,699 - Uh, just stop texting her. - What? 405 00:15:05,751 --> 00:15:07,418 Just never text her again. 406 00:15:07,503 --> 00:15:10,538 I mean, that seems, like... kind of sketchy. 407 00:15:10,623 --> 00:15:12,006 - Are you and her a couple? - No, 408 00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,458 but I know her cousins now. 409 00:15:14,544 --> 00:15:15,926 Have you used any of these terms: 410 00:15:16,012 --> 00:15:18,846 boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship, exclusive? 411 00:15:18,881 --> 00:15:20,264 None of those. 412 00:15:20,349 --> 00:15:21,382 Then you don't owe her anything. 413 00:15:21,434 --> 00:15:22,683 Huh. 414 00:15:22,718 --> 00:15:25,219 I... I think you might be right. 415 00:15:25,304 --> 00:15:26,687 - I know I'm right. - Wow. 416 00:15:26,722 --> 00:15:27,721 Thanks for this. 417 00:15:27,773 --> 00:15:28,973 Mm-hmm. 418 00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,891 (phone buzzing) 419 00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:32,775 _ 420 00:15:34,363 --> 00:15:37,231 She just texted a... kind of a joke. 421 00:15:37,283 --> 00:15:38,966 I guess I have to reply "LOL." 422 00:15:38,968 --> 00:15:40,734 No! Don't respond to anything, okay? 423 00:15:40,786 --> 00:15:41,937 Just stay the course. 424 00:15:41,939 --> 00:15:44,205 When she sees you're not responding, she'll get it. 425 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,322 (phone buzzing) 426 00:15:47,721 --> 00:15:49,115 _ 427 00:15:50,778 --> 00:15:51,747 _ 428 00:15:51,749 --> 00:15:52,745 _ 429 00:15:53,933 --> 00:15:55,540 Oh, my God... 430 00:15:55,781 --> 00:15:56,707 _ 431 00:15:56,709 --> 00:15:57,605 _ 432 00:15:58,788 --> 00:16:00,155 Make it stop. 433 00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:09,313 Okay. 434 00:16:09,398 --> 00:16:10,931 I think they've subsided. I... 435 00:16:10,983 --> 00:16:12,766 I think maybe she gets it. 436 00:16:12,818 --> 00:16:14,134 (knocking at door) 437 00:16:15,354 --> 00:16:16,737 MAUDE: Josh, are you in there? 438 00:16:16,772 --> 00:16:18,739 Shit! 439 00:16:18,791 --> 00:16:20,557 MAUDE: I didn't know if you wanted a sun hat 440 00:16:20,643 --> 00:16:22,559 or a visor, so I got both. 441 00:16:22,645 --> 00:16:24,445 Don't worry about it. I got you, bro. 442 00:16:24,497 --> 00:16:26,280 - MAUDE: Josh? Open the door. - Take this dram. 443 00:16:26,332 --> 00:16:28,449 - Take this what? - Dram. I got it at the apothecary 444 00:16:28,534 --> 00:16:30,367 - next to the Jamba Juice. - (knocking at door) 445 00:16:30,453 --> 00:16:31,785 MAUDE: Josh? Can I come in? 446 00:16:31,837 --> 00:16:32,870 What-what... what does it do? 447 00:16:32,955 --> 00:16:34,421 It lets you fake your own death. 448 00:16:34,457 --> 00:16:36,340 Yeah. Turns you pale, stops your pulse. 449 00:16:36,425 --> 00:16:38,175 When she sees your corpse, she will get it. 450 00:16:38,261 --> 00:16:40,511 I don't know. It seems kind of sketchy. 451 00:16:40,596 --> 00:16:42,630 MAUDE: I brought a tambourine for the sing-along! 452 00:16:42,715 --> 00:16:44,465 - Man... - Yeah. 453 00:16:44,550 --> 00:16:45,215 - Hey, uh... - MAUDE: Hey, Josh? 454 00:16:45,301 --> 00:16:47,635 Whoa. That's, uh... 455 00:16:47,687 --> 00:16:49,136 there's a smell to it. 456 00:16:49,221 --> 00:16:50,137 Yeah. It's gross. 457 00:16:50,189 --> 00:16:51,021 - Yep. - Yep. 458 00:16:51,107 --> 00:16:52,856 Down the hatch. 459 00:16:52,942 --> 00:16:53,974 (gurgling): Oh, wow... 460 00:16:54,026 --> 00:16:54,858 Ugh... 461 00:16:54,944 --> 00:16:57,011 Coriander... 462 00:16:57,079 --> 00:16:58,479 Yeah... oh. 463 00:16:58,531 --> 00:17:00,481 He's dead. 464 00:17:00,566 --> 00:17:02,695 My friend is dead! 465 00:17:05,304 --> 00:17:07,709 - (screams) - (screams) 466 00:17:08,463 --> 00:17:11,775 - - _ 467 00:17:11,861 --> 00:17:14,528 (gasps) 468 00:17:14,614 --> 00:17:16,864 (solemn organ music playing) 469 00:17:21,754 --> 00:17:23,621 (sobbing) 470 00:17:30,599 --> 00:17:31,814 MIKE (whispering): Dude, don't worry. 471 00:17:31,816 --> 00:17:33,797 - After they bury you, I'll dig you up. - This was a very, 472 00:17:33,883 --> 00:17:35,164 very bad idea. Do you know what it's like, 473 00:17:35,166 --> 00:17:38,052 - waking up in a coffin? - Hey, just stay the course, bro. 474 00:17:38,137 --> 00:17:40,220 When she sees them bury you, she'll get it. 475 00:17:40,272 --> 00:17:41,639 (fake sobbing) 476 00:17:41,724 --> 00:17:42,906 Oh, my God... 477 00:17:44,393 --> 00:17:45,726 Josh... 478 00:17:45,811 --> 00:17:48,729 I brought you a sun visor. 479 00:17:48,814 --> 00:17:52,366 It's a combination sun hat and visor. 480 00:17:52,401 --> 00:17:54,952 (crying): You can wear it in heaven. 481 00:18:04,497 --> 00:18:06,580 (sighs) 482 00:18:06,666 --> 00:18:09,633 What can I say about Josh? 483 00:18:09,719 --> 00:18:12,260 He wasn't a wealthy man 484 00:18:12,262 --> 00:18:14,555 or a famous man 485 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,545 or smart or strong... 486 00:18:18,678 --> 00:18:19,893 or unique 487 00:18:19,929 --> 00:18:23,427 or interesting... 488 00:18:24,934 --> 00:18:25,733 or cool. 489 00:18:25,768 --> 00:18:27,267 What the...? 490 00:18:27,319 --> 00:18:29,603 (crying): But he was a really good brother... 491 00:18:29,655 --> 00:18:31,105 (laughs) 492 00:18:31,140 --> 00:18:32,324 and a wonderful son 493 00:18:32,326 --> 00:18:35,615 and a wonderful boyfriend to Maude. 494 00:18:36,762 --> 00:18:38,245 I love you, Joshie. 495 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,781 Please light the pyre. 496 00:18:40,833 --> 00:18:42,504 What pyre? 497 00:18:43,836 --> 00:18:45,085 A gentleman 498 00:18:45,121 --> 00:18:47,004 is now an angel. 499 00:18:48,841 --> 00:18:50,290 Uh... 500 00:18:52,344 --> 00:18:53,127 What the...? 501 00:18:56,632 --> 00:18:58,549 This is gonna be super awkward. 502 00:18:58,634 --> 00:18:59,717 Oh, man. 503 00:19:02,972 --> 00:19:04,388 - Oh! - (guests screaming) 504 00:19:05,641 --> 00:19:06,690 Aah! 505 00:19:08,978 --> 00:19:09,943 Josh! 506 00:19:13,315 --> 00:19:14,481 Whew! 507 00:19:14,567 --> 00:19:15,482 (screams) 508 00:19:15,568 --> 00:19:17,735 Oh, dear God. 509 00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:19,787 It's, uh... 510 00:19:19,822 --> 00:19:21,989 it's not a bad turnout, I guess. 511 00:19:22,041 --> 00:19:23,457 Hi, gang. 512 00:19:23,492 --> 00:19:25,459 I have something to say. 513 00:19:25,494 --> 00:19:28,495 Uh... Maude, I don't think 514 00:19:28,581 --> 00:19:30,130 we should go camping this weekend. 515 00:19:30,166 --> 00:19:31,832 Or... or... or any weekend. 516 00:19:31,884 --> 00:19:33,584 Um... it's... 517 00:19:33,669 --> 00:19:34,138 I just don't think 518 00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:36,637 we're right for each other. 519 00:19:36,672 --> 00:19:39,006 Okay. 520 00:19:39,091 --> 00:19:40,894 Why didn't you just tell me that? 521 00:19:42,678 --> 00:19:44,144 I-I don't know. 522 00:19:45,848 --> 00:19:48,182 You're kind of sketchy. 523 00:19:49,636 --> 00:19:53,403 I am very disappointed in you, Joshie. 524 00:19:53,489 --> 00:19:56,273 I expected a lot more. 525 00:19:56,358 --> 00:19:57,491 So did I. 526 00:19:57,526 --> 00:19:58,492 So did I. 527 00:19:58,527 --> 00:19:59,526 Oh, for... 528 00:20:02,414 --> 00:20:03,997 Uh, thank-thanks, Tom. 529 00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:05,866 Very immature. 530 00:20:05,951 --> 00:20:07,918 You put "temp" on there? 531 00:20:10,372 --> 00:20:12,039 So, uh, dude, 532 00:20:12,091 --> 00:20:13,760 I wasn't quite sure when to bring this up, 533 00:20:13,762 --> 00:20:17,371 but, uh, you owe me 30 bucks for that dram. 534 00:20:24,587 --> 00:20:26,303 Uh, you know what? 535 00:20:26,388 --> 00:20:28,522 It's cool, man. This one's on me. 536 00:20:28,557 --> 00:20:30,474 Oh. Good. 537 00:20:31,408 --> 00:20:36,408 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 538 00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:41,008 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35275

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